Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 62: When You Burn Coal You Get Dark Energy (w/ special guest Doc Hampton)

Episode Date: July 27, 2018

Tarence finally got his energy episode, but it's the wrong kind of energy. This episode is really more of a therapy session than anything. Features friend of the show Caroline Hampton doing some tarot reading that bodes well for the Trillbillies' future.

pick up that mic right there what do you have and you have to say into the mic what you just told me i'm looking pretty buff these days i think you're looking pretty buff these days thanks um yeah i uh i don't do any lifting at all i don't i don't work out the only thing i do the secret to long life for me is i walk like three and a half four miles a day i'm like uh you know that cult nexium did you hear about that nexium nexium as a cult yeah no not the heartburn i was like this is familiar for some reason it's like the heartburn medicine but it's spelled really pretentiously it's like n x v i m or something it's a pretentious cult it's a pretentious cult it is it's exclusively for rich people oh well that explains it yeah uh see i can't go on the record talking about this because they're

gonna find us and kill us see but they won't because the people that run it are like um they got better things to do no yeah they're like that actress one of them was from that show roswell did you ever watch that when you were a teenager no one of them really watch a lot of tv one of them was arrested today she was an actress on something oh geez in the cult was arrested today you didn't watch a lot of tv when you're a kid no we didn't really have a lot of tv really and by we didn't really have a lot of tv i mean we had a small television it was only getting the channels that were passing past our house with the antenna. That was when the antenna was still a thing.

Now you can't do it. They digitized it or whatever. Now you have to have the box. Yeah. Once they got the box, my parents switched and got cable. Now they have a huge TV. Do they?

I was just looking to see. To see if I had a huge TV. Cause you felt bad like you were talking shit about people who owned you you quickly checked yeah but you know i was also like that's interesting if i if you have a big tv and i haven't noticed it and also i would feel weird about it in this space as well i have a tv it's upstairs it's not that big it's like i guess maybe it is big that's the thing they're just big now because they could do it cheaply you're right why would you want a little one you got a fucking computer for that yeah you're right

that's what i have to watch yeah good point good point yeah i watched a lot of tv when i was a kid we didn't have anything good I did watch Matlock Which I just got to watch again recently And that is a real treat And then I watched like Soap operas Which I did for a number of years Before realizing

That they're looping a plot You're never going to get a resolution Because as soon as there's a resolution to something they have to make a problem again right i guess i'd never so that's how two characters have been trying to get together for like multiple seasons they finally get together and then like one of them has to tragically die right then that's like that's the same thing with game of thrones though oh see that's why i can't stand to watch that. Yeah, and that's why it's a soap opera. This is a soap opera with boobs and...

I couldn't really watch it the times that I tried to. But I guess that's the thing. Maybe I got through the soap opera phase as a child by actually watching soap operas. So now I don't have to. I can see it for what it is. You know how when people get older, they like return. You know, they say like getting older

is like returning to being a child. Do they say that? I think they do. How old? Are you talking about 80? 80, 90, you start having to wear diapers. Being incontinent is really what I fear the most. Isn't that probably the worst thing you can imagine, the worst fate you can imagine?

I can imagine some worse ones. I'm really scared of disease, though. I have hypochondria very seriously. And when I was in these anatomy classes this past semester, we would have like special presentations on different autoimmune type disorders you could get. And I just had to totally zone out from them because it's like this mostly happens to females. It'll appear in the 20s or 30s. And I'm like, holy fuck. You're looking around.

I mean, and that's the thing is like there are so many things. Like what? I think because I've survived this far in my life that like it's going to be smooth sailing. No. The likelier it is at all times that something fucked up is going to happen to me. Yeah. Health wise. I mean.

Well, that's the thing about after a certain age. Yeah. That's just what you got to. And that's the thing is like yeah why am i ever gonna be worried about serial killers when like what's really gonna happen yeah oh don't even talk about that i'm not actually that scared of lyme's disease because i feel good about my tick detection yeah though i'm really worried about like botulism like um and that's kind of poisoning yeah well botulism comes from canned foods that you've home canned or like a cracked

can that would be like a metal can the thing that's so scary about it is that it's odorless and colorless there's no visible but it's like an infection of the brain it's like the and you're gonna die it's like the um the deadliest things are silent invisible well yeah that's okay okay where should i put this? Here, right here. That's the good thing to know about botulism because if you have canned foods where the seal has popped up, that's how you know. Okay. Like that's why they have that. And they get in there.

Because there is oxygen up in there. Up underneath the lid of the... And so you can... And that's what happens is if somehow it's exposed to oxygen then this can happen anyways I know somebody who got it and she was in the hospital for three months holy shit and she lost like

80 pounds that she did not have to lose I mean it's like that sort of thing it will kill you what does it do once it's inside of you it's a brain infection so I think it fucks up the whole central dermis system oh my god but you know i'm not even totally 100 on what happens except for that it's like shutting you down all the way at the main computer it's they've penetrated all of your layers of security yes hacked through computers and

there is actually there's a lot the thing is in the body there's a lot of systems in place for that not to happen yeah that is what's so fucked up yeah Yeah. Well, the immune system itself is pretty fascinating. The body is working tirelessly every day to keep you going. It really is. Doing fucking amazing stuff. There's like no topic

that I've learned about in anatomy that couldn't make me ball. Because I'm just like, I can't believe my body's doing this for me. Yeah. And that's why I feel shitty even like considering smoking cigarettes like my body's working so hard for me and i'm gonna throw that yeah

they're like it's cool just work a lot harder and i'm like but you've already created this amazing system i should be yeah that's what you're there for right if you've created this amazing system i should be thanking you that's what you're there for right if you've created this amazing system i should be only worshiping you yeah all the time well that no it is pretty it's pretty crazy um just the fact just like the fact that you can stop bleeding yeah you know i know a little bit more about that now too some people can't um yeah and i know a little bit more about why they can't too is it a genetic thing well it is a genetic thing uh and i think it's like the hemophilia allele you'll only be a hemophiliac if both of your parents have it but if one of them does

only then you'll still have some problems with clotting interesting there's like a five piece thing to the clotting reaction like five stagesinating. Vasoconstriction and whatnot. But the thing is, like, this is all I have is like a vague idea because the anatomy class that I took this summer was online, which I thought would mean there was like learning online happening, but there wasn't. It's just like here's the PowerPoints. You can either learn them for yourself or not.

