Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 32: KILL BILLies, Vol. 1

Episode Date: October 27, 2017

In part one of our two part Halloween special, we talk about the real life horrors like cutting meat for minimum wage in Pikeville, Kentucky and rabies that should scare us more than the supernatural this Halloween.

Stretching is hard, man. You can't stretch too hard, and you can't stretch too little. You know what I'm saying? If you stretch too hard, you'll hurt yourself. Tear something. If you don't stretch hard enough, you'll tear something. You'll still get messed up either way. I tricked you into recording

a podcast episode this day no not really i mean we're just we're just shooting the shit we're not really like doing anything serious well i mean everything i said last night was trash so could be an opportunity to redeem myself that's how i spring things on my friends now. I like to think of myself as a podcast equivalent of Stanley Kruber or something. I just create these social situations and then record them. I think you're just a podcast snapper. You have me in your sights. I saw you sitting out there. I was like, this is going to be good.

Having a nice little biscuit and sitting around having some coffee. Where'd you have a biscuit from? I'd rather not say. Oh, okay. I understand. I don't know. Sometimes you need to keep your biscuit confidential. But it looks like you all do know.

Yeah, we've been there ourselves. Did you know when you go in there... Hardies. I wish hardies. I wish Hardee's. You know, there's been a million times where I've tried to talk people into going to Hardee's with me, which is just like a 10, 15-minute drive to Jenkins, just because it really has the best breakfast in Letcher County,

and it's sad because it's a chain restaurant. Yeah. Hardee's? Yeah. Yeah. Their biscuits are just so good. Well, I don't know. Did y'all know this?

I went into Walmart the other day and they've got this new thing there. Or not Walmart. McDonald's. It's the same. The Walmart of restaurants. They've got this new cashier-less cashier booth. You put your order in, but then you have to walk across and pay the cashier-less cashier booth. You put your order in,

but then you have to walk across and pay the cashier. So you can put your order in while you're waiting. It's very strange. I mean, I don't know how they do it. Is it for like... No, it's for... It seems like it would be. No, it's for...

Lazy people. To sell more burgers. It's to sell more burgers. The whole idea is taking out the cashier, the middle person. I think they're basically just dangling people's jobs in front of their face like, just a perpetual reminder, you can be replaced.

That's exactly what they're doing. They're like, you're 30 burgers behind this machine over here. Step it up. Yeah. Yeah, it's a John Henry thing. The thing is making way more burgers than the person at this point. Right. But it did feel like that because I still had to walk over

and give my money to the actual person. Even though I made my order on the computer, I still had to go over and pay the person. And she just kind of looked at me and I was just like, this is kind of awkward. It seems like the only thing that's eliminated is the moment when you're standing there looking up at the menu with your mouth agape. Going, um, hmm. So instead of having to do that in front of a real person, you have your head down with your mouth closed pointing at a screen, touching a screen.

That was always, I hated working. I worked at a UPS store for like three years, and I fucking hated it when there'd be a long line out the door, and then the person that you're helping is just taking their sweet fucking time, and everybody is getting mad at you. Not really necessarily the person, they're getting mad at you. Not really necessarily the person, they're getting mad at you because you are the direct sort of recipient of all anger. And the nicer ones will just always say it, this ain't got nothing to do with you.

They'll put your hand on his shoulder, but then they'll start cussing you again like you have to take it still. Oh yeah. But it's no indictment on you. Right. It sucks wearing that uniform though because you are right in the firing line.

And there's expectations that come with putting on that uniform. Right. You know, at least it's a real human being though. I've realized I'm, it's out of my social awkwardness and not wanting to speak to strangers. Like I make a beeline to the self-checkout always. So I'm part of the problem.

I'm a job killer. Well Tonya said that. Really, but it's also, it's like, but also the self-checkout alleviates my anxiety. Yeah, it makes me feel good. Well on one of the episodes Tonya said. So what's the right thing? Right, right, that's the thing.

Like on one of the episodes Tonya said something that made me think, I've thought about it since then. She said that she always goes to the cashier with the person, but then I started thinking about it, and I was like, well then you're creating more work for the cashier, and I would be just as annoyed by that. I think I would rather people, if I was the cashier, I'd rather people just go to the automated computer thing

so that I didn't have to deal with them. But what if like you see, they're like, oh they've been laying off they laid off john and they laid it off peggy and then you just stare at the self-checkouts all the time and the people are fucking lined up at them and like no it's i'm only laughing because like i know how it's it's very it's this very uh weird dystopic part of our current reality where like the worker is fucked from both sides you know you don't want to have to do work because work fucking sucks but you also don't want to lose your job to the computer making you do less work basically we want free money we want free that's it that's in a purpose you know our lives need a purpose, you know, our lives need a purpose to.

With some of my jobs serving the public, well two of them I was on the phone, so you know people really let it rip on ya. Like the last two people I've cussed out in my life have been over the phone and I don't know who they are and then I apologized a lot after that. I'm like, it's not you, it's your company. That's what I told them.

What do you say, you fucking motherfucker? I would feel so stupid, me personally saying it, because I've got no conviction to my cussing out. No, I actually was raising my voice, screaming at this person. Damn. My wife has the receipts from it. Damn.

Which are just memories. I was ashamed, and then I apologized like crazy, but then I was like, but you know, dude, like this is, it ain't on you. It ain't on you. It's your evil corporation. It sucks, because I have been on the other end of that. I've been on the receiving end of that.

And it's awful. And it's awful. And there's nothing you And it's awful. And there's nothing you can do about it. Because, again, I worked at UPS, and someone loses a package, and they come up, and they just, like, are screaming at you. They're bitching you. You stole my fucking package, you piece of shit.

You're playing my Xbox at your house. Yeah. People treat you like absolute garbage. But anyways. But the worst of the worst is AT&T. Not only are they fucking idiots, but they've outsourced all of their customer service jobs to India. Right.

And so like being an Appalachian person and having somewhat of an accent and then like an Indian person that has an accent and then so it's just complete loss in translation. Like it's a struggle to, I think in those moments I've gotten, I've almost been like extra annoyed because they're having to repeat themselves

because I asked them, excuse me, I'm sorry I didn't hear what you said. And then they have asked me to repeat myself several times so it really would get nowhere. But there's also a mutual respect. Yeah. Respect factor. Yeah, they've all been lovely people.

This fellow not easy to understand people. I'm like I am sorry, it's not your fault. It's your horrible, godless corporation. Right. Yeah corporations suck man. But don't you miss the days when activism was that simple? Yeah. The corporations suck.

Corporations are evil. The evil corporations. Then B Corps came along and muddied the waters and nobody knew how to feel about life. Right, you became slowly enmeshed in the status quo via the non-profit industrial complex. You became slowly enmeshed in the status quo via the nonprofit industrial complex. You feel conflicted about it every day.

It's tough and people go into automatically, they have their assumptions and they have their beliefs and no one can change their mind, especially when they're dealing with some type of chain, store, restaurant or corporation or something like that, it's very hard to convince a person. Like if you had to, if you're like, I already hate this person, and they're gonna tell me

that it's my fault that something's wrong, or something like that. I guess I just, something popped in my head about another example of that. And you know, like Food City's not a huge chain, but it's like a regional one. Right. And like the customers that wanted to be irate

and wanted to be assholes went in with misinformation to begin with, but stood by it. I remember this one guy was like, he walked up, because I worked in the meat department when I was in college and this guy walked up to the, to the, The meat department? Yeah, I just stood there in a Speedo and flex.

