Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 42: Waialae Trillbilly Club

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

This episode is like a vulgar noirish video game. It ends with me and Matt starting a new religion that has its own theme song and everything. But you've gotta listen through the first hour of the show just to find out about it!! Good luck!!

Dawson's Creek. For my dick to get bigger. I'm only 13 now. But soon I'll have a massive pain. I don't want to wait. For some burly guy with a big dick. To fuck me in my asshole. Till it bleeds.

Till it bleeds. This is going to be a really good episode. This is gonna be a good-ass episode. Look at this tangle of cords down here. This is all my headphone. It's really giving me horrible anxiety. Because mine's just as tangled. Look at it.

Why is it so tangled you know headphones do that it doesn't matter what kind of headphones that's their natural state and you keep yours untangled don't you most headphones are like that if you're in the wild hunting for headphones or if you're mining

headphones you'll find them in this state you have to send them to a factory that's where they untangle the headphones and then they can find them in this state. You have to send them to a factory. That's where they untangle the headphones. And then they can sell them in the stores. Just a little headphone humor for you. That job has to pay like $30 an hour because it'd be miserable. Goodwill hunting for headphones?

Yeah. Yeah. I love going goodwill hunting. Yeah, I did all... Goodwill hunting? Yeah, goodwill hunting. Salvation Army goodwill hunting yeah I did goodwill hunting? yeah goodwill hunting Salvation Army goodwill hunting? yeah just shopping at thrift stores that's good shit

you ever found anything good at a goodwill store? oh yeah hell yeah I've found actually way too much shit at every single goodwill I go into have you found anything really weird or out of the ordinary? um probably single Goodwill I go into. Have you found anything really weird or out of the ordinary? Probably. We had that suitcase that was really

nice but had all these broken pieces of plastic in it. Wait, what? Yeah. It's still full of them. It's still full of them. You bought it like that? Well, yeah, there must have been a hard plastic sheet that kept it stiff, like in the lining.

Does that make sense? Yeah. And it was shattered. I mean, there's still pieces of it. But it's really nice. Like, there's no stains. It smelled fine. It had hardly been used.

You know, the shattered plastic was probably why they took it to Goodwill. It had hardly been used. The shattered plastic was probably why they took it to Goodwill. And so we got it real cheap. And we could just clean it all up. We could just vacuum it out and throw away the plastic. And it would be fine. But, I mean, it's still like you can't get it out.

You can't get it all out. Damn. Those pieces of plastic are fucking and making baby plastic. It's reproducing. It's insane. We've cleaned broken pieces of plastic out of it every time we've used it. And I just don't understand. I think someone is sneaking more plastic in there.

Let's just turn the TV up and broadcast this game through your podcast. I meant to have it on mute. We'll get sued by the NCAA It would do great wonders for our podcast If we were sued by the NCAA That's true There's no such thing as bad publicity

Right Publicity I was thinking the other day What is the Do you think Do you agree with the assessment I was thinking the other day, what is the, do you think that the, do you agree with the assessment of the statement that the most woke thing you can do is get a vasectomy?

Do you think that the most woke? No, that's pretty stupid. Who said that? Who said that that's the most woke thing? That's me. Oh, okay. That's entirely my theory. Well, I will say it is a kind thing for a man in a pregnancy possible relationship to do if you don't want kids.

If you're like totally good with not having kids. It's really great for a man to do because it's not nearly as much trouble as a permanent birth control situation. Maybe it is really woke because you're not polluting the earth with another human being. Yeah, that too. But at the same time, I don't know. I feel like if you do it too young, you may regret it and reversing sounds

like a nightmare, but I'm sure it's not. I'm sure it's as simple as a... Damn, I didn't really think about that, but yeah, that is really the sort of environmental implications of having a child. But you know, there's only so much slack in that tube. They have to tie it together and cauterize it and shit,

and then they have to untie it and sew it back together. Are you talking about the reversal? Reversal, yeah. Well, cauterize it. You just have some scarred-ass balls. untie it and sew it back together. Are you talking about the reversal? Yeah. You just have some scarred ass balls. You just get a soldering iron. You can just do it at home then. I don't know which wire to cut. It'd be like diffusing a bomb

but it's your testicles. This may make me not get someone pregnant or I may not have testosterone. Or I may bleed out. Yeah, I may bleed out. That's always a risk with surgery. Especially home surgery. Right, right.

Especially home surgery. All right. Well, good to know. It's pretty woke though, I think, actually. That's a pretty woke thing to do. Because, I mean mean on one hand there's a lot of kids that need to be adopted if you want to have children in your home but you're not again polluting the earth with another child or um you know women go through a lot to have to um take ownership over um

to have to take ownership over contraception. So that's pretty helpful. Right. I mean, woke people, whoever they may be, I mean, it makes sense though, it'd have to be exhausting. You wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing the horrors of mankind. Right. I was thinking the other day, the woke Super Bowl.

I think the most important day on the woke calendar is Columbus Day. What do you think? Could you imagine getting ready the night before Columbus Day? Like, all right, in the morning, I gotta hit them strong. I gotta hit them with the genocide stats. I gotta hit them with the slavery stats. You know? I gotta hit them with the,

all these other important things aren't national holidays. Right, right. That's how you gear up and like, prepare for a big day. Man, I'm just, I'm'm just it's Columbus Day Eve it's indigenous people's day Eve

I'm not even finding shape to arm wrestle people on the internet anymore I just can't I don't care anymore I've found that too that as I get older I can argue honestly I spend a lot less time on the internet in general and that's good,

but I generally have it as a policy to never argue about anything, even if it's something that you deeply care about. You know what I mean? It's like never even argue about it, but I feel like every now and then I do break that. It's really difficult. Especially on Twitter.

Sometimes it's just the- Oh, yeah. Twitter lends itself to that, though, I think. Yeah. I think it's like difficult especially on twitter sometimes it's just oh yeah twitter lends itself to that though i think yeah i think it's like a bad day suddenly um can cause you to revert back to that uh early internet you know whenever you're like a teenager being like no fuck you dude right it's my i'm right on that um and i always feel like an idiot even if i'm in the right when i'm arguing with someone on the internet. I really regret it. I usually end up deleting whatever it was. I do 100% of the time.

I'm like, I want no record of this happening. I was like, I look like, even though I was right, I look like a fool for caring so much about something stupid. You're never gonna change anybody's mind in a comment thread on the internet. Especially not arguing on the internet and being like, this is why you're stupid.

I feel like I do read a lot of arguments on the internet. Oh yeah, that's good shit. Even Instagram is insane with lots of comment arguing. Oh God. But I never participate in it. Because even when I read a lot of it, I assume none of these people are real. Right. That might be a bad thing. I do that too. I just, I of it, I assume none of these people are real. That might be a bad thing.

I do that too. I am very skeptical that anyone posting anything to the internet is real. My view of mankind has... If I'm going to maintain it, my general idea that most people are at heart good, I have to believe that most of the interactions on the internet are not.

They're Russian bots. They're bots. Yeah. Arguing with bots. Right. I just assume that. People say some septic shit. But what's fucked up is it's actually probably like way fewer things than I think.

I think most of it is real. You know what? And that's sad. That's depressing to me. But one thing. People are real. It's 100% real. And something that kills me about the internet

is if someone like a celebrity or an athlete or something posts something that, you know, for this instance, some inanimate object that everyone is really concerned about, people would be like, unfollowed. That's it. That's their comment on it.

