Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 400: A Different Level Of Criminality

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

Recorded on 7/2/25, so a little late on getting this one out. Nonetheless, a fun dive into Herodotus and the story of Cyrus The Great Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

Well, Jimmy Swagger died. 90 years old. Do you notice how much he looked like Joe Biden towards the end of his life? You know, I'm not really taking a good game. He was even trying to be swaggy like Joe Biden. I mean, I guess he was kind of always trying to be swaggy. Wasn't his scandal he was hiring sex workers? He was vehemently against the gay community, but was hiring sex workers. He was vehemently against the gay community

But was higher than sex workers gay sex workers. No just oh Really just your standard sex work. So what's the hypocrisy there? I don't know if there was a hypocrisy necessarily. I think it's more of a How come my what you deem my sexual sin is so much worse than mmm what what others would deem your sexual sin mm-hmm yeah he's dead he's dead or he's gone now and I gotta tell you he kind of did have a look like Joe Biden. I like, okay, here's the thing,

the news came across my TL yesterday, and the photo... Wait, he died yesterday and you didn't tell me? I just found out like an hour ago. He died yesterday, yeah. I don't know, that's the kind of thing I need. When you see that come across the ticker, you call me immediately. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I thought you would have known. Look, he looks like Joe Biden in that photo Oh, he's even got the weird veneers. Yeah, he's got the veneers and he's got the swaggy glasses like the turtle tortoiseshell Thick rimmed glasses and when I saw the thing come across my timeline, I thought Joe Biden had died 92 year old Jimmy swagger. it's just an old pervert preacher just an old pervert preacher mm-hmm yeah it's not one of those things I need you to sleep on next time just there's a couple of people if they perish I need you to hit me immediately if I don't hit you first. I'm sorry the Aetola Kameini and be one Obviously Benjamin that in Yahoo, but for different reasons, uh-huh

But you want to know if the Aetola dies? No, I'm just naming a couple people that if if something were to happen to him, I need to know about that expeditiously. Yeah, dude Yeah, dude. I'll do that for you. Thanks man. I could do that for you. Do you know, were you ever familiar when rapper Kevin Gates claimed on a podcast, swirled in his children's life that he could start a car with his bare hands? I do remember that, yeah. Yeah. Were you ever familiar speaking of church of an itinerant faith healing preacher named Smith Wigglesworth? No. Who's kind of an icon of the Bethel set. Remember that we've talked about on the

show before, the Hogwarts for Christians place. Yeah. What was his name? Wigglesworth? Smith Wigglesworth. He was English. Well, if you couldn't tell that by the name. Yeah. That's a, yeah, you can't mistake where that name's from. Smith Wigglesworth had claimed to do thousands of miracles in his lifetime, but one of them was that he was on his way to preach. You know, this would have been in the early 20th century,

I guess, so maybe he would have been driving something akin to a t-model Ford looking One of those vehicles you had to crank up with your hand on the front Yeah, like the Beverly Hillbillies jalopy or something like that. Yeah, that was that would have been so tight He said that he cast demons out of the engine with his bare hands by laying by the laying on of hands He was able to get to that Tent revival he was preaching somewhere in the English countryside and the Kevin Gates thing reminded you of that Yeah, I just think that you know we probably were maybe a little too harsh on Kevin Gates about that Maybe he did do that. There's I'm saying there's precedents for that having happened laying hands on a car and it started

You did have to start all things. Like a hundred years ago, everything had to be cranked. There's a lot of cranking going on. That is, there's still things like that today. Cars, record players, hogs, phones, hogs, they all had to be cranked. All had to be cranked. What was it about cranking that got things started?

Why was that the mechanism for so long? I don be crank. What was it about cranking that got things started? Why was that the mechanism for so long? I? Don't know try to prime an engine Well, you prime like a I used to have to clean Vacuum the widespread municipal swimming pool every summer I was part of my duties and you'd have to prime that thing and my god. It was fucking hard to do I hated priming the lawnmower you have to push that button it filled with Gasoline and if you push it too much you flood the engine It's so fucking annoying. I hated that this guy right here play at the University of Kentucky

The blonde hair in the foreground. Mm-hmm We're watching the was this the Wimbledon open. Yeah, is it really I just guess This is the Wimbledon open? Yeah. Is it really I just guessed. Oh, this is the Wimbledon. Yeah Wiggleston he's got a Did you hear the news Smith Wiggleston? Wiggles Wigglesworth Wigglesworth and laid hands on his car. Look him up. Did you hear the news? He laid hands on his car Smith Wigglesworth. He's kind of sounds like a guy that would be like on like a

Soapbox package that never really existed. He's more like a Smith Wigglesworth this place is a regular giantocracy It was a British evangelist who was influential in the early history of Pentecostalism he was from Minston Yorkshire mm-hmm died at Glad Tidings Hall in Wakefield Yorkshire occupation plumber initially until he felt the call of God damn quit dealing with other people shit come deal with God do you think history would have been different if women were the ones who were the engineers with so much of engines and other mechanica, would it be revolved around cranking? I guess so, because kind of like rubbing your shit.

I knew this was going a foul direction That's a cranking motion as well have a kind yeah of a kind why'd you bring copy herodotus the sisters here? I didn't even do that on purpose. It was in my bag Well, we're having a wodehouse summer over here. This is we're not having herodotus That is easy listening over here pal. Dude. This is this I have to admit this shit rules What's in there? It's it's it rules man. Um It's basically he's just like alright Here's some stuff that happened and while I'm at it here's some other stuff that happened and while I'm at it Here's some other stuff that happened

Sort of a protean. He just kind of hops around and was the first historian Okay, or like I guess they consider him to be the first historian it's different than like the epic poems like he's doing a Rigorous social investigation so until herodotus comes on everybody's just living in the moment everyone was living in the moment Nobody's capturing anything for posterity everybody's just kind of living for the day Well, they were but it was in poem mode. It was in poem form poem poem P O M E P O E P O E M P O E M poem poem poem. Yeah songs and poems with the promises. What's a P O M E? What's a poem? I don't know Pommy prisoner of mother England. It's a slur for an Englishman Why me and why me is another one I've heard blimey lost in mother England. I didn't know it stood for something

Pommy Pommy the Herodotus One thing I like about him is he talks about I'm just I'm still on the first book right now, but he talks about the fashion in Babylon Like the fashion style. What is he saying? Say they're getting my fits and yeah, he literally does He said they're getting off fits. They they had they wore everyone wore their hair long and they wore slippers and here's the thing It's erotic. This was a Roman Greek. And here's the thing. It's-

Well, Seratidus, was he Roman? Greek? No, he was Greek. He was from Halicarnassus, which was in Asia Minor, today modern Turkey. Okay. There's other places like that. Isn't that where a lot of book of Revelation took place?

