Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 448: The Factory's Been Offshored (w/ Special Guest: Chris James)

Episode Date: June 12, 2026

As America's 250th birthday draws nigh the fellas enlist the help of Canadian friend of the show Chris James from Guys: A Podcast About Guys to discuss the programming as well as an abbreviated history of American sports, and the ethics of pissing in swimming pools. Support us: patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty Support Chris patreon.com/GuysPodcast patreon.com/notevenashow

Welcome to the show this week, everybody. We are joined by Chris from the podcast, Guys. I had an idea for you guys, Chris, and the other guys in my show. You need, like, a Guys for the Animal Kingdom. Like types of, like, ticks that are, like, they're too greedy. like they just keep eating you know what I'm sucking blood they just see they're so greedy they just suck until they explode

or like types of mosquito guys that like they sit at homes spread disease plays 4K or whatever do you know any of them like do you know any because we would have to see some posts or get their perspective on it might be the only issue but it's a good idea I'm not going to lie it's a good idea as a as a

as a slight hypochondriac Probably not as much as either one of my co-hosts, but very much so, terrified of parasites. It's something I've been thinking about recently. So you should have a guys episode for the most deadliest parasites. It would be cool.

It needs to be for like for the parasites themselves. So do they have like a, is there a male and a female parasite? Parasites have genders? Well, I'm saying like, okay, I have squirrels in my front yard and there are types of guys squirrels. Like there's the guys with the big nuts.

The guy squirrels with the big nuts. There's the guy squirrels. They're like stare at my window and get in my trash can. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, you can divide it up. Yeah, yeah. And I understand. Yeah, sometimes definitely with cats and things like non-wild animals.

Obviously, there's different types of them for sure. But yeah, I, I've never even thought about parasites in a long time. I guess it's not something that I worry about a lot. Like, I don't know if it's, I guess there must be parasites around. There must be, but it's, yeah, it's never something that I've worried about. and there's probably something that maybe I might start worrying about. Well, I don't want to be, you know, a bear of bad news or anything, especially this early in the program.

But with El Nino rearing its ugly head again, this is a term I've not really even thought about for like 20 years. Remember when El Nino was like people would talk about all the time when we were younger? Chris Farley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Nia. The Nia. All right.

So now it's back. And so, like, what I'm hearing, keeping my ear to the streets with hypochondriac guys, is that certain parasites are, like, getting out of their normal range. So, like, the brain-eating amoebas used to be in Texas and Louisiana. They prefer a warmer climate. And how they're finding them in Minnesota. Dude, screw-worms. Concerning.

Screw-worms back. Oh, man. The parasites are eating, literally. Yeah. Now, when you say El Nino's back, what does that? exactly mean that El Nino's back? Like, is that like, was it a tropical storm or something? Was it some kind of a cigarettes of milk?

How could it? Well, here's the thing about that, Chris, is I just kind of heard a little bit of a thing. And apparently Latin America is very concerned about it. Okay. Probably because they're the only ones that know what it means. Yeah, because I, I thought it was like a name of a storm. Like, that's how stupid I am. I thought it was like, you know, they name all the storms.

and I thought El Nino was one of those names of a storm, but I come to think of it, it was like it got way too much press for that. Like it was clearly so much bigger than just your regular named storm or whatever. Name like Gerald or something like that. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Because I do, I mean, when I was younger,

I would hear about El Nino all the time. Like it was something I constantly heard about. Yeah, you just don't hear about it anymore. No. Yeah, yeah, the naming conventions of these storm systems and storms themselves are kind of strong. range. It's like they give those hurricanes nice names like opal. Like opal was like one of the worst storms in history. It's like opal. Yeah. I don't know. It's like you think you've hurricane Katrina.

I think Katrina's quite a nice name now. It seems to be cursed. You know, Katrina's got a little bit of talk to the manager by it. You can see how she would be a little. I get it may it's it's it is close to. It's probably the closest name to Karen and Karen is the most famous one obviously. And I was just that's what I was thinking about too is that like do we not feel a little bit bad for these nice karen's these people with the name karen but these are nice people they've never bothered anybody and all of a sudden it's like hey i'm karen and it's like yo great you know we're really in for it now and it's like i'm really laid back i'm really chill kind of person you know that's what i've heard this from the jaredes in my life too with the stuff like that guy you know the jared's got it tough

Man, they're not, they're not recovering from that. Not going to lie, I had a friend, former friend whose name was also Jared. And did it, did it turn out well. So the Jared's, they do get a bad route. Yeah, but I mean, it's like, honestly, it's like, you're doomed anyway. You know, you're like, I'm Jared. People are going to hate on my ass anyways. I might as well go do some crimes.

Maybe not Jared level crimes, but it's like, I might as well go out there. Jared Ledo level crimes. Jared Ledo level crimes, exactly where it's like, you guys all. Maybe Jared Leto is actually a product of that Where Jared Leto is just like Fucking everybody thinks I'm you know I'm a Jared anyway What is the term for that?

Is it nomadative monomotive determinism Where someone's name is pretty much like They become who they're what their name is I guess you know Yeah I guess that would suppose though that the name Jared means pedophile Like in some culture it translates to pedophile Yeah Yeah

God that Jared guy though I'll tell you what that guy was a real bad fella I used to I used to I used to I thought it was like a funny bit to do in hindsight I guess it's not really funny it's kind of inappropriate but I used to do stand-up comedy and I would there'd be a list of comedians on the show and then I would go and write different names on the list and they would get like you know it would be like Chris Delia and then Bill Cosby and then Jared from subway and I'd be like he doesn't even do stand-up you're having him on the show? That's crazy, man.

Chris, a lot of people don't know this, but you're directly responsible for some of Rob Schneider's output. Well, that's not fair. I used to do stand-up. Rob Schneider, I don't know if you guys know this, but Rob Schneider, I mean, obviously, I think we all sort of fancy

him one of the brilliant comedic minds of our generation. No down. For sure. But he doesn't actually write a lot of his material. which is kind of interesting. He's kind of famous for having other people write his material for him. And I like opened for him. And he was like,

hey, I'm doing a Canada tour with some of the other competent S&L comedians. And, you know, could you write some Canada jokes for me or whatever? And then so I would, I said, and this is,

to be clear, I'm not responsible for any of his output because we had a few breakdowns in communication during the writing process where I would write a joke and he would be like, now could we make this so that the homeless people are bad in this joke instead i'm not sure this is going to work out rob he he really like yeah he was like he was right leaning into the conservative stuff at that point so it was like yeah he was finding a lot of issues with some of the jokes i was

writing my my humanization of certain groups was really off putting to him yeah so i i didn't mean to besmirch you and have everybody thinking that you're the one responsible for you can't say this these days type stuff you know yeah yeah no i did or his liberal tears bourbon yeah well i that a bourbon company that he started called it's called liberal tears they distill it from liberal tears aaron if you now just just to be clear now i've done a lot of research on the topic he did not start the actual company but he is the main spokesperson and he's heavily affiliated and is like, you know, he's backed it financially, definitely. There's like, but one of the great things we watch, we, we check this out on guys on

my podcast and they have these whiskey rocks and the whiskey rocks are meant to be tears, but they look so much like testicles. Because they'll, they give you like a pair of tears, right? Yeah, a pair of tears. And they are literally, they just look so much like testicles. Teabagging their own bourbon. The tears of the left is like they had like some mystery people that were involved. And it's just like it turned out it was like DC Drano or whatever.

Like they were really underwhelming. I feel like there are only three choices for a guy like Rob Schneider though, you know. Like that sort of actor is that you either start doing commercials for like, I don't know, tea in Japan or something like that. you know, or because at least there you're still popular enough, or you end up having some sort of renaissance, you know, before you tragically die, or you end up starting to leading into the right wing and to make a company like this, you know.

Yeah. I think I would have defour him, I would just state being Adam Sandler's friend. Yeah, did he, I wonder if he wrote, You Can Do It. Like, did he write that famous popular line? I would imagine, just having met him, and having spoken to him a few times,

I would imagine that he never wrote a single funny thing that he ever did. So you're telling me he's not responsible for the creative comedic genius of the animal? Oh, the animal. The animal was a great. Deuce Bigelow was a classic. What was the, yeah, Deuce Bigelow right was where he was,

went out with the girl and she had narcolepsy or whatever, and she was falling over. I couldn't imagine that aged well. Yeah, Because I just think a lot of his famous characters from S&L, he would have had people writing those for him, you know, robberino and, you know, making copies and stuff like that. He's, I'll tell you what, though. He is pretty, he's pretty good at yelling at assistants and demeaning them. That was one thing I noticed.

He would, because he would. No, not me. He would bring me onto a call or something just to showcase his ability to do. demean somebody who was like, you know, he would be like, hey, let's call them. You know, I'd be like, oh, he helped, this is all very embarrassing. He helped me to get like spots at comedy clubs in L.A. And then I would like send him an email like, oh, they haven't got back to me yet. And he's like, let me handle this, Chris, you know.

