Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 294: Return of KiddoCop

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

Does ACAB also apply to cop impersonators? Find out on this week's episode of The Trillbillies Podcast Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

I saw this thing come across the TL. It was a conversation between Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger from Interview Magazine. Yeah. Seems like the governator's working out some real demons. May I read an excerpt? Please. DeVito, we deteriorate. Schwarzenegger.

Except in some fantasy when people talk about i will see them again in heaven it sounds so good but the reality is that we won't see each other again after we're gone that's the sad part i know people feel comfortable with death but i don't devito no schwarzenegger because i will fucking miss the shit out of everything. To sit here with you that will be gone one day. DeVito. No. Schwarzenegger. And to have fun and to go to the gym and to pump up.

To ride my bike on the beach. To travel around. To see interesting things all over the world. What the fuck? DeVito. Life. It's the best. Schwarzenegger. Exactly. What's that all about? DeVito. Yeah.

Schwarzenegger. I tell you, that's someone that mixed up this whole thing. Think about it. Who can we blame? DeVito. You mean that we don't live forever? Schwarzenegger. Yeah, that we have to die. DeVito. That's tough, man. Schwarzenegger, I don't know what the deal is, but in any case, it's a reality that truly pisses me off. DeVito, you don't want to die, do you? Schwarzenegger, no, what the fuck? What kind of deal is that? You know, I agree.

But I love that his main reason was because he won't get to pump iron anymore well I mean you know a man's got his purpose in life yeah you can pump iron in heaven although I guess he doesn't believe it he says heaven's a fantasy right yeah I guess if you fall into the hands of a just god he'll let you pump iron in heaven. But if he's unjust, then maybe you have to just sit there and watch everybody else pump iron. I've always wondered that. I'm neurotic,

and I've been thinking about my imminent mortality since the age of eight. But I've always wondered about how the vast majority of people who aren't geared that way, at what age it slams them in the face or you know what i mean like what age you're kind of like i and i realized that like i'm only in my mid-30s and that as you get older it becomes it becomes more and more acute you feel more and more like a rat trapped in the corner of a fucking like lab experiment of a lab you feel like a lab rat

but i guess what's what's schwarzenegger probably 60s i guess yeah think of all of these think of all he's accomplished and still isn't happy like still isn't like ready to die yeah I think about that all the time. It's like we all try to pile up these accolades and this great thing. And, you know, everybody wants to make their life have meant something. But truly it's a zero-sum game because you will never have accomplished enough to be ready to depart. That's the cruel truth of it all. Speaking of accolades, I'm one step closer to realizing my dream of having a bridge in eastern Kentucky named after me.

Which one did you go with? Well, I was driving- Is it easier after the flood to have a bridge named after you since there's a greater likelihood they'll wash away? So it's like, eh, we don't want to name these after our war heroes.

Here are some local yokels. We can name these after them. They're handing them out to local internet stars, F-list niche celebrities. But yeah, no, the convention is generally that they name them after war heroes. But I was driving to Hazard today, and there's a bridge called

the Radio Man Second Class Bruce Stevens Jr. Bridge. driving a hazard today and there's a bridge called the radio man second class bruce stevens junior bridge you get it doesn't roll off the tongue i'm not gonna lie to you well it's like i like they're naming bridges after radio men in the war like this guy probably didn't even see any action he was probably like mama mama two, Bama, two, four, we're going to need you to, you know, strafe the island. If I was the benevolent ruler of a small municipality, that's what I would do. I would name all my bridges after, like, the guys in the mess hall that, you know, that didn't actually kill people. Yeah. Just the guys that, fuck, I got drafted and now I got to do some bullshit.

Yeah, like the mechanics the cooks the medics and that's only gun to my head actually i would name it after like local eccentrics but gun to my head you go you have to go military i would just find the most innocuous you know uh-huh guys that swab the decks or whatever, you know. Yeah. Radio Man is only, that's only a hop, skip, and a jump away from podcaster. So, like, I'm saying we've moved a step closer is all I'm saying. What's a place in eastern Kentucky that is named, like, rhymes with Vietnam? That'd be a good name for a podcast if, you know, some sort of legal snafu might in the future force us to change our name.

It could be like, good morning. Something. Good morning. Good morning, Viet Cong. Viet Cong, yeah. Radio man. That's the thing, like back in the day, in like the 40s, yeah. Radio man. That's the thing. Back in the day, in the 40s, being a radio man was like a...

It was a much more noble profession because you had to know how to turn specific knobs and dials. And more importantly, you had to know how to talk. I think that's it. Yeah. I think that's it yeah i think that was it it seems like a low barrier to entry but it's it's harder than it looks folks well that's the thing like history is a um everyone knows the arc of the universe bends towards de-skilling and so what was once like a skilled noble profession is now something that you can very easily do with two speakers in a microphone or whatever sure

well i mean it's not just broadcasting either it's it's every texture it's it's ceoing itself it's it's it's ceo-ing itself yeah that's true dude i was thinking about this the other day remember when we were kids and they used to say that like um adidas stood for all day i dream about sex i thought it meant all day i dream about sports no dude every every kid knew that it would meant all day i dream about sex oh maybe i was just you never heard that no i have well killer mike had his first single was adidas all day i dream about sex oh yeah well like i used to think That was true though When I was a kid

There was a bunch Of German perverts And they did A sportswear company Based on Yeah like They sat down In the 1920s

And they were like Now we're calling To order We are now calling To order the All day I dream About sex corporation Yeah

We're gonna dress the world's athletes um and uh with uh you know they're gonna keep sex on the brain in the process yeah yeah yeah yeah it'd be an interesting premise for founding your company it's like here's our founding principles is a dirty joke that all American kids say at middle school. Every employee must at all times be dreaming about sex. Yeah. You have to be a bonafide pervert to work for the sporting goods company. In fact, you have to flout all the sexual harassment, you know, HR policies and everything in order to work here.