The meat department at your college? No, at Food City. That's tough. While I was in college. I went to two separate places for the education and for the work. A calendar, a yearly calendar, a monthly calendar for the Pikeville University the work. A calendar, a yearly calendar, a monthly calendar for the Pikeville University meat department.

Right. That'd be pretty great. You flexing. This real scruffy, stupid asshole walks up to me and he's like, you got any prime rib? And I'll always remember the tone of his voice, the volume and everything. This motherfucker, I was like, yeah, right here we have several ribeye steaks.

And he's like, ugh, prime rib? And I'm thinking to myself, you stupid motherfucker. You don't even know what prime rib is. It's a goddamn marinated ribeye steak. We have them right here in front of your face. I didn't know that, actually. Yeah. He thought it was some special cut of meat.

I know you're playing South Carolina Hold It Down, even though I can't hear it. I don't have my headphones on. It's all right. South Carolina Hold It Down. Sound good talking about meat over. I love that shit so much. No, Tom made an intro for this week's show.

You should show him. You should play this intro, Tom. You want to hear the intro? Yeah, I want to hear the intro. Yeah. Five years ago, the Trillbilly Workers Party, masters of the macabre,

created their hallmark of horrors. Many would argue that nothing of significance has happened since. He has a good British accent. Until now. Judas? That radio boy? Yeah. Oh, you just tapped it in I feel yourself that is awesome

you all use that medium a lot, don't you? That was our old digital bedroom. Oh, yeah. That's good. Did you all put together the melody? We're working on it right now as we speak.

Oh, yeah. Have you got any stories of somebody cutting their finger off in that meat department? Or their dick off or whatever else? No, but I... Scary shit goes down in meat departments. That's where people get, like, ground down to, like... Yeah, people cut people's legs off and throw them in the meat grinder. The meat grinder and stuff, right.

You know, all of us cut ourselves at one point or another, but everyone always told me all these horror stories, which is why I was terrified to use the bandsaw, and I wouldn't do it. Like, I would. Yeah. I'm like, I'm just the assistant. You all fucking use the bandsaw. I'm not losing my fingers for some fucking minimum wage job while I'm in

college. Y'all can suck a dick. I got a future ahead of me. You know what happened to Rahm Emanuel? Really? Yeah, I think he was working at Arby's or something and cut his finger off. He's got like a Arby's? That would be a great story. How'd you lose your finger at the meat department

at Pikeville University? You had the University of Pikeville's meat department. It has my... It's still there. It fed it to us. In some ways, you graduated. No, I had a lot of close calls, but never really fucked myself up too bad.

One time, I burnt the hell out. My entire... From the wrist down, my entire hand was pink for like an entire day because I was a dumbass and tried to reach into the steamer seconds after the door was open and i got a steam burn i don't know if you've ever had a steam burn before but it is fucking awful yeah and it's it's the worst pain ever because it's like you can't like your entire every pore of your flesh has been infiltrated by hot steamy water like it's so bad.

You should write literature, medical literature for like med students, they're like, what does this feel like? Every pore of your flesh is filled with hot, steamy. This is great prose. It was rough. And there was this one time I came, you know, we would have these big barrels full of, I mean, essentially rotting meat,

but we would keep them back in the cooler so they wouldn't get too stanky. And so we would take every, like once a week or something, a big truck would come and take all these scrap barrels, and they would go, they would make dog food and cosmetics and all kinds of shit that you wouldn't wanna know that they made out of it. That's what they would make out of it. So you know people.

Cosmetics? Yeah, people that wear makeup, there's a pretty good chance. I mean if it's not like. I think I knew that. If it's cruelty free makeup, then I mean it doesn't have animal. Cruelty free makeup.

Yeah, it doesn't have animal parts. But you know. I wouldn't wear that. Somebody jacked a rabbit off in the making of that. You know, people are rubbing dead animals on their faces. Yes, bestiality was performed in the making of this makeup. It has nothing to do with the actual contents of it. It's the true cost of that clean face, people.

You know, everyone always, they twist narratives to make shit seem more evil than it is. But like their cruelty-free makeup, it doesn't mean shit because these animals weren't killed to make makeup. This is like trimmings of fat and bone and stuff from meat departments. Oh, yeah. That people just pick up in barrels. They didn't kill all these animals to do it. They didn't kill all these animals to do it. In fact, if anything, it's good that they're recycling the animal parts.

Guts and bones and whatnots. Right. Hey, so this is our Halloween show, and I've got a scary story I want to tell. You didn't know you were just going to come get thrown into a Halloween special, did you? No. You excited? I've been wanting to tell you about this for a while. I told Tom about this, but it was years ago, so you may not remember.

We covered it on the digital bedroom, actually. Okay, it's known as the Mystery of the Somerton Man. So, it's an unsolved case of an unidentified man found dead at 6.30 a.m. December 1st, 1948, on Somerton Beach, just south of Adelaide, South Australia. It is named after the... Wow, this one fucks me up. Or it's also known as the Tamam Shud case. It is named after the Persian phrase Tamam Shud, meaning ended or finished, printed on a scrap of paper found months later in the fob pocket of the man's

trousers. The scrap had been torn from the final page of a copy of Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, authored by 12th century poet Omar Khayyam. Taman was misspelt as Taman in early reports, and this error has often been repeated. So, okay, let's see uh following a public appeal by police you're listening to the background music yeah i'm interested keep going yeah sorry oh it's okay following a public appeal by police the book from which the page had been torn was located on the inside back cover detectives were able to read in indentations from handwriting a local telephone number another unidentified number and a text that resembled an encrypted message so just to recap they found this guy on a beach they found a scrap of paper in his pocket it was torn from a book

written uh by 12th century poet uh omar kayyam they go and they find the book that the page was torn from. On the back of the book, there is a message. There's a local telephone number, an unidentified number, and a text that resembled an encrypted message. The text has not been deciphered or interpreted in a way that satisfies authorities on the case. The case has been considered since the early stages of the police investigation. One of Australia's most profound mysteries. There has been intense speculation ever since regarding the identity of the

victim, the cause of his death and the events leading up to it. Public interest in the case remains significant for several reasons. The death occurred at a time of heightened international tensions following the beginning of the Cold War, the apparent involvement of a secret code, the possible use of an undetectable poison, and the inability of authorities to identify the dead man.

So, anyways, that's what you got. He was literally found on a beach. You want to crack that one? You want to crack that one for us? I think they needed to dig up that poet. That's the missing piece right there. That's the missing piece. Oh shit, you're right.

That would be incredibly amazing and elaborate. He had staged this entire thing that would take place six centuries later. Or seven or eight centuries later. The original copy of the book had been destroyed and somehow you gotta have your shooters throughout the history.

Right, right. And so they just continued the legacy. They continued the legacy. They were like, we gotta get another copy of the book. In 1800 they were sitting around like, do you think this will ever come to fruition? Little did they know, 1943. Damn.

So yeah, I thought that was pretty fucking creepy. Let's see. They did an autopsy on his body. The heart was of normal size and normal in every way. Small vessels not commonly observed in the brain were easily discernible with congestion. There was congestion of the pharynx and the gula... He had gastritis, though.

That's the main point here. He had a bad stomach. Gosh, damn. If He had a bad stomach. Gosh, damn. If you have a bad stomach, I think your chances of being found unidentified on a beach somewhere are significantly increased. Yeah. For no good reason other than just people that have bad stomachs.