And then you'd get on the call and he was just browbeat these people, you know? And it was, yeah, it was a really dark. What else do you say after that besides like, thanks, I guess, Rob? Yeah. Maybe unnecessary, but thanks. I was like, Rob, I don't really want to call these people. Is there any way that you can do it? Well, I'll let you, I'll let you'll stew on my idea for guys of the animal kingdom for a little longer.

Well, I will say, when I was trying to get horse pot roll of my initial conception, I was going to do guys, but for horses. Turns out it's a rich whale But that's what I was my comp Chris so I was And still trying to get it off the ground But it's guys but for horses Hmm Now it's still equestrians

The show is like for people who are into horses Well it's It's gonna be Well it's kind of morphed over time But initially I was like Well what if I just did guys But for horses Yeah yeah

Okay So you thought of that horses on the show You thought of that You just thought of that sentence. I see. You know, it would be, you know, I guess conceptually it would be like, what's the horse tense? We would do clever Hans, that horse that learned to read.

I think he could read. Yeah. It'd count right. It wouldn't be a one to one. Yeah, it's not a one to be one to one because there's not a rich and robust online forum culture around horses, I feel like. Not like there is around. Well, not one you'd want to really.

you know, yeah. I mean, I know a fella. I know a fella. I watched a movie one time. A guy who was very indoors. Did he live in Unum Claw,

Washington? He sure did, Terrence. Yeah. Yeah, speaking of screw worm, though. I'm sorry,

I cut you down when you were introducing screw worm. Not, well, this is topical because screw worm is going to pose a major threat to horses.

Screw worm not only attacks cattle, but it attacks horses. And humans aren't safe from it either. If you have an open wound, they can get in that shit. So they go after the most dangerous game too. Yeah, yeah. Humans. Humans. What is a screw worm?

Like, it's a very intimidating sounding, but it's just like a parasite of some kind. How large? How large are these? I think it's pretty microscopic, which makes it deadly. but it's like we eradicated it in the 60s

but now it's coming back because America is doing shock doctrine on itself and trying to see how many different ways we can kill ourselves like I really one of the things I appreciate about modern America is like not only are we suicidal but it's like getting really clever

and experimental with the suicidality it's like how many different ways can we kill ourselves right? Like this is it's kind of fun in a way and that's really what politics is. It's like if you're on team red or team blue, it's just kind of coming up with different ways to kill yourself, you know, opening a vein, everything from opening a vein to blowing your head off to infesting your body with like fear. It's like that show on Spike TV when

they were going to slip and slime, but there was a nail sticking up. What was that call? Like a thousand ways to die. A thousand ways to die. I mean, you really got to give it to America though, like trying to speed run like medieval era like level sort of like diseases illnesses famine warfare you know what explain explain to me as like a dumb guy what so what is it that you and I don't obviously I don't live in America either which is a little bit I'm a little bit of disadvantage here but what is it to you guys like how did you what did you do to invite the screw worm back into the next the uh we committed the metaphysical sin the metaphysical crime was committed.

I think it's like it's a comment. I was looking it up this morning. It's a combination of like cutting regulations on the cattle industry, cutting oversight of parasite of parasites eradication. Like they used to have these programs in the 60s, like holdovers from like the New Deal era where they would like go and eradicate. You know what I mean? Like try to get rid of sitting water like says pools where these things can breed.

And you know what I mean? stuff that any, like, developing society would do. But, and then also just capitalism in general, just, like, capitalistic modes of, like, cattle hurting and... I see. Yeah, yeah. Pitting them together. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, but... But... But... Turns out when things are in close succession, stuff spreads. But at some point, the capital...

capitalism might save it, right? Because if so many people are dying, then the capitalist will be like, wait a second, we got nobody left to buy the stuff. And then they'll presumably correct it. Well, here's where this little thing called the K-shaped economy comes in, Chris. Okay. Where people below a certain income level don't need to exist anymore because like 90% of consumption now occurs only above a certain income level. They don't even need consumers. And they have...

That's the reason it costs $9,000 to go to the World Cup, man. I see. I'm going to the World Cup, by the way. Shout out. It didn't cost me $9,000. I, but I did have to save up. Yeah, y'all eating good over there. No, no, no, no. I got a ticket for $575 to one of the Canada games, which I'm pretty excited about. But, yeah, I, like, saved up and put money away knowing that it was. And then the prices did start to drop, thankfully.

But so you're saying in this K-shaped economy that you're describing. So these guys who are rich, they get to have different stuff that doesn't have the screw worm. Now screw worm free. Yeah, like they get their, what is it, Wagyu beef or whatever? They're like upset. Rich people are obsessed with like Wagoo beef or whatever. I don't know what the fuck it's called. They probably have private beef farms, you know.

Oh, 100%. With cattle that are like, you know, organic or grazing naturally. It's not even hypothetical. That's literally. literally the premise. That's the concept of Wagyu beef or whatever. They like breed it in Japan on like isolated like pastures and stuff. It's becoming a thing.

It's getting out into the mainstream, but I feel like it's like some of it is not real Wagyu beef. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you'll be at some like, Dubai chocolate. Yeah, you'll be at like a restaurant. It's like this is a Wagyu beef sandwich and it's like 795. And you're like, it's awesome to be.

Well, I got questions. It'll be like Arby's. Like we have a new value beef. Yeah. You mean this came all the way from Tokyo for eight bucks. Exactly, Terrance. It will have screw work. Guaritied.

I've been trying to workshop something about screw worm. And I was curious since we got a writer's room here. Let's just put it to it. I've been a little hesitant to pop it out here, maybe because it's niche. But I was trying to workshop something where, it's a DJ screw reference, like maybe the screws worm flies drinking cop syrup. Or even more arcane, I was thinking about the screw tape letters, C.S. Lewis. Oh, that's a good wood.

Yeah. You know. So I didn't know which, I don't know if both of those could be losers. I don't know. But I think there's something to each of them. So if y'all think of anything in the course of this program, just raise your hand. Be like, hey, I think I've solved the screw worm thing for you. Well, they're saying screw worm will be hitting Texas hardest, and DJ Screw is from Texas.

And he hit Texas. He hit Texas pretty hard himself in his life. I see where your brain is working. I see how it got there. And C.S. Lewis, also famous cattle rancher. That's true. That's probably where you got that as well. Yeah.

Interesting. Anyway, just stew on that if you don't care over the course of the next hour before I'll get back to you. We'll do that for sure. I don't pay your option. matter money but i'll uh oh rob schneider did not pay well at all he was like yeah it really he really did i mean he paid next to nothing to do it he kind of was like i'll get you these spots at these comedy clubs these were not good spots either do you know what i'm saying like these were like hey it turned out it was like a three

minute set at the laugh factory at like 1145 at night on a Tuesday night or whatever and it's like wait a second these guys all can't know Rob Schneider level people like some of these guys don't seem very good at comedy or anything it turns out Rob snow and Rob Schneider doesn't get you the same open the same doors it used to it does not no he he yeah he him and Adam Sandler seemed to have like had some kind of a like mild falling out or whatever. I just know that I saw Adam Sandler doing a set at the improv in Los Angeles in the small room and he was doing like a long, he was getting ready for the special that he put out years ago.

And he had this joke where it was like, it was very disrespectful to Rob Schneider specifically. It was just like he's telling a joke where he never ended up on the special because it was just so mean. And it was just like, oh, I was on the flight with someone and somebody kept asking me like, can I have this? Can I have this? And the person beside me was like, you know, please give me this. And then the punchline was just like, leave me alone, Rob Schneider. It sounds like a very specific story at the end of a tumultuous friendship. Yeah, exactly. Like I've had enough of this. But he feels some responsibility, I think, to those guys. So I think he, like, I don't know if Rob, Rob, I don't think I've seen him in a lot of like that would be I would have loved to see Rob Schneider doing as you can do it in like uncut gems or whatever that's what he said when the weekend took Julia Fox in the bathroom they didn't make it off the cutting room floor

you should have probably had a cameo it was like you know what about Adam Sandaloo's characters like jewelers, you know, workers. Maybe God had it shot him in the head at the end. Speaking of which, last time I was in Las Vegas, I saw tracks. You know, you all know tracks, NYC? Yeah, that's, I just thought of that when we were talking about, he was in that movie, too, right? Yeah, he has a cameo, but there's that crazy video where he goes after those guys and he, like, you know, where they're like using his name or whatever to sell their products and their

coronary because he's like, you, mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and there's like the crazy security footage where it's like a full, on fight and like yeah that was insane that's a crazy video I like listen I don't know much about that guy so I don't want to come out on the record and say I like him he might probably is a pretty

bad guy but the stuff I've seen from him I like him I gave him a knowing not I never know what to do but I have to be honest I was a little starstruck by tracks I don't know who you're taught I did see uncut gems who I don't remember who he's just a cameo I think he's an actual jewelry so like he does

he does that in New York City he's like a real version of Adam Sandler's character. So he's like well known on Instagram and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has like, he does a lot of jewelry for like really diamonds and stuff for really famous people. Yeah. I see.

