Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 303: The Right Amount

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

This week we discuss: original sin, whether or not we've ruined sex, and synth your piece Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

What is man? What is man? About a cracked vessel. Yeah? Born to die. I was just reading Genesis 3.22. Then the Lord God said, Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil.

We can't have that he says he must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat and live forever you know it's just an interesting thing that god created man to know to not know good and evil. So initially we were conceived to just be dumb. Dumb as hell. Complete morons. Never growing old. Just a bunch of Peter Pans. I think, like, I'm really surprised that none of the trad morons want to go back to that.

Like, why can't we go back to before we ate from the forbidden fruit? That is a good point. Like, if you're going to harken back to an idealized time, like, let's not go back to the 1920ss let's go back to pre-fall of man when we were all just walking around like kind and eating all the fruits we wanted except the one well that's what i don't understand so like were adam and eve sucking and fucking before they ate the fruit or is that sin because they weren't married yet you know what but they realized they were naked and had to put like fig leaves over their shit too so maybe everybody was sucking and fucking but nobody

thought of it as like verboten you know so it was just like it was just like a fuck fest it was like maybe it was like like a extremely wholesome version of like a sex club like you know what i mean like like everybody's like sucking and fucking their wife side by side and just be like hey jeff great cop it was a normal sex club is what you're saying it was not weird or nerdy no no sex guy stuff just like normal guys sucking and fucking side by side and they saw nothing wrong with it no it didn't even like register as like you know what kind of just trying to sire an heir you know and like it did in a communal space but what kind of god would create such a thing

what kind of perverted we've never really dug into the nature of yahweh himself have we well i just find it interesting that verse is so fascinating to me. It's like... Like, humans were not meant to know good and evil. Like, we really were. We were supposed to be himbos. What happened, man? We were supposed to be fucking himbos. We're all supposed to be, like, jacked and sinewy.

And, like... Yeah, having full access to the garden No I gotta pay Kids that actually like us I have to have neuroses and penis envy And anxiety All just because They decided to eat

A god damn apple I have to pay for that An apple's not even that great of a fruit I mean, seriously. That's really the biggest travesty. I mean, if it was like watermelon, I'd be like, alright, bro. I get it. You know, too good.

Too good to pass up. But an apple being the forbidden fruit is a little... You just... Well, they were dumb. You risked it all for an extremely mid fruit they probably would not have known how to eat a watermelon though because they were stupid as fuck that's why it had to be an apple it had to be a fruit that you could bite into because like

they wouldn't have known it wouldn't have been like an onion like what if it was an onion what does the bible say about the characteristics of that fruit? Or did everything just go black all of a sudden when they took that first bite? You mean, like, the universe around them went black? Like, the sky goes black, and God goes, My God, what did you do? Well, I like the verse that the way it sets it up is that god says behold the man has become like one of us it's like he's calling him out god's calling him out not calling

him in he's calling him out in front of all of his boys behold the dumb ass maybe that's what the scripture that when jesus said are you not gods which is controversial nobody ever talks about is maybe what makes us gods is not being you know omnipotent or any of the other characteristics we ascribe to God maybe it's just knowing good and evil

knowing good fruit we were hungry no no they're developing an appreciation for just you know something i can go it is kind of a funny concept to think that something i can go snag a bushel from kroger for four bucks damned us to yeah eternal hell behold behold gather round i'd even let him have a juicy peach a juicy peach i think might have been worth you know a juice box yeah picked a capri sun behold man drank the forbidden capri sun that's the contradiction

the contradiction is that we became stupid or i'm sorry we became smart through an act of stupidity that's true you know maybe that's where we get damn man a lot of things are clicking for me this morning yeah maybe yeah maybe we had to uh do a dumb. You know, they always say when you do something dumb, you just try to learn from it. Yeah. And maybe that's what it was. Maybe it's like that's a universal truth. That we got smart and developed

object permanence and sentience. I just imagine all of us a bunch of grown toddlers just walking around the garden. Well, I was just thinking about that, because, like... Also, what age were Adam and Eve when they were... Like, you know?

Yeah. They weren't babies. They didn't, like, grow up. You know what I mean? That's a good point. Eve was made from Adam's rib, so, like... So he was a little older.

Age gap. Yeah. There was an age gap here. Do you think it was when God took Adam's rib to make Eve, do you think he could suck his own dick at that point? You don't need to make anything, boss. I'm good. Adam, we're going gonna take your rib

And give it to Eve But don't be tempted to You know And he's like well I don't know I'm just a boy Do all of us have our own individual fall? Like I have friends

Who I obviously Have kids But very few of them are actually like practicing christians like maybe they believe in god just kind of abstractly but they're not really like that dialed in like you know how like when a baby loses its first tooth or gets its first haircut you put that in the scrapbook is there like our parents keeping track of the first sin you know what i mean yeah like what if you manage what if what if it's like what if you have a life you know how like in baseball there's like a no hitter and like as the innings grind on it becomes

more and more of like a oh shit is he really gonna do it is he really gonna do it it's like is he gonna do it seventh inning eighth inning ninth inning like what if what if parents are watching their kids they're like nine ten eleven years old they're like oh shit he still hasn't sinned yet have you has don't say anything but have you known none that i can see he's a perfect child like that they don't know that like he's got a second life as he's got like a whole second family he's like committing infidelity he's nine meanwhile meanwhile i uh i read that a six year old shot a teacher in virginia and then when i asked her comments said, I shot the bitch dead. What? Yeah.

That was not, that wasn't uplifting this morning. Well, that's the thing. It's like kids are becoming more, like back in the day, like 500 years ago, you were already a grown man by the time you were like eight because you like had to work the fields and milk the cows. People ascended the thrones at like age 11 and shit like that right it's like are we like me for example like you that's true i forgot about when that happened king of appalachia that was crazy when that happened to you yeah my coronation at age 11.

yeah who could forget it um you know how like like When you're coronated in Britain They have all this weird Like the scepter of Galgamesh or whatever like that You know they have those weird items Yeah they have Yeah and then you get those like Fatty sausage fingers like

That's what happens and people think it's like a Hereditary condition or like high blood pressure It's not just happens when you get corn it's just what happens when you become coordinated it happened to me too did it yeah i got sausage fingies when i got core actually did you get any cool items like the uh the golden ramp it's like a ramp that you pull from the ground yeah the golden pawpaw. What else? They gave me a coonskin cap. Oh, I see. That was, yeah.

