Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 357: Ethical Ballers

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

Amazing ideas for small business success and also advice for ethical dilemmas, featuring The Ethicist Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

Um Dude I was thinking about a gym like opening up my own gym. Okay where You know how like in gyms that there's always like messages on the wall and stuff Yeah, like push harder Like you're a bitch fucking pussy. Yeah, like Like you're becoming the new you I bet you wore women's clothes to this gym didn't you? Underneath your workout underneath your workout clothes. Where you wear it. Where you wearing a leotard

Yeah, dude, I would like to take it in your little asshole don't you I Want to do that but um I I want a gym that has like extremely obvious messages on the wall like like fatigue is strength leaving the body but we're building muscle or actually like we're getting stronger actually what we're working your your blood nitrogen levels aren't optimal enough to invoke a muscle growth response. Consider visiting our Pro Shop for the latest and finest proteins. That pain you're feeling in your side, that's just mitochondrial in nature. Powerhouse of the cell.

This is your mitochondria acting up in your rhizomatics Some people tell you that's weakness leaving the body, but really it's deeper than there. Mm-hmm There's a lot of fuzz see what's what's happening is you're working hard and you're getting tired Yeah, good job. Good job. That means it's working. We're getting stronger At the gym We're getting stronger. We're building back better It's like I get really intimidated by the gym because all the messages that are like You see her that was the old her she's a fucking coward

Don't you want to fucking murder the old you murder the old you don't you want to fucking take the old you. Murder the old you. Don't you wanna fucking take the old you out and put one between the eyes? No, shorter. And bury the body. Drown the old you in a fucking bathtub. Look at how helpless and pathetic the old you is. Don't you wanna wrap your fingers, your hands around the old you's neck

and squeeze harder than you've ever wanted? What? You know that. You're like, um, don't you want to dissolve your the old you's body in a lie? Don't you want to cut up the old you's into a million fucking pieces and scatter it around the town you live in and start some sort of perverted scavenger hunt with your remains.

I'm just trying to do my arm curls. That's why my gym will be much more chill. We're building muscle. You're building muscle. We're getting tired and we're doing it together. That's all that's going on here is we're getting tired and building muscle. That's all that's going on. Maybe some people upstairs are expanding aerobic capacity, but mostly we're just getting tired and building muscle here. That's right.

Don't you want to dissolve the old you in line? The old you is a pathetic loser that deserves to have no trace of its remains. You should take everything you wrote off the internet before 2021. They have found the new you's fingerprints all over the old you's crime scene. What are you gonna do? You're getting ready to be charged for your old use murder That's right, you are diligent enough in covering your tracks at the old year's crime scene It's like the inverse of that

What was that movie when we went to watch alien? It was like ivory plazas in it It's like the old her gets to meet the new her. It's like one of those feel-good coming of age deals And then the new hers like You're so hot you want to make out you know I want to kiss me and I was like That was the beautifully broken trailer. I think wasn't I think that was what it was yeah, and when the crow I thought the crow No, I'm pretty sure that was the it was yeah, and when the crow I thought no no I'm pretty sure that was the beautifully broke the crow was a beautifully broken movie, but that's not what you're talking well with the crow

What is? Understood doesn't have to be explained we all understand that you're beautifully broke. You know I had to under explain it You know yeah, but with that the movie you were talking about Yeah, it's subtext and they kind of have to say it. Coming of age stories are typically beautifully broken following to the genre. It is true. Speaking of beautifully broken, I had a question for you.

I was kind of thumbing through Twitter on the way back. You said, had tweets that, you know the homies going through an identity crisis when he's looking up for a stranger positions is the homie in question your Your old self looking for a gig for you know so what's going on? The gun you used was hot you left a slug in the old you You dumb motherfucker now you're gonna be charged with murder of the old you

You better go you better go you better go burn your thumb prints off the new you you cocksucker you fucking murderous cocksucker dick how could you do that to the old you I was just joking you sick You sick fuck No one gets any working out done It's all over the walls of the gym like we're just a high school football team like why is our courage nusty to murder the old us It's like the walls read like a dr. Browners bottle, but it's like you got a kill It's all about killing your set dying to self There's like you know how like there's sometimes Bible verses in Jim's

What's the one about dying to self? That it's the only one it just takes out like it's like ominous like Bible verse yeah, I guess we are promoting suicide of a kind It's Roman 6 6 our old self was crucified yeah, yeah Put a crown of thorns on your old self march him through the city With that stupid fucker with a cat of nine tails Whip him till pieces of his fucking flesh fall off of his weak ass back Let him be spat at by the townspeople. That's what that's what needs to happen to your old self. Oh

Man it needs to be hung between two thieves your old self does Oh man, he needs to be hung between two thieves your old self does The love of his life can come out and see him suffering while they stick a spear in his side. Yeah release Fluids that have accrued in his yeah torso So he can breathe Yeah, suffer a little longer because that's what he deserves. That's what he deserves. But Christ didn't deserve it, but you do. You deserve it, not Christ death.

Because you're so fucking pussy, you can't even curl 15 pounds. That's why you deserve Christ death. Oh man. It's just dizzying, everybody just leaves like, like they're like, I'm never going back to that gym. I don't care if the introductory rate was fantastic. I feel so bad. And you're about to feel worse, motherfucker,

will ya, if you come back. And you're about to feel worse motherfucker. Well, yeah if you come back But you will have like three like disaffected housewives Who love it and are just completely jacked like that's wow like whenever I went to the gym in Weitzberg they would have their like disaffected housewives corner where like all the blonde, really tanned, disaffected housewives

would like go work out. And in that corner they would have those kinds of posters. They'd be like, do you feel the old you leaving your body? And so I'm saying like this gym would have at least three or four like, you know Just in a guy there's at least one guy who's really really Also really into that No one and the one in that corner that you're referring to that always

Got me down whenever I would go there is, train insane or remain the same. Which is really fun to say, but absolutely not true. I would argue that if you're trying to get in shape and you've never really been in shape, the best way to do it is just small changes. You know? If I go train insane or remain the same, I'll do that one time and I'll never go back I was like well that sucks. I can't make there's no chance

I'm making that part of my life, but I can get 10,000 steps a day. That's manageable train insane is um Is that when you're doing stuff like? Pulling trucks. I think that's when you like I like when they do that. I think it's like when you're you know what those gym moves were like you stand on like a rubber ball and like do kettlebell squats and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. It's like the actual exercise is more dangerous

than like the upshot to it. You know what I mean? It's like you fall off that ball, like you're not gonna be able to train insane for at least six to nine months because you're gonna be in the hospital Yeah, you're gonna be convalescing insane yeah, you start seeing like there's like these Instagram accounts where like guys will do these like

like they'll be on like a little machine and they'll be doing like sit-ups and catching a barbell and then going down and Whoo, and then throwing it and like throwing it back for us like for one either That's fake or you guys are just like Really dumb fretting the tendons in your shoulders. Just yeah set yourself up for a lifetime of injury, you know Man the Soviets had it figured out. Yeah, I mean, I don't really know much about it But every time you would wax poetic about it It seems pretty just Spartan and straightforward straightforward three basic movements human being has a push pull in a squat That's all you need. That's all you need

Everything else is extraneous bullshit exactly. Yeah, that's not training insane. That's as train sensibly Training sensibly. Well, they also measure their weights in poods, which is fun the word to say great. That's great What do how does a pood transfer to a once you to a see tell me how many pounds in a pood? How many poods in a pound how do you spell it P OOD? I think just like it sounds Wow payable on death, but with an extra O in there It's so funny you say that I literally listened to a P pod album yesterday youth of a nation. I listen to that one Listen that way cuz it's got one of the funniest lyrics of all time instead of taking the test. I took two to the chest That's one way to do it I'm gonna come back as the middle age of a nation the middle

