Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 343: The Dylan Difference

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

We went to California and learned some things about life More episodes like this on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

Well, people are wondering how our trip to California went. I'll tell you how our trip to California went. How's that? I'll never set foot in Sausalito again. Never going to Sausalito ever again. No, we had good accommodations, but... The town itself didn't suit you, right? The people of the town.

I have not seen you as mad I rarely see you mad and you were mad class warrior Tom Sexton was out I was man I was you almost throttled a family of four how was riding for the home team mm-hmm I was I said enough of this see my thing my experience in california is my first time going and it was san francisco in my experience i finally realized everything clicked for me everything finally clicked for me i finally understand what ellis keeps meant when he said life's a party like there's a party oh Oh, that is where he ran for mayor. That's where he ran for mayor. What, 1994 or something?

Yeah, I forgot to tell people. That long-time listeners of the show know there's a character, Ellis Keys. And what we were doing out there was retracing his campaign steps. Life's a party platform. The life is a party. And now I realize what he was talking about. Because now I know life is a party. Life is a party, bro i'd realize what he was talking about because like now i know life is a party life is a party bro do you not understand like what do you mean like it's it's a party

it's not real like you show up and then you slip out unannounced after you've had your fill yes you do an irish goodbye and then you die. And then you die. And it's not serious. Nothing in life is really that serious. Yeah. You know? Do what you want to do or not. It was, like, interesting.

We were in the Castro District, and dudes were making out on the sides of the road, and I was like, guys, this is a little bit of a parody, right? Yeah. A little bit of a... A little on the nose. A little on the nose. Yeah., and I was like, guys, this is a little bit of a parody, right? Yeah, I mean, a little on the nose. A little on the nose. Yeah. Was Harvey Milk the damn mayor? What's going on here?

But then I thought, oh, I forgot. Life is a party. Life's a party. Yeah. Life's a party. Life's a party, man. Well, the trip out there was very difficult because Tom kept trying to put his penis in all the overhead bins in the plane. That was a party, man. Well, the trip out there was very difficult because Tom kept trying to put his penis

in all the overhead bins in the plane. That was a little strange. It was a little strange when you were doing that. When the guy was like, sir, there's a lip on it. You got to really... Ah. That was tough.

You tried to put your penis in every single overhead bin from the front of the plane all the way to the back. You were like, does this one work? Does this? They were like, sir, no. So that's not where that goes.

That's not where that goes, sir. And you were like, what about this one? They were like, sir, there's a line behind you. We have to board this plane now. Sir, if you don't, we're not going to make our connector to Charlotte. And we missed our connector because you had to put your penis in every single overhead bin. It was honestly a little rude. I'm sorry for the people of American Airlines flat or whatever.

But then I thought life is a party, so it's fine. It's fine that he's doing that and holding us all up. It's fine. It was like those, you know how there's all those videos of people sticking like a finger in the closing trunk of a Tesla Cybertruck? That's so dumb. Yeah. Has anyone put their penis in one yet?

Nobody's willing to take that kind of risk. I don't think their penises are big enough. Is that what it is? That's probably what it is. Oh, God. They're like little button penises. You know what I mean? You can't fit it on

like whoops didn't cut my penis off and like the fine text is like my dick was too small my dick was too small to be able to trigger the sensor yeah that's a what a bad problem to have that I would never have. No, not at all. Anyway, I still have yet to figure out what to make of the man that approached us as me and Sam were walking uphill. There was a gentleman flying. It was like in a street luge.

Yeah, like a street luge kind of situation. he glances over at us and he says something i'll never forget as long as i live where the white women where the white women are i've been asking myself that since i heard it i've been asking everyone that too actually i go to the grocery store i'm like where the white women i should note that there's no novelty here this was himself a white man. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. The Bob Dylan show was cool. Yeah. The Bob Dylan show was pretty cool.

It's cool that he came and hung out with us afterwards. That was wild, man. That was pretty cool. I never thought I'd get the chance to hang out with Bob Dylan. That was pretty cool. But other than that. He didn't seem in great spirits, though. No, he was pretty depressed. In fact, he canceled the show.

He was pretty depressed. In fact, he canceled the show. He was pretty depressed. I tried to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Got caught by a net. I got caught by the net. And then I was like... It just spits you right back up in the same position. In the same position I was in. Whoa.

Mm-hmm. Yep. Sausalito. So there was that. I was laughing, thinking about like bob dylan could you imagine like a paul revere figure bob dylan as a paul revere figure like godzilla is approaching the mainland of sausalito and he's riding into town yeah like women and children get your women and Yeah. Like women and children. Get your women and children. Get your women and children.

Put them inside. There's no Kong coming. All you got is Bobby. All you got is Bobby to be a bulwark against the encroachment of the sea lizard from the Orient. 7 p.m. tonight I'll be jacking my dick and balls One night only Instagram live Jacking my dick and balls

Is this a joint? Yeah What is this? What the hell is this? Billy Wayne Davis left that for us Is it got like Stuff on the side? What is this?

Is this marijuana? I think that's a marijuana cigarette Oh my god Do you want to smoke it If you want to It's too early in the day I can't smoke this early in the day Or else Done

Done Done Done Get nothing else out of you Uh huh I mean I've got to I've got to jack my dick and balls at 7 p.m. If I smoke now, I'm not going to get there.

Okay. I'm not going to get there. You're going to have to cancel your second show to wait. Son Jacob is doing merch. He keeps interrupting me. For those of you that have tuned in to my instagram live for the past week expecting to see dick and balls and all you see is jacob interrupting me i have to apologize he keeps walking in he keeps walking in now my balls are bluer than joni mitchell Where she was just kind of blue

Mine are exceedingly blue Mine are balls are all tangled up in blue What was it? Harold Melvin and the blue balls My balls are blue And Harold Melvin's notes Miles Davis Ever heard of him?