Right. Oftentimes find themselves in bad situations. That would be really shitty, though. Like, if you died on, like, some Siberian plateau or desert or some shit like that, just totally far away from your home and nobody knows who you are, that would be a rough way to go about it. But there's been also other speculation there's been also other speculation. Like he might have been a spy.

One such theory concerns Alf Boxall. Alf Boxall? Is that a British name or what? Boxall? Boxall. Or that actually sounds pretty Australian, I guess. Is it A-L-P-H? A-L-F. A-L-F?L-P-H? A-L-F.

A-L-F. B-O-X-A-L-L. Like the furry alien. Yeah. Yeah. Alf. Right. The eight cats.

That's the best part of Alf, is that he ate cats. You know, Australia's so fascinating. It really is. It's a cliche, but everything really in Australia can fucking kill you. I mean, he could have died from a fucking snake bite. He could have got fucking kicked in the dick by a fucking kangaroo. Crocodile

Dundee could have pulled that giant knife out and skinned his balls. Kicks in the dick and the blood clot went to his heart or something like that. Something freaky like that that y'all come reading about. Right. Like got punched perfectly in the temple and it killed him. So there are some other parts of this story, apparently. On January 14th, which was maybe,

it sounds like a month or so after his body had been found, staff at the Adelaide Railway Station discovered a brown suitcase with its label removed, which had been checked into the station cloakroom after 11 a.m. on 30th of November, 1948. It was believed that the suitcase was owned by the man found on the beach. In the case were a red checked dressing gown, a size 7 red felt pair of slippers, A size 7 red felt pair of slippers Four pairs of underpants Pajamas

Shaving items A light brown pair of trousers with sand in the cuffs An electrician's screwdriver Jesus Christ A table knife And a pan of banana cognac A table knife cut down into a short sharp instrument A pair of scissors with sharpened points

A small square of zinc thought to have been used As a protective sheath for the knife And scissors and a stenciling brush Jesus Christ. Pretty much every obscure item you can possibly think of was in this man's suitcase. And a mint-conditioned coffee for whom the bell tolls. Right, right. A pocket constitution or something like that. There's always like a, like, you remember when the catcher in the rye,

like what people used to say, like all these famous shootings that was left behind. There's always a book with no, like, really significance to the. It's usually the catcher in the rye. Wasn't that the guy who shot Reagan? Was that it? The guy who shot Reagan? Lee Harvey Oswald, too? Speaking of something very topical.

No, it was the guy that shot Lennon. Him, too, though. Which was... The guy who says he's Jodie Foster? What's that asshole's name? Not John Lennon But the guy That shot him

Cause John Lennon Was a huge asshole too John Hinckley No that's the guy That shot Reagan Yeah I hope nobody ever Uses this podcast

In a similar way Like in 50 or 60 years Somebody Oh god damn Somebody shoots J.D. Vance We're on the hook for it. Don't do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not irony. Don't shoot anybody. No, but the thing is is it would be way more abstract, I think. It would be way more like someone would shoot Jada... Pinkett Smith.

Jaden Smith. I listened to the Trillbillies podcast in the 1940s radio voice, and they were telling me to shoot Jada Pinkett. You know what I mean? Jaden Smith. All because of the Trillbillies podcast. You never know.

Our universes could overlap. Some crazy fan could bring our two universes together. I think sometimes people like that already plan to do something crazy throw a bunch of bullshit in the ring just to make it seem more interesting. Like, I read this book

and then it made me want to kill this person. But really, you just wanted to kill them because you didn't like them. Right, the dictionary. I wonder if anybody's read the dictionary and decided that's... The thesaurus. Yeah, Merriam-Webster's read the dictionary and decided that's... That's thesaurus. Yeah.

Merriam-Webster's on the hook for many, many deaths. Right. That was Adolf Hitler's main inspiration, I hear. What's that? Merriam-Webster. The Oxford Dictionary. The Oxford Dictionary. Right.

Jesus Christ. So that's a pretty creepy fucking story. Am I right, Matt? It is. It doesn't make any sense. But in Australia, it might. So here's the... In Australia, it might be. I mean, Australia is...

I think it's beautiful and terrifying. There's some creatures there that don't exist anywhere else on Earth. It's the same thing for America though. That's true. But less scary shit. Like what do we have? Grizzly bears and rattlesnakes.

That's about it. That's pretty scary. Yeah. Scorpions. We also have some scorpions, yeah. No grizzly bears or rattlesnakes in Europe. They don't have any large fauna in Australia, I don't think.

It's all been like killed off. Other than the kangaroo and shit. Which, the kangaroo... They've got saltwater crocodiles and shit, though. Great white sharks. Just off the coast, it's like

a front of the goddamn gauntlet. You can't go to Australia and not get a toe bitten off or something. There's something weirdly humanoid about kangaroos that make them extremely creepy. I mean, they're just jagged. They're jagged. They punch. They fight like humans.

They're like giant rabbits that fight like humans. Have you ever seen that movie, early 70s movie, Wake and Fright? Yeah. There's a scene in that movie. It was incredibly controversial when it was filmed. But there's a scene in that movie it was incredibly controversial when it was filmed but there's a scene in that movie where they like go shoot kangaroos and it's done at night under like a spotlight

and it looks just really creepy it looks like they're shooting aliens because kangaroos are so human like oh it's totally it is creepy like you couldn't do that now though right like didn't on Apocalypse Now didn't something like that,

didn't they cut the, what was it, cut the cow's head? The bull's head. The bull's head off. Yeah, yeah. They didn't, like, really. Okay, I was right. Okay, so Mark David Chapman killed Lennon and dropped the revolver and was holding a paperback copy

of Catcher in the Rye. That was it. That's just too. So, but what did, What about other instances of that? We're safe because we don't have a physical copy. We're all online. I think I do have a paperback copy of it. Although online probably does drive

people to murder. Definitely drives people to murder. Ah, the images aren't loading. 403 error. What the fuck? Yeah, Catcher in the Rye was one. It's a 403 error. What the fuck? Yeah, Catcher in the Rye was one. What are some ones that are unsuspecting that you wouldn't think of?

Maybe like a John Irving novel or something like that. Yeah. Like a Harriet Arnault. Nobody's going to go on a shooting spree because they read Call of the Wild I don't think Jack London

maybe they would if they read As I Lay Dying because it's so horribly boring the Faulkner novel yeah I read it in college I've tried to read that book

three times and I get a little further each time and I'm like it's not worth it one of the chapters in it, one of the points of view is from a mentally touched child. Well, I mean, one of the chapters is from the corpse

and it's just kinda like, I'm dead. It's like one sentence long or something. It's like, I'm dead. I'm dead, folks. Well, I guess I'm dead I mean that's essentially it damn

spoiler alert the main character is dead from page one all the way to the end Faulkner thought that was going to be mind blowing he's like I'm going to write a chapter from the point of view of a dead person and he just thought that was so subversive um no look at the point of view of a dead person. And he just thought that was so subversive. Yeah.

No, look at the scrap of paper that they pulled from the inside of his jacket. Wow. That is weird. I know in audio you can't see images, but trust us, it's spooky. It is very spooky. That's also kind of like when they found the Lost Colony row note

and Crack of Toes written on the tree and nobody knew what the fuck that meant. Who is that? Like with all these mysteries, there's always the catcher in the rye, a copy of the catcher in the rye, and some like cryptic word written on a tree or on a slip of paper in this case. Right. Well, it's even weirder because they went back to the book that this was pulled from and they found this encrypted message on the back of the book that they were never able to... Hmm. That they were never able to decipher.