And that actually was like the worst way to not focus for me ever. Yeah. And so I only kind of learned everything. I've got like a vague idea. I had like a vague idea that would make me be like, I guess I could go fucking take a test on this right now. That's 90% of my knowledge. And now I'm like, did I learn did i learn anything or i just learn how

to take that test yeah yeah which well that's all that counts in schooling none of the things i learned in school i've retained it's all of the things i've learned at like 3 a.m on webmd and wikipedia that's the only shit I actually read. Oh my god. Because you don't actually learn anything. I'm convinced that you don't actually learn anything if you're only doing it to pass a test. Yeah. I mean, I don't think that that...

Well, yeah. I think it's literally short-term memory. Yeah. And the brain is very efficient at being like, check it, check it. Get the fuck out of here. I mean, that's the thing. Sweep it out the door.

Oh my god. I'm trying to remember which part of here. I mean, that's the thing. Sweep it out the door. Oh my God. I'm trying to remember which part of the brain I just learned this about. But like, for example, the reason that, I'm going to say this, and I don't know if this is true or not. Because I can't remember the facts, but it was something like, I want to say the-

I say a lot of wrong things. Yeah. The sensory cortex of the brain is like touching the memory. Actually, this sounds correct. Yeah. It's touching the memory part of the brain. They just snuggled up next to each other. So that's why like, oh, I think it's for sense specifically is is like touching right the memory part of the

brain so that's why scent is specifically tied up with memory right right memory is tied up with scent which is an amazing and moving and horrible thing and that happened to me today when I was dropping turtle off at Karen Jacobs farm yeah is that I was like getting the smells of my old life farming well and also I lived down there with them last summer and I was like I meant a fucking cry I also felt bad because I'm like dropping off my dog with them and they're like working in the field. And I like go over to their house and start writing poetry. They're back breaking labor.

I'm like, I'm crying. Let me write this poem right now. Yeah. yeah but also the thing that i think is good is that i am at a point in my life that i'm recognizing like this is what i need for myself right now though yeah i could go out there and do this but like yeah yeah yeah yeah write this poem right now it's basically just opening myself to having an emotional experience and clearly you can't do that all the time sometimes you can't have the emotional experience that you want to be having right but yeah you're right you're right no you're right you're right though it is weird how like um

so much of our senses so much of our memory is driven by sensory recall well from the smell specifically but yeah yeah yeah i was i was somewhere recently that had the same uh smell soap that my best friend did when i was in sixth grade and it just immediately took me back to that was 20 or almost yeah that's 15 years ago i wasn't 15 in sixth grade maybe like 17 or 18 years you're listening to kentucky's number one botulism podcast um this is now kentucky's number one botulism where i'm like i don't know if this is correct but I'm just gonna throw it out there

yeah no this is what we were talking about earlier about the Ram Dass and spirituality meets technology I'm trying to find a therapist

and it feels like um it's so difficult to find a therapist who is um is that the intersection of ramdas and technology yeah probably that's what i was it's so difficult to find a therapist who's half robot it's so difficult to find a therapist who's half robot half guru yeah well i think the thing that i learned in my most recent therapy situation is that it is kind of nice if it's just someone who you feel like you're having a conversation with as if it's a friend like you're able to talk that unfettered. Right. Well, what do you think about this like cognitive behavioral therapy? Have you ever practiced this?

I was trying to teach myself this the other night. I was under the, I was like, if I could just learn this, if I could teach myself, I'll be unstoppable. I'll be all powerful. I don't know anything. Well, I don't know. Maybe I do, but under different names. What type of things are you referring to? do but under different names what type of things are you referring to it's like it's like a sort of like it uh it includes mindfulness meditation in like therapeutic practices so for example like

uh it's used for like treating impulse behavior um and depression and anxiety and so they say like what you do, I mean, you probably already know, like in mindfulness meditation, I guess it's you sort of like just take everything as it comes in and you just sort of examine it seriously, rationally, scientifically, and put it away.

The reason I don't think I can do this is because I don't think I treat, I don't think I take myself seriously enough. I don't take that serious person within me serious enough to maybe you need to get in touch with it with the serious person in me serious with it I need to stop you're laughing an awful lot right now Terrence maybe you need to you're right take this as a serious moment you're right. Take this as a serious moment. You're right. I'm projecting out. I don't know. Are you?

You tell me. I think maybe I might be. I think maybe. But that's why I was thinking like Tara would just solve it. That's why I was thinking Tara would just. Oh, my God. I wish I could remember all the details of this podcast that I was listening to today. I don't know, it was just talking about tarot as a spiritual practice,

which I think is a really interesting way to think about it. And also was talking about, okay, so Wayne Coyne was also in this thing I was listening to, talking about belief in a really weird way like he didn't understand why people believed in wait wait wait i want to reread what i just read about him what did it say coin lives on a compound of four houses in the same neighborhood in which he grew up each halloween he dresses up to scare trick-or-treaters who come to his home he feels that it is good to scare children because when they grow older, there are things, quote, that are horribly scary. You can't just run away from them or turn on a light and it runs away. See, I think that might be the problem with him is like he says something really dumb like that and he's like, that's smart.

Write that down. smart write that down i think that's what i kind of realized from this uh interview is that he's kind of simple because it was like do you believe in anything that's like a big concept and he was basically like no how could that be real i'm like what that's what it says it says though an atheist coin says i wish i did believe in god it would be a great relief to think God will take care of it God will put gas in the car tomorrow like what people who say that about being a thing yeah I don't think he has a real understanding yeah well I mean I don't believe in God but I also don't wish I believed in God I mean I guess maybe on my better days sometimes, I think. It would be convenient. I wish that God would put gas in my car. That's a weird thing that Wayne Coyne thinks that people pray about.