I see. And the staffdies love doing that. They love putting like a piece of shit in their movies. Yeah. Well, to be fair, tracks, it's not confirmed. Yeah, it's not confirmed that he's a piece of shit. He just kind of has that vibe about him where you're just like, this guy sees like. He's missing a good opportunity to be a piece of.

He seems like a bad guy. I'm just saying if he's, if Adam Sandler's loosely based on him, I feel like there are they trying to signal that he was kind of a piece of shit in that movie, right? Yeah, he's totally piece of shit. You mean, you mean tell me you don't have any appetites and my jeopardize your family. It really does bother me that he put like Kevin O'Leary in that Murray Supreme. It really bothered me a lot because he's like, he gave an explanation. He's like, oh, I want the richest guy who.

who's like a real asshole and it's just like, so I'd have this guy, it's like, you know, there's a lot of very competent actors who could play the role of that. Like that's kind of the concept of movies. And I know exactly, he likes to,

he likes to do that with like, you know, in some of his earlier movies, he had like real people who were addicted to drugs for like, you know, to give like validity and make it. And that I kind of understand more where it's just like. Famously,

one that bit him in the ass one time because one of those guys exposed himself to a, like a 15 year. out actress or something. That guy's dead. That guy's dead. That guy died. I forget I was just reading about that guy.

Actually. That's your, that guy's dead. He died actually. It's the occupational hazards when you do this type of film making. Fun fact. That guy is now deceased. But yeah,

he like, it just feels weird to put like, it's like, okay, maybe it's, I don't, I don't really know. Maybe it's like, um,

not good to take somebody who's like a person off the street and put them into a movie and you're like who I don't know really but at least then you're like giving money to a per you know what I mean you're paying somebody buy boy drugs exactly and they and possibly giving him a chance like some of the other those guys the guy who exposed himself and later died got like roles in other movies and stuff but it's like you're doing it for kevin o'leary who's this you know he's like super rich and famous already i think it sort of loses the appeal of like yeah i have a real version of this in my movie that's not like the same thing you know

Yeah. Well, speaking of guys that are like a little morally and ethically ambiguous, I guess we could say, I wanted to get your thoughts on Graham Platner, Chris. Like what kind of guy are we talking about here? Because personally, I feel like Graham Platner, he's trying to be too many different types of guys. Like wouldn't you say that's true? Like there's so many different types of guys that he is. Like, yeah, he's like a leftist guy, Nazi guy. He's doing a few. It's a hard. Troop guy, sexting guy, like kick. It's a hard pole for sure. He's a recently coming out. He's a sex guy. Maybe Graham Platner is the true modern 21st century man.

And all his different facades. We actually, I don't, you know, I'm, I don't, I used to do a channel where I would deal with a lot of, like, really horrific guys all the time. and I sort of when I had a child, I pulled back from it a little bit. But this one, Brian and I just did a live show in Toronto. Brian, my co-host, who I'm sure he's been on the show. We talked about Graham Platner. We were walking around Toronto going to A&W, and we talked about Graham Platner. And yeah, he seems like a weird, he seems, we, he seems, this is what Brian thing.

He seems very fetterman like in just that like. It's this guy who's like, hey, I'm like an every man. I'm like you. I'm, you know, I've made mistakes. I've made problems. And the only thing that I think about is like, I think it's like a pushback. I don't know enough about the guy, but it's like a pushback. It's like there was this whole thing of like the tent being very small for the Democratic Party, you know, of being like, hey, we don't allow enough people into the tent.

And this is a big issue for the Democratic Party is that we're like too, there's too much like, yeah, like purity tests or whatever. for candidates and stuff like that. So it feels like it's like a pushback where it's just like, hey, let's let the Nazi tattoo sexting guy in. A former Blackwater mercenary. Yeah, so we're just going to, everyone who's a former Blackwater mercenary and has a Nazi tattoo is now all of a sudden not allowed, then we're not going to have any candidates left.

Right, right. Well, let me ask you a question that, Chris. It feels like what a lot of people on the left are trying to do is, I mean, trying to rehabilitate the guy, right? As you're saying, like, it's a redemption story, you know? But, like, how, at what point, like, I guess I'm saying, are progressive sold down bad that they're willing to support somebody? Yes.

Who has, like, I saw, like, I saw a post from Ryan Grimm that just kind of like, my jaw sort of dropped. And he was like, well, if you ask, if you ask, tell most, talk to most Americans about this guy having a Nazi tats too, they would think it's a swastika, but this is what it is, you know? And it was like a skull of, like, the SS. so the guys that were committing like literally like

in charge of these death camps could have meant anything could have been anything he said it looked like something from the Grateful Dead which I thought it was amusing I'm gonna give you a little update I'll be a jam band guy

give him a break I'm gonna give you a little update Woke 2.0 has abandoned the principles of Woke 1.0 and they're adopted more of the tone you remember one of the leftist would be like you know who says slurs the working class.

They're adopting more of that. They're getting a little bit more of that in their program, is what I found. I think, I genuinely think that all woke was both literally in its first and second variations and the backlash to it, the right-wing backlash.

It is just a pervasive fear of conflict of any kind. Like I just genuinely think, because like people just cannot, and I say this personally. is someone who's gone through lots of therapy trying to get better at having conflict.

Trying to get more woke. But it's just like, people just cannot have, like, they cannot countenance any kind of, like, conversation about, like, a hard issue. And so, like, they just kind of displaced it all into, like, algorithms and social media. Like, I don't think you would have got woke without social media, really.

And the back, like, the quote unquote, backlash to it. It's just these kind of bastardized forms of previous discourses in movements, but without any real material stakes. Is you saying that I got the internet to think for getting called out for wearing moccasins?

Yes, yes. You do 100%, a million percent. Yeah, you're right. They probably would. Nobody probably bad at an eye of that in 1987. They might have. I mean, they might have. You might have been called out for it, but like, I think

that you would not have this, like, not saying that you personally had this, but, like, I think conservatives in general got, like, really, really pressed about being called out for being racist at any and all time. And it's like, well, who cares? If you are, you are...

Are we just talking about it? Well, you're in the tent now, so... I don't know. I wanted to maybe spend the rest of the program reading this article that I've founded in the Atlantic. The Atlantic's been... Look, and go ahead, Tom. I wanted to, I had a, I'm sorry, I had a cold open, but I'm really, I, this,

this seems like a regression in the conversation, but this is just strictly for research purposes. And while I had you, I wanted to, to just see, you know, Summers is, is here now. And, you know, I've been wanting to enjoy myself in a body of water and so forth. And there's a aquatic center by my house that is, well, this is a two-parter, but I got two dads here, so I just want to be curious what y'all think. this pool is geared more toward families. Okay. Yeah.

And I don't have a family, but it's wildly convenient to walk to me. Well, Tom, what's that, what's that quote that you always say from true detective, a man without a family, passes certain ways. It's a bad thing. It's a bad thing. So I'm just curious, like, you know, if y'all were to take your children there and the guy that looked like me kind of rocked up. I was like, now I'm not saying I'm going to get over in the shallow pool and let the little same thing. buckets that dump the water on you automatically like I'm not going to do that but I might swim

laps and might you know do a little gainer or two see if I still got it off the high dive would you all find that like would y'all keep an eye on me as long as you stay like what is it 20 feet away I don't listen I we're not talking I mean all jokes aside I yeah we go out to like pools and stuff like that. I think you're totally fine. It's the only thing is interaction. Um, any kind of interaction. Don't talk to any kids.

Just don't talk to the kids. Don't even look at them. Don't even. There's like, I live across from a playground and like right across and I have a two year old. And there is like a guy. He's like, uh, he's like French Canadian and you know, there's no reason to think there's anything wrong with this guy.

He's French. Other than he's French. His name is, his name is Jared. No, I'm just, but he, um, but like, I will, like, if he is, were to start talking to my son, you know, then I would be like, I think maybe one time he, like, sort of like started interacting. I was just kind of, I was just kind of was like, made it clear that I was like dismissing that and didn't want him really talking to my kid, you know? Yeah. That's the only, you go places all the time.

The good news is I find kids horrible conversations. They never have to talk about it. We're dumb as shit. They don't really know anything. Completely uninteresting people. That's kind of why it is a bit suspicious because it's like you really want to talk to a child. That's not your child. That's a horrible conversation to have.