That was- In Asia Minor. That was on- Palmyra. The island of Patmos. Patmos, yeah. Yeah. That was close to Greece. Pretty close I think. Let me ask you a question. The Greeks went about three feet away from being

Arabs really. Well, here's the thing man. Here's what's really interesting. The Greeks practiced colonization, so they were kind of like settler colonials in a way. That's not part of the history that they like to talk about. They don't because they colonized all of our minds if you think about it. They're facts and logic. There is four tribes, Dorian, Ionian, Aeolian, and Achaean. Those are the four Greek tribes. I think the Ion ends. Yeah. Yeah, I own it columns. I own it columns Yeah, they're famous for the Yannick columns as I say that no that would be if a column was not phallic, but Yannick It was a vagina. Oh vaginal. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I'm heaps excited to build this vagina

I'm heaps excited I'm heaps excited to build this vagina. I'm heaps excited I'm heaps excited to build a vagina That's an Australian transition doctor An Australian who's in ancient Greece and he's about to work on a construction project in an alternate history work? Architecture is not based on phallic this guy's Oh yoni, yeah, okay. Yeah like as in from the you know the Vedic writings of Yeah, no idea where he's like

gradings of yeah no idea where he's like I'm hates excited to build the vagina okay he talks about fashion in Babylon dude the we need to bring this back I am I'm pissed that you think when they bring Babylon Babylonian styles. Yeah Or Bible on sure fuck it also we need to bring back also Babylon itself It's a great name. It makes some edits, but look the name the powerful name Remember that P band pod struck fear and struck straight up struck fear in the hearts of Christians and Rastafarians It's true Babylon yeah Okay, but the

The reigning fashion since there Was and again, then we need to bring this back as an accessory staffs Man a staff is a staff when's the last time you saw a man Karen a staff? And he and he talks about how every person had a staff and on top of every staff every person had their own little like They have like a lily or a rose or a lion or or like a go our kid of that Cobra Remember that or a Cobra yeah, that that staff and a Cobra on top. Yeah.

Well I like how- As the last man I saw that staff's Mark Kidd. I had that, I think you pulled it out, that sheath and it was a blade, but it had a Cobra on top. Right. What Moses had, I don't remember, he hit the water of the Red Sea.

And it split right up. Well also he threw it down and turned into a snake That was a dog. Yes staff holds a lot of Not yawning for sure. No, but but Holds it's it casts a long shadow. I'm heaps excited to lean on this vagina As a walking I think I'll be honest with you I'm having a hard time seeing the vision on the yonk stay just a might be tough

Yeah, it's it's oh void. I can't That's the thing the feminists were mad about all the phallic stuff, but it's like I mean it is a good I mean It's a good support. You can't you can't you really can't hike a mountain and with the honor is that no there's a lot of things Yeah, it's where all life comes from. I'm not taking that away from you, but the staff has its place That's so true. I Just that's I loved it when Moses made his become a snake. That's cooler than having that's cooler than pulling it out and it's a blade inside Yeah That's tight. Yeah different level of criminality

Definitely a different level of criminality. What would you what would be on top of your staff? Oh I would I might go pink flamingo a little nod to our dearly departed friend Jim Well Festive to I might even go, I might even paint my staff pink with polka dots like that guy right there. I think I would put on the top of mine that screaming man from the intro to X-Files where his face is like wavy.

Not Edvard Munch but X-Files version. You know on the intro, like on the title card to X-Files, there's one with a screaming guy and his face is all wavy Oh, yeah That's what you go with I might go with that Yeah, that's pretty good one. That's good. That would that would probably signal to neighboring tribes you were Lunatic And therefore not a man to be messed with.

No. You used to be able to signal that you were a real freaker deranged weirdo. Now everything's ran off in the woods together. The homogenization of culture has kind of been bad. You have a hard time reading the tea leaves anymore. Sane sits right next to insane. Yeah. Se, seamlessly. Yeah, it's insane is sane. Yeah, you can get taken to the cleaners by people, man. You make a, think, well man, this is a person is a, is obviously racy as hell and deranged and really and truly they're just an RN that, you know. Oh yeah. Open mouth kisses pitbulls

Said one time Uh-huh Or like the nurse that helped me that Was a Trumper Was convinced the summer of love was coming to Kentucky What I've been meaning to ask I thought about that the other day What do you think was meant by the Summer of Love coming to Kentucky? Like, I know you said it was like a right-wing thing.

Yeah, he was talking about like the protest in LA. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. Why are they calling that the Summer of Love? I don't know, dude, because these suck so fucking bad. Yeah. It's crazy how bad they suck, dude. Right-wingers. Yeah.

I mean, it sucks that we occupy This great this great land with them. We have to share it with the share it with actual Yeah, you're right the actual deranged weirdos and perverts are like vice president United States now that sucks so bad, dude used to your ceiling was Alcoholic in the San Francisco Pier with that, you know what I mean? Now you can soar to high heights, you can lead the Department of Defense. That's true. That is true. That's not to say all drunks are deranged perverts and weirdos.

I shouldn't besmirch them like that. They're renaming our military bases after Confederates. That's not a good development not a good sign is it? So they're renaming our military bases after traders Yeah, and this I saw this thing with Pete Hedges. Somebody was asking him about this in Some hearing in Congress and he was like the troops want this The American troops want this the American troops want their military bases named after traders uh-huh which you know maybe they do maybe they do I'm out of touch I still don't think we should give it to

I don't think there's a lot of things I want that, you know, I don't think you should give to me. Uh-huh. You know? Dude... Herodotus rules. What's Herodotus got else he's got to say about Babylon. Okay, here's the thing. Alright. Who was the king of Babylon back in the... was that?

There was Nebuchadnezzar. Nebuchadnezzar was the big dog. And Nabonidus, I think? Nabonidus, I think that was his son. Didn't roll off the tongue as well as his dad. Nebuchadnezzar is a very fun word to say. Fucking very good word to say. Pull up Nebuchadnezzar on Wikipedia. I want to see what an artist's rendering looked like of him. Wasn't that one of the names of the ships on matrix they used a lot of that stuff on matrix like Zion Babylon

Zion Babylon nebukadrezer is how he calls him nebukadrezer So he must have been close to him that's what his friends call him Yeah, never King never can answer I please my friends coming ever bruh nez friends coming ever It's one of those things where there is no rendering of them the best you can do is like a rock Like they he's that old. He's carved. Oh dog. He's very old 605 BC to he died on October 7th

No, he did he did and he also he's the one that didn't he capture the Jews out of Israel the Levant and take them into I mean you need further proof is right at least set this whole thing up. I Don't know dude, um, it makes total sense Babylon fall Babylon Zion The day that Babylon the king of Babylon fell come on man. I'm just putting the pieces together here well, he doesn't really say much about Nebuchadnezzar because he talks a lot about like how Babylon was built and like how How impressed he was by hanging gardens was he around the hanging gardens He taught he doesn't talk about them hanging guardians

But he talks about the flood like the flood walls that they built on the Euphrates Yeah, and how they diverted the Euphrates something that Sodom and Zane would also did also did later in his life More nefarious race To say the least But they would they built these massive fucking like golden shrines like one of them had like 22,000 tons of gold or something like that Well, let me ask you a question Babylon was pulling gold out of the ground kind of like us mining coal It's like it's just kind of everywhere. Yeah, I think they went up into Armenia Armenia had a bunch of gold in its streams