Miles Davis is kind of blue Yeah it was kind of blue They're just a little bit blue I got half a nut They're starting to get a little blue They're starting to get a little blue. They're starting to get kind of blue. They were as blue as Miles Davis yesterday. Today they're bluer than Harold Melvin's notes.

Damn it, Jacob. Trying to jack my dick and balls. Jacking my dick and balls jacking my dick and balls in Sausalito when I don't damn damn that was pretty fucked up that uh

that Bob had to cancel but that's alright I understand I understand yeah um I hope that gentleman on the street luge was But that's all right. I understand. I understand. Yeah. And I hope that gentleman on the street luge found what he was looking for.

For the white woman? Actually, I don't. I hope he turned that corner a little too fast and died. I hope he died. You're actively wishing for death in Sausalito, not yours. Oh, listen. Even shitheads, I think, deserve a second chance. Interesting. Some of them.

That's not what you were saying in Sausalito. I was saying some pretty... Pretty mean stuff. It's pretty... Even Bob was pretty shocked. It's not very forgiving of you, Tom. Yeah. The British are coming and Godzilla.

The British take it. Godzilla like the British are coming. That would be fucked up if Godzilla did that. He just sprays his fucking shit all over.

Oh my God. All over town. Oh man. Speaking of Oh, man. Speaking of bridges, man, I was at the gym yesterday and they have the TVs on and it was on mute.

I couldn't hear what they were saying. They had something fascinating. It was... You know how truckers have like a dashboard cam yeah that like faces out and one that faces in so you can see inside the cab and you can see like where the truck is going yeah they had some of those unbelievable footage i've ever seen this was in the middle i was just in the middle of the gym. The mute was on. There's this woman.

She was a truck driver. She was driving across the bridge that connects Covington to Cincinnati. What is that? The Something Pettus Bridge or something like that, maybe? Yeah, it's the Edmund Pettus Bridge. That's in Selma. What you're talking about is the Roebrook Bridge. It was the Silver Heights Bridge bridge that's a different thing my bad has anybody ever killed themselves on the silver rights

cops are like trying to like reach you and there's a line of cops are like trying to like reach you and there's a line of protesters to be able let him do it he put his penis in all the overhead bins on the way here just so he could come do this oh my god the road i think you're thinking of the Roebling Bridge in Cincinnati. The blue one? It might have been that one. In fact, it might not have been any of those bridges. It might not have even been a bridge.

It's entirely possible I dreamed it because the whole thing was so surreal. It was this woman driving on a bridge. And she's driving. And something happens like i guess maybe like her tire blows or like an axle bust or something and she's like whoa whoa and like the truck goes hard left and goes over the side of the bridge and it's she's and so you're getting like an inside the cab pov of her face as she's plummeting towards the water. And so you see this moment where she goes over the side of the bridge and it goes from just like, oh, no, this is a bad day to like, oh, fuck, I'm about to die.

Like I'm I'm plummeting towards the water. And then the back end of her truck snags on the bridge and just, you know, she's stuck there. She's hanging. And so then you see her go from, like, oh, fuck, I'm about to die to, like, oh, my God, I'm fucking alive. I'm alive. I have a chance. I have a chance. And so she's just hanging there.

And I'm, like, looking around the gym. I'm looking around the gym. No one's watching this. I'm the only. I'm just, like, what the fuck? Like, this is absolutely surreal. I mean, eventually they eventually they like saved her like someone like got down they like repelled down and saved her she felt the death sting she did like imagine you just go home after like yeah this afternoon i almost i'm probably just gonna mail it in the rest of

the afternoon hold my calls i'm just going to go contemplate the duality of man. Yeah. There was no net there. I did not see a net off that bridge. I mean, I think

the Golden Gate Bridge, they should put like a series of nets. Maybe like two or three hundred nets every ten feet. I agree with you. We need some,

we need fail proofs for bridges. You just keep falling and just keep hitting every net. Just bing, itches your back half of that. It's not that. It's no, okay, no, it's not that. It's like a video game where you go down.

You have to save your game before you jump off the bridge. But it's like a video game where you go down and you hit every net and you're stuck in that at that point. You're not going to bounce back up or anything. You're just going to keep hitting every net on the way down. Does that make sense? Yeah, totally. Do you like that idea?

I think you've got something there. You like that idea? That's a feat of modern engineering. That's what I'm going for. You're like, hey, listen, I got an idea. It's just nets all the way down. Nets all the way down. And then when you get to what you think is the ocean, it's also net. You're like, hey, listen, I got an idea. It's just nets all the way down. It's nets all the way down. And then when you get to what you think is the ocean, it's also net.

You're like, what did they do? They dredged the whole bay. The bay is empty now. The bay is all nets. The water is nets. Damn. Life's a party. Life's a party.

What do you think about that? Life's a safety net. They should make me the engineer of San Francisco. Sir, you're now the engineer of San Francisco. The bay just looks like shit because coming off, everything's just a bunch of nets covering up all the natural beauty. Everything is nets. You can't walk five feet without hitting a net.

I've got a net for that. Like, why? What inspired this? Well, it all started in Sausalito i was walking around my swim trunks did not have a net in them so i was chafing which obstructed my 7 p.m instagram live you see i couldn't jack my dick and balls because i had a callus on my dick the size of a pencil eraser. The size of Sausalito itself. You ever seen an Xbox controller

where the buttons are worn down? That's what my dick looked like. Like someone put out a cigarette on a rolled up newspaper. That's what it looks like, I tell you. So then I said, Bobby, everything should have a net to prevent chafing. Everything's got to have a net now. We're stopping the scourge of chafing yeah uh-huh they should make me do that they should let me do that oh my god i think that would be

a good idea well they do have those at certain beaches where there's, like, dangerous animals. They got nets? They put a net up to... Keep them out? Keep them out, yeah. What? Yeah, jellyfish and sharks and stuff. Jelly roll?