But yeah, I think you go places all the time where there's like, there's guys and they look infinitely. you know more you know creepier than you you're a normal looking guy you know and yeah this is true you have to go out in public and deal with it um as long as they're not interacting with my kid then i yeah i totally i also feel like a pool this like a pretty i mean even if it's like you know a lot families go there it's a pretty neutral place it's not like you're an adult going to like a chucky cheeses by yourself the ball pit you're hiding here the ball pit you're hiding you're the ballp with a slice, you know what I'm saying? So you think as long as I stay away from the water slides in the sand bucket and the kid.

Anything colorful of plastic, you should probably stay away. I just picture. Don't look at kids in the eyes. The ball pit is so good. Like all the kids are playing. And this 50-year-old guy is like fully submerged and just bombs up. Yeah. Yeah.

floats up out of the ballpins. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like, like apocalypse now. Yeah. Like Perks and apocalypse now.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tom, especially if you're swimming laps and stuff like that.

That's like such a normal thing. Yeah. To be doing at a pool no matter if it's a family pool or not. Yeah. Okay. Well, I was just pulling. That's why I told you all this was a two-part. Here's the other one.

And this is, this is just for my research. Okay. And I want you to be. be a hundred percent dead ass honest about this okay okay do y'all just let it go in the pool when you got a pee or not yeah of course you're way too quick you wait too quick on that air take a take a beat like think about it i mean look i mean if there's like if there's a restroom that's close that i'm closed too for sure but i mean isn't that what the clue i'm going to get

so much people hate on me for peeing in the pool no i don't think it's that i just think you're not going to be invited to any pool partners. Oh, that's cool, brother. Terrence, would you, do you pee in the pool? Oh, dude, I can't. I literally cannot. I, I tried. Yeah, I'm pull shot. When I was a kid,

I was a swimmer. I was a competitive swimmer. And they told us not to pee in the pool for several reasons. One of which I think they lied to us. They were like, it'll change the color. The color of the pool will change. I was always afraid of it. That's what I was told. The red dye. I really believe that.

I only found out as an adult that that's not true, that it's just a very smart technique that adults use to get kids not to pee in the... Yeah, like, I really thought if I peed in the pool that it would turn to red dye. Well, I tested that theory and found out that it was untrue. But those moments, those first few moments, the first test, though, God, that's got to be scary, you know. Yeah, but once you get past it. If you have a kidney failure and you're peeing blood,

then you might think that that's, you might not know. That's what I would say. If I got a hot, I'd be like, no, I have a condition. It's not a lot. I'm bleeding and turning it. No, no, I have a month to live, actually. I'm sorry, Terry. I'm sorry for the day to.

I can't pee in water. I can, but it's really tough. Like, when I was in my early 20s, I'd, like, go to the lake with my friends. And we'd be, like, drinking beer. And then I would have to get out and pee, they'd be like, why don't you just pee in the water? And I'd be like, I can't do it. Yeah. I just can't.

A link, I would definitely. I had a friend that went to Ecuador and pissed in a river and had the spiny fish that goes up your pea tree. Oh, the Kandiru. He claimed. I didn't see any evidence. He's trying to sound cool. He's flexing. He didn't go to Ecuador, I have to say, but I don't know if he got the spiny fish in his pee hole.

See, that's somebody who should be interviewed for parasite guys. Dude, if it's a spiny fish like this big, it might make you penis bigger. It might get stuck in there. There's not a bad thing. looking pretty nice A monkey's call situation where you finally get the cock you want But you can't use it because it's so painful Yeah, I don't know if I want my cock looking like a morning star

Like a Lance or something Anyway, sorry for the detour I turn it back over to you today Oh I'm sorry I'm sorry That was a much better cold open than Guys of the Animal Kingdom Jesus Christ man Clearly I'm pretty tired this morning

Not really firing on all ripping cylinders like I used to be able to do. Terris, like, Chris, I used to be really good at this job. I did. I used to be good. I think you're still good. I think that, I think to quote the great Mitch Hedberg, I think that you used to be good and you're still good too. That's what I believe. And also, you have a very young child, right? That's true.

So I do totally empathize with you and that you're probably tired a lot. lot of the time now. And if I go back and listen to episodes of guys when I first had a kid, I'm just like, and I was, I'm straight edge now. I don't do any drugs or anything. Since January, I would just take mushrooms and smoke a lot of weed. And God, man, I sound like I am just not there at all. Now clean as a whistle. Clean as a whistle. I don't do anything at all. I, I don't use any, I rarely even have coffee. So very few stimulants. Very little anything in my body. It does feel better.

I'm not going to lie. Turns out I feel great. Turns out I actually was pretty addicted to it, I guess. And I convinced myself it was an important aspect of myself. That yeah, that's what I think I worried a lot. I was just like, oh, man, am I going to not be good on the podcast anymore? And everybody will just send me messages like, hey, I don't want to be rude. but God, man, you're so much better now.

I don't want you to feel bad, but it sounds like you're actually following along with what's happening on the episodes. Yeah. So I took a little bit to get over that. The only thing was going to sleep. I had to get like some sleeping pill type things in the beginning because I couldn't sleep.

But once I got over that. I've been there. Easy, very easy. Yeah. I'm almost there. I still drink way too much fucking coffee, though. I thought you're going to have still drink way too much booze

There's still a non-repentantant and sot I haven't had a drink in almost four years Wow Yeah I never drank I stopped drinking I started stand-up comedy I keep mentioning guys listeners Are gonna be like god damn it Because I do a bit where I

I used to tread the boards And I'll like make a joke of it But I'm unironically doing that Now I keep bringing up my stand-up comedy But I started and there was the most biggest drunken fucking losers at every show, you know? And I was like, ah, this is this is where I'm heading if I don't stop drinking right now. I stopped like, yeah, like 12 years ago or something.

But the weed was, and mushrooms. I would take like, I would microdose mushrooms. Yeah, and then sometimes I guess, you know, dose mushrooms as well. I can't do that anymore. I like I'm on Zoloft and you can get like a bad. It's called like serotonin syndrome or some shit because like mushrooms increase your serotonin production and so does Zoloft and so like you can get too much.

So I tried to do mushrooms like last summer one time I had a really bad time because. What happens if you get too much serotonin? You get like annoyingly euphoric? No, we get really restless and irritable. I was just in a bad fucking mood. It was like mixed with also just being on a hallucinogenic or so called substance. It just was like, I mean, the colors were cool and stuff.

But it was just like when you were annoyed, though, and irritated. I was annoyed as fuck. Externally, it was beautiful. Internally, it was a nightmare. Yeah, yeah. I understand that feeling. Oh, damn, look at the colors. It's flowers, bro.

Grass is so green. What the fuck? What is wrong with this grass, man. The grass is green around the other side. This is me off. I feel the only time I miss it is, like, for example, like I don't know if you guys are familiar with the breadwinner, the Nate Bergotsie, the new Nate Bergotsie film.

Oh, that's interesting. You guys hasn't come across your desk. I thought it was a huge hit. It's a movie that was so bad and that he started this thing called the Nate rate, where he's just like, hey. I saw a clip from this. He's like in the store and he's like looking at fucking like hummus or some shit. is like yeah that sounds like one of the better scenes in the movie from the trailer it's like yeah his

his wife leaves and or not leaves but like has to go on a trend he has to look after the kids or whatever um but i would go enjoy them i'd take some mushrooms or get really stoned and i could go and watch that movie and enjoy it like i could go to the theater and like have a good time and now i can't really do that like you know now if i went and saw that i would be like well this is tremendously bad and it wouldn't be enjoyable at all. Oh, he's Christian. He does clean comedy.

That's good stuff. I think he used to be a funny comedian. Like he is like for a clean comedian and stuff, his stand-up. I haven't seen it in forever and ever. But yeah, I think it's one of the, he's not an actor.

He doesn't know how to act. And it's just like, this really horrible. I mean, listen, I think one of the most embarrassing things anyone's ever done is being like, hey, I want families to be able to come to this movie and working class people,

people. So I'm going to create the Nate rate where, you know, it only costs $5 to go to the movie. That's that is humiliating. You're making, you're, you don't even know this, but you're making a judgment value on the quality of the product. Yeah. I mean, it's very clear that they got some early numbers and some projections and they're just like, no one's going to come to the movie. Let's give them the Nate rate. Some things don't translate. Well, he lists Bill Cosby as one of his biggest influences. What about comedically? That's big of them.

It's like, you know his character I admire is Bill Cosby. Not much for his comedy. I've never seen his stand-up for his TV work. Yeah. Shit. Well, we, I have an article.

We don't have to. I'm, listen, I'm a big. The only thing is I've probably already read the damn thing. I'm an Atlantic head, so I'm reading everything that they come out with. Hell yeah, dude. I would spend a lot of time in airport lounges.