Dude, when you were a kid, a coonskin cap was pretty tight because it had a, like, I always wanted a ponytail so fucking bad when I was a kid. Do you remember when we lived together, you had like a rat's tail you used as a bookmark? What was that about I kind of had a little running gag about that For a while but I never really Where that came from I don't know why but in college I bought like

Like a braided Weave type thing That you could put in your hair And it was like not very noticeable So it would come down Kind of like a rat tail and i used it as a bookmark i don't know it was an idea it was an idea i had for a while i was like rat tail bookmarks like that'll be a huge hit that's how we're going to get people to

read again in the provinces yeah let you give them a funny novelty item And say hey and then Maybe that's going to bolster them to use it by reading Yeah I lost my train of thought Sorry We were talking about rat tails We were talking about The items you get at coronation

Kings Oh I was talking about kids Like kids are becoming Older At a younger age And it's not just like culturally like this is like a problem like kids are having puberty earlier right because of like all right i see articles in new york times about how like it's becoming a crisis how they're like having puberty earlier and earlier they think maybe because of hormones

and like food and milk and shit i guess but like you would think that like the world we grew up in that would have been the case i feel like there are more food regulations now than there were when we were born in the 80s it seems like we should have been And you did have some of that My nephew's had a beard since he was like 7 It's kind of weird I had a I had a friend in high school who had like Cause they made his It was part of our dress code in high school to shave

And I had a friend in high school who like Would shave in the mornings And by the end of the day he would have a beard And like teachers would get pissed They'd send him down to the office and he'd be like i shaved just today listen i'm sorry i'm italian i'm greek they're like i was like i was so jealous i was like i wish i had that much tea oh man i'll never will it's sad but you know whatever yeah dress codes are bullshit dude do you have dress i remember uh

yeah we had one i remember um my buddy chris kinder got sent home by having he he used to wear this red dog remember red dog beer yeah he's wearing a red dog beer shirt to school about every day and they'd make you turn it inside out and finally that had enough he every and every time he would wear that shirt again red dog beer is red dog still around i don't know i've not seen red dog i don't know if i've ever even drank a red dog there is red uh i'm gonna say this i'm'm not There is a chewing tobacco Called red I saw you did

The Donald Trump hands up Which means that Somebody else did racism I want to be clear this is not me doing it That's the universal sign for that Yeah I was talking with a friend About that the other day It's like that

phrase is extraordinarily offensive uh pretty much as offensive as the washington football team used to be named but it'll probably never be changed because like i feel like only racist still use chewing tobacco like there's no like no one like woke is going to start using going to be like we have to change the name of this what if there's a guy that's like has all the correct opinions and everything but he has a terrible addiction to male pouch tobacco and his his brand of choice is and he's like very ashamed of it you know yeah he's like yeah he's just like dips and then like but sometimes people catch him like going in and buying that yeah he like goes out of his way to hide it he like um you know how alcoholics go out of their way to like hide

drinking yeah oh yeah do it do i it's like he he he dumps the tobacco in Ziploc bags and stuff and carries it around in there. Or like he gets Big League Chew and he puts it in Big League Chew pouches. Yeah. Oh, damn it. This is what you rot, Adam Neve. This is what you rot, Adam Neve. This is what was rot.

My Uncle Don, otherwise known as Bulldog, choose that brand. I remember explicitly, Jerry the barber used to have Jerry's Barbershop, aka Jerry's Bullshit Shop, because he had a placard hanging above the waiting room in his barbershop that saiderry's bullshit shop because he had a he had a placard hanging above the waiting room in his barbershop said jerry's bullshit shop right next to a trophy bass my uncle don famously would go around and like he would always have like some tobacco spit coming

out of his jaw yeah it was kind of gross but like yes you know But if you chewed that, that's what was happening. Yeah. Well, he was, my Uncle Don's kind of been one of those guys that's just kind of always been old. You know what I mean? As long as I've been alive. Yeah. You know? And I remember Jerry telling him one day when he pulled something out, he said,

you look like the guy on that package, Don. And that's when my uncle don said that his mother was a cherokee and that's when it first dawned on me that that like everybody says that people were fronting that was not necessarily they were fronting i thought for a while i was like man we're all cherokees that's awesome oh you thought that oh i thought that too my my grandpa used to chew that too maybe that's why i thought. My grandpa used to chew that too. Maybe that's why I thought that, because he used to chew that. Huh. He chewed it up until his last days, man.

Never stopped. So he was still going hard even unto death. Yeah. He was never like, he did it with, he call for one last one last chaw before he drifted off across the Just on your deathbed, just like give me a pouch

please. Please, I need a pack of dip. I need a lip here. Come on. Chewing that kind of tobacco is a whole different thing from dipping though. It is, man man it really is I've tried it a few times It's like instant

Dude it's fucking It's not to be Fucked with I dipped for a long time but that's a whole That's a whole different ball game Man When I think about that I can't believe i actually ever did that

i mean everybody in my family pretty much every single person in my family uses nicotine in some form is your dad dip oh yeah he's dipped since he was like 12. i thought bob might have did if he just strikes me as the guy that dips. Like, just rides around his truck with a spitter all day. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I really don't... I feel like every single male in my family uses nicotine.

Some form of it. I'll never forget the first time I dipped. You can't forget the first time you dip because you get drunk as hell and usually throw up. Yeah. I was on the lifeguard stand and Elijah Garrett handed me, you know, a lip of... No, it was Grizzly, winter grain. Oh, it was like loose leaf?

Like you had the long cut? No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know. Well, yeah, I did the long cut, but he also dipped the fine cut, but he was like, no, you can't start out on fine cut. So I just, as a goof, I did that. And I'm sitting there in the hot sun and I put that in. And about two minutes later, I can't feel my fucking face.