I Are we gonna come back as the middle age of a nation? The middle age. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, I don't, this doesn't, I think poods is so advanced. Are you sure it's not like P-U-D-S? Poods, I think it's poods, P-O-O-D. P-O-O-D. P-O-O-D, weight. Poods. A pood is, oh, okay, here we we go a pood is a Russian unit of weight that is equal to 16.38 kilograms or 36.8 11 pounds

Damn well if you're slinging a pood you're doing decent. I probably weigh like four poods Don't you let's start announcing our weight in poods like somebody say how much do you weigh instead of saying like 220 pounds I'm gonna be like I'm up to about eight poods or so. I weigh about three and a half poods yeah a little over three and a half. Six poods none the richer. It's like you just saying kiss me but in Russian We need new units of measurement The USS are abolished the pood in 1924 but the term is still used today in reference to sporting weights, especially kettlebells Well, well

I'd say it's time to bring the poop back Bring back the food. We need if you want more poon, you gotta throw up more poods That's what my gym would say. Here's an idea. Here is a good idea We started a very Spartan Soviet era gym. That's just like kept but we can't have new kettlebells They have to look like rust. It can have like, be measured in poods. They can't look like this, Bigfoot Primal Dill, Primal Kettlebells?

No, we're fighting against that. Here's what we're doing. I hate that shit. Oh wait, wait, wait, novel, they have novelty kettlebells? Novelty kettlebells, look at that. There's an ape on that one. I hate that shit.

It's not an even distribution of weight. You're right, it's not. With all the features, it's just gonna be like a an even distribution of weight. You're right. It's not Features it's just gonna be like a little back in your front head. It's not an even distribution of weight So here's what we do. It's Soviet themed. We find the radiest building in town, right? Okay, we hang a hammer and sickle up. Okay, and then all Like rusty ass kettlebells that are measured in poods. But we're gonna have like sort of an arrogant hipster vibe to it. Oh, you don't know how many pounds on a pood, huh?

I'm not doing my research for it. Exactly, it's not my job to educate you. And then we'll pump them up on like Yvonne Drago style steroids and they'll have like amazing results and be like, I got the poods to thank you. Okay, so it's so Soviet themed. We're really rude to them We have an entirely different weight system and we give them

Drugs elicit drugs, okay, you ever thought about how? Much rocky was anti Soviet props particularly that one Yeah, like they just cast Evon drug goes on steroids because the Soviets were kicking our ass and there It's like maybe Wow, there's also a Funt do you know what a font is? This is the fact I do know what a fun is. This is the premier Measurements and weights alternative measure is in weight system as a Russian pound a font is a Russian pound a Russian pound

We're just calling poods and fonts here poods and fonts. It's just it's 0.903 that's of a regular pound. It's just a little less than a Font Fint it's like Fahrenheit and Celsius like it's like what's it's like a hundred and four point three Fahrenheit is like what is that in Celsius? What is that one? Say that again. 103 point what? I know that's the man it's like 32 Celsius is zero right? Yeah, dude. Yes What's a hundred and four point three? I can't find me fucking food. I found my fucking food. I'm fucking food

just I can't find me fucking food man Fucking Christ man. I can't find anything in poods and fun. So we're fucking Christ man Man, I can't find everything in poods and fonts over here fucking Christ, man Fucking Christ, I can't find me fucking food Let's not deviate too much from the thing. What's this forest Ranger you come out joining the service? The forest service that is I don't I don't want his forestry service job I don't want a job that like is cop adjacent adjacent I would like a job where I just walk a trail and Maybe I have a hat you wear I have a wear a hat. I have a chainsaw a handkerchief

I have a handkerchief best friends with a picnics basket still in there they cut my hands off and they put chainsaws for my hands and I they put chainsaws for my hands and I Look very sad and Haggard all the time, but not haunted. Yeah, I want to be like a movie villain criminal guy Who's haunted but not mean? Does that make a good example? I? Don't know like well so ash from Evil Dead had the chainsaw hand, right? Yeah, I Want that but my job is I just do trail maintenance and like people see me coming down the trail

And they're like he looks scary. It looks like a grotesquer and he is But the chainsaw hands strictly Utilitarian yeah, it's strictly for it just it makes more sense yes he's so invested in this gig he had the prosthesis put in so he could just streamline the process exactly his life's a failure everything fell apart for him. And then like you're... He tried to open a gym with a Dr. Price. Crazy screens. And then he tried to open a Soviet style one that measured everything in poods and fonts.

Well, now here he is. Hey! Hey! We were just talking about you, man. Look, he's always crying. And you just dismember me in front of them. I'm like, I said you were benevolent. I'm benevolent.

That's what I'm talking about. I want a benevolent job. Yeah, I want a benevolent job. What job could you get that's benevolent in 2024 in this? Satanic country I was just thinking about like I went to Camp Nelson today. Do you know what Camp Nelson is? Is it for troubled boys or yes? This where you got the Forest Ranger inspiration. Yeah, I mean, well really the Forest Ranger inspiration is like from, I go to like the Pinnacles a lot in Berea, right, and the fucking Poison Ivy there is out of control.

And I just think that there's gotta be some way to do some trail maintenance on On wave duty. Yeah, I want a job like that. Like I want to be the trail guy Like I understand what you're saying. I want to be fabled and I want to be the trail guy and I want to be the guy That's like Yeah, like this guy comes out like he's usually out here a lot But we haven't seen him like a few months like and so the trails are getting kind of overgrown There's a lot of like poison ivy. There's a lot of They're saying this man is a guy that currently holds that position

Who is me or they're just gonna say that about you? I'm gonna neglect the trip You're just forecasting how bad you're gonna be at this job I'm building that into the mythology of my position at this job. Yeah, and people when they're interviewing me they're gonna say like Well, you know, what's you're gonna be your routine? How you gonna approach this job? That's what I'm gonna tell them like I'm gonna do this diligently for like three or four months and then a sickness will come over me an existential despair

the regularness of life and then I'll be going and trying to open up a gym and And I'll be focusing on that for a little while and the trails it'll be a failure. It'll be a failure. Yeah, however It will be a fun thing because I'll be the fabled trail guy and then I'll come back Give me the kick in the pants. I need to get the chainsaw prosthesis for my hands They're like it's it sounds like you're just using this as a way to like solve your own Internal crises, you're not actually interested in the trail. Let me stop you right there buddy I'm not getting the chainsaw prosthesis for my health. No, that's for your benefit you I'm the only one willing to get the chainsaw prosthesis name another applicant in here willing to actually become

The job right? I'll find out wait. I'll wait. I'll find you and I'll wait. I'm gonna take it slow I'll find you now chop your cut zoom out I'm gonna take it slow. I'll find you now chop your kudzu I will maintain the trails, but I'll be bad at this job for a while And then I'll get good at it again, and then I'll get bad at it again And then I'll get good at it again the seasons of life. Yeah, yeah, man. I've never had a single Trying to brush my teeth with my chains Maybe by my own hand. My own. Trying to brush my teeth with my chainsaw. Swinging a little too wide last night. Yeah, you just show up to work with different parts of yourself this member.

Like just, like I slept funny last night and now I don't have a left ear, you know? have a left ear you know. You know like these guys that turn themselves into like cats and lizards. Yeah you don't see that much anymore. Like body mod to the point where they're like yeah body modding. Yeah you don't you don't see anybody like fashioning their person into a deadly weapon like that you know. You're right. Like why can't you, like Jax from Mortal Kombat, remember when he had the hands, metal hands and stuff? That was crazy.

