Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 41: Trillbillies 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold Standard

Episode Date: March 8, 2018

The original trio holes up in a log cabin in the woods to plot their next move.

So, I'm going to record on GarageBand and Reaper and see which one I like best and hopefully that doesn't crash my computer. Why don't you pick up your mic and talk into it? Give me a little... One, two, one, two. Give me a little heat. Hell yeah. Heat.

Hell yeah. We can hold our mics like this now, like we're cool as fuck, or hell dude, we can even wrap the cord around like this. I caught my life in two pieces. You could totally do all kinds of emo shit with this. I could swing it around my head. What's the most obnoxious way to hold a microphone? I think the That dude from Incubus

Used to do Really like Tape Tape up his microphone And shit like Yara Yeah Yeah yeah

Yeah Is that Is that how he used to do it Yeah yeah yeah Now this is weird Because now I'm I was just getting used to the studio element. Now I've got to get used to doing it at home.

You like this, though? I tried to make it as relaxed. I feel like I'm attending a seance. That's exactly the mood I was going for. I put a little incense on. And I got my fucking candle. Hey, so a little bit of guidance. Okay.

Always talk into the mic like this. You can kind of do it like this. Yeah, that would work too. But always have it at least this close to your mouth. Because it's not like those mics in the studio. It's not going to pick anything up farther away from you. You kind of have to be eating it. Yeah.

And I have some covers if you're not comfortable with that. If you want one of those little muffs. Would you like a muff to put on your mic? Muff me. Now I feel like Chuck Woolery. Who's the best game show host of all time, do you think? Who's the best game show host of all time? Monty Hall. Who's Monty of all time? Monty Hall.

Who's Monty Hall? You know Monty Hall. Do I? What show is he from? I think, did Monty Hall do Let's Make a Deal, or was that Chuck Woolery? Chuck Woolery did like, fuck, I forgot Chuck Woolery did.

I just know he graduated, he's a Moorhead State alumnus like myself. So I'm not really into any... I don't know if I've been into a single game show in my life other than Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. That's a damn good show. I used to love that show. Man, I'll tell you what.

The key to a good game show is it has to just be the mindless pursuit of cash. Yeah. I mean, it can't be like anything tricky and like all this kind of bullshit. It's just got to be some poor bastard that his greed compels him to go a little further than he wants to. Yeah. Yeah. There's something about that that we like watching.

We like watching people compromise all of their basic values. We're really craving. It's so funny because a guy that's never seen 100,000 cash in his life would just treat that like it's fucking 10 bucks. Oh, yeah.

If he thinks he can get that million. If he thinks he can get the next step up. Damn, you're right. That's how I approach a lot of things in life. That's how I approach a lot of things in life. That's how I approach grants. You can snipe off him 10Ks all day.

It's not your style. You'd rather hit the 100K and take the rest of the year off. Yes. Damn, dog. It's going to be interesting podcasting with cats around. I like it because what it is, we're bringing the natural world closer to us. You know what I'm saying?

It's going to be all around us now while we're recording. That's true. We are in the woods, sort of. We're in the woods. You can see trees. Literally, a bear was only about 10 feet from where I sit right now.

No shit when. I posted it on Instagram or Twitter that one day. It came down off that hill up here. How long ago was that? It was about... Like in November or something? Yeah, right at the end of the summer. They were restless, I think.

Yeah. I heard somebody told me that black bears don't hibernate anymore because of climate change. Is that true? I have heard that as well. Like fish and wildlife people tell me that. I don't know if that's true or not, but I have heard that.

They don't attribute it to that, but they say that they're not hibernating anymore because it doesn't get cold enough. One of the funniest things about our relationship, and probably just most relationships in Whitesburg in general is it's like 95% based off of false information

or information that hasn't been verified. Whitesburg is very apocryphal. Yeah. You're right. It's information that it's very apocryphal. A lot of the things I say on a daily basis, I have no fucking clue if they're true or not.

But if you say it with enough authority. Yeah, I think we're about 80% right. Most of the time. Yeah, but a lot of that, a lot of us, just me and you talking is scientific facts.

Scientific things that we think are facts or that we really want to be facts because we like to sound cool at a party. But who knows if they're actually true or not. My favorites to spread around like their gospel is that so-and-so is related to so-and-so. That's a big thing in Eastern Kentucky

because everybody lies and says they're cousins. Yeah, yeah. Which is a really funny phenomenon. That's a big thing in eastern Kentucky Because everybody lies and says they're cousins Yeah Which is a really funny phenomenon You mean Like people saying they're related to Pocahontas Well yeah that That is a big famous person to be related to Right

Yeah but not even that like Owen Wright the guy that owns the tire store down here Swears up and down him and my mom are cousins. I asked my mom and she goes, I'm not Owen's cousin. Every time I go there and get tires, she goes, I'll give you this deal because you know me and your mom are cousins.

Why does he say that? Is he social climbing? Is that his... I just think everybody lies about being cousins around here. Herbie Smith wrote a piece about it. Do you think there are any remaining ancestors of the actual Christopher Columbus? Do you think there are people who...

No, but everybody alive today is a blood relative of both Confucius and Nefertiti. I thought it was Genghis Khan. Him too. Wait, wait. This, it's interesting, man. It's kinda weird, our relationship to the dead, because, I mean, I don't know if you saw this thing

that was going around the internet talking about how John Tyler still has, like, grandsons that are still alive. The president, John Tyler? Yeah. Yeah. Has two grandsons that are still alive. No shit.

Yeah. It's like our relationship to time is kind of weird. If you took every dead person that ever died, period, you could bury them in a plot of land about the size of Oklahoma. Isn't that wild? Like, side by side. Side by side.

Yeah. Interesting. Wow. Every person that ever died. What if you took all the cum that's ever came? What would it fit in? What about... We should start a rumor that like,

you know, man, that if you took every drop of cum that was ever came, it would fit in a 44-ounce Big Gold Cup. Every single drop. I mean, you'd have to have some kind of obscure scientific, like, yeah, no, like the molecules in cum, they're more densely packed. And so you can fit them into really small spaces. And say it with complete conviction.

100% certainty. Why do we need facts like that? It's so weird that people do stuff like that, that say stuff like that. I mean, that people actually sit down and do the math for it like the little bar bet kind of facts like could you imagine like a mathematician like einstein or something like that like his he spends like years and years working on this incredibly hard he's in his he's in his garage like fucking scribbling on the wall you know just like montage of him being stressed out all the time and then he finally fucking falls off the toilet one day and like hits his head and it comes to him and he's like oh my god all the cum that's ever come fit in a milk jug i finally figured out the algorithm that allows me to figure this out

that uh yeah no it's now we're now we're now we're gonna have cats Uh, yeah. No, it's, now we're gonna have cats. We're gonna have the natural world right up next to us. So we will have to become more like actors now. You know what I mean? Like, we're gonna have to respond to the world. We're no longer, like, secluded in a little cocoon.

Hey, babe. Yeah. With a Willie Nelson poster on the wall. Exactly. Now we're in a log cabin with all sorts of amulets and soothsaying devices. Yeah, we're in a gingerbread house that's put together with graham crackers and icing. Doesn't it kind of look like that?

