Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 456: Wigless and Unresponsive

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

An epoch-turning week in American politics Support us on Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty Come to our show on August 14th: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/trillbillies-live-with-special-guests-devin-oshea-and-jesse-montgomery-tickets-1994899655571

All right. My dilemma is when I speak into the mic, people comment that it sounds like I have sleep ap now. When I bring it out a little bit, they say I'm too low. Why did they say that? Does it sound like your mouth is too small? I think they think my mouth breather. Uh-huh. Physically, yes, spiritually no.

I've been told that before by doctors. My mouth is too small. Really? Yeah. You'd be horrible at it? Yeah, I would be horrible at it. If you were into that sort of thought. It's a bummer.

It's a real bummer. Terrence dream. It's hard to be told. It's hard to be told that. But it does mean, though, that if you can get over your gag reflex, like RFK Jr. You can be the throat goat. If you have a small mouth, but you don't have a gag reflex, yeah, you can be a legendary throat goat. Yeah.

Yeah. Spread my mouth walls. There you go. Man, have you seen, I forgot, I asked you, have you seen Odyssey yet? Yeah. Interesting. Did you like it? Yeah, I liked it.

This is a good time of the movies. What I was thinking the other day, I've not seen it yet. I was thinking the other day, what if they did the Trojan horse? And inside the Trojan horse was just a really big horse. A horse and a horse A massive horse They saw it open It's just a big horse

And it's just a big horse and something That's, there we go All right Let's wrap it up And go home for this That's good Hey That's good stuff

That's good stuff I think it'd be pretty cool Well we got to That's the last thing They'd expect to be in there Yeah exactly As a giant horse You would see a big horse

They probably, when they were getting intelligence about that, somebody probably like, you know how like Putin tried to tell America that he knew that 9-11 was happening? Yeah. Yeah, I think. I don't know if he tried to tell America so much as he tried to, like,

make cryptic, symbolic gestures that 9-11 was happening. Oh, like he kind of just knew it was. Yeah, he would, like, go into a conference room with both hands up, and then he would put one arm, or both arms up, and then he put one arm down. Like the woman in the red dress on Firewalk with him?

Yes, yeah. It's like some esoteric ritual. Ritual. Ritual. He was trying to tell us. Signal to the other red, white, and blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, what about, what about Putin?

Anytime he was saying, when they were doing the Trojan horse thing, somebody. Somebody probably had intelligence and probably tried to tell them that this attack was coming. And nobody would listen. And they said, no, the fundamentals of our economy are too strong. Our relationships with the other city-states are fine. Yeah. Apparently not. Apparently not.

We could just riff for an hour about what funny things might be in the Trojan Horse. Cream filling. That would be great. Carmel. Like donuts. Actually, yeah, just donuts. All kinds of good stuff. Do a cream-filly or jelly.

Yeah, jelly-filled. Cream cheese. Trojan horse? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it'd be, or what if it was just hollow made of chocolate, like those bunnies, those Easter bunnies, you know what I'm talking about? That would be a huge letdown.

Or... Yeah, or nothing. You peel off the wood and then there's chocolate layers beneath. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, hell yeah. Thinking, like, once I eat the outer chocolate layer, there's going to be some great shit underneath, but it's all hollow. It's just too hard.

100 men on the other side of that chocolate. Right to invade. That would be you raise their hopes and then really raise their hopes. Did anybody think that that was the case? Because, you know, the Statue of Liberty was given to us by France. Yeah.

Did anyone ever think to look inside that thing and make sure that there weren't soldiers? Like, what if France didn't expect us to put it on a little island pedestal off the coast? of Manhattan or whatever. They thought we'd bring it ashore. And we look in it now, like, oh, shit. Like, what's in?

Wait, there's like 200 dead corpse. Dead French, it's like, suck it. They figured us out. Uh-huh. Or it's not that. It's just like the American, the American, like, aversion to doing anything sensical. Yeah.

Is what killed those. I'm just I would raise some alarms if a country Let go the fucking plane We don't do gestures like that anymore That plane Cotter gave

Trump The new Air Force One or whatever Oh that's right In exchange for For what Putting them in the way of Iranian bombs Yeah You're right

We don't do gestures like that anymore Well when's the last time That we don't do gestures Humanoid gestures Like, when's last time somebody gave somebody A Colossus of Roads or a Statue of Liberty or something? Or Prometheus at the, at, where they do the ice skating during Christmas in New York? What's that called?

Central Park. What is it? Where's the statue of Prometheus at? I didn't know there was one. And I've been to New York several times. I've never come across the Statue of Prometheus. Bringing, giving fire to, you never seen that? Uh-uh. Where is that?

What is Prometheus? do he brought fire brought fire to who humans humankind mankind that's right that's right

that's right that's right I had an interesting encounter this morning pivoting away from because remember we've got it does that make sense I don't know great that was a that was a band in like the 70s or 80s wasn't it Grand Central Station?

Yeah no you think you're grand funk real Grand Funk Road my uncle Dave went on tour with him one time. They did. He was in a band called The Peaches. Uh-huh. I don't really remember what they played.

They just kind of wore, like, cut off denim shorts, like right up here, like, real nut-hugging, Daisy Duke Tops. And got on some, kind of some proto, or maybe Bellamy brothers were already out by that point. Did their capacity for imagination back then was crazy? Like, imagine an actual Grand Funk Railroad. Yeah. And then there was the train What was that train show that they had? Funk train

The Funk Train. Soul Train. Every once in a while you get a quirked up white boy come. Oh, yeah. The audacity to come down the aisle. Well, yeah, but he would then usually proceed to run a clinic. He would. He was ready for the moment. The one white guy on Soul Train usually.

There's no question about it. Let's bring up White Boys of Soul. Well, remember that band average white band? AWB AWB And their logo The W was a woman's fat ass Really?

A WB Yeah I didn't know that It was A And then a woman's fat ass And then a B That's pretty good Yeah

I was just like Look it up Average white band though Had like There was a brother In average white men Really I think he played

They had to get a black guy playing drums That's kind of like There's the Steve Cohn was the piano player at Martin Luther King's church. A lot of people don't know that. There was one white guy in the church

and he played in the end. Man, you're eating off that for the rest of your life. I am. Like, I may not have gotten a letter from Birmingham, like a letter from Birmingham jail, Martin Luther King, but I did play piano in this congregation. Is that a Donald Trump, AI, soldier?

Dude. Speaking of Trump and AI things, I thought it was AI for a second, but did you see that video of him this week? I don't remember what the occasion was, but he was wearing, clearly a wearing a wig. Trump was. He was wearing a rug, man. Is he finally, whatever he had going on up there? Is it being revealed?

Maybe he tried to take monoxidil or something. And Trump taking monocidil would be pretty good. Yeah, he should have done that before that. Remember that theory floating around that said that they had dead. one of the primitive hair transplant procedures that fused his skull together in a way that made him angry all the time. I think you're confusing that with the movie Joe Dirt, where they like, he has like a mold. Maybe that's a joke. Maybe that's a joke somebody made about Trump and it was actually just from Joe Dirt. And I'm sitting here repeating it like gospel.

Man, how he really did. He had the procedure. Well, this is how things get like. This is how it all gets messed up. It's all gets all messed up. Yeah. People say Jesus said one thing, but he probably said another thing. Yeah, they probably said the opposite. I had an interesting encounter this morning. I would like you to know, yeah.

