Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 64: When Keepin It Woke Goes Wrong

Episode Date: August 9, 2018

Tanya reports back from girls rock camp. Tarence threatens a medical professional. Tom becomes the left's new Carl Sagan.

at a hood it's too hot for a raincoat humidity's getting me i'm i'm bad to pack uh 20 outfits on vacation wear two of them oh i was not born to pack light no i take a rolly suitcase on a one on a one-nighter so what in the hell you know that's the truth i literally just went to louisville for one night and took a rolly suitcase and then there i had there were no it was like a bm like an actual bnb it was super creepy it was like a actual B&B. It was super creepy. There was like an innkeeper and everything. Super creepy. Did they have a glass eye and a hunchback?

Not far from it. His name was Ricardo. And he was real creepy. So, what else do you pack if it's not just Well, like I have a big caboodle with all my like God damn it stop

Beauty stuff I mean I don't even wear makeup usually But I have a ton of products for no reason Just in case I need to You know get into drag or something Gotta have your products You never know when there's going to be an impromptu drag show That you can participate in But hands down what takes up the most space in my suitcase

Is I wear shoes One time on a four-day trip i packed eight shoes i just really eight pairs so 16 shoes for a four-day long weekend god damn i mean some of them are like little flats that just smush up and they don't take a lot of room and so those i feel like i don't even count those right okay but then there's like you know one pair of wedges i need a pair of tennis shoes it's just like i just never know what's gonna happen yeah i think i'm i think i always slightly i'm preparing for an apocalypse yeah you have you are the only person i know who has like a um a prepper kit okay we don't need to call it that it's it's a go bag okay well okay go whatever you want it's just a backpack i wasn't using that i decided to put all of my like survival gear in it was spread all over the over the house just random things you have i'm sure

already i just put it all in one place algae kit kit Yeah What's an algae kit? To like brew beer? So you can make algae and eat it Well I actually really do I don't even know if an algae kit's a real thing I doubt it I actually really do want to invest in a water filtration system Like a camping, hiking I have a water filter

Yeah I really want one I think it's a good investment Yeah It's like 60, 70 bucks you yeah that's an investment it is you're right you're not wrong yeah 70 bucks is what kind of scenario would you theoretically be running from uh you know in the real heat of a moment i'd probably just crawl under my bed to be honest

i don't even watch zombie shows i i don't even i can't even watch handmaid's tale so it's not like i'm really just i had i had a dream the other night i i'm not into zombie shit at all never been attracted to it never even thought it was entertaining but i had a dream the other night that included all of us our buddies the glorifiers and tom petty but it wasn't just tom petty it was tom petty in that mad hatter suit from his video for uh don't come around here anymore that's amazing and he was the most humble guy it was amazing i have all my shotgun shells in that backpack too just so i know where they are it's probably it's probably heavy as fuck right well the joke was it's when i moved when i was packing to move the last time i was like you know what i'm just gonna do this and i started i like

threw my like camping stove in there like my not stove but like my little camping like um fucking skillet thing little camping cooking pack whatever. I just like threw a ton of shit. Hot hands. Fucking like baby wipes. Just a bunch of shit. Rando shit. An extra toothbrush. I literally have extra underwear in this bag.

Just like I just, while I was packing, I was just like, things I would see, I'd be like, okay, I'll put that like duct tape, a bunch of shit. And then when I need stuff like that,

I know where it's at. I just go get it out of the bag and use it and put it back. Just your, you need a shotgun shell. And then I threw all those bullets. then i threw all those bullets yeah i threw all my shells in there too and then i literally couldn't pick it up i couldn't pick the backpack up and i was like well that's not really going any goddamn where i remember i house sat for you one time and i was sleeping in your bed and you at one point i think you had a Shotgun holstered right above it

And then I think there was another one Like on some kind of chest or something At the bottom or maybe it was just at that time Underneath it? Was it like you pulled it off the bottom? But in your bedroom you had more than one gun Ready to go at any time I have more than one shotgun in my room

I don't have them on the wall anymore It seemed like a little much I have them in the top of the closet now with my fishing poles damn interesting that's that that that's how you know you've moved on to another chapter of life another stage of life your guns and your fishing poles go in the back of the closet no the top they're in the top or the top of the closet when i was growing up my dad had all of his guns in the back of the closet um we never had them displayed or anything well because my nephews come over and they're not loaded of course i'm not a fucking maniac i don't have loaded guns in the house but like they're in total out of reach of any children they're up as

high as i can get them that's good and i haven't the last time i shot my guns was for a new year's eve party years ago at the hen house probably i i have not pulled that because i used to get them out once a year and like clean them and whatever and now i just don't fucking care i i heard about this party i was not there i was like oh my god my god they're firing firing firing really yeah they're drinking and firing weapons that's a good party um someone that we don't like who was there i just probably shot him but he i had my my fondest memory of the party was i had you know there was a performance in the back of my truck i drove a pickup then yeah yeah and globsters performed in the back of my truck it was really fun i pulled it up in the yard. And so in preparation for the performance, I took the toolbox out of my truck.

I had like a, you know, like a big toolbox that goes the width of the truck. And I'd sat in the yard. And at one point later in the night when he was super drunk, this guy just like took off running for some reason. And just plowed into the fucking toolbox at his shins. Oh, didn't see it? Didn't see it at all. Hit it, hit it, shin. You know, it's sitting on the ground he hit it right below his knee and went airborne just flew straight over it i don't even know how it happened it was did he try to recover like no he just laid

there sometimes you just have to admit defeat herpy pride's really hurt when one of those scenarios you just kind of lay there and stew for that is a motherfucker of an injury right there in the shin oh yeah that shit is just exposed that's exposed bone oh man it hurts yeah he's a skinny motherfucker too later that night he slammed the back door and shattered the window in the door he was fucking god damn well that's cool um a little remnant we've talked about this in the door. He was like, I'm one. I'm two. Fucking God. Well, that's cool. We've talked about this gun thing before.

Yeah. It's one of the it's one of your calling cards. Actually, it's one of the reviews we got at one point. It was like,

I come for Terrence's autistic Marxist ramblings and stay for Tanya's shotguns on the wall. Yeah. I was like, damn, am I really that socially awkward?

Wow. Before we get too far down the road, I didn't tell you about the zombie dream though, Tom Petty. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, these zombies only came out at night. So once day broke,

they all went back to their wherever zombies congregate in the daytime in this dream that at night at night time portal my man petty opened the door and said get in get in and he barricaded us and then he went up with the shotgun he was just pecking them off when they'd come to the yard tom petty had us he's a zombie hunter is that you had us locked in why do you think we have dreams about celebrities sometimes here's the thing i've had dreams about people i listen to

in podcasts which means people have definitely had dreams about us i doubt it you say that but i guarantee you someone is that dream a dream of some kind about you and they don't they don't even know really they only have an abstract idea of who you are right that creeps me out when i meet people and they're like hey you're on trailbillies i am so creeped out immediately and at first i'm like you're not flattered it takes a while i get there eventually remember one time i went to a party and all these people were trailbillies fans and i and they just kept every time a new person would show up, they'd be like, that's Tanya from Trillbillies.