Does anybody do that or do they just, we're just stuck, is the technology just limited to like a hook hand thing? I think it's like a hook hand. Yeah. I mean, you could probably get crazy with it. The thing is, is you have to find an evil mad scientist. Because just some like regular ass doctor. Just gonna give you the. It's gonna give you the hook just gonna give you that man

Just do the hook. Yeah, just do the hook. You know, that's not running me. I need to find somebody willing to push the envelope with medicine a little bit you're gonna have to Track some evil mad scientist doctor down probably the same guy that did the head transplant That guy's name the Italian dude Dr. Down probably the same guy that did the head transplant Can't even say that guy's name the Italian dude doctor Sanago. I can't even say it without laughing the concept is so me This was a guy Credentialed by an actual medical school somewhere that believed he could do a head transplant There are those guys still it kind of makes me want to bring profiles and courage back a little bit Just is just to do the guy that believed in the head trend. It's right. It's what it is

It's really good stuff It's really good. And there was like a guy that had like ALS or some horrible disease that like put all of his faith in this guy Uh-huh. I'm gonna go on a limb and say it didn't pan out. I don't think it panned out. Unfortunately. The body rejected the head. That would be like... It's actually not that it was a failure.

It's that he actually didn't have the correct anti-rejection meds. Like, damn, this would have worked if only I would have had... That's the thing. Maybe he forgot to take his anti-rejection meds one morning Yeah, he got a new head a totally new personality like the experiment technically worked could be patient error But the new personality new brain was a little devil may care about taking the meds That's right because that'll happen. Yeah, the new brain might be more like me They might be three four months on and then one or two months off. Yeah Cuz that's how I am about everything. Yeah

I've never had a job where I was like literally on the whole time. I Think I've every job I've ever had I've been like fucking Star athlete for three or four months and then just like riding the pine. Yeah And then just like ride in the pine Y'all are doing great out here keep it up. Yeah like what's going on out there? That's that's good stuff That's good stuff y'all are doing Like motherfucker you're supposed to be doing it with us

You know what I used to try doing a lot of my jobs was stay out of sight and out of mind Mm-hmm, so a lot of people think gopher and is an ignoble profession, okay? Mm-hmm. I think it's the best gig you can have is being a gopher being a gopher This is some wisdom for what's a gopher just the guy that runs and gets everything. Ah, dude Yeah, a great job. You get to stay in the air condition. Usually you get a truck or something or a vehicle. Yeah, it is. You just gotta run, pick up shit, even if it's just coffee, whatever, right? Yes.

Being a gopher around something that's cool, you know? Like I have a volunteer on a movie set, but I just wanna be the gopher. Yeah. I don't wanna stand and sweat my ass off with the crew all day. I wanna be like, you need something? I'll go get it.

War? Yeah. That's what an aide de camp does. A what? An aide de camp. An aide de camp? Yeah. Is that a French term?

I guess so, A-I-D-E-D-E-C-A-M-P, aide de camp. And what's the good role? I think they just go get shit. I'm pretty sure that- So it's a French gopher. I'm pretty sure that oh, it's a French gopher I'm pretty sure that Thomas Paine was like George Washington's gopher really I think he was just an aide de camp Who are some legendary gophers? Or is who's the Rick Dalton gopher and once upon a time hot Brad Pitt's character?

He was a gopher my bet the best line. He says no, you're my stuntman cliff. He goes Rick. I'm your gopher All right, let's see here United States US Navy captain AS McDill aid the camp to fleet Admiral Ernest J King at the Potsdam conference What the fuck are they doing at the Potsdam conference? What the fuck are they doing at the Potsdam conference? That's a lot of questions. That very query brings up a lot for me. It's the famous conference where they, the photo with Stalin, FDR, and... That was the Potsdam conference? Yeah, Churchill or...

I thought you meant the one where they're on the boat. You know, that's like when they edit the one day down. Oh, that was... Was that Lenin and Stalin? That was Stalin and it wasn't linen though I think it was just some like I started to say they weren't contemporary. They were in different for a while. Yeah Yeah, definitely they came up together Through the ranks really mm-hmm Stalin was a little crazier. He was the one that was like doing robberies

Yeah, I guess well. I just I think I guess I knew they lived in the same time. I just didn't know that they. Lennon was a little older. Maybe like 20 years older. Okay. 15 years older, but they were really contemporary. Okay, I guess I just associate Lennon with being 1910s and Stalin being 1940s.

Well, it's cause Lennon got sick and died early, prematurely, like in his 50s. Yeah, cuz man That's what revolution will do to you brother. It's hard on me. That's what Robespierre did man Robespierre fucked up And that's what I mean. He was like he was kind of like having a nervous breakdown That's how he got that's how he got caught man. Now imagine if these guys just said, you know what? I'm not gonna strive too much. I'm just gonna be a gopher for somebody somebody I know you just be an aide de camp yeah they'd be camped then there's something oh man don't church it up it's just a gopher I'm just go for this go for that I'm an aide to the camp yeah all of you I'm an aide and when a gopher

gets married he becomes a honeydew Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think Hamilton was Washington's made the camp the only aid to camp to become famous is actually actually what it says So everybody else died in obscurity except for him except for Hamilton Yeah, and maybe only he lives on because of Lin-Manuel Miranda. That's right There was also a guy named tinch till women the longest-serving aid to camp to George Washington tinch till man tinch till women hmm tinch to George Washington. Tinch Tilghman. Tinch Tilghman. Tinch. Pinch me. Tinch Tilghman. Tinch me, I never thought I'd be an Aide De Camp

to an American president. Tinch Tugman. The first one. My name's Tinch Tugman. I'm George's, I'm George's Aide De Camp. Whatever you need, just let me know. I'm Tinch Tugman. I'll go for this, go for that.

I give him a little tug in the morning that I give him a little tug in the morning I give you a little tug in the morning specials you want Us aid to camps we live to serve That's like the Bible says and the greatest among you'll be an aid to camp mmm Jesus how many aid to camps in this motherfucker have John or Jesus had 12 Good point Good boy who had the record for the most aid to well fucking concurrent aid to camps had to be Christ It seems like yeah, it seems like George Washington had at least three

Four okay. Here's another one that surfaced Jesus Christ, man Robert Hanson Harrison aid to camp to George Washington John Lawrence aid to camp to George Washington Snow White had seven aid to camp James McHenry well, okay. Let me ask you a question I'm assuming aid to camp is a position that either really just became shorthand turned to gopher or It's is it one of those things like goat herd shepherd or Thatcher that kind of just got they still do it but I mean

it's just that our lives aren't war time so a decamped specifically refers to like a wartime gopher well yeah wartime gopher is an AD yeah well you need some artillery shells, some... War is a lot like making a film, though, and that's why they also have gophers in filmmaking. Is that why they said that, what was the famous fog of war quote from Robert Gates? Vietnam was a movie. Last night was a movie. Did he say that?

That would be crazy dude here her people say that last last night was a movie I have her people say that what if you said that of war? There's a movie about that called Jacob's Ladder Basically the moral to us life wars a movie wars My name is tinch tug and the last seven years have been a movie I saw a war excess I saw war and war accessories so he talks like I'm tinch tugman I'm tinch tugman I saw I saw atomic bombs and atomic bomb accessories tinch tugman sounds like Defensive line coach for the Minnesota Vikings they should have brought in tinch tugman to Testify against Robert Oppenheimer in that movie

They're like state your relationship to mr. Offenheimer. My name is tinch tugman and I sell atomic bombs and atomic bombs accessories They're like so what kind of plutonium uranium Yes, all the above little this little that He's like he was just used to sit around say I am become death destroyer of worlds How come death and I'll be honest I like it Thank careful. I didn't want to be an aide de camp to that. Didn't Tugman, you're right, does sound like a defensive coordinator. Sounds like he would have, it sounds like he would have developed some sort of vaunted defensive scheme that people still run to this day.