People probably do pray about that. Well, I think that was also a weird thing is that in his interview, it seemed like he kept giving sort of like an American dream type of like outlook of like yeah you just work really hard for your dreams and go out there and get them yeah referring to I guess the fact that he's a rock star I don't know yeah it seemed like he had some old-fashioned ideas and he is kind of an older guy and you know what when he was disagreeing oh see this is I think this is like talking down to when he was disagreeing with Duncan Trussell he was just like well I'm 56 maybe when you're 56 you'll think this too and he was like uh i don't know just say duncan trussell's kind of like um a knockoff joe rogan i mean it sounds like they

might have similar sort of guests on their show i have no idea who joe rogan is oh he um he he has a podcast and he's like a mma guy he's in that, like, he did that, remember that show back in, like, the mid-2000s where people would have to conquer their fears. They'd have to, like, eat cow nuts and stuff to get a million dollars. He hosted that show. You'd recognize him if you saw him. Oh, my God. But he's got, like. Seems weird.

He's got guys on and they talk about, like, psychedelics. And they talk about, like, this. And that's the thing is, like, there's something there that I'm like, yeah, I want they talk about like psychedelics and they talk about like this and that's the thing is like there's something there that i'm like yeah i want to talk about this but then i'm like these are just men because the whole time it's wayne coin and him hanging out he's just like oh it's so cool that you're wayne coin he's like yeah dude i think you're cool too anyways going back to the original podcast that i was talking about which was about tarot what were they talking about they were talking about belief systems that uh only being down with belief systems that have like a an outcome that is reflected in the way that you are in the

world right so like you know when it's incongruous like in some people's a lot of people's version of christianity in the u.s it's like what the fuck like i can't be down with that belief system right because the world they want to see come to fruition is bleak and horrifying and yes repressive right it's like, do y'all even know who Jesus was? He was an anti-statist. He was anti-establishment. Well, that's the thing. Like the fundamental Christians in this country,

they're the only thing they care about is the Old Testament. And it's a very dark book. Really? Yeah. And therefore. It's so weird that Christians even pay attention to the Old Testament. Yeah. Exactly.

Because the New Testament is like, hey, I got here. And so now everything's changing around. You can throw the old shit away. Yeah. That's why it's called the New Testament. Yeah. You're right. You're right.

And so like that becomes the vision of the world they want to see. That's what they. I mean, you talk to a lot of conservatives out there and that's the reference point for world they want to see that's what they I mean you talk to a lot of conservatives out there and that's the reference point for a lot of politics I shit yeah oh because I'm also listening to this podcast about Curtis Flowers right now do you know who that is uh no I don't think so I don't know if I had heard of it before this or I just started to make up in my mind that I had heard of it but there was this uh quadruple homicide in a small town in mississippi in 1997 of all the employees at this furniture

place and they couldn't and they were like killed uh execution style um and there was just no witnesses no like footage or anything like nobody knew who fucking did this and so eventually i believe at least a year after the murders it was pinned on this guy curtis flowers who was like 26 year old black man who had uh worked at this furniture place for like three days. Yeah, and it was again the same thing that we're talking about before where like Whether he did it or not. There's no way that in court. They could say they could prove it Yes, but this is like more way more ridiculous actually and that like the strongest This is like more way more ridiculous, actually, in that like the strongest evidence against him was, for example, witnesses who had seen him on the route that he took to go to the scene of the crime.

Whereas he says he was doing like this. These people got on the stand and were like, I saw Curtis headed in that direction at this time. Yeah. But in this podcast, which, okay, I was talking about this before and I didn't finish the thought. Right. It's less exploitative because you don't actually hear from Curtis at all. You're just looking at evidence the whole time. Right. And I actually think that's better in terms of like seeing where the injustice is

because it doesn't matter who Curtis is because it's an emblem of like like, what's going on. You're right. In the system. Yeah. In a greater sense. You're very right about that. And that's why Serial was so fundamentally wrong.

Exploitative. Part of exploitative, right. Yeah. Because they're not trying to tell a systemic story. They're only trying to tell you a very, it's weird. It doesn't even have a moral center. know and was somehow related to their family or something like a longtime friend i think she expressed like that she was very disappointed over the uh slant that the podcast had taken and yeah i think like a lot of people see it as like a more like racial and systemic story right and it became like this whole other fucking thing you're right you're absolutely right

well so with the curtis flowers thing this has been a smart podcast she's done amazing stuff the whole team has in that because there's there's extensive research behind this um so she was able to oh oh i forgot the craziest part about this he had a trial he was convicted as guilty but then they appealed it to the supreme court of alabama or mississippi and it was overturned because they saw how it was like the not all the facts were presented in the right way basically every time everything that they saw wrong had to do with the way the prosecutor had basically like done a bad job to make it look like curtis was guilty and every time the da just tries it again

and so the case has now been tried six times and he has the death penalty so he could be uh he could be killed by the state for this crime but he most likely did not commit it the evidence all shows that and actually it's like ridiculous when you look at what the evidence is which which is like, yeah, these route witnesses were like, on this day, I remember seeing him walking in this direction, which actually that's as much as they can even testify to, like not with a gun, not bloody, not like anything out of the ordinary, just that he would have been there.

But when she tracked down all these people, they were like, yeah, the DA called me to his office like nine months after it happened and was like, we have people who know you were there and saw Curtis Flowers. So can you just like testify to that? And these people were like confused and motivated by different things. Right. Mostly, I think a lot of times having fear of law enforcement yeah yeah and we're just like and also like at the time of their interview just wanting it to be over so saying whatever they needed to say for it to be over people really don't take that uh you know like there are stories out there but it never gets sort of like put into

like a larger sort of narrative but like people really don't take that into account that, like, for the most part. And, you know, you saw this with, what was his name in New York? Eric Garner? Who was choked, like, where the guy who recorded it, they put him in jail. Yeah. Eventually, they retaliated against him. Yeah, he's been on the run and there's much it seems yeah it seems there's has to be coordinated efforts to intimidate people whether it's on juries or whatever yes to to rural certain ways

