Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 369: The Return Policy

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

It's a holiday week so we're mailing it in with the Ethicist. Hope you all are being as lazy as we are. Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

Um, did you see the thing I sent you that photo He's munching he's munching you gotta get that sugar brother This episode will be either the first or second part of something It's so hard to know it will be related to another episode in some way because we recorded it back-to-back We record what may be the worst episode we've ever recorded. That was the worst you think that was no Had some nuggets. We've had way worse. There was it wasn't good. Let's just be real Yeah, it wasn't good, but it wasn't the worst. We're diabolical now, so we're not running it back Wasn't good, but it wasn't the war we'd diabolical now, so we're not running it back Hey, you just had to eat it this week. Well, the problem is that here's the thing

It's been a long year I've been working on an article that has taken all of the creative intellectual powers I have I Spilled it all into this article like I I spilled it all in there Yeah, and that that has left me a withered empty hut saw you spilling the last couple weeks. I've been spilling Yeah, yeah, and so it's made the podcast. This is the problem with like this Career of mine. There's a finite amount of mental energy

It's poured into another bowl. There's not another vessel. There's a finite amount of mental energy. Exactly. If it gets poured into another bowl, there's not enough for this bowl. There's not enough for this vessel. Yeah. Exactly. And so a lot of my energies have been poured into this other vessel. Okay. And I've not left a whole lot for this vessel.

And when that happens, there's only one thing to do, folks. That's right. That's the ethicist. That's the ethics. That's the Before I get to the ethicist, did you see the photo I sent you? Just then the it was a window company in Lexington called Oh Nan Which I thought was like that's pretty funny maybe not the best name for a window company like something that would designate Masturbation yeah, oh, it's like spelled the Irish way Now so that's different, but it feels

Onanism Onanism Apparently Onan was a figure detailed in the book of Genesis is the second son of Judah He had a brother named er er Err me hey Err big Err big Err big Arn McCrack after being commanded by his father Judah to perform his duty as a husband's brother according to the custom of what is that what is your duty as a husband's brother? according to the custom of Leverate levirate mezzet marriage With the late urs wife tomorrow on and instead refused to perform his duty as a lever right Leverate and spilled his seat on the ground whenever he went in because he pulled out

Because yes, because the no the offspring would not be his and he was thus put to death by Yahweh God killed him for pulling him out. For jerking off. For sowing his seed on unfertile soil. That is nuts. And these are the lessons that have been internalized by the right. And us.

And us. Me and you. Yeah. Just because we were raised to think that like, if we don't bust in a woman, God's gonna kill us. That's true. That's why I've been doing it for You don't understand

That's a whole different lawyer I have to Raw Onan's crime is often Misinterpreted to be masturbation, but it is universally agreed among biblical scholars that Onan's death is attributed to his refusal to fulfill his actually just pulling out Well Coitus interrupted he was the first one Onan was the first one that understood dick control And he paid a heavy price for it he actually Walked so the rest of us could run. It really is crazy his he was the first to do this

unprecedented amazing thing and he was punished for it. Listen when the human race was just getting off the ground in terms of the Recorded record. Mm-hmm. It was awful to be around then because if you just did something that wasn't even chart today, they named it after you. You know what I mean? That's true. That's the rest of history. Now the rest of history thinks, falsely I might add, that you just didn't fuck. You were like a little jerk-off monger. Right. You were just onanistic. You were, when really you were the first pullout you were fucking but you just didn't want to yeah yeah you're like wait a second what you're telling me is I don't

have to like risk having a child I can just I can just abdicate the responsibility of 11 type father and just I'm just gonna do that yeah that's the worst they could have. Ah dead dead lightning strike How do you think he did it? I wonder like probably lightning strike. What'd you do? Yeah, how'd you do it? Struck his heart dick with a lightning bolt He just like he just like he just like gave him a saw death, you know like It's like good evening good evening, Onan He just like gave him a saw death, you know? It's like, good evening, good evening, Onan.

You've refused to perform your duty as a Levittite father. Now, you'll have to pay. And then they tied some kind of contraption to his cock. And he could either get his cock chopped off and survive or die, you know? Or bust into a woman Yeah, they They hooked him up to a woman He was so resolute and pulling out that like he's like here's the here's your deal. There's the deal. Oh, here's here's

There's your options. I don't hear your options. Oh, you can either bust in that gorgeous pussy options owner you're your options owner you can either bust in that gorgeous pussy or have your dick chopped off and then this other contraption blows your fucking head off right well but that was the that was the thing right like what it was was if he pulled out it would pull the dick off with oh with yeah he would pull the dick off oh like he had to bust in her had to yeah her else if he pulled Otherwise like some nails will just go in there and it would even a golden. Yeah We're gonna play a game we're gonna play a game we're gonna play a game Biblical stories where God is the song I got sauce the little clown tries to say

Good evening It's just time to play good evening Abraham. We're gonna listen either you're gonna siren air for you continue your bloodline We're gonna cut your cut we're gonna cut your fucking cock off God did do that with Abraham he was like you better kill your son or Some shit's gonna or the father of many nations will become the father of no nations And of course, that's the worst thing a guy that time heard right? That's right. Well shit and I have Amanda I have I have to be the father of this. Yeah Well, there's just no other way around that is true. God was basically just the saw villain. Yeah

Just petty cruel and jealous. Yeah, you know, and then he changes up good. I'm Samson We're gonna play a game beautiful locks on your head. I'm very proud of your hair on Samson You're gonna lay with a woman named Delilah Just gonna chop those locks off and then we'll see how and we'll see how strong you really are. Oh my god Back to the company name. I don't know if I would name my Regardless of the truth of the name of the meaning behind the word Oh Nan Generally, it is it's assumed to be masturbation Reference there a reference to masturbation. So I don't know if I would call my window company owning him. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, that's it. It's just what also just doesn't work. Yes, true Now you could have like a line of like massage oils and caught on and that would wear lotions and potions definitely You know definitely that would window company doesn't really work. No, just not really hitting the same That would be what would be a good name for a window company. Who's the guy synonymous with windows? really hitting the same. That would be a good name for a window company. Who's the guy synonymous with windows? Is there a guy like Willie, window maker? A peeping Tom, yeah.