Yeah, it really does. It looks like if you got high enough, you might mistake your walls for a big ice cream sandwich. You could eat them. Yeah, no, we're not going to be secluded. We're not going to be sequestered off from the rest of the world any longer. Not only that, we won't be.

We've been taken out of the box. You could say that before we were like pristine, you know, little superhero dolls, toys, whatever. You see the analogy I'm going for here. I think so. We were up on the wall. We were still in the plastic. Now we've been taken down.

We've been taken out of the box. We've been sprinkled with some sort of dust, and now we're alive boys. It sounds like... We're real boys. It sounds like a Van Halen album or something. Out of the box. That was a big cliche in that first generation of classic rock, really. Like toys coming to life.

You saw it in Tom Petty videos and Van Halen videos. Was there saw it in my Tom Petty videos and Van Halen videos. Was there a Claymation Tom Petty video? I feel like there was. Yeah, I think you're right. Well, look what the cat drug in. The cats. Literally.

Check this shit out. That's what we were going for. I said it. It looks like we're getting ready to attend a seance. That is a security measure. It's like people will never... Once they get up here, they'd be too winded to actually murder me. You'd have a distinct advantage.

I'd have a distinct advantage. You've got your own mic. Check this shit out. Y'all look legit as fuck. We look legit as fuck. We got microphones. It smells like dank patchouli in here. Oh, patchouli?

It's like the incense is so strong. Did I overdo it? Did I overdo it with the incense? I have a candle. There's a fire going. It's 65 degrees outside, but I appreciate the ambiance. I'm going to pee in the bed if I keep looking at that.

I'm going for the aesthetic. I have a candle that I made that I called Seabiscuit. I've been informed. It's because I put Seabreeze oil in it. Seabreeze, cedar, bourbon, and what was the fourth one? It's like mug and bone or something. The candle lab? You went somewhere and paid to do this?

I did. I did. Terrence is into artisanal candles now. Late capitalism, people. Well, you... I was informed that it's problematic. It's a problematic candle. Didn't you say that, Tom?

Why would it be problematic? Oh. So it has a very masculine sense. Keep talking, Tonya. Oh, yeah, that's right. I mean, all Tom's candles are tobacco-scented. I never even... I like to smell.

Sandalwood. Like I've been to the bars. Keep talking, Tonya. This is much cozier than the studio. We're just free to be bars. Keep talking, Tonya. This is much cozier than the studio. We're just free to be ourselves. Yeah, we're free to be ourselves now. We're right up against nature now.

Yeah. You have Easter lilies blooming. Yeah. I think you should cut a few, bring them on in here. What are the... Dandelions. Dandelions.

It'll probably frost in a week and they'll die, but... Right, right. Bring them on in first before they die out. And the cat greeted me. Yeah, right? That's what Tom was saying. He's like, it's going to be weird doing a podcast with cats running around.

Man. I think it improves. I think I've decided to get a cat. Have you really? Wow, interesting. Let's talk about that for a minute i've been sitting with this yes but today you know i let it slip to my stylist that i was going to get a cat and so today she made me an emergency appointment at our consignment shop and when i got there she had about 300 worth of clothes hanging in the dressing room for me to try on. I think she thought this was a...

Before you do that, try these on. ...a lack of desperation. She's like, instead of a cat, maybe you need a new wardrobe, baby. She tried to save me from myself. Oh, well. But I thought maybe if I used my tax return to adopt a sweet black cat to make me feel more like a witch and to get those fake pointy cat nails you know oh yeah

that's the alternative to like getting them declawed which is inhumane no no no no i mean for me for me i'm gonna get the fake nails oh i thought you meant like you know you can get the soft tips for the cats really it looks like they're like me and the cat can go to the nail salon and get our cat nails done well i don't know if you can get the cats done, but they basically just like put little rubber tips on the, so when they scratch your couch, it doesn't tear it out of hell. Are you fucking serious? I had no idea. They put rubber tips on every single claw?

Well, I mean, they're like, they're supposed to look like little painted fingernails is what it's supposed to look like. That sounds so cute. I love it. That's amazing. Well, it's the alternative because cats' claws are actually like, people don't know this, but they're actually like their fingers. Like they have like implications for their sense of touch.

So when you declaw them, it's actually, you're actually like, yeah. Well, it seems like declawing is a really fucked up thing to do. It's essentially like circumcision. It wouldn't be like us clipping our toenails.

It would actually be like someone cutting the tips of our fingers off. Removing your entire nail. Goddamn. That's what the Vietnamese did to John McCain. God. As like a POW. Good segue, Terrence. You always bring this up.

You always drag us down. Maybe John McCain should have got some fancy nails after Vietnam. I'm sorry. I'm like really concerned I'm doing this correctly. I really hope I am. I'm so nervous that it's going to fuck up and then we'll have lost everything

All we ever had All we've ever had Complete damn nation But I think it'll be fine If it just fucks up Should we just pause it and do a playback And listen to it Let's do that

Yeah can we just do a test one run real quick wait wait hold on before we do that i really um i really are you serious though about this about cat finger yeah that's that's serious well you all know what i was actually talking about which are like the pointy tip nails yeah kind of like cat nails i want to get those the same day i get a cat like a whole aesthetic and i really obviously i just going to go adopt whatever cat needs a mom. But if it's a black cat, that would be great because I'm really trying to live out some Megan Mogg fantasies. That's my favorite comic strip.

So you're seeking out a cat. Okay. I think I'm going to do it. I could probably find you a cat, Tanya. Well. Before you do all this, how about you come over to my house and I got some nice dresses for you to try on. I've already done this. I spent $100 today at the consignment store.

Do you know how many pieces you get for $100 at the consignment store? Probably like 20. Well, that's for Kentucky. That goes real damn far. About 20 pieces. I just threw that number out there. Also, I want you all to see what they had made for me when I got there. I'm going to post this on the internet soon, but I'll get get to peak i haven't been able to get on the internets but um wait till you see this

deb the owner of our consignment store fucking drew this it's tt dressing room. And it's a portrait of me. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's a marker portrait of me with my feminist snapback on. Last thing anybody needs to do is give you your own dressing room. I want a... I know. Is this not VIP treatment? I want one of those. I made a $130 appointment.

I was in her box that. I showed up. This was on the dressing room door. A literal hand-painted portrait of me that said, T.T.'s dressing room with a heart. And it has my feminist snapback hat on the painting on the drawing and then there was like all my sizes all my style they knew you were coming and then they just like i think there's a phrase that we use around here called they saw you coming they literally saw you coming

yes i literally as soon as i got there i was like i really appreciate this like vip treatment but i know that this is because my stylist who works here knows that i just got my tax return so again they saw you coming she literally knew i just got my tax return and i was talking about buying a cat and she saw the sign on the wall the writing on the wall is that i needed a wardrobe upgrade i needed a little pick me up fucking hey this is not like you're right you're right they sold me i said it when i got there and i said it again on the way out it's all right i got poor impulse control too for your money yeah that's that's all right i feel great about it i should have brought all my clothes in

to show them to you guys. Oh, shit. But, so this is also where you were told that, wait, wait, wait, your stylist is also here and you told her you were going to get a cat?