Yeah. Right. Man, what a burden to all day dream about sex. I have to dream about sex all day long. Yeah, God. That's crazy. At some point, it's kind of like goes back to Schwarzenegger's dilemma about dying. Yeah.

It is the dying that gives everything else meaning. That's true. And if you think about sex all the the time it cheapens the you know well i remember i remember like dude because when i was a kid i was like a little rationalist shithead i was like i was like no dude it's not possible to dream about sex all day and then we're like shut up shut up terrence no, you know, maybe up to 16 minutes a day. And you actually did the math. You know how, like, what was that very, not very well-cited stat that, like, men think about sex every 13 seconds or something like that?

That was it. I think I probably cited that. I was like, actually, it's not all day. It's not every second of the day. It's not every second of every day. It's not every second of every day. It's actually every 13 seconds. Dude, I was citing sources. I was fucking running bibliographies

before most of you motherfuckers even knew what that was. Yeah, when most of you motherfuckers were shitting green, I was checking for the Budweiser cold hard facts. When I was a kid in elementary school, I went to Coronado Elementary, the problematically titled Coronado Elementary. Why is that problemat? Because Coronado was a conquistador.

Oh, Francisco Coronado. Yeah. Yeah. Francisco Coronado. Yeah. Yeah. I always get him mixed up with some of the lesser known Spaniards. Yeah, he was a lesser known.

Pizarro is another guy I get him mixed up with. For some reason, Amerigo Vespucci, Father of America. Why is he the Father of America? Because he was the first to map it? They just named it after him i don't know i don't know um on the playground of our elementary school there was like this green rubbery material kept showing up every day on the playground of our elementary school. It was like, yeah, it was kind of like a turquoise green, and it was like very rough and rubbery. And this girl in my class, she convinced a whole bunch of people that it was alien skin.

Like it was actually, you you know skin from an alien there was people that that sat with this all day and were mesmerized yes see like the early you know elementary school playgrounds in the 90s were much like a 14th century like european medieval peasant yeah they're like medieval peasant uh you know village squares yeah so you can convince people all kinds of things and dude i tell dude this says everything about my personality i alone was like no it's not alien skin it's the rainproof rubber coating they put on the top of the roof of the school that gets torn up and blown off when the fucking wind here gets like 80 miles per hour whatever everybody was like dude everybody mocked me relentlessly there's like damn man why can't why can't you just why can't you just let people enjoy things? That's when that turn of phrase was coined,

that Coronado Elementary School helps New Mexico. Yeah. Yeah. This is a fundamental cornerstone of who I am. It's why I won't take controversial stances anymore. It's because I got burned. This is why we have a great dynamic on this show because I was usually the kid telling the lies

on the playground. I convinced everybody that my father was the founder of Capcom video games. Uh huh, you should have said Adidas. Yeah, yeah, my father is Adi Dossler. My dad. I would have regretted that later. All day long my dad was dreaming about sex.

He's got 5,000 children. That's all you ever think. Including one in Kentucky. I am the heir to the Dossler fortune. Then somebody like you comes along and goes, wasn't your dad a Nazi? I was just making that up. Yeah, I mean, hypothetical.

I apologize on behalf of hypothetical nine-year-old me to hypothetical nine-year-old you. I'm sorry. Well, all you can do when you get caught in a lie is just smile real big like the Cheshire Cat and just kind of shrug your shoulders and walk off. That's the thing. Let's just be real. I sucked the first probably 10 to 12 years of my life.

You think so? Oh, yeah, dude. I sucked so bad. It's like, you can be a shitty adult, but imagine the weight that you have to carry around the rest of your life knowing that you were a shitty kid. Not like you were stubborn

or a troublemaker or whatever, but because you were that. For me. You were telling kids that wrestling wasn't real. And it's still real to me, damn it, guy. Dude, that's, yeah, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of who I am and what I was.

Well, I was too. The thing about being a lying-ass kid is you're also, in a way, simultaneously very street smart but also a rube because you secretly believe everything's possible. You know? Right. I think it's the great Walker Purse that said, Blessed is the man that doesn't secretly believe every option's open to him.

Uh-huh. That's true. That is true. So I'm going to tell you something. If if you do you're up for a world of disappointment as you get older that was that comment was made for the people who dream about sex all day because if you're dreaming all day about sex then you think that every sexual option is open to you i ran the numbers it appears that 18 hours and 46 minutes, 15 seconds would be really and truly the most you could get. Not all day.

Not all day? Close, but not all day. Yeah, 18 hours is pretty close. You're right. Yeah, almost 19. Yeah, okay. So, I mean, you're saying if you think about it every eight seconds like they say we do? Or 13.

I was doing, I think, 13. I can't remember what I said. Yeah, but there's some, yeah, it's just nice. So it really should be almost all day I dream about sex. Adidas. Adidas. You know. This is like the Nazi, like Thirdich administration having to decide what to do

with the all day i dream about sex factory yeah you know what i mean it's like are we gonna nationalize it like it's got a problematic name as nazis obviously we don't dream about sex all day. We're, yeah, we're. It's. I'm sorry. There's something funny about Nazis being like, no, you know what? I just, I have some problems with the top, with the acronym.

It's not the message we want to send to the world right right uh dude speaking of liars oh man i wrote it i wrote i read a fascinating article in this website the The Verge. People in Chicago probably already know about this guy. And if so, I'm disappointed in you for not telling me about him already. Because this is... Who is it? This guy's a folk hero.