The Vindaviper. Tom's windows. Tom's windows, peeping Tom's windows. Yeah. They come with a guy who just stands outside and looks in. Like a peeping Tom though like we get that out I Don't know Yes as a that was it in the Bible well no as a Tom there's nothing flattering

That's it comes with you either a doubter or a peeper You know It's the most ignoble name You can have maybe it was was the story in the Bible. Possibly. What, Tom is an ignoble name? Yeah. I think it's fine, I like it.

There's one syllable, pretty nondescript. Speaking of God, is it okay to name our dog for a God? This is in the ethicist. Okay, what God? I guess that depends, in my opinion, that depends on what God. This is in the emphasis. Okay. What God? I guess that depends. In my opinion, that depends on what God. That is true. If it's Allah, that'd be pretty, pretty provocative. I'd probably stay away also from the prophet,

especially because it's a dog. I would stay away from anything in Islam because dogs are haram. Oh wow. My family recently- I don't think I'm not refuting You know the one true religion. I just think this is where I would this is where you I'd be I'd be a heretic on This point if I were most mm-hmm. Okay. What's the last time we did the emphasis? It was right before the election So there's some there's some stuff we've had since then that was like a month ago, right? Yeah There's some stuff we've had since then. That was like a month ago, right?

Yeah. Is it okay to name our dog for a god? My family recently adopted a rescue dog. It was, we were going through a long list of possible names for our pup. Two of the more charming possibilities were Odin and Zeus. Okay, that's not gonna get anything to do with god. That's just, that's randit stuff. Yeah, that's it

No one's offended by that. Nobody's offended by them I was concerned that naming our dog for someone else's deity would be disrespectful after all would it be okay to name our pet? Y'all who? Vark Vickery White nationalists Sounds like fucking white nationalists. You know like yeah, Zeus Like we've we fazed these ones out After all would it be okay to name our pet? Yahweh or Allah?

I once had a friend with a cat named Shiva. I was a child at the time So I thought nothing of it, but I wonder about it now. Oh, so he used the Muslim counterfactual. They're like you did Yeah, oh, but you wouldn't like it for name mud. know what a fucking yeah yeah this guy boo this guy offstage all right all right I just thought it might be interesting I don't know what it is I want to hear what you want to hear what the ethicist said okay hold on let's see the ethicist says if a tree falls in a forest and there's no one around to hear it it does or does it still make a sound why yes If you call out to your dog Zeus in the park and nobody shouts you a look have you done something offensive?

Yeah, no when no offense is taken None in fairness and fairness. I don't know if people running around still worse from the Greek Pantheon. Yeah, I don't either I Mean, I feel like most Greeks are like Greek Orthodox now Yeah, like I think there's actually like are there like Greek pagans that still like worship the you know, I mean I'm sure there are but they're probably so few a number and if they happen to be dog fanciers That would be crazy. Yeah of all the ways to die like somebody comes up is like, listen, I'm just gonna tell you this for your own good. What you, you doth speak blasphemies against our Lord Zeus.

And you don't think this, but there are others like us. And we vote. Don't you forget it motherfucker, 60 rounds at the ballot box coming at you for insulting. Three deadliest words you don't want to hear and we bone. I appreciate that you're thinking through all the angles. Whatever your personal beliefs, refraining from giving offense is simply a matter of respect for actual living human beings All right. This is no going nowhere Going nowhere

My idol is a 83 year old whimsical Jewish man from Michigan Who changed his name in the 60s? Very soon minutes that I'm sorry, but I think it's from Michigan who changed his name in the 60s. I'm sorry. You've already been there a minute, I'm sorry. What do I think he was from Michigan? Easy mistake to make.

I'm out of work. Can I take a job in a predatory industry? I have been unemployed for- I've reached the bottom of the barrel and I have to know is it okay to get into human traffic Listen I wouldn't do it under in fair climate I have been employed unemployed for six months during which time I faced a tough job market with few interviews and no offers six months during which time I faced a tough job market with few interviews and no offers. Now I've been offered a senior executive role in an industry that is, while legal, known for exploiting financially vulnerable people through predatory practices.

The role comes with a significantly higher salary than my previous positions, which would help my family. Well, there's a reason for that. It's what the money for We're currently incurring debt to pay our mortgage However, the company's ownership structure means that even at a senior level I would have little to no chance of enacting positive changes from within Would it be ethically wrong to accept this role knowing that my compensation would be derived from taking advantage of those in financial distress? Does the fact that I know I have no other offers

and that my family's financial stability is at stake justify taking a position in an industry that I know is predatory? Name withheld. Ha ha ha ha! Sorry, I won't even put my first name to this I know the answer probably From the ethicist you're a decent soul. You don't want to profit from the hardship of the vulnerable You've been a little too generous there else payday loan companies for example in money at rates that many of us would regard as you serious

Whoa whoa Oh Whoa, mm-hmm Pretty interesting the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has noted that a typical payday loan involving a five fifteen dollar fee for every hundred dollars Is extracting the equivalent of an annual rate of almost four hundred percent? Even in a predatory industry though one company may be worse than another Let's suppose that the quandary you're facing is exactly as you described it. By taking this job, you'd be a participant in wrongdoing in the sort of commercial activity

that would ideally be regulated away. It's still the case that it's reasonable and right to give special weight to the needs of your own family. You justly find the work dispiriting, but at least you wouldn't be making things worse. And you can be reproached for deciding that the welfare of your dependence matters more than your own peace of mind. All right, I Think it's okay to tell this person that they can't take the job and I'm gonna tell you why

Because nobody goes six months unemployed and then all of a sudden gets offered a singer senior executive role at a company Yeah, I smell horseshit. It's like oh You got like a significant gap you got a gap in the resume You were barely making it before that you want to be CEO I tell you what, but I see I see some heavy potential in you. Tell you what we're gonna climb you We're gonna send you straight up the ladder. I Hate to say that's just got got on that one ladder. I hate to say that, so Scott Gottel now. I would have to say so.