Yeah. And she was all about it? Was she supportive? No, I think she was trying to convince me to buy a wardrobe instead and like see how that went. And then maybe

if I was still feeling down I would get a cat because she thinks it's because I'm feeling down so even though that's not what i said is it though no i think it's just because actually it's because i kept her two dogs and child for like 10 days recently and now i have a little empty nest syndrome okay get your cat so it's sort of like postpartum but for your house yeah now the house just feels really empty and you call it emptiness syndrome that would make sense have you uh have you which honestly people say this but i think cats are way easier to take care of than plants you've done well with your plants my plants are doing great so you're ready

to upgrade to a living breathing being right my plants are doing great. So you're ready to upgrade to a living, breathing being. Right. My plants are doing great. I'm about to, we've been discussing repotting. In spring, we're going to do a whole repotting. They all want bigger, bigger spaces, so.

I think cats are pretty, they're very self-sufficient. I hadn't thought of this. How will the cat take to the plants? Well, it depends on the plant. Because me and Tom had a fern at the old apartment that Leon just absolutely destroyed. He peed in it a lot and fried the roots.

Yeah, he loved to lay in it. That's really what he liked to do. He liked to get in it and just lay on top of all the fern. Just pee in it and just wallow in it. If the cat destroys my money tree, I really don't know what will come of me. of all the fern. Just pee in it and just wallow in it as it's kink. If the cat destroys my money tree, I really don't know

what will come of me. Well, you can... Well, the money tree might actually destroy the cat because they're toxic to them. A money tree? Yeah. The green bank?

I grew a money tree. What's a money tree? It's just like a top of tree. You know, yeah. I grew one from this side. I thought you were referring to like the thing people say. No, I grew one from this i thought you were referring to like the uh thing people say no i grew one i was like this is a bit shaded under some money i grew yeah and get

you some shade in my tree bragging about our wealth yeah a money tree the size of the palm of my hand smaller even to like this tall my money tree is this tall i grew it damn and it's getting bigger and i want it to touch the ceiling to bring me wealth and prosperity. That's pretty cool. Gosh. It's my capitalist tree. Well, if it's that big, I think the cat will be scared of it. It'll be like, no, I'm not gonna fuck with that tree.

But if it was like All of our hopes and dreams are tied up in this tree. Gotta go chew something else. Yeah. Come on, mom. Level with me. Oh, alright. I'm going to actually stop it and just try real else. Yeah. Come on, Mom. Level with me. Oh, all right. That's a good... I'm going to actually stop it and just try real quick

to see if it's working good and we'll take a quick break. We need to get Eric up here and help him. We need to get who up here? Eric. Eric. He asked me that.

He said, have you all when you're recording with the boys again i said tonight eric he asked me every fucking week when you're gonna get back on that podcast tanya you just let money go out the door you just let money fly right out the door i swear to god he stresses me out i'm like eric i can't deal with this right now dude i'm recording with them in a couple weeks and he's like man you letting money just fly right out of the fucking door save it this is the good shit and we're rolling again where it's going again he'll straight up be like yo dog when you record with them again you got money going that's hilarious you got money fly out the window you just let it fly out the window

dude i'm too busy i can't i can't take it on every week. I'm not doing it every week. And he was just like, if you need to start your own thing or something, you can't be just sitting around. You've got to give the audience what they want. You're not rising and grinding. You're leaving money on the table. Yeah, just leaving it.

Can we talk about that for a second? The whole rise and grind culture? Hell yeah. Is that like side hustles? You know, like the Twitter set that's like, you know, basically if you're not wealthy, it's your own fault because you've not. Oh, the bookstrappers. Well, not even that.

The people who are, I think here's, the people who sell like MonaVie and shit. The people who sell like pyramid scheme things. Scheme-esque things. Is the quintessential, or even, like, Mary Kay would be kind of an example. Or Avon, maybe. I don't know. Which is the one where it's, like, structured where you have to sell your shit and get your own. But I'm also talking about the guys that, like, think they're going to start their own, like,

t-shirt company, like, streetwear brands and shit like that. Well, right now, it's like lula row there's like so many of these scams target women of course the avon america but right now dude my cousin has like 12 facebook closed groups trying to hustle leggings dresses jewelry it's like lula al i don't know what the fuck so many different brands she's got rolled in and she's like trying to get a hustle on and and she's wearing them all and so i feel like how could she i just maybe she's making money i don't know but the other day she like gave away a bunch i'm like i hope you're as flush with cash as you acting like but i just really i just i don't know

yeah and my other friend Just started a She started Consulting for Pure Romance What's that? Sex toys Is it sort of The same thing

As I teased On Twitter A little known fact Kim Davis The Kim Davis The Round County Clerk Yeah

Her sister is a Pure Romance agent In Moorhead Really? Named Dee Dee. No shit. She's also a fantastic bar singer. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Kim Davis. Her sister sells sex toys. It's either her sister or her sister-in-law. Maybe it's her ex-husband's sister. I'm not sure. One of her ex-husbands. One of. But we're not shaming divorcees.

No, no, no. Yeah, this is pretty great. Yeah. But yeah, it's so my friend in ohio is just starting this hustle which she's one of our patreon subscribers she'll hear this she gives us like a lot of money a month more than five dollars well thank you she's she's a bad bitch shout out to where she live ohio oh wait she's in adams county like southeast farm country okay one of the funniest things to do is walk through the streets of any city in Ohio and just scream

O-H. And without fail. Remember when we came back from the soccer game? Yeah. I feel like you can do the same thing with C-A-T-S. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Anywhere in Kentucky, you just go, C-A-T-S.

Yeah. Ava does the best. We were up at D and Mimi's on Saturday watching the game. Oh, yeah. Willie and the baby were in town. Yeah. And they were tryingMimi's on Saturday watching the game. Oh, yeah. Willie and the baby were in town. Yeah. And they were trying to teach the baby C-A-T-S. Ah, yes.

So good. They just wanted to eat blueberries and kiss Ophelia. Ophelia, yeah, was also getting into it. Oh, so cute. Oh, my God. All right. Now that I've got this figured out, I'm going to actually go pee. All right.

Do some motherfucking podcasting. Well, should we talk about what even happened with that fucking game? Go for it. Tom, what's literally happening with our basketball team right now? We're all right. We're all right. We didn't really need that last win. That was optional.

Stroking like a true Kentucky fan. That was optional. I don't know. I think we're That was optional. I don't know. I think we're kind of mediocre. I don't know. I really have no idea what to expect. Will we hit the NIT? No, we're in the NCAA tournament, but how far we'll go remains to be seen.

Oh, we already are? I mean, we will be. Yeah. Yeah, I think we'll probably draw a 5 or a 6 seed, something like that. Oh, you think we'll be that high? I think so. Ain't we ranked like 20 right now? 23.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, probably unranked now that we lost to Florida, but. What was Florida ranked? Nothing.

That's what I was thinking. But they're good. They're going to make some noise on the tournament. SEC was just tough this year. SEC's always tough. It's always been physical, but this year it's just been downright fucking good.