Not to keep jelly roll out. The country already trying to keep jelly roll off the beach now. That's weird. Seems discriminatory. Yeah, it seems a little messed up. Discrimination towards people with face tattoos. That guy sucks. You don't like Jelly Roll?

He's like, who the hell am I? Who the hell am I? I love the way he sings. It's so fucking, so much of a put on. I like Jelly Roll as a guy. Not as an artist, but as a guy. I'm not into his stuff, but I think he's kind of a cool guy. What's up?

He just seems chill. He got the most chafed dick in show business. The hardest working man in show business. Just look at his dick. Seems like a nice fella. Living his dream. I don't know. I don't know anything about him.

Well, I don't know if it's fucked up they put nets, though, out in the bay. I wouldn't do that. I would put water to keep the nets out. To keep the nets out.

People are like, we don't even understand what you're going for at this point. Are the nets... Some high concept stuff. Are the nets keeping out the water? Are the water... The water goes through the nets, Mr. Dillon.

I don't know if you... Not if I say it doesn't. Nets are porous, Bob. Not these guys. Not these kinds of nets. No siree. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O. Spaghetti-O. Oh, man.

Bevo. We're bringing in Bevo. The Texas mascot. Why are we bringing in Bevo? We're going to eat him. We're going to eat Bevo. We're going to sacrifice him to Godzilla. We're going to sacrifice and eat Bevo.

On the Golden Gate Bridge. Trying to usher in the second coming. Bevo, he's not totally red, but he'll do. He'll do. Like Bob. not totally red but he'll do he'll do like bob bob is like uh an anti-pro zionist or something he like he like believes he believes in the concept of israel but not as it's executed yeah because he wants jesus to come back because he had a christian phase that's the funny thing about bob is that he was a jewish from minnesota who had a christian face yeah so he's kind of christian he's christian anti-zionist he's kind of sees it both ways

he sees it he sees it always and that's that's a net. He's seen it from every angle. He's seen it from every angle. He's like, here's what we need. We need a safety net. I can't wait to get my lips around Bevo's hindquarters. Bob, you're slobbering. I've wanted to eat that cow For 40 years Since I've laid In Texas Austin

In 1983 I've had my eye on that cow For 40 years That's Bevo 7 The Bevo you saw in 83 Is like 7 cows ago Don't ruin this for me Don't ruin this for me. Don't ruin this for me.

I've been jagging my blue balls on Instagram all night. I'm liable to snap it anyway. I got a lot of pent up rage and aggression. Bevo. Man. Yeah, no, I don't know.

San Francisco was cool, but the thing about it was there's not enough of it. There should be more. Too small for you. Too small for me. Make a bigger San Francisco. Make a San Francisco two, three,

four. Repeating. They should colonize Oakland. Nobody likes that name anyway. Where did that come from? Oakland? Like, Maple Land?

Like, why'd they pick the oak? You know? Yeah, that's a good question. These are all questions that we should have asked while we were there.

Why they called Oakland. Mm-hmm. We did get to see Khrushchev's hat. A very pivotal moment. It was interesting. How did we get to do that? Very tasteful.

Shout out Robin, the archivist at the ILWU Union Hall. That was fun, man. Let us touch Khrushchev's hat. I want you to think about, that hat has been at like Imagine the things that hat has been at like

probably imagine the things that had seen yeah like at a doc daca what do they call this dacha dacha that's like a dacha yeah the russian those vacation summer house yes those vacation villas they used to have yeah man what a great idea that great idea. That is a great idea. That needs to come back. It does need to come out. Fucking get rid of Sausalito, bring back the dacha. Yeah, everybody gets a dacha in Sausalito. Every man a king. Yeah. Might have to wait for years.

We're building them out. You ever seen a four-year-old take a pencil eraser and erase his homework until it punctures through the piece of paper? That's what my dick looks like. That's how shaped it. Looked like a kindergartner took a pencil eraser to my dick. Oh, my God. Oh, man. oh my god oh man yeah it's really crazy they put that video on the news

of that woman almost dying that's on the Edmund Pettus bridge I don't think I'd want to see in the general public to see me have the death sting like that look on your face like oh like cause I would be the general public to see me have the death sting. Like that look on your face? It's like, oh.

Like, because I would be shitting my pants. I don't want people to see me shit my pants. That's what, they'd pull me out of there and just be a big trail just going down my leg hitting the water below. I pooped my pants. I'm sorry, you would have evacuated your bowels too

if you had seen what I saw. We can't pull this man out of his vehicle. He put his penis in the dashboard. No, come back. He put his penis in the dashboard glove compartment. He has to put his penis in every single towing compartment in every vehicle he's in. Like they put you in the ambulance and you try to put your penis in the equipment locker or whatever. Sir.

Sir, sit down. You're in a lot of shock. You're in a lot of shock. Please just take this IV. Try to relax. No. No. I have to put my penis in there.

It's a compulsion. It is a compulsion, man. Like, I don't know. You would have some serious... What scares me about those things is, like, I think that I would probably die because of a heart attack or something. My heart would explode.

Rather than shitting my pants, I would see myself plummeting towards the water and just will myself to death. That's what I've often thought about. Those scenes in movies where somebody's standing out on the cliff against the facade of the building. I'll do it.

I'll jump. If I somehow ended up out there on the ledge i would just pass out and plummet to my death anyway i know same you know yeah the heart's not built for that stuff man i just can't i don't uh never had a problem with heights until fairly recently now i don't care for him isn't it interesting how the heart isn't it interesting how the heart is like um jock coated what do you mean the heart is like the height the hot high school football star jock of the body yeah people like oh there goes the heart yeah he's so he's so sexy and cool but like they think of the liver and they're like that's like the liver is like judd nelson's character in the

breakfast club it's the bad kind of the bad boy of the that's true it's hard to say like the the liver almost kind of seems to me like a kind of rough union guy. Just like he does what needs to be done. He's taking the fucking trash out. Grizzled. Yeah, he's taking the trash out. Yeah, one more. Yeah, what's one more?