Everywhere. Yeah, I think they went up into Armenia Armenia had a bunch of gold in its streams And they were shipping our means can't catch a damn break in there. They were shipping it down But the thing is is he talks about? He took about speaking of gold Speaking of gold he he goes on this very interesting. Okay, so he's like trying to Show the origins of the war between Greek and Persia right the you'll find that I'm caught you'll find that war 300 the the battle of thermopylae yeah he's like that was one battle in a larger war so I'm ask you a question a country composed of city-states is there ever

was there like a unified Greek national team? Yeah, there was a the Hellenic League the Hellenic League Yeah, they banded together and they talk about it. They lean a little heavy on the Spartans the brutes of the whole outfit in there Or we just are with us or with the Spartans mayor But or do we have an inflated sense of how badass they were because of that movie they were regarded in their times as Some badass dudes. Okay, like they they got into a battle. They were like a warrior cult like yeah Yeah, that was what they were extremely fat Bertrand Russell said that they were the

paradigmatic example of like a fascist society Okay, I can see that and Another bad that's why I think was it I think maybe Matt Chris may even say that one time that 300 was the first document of the Yeah, have this new rat. Yeah cultural document. Well, I mean they talk about it in that movie a little bit I feel like they're I feel like they were calling the Athenians pussies. Yeah, they were for all you What they call the Athenians for you?

Something in boy lovers boy lovers. Yeah something all you something something in boy love They did do a lot of that they did a lot of boy loving you know two things can be true It can be offensive and true You know two things can be true. It can be offensive and true Okay, so like Herodotus is trying trying to Explain the origins of this war and to do that. He has to talk about Cyrus king Cyrus of Persia, okay So the story namesake of from the Warriors the Warriors. Yeah the movie Yeah, there's a king Cyrus Cyrus the guy that unifies Oh the gangs and gives the speech and then they shoot him and blame it on the Warriors

Yeah, that ensues. Maybe that's where it came from saw your it wrote the Warriors communists. Was he Persian? The Where's communist was he Persian? No, I think he's Jewish but The So he talk is speak gold is what reminded me of this gold Cyrus's grandfather was a king of Assyria and Syria Oh Syria. Yeah, and I think his name was like a till Attilus or something. I don't even know how you pronounce it. Yeah. But he, he.

It's always cool when you meet an Assyrian, you know what I mean? It's like one of those people, it's like, there's only like 300 of you guys left, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Not that, it's not cool that your numbers have dwindled, it's just cool that, you know.

It's like meeting a. Azor Astrion or something, you know. Yeah. Or a shaker. Astrion or something, you know? Yeah! Or a shaker. A shaker. Like a real shaker. Or a... University of New Mexico Lobos fan.

They're dying out. They're aristophones. They're dying out. The, uh... Okay, where was I going with that? The Syrian king, Attil Attila sort of Cyrus's grandfather He had a daughter and he had a dream that his daughter Urinated so much that it filled up and flooded the entire world Not just the Euphrates

This world he made a piss world. He had a dream that his daughter created piss What that leading to do I Mean um But as an aside that would have been so sick like imagine the movie water Everybody's a piss pick now Waters as far as the I could see every sprouts gills, but they're more akin to the fish art. Yeah, yeah, dude And he had a dream and he called his Magi in he was like, what does his dream mean? And he called his Magi in he was like, what does his dream mean?

And they were like it means that your daughter will Magi where we get the word magician Yeah, what they were in the Bible to write there was man see Williams gift of the magic is that Tennessee Williams Um, I think you're thinking of who's the who's gift of the Magi? Probably Tennessee was I was gonna say Ibsen, but then I was like, that's not a funny joke. Henrik Ibsen? No one probably knows who that is either. One of the towering giants. Norway. Yep, and of the theater. And of the stage. He called in his Magi and he was like, what does dream mean and they were like it means your daughter is gonna give birth

to a Great king who will overthrow you and usurp you. What else would piss world dream? It usually means it's the end of the world. It's a new world. It's revolution. It's starting over here And so he didn't like that and so he he got his See if you recognize any similarities in this story to another story of a man. We've already mentioned Actually, he got his top general a man named his name is like Harpagus or something Harpagus Harpagus Harpagus and He and he said our powers come here and he said come on stuff

He was like as far as the first chola as far goes What do you want me to do man you want me to kill this baby And it's fucked up bro. It's fucked up bro. I don't like being asked to move your baby. Bro, no. It's like, you know bro, I'm a Magi. Bro, I had a during my suenyo last night.

At the stream, there's this dude, Jesus. He's like a baby king, man. He comes to save all of his people and like, there's a king who wants to kill him too. A piss Jesus, basically. There was, what was that, Serrano's piss-crass? I remember that controversy.

Was. All right, so he got Harpagos, and he's like, you're gonna have to kill this baby. I can't be getting overthrown by my grandson. It's just not a good look. So take the baby and kill it Okay, I was like so you don't want to be upstaged by your grandkid So you say the only because you had a dream about your daughter pissing and flooding world There's only one solution to this. You gotta kill my grandson.

You gotta kill my grandson. We gotta cut off the family line. It ends with me. And so he, Harpagrus went and got Cyrus, a baby Cyrus, days old, after it was born, kidnapped him, and he had the baby at home, and he brought it home. Maybe the first kidnapping.

Maybe. Probably not. At this part... How old was the world at this juncture? You gotta understand, at this point, the world was already pretty old and degraded. We were past the Bronze Age. Oh, so there's been many kidnappings. Oh, so there's been many kidnappings. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is where we're in. We're if you want to look at it in some ways, you could say we are actually already

on a kind of downward. In my opinion, so we've already reached the high point of and now we're like toward the bottom of this. I think we've been so this, but this is the point where the things started moving toward now. I think that humanity has been sliding down. We reached the high point probably like 10,000 years ago. What was the high point, you think?

Probably when we built, when the Egyptians built the pyramids. So you think that Pharaoh and the boys were sitting there just like nodding at this, and said, boys, we ain't get, hell, they don't get no better than this. I think that was it and it's been all downhill since then The kidnaps Cyrus he takes him home and the old ball and chain his wife is like get that baby out of here You're not killing that baby, and he was like yeah, I guess you're right. I don't all right Brenda. Whatever you say

Like I don't fucking bitch wife won't get off Brenda whatever you say Kill on the bosses baby on the bosses baby, so he he goes out. I'm doing everything I can okay Food on this fucking table. I'm gonna kill a baby put food on this table, okay, and so he takes the baby to a shepherd Instead and he says all right look you've got gotta kill this baby now. This is your problem. I'm gonna leave this baby outside in the sun for three days and it's gonna die from exposure and I'm gonna send some boys back in three days and we're gonna get proof that the baby's dead

and everything's gonna be cool. Shepherd boys, not as helpful as they were in the scripture. Well, so here's the thing. The shepherd at this time just so happened to have a wife who had just given birth to a stillborn baby and so Uh-huh, so they were like, alright the and the wife is like, let's keep this baby and we'll just Make them think that the stillborn swap out the dead baby Yes, it's a live baby and then we'll think that it's Cyrus so that's what they do soon to make that you know let's say 600 BC or something

what's to sit enough time elapsed where you can make a joke about swapping out a steelborn for that's gonna make sure it's a little risky Might catch some heat for that one. We might catch some heat. Okay, and so So that's what they do harpo park Pagus comes and he finds the baby Then he's in his dad and he's like, yes. All right. We're good. I'm free home free. We're good He goes home. Everything's chill for ten years We're good home free home free. We're good. He goes home. Everything's chill for ten years Except and then ten years later one day this little shepherds boy named Cyrus