I'm not going anywhere. It's in the parking lot of the grocery store. And when I walked out, there was this guy that kind of looks like a gas station guy. You know what I mean? But he was behind the wheel of like an older Toyota Raff 4. What's a gas station guy? I'm just a guy that's sitting about 7% body fat But it's not having

Nutrition that didn't include phosphate ad Okay I think I see what you're saying Yeah covered in tattoos Think he had a fox racing hat on And a shirt that said I don't know some like Ron John surf shop If you can read this the bitch fell off

Not that one I would have noted that That's a good one We see that in a while but but it's on the front of the shirt that would be good that'd be a little subversive like

doing some irony or something while I'm kept this guy's car alarm's going on and he can't get it to stop like he just can't get it to stop but he's like him and his woman are kind of just doing circles in the park

like making some calls on their phone and I was sitting there trying to type in something trying to find this place. I was going and then he approaches my window. Yeah. And he goes,

hey man, you got a flipper zero by any chance? I was like, flipper zero. So I'm not sure. He's like, you know where I can find one around here? Flip or zero.

I was like, I don't know. And I thought it was one of those things like, you know, if there's like a, like a corner DVD store in like Melbourne, Australia, where if you go in and ask for a certain title, you buy heroin. I thought that's what it was. I thought it was like,

is this a drug thing? I'm not sure why you'd approach me. I want to know what the type. Trader Joe's Park a lot to buy dope off of. Yeah, I want to, what are they buying in Melbourne that's the jarget for heroin? Is it like Jaws? You got any Jaws, two?

Might be. You have Exorcist 3 in there? Hi, buddy. Hey, buddy. Well, it's actually, it's Australia. I'm, I'm a heapsed. Do you have any lockstock and smoking barrels? Wait, wait, hold on a second.

It would be like a... Wait, oh, a second, wait. What are some movies? What's the movie? Reanimator Two. It would always You would always have to have a sequel.

Like, you got an American pie full or something. Is there an American pie full? I don't know. It's like 12 of those. Anyway. Eugene Livy is in like every single one of them.

That is true. Man, that guy's career is nuts. Eugene Levitt? Let's take a little detour. Look at Eugene Levy's filmography. take a little detour into Eugene Leaves. I stick a fan of that story you're telling.

Let's just take it. Let's just think about all the movies. Eugene Levy's been. 20 minute detour. 20 minute detour. Well, while he's approaching me, his car alarm is still going nuts. And

I came back to the house and I took Chris, I was like, this guy asked me for flipper zero. I don't even know what that is. What's like he goes? Oh, it's like a hacking tool. I guess like you could Hey Chris What's a Flipper Zero again

For what is it hack Copies the like Key cards and shit with it I don't know exactly what it could So what utility would it have to a man Whose car alarm won't quit going on Maybe something with the computer or some What utility would it have to

Tom though Why would I be the guy you come at I would know where one's at You don't look like a flipper zero out of me, but yeah, see, it's like this whole thing. Oh. Dude, they got all kinds of cool stuff these days.

Oh, so he'd probably use it to break in somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. So if you were going to do a home invasion or some sort of crime, that would be what you would. Yeah, you could, like, steal someone's hotel key. Wow. They got that now.

What about, can you use it to steal money from the bank? What else can you use it for, Can you use it to steal Can you use it to break into the zoo And let out all the animals At the zoo Just asking Curie

If there's a key card function For the cages and such There's a keycard function For all kinds of shit Dude why Can you use this to break into a government building? I'm gonna still You gotta be in proximity

Of someone who owns I'm gonna steal some lasers But I don't know And then I'm going to the zoo Flip or Zero expert I'm going to steal some lasers and go to the zoo and put lasers on every animal at the zoo. We're going to equip them.

And then I'm going to let them all out. They're going to be running wild in the streets. Uh-huh. And then I'm going to fill up a whole big-ass wooden horse. I mean, I don't know. With chocolate and men. With chocolate and men. What if that was the thing when they delivered?

the Trojan Hors and the men came out, the men in Troy were like, hell yes. Like they didn't know they were being invaded. They were like, these are sexy dudes. Like, we get to have a lot of gay sex. They just, they got the wrong message. They come out of there. They came out of the horse and their dicks got hard as fuck.

They were like, oh, hell yeah, dude. Yes. Yes. Yeah, it's time. And then they start getting their heads cut off. And you're like, whoa! Oh, man. Because that was the thing, right?

Troy was the one who received the Trojan horse, correct? Or did they... That's a good question. They didn't send it. Go the tape. I don't think they sent it. I think they received it. Was the Trojan horse...

They were... For Troy or by Troy. Was the Trojan horse for Troy or by Troy? Oh, man. The Trojan horse was for Troy, not by it. I knew it. I don't know why. I just watched the goddamn movie.

I don't know why. It was built by the Akeans, who weren't they commies? Akeans? I think of all the Greek city states, they were a little more egalitarian. Is that where Achilles was from? On a... No. Where was Achilles from?

Troy? No. I think he was... from Alabama. He made war on Troy, right? That's right. I think he's from... I think he's from... Yeah, from Dolphin. Yeah. I think he's from Dalton, Georgia. Mississippi. I think he's from Ocean Springs, Mississippi. I've been reading a lot of Faulkner. That's it. So everybody went,

shoo, let's go hop on Homer's dick and watch Odyssey. And where everybody zigs, I zag. So I went with Faulkner. So are you going to write a screenplay for a lot? light in August? Did I say I would? No, I mean, are you? No, definitely not. Putting Christopher Nolan's hands? Oh, putting Christopher Nolan's hands.

Yeah. Hey, you go see. Hey, here's your free idea. Mm-hmm. Just point to the book. Yeah. It was good stuff. Nobody makes those types of movies anymore.

Or stories. I feel like Lightenai. Like, could you imagine somebody doing a modern faulkner? There was a 10-year period where, like, what you would call quote-unquote, like grit-lit. Yeah.

Which I hate to even, use that term and especially hate to apply it to Faulkner. But like when that show like the Ozarks was big and other things of that nature. When the South was rising again. Yeah.

But no. It's like on the down swing again. I would say it's not even on the down swing. It's completely been forgotten. You think the South has been? When's the last time? When's it? The last time I think that

probably the last time I even saw the South represented in a major media project. In a major skirmish, why hell it had to be 18. Yeah, I don't know. I like making sweeping generalizations that probably aren't true. So Flipper Zero. Flipper Zero.

Anyway, I don't know if this guy was trying to shut his car alarm off or carjack me. So what? I should have sold him a bum. Flipper Zero. I should just have a reference for what it looks like. I'll say you $10. Yes. $5.

Gosh, you're $5.5. Uh-huh. It looks kind of like a key fob, right? I guess. Sell him your own key fob. Tell him it's flipper zero. Yeah, it's flippers. And then he uses it to unlock your car.

And then he steals your car. And then I say, and then stop thief. And then you say stop thief. I went twice. And then you, I haven't made my money. And you got the yell stop to these. And I get my car back, presumably.