That's the Tugman. Yeah, the Tugugman 5-2 you know. The 5-2 with Tugman principles. Yeah. Yeah man. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. This is all amazing. Amazing disgrace. Now sweep the sound. Let's see what do we got here? Well if you want to we can do some ethicists this week I got some emphasis you are you interested in this? Captain always a move for let's see Okay, let's open the computer now He can you open up? I'm tinch tugman. This is the ethicist We got a respond in the style of 10

I'm been struggling in this 18th century a de camp to general George Washington I'm tins tugman and I've got all the answers That's why George brought him in He's like we do declare that we need someone in this camp who can provide answers And I know how Washington's I know just the man to do it How do you imagine Washington time? He probably had one of those like yeah, you probably you're probably close product one of those transatlantic accents Those little gay accent. He talked just like this

He sounds kind of like Morgan Freeman I was getting a little William F Buckley in there. He talks just like this And to do frame tried to get a job as a decamp My military and I denied his application. Hmm. Um. Now William F. Buckley is like your goddamn queer. Yeah, Tinchman. Tinchman, you tugged me in the morning again, I'll sock you in the mouth, you goddamn queer.

Tinchman, take your hands off my penis and ball Let's see I gotta open these up through the fucking Paywall Tinch there's a paywall around Fort Knox There's a paywall around Fort Knox We need a 12-foot ladder to get over I get over it I Don't know. I've lost. I've lost the George accent already Buckley Buckley meets Morgan Freeman as God

Okay, it's okay. I could do that I Could do that for you Okay All right. Let's just jump on in here. This is the ethicist. Perhaps you've heard us do this Routine before if you haven't Way, I think most of the times we've done this it's been on the patreon though. I think about it Let me just take a moment to actually plug the Patreon. You're missing out on some great bits like Pimpin' Friends, The Coach Who Can't Stop

Stroking His Shit, World Builder. That was the free episode last week. That wasn't. Oh, this was, is it okay to get food stamps when you're just pursuing your passion? Is it okay? A friend of mine is an amateur painter. Of course, it's not even the person writing in uh of course, uh We love to uh snitch on our friends here at the ethesis She has a degree from one of the best colleges in the country where she earned top grades and she is able-bodied and healthy

After college she decided to pursue painting, which is her passion. While she hopes to work professionally as an artist, she is currently working a part-time teaching job. She comes from an upper middle class household and I know she has received some monetary support from her parents in the past. She does not live lavishly by any means, but she lives in a comfortable apartment with roommates and rents a separate art studio. Recently she told me she uses Snap to purchase food for herself.

I feel that this is dishonest in using the welfare system in a way that hurts those who need it most. When I expressed my concern, she even told me that she is not taking a quote spot from someone else. Even though there is not a limit to the number of those who use Snap, I feel that my friend is taking away

from people who need it scarcity mindset man It's not that's not that's not that's not chill to have a scarcity mindset. That's not baller. It's not baller. No Here's what I would say Is the Pentagon also a welfare queen for spending untold trillions to, you know, mutilate children and pillage resources from other communities overseas? Excellent point. That's what I, here's the thing, when people get all bent out of shape about like food

stamp fraud, snap fraud and stuff like that, it's like, it literally amounts to like $10 million in our budget or something like that something crazy like Fox News a post that we spend Fifty million dollars every year and wealth and snap fry. We spend thirty thousand dollars every year and welfare Yeah, can you believe it or what? Tinch Tillman? Found in his belly button, you know this morning at the Pentagon. Dude the ethicist kind of got a little Looks like he got a little red a Little red with it little commie red There's a long history to this way of thinking about work

Some relates to talk of the deserving poor but another influential formulation is found in the socialist tradition the Soviet Constitution of 1936 found in the socialist tradition. The Soviet Constitution of 1936 declared, In the USSR the principle applied is that of socialism from each according to his ability to each according to his work. The allusion was to a slogan favored by a French blah blah blah. Here the thought was that, in a decent society, those who have the capacity to work should be rewarded commensurately with the value of what they produced. Socialists, of course, have tended to doubt that the true value of your work is adequately captured by your wage in the capitalist labor market. I confess to finding this maxim unattractive, both on the ability side and on the work side.

What a little bitch, dude. Also, he teased us a little bit. He did. He teased us. Then denied us thrust for the cock crows. Wow, that was really fucked up, ethicist. You just going to pull my dick out and tug on it? Yeah, you just gonna stroke my shit and then fucking put it back in?

Like, what are you doing? First, I don't think society has a right to ask us to do a job just because we're able to do it. Second, there's no sensible system of valuing what a person contributes in such a way as to guarantee that it is matched by what they receive. But shut the fuck up. This all comes down, okay, the shortest answer here is the money

can print, the government can print it in however much money it fucking wants. There is no finite amount of food stamps. It's not like there's a fucking, it's not like they print them off like Monopoly money like they used to and then once they're gone, they're gone, you know what I mean? They're right next to the gold reserves at Fort Knox. Right next to George Washington's and Tunch Tugman's. Great, they share it together. They share it together. Yeah.

They share it. Tinchman, kill yourself so you can join me in eternity. Get in here with me, Tinch. Get in here. I need an attendant in the afterlife and you're it, Tinch. He had to took an aid to camp with it okay should my wife and I tell our eight-year-old how much money we make my

eight-year-old is what asking my wife and me how much money our family makes she wants us to be specific with the dollar amounts that we receive in our paychecks I remember asking my parents this when I was little Um, are we rich? well I knew we weren't and I was actually kind of like Nervous about it. I had a nervous tick when I was a kid

I would go around the house turning off all the lights like pathologically turn them off turning them off so that we would save money on the electric Dad i'm turning i'm electric dad I'm saving you money my dad's like Jesus I'm turning off the money pump I see the dollars and cents flying out of your pocket every month I'm saving you $3 you work so hard to keep this family fed. I wanna help you. I did that and it made me the man I am today.

Well, I wanna tell you something, I didn't realize this, but I think my family did the same. It was always dark and dour in my house always. When I would flip the lights on, somebody would invariably come on and turn them off. So I spent the first 15 years of my life kind of depressed all the time. And you were born into the darkness. I was.

Like, seriously, they would just sit around in the dark all the time. I was like, what is going on here? Saving dollars and cents. And I don't say that as like a virtue signal. It's just something I noticed over the years and mm-hmm. I think that's why now that you say it Surprising that your eyesight is so good still Maybe it was that that made it that way made it that way Yeah, maybe it's a bat like thing. Yeah, maybe maybe a dude

We've just told her that we make enough to afford our rent, food, and all the things we need to live. In the past, we've told her that we might not have enough money to buy things for her or ourselves, which is true. My wife and I are employed in non-commercial fields. One of us is a teacher, the other works at a nonprofit, and we practically live paycheck to paycheck. I don't know, your kid asks if you're rich or poor,

what do you tell him? Wealth is not in the pocket, but in the heart and mind Yeah, you're only as rich as you feel that's going only as broke as you feel that's going up on my Inspirational my mid inspirational quote Jim. Yeah, not my insane unhinged Dr. Bronner's one or my Soviet one, but just my. Middle, just the tepid. We're building muscles. We're building muscles. We're building muscles.

Yeah. And then like you go to the showers and there's just a sign that says, Bobby Knight would be stroking his shit right now. They were still alive. Just to throw everybody off. Just wait, I thought I was in the That's funny to start a business and just have weird signs and say just weird arcane things

Well, but the gym at my high school was kind of like well, I mean all the signs were normal but they were like Bible quotes and like pain is weakness leaving the body and That kind of stuff overturn Roe v. Wade now Those guys kind of mess up that in there Mm-hmm come is semen living leaving the body Cut come a semen and sperm leaving the body. Yes. Just like really obvious quotes like that.