What's one more? Two shots. Boilermakers. A couple of boilermakers. Come on, I'll take all your boilermakers. I'll take all of them I'll do what I gotta do A couple of Boilermakers over here

Things get a little messy in here A couple of Boilermakers Maybe a little bit of heroin Yeah Pastrami sandwich I'll take it all That's the liver And we Yeah, pastrami sandwich, I'll take it all. That's the liver.

And we, as a society, devalue the liver. What I'm saying here is we need a reorientation of our conception of the liver. Of all organs, really. We need a reassessment of our innards. We extol the heart. The heart we put on a pedestal. Oh, the heart, oh, this is a beautiful organ.

This is the, I want to suck your dick. First of all, the heart's still in valor from the brain. The heart is still in valor from the brain. The brain is really what makes you.

Exactly. You know what I mean? But the heart tries to put itself in there just like, oh, no, I'm important. I'm just as important as the brain. You have one job dickhead

and you don't even do it well because most people die when you fuck up that's the thing it it the heart is overvalued yeah like people they we don't have a healthy relationship to the heart because we simultaneously undervalue it and overvalue it at the expense of the brain and the liver. That's true. The liver doesn't get enough credit for what it does. Very important. Yeah.

Does 590-something jobs. I'll take three packs of Paul Molls. Three packs of Paul Molls. Yeah, give me some. Yeah, I'll take some bacon and eggs. What else you got in there? I got like 3,000 calories a day at this point. Just a grizzled union man.

He does what needs to be done. And he's resilient. You can cut off half the liver and he'll grow back you can't cut off half the heart yeah the heart's a little is what i'm saying the liver can hum along fine greatly compromised exactly this is what i'm saying okay now i'm thinking about we because we don't have a healthy relationship to the heart we think the heart can handle everything. The heart's kind of a little bitch. The heart's like, eh, actually.

Yeah. Those plaques are getting a little hard for me. Exactly. The liver would say, I'll take your plaques. Eh, give me your plaques. I'll take your fucking plaques. Send them down this way. The liver is a resilient union man.

That's the thing. Where do the kidneys fit in with all this? They're kind of like livers in training. They're not quite as tough. Yeah, you're right. They're the liver's apprentices. Right, right. They're his journeymen. They kind of do a similar job, but they're not quite as resilient. They're not quite as resilient

and they only do like a subset of the job kind of you know what i'm saying like they're they're you know they're filters as well like the liver yeah but that that you and you can lose one of them and still be good but like you're right like what what about the lungs what are the lungs are they like what are the lungs like are we anthropomorphizing here or like i think we are to some degree the lungs would be like you know those old wisdom guys your lungs feel like like some sort of like old guy to force you

to go consult for the wisdom. Hello. Hey, Tommy. He would tell you like, have you been sticking your penis in overhead bins again? No, sir. Well, it's not. That's not what I heard. Don't be doing that. Wheezing. That's not what I heard, Tommy.

Don't be putting your penis in the glove compartment of the Uber again. Noted, sir. Anyway, I come with you today with some questions. Some bigger questions. What's bigger than that? Nothing bigger than that, Jay, boy. One thing about life, son,

is you can't go around putting your penis in things. You can put your penis in some things and it would be like if you put your penis in an exhaust of a car people would be like that's wacky and gross but makes sense because it's cylindrical but if you put your penis in like a big box of some kind like an overhead bin, a rectangular space. That you couldn't even do. You'd have to stand on your tippy toes and kind of turn. Conceptually, this makes no sense.

You're just a pervert. Yes. It's not amenable or conducive to the shape of the penis. Yeah. And the stewardess just hands you like a toilet paper roll like, here, you must do this and gross us all out. At least disinfect afterwards. Yeah.

And disinfect your penis. Also, the air marshal's waiting for you out here to cart you off to prison. I can't do that. See, I've got a callus on my penis from walking around Sausalito for three days in that underwear. No one will. It's wet swimming trunks. The salt

water got under my skin. The salt water's never agreed with me. So I hate this bullshit town. You ever seen a Rothko painting? That's what my penis looks like right now. It's a gradient. It's a gradient of color.

My dick looked like somebody went hunting for toucan sand and shot him in the nose. It's not going to stop me from live streaming tonight 7 p.m digging balls cranking hog 7 p.m with bob cranking hog with bob yeah the lungs okay the lungs are the old man old Old man wisdom. Old man wisdom. Yeah. What about, so we got kidneys, and they're like the upstarts. They're like livers in training. Livers in training. What about, let's see, what other organs we got here?

We got some vestigial organs, and they're like even grosser than liver. The liver's like, no, the spleen, no. That's just unheard. This guy's a legend. Yeah, this guy's a fucking legend. this guy's a fucking legend a freaking legend this guy you've never seen someone put back so many boiler makers one night he just coked out of his mind this guy's a fucking this guy's a fucking legend. And he's like in a cast. You know what I mean? Like he's got some sort of like cast on him

like from a recent accident. It's covered in bandages and shit. Yeah, no, you're right. The spleen is like the local legend who like rollerbladed backwards down a mountain. He is the Pac-Man. He's the pac-man of the organs just done some wild shit done some wild shit you don't know if it's true you're like is this even real it's and he's a man out of time and place yeah you know what i mean like that's what makes him a legend like he's he's vestigial but at the same time you're like but does he serve a function and purpose here and yes he does that function

to be a legend yeah the appendix is the same way they're like they're like uh the tappet brothers but the appendix is a little more um the appendix is a little more what's the word he makes it everybody's problem when he gets yes he's more's like me. He's a little finicky. You know what I mean? Like if he starts getting like a little too hungry or a little too full, he starts to like get... You don't like me when I'm angry.

You don't like me. Exactly. Yeah. And he throws a fit and almost kills you. Yeah, almost kills you. Liver doesn't do that. No, liver's solid. Liver's long suffering.