My cousin got his car stolen one time, and he said that they put cigarette burns and stuff in the seats and that there was a crack pipe in the floor of it. They just partied in it. They were just ditched it. Yeah, I was like, what did you do? He was like, oh, no, I just had it detailed and cleaned out a real gun, but it seems like they were just smoking crack in it for a few days. needed a place to do that I mean it's a victimless crime

for the most part yeah he's like it's kind of strange that my daughter sat when they were partying okay it's not quite a victimless crime anymore

well they didn't know that though okay then it is a victim was crime yeah I'm back and forth on this I'm thinking it's now I think it's victim they should

repaired the holes in a seat other than that So that it wasn't a victimless crime. What if they were offering the crack pipe as a piece pipe? Like, thanks for letting us party for a few days. So that it was a victimless crime. Here's a little something for you to take out. We could lift a little residue in there for you.

Man, you could convince me a pretty much anything. I'm the most gullible. What's the word? Gollible is not really quite the word. Like the most easily impressionable. Impressionable. That's the word? I think impressionable.

You said the word you're looking for. You could convince me of pretty much anything, I think. You'd be like, you could be like, this is the need. This is why we need to have the socialists running the third party. And I would say, that is totally agreed on that. I'd say, you know what? Totally chill. Do you have flipper zero?

You make some cogent points. You got that flippers. Yeah, I guess it. And then other people would say, no, we need to have them running in a Democratic Party. And I would say, yeah, I agree. I agree with that, too. agree with that too I don't know

I'm with you on that I'm not really I'm not really I'm not really a bright political mind I think you're selling yourself short but even if you're telling the truth who is

I mean that's you know I'm talking about James Carville James Carville much Carl Rove yeah those are some high-powered operatives It's funny James Carville has had a second, like, career. You know what I mean?

Like, I say, like, I don't know about you, but, like, during the Obama years... What's the second career? Just, like, that is he a pitch man for Popeye's chicken or something? Yeah, he's got... Supporting... He's on the light in August. Louisiana Flaville. He's going to be in the light in August reboot from Christopher Nolan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Start James Corval. Uh-huh. Um... Well, I feel like during the Obama, of years, you could, no one even heard of him. He kind of went away for a little while. He went away. He's big during the Clinton years. And now

he came back and he said, Mom Donnie's the most own point candidate I'd ever heard. And now he's saying, I don't share no party with these DSA. I got no quarrel with them, but they need to run in the own party. Wow. That is funny. You're right. He like flipped. For a minute there, he was... On the Momdani train. On the Monty train. And now... He was saying this is the best candidate

that we ran ever or whatever. Now it's like, now Mom Donnie and his kind need to stay over there. It's because, I think it's because with the, I think where I saw it flip was in those New York elections a few weeks ago where those people won their names of which I've already forgotten. But you know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, you know the ones. You know the ones.

where the one guy got beat and the other guy got beat. Daria leads, and something last name, I don't remember her last name, and then something Lander. Brad Lander. That's the one. Yeah.

I think that's the moment he's flipped, Carville. When Lander lost? I think when, no, Lander won, I think. Oh, okay. That's the moment Carville flipped. He's like, they up here, letting reform Jews win that. That beats all I ever saw.

That was clearly the dividing line. And now he's out here saying that I want no part of this Democratic Party. I ain't got no quarrel with these Democratic socialists of America. I just think they should run on their own ticket. I heard him say on CNN. PR a few weeks ago. He literally said, now you can criticize Israel

all you want, but the many you say we can't have integrated marriage or interracial marriage. The second you say anything about Louisiana State University. And he said, lady, we're not in the same party. But now, today, yesterday I then saw him say we cannot and nor now

we ever shall we criticize the government of Israel. So it's like, what the fuck? I think he's just like oldest. Plus, plus there's a war on Christmas. Yeah, I think he's just old. I think they brought him back out. They've like brought him.

He was like mothballed for a while. He was kind of redundant. He was superfluous during the Obama years. He got a little base there about a year ago. He's like, you know who likes being watching football? Young white men. We need to appeal to these young white men. Oh, that's true.

He was saying that. He went on that for a while. Then everybody was like, James. No, no, no, no. James, no. James, no. We're not far enough away from Woke yet to... No, James.

No, James. James and the giant. Cree. Carver was in old school, too, remember? He did Cammy on Old School. Where? What part? On the debate team partner.

I don't remember that at all. No notes, that was puffing. James Carville on Old School. Yeah, yeah. You know, I probably haven't seen that movie in over 20 years, and at the time I probably didn't know who he was. Yeah. When I was like,

because that movie came out probably when I was like a ninth grade or eighth grade. I probably didn't know. I just, I just, it was Frank the Tank. Frank, I knew Frank the Tank. Yeah,

he wasn't the star of old school. Carville? Yeah, Carville. Yeah, that would be a much better movie. So it's told from the first person point of view of him, like,

Like a gumbo I'm 67 years old Back here in the Halls of Louisiana State University Batten Baton Rue That would be better That would be much better He's like instead of chugging beers

Like Frank the tank He chugs gumbo A burgoo It has hot an epistle Oh man Look at that girl over that She's thicker than train smoke audience is around the

it's just him going around and folksy little thing like people showed up like Vince Vaughn Will Ferrell and Wilson is like Luke Wilson wasn't it they're all still in it but they're just supporting

around Garval around Carval like teenagers are showing up expecting to see this like hilariously body lewd comedy instead it's Carvel doing

aphorisms and yeah yeah yeah I don't know what are other Louisiana

sayings who that who day who day who day yep they got the yeah

accent uh sure yeah it's just it's a different thing down there it is a different thing

I don't know I don't know I don't know any more Louisianaism I know. Poon? Yeah, that's what they call. Vigna.

Poon? Yeah. They say Poon? My ex-s-dad offered that one time. He said Poon. He offered Poon to you? Just out of nowhere. You want to lick my Poon, boy?

Very demure man. Your ex-s father, like, get on your hands and knees and lick my Poon. No, no. Very demure man. He just said, oh, that's what they call Puss. in Louisiana. You cannot marry

my daughter until you lick my poo. Pure, clean, dry. Your job's not done here, boy. And no wives were you married my daughter. Lick the gumbo out of my poon.

That would have been good old school. Look, the gumbo out of my poo. Kids all around the United States are like, well, this is the funniest movie I've ever seen. It would require you to have... We all thought that was the funniest movie we'd ever seen when we saw.

It would require you to have a working knowledge of Louisiana, a bayou culture in folkways, and a working knowledge of James Carver. Democratic Party. operative. What was the fucking plot at old school? They go back to school.

Old guys go back to college. But for what? I just go back to college. It's like that episode of Simpsons where Homer has to go back to college to like learn nuclear energy or whatever and gets those guys arrested.

I think those guys go back to college to party. You see in the early outset was a novel concept. And then I knew plenty of guys that stayed in school. because there was also Van Wilder.

Van Wilder. Yeah, staying in school. Now we're stumbled on to something. There was a lot of movies about staying in school a long time coinciding in the era

where you were getting locked in to predatory student alone. That is true. That is so true. I don't mean it in hurry to get out. Remember everybody just said, I had just hang out in college for a while? Yeah.

I did that for a while. There was also, what was that movie with Method Man? and Red Man. How high? Don't they go back to school in that one? And I remember they smoke the corpse of Benjamin Franklin.