And so I text you, I was drunk, but I text you all, I'm pretty sure it said, I'm starstruck. And you were like, no, they're starstruck. Yeah. No, you got that backwards. I was like, I don't know what time it is. It was at a wedding. Y'all ever been starstruck? You ever met somebody famous and been starstruck?

Oh yeah. I met Solange. I didn't, I couldn't make words. I met Solange and Nola in new orleans uh for katrina 10 i was down there for the 10th anniversary of katrina there was like a big rally and second line and stuff and uh solange fucking rolled up on a beat exactly how you'd think in a green in a green jumpsuit with a big like floppy hat on a beach cruiser bicycle with a basket, with stuff in her basket. Exactly the way you would assume Solange moves through the world. That is how.

She looked like a goddess. She looked like she'd rolled off the cover of Garden and Gun magazine. Rolls up to where we're at and is like, hey, what's going on over here? And my friend Ash talked to her and gave her a t-shirt and a flyer. That's wild. She put it in her basket, rolled off. I was just like. Damn.

No words. Your sister's the most famous person on the planet. And you're, you know, a super talented artist. And you're just rolling in on a Vespa, just hanging out in New Orleans. Vespa? No, she's on a little beach cruiser bicycle. She's croaking. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like one of thoseing. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like one of those bicycles without gears or anything. Yeah, yeah. Just the real simple ones with like the big seats. Yeah. Yeah. And a basket. Right, right, right.

Yeah. No, she was cranking. She was riding a bike by herself. So you were starstruck. You couldn't even talk to her? Oh, no. I didn't say a word. This was before a seat at the table, too.

Yeah, yeah. 2015. But I knew. She was pulling off. Why'd you kick Jay-Z in the dick in that elevator? talk to her oh no i didn't say a word this was before a seat at the table too yeah yeah 2015 but i knew she's pulling off why'd you kick jay-z in the dick in that elevator what'd he do that son of a bitch just like throw all of it out at once every word i wanted to say damn uh i feel like i've met other celebrities like uh just like artists that I've went and seen in concert Well here's the thing I can't believe I'm actually admitting this

But if I actually watched Parks and Rec I probably would have been starstruck by Nick Offerman But I don't actually watch that show And so it was just like That's what made it a little bit easy And I'm not cool faced It's just a guy who I know is famous But I don't really know his work that well.

Well, see, I was a big Parks and Rec fan. But for some reason, he wasn't that. That's why he was kind of trembling. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was pretty weirded out, which I've been emailing with his manager a bunch. He's going to do some stuff for Apple Shop. I'm pretty into it. But, yeah, it wasn't honestly until he laughed.

And his laugh was the exact same. His laugh is the same as Ronon swanson the character you said that too and again i didn't know that i was like and when that happened i was a little like oh god i did like him in the second season of fargo uh that's the only thing i've seen him in though i should have told him that he just was good people well he just dropped his first like film where he's he's starring Oh, yeah, I saw that. I forget the name of it, but it's like a cutesy family rom-com or something. Yeah.

Do you think we'll ever get there? Do you think we'll ever star in a movie? Rom-com? No. No, I don't. Do you want to? No, not really. Fuck.

Well, I do, so. It'll be an extra. I'm just kidding. I don't think. I kind of kind of want to occupy niche on the lower end of notoriety i'd like to be some sort of a producer or a director or you know yeah it's kind of somebody that greases the wheels i'm with you they don't know my work but they don't necessarily know my face i don't want to work i want to be i want to be lay about yeah i want to be camped up. I just want to be a sugar baby. Here's what you need to shoot for.

I want a sugar mama. You want to be... I think his name is Chad Hugo. Isn't that his name? The guy who was... The Neptunes, yeah. Pharrell, yeah. Pharrell's like right-hand guy.

You know, you don't really ever see anything of him, but he's like the sort of... probably the creative genius behind a lot of his... Even when you talk about the Neptunes, you don't say it's the Neptunes, but you say it's a Pharrell baby. Right. Yeah.

Damn, that's where you want to be, though. Yeah. Well, that's not going to work for this podcast. It's got to have a star. We got to have a star. Well, I guess it's you. It's not me. It's...

Not it. That's you, Ty. That's you. Hot potato. Hot potato. You got to get back in the saddle there. It feels like we've been going for two years now We ain't hit it yet

Year and a half And give it time We're gonna have shirts What do we think is gonna be the kick What do you all really think Is gonna be the tipping point If we do take off And can make a living off this podcast

What do you think could do it Well if we do take off and can make a living off this podcast? What do you think could do it? Well, we'd have to stop being lazy. There have been so many times... We need to hire a producer. Short of that. Short of pure laziness. We and Tom, we can be so... The weird thing about it is that when the podcast is going good, Short of pure laziness. We and Tom, we can be so incredible.

The weird thing about it is that when the podcast is going good, when my personal life is going good, and I don't have a whole lot of turmoil and shit, emotional turmoil and depression and stuff, I'm like... It's about six weeks out of the year. Which is about six weeks out of the year, right. Is that the hottest part of the year? Like right now, are you in your...

It's usually fall for me. Fall, yeah. From my birthday birthday August 8th To Christmas That's my good season We're fast approaching My good season In a few days

And I'm happy about it And after that Man January February Is dark Your birthday Is the Tennessee Emancipation Day

I know End of August See I'm good January February I'm bad March and April Because I start

Getting angsty And I'm ready For a new season And My January's terrible February I'm bad March and April Because I start getting angsty And I'm ready for A new season And My January's terrible I do a dry January Just to like

Get myself ready for the year You mean no booze? Yeah No drugs, no booze? Well I didn't say all that I don't drink Isn't that the

The Davis strategy? You take off boozing From New Year's to Derby Day just to stave off cirrhosis. Oh, that is good. That's probably good. Does he actually say by that now? I don't know. But it'd be easier to bunker up.

I just learned that he's a vegetarian. I had no idea. Has been for years, supposedly. Yeah. I didn't know. But he eats fish. Okay, pescatarian. But, yeah, I do Januaryuary and i've started august

this year because august is a real hard month for me one y'all know i have a terrible record with leos but it's my dad's my dad's birthday is this month it's like this week actually and a bunch of this bad shit in my life has happened in august how do you do with Libras? I have a ton of Libra friends. You, Liz, Willa. So many Libras in my life. You know, don't you have like a regular ass sign and then like a rising sign or a moon or some shit? Yeah, what's your moon sign? What's your rising sign?