That wasn't his name. They were calling him something different he Reginald Wigglesworth He's playing the game Kings with his friends, you know, Jeff play that when you're growing up Like King. Yeah, you're the king King of the mountain Yeah, you know you get to be the king or the princess or whatever and you get to dictate what everybody does basically like you like alright, I'm the king and you're gonna be my jester and you're gonna be my Knights and you're gonna be my

Food taster and that kind of stuff. I never played that game. I mean, I didn't either I did play a game called hide and go kill whose antecedent was a game that That this guy grew up with who was originally from Detroit said back home we called this hide and go fuck. He said we'd play it with girls and if you found them you got to have sex with them. And I believe that for an embarrassingly long time. Hide and go fuck. I Didn't go

I guess I'm Scotty Adams. He had the biggest for it ever seen any man. We played hide and go Do your taxes? Found a girl you got to help her turn their Not cheat on the tax. To the letter. Everything's just cross your t's out your ass. Where is it going with this? Okay, he's playing the game Kings and he orders one of his subjects to do something and this little boy is like, no.

And so he has him flogged by his friends because they're playing the game. They're playing the game in this game. You're the king You got to do it. You get flogged if the king says yes You get flogged if you don't do what the king says so this boy runs home, and he tells his dad. He's like still Wigglesworth the the king flogged me because I wouldn't do this that either And so this guy gets mad and he goes in titles to the actual king the original king still us who had the dream about his daughter and who tried the piss world guy and So he's and he's like, alright, we were playing king and the Shepherd's son beat my son's ass because he wouldn't do

What he wanted him to do and so, you know, hey listen, I don't like to make stink about this, but rules are rules and kings Yeah, and so the slippery slope if I don't enforce this and so the king says all right. We'll bring him here 9-eleven sorry we're watching the US open and they were they were celebrating 9-eleven. It must have been the anniversary They were all happy as fuck must have been the L is the 20 as the 20 21 juniors That was the anniversary of 9 or 20 year anniversary Tight as you might remember it happened. Oh damn she got it fell with inside Damn Happened oh damn she got it fell with inside Okay, so then the he demands that the shepherd's son come before him the shepherds boy Who's of Smith Wigglesworth, but it's actually Cyrus maybe Reginald maybe Reginald. We don't know and

So he comes before him and he's like, Why did you have the boy flogged? And he's like, I was the king, that was the rules of the game. And as he's saying this, the king's looking at him, he's like, Wait a second. I know you, you look like me. I can't wait, I know, you're my grandson. You're the one I tried to get killed.

Harpagus! And so he calls Harpagus in and he says, what the fuck? Did Harpagus not take the stillborn back to the king and say, hey look, that baby. He did, but it's a baby. All babies pretty much look the same, you know what I'm saying? Even if they're... even if they're what? What? Persian?

No. Levantine. Stillborn. Even if they're what? What? Persian? No. Levantail. Stillborn. You said Levantail? Even if they're stillborn, probably especially if they're stillborn, they look like every other baby. Well, it's also just like the king should have been like,

you idiot, that's a stillborn baby. Well, but it was dead, and he knew the other one was going to be dead. He's probably like, our Pogus. It's a stillborn baby. Well, but it was dead and he knew the other one was gonna be dead They probably like our Pogus. It's a dead baby I'm satisfied. It's a dead baby dead baby. We're good. We're good And so he calls her Pogu sand and he's like All right, so you disobeyed me you didn't kill this kid when I told you to but it's alright tonight We're all gonna have a dinner

We're gonna sort this out So he invites I'm gonna be honest with you if a mad king that had a baby killed said it's okay We're gonna sit down there and sort this out. I'd be on the first ship to Patmos You'd never hear from old Harpagos again, so you did he go? So you did he go? So he goes to the dinner and it's the king and it's Cyrus Reginald Smith Wigglesworth And it's Harpagus and it's the shepherd and all the Kings courtiers. So just if you're having trouble following the Smith Wigglesworth Reginald Question mark is the same guy And so they're all sitting around the king's feast table and they're eating and they bring out this lovely

They're engaging in little merriment. They're engaging in merriment and and they bring you know the mill out and Harpagus eats his fill. It's like yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum and and and and and The king goes Harpagus have you guys like bro I brought it if it's there yeah you chill a key lace man what is it what is the what is that pozole pozole hey bro you got a pozole back there bro hey back there bro you got a manoodle back there kind of you know That was the group Ricky Martin was in we're like when you sprout facial hair. They kick you out

Yeah, original BTS in a way the Latin the Latino BTS you have to kick you out. Yeah I don't know if that's still real for me. That's like this podcast That's true. Mm-hmm. Yeah the day you turn 13 you're out of this joint Um, so they're at dinner and Harpagus has a full stomach. He's like yummy I'm like, I'm I'm I got the itis. I'm I'm you know Tryptophan like I'm gonna go take my nap and take me a little nap and the king says Harpagus Have you had your fill? Did you enjoy the meal and he's like I'd say things you don't want to have a king say to you for 500 dollars, especially when you suspect he's disobeyed him.

He's like, yeah, I enjoyed it. It was good. It was great. And he goes, chef, why don't you bring out, um, why don't you bring out the rest of the meal for Harpagus? And so he brings, the chef brings out a platter. He opens the platter and it's Harpagus's son It's his head on a platter and Harpagus says that point having realized he just ate his son

For me for dinner. That's not chill, bro Yeah, he's as you can imagine not too happy about it, but there's nothing he can do about it essentially He's you know, he's the King's general, but he's not the King. And so that happens. So that just happened. And, and... Somebody at the table say that? The most annoying guy at the table said, well that just happened. And, um, so the mill wraps up and the king is like, all right, Cyrus Reginald Smith Wigglesworth the third, you survived. So I'm going to go send you to live with your mother in Persia. And, um, first time I've aged a minor for him. Uh, yeah.

And, um, so he goes to Persia, and he lives there for like maybe 10 more years, until one day, Harpagus approaches him out of nowhere. He's like, how the fuck did you get here? He's like, where'd you come from? And Harpagus, having stewed on it for... Cyrus, sit off, it ain't no sun eater. Ha ha ha.