So you took the time to let this person that you no longer like anymore tell it. And also, if you actually unfollow them, like if your account's private or something, they're not even gonna see

your comment anymore. No, they don't give a fuck. That's the thing that's so funny. They're like, I have 47 million followers. It doesn't matter if 25 people get up. Fucked up if true.

I was just about to say that. Yesterday we were like, fucked up if true. Fucked up if true. I was just about to say that. Yesterday we were like, fucked up if true. Fucked up if true. That's one of my favorite captions on Instagram. You know, it's kind of bullshit, though. A celebrity or an athlete can't have an opinion. They're only allowed to be an actor, and they're only allowed to play a sport,

and if they say anything that is different from one of their fans view, they're like, ugh, unfollowed. So why does the person that is unfollowing the celebrity get an opinion? It's like, oh, stick to working at the fucking Pep Boys and being addicted to benzodiazepines. You don't have an opinion on politics. That happened this week. Did y'all see there was this woman who was waiting outside

of the Seattle Seahawks training grounds and she chased two of the players down and accosted them like my taxpayers pay for you playing football and you shouldn't be kneeling basically like saying that like they should be respecting the flag and the taxpayer dollars

really no that's what i thought was the funniest stadium improvements that's that's what i thought was the funniest part about it like my taxpayer my taxpayer dollars pay for you god damn holy shit do people really think that That's how deep their level of ownership is of these athletes. They literally think that they own them. God, I know. They're a taxpayer. You can't say that you don't

like this because you're an entertainer or you're a basketball player. It's so obviously racism. It's so fucking hilarious. I's so obviously racism. It's so fucking hilarious. I mean, not hilarious. Someone out there is listening to this and they're like, unfollowed.

Unfollowed. I had to subscribe to this. Unfollowed. It's just so fucking insane. I found the podcast entertaining until he said racism was funny. Racism is hilarious. Unfollow. Someone's definitely gonna take that clip out of there

and be like, this podcast has ruined any political careers we may have aspired to. No, what's funny about it isn't that racism is hilarious. What's funny about it is that, the deeply funny part about it is that they insist that society has shed all of its sort of like racism and all of its institutional,

like even norms. They're just like, no. Like no, America isn't a racist society anymore. It's just like, how can you not see that like the way that you talk about these athletes? It's all about ownership. These people are here. America isn't racist. They most people are like ownership it's all people

are here america isn't racist they're here well it's the same it's the same argument it's like we gave them freedom like white people gave them freedom like we you know what i mean like we've given them all these like privileges and it's so disgusting anyways it's a i'm not racist see i can explain what i meant intel it's semi-intelligently i hope so oh i feel like i have this mic too close to i'm too i'm too comfortable with this microphone yeah i'm just resting it on my chin that's okay makes me snort more when i laugh no that's okay. I think you need to rest your mic on your chin. Because I can't hear you.

Okay. What I, me and Tom were talking about, you could just hang it like this. We could get you like a little. Have a little rack. A banana. A rack that hangs out over you. I could sit a banana hook on my chest. Yeah. I would hang here.

I could wrap it around that. I think of grapes. That thing holding up The candles Yeah See there's all kinds of ways You can hold it And I'm really just You can hold it like a cigar

That'd be dumb Really dumb Yeah I like it when people Hold cigars like that It's pretty comfortable I feel like I'm being interviewed I have cigars over there I wish I could smoke them

It's It is pretty nice right Like I come I'm being interviewed. I have cigars over there. I wish I could smoke them. It is pretty nice, right? Like, I come to you. I bring the podcast to you. I like laying on my couch. Yeah. It's a mobile podcast. It's a mobile podcast.

The studio could be anywhere. Exactly. Exactly. It is anywhere. I'm looking for something because I read something interesting earlier was it about how Tucker Carlson is devoting every day

of the month women's history month to male empowerment you're kidding me what the fuck I'm not kidding you nobody gives a shit about your bow ties these things are basically like his his whole thing is that like god i hate that so i'm so tired of that it's so so tired of

it other people having recognition does not mean that you are being oppressed that is so fucking stupid it's everything is grievance it's so insane like i was thinking today like um like i was thinking today i saw this tweet thread the other day about cars and um and the whole argument was basically like cars are essentially immoral uh for two reasons like you know one is like the environmental factor which you know we're all complicited and everything. But the second is probably the same argument that you would use for AR-15s. Human beings shouldn't be allowed to drive around in a 2,000-pound hunk of metal, whatever. It's just too much power for them. Anyways, I was thinking about that, and I agree with those things.

But actually convincing anybody of that which I mean I guess you don't really need to you just pass the policy and make everybody follow along but like um but it would it would encourage it would spur so much grievancy and like you would have people literally rolling coal and shit like that, like keeping their cars on purpose. I mean, but look how long it would take to get places, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. It'd be miserable. In a rural area like this, we'd be fucked.

We'd be horse and carriage again. Oh, yeah. You know, people would be growing gardens again and, you know, taking care of themselves. Right. I think it'd be nice. The common thread here though from people who roll coal uh you know just you you know who i'm talking about in the whole rolling i think

rolling coal and and truck nuts have become a rarity these days i don't i'm seeing fewer and fewer of all of you are right it has declined i think probably because that was like a weird thing of the Obama era. Like people were freaking the fuck out. They were losing their minds. They were doing all kinds of things like truck nuts. You're right. And then nothing happened.

The Friends of Cole campaign. That whole thing. Nothing happened. Everybody was still okay. So the common thread is that from that to Tucker Carlson male empowerment month to, white lady waiting outside of Seattle Seahawks. Descending what she owes the IRS to the football stadium, apparently. Right, right. It's all grievance, though. And it's all so annoying.

Yeah. Yeah, there's an option to send your federal tax returns to like putting a plaque on one of the seats in the stadium. Donate your tax return. Get a silver level plaque on the seat of your federally funded NBA team. We'll be there. We will literally,

we'll be there in like five years. Well, look how motherfuckers have like Costco logos on their jerseys now. They're gonna do it to college too?

Yeah, yeah, but then they'll have to start putting individuals' names on their jerseys. When college teams have to start,

when college teams look like fucking NASCAR drivers Then that's when They need to get paid Platinum donor Halford E. Rutherford III You know like

Damn Got that platinum level Platinum level baby And then the diamond shit is all up in the suites What diamond shit? I feel like the suites. What diamond? I feel like diamond level would be the suites in the top of the stadium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to be a millionaire to afford that shit.

Yeah. Well, imagine having a suite named after you in the federally funded NBA stadium. Well, I couldn't find it to reference, but I was reading something about how this, like, sociology, some kind of professor spent eight years, like, traveling around, like, rural America asking people, like, why they were so mad at the government and basically what most people said were that they felt like the government was responsible for this like massive loss of morals and ethics and like communities and so i guess basically

people feel like their community is going to shit and so it's the government's fault and that's like where they're probably you know he said the majority of like i'm sure he mostly was in the bible belt and stuff but what i started thinking about just a minute ago is like you know why fox fucking news yeah it is 100 fox news no it's it's absolutely that's exactly what it is Isn't that fucked up that a news station, like a really shitty biased news station, has resulted in a decade-long campaign about making people feel like they're fucking oppressed when they're not? That's insane.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. You know, and it's, yeah, that's insane. It's absolutely insane. They're like, you're white, so you're getting the shit into the stick. You know, they don't have prayer in school anymore. Well, this is what kids need.