That was on the back of... Of the Omar Khayyam... The original. Yeah, 12th century poem, or theme, or I'm sorry. Yeah, poem. Pretty weird. Pretty weird if you ask me.

Tom, I bet you can probably have a mental recollection of the hotel girl. You know, there was that security footage from the elevator. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get me started by Lisa Lam. Lisa Lam, the one that was found in the sewer. The water supply of the hotel, right? Oh, it was the water supply, right.

Yeah, she was in the water tank of the damn Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles, which was also the place where the Black Dahlia murders happened and Richard Ramirez, the night stalker, did his dirt. Damn. How are you still have a business license

after all that shit? I've always found serial killers to be extremely fascinating. And I own like several, you know, research purposes only. I wanted people to know. But aren't you always suspicious of people like that when they put that on their Tinder

or when they tell you that? Hey, what about that goddamn house we stayed at in Bristol last month? Yeah, that was... They had an inordinate amount of books about serial killers. They had a lot of literature. They had a goddamn library full of serial killer books. They did.

And they were so nice. They were such nice people. It was a beautiful house. Yeah, it was... It was like 6,000 square feet or something. It was huge. It was decorated like Wine Mom style. Yeah. But was a beautiful house. Yeah, it was. It was like 6,000 square feet or something. It was huge. It was decorated like Wine Mom style.

Yeah. But like crosses and shit. But then like this entire bookshelf of serial killer books. The only alcohol they had in the entire house was schnapps and liqueur.

So that, if that doesn't tell you anything else. Yeah, that's a red flag. Like what are you fucking mixing this shit with? Like what? Not taking that straight to the bone.

Where's the hard stuff? It's a red flag, I think. Man, that shit was wild though. Like I was like okay. But then it was just like, they had like goddamn serial killers for dummies. Right. It was just like, it was just overkill.

I don't think that book exists. I don't think that exists. I'm saying. It was bound in human flesh. Yeah, how not to get caught as a serial killer. They also had a lot of other really great books. They had several Cormac McCarthy books. Oh.

And they had some Hemingway. Oh, damn. And, you know, all of the... All your white men alcoholic staples. They write brutish prose. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.

The creepy thing about the Elisa Lam case isn't the details of it. It's the surveillance footage. Very creepy. Where she's doing her hands really weird. But also there's the other wrinkle that I think is very chilling and really fucks me up is that during the same time that the Elisa Lam thing happened,

there was also a drug-resistant tuberculosis outbreak on Skid Row, which is just a couple blocks from the Cecil Hotel. Right. And did you know that the prophylaxis for TB, what that's called? Elisa Lam? The Lam Elisa.

Her name backwards. Man. God damn it. Explain that fucking shit. Well, also explain how she got inside of a water tank that had to be fucking cut open with a goddamn cutting torch. Yeah. Right. You know, like, how do you do that?

Right. If anybody's got details on the Elisa Lam case, we'd love to hear. Yeah, that's serious. Or it could be one of the most elaborate not looked into internet scams of all time Well it's kind of like If the vigilant citizen was on it now Things like that happen

And it's hard for you to know It's like Honestly I think the video Of the Phoenix Suns Where they all turn around and start running at the same time I think that's just as creepy It's just like So there's a video of.

The team? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like. Was Devin Booker on it? Yeah. It happened like maybe a week or two ago. I've never seen anything like this, ever. And you know, like there's a turnover in possession

and they all start running back. At the same time they all turn and run at the same, in like, in like, sync. And it ain't like they're the goddamn San Antonio Spurs, you know, it's the same fucking thing. Right, yeah. Of course they put an ad before the video. But watch. Watch this.

Isn't that crazy? Well, yeah. It looks like fucking, oh my God. In slow-mo it's even fucking creepy. See, to me, that is just as fucking creepy as like- It's creepy, but it's also just like- They were all just fucking- Dialed into the same-

Dialed in, absolutely. They're like us on this podcast. No, no, that is a whole other world. So you're saying they're robots. Where's the real Devin Booker? Has Cal been recruiting robots this whole time? Yes. Now, goddamn, Anthony Davis was his own fucking prototype, man.

Why you gotta put this creepy music in it? It makes me feel like I'm looking at my doomsday warning sign or something. I think it's pretty cool. It is kind of funny to think about. Go ahead, I'm sorry. They could all be focused and connected as a team the same way women in groups have synchronized menstrual cycles.

I've heard that that's, I'm not gonna get into it. That's not, that's not, we're not touching that. That's not, that's not our. But that's true, I mean it is true. Yeah. And isn't that fascinating? See that's not creepy at all, that's just fascinating. All five sons of Rothschild moving in unison, how cute.

Is that a conspiracy theory thing? It is now. Do the Rothschilds own the Phoenix Sons? Oh jeez. Anyways, but yeah that's pretty crazy. Is there some kind of weird video about how the calves flopped to the nets the other night? Because that was really nice.

Yeah. How does that happen? I don't know. The worst team in the league with the most stacked team against the most stacked team, and they dropped the ball. You know, I recently got back my internet television, and where it's a regional thing, I've been having to watch a lot of Cavs basketball just to be able to watch NBA.

And so, I mean, it hasn't been horrible, but it's been good to watch them lose some. Just because I always like, I'm always going to root against these fucking superstar super teams because it's just not fair. I don't consider LeBron one of those, though. But just look at him.

He shouldn't even be allowed to play in the league. He's so good. Look at his team. No, I mean, fuck LeBron James, but you can't deny the team's stacked. Yeah, well, I like their strategy of just getting a bunch of aging stars and putting them on the bench. Yeah. Because those are probably the best players in the world for 15 minutes.

Maybe some Cavs fans would be like, Oh, but D-Wade was out. That's why the Nets beat them. Oh, my God. Anyway, you guys ever think about the normal shit in daily life that's actually pretty terrifying once you like... Like parasites? Like shit like...

During this time of year, I feel like we make all this fuss about the supernatural and all this kind of stuff. I know that's scary as hell. But you know what's really scary? Ebola. Rabies. Those little parasites that in dirty water can go inside your penis and then really fuck up

all your shit. Yeah, that's when they tell you not to pee in a river. They just latch on. You know how our bracelets were at Bristol. How it had those teeth inside the thing. The harder you try to get it off, the more it digs in. That's how the dick worms are. Like, if you tried to pull them out,

it's like reverse prongs inside your flesh. You would pull the inside of your dick out. Tear your urethra all the fuck. What's the dick equivalent of, like, a pink sock? You know what I mean? Like, the inside of your dick comes out on the outside. Is that what they call that? With your butt hole.

Yeah, can your penis prolapse? Yeah, a prolapsed dick. Can you have a prolapsed penis? I don't think so. From a river parasite? Unless you've done some shit to cause it. You brought that up yourself. Yeah, you've had to work.

But no, that is to me, in in some ways the fact that there are little tiny viruses out there that adapt to entering your body through like your dick or or or rabies for example that like work their way into your head um tamp down parts of your brain that desire water like because they they make you have hydrophobia, they make you crazy. Cotton your furiousness. You can cum like 80 times in a day or something. Isn't it something like that crazy?

Don't you become hypersexual from rabies? So just, hey, if I'm ever like 82 years old and dying of stage four bone cancer, just shoot me up that rabies. Me and Tom are. And a little splash of heroin to even get a balance you out. We go out right.