That's right. They dig it up and they smoke it. That's right. I don't make the high school, though. Or was it college? It would be more apt for the title if it was high school. Well, now, how, in the era of everybody

getting funneled into STEM, what will this look like? Which, what would, what's this? Carvold doing old school? But I was just like, the idea that you need to. stay in college seven years. Oh.

I don't feel like it really gets... I don't know. I don't think I've talked to a person in college in at least 10 years. What's going on in the academy? I don't know. I don't know, except that it seems to be crumbling. Yeah, I don't know.

I was going to UK campus for a while and going to the library, but I didn't talk to even. You kind of doing old school. I was kind of doing old school, right? But the Bayou old school. Did you take a couple of beers? tried to try to make a gumbo

with you and it was yeah I think Frank the tank that story was pretty sad his like wife divorces him

and stuff because he's an alcoholic but it's played for laughs we didn't understand the nuance back then yeah until the spectre

divorce became real to us we didn't really appreciate we didn't gravity that's exactly right Tom uh huh

yeah Why were we talking about it? Gumbo would be pretty funny in the Trojan Wars. That's another thing to be funny. Just a beer in Louisiana delight. A couple of crawdads. A couple of, just a low country boil in there. A fish fry.

I smell garlic. What do they call that in fucking Louisiana, where they get all the crawledads, but in a big like cauldron? Low country boil. A low country boil? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's what the troche...

Oh, you're like, I'm disappointed, man. I thought it was like something... Like an et tufei. What's et tufei? There's like rice and some... That's the rue. You got the rue and the rice and the... I've made a root before.

I've made a roo for the chicken or whatever. Uh-huh. Et tufe. Yeah. That'd be... That'd be good in the... a Trojan horse. Here's a, okay.

Just going around the world. Here's something about it. What if his marijuana and a Trojan horse, that kind of stuff? But like not weed. It's just weed smoke. What? You smell it comes from my life. Like they,

we know what's in there. But there's no actual weed smokers or weed itself. Yeah. Just they smoked weed for like a week and blew all the smoke in the horse. They're like, Send it, man. Send it over there, bro. Ready to go, man.

He's ready to go, man. What's the point of this again? It's a funny joke, man. I've got a buddy over there. It's cool. This is hilarious. I know a couple Trojans. They're all right.

They're all right, man. I'll tell you what would be funny. So in the Odyssey, they kind of, strangely, they kind of give everybody American actors. sense. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, hey, buddy.

You know, where it's usually like British accents for like those period pieces and stuff. Oh, they do British accents for period pieces, yeah. But what if they gave everybody Louisiana accent? Well, that's the thing. It seemed, I've not seen the movie, but I saw someone, I've seen a lot of modern interpretations read into the movie, which is probably the point. I don't know. but I saw someone said

like, don't think it's lost on me don't for a second think it's lost on me that they made a trans person, the distraction for the soldiers with their decline of Western society, I don't know Elliot Page is in it,

but I don't know what his role is. Who does he play? I forgot. Menelaus? Menelaehas. I like, they don't, they never said who Agamemnon When we were doing the reading In high school I was in Malaeus.

You fucking read Homer in high school. Yeah, we all had to pick it. Well, it was more like an adaptive for the stage For the high school stage. Yeah, I read from Malaeus. That's pretty cool, dude.

I'm glad. I'm happy for you. Agamemnon another time too. I've never read it. Yeah. No interest. I've tried it. I've read Parsons.

of it. I won't tell you anything else that happens. I'm not going to watch it. Oh, I mean, I'm going to. But not soon. You had 3,000 years

done to them. What if it was Charging Horst and it was full of ice and tons of ice-cold beers, man? Packed perfectly packed fucking

of icy. Icey cold beer. Barley pops. Barley pops, rope pops. And then I just unfurled a baner since buds for you. Dude, this is what advertising was in like the 60s.

Like, this is really what that job was. It's like, how can we make a commercial? And it's like, I've got an idea. I have three, let's get serious. I got three families to go home to. I got an idea. The Trojan horse rolls in Detroit. It's full of beer.

It's full of ice with beer. Man. Then they start partying. and it's corona and then they're on the beach I tell you that one time we all just need to start making love instead of war

yeah what did he say what did you? You encountered some guy one time said we need to take a clothes off and start making love or something it was like refresh my memory

he used to talk to some guy that was in your neighborhood one day and he was like in Lexington? Yeah my neighborhood in Lexington what did he say? Something about

Instead of war Or something We need to all take her clothes off Start making love Or something Maybe I said that And I tried to couch It in

Someone else's story You staying about that Yeah, I do You do need to take her clothes Off and start making love, man What if it's What if it's Trojanore Is they roll it up

And They break it open well, by the way, how do they open the Trojaroid horse? Did they slip out at night? Or did they break it open like a pinata? Two very good questions. You break it open like a pinata and 200 cholos out about? They're like, hey, man, what's going on?

Got some beers in here, man. It's back to the gills, bro. Yeah, we've been in here with it, man. We're cold, too, bro. No, no, that's not what it would say. Hey, man, we heard you guys got some. beers. The Trojans would come out and say it.

Hey, we heard you guys got some. No, no. The trolo's would come out of the horse and be like, hey, we heard y'all have some beers, man. Here's a good one. It rolls up and you just say, oh, that's a wooden horse. Then you're like, well, that's not weird. Nothing to see here. They go back to life as normal.

Next thing you know, you hear Love Sosa by Chief Sosa. You know, wait, wait a say, what's going on? That'd be good. And then they all come out, start. Then they all come out. Make them more. Well, oh, okay. That's the only thing you can do after you hear of Love Sosa.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's some new PRs in the gym. That's true. I feel like that's a pretty low-hanging, low-effort bit of... Cheap Sosa.

No, no, the Trojan horse. Like what... What could be in the Trojan? It could be in it. But what's even more ironic and funny is that I had a whole-ass list of things. things to talk about today. What we got? I don't think I'm enjoying myself.

I don't think I want to talk about those things now. You don't want to take a look at the idea. No. What we got? Come on, what we got. Let's find the humor in what's going on. Let's find the humor and what's going on. Let's see.

Okay. Whoops. Um, let's see. Oh, did you see Trump almost died again? Dude came within a mile of hitting his ass. Yeah. Oh, it was a mile? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess in aviation terms, that's like a close brush, though. Like an inch. Yeah, yeah. That's what guys say when they want you to think they have a big penis. They're like, oh, in aviation terms, it might be, it might look small to you now, but in aviation terms, it's quite large. Yeah. About three miles.

He almost died in a helicopter crash. Okay, well, how would anybody, let me ask you a question. Why would anybody sit foot in a helicopter after what happened to the Mamba? And that other guy. Oh, yeah, it was flying the Mamba? No. Hey, no one of me remember saying that. No, the other guy.

I don't know. Michael Montgomery. John Michael Montgomery died in a helicopter crash? Grundy County auction, John Montgomery. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. His cousin, that's half of Montgomery Gentry. Okay, you were telling me this for the first time. No, he's the Gentry.

I did not know. Montgomery Gentry died in the helicopter crash. Okay. So, you just laid so many different facts on me at once. Who died? Who, which half of Montgomery Gentry died? I didn't even know that Montgomery Gentry was... You're from Music City.