I think it's Scorpio. Mine's a Scorpio. That's probably why we click. Oh, yeah. Slightly. Slightly. Occasionally. Six weeks out of the year.

Yeah. A good six weeks. Mine's Aquarius, I think. I don't have many Aquarius in my life. Rising. I'm Scorpio rising and a Libra moon. Damn. So, yeah.

We match up a couple times. I don't know what my moon is. I saw a really horrendous Twitter thread earlier today about how J.K. Rowling got the astrological signs of her characters wrong. We're like, no, no, no. Not just that she got them wrong, but that she gave them incorrect characteristic traits according to their astrological signs. The nerve.

It's really bad out there, folks. Speaking of, I want all Tribblies fans to know that I threw a huge fit because there was a tarot reading without me in fact i did my own tarot reading to try to tear down triblies from the root because i was left out of the tarot episode so was tom i wasn't in that name that was i look don't give a fuck about tarot. I got three decks. Hey, I love to divine the cards. What are you talking about?

I texted him on our group message, which ain't as lit as it once was. But I was like, you fucking left me out of the tarot episode. What the fuck? I'm sorry. I didn't plan on that happening. It was kind of of the moment. It did seem that way. It was of the moment, and the whole reason that my friend Caroline

had them to begin with was because I was like, I'm working out some personal shit. Bring the tarot over. All your witchy friends will bring the tarot over when you're working out some shit. Look, I got two stones I'm packing around. Tanya at least tried to smudge me on three different occasions.

I've tried to smudge these motherfuckers out. Their nerves are bad. They got bad nerves. And I've tried to smudge them so many times. Here's the thing, though. You know me too well. And I needed an objective... Okay, I'll take that. I needed someone with a remove.

Caroline knows me really well, but she doesn't know the particulars of my life at the moment. You see what he's saying here is that he needed- Doesn't know his misdeeds. He needed a tarot without judgment. He didn't need me using tarot to drag him. That's 100% what I'm saying. You'd be biased.

You'd be biased. Either are you fucked with him, throw a bad carton at it and you'd just go. It's fine. Exactly. That's what it was. Just slow step backwards out of the house. So you see now, right? Like I had no other choice.

I love all that shit. I'm the one who tries to get y'all to put up the Ouija board every Halloween. You don't fuck with it. Fuck a Ouija board. Y'all go chasing ghosts. I ain't looking for ghosts. They come find my ass. These motherfuckers

do go ghost hunting every Halloween and I ain't never went. I went once. Johnny Booger's grave. Were you with Johnny Booger's grave? See, y'all went

fucking around in Lots Creek and I told you it's not to go fucking around Lots Creek. There's scarier shit than ghosts in Lots Creek for one. Or alive.

In Naughton County that are living, walking zombies. True. And two, you got up there and fucked around with a fresh grave didn't you well well it was weird because we got there and it's like the thing that was so strange about all that every time we go ghost hunting it's not that anything really creepy happens like on all halloween tours it's just like there's just these weird coincidental things like when we went to uh James Steele's cabin and the dogs just lined up and started to quit barking right and then when we were at Johnny Boogers we were up there and we walked it was just by

pure accident that we found it to begin with we got to walking up there and I was like oh damn look down stepping right over a fresh grave. Like, what the fuck? It fucks you up. Like, that ain't cool, really. Go ahead, finish. Well, anyway, they had to move Johnny Booger's grave site. Why?

Because people kept coming to it? Well, every Halloween, it was kind of like his house and then the family cemetery. And then I guess they moved it. Because all these fucking kids would go up there and get drunk and have sex in his house. And then do seances on his grave. And I guess some of them were leaving beer cans and shit out there and stuff. Imagine if you're a spirit in the afterlife. And that's what you've got to put up with every single day. A bunch of 16-year-old kids just fingering each other in your fucking, in your family cabin.

It's like, God. They're like, the fucking floor is disgusting. You have to watch. You have to watch. No respect, no respect. You're literally from the afterlife having to watch culture just, to my eyes, just completely decay.

The complete decay of culture. You went to your grave thinking that the future generation's going to be better. No. Absolutely. No, I'm the one who, the only time I've left the country, I didn't know what I was doing. I don't know how to be a tourist, really. I went to all the big things you're supposed to see.

So we went to Rome. So we went to the Colosseum. I don't know what you actually should do to have a good time in Rome. I would go to the Colosseum. I went to the Colosseum. I went to the Colosseum. I told you there's literally an expression, when in Rome. Well, we ended up...

I don't know what you're supposed to do. This is all you need to know about me. My favorite part of Rome was we got off at two things. One, we got off on the wrong metro stop one time and ended up at a little like fair where no one spoke english and i bought a ton of shit and shipped it home the box never came i'm still that was three years ago i'm still holding out a little hope it'll get here

but uh i bought a ton of presents for people never came a bunch of little pops all kinds of cool shit at this like roman market anyway and and the um that metro stop was completely covered in punk posters and like fucking anarchist graffiti oh it's amazing i loved it and it was a total accident the other my other favorite part was we ended up every night we would get back to where we were staying at this guy's this friend of a friend's house and we were so tired we just ate at the same restaurant every night across from his place got to know the family that owned it fucking loved it hung out with the like the locals there it was like it was like a restaurant in a neighborhood yeah that was my favorite part every night we'd like rush home to eat at this like restaurant it was called the lemon something and

it was like pasta and stuff but their like signature dish was lemon pasta which i wasn't that crazy about but it was better than i thought it would be i don't even like lemon probably better than anything anybody here oh yeah yeah yeah their house wine's the best wine i've ever had they call it cheapest shit they had gravy did they call isn't that what they call like the pasta sauce sunday gravy no i don't remember that it was so cute though anyway we went to the coliseum and i about had a straight up panic attack and i'm not prone to these type of things and so i don't never really when the few times I about had a straight up panic attack. And I'm not prone to these type of things. And so I don't never really, the few times I have had a panic attack, I didn't really know what was happening. I think I would recognize it now after a few times.

But I had a full on fucking meltdown in there. And I was like, we have to get out of here. Because I just knew the more this motherfucker talked about what had happened in there. And it's not like I went in there, you know, willy nilly, like I didn't know what was going on. But he was like they used to uh we are gonna bring people in there with lions and tigers and bears yes for the amusement and entertainment of the of the upper classes and i knew you know i just i just had like a you know pop culture understanding of the coliseum but i was like this was a sports arena watching the Giants play I love baseball so we

go up in this place he's like one million people died here and I was like check please we gotta go he was like the pope comes in and blesses the place once a year to keep the spirits at bay and I was like I looked I was like we gotta go we're gonna pick up a spirit in here and take it back we gotta get the fuck out of here and he was like one million people go. We're gonna pick up a spirit in here and take it back. We gotta get the fuck out of here. And he was like, one million people, but way more animals died here. And I was just like, we have to go! We were like in a group of people, and I was like, I gotta go! Where's the nearest exit?