His name is Vincent Richardson. He has been arrested six different times for impersonating a police officer, starting when he was 14 years old. Damn, he got in early. Yeah. So this is kind of long, so I'll kind of go through some of this stuff here. But when Vincent Richardson was 14 years old, he wore a police uniform into Chicago's 3rd District Grand Crossing police station and reported for duty.

It was January 24, 2009, and he told officers he'd been assigned by another district to work a shift there. An intake officer issued Vincent a police radio and ticket book. Then the officer assigned Vincent a partner and a police cruiser. So there's some little shithead kid running around that was like successfully able that should be an indictment on cops everywhere well okay so it was um and the cops apparently knew this vincent richardson now claims because this was in 2009 he claims that it wasn't just for five hours he said he was doing he'd been doing this for three weeks prior for like for three entire weeks prior to actually

getting caught doing it so like like he would show up because he was in this program he was in this program called like is it one of those like like world of work where you go shadow a cop or something like that pretty much i know of a kid in whiteburg that did that yeah it's it's it was called like the youth explorer program and they like trained them on all kinds of like cop techniques uh everything everything except how to shoot a gun they trained them how to be cops it's like so it's just like it planted the seed that'd be a little rat fuck in their heads from yeah an early age yeah you have to be suspicious of all your friends and neighbors so

it's the only way the only way you're gonna make it um i mean i love the fact that they gave him a partner though that means that like can you imagine just looking over and there's like a guy with like like a kid like a shitty wispy like mustache in the driver's seat where are we going today rizzo i don't know richardson oh shit just that like some guy spent five hours with him and didn't know or maybe three weeks spent three weeks with the guy and didn't know he was like a 14 year old yeah he's like sitting there he's like man you ever like be fucking your wife and like think about somebody else and then this kid is just like you know he's like oh yeah for sure man they like they go out for coffee and

donuts and he gets like a juice box and like a chocolate chip nobody's the wiser you know takes a sip of coffee she's like oh fuck yeah they're like shaking down guys and like pocketing drugs and stuff and he's like he's like pocketing their like uh fruit roll-ups and stuff like that vincent richardson kid cop would be like one of those great like disney oh yeah like rookie of the year where he's like a 12 year old pitcher for the cubs or whatever yeah kid yeah and he teaches he teaches the adult cop something about humanity because he's able to do things without using a gun or yeah you know or you know anything he learned in bias training

dude this whole guy this guy's whole life could be a movie or a TV show. Cause like he, um, so like they, they arrested him when he was 14. They arrested him for impersonating a police officer and like, like let him basically kind of like plead it down. So he didn't have to go to juvie. Um,

as long as he agreed in public that he only did it for five hours and not three weeks. Because it was like a huge embarrassment to the Chicago... Like to the... Yeah. Well, they would just kill him if he refused. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

It's like this kid was ordering juice boxes at lunch. You would go to the cop bar after work, and he just was you know spitting out every day you didn't know he's very mature for his age right um but like he he uh he kept doing it like multiple times like the next year he um let's see like let's see uh so it says his mother veronica he says i've wanted to be a cop since before i can remember his mother veronica told me he'd started watching cops at the age of five and since then that's all he wanted to do vincent's stepfather had been a police officer too. Like any good parent, Veronica wanted to support her son.

When Vincent was 13, she signed him up for the Chicago Police Department's Youth Explorer program, designed to get kids from ages 10 to 15 to understand more about policing and what cops do every day. It serves as public outreach to neighborhoods with higher crime rates and lower household incomes and is still active today. Explorers would get police-issued uniforms, including trousers and a shirt, a jersey, and a cap. That's what he showed up wearing. He, like, stuffed newspaper in his uniform to make him look like he was bigger.

Like, it's like he really, really wanted to be a cop like he kept doing it for many many years like he just got out of prison again like last year and it's because he got put it sitting there for impersonating a cop in 2021 at this point how old is he now i mean he's he was probably so he's 14 in 2009 so probably mid-20s yeah mid-20s like vince you want to be a cop there's really there's really nothing to it they'll take about anybody that's the thing it's a very fascinating thing it's like um so okay so like let me so he so he told some stories let me just say that like this story kind of weirdly gets at the psychology of a cop by by putting under examination or like microscopic uh sort of dissection the psychology of a guy who will do

anything to be a cop except actually try to be a cop we'll break the law we'll break the law over and over and over again to be a cop it's like it didn't get sent to jail for it over and over again it kind of like weirdly demonstrates some things about the cop psyche that are very fascinating um so like he he told some stories about his days on the job uh like when he was he was working as a cop as a 14 year old um he said in one story two drivers collided on a city street at an intersection and were in front of their cars, yelling obscenities and ready to fight.

Vincent and his partner calmed them down and got them to start talking reasonably. Um, in another Vincent said he and his partner got a call about an open air drug deal. The suspect they located resisted arrest and attempted to flee. It's like, once again,

picture a 14 year old doing this, just screaming, stop resisting, stop resisting. The guy's's like aren't you 14 well it's fascinating because it shows that like psychologically all of us already imbue the cops with so much authority and power that even if it was a little kid we would almost kind of like submit to it because we're afraid you know what i mean because the uniform yeah we're so housebroken and so like sort of brainwashed by that cop again that's like even if every police force was just a

gang of fucking pubescent fucking 14 shitty mustached fucking chin haired dipshits. Like we would just be like, yes, sir. They're like pointing a gun at you and they're like, get on the ground. Like their voices crack. Yeah, their voices crack. Get on the ground. Am I a real boy? We would do it anyways. The suspect they located resisted arrest and attempted to flee.