P is nutrients and waste leaving the body. Yeah. What was that? Remember when P was stored in the balls room and everyone was saying that? Yeah, what was that about? I don't know. I forgot. People thought that was a joke. Yeah. I think they thought it was funny. It was there a Pete was there a piss tape

Of like when that thing people said Donald Trump got paid on it Throwback throwback. Nobody talks about the piss tape Libs loved that yeah, dude It like Epstein happening I think kind of stole the thunder from all that you could like you could do a Donald Trump Piss-tape joke in front of a crowd of libs and it would be like Nagasaki like the whole fucking place just leveled in laughter. Yeah, like fucking just like Just like like whole city blocks just like being brought down enough of that laugh live laughter the piss tape They loved it. I don't know why

Was it the concept that Trump was getting peed on and liked it and that's what was so funny to them. Yeah Fascinating. Ooh orange man get peed mango Mussolini get peed on That's the kind of humor that ruled the day in that circle. And the pee's stored in the balls. Now they just say everything's brat. Man, we've really degenerated, right? We went from pee's stored in the balls to piss tape to brat.

Yeah. The piss to brat hop. Speaking of pee, I gotta pee really bad. Before we go any further, I'm gonna go empty. Empty me. Go ahead, go ahead. I'm gonna go do that. I got a pee really bad before we go any further. I'm gonna go empty Empty go ahead. I'm gonna go do that. I got that. All right, just just cover us like 30 minutes. Okay I got it's gonna take me like 30. Okay That's some high-concept stuff we're doing here he's actually sitting here pissing on himself right now Sitting there pissing in his chair. He thinks he's making all y'all think he's went to the bathroom to piss but really he's sitting there in his

chair just pissing himself right now. Yeah that's right you little piggy. Piss those britches for me. Nah I'm. He's in the bathroom doing a normal piss. Me, I'm just monologuing here. Did you know on October 5th of the year 2000, Center College, Danville, Kentucky hosted what was termed the thrill in the veal. It was a vice presidential debate held between Senator Joseph P. Lieberman and former president of the United States, Dick Cheney. Richard Dick Cheney. Man that once lived an entire year without a pulse. That's a wild thing to have happen to you

is live without a pulse. You imagine what it'd be like. I oftentimes have an anxiety response when I'll have like a heart palpitation or some sort of conniption fit where I'll immediately check my pulse to make sure I'm still alive. Imagine being dick-chainy and not being able to do that

and really not being able to prove whether you're alive or dead. No, just like you just got to ride it out and see if you're still there in a little bit, you know? But no, for the rest of us we just check our pulse. That's fine, usually. If the year was 1984 I'd be imploring everybody within earshot to vote yes on constitutional amendment number two Save the home place and stop the abuses of Rob John D. What are you talking about? I'm just monologue Fucking I was talking about one of my favorite curiosities is the fact dick Cheney had a device implanted in his heart that made him Live without a pulse for a year. I'm trying to get one of those

Implanted in his heart that made him live without a pulse for a year. I'm trying to get one of those I got that wouldn't that freak you out. How else do you think I'm gonna? No, imagine walking around without your heart your heart's doing its processes, but it's not beating. I love that. It's a lot I don't need any reminders about my heart That's actually you know it actually beats too fast too hard and just reminds me. I'm probably gonna die like 53 Well, let me ask you a question. Do you remember a time when you didn't even think about your heart or breath? I think about that all the time. And now I think about it all day every day.

It's like, that hypervigilance comes with your nervous system being wrecked by decades of anxiety. Like, I remember a time when I didn't even think about my heart, except for when I was like exercising or something, you know, which was rarely And now I think about it all the time Cuz I mean that's the funny thing it's like when you're young You're like, oh like

Dying will be fine and it'll go it'll happen in my sleep It'll probably be fine and whatever like I'll die in my sleep and it'll be fine. You have this abstract notion that you're just gonna drift away at age like 95 one day. Just like, yes, and it'll be peaceful in your sleep and you won't even know. And now as I get older, I'm like, yeah, no, it'll be like a Wednesday afternoon in a crowded supermarket and-

And it'll be highly embarrassing. I'll grab my arm suddenly, drop my groceries. I'll be alone and lonely and I'll have my chainsaw Woman's arms or any woman are standing beside you and then like you pull her down and give her one last kiss like it's that picture The Navy dude that'd be so and then you just yeah, but then you just die Would they would people let me have that last kiss or would they be like that's fucked up It's pretty fucked up to kiss somebody with that their Consent I think as a dying man

Even in your dying hour, I don't think you should be able to sexually assault some but what however what if you have a chainsaw for a hand Do you think people would? Pity me why is that guy? Why is that guy dying? Why is he my chainsaw? Yeah? Well? I don't know I mean Edward scissor hands had scissors instead of chainsaws, but he was kind of you know thought he was kind of pitiful Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like that I Liked that he had scissors. It's one of my first noted boners

I remember getting is that scene in Edward Scissorhands where the hairdresser comes on to him. I was excited by that. I was stimulated like proto sexually. I didn't really know what it meant or anything but I remember liking that. Because you thought Johnny Dipp was hot? You fucking. sick sick fuck

Yeah, don't you know how much you know that bastards canceled? Now it was the hairdresser. I thought was Well say whatever you want you can't even dug yourself into this You've already confessed how fucking hot you think Johnny Depp is well Be that as it may, now he doesn't look so great these days. That's all right, but he had a good run. He looks kinda like JD Vance.

Don't you kinda think that like, when Johnny Depp- I've long thought Johnny Depp and JD Vance. Well, in his more degenerated- That's what people don't understand is that JD Vance actually stands for Johnny Depp Vance. Ha ha ha ha. It's his new alter ego. He's got a haircut, he's wearing a, not a fat suit, but a slightly distended suit. Dude, Jesus, there's some crazy stuff in the others.

Okay, I haven't really read any of these. I'm sorry I have to go through the archive. I have to go through the paywall I'm fucking wait. I do actually kind of see what you're talking about. They both wear like I show It's the eyeliner thing like I came across a photo of Johnny recent Johnny Depp on my phone the other day Like recent bad Johnny look like you like a gay. gay amp. Yes and he kind of looks like JD. They look kind of... Yeah. I'm sorry Vance. He's no longer JD. He's transmogrified once again. He's just Vance. Well I love how like he started out JD Hamill,

then he was JD Vance, and now he's just Vance. Vance. Like dude no one's gonna take you anymore seriously if you're just Vance and now he's just Vance. Vance. Vance. Like dude no one's gonna take you anymore seriously if you're just Vance like. That's what he's going for. We used to it's I feel bad saying this now we used to have a substitute teacher named Kitty Vance. Uh-huh. That everybody just gave this one poor woman hell. Mm-hmm. Like just absolutely there's must be something about having last name Vance that Just she was a sub. Yeah, she's why were we so mean to subs? I feel so bad about it. Like it's one of those things like You know doing making amends in the 12 steps. Yeah, I'm like, how do I find those substitutes though when I was like 15?