Where's the nearest exit? I gotta get out of here. Yeah, that's just the spiraling staircase of bad juju. A million people died, but six million animals and the Pope comes every year yeah the pope comes every year to bless it and i was like i have to leave here yeah i highly doubt that the dead the spirit of a dead slave is going to listen to the pope you know what i mean

anyway i don't think i brought a spirit home from the coliseum but i wasn't gonna stick around and that'd be pretty tight though yeah we paid a lot to get in there and i just ran the fuck out no we should do the ouija board let's fucking bring that let's hang out with that goddamn spirit you brought back no i told you i didn't i didn't bring one back don't fuck with me sure you didn't europe has really insane... It's funny. I was looking at this website the other day. They drained a canal in Amsterdam. Oh, God.

And they had it. It was pretty cool. They had this website where they cataloged every single item they found. And they went back all the way to 2000c or whatever but um it's funny you you around like 1400 1500 1600 you've got like fish hooks and um uh you know those hooks that they use to bring boats in into the harbor and um nice porcelain ceramic and just these really beautiful artifacts and then they get to the 1990s they cataloged all of it and then they get to the 1990s and it's like handguns monkey pipes you know what i mean like people have committed horrendous crimes yeah god we're a sick bunch Yeah

Totally I thought you were gonna say They found The little boy's remains That stuck his finger In the dock To save Holland I still don't know

What that story is You never heard the story About the boy That stuck his finger In the dock To save Holland I think you've told us To us more than once

Yeah catacombs and shit It's weird out there Catacombs Great word too Yeah It's fun to say It even has like a spooky element Catacombs and soothsayer

Two very fun words to say They were both creepy Agreed Soothsayers What is that really? Soothsayer Like a fortune teller Yeah

Sorcerer The tea leaves You're like an oracle Human's been doing a lot of dumb shit To try to make some sense of their existence Forever You divine the tea leaves. You're like an oracle. Human's been doing a lot of dumb shit to try to make some sense of their existence forever, haven't they? Yeah. Tea leaves, tarot cards, Ouija boards.

Right, right, right. I mean, native. You need frameworks, right? Yeah, all cultures, native. Well, see, I don't believe in spirits. I don't believe in the sort of concept behind. Well, I don't mean dumb as in like being dismissed i just mean like kind of silly i'm saying me personally but i'll do the

tarot because it provides a framework with which to sort of step back from your life and be like well i hadn't really thought about it that way yeah what i use the tarot for mostly is journaling prompts oh yeah like i'll do a three card spread once a week and then journal based on stuff. And it brings up stuff for me. It's like my own therapy since my therapist hates me. It's not a good place to be. Why is that?

She thinks I don't need therapy. Trust me. Everybody thinks I'm wasting her time. I told you this. That's an interesting. She's like, uh, everybody's there. She thinks I'm wasting her time. I told you this. That's an interesting take. She's like, perfectly normal. Gay, stressed with her mother,

hates her job. Yeah, you're American, baby. Get on out of here. Damn, that must mean she really doesn't want to... Duffin' up, sweetie. She doesn't want to listen to your problems no it's because every other every other patient of hers is a mother a new mother on suboxone oh okay that's the only real problem yeah come back when you got real problems yeah so the bar for what's insane to

her is just yeah that's what i mean that's my assessment maybe she would have a different i don't know but actually this is funny i ran into her yesterday in town i wonder how she deals with that is your therapist here yeah okay and we were at the same lunch spot a new lunch spot opened uh this week in weinsberg yesterday was opening day it was packed ran into my therapist oh i've done that well i went to uh dr gish one time when I was feeling like particularly, for lack of a better term, suicidal and just sort of literally just spilled everything. Like, I think I'm bipolar.

And she's not even a therapist, is she? Borderline. No, no, no. Not even a psychiatrist. Not even a psychiatrist. I was just like, I need help. I just imagined you like a Simpsons character. Yes. Like, shaking her. Seriously. I was just like, I need help. I just imagined you like a Simpsons character. Yes.

Shaking her. Seriously, I was. I was like, give me a fucking name. And then I saw her literally like two days later in the dairy aisle at Food City. I was like, hey, what's up? It's going good. It's going good. Feeling fine.

Feeling fine. Feeling fine Feeling fine You know this is This is You know we complain a lot About healthcare in East Kentucky But this just revealed to me A perspective I haven't heard

Is from the healthcare providers Yeah from the healthcare providers themselves I wonder what their analysis Of the situation is they're like everybody's oh man oh my god i'm crying yeah no she avoided eye contact we didn't speak does your there so it's the therapist here in town so she doesn't do like cognitive behavioral therapy or anything i don't really know what that means i don't think so i was talking to i don't know very little about therapy i was talking to my friend friend Caroline about this the other day.

If I could somehow manage to master cognitive behavioral therapy, if I could teach it to myself, like mindfulness meditation, I could be all powerful. Just be all powerful. Mindful meditation. No, you're good.

It's the headphone jack. Hold on, my boss has texted me. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Fuck. Get your fucking ass back here, goddammit. I haven't even been there today. So do you.

All right, girl. Fuck it. I haven't been to my office today either. Yeah, I haven't either. my office today either In all fairness I had a lot of shit to take care of this morning I had to get my truck ready for Slutville to take to Heartland Yeah you had to put the back on it That's why I told Carol

I was like well here you go Put the back on it's going to rain I did Thanks for that It was a sweet message I don't even think she's there But you never know. Who is your boss?

A Jewish carpenter? Let's not throw names around. Yeah, Jesus is my co-pilot. You ever see those stickers? Yeah. My boss is a Jewish carpenter. I saw one the other day that was like, 10 reasons to vote Republican.

The 10 commandments. It's like, wait, you motherfuckers violate every single one of those on a daily basis yeah like i can't i i what a fucking wow what are the ten commandments can you name them tom thou shalt not steal thou shalt not kill thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife thou shalt not adultery or something commit adulterytery Oh speaking of Take the lord's name in vain It seems like it's coveting Your neighbor's wife In that same vein Live maybe

Lie Well that one's more like lust And then adultery Is the actual fulfillment Of the lust You know Yeah A funny thing

Was watching a bunch of Did you see that tweet That showed up Bare false witness Yeah Yeah What does that even mean I think it's just lying

That's how they say Don't lie Or I think it I think it's just lying that's how they say don't lie or I think it I think it's like obey your father and mother yeah you're right I think I think it's I think it's right I don't know can you a bearing false witness would be like pretending to speak on behalf of God without his divine blasphemy would be like if you were like jesus fuck jesus you know jesus doesn't exist or to say god damn right yeah or god damn my favorite

yeah my favorite word that is a good ass word technically you can say it on the radio can you because you can say damn and god really the only words that are like the seven there's like seven key words that are forbidden on the radio and they're all related to the like body parts and sex probably like shit cunt yeah yeah cunt i think uh shit piss fuck fuck cock cum yeah they're like almost all sexual words we're such a deprived country just like yeah you're right me and tom got in trouble for saying diarrhea one time on the radio what really yeah and it was it was it was a band was it was it uh sylvia uh i think she probably did you know that is one thing that pisses me off because one time i was playing that beyonce song um i was playing a beyonce song i remember what it was and she flipped shit about it. Before 10 a.m., yeah.