It's exactly that. It'll take me 40, 50 years to kill you. I'll work with you every step of the way. I promise. I've been over backwards to help you, but I have my limits too. What about the bladder? What are we doing with the bladder i don't even knows what goes on over there that's true that's a no man's land we bring up the

bladder to the rest of these guys and they're just like i we send i mean the kidneys i guess they've seen him before they've met him before and the kiddies are like taciturn fellow just kind of say yeah he's kind of like he is to the kidneys what boo radley is to kill a mockingbird oh man i see he's he kind of keeps to himself did you say blue boo radley yeah that's just boo radley yeah just i'm trying to what else do we got well it's organs just organs skin what is the skin skin's just a stone cold sex freak just an absolute pervert just a guy every time you talk to he's making some sort of

just a guy every time you talk to he's making some sort of off joke off color joke yeah he's like he's like the that's what she said yeah right right right no no chill no chill at all it's all time gotta remind you that they fuck something that they get pussy yeah right like we get it bro yeah we get it and also though the skin is a little different because the skin keeps all the organs in though it's a very important job imagine though a sex pervert who's at the most important job oh man oh god that's the problem with the world today that's exactly the sex we're ordered and ran by the skin deviants yeah because without the skin we would all be inside out we would not our organs would be falling out all the time yeah

like but i'll see you later yeah listen i don't like the guy neither he gets a little fresh from my wife but uh you know i have to say he keeps, it keeps us in our place. In our place. It keeps us in our place. Let's see. The organs. I mean, like, intestines are organs, but that's a whole other thing. Like, I almost feel like intestines are alien if our if

in our body community we've got these familiar characters it almost feels like the intestines are kind of like beamed down from another planet like kind of the octopus so we tell the octopus is like an alien exactly they're like the. They're like the octopus alien intelligence. Like, where did you come from? Where did you go? How did you get here? Where are you going? Yeah, who's the Dave Matthews of the body?

Let's switch now. Let's make all these organs. No. No, I don't want to do that. What? No. What do. What? No. What do you mean? No. What are you talking about?

Dave Matthews is the lungs. No. Yes, he is. He is. I always imagined the lungs was like the Bellamy Brothers. Oxygen comes in and out comes CO2. It's the filtering of me brother oxygen comes in and out comes co2 it's the filtering of oh two in your blood it's the original

don't you don't think so i still think he's an old forest codger one that welcomes the dave could be an old Forrest Condor, man. I don't know. Dave was nowhere to be found this weekend. Bob was everywhere, but Dave... Dave? No. Dave's not quite as much fun as Bob. No, because Dave's serious. Dave gets very serious.

The lungs could be Jimmy Page. Okay, that makes a little... That's actually a little more in line. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's like an old... No, you're kind of same age, my Boris. I was just jacking on my dick.

Two old guys jacking their hogs on Instagram Live. You have a choice. Jimmy Page or Bob. Who you going with? Yeah, come on in. Don't you want to see my dick? Don't you want to see it? It's not chafed like Bobby's.

I have it in there. Don't worry. Shut up, Page. It happened to underwear. Shut up, Peyton. It happened to you, too, if you forgot your net. It happens to the best of us, all right? Don't take the high road, you little baby bitch. I was with you in 1972 on the Rolling Thunder tour. All you could talk about was your chafed dick and balls.

That's all you talked about for three months straight don't act like you're better than me god damn it what about the brain like i know we referenced the brain earlier well the brain's easy in comparison with the heart brain's a bookish sort okay you know even in dumb people he's less bookish but you're right but still even in dumb people he's the bookish sort right yeah yeah it depends what he's reading mm-hmm dumb people he's like a YA guy you know I did but never grows out of that you know I see what you mean like Like Mr. Rogers. Yeah. He's like, this guy's blue. Grass is green.

It's like he's dispensing wisdom if you're like 17. Right, right, right, right. But the older you get, you're like, yeah. He's like, smart people. He's like, you should have to pass an IQ test before you can procreate. Yeah, he's basically an amateur. He's a eugenicist. Eugenicist, yeah.

Like, okay. Man, that covers all the organs, right? I think we've hit him. I think that there's the diaphragm. I'm not sure what that does, but it seems a little feminine. It feels a little like, i'm dainty not that there's anything inherently dainty to femininity yeah that's treading some dangerous waters there again bobby and now there's anything wrong with it there's nothing wrong with that um i'm just saying when you get the

hiccups isn't it because your diaphragm is like spasming or something i think so i always get the hiccups when i get heartburn so i don't know yeah i think that's is that right i don't know it's fucked up that all of our organs are in our torso. Like, why can't we have an organ in our legs or arms? Who designed this shit? Yeah, why is it, it's like, why is all of our important shit in the same vicinity? We should spread it out. Yeah. That's my design for San Francisco.

Spread it out. Spread it all out and separate it with nets. Separate but equal. Bob, is this segregation? Well, you can look through the nets. There's not quite a wall. A better world's possible,

just not what I'm designing. It's more of a, you know, a bridge to an egalitarian society uh-huh um yeah there's uh bob dylan starts an architectural firm that accidentally just creates racist faces. Yeah, they consulted me about building what's called, they call it the

border wall in Texas. I was thinking more of a net. I was thinking more of a border net. More of a border net. We want a net. I can't do a wall for you, but I can do a net. What about nets? You like nets? Nets?

wall for you, but I can do it in nets. What about nets? You like nets? I'm leaving walls. I'm leaving tearing them down and replacing them with nets. What about nets? They're like walls, but just a little more give to them. They got give. You can walk in them for a little bit.

A few feet. Before you're pushed back or you're smart enough to go through the hole. You're smart enough just to lift it up and go under. Cut a hole in it. Modeled it off my favorite sport. Perhaps you've heard of it. Badminton. It's a fine mesh. It's not permanent. modeled it off my favorite sport. Perhaps you've heard of it. Badminton.