I mean, my general thing is that like, what kind of family are we talking here? You got like 18 kids? Yeah, we're talking about you're one of the Duggers. You Mr. Dugger. But like you, or you have like two kids. The Duggers, tell you the problem with the Duggers while we're on that subject, okay. You know, like like you where you have like two kids the Dugger's tape from the Dugger's while we're on that So, okay, you know like there's been some weird like sex stuff. Yeah, I'm stuff going on there

Uh-huh. That's like dog at a certain point the more kids you have the more law of averages comes into play Yeah, and the more chance you have to to create deviance True, you know what I'm saying? That is true. If you stop it like three kids, probably not gonna have any deviants. You have 22, 26. Statistically, one or two. You're gonna get a deviant

or two in there. A diabolical deviant. Yeah. Yeah. We don't have a biblical imperative to replenish the tribe anymore. That's true. We gotta stop it. We're just creating more kids

who have more deviants. More onanism. That's what you're saying. More's true. We got to stop it. We're just creating more more kids. You have more deviants. Yeah more onanism That's what you're saying more pulling out. Yeah Yes, a hundred percent. Yeah Yeah, I'm calling for more onanism 2025 I say if you have two kids just go work at fucking Kroger or blows Yeah, those places are always hiring not me because I have a terrible resume and I'm not good at taking orders, but I'm surly combative and warlike and I have worked a straight job in seven years. I Got just the role for you pal senior vice president. Welcome aboard

vice president welcome aboard is it okay to keep returning purchases you've worn for months my partner loves a large outfitting company that has a very generous return policy Patagonia the store will Patagonia knows that trick a large a large outfitting company that has, yeah. Pat, you don't have to take anything back. The store will accept nearly any return within a year of purchase. My partner has been buying fairly expensive items from the store, using them while we travel

and then returning them, even though they have accrued a good amount of wear and tear. Note that she would probably keep the items if they were exactly what she wanted, but there is almost always some imperfection for example She returned the backpack she used daily for international travel after nine months because it was slightly bigger than ideal She returned the shoes that she wore almost daily for several months because they were not quite as comfortable as she desired of course Everything she has done is technically compatible with the stores policies and the store always has the ability to deny a return

But they just don't they can't help themselves. They take everything back. We've got to take it back What do you talk about mr. Dylan our country no no much gently worn wears Gently worn cover-, jackets, hiking boots. We've gotta take them back. No two ways. Bob Dylan works the return counter at Patagonia. You say you've worn this 200 times in the calendar year. It smells like ass. Don't give't know like ask don't give a damn

We don't give a damn. We gotta take it back We gotta take a pic. Put him up on the counter. Let's have a look at it. He gets so obsessed with it. People buy new stuff out of there. And then as soon as they walk out, he goes out and says, Nope.

We gotta take a pic. He doesn't let anybody buy anything. As soon as they purchased it, nope. Right back here. Let's see it. Come on. Throw it up for Dan. Oh my God.

And I don't understand. You know how Patagonia sells those provisions like sardines and shit? They got the- It's justia sells those provisions like sardines and shit Tin fish yeah, we'll take it fuck it $16 there's your $16 also, maybe stop eating like a goddamn house cat Tin fish is all the rage, but I guarantee it doesn't have all the nutrients you need. We gotta take it back. Holds up in a bag, you throw it up.

Give it back. We need all of it. We need all of it. You're gonna have to make yourself purge. Throw it up Stop being a little bitch and then put your fingers in your throat Of course everything she does is done as technique. Okay Well, we might as well just stop here if it's in the stores policies, then what is the fucking issue? hate your wife

She's always Just going in her closet and grabbing all the Patagonia jacket she wears all that's like taking them back taking them back If everyone used the policy in this way, I feel confident the store would be forced to eliminate it not if Bob's working the camera There's always gonna be inventory I Certainly agree with returning an item that is truly not up to your standards ASAP But using an item extensively and then returning it for some minor imperfection doesn't quite sit right. Oh My god What did the athelicist say what if

he was like I used to work with this guy named Bob yeah me and beloved musician Bob Dylan worked at Patagonia briefly and while our return policy was what you might call lax Bob took it to new heights from the athelicist you've thoughtfully given your partner side of the argument Bob took it to new heights. From the ethicist, you've thoughtfully given your partner side of the argument as well as yours. She isn't engaged in deceit or fraud. She's in compliance with the policy. That policy presumably helps the retailer retain a loyal clientele

while costing an amount that can probably predict with some precision. It's also true that if lots of people acted as she does, the policy would change. And so an interesting question is why more of them don't follow her example. Perhaps most customers believe, as you seem to, that what she's doing is an abuse of the system because it's predicated on the moral restraint of others. Commercial relations connect us in a web of mutual expectations beyond what is strictly required by contract if Like your partner people are profiting from an interpretation of the rules that they know isn't widely shared

They're exploiting the spirit of the policy compliance of their fellow customers goddamn Fucking well the writings on the wall there God damn. Fucking. Well, the writing's on the wall there. Yeah. Your retailer isn't a charitable organization. Part of its business plan is

this unusually generous return policy. Did they not realize that these companies make these fucking shits for like $5 and sell them for like $500? Especially Patagonia. Yeah. Everything's like recycled materials. Like it's dirt ass cheap.

What the fuck is the issue? I don't know. Yeah. Abuseless. And then like resell the stuff that's been fixed and patched up at a mark they just sell it to like fucking TJ Maxx or whatever right or maybe that's not something like that nothing I've ever bought has been resold to TJ Maxx dog goes right back on the shelves right back on the ship I don't give a damn about no TJ Maxx shit. I don't give a damn about no TJ Maxx, and I sure don't give a damn about no Marshall's Okay, I work in data security is it a problem that my boss believes in lizard people

Okay, some of these are just like chumming the waters truly I work in the IT department of a town government where our small team is led by a director who is a fervent conspiracy theorist in casual conversations The director frequently discusses bizarre ideas in a hushed serious manner as if revealing hidden truths lizard people infiltrating the government the Rothschilds as Vampiric blood drinkers and JFK jr. Secretly controlling Trump with plans for a 2024 like in fairness, that's been proven though. Yeah, it's true. You saw the guy had in a plain sign Yeah, that's JFK jr. That at that video where he got shot, right? Yeah, he was there. What's that guy's name?

