Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 78: Here's Lies The Truth [Season Finale]

Episode Date: November 18, 2018

Season finale thanks like and subscribe

It's the season finale. We are going off the air. Never coming back again. It has been a really rough year. And I hope my plane goes down somewhere between here and Indiana. Where did Buddy Holly crash at?

I really don't know. North Dakota, I think. That's where all planes... That's probably where all planes eventually crash, right? Or the Bermuda Triangle. If you were on a plane and it was going down, where would you prefer it go down? Ocean or land?

Well, ocean becomes concrete, you know, when you're tumbling that hard. I don't know if hitting the ground is as much softer. Yeah, people always say that. Yeah, X amount of miles per hour, the ocean becomes like concrete. Yeah, and what does the forest floor become? Fucking a bouncy house? I highly doubt that while you're hitting the earth, you're like, oh, well, this is a little bit softer.

I'll have to crash in the ocean to compare it, but not bad. Not as bad as I imagined it would be. Not as bad as I thought it might be. Meanwhile, there's like 120 dead people around here in Gulf and Flint. Totally. I think I'd probably go with the land. You know what? Here's my answer.

Okay. If it was going to be anywhere, I'd rather it be the Pentagon, baby. That's right. What if you were on a plane and it really was going down hey hey wait you think we can hold off till dc yeah you kick open the pilot's door you're like all right listen listen listen listen so we don't i listen i'm not a hat i'm not trying to hijack it um i know this i know what this looks like i know what this looks like but we're going down anyways right i'm just saying this i have about two hours to convince you death to america so here's here's what we're gonna do here's what we're gonna do you pull out uh

what do you you pull out some chloroform napkins put them over there put them over both pilots mouths turn on prince's party like it's 1999 real out in the cabin and then steer that motherfucker

straight to the pentagon oh but what if you don't have chloroform I'm saying you have to use the power of rhetoric

to convince those motherfuckers like look the empire's bad why don't we make a dent? We're fucked. Let's just, let's leave our mark.

Literally. You know, it's funny. In all the 9-11 discourse, nobody ever talks about the plane that hit the Pentagon. Right. Nobody. Which, honestly. Nobody. Nobody.

And let's be real here. Which, honestly, nobody. And let's be real here. You know, you could be sort of morally, you can be sort of like, what's the word I'm looking for? Morally, what's the word people always use, like conservatives always use? Moral relativism? Yeah. You could be like that for sort of 9-11 and be like, oh, a lot of innocent people died.

But look, the only innocent people died in the Pentagon was probably some janitors. If you work at the Pentagon, you ain't innocent. You're on the hook. You're on the hook unless you're doing some low-wage work. You're right. Just kidding. Look, I know what this looks like. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. I already convinced everybody in coach.

We're on board. We're on board. We're on board. The first class people, they tried to prevent me from getting up here. It's kind of like that movie Snowpiercer. But on an airplane. That movie's so wild. Well, I was saying, coach, we have to fight our way to the pilot, to the cockpit, where we have to convince the pilot like look look look look it's going down anyways yeah we're fucked is your name uh captain sullenberger i didn't think so

don't be a hero don't be a hero there cowboy just let me have the reins oh fuck this is probably not a good thing to be talking about right before i get on a plane. The TSA people are going to bring me back into a glass room and just play on a recorder. Mr. Ray, what were you doing a couple hours ago? I'd be like, why do you have my podcast on a tape? On a tape recorder. I'm asking the questions around here, pal. I'd just punch you in the mouth and put you back in your seat. Let me ask you again, Mr. Ray.

Do you love America? That would be pretty wild if that ever happened to me. Well, last year on this trip, you snuck weed through TSA. That's true. That was a ballsy move. I've done it multiple times. I've done it multiple times. And also, last year on this trip, that's when I sat next to that lady and she was like, true that was a ballsy move i've done it multiple times i've done it multiple times and also last

year on this trip that's what i said next to that lady and she was like um i said next to that like she was older she was like in her 70s or 80s and she was like oh uh she was freaking out the whole time she was like my ticket like they haven't come and get my ticket yet it was like we were on like a 1940s train going out of some mistake yeah that must be some mistake they haven't taken my ticket like they haven't come and get my ticket yet it was like we were on like a 1940s train going out of some mistake yeah that must be some mistake they haven't taken my ticket and i was like what are they gonna do throw you out like we were already 10,000 feet in the air she was like oh she laughed and like you're the most down-to-earth person i ever met that's what i should have been like, well, Janine, let me clue you in on my plans for right now.

Well, Janine, we're about to be down-to-earth. We're about to be, as you say, down-to-earth. You ever wanted to see the Pentagon? Well, you're going to have a good seat. Oh, man.

For anybody listening. Start laughing maniacally. This is just a joke. Yeah. Or even better, you'd be like, you're the most down-to-earth person I've read. What's your name? Let me introduce you to Mal's Little Red Book. You see?

By the end of the flight, she's just the third worldest revolutionary. Fuck. Man. Yeah, no, I mean. By the end of the flight,

she's fucking dead because you suicide bombed the Pentagon. Well, but at least in her death, she'll have been a martyr for the cons. Right, right. Here's what's about to happen, Gene. This plane's going down in a few hours.