It's a fine mesh. It's not permanent. It rips easy. So if you need to go to the other side, you can. We suggest you don't, but if you need to, you can do it. Can't do that with a wall. Wow, Bob, this all started for you where? Sausalito, 2024.

Played one show. Played two songs and had to get back to my hotel room and jack my digging balls. Instagram Live. Yeah, Sausalito, bunch of broke motherfuckers. They didn't deserve for me to play more than two notes. Jacob was there running the merch table like he always is. He must have sold three or four shirts They all have nets in them No anti-chafing technology

On all my merch You'll never buy a pair of ball shorts From Bob Dylan Incorporated That'll chafe your dick That's the Dylan difference That's the Bobby D difference You ever take in a magnifying glass And put it on an anthill

That's what my dick looked like After three days in Sausalito You ever seen the surface of the moon that's what it looked like craters and park marks but it's not gonna stop me i'm body positive yeah you ever seen a prepubescent boy a pubescent boy's face after he eats some some dum-dum pops and some Tootsie Rolls well

that's what my dick that's what my dick looked like totally broken out I'm losing you Bob did you have burns and shapes on your dick or you had acne

all of the above none of your god damn business tune in to find out 7pm Instagram live All of the above. None of your goddamn business. Tune in to find out, 7 p.m., Instagram Live. If you see someone on there that looks kind of like me, but it's not, that's my son Jacob. He tries to pretend to be me and crank his hog. He'll never be me.

He's only got one song. He only wrote the song One Headlight. That's all he's working with upstairs. One headline. Bobby's got two. Bobby's got two headlines. I said, Jacob,

why don't you write another song? Everybody's tired of hearing one headline. That's all they hear. Everywhere they go. Can't turn on my goddamn radio without hearing his one bullshit song. You ever seen the handlebars on a 12-year-old's bicycle? One down and depleted.

That's what my dick looks like. They don't make them like they used to, let me tell you. Yeah. God damn it. Man. Do you have two coffees? Is that what I'm saying?

Yeah, I do have two coffees. I thought it was an optical illusion. One is wait that's two headlights why does it say deaf that doesn't say dks oh it does you're right they thought they must have thought i was deaf when i went in there i was talking to them very loudly. Can I get some coffee? Okay. Man. Let's see. Is the vascular system an organ? Technically it is, right?

No, I think it's a... It's a system? It's a system. It's different. It's different. Interesting interesting i don't know anything about it what about the um neuro mancer system you don't know what's going on in there i don't know what's going on none of your business none of my business There's the nerves That is true Nerves are pretty testy

They're pretty touchy Like Listen Yeah I'm so high strung today And every day Don't look at me But the veins

They're just Fucking flowing That's true easy breezy easy breezy they're like the rivers the nerves are like the forests and the veins are like the rivers which are like people kind of oh my. There's no boundaries between anything anymore. This is my revelation from San Francisco. Everything is everything. So people, animals, rivers, forests, Bob Dylan's penis, your penis. You went to San Francisco and became a everything is everything.

Everything is everything. Yeah. That's what happened to me there. It was pretty fun. Me, I became more aware of the surveillance state. I did that too. Just felt looked at a lot, you know? Yeah.

Or watched it. No, you're right. You are exactly right. I think the surveillance state is, it is wild, right? How it's being tested out and experimented on. I don't envy San Franciscans. Because we don't have that level of surveillance here.

We tried and it was like, they tried that in Wattsboro. They did try it in Wattsboro. I wonder how that experiment's going. If I had to guess, that CCTV camera has all but been taken down. It was right next to the river, first of all. And, like, there's water next to a river. You can't put a camera next to water, can you? So there's only one. There were several. there's several along main street in whitesburg at various points that's so

creepy man especially like after the flood i genuinely think that's why they did that they're like we're gonna catch looting we're gonna catch looting that is apparently like we entered a permanent looting state after the flood. You know what I'm saying? Like everything just became looting. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

What about the tongue? Is the tongue an organ? Yeah. What about the tongue? Is the tongue an organ? Maybe the tongue's the pervert. Maybe the skin's not. Yeah.

Well, if the skin's not a pervert, then what is it? I'd say it's still a pervert, but it's just not an out. Yeah, you can have more than one pervert in the system. Oh, yeah. That's exactly right. Teeth. Teeth? Yeah.

Teeth are like your linebackers. They're your offensive line and your defensive line. They're your bulwark against cigarette smoke. That's why they're there. We have all those teeth so we can smoke cigarettes. And they can get yellow.

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Gums. Let's go through the whole body i don't think i can i don't hair's cowardly hair is i won't you any goddamn way you know it seems like this was a big theme of our trip in San Francisco was hair and hair loss. And I just want to say the past several months I've been like, oh, man, I'm not hot anymore. I'm old.

Nobody pays attention to me or looks at me. Meanwhile, we went to this beach in San Francisco and three of the finest women I've ever seen in my life. They couldn't stop checking me out. They were like, oh my God. Like, oh. Oh my God. Look at him. He's losing his hair, babe.

Like, he's still got swag. I've heard it all. They came up to me. They said, sir, you have swag. Oh my God. Like, there's our titties. They showed me their tits. I must have been in the water when this happened.

You were in the water when this happened, yeah. I must have been underwater. You were underwater when this happened, checking out the nets. This must have been when I was underwater for an hour and a half. You were checking out the nets that they had to offer, and there is women on the beach and men all showing me their dick and balls and tits. Oh, that's what, when I popped my head up up for air that was what that long line in front of you that's what the long line was yes they're like finally a sexy man is in san francisco finally

he's finally come yeah the promise of the one foretold in the scriptures that's here. And I said, well, whatever's going on over there is none of my business. And I commenced to scuba diving. That's exactly right. And it gave me confidence. I have confidence now. I'm walking with a new spring in my step.

Are you? Yes. I'm like, I have confidence now. You know? I came away from that trip with the exact opposite. No confidence at all? No, it's not that. They took your confidence in Sausalito.