Yeah, and we never get enough credit for OACC. No respect. No respect. I like how he's got this MCAT study book here just on credit. What is he doing? That's an impulse buy from hell if I've ever seen one.

Yeah, what even is that? It's the impulse buy from hell if i've ever seen yeah is that what even is that it's the medical school test oh my god that's an impulse buy i like how he set all this up but didn't even bother to clean his fucking coffee table off to make room for all this shit who has 17 books piled on their coffee table he can't possibly have all these in the queue i'd say he probably does. Move these to your toilet. They might, to your bathroom. They might get red.

Was this, was this MCAT? Was this an impulse buy on your part? Or what? Or do you aim on being a... You gonna be a doctor? So, uh, when we were on hiatus, I was like, Oh, dude, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

I don't know what it is. I doing with my life I don't know what is I don't know I was just in a really bad place this podcast was giving you all your identity yeah it was it was giving me an identity crisis and I was like I know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go back to fucking school I'm gonna be a doctor unlike Dr. Poon

you were gonna be I was going to be a medical doctor for literally like four weeks I was like I'm going to study my ass off, take the MCAT, and I'm going to be a doctor. That was a literal thought that I had. What kind of doctor would you be? A medical doctor. No, I don't know. I would probably

do just like, I would probably do the craziest shit imaginable like ER, you know. No, I would never see broken bones burns bullet wounds we're talking the hard you have the worst bedside manner to be an er doctor a man would be bleeding out and instead of comforting you'd be like go on it's okay no i feel like you just be like dude what the fuck happened what the fuck did you do how did you do you're fucking stupid you're gonna die in like four minutes nice knowing you you

don't you think that's how i would be as a doctor if you survived medical school what you need to do there are maybe medical school would change you there are niches to carve out in anything like in baseball the middle reliever the knuckleball pitcher. In football, the punter. Yeah. You know. What would be medicine's equivalent? Like a podiatrist?

Dentist. Dentist. I see what you're saying here. But dentists like this provide like an essential service, even though I would argue that you should probably be a medical doctor to be a dentist. You're saying like... Physical therapy. Something that's absolutely necessary. But like an actual MD, though.

Like a discipline that an MD would do. Okay. We're going to get hate mail for this. Who is the Tim Wakefield? The Sebastian Janikowski of the medicine world. Let's see. I wouldn't say radiologists. Anesthesiologists might be up there.

Because you've got to be really, really good at that one thing. Because if you fuck up. That's true. I mean, you can really. You can kill somebody. Oh, yeah. But it's not like surgeon. You're not the quarterback.

You know what I'm saying? Well, I guess... You're just putting people out left and right. Yeah. You're just knocking people out. What? Do you think there's ever been a sociopath that became an anesthesiologist just to like... Well, I guess the jig would be up after like a few malpractices.

I mean, I'm pretty sure that is the most likely way to go on the cutting room table, right? Well, there's not. I think it happens more often than you'd think. Yeah, yeah. Most people that don't die during surgery, they die during the anesthesia

or an infection afterwards. I think it'd be pretty tight. I mean, honestly, it's much better than waking up a week later and finding out that they accidentally sewed a knife into you and, you know,

getting bacterial infection. Jesus. I actually don't even know that to be true. If I said that, look, complete authority. Most people die from infections afterward. I have no fucking idea. I made that up. I just told them all face-wide. I mean, I did consider going to medical school once to try

to become a gyno just so I could perform abortions for free. Well, so just for that. Literally, it's all my only interest. Had no interest in the half a million dollar yourself. An underground abortion clinic was my only interest. i was a kid i used to be a very like bright um you know type a uh straight a pluses like you know and i used to be so um like convinced i was probably going to be a doctor or something and so and so literally i was thinking like i did it once i can do that again i could like

become that person again right you know i was having an identity crisis. I do that. Did you order that book on Amazon? Yeah. Yeah, I did. I would love to see your Amazon searches. Can we release that to our Patreon subscribers? I don't even know if I want to see that. Your wish list or something?

I want all y'all to pull up your Google searches right now and tell me your last three Google searches. Wait, how do you see that? Ooh. Wait, how do you see that? Ooh. Yeah, how do you see that? Just go to Google. I Google words all the time, but I don't know because I'm a goddamn dumbass. See, I usually just type things into the search bar at the top. Yeah, me too.

So how do I find this out? Oh, here we go. I got you. I got you. How did you do it? I just went to Google and hit the bar. Can't get headphones to work on Tascam US4X4. Michael Mann Manhunter.

Quite topical. M366. Did you say Manford Mann? Michael Mann. Michael Mann, like the rat. Yeah. Okay. I feel like so much more of a performer with these microphones because we're holding them up.

I know, right? And before, we were just dicking around. You could like, it's like you're singing. Yeah. We're on the voice in a log cabin. Okay. Goddamn, this is going to be good. Get your waiters

on. Clocking you. I looked it up to be sure what it meant. Oh my god. I'm so embarrassed. Full moon. UK basketball. Nice.

You can tell I'm in no way preoccupied with death because mine are. Is Rick Ross still alive? Michael Shannon Heart pain versus lung pain Oh my god Oh my god I've had this weird gnawing

sensation in my chest for two days It's actually subsided See, you would actually be a great doctor and you would simultaneously be the best doctor and the worst doctor. You would be thorough, but you would drive yourself and your patients to insanity.

We can't rule it out. Chances are you don't have dengue hemorrhagic fever. But we better just run the test. But you may be histrionic. Oh, my God. They get their bills back, and it's just a million dollars. I had to run every test. You're alive, aren't you?

Oh, fucking A. So what's going on in the world? We got our better third back with us today. And it does feel good to be back with you all. I thought this would be stressful. It feels great. No, see, I tried to make the atmosphere as calm as possible. I got the goddamn Teddy Pendergrass fire going.

I know, there's literally a fire going. Incense, our Lady Guadalupe. Oh, yeah. We can light candles and stuff now. We can. We can smoke weed. We can drink. We can do whatever we want.

If I didn't have a meeting and a fucking call after this, fuck my life. What'd you say? I choose not to. Still choose not to. Pass on all that. Yeah, feels good. But it has also felt good not to have to do this every week so thank you all for

floating out our sailboat without me all these weeks well it's not been easy it's it's not but at times we thought we were gonna crash on the rocks and we thought we were gonna lose the audience we thought everybody would be like man fuck this shit no one said anything it's been cricket yeah they did oh yeah they have my mom even my mom texted me my mom's been like where's tanya been lately oh your mom asked about me yeah yeah hi mom everything's cool i'm here yeah i was i was um uh i was texting with her about, I don't ever know how much she listens or not, and she was texting me the other day,

and she goes, she made a reference to, on the last episode, me and Tom were talking about dumb ways to get loaded, and I said the dumbest way I ever got loaded was I tried to smoke a hemp neck, that's what I had when I was in high school, and she sent me a message about it last night. Oh my God.

Or two nights ago. I don't remember what it was. She's like, did you really do that? You tell her it's all an act. Nothing you say on there is true. Yeah. I was like, it's a bit. Great.

Good job. But that reminds me. I don't know why we didn't say this, Tom, but on that episode about really dumb ways to get loaded. One of the dumbest way I've ever gotten loaded was with you. And we bought a fuckload of nutritional yeast. Do you remember this? We bought a bunch of that Wellman's yeast from Food City.