How will you be remembered? They'll build statues to you. As long as we can get a dispatch out before this motherfucker pits. Then you're on your way to the cockpit, and some fucking maggot chud trips you and like you know splices you under citizens arrest until you all land and then you

spend the rest of your life in jail. In jail for trying for not trying to hijack a plane for trying to convince everybody on board that it's the right thing to do. Hear me out. Hear me out hear me out i'm depressed you're depressed y'all happy y'all having fun here let's just do the goddamn thing that's true they can't look they can take the knives and scissors away from you at tsa but they can't take your rhetoric baby that's one thing they can take the knives and scissors away from you at TSA, but they can't take your rhetoric, baby. That's one thing they can't confiscate.

They can't take your wit. Unless they cut your tongue out. True. Which is like what they did to Cicero, right? Wasn't he such a powerful orator that they cut his tongue out? That's such a fucking greaseball Italian thing to do. Hey, let's shut this fucking cicero guy up for good hey i know what we could do we could cut his fucking tongue out he won't be

squealing anymore oh fuck dude this guy's fucking cicero he's no good he's no fucking good oh man uh sister i guess he was italian huh that's why it's funny the, I guess he was Italian, huh? That's why it's funny. The days of... If he was Greek, he'd just be like, why are you doing the Italian thing with the Greek guy? The days of oratory are over, aren't they, huh? Aren't they, Tom? I think the fact that we have a viable podcast

is proof to that. Speaks to that, yeah. so podcasts are like anti-oratory they're like anti-oratorical yeah it's yeah you're right what are you what are you talking about i just sang a song about season finale and hijacking a plane gonna play it's still live a little bit oh man um so what's going on man what is going on um this last episode of the season this we're the season finale we're doing the uh we're doing the like sopranos thing where um the season finale isn't the best episode. It's the episode

before the season finale. Yeah. Yeah, no. And we just kind of forgot to tell you there's going to be the season finale. Well, we hinted at it.

Yeah. Multiple people came up to me at the show on Friday night and they were like, are y'all taking a break? And I was like, buddy, I wish.

I looked at it. I had that weird that we never sleeps then you just poke him in the ribs i'm fucking with you no but we really are we're going off the air well it's that time of year where it's just hard to corral everybody in the same place for multiple weeks at a time for the holidays and yeah all that stuff we are going off the air i want to we might not ever come back but we really are because we want you to stay subscribe to our Patreon.com. That's Trouble with the Workers Party. Man, we had a good show on Friday.

We had a great show. Thanks to everybody who came out. We got to meet a lot of folks we hadn't met before. We did. We met a lot of fun and great fans. It's great to know that the fans are good. And good, cool people, too. It would have been bad if we would have showed up and all the fans were good. It would have been really bad if... And good, cool people, too. It would have been bad if we would have showed up and all the fans were like

assholes. Or just the worst. They're like, hey, can I borrow $50? Sure, man. But, no, they're all good people. We had fun with everybody. I'm going to be honest with you. I am just as nervous.

I woke up today. I don't know why, but I get really bad anxiety. Not about flying, but about going through airport security. What about going through airports in general? Can I go over your belongings for you? Is this a bit? Let me know if this is not a bit so I can retract everything I said. I don't want to get cuffed and stuffed by Homeland Security.

You hear me sitting at having dinner tonight and the evening news comes on. There's just a frazzled picture of me, a mugshot of me that comes up with huge black circles under my eyes. They've just billy clubbed the hell out of you. For trying to plead with the entire plane. That's a pretty good Tom Brokaw impression. Tom Brokaw still on the air? I don't think so. I think he's living on a fly fishing ranch in Montana somewhere.

Is Tom Brokaw the one who lied about being in Afghanistan? Remember that? Or is that Peter Jennings? There was one of them who lied. I can't remember. A lot of journalists lie about where they're at, which is like on one hand it's like They try to steal valor

about war correspondency. Like, I've seen some shit, bro. Like, like yeah that's your job i got i got a i got a theory that nobody's ever been a war correspondent yeah i think it's just something like what they do is they create this scene in like a hangar somewhere in nevada and make it look like a desert and then they just go get you know know, like, five or six, like, Middle Eastern guys to, like, drive them around in this warehouse in, like, a Humvee. Because I'll tell you why.

I had a professor in college, and I loved him, but he, like, all the time would tell these outlandish tales about, like, covering Vietnam and stuff. And it's like, I wasn't in Vietnam. I wasn't even alive even anywhere near Vietnam. But it's like, I just know there's holes in these stories. Yeah. Well, I think what they would do, especially in Vietnam. I wasn't even alive even anywhere near Vietnam. But it's like, I just know there's holes in these stories. Yeah. Well, I think what they would do, especially in Vietnam, is like you would go.