Yeah, we put a whoopee cushion in her chair and that kind of yeah Just do pranks on her. How do I find those? I need to make them into this We had two kiddies with kitty Vance and we had kitty back kitty back was actually very cool despite being a Pentecostal She'd wear the full garb and had the head bum, but she like would like let us indulge in like sex jokes and stuff You know like like blue humor. I Love that. I love blue. It must be the classroom must be where she went to let her hair down You know be around some real mm-hmm cut-ups some real shooters. Yeah. Oh Y'all some real shooters

I'm sorry. I'm spending more time going through paywalls and I am reading the actual emphasis. Okay, here we go Should I come clean about my old sexual and financial betrayals? Two of my past indiscretions have me wondering what I should do about sharing them with my spouse and or my pastor Many years ago. My wife had a one-night stand with a male friend of ours She admitted it to me a couple months later because she couldn't deal with the guilt I stand with a male friend of ours She admitted it to me a couple months later because she couldn't deal with the guilt Explaining that she regretted at the minute the actual act began and resisted his pleas for additional counters. I'm a pretty understanding guy I discussed the way hey, that's all right

You know you like to get you a little strange ass around me, too I I discussed the various reasons this happened agreed that I had been neglecting her starting a new business had me frazzled and exhausted He was starting a gym They used a start. Oh man. That's a cautionary tale and agreed to forgive and forget and 50 years later We're still together and happy but I always felt that I owed her one and I did have sex with a customer three times That this has to be one of those because I often wondered how many of these are real and fake, but this one kind of feels like it might be real, just because it's like... It's a little too real. It's structured, yes, it's a little too real.

Like the details are like, this is not some guy that's like... This is like a little too granular to be. Uh huh. And not even like fake granular to throw you off. And the way it's structured too, it's like the first paragraph makes you think Everything's fine in the second paragraph. He's like I did have sex with customers three times I Knew that relationship and I've never breathed a word about it

My wife has always been very insecure not only concerning our relationship, but in any friendship or family situation well My little projection yeah I'd say don't tell her you're 50 years married like that means you're probably in your 70s You only got like 10 years to go If you haven't talked to it by this point don't cop to it Me I'm in my 30s I have at least 20 more years before

I have a heart attack in the Whole Foods and die but like you it seems like you're healthy you've lived this long enjoy the rest of okay let's see what responsibility do I have to ensure the safety of an illicit cat? Okay, pet ethics man. Hey man, like I know you had sex with your customer three times, but he ain't got a furniture is that I was a different one. I Don't think we need to talk about that one Anything that has to do with pet ethics ethics It's like I cannot be more bored. I keep the family tree and I'm flummoxed about who to include This one's long kind of intro kind of intrigued I

Have taken over keeping my family tree. I am fortunate that this dates back to the late 1700s it means a large family in many countries with four generations of relatives still alive, some of whom I have never met or don't know well. During the course of this work, now hey, wait a second. I better not be on any fucking family trees without my consent. I'm not trying to be on any, if I don't have never met you,

I'm not on your fucking family tree. Unless you happen to be an Alshan class Carnegie or Rockefeller and then which case brother or Beyonce no smell yeah how did this random white guy from Kentucky get it how did he get on here whatever in which case you can can you can fucking include me during the course of this work I have found in my surprise that some of my relatives have adopted children. I have no objection to recording these children I have no objection to raising these children as my own. Okay. I'm not fucking doing this one I will I just have to say this country is obsessed with blood and Like if you can't fucking see adopted people as your part of your family then

Go to freaking heck. My relative isn't trans or non-binary, but wants to use they, them pronouns. Whoa. Do you want to take a trip through this one? I'm a supporter of trans rights and refer to transit non-binary persons by their preferred preferred pronouns Recently, however a family member stated that everyone must use the pronoun they with her even though she does not identify as trans or non-binary When I asked her why she said she chooses to use they in solidarity with trans and non-binary persons No, it's juicy. That is that's that last year. That's good. Hell. Yeah

It sounds to me like this person's trying to prove that they're a bigger ally than you are Yeah, so what are you gonna do to step up your game? Sounds like she's sounds like she's winning so far. What is it? Why what's your money? Maybe transition maybe you should transition and you could trump their trump card Yeah, you will be the bigger ally Well, you'll be the bigger ally if you transition in solidarity. That's true. Yeah Your move your move. All right. Well, we don't have to We don't have to we've solved that one pretty quick

My partner told me about his fights with his ex I think I'm on her side Okay My partner told me about his fights with his ex. I think I'm on her side Okay, um My partner and I each had several significant relationships before we met we're both in therapy and have learned a lot from that So we're very comfortable processing past relationships together One of my partner's past relationships soured quickly which led to years of resentment and frustration before it ended When he processes past arguments with his ex, he sometimes says she quote picked a fight, but when he tells the story, I quietly find that I'm on her side. I find it odd that he, with all his otherwise tremendous self-awareness, cannot move past what to me feels like a somewhat skewed take on someone else's

valid frustrations. I love him and I always want to be on his team, but I feel oddly guilty as a woman for not speaking up in defense of his ex in those moments. She sounds generally immature, but that doesn't mean she was always wrong. It always makes me wonder if he will someday regard my own real and valid frustrations as picking fights. Is it my place to lovingly, supportively challenge his understanding of arguments I wasn't there to witness, or is it best to bite my tongue and simply listen knowing that all perspectives are inherently skewed and limited

What say you on that the ethicist? yet Foo the ethicist says your partner strikes you as the classic unreliable narrator That classic unreliable narrator. what's the unreliable now I might be one of those what's the so somebody that has a skewed mm-hmm telling of events of their own life story yeah like unreliable narrator would be like any musician that's ever wrote a biography with the help of Anthony Keats Anthony Keats probably will to candid he was probably like overly reliable there

Told us things you shouldn't have told us. That's right. Yeah, I fucked a 12 year old Okay, I didn't need to know People were doing it all the time. This was the 80s People were doing it all the time. This was the 80s. The 80s. The runs. Scabarota, perarararino.

That's just, he's just doing like Batman style onomatopoeia but in the style of the chili peppers. And he's like spelling it out phonetically in his memoir. There was legislation to lower the age of consent and I supported it. At the time I supported it. So did some of your favorites. Now they want to act like my name is Weinstein, but no I'm just on your team demonstrating. Jesus Christ dude.

I don't really have any. My advice to this person, if you're dating someone and you find you First of all think that they're misrepresenting their past relationships and that it gives you concern that they will Misrepresent your current relationship in the future. In the future when you invariably break up And end up alone That tells me maybe you're not on the same page. Maybe you're not in love and that's fine That's fine. That's fine. Just accept it. Just break up You tried you gave it a shot Man some of these are You hear that

The ghost of Joe Jeff is if he's back bro, the ghost of Joe Diffie's back. Diffie's back. Bro, the ghost of Joe Diffie. God, he's coming, now he's showing up for them though. Uh huh. Well, let's see. Okay, can I ask straight women to stop calling their pals girlfriends? As a lesbian, I cringe when I hear straight women refer to their platonic friends as girlfriends this usage feels as if it

Diminishes the significance of the term within the lesbian community Lesbians use friend to mean a platonic friend and girlfriend to mean a romantic party. Yeah, no fucking shit I've always found the use of boyfriend and girlfriend like like it's the standard, right? But it does feel like a little weird to like You don't have anything better to call your adult person. You're in a you know, then girlfriend Yeah, oh you mean like if I don't mean for like no, no, I see what you're saying Like if you are dating those infantilizing if you're dating you're 45 years old And you've been dating someone for like eight years and like neither of you wants to get married

It feels weird to call them a girlfriend Call your 38 year old girlfriend a girlfriend Right, so we need a different word. Yeah, this is why I'm actually pro term the term partner I don't understand what's wrong with partner. Why I've always Favorite concubine Paramore right there more could be one. Yeah Concubines pretty good. This is my concubine Jill Doesn't that insinuate this is my friend Sarah Sarah this is my concubine Jill

Doesn't that insinuate? This is my friend Sarah. Sarah, this is my concubine Jill. I'm gonna start using aid to camp. This is my aid to camp. This is my, yeah, but that's like, that could be like the rakers train. You know like somebody else, ah the old ball and chain. That's my old aid to camp here.