That's right. To see how much alcohol we could drink without getting drunk. How? So Tom had read this article about, I don't remember who it was, but that was. The guy that's like the founder of founder of sam adams brewing company yeah he like read this in esquire or something i don't remember what it was and this guy was like secret to like partying all night at parties and not really getting fucked up was he would take nutritional yeast and apparently i think his theory was that it slows down your metabolism correct does. I'm gonna botch the piss out of this,

but apparently... We've botched every scientific thing we've said so far today. There's something called alcohol dehydrogenasis that occurs with it, I guess. And basically, the active yeast serves as a first line of defense before your liver has to metabolize it.

Interesting. So I guess it kind of like basically just bears the brunt of the initial assault before it gets to your liver, making you less intoxicated. Well, we started this on like a Saturday afternoon. It was like one or two in the afternoon, and we just, I don't know, we bought like a six pack of West Six each of like- High PA. Yeah.

And went down a bunch of. And the thing is, is I don't know if this is like placebo. Didn't really work. But it, I mean, it kind of did. Yeah. You drank six stout beers and drove home with the state police following you for six miles. I did that. Oh my God, really?

Yeah, I did do that. We were, the funny thing, the funny part of this was. I don't remember that. When we were going home, I remember saying to Terrence, man, God, when somebody's on your ass like this guy behind us, you always think it's the cops, and you always think of the worst thing you ever did. And then by the time we got out of the hall and we could see the lights, it was the fucking St. Paul cops. Yeah, you're right. I do remember that.

We were at a Cram Creek, correct? Or Sylvia's house. I do remember that. We were at a Cram Creek. Correct? Or Sylvia's house on... Oh, Cowan. On... Yeah. Scuttlehole Gap. Oh, Scuttlehole Gap. Let me tell you something out there, world.

I don't give a fuck how much you think you're built for any kind of life. You ain't built for no fucking Scuttlehole Gap. This motherfucker... I'll put that on anything. He has the craziest Scuttlehole gap story i've ever heard oh my god that's the four-wheeler incident oh yeah god damn that was just it just had a lot of elements that made it really creepy like a six-year-old child and like uh it could have been pills from uh from a are you gonna do it you're gonna tell it

i show up to this i show up to this to the door and this girl that I went to high school with and her boyfriend this big burly motherfucker from Mississippi I mean big guy probably 6'8", 400 pounds 6'6", 350 point is he's big

and I get out there Point is he's big And I get out there And There's I mean this is something I would fault in her novel Or some shit No we were

I can't believe you're giving this up On this podcast This is This is what your book's gonna fly on Well This One day when you write your novel This

This I'm there This is a Trillbillies production And the girls I'm not gonna say any names because it was kind of fucked. This girl's daughter's just like running around

like fucking just being wild as hell and all this shit. You know that Studio A24 that puts all those indie horror movies out? Yeah. This could be a film

that they could put out. Yeah, it could definitely be it. Well, I'm sitting here on the porch and like talk to her. She's like, let me get my daughter lined out and all this kind of stuff. And she's yelling at her daughter and all this kind of shit. About that time, this little girl, and I'm not saying this like making fun of her or anything like that, but this little girl had Down syndrome.

Another little girl, not the daughter. Another little girl, not her daughter. Yeah, right. Comes up out of nowhere from the woods and she goes i wrecked my four-wheeler up here in on the strip job can you help me find it i don't know where the key's at and i guess she had like i don't know if she had hit her head or like something she was was like a little disoriented. Yeah. Yeah. So I look at the girl that I'm trying to buy some Xanax off of.

I go, should we go help her? Tell me what kind of time of the year it was. Was it in fall? It was in the fall. Was it creepy outside? It was creepy. Was it dreary? It was crunchy. It was dreary.

Also, this isn't just like the girl you buy pills off of. She's like shooting Adderall into her neck. This is like. Literally. buy pills off of. She's like shooting Adderall into her neck. This is like. Literally. Literally special kind of. Literally. I mean, this is like, this is like. I'm telling, when I say you ain't built for Skuttlehole Gap, I'm telling you ain't fucking built for Skuttlehole Gap.

You're not built for Skuttlehole Gap. I had no business being at Skuttlehole Gap. Yeah. After you told me this story, I said, you never need to go there again, Tom. No. And fucking it's pretty ass that he's going to move up there in that cabin. What's that, motherfucker? You're going to cut that Tom. No. And it's pretty ass that he's going to move up there in that cabin. What's that, motherfucker? You can cut that out.

Well, anyway. No, this is not over. This story is not over. I was going to say, how many times have you heard this one? It's my favorite story. I'll hear it five more times. I do like it. I go with my drug dealer hiking into the woods

to help this little girl find her four-wheeler keys and find her four-wheeler. Now, mind you, when I get there, the person in question that's selling me the pills is already higher than a fucking Georgia Pine. So I'm up here

in the middle of the fucking woods in goddamn Scuttlehole Gap, Kentucky trying to find this goddamn four- goddamn foil with this little girl. And what finally happened upon us, she'd stuck it down in a big fucking mud puddle. But she couldn't find the key to it. So it's literally like a needle in the haystack situation. Yeah. So we're sitting up there there and we're walking around i mean

i this was like you know i told my girlfriend i'm gonna be gone like half an hour and i'm gone three hours she's probably scared as fuck you can't get service up there like i'm gone for a while we scoured the fucking woods and what do you it, that little girl had the four-wheeler key in her fucking pants the whole time. Oh, my God. She got up there driving that. She was afraid to drive it off the hill. Yeah. So she goes, oh, I found it.

And I saw her pull it out of her pocket. Oh, man. And i'm up there i'm fucking sweating didn't you think at any time you're about to be robbed i thought yeah it's a setup i thought well i mean i mean i'm pretty streetwise you know yeah tom pulls his brass knuckles out someone streetwise well Are you woods wise though, bitch? That's the question. Ain't a street to be seen. Anyway, so we get it.

You know, my drug dealer drives the four wheeler off the hill. And I said, should we call her parents or something like that? She goes, no, I'll take her home. And I'm thinking she's going to get in her car and drive her somewhere.

She tells that little girl to hop on the four-wheeler she took into the woods. And then she drives her down the road. Nobody knows who her parents are. She just relied on this little girl to tell her where she lives at. Damn at damn yeah because my favorite part of the story that you've skipped here is that at some point you said who is this girl and your drug dealer says i've never seen her before yeah yeah yeah no no she hadn't seen i've never seen her before and that's when i would have said bye i'm getting the fuck out of here it's still it's still fucks with me to this day. But she found the parents? Damn.

I don't know. I never followed up to ask. Well, that would be weird. You left and you never went back, I hope. I went back one other time. It's dry out here for them Xannies. You gotta take them where you can get them. He's up in that Xanny family.

Oh, fucking A. That was the same night that we had amethyst here in that car trailed her a lot of weird things going on that was a weird weekend in whitesburg oh yeah we'd had us so paranoid i mean you two are paranoid anyway as usually absolutely just normal but our level of paranoia after all that was peak. Yeah. Jesus Christ. It's insane. It could be a movie.