yeah and to testify in court so there were these route witnesses that were basically all debunked because some of them even were like i would never testify again that right but i testified at that time but like well now i wouldn't they've got the the thing is is like it's not even conspiratorial to say any of that because they have the infrastructure and like apparatus to do it in cop unions they all talk to each other and hang out together and they have like a shared culture and um and therefore they have like a infrastructure for you know launching well and the thing that i found out that seems so fucked up to me is and though you watch cop shows as a kid and like that seems obvious and they're doing uh i just

realized what a fucking yeah uh setup for for our society and brainwash the cop shows are because you're like yeah i'll give away my rights because like we're getting the bad guys every time we're getting the bad guys the right bad guy because like i just found out in this podcast though again i've seen this in shows like cops don't have to tell the truth when they're interviewing a suspect right they can say whatever they want to say and like fuck yeah like yeah then you're gonna say whatever you need to say in response to that

right right it's entirely coercive yeah it's really it's really crazy like if someone's Right, right. It's entirely coercive. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, it's really crazy. Like if someone's like, we know you committed this crime. What are you going to say to that? Somebody told us. Yeah. But we'll let you go if you say this. Right.

And so then you're like, okay, well, I'll just say this then. You'd be crazy not to. Since you know that. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be insane not to. Yeah. Yeah.

And then what else was the stuff? They had bunk evidence about the gun that was supposedly used, which they never have even had the gun that was used. They never found it. I don't know that they even have bullets from the crime scene. I don't know. It's something weird where also matching a bullet. Well, it doesn't matter because the whole idea of it came from this certain gun was the idea that Curtis would have stolen the gun out of that car,

which, like, nobody witnessed that. Right. Nor has he ever been found with a gun right of any kind that could have been the murder weapon and then what was the other thing oh well they also used jailhouse snitches as to testify against him classic I found out was that in a case where you actually have strong evidence, you would never use jailhouse snitches because they're so unpredictable. And they will flip. Right.

Well, they have an individual incentive to. Yeah. Yeah. And like also it's just somebody's word. So it's not like that strong of evidence. You know, if you have strong evidence, you're not going to use it. If you don't have strong evidence you're not going to use it if you don't have strong evidence you are going to use it and unfortunately for some reason like well it's interesting because it was also like the da used all 15 of his strikes in each trial to get rid of

black people like every time and so most of the juries were almost like all white people, like literally sometimes like 10 to 1. So apparently also when they would hear black people testify against another black person, that was like really believable to them because they were like, well, clearly all blacks are on the same team. Right. blacks are on the same team right if one of them is telling against another then like that must mean that they really like did it right uh yeah really kind of fucked up notion that's fascinating but it's mississippi right and i think that was the other when was the murder take place it was in 97 and i think that's the ugly thing to realize about it and like is the the background of white supremacy is like which is based in christianity yeah it's like the idea that a good person is like a white person right and like without knowing anything else about a person if they're a white

person like they are a good person yeah and uh anyone outside of that is like suspect and like i think people can be so invisibly racist in that way. Like I'm saying, like, I think all white people see other white people that way. I think that's part of why it's so hard to find white supremacy. I think I am like unaware of many of the racists around me, you know? Yeah. of many of the racists around me, you know? Yeah.

And that's part of also this polite society idea, which came up with everything that's been going on with confronting senators in restaurants and stuff. And the civility. Yes. The civility. And being polite company to each other is like what is expected in white society. Yeah. And like not to speak out and challenge each other.

You're right. I read this article today in the New Yorker about a I read this article today about this book called White. I guess it's white fragility or whatever. But a real thing. a real thing but like the point is that like white people are always attempting to um to change the subject away from that just because they're afraid of challenging that established order of things we all implicitly know it you know we all cynically internalize it it's like what you're saying and we don't want to sort of like rock that boat by breaching that sort of event horizon. Yeah.

Well, and also like this description of a person as like a good Christian man, that means like just a white guy who minded his business. Like you don't have to know anything else about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It implies goodness and purity. To be able to say he's a good Christian man. Right. minded his business like yeah you don't have to know anything else about him yeah yeah yeah it implies goodness and purity say he's a good christian man right like the you're right like the terms good christian man they're synonymous with good you know white yeah standing upper middle upper i mean i feel like yeah you don't even necessarily have to be going to church at that point and they're like that's a good christian people say that about me actually oh it's confusing that's a good christian boy

yeah i mean yeah the supremacy of whiteness is pretty much hand in hand with the way that Christianity is practiced. Yeah. In white culture in America, at least. It's, it's, it's, yeah, you're right. It's Christianity. It's also, it's weirdly enough, like I was thinking about this the other day. When I was a kid, I remember getting this lesson, like this sex ed lesson

from my parents for my dad this is this is how he illustrated it to me i'll never forget this he got it i think what age was it i must have been probably 12 maybe 12 or 13 and um he was explaining to me sex and and he got like a pear or a or apple or something from the from the from the kitchen table yeah oh it's going to get much worse it's an apple it's going to get much worse yeah i don't even like like apples and uh and he like he was like this is you you know as you are right now and then he like took i don't remember what it was but he like sort of nicked it a few times gave it some few bruises or whatever and like this is he's like this is what you are after you've had sex seriously it's like it's like this whole notion of that like you are not you are a holistically

different human being after you have had sex well specifically you've been damaged damaged right irreversibly flawed my purity has been tarnished forever yeah wow that's actually an amazing story to know about you and also it was funny because i thought that he was gonna go into a real explanation of sex the fruit was gonna be penetrated he gets a banana it's like this is you as you are now it's like i didn't think terrace was gonna be the apple in this situation my dad fucked an apple in front of me like it's a carrot and you're like i don't think i want to do this now yeah yeah yeah um well you know everyone's parents have fucked them up about sex you're right i guess the culture as well you can't you can't exclude the culture i do wonder if this has to do with you know i mean like we sort of take

for granted that like you're familiar with this term incel like we take for granted terrible awful but it's like you know it's like a function of patriarch and all this but i also do wonder if part of it has to do with this notion that is pervasive throughout society which is that like before sex you are a one person and then after sex you like you're not a holistic person like through all it's just something your body does you're still the same person before and after i mean like maybe we just put so much emphasis on i wish we weren't putting so much emphasis on it, you know? I wish we were just enjoying it a little bit more. Yeah, exactly.