No, it was on the digital bedroom. Wait, what? Yeah, yeah. Was it like partition or? No, it was the slow song. Yeah, one of them real sexy. It is the slow sexy song off the self-titled album. It's like two that don't fit.

I don't remember what it is. Got a big ego. Off the self-titled. That's probably partition. I don't remember what it is. Got a big ego. Off the self-title, that's probably partition. Well, regardless. Oh, off the, okay. The advertisement

for your show now has literally the words sex and chill in it. Does it? I think it does, doesn't it? No, it's Solange saying, oh no.

Oh, six inch heel. Six inch heels. Which sounds like sex and chill. It sounds like sex, but it's saying six inch heels. God, but he did cold shower. You thought it was sex and chill? I did. Six inch heels. Which sounds like sex. It sounds like sex, but it's six inch heels. You thought it was sex and chill?

I did. I was like, why does Tanya get away with this and not me? God damn it. No, it's six inch heels. Which when the album first dropped, Tom's the first person I knew that heard it. And he texted me a bunch of lyrics. And he was like, six inch heels is going to be the slapperpper he doesn't already know damn i know what album is that on the self-title lemonade damn yeah damn damn damn how time flies yeah that's my fuck i was thinking and then my other my other radio promo solange yeah yeah yeah it just says I like that one because I like that

song every time I hear it yeah it's such a good it's a bop yeah as they say you're right it is how's um how's girls rock camp going girls rock camp I put the wrong emphasis girls girls rock camp how's girls rock camp uh girls are rocking over there i mean it's awesome i saw them jumping around over there just second i said the parking lot a bunch of girls just losing their shit over in the boom bill yeah they're just going wild it's pretty beautiful it's just taking a lot out of a lot of people it's been really stressful and the boon is just you know crumbling uh physically they see went out and when it went out it dumped a ton of water into the first floor from the second floor oh shit oh yeah uh the toilets have overflowed twice

you know it's a week at apple shop yeah uh yeah the breedings have been there like three times the city's gonna have to come to deal with the fucking plumbing oh god that's your first mistake yeah crumbling city infrastructure that's what we're dealing with. But I want to, if I can find it real quick, read you an Instagram post from one of the girls. Okay. It's very cute. Okay.

Very cute. Yeah. That building used to be a gas station. Callie's grandpa used to- Mechanic shop, yeah. Yeah, mechanic shop. But motor building. Yeah.

Motor building. You ain't got no internet up here, do you? No, I don't. Well, basically she just posted a picture of the drums she was playing on and said, This week I'm learning to be loud and unapologetic. I'm learning to be myself without being sorry for it. I was just like, fuck yeah, little girl. This is like a 16-year-old.

If that's it, if that's all they learn, fuck it. You're right. It's more of a mentality than it is actual skills. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they're gaining a lot of skills. They've already wrote songs. They formed a band. They're playing music together.

They're doing the damn thing. Lacey's making their merch. Yeah. They're doing great. They each made a block print of their logo for their bands. They're just fucking doing the damn thing. Yeah. Like, they're doing great. They each made a block print of their, like, logo for their bands. Right. They're just fucking doing the damn thing. Yeah.

And, like, but really it's about leadership and, like, just feeling like gaining some confidence as a young, like, as a girl so that you can just jump into anything and be like, you know what? I could try that. I could fucking do that. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty, it's, so how is it sort of structured? You, like, form a band and then there's like sort of leaders for each band well

each band has like a couple coaches but they're not even necessarily they're just like hype girls they're just to be like yeah that's awesome or like maybe this yeah they're just like hype girls yeah there are more volunteers like uh like you know not girls like older older young women more there are more volunteers than campers over there it's like taking a lot of people to make this happen because we're having to move gear all day long from practice practice they're practicing with their with like all the bases are together all the drums are together guitars together then they have to switch all that around into the spaces to put them into band practice right where each place just has one instrument of each so it's just like constant gear i hope one of those girls develops a real big ego and just starts like motherfucking you

tanya get my fucking bass amp over here i tell you roadies am i right i do too yeah she's okay this is what it says it finally loaded i'm learning how to be loud and unapologetic unapologetic and how to take up space without feeling sorry for it. So one of the little like camp things, and this is for the like Girls Rock Alliance or whatever. This is an international thing. Is that, no sorry. So when someone says sorry, you're supposed to say you rock. And it's hard to like rewire yourself to not say I'm sorry for every fucking thing.

You know, you just like breeze past someone. Sorry, sorry, sorry. And if it's supposed to be like a no fucking sorry zone, you just be you. You don't have to say sorry. And so the,

the thing is like, if a girl says sorry, you're supposed to say no, you rock. And so the girls are doing it awesome. And the, the volunteers are having the hardest time with it because we have, we've got another decade on our fucking to unlearn this shit. yeah right right yeah we know when you're that when you're younger

it's easier to uh yeah deprogram that shit i feel like yeah they're catching on really quick they're all having a great time that's what's important but the volunteers are all kind of wigging out yeah well there's only what one day one day left? Yeah, today's Thursday, so there's today, and then tomorrow is the last day, and then the showcase is Saturday, yeah. That's time. Six o'clock in the Apple Shop Theater. I was sort of picturing you and Michelle as like, uh, P. Diddy.

Like, what was, um, was it Making the Band? Was it the name of the show he did? Yeah. What was O-Town? Y'all remember that? Oh, no. Oh, that's way back. I don't even remember Making the Band. I don't remember that. Yeah. What was O-Town? Y'all remember that? Oh, no. That's way back. I don't even remember making the band. I don't remember that. Yeah, it was like...

I didn't have MTV growing up. Danity Kane. Remember that group? Danity Kane. That was like a P. Diddy. We were on the cheapest cable. I only had VH1. Oh, okay.

I didn't get VH1. Yeah. Which make the band was Dylon? Just kidding. I love... That was...? Just kidding. I love. That was. I forget which. I used to love that shit. Wasn't Dylon the Chappelle Show parody version of a character on making the band?