It's like 97 degrees, 100% humidity. I'm like, I'm like, I have to to like and then they're just sitting there laughing at me goes no no keep it in keep it in and i remember keeping it i tried to get off the lifeguard stand and it was like i mean it was like just my appendages were made out of spaghetti noodles it's like i kind of just slid down the steps. You know how... Like, skipping my shins up. You know how, like, there's that trope about being in a swimming pool

and, like, there's a turd, someone poops, and there's a turd and it's, like, floating by. In your case, it was like a... Hot catty shack. It was a thing of dip-dip, and it was floating in the Whitesburg City pool. There was a, oh, no.

It was like, no I was just dead Dude I went to the bathroom And immediately spit it out And just sit there just like was just Cupping water but I was So fucked up that I had to Like hold my hands against the wall Like I'm spreading them getting the cavity

Searched just to piss Oh yeah I have to I pee like that anyways Now That's just Just to piss Oh yeah I pee like that anyways Now I spread my legs In my arms Like I'm getting frisked Lean over the toilet And let it rot

Drop my pants to my ankles That's how I pee So I'm just practicing For what's to come baby girlfriend walks in catches uh-huh yeah i could i anyway long story short i could i could i swear to god i could drink 16 beers and operate a motor vehicle better than i could if i was like a newbie Dipping for the first time Yeah dude that shit gets you fucked up Yeah Um

Well Maybe that was the thing Like that's when you That's really when you lose original Sin Wait what was original sin anyways Was that like your I just can't remember

I just can't remember I just can't was i actually can't think of anything new can't think of anything original sin is the christian doctrine that holds that humans through the fact of birth inherent a tainted nature with a proclivity to sinful conduct in need of regeneration okay so that's like saying like the moment you're born, because I don't agree with that. You can live a purely unsinful life up until the moment you sin. You know what I'm saying? Right? Yeah.

Theoretically. What do you think is the longest anybody in the modern age has went until they sin for the first time? That's what I want to get at the heart of this like there's all these like there's so much money spent on like quote-unquote christian science like paleontologists who literally go and try to prove that humans that the world is only 6 000 years old you know they literally go and dig up bones in australia to prove that i want to conduct a study a longitudinal study across a lot like hundreds of thousands of different people to determine

like what okay i guess you need like the the median and the mean and the average like what's the average age of the first sin? And what's the longest anyone's gone? What's the earliest you can remember doing wrong? When I was a kid one time, one of the first things I remember getting in trouble for was taking a Sharpie and scribbling all over the car seats. I was probably like two or three.

I was very young. What's the sin there, though? That's a great question. Was that a sin? It doesn't fit anything in the Bible. I mean, you just, did you know that was wrong? I had a similar experience. I don't know if people might not remember this.

I posted a picture of a cabbage patch doll named hugh carmody that belonged to my cousin adam oh yeah yeah yeah i remember people yes we'll notice that there's purple scribblings all over his face uh-huh that was me operating from a position of envy because i wanted my own hugh carm i wanted my own Cabbage Patch Dog, but I didn't have it. Right. So the second that Adam let me play with his, I said, I'll fix this guy's wagon. I fucked him up. And we've talked about that for 30 years,

about what drove me that day, and all I can tell you is that it was just pure jealousy. It's envy. Green-eyed monster. Well, is it a sin? So it seems like in my case it was pure chaos i was in i was being an agent of chaos is that a sin true well no but the scripture does say that that satan is the author of confusion so you were you were acting in a satanic manner fair to. People have also used that to cast dispersions at jazz.

Can you imagine hearing jazz being like, yeah, that's of the devil? Like the one, like truly, that is like the one art form that will unite the Christian dominionists and the white supremacists. I mean, even though, like, both groups, their beliefs overlap. Like, they both really hate jazz.

Yeah, they hate jazz. I don't get it. There was, like, a thread this week about a Thelonious Monk clip going around. And all these, like... Oh, I remember, yeah. Yeah, these blue check morons were like this is the worst thing i've ever heard but but try that in a small town is i know yeah okay yeah that's not even like like

that's not even like a good retort to that. It's just no comparison. I want to go back to not knowing sin. Like, I want to go back to, like, just acting. Okay, so I guess we shouldn't act on impulse because a lot of impulses are bad. But I do want to go back to before because like i was talking to a friend about this the other night he was like man i'm he's like i'm it's like one of my good my best friends from high school

he's like do you still struggle with like christian baggage and shit and i was like brother the fact that's who i ask if you still struggle with, like, Christian baggage and shit? And I was like, brother. The fact that... That's why I asked if you still struggle with masturbation. That's one of those, like, you know, Christian teens would really... One of the few topics we can really confide in one another about is like, hey, man, you... Yeah. It's funny how, like, we had, like, masturbation fellowships. Yeah, you had to be accountable.

You had to have accountability. like masturbation fellowships like yeah you had to be accountable you had to have accountability and like you would come back from church camp and like one of your boys would jerk off within like two or three days and then you'd be like damn and then like another one of your boys would like crumble with he would cave within a week or in a half and then you you and another friend would still be holding out i never made it the longest i was always like second to longest three have fallen it's good enough for me to go ahead and but then you you then like the guy that always like is like very self-righteous because he always knows you're gonna cave first yes but like you kind of keep it a secret for a little bit

you're like you're like fuck like immediately afterwards you're like god damn it like uh i don't know it's it's like that that that has to do terrible things to your ability to like have conflict resolution, be in healthy relationships, have, have healthy intimacy. If like your entire like moral system is developed in this, it is developed in this like culture and environment where, uh,

you've got the concept of sin, which obviously facilitates self-loathing. Like, sin, the whole thing, facilitates self-hatred. Like, that's the whole point. Yeah. Yeah, I remember, you know, and I've wrestled with this to this day, I remember the earliest notion of me having sin

was probably around around what year did edward scissorhands come out like 91 or 90 maybe even i think that was my i think that was my earliest deed because i remember having lust in my heart on that scene where the hairdresser like straddles him yeah dude and I remember feeling lust for the first time, but not really knowing what to do with it. I couldn't have been that old, I guess, probably. Yeah, you were probably like five or something. Probably like six, yeah, something like that, yeah.