They don't put the Ten Commandments up in public schools anymore. I feel like. Yeah, when I was a kid. I feel like my kids are not going to know. They're not going to know Jesus when they graduate high school. When I was a kid, we used to have to go into the school and kiss the big stone Ten Commandments by the principal's office. Molly smiled at us. We grew up in a school system real close together. I really want to talk with my wisconsin accent the entire time i feel like

that's the most complainy white mom voice i can use um it sounds like a lot of uh i'm just kidding not every they're not all whiny people i just it's a fun right anyway right no i mean i we had like these we had these christ Christian religious programs in school. Like, we'd have to go to the gym and sit in an assembly while these churchy people came and talked about Jesus. And my mom was somebody who was, like, so mad about it. Basically, like, they're not supposed to do that. But really, they're not supposed to do that. Any household is supposed to be able to practice their own religion,

and schools can just stay the fuck out of it. Well, they would do abstinence programming and shit at my school, and the person they would always get to come and talk to the school about, awkwardly, about abstinence and shit, was always a really Christian guy. He was like, my face and Jesus is what kept me from fucking all those years. You know, they can't leave really.

Oh, trust me, I would have slayed some ass. Trust my kids. If Jesus didn't have my back. Had my boys been in the game, they would have been fucking. And it's not a problem to be a Christian or to worship Jesus or have any type of religion. But you don't force it on children

in a place where you shouldn't. Well, it's just mostly like, there are millions of different ways that people can live their lives. Like, if you're not being a huge asshole, who cares? Right. Well, they have completely seeded the idea of America as a shared community. Yeah.

You know, and, you know, whether you whether it was actually that or not, it was something that the nation told itself for about a good 60 or 70 years, starting in the early 20th century. And then it's like they no longer believe that. And that's why it's so funny to me that it's literally the same shit as they spew on Fox News about white people are the most aggrieved in society. White men are the most, or I'm sorry,

white men are the most targeted, victimized people in society. Yeah, they're all so poor because Obama shut the mines down. Well, to me it's no different than the alt-right. It's the same shit. How's that any different from what Richard Spencer says? Or the traditional sugar party. They're just more

out with it. Right. They take all the sprinkles and sugar Yeah, they just strip it all. Exactly. They strip it down

and they're like, alright, we think we're a lot better than everybody else. Right. And here's why. Yeah. Here's all the

reasons why. The way my skin looks is better than all these other people. People who look like us just really tallow. Sleep through. Yeah, completely translucent. You can see all of our organs. We look like we subsist on gasoline or something.

Like, our eyes are constantly fucking wasted. Oh, man. What were we talking about last night? Like, funny ways to kill people with gasoline. What was that? Oh. I don't know who specifically could talk. We're talking about it in that framework.

We're getting all crossed up now. A funny thing, but We're talking about it in that framework. We're getting all crossed up now. A funny thing, but we were talking about... Like a super soaker full of gasoline. But having to engineer it in a way to where

it didn't just explode in your hand when you tried to light it. My idea was... Okay, I was like, that's not funny. My idea was forcing someone to drink gasoline

and then you shoot them with a flamethrower. Yeah, into their stomach. Into the stomach. This is the shit we talk about during our band live. You should never put this on the internet. If someone's going to die in that exact way,

they're coming for you. And they're going to come for me. I worry about this a lot because I spend so much time on the Unsolved Mysteries page. You know, just like reading the most fucked up shit about serial killers and listening to all of the audio tapes

and unsolved. If something like that ever happened around me, all the signs would point to I did it. Yeah, I wouldn't. That's something I dread. I'm sorry we can't give you an alibi. I don't ever want to be an unsolved. I'm not going can't give you an alibi. I don't ever want to be an asshole. You don't know.

I'm not going to lie to the police for you. Well, that's the thing about these people. You don't know whether they're actual serial killers or not. You never know if anyone is, because look at all the dweebs that have been serial killers. I definitely feel like I know at least one person who will be a serial killer and be like, yep, that makes sense.

Have you ever known a person who killed another person? Actually, I know several, yeah. He's from Marbon. Of course he does. You know them dark hollers I talk about? They're dark. I'm just kidding, but no, Pike County can be kind of rough.

It's just a creek. There's a lot of hollers on Marbon. And there's some rough ones. Yeah. You know, they just found today, I saw on the internet, did you see on your local news station, facebook.com, that I really enjoy getting news from facebook.com. It's a source I trust. My friends and family would not lie to me.

But I saw on Facebook.com today that this guy in Letcher County on Bottom Fork, where my good buddy Napoli lives, had four pounds of meth. Yeah, yeah, $185,000 worth of it. Yeah, crazy. The sheriff here said it was- How do the cops know how much it's worth, though, you know?

True. You're right. How do they call up a drug dealer? Hey, this is good as fuck. You are not gonna believe this. Yeah, it was an absurd amount, but the sheriff did say it was the largest street value amount that he had ever seen.

I would say so. Damn. That's like big league stuff. All right, I gotta take a break. Oh, shit. My bad. Number league stuff. All right, I got to take a break. Oh, shit. My bad. Number two for St. Bonaventure is at the charity strike. Oh, number two was fouled.

That's why number four. Okay, so it was just fouled on the floor. No one's in the bonus here. Let's see. Number two's got it. He's dribbling around the perimeter. Passes it to number three. Damn, dude.

Number 11's from the corner three, and it rims out. Oh, number 32. He's got the rebound. Up. Off on St. Bonaventure. Number three. UCLA has the ball. Go to the monitors.

Dave Buzz Baker here. There's five minutes and 33 seconds left in the first half. I thought that was out on UCLA. Maybe I got a new career ahead of me. You're not new and bad. I bet Letcher County said something to me. If I knew any of their names

it'd be a lot better. If this was a Kentucky game I'd be fucking nailing it. You also probably wouldn't be recording a podcast. Number three from UCLA passing it around the perimeter. Oh my God.

Can we record a podcast here in one of the UK games? Yeah, hell yeah. I don't know. If we make it past this game on Thursday that'd be awesome. That'd be nerve wracking. But we could try past this game on Thursday, that would be awesome. That would be nerve-wracking.

But we could try. It would be funny to do an entire series on the Kentucky Wildcats. There's no better place to do that than this apartment. There's this guy, Hobbs has a really big basketball program, like a really sort of,

not just region-renowned basketball program, but a really sort of not just region-renowned basketball program, but like nationally renowned. Really? Yeah. Our old coach, Ralph Tasker, was from West Virginia. And he moved to Hobbs. He coached at Hobbs for like 30 or 40 years or something. He's the most winningest basketball coach in U.S. history.

High school? High school basketball coach. Wow. Anyways, all that to say. I had to set up some contacts. He's the Ad winningest basketball coach in US history High school? High school basketball coach Wow Anyways, all that to say I had to set up some context He's the Adolph Rupp He's the Adolph Rupp of New Mexico high school basketball Pretty much Wow

He's dead now Sure But he left behind a legacy That will be remembered Yeah, that's awesome In a very small niche of American society But there's this guy that... We'll be remembering on Wikipedia for years to come.