Having stewed on it for 10 years that he ate his son for dinner. He says Cyrus would you like to overthrow your grandfather at the king and become the king yourself? Take your place on the spot against the king he plotted against the for that for revenge for that little outrage for the outrage right? Revenge for that little outrage for the outrage, right? And Cyrus is like fuck yeah, dude You think there's any possibility just as a brief aside here that we've eaten human flesh and um, but no stuff Like so you think we've digested at least a particle of human? Yes, like at a meatpacking plant or something someone loses a finger and just kind of gets another Percent we've eaten human meat

So yes, Iris is like fuck yeah, dude, like I'm I'm gonna I'm the I'm the king. I'm the king now. I am the captain now and so then they launch a I'm the captain now and so then they launch a War against Attila's or whatever his name is the grandfather King and they of course they overthrow him And there's he's old as hell the prophecy has been because he's old as hell and the prophecy has been fulfilled I'm failing to see how the piss world dream prophecies was fulfilled by that. Oh I see it was a new epoch starter Oh I see it was a new epoch starter The piss the piss world signal the new world income and this and then overthrowing it tell us was the new world income

I hadn't really thought about it, but you're right like I failed to see the Geek you start to see listen. I'm not an anti-religion guy, but some of this stuff people take this prophetic You see how flims it is is. Well they could have... Like, I had probably had four dreams last week that in the ancient world they would have thought they would have done something crazy if they had had those dreams, you know what I mean? It's true, like it probably... Low threshold for prophecy. The Magi pulled that one out of their ass and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. These get Magi's, dude. What's up with these guys?

Y'all change the world just by being Listen we have been Listen everybody knows I'm a Bible guy or whatever right But I'll be the first one to tell you that the world has we the world has been too shamanic for too long We've been relying on the words of oracles and shamans magi's and holy men for too long that's true these guys are madlers they are they are they're mischievous they're little tricksters that is true I mean cuz the thing is is the grandfather King thought that the prophecy had been fulfilled that's why he sent him to

Persia and let him keep living he thought the prophecy had been fulfilled. That's why he sent him to Persia and let him keep living He thought the prophecy had been fulfilled when the king when the boy was playing kings on the street He was like, oh, that's what the prophecy means He was just playing kings on the street and he was a king and so the prophecy has been fulfilled fucking dumbass No, I'm still falling to see how that one he got there Maybe guys keep it to a lot. It's piss world No. I'm still falling to see how that one, he got there with that. Guys keep the twin lines, it's piss world. Maybe just maybe somebody pissed the bed. Maybe. Maybe

what the dream is trying to say is your granddaughter in there is she pissed the bed. She's daughter in there pissed the bed. That's probably what it was. She's pregnant with the new king and she pissed the bed because sometimes a baby pushing on your bladder can make you a little incontinent That probably would have been way better back then and when they just slept on like stone tablets Stone just didn't have to get up the middle of the night. You have to get up and just lay on a stone tablet nude Just piss everywhere just soak in It's fine

That's so true. It's you don't have to get a new mattress every time. Oh, man. I was a terry mom I pissed the bed till I was, you know, probably. Well, it's funny, we were hanging out with Sam in the middle of the night and they were talking about how many of their kids peed the bed. Like, I never peed the bed. Oh, okay, cool. Not even as an adult.

Not to brag. Not even as an adult drunk. Ah, you haven't drunk enough. I never peed myself. But my brother would, my middle brother would, I hope he doesn't mind me telling this, but my middle brother would get up in the middle of the night sometime and sleepwalk and he would pee inside the toy chest. We did this like toy chest.

And so you'd get your toys out and they'd be covered up in this. Something smells a little bit in there. You know, the only time I ever met my father, he came to visit. And we lived in this apartment, had this tall, like folding 10 doors that my mom had downstairs. And it was like her pantry,

kept all of her canned food and shit in there. And my mom would tell the story that her and my dad were sitting in the living room catching up. And I was slipwalked. It's the only time I've ever slipwalked. Just walked downstairs, pulled my pants down, got my little bird out, pissed in the pantry, shut the door, waved at him and walked back upstairs. That's tight dude. The only time I ever recorded having done that. I mean he probably deserved it right to have to see a little bit of PP Your dad, maybe it was one of those prophetic things. Maybe damn I didn't even thought about maybe there's some dramatic

dimension to that I Mean, I guess kind of funny that first time you saw your son not as a baby, he just walked in and then just pissed in front of you. God. I guess it usually denotes distress of some kind, right? Because you pee yourself when you're like scared? You pee your pants and you're frightened? Yeah, I always took a little offense because I paid the bed to us probably in middle school I would say so I was like I was pissing that I was probably 10 11 something like yeah

and when people would say like Every serial killer was a bed wetter. I'd speak up for the bed wetter community. I'd say no wait just a goddamn second There are some listen some of us. We don't have 18 our hard-working Have 18 pre-preubescent boys in our basement. Oh Some of us just normal hard-working Americans You know it's a normal hard-working eight-year-old Going to the coal mines every day you know uh-huh

I remember going to the dock my mom had had enough because I was ruining matches and we didn't have that kind of resources yeah yeah let's have wondered about this yeah like what do you do you just wait it out like really soldier through or we went to it was funny we went to see Hannah. Dr. Hannah. He used to be your doctor briefly but he had more hair in those days. But we went to see Hannah and I had to sit there in front of Hannah. It was funny just to be like, doc I just, I conferred with him that nobody would find out about this outside the office. Yeah. So that's probably, you know, that's about fourth grade. You know, you're starting about HIPAA at that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well that was my first introduction to HIPAA. Also, Hippocratic, probably one of Herodotus's

countrymen, if not contemporaries maybe. I think he was a little later than Herodotus. Anyway. They invented history before they invented medicine. Yeah, that's true. Well Hannah's solution was that there was this buzzer thing they might I heard about this I've heard it just goes out it was supposed to wake you up when you're like It's supposed to sit when your bladder gets full It's supposed to like give you like a little Cut I guess kind of like touching the side of the thing and that operation where that game we played me his little operation What you try to get the funny bone?

It just razzes you away. Well, I wonder how many kids got that and when they got the buzz Just pee their pants So eventually we didn't end up going that route because it was a very expensive device I probably pissed the bed for another year after that. I guess And then I just kind of grew out of it. Okay, yeah, did you have to keep getting new mattresses or did you just like soldiers through? No, my mom, by that point, she had wised up and got the plastic zip on one.

Like a tarp? Oh yeah, okay. Yeah, but we did have to do laundry about four nights a week. I wonder if that's more of a modern affliction or if that's been with us since the beginning. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Interesting. Very interesting. Well, okay, to tie the story up, Cyrus Reginald Smith Wigglesworth III takes the throne, but as they're taking the throne from the grandfather king, the grandfather king turns and looks at Harpagus and he says, you're the most foolish man that ever lived. And he goes to Harpagus and he says, why? And he says, you had the opportunity to take the throne for yourself and you didn't. And not only that that you've now put a Persian on the throne that was his last words to

And I guess maybe they're prophetic, but I don't know So but Cyrus and Harpagus went on to have a great collaboration. They really took over all of Asia Minor pretty much Yeah, they was the fool now. So who's the fool now? all of Asia Minor pretty much. Really? Yeah. So who's the fool now? So who's the fool now, motherfucker? Could do worse to be a conciliar to a Persian king. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I think he probably had the last laugh in the end. Yeah. I mean, he might have eaten his son. You fool, you put a... So? So? And that beef carried into Saddam times, didn't the Saddam had beef with Iran? Yeah Yeah, I don't know if it was motivated by