Yeah. So, and then I used to cuss at my mom when I was little, but that was only because people put me up to it And I didn't know it was wrong Well Another interesting dynamic If someone puts you up to something but you don't know it's a sin Can it be

Innocent Yeah is it sin I think on the great judgment day The great God Jehovah is going to have one place to turn For a little help Because he's going to have his hands full. He is. He needs to recruit the penultimate

court to really expedite this process. He should contract out with us, because there's too many loopholes here. Let us close the loopholes. I'll go ahead and tell you one. I'll just go ahead and tell you right off the top one I'm going to close is if somebody

puts you up to something, you're innocent. Yes. To a certain point. You can't be like 38 and get put up to stuff. But what if... Okay, yes. So you just said... That's going to be my defense if I ever get indicted. Your Honor,

I've returned to a garden like mental state and say what do you mean mr sexton and i'm gonna say pre-fall that's simple sir i operate like under the pretense that we're pre-fall in the garden of eden and then you get like a an expert who can verify that you know what i mean like? Like, speak to that. Like, yes, Your Honor, Mr. Sexton exhibits some strange psychological delusions. See, he still thinks that man has not eaten from the apple. Yeah, he's operating under the assumption

we're still living in a utopia. And then the judge is gonna say this man is clinically insane the camera pant the jury looks at you and you're just sitting there smiling nodding your head like you're are we not like they're like to demonstrate your honor witness and he pulls a apple out of his pocket and puts it in front of you on the table, and you recoil. And I'm just repulsed by it.

Like, no. Get that away from me. I can't know the difference between good and evil. These are questions the penultimate court will have to ultimately decide. I'm going to be uniquely qualified for it because last night I looked into joining the Quakers. Yeah.

And think about getting back in the church. Seems like a low stakes cool way to have like a faith. Yeah, Quakerism. Yeah. They're anti-war. They're anti-racism. Yeah. And the services only last an hour and you just sit in a circle

and kind of just look at each other from what i understand silent meditation i'm sold perfect church sold yeah anything that lasts longer than an hour no thank you no thanks i've not heard quaker singing i know they do some. I've not heard Quakers singing. I know they do some singing. I've not heard Quakers singing. But if we got any Quakers or if you were raised Quaker in the audience or friends, I guess is the other term. Hit me up. I'd like to know some more about your faith.

Sincerely. It's all about the ratio of singing To preaching Because I noticed they only did 15 minutes of singing Okay But 45 minutes of preaching I don't know man No preaching It's unprogrammed

It's all like meditation There's not a clergyman or anything Damn so it is like jazz It's like bop It's like jazz, man. I'm into it. I think I'm gonna check it out. See what it's about.

Okay. Report back. Because, like, where I'm trying to be is, like, 45 to 52 minutes of singing and songs and 7 to 8 minutes of singing and songs and seven to eight minutes of preaching. Yeah.

If we could, yeah, I would even do, if we could do at least a half hour of singing and then like 15 minutes of actual church tops. Yeah. That's like ideal, 45 minutes. You don't want to be, nobody wants to be in church longer than an hour. You can pad that out with at least 10 to 15 minutes of shaking hands while the organ's playing and patting people.

I don't think there's anything like that. I don't know. I'm really kind of excited to check it out. Interesting. Yeah. Well, honestly, part of the reason that I... Actually, I'm going to give you a choice. Well, let me just say one more thing about the Quaker thing before we carry on.

I was really getting into this idea and researching it this morning, and then it's just like the old devil on your shoulder. There's always going to be temptation. So I'm walking out of the house thinking I'm going to be a Quaker, which is kind of cool. You'd already adopted the identity in your head. Yeah. Right.

Like I was, you know, how I really came to all this was I was making me a bowl of Quaker instant notes. And I was like, man, that guy's got some serious drip. Like that's a killer outfit.

He's got the hat and the white thing. I was like, being, killer outfit he's got dude the hat and the white thing i was like being being an adult is so awesome because like you really can with ideologies and religions and identities develop the same like excitement around them that you would have when you were like a kid like when you got a tonka truck or big wheel it's like oh yeah i'm a big wheel driver now yeah that's who i am that's my identity now it's like yeah as an adult you like see the quaker guy on the oatmeal you're like i'm a i'm a quaker now i've not been to the first friends meeting but i've decided i'm a quaker

i'm excited about yeah i'm i'm you know and i'm morally superior to everybody because i'm a quaker now yeah i know it didn't get me so tight like in a month when I really get into this and just tell everybody I'm a Quaker. Dude, you're going to be morally superior to everybody. Dude, I'm going to raise my family as Quakers.

It's going to be so fucking tight. I want to be morally superior, man. I'm jealous. Well, come check us out. I've already proselytized for the last two friends meeting. I've never even set foot in this church I'm going to set foot first time they're going to take me to Sasson

That's for sex man You're not a Quaker yet Anyway I walk outside So I'm riding a spiritual high At the idea that I could be a Quaker soon I go out And you know, whatever you're trying to live right and walk straight and narrow,

Satan will be right there around the corner just trying to lure you back to your old ways. And the way he did it this morning was there was a silver Jeep Grand Cherokee parked out front of my house. And I was like, what's that tune coming from there? That's kind of groovy. And then the guy just cracked the window a little bit, and I saw some smoke rolling out.

And I heard, she only want me for my pimp juice. Remember that song, Nelly Pimp Juice? I do. Yeah, that song rolled. And I said, Satan, that would on a roll. And I said, Satan, that would have been great yesterday, but today I'm a Quaker.

No thanks. I eat Wheaties and I take my vitamins and say my prayers now. Oh, man. Was that Nelly? Yeah. Who sang that? Nelly. It was Nelly? Yeah. Who sang that?

Nelly. It was Nelly? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well, get on board, Mr. Quaker. I got one of two things to read. You get to decide.

One of them is a little bit of a minefield. You know, I don't know how. I don't know. I was reading it and cringing. The other one is a little more straightforward. Okay, I'll give you the options. The first, the New York Times, Pamela Paul, what we lose to Shoplifting.