Yeah, laudanum, little bit of laudanum is what they would have given you back then. But, hey, the rabies thing is nuts because this is one of the things we talk about a lot, just because of the bat shit we've all done. Yeah, literal bat shit. Do you remember 2013 when I came to you and I was afraid I had rabies

because I hadn't touched a bat? Yeah, I'm like, dude, bats with rabies are so frail. And then he got me scared about it because I didn't know when I started working with bats that you don't exhibit any symptoms of rabies. It comes on as like flu, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, you know, The frail ones that have trouble flying and their bodies...

Show up in the daytime. Yeah, they also... That's like really advanced rabies. Right. But it would still be contagious no matter how they... Whatever stage of rabies. I'm sure it's probably...

You can contract it at any stage. I remember you told me, you said, Tom, you said, I've been bitten by, unvaccinated by a goddamn flying squirrel. Yeah, oh man, that flying squirrel chomped my thumb. Yeah, that happened to me. It bit

the fuck out of me. I bet our audience is like, what the fuck? Why are y'all playing with bats and flies? We used to all catch bats for a living just to catch everybody up. We did environmental biological surveys. Well, okay, back on the rabies tip, me and Tom were reading this account

of an 18th century American aristocratic gentleman or something. Lord Cromwell. Lord Cromwell. And he was talking about, he had rabies. He didn't know it, though. Yeah, he didn't know it. I mean, eventually he did. Back when they spelled piss, like P-O-E-S-S, you know what I mean?

Like, I was taking the piss, and I was taking the piss and I had the rabies. Swapping my R's. This guy gave an account of he was scared of the water in his shaving bowl and he would cum like 130 times a day or something like that. I don't think your dick would survive cumming 130 times. Your balls would be incredibly untouched.

They would just look like fucking. Two raisins. Yeah, sun dried prunes. See how they're that tiny? Yeah. Your balls are that tiny. They just go up inside of you. This might be a little bit too personal of information.

Actually, it definitely is. But one time, it was terrifying, absolutely terrifying. One of my testicles disappeared for a moment. Well, how old were you? Like 20 something? But then it came back. That happens sometimes. I think that happens sometimes.

It came back like immediately, but it was one of those things I almost dropped to my knees crying. You're like, your testicle, your one nut was like the Tom On Should guy that showed up on the beach. Your beach was the inside of your body. They were like, what is this doing in here? And then the other one drops down and is like,

I forgot my hat. Let's go. Right. Got my shoes on now. So I, no, so yeah, me and Tom are reading this, like, this, like, diary of this guy who had rabies. And yeah, no, you can come, like, an absurd amount of time in a day. You become incredibly averse to water. You cannot drink it. Yeah. Can you bathe?

Yeah, no. No, no. This guy, like, wouldn't get in a canoe. He'd go in a shaving bowl and he couldn't bring himself to shave and he would try to go to a canoe and that he wouldn't get in he was afraid of the body of water yeah i don't know like where does your mind go like he tried to drink his wine with his dinner and he couldn't bring it to his lips something's really wrong with me i guess i better jack off a bunch bunch. Well, no, no, it wasn't that. It was like... Is he just walking around hard as fuck?

No, like it was... He's walking around like a seventh grader at a... You just start shooting time out? At a middle school dance. Yeah, it's like... You just ejaculate? Yeah, you just like... What do you call it?

There's a name for it. Something emissions. Nocturnal emissions? No, like involuntary emissions. Involuntary, right? Yeah. So you're just like shooting wads which way. But the crazy shit about this is,

so the guy had a pet fox, okay? Or rather he had like- That's how he got the goddamn rabies, right? He had a hound dog. And one of his men had a pet fox that he found out in the woods. Yeah. And it tussled with his beloved hound dog.

Mama! And then he fucked the hound dog. He fucked the hound dog, and then he got rabies. He gave it a reach around. Yeah. And so they're trying to pull the hound dog and the fox off, and the fox latched onto his hand. Here's the creepy shit.

So we get all of our vampire and zombie lore from rabies. Not a lot of people understand this because of this one anomaly that happens with rabies that doesn't happen with anything else. Is that if you're bitten by a rabid animal, that wound will heal, but once the rabies virus hits your central

nervous system, the wound will reopen. That's really weird. Explain that fucking shit! Yeah, that to me is just as creepy as Elisa Lam showing up in a fucking water tank. Yeah. Can a human give another human rabies by biting them?

It's never been documented. Because it would be an open wound with your saliva is what I'm getting at. It's not like you become a vampire or something like that. We don't have the chompers for that. You'd have to gnaw on somebody for a while. If anybody ever wants to be just completely terrified by something that actually really happens in the real world,

go YouTube hydrophobia and I swear to God you won't sleep right. It's the most terrifying thing. There's like crazy shit and what's nuts is that like, you know we don't think a lot about rabies cause like one or two people in the US get rabies every year just by some fluky thing, like a bat got in their room or something.

Yeah. But everywhere else in the world, I remember thousands and thousands of cases every year. When I was, I emailed Noam Chomsky about that, about the issue of hydrophobia. Because it is pretty weird to think about. How the fuck does the virus know how to attack the parts of the brain

that recognize water? I guess. Because it's not just drinking water. It is a body of water. This guy was afraid to go to next to ponds. If you put a thing of water out for a fox with rabies, it's not going to go near it or anything like that.

There's videos on YouTube of people with rabies trying to drink water. That's what I'm talking about. It's just terrifying. They'll start screaming this guttural, visceral howl if water gets close to them. I've got rabies! That 18th century

lord with rabies is just, I just can't help. You know how you get rabies shot, like if you have already contracted rabies, do the vaccinations work if it's kind of advanced? I think you can... As long as it's not reaching your central nervous system. As long as it's still crawling up your spine, it can stop it. Damn. Real rabies hours. Those real billies. Real rabies hours. As long as it's not reaching your central nervous system. As long as it's still crawling up your spine, it can stop it. Damn.

Real rabies hours. Those real billies. Real rabies hours. Also, rabies is the only virus that doesn't travel the bloodstream. It travels your spinal cord. That's crazy. It's the only virus. The only one. Well, it has to get in your spinal cord through your blood first, right?

Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, I guess that makes sense. But instead of like, if you were to have rabies and we used to shoot up after each other, I wouldn't get rabies from you that way. Huh. Nice.

But if I... I would get your hepatitis, but I wouldn't get your rabies. Like, what if we had sex with each other? No, I don't think it's transferable by sex. In your dreams, love. Do I just rub... So the only way you can get it

is if I rub my saliva all over an open wound on your arm. It's like you spit in my eyeball. If we made out, I guess. So if I spit inside of your dick. If I were to give you oral sex. If I fuck you, you're not going to get it. But if I suck your dick, you're going to get it. Okay.

Oh my God. suck your dick even try to get it yeah you know I oh my god I was like watching this porn when I was in college back when you uh watched still watch porn

on VHS tapes and there's this guy in a sandbox who was uh like dildo he had a tiny dildo and he was putting it

into his dick hole oh and he gave himself rabies he gave himself rabies he He gave himself rabies. He was injecting rabies saliva from it. Because you know there's those ones that sometimes they can squirt stuff out of them.

Can we pause just to listen to Rockwell, Somebody's Watching. Is that what's in the background? Yeah. There's something interesting about this song, Tom, right? Like Michael Jackson is on it, but he didn't... He's not credited. He's not credited.