Related to John Michael Montgomery Montgomery. Montgomery. John. Michael. Was it Eddie Montgomery or? Eddie Montgomery, I think. Eddie Montgomery dead? Are both members

of Montgomery Gentry dead? I think they're both still alive. I think one died of COVID. No, Gentry died in a helicopter crash in Medford, New Jersey. Okay. The helicopter pilot died at the scene and Gentry died as he was being rushed to the hospital.

Despite his death, Montgomery continues to tour under the Montgomery gentry name has proceeded solo career. And now I don't have split the pot down the middle. You know, it's funny, they're from Kentucky, by the way. Yeah. So. I saw one of them drinking with a bunch of Bahrainis one time.

In person? McCain one, man. How did you know they were Bahrain? Well, they had the big plane that said Bahrain. Oh, Tom is just like so, you're such an expert in like Arabic dialects and stuff. No, no, no, no, no, those aren't Saudis. Oh, those are clear Those are clearly

I didn't not know that Why didn't Why doesn't Eddie Montgomery Then just team up with John Michael Montgomery Instead of Keep the name And keep the name Be Montgomery Montgomery or Montgomery squared

And And not only that But you can add The auction song to the playlist Yeah and that's a banger Hey, let him Come Come Minnetroy

Won't you give me a sign? Trying to see what's in that big equine. Could be seven million beers, could be caramel, could be cream filling, could be et tufei. I'll be at your beckon call. Don't think going to road to Ithaca tonight.

So how on life. Go on once. Going twice. I'm sold to the... Wait, hold on. Hold on, hold on. I'm sold to the nymph in the second row. She's an age.

She's in a nine. She got goat, big goat legs and a big creature. I have more drawn to her than the siren zone. She got big, bald head blue eyes. I can kiss my little Greek heart, goodbye. and that's how it's done yeah that's good he's got

be my I like be my baby tonight that's a good one want you be my would you could have if I asked you be my that one

I can love you like that remember that one oh yeah oh yeah give you my world that's a good songs that were big R&B hits

and country hits go what's your favorite that bunch that's a good one God bless to spend a little bit time on you. I'm sort of surprised no country artist has tried to redo Brian McNight back at one. Yeah.

Like a dream come true. You could easily do that as a country song. Yeah. Two is want to be with you. I think one has. I think they have done that. Oh, have that. I think there is a country back at one.

I see. Here's a, here's one of surprise that a lot of people don't know is the Pointer Sisters. did a man with a slow hand before Conway Twitter did I That's not widely known Speaking of, dude, that Martha Reeves Uh National Anthem video is

So fucking good, dude Wait, what is it? You didn't see that? I haven't seen it. Oh, come on, Tom. Let's see. It's real good. It's, uh...

What's so proud I live for this shit I'm doing like some kind of off pitch vibrato It is I'm just gonna play the entire thing All right I'll stop Sorry That was Martha Reeves

I'm pretty sure it was like The Martha Reeves in the Vandela's right? The heat wave. Really? Right? Surely she's... You're a heat?

Well, she's old as hell, though, now. I mean, she would probably smack this shit out of me for saying that. Yeah, and you deserve it. Also, they did dancing in the street. I don't know if she had much of a solo career after that. Interesting. I can't believe you didn't see that, because that really... That was good stuff.

I love stuff. Dude, Trump is absolutely wearing a wig in this. Come on. He's wearing a wig. He looks handsome. This will be the week that Trump started wearing a wig. He almost died in a helicopter crash and started wearing a wig. He's, you know, they found wig listening critical condition.

Trump found wigged and in good condition. Uh-huh. Wonder why I made the leap. I'm telling him, because he almost died in a helicopter crash. He's like, okay, now this is the kick in the pants I may. Yeah. Dying of COVID, almost dying of COVID wasn't enough. Yeah.

He also lost to that Olympic canoeer and got pissed of Janine Piro about it. He's mad at the oil. The canoe he tried to throw in jail for four years. Yeah. Yeah. And then he's mad at the oil companies because he says they're charging, they're making too much money. Because, um, while he's made $8 billion in his personal forces. He says they're making too much money off the straight of Formuz crisis.

Then he started. Yeah, he wants them to lower prices. He says they're price gouging people. And he wants them to lower prices. Um, what else did I also, he also saw that he was, I was on. Let me get the straight. He blew up billions. of dollars worth of infrastructure in the Gulf

or at least caused the conflict that blew up billions of dollars of infrastructure and I guess they did too. We blew up infrastructure. I didn't even think about this. Maybe he has lost so much hair in the last like several weeks because of this Iran thing that he cannot get under

control. Because also it says Trump threatens to hunt down and jail people who argue that the U.S. weapons pile is being depleted. So if you just say a fact, it seems as if though we're running out of missiles, you can get jailed

for that? Yeah. And then I also... And we are full-blown ten pot dictatorship. Yeah. It's no wonder he started wearing a wig. Dude, I'm saying this is a qualitative shift. This is like an era-defining shift. It's being under-reported

and under evaluated in my opinion because the moment Trump decides to put on a wig, everything has changed, man. That's different. Everything, and it coincides perfectly with his inability. There was a report in the Atlantic and take it with a grain of salt. You never fucking knows.

It's probably liberal cope. But it was like people around him saying that he's increasingly embarrassed about his inability to find a solution to the Iran war. granted, I don't know how the fuck you would know that and he doesn't have any concept of shame literally so I don't think he would be

embarrassed at all but maybe in a subconscious way he was like I'm looking real thin up top in the same way that like I don't know about you but like one week I'll look at my hair and be like dude I'm so fucking I'm thinning so bad

and then the next week I'll be like I'm looking pretty great there's been no change no change it's just a matter perception the lighting and the yeah Yeah So he probably looked at himself in the mirror This way

I'm saying this is the first time in his life probably He looked at himself in the mirror And was like I'm looking thin up Tom The Iranians got him Looking at himself at They've got him on the back foot They've got him on the back foot

God damn And of course if you're fighting A bunch of handsome men like that Yeah dude And they're all handsome as fucking They've all got hair Beautiful names. That a Raachi guy?

He's like 60s. He looks amazing. Regal. I look at him with envy. I'm like, I wish I could look like that. I wish I could be a 64-year-ur-old-old-old-old gentleman. I trade places immediately. Also, another funny thing I saw him say this week,

but there was like these attacks on the water system. in Minnesota and he said and the liberal media is all saying that it's Iran but he was like no Tim Walts did it he refused to go down

the route that the Iranians did it and instead played him on Tim Walts he's just he's lost over there he knows so he's got to bring the fight home yeah

who are my enemies all these people that dare challenge me I read a whole story about that, about how it's becoming an increasingly large problem that like, apparently the Minnesota thing is not isolated. It's been

happening with increasing frequency. And again, the liberal media is blaming Iran, but I don't know. I mean, who knows? I don't know who did it. I don't know why they would have done this. But all I could think about... I've got a suspect. Who are you thinking?

Coach Walt. Oh, yeah, it's Coach Walt. All I can think about is you working on a water plant and having to deal with some IRCG, like load screen popping up on your computer like you're fucked American I'd call Tehran immediately I'd be like

alright fellas I'm just reporting what's popped up here what we need to do what do I need to do they're like control a delete should get you can I talk to that one handsome diplomat can he solve this for me? Can I talk to the general that lights the cigar and does the little shimmy across the bed

mm-hmm yes God damn it, dude. I'm just saying this is an epoch shifting week for Trump. Putting on a wig is that epoch shift. Dude, that's a, it's a, we've reached a new era. Dude, when he said that some reporter asked him why that we're providing all this financial support to Japan, and he's like, oh, Japan's been a great partner, a great friend with the exception of Pearl Harbor, of course.