No, I came back depressed. I'm coming back from Sausalito with two things. My son Jacob's new album. Wallflowers 2. Wallflowers will suck. They will all compare to my oomph. And it will fall short. And Tom Sexton's confidence. Those two things.

I robbed that motherfucker blind. Now I've got his confidence. I'm going to take it to Instagram Live tonight, 7 p.m. Eastern time, jacking my dick and balls. I'm jacking my to Instagram live Tonight 7pm Eastern time jacking my dick in balls I'm jacking my That's right I don't jack just my dick I also jack my balls Jacob get back out to the merch table

Go sling me some shirts My dick looks like a My dick in balls May look like a Space shuttle on re-entry into the earth's atmosphere however my dick may look like one of those street dogs and everybody just sort of feeds bologna to just sort of feeds baloney to him.

Mr. Dillon, we're losing the metaphor. I lost it a long time ago. Don't worry. Now I just say things. One thing's for sure, Jacob will never equal my greatness. However,

a handsome boy did spring from his loins. Oh, dear. Oh, man. You said too much for me. You're giving away the game for me. Don't do it. Don't do it. I did it. And that's how I wound up at Dunning Street.

That's how they made me prime minister. Yeah. Bobby, if you're too careful, you'll end up leading a mid-sized power. That's not what you want, is it? You want to stay engineer san francisco i've not had a chafe dick in 40 years bubby page you're not half the guitar player i mean i mean i thought these kids they they like Rhett more than they like Led Zeppelin.

I said, you like Led Zeppelin? They said, hell no. I said, what about Rhett? You like Rhett? And they dig Rhett. I'm nominating. That is the best video of all time. I think so.

What about Rhett? You like think so. What about Rat? You like Rat? What about Rat? You like Rat? I'm going to say, we've got to deep dive on Rat real quick. What about Nitz?

You like Nitz? Let's see, Rat. I think Rat. Did Rat do the soundtrack for Dream Warriors? I don't know. I've never even heard of that. Oh, man. What's the Dream Warriors?

Let's see. Members. Rat was doing soundtracks. The 80s were on some different shit, dog. They had Rat doing soundtracks. Dog, there's so many. Where's the original lineup? We don't have Nets in England, Bobby.

Okay. We don't have Walls either. The original lineup looks like it was Bob Marks, Matt Thor, Chris Hager, and Stephen Percy. And it only seems like Stephen Percy has survived the winds of change over the years.

When the levee breaks Bobby you'll wish you had a net. Don't you wish you'll be sorry you had a net when the levee breaks Bobby. We have the finest civil engineers in the world, Bobby. Bobby. They're working around the clock.

Oh, man. Let's see. Rat performing at the suite. Let's see. Rat is an American heavy metal band that had significant commercial success in the 80s their albums have been certified gold platinum multi-platinum by ria the group is perhaps best known for its hit singles such as round and round and lay it down tracks that ranked on billboard's top 40 at number 12 and number 40 respectively now here's the thing okay there was a time when a band could have two songs one charts at number 12 and one charts at number 40 and they were held as one of the best of the generation now that would never happen it makes you wonder like why why did bob on that day

why did he think of rat? Like, why did his brain go there? Bob Dylan hailed as maybe the greatest songwriter of all time. Okay. Right. And the first place his mind goes when he's talking to the kids is, do you like the guys that have the number 12 song in the country on the radio right now? You like rat? What was that song round and round you ever seen a

tree on a empty plane in the midwest that's been struck by lightning that's what my dick split right down the middle i got i think this might be more than mere chafing, Bob. I think Godzilla got a hold of your cock. Godzilla got a hold of your penis, Bob. Is this rat? You know it's not. Is this round and round?

Yeah. Dude, we're going to get copyright. We're going gonna get DMCA I don't give a damn what they do Let them come after me I've got the best lawyers in the game I'm jankin' my dick To round and round tonight

7pm Instagram live Jacob will be bringing me Twinkies And seltzer waters It was a hell of a time to be alive It was dude Here we go I see

I understand now why Bob is like we've dissected this video doesn't he say like are those friends in the distance he's like what about them are they friends here's my question could you go platinum today when your biggest song peaked at number 12

but nobody's buying records anymore that is true like you sold a million albums and the best you did was 12 number 12 i have to agree with bob. That song slaps. That song fucking rules. Round and round. Goes around, comes around. Just like my dick, everybody, ladies and gentlemen. I think there's going to be, and a lot of people will dispute me on this, but I think there's going to be, history will be more kind to hair metal than. Yeah. You got some fat ass riffs in the glam.

I'm honestly a little surprised that Gen Z hasn't brought it back Cause like I don't know if you've noticed But like Gen Z Has brought back Like we were in that bar In San Francisco And like all the fucking

Songs they were playing Was like 2003 Aaliyah You know what I mean? Yeah yeah yeah Like old school Like Keep going Keep digging until you get to rat don't stop until you reach rat yeah the peak of yeah that's bob dylan's here here's

my penis dig it take it with you keep digging until you reach rat let me tell you something there's a there's a wealth of knowledge if you just keep digging. And there's a little band you'll come across that started in 1976. Steven Percy on the lead vocals. An undersung genius. They peaked at number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100,

but they peaked at number one in my heart. That band's rat was rounding around. You ever seen a drumstick used by the drummer for a rat? And it's worn down on one end. That's where my penis was. And snapped in half. Well, that's just a little preview of what's coming tonight. What are other things that are eroded over time? It's coming tonight, so...

What are other things that are eroded over time? You ever seen the Grand Canyon? Millions of years of water passed through it. That's what my penis looks like. You ever seen the Tigris and the Euphrates when they rerouted it? When they rerouted it? They rerouted it. What about Saddam?