Michael Jackson sings the chorus. Right. He's not credited in the song, no. But basically, Michael Jackson was a huge Rockwell fan, but nobody else at Motown Records was. Like, everybody hated Rockwell, and they thought he was a no-talent hack, which is not a reach.

Right. But Michael Jackson was all about it. Was in the pocket for him and was like, that song's hot, I want to get on the chorus. And Michael Jackson came up with the chorus. Probably this song's only redeeming quality. I can't hear it, but I'll take your word for it. One of our friends in Floyd County...

Yeah, you can't hear it, so you're not... Yeah you can't hear it so you're not Oh yeah Yeah that is a banger You remember that Christian rapper Toby Mac He sampled this in one of his songs But it was like The implication is like God is the one that's always watching you

Which is really fucking creepy Yeah especially when you put Little slender dildos in your penis. He sees you when you do that? He sees you when you're putting dildos into your dick. What if God, like, what if the God of the Bible that said, like, he repent that he ever made man actually is, like, real and he's up there and he's just, like, just, oh, God.

Yeah. Disgusted by it. But he's omnipotent so he has to watch. I made a bunch of perverts. Now that would mean God has to be a pervert himself too.

Is this where we can splice in the devil's advocate clip? Yeah. With Al Pacino? Yeah. Yeah, they talk about creepy, scary stuff. Some kind of,

you know God is pretty scary. God is pretty scary. God is pretty creepy. Especially considering if he really is watching you at all times. The God of the Old Testament

that sounds just kind of like some like old drunk gambling guy that just like but all powerful old drunk gambling guy that just like, but all powerful old drunk gambling guy that just like. Why did you make parasites? Rabies. He did some pretty tight stuff though in the Old Testament though. I like the story of Elijah getting,

there's only two people in the Bible that don't actually die. It's like Elijah and Jesus. Enoch too. Okay, Jesus. Enoch, too. Okay, yeah. Enoch and Elijah. But Elijah is sucked up to heaven with a cyclone or a tornado or something. Some magical tornado. You know, that's the same thing with Muhammad, though, right?

Like, I think Muhammad actually... Didn't die, right? Yeah, I don't think Muhammad died, but I think the story with Muhammad was like Muhammad got from Jerusalem To Mecca On a tornado or something like that In like an incredible Maybe he did die But he

Yeah there was some sort of tornado That he threatened I'm not We've just butchered everybody's like World views For our own sick jokes Sorry everybody To the

To the soundtrack of Rockwell. Oh, jeez. Yeah, all my Muslim friends are going to tell me I play too much. We covered some good ground with this episode. We started out with an episode we didn't think was going to actually happen, and here we are. We're 50 minutes in. I just stumbled in here and sat down,

so hopefully I contributed something worthwhile. No, it was good. Well, we're not done yet, team. We've still got a few more songs to get through. That's true. We've got a knocking playlist for this. Yeah. Can you all just carry it for a minute

while I go get a drink of water? Yeah, sure. I got coffee, man. Put your headphones on. Oh, yeah. Put those headphones on. Do you remember what this one's from? Let's see.

You're a horror movie guy. I'm drawing a blank. I'm going to have to sneak a peek. Rosemary's Baby. Oh, okay. You know, I've only watched that once, and I was like 14 years old or something. But it's a good one. It's a classic.

What is Matthew Carter Horror Connoisseur? What are your... Give me your five must-sees over this next couple of days that people have to say. Well, it's always crucial to watch the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You really have to, you've got to do that. Yeah. I think the Omen is really great.

The Omen is significantly better than The Exorcist. I'm sorry, but it's true. Agreed, but I'll also say this. A lot of people shit on it, but I really liked the Omen reboot from the early 2000s. Yeah, it wasn't too bad. I thought it was pretty well done. That was another one that was watched once.

It wasn't a rinse and repeat. No, I'm not saying it's timeless, but I'm saying usually they botch those reboots. Yeah, it wasn't bad, no. I'm not saying it's timeless, but I'm saying, like, usually they botch those rip-bates. It wasn't bad at all. I would say, of course, Hellraiser. You're a fool

if you haven't seen that. I mean, it's just a fucking classic. And, um... A little more, uh... It's definitely one of those cheesy twist endings that you already know

what happens in it. But the French movie High Tension. Yeah. Hot Tension. Hot Tension. That's a good one. That's like French-Canadian. Hot Tension.

And let me see, a fifth one. A fifth crucial horror film. I'm trying to dig a little deeper. I had something in my mind, but... You know, you should probably watch... Fuck, I don't know, whatever you want. Charlie Brown, Halloween. Number five can just be whatever the hell you want probably watch fuck, I don't know, whatever you want. Charlie Brown Halloween. Number five can just be

whatever the hell you want to watch. Wild card. As long as it's a spooky one. What are your, are those your four favorites? I mean, they're some of my favorites. This is one of those things where I'm going to throw it at you

and you're going to leave me like, fuck, I should have said that one. You know, I... I don't know. It's a lot of... It's a lot of pressure to come up with that. I mean, the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is definitely my favorite horror movie of all time. Period.

Yeah. My favorite horror franchise franchise all of that um there there's been some rough ones but they're still entertaining even if they're goofy like i don't mind a little comedy in my horror movies no i think it's good if if any horror franchise goes on long enough it becomes just goofy yeah you know what i mean i even saw which is completely fucking gross and horrible like became kind of kind of kitsch. Well, the problem is when you make, like, seven or eight remakes, I mean, like, seven or eight sequels in five years.

You know, the number of sequels you make can't exceed the number of years it's been since your first one. The best way to do it is how Fast and the Furious does it. They dragged out that franchise for like 15 years at this point. But they've only got, what, eight movies now? And all of them are slappers. They're all slappers.

I'm not the biggest fan of three, but Tokyo Drift. What are your top five must-see horror films over the next couple of days during the holiday season? Spooky holiday season. Reanimator would be one. Excellent pick.

Let me think. Honestly, man, I think that there's fucking, I think Alien is a creepy fucking movie. Yeah, it is. I the alien is a creepy movie yeah it is it's a sci-fi horror it's a total scary movie it's not like how it's not like horror it's not like you know a slasher supernatural but yeah um let me think like the paranormal activity like that um the first one which is the only one I watched, it was good. It jumped the shark, proving our thing. Oh yeah, right. It just gets done. They went Sharknado

on it, which I swear at this point, I think there's like six Sharknado movies. Which is fucking stupid. That's, the fact that there's that many Sharknado movies sums up 2017, even though they weren't all released in 2017. That sums up this year.

Yeah. So Re-Animator, Paranormal Activity. Yeah, Paranormal Activity's good. What else did you think on there? Let's see. I really do, I wasn't just saying this the other day, I really do think Cabin Fever is a good movie. I think Cabin Fever,

I mean, it's like, it's totally. Pretty clever. Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's Eli Roth, but it's like,

I think it's, it holds up. It's got the guy from Boy Meets World. Yeah. Rider Strong. Oh, I do have a fifth one. I think it's the scariest movie ever made

is Pet Sematary, in my opinion. Yeah. Yeah. What about like any of the did you ever see dragger drag me to hell drag the other same right me yeah I mean it's not like scary scary but I like Sam Raimi I think Sam Raimi is great he's got a lot of good shit like what's that movie I was telling you about the other night where

Liam Neeson plays a scientist? I can't remember what it's called. Is that a Sam Raimi flick? Yeah. Anyways, what are some other... Have you all ever watched... I mean, it's kind of a meme on the internet now. The guy from it. Yeah, Darkman's guy.