As a natural thing to do. Yeah. And I think in that case, it would mean really, like, in all ways, though, taking away a lot of our internalized ideas about sexuality, including, like like the age at which one has sex or something right now like it would it would mean removing taboos beyond like what seems to be the most obvious taboos well or because our society is a deeply shameful society yeah so there's like a lot to get through well

and i think that is wrapped up in the thing about consent too in the fact that we don't teach it early is because like we have put so much emphasis on this one moment in which you you know what i mean and it's like yeah it's even like sort of told you in parable form as something you take from somebody else and it's just like it it yeah i don't know it's so yeah it yeah yeah well i think that was something that like has also been talked about within queer ideas uh of like losing your virginity and also like because of that people only consider like penetrative sex to be a way to lose your virginity but like and also specifically penetrative sex of like a penis and vagina

you know and like actually there's many different ways to have sex right and that's only one of them so you have many different virginities that you could lose right and also like yeah the whole idea around virginity being a thing is pretty disgusting right uh just because it has such a value judgment attached to it i guess as an idea in the whole it's not that bad it's not it's nothing more than like the label of a cow as a heifer it has some scientific which by the way i was thinking about this recently that i did used to fucking work at a dairy and i'm like how strange my life has been yeah where i was actually you have had an interesting trajectory i was watching the heifers to see who was in heat because it was time for them to be bred for the first time so i was standing outside of the field with binoculars because they all have numbers on

their ear seeing who's riding who that was the words used because then they can go inseminate them right and I'm trying to remember which way it went I think actually the one that was humping was not the one that was in heat but the one that was being humped was the one who was in heat because everyone was smelling it and was like it's gotta be crazy to be an animal i mean if you're just in the middle of the field and you catch a down you know wind a whiff of your pheromones you're like oh truly i wish i was more in touch with my animal nature in that way and i think uh that's specifically why i'm afraid to go back onto hormonal birth control is i think i've heard before that it like messes with your true pheromones like you don't have the same pheromone anymore so like the people who would be your best

sexual mate whatever you're gonna be botching it up which to me was like well that explains my whole youth actually it really does it could yeah and that's crazy and uh you know i'm much more satisfied now so and haven't been on birth control in a long time is that, I don't know, I mean, there's development on all different levels going on there. Right. But I think the pheromones have something to do with it. That's why I'll never go back on hormonal birth control. I literally cannot risk having an attraction to the wrong people where I'm not actually attracted to them.

Yeah. You're playing with fire there. Yeah. I mean, because you never know. You're on it while you're with somebody. I think with the pheromone thing, it's like, who's going to have the best babies with you? It is a chemical bond. Yeah.

It's very important. Yeah. I mean, it's like we were saying earlier, as i've gotten older i have determined that the one thing i can rely on even when i'm feeling like as dysphoric and crazy as possible where i'm just out of my mind the one thing i can't always rely on is my gut reaction to meeting someone for the first time you know what i mean and there's a there's got to be a reason for that. I mean, you're reading certain things into an interaction. Yeah, I think that there's something to that. I also worry about it a little bit with you, though.

Say more about that. Well, as you're a naturally anxious person. That's true. I'm like, oh, his guts probably don't feel good a lot of the time about people i that's true i do too i do tend to lean a little more on the uh no new friends yeah well i'm on the no new friends but i yeah that's just because it's tiring to get new friends you know what i'm saying it is exhausting what's the difference between so, so what kind of different birth controls are there if there's hormonal? Is that like a?

That's the pill. The pill. And then there's like the. Yeah, there's the IUD, which there is an IUD that is hormonal. And then there's one that's copper. But I think the IUD would still be considered to be a different type of hormonal than birth control, though I still don't know that I could risk it. Can't risk it.

The copper one, though, is extremely painful for people who have bad cramps already, and I have bad cramps, so it could be like agony forever if I'm to understand it right. Oh. But it is very effective and then of course there is like old-fashioned barriers i don't know does anyone use what are those things called anymore dental dams no this it's shaped oh a diaphragm diaphragm well that's i think that was the slang for it right no that's not that's a diaphragm is a thing actually i really you're right seems weird i would never imagine using

a diaphragm is it very effective anyone know i think it's the physics of it seemed very simple right you just set up a barrier because we were talking about this before. Again, I think it is pretty important for the penis to be able to ejaculate at a speed into the vagina. As far up into the air. Well, yeah, into the cervix, actually, is where you're aiming for. You hear that, folks? Wow. And I think about it because, you know, something that I heard at some point was that orgasm used to be thought of as the thing that was necessitated for a baby for pregnancy. Really?

Yeah. Like you. Female orgasm specifically. Right, right, right, right. Because they didn't know necessarily that it was just sex in general. This is like, I think I read this in something that I read about, like, matriarchy and, you know, the past when we had the great cosmic mother. Right. The good old days.

The good old days. The days before we turned our back on the feminine and the earth. At the same time. Just start. I think, though, that makes sense also because you're having contractions that are pushing that shit up further, it seems like. Yeah. It would make sense to me

that you would be more likely to get pregnant right off of having an orgasm at the same time right yeah but that's hard it's very hard um to time it at the exact same time well are you willing to work on it that's all it really will probably take turns but you're gonna have to work on it no i've done've done it. But it's a combination of several things. And sometimes neurosis can get in there. Start getting in your own head. And then you're like Michael Jordan, getting on a bad streak or something.

Michael Jordan doesn't get on a bad streak. I'm pretty sure he does not. Does he go to artisanal? He did go to artisanal. And my favorite uh item about that was what he was wearing which was like okay i really hope that i haven't somehow twisted this because i realized that the description of this outfit i'm like that's drake but because this was also a restaurant where like people's uh clothing was very important and like you can't

sit in there in just anything like something like people who were wearing flip-flops were seated in the bar or something like that so but michael jordan comes up in there wearing camo pants and a black turtleneck it's also the summer but like that's iconic that's beautiful yeah you're right that's actually i want to i want to base my whole aesthetic off of that i actually brought camo pants with me and i haven't been wearing them enough but i'm like i need to get this in my rotation. I'm disappointed. This is just like Michael Jordan. I'm disappointed you didn't get out the car wearing them. They're good looking, honestly.