Yeah, that's good. I laughed really hard when I saw that. I enjoyed that quite a bit. Hold that thought. I'm going to go whiz real for it. So that's Trump's week. Trump's having a good time. There were more Democratic primaries this week.

What was the result? Abdul al-Said won. the A Nika Dim Dem socialist one in Detroit I think that Socialism spread into the Motor City huh?

I think so I think the Another guy won I did see this guy won I think this guy won I think this guy follows me or followed me at one point in time apparently he's probably not followed me

he probably would disown me now but will lawrence in Michigan he ran as like a kind of DSA adjacent candidate but and he won and then had enough of that mouth of yours

and then he said I let my membership lapse on the DSA oh no I don't know them he said no I don't know me he said no I'm not with them Now you got me fucked up. Yeah, I thought that was pretty nuts. But a lot of Dems are freaking out. I saw an article that said that their mountain defense against the nascent.

Mm-hmm. The burgeoning left. I said it was like, I read that same article that said that they were going to spend $15 million from now until 2028 to defeat the DSA left. How much? 15 million. Oh, that's, that's why. way too low. That's what I thought too.

I was like, that's not a murder of money. They're not viewing it as a threat. Well, that's a lot of buddy. They're using what they found their couch cushions yesterday to stave off the threat.

I guess my thing with these people is like, dude, they're going to let Trump like drum bomb the S8 meetings. It's like dove-telling nicely. My thing with these people is like, look, like with Chate, for example,

Jonathan Chate, or like this third-way group that's going to spend $15 million to defeat Socialists. by 2028. It's like, you can't stop what's coming. You can't halt progress.

Yeah, it's like, it's like, well, I guess what I'm saying is it like, a lot of people voted for these people. So you can't really, like,

it's like, what we're, what we're doing is spending $15 million to usurp the popular will of the people. Yeah, I don't, what's your end game, what's your point?

It's like, it's just, it is a defining, um, philosophy, it's a fundamental philosophy of mine, which is that like, if you're outnumbered, if you're outnumbered two to one, you know, still keep fighting. If you're outnumbered 10 to one, like, you know, choose your battles wisely. If you're outnumbered like a million to one, if you're Jonathan Chate versus the almost million people that voted for Abdul al-Sai.

It's just like, you got you got to pack it in, dude. You're, you're not changing anybody's mind. What are you talking about? It's so funny. It's like they have an opportunity, they have an opportunity, which, you know, again, I think any criticism we might have of those kind of candidates is like the insistence on using the Democratic Party infrastructure or whatever, which I'm reversing course on it for no other reason. Then it is, John Federman also shares that opinion.

I don't want to be in league with John Federman in no kind of way. Uh-huh. And I'm also just weak-minded and weak-will. Like I said, you could just convince me of anything. And you did open the show saying that. Yeah. Did you believe anything? No.

So, but it's like, it's like, they just have such an opportunity to just bring new blood and life into the party. Instead, they're going to spend money to try to kneecap fucking popular candidate. This is a question for you. Do you think, did this happen in 2009 and 10? Did the GOP tried to actively spend a lot of money to tamp down the Tea Party? Setting aside all the caveats about how, like, crude of a comparison it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tea Party versus DSA, et cetera.

Yeah, we're not comparing the two, just in... Just I'm saying, just like, did the GOP tried to also do that? Probably none, huh? Who did, like, Rand Paul and some of these, like, Tea Partyers run against it initially? In either case, the Republicans were also successful to just absorbing them into the party. They came in. We look back and it's like menelaus.

What the fuck? What the fuck? Rampal ran against Agamemnon. King Agamemnon. That would be, that'd go crazy. Siren number two. What? I remember that different.

Frank the tank. Frank the, like the palette we've painted with here. James Carville, a horse-filled with various sundry. Sun Tsunni sausages. A Trojanore is filled with Vaini sausages. You beat your opponent down mentally.

You don't need to send 200 troops. Send 200 million venouss. And let's know one. First of all, fuck you. You got to clean his life. Second of all. Yeah, second of all. That would have been.

That would have been a greater act of war than... Than 200 soldiers. Yeah. 200 billion, 200 million... How many... How many of any sausages do you think you could fit inside of a Trojan horse? Realistically. God.

200,000? 200 million? Look, there's probably about 12 to a can. And how big is a can? It's like the size of your hand. Yeah, you can fit probably 200,000 cans in there. We can do the math. There's nothing scientific about it.

that number. I don't know how big the Trojan horse was. Are there like nerds that try to, because the arc encounter thing in Kentucky,

what's really funny to me about that is that there's all these biblical people who have tried to get the exact metric,

like the exact measurements of the arc and build it according, like exactly to model. Yeah. and are there people that do that for like ancient Greek myths or is that just that's actually a really funny concept that's actually really funny to think about the Christians really do think that the Bible is a direct representation of or like direct historical record literal from like thousands of years and so they got so in trance by you there for a second I just kind of zoomed I had noticed and I was like

You're just zoned up You were like, that's my friends I just heard circus noise But the Greeks I was like he's done What his math problem That's cool He's doing a good job

He's doing good Maybe I can stand out He's doing a good job He's doing a good job at his show Um, man, yeah, the Christians love that arc. They do love that damn arc. What's a slur for Trojan? How would you slur a Trojan?

Um, what would you? That's come on a slur for every Greek city state. Um, based off of their name. Or just, uh, What are the Trojans known for? Helen. Helen of Troy, yeah. Yeah.

What was the thing? Helen of Troy, did she get kidnapped? I think they kidnapped her and took her somewhere. Yeah. And I think maybe to Egypt, I think. Yeah. And... That's right.

You're like a spear of fingers. Yeah, Egypt. The... Wait. I was just thinking about this, not to take us off topic. It is still on topic, I promise. But you know how, like, the Christians are trying, when they built the arc encounter in Kentucky,

they tried to get it directly corresponding to the direct measurement. Why can't I fucking talk today? You know what I mean? They wanted to get an exact replica of the ark, okay? And so they used, like, the measurements that they use in the Bible, which is, like, fucking cubics or something? Hector. Hercter.

It's like, no, it's like some measurement. that doesn't exist anymore. It's like a cubits. I think it is cubits. I think it's cubits and hectares. But do they do that with everything? Have they tried to measure... Pinesis. That's what I'm saying. Have they tried to measure out Goliath? How many... How many... How big his penis was?

How big his penis was. Let's see. They're like... There's 87 metric volume tons of cum that came out of Calliath's penis. Okay. The Bible says that knows... was 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits size. Yeah, and so there's no agreement on what a cubit even is. Okay, hold a second.

450 to 510 feet long. That's what they said. That's what Christian scientists say. Yeah. That volume, roughly 1.4 to 1.88 million cubic feet of space. I'm going to see how many cubits the Trojan horse was. How many cubits was the Trojan horse? How much of Goliaths come?

could fit in to the... Chubits and... To the Trojan horse. Like, they put a hole in it, and they just make Goliath come in it all day. Just whip him. There's no measure measurement. Neither Homer nor Virgil list the dimension in cubits,

feet, meters, or any other. Mm-hmm. Yes. I knew that, though. I knew that was going to be the case. Slur for a Trojan. I fucking knew that was going to be the case. There's no specific.