You like Saddam? When they rerouted it. Well, you know how it looked like a barren wasteland there for a little while? That's what my dick looked like after a day at the beach. Dick and balls looked like. With no net. That's why you got day at the beach. Dick and balls look like. With no net. That's why you got to have nets, folks. And that's why I'm canceling tonight's show in Sausalito.

Too much chafage. Oh, man. Poor Bob. Oh, God. Poor Bob got a dick. Chafed dick and balls. If he'd just taken a page out of Jimmy Page's book. If he'd just taken a Jimmy Page.

If he'd just taken a Jimmy Page, he could have been head of state. I should have taken a Jimmy, but without the page, if you know what I mean. I'd take one Jimmy, please. No page. He woke up from a dream where he was the president of the United States and Jimmy Page was the prime minister

and when he woke up only half of that was true. Jimmy Page was still the prime minister. Was the prime minister but he just had a chafed dick and balls from a day on the page.

He hallucinated because the chafed dick got infected and it caused a blood infection. I just awakened from a bout with sepsis. Death appeared to me. I said, no, not today.

I woke up and Jacob was next to my hospital bed crying like a little baby bitch. I said, why don't you write a song about it, Jacob? It might get to number one. Stop being a little bitch about your daddy's dying dick. By the way, we're having a dick transfer. Jacob, I'm taking yours. I'm taking yours. You're taking mine.

No, Dad, no. Jacob, it's too late. My mind's already made up. In fact, I thought this day might happen it's the reason i brought you into this world to begin with i needed a backup penis but when this day would come i've been saving we're going to the uk where they allow such. Our good friend Jimmy Page is head of state over there. Come on over. We'll do it at no cost.

We'll charge the British taxpayers. We've got universal health care for you. They'll take care of it for you. Just like some bloke. Hey, what you mean more taxes are going to boost penis transfer? What you talking about more

taxes? This ain't fair. This ain't fair at all. I've been on the list. I've been on the list six years. My penis has been shaved for six goddamn years. And Bobby used to cut the front

of the line. Quiet, man. Big boy. Big boy. line. Quiet. Be quiet. Be quiet. We don't want to scare them off. This is going to be good for us. We're back on the world stage. Don't

scare them off. Alright, I'll allow it for this time. Only because I like the basement tapes. It was transcendent, so I'll allow it. Leave on helm. It was fun on those drums. He's slapping his skins?

I will pass the cost off to the British taxpayer, Bobby It's a victimless crime, Bobby No one suffers Except Jacob Except Jacob He's expendable. We'll send him to the folk. He's too gorgeous anyway.

Needs to be brought down a peg. We need to humble him a little bit, Bobby. He had one song and he's lived off it for 30 years now. Nothing compared to your catalog, buddy. You deserve this one. Stop beating yourself up, Bobby. He's like, well, I wasn't beating myself up. I don't really care that much.

I'm taking that penis one way or the other. My dick's going with me. My dick's going with me. It's going with me. It's going with me. Jacob's hanging out with the wallflower. He's like, well, I'm going to. He has to cancel our gigs.

I'm going to cancel. And I can't even do a Jacob Dillon impersonation, even though it's literally just Bob. I've got to get my dick. I've got to switch my dick with my dad this weekend That's what I was Put on earth to do Apparently That and write

One number one song Me and dad Are gonna switch our dicks This weekend Two things I was put on this earth for Switch dicks with my dad Eventually

And own the summer of 97 Have the song of the summer of 97. Have the song of the summer, 1997. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, my God. Are there any medical risks with such a procedure? Well, you know, this is kind of how Harry Nilsson died. We didn't tell anybody.

It's a little bit of a secret, but this can be a little risky. We're the only country on Earth that does this sort of thing. Some high concept stuff, by the way. Oh, man. God, that's so dumb. that's so dumb this might be a new low for us but but he had bob dylan to switch dicks on jacob and pass the cost off to the British taxpayer. Got me so hard that I felt my chest season. Well, if you want more content like this, if you want part one, there's an episode several months ago

on our Patreon. Go to our Patreon. Go to our Patreon. The Patreon has mostly been content like this, but I'm trying to switch it up. I'm going to put more serious stuff. The dumb stuff on Main Street. Dumb stuff on Main Street because I'm getting increasingly paranoid

about the liberals. Actually, they've been in my mentions for the past 24 hours who has liberals oh well they said that was just fucking insane i just made this stupid innocuous tweet yesterday it was like the headline it was like a a screenshot of a new york times headline it was like 17 percent of voters blame biden for overtone turning row and then the subheader was like the mistaken belief uh believed by whatever and i just highlighted the thing that said mistaken belief and i just tweeted it out and it just the tweet just said hmm lol mistaken belief and people get so mad

i don't even know how they found it do you feel like they're searching these tweets out like liberals like i feel like they're they're searching how would they have found that i don't even mention biden in the tweet itself like how would they have found that anything you'd want to get mad at you can go find though i know i think they're doing it on purpose yeah i think they're trying to shout us down yeah yeah after being in san being in San Francisco, I realized that. They've deputized the bots. They've, they have.

I noticed what they've done, too. Like, you'll make a very heartfelt, earnest post, and then it'll just be some chick showing her hole right under it.

It's like, come on, God damn. What is that? They're assuming there's gonna be, like, Bob Dylan,

like, chafe dick in profile. Cha Dylan like chafe dick in profile chafe dick in bio in bio and it's not a bot it's him every time it's actually go look at my chafe dick 7pm it's just

and then come see my new dick which is Jacob's old dick new to me old to jacob new to me old to jacob jacob maybe now man now you got a chafed dick but maybe now you better write a number one song because you'll have experienced hardship. The hardship of a chief painter. Inspiration. Great art comes from great struggle.

Now you'll know some instead of just being a gorgeous little rich boy. You're welcome. God damn it, dude. That about covers it. That's it. That about covers it. Go it That about covers it Go to Patreon For the other content Of which

Of which we spoke And Please support us there And just remember folks Life's your party No Life's your party Okay I gotta go

Life's your party Tom I don't know it's your party