I don't know. It's really some weird I don't know but he is definitely back. So yeah, can't just beat that this individual That guy's now the secretary of education This individual is responsible for managing and securing the municipal data of a very affluent town responsible for managing and securing the municipal data of a very affluent town the potential risks are alarming it is not outside the realm of Possibility that this alternate reality could compromise the directors decision me. All right Once again kind of like with all of Trump's cabinet appointments. This is a very affluent town so It would actually be pretty dope if a incompetent

conspiracy-addled So it would actually be pretty dope if a incompetent conspiracy adult Paranoid schizophrenic was actually running. This is not a net negative. No, this is actually we need to recruit into our cause I am left in a difficult position fearing not only for the security of our town's data But also for my own job stability and our manager detached from reality Is it ethical to work for someone in such a crucial role to openly espouse these beliefs at work? Here's what I would say about that is you've obviously one never worked at a gas station number two you probably not worked a ton in customer service or hospitality I used to hear the wildest things floated

mmm you know what I mean I had a guy that refused to tip me out of some weird sovereign citizen principle. I got to just serve him beer after beer after beer and he'd tab out. And we got to be close enough where I'd rib him. I'd be like, you left something out here. And he'd be like, oh no, I don't tip. I was like, huh, okay, well.

He's like, oh, well there's a reason. And he gave me this big discourse about it. Yeah, it's like oh, there's a reason and he gave me this big discourse about you know Yeah, it's like it's like dude if you're not gonna tip just don't tip but don't give me the fucking reason Yeah, don't give me like don't make it some stands you're taking. Yeah capital or something From the ethicist the problem with your boss as you've laid out is not so much that this person expresses their beliefs as That they have them it doesn't seem unreasonable to worry, as you do, that someone so disconnected from reality might release info in an attempt to avert an imaginary conspiracy. And someone convinced that the mayor, say, was in on the conspiracy wouldn't be subject

to the usual mechanisms of restraint. Yet I'm struck that you've shared your worries with people in positions of responsibility and they clearly have a very different sense of the situation Maybe they know your boss and have already concluded that their outlandish beliefs are so to speak recreational what I thought he was going to do with this was I thought he was going to like try to like Attempt this is what I would do at this point in my career if I was the other sister I would start trying to like gaslight the writers into being like well, you know a lot of people seem to have a lot of confidence in this guy.

And I mean, could be that maybe they are all lizard people. Nobody's to say, who's to say? Maybe you're the only one who isn't in on it. Maybe, maybe they actually know what's best for you. Yeah. And not the other way around Yeah, I'll teach him to write in and ask that guy shit. I'll teach him right. Yeah, I'll drive all my This guy's brain Actually, I know it sounds crazy Jeff, but there has been there is some merits to what your boss is saying

Do I have to speak up if someone fails to cash my check Do I have to speak of a song you paid something and nobody cashed a cash the chart That's weird Do people still remember when I told you I was at the movie theater the other is a month ago I saw a woman writing a check for like $13 for popcorn at the concert. I love that. I won't start doing that. That's wholesome. That is wholesome Is that sir? Everybody was we don't take check everyone was pissed people in live are just like They're fucking getting pissed off. I was like come on. Let the lady do let her ride. This is wholesome. This is wholesome

She's right. She's riding a check, but no one wanted to see it my way Three times in the last month I have been the beneficiary of Administrative errors that if they stand will save me thousands of dollars I'm a bit Sounds like he's with no I'm a bit pinched financially at the moment and would like to think it's a show anywhere in the continuous 48 But I wonder if I'm ethical obligations

situation one We received gas and electric services from the same utility company The most recent bill showed only the electric charges and said that the gas account had been terminated with no I'm already bored this bores me How is he at this is I would just say this bores me Yeah, we need to condense these yeah, it's just a little little if I have one note Uh-huh. Let's just keep it to a couple of yeah I don't have to I want to read all that shit anything to do with bills you mentioned you brought up bills and utilities

I'm obviously Immediately getting my shit out out of there I'm getting my shit out. Is it okay to put our assets and trust to qualify for Medicaid? It's never okay We're getting an induction range. Is it all right to sell our old gas one? Jesus no, no never these are so boring What the fuck what were the ones that are like I'm attracted to my son and I want to say

What the fuck were the ones that are like I'm attracted to my son and I want to suck I want to fucking suck my son has struggled impure thoughts about my uncle Fucked up freaks and weirdos. Yeah Can I lie about my academic interests on my college education more? Oh, yes You can lie as much as you want. Listen here's what I want to tell like a lot of people. In this country you could be anything you want and by that I mean you can just lie your ass off about nobody nobody cares. Nobody cares. I have at least two friends that have been lying about their college credentials for years and they're just so far in their

careers nobody's like. no one will ever know Yeah, I don't know man. I wouldn't want college. I just said Harvard 100% Yeah, yeah, yeah, we could have been lying about everything this whole time. Yeah, we're the suckers for not lying. Yeah Yeah, I'm the sucker for paying Boo-koo money for a mediocre Yeah, I'm the sucker for paying Buku money for a mediocre State school. I love a high school senior wrote into the other says

I'm a high school senior as a good student with strong extracurriculars. I'm applying to a few of what are considered top colleges It's just like I just refer you to the words of our race of our president-elect It doesn't matter. None of it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Yeah Like quit trying Yeah, please just quit trying It doesn't matter. None of it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Yeah Quit trying Yeah, please just quit trying This one might be topical for Thanksgiving My mom voted for Trump. Can we let it go? Trust me. You're gonna have to you're gonna have to have to

people really need to Work on what they can and can't control. But let's hear him out. My mother, a two-time Trump voter in Florida, two times, she's already done it already, has moved closer to us in a safely blue state. While I don't know what her vote was

in the 2024 presidential election, it wouldn't have affected the outcome. I strongly oppose Trump, as do my wife and her family who lived nearby no so that's what that's why mm-hmm right strongly these opposed strongly positive I'm trade I have to tell you mm-hmm I'm troubled by my mother's support as someone I consider morally abhorrent and dangerous especially when she voted in a former swing state wait wait wait wait wait he considers his mother morally abhorrent and dangerous She supported someone morally. Oh