Vincent and his partner wrestled the suspect to the ground, got them into handcuffs, brought them to the station in the backseat of a cruiser. When they arrived, Vincent said he told his shift captain about the difficulty of the arrest. The captain, Vincent claimed, decided that the perp needed to be taught a lesson. He needed a rough ride. He said the captain then walked the handcuffed suspect by the elbow back to the cruiser opened the trunk and shoved the suspect inside then they got into the cruiser with vincent behind the wheel the captain directed him to a street with speed bumps hit the gas the captain said that's what vincent did it's like he said the car

dude this really is something out of police academy. It's really. Like the movie. This is like a 14-year-old driving, too. It's like I probably started driving when I was like 15. It was like so uncertain about it, but just like, oh. Yeah, getting that pulling out into a lane of traffic for the first time is like scary as hell. You imagine like, think about what this kid's doing. He's pretending to be a cop and driving presumably for the first time it's just like a sensory overload 100 the car bounced violently along the road with the suspect bumping around in the trunk screaming to be let out when you hear about

police having power yeah you get it vincent said they can write tickets and have guns and can arrest people but you don't really understand that power until you're there on the streets you can get two people to listen to you and stop fighting just because you're a cop and this is what vincent says this was what vincent says yeah yeah now he says this and then if someone pisses you off you throw him in the trunk no one's gonna believe him anyways vincent said he didn't necessarily want to do that to anyone in fact he wanted the opposite to help people to stop fights to help victims of domestic violence prevent shootings um but he had but the people that were over him molding him were just incompetent fucking idiots it's like the guy wants to be a cop and can't because he's probably too good a person yeah you know what i mean so he's like he's like he subverts

that into like this criminal because he's been like been in and out of jail for like the past 13 years now 14 years now for impersonating impersonating cops and uh just also just like petty theft like he stole a rental car one time and he stole like a... A Crown Vic. Yeah, I mean, it's just stuff like this, like nonviolent offenses and stuff like that. It's just like he's just... It's just like some people are kleptomaniacs and he's like a cop maniac.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like impersonating... Like he compulsively has to impersonate police officers. Dude, okay, I'm gonna get to that. Stick a pin in that because I think this is what I'm getting at when like i say it displays some very fascinating aspects of the cop psyche you wouldn't normally understand just like you know what i mean like just with what we already know about cops it's like he he kind of divulges some interesting details about like police and the way that they think um but you know i'll get to that a little

further down the road he says um did vincent told a third story a simple one vincent and his partner pulled someone over he didn't remember the details they found a bag of weed in the car the suspect wasn't combative and didn't try to run away instead they shrugged and admitted the weed was theirs so vincent dumped it out and told them to keep driving police can look the other way he said that's power too um i mean again that's an interesting thing it's like most people when they think of a cop doing that they're like oh you know he was like giving me a break it was like a good old boy thing like whatever some there's some good cops but it's like even when cops are acting good or benevolently like they're acting from a position of like it domination of domination exactly it rewards them with this sense of like power and superiority god-like thing yes exactly

um so uh you know and then it goes like the writer interviewed some of his friends and um you know and and part of the interesting thing about this story is that like when this came out in 2009 it was kind of like one of those brief like headline grabbing stories that like Jay Leno and shit like kind of riffed on but like the actual story behind it was even more insane that this kid had you, allegedly done this for three weeks before getting caught rather than just a day. Like, he was fucking for, like, three weeks, like, riding around with, again, allegedly. This is what he allegedly did.

What was Leno's joke? I don't, I, it's like, it was, like, picked up on by, like, all kinds of, like, late night shows and stuff. Probably the same kind of jokes we were just saying. Would they get a juice box rather than coffee? Yeah. know ricky collins the doctor in whitespring he used to have an unfortunate like hitler groucho marx mustache a picture of him went viral back in like 2000 i forget when it was like 2006 seven something like that and he made leno leno said turns out adolf hitler's alive and well and he's a doctor in whitesburg kentucky they showed a

picture of ricky collins was it like that one thing like that guy i saw in the in the in the gas station who had a full mustache it's just that the sides were gray in the middle it was yeah like blacked out no i think ricky's was just he just that the sides were gray in the middle it was yeah like blacked out no i think ricky's was just he just liked the under the nose thing um i mean it's the dream right to get to have like a late night talk show host like riffing about you it's the dream um so it's like the author interviewed some of his friends and uh there's some hilarious like anecdotes in there like this guy vincent would also impersonate other people too like he he said um his the author is interviewing his friend don trail and don trail said kids in the neighborhood

kept him around because he was cool and knew how to look older don trail said i asked what he meant by that he said he used to wear cta uniforms and get on the ct bus cta bus and these people let him drive he's like let him drive the bus yes dude i it. Just like if you have a uniform and you can convince enough people that you know what you're doing, people will be like, all right, well, fuck it. Yeah, well, we're in good hands. Are we that housebroken to uniforms and badges? I think so. Yes.

I think cop culture and this whole idea has permeated. It's been so thoroughly diffused throughout society it's that like anybody with even a modicum of authority we're just like yes you're on yes sir yes sir okay it's not really fertile grounds for what we're trying to do um yeah right like the writer says i thought i misheard. Vincent would go to a local bus station in a fake bus driver uniform and take a bus out to drive? Yeah, they would let him drive the CTA bus. Sometimes he would take the bus.

So there are people out there today that a child was driving them to work in a bus. Yes. This guy, I don't know if he rules or not, but. He's a folk hero. He's like, put him up there with the bogus beggar, man. I'm telling you. Yeah, he's in the conversation for sure. Sometimes Vincent would take the bus on a joyride.