Or was it Dylon in actual. I don't think Dylon was the actual guy. But they were just like. He just like motherfucked to go get him jelly beans and shit. I think you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Looks like y'all have got a healthier thing going on than the p diddy thing because the p diddy thing he would like make them do just the most ridiculous chores and stuff well i it's really like michella carrie and paulina it's slut peel it's really like i've just been mostly trying to yeah support i mean all last week i would clock out at work literally and then walk across street and work five hours on the fucking building oh getting it ready yeah getting it ready and then it crumbled and they mostly had to be an apple shop most of the time because the ac went out the toilet's fucked which the plumbing had been fucked up but we thought it was fixed it's just like an ongoing problem but

the ac got worked out so they're mostly back in the boon uh and they love the space they've helped you know make it their own it's really wait till y'all see it is definitely on saturday before you come to the showcase y'all are coming yeah i'll be there go to the boon and check out the back of the boon it looks completely different like the back where they used to have shows yet and stuff yeah yeah that's pretty cool yeah hopefully the and even like linda jean you know part of the local honey she's like i I can't wait to see what else we do back here now. Like, la, la, la.

Yeah. Super, super cool back there. We just had to throw away a ton of stuff. Yeah. The boot needs like an annual, like. Yeah. And we smudged, we've smudged every day for like two weeks. You know some bad shit's happening there.

It's unbelievable. What you should do is just, yeah, pile all the sage. Wherever there's a local punk scene, some bad shit's happening there. What you should do is just pile all the sage. Wherever there's a local punk scene, some bad things happen. Yeah. Yeah, pile it all up. Pile all the sage up in like a 50-mile radius and put it all in the building. Just burn it in the inside. Like a bonfire.

Yeah, like a bonfire. Totally. Right, right. But I've been just like trying to, Portmanteauelle i literally rubbed her feet this week one evening just like she's just stressed to the max yeah she's like a new organizer and she's doing great but she does not like being the like person who everyone's asking questions to she doesn't like being the person with the answers i hate that it's like a real shift for her and she is you know handling it in various ways yeah well you know just even for people that are used to

being that role it's pretty stressful yeah it's very stressful so she's like in charge for the first time of something like this and so it's just been a learning experience for everybody and i think it's ultimately gonna be real good for everybody yeah involved sounds like it yeah the girls are awesome they've been really good to each other which is really nice and they came from three different counties oh yeah yeah Perry, Letcher, and Harlan Okay so they're all from eastern Kentucky Yeah one of them's from Mount Starlin Where's that at?

Montgomery County About a half hour from Lexington Yeah Oh But it's like WMT listening area And they're already talking about You know how to fundraise for next year Yeah

Most Girls Rock Camps charge campers but this is a free camp because like yeah just a lot of access issues and it's the first year right right right right um but yeah it's been pretty cool that's cool they're they're good they're talented so no uh no conflicts or uh drama or anything no not i mean just like structural yeah what is what is breedings is that a plumbing it's yeah they do like heating air plumbing they're the stringiest motherfuckers i ever dealt with they'll come and diagnose 25 of the problem get that shut you know that uh what do you call it when they just show up check it out yeah they showed up two weeks ago.

Consultation fee. Consultation. Yeah, with liquid fire, which anybody can buy at Frazier's. He rolled in with liquid fire, and I was like, that's all you got. Liquid fire is just like a disgusting chemical to put down a toilet to try to unclog it. Sort of like Drano, but probably more intense. Oh, yeah. Industrial level Drano.

It's definitely industrial. I mean, as soon as you take the... The bottle comes in plastic. You have to take a layer of plastic off the bottle. That's what I was asking. I want a liquid fire gun. And it's advised to hold it as far away from your own body as possible and turn your head away when you pour it down the drain. How it's legal to sell this shit.

Turn around and it's not even a toilet layer. That's what they come and charge you to do yeah and you can buy anybody can buy it at frazier's which i don't know how it's legal i mean our our toilet chemicals not fda fuck it i don't even know well here's the thing i don't i don't a lot of chemicals um it's funny you asked this because I've learned all about this. You happen to be a chemist. I happen to be a chemist. No, all I know though is that the regulations on chemicals

in this country are very, very lax. And it's why Teflon became so much of a problem because, well, I guess the nickname for it is c8 because if it's like eight carbon chain or whatever but teflon is in all of us it's in everything it's like it's so it's thoroughly disseminated in the environment goddamn rats in me baby and it's a proven carcinogen it is and it causes yeah it causes cancer just ravages bodies but yeah it's in it's like it's dispersal through the environment is incredible it's kind of hilarious you bring up teflon because that is

like i i get on the worst soapbox in stores about teflon and with my mom because she has got the scratched up the most scratched up fucking teflon shit in her house every time i'm in there i'm like i mean i keep buying her new kitchen shit and she refuses to use it. Well, yeah. And it's scratched the fuck up. I mean, we've probably ate all the Teflon in it by now, I guess. I'm about to shut the fuck up about it. But I'm like, Mom, Congress declared this a carcinogen and gave them a decade to get

rid of it. Right. If that don't tell you how fucked up America is, I don't know what does. They were like dumping this shit back in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. They were dumping it like just straight up into the Ohio River. They were burying tons of barrels of it in the banks of the Ohio River

because, you know, it was made in this plant in Parkersburg, West Virginia on the banks of the Ohio River. And the shit that they've replaced it with, Teflon, is very chemically similar and there's no guarantee that it's any safer than Teflon. What is the one chemical that got loose when the Kanawha River got polluted with the chemical

spill? That it's estimated that like something crazy like 87% of Americans have this in their system. I can't remember. It's like red something. It's like one of those weird number it's a color number for um like coal processing i think what i mean if it's a if if it's a chemical used to clean coal yeah just just sit with that and just also sit with this that the the odds are overwhelming that it is coursing through your blood right now. Yeah. Probably ours more than yours.

Kind of in a perverse way. It's kind of beautiful. It all ties us together. Wow. Apocalyptic. Every blue check on Twitter I'm trying to, you know, get the attention of. We share a bond. We share a bond.

We both have red 47s. I can't wait for that to start being all your comments you know we both have red 47 right carl sagan was like we're all stardust tom's like we're all teflon we're all teflon baby really though oh my god well honestly this brings me at the beginning of the show you mentioned something that we had put down in mine shafts, probably. Oh, zombies. Oh, zombies. Yeah, they're coming out of mine shafts. It reminded me of a comic book I've read, which I think I've told you all about.

Warlords of Appalachia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the premise. Oh, really? Zombies live in coal mines? Well, they're not zombies. They're called blue people, which I know what you're thinking.