And people doing crossword puzzles of the Trillbillies universe themes. You know, those exist, apparently. I helped with that crossword puzzle. There was a crossword puzzle? Yeah. No, it was a word search. Tanya forgot to put her own name in it.

That's funny. It just says Terrence and Tom. We had her on the list. Yeah, but I guess she forgot to put her own name in it. Anyways, there's this guy that used to announce for the Hobbs Eagles basketball games. His name was Ty Friend. He still does it. It's a great name.

Yeah, he's fucking great. He's very fast, know i'm saying i know i have a lot of radio i'm saying i'm saying i have an ear for talent and you've got it you want to be you you want to be on the radio young man you have to run the tape back hey young man you smoke some of this you want to be on the radio we'll make you a star everything you want i heard this i heard the reefer turns you into a sex craved maniac We'll make you a star. Everything you want. I heard the reefer turns you into a sex-craved maniac. You'll make $9.99 an hour.

No. It helps you announce games faster. Even better. Smuggler Randy. The smoothest... The smoothest paw in the... I don't know. I think I can't do that old radio shit. Yeah.

The smoothest paw in the mid-atlantic western states. I can't fucking... You know... Oh, shit. How's that sound? Damn, dude. That's fucking scary. Damn, dude. My man's got surround sound. My man has surround sound. how's that sound damn dude that's fucking scary damn dude

my man's got surround sound my man has surround sound my man's got the surround and I'm sounding like some 3D audio shit right here yeah that's pretty what if you put your

your other your mic that's just too oh fuck that sounds really crazy oh shit damn son damn son this must be a tom and terrence original a tom and terrence special coming straight to you from easy street the people actually

listen to this and be like what the fuck is wrong what's wrong with these people? I was just taking a piss, and I was thinking about, like, what if you peed? What if there's a person out there every time you... And buttermilk came out. Buttermilk came out of their dick. You peed, and he would wipe his penis. He'd wipe the tip of his dick off with just one square of toilet paper. You mean as opposed to shaking it? As opposed to shaking it.

That's how he cleaned his dick off. Or you gotta fold it up twice. So it's one small and you dab it. Right. Yeah, you actually tuck yourself and wipe the piss off in your butt hair. No. That's how you get rid of your piss.

You don't waste toilet paper. Yeah. Yeah. We're not wasting shit in this household. We're not wasting shit in this household. I wonder if there are any real hard-ass... You will not be an environmental burden. I wonder if there are any real hard ass You will not be an environmental burden. I wonder if there are any real hard ass dads

that set those kind of rules. We're not wasting shit in this household. Yeah, probably. God gave you butt hair for a reason. Especially in the crack. And you're going to utilize it. Oh, this is horrible. What are you talking about?

This is very much on brand. This is very much what the audience wants. I gotta make you a star. This is why you do this. This is why you get up in the morning

and do this podcast. Right, right. I'm only doing it because I thought Nick Offerman was supposed to be here. Tonight. I think he'll ever come back. It'd be cool if he did. I want Tom Selleck. That'd be awesome.

That'd be really sweet. Yeah. I think you should get Norm Abrams on here. Oh, my God. Could we get the whole crew? Who's Norm Abrams? From This Old House. Master Carpenter, Norm Abrams.

Wait, is this a reality show? Yeah. No, you know This Old House? Is it on ABC? It's on PBS. It's been on for decades. Decades. I don't know about that.

It's great. And then Norm Abrams had his own show. He sure did. Show the New Yankee something or another. The New Yankee Workshop. That's it. It's on PBS. What's it about?

It's like, so there's a whole crew of guys. There's the guy that specializes in plumbing and electrical work and HVAC stuff. Oh, hell yeah. And a landscaper and several other people that's my favorite show format you assemble kevin o'connell yeah kevin is just a dud no he's not but he adds the right amount of charm he does he's a way better carpenter than i could ever be but he just acts like he doesn't know how to do anything so he's like the host and he goes around to all the guys so they're on a house crew they're on a construction crew yeah so they specialize in like older in old homes that

that their owners want to like preserve and so just like when you're remodeling your house and you have a construction crew and contractor and everything come they will go be on that crew right and work on that so that so they're all experts in what they're doing and so kevin goes around and sees what everybody's working on and he helps them out a little bit and they talk about so it's the goal is to help people at their own homes do things but yeah but you're never going to do it as good as they do but it's very relaxing and entertaining then they have uh there's also another great um this old house related show called ask this old ask this old house and it's a little more casual they goof off a little bit This Old House related show called Ask This Old House. Ask This Old House. And it's a little more casual.

They goof off a little bit more. Sometimes there's a little segment where they have this really, you know, strange tool that they have to guess what the use is, and it's with comedic results. Hilarity and sin. And then whoever brought the tool to the table literally was the person that

you know, be like, well actually, that's a critical guess, but actually, this is how this tool is

utilized. And they're all like, oh shit, when in reality they already knew what it was.

Because they're all master carpenters. You think they all know? No, the whole point is to get

something. No, I don't think they always know. You don't think so? No, they're genuinely learning something. Yeah, I don't know they all know. No, the whole point is to get something. No, I don't think they always know. You don't think so? No.

They're genuinely learning something. Yeah, I don't know. I just think everything on television is just extremely scripted, no matter what it is. Just you dare ruin this old house for me. Yeah. Right. That's why podcasting is where it's at, baby.

You know, the reason why- Totally unscripted. Everything has to be scripted because- Somebody's standing in the corner of the living room and we're reading cards right now. It's just really horribly written. Yeah, I would really like to have seen someone writing on a large piece of paper.

Imagine someone wiping their dick with a single piece of square of toilet paper. When they have perfectly good butthole hair. When they have perfectly good assholethole hair. When they have perfectly good asshole hair in which they can... Tuck their penis back into. I just feel like it's not fair to Norm Abrams to sandwich this old house conversation

with Dixon's butt hair. Oh yeah, I forgot there was a crucial ball tuck. Ball... Sorry, Norm. Tucker? Oh yeah I forgot there was a crucial ball tuck Sorry Norm You have to move the balls out of the way To be able to successfully tuck Yeah you pull them into one side Penis into your asshole hair I like

Your piss colored penis What kind of Pisses are you taking, my man? Does it just, like, bubble out? No. It's all exaggerated. I'm just trying to be clever. I'm sure there are guys out there with such massive urethras.

Their dicks get covered in piss when they pee. Oh, man. Could you imagine having a huge urethra? No. Back to this old house. So, it's on PBS, and if you are a, what are we called?

Or we donate to PBS?E-T-S? A sustaining giver? Oh, yeah. They'll give you a fucking sweet magnet. Oh, shit. Of K-E-T. And we hung it on the fridge, of course. If you're in Kentucky, or not, I guess.

I guess you could probably subscribe to K-E-T, even if you're not in Kentucky, through the app online. Maybe. Maybe, I don't know. Anyway, it's great. It's only $5 a month. You can watch all kinds of PBS shows.

Yeah. So now PBS should give the Triple E's podcast some kind of in-kind sponsorship with advertising because we just hooked them up too. Yeah. I guess you could say that. Your public television. That's one way to put it. Sandwiched in between massive urethras

and asshole toilet paper. Katie would be thrilled to sponsor this. Jeez. Hey, they need all the support they can get. Very fun programming, though, I must say. I'm a big fan of the show format where they assemble, you know, like a person that's a specialty in everything. A person that has their own specialty.