I should be wearing them more. What type of camo are we talking here? I don't know. I would say the army type, green. I feel like different branches of the military probably have their own camo, right? I don't know. I mean, and also it's gone so far as its own thing in fashion now that there's like so many different kinds of camo.

I don't know, but I'm very attracted to it. I think it's like, I don't know, you know, taking like old-fashioned ideas and subverting them. Or if you're not subverting them, just like consuming culture. You're the only person I know who manages to pull off the combined aesthetic of camo and we turn our back on mother earth cosmic mother well that's that's kind of the intersectionality of my identity you know you're right i don't know i want to know who the first person was that took camo and decided well that's the thing is that i'm a i'm a southerner i want my camo too you know i think it had to have been in the 90s well you're right there's two applications of it there's like high fashion camo but then there's you're right then there's like southern actual

camo like people right and then there's like i do think there's a third category of people who are like subverting the symbol uh-huh okay yeah yeah yeah you're right i could see that it's like taking it back in some way Camo We're taking camo back I don't know Just taking southern things back Yeah From the dominant culture in general Mason jars

Yeah god damn it Burning coal Well yeah You have to send all your coal back down there We're actually Oh I'm not gonna blame anybody more for the coal problem than anyone else yeah um i was gonna say we're not consuming as much coal because it's hot down here yeah but then actually that fucking i'm realizing right now

i messed that up totally earlier well because everybody's running the ac and that's the worst thing the ac is not cooling the planet if we would just open up our doors if everybody would just open up the doors and let the AC blast outside. Yeah, I know. Let's cool this motherfucker down. Waste heat is my least favorite thing in the world, though. I'm like, oh my God. It gives me so much anxiety. But then I'm also thinking about people like Tesla and like, what did happen to Tesla? You know he knew how to create electricity out of nothing and then all of a sudden you don't hear anything more from him and then elon musk takes away the name tesla which tesla's

like a rebel and a real visionary right he takes it for his stupid electric car that's like clearly only for the elite and like very purposefully only for the elite you're right and like the batteries i fucking hate elon musk so much i feel like i have to put that out there big time because i've in the past said nice things about him yeah you just come on to a podcast set the record straight oh my god erase. Erase all the past. I just want more people who are going to comment and share more bad stuff about Elon Musk so I can find more reasons. Because right now I still sort of have a vague idea of why I hate him, but other people might

know a lot more. You're being conservative with your hatred. You know that there's much more death to what you're gonna achieve yeah though you know i'm afraid of the class war if it's going against me so well i guess that's what's already that's what's already happening right every time every time michael jordan shows up in camo pants um that's class war against us that's why we have to reappropriate it that's why we have to take it back is that true is maybe not i mean i don't know he's incredibly wealthy right he is incredibly wealthy but well living the american dream yeah yeah well that's the thing those sorts of people actually are the people that i can also

be like what is gonna happen to michael jordan in the class war because like i don't really want to kill him i'm good even if he's kind of a bad guy i don't really want to kill him there are others though like yeah oh i just realized what you were talking about about being on the record about being on the record exactly like wow i did just say that maybe don't put that in your podcast see that's the thing you you talk for hours and hours you you you will have a mass 60 70 hours of podcasting and then someone will bring about class warfare yeah which is yeah as we know the fear of many of the elite right energy waste is terrifying though and you know what's really terrifying though caroline is if you go to where i'm from in New Mexico, it's like you'll pass...

There's a lot of like oil money there. And so you'll pass like subdivisions on the outside of Hobbs that are just these massive mansions. And it'll be like 110 degrees outside in the middle of the day, in the middle of like July or August. And you know that every square inch

of that motherfucker is totally and completely iced you know what i mean like they we have managed to subvert all natural processes like to the point to where it's you know i mean it's obvious and there's no trees around there either no it's just the desert yeah so it's gonna be hot as a motherfucker in that house a person should never be living in a house right there in the desert exactly so like yeah yeah and the poor parts of town obviously mansion full of air conditioning like i feel guilty running an air conditioning in my small house you know no you know their

bills have to be just hundreds and hundreds and they don't care no don't care and they just pay it and it's just burning shit and putting it into the air yeah i mean who engineered this um i don't know um the oil industry i don't know it could be much deeper than that you could be right um should we do tarot before before we cut it off oh yeah you want to try it yeah well what do you think it sounds like i just need you to have your phone available to google what all the cards mean though i'll try to interpret them somewhat beforehand let's i going to put a pause on this. We'll take a break. We'll take a break. Thank you. I know what we can do.

For this podcast, we can draw a card for what its past current and future is okay all right that's perfect that's perfect all right well i'm gonna have to shuffle these cards okay you do that i'll um have you ever been good at shuffling yeah i think i'm good now, but look, this is how I do it. That's how it always looks for me, too, when I try to shuffle cards. They clump together. I mean, I kind of had this idea, like, I texted you last night, or was it maybe earlier today? I can't remember, about bringing the tarot deck. That might have been this morning. I think it was this morning.

And I just had this image of you reading it and being like. Got them. They got them. So we're going to. You're going to cut that with your left hand just one time from wherever you want. From wherever. Okay. Beautiful. Okay. Beautiful.

Cool. So we're going to draw that as well, I guess I should have let you do it but whatever. That's going to be the past of the podcast. Okay. Alright. And then Do I grab it with my left hand?

Hold on a second. Yeah, I'll have you cut it with your left hand again in a second. Love that. All right, I'm going deep on this cut. Deep cut. Deep cuts. There you go. And so that will be the future of this podcast.

The future, okay. So past, present, future. All right, so now you're just going to flip them all over. Same time. Yeah, each one right now. All right. We're going to look at all of these. Well, here's the thing.

I can't tell whether I should call them right side up or upside down because it's like from whose perspective. You're right. It totally depends on the perspective. So I'm'm gonna read them all by their right side up meanings so that we don't have to get into all the confusion i probably shouldn't turn king of pentacles that's pretty amazing that's our past yeah that's the past security control power discipline Okay. King of Pentacles is a card of worldly success, ultimate fulfillment, material satisfaction, and high ambition.