Blue fugates. Right, right. But it ain. They're called blue people, which I know what you're thinking. Blue fugates. Right, right. But it ain't that kind of blue people. They're blue because they're addicted. Whatever drugs they're addicted to turn them blue. Like colloidal silver? Yeah, so they're like the outcast opioid addicted fucking addicts of the region in Warlords of Appalachia. This like dystopian thing. And I just wonder so i was like it's like hillbilly akira is what it sounds like yeah but what is good as fuck but

what you know i don't want to give away the whole premise and this wouldn't of the comic because i actually do recommend it uh even though it's pretty violent uh uh the premise becomes that you know they've got all these problems in the front end and by like issue four they've realized that um all these drugs have made the blue people um not uh it's protected them somehow again they don't like they can't feel anything and so they're perfect warriors oh okay and it becomes known that they're like blessed by the like old religion. It's this crazy thing. The premise of the whole thing is that, you know. Like drug addled Jedis.

That Kentucky has, the whole premise is that, this is based in Kentucky. It's called the Warlords of Appalachia. The whole premise is that Kentucky, it's been a few years since I read it, but Kentucky has seceded from the states because of religious freedom issues and there's like a long list in the very beginning of all the religions that are banned in the u.s now and it's like most of the like you know muslim all these all these religions that you would think right now they would easily pass and it's like old time religion and which is like kentucky um fucking pentecostal and old regular baptist right right right and so all

these witchcraft mixed in yeah and so it like it creates this bond between kentuckians and like immigrants and all these and whatever these people and so kentucky secedes from the nation and so they're being occupied by the u.s government so it's like occupied kentucky as in like things are going there It's not like active rebellion. It's like they're under occupation and they like have to stand in food lines and shit, which we've all seen before. Right. And anyway, it's like people are scared of the blue people who are addicts who live out in mine.

And can't feel anything. They can't. But turn me out. They can't feel anything. I can't feel anything. I could be a good warrior. So they've become great warriors. And they're blessed or something by the old time religion or something. They like sing feel anything. I can't feel anything. I could be a good warrior. So they've become great warriors. And they're blessed or something by the old time religion or something.

They like sing and shit. It's crazy. That's what makes me a good warrior in the cultural wars. In like the war on Christmas and stuff. The fact that I don't feel anything. The war on Christmas. I just don't have any. I can't pierce this fucking suit of armor.

Anyway, the long term. The long term here back to this chemical shit, is that I bet the actual Appalachian transition model becomes where you can dump all your shit here. We got all these empty mines. It's happening. Bring your chemicals. Bring your trash. Bring your dumps.

They've started doing that in West Virginia. What they'll do is they put like either fracking waste or leftover water from fracking operations or whatever put them back in mine shafts and then they wind up bleaching into them

got something to hide we're your guys what's the bring us your whatever your huddled masses your tired hungry poor bring us your Whatever your huddled masses Your tired hungry and poor Yeah Yeah Bring us your colloidal silver

Teflon and red 47 Yeah Your diesel waste Whatever you got baby Plutonium We'll take it Lolly day Fucking A

Well so anything else going on We got about 10 minutes left We got 50 We're at 50 minutes What else is going so anything else going on? We got about 10 minutes left. We got 50. We're at 50 minutes. What else is going on? Anything else going on? Me and Tom had a pretty good, a pretty funny bit the other day.

I don't know if you remember this. It is called When Keeping It Woke Goes Wrong. It can go wrong so quickly. It can go wrong. Because the story I told was about one of my friends told me this story last week about she was in a bar recently with some of her friends and there was this guy on the ground

sort of like writhing around and and um just being an idiot and one of her friends walked up to him was like that's very disrespectful to um afflicted people people, you shouldn't be doing that. He was like, I was being a fish. So that's a good example of when keeping it woke goes through. Can you think of an example where somebody did the woke reach and then the person's just like, I didn't mean it.

Well, yesterday, I can't remember what he said We were coming out of the pizza shop Oh god I remember what it was We came out of the pizza shop And this guy I don't think he's necessarily woke Or would say that he is

But he said something and I laughed at it pretty hard And then I was like I think that was probably inappropriate But I don't know how to say this without incriminating people. But we were coming out and someone had a bumper sticker on their car. It's a grave that says sad.

Yeah, a grave. Yeah, and the girl I was with was like, God damn, I was under investigation for calling him sad. And I started dying laughing and the guy in front of me said, I thought that was his preferred pronoun. God damn I was under investigation for calling him sad And I started dying laughing And the guy in front of me said I thought that was his preferred pronoun

And I fucking died I'm gonna start going with that Sad is my preferred pronoun It's not a reach It's really not a reach That was my car by the way I was on a call the other day And this guy chimed in.

You know, you go around and tell everybody your preferred pronouns, and this guy chimed in and says, yeah, I like masculine adjectives. Like hairy, sweaty. I was describing how he'd like to be complimented. That's what he was saying. I didn't say his pronouns I just said I like masculine adjectives I just can't wait until people start saying daddy

My pronouns daddy Right right I'm in the middle of the new season Of Orange is the New Black Yeah is it good Yeah there's a daddy Damn I haven't been watching a lot of TV lately

God there was something else i was gonna tell you all that reminded me what when keeping what goes wrong i don't know if that was it or not well uh it was mostly that i think why that made me laugh so hard as i've been trying to think about i'm doing sex ed tomorrow at camp at girls rock camp and the youngest camper is 12 years old and so i'm trying to like go through my curriculum and make sure i feel like it's appropriate for a 12 year old which i think it is but i also know she has really religious parents like i know her parents are right right and so i'm mostly just preparing to have the conversation with her parents afterwards if they get mad i'm gonna try to make this weird for you but i was having phone sex at 12.

yeah like yeah i just think it i think it's mostly like if she you know depending on what sticks with her and she goes back and repeats somebody might be pissed but you know it wouldn't be my first rodeo with an angry parent and we have the highest sudden and wanted pregnancy right in the country here so right you know come at me um but, I was thinking about also how to talk about the gender binary and how it's like, you know, pretty violent and creates a lot of harm for a lot of people thinking that there are, you know, this false dichotomy of two genders. And it's kind of hard to talk about with young people. It's like, anyway. Well, you're having to do a lot of lifting. I mean, that's a lot of deconstructing.

Yeah. I think that's what they call emotional labor. Yeah, definitely is. But, you know, it's worth it. I'm happy to put it in. But it's just every time going into it, there's always a little bit of like, what's the worst that can happen? Right, right, right.

Me trying to prepare myself for worst-case scenario. Every time it gets worse than you think it might, you're pleasantly surprised. It always goes better than I think it will. Because I always am trying to prepare for like, what's the worst that can happen? I mean, and usually the worst case scenario is someone would just leave the room. Right. Which rarely even happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The worst case scenario is if her parents get like furious and... Yeah, which I think, I know her parents and i'm kind of ready to go toe-to-toe with them anyway so like let's do this um after did you all see the ami screening last week were y'all there they you know the whole theme of this past summer the media program is reproductive health so they made these awesome fucking short films about reproductive health in the region just interviewing all kinds of women and men mostly young young people and um it made me want to run for school board again and i have to decide this month so i'm just about to flip a coin or something i need to look it up it's i know it's august i think it's like the middle of august here's what you need to do

august 15th you not you don't need to flip a coin you need to do some tarot i need to spread the tarot spread the tarot out i know it what's going to tell me to do it. I think I figured out at this point how to read them at least. Oh, after one go around, you're an expert now, huh? Just put a sign out for tarot readings available here. Yeah, yeah, I picked it. I'm a fast learner.