Oh, that's juicy. I mean, it's pretty good. I'm licking my chops. I want to hear you out. That's going to be a tough one to beat. The Wall Street, then the other one we've got, The Wall Street Journal, Have We Ruined Sex? Oh, boy.

Five writers. Let me sell it this way. Five writers ask whether society has lost its way when it comes to the most intimate of human acts. I guess, like, thematically, that one might be more in line with the original sin Adam and Eve sang. And we don't have to read all five. I guess we could read like one or two.

Perhaps. Yeah, I think let's stick thematically. But. Maybe we'll tackle shoplifting next week. Yeah, but. There's more room for getting in trouble with the one about sex. You know what I'm saying? We will say something in that conversation that will get us yelled at.

Just because neither of us have ever had sex. And so we don't know necessarily what the right etiquette is on these just conversations we have original sin you know what i'm saying so like that's true it's possible i'll kick it back to you what what say you i'm good either way i can do sex or shoplifting i don't do either of them sex entries for a spin and if we like it we can go into the other ones That's how it starts there You know how Satan comes to you and says it might feel good You can just back out anytime before you know it You're on Satan comes to you. He says, yeah, it might feel good. Just, you know, you can just back out anytime.

That's true. Before you know it, you're on the path to destruction. That's true. Okay, let's do the shoplifting. It seems funnier. No, let's do sex. Don't you want to do sex? I'm torn.

I really am torn. Maybe we can hit both in a timely fashion. Okay. Well, Andrew Sullivan writes about, his is boring oh god andrew sullivan world's worst gay who they recruited for this his is boring it's about how uh all the many hooks up with that are young don't know they just watch too much porn which is boring you know it's like come on man it's like we've all watched porn brother it doesn't really make a difference maybe it does i don't know people talk about it like it's like this crisis thing see i'm already saying things that are gonna get me in yellow dad it's a minefield somebody yelled at me one day on twitter because i said uh if you have a problem with pornography you might also have a problem with hot sauce

and they said i don't know man brains are weird this take sucks and i was like okay fair maybe that tape does suck but uh i just don't think that the most divisive force at work in my life was me watching beaver busters volume 14 with a bunch of guys um there's one about hookup culture that one seems boring there's one about hookup culture That one seems boring There's one about Reclaiming the power of repression By Mary Harrington You wanna read that one?

That one sounds like it could be good Okay well yeah let's try that Sexual reproduction Not come in handy with my new Yeah with your new Quaker I don't know the Quakers are wavy... I don't know. The Quakers are wavy-gravy. I don't know where they land on sex, but... Well, you're going to figure it out in real time.

It's called praxis. There's no theory in Quakerism. The Quakers might be real into sex. I don't know. Okay, Mary Harrington writes, sexual reproduction is among the most natural And fundamental of our drives So I doubt we could ever ruin it entirely

But for humans, nothing is ever just natural It is also cultural And where sexual culture is concerned We are in trouble The sexual revolution that set out to make us freer And more sensuous has, in practice Had the inverse effect Though the term sexual revolution is associated

with the swinging 60s, it was coined three decades earlier by the psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich. Challenging Freud's view that repression is vital to civilization, Reich thought that utopia could be attained by emancipating human sexuality. Through a fringe figure in the 1930s, he later found an avid audience in the American counterculture, which eagerly embraced his conviction that sexual inhibition was a driver of fascism. Okay, there's a lot of work going on in that paragraph. A lot of assumptions being made. Since the 60s, progressive America has leaned into the Reichian call for liberation, but to to date this has not produced the sensuous socialist utopia he envisaged rather the keenest beneficiary of this liberty liberation of eros from the bonds of repression has been the entrepreneurial class it is not a coincidence that the era of sexual liberation was also that of playboy clubs in a

booming porn industry okay man okay you don't think it was like capitalism that did that it's like not i don't think that like just because some random obscure dude wrote about sex in the 1930s was like drawing guys with boners on the back of napkins we suddenly get like playboy and yeah it set us on a dark path. These people, like, it's funny, these people's inability to even recognize the real forces at work at anything. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they...

Well, they aren't normal about sex, so as a result, they have to see it everywhere. You know what I mean? You know what, you said it. Nobody's normal about sex anymore. Yeah yeah nobody likes sex just the right amount right about that's right either too much or not enough yeah uh deviance or repression there's a third way i'm a sex third whitest A third positionist Yeah

Is the resulting sexual culture hot? This is less self evident Numerous reports in recent years Have indicated Americans are not having more sex But less And this appears to be growing worse with every generation That is true apparently Apparently the kids aren't having sex

That's kind of concerning. It makes me kind of sad. Well, but also, isn't it weird how much these right-wingers are concerned about that? It is kind of weird. But they decree all this stuff about pedos running Hollywood and whatever, whatever.

And it's like, y'all are the ones that are obsessed with kids having sex. Why are kids not having sex? You know what I mean? Why do you think it is? Social media? My thought is that

my thought is that they are but the methodologies of collecting that data are extremely flawed. Like, I really Wait, I really... Wait, I guess... There is something a little strange about, you know...

How do you get the data? Yeah. Right? Without being, yeah. Maybe they're looking at, like, teen pregnancy rates? That's not a good way to determine, because maybe kids are having more safe sex. Well, it's probably... Honest safe sex well it's probably honest to god

it's probably about on par the same thing i mean i was having phone sex with girls and like talking like having erotic chat on icq when i was like in middle school and stuff like that oh yeah dude i've told the story of this program probably more than once about getting caught by a girl's mom that was listening in one time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess word spread far and wide that I was great at phone sex for my age. Even the moms wanted in? No, no, they didn't want in. They were like, you know, it was just like a perverse curiosity about.