He'd pull up to Dontrell's house and blare the horn. Then they'd cruise around just for the hell of it. Just like cruising around the CTA bus. Just missing all the stops. Oh, man. Well, ultimately, that's this thing about being a kid ultimately they're not going to do shit to you right what's the worst that happens you become a legend and you got to pull like two months in juvie right small price to pay to be the guy that stole the cta bus um so don trail was in the cook county jail and he says one day he got a call from an officer that he had a visitor someone from the army was oh my god from the army was there to see him

don trail went down to the visitation room and saw who else vincent he said this motherfucker dressed up as an army officer and then got into the jail to visit me. How the fuck did he do that? I don't know. This guy's awesome. This guy is awesome. It's just like... It's like Frank Abagnale Jr., like Leonardo DiCaprio's character, Catch Me If You Can. Dude, it really is.

But real life. It really is. Well, I mean, he was real life, I guess, too. Dude, it really is. But real life. It really is. Well, I mean, he was real life, I guess, too. Probably easier to do things. Back in Abagnale's day, you could join the military when you were like 13 and shit like that if you just lied and winked. No, totally, totally. And then do like a Don Draper and steal someone's identity. Right.

steal someone's identity right um so like it um you know it talks a little bit about his like criminal you know record like he in person he like would get like surplus cop gear and like walk around the neighborhood wearing it or like uh he tried to start his own like private security firm um at one point and basically used that to impersonate a cop because he got a bunch of cop uniform and utility belts and all this other stuff, bulletproof vests. But then he tried to go straight. He tried to...

No, listen, guys. I'm off it. No more impersonating cops for me i'm i'm playing it straight i'm taking the civil service exam he did he tried to go straight he started working like a nine to five at like an amazon logistics warehouse like guys as a security guard no he like was working management like he was like overseeing like operations and stuff like multiple teams and was like trying to get his life together. This guy is brilliant in a way.

He was like he was like trying to get his life together. And then he said and then he said that like halfway through this, like he got a new car, got a new girlfriend and like started to have a stable life and like try to settle down and like the white picket fence house and all this. And then he said that like something started nagging at him. As he progressed in the job and received more responsibilities, he had more free time because he was managing people rather than delivering packages on his own. And when I started getting a lot of time on my hands, he said, that's when shit happens.

It's like a Slippin' Jimmy thing, man. I love this guy. Hey, that's when the demon comes out he's he's talking about his like impersonation thing like it's like drug addiction i don't like who i become when i'm bored no really i hate cops i don't like who i become when i'm bored um so like so like he uh so no yeah seriously it really was kind of like a slipping jimmy thing like he like tried to get his life together and then like yeah find himself with this kind of like vague ennui you know what i mean like this restlessness about like the meaninglessness of american life it's just like no i gotta get back

out there i got the game needs me it's right when i thought i was out it pulls me right back in um did he have like one big highest in the end he did one final score he did he uh so like after the amazon thing and he like broke bad again he like set up his own um he like set up his own security firm and then like went on a tear and tried to get all these contracts for various facilities in the chicago area for a securities firm and to do that he created all these like fake online accounts that looked like they were affiliated with the Chicago police that, like, supported him and, like, showed, you know what I mean, that, like, he was a great cop and, like, all this stuff. Had all these commendations and stuff. It's, like, which in the end, it just, like, attracted, you know, detectives and they, like, caught him and so he went to jail again. you know detectives and they like caught him and so he went to jail again um so like so this is the part i was talking about it like really kind of like lays bare some fascinating elements of like

cop behavior and like cop mentality so this this writer who by the way i didn't credit the writer the writer was uh matt stroud um this like, picked him up from jail, right? Like, he was doing a bid for impersonating a cop this last time. Just out of curiosity, what kind of sentences do you get for that? I think that, like... What's the biggest stretch he's pulled for this, should we say, hobby? It seems like for the most recent one, for the last one we say hobby it seems like for this for the most recent one for the last one maybe it was like a year okay um there's a video of him on this

article and he looks like a really like nice he doesn't look like a cop it's like very jarring because you can see why he's been caught so many times because like his demeanor is kind of like happy-go-lucky like he just kind of looks like a regular person he doesn't have that like soulless golem look exactly uh um so anyways the writer picks him up from jail um he he says recently he was in the prison's rehab program which earned him an early release so in prison he was doing like um you know kind of like aa type stuff like he's doing like recovery work rehab it was strange because vincent historically did not have issues with drug or alcohol addiction. That's what I was going to ask. Did he? Yeah. So they're even

treating his compulsion to impersonate cops like addiction. He's treating his compulsion. Or he's treating it like it. Yeah. And this is what I'm saying. It gets at something interesting here. It's like a weird mirroring thing. Where it's like by him going through this experience. I've sucked dick

for meth. Have you ever sucked dick to borrow a police badge for three weeks? He said, did not historically have issues with drugs or alcohol addiction, but you could argue that he had been addicted to something else. Adrenaline. I had to adapt to that program, he said. So they was always talking about drugs, but I don't do drugs. So I had to relate as close as possible

to my own situation. The way Vincent described it, anyone who knew him as a police impersonator misunderstood the impulses he had. It wasn't just that he wanted to be a cop. It was that being a cop afforded it was that being a cop afforded him that rush i got an impulsive adrenaline seeking behavior he said and being a police officer that's the type of job that's every day that job requires impulsive adrenaline seeking behavior he said at the

amazon affiliate i was going to work the same routine every day, and it was boring. Was it killing me inside? Yeah. It's like, I guess what I'm saying here is that, like, that is kind of the essence of being a police officer. It's like that adrenaline impulse-seeking behavior. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, it's like, it's like. We have made the most impulsive people.