Have you watched Carnival of Souls? I can't remember if I have or not. Carnival of Souls is pretty terrifying. It was what inspired the movie Insidious, which I think is very underrated and very scary. And I don't really get super scared by stuff like that. You saw the new It. Was it pretty good?

It was really good. It was really good. It's really good. It is kinda like, it wasn't very scary, it was kinda like, it's kinda like Stranger Things. That kind of like. Well even the original It wasn't scary. Tim Curry. You know.

Tim Curry plays a demonic spirit. Hello. I can't do it. Tim Curry's best role Hello Tim Curry's best Role And it's not Dr. Frankenfurter Which is still a pretty good one It's Lord Darkness from Legend

I thought you were going to say Oh yeah you had that It's the bellhop boy in Home Alone 2 That's Tim Curry's best role And then he gets He gets Donald Trump in a sleeper hold And then Kevin kicks him in the balls

In the lobby, do you remember that part? Yes, yeah That actually should be the Democrats Next strategy, they should run Macaulay Konkin in 2020 Yeah, like remember that time When you gave Konkin in 2020. Yeah. Remember that time when you gave me directions in my movie that I was in?

God damn it. That'd be so stupid. What about... What about... I think this always gets overlooked. You guys seen The Strangers? Is Liv... Who's in that? Liv Tyler. Liv Tyler, yeah. Ryan Reynolds, is he in that? No. I don't know if it's Ryan

But he's like He's like the generic Ryan Reynolds Is it where they I watched that They're wearing those masks Or something Yeah like

Liv Tyler I watched it on your recommendation Yeah They go to this like Getaway out in the Some rural place That's their friend's house And he's gonna propose to her

And it gets real awkward Because She doesn't accept the proposal. Yeah. But then these guys show up and people show up in masks. Oh shit, I actually don't think I watched it. I'm going to take away... That's described.

I'm going to take one of my five I said away and include a graveyard shift. Stephen King. Yeah, do you remember that? I just like it a lot. I never saw it. This is one of the few times I've read the story, but I've never saw the movie.

Yeah, I just always loved that movie as a kid. I just thought it was so cool. And People Under the Stairs. People Under the Stairs. Both classics. You know, there was a lot of really great Stephen King movies. You know, Cujo is incredible. Maximum Overdrive is super great.

Is that one where the trucks, like, drive themselves? Yeah, there's, like, this alien. You know, everything always has something to do with aliens. So this alien signal or something hits Earth and causes all electronic devices to come alive and fuck shit up. Like in the opening credits, there's this, someone's got this turkey, what are those turkey carvers?

The electric turkey carver? Oh, yeah, yeah. And it like comes over across the counter and cuts this person's hand up and shit. And like a bunch of other wacky stuff happens. You remember the other night when we were talking about the how absolutely lonely it would be. Oh, we were talking about the other night

about how I eat a lot of my meals by myself. Yeah, I shouldn't do that. I should not be doing that? Oh yeah, because you could choke. Because you could choke and die. I mean, if you're eating them alone in a restaurant, it's a lot different from eating them by yourself. And I said that you needed to FaceTime us every time you eat at the Hager House.

I said I need their face, right. Then once you're done, okay, bye. All right, bye. We didn't even have to talk or anything. I'll see you FaceTime, I'll just click accept and I'll just leave my phone over there. If I hear you gagging. If I hear you gag, well I'll hop in the car

and head on over. I'll probably get to your house in about 45 seconds. Yeah, you could. You can make it in time to give me the hug. It'll take you a few minutes to smother, choke to death. By the time I'd get there, my face would be blue and my lips would be blue. You know what I mean?

Because you'd probably get a little bit of air, wouldn't you be? I don't know. Maybe not. I don't know. I mean, people can hold your breath for a couple of minutes. God, you've been choking to death for five, six minutes just on your floor. Have you ever got something just caught in your throat? Like it's not restricted your airway, but then you start panicking,

thinking it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I can breathe. I'm fine here. I don't know why I'm worried about it. As a sweat's running into your eyes. I went into anaphylactic shock on the river farm one time, and I hit that fucking plane where I was just like, oh, shit.

Well, the difference is if we didn't have Benadryl, you might have been a goner. Yeah, I was not in a good place. My entire body was covered in hives. I looked like the Jeff Goldblum in The Fly. What caused the reaction? I have no idea to this day. You look like, that was a bad weekend.

You left with Giardia and like a near fatal allergic reaction. It kept coming back over the day. I must have eaten something I was allergic to or something. Did you ever watch the movie Pure Luck that had Danny Glover and Martin Short in it? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he gets stung by a bee and he swells up massive.

I bet if you searched on the internet, since we're utilizing the internet a lot on this, I just want to see, if you haven't watched the movie, maybe you can look for Martin Short in Pure Luck and just see what he looks like. What about Martin Short in... Yeah, there it is, the bee sting one. That's some classic shit right there.

This one? Yeah. He's like deathly allergic to um bee stings and uh this is another one of those childhood favorites

liberty mutual you could probably leave that on it's a um it's a little yeah it stings him but really the money shot

is when he when Danny Glover looks back in the helicopter and or the airplane and he's... Look at this. Look at this picture of Bear Grylls just fucked up. Oh, fuck, man.

Man, he looks like the elephant man in that fucking shit. Oh, shit. I think somebody just popped his knob, man. Like they fucking... Oh, shit. I was watching one Bear Grylls thing where he, like, he's, like, in the desert and he's, like, eating this cacti plant that, like,

serves as, like, a stimulant. It's, like, an amphetamine-type reaction and he's just, like, wired. Because he can't go to sleep. He's trying not to go to sleep. So he's just, like, zooted out in the middle of the desert. Now, if no one, I know we're getting away from creepy, but this shit.

This is, no, this circles back to the real life stuff that is scary. That's true. This would be awful. Like if you're, you know, my father is allergic to yellow jackets. I'm allergic to bees. is allergic to yellow jackets.

I'm allergic to bees. And freaks, you know, like has to take a bunch of shit immediately if he gets stung. EpiPen. Right. It's not, I don't think it's EpiPen bad. I mean, if he had like several stings, it would require something like that. But fortunately I'm not because there's been plenty of times

where I've been mowing grass or weed eating and suddenly, well, there was this one specific time where it was fucking terrifying. I felt like a pinch on my thigh and I was like, God damn. And I looked down and no shit, like no exaggeration, both of my legs completely are covered in yellow jackets. Oh my God. Like candy man. It looks like, yeah, it looks like I'm wearing yellow jacket fucking. Damn. What are the cowboy pants?

A thong? Or assless chaps? Yeah, it looks like I'm wearing assless bee chaps. Were you wearing assless bee chaps? Yeah. At least your ass wouldn't get stung. Everything would get stung but your ass. I took off running and throwing my clothes off.

I wound up in my fucking underwear at my sister's house, like with the road right beside her house. People thought I was insane. If only I could have held up a sign that was like, I'm not a weirdo, I'm just covered in bees, it's okay. But look at Martin Short's swelling up. See, that was the reaction left. That was good shit.

And it just keeps getting worse and worse. Oh my God. He's just like swolled up. Oh my God. Now, for those who haven't seen the movie, imagine Eddie Murphy on fucking Nutty Professor when he swells up real big. You remember the Martin Short movie Clifford?