The king sits upon a throne decorated with carvings of bulls and vines, and his robe is covered in embroidered grape vines rich with fruit. Let me see if this is true. I think I do see a lot of vines there. Yeah. He appears very regal and sophisticated.

Let's see. Behind him is his castle, a symbol of all he has built through his efforts and determination. King is very serious about financial security and has made the accumulation of his funds his main preoccupation in life well I want to know about the little troll here

in the corner does that have a significance? they didn't mention it they didn't mention it? no they feel fine about that they feel fine? that makes it even more creepy he is proud of his achievements

and willing to show others his prized possessions interesting maybe this show started He is proud of his achievements and willing to show others his prized possessions. Interesting. Maybe this show started... Okay, this is just one way I could be interpreting it right now. Maybe this show started as an expression of your ego. Something that you wanted to put into the world. As a reflection of your own smarts and accomplishments. No.

That seems totally off. This is bullshit. I don't know about any of this. So the present is the hanged man, which is a really interesting one, and I can't remember much about it, so I'm just going to look it up. That bodes interestingly

because... Alright, we'll find out. Okay, yep, got it. A way to show off your accomplishments and all the many things you've learned. Well, at least I got a podcast, guys. Okay. You think I'm not important in the world?

Well, I have a podcast. All these books I've read have extracted at least one nugget of information in which to put. Yeah, the second you put me on a podcast, I'm thinking I'm important. I'm like, well, this might not be facts, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. That's the thing. This might not be science, but I'm going to go ahead and say it. That's the thing. This might not be science. Right.

But here's some science. I don't know. We really don't talk about that enough. Every time you engage with media through any form, you are projecting a persona of yourself into it. It doesn't even matter if it's in the most minuscule way. Even on a fucking cell phone or social media. I will say, I think that i will say i think that is sort of an interesting thing about living in this time though in that everyone can create an

artistic expression of themselves in that way whereas some people didn't really have an outlet for that you're right you know like everyone can be an artist now like right i mean like honestly the fact that i have an internet personality is part of what made me as outspoken as i became it gave me like confidence it was like people somewhere care what i have to say yeah i know exactly what you mean yes i mean we are the sort of first generation to have formed our personalities and identities and it's so important for each individual person to think that what they have to say matters because that actually is like what democracy and its ideal is built on you know right so in that way it's a very democratic and artistic

right place i don't know i but it's one of those things it's it's it's one of those things. It's one of those things like the refrigerator. Like capitalism gave it to us. It has its uses, but it can be put to better uses, I'm sure. Yeah, well, and also something that I heard from this podcast that I'm really into, How to Survive the End of the World, is like there is connection without interiority on the internet. That's pretty much a direct quote from them. So it's like you can say something as soon as it's made you feel a way.

Right. It's like reaction. There's no reflection on it. And like we are better selves when we've thought through something and like processed it in a real way right before posting about it and so it's like it feels intimate in a way but it's like people aren't actually like bettering themselves necessarily by that's why they're putting all of their reactions out there. That's why podcasting is ultimately the bravest thing you can do.

Really. Why is that? Because you put it all out there without having thought about any of it. Right. Well, I think that this could be thought of as a form of therapy in its own right, though. I turn the audience into my it's just a time of reflection with another person about your interior feelings which is hopefully what you're getting out of therapy right right i just want to assure the listening audience so that what i'm feeding you

is not my interior feelings at all are you sure okay we've got the hanged man for where this podcast is right now. Is right now at the moment. We're the hanged man. Okay, so I'm going to describe what is shown there. Hanged man shows a man suspended upside down from the living world tree, rooted in the underworld and supporting the heavens. Okay. Given the serene expression on his face, it is believed he is hanging on the tree of his own will. Yeah.

His right foot is bound to the tree, but his left foot remains free. Been at the knee and tucked in behind his right leg. Mm-hmm. So it's saying, okay, he's got red pants, which is representing human passion and the physical body. A blue coat for knowledge and yellow shoes representing his high ideals. I like his shoes. That seems like a good place to be at. You're at the intersection of human passion

and the physical body, knowledge, and high ideals. Actually, those three things integrated together is like what more could you want? That's a dangerous combination. Yeah, that's confidence. dangerous yeah that's combination confidence right that's where confidence comes from you're you're absolutely people better watch the fuck out because this this means we're shooting straighter than we've ever shot we're we're um we're thinking clearer than we've ever thought. Okay, this has also, this halo is spiritual attainment.

Okay. Gray background suggests invisibility. I don't really understand about that. Yeah, I don't either. But then it goes on to describe this as the card of ultimate surrender, of being suspended in time and of martyrdom and sacrifice to the greater good. You hear that, people?

We're sacrificing for you. Okay, but here's something awesome. It says, this is the archetype to meditate on to help break old patterns of behavior and bad habits that restrict you. Maybe that's referring to some, I don't know, could be some changes in the life of Terrence. Yeah.

As the author of this podcast, but maybe not, because we're not talking about Terrence. It's a persona. we're talking about the podcast right right itself exactly it's um not actually me remember the meme where people be like what are those about shoes yeah yeah yeah i gotta say what is my man golden shoes they look like ballet slippers. They do look pretty cool. Which would, I don't know, that's not good for any type of tough terrain.

I do like. But he's chill. He is very chill. I like his hair just hanging down freely. Yeah, so basically that's where you're at right now. You're right. But, yeah, it seems to be talking about self-sacrifice and idealism, but also a way to break patterns of behavior. Interesting.

Well, that's very interesting, too, because self-sacrifice and idealism is sort of part of what has you here. You're right. You're absolutely right. But I was also really trying not to interpret the podcast as you. Thank you for your diligence on that front. So we'll move on to the next one. This is the one that's really had me worried.

I've always got a pretty good sort of grasp on the present and the past. Yeah? You think so? Well, I guess that is the thing. The future. Okay, that's going to be a six of pentacles. Yeah, well, I was going to say... Two men. After a five, that's when things are starting to go awry. Oh my god. That's where you're at i've brought this dark magic into this place into this place of recording whoa this is interesting you you this would be a really good way to test the sort of... Wow.