We've just given them, them like full reign over society. Yeah. Yeah. It is actual insanity. Well, and also... And baked that into the job. And it shows you why so many cop interactions result in death. Because if you're compulsively seeking out more and more

adrenaline if you're trying to punch that button as hard and as many times as possible you're going to escalate every fucking situation you come across yeah and then the other part to it is and i just say this having battled my own addiction with gambling in in a way is at a certain point in a way is at a certain point, like, you know, there's this, you know, the phrase playing with house money, right? Yeah. Well, what is the biggest example of playing with house money

if you know a grand jury's never gonna convict you of any wrongdoing? Exactly. Like, more likely than not. You know what I mean? You're exactly right. It is the perfect, you're right, because like for guys like me and you,

just your regular Joes, addiction often comes with social consequences. And that's part of the disease. It's because you can't stop doing the thing, even though there are increasingly more and more social consequences for doing the thing. But like we have created a legal and, you know, political framework. A paramilitary arm that we fund to harass us and in the worst cases, kill us.

And there are no consequences for them whatsoever. Whatsoever. And on top of this, they're fucking basically like speed freaks. Exactly. And it's like, so yes, there's not even any concept of like loss chasing or anything in their work because there's never any consequences for doing

any of it it's just like yeah they're they're what's called free rolling exactly it's like if you could just keep doing heroin 10 times a day and feel amazing and there'd be no physical or social or anything yeah i would do that yeah that'd be awesome yeah yeah i see why it's enticing i see why people are sort of lured into that life particularly if you have a certain disposition and temperament but it's not good not good for any of us well the biggest irony about this guy is that they'd have really wanted to like if they really wanted to like get him off the streets and like to stop impersonating cops they could just hire him as a cop it's like let him do crosswalks or something well eventually

isn't that what happened with frank abagnale from they did if Didn't the FBI hire him? They did. Because he was so good? They were like, there's only one man who has the skills and expertise we need. Yeah. So a Chicago PD just needs to deputize this guy.

And he needs to be the moral compass. Vince, the good boy. Yeah. Well, I thought that was pretty fascinating. Like I said, in The Verge, Kid Cop returns again and again. That's the title of it.

Yeah, I don't know. So in terms of what else is going on in the world today, I want to ask you a simple question. When those two beautiful towers fell that morning, September 11th, 2001, did you ever think that the culmination and resolution to the long ending mystery of kind of like who or what might have happened and why would have resolved in the arena of professional golf oh my god dude i gotta tell you i have you have that on your bingo card uh no but i've seen it i've seen a troubling trend in this for a while uh-huh and i'm going to tell you what the next domino to follow is me and friend of the show former guest hayley ashana's he'd been

talking about this a lot but the cozy relationships between the gambling sites and the professional sports leagues yeah combined with the saudis basically having a wholesale fucking you know like just basically what they call sports washing right yeah right so like you got the world's largest state sponsor of terrorism except for arguably israel and they're trying to gain soft power in the world by basically owning all the sports leagues and in effect in effect paying off the world's most popular athletes right like you saw this at first with phil mickelson who joined the live tour mostly to pay off gambling dance right and then you had others like tiger woods tiger woods turned down 800 million from

the saudis now when tiger woods is your moral compass in this saying something mac daddy santa yeah mac when mac daddy santa is uh you know comes out smelling like roses and all this it's that's crazy it's crazy man i saw they're hand just handing out these insane contracts too like there was this mid like just rando ass midfielder they're like yeah let's give him three years 730 million dollars and it's not going to be long before they just basically have the nba and then i found all this stuff the hilarious part of it is is by now the common consensus is the saudis had a hand in 9-11 right you know right and the funny thing to see all these people retconning the saudi legacy with all this and like talking about it like like they got me too like the saudis got me too and they're like they're learning and growing from the experience and whatever no no that was like

the interview going around was brian de chambeau uh who's like um he's an early recruit to the Live Tour. And basically, by the end of the interview, he was basically like, we would just, you know, we really don't want another 9-11 to happen. That was very tragic what happened. And how we're going to prevent that is I'm going to take 300 million from the perpetrators as a goodwill gesture that's going to be if that becomes widespread throughout every sport every professional athlete's going to have to do that like remember when remember when john cena had to like apologize for making comments about taiwan

or something like that right right right yeah it's gonna be like yeah all these like just geopolitical snafus like daryl morley when he did the same thing about China and people got an uproar about it. But it's like this is take it to another level. It's going to be funny when like the first live tour golfer comes out as a Wahabist. And he was actually like, you know, his name was like Justin Beauregard. And he was like a golfer at clemson but now he's like uh you know a loyalist a loyal wahabist we're definitely heading in that direction well that's the that's the fascinating thing it's like it's so fascinating because this question of like what happened on 9-11, everybody knows.

Even the fucking people who are like me as nine-year-old on the playground who were like, obviously it was Al-Qaeda. Question, you know, case closed. That's all there is to say. It's like even those people. And I'm over here questioning if, you know, that even makes sense if the fucking, I don't know, French Canadians of some province of Canada might not have the hand in it. Right.

It's like, even those people, you know they harbored a secret doubt. You know they harbored a doubt, like, deep down. They were like, we don't really know what the fuck happened. None of it makes sense. And it's like, it's so fascinating to me how, like, the truth has kind of, like, come out in drips and drabs over the past like maybe four or five years and it's like kind of being laundered now through professional athletes sweating under tv studio lights you know what i'm saying it's like it's the only way it's going to kind of get like meted out into society. Yeah. Like that, like the Saudis probably through some sort of like connection with the Bush family, whether it was intentional, unintentional or whatever, that they had a huge hand in this.