Anyway, I don't know if that's that good a story. I've lost something in my storytelling ability. Yeah, the whole turn of that story is that, because the whole time I'm thinking, this girl knows the kid, la, la, la. No, yeah, I'm sorry. But the peak is when you tell it again, just remember that. Nobody knows who this little girl is.

So eventually when you look at her and say, who is this kid? And she's like, I don't fucking know, I've never seen her before. And you all are in the woods with her. I have been on a Unsolved Mysteries binge for about two or three months now. Really since the beginning of January. So this fits right into that. Robert Stack needs to be here.

She might have been an angel. Or a sheriff. Maybe. Unsolved Mysteries is the shit. I wish you'd have gotten me up in the woods and just said in a voice, you don't need them, Thomas. You don't need those little football pills.

You've got it inside you to beat this. God, that's awful. Nervous little boy? Well, y'all were talking about cops trailing you, and I got pulled over this weekend. Oh, shit. Cops trailed me. What happened? But I wasn't driving, but they came to my side.

And you talk about sweating. They always do that. I don't know why. They're trying to throw. I think they think that it's going to throw you off. And it does. Oh, yeah. It really does throw you off.

Yeah. It was an unmarked car, and my friend that was driving was like, there's a cop behind us. And I looked and I was like, no, that ain't a cop. She was like, yeah, it is. That's a cop. And I was like, nah, that ain't a cop. About that time, he whizzes past us because we hit the two lane. And he gets right beside us.

I look over. I realize it's a cop. And then he hits the brakes, comes back behind us, and then pulls us over. That was the worst feeling ever. And oh, my God. I i was sick i was so sick and my friend she works for the state so she was like i don't care she didn't even fucking care she like she's like the she anyway whatever i don't understand it yeah she was like it's fine he comes to my side and the whole reason was we were going too slow because i was trying to teach

my friend how to drive sticks i drive stick shift she never drove one before so I let her drive a few laps around Fish Pond Lake and then we got out on the main road so he comes to my window and he's like where y'all headed and I just stare at him and she's like she was trying to teach me how to drive stick she was like very charming it was just like charming. I'm sorry I'm going so slow. We're just going to her house. She was laughing. He said, that makes sense. I figured y'all wouldn't be drunk this early in the morning.

It was before noon. You don't know us, pal. I was just like, I just barely said anything. I don't know why. I just froze the fuck up. We're trying this nutritional yeast experiment. I don't know why. I just froze the fuck up. We're trying this nutritional yeast experiment.

You just put a teaspoon in some yogurt before you go out, see? So he was just like, oh, you'll get used to it. Good luck. We got back in his car. Well, that's cool. I know. It was a miracle. I got pulled over in New Mexico because I'm not used to driving on straight roads.

So I was going like 90 in a 70. Oh, God. Yeah. That's reckless driving. You can't help it. He knocked it down for me. He knocked it down to 85. How generous.

Because I was just like, I don't live here, man. I live in the mountains. And these straight roads. Actually, I didn't tell him any of that. Man, I live in Kansas. I just realized that's not Leon. Yeah, no. You didn't know I have another cat?

This cat too, this is Poopybutt. Yeah, that's B. Oh, I remember you got Poopybutt. Remember you carried him in a blanket out to the car that time? Yeah. The truck honked at you. Yeah. Where's Leon?

Leon's upstairs. He's asleep. He's got a little spot up there. This is like his prime sleep. He does this every day. He'll come in at about one or two, I guess. I don't know. I'm not here.

And he'll sleep. He wakes up. I feed him. He goes out for the night. He's out all night? Doing God knows what. Pretty much. He'll come back in here at like six in the morning and fucking fight with that one on

my chest. Fucking hug over my face. Yeah. Yeah. Fucked up. Fuck you did, PB. That is a terrible schedule. Jesus.

Oh, yeah. I know. If you stick around for like another hour or so, he'll come down. Oh, yeah. I think you tried to give me this cat when you first got it. Yeah, I did. I tried to give it to everybody. Yeah.

I'm glad you didn't. PB stuck. No, I did. I tried to give it to everybody. You're glad you didn't? PB stuck. No, I'm glad. She's really goddamn funny. She looks really funny. Just look at her. She looks weird as shit. She's got a tiny head and a huge belly.

That is a very... She does have the Michael Jordan syndrome where his head's like the size of a grapefruit. Right. Oh, my God. Did y'all... Damn. Did y'all go to the teacher strike rally Friday or Saturday?

No, we didn't. We didn't go. We thought about going. Thought about it. We thought... Yeah, we even texted some people, you know, put some feelers out there. What's it look like out there? I just feel like all the teachers, every teacher I know in West Virginia that I've talked to this week is so stressed out.

They're physically sick, still rallying, and they're paranoid as fuck that everyone thinks that they're fucking up and doing the wrong thing. that everyone thinks that they're fucking up and doing the wrong thing. Something is going on with that today, but I've been fucking around with this audio equipment for so long. I haven't been paying attention to the news. Well, the latest I heard is that they're getting their 5% pay raises

for the state employees. And there's some committee that's going to be meeting about their PEI demands. But obviously in true Republican fashion, they're saying, well, we're going to give you a 5% raise, but it's going to come at the cost of Medicare. Right. Yeah, I guess the whole sticking point is health care which is just makes me feel like they should be striking for even more

more health care for more people anyway this like i mean this whole thing has like been the most hope i've had in a long time is this like 55 county strike it's pretty incredible and it just is a good reminder that it is fucking hard it's so fucking hard labor strikes are so intense and scary and difficult and it is a it's i think we over romanticize it yeah and it's fucking really hard i have seen a lot of that going on um yeah it is interesting though like it um it's such a really great nexus point um between like several or among several different things like um it's just i don't know it's just like parents have to talk about it because their kids are home from school you know what i mean it's just like it raises to talk about it because their kids are home from school. You know what I mean? It's just like it raises consciousness in a way that very few other things could do.

If your communications workers go on strike, it's very important. But it doesn't raise consciousness in the same way that this kind of strike would. Even though I'm not saying that one is better or more effective than the other. I guess I'm just saying that... Yeah,'t know i don't know i'm just like i mean there are huge ripple yeah yeah the ripple of a teacher strike is so great exactly so large like and because like one girl i mean i was in a wedding with her she, we were bridesmaids in a wedding a couple summers ago. And, um, there's a viral picture going around of her. And I was like, girl, I'm living for this picture of you. I'm so proud of you.