I got to hear that sextant. like a perverse curiosity about i gotta hear that sex oh man i i got msn messenger and this girl sent me a picture of her boobs and it took like three hours to download and i was like i was i was and i was like dude held on to them shits like it was gold for years but like the first time i saw her in person after that she just was like very shy and didn't even talk to me oh yeah yeah yeah the girl whose mom caught us having phone sex when we went back to school like she couldn't even look at me yeah so well we'll always have the summer of 97 tiger woods won the masters and uh uh-huh um okay back to mary harrington she says far from making the world freer and more sensuous the drive for sexual openness has neutered pleasure

escaping the state mandated sexual industrial complex means not state mandated what the fuck are you talking about state mandated like you didn't even earn that in the paragraph there's nothing previously in this about it being state mandated. No more public celebrations of sexuality, more private pleasure. No more openness, more intimacy. Handwritten sex by male or nothing at all. Okay, this person just

wants to literally return to Victorian England. They literally want to return to Middlemarch. There's the best position to take on sex. Okay? Much has been written and said about it, but ultimately it's a live and let live proposition. Yeah.

If you're a little more prudy, that's okay. If you're a little more cavalier, that's okay. If you're asexual, that's okay Preferable All of it's valid

I heard a term Aromantic is that the same thing as asexual Does that just mean like you You can fuck but you can't fall in love That sounds like That's tight That sounds like the biggest cop out in the Like

Listen I would love to make this work But here's I've been saddled with the affliction of aromanticism Which means I can enjoy I can enjoy the fruit of the vine But I can never I can never buy the orchards I just want to make it clear

I'm sure there are aromantic people in the audience we are laughing at a misconception of the term not what it actually is yeah exactly i think you've said that not i'm not making fun of anything we were gonna get in trouble in this oh this is fine this is fine um uh let's see the first entry katie roif it's called back to escape play and risk if a woman has a fantasy of being overpowered by a man is she a patsy playing out a patriarchal script dude i this this this prompt is so fucking annoying okay i gotta step in here and just say one thing this is this has been one of sexton's maxims for years and i think it's as true today as it was then sex is mostly theater okay yeah some people

better actors than others right but but you cannot like sort of pathologize what happens in the bedroom or in a club full of consenting adults or wherever a food city bathroom whatever with like what's happening in society writ large i'm sorry i think that's like the stupidest fucking thing in the world you know what i mean it's like that killian murphy quote where he's the person asked him if he's ever faked an orgasm. And he, and he says yes. And the person's like, did she believe it? And he said,

I'm an actor for Christ six. Of course she believed it. You gotta be a good actor to fake having a male orgasm. Cause there's, if there's no bust, you'd be like, no, I came

Yeah Damn Um Okay I'm not gonna read that one The only one I really was kinda interested in Just fuckin What a gentleman Do what?

He didn't have to do that He didn't have to Um Okay so our buddy Agnes Callard wrote Do what? He didn't have to do that. He didn't have to. Okay, so our buddy Agnes Callard wrote an entry here. Why did they just form the worst panel in history for this? Right? Pretty bad. The Flatness of Consent by Agnes Callard. Yeah, dude dude i don't know about this one i don't it's honestly i got bad vibes reading this that's that's that's to borrow a phrase from

my buddy frank kirk that's hated i yeah dude i i got bad vibes reading this Because The whole thing is like her trying to Obscure the concept Of consent Like she is very visibly not trying to Elucidate Or clarify the concept of consent She's literally trying to obscure it Well it's par for the course

For a woman that tried to cuck her husband With one of her grad students, and the husband was not super on board with it. How did this person just suddenly pop up out of nowhere? All of a sudden, in like the last year, she's being published everywhere, and her shitty fucking opinions are just everywhere. Everywhere. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry about that. Sorry about what? Oh, there was a... Do was a phone ringing on my end. Oh, you have a phone ring? Sorry. Okay, Agnes writes, How much do we know about sex?

We know it when we see it. We know it when we do it, and we know that it has significance, but when it comes time to state what the significance is we are much less certain this pattern is what we know and what we don't know this pattern in what we know what we don't know suggests an answer to the question what is sex sex is a ritual i hate this person i'm just gonna go tell you i hate this person what is what do we know about sex really one of the few topics i think i think the verdict's in on you know what i mean most people kind of know what's up yeah yeah yeah i mean at least the broad strokes you know

as a ritual though like give me a fucking... I mean, okay, so, yeah, like, within the confines of a relationship, it has ritualistic aspects. We should have did shoplift. We should have done shoplift. Oh, boy. It's not too late to bail, dude. It's not too late to just go back from whence we came.

Let's finish it out here. Let's hear Dr. Callard out. She writes, A ritual is a sequence of behaviors that symbolically enacts an idea. A handshake or a bow enacts the idea of mutual acknowledgement. Why did they write this person out? a handshake or a bow enacts the idea of mutual acknowledgement a wedding enacts why did they put why does this person who does the oldest

fucking canard and like hacky writer thing like she might as well have said Webster's defines ritualist literally why is this person published every fucking where now is it Kashi just comes up with the dumbest shit I mean like true truly like

i am a writer i do not pay my bills with writing i would love to i would love to make enough money from writing to pay my bills one way you do that is writing for the new yorker you know one person who will never in a million years ever write for the new yorker me you know who does this fucking dipshit agnes kellard oh boy um the idea that sex enacts is one of the trickiest thoroughly reciprocal desire i do have one thing to say before we go I'm so sorry to hold you up again but like was this just like did they just form this

panel and say okay let's take the five people that have on average produced the worst opinions over the last decade in Alex Callard's case over the last six months five people who have negative net negative swag net negative swag

net negative swag and also like just the most fucked up opinions mostly about stuff yeah yeah uh she writes aristotle asked us to imagine this is this is a classic example, Tom, of how you're correct. The average person today is smarter than Aristotle. Listen to this hypothetical. It makes no sense. This makes zero fucking sense. Aristotle asks us to imagine a choice between two lovers. The first desperately wants to have sex with you but can't,

while the second can and will but doesn't really feel like it aristotle says that if you are a truly erotic person you will choose the first what makes a desire erotic is that it is simple satisfied simply by being reciprocated okay why does the person want to have sex with you but can't and like why is there only two people like that you can potentially have sex with like why not what why not someone who wants to have sex with you and can and will and does what seems like there's there's like other potential partners here you know what i mean yeah like why why did you just pick these two what is again again further evidence that aristotle was kind of a moron yeah like what is the philosophical import of that no fault of his own i should say he just didn't have enough information at the time that's

true they just well they surely would have had enough information on sex though by that point yeah i mean well that's true that's true i guess i guess this should be the one topic they not enough though to know that having sex with boys was bad so i guess maybe they didn't have enough yeah you're echoing a guy that lived in a society viewed man boy love is like not only okay but like de rigueur yeah um this is what i was talking about earlier like this this shit makes no sense the idea of consent or continuous consent or continuous enthusiastic consent those are all two-dimensional projections of the three-dimensional idea of reciprocal desire. It's like, what are you fucking talking about? This is like, in this person's mind, she's brilliant.