Yeah, she knows who the captain is though. The use of the word girlfriend also leads to confusion a colleague recently wrote to the staff That my girlfriend of over 25 years passed away those who knew this colleague well understood that she was referring to her best friend Those who didn't know her had to guess I mean if it's Just just give it to me in 25 years Their friend passed away, and they used the world girlfriend. You're really gonna like police it That's the thing that you're like choosing to pick on in this scenario

Damn This is one of those that I feel like is fake This one has to be fake, right? That one. Yeah, this has to be like surely there is not someone out there who's mad Listen granted if the forest ranger thing does if the forest ranger thing doesn't work out, and the aid to camp thing doesn't work out, possibly a good plan C would be going to the ethicist and being the guy that vets all these.

That would be good. And then you get a peek on the inside and realize he just makes them up himself. That would be, well, if the ethicist made these up himself, that would seriously make me reevaluate him as someone who is a baller. Qualified. I think he's balling.

To be calling himself the ethicist. Exactly. If what you're doing is unethical, is itself unethical. Oh, I was saying that it is ethical. Oh, that it's baller to do that? Yeah, it's baller. Yeah, I think so too.

I'm just saying. I think it's baller and ethical. Yeah, okay. I'm being baller to do that? Yeah, it's baller. Yeah, I think so too. I'm just saying. I think it's baller and ethical. Yeah, okay. I'm being baller and ethical. Yeah. Should I take my share of a class action settlement I think could be bogus? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Like, bogus in the sense that they think it's a fake class action settlement or like he has no claim to... Standing. We could get a law...we could get a law lesson in standing today. I was recently informed via email that I could be entitled to a share of a settlement from a class action lawsuit. The company being sued denied wrongdoing, but agreed to the settlement to avoid

an expensive legal battle. I admire this company and have used its product for years. My suspicion is that the lawyers should, behind the company, or behind the lawsuit, are bounty hunters exploiting a technicality. Jesus Christ. Everyone, some people are so committed to snitching, they'll snitch themselves out like constantly.

They will sell themselves down the river in order to sell somebody else down there. It is amazing We're such a bitch made country. It's wild why we love stitching this country I am genuinely convinced granted I've never lived in any other country, but if I had to guess America has to be this the most snitch Friendly snitch friendly stitch snitch concentrated Country, you know how like states will market themselves as open for business We need to do like a like ranking the states by snitching us. You know, I mean by their propensity to squeal And like Kentucky is Kentucky open for snitching. Oh, Kentucky is over for snitching. Kentucky is open for snitching.

Kentucky is a very- What's the least bitch-mates day? Like in those terms. I'm pretty biased. I would say New Mexico. You think New Mexico's solid? You think New Mexico wouldn't fold under question? I think New Mexico would fold.

Damn, that's a little biased, but okay. What's your evidence for that? Because we are players and we're ballers and we're ethical. We're ballers and we're ethical. What does Governor Bill Richardson have to do with this? It's like our state- Remember when Bill Richardson was the governor? Yes, our state motto is we're ballers and we're ethical

Do you ever think Bill Richardson kind of looks like George Lopez? He did. Yeah was Bill Richardson. Was Bill Richardson Mexican? Yeah, he was Guion and get him. Yeah get him over the short. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, it's good What is it actually is? Guillermo resource on a resource on a fool man. My name is fucking Bill man fucking Richardson, man What if he sounded like that Hey, what's up, New Mexico? What if our bill Richardson was for excited like that? Oh, yeah Hey guy Hey, what's up guy? Loco, but I would think it would be cool

We need a cholo governor in New Mexico. He like, man, I'm just looking at the state, bro, and like down in Hobbs. You got a lot of fucking oil down there, bro. We need that shit. We need that shit, bro. The Permian base, we need that shit. Pull that shit out of the ground, bro. Bayeco Deo, C-Pud here for us, bro.

I got the fucking jobs report right here, man. I'm not liking what I'm seeing, bro. We gotta get them fucking jobs report right here, man. I'm not liking what I'm seeing bro. We gotta get them fucking jobs That's what I like I think we at cholo governor and then president He like Israel man you cut to cut that shit. I have a cousin named Israel Yeah, I had to do the same thing I had to do him up man for the same reasons You know in the beginning there was only the Ottoman Empire in Mexico, it's true everything else spun off that history Like did you see the Saudi guys? Yeah, like doing the Saudi kind of lowrider thing. Yeah, it's awesome

It's so fucking awesome. Yeah, either you're a Turk or Mexican like from the beginning everything else spins off those two the only two eternal cultures were bought were ballers and were ethical Was I wrong to reveal that my novel was inspired by an adulterous friend? Do we need to wrap it up soon? We're a little over an hour. Do you have somewhere you need to be? Let's do one or two more. Okay I don't want to do that one Thinly veiled characters in a fiction. I couldn't give a shit People need to be doing more of that. I think people need to be writing more thinly veiled fiction. Yeah Just change the letter or two around. My aunt's son shouldn't be a dad, must I congratulate her on the new grandkid?

Uh... Don't care. Not my fucking problem. Not my fucking... Hey! Not my fucking problem! Not my motherfucking problem. Um, a trust would give me big bucks if I had children. I'm concerned. Um... I guess the thing is... Should you have kids to cash in? If I had children, I'm concerned.

I guess the thing is is that- Should you have kids to cash in? I wonder if there's some guy that's so dumb, like he had a kid just to take advantage of the child tax care credit. Well, it sounds like the premise of like an Adam Sandler movie from the 90s or something. Congress just passed this law, you get like this huge tax.

All right, listen- Yeah, yeah, it passed this law you get like this huge text. Yeah, uh-huh All right. Yeah. Yeah, it's like yeah, it's the You know like if you stay in a kooky uncle's estate for one night Inherited or whatever why are there no movies like that anymore? We don't not staying and kooky uncle. We're not stay in manners anymore We're also not doing diabolical child movies anymore Remember we were talking about that like the most evil person on the planet is a diabolical child We're not doing those movies anymore most evil character ever depicted Dennis the menace. It's right there in the name Did he was so fucking he was he tore he he wreaked havoc on that neighbor. He did Mr. Wilson that no chance mr. Wilson had no chance and then Christopher Lloyd played a

Dennis mess was a sick fuck Was a sick fuck. I don't know why that's the thing that broke me today. Of all the things, the surging, the chainsaw hand, the Sir Jim Let's do two more. Maybe just one more. An ex-friend had an affair with my husband. Doesn't she owe me a sit down?

Doesn't she owe me a turn with her husband? I believe in the biblical eye for an eye Doesn't matter I'm not remotely attracted today. No. Oh Man I'm sweating Shit I don't know this one doesn't really look that fun This is this is good this one. This one I think is pretty good. Should I report my friend's cocaine dealer? I'm a recent college graduate now that I live far away from where I went to school and having some time to look back I think

about the people I know who used illicit substances primarily cocaine. Kill yourself. Next question. And wonder about the harm done by drug dealers. I've never used any drugs but being friends with some users. I know where their dealer lives I've never met him, but I heard a lot of things about it. That's why you can't take one these guys on it Go score, you know That's true man, you can't take a fucking I like that he's He left college I like that he's He left college lives really far away and he's like thinking back and he's like damn

I kind of just want to write out that Yeah, I need to find me to fuck up this poor bastard's life Irreparably Because i'm bored So i've heard nice things. I've heard a lot of things about him. Some are wholesome He has a young kid a nice girlfriend enjoys cutting hair some not so wholesome He has large quantities of cocaine in his house and uses his work as a front I'm considering whether I should report him to the police

I'm not wondering about whether informing the police about him would lead to prison it would or whether cocaine is bad It would I would I would put him in the slammer for 40 years sure I would destroy his family and Should I inform the police the the ethicist said cocaine can do a lot of damage In this country where something like five million people are thought to be regular users the substance abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has estimated that in 2022 there were more than 400,000 cocaine-related emergency room visits to centers for disease ... Jesus Christ, man.