And she was like, are you hearing bad stuff? No, bitch, I'm proud of you. It's all good. I've been hearing all good stuff. And she was like, oh, I'm sick as a dog on the picket line. I'm out here right now. I have a fucking panic attack. It's just like, yeah, it's yeah it's and and even even i was

surprised to hear it because i was like oh my god you're such a bad bitch this is amazing and she was like she's just like you know just the vote her voice was just right well it's it's um it's not an insignificant thing when you know when you uh decide to stand up yeah and i don't i don't know today um someone popped off with something which i've heard before of something like yeah it's just you know this is nasty like i'm glad this is going on and i hope it like brings up better consciousness for people so that they remember our labor history here because it seems just like people and this is someone who's not from around here and they he was like I just feel like people like don't even have a memory of anymore they don't even want to

talk about it and they don't even say nothing about it I'm like because it was painful bitch it was painful it was fucking painful you like you like chit-chatting about your trauma is that what you like chit-chatting about with people because the only thing I ever heard about strikes and I grew up on the Harlan County line and my um papa and uncle ran a gas station and the only thing i ever heard them talk about was having to service scab trucks at night in the dark behind the fucking gas station so that they didn't cause a fucking riot because they were like pulling fucking tools and shit out of people's tires out of their truck tires just like crazy shit and like sneaking people food so that you didn't like end up at your own fucking trouble i mean it's just like it's it's painful and then like the whole fallout of the labor struggle here

where i mean there was just a lot of loss there was a lot of fucking loss and people just have a lot of pain and trauma around it and i think this brings stuff up for people yeah yeah well those are also the same people that sort of you know talk about these sort of strikes being a huge win for the left and leftism social and it's like worker people don't really even think in those terms. You know what I'm saying? It's like, you know, which you and I were talking about the other day, Terrence. It's like there's like dynamo Republicans that are like, you know, in unions.

You know what I mean? Right. I'm not saying that as like a discouraging thing at all, but I think it's like, you know, we're kind of jumping the gun when we're saying stuff like, well, this is like, you know, a big win for socialism or... Well, it's like people sort of like... You know, I've seen people say this a lot.

And I don't know. I haven't really even sat down long enough to really even process a lot of what i've seen and been reading about it lately and you know heard people talk about an experience but it does seem to me that some some people sort of like cosplay as these um you know as like sort of like working people right or i Or, I don't know. Does that make any sense? Front liners.

We know the top. So, I don't know. There is a weird sensationalism to it. And I think that that really starts to, well, you know, like as you were saying, it really starts to wear on people over time. It sort of discounts the experience of people that have actual you know going through some things like i'm so proud of them and i don't even know how to support them other than to send money but right but yeah but people but it all comes from a good place it's just really hard to do it in a center media environment i mean like i mean like i think people really do want to show solidarity and be

able to support yeah support them but and i think the holdout has to be because they're losing so much money by being out of school like this like there's just so much there's just so much complication from being out of school like there's so much to consider like i i i have no doubt in my mind that the legislature is seeing the long game here and trying to make an example and wait and trying to wait them out trying to wait them out that's why they convinced the fucking union leaders to get them to go back to work like at this point it's a wildcat strike um maybe that's changed by today it's changing over time it's like you know we're probably going to say things that are untrue by the time this is published so sorry we're doing the best we can but um because they're trying to

wait on that because they do not want to set a precedent that striking gets the goods right because it's today it's the teachers tomorrow it's fucking nurses whatever right yeah you're absolutely right. And healthcare workers strike? I don't even know what that looks like. Because healthcare workers, at least in our state, healthcare workers are the highest position. That's what most people are doing. They're working in the healthcare industry.

Well, one thing they've done, I've seen, they did the classic okey-doke. And we saw this with the PSC rate hikes in Kentucky with the AEP stuff. How? They come out with this ridiculous figure that they're shooting for. Right? Say they really, what they really want is a 9% rate increase. They come out and say, we're going to raise rates 18%.

Yeah. And then once, you know, they go to the bargaining table, and then they say, well, I guess let's do nine. Yeah. And that's what they wanted the whole fucking time. Right. I see Jim Justice pulling that thing. Like, he knew he was going to have to give up that 5% all the time.

So what does the Senate do? The Senate gets petty and says, you know, we're going to do 4%. And we're not a cent more. And so Justice can come over the top and say, no, no, I was in the pocket for you. I got you 5%. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like the good cop bad cop routine.

Good cop bad cop routine. And supposedly this 5% is just an agreement, like 5% right now with the plan for it to be more. For it to be a stair step. That's what the current legislation is. So like a new contract where there will be incremental

pay raises every so often. That's from my understanding. But this healthcare care piece it's like i mean the the imagery of our fucking teachers having to strike for health care is sick it is so fucking sick yeah and and like they're not even striking they're just striking for their own health care you know like they should be striking for their health care their kids health care because how how different their classrooms would look if their kids were healthy you know what i mean like there's just so much yeah so much so much ripple effect i mean and they literally are i know this has been

a headline that people have seen that they were like organizing to make sure their kids are fed but multiple teachers i've talked to have been literally like i'm worried sick about my kids because they because they have certain kids in their class that they know aren't getting fed at home and that's the least that's the least of it yeah it's no food at least they know if they're coming to school they're gonna get two meals yeah and not even the meals at least they know if they're coming to school they're not at home with the abusive people that live in their home right they're not in these like really bad situations and that would be really bad situations. And that would be in any, just to clarify, that would be in any fucking place in the world.

In any country. Not just like our fucking problems. But there are always kids in a classroom who are better off at school than home. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's a real, I've got nothing profound to add about that. Yeah, it's just like, it's just really exciting and really scary

all at the same time. And I think it's a good reality check. Because of course, the first day I was just like, fucking cowboy rallying. Just like, woo, teachers on strike. And the longer it goes,

you know, it's like this exciting thing that we're all gaining energy from, I feel like. But it's just, I don't even think we know what the long term ramifications of what this is taking out of teachers. Yeah. But hopefully it inspire. I mean, hopefully it does inspire other people to get what they to try to organize to get what they deserve.

Yeah. Well, go ahead. I'm sorry. Well, I think that you will because obviously this isn't just isolated to West Virginia. And you can only push people so far and all that. Yeah. Which the biggest, the most frustrating has been just the, just, you know, our same tip all the time of the difference in media coverage of post-election in west virginia to strike in west virginia is just pitiful well it's almost like it didn't even happen you know what i mean like they haven't really um it's been pointed out but yeah

they haven't really covered it at very much or they weren't at the beginning i'm not sure if they are now it's getting a lot of national media but none of it is the like fucked up um showing up to some rando clinic being like oh were you were you on health care and who did you vote for and what are your issues Do you know you're about to die? Like this kind of shit, you know? Who did you vote for? Basically, Terrence is a doctor. Yeah. We had a... I was telling Tom, or somebody about this the other day.

We had someone from CNN contact us. It's so funny. Like, you can't even make this shit up. It's literally out of a parody. Somebody from CNN contacted us and said they wanted, they were looking for two Trump supporters who were maybe having second thoughts. Which is funny.

Like, we're still hearing this in 2018. Yeah. And, you know, like, we've joked so many times about that in the past, and plenty of other people have as well, but it's just like, are we still? And my question is, this journalist, do you go to the grocery store? Do you have a bank?

Yeah. Do you go into the world? Right. Have you ever met anyone? Do you have family? Have you had a person? In the have family? Have you had a person? In the country, do you get your hair done? Who the fuck are you dealing with out in the world?

Because they act like they're all... What are the numbers for Staten Island? Who are these motherfuckers? Yeah, that's right. Go there. Go there. There's far more people. Go to a barbershop, bitch, and ask them.