You know what I mean? She thinks she's brilliant. Oh, my God. Like, I don't know. Then again, I feel like a lot of times when we read these things, I miss a lot of subtextual read these things i miss a lot of like subtextual clues because i'm reading it in the moment and then like after the fact people it goes like this kind of happened with us with uh nanette and it kind of happened with you and air

and the first time you guys read that agnes callard tourism thing it's like there's a lot of stuff that i miss and then like people who really fucking hate me anyways for some arbitrary reason like finding those things to then say that yeah yeah buddy y'all have had the benefit of like actually combing over it it's like we react in real time like like heroes okay so sure yeah you're pointing out you're dunking on us but you're a coward right we are brave this is this is very brave um anyways she says that is why consent feels flat or thin as an attempt to capture what sex the ritual is about it doesn't it shouldn't surprise us that consent which is restricted to the domain of what i just i don't understand what the fuck is being said here if it's a ritual usually for a ritual to occur more than one people have to

agree to do it you know what i'm saying which is like which is like okay that otherwise you're just casting spells yeah it's like then it's i guess what I'm saying is that like it kind of sounds like she's making an argument in redundancy it's like yes we know okay so I do accept that it's a ritual which means that people have to consent to engage in it but what

she's saying is that like she's saying it shouldn't surprise us that consent which is restricted to the domain of what can be directly non-symbolically I can't understand it I guess I'm just gonna go ahead and say I just can't understand it

I'm too smart I mean I'm not smart she's too smart yeah Agnes Agnes Gellar too brilliant for us I'm too stupid to understand the theory of sex you're right, dude. We should have done shoplifting. Anyways, that's the end, though.

That's the end. She says, to communicate that idea, we have sex. So, I don't know. Okay. I don't think anybody on this panel has really shed new light on anything. I don't think anybody on this panel has really shed new light on anything. I don't think I remember. What I was wanting out of this is like somebody would be like, listen, there's a new way to have sex we haven't even thought of.

I'm listening. You know what I mean? You got my attention. There's a new way. I thought there was some new information. Like I thought just when you thought we'd cracked the case on this sex thing, somebody had come up with something new right like some way you can achieve orgasm by like rubbing your elbows or your shoulders or something nothing like that though it's nothing like that moral panic

yeah you're right dude all of this sex stuff never has like new pertinent information that's useful yeah i was hoping uh new covet 19 infections have an interesting new symptom similar to rabies where you just have involuntary ejaculate i thought that's what we were getting at nope nope just your standard uh your standard white birth rates, people are too into porn, and some weird thing about sex is ritual

by a very strange person. Yeah, right. The comments on this are fucking ridiculous. Huh. Well, okay, we at least need a Palate cleanser

Should we do speaker piece Yeah let's see what we got this week Dude there's some I really do there's some unhinged shit In speaker piece this week I feel like it paints a pretty accurate Portrayal Of life in Letcher County at the moment.

I'm calling concerning the cockfights. Okay, all right. Before you go any further, before you go any further, where is the paper from this week? Letcher County is like completely, I don't want to say worked up into a moral panic, because cockfighting is bad, but it is the thing on everybody's... It's the thing on everybody's mind.

And in fact, there was an article in the Mountain Eagle written about cockfighting that informed me that 57 delegates to the continental congress signed a revolution a resolution discouraging cockfighting in 1774 two years before thomas jefferson wrote the declaration of independence so so chickens have more rights than we do technically speaking is it as i mean god they had a declaration of independence before we did white males white landowning males even in the in the grand pecking order the founding of this country even

the white landowning male came came just behind the game cock anyways go on i'm calling concerning the cock fights people it's silly we humans kill each other every day and we kill chickens every day and eat them i think it's ridiculous leave those people alone don't make an issue out of it if you feel that strongly about you should stop eating chicken a dead chicken is a dead chicken. I just liked the phrase, don't make an issue out of it. Don't make an issue out of it, all right? This is like when I took my uncle to task one time about chicken fighting, and he said, chicken's not an animal, it's a fowl.

And I didn't have the heart to go any further with it. I just changed the subject. I just kind of turned the radio up and changed the subject. Instead of griping, a Speak Your Peace reader suggested the planting flood-prone lands the government bought from homeowners needing to rebuild on higher ground as a sort of green belt, I think. A great idea! That one doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

In fact, several speaker pieces this week are kind of entirely nonsensical. Except this one. Velveeta Voldemort Sheeple thought it was so funny when he committed so many crimes, they were owning the libs. Well, who's laughing now? Well, Hillary, for one. Oh, boy.

I'm surprised how a certain young woman would walk off and leave her three children and her husband. This is to a woman on Line Fork line fork lady you ain't fooling anybody everyone knows what you're doing you just haven't gotten caught yet you sit all day while people wait on you what the hell is wrong with you you act like you're better than anyone else there are two specifically actually there's a couple more go back to the very beginning i got you i've never seen trees cut the way asplund is done up here on adam's branch they were supposed to cut the trees down instead they only cut the limbs off and left the big trees standing so they'll fall on a power line. I've never seen the beat in my life. I believe even I could do better if I had a chainsaw. I'm sorry, but Asplen really disappointed the people of Adams Branch.