That's one of the you can't spread stuff like that's how you get the Israel conundrum That's true too much stock in ancient stores. That is true, dude today, I saw Blake Flate what's that motherfuckers name Blake flayton or some shit Blake felton or the one serving cutting the bomb So the serving cutting bomb shelters in Tel Aviv. Yeah, Blake flayton I saw a tweet from him that was like, Flight blakein', whatever. Everyone always, no one else catches any flak for being ethnostate, Japanese, the Greek or whatever,

but it's only Israelis or whatever. It's like, well I mean, it's kinda maybe because you guys have only been there for 50. 75 years. Maybe because you guys have only been there for 50 And you're genociding everybody Um within a 50 mile radius and trying to take over their land. Yeah, so maybe that's

Why and to be? It's not like the world was just chill with it when japan was also doing yeah. Yeah. Yeah famously Famously you back in the day when something like that would happen there would be an intervention yeah yeah I mean so stupid he's such a fucking moron they're all so stupid dog he's like is like it sounds like you just hate us and it's like well yeah no

we do know what we do hate all of you yeah that's true Israelis But Israelis for sure it makes a good in living guy seems alright. Yeah, they have they have had a few good historians It's like I've said the only good thing Israel's ever produced is histories about how bad is That's that guy's a good historian Yeah Gershon Shaffir? That guy's a good historian. Yeah. Damn. Herodotus. There's also another thing on here. He's talking about this tribe east of... Hey, it was just before you go all the way into that, just still kind of marvelling that

whole affair was put in motion by a piss dream Well put him That's how things in the ancient world works dog really need much you didn't need much motivation in those days, I guess No, no, I had a piss world dream today. I just scratched my ass and Move on with my day back then it was a Epoch sharing a man Triggered his own downfall with a dream about his daughter filling up the entire world with piss More or less about hubris it is it's also the past was also more poetic

Honestly, you put a person on the throne Okay You know the chips all they play old man Yeah, dude, oh man This is I'm trying it cuz he's talking about the marriage customs Oh, this was tight. He talks about health care in Babylon single-parent Similar I think this is what they should do. Honestly what we should we should institute this you could call it

I guess you can call it the hypochondriac economy the hypochondriac. Yeah version of healthcare. He says, next in in in, next in in deuity to the ingenuity to the old marriage custom is their treatment of disease. They have no doctors, but bring their invalids out into the street where anyone who comes along offers the sufferer advice on his complaint,

either from personal experience or observations of a similar complaint. You know, there's nobody's allowed. Honestly, can't know how I do. either from personal experience or observations of a similar complaint in others. Honestly, count on how I do. Anytime I got an acre of pain, I'm just like, Terrence, you ever experienced? Exactly. Anyone will stop by the sick man's side and suggest remedies which he has himself proved successful in whatever the trouble may be, or which he has known to succeed with other people. Nobody is allowed to pass a sick person in silence, but everyone must ask him. What is the matter? I? Gotta be honest with you an Appalachia this didn't go so s kind of practice didn't go so that's how you got

Remedies like if you have a wart just wrap a banana pill around it You know you got folk medicine this kind of thing Well, you know if you or like if you get a cramp to eat pickle juice or something like that. I do like it that it's, I do like it that it's like crowdsourced. Yeah, yeah, it's proto Wikipedia, but for hypochondriacs or just regular chondriacs.

Also, Babylonian women, if they were rich and beautiful, would subsidize the marriages of poor and ugly women. Powerful stuff. So it was egalitarian in that way. Honestly, I think we should go back to that too. I'd be the beneficiary of such an arrangement. When a Babylonian has had intercourse with his wife He sits over incense to fumigate himself with his wife opposite doing the same and at day break They both wash before they have washed they will not touch any household utensils So you sit over some incense and fumigate your nuts dude

Well things have certainly changed on that front. Why don't we do that anymore? Why don't we fumigate our nuts with incense? We could I've got some in there on that front. Why don't we do that anymore? Why don't we fumigate our nuts with incense? We could, I've got some in there. You know, give it a whirl. We should record every podcast just fumigating our nuts. Yeah. You imagine at the next you, she just smell like sandalwood down there.

I'm surprised none of these like new age RFK junior type guys have started. Yeah, cuz there's the guys that like recommend drinking piss and there's the guys that recommend micro dosing snake venom Like why not fumigating your nuts drinking piss remember that Bear Grylls that guy There's a guy on Bear Grylls did drink his piss he did but I think it was more of like a survival strategy It was last resort like cuz you can drink piss for a little bit in it I think you can bet only but there's diminishing returns after a day or something. You can drink it only once. It's like, did you ever hear that? If you ever get bit by a black widow, you can only get antivenom for it once. I've never heard that. That's funny. So next go-round,

I'm dead. Son, yes, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's like if you drink pee and then pee it out you can't drink that pee. I think you can use it. It's piss piss, double piss. You can use it once. But twice you're gonna have urea build up, then you got an issue. Yes, exactly. That's exactly right. And he talks about this tribe to the east of Babylon. And he talks about this tribe to the east of Babylon They have also discovered another tree whose fruit has a very odd property

For when they have parties and sit around a fire they throw some of it into the flames and as it burns It smokes like incense and the smell of it makes them drunk just as wine does the Greeks and they get more and more intoxicated notorious drugs And they get more and more intoxicated as more fruit is thrown on until they jump up and down and start singing and dancing I'll give you one guess as to what that is Smoking jazz cigarettes jazz cigarettes Tea sticks as they were called in caroac. Some of those left hand cigarettes. Because if you look at the footnote it says the tree is a type of Indian cannabis from which hashish is extracted. Some of the footnotes in this are so cunty.

It's just like nope, wrong. Herodotus got this one wrong. It's so wrong. Oh my god. They bitch about how wrong he was. Yeah, they're like this is not to be believed This should be a bitch whose names on the spine Throw it out. This is not to be believed Mm-hmm, so a cancellation attempt on the footnotes of friday. They tried to cancel in the fitness

Isn't that isn't it interesting how that story about Cyrus is very similar to the story of Moses yeah very I noticed that and I think also a Sargon of Akadia was also another well we've talked about this there's basically only seven right human stories that's true a king a king being swapped out at birth is another one. Yeah, and comes back to get his rightful heirship. Everybody wants to kill their dad, which is an offshoot of that same thing. That's true. Everybody wants to avenge their father.