I think we read it. I went on Chapo recently, and I think there was an article about Molson or Miller Highlight. Miller Light. Yeah. Oh, man, that guy is one of my least favorite riders. It's so bad. Like, it's, the Atlantic needed a, like, every publication since J.D. Vance came along has needed a working class whisper and he's the Atlantic's like Brian Dallas Harper or some shit. Tyler Austin. Tyler Austin Harper.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was there's a form of these guys. It is name, Texas City name and normal. They all have. They all have that. I didn't catch.

That's true. But I was the first time I'd never read anything by him before, but it was really tough to listen to. Like it was he he writes in the way we cover guys like that on my podcast who write on an amateur level in that way on like message boards and stuff like that. And it's like my least favorite type of writing. Yeah. Where it's just like very clearly trying to both sound smart like intellectual but also down to earth and work. class and trying to like put those two things together and it's i hate it every single time i read because it's like who is this actually for this is for people like this is for like liberal like you know

i would mostly people yeah much rather you just be straight up pretentious than trying to like totally balancing absolutely yeah just like however however i think if i change my name to uh Thomas Colleen sexton Thomas Diffen sexton I can really be eating Thomas Round Rock sex Round Rock The Atlantic recently has been running a bunch of stories about the 250th

anniversary of America and Oh, congratulations by the way. Oh, thank you. Thank you. What's really funny about it is it like it's shaping up to be one of those birthdays

where like you, everybody just tries to ignore it. Like no one is like we're not going to have a party for ourselves. You know, you can go too far in the other direction.

Sometimes you can have a whole birthday month celebration and that's insufferable. But then like, you know, over and over, correction would be trying to just not do anything

at all for your birthday. Like, yeah, yeah, I know it's like, I'm just stay home, watch Netflix. I think,

yeah, that's what we're going to do for ours. But, uh, but the Atlantic has been running a bunch of like pure dog shit lately. Just like,

we got to come together. America's polarized. Like, But we all have beautiful stuff that we can contribute. It's just like, you know, fucking Pablam. David Frum's been participating in it, which is hilarious because he's Canadian. Yeah, he was going to say he's one of ours. I used to try to call him.

I have his cell phone number, but he would never answer my calls. It just leaves you on red. He called into NPR the other day and said that it was a shame they were trying to get like fucking two live crew and C&C music factory for the 250th. Anniversary, they should be getting Taylor Swift playing to millions of AI robots. I mentioned this on the last program, but Chris, perhaps you didn't know this, that there is dissension in the ranks at the C&C Music Factory. What? Apparently, C&C stands for Cole and Something.

Okay, there's another guy, his name starts with the C. And they were the founders. One of those guys made a Facebook post the other day that I found, and he was like, the guy performing under C&C Music Factory is neither me nor my deceased partner, or Cole something, who are the original CNC Music Factory. He was an affiliate that appeared on one of the tracks on that landmark album that produced everybody dance now. So I'm guessing it would be like if like Capadana was performing as Wu-Tang Clan or like

an affiliate, a Wootang affiliate were performing as like Wooten Clan or something. But anyway, it had eight likes, so the factory is shut down. It's been offshoreed. And was CNC, they declined. They were one of the people or they were one of the... No, this guy is performing at it, but as CNC Music Factory. And honestly, the irony being that that's one of the only acts that will actually be performing, if they're even going to have it, because 90% of the acts they said were performing have all said,

we're actually not... Vanilla ice, though. Vanilla ice, right, is the other one. Vanilla Ice is, yeah. He's like, I'll do it definitely. Yeah, Brian told me that his friend went to see Vanilla Ice in concert and he didn't. play ice ice baby that's a good that's a good troll

this is my new shit this is my new shit everyone yeah it was it was literally he played all the stuff of some new album which is like kind of like a rock kind of album or whatever i yeah i was reading a little bit about that that a lot of people declined or whatever and then so are they having music because the last i saw is it like trump kind of said we're not doing the music at all i was just going to be complete silence Yeah. Brother, you got a couple of weeks to figure that out.

It's like when your party plans, you've invited a bunch of people, but all the details are not lying down. I heard that. I think, though, that some people were confused about which organization was funding this and taking control over, like, the concerts, you know? I think one was obviously more partisan and more like, you know, Trump's organization. If it's anything like the World Cup, it's going to be ice. Jesus, yeah I don't know We're all like

They may take out of the area Out of the room with that We live in a fascist police I forgot I'm having such a good time with you guys I forgot then It's a grim reality Oh yeah

It's a 250th anniversary No one Not even really the New York Times Has gotten into the spirit of things. The Atlantic's really one of the few publications I've seen that's actually like really trying to, you know,

make it go at it. And in that spirit, they've been publishing a lot of stuff about, like I say, like what makes us great. And there is an article that they posted yesterday that, or today, I'm sorry, this just dropped today.

The rebellious origins of American sports from the beginning, patriotism and play have been inextricably linked by Sally Jenkins. So the premise of this article is virtually that America I guess she doesn't want to say

we invented sports because it's obvious that we did not, but we definitely invented the best sports and invented them in the best ways. The best sport that nobody else in the world plays. I feel like you guys having gone to sporting events in America versus in Canada. I feel like you guys did

invent the concept of spending 25 minutes thanking the servicemen before every single game. I went to like a Clippers game or a Lakers game in L.A. one time and I, it was the first one I had been to and they did this whole thing like everyone active military people stand up. Let's all give them like a two minute round of applause or whatever. And I was like, is this to my friend who lives there. I was like, This is like some sort of military night, you know? And it's like, no, this is what every single sporting event is like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you also ask if you were exempt from it as you're not an American citizen?

Oh, yeah. Can I opt to sit this one out? Oh, I, you know me, man. I was, I'm not, this is really, this is a really bad light. But I, listen, I was definitely sitting down during the American National Anthem. I have season tickets to the white cabs and I was doing the big performative like, no, I will not be standing for this. Thank you very much. You know, and I did have somebody yell at me about it. Like somebody who's just like, he was there from Alberta and he was like, uh, Alberta. They're trying to secede though. They're trying to secede from Canada. Some of them are, yeah, some of they've been trying for a long time. I'm not going to lie. For my entire lifetime, there's been like a subset of people who have been like separatists. from there. My favorite was when Quebec tried to separate and they had a referendum on it and they lost

51 to 49 and I was like, so a lot of them don't want to live here at all and are now being forced to live in the country. But yeah, this guy yelled at me about it like show some respect for the United States of America. But yeah, there's. Was this at a time when everybody in Canada hated us when the tariffs kicked off? Yeah. This was like this guy, there was still some like there's because there's Trump people in like I went to the movies one night and they were showing the millennia movie and there was like Trump hat guys like Canada Trump hat guys who were like this millennia movie like because I interviewed them with my phone I acted like I was a journalist just because I wanted to like have a video of these guys and so I interviewed them about like you know and they

were like yeah this movie's important like if they fall if Trump falls then like democracy falls and like we're next to fall and all my god they're just like the resistance lives democracy dies in darkness. Holy shit. Yeah, they, yeah. We get so much like American, our politics has gotten a little bit more interesting, but for a long time it was very boring comparatively. And so we get a lot like the new, we get a lot of news.

We obviously share a lot of media and stuff and we like get the same. So there's like a lot of people who fall into it. And they're just like, hey, holy shit, man. Like I'm this, you mean there's like a world leader who's like as racist as I am? And they're like, this is fantastic. sick. Let's just take this for a spin, hey? We don't have to finish it all,

but I just want to get your thoughts on it. I want to get your thought, especially Tom's as a real head. I want to get your thoughts on this article. So let's just dive right in. She's painting a really, you know, illustrative, descriptive picture right up front. I can't write. I'm strapped in.

The Century Box at the Royal Government. governor's residence in Boston was a too inviting target for young Americans with an urge to kick, throw, or swing at something British. The regiments who occupied the city to enforce the crown's taxation were accustomed to dodging snowballs, oyster shells, and burning coals. Then one January day in 1769, a gang of boys found a novel form of harassment. They launched an unruly game of quote, football in the street facing the sentry box. As the boys played, the action came ever closer to grazing the red coat on duty. What happened next

that infuriated royal governor Sir Francis Bernard, a meaty face, tilt chin baronet. Somehow, probably by piling into it. You really don't. Somehow, the boys toppled the sentry box into the street.

The football game was more than just a little rudish, boyish trick as a newspaper account, often attributed to Samuel Adams put it. It was a barrier-crashing act, an early sign of a belligerently rule-testing national character. To Bernard, it was, quote, another proof of the necessity of regular troops to keep the inhabitants in order. Could you just imagine if every kid who's ever throw in like a football

or baseball through a window? If you just broke a trip that you are the fulcrum upon which this country's history turns, you're going to change everything. Just the juxtaposition of like their attitude towards like unruly kids and like what they did in Uganda. You know what I mean? It's like, these people don't make any goddamn sense. They're like cartoon characters. But keeping young Bostonians in order wasn't so easy.