Start silent row Got bad news for you about Joe Biden Yeah with the result of the 2024 election my wife and her family are directing their undis understandable fury at my mother My wife's sister said if she voted for Trump again I'm completely done with her I expect that the next time they interacted will not be pretty but my mother is a member of our family and an invaluable caregiver to our children well yeah dog then don't fuck it up don't fuck it up by making us think about something doesn't fucking matter no

control over yeah well you do have control over is Americans over rate how much control we have in our own Affairs, that's so true There's the world knows that like, you know bad things happen to you and that's just kind of what it is Americans are just like Mm-hmm. Can that can never count nuts that something you know, something bad might happen to us. Mm-hmm Man, I'm so sexy with my chest here. I mean you got I have like 18 or 19 Put my knocks down put my knocks it on my chest. I Like that PB chills with this when we record now well just today she's never been this cozy with me before she's their Territory she is. Yeah, she's chilling PB She's chilling maybe this cozy with me before. This is her territory. She is, yeah, she's chilling.

PB. She's chilling. PB, this way, the other way. I'm torn. My family and her family expect me to brook no compromise and to speak out on an issue that feels existential to them, as it does to me. But because I know that her vote here

doesn't make a difference, I have trouble feeling motivated to admonish her for her past and possibly represent support of Trump I hate to break this to you. She lived in Bucks County, Pennsylvania That's like he's like out well the only reason I'm still willing to talk to is cuz her vote didn't really count I wonder if I could go back to the very beginning. Like what are the first ethicists? Like, what are the very first? Can I ask my ex to delete the nude pics?

Yeah. Can I ask my ex to delete my nude pics? Yeah, I think that's totally. Now whether they will or not, that's another question. Well, I mean, that's another question, but I think it is Let's see here

Was I wrong to Facebook friend my nephew's girlfriend? That is a really funny concept it's my nephew funny concept my nephew I'm a 60 year old 60 something year old man with a social media problem like so many others I use Facebook Facebook regularly presents users with images of people you may know and the opportunity to send them a friend request one of the people so presented to me it was the longtime girlfriend of my nephew both of whom live abroad. When she popped up in my feed, I thought it would be a friendly gesture to add her. Without much thought, I sent her a friend request.

Not long after, I got an email from my nephew saying he had to address what he referred to as the serious issue of why I, quote, friended his girlfriend. After all, I didn't know her and I was many times her age. She was shocked to discover that my friends included other young women And some of them had to racy photos on their Facebook profiles. I Called my nephew dude this was what era was this and you're not getting this kind of this is 2019 You're not getting this kind of unhinged ethicist pre cope. This is uncut. This is dog We might have just stumbled ethicist has lost its fastball owners. Yeah

We might have just stumbled. Ethesis has lost its fastball. Yeah. Wow, why didn't I go back to the, why wasn't I getting uncut ethicist this whole time? I was getting watered down. Our shit stepped on. It was stepped on. I called my nephew immediately

and explained that his girlfriend just quote, popped up as someone I may know and I thought it would be friendly to add her. I also explained that as a hobby photographer, I often worked with models. It's all a hobby photographer. I often worked with models It's all right listen. I often worked with models and learned that I never pop a boner It's okay. I've I Control myself and if some model chose to post racy photos on her Facebook page. It was none of my business

I should add that I never post any of my photography work on Facebook Facebook page, it was none of my business. I should add that I never post any of my photography work on Facebook. I think. I think. I think. Because of the racy nature of it. I thought I had resolved the issue until I got a very blunt

email from my sibling, my nephew's parent, with whom I have always been close. My sibling accused me of having ulterior motives, infrinding my nephew's girlfriend, of lying about my intentions, and of having a faulty moral compass. I explained the situation in my email and in a a letter and even apologize for any bad feelings caused, but my sibling will not respond to any communication. I wrote that I wasn't so foolish to pursue a young woman

I hardly knew who lives thousands of miles away, and could anyone really believe that I was so stupid as to pursue my own nephew's girlfriend? No response. I felt sad and betrayed first by my nephew who didn't accept my explanation But mostly by my sibling who for the first time has failed to support me two questions one did I make some my My brother's turned my back on me over over requesting somebody on Facebook Two questions did I make some cross-generational faux pas in friend? What's going on the only real reason you'd, hold on, I figure I know what's going on. The only real reason you'd be mad about that

is if you know the uncle's a pervert. You know what I mean? Like they know some family secret on this guy. You're right, like it's the only reason. It's the most innocuous thing in the world to add somebody on Facebook of all things too. Just, it's like, you know, that's where like people his age traffic, you know what I mean? But like, they have to, the reason they've taken

such umbrage with this is because they know something about the uncle's behavior. There is no other explanation. There's no way any normal person would overreact to just somebody adding somebody on Facebook. Two questions, one, did I make some generational, cross-generational faux pas in friending this young woman? Two, is there some way to convince my sibling of my innocent intentions and that I have been wrongly accused?

Um... The ethicist says, what you did was maybe a little forward, but ask around pretty much par for the course when it comes to relatives your age. Um... But most old coots do the same stuff. pretty much par for the course when it comes to relatives your age. Most old coots do the same stuff. While yours may have been an adequate lapse, it wasn't a moral lapse unless of course there's something in your past behavior to support your family's bre- The emphasis knows!

The emphasis knows! The emphasis knows. Are you sure you've supplied all the relevant details? If you have I would conclude that you've done what you can to set them straight Damn the fucking uncut ethicist. Must I honor my dad's gifts to political groups? What do I owe my sociopathic sibling? Should I go to a college I've been admitted to as a legacy? Can I make my company take a stand on guns?

I'm a 73-year-old cancer survivor. Can I accept a 73 year old cancer survivor can I accept a kidney? Was it okay to let an aging relative believe my mother was still alive That was from 2018 that might be good Let's see what we got here Damn that's really long The ethicist it's getting dark in here. We've podcasted for too long brother Got her. Damn, that's really long. The ethicist, it's getting dark in here. We've podcasted for too long, brother. It really was, the sun was up when we started.