Did y'all ever watch that one? Yeah, I think so. You look like you're about to say something. No, no, I was trying to remember Clifford. What do we got now? Elvis Presley. Man, we have just been fucking rocking some radio this week Might as well while we're on the fucking radio

Just plug WMMT And tell our listeners to donate to WMMT Yeah they should that would be nice of them Donate to WMMT.org It's the radio station Save the Trubelist told you to do it So they'll keep letting us record here and not kick us out Right

It'll be okay. There's no danger of me kicking you out. Well, hopefully not. Not yet. Not until we do something really bad. I'll be like, I didn't like that podcast that I was on, so you can't do it anymore. I really didn't like the last two times,

which I don't think they've aired, but I was not a fan of my last two appearances. We do have a lot of B-roll with you and Carrie that we haven't aired. We're gonna have to selectively just maybe make one big episode. Yeah, you might just have to piece it all together. Yeah, we'll have to make an homage to Matt and Carrie.

There's a lot of fluff, otherwise. We hop around. You know, like. Ophelia's got some good B-roll. Yeah. You know like on TV shows like Friends and shit, they would have an episode like, here's Joey being Joey. We'll have to do one of like Matt and Carrie being Matt and

Joey. Yeah. But you should never compare your podcast to Friends. That shit's terrible. It's awful. How do people like that? It's so bad. It is so bad.

It's the dumbest show on television. It's like the Big Bang Theory before that happened. For like 90s people. Yeah. Right. It's pretty bad. For 90s city dwellers. Man, seeing that reminded me of the time that,

Terrence, you saw me get fucking motherfucked by. Dotted by a few. Don't forget any Papa John's pan pizza with a... I did. You got fucked up. Me and Tom walked out, and they just dropped his ass. That sucks. Oh, shit.

Well, no wonder he got all fucked up. Look, he's in a bunch of... He's fucking with bees. Hornets' nests. He's brought it on himself. Why would you do that if you're allergic? What a dumb motherfucker. And it's his bare ass hand

Although I saw on the internet earlier this week Which is funny that we're getting into all this Bee shit of these people cutting this Massive Bee's nest out of A house Oh fuck His head

That son of a bitch Tagged him like Six or seven times He probably wants to eat it Because don't they have Like a lot of Nutrients and shit Oh is a stinger

Still in him I like how we've got Rocky Horror Picture Show In this going simultaneously Bear Grylls just getting Getting dotted By fucking bees There's another hand There's someone with him horror picture show in this going simultaneously. Bear Grylls just getting tagged by a fucking... There's another hand!

There's someone with him! Yeah, the cameraman. I didn't know that. I thought he filmed it all. Does he conveniently have an EpiPen and Benadryl with him? I'm gonna eat this. God! He looks like an alien! He does not look human. It looks like a character from

Goldeneye on Nintendo 64 No definition to his face or anything That looks very bad His eyes are completely swilled Oh my god It looks like Kimbo Slice Pushed him in the forehead It looks like he's got What doed him in the forehead Oh my fucking god

It looks like he's got What do you call it Gigantism Yeah That's what you were saying Elephant man Yeah he looks like Son of elephant man

Holy dog shit That's funny Oh my god Yeah yeah Go look at Bear Grylls Allergic to bees If you wanna Yeah god he got fucked up

Yeah Again let's see what the comments got Benedict Cumberbatch He looks like Benedict Cumberbatch Yeah yeah Bears just can't That's fucking stupid What Skyrim mod is this?

That's pretty good. He looks like one of those blue avatars he does. That's what he looks like. He looks like an avatar. Damn, dude. Another Skyrim one. Someone said Benadryl Cabbage Patch. That's fucking dumb.

That's a Tom Sexton joke, if there ever was one. And then a bunch of racist shit. Right, right. You know, I'm gonna escape the comment section without some racist shit. Go to any comment section on anything. It doesn't matter what the fuck it's about. It'd be fucking Indiana Jones.

There's gonna be some sexist and racist shit. It's so, it's insane. Right, right. Whatever happened to moderators, man? Mods? There's going to be some sexist and racist shit. It's so insane. Right. Whatever happened to moderators, man? Mods? You know, moderators like on the equivalent of like internet boards and whatnot. We need that on everything.

Every comment section on the internet. We're about to do some little production fucking genius here. You don't make you gonna chop and screw we're gonna chop and screw devil's advocate look but don't touch with whatever Tom's about to play I've got it turn it up I don't make things happen doesn't work like that what did you do to Marianne it's like butterfly wings once touched they never get off the ground no I only set the stage you pull

your own strings what did you do to marry in a gun oh this this the right clip? Goddammit! What did you do to my wife?! Well... On a scale of one to ten... I was the one who finished it out. I was that... that speech. It's this one, yeah. But let's finish this one. ...being your average Friday night run-through at the Lomax's household, I'd say, not to be immodest, Marianne and I got it on at about... ...five o'clock. FUCK YOU! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Got me! Got me! Yes! Wow!

Oh! Oh yeah! Yeah! Step on up, son! Come on, that's good! You got a whole lot of that fury! Yeah, that's the last thing to go! That's the final fighting place! Is this the same... It's the final fig leaf! Yeah, that is! That's the last thing to go. That's the final fighting place.

It's the final fig leaf. Yeah, that is. It's the whole big thing. Who am I? Who are you? Never lost a case. Why? Why do you think? Because you're so fucking good.

Are you putting the music behind that? Oh. Why? I thought you were playing that ethereal... No. I'm a little more than that, Kevin. Awfully hot in that courtroom, wasn't it? What's the game plan, Kevin?

Was a nice run, Kev. Had to close out someday. Nobody wins them all. Is this the best bad movie what are you one of the best bad movies it's bad because keanu reeves honestly actually that's not the only reason it's bad see i do like keanu reeves in some movies just call me dad he's not a fucking actor like this. Maybe it was your time to lose. You didn't think so. Lose? I don't lose! I win!

I win! This gargantuan seven-storied structure is built on the orders of a grieving widow. Sir Manchester. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. The most haunted house in history.

The house that... Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does he do? I swear, for his own amusement, his own private cosmic gag reel,

he sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't touch Touch but don't taste Taste don't swallow And while you're jumping from one foot to the next what does he do it He's laughing his sick fucking ass off. He's a tight ass. He's a sadist He's an absentee landlord.

Worship that? Never. Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven, is that it? Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I've nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man.

I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. In their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin! All of it! The comments are predictably awful. There's nothing worse about somebody

arguing at religion in a YouTube comment section. Oh, God. Based on a monologue from a fucking bad movie? Look, someone wrote a fucking essay. Someone wrote an essay with paragraph indentations and everything. Anyways. Where are we at?

We probably need to wrap this one up, yeah? Yeah. I need to go eat lunch. You know, people will spend time writing a 5,000 word reply to a comment on the internet, but they won't read a fucking book. Right, right. And that's my opinion.

Any parting words for the Halloween special? One of two. Just get out there and get spooked. Have fun. Yeah, hell yeah. That's a good advice. Eat your children's candy while they're asleep. We were talking the other day.

Katie had a Facebook status about this. It was badass when people would put arms and stuff, fake arms and stuff out their windows. Or out of the trunks of their cars. Out of the trunks of their cars and stuff. Right. That's really sweet.

Oh yeah. Hell yeah. All right. Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it kids and end the immortal words of the blue oyster cult.

Take us out on something. What do you got over there Tom? Don't fear the reaper. All right. Good night, everybody. Good night. See you next time. you