In February 1770, another throng of boys, which may have included Paul Revere Jr., amused themselves in the street by practicing their aim with rocks and snowballs. When their stones began hitting people inside a house, a British customs agent fired a shotgun and the boys killing an 11-year-old Nick McInty. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Sports got this kid in trouble. So what are, I don't know if this article is really like. They just killed a kid for like to kick up. That took a unexpected turn. The story. Child was murdered by shotgun. Jesus crap. The British were barbarians dying.

Straight savages. Just a week later, another street altercation resulted in the Boston massacre. But sports didn't have anything to do that one. So I don't know what she throws it in. Viewed from the present, These... It's one sports related. Viewed from the present, these young athlete patriots...

That's a one word, by the way. Athlete dash... Athlete dash patriots. Um, seemed to possess a... Multi-hyphenate, right. Seemed to possess a quintessentially American mix of pride, irreverence, and subversion. The Sons of Liberty channeled these energies in the fight for independence from England, but the energies hardly dissipated with the signing of the Treaty of Paris.

Instead, our rebellious... when Bukch's approach to athletic endeavor became part of the American ethos. You can see it in those sports we play in the way we play them. You could even see it in the way we suspectate and celebrate. Victory is marked by the scaling of lamp posts,

drunken parading through the streets and light property. Is she celebrating this brutish shit? Like, I don't understand. This is a part of every fucking culture. And like in the fucking fifth century, wasn't there like a massive stampeding of like there was like horse race

like horse chariot races. And they had hooliganism. Even back then, like the green team and the red team, whatever. Like, like, like, hundreds of people got stampeded in some fucking, like... Making it sound like celebrating at a sports game is like something that America's pioneered and not charging you $25 for like an Amstel light and like a hot dog. Yeah. Like, because the British are like the British hooligans when it comes to like footy and stuff like that.

I mean, they've been doing this shit forever and ever and ever since footy has been around. And I mean, I don't want to toot our horns too much, but my city had a pretty serious riot both times we lost in the Stanley Cup finals. So I do think this is something that is like, yeah, it's like a worldwide thing. Definitely. Everybody gets excited and, yeah, celebrates or gets upset when their, when their team loses. Or when they win, as in the case of the Knicks last night, and they threw. eggs it win be on his way out. Jeez.

Yeah, it's the idea that like in any other culture, your team loses and you're like, your team wins and you're like, okay, whatever. When Kentucky won the national championship, we famously like set cars on fire and stuff, which is I always seem counter to it to me. We did that as well. We should have been waxed by the way. Again, I don't want to get into a pissing match here, but we've destroyed and blew up a lot of cars as well. It was pretty wild.

You're not special. In 20, the most recent one, I was watching the final game that we lost downtown and like we stayed afterwards. We're in this like basement of a pizza bar or whatever watching on this TV. And I had just no concept of any of it. We stayed down for like an hour and a half or something after drinking. And then just came out and I was just right in the middle of a full blown riot. It was like genuinely insane. Like cars like on fire like fucking yeah.

People like businesses being smashed up. and shit. It was pretty, listen, I'm not saying it's like a good thing, but it was like pretty cool. It's a pretty cool memory that I have for sure. Somebody in 1790 said the same thing about that kid getting blasted. They were like,

they were like, I'm not saying it's a cool thing, but it's a cool memory I have when 11 year old Christopher Seiter got blasted for playing throw the bar. Throw the horseshoe. This article though is like a quintessential entry in the um like like i i think the atlantic more than any other publication like really

pioneers the art of writing high school level essays yeah like they love harcaning to the past too which is a very atlant north atlantic it's almost as if they were assigned an essay what makes america great yes yeah totally this is literally they were this is an sate essay like um what do they call that like when you're basically a prompt, right? It's an SAT-S-A prompt. Yeah. Long before, because listen,

long before the war for independence began, Colin is played with a streak of exploratory defiance, the rebelling against the constraints of their own Puritan governors. The first mention of an athletic contest in colonial America comes from the separatist pilgrim leader William Bradford, whose journal records that in 1621, he disciplined a group of young men for evading work on Christmas, is to instead engage in games such as pitching the bar,

a contest to see who could throw a heavy rod the farthest. So hold up. You tell me America's first national sport, was it chasing black people or some shit like that? That would come later. Settlers may have been inspired to see new forms of play by their encounters with members of the Wampanong Nation who had occupied coastal Massachusetts for some 12,000 years.

In 1630... They occupied... They occupied it. They occupied ghostful messages. That's like saying of Occupied my home. They got to live here. Oh my God. That's so funny.

They were just waiting for the Brits to return. They were just keeping the seat one warm. They were keeping it warm for the real inhabitants. In 1634, a colonist named William Wood wrote about their exuberant rugby-like games of football that could last for a mile along the flat beaches. So, like, she's already had to admit that, like, football was not an American creation. It was stolen from the Wampanag Nation. By 1735, rowdy games of football were already associated with political rivalries in Boston.

Once the revolution was launched, even General George Washington had difficulty containing the games of his troops. According to soldiers who served during the siege of Boston in 1775, Continental Army officers offered small rewards, usually alcohol, for the retrieval of any cannonballs fired from British batteries at the American lines. This set off daring races to pick up the ordinance. That is a fucking American-ass sport. Find the cannonball? That's an American-ass sport, for sure.

I'll give her that. I'll give her that. Only Americans to be dumb enough to just be like, let's go find a cannonball. Is this the thing? The earliest evidence of smear the... Well, you know the rest. Smear the slur.

Smear the guts all over if it goes on. Washington himself was a formidable athlete. According to a French officer who visited his headquarters, Washington sometimes throws and catches a ball for whole hours with his men. That sounds allegation you. I'm sure he did. I'm sure he did. Yeah. Valley for you made your own fun in the wintertime up there.

Let's huddle boys. Yeah, bring it in, boys. American games didn't evolve into the more formal exercises we now recognize with decarcated fields, written rules, clocks, and sophisticated strategies and counter strategies until the late 19th century. With the West largely closed and with machines outstripping bodies, how could American men prove their manhood? One answer.

Moll each other. Beloved of boys and young men on Boston. Yes, yes. Beloved of boys and young men on Boston Common in the 1860s was quote, punk, a version of Dodgeball in which they hurled his semi-soft, literally, Tom. That's what this is. It is.

They probably called it that. Then there were the mess. rushes that were early forerunners of American football in which whole classes at Harvard, Yale, and Princeton battled for possession of a field. I feel like they should still have to do that. If you go to an Ivy League, you should still have to, like, try to, like, you know,

every person should have to go out onto a field and try to, like, hold it, like, it's a battlefield, literally. I didn't know that that was a... Even basketball began as a game in which young men pushed others aside to reach a goal. It is the definition of a sport. Well, they are arguing for it.

You got a crack a couple of legs for making an omit, not only in sport, but in politics. Like, I'm trying to, what's the point of the, is she going to get to the point of the article, what she's trying to say at any point? I don't really get what she's trying to say here. It's just a mildly amusing history of sport in America. Yeah, it really does. It feels like copy paste from, you know. know, like Wikipedia or whatever.

Also, Chris, I'm sure she got paid at least $20,000 to write just this. I mean, it's, for me, sports is like, yeah, sports is important. It's like an important thing where you can go. It really is important to me because I have like a real deep connection with like my dad and I used to watch sports together and stuff. But the real thing about sports is just that you're allowed to go yell at guys. Uh-huh. You know, you're allowed to go get really angry about something.

like a constructive kind of way like the ref you can just fucking scream at them like you fucking piece of shit like and then you're leave and then you're like you're not going to go up to somebody on the street who's like upsetting you and yell at them like that's that's the I think the most thing about sports I feel like

yeah sports are good maybe I mean anywhere but I think particularly in America they're really good at channeling or being an outlet for latent American rage vinting off some steam It's also, it also lets you scratch your nationalism, Mitch, without becoming the Nazi. Yeah, totally, totally.

You're just like, and the tribalism a little bit, and it's just like, this is my team versus your team. And like, I love my team and I love all the guys on my team. And like, but it's, it's sort of, you know, and for the most part, it's harmless. I mean, obviously, like we're talking with the Knicks fans might go a little bit too far with it and lose their head a little bit. In fairness, it's been 57 years since they want anything. I was like a little leash. Yeah, but like, yeah, for the most part, it's like pretty harmless and it stays within the lines or whatever and it gets that out.

For me, at least it does. Like, I will go, I'll be so frustrated sometimes. I'm like, my kid won't fucking sleep and like, you know, like, and then I go out to the game and I'm just screaming at this referee and the referee is my child, you know? And I'm like, I'm not going to scream at my child. So I'm like, you are a pizza. Trash, I don't care to further damage this 54-year-old divorcee.