Fast and the Furious, for example. That's becoming its own industry. There's like 20 Fast and the Furious movies now. Or My Old House. So is that sort of similar? It sounds like that's sort of similar, right? Like people that... There's a carpenter. There's a...

But it's a real show. So Fast and the Furious. Are you talking like the movie? Yeah. Like the movie series. You have someone that's like... How they all wear flat build fitted hats and ball shorts and have key lanyards hanging out and vape a lot.

Well, I mean, like, one of them is good at computers and one of them is good at, like... But they're all good at everything. But they're all also, like, good at everything. Okay. They just have their own little segments. You're going to have to watch this old house. It's fucking great.

Yeah, it sounds like I'm going to have to... You'll probably think it's boring. I also really like the Antiques Roadshow a lot. And Carrie and I are big fans of the Great British Baking Show also because it's pretty good.

I hate reality television, but that is presented so tastefully and all the contestants are so pleasant that it's very entertaining. You mean it's not loud and aggressive. Yeah, it's not like sirens going off and like, you're a piece of shit, this is the worst food I've ever eaten in my life. I mean, you know, they're critical, and I think the way they're critical can probably cut deeper

than just being yelled at and people saying dirty words to you, because it's like, oh, you're usually really on point with this sauce that you got and it's just not there today. And you look at them and they're just like, fuck. Yeah, it's like when your parents are disappointed in you. Damn.

No, the baking show's good and they made an American one, of course, you know. And it's surprisingly pleasant too, but not as pleasant. Well, it's pretty good, though. They kept this similar vibe. And I'm hoping, because it's been so trendy and popular,

I'm hoping that that takes over a lot of other shows. Well, I didn't want to get into it, but I guess I'm going to have to. It's not as pleasant because of one of the hosts. No, one of the judges. Yeah.

The hosts are great. Yeah, the hosts are great, but we are one of the judges. We knew, we sensed, when he was a piece of shit the second we watched it. Oh, that's. We knew, we sensed when he was a piece of shit the second we watched it. Oh, that's right, I forgot. And guess what?

He ended up being a piece of shit, like a sexually assaulting piece of shit like that. Yeah, I forgot about that. I don't know the specifics on it, but I know something was up. You just had a... I was like, this guy fucking sucks. I was like, it looked like he would bump into him

at the mall accidentally, and he'd be like, hey, fucking sucks. I was like, he looked like he would bump into me at the mall accidentally, and he'd be like, hey, watch where you're going, you stupid fucking idiot. I don't know. Hey, watch where you're going. I'm going to beat you up, man. As he's slicking, as he's rubbing hair gel on his head. Hey, get out of here.

That is so rude. Hey. Watch where you're going. Yeah, he just had this arrogance to him and he was like you know paul on the british one is like you know he's it's like stern but fair and he's just got this little smirk that makes you really appreciate him but he's like he's like um subtly goofy too like he he has a personality he just tries to be pretty serious. But Johnny Watts' face from the American

one was just totally like, I'm gonna stew your girl and fuck her and then dump her off back to you the next night. You know, that kind of... Hey! That kind of guy. That's a... Interesting.

So, what you're saying is the American one is it sounds like it's pretty American well only when you get into the seedy underbelly of it exactly

the tone of it is like it's polite and and friendly like the British and everyone's it you know everyone appreciates each other I guess no the Brits really benefit from having that whole like we're very calm and collected and prim and proper you know what I mean like for example you were saying like all of those shows British baking show the other ones you list antique show show this old house you were saying like all of those shows, British Baking Show,

the other ones you listed. Antiques Roadshow and This Old House. Yeah. Is Antiques Roadshow British? No. Oh, okay. They do have one on BBC. Okay. And you can watch it on BBC America.

Antiques Roadshow. Oh, man. I need to go on the KET part of the app and see if they have any more Kentucky collectibles and new episodes of that. That show is great too. So like what people bring in their own items?

Shit that they think is worth stuff to appraisers. Oh hell yeah. And then they either they talk for a few minutes about what it is and how great it is. And then they value it. Jenner's auction estimate is going to be in the $2,500 to $3,000 range. And then they value it. Jenner's auction estimate is going to be in the $2,500 to $3,000 range.

And then it's like, oh, I had no idea. Everybody always says, huh, I had no idea. No matter what the fuck they... Even if it's like, this is worth $48 million. I'm like, huh, I had no idea.

Well, if it's over like $10,000, they're like, you're kidding. No, you're kidding me well i had no idea it's great i want to i want to take something there and then appraise it and me have no idea how much it's worth until they tell me i had kind of an idea that's what i thought that's what i thought yeah i want to go on there and say. That's about what I thought. That sounds about right.

Yeah. Sure. But you know, some of those people go in there and be like, yes, I've researched this extensively. And the last auction that I sold for was like $112,000. Oh, I love it when people think they know what it is. And they're like, yeah, that'd be great if it was real. So it's only like $2,000. Yeah, I love it when people go in there

thinking that they know what they have. And then they're like, well, it's actually a recreation or a restoration or something. Something's changed. Pawn Stars was good at that. Except those guys were fucking shitty. Yeah, and that had the intense

American reality show scripted kind of vibe too it was horrible it was absolutely that oh let me see oh there's no way i can give you that much money well and there was always like a there was like a sub sort of plot with like one of the employees is stupid as shit and he's always like getting on everybody's nerves but he's a family member so they can't he's a family, so they can't kick him out. He's a family member, but they can't kick him out. Exactly. Because they feel sorry for him. Like, John boy, such a dumbass.

What was his name? And he's hammering a fucking nail into an $8 million golden Ark of the Covenant or something. What was his name? There it is. Chippy. Was it Chippy? I know it was.

Yeah, it was something like that. Chompy. It was Chompy. Chauncy. Chauncy. Yeah. I just hate the fucking show. I think I do know what it is, but I'm not going to say it. Yeah.

Well, it's pretty much that, but way more Americanized. Yeah, he's just always like, why the fuck did you buy this? Chompy. Oh, you paid how much for it? You fucking idiot. That's all the shows. And then the dad's like, Hey, Chompy, why you never in that one?

It was a horrible show. Yeah, you've got the basic idea. You have the basic idea. I guess it's the good thing about some of the British reality shows is they're not real scripted. So they don't have anything like that on British TV, huh? Oh, they definitely do. You know, people forget that British people are just as big of dumbass,

racist, redneck people as Americans are. Just as? Well, there's people as Americans are. Just as the fucking what? Well, there's just fewer of them. I don't know. There's some like, I've never been there. There's a lot of, I agree with you.

Real roughneck, dumb ass, Yeah, well you can't lose sight of the fact that England, that Great Britain owned half the world and brutally colonized and enslaved and murdered millions. And that obviously had an impact back home. You know what I mean? There's no way that it didn't have an impact back home. So therefore, that kind of racism

and sort of hierarchical whatever, it has to be just as rampant in their society. Yeah. I would think. Oh, definitely. But... I bet that they... You know,

they actually wipe the piss off of their dicks with their pubes instead. That's the only difference. They're more efficient, is what you're saying. They don't... They grow their pubes out and they wipe their piss from their dick on it instead of shaking.

This all goes back to not shaking your penis when you piss. Oh, yeah. Because it leads to playing with it. Like that old joke. I don't even remember what it was. The old joke is if you shake it more than twice. Yeah, if you shake it more than twice, you're fucking jacking off. You're fucking jacking off, bro.