Well, that about covers it. The thing about... You know how I know the ethicist is an addiction that I like consume it This in a disordered manner is because it's never enough. Yeah, I I have to like keep reading. I have to just see how bitch-ass America is. Yeah, dude It's the an hedonic set point you ever heard of that term and hedonic set point. Yeah, huh? What's that? It's it's like when you're addicted to something Your threshold for what brings you joy and elation and all the things that drugs provide Gets higher and higher and higher and higher and so you're so that set point gets higher and higher and so you're constantly

Chasing it and that's why addiction keeps becoming so destructive. And that's me and the ethicist. My anadonic set point has been raised so high with the ethicist that every time we do it, I'm like, wait, can you hang around for another three hours while we breathe? So it's like basically it's your tolerance level for something.

Pretty much, yeah. Where you're like, in order to get the same amount of enjoyment out of this. You have to do even more outlandish. More and more of it, and more and more outlandish things. That would be like if you're a sex addict. At certain points you have to get real freaky deaky. You have to do insane training.

Or just abstain for a while. Or just not do sex at all. Reset your anadonic set point. Yeah you could do that probably. I guess the literature. Better men than me. The literature on sex addiction is very murky dude. Some people say it doesn't exist. Really? That's what they say. Damn. That's what they've said but but I don't know tell that to Mac Daddy Santa Claus dude Mac Daddy Santa is fucking Definitely a sex addict. I believe Tiger Woods is definitely But do you like tiger though? Is he like kind of?

Enduring to you. I wouldn't call him endearing but I did enjoy his his run Don't you kind of feel like he's a tragic character. I do That's what I feel. I feel like he's tragic sort of like thinnest and menace also tragic also tragic Well for different reasons different reasons Kobe Bryant Michael Jordan, would you say Kobe is tragic? Well in the sense that he died in a You know before his time in a helicopter crash with his daughter. But what'd you say was before his time in his career was over? Like, what did he what? Oh yeah, he wasn't really struck down in his prime.

What else was he gonna do? Maybe he was struck down in his prime, wasn't struck down in his... That is true. I guess he packed more into his 40 years than most men pack into... 87. 87 years. 76. 86. Whatever. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Anyway. Is it wrong to give money with strings attached? Yes, it's called usury. Can't you put it down, can you? I can't. Yes, it's called usury. It's illegal.

All major religions except Judaism. Is that true? No, there's prohibitions against it in Judaism. Why? Why did the? It's that in Judaism it's not illegal to do, to charge it to Christians or Muslims. That's a great loophole. I love that loophole.

I love that loophole, actually. Well, what the fuck? Christians also. Muslims can't touch interest, period. Though that's the way it should be. Christians kind of pick and choose when we want. Naturally, that's also, it sounds about right. Yeah.

Wow. Well, another riveting round of the ethicists. And I feel personally, much more enlightened than I did before. Yeah, you feel good. I feel great. It's your heart and mind clear. Great.

Are you more suspicious of your neighbors? A little. Yeah. Perhaps. You think Dennis Mouser's a sick fuck? He's a sick fuck. He's a sick sick fuck You know they always about shooting baby Hitler the question we should would you kill baby did Mr. Wilson should have murdered him Yeah, that'd be crazy

Funny little skip well there was a subplot in that movie where Christopher Lloyd plays a homeless gentleman and Dennis the menace even terrorizes him so that tells you everything you need to know So much should write in an ethicist and like thinly disguise it as the plot to Dennis the menace like there's a kid in my neighborhood Who terror terrorizes homeless people is picking on one older gentleman particularly mr. Wilson And who has a slingshot? Never that cocaine one was fake that had to have been fake the dentist must do shit the animals Dude, I bet it. I think you did He felt like a hamster in the microwave or some

Tortured cats sick fuck And we were all supposed to laugh at it like it was entertainment That's why we're doing the holes to screening of Dennis the menace the you know the movie And everybody's just like having like a chuckle. I'm just gonna sit on the corner of my arms crossed. I'm like. Not funny. I don't find any of this funny.

I don't find any of this funny. No, the kid's a sick fuck. I don't find a damn bit of this movie funny. If you all were decent people, you wouldn't either. You wouldn't either. Wow. Mr. Wilson played by Jack Lemmon. Oh no, it's Walter Mathau.

Walter Mathau. I said Jack Lemmon. Because they were the odd couple. They were the odd couple. Well, and then they were also grumpy old men. Yeah. They kind of had a symbiotic relationship, didn't they? Or maybe they were just in a lot of stuff together.

I think they played off each other well. Yeah. Who else is in that conversation? Pryor and Gene Wilder, we're electric together. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. You don't want to think the Star Rush Hour 2 is a sick fuck, do you? No, I don't.

I don't. Oh man, all right, let's call this one We got good content on the patreon Go subscribe also want to mention if you want to buy a t-shirt. This is the last weekend to do it I got a fucking buy a t-shirt Go to a fucking patreon. I got a fucking t-shirt. I've got a couple more days. go spin all your hard-earned coin on Me on that's right. Well, do we're gonna have new t-shirts though? Yeah, this is just last call for everybody wants the old I think Tom just had a bunch of boxes sitting around his house

He had to sell them the fucking mice were pooping on them. There's night. There's a mouse covered There's cat hair and mouse poop all over these shirts, you know, you want some You two are sick fucks like Dennis the man, you know you want to That's right. We're gonna have new designs soon. No, right? That's right. That's right. We're gonna do designs retooled About the classics why you still can't you know Yep Alright, you can go to the fucking patreon. What a fucking patreon fucking patreon What a fucking throw your fucking quit at the fucking patreon do they have quit?

thoughts about their waste this reunion for me son, uh, um You just tuning it all out. No, I like I think Liam Gallagher is one of the great comic geniuses of our era. Yeah, he's one of the more protean geniuses. He genuinely is one of the funniest, I think he's unintentionally, that's the thing with him, it's like trying to determine how much of his intentional and how much is not, but regardless,

he is one of the funniest characters in our crew. When he's talking to those kids, that kid's like, if you play a good concert do you get sweets after? Yeah, sort of. Yeah, he's like, something like that. I mean, no one beats Blur. Blur's the best Britpop band of all time. I think so. Yes. I think the Gorillaz are the best Britpop band of all time. Okay, that's stretching the definition, but okay. But, um, yeah, no. Oasis was, like I said, two perfect albums and then they became dog ass. But, y'all also can't really blame them. I mean, I think there was a lot of cocaine going around.

I would have called the cops on Oasis as cocaine dealer. Yeah, so the music could get good again. You understand these two brothers are at odds constantly. And you've done this. You've destroyed the Gallagher family, Mr. Coke dealer. And all our hopes and dreams and my extension. That coke dealer was eating good The money was real good money real good for a few years for that coke deal Yeah

All right, well next week we're gonna have Liam on the show Liam Gallagher on the show yes and And then the week after that we're gonna have his brother no and then the week after that we're gonna have both of them on together together to announce the US dates the US you don't want to miss it folks right don't miss it so tune in for that and also tune in for the patreon where it is actually where they'll be they'll actually be I forgot to mention I'll be paywall

But you want to subscribe in advance because if you don't if you don't subscribe now You won't you won't get to hear any of it. That is really the three part of waste the series And you're gonna have to get on there five dollars a month to get you the whole thing You're gonna have to get on there and do that All right. We'll see you next time Peace out