It's a shame. It's a crying shame. You read and speak your piece about everybody complaining about the court system turning the addicts and drug dealers loose. Well, it's those who rat that they turn loose. Look at that thing in Seaco that has been turned loose. I don't know the number of times. Drive this county and look how dirty it is now. You can't hire anyone to cut weeds or grass or any of that type of work. you can't hire anyone to cut weeds or grass or any of that type of work why don't they put these damn jailbirds out keeping the roads cleaned of weeds and trash so they can earn their keep while

they're in jail they do literally do that to the judges get off the pot okay i wonder if they meant in the sense of like shitter get off the pot or like if he thinks that the judges the ganja so so such stoners they're making bad decisions they're on reefer Like, shit or get off the pot? Or, like, if he thinks that the judges are... The ganja. So, such stoners, they're making bad decisions. They're on reefer. Let me see. Okay, you don't have to read a whole lot more, but you do have to read the one that is right next to the very first one.

It starts with, I'm sending a direct message. You have to read this because... Well, I'll just let you figure it out on your own. Hold on a second. Oh, okay. I'm sending a direct message to a woman who was on the Babe Eysen Cemetery degrading our family by doing what she was doing. I'm going to tell you right now, sister,

if I catch you back over there again doing what you were doing, you won't drive out of there. You'll walk out of there. Bottom line. You want to do your hanky-panky? Do it over where you live. Don't come around here and around my dad and degrade him. Maybe he wants to be degraded i like the love descendants don't

come around my dad i mean wait fuck you i mean it's like so is he really going to get away with stealing over a hundred thousand from a church are. Are you kidding? That's crazy. That's a horrible reflection of our judicial system or the lack thereof here in Letcher County. If you can't do your job, you need to step down and let someone who cares about the job itself take over. A crime is a crime is a crime,

and forgiveness is not the job of the courts. It's a shame and a disgrace. What if the thief didn't have family wealthy enough to pay the money back? Would they still have to try to bypass prosecution? Mr. Prosecutor, do the job you were voted in to do, or get the hell out of office. Shame on you. Do you know what that's referencing?

Why is that? I was wondering. I don't know either. I don't know either i don't know either close it out with this one if you're a far right winger please answer the question is there anything you like about america you hate blacks big cities tyler childers immigrants hollywood jews, science, public education, doctors, Bud Light, democracy, the NFL, the NBA, Target, the FBI, all women who aren't on a strip poll, the NCAA, diversity, all technology,

the Capitol Police, the truth. The truth. The truth. You hate the very concept of truth. Democrats, gays, any person different from you, poor people, disabled people, and normal Republicans. What I just mentioned is only some of what you hate. I don't have time to list it all. Now, even though you know not one damn thing about soccer,

but you're celebrating because the United States women's soccer team lost a heartbreaker of a game in the World Cup. You far-right wingers call yourselves patriots, but you really hate the United States of America and all that makes it great. Mike, drop. The FBI and the Capitol Police. I love that. In truth. There was a quote this week from Trump that was really funny where he was like he's like i'd rather be in france or something like that he's like i i was i'd rather i'd much rather be in france than this place and it's funny because like i like you know i keep a

tabs on a lot of the leftist infighting discourse and like it or and there's also like the whole like patriot social pat socks and all these fucking morons like mega communists and whatever it's like you guys realize everybody hates this country like nobody fucking likes this country anymore like not even trump fucking likes it I don't know The Velveeta Voldemort himself I'm honestly surprised that kind of shit Has made it to the Speak Your Peace Me too

Not a good development Yeah Alright I think that about covers it Please once again Don't get mad at us because we chose sex over shoplifting you would make the same choice you would make the same choice everybody would make the same choice everybody would make the same choice yeah it's like you you told me one time remember when the pandemic kicked off you said i said man this is going to be crazy it's going to put a dent in a

lot of people's sex lives and you said no it's not you said if the if the earth was falling apart from its very foundation lava falling out of sky people would be sneaking around trying to get laid that's why i like don't know if i believe the panic that teens just aren't anymore it's like i didn't have sex as a teenager and if and if no get out of here but surely like our way of measuring that is flawed i'm assuming i don't know yeah i was reading uh something about how they came up with the uh the recommended daily allowance of protein. Yeah.

Intake. Yeah. And how they did it was kind of interesting. They just took a bunch of people that were living in this apartment and measured every, like, sneeze, every, like, piece of skin that kind of fell off of them, like, all that kind of stuff, and, like, weighed it, I guess, and came up with some sort of like thing yeah and that's why we like have to i think it's like 50 or 60 for the average man grams of protein a day but basically it's just a couple people in the bay area where every just piece of viscera from their body was collected and weighed.

But how do you do that for sex? I don't know. Maybe that's why. Maybe there should be a recommended daily allowance of sex. Well, you remember when we had to get physicals when we were teenagers? You had to go to the, I don't know. Play sports or whatever. Yeah, to play sports.

I don't know if this was like this where you were sports or whatever. Yeah, to play sports. I don't know if this was like this where you were at, but they like took us all down to the event center where they had these fucking huge tents. You like literally went into a massive tent and the doctor would fill your nuts. Yeah, oh yeah. Maybe that's what they were doing. Maybe they weren't really doing it for sports.

Maybe they were seeing our nuts, like how much cum we had in them. And that's how they were. Let me tell you how bad that was for us. We used to make fun of Tyrone because he would always go to Dr. Rau for his physical. And everybody knew that Dr. Rau, like, did the turn and cough thing. Uh-huh. But if you went to Ricky Collins, he skipped that part.

So we all went to, but Tyrone opted to go to Dr. Rao. Just like, I'm not touching those kids' nuts. How weird that they made us do that. I had to do that for band. I didn't even play sports in high school

and they made me do that for band. You had to get a physical to do band? Oh, it was marching band? To do marching band, yeah. Yeah, I guess the reason they do it is so you won't, like, drop dead of, like, you know, some sort of... I think it's hernia. Huh. I think they do it so they make sure you don't have hernia.

No, I just meant to get a physical in general that you're healthy enough to... Oh. So you don't have, like, a heart attack like lebron's son yes or yes something crazy like that huh just fyi there's a reason they were cupping your nuts buddy okay whatever you say my theory is that they were trying to determine how much sex we were having to determine how much sex we were having. And that's how they know.

They get to you, and the guy just puts his hand under there, and his arm hits the floor. It's like, God! Those are the heaviest nuts I've ever felt on a man. Okay, thanks for listening this week. Please go. If you were one of the people who got booted off Patreon for some arbitrary unknown reason,

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