I'm jacking off my flaccid penis. Making sure I don't get pissed on my underwear. Oh, my God. In a trough urinal. If you shake it like six times, it means you're like thinking of your best friend. You know, people, a lot of people

don't know the horrors of of like 12 males including yourself pissing in a giant trough urinal. It's really gross. I don't know if Rupp Arena still has them but the bathroom I went into last time

had individual urinals but before I guess maybe they did a renovation on the bathrooms but before you'd go in there and it was just this giant trough and you just and it's not it has nothing to do with seeing someone's penis accidentally

or anyone seeing yours it has everything to do with personal space I don't want there to not be some you know clear boundaries because someone could waltz in there and be fucked up and be like elbowing you while you're trying to piss. I mean, that never happened to me. Yeah.

Like, it's a personal space thing. Would you pronounce that word again, though? Giant what? A giant what in the bathroom? You're a troth. Are you saying troth? Yeah. Or troth.

Troth. Troth. I thought it was troth. I think you're saying troth. Isn't Or trough? Trough. Trough. I thought it was trough. I think you're saying trough. Isn't that the same? What did I, what did you say? I think you said trough, but it's trough. That's the same, I said trough.

I'm the one wearing headphones. Trough? No, I'm trying to, no, I'm watching your mouth when you say it. Troth? Troth? You have to go troth. Troth. Troth.

Wow, it looks like the same thing. I thought you said the same word. No, troth. But anyways, it's a gigantic slab of porcelain everybody's pissing on. I'm like way lower down than a beta male i'm like a f maybe like a g x or something male you know what i mean like i cannot piss in a situation like that i can't hardly even i can't i can't pee around anyone you know even it doesn't even have

to have separation walls if there is as long as there's individual urinals with a divided space. That's all I'm requesting. Yeah. You know, airport bathrooms are the worst for that. They've got like 20 toilets lined up in a row. Yeah. And I just like stared at it like, fuck, man.

The man with the weak stream. If I had like a 1930s noir movie named after me, that's what it would be. The man with the weak stream. If I had like a 1930s noir movie named after me, that's what it would be. The man with the weak stream. You know? Like the man who knew too much or whatever? That'd be the man with the weak stream. And then somehow

you got kidnapped and then they had to trace you. They'd be like, oh, this puddle of piss was trickled into. It wasn't a stream that created this. It wasn't a constant stream. This man did not have a constant steady stream, nor did he have a very strong stream.

It was intermittent and weak. You're right. That's what they would use. And why would you have been kidnapped? Because I knew a guy. Because I found out a major politician also had a weak stream. Man. I knew too much.

And he was known as a great pisser. He was known as a great pisser. That was his... Got him many votes. Yeah. You on board with this one, Carrie? I don't know. I can't pee in front of anyone, though.

I have to really concentrate or something. I don't know. I guess I just get... The troughs are weird. Yeah. Well, I don't have to worry about pe, though. I have to really concentrate or something. I don't know. I guess I just get... The troughs are weird. Yeah. Well, I don't have to worry about peeing into a trough, but... I don't know why people think that, oh, it's how fun. I'm pissing inside of an old beer keg or, like, I'm pissing on all this stuff.

And there's a waterfall in the urinal and all that. I don't know what gives a fuck about any of that. Well, and you know, like a 21C, how they have the glass in the bathroom there's a waterfall you piss into but you can kind of see through it right you see through it but you can't see back in it's not it's one-way glass or whatever yeah well i you know in the women's room in there it was fine because there's a stall but like if i were a man and had to pee standing up looking at that glass thinking people could see me there's no way i would never like, if I were a man and had to pee standing up looking at that glass thinking people could see me, there's no way.

I would never be able to pee there. But the part where the urinal itself, the only thing you can see through is where your face would be. What is it? Is it like a one-sided mirror? You're pissing into a waterfall, though. It's so wasteful, I feel like. It's a one-sided mirror?

Mm-hmm. So, like, people can look in, but you can't look out. Other way around. You can look out. It can look like someone's taking a picture-hmm. So, like, people can look in, but you can't look out? Other way around. You can look out. It can look like someone's taking a picture of you. Oh, that'd be awful. But you're standing there pissing. That's the kind of thing nightmares are made of for me.

I think it's going to cause trouble. I do. I do have dreams about... If you lived in a society where, like, you were... Everything was real drab and gray, and every bathroom had windows, but they were one-sided mirrors. Mm-mm.

You can't look out, but people can look in. No, I'd panic. I'd just be like, I guess I'm... I can't do it. Just gonna lay in bed till I die. That'd be a good Black Mirror episode. I have dreams where I have to pee, and I can't... You don't watch Black Mirror.

Because there are people around. Yeah. I have stress dreams like that. I'm always like, leave me around. Yeah. I have stress dreams like that. I'm always like, leave me alone. Yeah. It is weird how all of us have, a lot of us have very similar stress dreams. Like, you know, your teeth falling out. Oh, that's awful.

I hate that. I haven't had one in a while. Thank God. Ugh. Your stream getting weaker. Or, like, your stream starting to come out when you, it's so weak. stream getting weaker or like your your stream starting

to come out when you were when you it's so weak it streams out like I guess being the incontinent right

right is that what being incontinent is well it can go both ways I guess it's a form of it yeah it can go both ways if you're incontinent you just can't pee or poop

no you can't pee or poop on yourself you can't control pee You can't control. Pee and or poop. Damn. I saw a tweet the other day that was like it was talking about how people, when they get older, you lose

like these muscles right here atrophy really easily. And so by the time you get older, that's why old people have such a hard time wiping their, like elderly people have such a hard time wiping their ass. They have to have somebody else do it for them. Because of these muscles?

Yeah, because you just lose strength in which muscles? I guess these ones. The top of your thighs. You'd have to kind of describe what you're hitting there. How can you not wipe your butt? This is from an old era when people would only wipe their butt

with their dicks and their balls. Their ball sex. Jesus Christ. Oh, man. Since women could not do that, they couldn't wipe their ass. All right, this isn't going anywhere.

No. Rewind it. They have antiquated ass wiping procedures. What did people do? They used leaves and stuff. Like forever ago, but like

what was right before toilet paper? Like newspapers or something. Water hose outside. One single strand of yarn. And you do it like a floss. Yeah, just like that. I know what. They just put their...

That's when they developed underwear. You just put that back on, and that's fine. It doesn't get on your pants. That's what I was getting at earlier. The joke didn't work as well as I wanted it to. But really, you know, people didn't bathe frequently. However, I think that they did, like, I bet they just, they kind of just washed themselves, maybe.

You'd have to. Well, it would be funny to think. Like, every time, almost every time you went to the bathroom. Yeah, like, how long ago does toilet paper date back? Like, it would be funny if toilet paper was not invented until, like, the 1920s or 30s. Literally up until that point, you would buy leaves at the store

in a packet. You put them next to your toilet. They're rolled around the stick. Corn cob. What do you do with that? You stick it up in there and turn it around. Corn cob onet paper holder. Original corn cob ass whacker.

Oh, you mean as a toilet paper holder? That's what I meant. I thought you meant like as a butt cleaner. No, that's what I meant. I did mean that. That's what you meant. That is what I meant. Yeah, no, yeah.