Derogatory Slur slang term exclusively uses an insult for a person from ancient Troy A joad a jort uh trod um let's see here oges ogens trod trod trode or trod's but trodair I was locked in on trod and slurs I was too. So they never, so Homer never said how big it was. Most, most don't. They didn't know why, tell us how much come. You don't, you never want to say how big it is.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. But what I was trying to, the point I was trying to make is that it's funny that Christians try to adhere to a scientific model with the arc, but the rest of us don't try to do that with the Trojan horse we're just like, yeah, it existed. It was probably big. I think it's funny that the Bible people are men of science

when it comes to the dimensions of the art. Isn't it funny? But when it comes to... To think about that. When it comes to evolution, that's a bridge too far. That's a bridge too far. Hypocrical much? Hypocritical much?

Perhaps. Spirit fingers. Yeah. The... What are other things in the Bible that required measurement? The Ark of the Covenant? I see. I bet that shit was one cubit.

The Ark was one cubit. What things needed measuring in the Bible. Measuring. What things needed measuring in the Bible? It's a great search on the search engine. Physical structures like Noah's Ark in the Temple, daily commodities like food and trade, goods, land boundaries, and spiritual Concepts like human actions are divine judgment.

That needs measurement? What? New Jerusalem. Measured with a golden rod in Revelation 2116 to show its perfect square proportions. Fuck that. Here's the units of measurement that grain, flower, oil, and wine were measured in. Epas, Omar's, ends, and baths. Give me a break.

What is this fucking quack? Israelites in the wilderness gathered manna by the Omer per person. daily. I bet they did. Cubits and Epo's. Okay. Uh-huh. This Trojan horse bit is kind of just a reformulation of our bit about like what would be a funny thing to fall from heaven instead of manna.

In fact, I think that one was funnier than this. Really? Same convention, though. But not as topical. What if they put a bunch of cheese inside? the Trojan horse, but then they also sprinkled some Parmesan on top of the Trojaners.

It's like a four cheese pizza. And they put a little pepperoni on its head as a hat. They made a little pepperoni hat for them. It's a horse full cheese. They should have tried that before they went and made war on these guys. They should have tried an offering.

I think they had to. Like I said, I think Helen of Troy got kidnapped. I think they weren't fucking with that Wait that doesn't make any sense Helen and Troy was in Troy And then the Trojan horse went to Troy I'm gonna have to go back to the tape on this You mean go to the tape

You said you never read the office I read parts of it I read parts of it I read the parts of I read the parts that That would Would Prove to my

fans and listeners that I know what I'm talking about. You're more of an Iliad guy. Is the Ilyad Virgil? I did read the, no, it's also Homer. Really? It's the same dude. What Virgil do? Virgil was Roman.

He did Ovid. Oh, yeah, Avid. Virgil was like an actual historical character. We don't know about Homer. Could be a nomadigar of somebody. Could be several people. Could just be a name they attach. to a story

that was going around a lot. But Virgil actually existed. He's documented them, though. And I like how Dante uses him in the Inferno. Yeah, he's kind of his... His guide. To the underworld. His guide to go creep on once or five.

Beatrice. You know, everybody finds that romantic, but from where I'm sitting, Dante was just like, watching it from behind a bush. I find it to be romantic. Yeah, the romance is dead, dude. I saw this story about how Arthur Miller,

when he married Marilyn Monroe, was a little puto to Marilyn Monroe. And Joe DiMaggio was heartbroken because he loved Marilyn Monroe, but I think Marilyn Monroe decided she needed to be with an intellectual writer type, and she couldn't be with a lowly baseball player. She couldn't be with a job.

But when she died, Arthur Miller didn't give up. fuck probably i don't know that for a kid i don't even know if they're still married when they die but i do know that joe de majo sent flowers to her grave twice a week for the rest of his life that's pretty romantic no one would do something like that today that's true that's no one sends flowers stuff today now today when someone dies people are just like whatever well on to the next now now today when someone they like dies they're just like i don't care damn that's wild someone they love dies Well, whatever.

Well. So therefore, Romans is dead. Romans. Romans. Romans is dead. Romance. So you think Dante's behavior toward Beatrice was acceptable. You know, he never met her.

Yeah, I think it's fun. It was in love with him, but never met him. It's like those guys that kidnapped the car and smoked crack in it. It's a victimless crime. She died before he... She died before he wrote that stuff. So you take the inferno as a love letter. Yeah.

She didn't know about it. If she never knew he was creeping on her and she died before he wrote this... Why don't he just ask her out? Probably Because of the male loneliness crisis. I was plaguing Italy at the time. I was plaguing Italy at the time, you know?

Okay. And there was a man... Cassanova. It was keeping it all to himself. Uh-huh. It was a big... big deal. Yeah, I can imagine.

And so he probably didn't want to, he probably didn't want to shoot his shot. He's like, it's not going to work anyway. Yeah. Should never go for a guy like me. For a guy like me. What? A monk with a warrior complex.

Mm-hmm. He wasn't a monk. He was just like, he was probably a notary or something. I don't know. I don't know what fucking his job was. I don't know what Dante's job was. I know he's a poet.

Yeah. And an author. An author. Yeah. And he existed. Unlike Homer. Let's see. Who was a bitch-ass, not real person.

Dante's job. Dante's day job. What was Dante's day job? Uh-huh. I'm willing to put a large amount of money on veterinary. If you meant historical Dante Aligarii, his day job, and scare quotes, in medieval Florence, was as a statesman, politician, and pharmacist slash apothecary. That is before he got into comedy and, or excuse me, he was, until he was politically exiled and wrote the divine comedy. Okay.

So he wasn't a veterinarian? No. Oh. No, he was slinging perks. I'm just kidding. I was just joking. I know he wasn't. He was singing Fenton.

That was, that's cool. I'm glad he did that then. Yeah. Well, let's go ahead and call this one. Yeah, yeah, well, on that note. On that note, I got to go. But, you know, I'm glad we didn't have to talk about really anything. Did you withhold some items?

Let's see. I wanted to have an extended discussion about insurgent left candidates against the Democrats, but, you know. Next time. Maybe next time. I'll let that gestate up for the weekend. Also, I guess don't really have any insight into it at all either, so it's just a thing that's happening. And that's the thing, I think that's the thing. The thing is the thing that's happening when you think about it.

So true. Mm-hmm. So true. So thanks for listening. And if you'd like some insight into what's going on in the world, how about you read the fucking news and get an opinion for yourself, bitch? That's sad. Read the fucking news, motherfucker.

You goddamn asshole. Oh my God I don't know what to think about this I'll dole Cyan I'll turn into the Troubillies And then I go Read the news bitch Motherfucker

Unbelievable Tune in next week This is a take-free zone Bitch Thanks for listening There's a Patreon on with your name on it. That's where you gotta get the

other stuff. Just kidding, it doesn't have your name on it yet, but it could. If you go there, if you go to that and do that, the link should be in the show notes. You can go support the show

and listen to some programming. Because my favorite thing, my favorite thing to listen to is programming. That's true. You know? That's true. as it was 10 years ago.