Yeah, you can either kill your father, a la Star Wars, or avenge your mm-hmm Allah take your pick Mm-hmm Babylon Then you know my favorite of the genres when your Buddy was tied to a woman, but he dies in more so now you don't have to nobly forego the sexual tension between the two of you There was see Forrest Gump Yeah, you're right. I don't know if that's true. Which one was it in Forrest Gump? I don't think that actually occurred in Forrest Gump, but but but Bubba dies and Jenny Yeah You ought not talk to him like that. He's just a boy. Wait. No, that's sling blade

That was for us comforts That's all right. Oh, man Man, my brain is done. I'm gonna score this match. We got to set a set of peace. I'm fucking cooked, bro Just like this great country of ours I'm fucking cooked bro. Just like this great country of ours Jimmy Swigert Jimmy Swigert is dead He's dead aged 90 their arrows will blot out the sky

Their arrows will blot out the sun 300 their arrows will blot out the Sun What does he say son you gotta go through the agogi you gotta beat the hell out of boy you gotta go Yeah, you're right. That's why we got beat the hell out of you. Oh My god boy Man, you could get away with all kinds of shit back then son. I just kicked a Persian down the well he had four skulls tied to us I kicked a person down the well this morning boy boy. Oh my god. I just kicked a purse Oh my god, not boy. You're not supposed to kick a king's mission a king's I just messenger down a well. I just kicked a person down the well oh

I just messenger down a well. I just kicked a person down the well oh Man the world was so much tight. Do you think they believed in Flat Earth? In those days yeah, but yeah, but probably for different reasons Yeah, yeah Sure that I thought the Greeks thought that the world was round at least You think something over there at that moment? I think so. Which nation produced the best astronomers? The Italians, probably?

No. What was Italy in those days? It was Rome. Was it just part of the Roman Empire? Well, so part of it was the Etruscans who some believe were a runaway settler colony of Greeks from I think maybe Chios or no no it wasn't that it was a Phoecia I think Phoenician? Sort of but it's different. Phoecia? Phoecia. What was the? Were they seafaring merchants? We're Phoecia bro? It's Fuisha. Were they sea faring merchants? We're Fuisha bro.

It's different bro. Fu land man. It's different bro. Everybody my Fu and the king is also my Fu man. Yeah bro. No bro it's not okay we're not Phoenicians bro. Phoenicians are sea dweller merchants bro. Mm-hmm. This is different is different. Everybody's a fool No, I Italy at that time was yeah, Rome, but then also the outline fucking I Mean to me Rome was kind of boring compared to some of this stuff to answer your question I think the best astronomers were like Babylonians and Assyrians and Persians and shit like that.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure. Best mathematicians too. Oh yeah. I think they came up with the concept of zero first, right? I think so. I don't actually know though. I said that like I knew in the affirmative. Yeah, yeah, I think it's right. I didn't even know. I wasn't even aware of their existence five seconds ago, but yeah, yeah, I think it's right. I didn't even know I wasn't I wasn't even aware of their existence five seconds ago But yeah, yeah, I think it's right Yeah, my quick reading of it. Yeah. Why are we talking about Italy? We're talking about astronomers Why are we talking about astronomers? Oh the flat earth flat earth? Yeah I never understood the thing about what I never understood about flat earth

and I've said this before but genuinely like of all the conspiracy theories like if you are a flat earther and It turns out to be right if it turns out to be correct Like I think you get to take the biggest victory lap because that's the highest risk Honestly the highest risk if you think that you staking your whole professional future on it. Like, it's a thin line between Innovator and Cooke, you know what I mean? Yes.

And the margin is slim. Yes, because like, if you think Bush did 9-11 or that there were more than one shooters at the Texas Book Depository, like, congratulations, join the fucking club. You can take a flyer on that. Take a flyer on that take a flyer in that one Nobody's you're wrong on that who cares, but if you flat earth and you're right

You get to fuck you to the victor goes the spoils Yeah, in my opinion, but what I never understood was it if it's flat like what's the shape of the earth? Is it just round is it heart-shaped? Hard to say is it gingerbread cookie man? Gingerbread man cookie shaped? Yoni shaped? I'm hyped excited to eat the vagina flat world Because I picture it like a cookie if it's a flat world is a cookie Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, a disc, a saucer.

Have we talked about this on the show? This sounds familiar. I've got a compromise with the flat earthers. Have we talked about this? I think I've got a compromise with them that would make everybody happy. And it's this. Okay. Amiya Culpa for the flat earth community.

Yeah, Amiya Cul, but the earth is Flat right like in the sense that like we all live on one plane if you're it will concede that if you're above the Equator you live on the top part, and if you are below it you live on the bottom part But there's a big circular dome that goes around But there's a big circular dome that goes around. So we call around it around on both sides. So it's like it's kind of like a Pokemon ball or something. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Or, uh, no, a Pokeball, a Pokeball. I'm with you. And there's people that live on the upside in the bottom side. And that's our, that's my compromise. I could find a compromise with any any Position position pretty much. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, and they call me Henry gay The I'm a compromiser I'm the great home. Oh Henry Clay in the game Of course Course of course I see what you were going for there. Uh-huh. I feel like back then though You could just kill someone and skip town and get away with it forever, and that's crazy Yeah, it's true. There's probably a lot of cold cake

That did I tell you about the time that a guy called Weitzberg, said he went to Weitzberg High School and confessed to Tyrone, the chief police on the phone, that he had killed somebody and buried a body under the old bridge? What? Did they find the body? I don't know if they did or not, which is kind of an interesting... Like he said the court says like this body was buried under this bridge and it turns out there that guy did get killed and was like never heard from him again but maybe I don't think the body was there maybe. Damn. Something like that.

I'm botching details of that story but there was an investigation. It's like a sick fetish thing and they dig up the body and it's just that guy and he's jerking off. He's like I wanted you to find me. He's like got the grave rot. He's so committed to the bed he's like jacking off but he's got grave rot you know. You found me. It's like the guys was the dude Per Olin was the head of mayhem that band that Varg was in that he killed the oh yeah you know what I'm talking about? Yeah I do know what you're talking about. Lords of Chaos. Was that a fetish thing? No I think what Purr did was like he would like maybe bury himself temporarily not enough to

die or whatever or something. I don't know there was something he did with that. Could you bury your entire self except your arm and your penis You've got a little tube that you can breathe through like not even your face is out like you're in there somebody's done Somebody's done that's like What was raised law one of our early episodes? What does Ray's law say? If it's possible to have done something... It has happened. It has happened.

Some bad thing coming is like, isn't that just Murphy's law? No. No, it's different. This is perverted. Ray's law is kind of like Murphy's law, but for degenerates. Uh-huh. If I lived... well, I don't know I was gonna say like you could skip

The thing like everybody dreams of is faking their own death I guess mm-hmm So I guess they can like skip town or something go start a new life I would just start I want to fake my own death, but just keep living my regular life I think planet people did that well into the 70s and 80s. Did they? Damn. Was Machiavelli? Machiavelli? Machiavelli didn't die. Didn't he fake his own death? No I think he was tortured. Or is that one of those dumb things that people are like Tupac made an album he went by Machiavelli and guess what Machiavelli faked his own death and I just took it as gospel. I don't think he did. I know he was tortured And they broke his arms

And so he had like a John McCain type deal going on the Vietnamese did it to Machiavelli Yeah, the Viet Cong also broke Machiavelli When people say somebody has Machiavellian tendencies That means they want to. They want to get their arms broken. They won't. Yeahian tendencies, that means they want to... They want to get their arms broken. They want... Yeah, it's not that they want to destroy you. It means that they want their arms broken by the Vietcong. Yo, you know how they did it? It sounds extremely excruciating, but...