I won't do that to my kid. Yeah, yeah. I guess this is the, to answer your question, Chris, like what is she even fucking getting on here? Like, maybe there is, I guess she's trying to, like, carve out some space, like, trying to say that America has some proprietary claim on sports. There really is, like, only, it feels like basketball is pretty, organic to American but like that's that was I mean what about baseball James baseball is baseball is the

I'm a big baby I went and saw Toronto Blue Jays game when I was in Toronto I fucking love baseball and baseball does feel like a very American game definitely I mean basketball does obviously I I'll get in so much trouble from Canada if I don't mention that we did invent basketball the Canadian guy James Naismith was really yeah James Naismith that's like the Maysmiths whatever yeah Canadian guy. But it does feel like those two, I guess American football, although I don't know if you guys have seen, you know, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers take on

the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. Yeah, we got a little something going on up here as well, fellas. We used to have eight teams and two of them were named the Rough Riders. Can't think of anything else? Yeah, come on.

Well, I mean, I say that. And every college mascot is either a wildcat, a cowboy, or a tiger, you know. You guys got so many, though. Something racist towards India. Exactly. I think that was my supposed to say. Or just racist is in the case of the running rebels of the University of Nevada at Las Vegas.

Yeah. You guys have some racist. What's that, Chris? I was just saying you guys do have some very racist, crazy racist, like mascots and stuff like that. Obviously, the guardians got changed from the Indians, but Brian lives around in, like, Ohio and it's like you just see so many people like I'm still wearing my Indians the wahia yeah yeah what is it and I think in Atlanta on the Braves there's like this tomahawk motion yeah that like the fans do in the stadium who I used pretty I actually

went to a Braves game of people doing it I'm just sitting there like so okay black guy for five seats around perhaps this is one of the few proprietary claims we could make on organized sports is our undying commitment to racist symbolism and catharsis. Russian sports would like a word. Thank you very much. As someone who follows international football, there are definitely like there are serious racism problems in like other, you know,

in leagues and Italy and places like that and even like Spain. But yeah, you guys, it's a unique kind of racism, definitely. I used to I was a big fan of the Braves when I was younger and I was I love Greg Maddox he was like my favorite pitcher ever and he I would watch

the games at home and I would be doing just no concept of what I was doing there's even like a there's like an audio audible there's like something that you do audibly as well no extremely there's like a thing that say and they're in the stadium they're doing it all together and it's yeah i would say it's not something i would currently do now i think i think the difference maybe with like that sort of

american racism in sports is that we've sort of mythologized like indigenous people you know we turned them into characters you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah yeah totally yeah and you mean chief wahoo's a caricature in your mom you never seen anybody that looks like that in real life dude it's the same thing we've done in the military like like the fucking helicopters are called Apache's in shit? That's true, that's true. It's fucking bizarre.

Tomahawk missile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As Sally Jenkins writes here, in the 20th century, there was an unmistakable sense of accelerated growth in American play that mirrored the country's expansion. This was an era of empire.

Every nation uses sport as an identity forming exercise, but only modern Americans play with such an aggressive sense of clearing out space. The deepest point, of the center field home run fence at Boston's Fenway Park built in 1912 is 420 feet 150 feet deeper than the boundary of a cricket ground um what sounds like anything what are you doing a dick measuring contest with what are we talking about here what

why why is you talking about the centerfield dimensions that i don't i don't get that i don't understand that. Cricket had never taken hold in America, according to James DeWolf Lovett, a Boston athlete of the Civil War era. Somehow American soil is not congenial for it, but it was more than just a third. I think the reason why cricket is because it's like,

it's a patient game that, and there's different test matches that are like one day, but there's like the long ones, and it's just like, I don't think it's conducive to like North American. Like, they want things to be done. and fast, you know? Kind of the same reason that, like, soccer is not, like, caught on until, like, in the last 20 years in America's.

Yeah, it's a little too slow. In the North America, I should say. Although baseball is so slow, too. And, but they, you get, it's sped up. I don't know if you watch current baseball, but they've done. Yeah. Yeah, they've done all this stuff, like a pitch clock and, like, all of these different things to make it faster. I think basketball and football, though, have slowed down.

At least football has, anyways. I feel like a fucking football game lasts, like, five hours now. I didn't really did it used to be like that when I was a kid maybe this is like one of those things conservatives do like the past you grew up with is gone but I don't remember it being that long I this is a thing that just reminded me this is a thing that North Americans have definitely like is a unique North American thing that is the worst thing ever in sports is that the games don't start when they say they're going to start that is a thing that has been perfected by North American sports where it's like okay you know you take the thing on your ticket says 7 o'clock and you get there and it starts at 723 and it's not uniformed it's not like you can't oh I'm going to show up at 7 fucking 18 and then that day

it started at 712 or whatever and it's like a DIY punk show yeah it's and I guess it's because it's I think it's like a consumerism thing it's like it get you in the stadium and sell more things to you or whatever I that's the only explanations movies or something

right right right it's the only explanation I can think of because that is the thing I love I watched EPL like Premier League, I'll say soccer, but you know, me, I'm a real, I say footy or football. But I, I, it starts, like the game says seven o'clock. It literally starts, like your phone will turn to seven o'clock and the game starts at that moment.

And I just appreciate it so much. And I, that is one thing that I wish that they would, would change. But that's a uniquely American sport thing for sure. Yeah. Are us and the Australians the only ones that call it soccer? We call it soccer as well. But I learned about this.

I was on Libby and Charlotte's podcast, the British podcast. And soccer is a British term. Right. They call everything. Association football, is it like short for that? Association. It's like, and it's they had to think of a different name because they used to just call like rugby, everything that you played on your feet.

Like football is meant as a game that you played. on your feet where you instead of on horseback that's where like initially came from and then they needed a way to like guess it was like sock and they called everything with an er on the end back then so it was like some naming customer whatever good er though okay yeah yeah yeah they're we are everyone else everywhere else calls a football because they are in austral they have footy and Australia as well like Ozzy rules football and then we have American football everywhere nowhere else has those sports that's why okay well I think that this is maybe what she's working towards it's like America's specific like it's like specific like settler colonial mindset makes with its like technological prowess

and innovation resulted in this it's one proprietary claim I guess to modern sports It occurred in football. It is this. More congenial, so the American mindset was football. In 1903, Harvard Stadium was completed, so we build really big stadiums. That's one of it, I guess. Yes. It used a new technique of reinforced concrete to accommodate crowds of 25,000 or more.

In 1907, in the ultimate act of seizing ground, the Ford Pass was developed by the marvelously experimental Pop Warner coached teams of the Carlisle Indian Industrial School. So we invented the forward pass. Couldn't do anything about sliding a racist mascot in there. I guess that's it. It's the flinging the ball downfield. Prior to that, was it like all lateral? It was all, yeah, it was all. You could only throw it backwards.

Like rugby, I think is the same sort of way. Like you can't throw it forward in rugby and they invented the forward pass. But I think it was a, yeah, I think it was like First Nation, like indigenous people who invented that. could be wrong, but I think that it was. I think that that's who actually invented that for sure. Mm-hmm. Well, then, so then she says in 1908, all of America went aloft when the federal government contracted with the Wright brothers to produce the fixed-wing aircraft. At the same time, Henry Ford revolutionized the automobile. This laid the groundwork for the great rituals of the American Stadium experience. The parking lot. Oh, come on, dude. The part of the tailgate and the military flyover. Are you kidding me? You guys a fourth-rate-ass paper dogs.

She connected it to tailgating and military. That's so crazy, dude. When did we get the $18 hot dog? Was that later or? That is such a good. That's such a good ending to that. I want to know like Gilbert Arena's keeping fucking cognac in his locker room.

Or who was fucking, wasn't there a player for the Washington Wizards who kept a gun in his locker? That's Gilbert Arena. That was Gilbert Arena. Gilbert Arena's had a gun and he pulled it on some. Oh, no, no, it was somebody who had gotten to a fight with Gilbert Arenas and he pulled, or maybe Gilbert Arena has pulled a gun on him, but this guy was like an affiliated gang member.

Javars Critton. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, that's right. That's right. It was like a big, big blow up. I was like, okay, which was made more, like, pressure by the fact that the Washington basketball team used to be called the bullets, and they changed it at a time when, like, gun violence was going crazy in D.C., so they didn't want to promote it. Yeah, that's when they became the Wizards.

The Wizards, yeah. The Bullards. Dude, that is fucking hilarious. The tailgate and the flyover. I guess you're right. I guess that's our contribution to sports. Yeah. I mean, but even then, the tellgate, that seems like,

I'm sure people have been doing a version of telgating way back even in the day, right? Yeah, like sitting outside and pre-drinking and eating food before the event. Well, it also implies that you have a pickup truck, I mean, from the name, presumably, right? Yeah, but it's sort of, yeah, changed now the definite, right? It's like not everyone has trucks, so they're just like, you can pull your car up and open the trunk. Well, back then, back then in antiquity, I'm sure, in their version of a parking lot outside the first Olympics, you know, you had motherfuckers and chariots, hanging out of chariots, you know. Yeah. And eating whatever they ate back then.