You turn it around. That is not what I meant. You just turn it around. It's got to be shucked already. No, no, no, no. I think it's got to be shucked already. No, no, no, no. I think it's got to be eaten. It's got those little flabby things on the sides. Just let it dry out a little bit.

It's like an ass brush. I don't want this to air. Jesus Christ. Damn. I don't know if to air. Jesus Christ. Damn. I don't know if you could top that one. Please don't put this on there. I know. It's kind of gross.

No, that's good. That's good. Hey, everyone has... Everyone poops. Everyone has... Oh, shit. You know, that stuff. That's funny.

Everyone has corn cobs. Everybody's got that stuff in them. Everybody's got corn cobs. Yeah,. Everyone has corn cobs. Everybody's got that stuff in them. Everybody's got corn cobs. Yeah, everybody's got corn cobs. And leaves. Oh, shit. I think it's funny to think about leaves all rolled up. Right, on a stick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And instead of like Cottonelle or Sagat or Great Northern, it's like maple or oak. Right, right. Or maybe. Right. Sycamore. Sycamore would be good.

It's a big ass leaf right there. Yeah, it is. Magnolia. Toilet poplar. Rhododendron. There you go. I don't know. Rhododendron would be.

Toilet poplar. That's the brand. Toilet poplar. Yeah. There you go. There it is. Toilet poplar. Toilet paper, baby.

That's where it comes from. Oh, fuck, man. Toilet paper originated. Tulip poplar evolved into toilet paper. Oh, fuck. TP, it makes sense, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It makes sense.

It does. You really could use... Tulip poplar, dude. Toilet poplar dude Toilet paper It makes sense My family I met a fortune Toilet poplar back then

Yeah Back in the Aught nines Yeah Yeah 1903 My family moved here from Yeah back in the aughts

1903 Oh shit God that's Um Whew I was thinking the other day how long ago do you think it was when people realized that every single human being had a unique fingerprint

I don't believe it you don't think everybody I've thought that before though I have had that thought before just think about it. Seven billion people, and every person has... Over the course of all of humanity as well.

We're all snowflakes then, aren't we? Good message. Hey, man, we all got different fingerprints. We're snowflakes. It is funny how like every single animal's shit is different. Like you can

identify an animal by its scat. Every single one has different shit. I'm sure there's some similar ones. Right. Like how similar is a dog and a coyote? Good point. Probably very similar.

But they're not technically... I feel like a wolf is probably different because it's probably wilder shit. I mean, but coyotes eat everything. Technically, dogs and coyotes are the same. Right? Like, could they even mate? I know that dog is a subspecies,

but it's not its own species. They can mate, I think. Yeah, and that's how you get wolves. A domestic dog and a coyote have sex and they make wolves. Maybe wolves and dogs. Maybe not cats. Wolves and dogs can mate, can't they?

Wolves and dogs? Is a wolf a canine also? I think they can. Yeah. Because they're like, because like huskies came from, they were bred, right?

Is that what a husky is? Like a long time ago, not anymore. You know, like they're just huskies you're just bred with. This is the Tribalese podcast asking questions

without looking and never knowing the answer. Well, it's funny because the way we asked him. I'm pretty sure that's right. I think it's a hybrid animal. Coyote and dog as a wolf. The way we ask. That's definitely true.

It has to be like a husky though. Or something like that. It has to be a husky and a coyote to make a wolf. Oh shit. You couldn't have a Yorkie and a coyote have sex. It would be some freak of nature. Right.

Or a Pomeranian and a coyote. I think it's just how you make... I think that's how other dogs are made. It would be... I think it's like a... Yeah, a funny visual

is a poodle having sex with a coyote. Yeah. I think that's how you make a poodle is a chihuahua and a coyote have sex. But it has to be a husky and a coyote

and it makes a wolf. I see. Dog math. Yeah, basic dog math. Interesting. Wow. This episode's gross. Wow, wow, wow.

Yeah, I guess does every single breed of dog have its own shit? Does a Pomeranian shit look different than a um just like size wise so so fingerprints uh-huh so okay first question i wonder how when did people start when did they realize every single person had unique fingerprints sub question when did they start using it in police work when did they start using it to fight i bet they were i feel like the times would be i mean like think about it like comparable because well into like when at the same time as discovering that they're well or maybe the assuming that they're starting to realize that people had different fingerprints because you you could when did they realize that

you could identify someone by their fingerprint? Which is, you know, I know that's the same thing, but. Well, it makes you wonder if people, you know, back before computers, well, you know, nowadays you can just plug that shit in and it'll match it up. But did people 50 years ago,

did they have people who would study every single deviation on a fingerprint? And, you know. They would have, like like the same way what they have like um yeah they have handwriting experts handwriting yeah they would have fingernail fingerprint analysis professionals or whatever i think you like it's asking we my um i i like asking questions way more than I like answering them. Oh, I love to answer questions.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, I like to assume that I'm intelligent enough to come up with a reasonable, logical answer to something. You're still talking about fingerprints? We're still talking about fingerprints. They're your IP address. Oh. Every finger is a different number.

Damn, man, makes you think. Dude, how many numbers is in an IP address? That's how many fingerprints you have. Oh, fuck, man. It is 10 numbers, isn't it? An IP address? Yeah. You got me.

It's 3213. Let's see. When did they realize that everyone has a unique ip address their own unique ip address five years ago oh my god who built this they're all different no no two ip addresses are alike yeah we really are snowflakes. I think I don't know. Some are 11 numbers. Some people like to get barcode tattoos. You'll put this episode up in the middle.

They have no idea. What if your guest said that your fingerprints or your IP address you're going to have to take that episode down. Because it's true. We don't want anyone to know that. to take that episode down. Because it's true.

And we don't want anyone to know that. Fucked up if true. Wow. Because some IP addresses are nine, eight, I mean nine numbers, some are ten, some are eleven. Are they really? Yeah. Those are the people who have lost a finger.

You know, like I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna announce what my IP addresses on any of my devices. So really the question here is, are there any IP addresses with more than 10 numbers? He said there's some 11. Oh, fuck. But I think it's possible for people to be born with 11

fingers. Yeah. I'm sure there can be 12 digit IP addresses. Illuminati. I'm not that good at this computer shit. I think there can probably be 12it IP addresses. Illuminati. I'm not that good at this computer shit. I think there can probably be 12 digit IP addresses. I'm just laughing in my head thinking about someone writing one of those Tumblr type posts that's like, You don't know anything about computers. Or I was like, you think you're being unique with getting a barcode tattoo,

when in reality, every person has their own barcode. Yeah, find out what your... And it's got a really shitty background of a fingerprint with stars behind it. Log into your body's admin account and find out what your IP address is. It's buried within your fingerprints. Log into your body's... It's buried within your fingerprints. It's buried within your fingerprints. That's a good bit.

Really shitty Tumblr, like, profound things like that. And then back to being low. Right. The Bitcoin of the Middle Ages was love. Or some dumb shit like that.

You know what I mean? The Bitcoin of the Middle Ages was love. The new, like, you know what I mean? The Bitcoin in the Middle Ages was love. The new, like, you know, reaching. I want that to be something somebody has actually said on the internet. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Finish the thought.

I don't know. I was just going to say, like, you know, like reaching enlightenment is like you're finding out your IP address through your fingertips. I don't know. That could be our version of Scientology when we recreate a religion. You help tap into someone. Like we're in a digital age. You're a digital body. We created the internet. We created all this technology. You helped happen to someone. We're in a digital age. You're a digital body.