Talking about John McCain or Machiavelli? Machiavelli. They tied his arms behind his back, like this, and then they put a hook... Gotta have one of them for the mic. One of them for the mic. If you want me to put both my arms behind his back like this and then they put a hook I have one of them for the one one of them for the mic If you want me to put both my arms down here. I'll second I'll assist so they tied both of his arms behind his back like this and then they hooked a chain to the And then they lifted him up like that Take take that take Body was supported like that. There was a name for it. I don't really want to do this anymore. Take the microphone. His body was supported like that. There was a name for it.

I don't remember. Somebody there or somebody there. We were making a sick and twisted movie called Saw based on this one day and they just laughed. Damn did they do that in Saw? I don't know but they did shit like that. They did shit like that in Saw. You're right. It's all be like be like Cut your own dick off or otherwise your head's gonna be pulled out which which do you want more your dick or your? your head Which is I Would be so bad at it I would like tie Something to a single hair on their head and I'd'd be like, we're going to play a game. You get to decide, do you wanna lose one hair on your head, or do you wanna lose your entire head?

And they'd be like, I'll just do the hair. I'll just do the hair. And then you'd be like, damn, they keep beating me at my own game. Hehehehehe. These guys are really bad sounds like John John Dutton gets hooked into one of jigsaw sick and twisted game What is this crap what is this what is this crap? What is this crap? Well John.

Well John. Well John. Since you like to make Montana a favorable regulatory state for you to continue to exist in. We're going to make you choose. Would you rather have tax? Would you rather be taxed? would you rather be taxed? be taxed at 90% assessed at 90% Or or behind that door is a herd of buffalo

They're angry John. They've not eaten weeks What is this crap we're gonna turn them loose on you John. Oh My god What is this crap That's how John Dutton made his end being gored by Buffalo because he would not be assessed He would rather be gored by Buffalo than be assessed at a at a Rooseveltian tax rate. Oh, beautiful. Well, they had to spoil the new season of Yellowstone for him.

But there it is. He gets abducted by Jigsaw. That's how they had to kill him off because you know, Kevin Costner quit the show. That's what they wouldn't show you on TV. We gonna play a game the writers. That's how they killed John Duff we're going to play a game John You get to decide

Do you want to do you want to be gored by Buffalo? And then it's like brings up on the computer screen just Gretchen, you know, the mayor or the governor of Montana He was he was having an affair with yeah It's like we've got her John We're gonna pull one hair off her head. He's like you don't hurt her hair on her head. No John We're gonna hurt exactly one hair on her head Per the sick rules of the game that mr. Ray's come up with You choose.

You said, we didn't want to hurt her, we're gonna hurt either one hair on her head or we're gonna pull her whole fucking head off, John. What's it gonna be? What's it gonna be? And he's just like, I don't know. Ty said I would never hurt a hair on her head. I.

He can't. It's like, and he decides to kill her, just out of principle. Better because he can't go back on his word. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah. The only thing worse than losing Gretchen is going back on my word. And I told her a long time ago, I wouldn't hurt a hair on her head. It's the first time Jigsaw gets that answer, he's like, oh, okay.

He actually has empathy with John. Are you okay, John? John. I might have to try to talk you out of This one John My god man you sick what's wrong with you cowboy never goes back on his word Cowboy goes back on his word if he's dealt with natives. That's the only time it's acceptable, Jake. So I don't see any native blood in you. Oh my God, dude.

Jesus Christ Almighty. Fritz roaring back here. I think Nuno Borges is a relative of What's his name? The writer? Jose Luis Borges? Jorge. Jorge Luis Borges Probably not But maybe it's possible. Is he good? pretty decent Interesting. I bet he I bet so I bet Jorge Luis Borges was a good tennis player Yeah, he was a crazy right winger. Yeah, he said that he I Liked him though. I love him. I love to read him. He loved he loved him. I loved him

I was in love with him. I was in love with him. He said he hated the Spanish language that he was born into because it was so limiting that English was better that was controversial to him. Really? Yeah What the fuck? I don't know about that But then again, I only know English in a few words in I heard you speak Spanish to To the lady in the restaurant the other day. That's true. I do do it when I need to I also speak Russian I wish I would when she when she is. Yeah, I bless Benio

I wish I would have perked my ear up just to see what she what kind of stuff you have What kind of stuff I had had some good stuff I I had that's some good stuff I said preview it I started speaking in Russian Okay, thanks for listening folks I have to get on with my day But I hope you enjoyed this program And if you would like to go support us on the good website called patreon Actually, this might be on patreon. I don't know. We'll see we'll find out but regardless I hope you enjoy the show assuming no earth-shattering news happens

It's probably on the page and assuming assuming that assuming the world doesn't get flooded with piss between now and then flooded with piss between now and then. So yeah, so enjoy your Fourth of July, or if this is on Patreon, you've already enjoyed your Fourth of July, and be careful out there. Hope nobody lost a finger. Dude, it is Fourth of July, huh?

Friday. And it's Trump's Fourth of July. His first or? His first is number 47. Is that what he is for 48? I don't know. I lost count. He sucks so bad, dude. Everything sucks so bad.

But every night before I go to bed, I pray that he dies. Surely a just God will hear that. The Bible says the fervent effectual prayer of a righteous man availeth much. So. And look, I'm upfront with God. I say look, I'm not trying to test you. I'm not saying you do this and I'll believe in you. I fully believe. I've come back to the faith. I have full faith in you. You have to to be righteous that's for the equation to work. Uh-huh. You're fervent if you're factual and fervent righteous

I'm question mark. I'm trying to be righteous I'm trying my best to be righteous, bro When did we stop saying right was that a 90s thing righteous righteous man? I think it was earlier than Phil's like the 20s. A little later. A little righteous there. The boys are fighting a righteous war across the seas. Fightin' a righteous fight in the Pacific theater.

What Hitler's doing right now ain't so righteous. Yeah. Don't care a damn bit for it. Yeah Don't care damn bit for oh Wow fourth of July baby Smith Wigglesworth. Hey jumpstart those wall planes with his bad hands Our 249th Fourth of July folks 249. Yeah extras 250. It is that seems like a good note to got to

You know 250 that's a good a quarter of a millennium. That's about what we ran here. Yeah Yeah, I think that's probably Monica blue cheese son here really You motherfucker got me Know what you said really took the bait I felt bad Like Dave he is handsome Yeah, I don't know Yeah, I hope you have a good first July. Don't light any fireworks when I was a kid my dad had a my dad was drunk and had a Firework explode in his hand and he got like third degree burns.

But he kept all of his digits, that's good. He did, he kept all of his digits. That could have went the other way easily. So don't do that. Don't be doing none of that. I'll just, you know, maybe set the fireworks out. I really don't fireworks out. I Really don't like them. I mean, I don't not like them. I just I hate what they do to animals and are good veterans They really freak out dogs, yeah, yeah, it's just

It is the dogs 9-eleven it is yeah, they don't even. They're gonna wake up Friday morning not knowing what's gonna happen. Every dog in America. I wonder if there's like old dogs that are just like, nah I've been 14 years of this. And they're just like, you first time first time right right right? You know I don't like that but All right Well, we'll see ya Whenever we see it whenever this comes out. We'll see you sometime after We don't know we don't know we'll find out but until then adios