That's totally true. What if inside the Trojan Horse it was rock and roll. A rock and roll band. You know what I mean? They just played Jay Giles' band's band centerfold. But it's directed toward Helen and Troy.

Uh-huh. That's it. They should have done some rock and roll or some tasteful yacht rock at least. That's right. And Trojan Horns. Steely Dan's Asia You have a band member in every one of the legs

Of the horse Did they fucking have Some planks down on the bottom of that thing? Apparently we don't have enough details We don't know how many cubits it was We didn't even know how many cubits it was That was really an oversight from Homer If he was really about that life

He would have told us Yeah What if he's like Just like the Trojan horse Actually was just supposed to pay that What if What if What if the

Trajan horse was Like only 300 Canadians What if it was Only like five feet tall But like 300 yards Why Flat ass horse

Like a compressed Image Horse You know what I mean? And then the treasure They're like What the fuck is this thing? Like it doesn't

come out according to spec Someone got one of the cubit measurements wrong. So it's like four feet high and 300 yards wide. Yeah. We're not really known for engineering over there. That would be pretty good. That would be good. It would be good if it was like syrup or something.

Syrup? Yeah. Well, the problem with that is that it's wood. So it's going to be leaking out a little bit. You might want cream or something. The egg syrup doesn't come from wood anyway Oh yeah It doesn't come from wood anyways

You're right Syrup comes from the ground I forgot about that I forgot I forgot It actually must come from wood I don't know why man

so wrong to me about storing syrup in a wooden barrel, even though it comes. And I would imagine the Trojans would fill the same, too. If they got a big barrel of horse of syrup, they'd be like, ah. It's not the natural vessel for it. You put it in a big pot. Yeah, this will go better in the metal thing. Well, we know, but. I don't think they had syrup in Europe, right?

You need maple trees for that, right? Yeah, I don't think maple trees are in. Did syrup... Did syrup come from North America? North America. What if it was just... What if it was a... Yeah, they didn't have it in Europe.

They only had it in North America. A trudging horse full of cigarettes. How would you feel about that? That's good. Good. I get to close all these tabs. An incense holder. Oh.

It's Nag Champa coming out. Nagchampa. I get to close all these tabs now because we didn't talk about it. Moderate Democrats prepare for war against an ascendant left. What was that about? I wanted to read that. It's Trump. That's what it was.

It was just like they're pissed. They're pissed about. Mamm Dhani and El-Syad and Francesca Wong. Okay. Or Hong. I can't remember. her last name. And then who else is

running? You know, all the other people. Trump tells donors, we need to elect JD as vice president weighs his future. Trump hexaths clash at Camp David over Iran missile depletion concerns. Why Congress wants a closer U.S. Israel defense partnership.

Liberals are now fighting on two fronts. Progressives didn't get the big election night they wanted. Angry Trump's struggles to understand Iran's defiant leaders. U.S. military asked troops for creative and unconventional ideas to punish Iran. Well, okay, that one was a funny story. They literally solicited ideas on the Pentagon email list serve. They're like, so has anyone got any ideas or how to beat Iran?

How did we, hey, just quick question, guys, how do we punish the place we have no diplomatic ties to? Oh, we're already punishing them to the max? Oh. I have one idea. Remember when Trump was like, we're going to put tariffs on Iran? I have an idea. What's up? Everybody take over close, start making love.

Okay, I do remember that now. I don't know why I didn't recall it earlier, but I do remember that now. Oh, yeah. I don't remember who he was, but I do remember him saying we all need to take off our clothes and start making love. It'll come to me. When I leave here, it will probably come to me. No, my idea, I've got an idea, dude. We get our best carpenters and woodsmen

to build a giant wooden horse. Okay. And then we wheel it up to the border with the Ron. We put it on a boat. And just push it out the Carg Island. Push it out the car. That would be funny if they really did that. Like, that's how bereft of ideas they are.

Yeah. That they really did try to make a Trojan horse, and they put it on Karg Island. And they did put 300 troops on that. And they put, like, or not even troops, they put, like, what does every Persian hate to see coming? The British Americans. They put 200 British in the... Oh, I gavna. Oh, I gavna.

Is this the Isle of white? Is this the eye of white? What the Kong Island? God, David. Yeah. Okay. I'm saying, like, they're that bereftified. They're that short on ideas.

They know something we could try. The story I saw on CNN said it was, like, unprecedented. That they would basically be asking people in the Pentagon, the email. Anyone got any ideas? Ha, ha, smart guy, you try to start a war against this place. Everybody said not to. Yeah.

I guess they could do strip mining. Because there's mountains in Iran. But, dude, those are some serious fucking mountains. We don't know if there's any coal seams underneath, either. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know.

We're still on Iran's. coal. Not even what they're known for. We're just going in there taking their cold. Oh, man. Okay. Well, that's all the headlines.

That's all the tabs ahead. So I'm going to close this one out, and I'm going to go home, and I'm going to start dinner, and I'm going to chill for the rest of them. Start dinner at 318 in the afternoon. Dog, when you have a nine-month-old that goes to bed, theoretically at seven but then doesn't go to bed

until like nine and stays up past midnight because you're refusing to go to sleep I'm going to keep budding you then you got to be ready for anything and that means making dinner

early or early caught at night okay well thanks for listening there's a lemium prink in the chow nuts there's a lemium prink in the

show nuts go check on it and um please go sign up and i would plug our live show on august 14th but i think it's pretty much sold out am i wrong we got some tickets there's still some a smattering of tickets left we are going to be in lexington snap them up okay there's some tickets left um just go snatch those up i think there's also a note on that in the show notes in the show links So go check those out and, um, yeah, we'll be rolling up to the live show in a giant wooden. A week from tomorrow. A giant wooden penis. What if they did a giant wooden cock and balls?

Well, it's a giant, this is a horse's cock. It was a giant, but it's just the horse's. It's a little tiny horse, but there's a giant horse and cock. That's where the men are. Yeah. There's like, isn't there? The men have forced down this tube. They have to crawl out of the penis

They keep sliding back down, man They're trying to crawl out of the penis That they keep sliding back down Did they're like, why did nobody Cut a hole in the bottom? Didn't Didn't you find a video of the Newmanclaw guy You tried to make me watch it recently

Didn't you find a video? Campanian Oh, that wouldn't make Oh Okay. But we did talk about it, though. We did talk about it, yeah. I'm not bad.

Nor do I want to. Frankly. Jesus Christ. I've never seen that documentary at the zoo, but imagine if they did it like the grizzly man. Where the... They just cut to the audio of Ken Pinyinion and his dime. They probably... He was probably three.

thrilled. He probably had a great time. What if it was a giant wooden statue of Ken Piny a giant

word giant giant wooden statue of Ken Piny being fucked by a horse. And they're like what is this?

Well, it's some high concept stuff. Well, horses back then were objects of like a lot of eroticism.

I feel like. I've said it before. like I'm not an abestialist. Abistialiast. Well, folks, that's all the time we got for today. Go check the show notes and click on it. We'll see you next week.

Adios. Bye-bye. I have no. I'm saying. Come check our live show out. This is 293. Likes of Tick, Ticatucat. That's a week.

from tomorrow. Okay, all right. All right. Thanks for listening. Let's see you next.