Now it's dark in here. Must I tell my boss I'm absent because of mental illness? Must I warn renters about our racist neighbors? Must I tell my boss I'm quote ass at my job do I have to tell my father about my meet to experience oh wait maybe that might be the I thought it was like from the person who did the meet you thing okay but I think it's from the other other side Let's see is it okay to surprise someone with a negative reference

Have you ever gotten a reference I've been rejected for reference ask me for reference turn me down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I mean I've got that too But I've never had like an actual bad reference dude the cool thing to do is even if you know the person's lazy as hell and like generally gonna be bad for the company, you still have to give them rave reviews because they asked you. That is so true.

Do you care so much about, you know, O'Charlie's restaurant that you care so much about their bottom line that you're willing to like fuck your friends prospect getting the shitty job over We sponsor refugees what to do about their patriarchal ways I'm a member of a group that has sponsored a family of refugees from rural Syria When the family arrived group members signed up all four children two boys and two girls for soccer programs Various group members also Offered to drive the kids to soccer only to find out that on nights when the girls were to participate the parents always made Some excuse about why their daughters couldn't go Didn't take long for us to realize that in their family girls aren't allowed to participate in programs outside of the home decidedly

Non-egalitarian attitude if there ever was one. This feels Islamophobic. There, here's the dilemma. There are those who don't want to enroll any of the children in future recreational programs because of the family's high, highly conservative attitudes towards females. Others feel that this would make the group guilty of imposing its value system on a refugee family

and by extension just end up hurting the young sons. Who's right? What's the ethicist say? You're not gonna weigh in? You're gonna see what the ethicist says? I don't have an opinion on this. The ethicist says neither view is right. Neither view's correct.

The objection to imposing your value system is confused. Unless your neighbor's relativism includes thinking that it's right for people to exclude girls from sport programs because their culture thinks they should be excluded. You all believe they're making a mistake. Threatening them or harassing them would indeed be disrespectful of them as moral persons.

Yeah, I mean, I'm with the ethicists on this. Let's, yeah. Yeah, I guess I blew my, we blew our wad a little early with Bob Dylan return Gotta take it back. Yeah, my cat go out if he bullies other cats What do you think about that is it okay to give cigarettes to a homeless person? What the fuck What would possibly be bad about that is it like the I'm causing lung cancer if that's if there's more out of this definitely immediate concerns for

After a passerby handed over a half used pack of cigarettes to a homeless man on a Melbourne Street The man asked that I accompany him to a nearby convenience store to help him buy more cigarettes It says he was running low for the week That way he claimed he would be able to spend the small sums he received on food Cigarettes are indeed expensive in Australia as they come with a highly distinctive Disincentive tax this is from Australia I'm just waiting for a minute My alpha my my my alpha to buy him sandwiches instead was vehemently refused

Yeah, because the same cigarettes are better than sandwich. Hey, no, it's like that old saying goes they teach Amanda smoke You feed him for a lifetime so true the homeless man accused me of being miserly in quote dishonoring our agreement In my view we didn't have one. He said that I was clearly not as generous as my benevolent predecessor I Could have avoided all this by giving the man cash to spend at his discretion This gesture would have been more respectful of his autonomy They would anybody that wants to do this the sure sign of a fucking tight ass is the person that wants to take Like somebody's asking for money or something like you know panhandler or something and they want to do a teachable moment where they say no

I'll take you get a meal or something. That's like bro like Christians do that because they think that They'll be in a position where they have to accept Jesus Like if I take him to McDonald's and spend two hours with them, yeah, I'll definitely get that Yeah, and you know Christians have to rack up them souls so they can get more rewards than him. Did you ever win a single soul over to Christ when you were a Christian? Yeah, I did.

Did you? I converted Charlie Ramey. Damn. He kind of backs lit. I don't think I converted a single person. I did a few, yeah I can... Damn, Tom. Here was my approach though. Yeah, okay I'd regale them with lots of interesting conversations about the end times

Mm-hmm, because witnessing using revelations like fishing with dynamite if you're still out there at the full across keep that in mind You start talking about revelation really you use revelation? Yeah, most people are gonna get like Kind of a little scared. Whoa. That makes them right. That makes them emotionally right. That makes them emotionally vulnerable Yeah, you can sink the hooks in. Yeah Yeah, wow Tom. If you take the joy approach they'll backslide in a week. If you take the revelation approach they'll backslide in a month It takes a while for the fear to rub off. Okay. So I'm going to go back to thinking, well, you know, I'm probably just going to live my life how I want to.

Mm-hmm. I'm hitting a roach. You like Rhett? You like Rhett? You like Rhett? You like Don Dockin'? You like Don Dockin'? No Dockin' takers. You like Don Docken? No Docken takers.

What about Warrant? The singers of Cherry Pie. Yeah, she's my Cherry Pie. Who sang Dr. Feel Good? Don, don, don, don, Dr. Feel Good. Motley Crue. Oh, fucking A. Who likes Motley Crue?

Oh shit. We're at 48 minutes. You just dropped your cherry on the bottom side your computer. Oh, no This is gonna burn my fucking computer down and probably did that's all right is sex with a brain damaged man assault Answer the question sir, that's a little more pressure than I thought because the question sir No, this is weird because this has to do with I Can't say this on the radio. I'll tell you after work anyway I Did you have sex with someone and they assume I was come on they assume that you have our brain damage

I think they felt bad about it after they apologize Yeah, I was like, it's okay My nanny has a gambling problem gonna fire her No, no, no, you can't fire your granny for having a gambling problem How do I do if she's stealing off of you, I mean, perhaps. This is probably the weirdest one I've seen today. How do I deal with a gun at a relative's home? Like, why would you get the gun at your relative's home?

Like, why is it your business? Yeah, that's true. Like, yeah, a lot of the ethicist people that query the ethicist could just benefit from mind your business. Mind your damn business. Yeah. Is it okay to protest Trump by withholding taxes? Oh my god. You see how long you can get by with that. Well, we've got ten minutes. Let's talk about something really near and dear to my heart. What's that?

That's tax fraud. Tax fraud? Yeah. Okay. I just want to make sure that everybody's paying their fair share Yeah, that's true. I hate it when people tax cheat either too because I'm paying in I'm paying in by God You are too now one of the something out of it Paid I paid for I paid for the schools. We were young minds were molded. That's right Yeah, that's property taxes, right? What's that? Schools are paid through, paid by through property taxes.