We created the internet. We created all this technology. You're part of it. All of this has been flowing through your life. Dude, you guys are actually getting really close to going ahead and starting your own cult religion because you have a worship song already. You're right, we do.

What is the worship song? Main Menu. Oh, yeah. Main Menu. Oh, yeah. Main Menu. Oh, shit. The religion is built around that song and the premises that we are AI made by God. We're giving away our own secret religions

and secrets away right now. No, you don't have to air it. Yeah, I guess you have to maintain some secrets for people to stay in the... Oh, yeah. No, you gotta hide most of that shit. Yeah. But I mean, they can know the theme song.

Yeah, we can at least release that because that's how we get people through the door. Yeah. That's how we get people to abandon all their possessions, strip all aspects of their personality away, and worship at the foot of the cross of the song main menu from the golf game on Super Nintendo, Waikiki County.

Country Club. Yeah, it's fucking, it's great. That's the religion. It's one of the best soundtracks on Super Nintendo. You all have to check it out. I think there's YouTube videos. Seriously, when you hear it, you will forget everything. You're going to have to listen to it straight. It's like that song, it's like

that David Foster Wallace book, Infinite Jest, where there was a movie in that book called The Entertainment. And every person who watched it became addicted to it and they would just starve themselves. They would lose all their inhibitions and everything,

become obsessed with it. That song is what that thing is for us. You're going to have to loop that in on the podcast. Right here in the background. Yeah. I'll put it in there. Oh, yeah. But then we can't react to it.

I bet it'd sound like shit if I played it on my phone. You can play it right now. Yeah, and then you can fade it out. What would it sound like? There's no way you could hear it through these microphones. But you might be able to. You could put the music back in and get the reaction. This is perfect. Have you ever heard a better bass line than this?

No. No, no, you haven't. Did Steely Dan ever have anything that good? No. No way. So it just starts over from there. But that's pretty cool to already have your religion's theme song. Right off the bat.

What's the theme song of, I don't know, like... Christianity? I can tell you. What? That song from Creed. Lord, I'll lift your name on high. When you sing that. Lord, I'll love to sing your praises.

There's something about the way you sing it that it's just not quite, like there's some note in there that you always, you do every time. It's real funny. What is this? I'm so glad you're in my life. It's like perfectly off key on key.

That's the theme song of Christianity. But it's like in key with how the song is because it's like, it's GCD, but it's so half-assed that if there really is a God, I bet he's sick to fucking death of that song. Yeah, he's like, fucking should have thrown a C in there at least.

If there really is a God and he is the God of the Christian, American Christian Southern Baptist faith, he probably fucking hates himself. It's gotta be. It's a tough gig. I mean, imagine having songs like that sung to you on a pretty daily basis. You know, it's just like, just because someone, something says Jesus is great doesn't mean

it's a good song. Or like, just because someone sings gospel music doesn't mean it's a good song. Or like just so because someone sings gospel music doesn't mean they're good at it. Yeah. The subject does not supersede the content. Right. Just because someone

sings about serial killing doesn't mean they're a serial killer. Is that what you're saying? Well, I'm saying, you know, the... That's not what makes the music good or bad. Right, right, yeah. The subject doesn't matter if the content's poor. Right.

Like the meat and potatoes of it. I want to fucking hear good musicians playing. Then they can sing about whatever the fuck you want, you know? People that are bad at music shouldn't record it and make albums. And a lot of them do. And we're about to, actually, as a band. I was literally just staring at it thinking, yeah, that sounds about right. But like, out of key, like, oh, me and a few of my friends kind of can play instruments,

and so we wrote some songs, and we're going to play music, and it's about Jesus. But then, like, you know, I don't know. I'm just being an asshole. Yeah, that's why I'm letting you. I'm letting you die on this cross, so to speak. No, I do think it's really great. What's the theme song of Daoism or something?

It's just like a pure moods song. Just pick one. What's that religion David Lynch is into, Transcendental Meditation? The theme song of that is that guy talking about writing the Laura Palmer theme song for

Twin Peaks. Oh, yeah. That was awesome. We were hacking up in the woods and took a break and watched that video. We stopped in a little pine forest. A little pine copse, I guess you could say,

where a bunch of shit had burned away, and we watched that video. I don't remember his name. He's got a really talented name. Anyways. Balamente, or Badalamente. That's what it is. Angelo Badalamente. He's what it is. Angelo Bada-lamente.

He's like, oh, Angelo. He's like, you're ripping my heart out. You're ripping my heart out. It was incredible. I came home after a hike and immediately showed Carrie that video. Do you remember it? Vaguely.

When he's showing how he... And it was kind of, you know, it was real dramatic and, you know, it was real dramatic. And, you know, it couldn't have happened exactly that way. Like, oh, you really just, like, sat there and just started playing this out of nowhere. Oh, yeah. Now I remember that guy. You just made this up on the spot.

Yeah. Like, just extremely iconic. Yes. I remember that. I remember that. No, I think he probably did. The Laura Palmer theme. I think that kind of shit happens i mean i'm sure

it was tweaked but i bet the general premise i bet he came up with pretty quickly it is pretty amazing people get that people get that like wave of influence with genius they get a yeah you're right and i think things are you know i think there's a lot to be said for that yeah i mean could you but could you imagine uh just sitting there and being like, I'm good enough of a musician to come up with a theme in front of one of the greatest directors of modern cinema. Oh, I couldn't do it. I'd blow it.

Just sit there and do that. Spend the rest of my life regretting having stage anxiety and blowing it. If David Lynch made a horror movie, it would be a true horror movie. Not just his suspenseful, crazy, nightmarish thrillers, but a real true horror movie. I think it would be the most terrifying film that's ever been made because he just, he sets the mood through all this, this background noise

and just like this dread, sense of dread the whole time. Yeah. What do you think the theme song of Scientology would be? Hmm. I'm trying to think of like It's a tough one.

Maybe Mr. Roboto? You blinded me with science? Yeah. She blinded me with science. There you go. That was it. That's probably it. It has to be.

Those are the only songs about science and Xenu. Tell me more about this Xenu character. That'll just make me get on a big Scientology documentary kick again. I don't know if I can do it. How much is Scientology a month? How much do you have to pay to be a part of it? I don't know. They should probably lower their prices, though, if they really want to.

I think you have to give them your fingerprints. It's like, you know, that's way more advanced than their religion, I think. Religion, I think. Because when you tap into your real, like, true technological being that lives inside of you, then you truly understand what science is. Right. When you can unlock your IP address through your fingertips.

Yeah, I agree. Damn. One day this episode will be shelved in some FBI warehouse and they'll have magnetically deleted the parts where I'm speaking about your IP address

living within your fingerprints. The public is not ready for that piece of information. Oh my god. Explain what you just said again What was that? About the FBI Right

They're gonna have You know they're gonna They'll house this episode of this podcast In the FBI Because we figured it out Right And the world's not ready Right

All professional sports teams are federally funded cast in the FBI. Because we figured it out. And the world's not ready. All professional sports teams are federally funded. You've been using your body hair wrong. No, you've been using toilet paper. You've been using toilet poplar wrong. Yeah, toilet poplar.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. We are funny, funny people. Eh? Eh? Eh. Thank you.