And the CIA, you know, as well, you know what I mean? Like through some sort of, again, unintentional, intentional, who fuck knows. But, like, regardless, the received narrative of what we were told happened didn't happen that way. But the way we're finding out is through awkward interviews on SportsCenter. Oh, my God, dude. It's a perfect American story. Yeah. And what's going to happen is it's like going to be

like perfectly accepted but then we're just going to have it into the rearview mirror enough and it's like wait a minute so the singular event that sort of springboard all this epistemological crisis to to beat that phrase to death yet again like that event we're just going to act like that was nothing because there's money on the table right you know like so all that shit the whole legacy of fox news all that shit was just window dressing to get what you all want which is a society owned by the world's largest state-sponsored terrorism you know vis-a-vis our cozy relationship with them uh-huh and we didn't really give a fuck about 9-11 or god or

country or anything but that is what conservatism is it is dude it that is what it is it is that is the entire phony edifice of all of it it's just like yeah it never fucking mattered it never fucking mattered no we had to use that with a 300300 million contract, it never fucking mattered. Oh my God, dude. Two wars, a fucking paranoid surveillance state, war on terror, rampant Islamophobia that you could say was the precursor to everything going on

with trans rights and LGBTQ. All of this, all the culture war stuff, none of it mattered because it could all have just been bought off in the end for a couple hundred mil oh my god did you see the interview bob i think it's bob costas was interviewing the guy from the pga tour it's like this happened like a year ago this is when like the live tour first popped up and like made a challenge to the pga and they were trying to get like all

their big names to come over there by paying them these like insane salaries and shit and uh the the president or the ceo pga or whatever whatever his title is was like i've had family i have two families near and dear to me that lost lives in 9-11 and i ask people what if those were your families what would you do like basically on the question of like the you know saudi involvement and all that is fast foot what a difference a year makes yeah i know i know everybody has a price man every single person has their fucking number. Let me tell you something. If Warren Buffett came out tomorrow and said he was a revolutionary communist, we could have revolution if he just would pay off the right people.

Just like, yeah, y'all just go away, forfeit your power, we got it. That's ultimately the kind of shit that fucking blows my mind dude none of it nobody's fucking principled i don't give only tiger woods only mac daddy santa only the most unprincipled arguably one of the most talented yet unprincipled, arguably one of the most talented yet unprincipled athletes of the late 20th, early 21st century. What I said to you during the Masters, quite arguably perhaps the Elvis of golf. Yeah. Like someone who had so much raw talent early on and it just like is slowly in public view of everyone just unraveling over many years.

It's like so insane to watch. Yeah. God damn, dude. It's so fucking. Pretty crazy. Yeah, it's only going to be a matter of time before they. It's basically just we might as well have the goddamn Italian mafia running sports now. I mean, you'd be in better hands.

I mean, like, seriously, like, probably at least they would just put one in your forehead instead of taking a bone saw to your limbs. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. your forehead and take instead of taking a bone saw to your limbs oh my god yeah yeah what how i want like the like die and saw your type interview where they just get the pga guy and they say jamal kashogi went into the consulate and didn't walk out and he left in 15 different briefcases what What do you say to that? You know what I mean? Because, you know, people's memories are short.

9-11, there's kids playing on the tour today that weren't alive during 9-11. Right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. But the Khashoggi thing just was like yesterday. Yeah, like two, three years ago. It's like, what do you say about that? Ah, nah, nah.

We would hate to see that happen again. I love that defense. It's like, obviously 9-11 was bad, folks. Obviously, Jamal Khashoggi, that was bad. We would hate to see that happen again. Yeah. I love it. But they're learning and growing from this.

And then you just look at him like that guy that looked at Mayor Pete and was like, you were fixing bread prices. You just look at him and said, they hacked him apart with a bone saw. Hey, you're not perfect either. You're right. Oh, man. Well, obviously we're recording this on the day that half of the northeastern United States, even down here in fucking Virginia yesterday, it was so smoky.

It sucked. Is it the same thing, the forest fires in Canada, the same thing that they're dealing with in New York and Philadelphia and all these places? Yeah. the forest fires in canada the same thing that they're dealing with in new york and philadelphia and all these places yeah um i was at the doctor's office yesterday and they had the weather channel on and it's like it's so fascinating to me how like commenters and you saw this during covid and stuff too and i'm not trying to like do a you know retroactive whatever of the lockdowns but it really is fascinating to me how commentators and like pundits and public officials and everything will all just be like just stay inside you know you want to do that anyways right just stay inside be alone just like have a nice little day by yourself it's just like like they're gonna be telling us that

like as they put us in the coffins you know because we got fucking like drowned by the next flood or what just stay inside just stay inside you're nothing to worry about here no climate we got this we got this just stay inside oh it's insane man it's also just uh it's like whether fire or water or something whatever's happened it's like famine disease and pestilence is like coming around the corner and it's not a foregone conclusion men did this awful horrible greedy men did this and uh yeah we need to keep that forefront in our minds it's uh i was talking to my cousin this morning and he's really keyed up about ai replacing everything and right this is a man that's an avowed capitalist says well pretty soon we're all going to have to be socialists because these robots are this you know ai is going to make all the money, but it's not going to get dispersed.

So you might as well just jump on board right now because in 10, 15 years, we're all going to have to fight for, you know, that disbursement. Yeah. You know, it's, I was thinking, you know, I had last week's episode, we talked about uh in california it's like state farm i think isn't even insuring for yeah they just ain't touching california it's not touching california anymore it's like insurance at least like homeowners insurance or like natural disaster insurance that kind of stuff is that just going to become a thing of the past it's like the only insurance plans you can get now are like life insurance health insurance you know what i'm saying it's like is that is that just gonna be a thing of the past it's like if you've got organizations abandoning entire states eventually on a long

enough timeline they will abandon the entire united states there won't be that industry anymore yeah i mean you know arguably we'd be better for it but it also lays bad that the whole thing is just a fucking scam anyway yeah you know what i mean like in a just society people would we would already have a social safety net when things burn down we just rebuild them you know that's just what it is not this whole thing where uh you have to pay some guy somewhere who basically is using your money the time value of money to invest it and do rich people shit with it and then you know if you need it on the back end or when you die you get like you know a small piece of the pie that your money has helped to make for him