This is fun. We're gonna do municipal governance hour. I just say that, that we're gonna open the door of that house and there's gonna be somebody doing their taxes and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! A little privacy, huh?

Uh-huh. That's, dude, that's diabolical. What'sabolical what I told you last night like Sneak into someone's house. Yeah, and on their calendar on the wall put on Wednesday December 13th to pay 2 p.m. Colonoscopy with no anesthesia and then put in parentheses you have to ask you request ask The doctor said you have to request no anesthesia that you have to request No way to get the only way to get it Yeah And you put it that you put that entire thing in the Wednesday thing on their calendar and they wake up and they see it

They're like, oh shit, Cynthia. I forgot tomorrow. I have my colonoscopy with no Cynthia I forgot tomorrow. I have my colonoscopy with no St. Eustacia in parentheses you have to ask for the no anesthesia at the counter to get the best one and and insist And she's like wow, I mean, I guess you got to take off work He's like, I guess I got to take off work and he goes to the hospital to the ER and he's like I have a colonoscopy with no to the hospital to the ER and he's like I have a colonoscopy with no anesthesia and I need to ask the doctor if I cannot have anesthesia and they're like sir we have no idea what you're talking about. We don't have you look for colonoscopy anesthesia or not. But we'll give you one. Yeah. We'll give you one.

You got good insurance? Yeah the best. And then they take him back to like a broom utility closet and we're in there and we beat him up. We don't do any sexual stuff though, Tim. Because physical assault. Just physical assault. Just physical pain. He's like, and he's like, I thought that y'all probably would do a sexual assault

of some kind because it was implied in the colonoscopy it was no anesthesia And we're like well, no you still got to go get that We're just we're just these guys that work at the hospital. We like to beat people up. Yeah, he's like Workers with bad attitudes You still got to go get your colonoscopy. You still got to go get your drink. Are you over 40? Then it's imperative you do You still gotta go get your drink so he... Are you over 40?

Then it's imperative you do. So then he goes back to the room and he tells the doctor that the doctor is literally giving somebody else a colonoscopy and he's standing like a kid stands at the teacher's desk like asking the teacher something. And the guy's like, all right, sure, just lay down right here.

Yeah. And they don't give him anesthesia or anything. They stick the thing up into his bowels and they look at his colon He's in writhing in pain. He's writhing in pain. And then afterwards he goes home and he's like, you know, I Don't have colon cancer. I know it was a joke But I have to tell you I have peace of mind tonight My ass hurts but I have peace of mind and then he finds out like six months

later who did it to him he's like thank you I owe you listen it was a diabolic what you did sure it was but it might have saved my life that's what that's what it is it's not that he didn't have cut. It's like they actually found something they found it early You know An early polyp or something. I know you assholes are like playing one on me, but like Might have saved my life. Might have saved my life. Yeah, you guys want to go out and have a beer together Yeah, all right Three to five days, but afterwards I'm buying you guys a beer.

My asshole hurts so bad. The most diabolical thing of all time. Yeah. God damn. That would be a cool prank to play on somebody. I had my anesthesia free colonoscopy done in Duluth in 74. I was 14 years old. I was 19 years old. They said I had the biggest colon they'd ever seen. You could drive a Mack truck through that colon.

You could park all of Cormac McCarthy's cars. All of Jay Leno's cars in that corner. Maybe Jay Leno himself. Well, are we at an hour? 54 minutes. Six more minutes. What do we got? Six more minutes. What do we got? Six more minutes. What do we got in the six? Why don't you read about what transpired at the

thrill in the Ville, Cheney versus Lieberman debate on October 5th, 2000. What did they talk about I wonder? I don't know just Google Cheney Lieberman Center College analysis or recap Chaney call it Chaney Lieberman vice presidential debate at Center College in Danville Moderator Let's read off this whole thing. Oh fuck. Yes, dude. We could easily fill six minutes up We could probably fill six hours up with this. Why don't we do shit? Why don't we do more shit like this more often? Rose oh what the fuck are we gonna talk about? I have no fucking content It's like oh you could just go to the vice presidential debate transcript at Center College, Danville, Kentucky

October 5th, 2000 and just read that we could do that every episode start reading From Center College in historic Danville, Kentucky. Good evening. I Want to I want to be this person? I'm gonna be like a debate moderator is every town historic just from Center College in historic Danville, Kentucky Good evening every college is historic Yeah, and welcome to this year's only vice presidential debate sponsored by the Commission on presidential debates You probably already guessed that one didn't you the goes yeah I'm Bernard Shaw moderator tonight we come to you they got Bernard fucking Shaw all right they brought him out of Bob Dylan's colon

there was a special mission that's why they went and Bob Dylan Dylan's coal. There's only one man We're like sir. We need to bring you out of retirement one One last job sir. I've been living and I'll do it. We would Wouldn't even ask you but it's Lieberman Cheney. We need you to keep it between the lines Okay, the candidates are the Tonight we come to you from the hall in the northern center for the arts on the campus of Center College Thank you to President John Rausch the faculty students and community Leaders statewide we thank you for hosting this debate. The candidates are the Republican nominee

Former Defense Secretary Dick Cheney of Wyoming. Who was he the former defense secretary for? Does he Nick Bush won? Was he Nixon? No, I think he came in during Ford like it or the very oh, yeah Yeah, that's right. That's right. I never knew no. He wasn't the defense Yeah, I guess would have been Bush one there dick in this corner He was the defense there different William Jefferson Clinton George HW Bush okay damn the entire administration pretty much

He was there the whole damn the whole damn time. Yeah, it's like there the whole damn time Bush one surf three terms is there the whole downtime burn the George Bush administration. I want to do a documentary in the George Bush administration Narrated by him. I'm like somebody's gonna do that. Yeah Like and they is Dave from day one. He was in there. They had him in there and he was in there That was pretty wild. I Thought that was pretty wild when they had them that would be good. Get my judge to just do this I thought I was pretty wild or just do me

Let's do a documentary with me narrating it and your in that Hank Hill. I thought that was pretty wild. What'd they talk about here? The commission, these candidates and their... Oh, I forgot to introduce Democratic nominee, Senator Joseph Lieberman. We still have one minute the commission these candidates in their campaign staffs have agreed to the following rules a Candidate shall have two minutes to respond to the moderators question The other candidate shall have two minutes to comment on the question or the first candidates answer Why do you and you senator Cheney?