This seems like a really good future for this podcast. Interesting. So it says... Because the look on your face, I was very briefly... Well, I just really... I wanted it to be saying something different, I guess. Very briefly. Well, I just really, I wanted it to be saying something different, I guess.

Six of Pentacles is a man dressed in a purple robe, symbolic of his wealth and status. He has a balanced scale representing fairness and equality. And with the other hand, he feeds two beggars who kneel at his feet. Right, right. This card is reflecting the state of being materially secure and suggests that you are able to use the abundance in your life for the benefit of others that's just what we were talking about just what this is also i think this shows a socialist future you're absolutely right you're right yes there's fairness yes and people are being fed right you're absolutely oh my god this is actually an amazing progression for this podcast it seems like it's been in a blessed state from

the beginning yeah uh but you know this had some stuff to do with ambition and person wow that's pretty interesting had to do with ambition and personal gain. Yeah. And, like, intellect. And then we're evolving beyond intellect into, like, enlightenment. Enlightenment. This is like that fucking meme that was going around for a while. The brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, right. Oh, I love those. We started small brain. Now we're at galaxy brain. Yeah. And then this is a more down-to-earth place. Well, it love those. We started small brain. Now we're at galaxy brain. Yeah. And then this is a more down to earth place. Well, it's like I'm saying. But this is harmony.

It's like I was saying earlier. Once I master the mindfulness cognitive behavioral therapy thing. Then you can live in the world in a more secure way. Yes, I will be all powerful. Nothing will be able to stop me. I wasn't expecting you to go in that direction because that's what i'm trying to i'm trying to that's the most but i'm wow good for you yeah yeah i think keep thinking that way i dream big well you know

all of our power is uh in our own hands you're right are we gonna take it or are we not exactly and that's a great parting and i think that's been the challenge all along you know so who's gonna take it it's gonna be the hanged man maybe the hanged man. Or woman. Or neither. Well, non-binary. Right. Right. That's a, alright, well, that's a good message to end on. Yeah, and I also want to do a secret private reading for you. A private reading for me, okay. Yeah.

Alright. I did ask you over for that reason. Yeah. I was going to say, do we want to do any clarifying questions? But I think the answer is no, but I'm done with this. With this particular. Right. Yeah. I mean, I think that given the circumstances and the potential of energy contamination,

we got a pretty good reading. I think the spirits said what they wanted us to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Oh, my God. Well, you know, who is it? I got to admit, I got to admit, I was very, for a minute there, I was very concerned, like, because if it did bode ominously and it eventually did go off the rails, I'd be like, fuck, I brought that energy into this. Well, I think sort of the interesting thing about these cards is that you really don't notice what's going on in the card unless you actually really pay attention to what's going on in the card.

Right. Because it's like, yeah, what the heck is going on there? But now I'm like, oh, yeah, I see. That's justice and fairness. Right, right. But I wouldn't have gotten that right away. That one, however, has a troll in it. Well, yeah, he's possessing the troll. Oh, so he's like.

Do you see a troll here? Mentally, he's possessing it. He's like doing a mind meld with it. Like a, right there. What is that? Oh, that's the bull that's on the. Oh, that's a bull. Not a troll.

Yeah, I had already read in the description that there should be bulls on the throne. That's okay though. I mean, what I was saying was important. What does that mean? There should be bulls on the throne? Well, just in the thing, it was like? There should be bulls on the throne? Well just in the thing it was like There will be bulls on the throne

Oh And then you're like hold on What's this little elf? I see Oh I wish we had those Keebler cookies Oh yeah Damn Well I got other snacks though

Red and blue are definitely highly represented, as well as yellow. You're right. Look, the color combination of these two, or the... And yellow, you're right. Lots of yellow, red, and blue. Those are good-ass colors. Are those the primary colors? Roy G. Biv?

Red, orange, yellow, green, ind green yeah that does that's a different thing that's all the colors oh that's all the colors okay primary colors is just three colors i'm colorblind so i got that going against me well okay red green yeah red green yeah red green so you can't even see your beautiful red door i can i can sort of conceptualize it abstractly that's crazy that's right i learned colors through abstraction yeah people describe them to me no not really anyways uh well i would love for that to be true let's let's get to this private private reading hey why don't we do that hey all right well thanks for having me on thanks for joining me caroline it's been a great time um cheers cheers and safe travels thank you

we need to have more people on the show As they're rolling through town It's the best kind of show It's just kind of like a punchy I'm in, I'm out Yeah, just like Nick Offerman Just like Nick Offerman Now you see me

Right I guess Nick Offerman didn't sleep on your couch though He didn't That'd be freaking sweet if he did Did he come here? No we recorded at Apple Shop Okay well it would have been crazy It would have been crazy if he would have come here

Yeah that would have been pretty cool You would have had to make this place look good You know what I'm saying But I think he would have liked this interior You're right he's really into wood Wow I should have invited him up I should have invited him up Fuck But I think he would have liked this interior. You're right. He's really into wood. Wow. I should have invited him up. I should have invited him up. Fuck.

But maybe he would. Yeah, he probably would have pet my cats. He likes the woods. Admire my books. You're right. Well, but that would have been feeding this king of pentacles. Right. The ego self. We're here. We of pentacles. Right. The ego self.

We're here. We're seeing enlightenment. Right, right, right. At that time, we were there, though. Now, we're here. We're here. We had to make it over an initial hump. Yeah.

That's why you didn't invite Nick Offerman up here. Exactly. And soon enough, you're going to be able to feed all the people. Right. Well, it'll be Kalashnikovs that we'll be putting in their hands and pitchforks here it's money but symbolically I'm saying

I thought that's crumbs of food you're right I thought it was coins actually I have no idea just crumbs is there is there anything more demeaning than just sprinkling crumbs in somebody's hands i had never thought about it before oh it's feeding people like you feed fish in a tank I had never thought about it before. Oh, fuck.

It's feeding people like you feed fish in a tank. But it's a totally different thing. You're right. All right, on that note, I'm calling it.