I'm a fast learner. Sensire. It's across your front porch. Y'all use a Matania deck? I don't remember the deck'all use a Matania deck? No. I don't remember the deck that she had. Matania? A Montania deck.

Like Joe Mantania? Like the actor? Like the football player? Oh, is he a football player? Joe Mantania? Mantania, whatever. Oh, yeah. Johnny Football.

No. No, all right. Joe Montana. The common thread between all three of the reproductive health videos was that everyone said they learned about sex on the school bus. Really? That makes sense.

It came up in all the films. That's where I learned about smoking weed. That's where I learned about fingering. The school bus and the church bus. No, totally, it is. And it made me really want to do a sexy sex ed on a school bus. Oh, that'd be cool.

Wouldn't it? Like a class on a school bus. Yeah, like on the way to somewhere, just do sex ed on the school bus. You know how they have those party buses? You do that, but with like reproductive health bus. Reproductive health party bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was on Season of the Bitch last week.

Oh, I was going to tell you. I was going to say, good job. We enjoyed your... Did you listen? I did listen. Oh, good. And it was kind of coincidental because y'all were talking about like your first encounter with somebody teaching you about sex. And I had told Caroline this story when I did the episode last week that the very first time anybody told me about sex was my dad. And the way he did it was so bizarre.

And I see the point he was trying to make. And it was actually a pretty effective point, the way he illustrated it. But what he did was, I remember we were sitting at my kitchen table and there was a bowl of fruit in front of us and he took a pear or something out of it an apple I don't remember what it was and he was like this is you right now and then he like maybe

hit it against the table a few times gave it a few bruises or something and he was like this is you after you've had sex no way I guarantee it I swear to God. And that's the whole sort of idea behind virginity and the whole Christian period. Damaged goods. Yeah, damaged goods.

Bruised up. Oh my God. Right? I don't know if that's worse or if he should have just handed you the fruit bowl and been like, hey, buddy, go get all you want. I don't know which is worse. He takes a donut and puts a banana in the middle of it. Oh my God. Here's what sex looks

like in real life. Well, I thought it was interesting. Yeah, we were talking about that on that Season of the Bitch episode. I was like, what is interesting about it to me is the implication that you're a holistically different human being after you have sex. That you are not the same

person you were before. The only difference is you have sex that like that you are not the same person you were before the only difference is you have hpv now you're really the same person you are going in you just gotta hpv and a lot more anxiety yeah oh my god yeah every almost everyone has a really bizarre story about the first time i learned about sex which is it's you know and if my dad's listening not knocking it i understand what you're getting yeah but you know it's it's 1990 it took you about a decade to appreciate that exactly yeah it took me exactly i imagine you just sweating after like pretty really bad sex looking in the mirror dad was fucking right

god damn it i'll never forget i got my first exposure lesson wise was from like older boys you know what i mean they were like talking about like jacking off and they were selling it like it was like a brand new card that everybody's born with that you just got to figure out how to tap into it. It's just like, man, you just keep doing it till you come. And I was like, I can remember me and my cousin Adam were sitting there and he looked at me. He's like, like, come here. You're transported. Till you go where?

Till you go where? Oh my God. I got in trouble in sixth grade because a boy said he had a hard-on for a girl and I didn't know what he meant. And I repeated it in class and I got fucking, my recess took away. I've got a hard-on. I didn't say, I said, he has a hard-on. And I had no idea what it meant.

And it was sixth grade and my teacher took my recess and never told me what it meant and i you know even week months probably a year after that still didn't know why i was punished didn't know like we we missed so many learning opportunities with people and the thing about sex is that we all especially now you know arguably we have the internet so we have access to all endless information if we want to know anything we just google it but not sex because almost any sex question or any almost any body question i mean you two have been i'm sure deep in uh what is it md web md web md you two probably have seen the depths of web md we don't even want to speak of but googling shit like that almost never takes you to accurate information and you almost always get

porn yeah like if you google i could not have gotten this question so innocent do i have to shower before sex i think i've told y'all about yeah right right you're gonna get porn it's like the most innocent question you you have had a field day with a young tom sexton i i can remember asking him and mind you my sex ed was taught by the choir director at First Baptist Church, who made me believe that. You see, there's altos and sopranos, tenors, second tenors.

That's euphemisms for tops and bottoms. Oh, my God. But they made me believe that, like, here's a little proper sex ed term, mutual masturbation. Carried the same STD risk as just like fucking bareback in a fucking. What? Mutual masturbation. How do they expect kids to just like learn themselves?

It's just all of it's so bizarre. I mean, on season of the B, they were like, why do you think we're so backwards we've like fucked ourselves so badly and it's just uh it's kind of hard to understand i think religion has to have a part in it and then they talked about a lot which you know is true about it's like who does it serve it's a lot of advertising they need us to be just emotionally cripple and and unsatisfied holy in our lives to sell a shit and alienated yeah and sex has such a big part of the part is such a big part i mean like they even mentioned you know how powerful organizing became in the 60s when sex was really like a part of movement and all this shit yeah yeah yeah pretty pretty crazy shit yeah um so So check that out

What's the name of that episode? Sex and Sex Ed I think That's on Season of Bitch You can probably find that at your nearest podcast dealer We're all fine podcasters so Right We'll see if I get what's coming to me tomorrow After Sex Ed at Girls Rock Camp.

Do keep us informed. Parents are going to take me out. If I come up missing. We got your back. We'll find them. At least find your body and make sure that nobody's walking on, trying to walk over your fresh face. Find your ghost.

Yeah, don't come ghost hunting my grave, you sons of bitches. I don't, I wouldn't do that. You know me. I've sworn it off since then. I had a very bad year after that. Did you? Yeah, it was weird. I think me and Johnny have an understanding now.

Shook off the booger, haven't you? I'm always holding it down for you both because I'm immune to the ghosts because I don't believe in them. They know to stay away from me. He says that. Maybe I should just tell... Let's come up here

rattling some fucking sheet metal at two in the morning making noises and see what he does. Well, then you wouldn't be ghosts. You'd be you. Maybe I should just tell the girls tomorrow

if they don't believe in STDs they won't come for them. Just don't believe in it. Yeah, just don't believe in it. Pretend like they don't exist That's what I've been doing for years Alright on that note Let's cut this one off

Thanks for listening everybody Adios See you later See ya