on the front end right it's like it's like i don't, it reminds me of when the talk around Obamacare popped off and everybody's like, well, merchant seamen in 1864 had insurance. And there's precedence for mandates and da-da-da-da. And I don't know, it's just, yeah. Well, it makes me wonder if, like, will the same thing ever happen to individual health? I mean, probably not right because like nobody wants to die everybody wants we're all honored we're like oh man no you're too sick to ensure i'm sorry you're too fucked up you got nine things going wrong with it or i guess

what i'm saying is that like maybe it's not that but maybe i wonder if it will get to a point where it's like society it's at large is too unsafe at like whether it's like pathogens fires floods falling infrastructure violence in the streets or whatever it's like society itself is just too unsafe to even ensure you at the individual health level you know what i'm saying it's like yeah and i feel like that's already the thing is is that like all of these insurance industries are already inherently inflationary especially health insurance because fucking health care companies just set their own prices basically and it just keeps driving the fucking price up and that's why you need a mandate in the first place but at what point does the government say like, well, we can't just like FEMA did basically for flood insurance here in eastern Kentucky.

Say we can't afford to fucking purchase insurance plans. We can't afford to intervene in the market anymore. It's too fucking expensive for us. Like we we're not going to do it. And so it just becomes something that like it's either a luxury good, I guess, increasingly more and more of a luxury good, but like something that the rest of us increasingly can't afford. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know, man. It's also funny because I think about Weisberg and like famously the two guys, the Webb brothers, made all their money in the insurance business and they went on to become developers. And the funny thing about making all their money in the insurance business and they went on to become developers and the funny thing about making all your money in insurance and then going on to develop houston texas at the time of the hurricane which like basically trapped a lot of people in there like there was no exit routes planning anything like that because you got two brothers that grew up about a mile down the road from me that thought well it was just god damn we'll just never need that i guess right something funny about like guys that made their

fortune in insurance also basically unwittingly engineering a cataclysmic event or not necessarily the event but no no fallout from it you know it's just like katrina like katrina was a man-made disaster it didn't have to kill as many people as it did. Right, yeah. It did because of the infrastructural nightmare that fucking New Orleans was. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mean to make that sound like

hillbillies control the weather conspiracy. Are you doing New World Order, like anti-Semitic thing but for hillbillies? Yeah, that would be funny. Like, it's the Protocols of the Elders of Perk Creek. And it's like, yeah, we just start all these pernicious rumors about hillbillies controlling the media and the banks. And it starts with you just saying things like just commenting on the hillbillies' business acumen. Protocols of the elders of Rowdy.

Protocols of the elders of Harlan. Yeah. Oh, God. probably because of the elders of harlan yeah oh god um all right well we're over an hour today um so i think that probably uh does it for us what do you think well one other thing i want to touch on you see this story about app harvest oh? Oh, I was going to bring that up. It was something about like they're about to go bankrupt, right? Unless they can raise... Like $66 million. Yeah. It's like you raised all this VC capital and somehow you're a 66 mil and hog.

Yeah, it was, they risk losing one of its largest greenhouse facilities to foreclosure if it doesn't reach a resolution with a creditor demanding over $66 million. The company announced in a public filing Monday. So yeah, I guess they borrowed $66 million and haven't been able to pay it back. Oh boy. Nobody saw that coming.

I'll be damned. You know what? We'll loan you the money. Come to Tribal Ease Incorporated. We'll have a discussion we don't have anywhere near that but we will loan you like 100 bucks a week at 90 interest and uh yeah and we'll keep the vig running jonathan webb and if you don't have my money Fuck you pay me They made you just go in the covered darkness

And burn down that facility And then he's just like Thanks guys That's what he's gonna do he's gonna torch that fucking facility I know and then he's gonna blame it on the hillbilly conspiracy On the protocols of the elders of Perk Creek He's like they're controlling everything

They run the banks that's why they They didn't want us to succeed in East Kentucky Yeah Okay Well go support us on Patreon We would love to have your support And go tell your friends about this amazing show I've taught

Yesterday I had So I went to the skin doctor yesterday And they like did a check up of me Where I had to the skin doctor yesterday and they like did a checkup of me where I had to get naked and they had to like look at my whole body and while they were they while I was naked they were asking me about my job and so I was literally telling them about Trillville's while I was naked that's you know if you're not gonna be your own biggest fan who will be I I would be so nervous in that situation ever since i got uh a rectal exam with done in front of like done in front of the hottest girl went to high school with

a few years ago nothing more demoralizing than being on all fours while kitty gish sticks her finger in your ass and you look over and see candace addington just standing there and i'm just like yeah well it's not my finest hour well you know i i too felt like a a wall had been breached uh it wasn't my it wasn't my rectal wall by any means but definitely telling telling a doctor and a nurse about my job that they can tune in on and hear me you know twice a week if they're paying five dollars a month on patreon.com uh while i'm naked it definitely felt like an interesting uh you know we're breaking barriers here i guess i would be like i'd take my shirt off and they would say okay now that we got to check her i'd be like no i don't have any moles or freckles

from the waist down. I don't have any legs. They're like, we can see your legs, sir. It's like, no, that's not them. They're somewhere else. There's someone else. Say, why are you... Well, if I got to get naked,

maybe you could shed some light on this little horrid disaster of a cock I have. Why did this happen to me? Oh, man. You're skin doctors. You're skin doctors. Put some more skin down there. Yeah.

That's all it is, right? Is there a treatment for this? Sir, it's normal. No, it's not. Is there a treatment for this? Sir, it's normal. No, it's not. Okay.

All right. Well, thank you for tuning into our show and for entertaining our sick, sick jokes, scenarios. And please go support us on Patreon. We'll see you next time bye see ya out there