And drinking. And drinking, right? Yeah, me. Yeah, yeah. Have y'all been following any? It seems like, I don't know, it's take it. It's one of those viral things, but these German guys that are going to all the SEC stadiums and like. like just or marveling that American culture and everybody just really like and like having a time with that online or is that just

did they go to the English training camp or there was a mass shooting well that was another thing that happened but I guess it's this guy that's like tragedy like goes to all the SEC stadiums and people forget that like wembley stadium is like smaller than like University of Tennessee's like stadium for football So they didn't really have a concept of watching soccer in like a football stadium with like six figure, you know, capacity and stuff like that. So they're just like kind of blown away by it. It's crazy. It is, it's mind boggling to go and see the thing that's mind boggling is the high school stadiums. So like you cross the border into Washington.

I'm in Vancouver, so I'm really close to the border and go into like Washington. it's like sort of more rural Washington. And you're just driving down the highway and you see like this fucking insanely sized football stadium and it's attached to a high school. Like bigger than our university stadiums oftentimes because it's just so. Yeah, my Brian's daughter's boyfriend said like at his high school, they spent $13 million on stadium. Like kids didn't have books and stuff.

And they're like, yeah, yeah. They're reading books from like the 1950s. They have a state of the yard stadium? Yeah, it's really like, they're always serious business over there, no doubt. Like when I first learned about the way that the seats work, like how you need to like buy the rights to a seat in like stadiums where it's all sold out

is like hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy the rights to a season ticket and then you have to also pay for the season tickets every year or whatever. And they passed off. on like family member to family member it's pretty wild I mean we gotta have like a feeder system for our gladitorial

sport right because there's the piss is gone America is just like one giant like I don't know roiling mass of violence and so you gotta have like an acceptable form of it I guess and it's not

it's the worst but people are people are constantly ex football players shooting themselves in the chest so that their heads can be studied It's like this sport that very clearly is like, hey, this is one of the sports where we messed up. We shouldn't be doing this one. This one is destroying everyone's brain involved in it. And they're just like, yeah, that's what we're going to really get behind and really like put all our money and get people started early on.

Well, did you guys see photos I saw on the news today that they built that, I guess, what, UFC Octagon? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Which might become a permanent fixture. Trump said. Well, you can only hope. We can only hope that it's that there's some sort of, you know, monthly

gladiatorial kind of situation. Well, dude, that's the thing. Like, if we're going to have the unitary executive, if we're going to have like a dictator, then why not fucking get the actual spoils? Like, if you fucking piss off Trump, I don't want fucking

Thomas Massey. I don't want like a fucking, oh, we're going to primary Thomas Massey. We're going to primary John Corny. No. Fucking kidnap them put them in a fucking octagon and have them fight a lion on the fucking lawn of the white house and it's in my drug state yeah yes exactly i'm not i'm done with this fucking bullshit like we're going to primary them no i want to fucking see the bloods for it dude if you're pitch that to trump he would a million percent be on board too he would be looking in to have to get

that done you just made me think about there breaking down tom bassing with a black bag over his head and he's shivering tripling and he's naked they pull the back off and everyone starts cheering. And there's just his jacked out of his mind, UFC guy on the other end and a tiger. Yeah, I'm a little bit worried. I'm worried about that event, though. Bizarrely enough, listen, I got a lot of respect. I don't want to come on here as a Canadian and disrespect the current administration.

I have a lot of respect for their decision making. But it seems like it wasn't super well thought out in that it's the middle of summer in D.C. And it's like a swamp. Yeah. And it's, and it's so it's like, I guess there's a big bug issue. And there's like a lot of gnats and bugs and things like that. And they're going to have all the lights there. Everyone's going to get West now viruses and some shit.

I cannot. I don't know. It's happening. I don't know when this comes out. But it's happening as we're recording. It's happening in very soon in like, you know, a couple of what a couple of weeks. Is that part? That's for the 20th, 250th anniversary.

It's a 200. It's part of the big festivities. Yeah. And I just, there's this part of, I really hope that something really bad happened. You know, like, I know, I won't, it won't, but like, you know, catastrophically bad where it just, like, goes so badly where they have to, like, decide, do we keep the cameras rolling? What do we do here? Like, it's, it's all gone. Like, they're just doing a live broadcast.

Oh, I'm talking like a death or injury maiming? No, I've thought about this a lot, Aaron, about what I, how serious I want. it to be and I definitely just got I don't I'm not a big proponent of deaths and stuff like that but I mean some sort of armed situation where people are being gunned down on a live stream it would be pretty wild if you're just tuned into the live stream of UFC and there's like guys with AK 47s shooting people in the ring and stuff like that it would be a pretty wild thing to see but yeah no I just I would I think I would prefer if it was just like a big windstorm or something like that or like rain and it's just like they can't do it like like a plague of locust or

something like that's where i was like days of heaven like a plague of locust and it strips the meat off their bones and it's just like two skeletons yeah something like somebody being yeah attacked by something or whatever and just like yeah them having to stop the whole event um will be pretty cool to watch i know i probably won't get that though like spend so much money figuring out how to make it so it at least like but it's imagine imagine like you're you go and like you're a fighter

and you want to impress God Emperor Trump like the guy in Mad Max Rory Road like witness me you know what I mean like you're fucking you spray your face with aluminum spray paint like you're fucking ready to like witness me but like before you can even get into the fight like you've gotten so many mosquito bites that you have blood

loss but like you get two steps out on the mat and you just fucking pass out Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That kind of thing where it's like, yeah, it's like really humiliating for the people involved in it. That would be, that's ideal. But yeah, that type of stuff, unfortunately, usually when you hope for that kind of thing, it's just like it's mildly bad. It's like a bad idea. You shouldn't do championship fights outside, period.

They should be in a controlled environment most definitely. So it's, yeah, it's not a good idea. But, dude, Kimbo Slice. They're bringing back Kimbo Slice, like, backyard fights. Like, that were big on E-Bom's world in, like, 2008. You know what I'm saying? Like, somebody can't throw through a picnic table? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, a guy going under the ring and pulling out tables and stuff. Dude, that could be, but you're bringing back like dange fever or some shit. You're right. Like a swamp. Well, El Nino, there's plenty of opportunity for. mosquito-borne illness than this. It's crazy. The whole UFC I don't know. I don't want to open up another

tab, but it is crazy to me how overrepresented it is in like the American imagination. Like tennis is more popular in the United States is more widely watched than UFC. But you would never know that by the outsized coverage that UFC gets and like I'm disappointed that Sally Jenkins

in that article did not mention UFC. I feel like you've got to mention, if you're talking about fucking like American sports, how are you not fucking mention UFC. Contact sports especially, right? Yeah. Although they kind of stole, the UFC is stolen from Japan. Pride fighting was like the was sort of, I mean, it's, it goes back a long way, obviously, fighting, you two guys fighting. I've been doing that for a while. I went to a UFC, I used to watch UFC and be really into it. And it's really good. I somehow scored these, um, tickets on like the floor, like eight rows back and like a pretty,

high profile event that came to Vancouver and that was pretty fucking cool I've watched events where you're like way far back and it's not but like when you're close and you can hear the impact of these guys you can feel the sweat maybe a little bit of blood yeah it was like my cousin did the same thing in Vegas and it was one of the nights where a guy had like a seizure afterwards and I like oh lucky and then when Trump came out it was like it was like you have mother it was like Michael Jackson and taking the stage in Bucharest in 93. You had, like, grown men, like, passing out behind us and being like that from his aura.

Yeah, Vegas guys seem like the kind of guys who love Trump. Well, all right, boys. I got to take off. But thanks, Chris, for coming and hopping on. I appreciate it, man. Oh, thanks for having me on. It's an honor I would come on any time. If people want to hear more,

where should they go? Go on the internet, put in guys with Brian Quinby. I'm working on getting my name and the title of it. It's an ongoing dispute between. But it's guys of Brian Quinnby, Brian with a Y. You can go to,

I have a Patreon podcast that I do weekly on Patreon.com slash not even a show. It's called The Writers Room. I do it with Brian and Jesse Ferrar and Mike Hale and Stefan heck and yeah where i'm like the conceit is i'm trying to pick a writing staff and we're doing writing ideas every week but it's mostly them just upsetting me annoying me and causing problems and

it's behind a patreon paywall so they're always doing things that would they would never do on their own show saying things they would never say on their own show to jeopardize their reputation so yeah you could you could check out either those but guys guys is my main show yeah hell yeah We'll go check that out. You can go check out our Patreon. The link is in the show notes. We have a show every Monday over there. Still very cheap.

Still only $5 a month. While prices just keep going up. Yeah, we're podding like the straight of four moves is still open. So that's a steal. Go over there, sign up for that, and I hope you all have a great weekend. We'll see you next time