Why do you and you, Senator Cheney, Secretary Cheney, predict surpluses you cannot possibly guarantee to pay for your proposed programs? Lieberman, before I answer that very important question, let me first thank you for moderating the debate. Let me thank the wonderful people here at Center College and throughout Kentucky. That was you. He thanked you. I wasn't here at that time. Thanks Joe. He thanks you man. Appreciate that Joe. My 85 year old mom gave me some good advice about the debate earlier today. She said sweetheart as she's prone to call me remember be positive and know that I will love you no matter what your friend says about

you. Well mom as always that was both Reassuring and was I'm going to be positive tonight. I'm not going to indulge in negative personal attacks I want to talk about the issues that matter to the people of this country Education healthcare retirement security and moral values I'm gonna describe the plan that Al Gore and I have for keeping America's prosperity. I want to say something here describe the plan that Al Gore and I have for keeping America's prosperity. I want to say something here. When Kamala Harris was tasked with the Joy campaign or the negative campaign they should have just referenced this debate. They should have. They didn't even get out of Lieberman's open remarks to realize

this one was a loser. You know we're just gonna talk about the issues we're gonna keep it between the lines. We're not gonna be put off by the negativity Okay, Joe Lieberman said let me get to your question and moderator said you have about 10 seconds Lieberman we're not spending any more than is projected from the experts. We're setting aside 300 billion dollars in a reserve fund I love that Lieberman was like my mom pinched me on the cheek and gave me a little Werther's original spent all his time Talking about mommy and then just had 10 seconds to shoehorn the issues in there She pinched my cheek and she told me by golly Joe we were down at the salt at the malt shop in 1957 getting a sarsaparilla Secretary Cheney, I would think I want to thank people here in Danville and I'm delighted to be here

I want to avoid personal attacks. I promise not to bring up your singing. Haha Lee, miss had I promise not to sing Cheney said good. I think this is an extraordinarily important decision We'll make on the November 7th We're really gonna choose between what I consider to be an old way of governing ourselves or a new Course a new era if you will and and he wasn't wrong That's very right you alluded to You guys did alluded to problems think about this day This is less than a year until 9-eleven when this is it is crazy to think about right?

less than a year until 9-11 when this is going on. It is crazy to think about, right? There's no magic bullet, Secretary Cheney, in this question to you. No magic bullet to solve the problems of public education. What is your best solution? Well, listeners, for you to find out what the best solution is, you're gonna go to have patreon.com.

Yep, patreon.com slash trip. That's right, go to... Yeah. You wanna hear Cheney's answer to the... That's right go Cheney's Answer yeah to the only way you can figure out what dick Cheney said on October 5th, 2000 Because we are the only ones who have the transcript with only ones with the information We submitted an open records request and got the transcript of this highly mytholog mythologized and mysterious ritual.

So you too can file a FOIA, you can just pay us $5. It's much cheaper and easier to pay us $5, you know it, you know that that's true. I would like to have read more of this but it is so long I just want to know if he somehow foreshadows the catastrophic devastating attacks on September 11th What if he's like what if what if we notice throughout this he's like and American people will realize we have two big things planned for America two big things big things tower like almost they that tower over everything else and we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna bring the

towers down might even bring the towers down people like this sounds like excellent policy what if it turned out that people vote that was a campaign bring this like here's what's funny If you were to campaign, we're just actually you're just gonna like Gonna raise the towers most people been like all right Yeah, all right, they should do that troll demolition. You know like do that like yeah, you should do that Yeah, you should do that. I hate those bastards that work there anyway Yeah You should do that. I hate those bastards that work there anyway Yeah

Been lying at all they didn't do too much. They should run on that for American people fired up about bringing down whatever you want to bring down and we'll do it It is fucked up that they didn't run It's this is really the thing people talk about Monday morning quarterbacking, but like I just got to say it like Al Gore should have run on not doing 9-eleven. Yeah, he should have run on he should have that should have been his campaigns looking I won't folks. I'm not gonna do 9-eleven. I'll make sure that the town I'll make Make sure we don't go into Iraq Why didn't you have the foresight, Al?

Great stuff. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks for having a great time with us. It's holidays, and you know what that means. That means everyone has got a lot of money. That's the one thing we know about holidays is that everyone has tons of money What you're gonna want to do is steal that money and funnel it all into our patreon But if you want to do it in a way to where it's not taxable hit me up I'll give you the code routing number to a bank in the Maldives and we'll do it that way

We're gonna do it the hard way ifives and we'll do it that way. We'll do it the hard way if necessary. We're gonna do it that way. Just because we like to support economic development in the Maldives islands. That's right. Hit me up for that. All right, well thanks for listening everybody.

Hope you have a good holiday. And just remember that we're all friends and we all have feelings Some of us are thankful for what we have and some of us are not some of us spurn we spat it out As it's lukewarm from our mouths. Yeah And just that's what y'all I did. That's what he did He created everything and he was still that he was madder than a damn proposition was insane God was like you will fuck your brother's wife and come at her or I will fucking kill you or Yeah, yeah, well if God told you to do that

You couldn't tell anybody either because people would think you're insane to be like that guy's fucking insane You wouldn't believe this with the creator of the heavens and earth Trying to make me fuck my sister-in-law And you have to tell your brother that like God says I have to do it and bust in her I don't even want to Think she's hideous. I don't even want to be here, but if I don't Strike me dead What an amazing

Sometimes you ever just like look at the development of humanity and just think like man. We had some good stuff in there Hi concept stuff some good stuff in there All right. All right. Well, they should listen in happy holiday or Thanksgiving Yeah, it looks like Bonnie Prince Billy standing around in front of these just just looking in here. So we're gonna that's good We support them. All right. Thanks for listening. Happy Thanksgiving and goodbye