All right. Wherever the fuck you are. All right. It's ask them. All right. Wherever the fuck you are. All right. It's so crazy. I know. The calls we get at Apple Shop are just. I love how they have the archetype laid out that they want right when they call you. Yeah, we had this whole conversation today because we're trying to.

Anyway. Being here in this moment and moving back home a couple years ago and being here in this moment has given me a real education in media literacy oh my god in a way that i had never even thought of before like people that i used to hold up as like just like paragons of fucking good journalism are fucking hacks you know what i mean this is so lazy it's just and it's just, and it's just like, oh, it's just, I mean, it's the most cookie cutter shit. And even it's like they, they aren't even,

they, it's not, it's like they're not even trying to avoid that. Like they know they're just here. They like already have the story written. They need to plug in some names and quotes real quick. I mean, even when PBS came to all Leon's up,

oh shit. That tiger is, Leon's up. Oh, shit. That Tiger S. Good evening, Leonard. Even when PBS was here, they literally referred to the CBS story so many times. They were like, well, we want to do this shoot like CBS. Because it's just, it's like a, it's an equation. It's just like an equation that they are just, it's math. They've got the story written before they get here. And they need to plug in no leon come creeping down a little line

little leo did y'all watch the oscars i tried i just don't have cable and no way to watch it i don't know how to hack into the internet to do that kind of thing. I'll be honest with you. I'm not saying this to be a cool guy because I feel like real FOMO because I can't get into award shows. Like I can't and I just feel like everybody else is talking about it and I know nothing about it. But I fucking hate award shows more than anything.

They're pretty bad. It is a lot to keep up with and then the next day I feel a lot of pressure because I mean I do fancy myself a pop culture queen and so when I get to work the next day and people are like I pressure because i mean i do fancy myself a pop culture queen and so when i get to work the next day and people are like i don't know and i'm just like i don't know i don't know what happened or i'm just like yeah that was crazy because i just i was a lot i was laughing the other day um thinking about like you know how like hollywood is basically like very sort of liberal just sort of like Obama liberal

and I was thinking about like what if the sort of main cultural sort of uh tendency in Hollywood was alt-right like could you imagine like if all if Hollywood movies were made with an alt-right message like I was thinking about this idea of this like future dystopia it's like set in this it's like set in the future and if it's an alt-right movie it's a dystopia. It's set in the future, and if it's an alt-right movie, it's a dystopia because it's after the patriarchy has been overthrown, and so matriarchs basically rule everything. And they find themselves in this hellscape

they now occupy. Yeah, they're in a hellscape, right. And so they're rounding up all these people who were MeToo'd, and they went into hiding after this me too yes right right and so it's like this william wallace type character like it's sort of like a braveheart type character like he's like the last

sort of hold out oh my god. No? I mean. I lost my wife. I lost my kids. And all because this bitch said I grabbed her ass. Right. I'm here for it.

It would work at the very end because, you know, in the end of Braveheart, it looks like they're cutting off William Wallace's dick. It never actually shows you what they're doing to him. But the implication is that. Right. Like, it would work for this one, too. they could cut off his dick and he'd be like freedom oh my god oh my god oh what would the alt right well i started to say what would the alt right 300 be like but 300 is the alt right oh yeah is the alt right for sure i i don't know i tried to work with several other ones but i just couldn't like forrest gump would have been kind of funny like if it was like if if like all the the the

things he hit along the way were like barry goldwater and you know i don't know like you know like maybe he gravitated towards him more right uh yeah i don't know. Like, you know, maybe he gravitated towards them more. Right. Yeah, I don't know. I mostly show up for the fashion. I'm mostly there to see the fashion. The Oscars? All the award shows. I'm always really into the fashion.

And that's why I was kind of not into it when they did all the all-black dresses. It, like, really brought the fashion down, but it was all, like, a statement. It was good, but... What do you think the alt-right version of Apollo 13 would be? dresses it like really brought the fashion down but it was all like a statement what is good but what do you think the alt-right version of apollo 13 would be do the all right people think with the gary sinise is in it so like it kind of already is were you gonna say so this is awful to think about i don't want to think about the alt-right version of it. All right. What about Kubrick?

Oh, oh, oh. Let's see. The alt-right version of... Of The Shining? Of 2001. Of 2001 Space Odyssey. Well, I don't know. Let's see.

How would be... That's a computer, right? How... I don't know, I got nothing. I know. What about Dr. Strangelove? That's one of my favorite comedies. See, his movies kind of defy that

because it's so satirical. It's so deeply sardonic. You need something with a sort of ideological blank slate. Like... Homeward Bound. Homeward Bound. Okay, Homeward Bound I can actually do because if Homeward Bound... We spend a lot of time talking about Homeward Bound.

Homeward Bound, you know, it has a nationalistic Nazi sort of vibe to it. You know, Homeward Bound, this is our land. We're Levin's Round. Yeah. So, like, the three animals are Nazi fascists. Right. Right. Sort of trying to reclaim, make their way back to the Holy Land.

The Fatherland? Yeah, the fatherland. I don't know. Maybe Slim Piggins is this alt-right guy. The movie? Slim Piggins is the character who rides the rocket. The rocket. Oh, and Doctor Strange. Oh, yeah, yeah.

What about what was that movie with Billyy crystal and they were like searching for um gold rush gold rush right because they're trying to bring back the gold standard jesus see you can do it it. Why are we like this? Okay, as fun as this is, I need to... I gotta scoot out of here. You gotta go? I gotta go. Wait, let's just do Apollo 13 before you go.

Apollo 13. Okay. If it's... Okay, so... But the whole thing is about them faking the moon landing. And Kubrick filming it. And Kubrick filming it. Right, right, right.

I don't know what that is. Because they think we didn't land on the moon? Alt-right? I don't know. I don't know I think we didn't land on the moon all right I don't know I don't know what I'm saying like that crowd can't be more conspiratorial on the Venn diagram I'd say all right definitely overlaps moon truthers yeah for sure you think you think lamp with like illuminati uh uh b and j jay-z and beyonce yeah with all right uh 100 well maybe even more so now that beyonce's performed for weapons dealers i think that that i looked into that apparently it was a Raytheon concert apparently it was a Beyonce concert and Raytheon like set up a booth there so it wasn't like she was just I don't know it looked misleading

yeah don't drag her through the mud I wasn't dragging I wasn't dragging I'm actually the one who pointed this out to Tom that's why I'm laughing I'm actually the one who pointed this out to Tom. That's why I'm laughing. I'm like, look, Beyonce performed for Raytheon. He got me riled up about it.

I was like, no, look at this. This is pathetic. I had a dream. Clickbait bullshit. I had a dream not too long ago that I was at this party and I got a little drunk and I pooped myself a little bit. These are your anxiety ridden dreams. And you know who swooped in to clean me up and hold me and save me? B.

None other than Beyonce Knowles. That is a wet dream, my friend. No, it wasn't. That is a kinky wet dream. It was not a kinky wet dream. It was a very warm dream because she's got this very maternal thing going on. It was like, I think she said, it's okay, baby, and kind of wiped my face with a wet towel and put me to bed.

Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. God damn, dude. God damn. Okay, well, I need to scoot out of here. I'm going to stop this. Hopefully, it doesn't erase everything. Thanks for listening.