Did you ever read that book by Michael Ayer called Dispatches? No, but I've wanted to for a long time. There was like some on the ground reporting. And I think that's how like MeLive was discovered and stuff. But I think most of it was like you go to a press conference that like a general holds and he's like we've lost uh i don't know 34 and we killed a thousand and all the journalists are like all right this is fine and they're all addicted to opium and alcohol anyways they're like this sounds good they're they they're like fucking having tea parties at the Rand Corporation while bombs are all going off around them.

Yeah. All these like Parisian colony things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you ever have a period when you got really into the Vietnam War? I had a period in my early 20s where I got really into the Vietnam War? Had a period in my early 20s where I got really into the Vietnam War. A little bit, yeah. I feel like it's a very dude thing to do

to get really into one war. Yeah. Yeah. The ones that scare me are the guys that were really into, like, the World Wars. Yeah. Those are the guys that are probably proud boys today yeah yeah if your war thing was vietnam you're probably a communist today yeah yeah yeah yeah i'd have to i think i'd agree with

that yeah well okay i my caveat would be if you're really in or you're like a mega like guy if you're into the world wars i'd say world war ii yeah yeah world war one is like so wildly misunderstood and um yeah i don't know the military history trout mask replica of yeah of wars just so wildly misunderstood yes world war one is the trout the captain b part of world wars oh damn if every war had like a music aesthetic i think like vietnam would be like like codeine laced rap say more about that it's just a very trippy ass fucking war man well i think i've just watched too much apocalypse now yeah i mean i guess

the sort of popular idea of vietnam is that a lot of them were doing drugs and they were they probably weren't um but it's actually interesting um we know a lot about addiction today because of Vietnam and I'll tell you why because a lot of soldiers went over to Vietnam and tried heroin and the vast majority of them came back and weren't addicted to it after that you know they they they did it over there recreationally or even maybe got addicted to it but once they were back in the united states and their lives were sort of relatively stable they weren't at war right they weren't addicted to it and that's the that's the case for the vast majority of people um very you know contrary to popular belief very few people actually get addicted to drug to hard drugs

um you know it has a lot more to do with like the sort of environmental and external circumstances that you're in at the time interesting yeah yes so you're advocating doing hard drugs as long as you have a relatively stable home life listen um yeah you got a wife and three kids and a mercedes start doing heroin go ahead and try and see what it's about no i'm not that's a bit god damn it oh but yeah yeah now there's, yeah. I don't know why it's going off on that. Yeah, I'm worried about my nephew's trajectory. He's kind of a World War II guy.

He's really into the history of the world. Look, anybody who's into military history in general kind of weirds me out. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? People who know like the sort of minutiae of like battle movements and like at that point you're like a foreign policy degree away from being like a fucking like kissinger type totally you know i mean or like a james mattis type that's like what it was like what was that thing last week I saw that, like

somebody was asking him for precedence for some military strategy, and he pointed to Pancho Villa, like the border shit, the border. He did? Yeah, he was like, well, what about this? What about when Pancho Villa came? It's just like, that was 180? What, 40 years ago? No, no, no. 1820s.

Yeah, 1820s. Or wait, wait, wait. No, I'm sorry. 1910s. You're talking about Pancho Villa. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was 1910 or later.

Yeah. The Mexican Revolution. I literally just listened to a podcast about this. So, yeah. Like, you're talking like 120 years. He used Pancho Villa as- As like precedence for sending the U.S. military to the border. That's so fucking stupid.

But anyway, it's like, well, the weapons of our warfare have changed, mad dog, if you hadn't been paying attention there. True. Well, I guess what I mean is that... Not that it was ever good. Right. Well, Pancho Villaito was kind of-

Some revolutions are good. Some revolutions are- Most revolutions are good. Most revolutions are good. I'm talking about American imperialism, all of its best. The American revolution was not good. I would go so far as to say that it should not have happened. Well, it's kind of like Dave Chappellepelle biz that they should uh should never gave those

guys money should never gave those crackers money that's a good point that is a good point could have saved us a whole lot of grief i i like that there's a charles portis quote the guy wrote uh true grit and norwood and all those books and he was the bureau chief at the london review of books which is the job that carl marx had and he said that when he got shipped off to korea you know and he was thinking that you know when he had that post he was like you know the lond was thinking that, you know, when he had that post, he was like, you know, the London Review of Books could have saved us all a whole lot of trouble

if they had just paid Marks a little better. That's, was it the London Review of Books or, I thought it was the New York Tribune or something like that.

In England somewhere. Oh. I forget. It was at London Review, I don't know. Fuck if I know, man. I'd have to go with tape on him, but something like that. Yeah, no, that's a good point.

I just like that Charles Porter said Karl Marx both had the same job. The same job. I wonder if there's anybody famous who I've had. I was a janitor at the University of Texas. I wonder if any famous janitors ever came out of the University of Texas who had my job working at a power plant on campus.

I don't know. You're going to say that and Matthew McConaughey's going to call and say, yeah, I had that job. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. What were we talking about? Charles Portis. I'm sorry. I took us down a rabbit hole what are we talking about charles portis i was i'm sorry i took us down rabbit hole we were talking about uh wars and rumors of wars and revolutions revolutions right right right uh and the show friday night which was good thanks for coming i'm just gonna keep

well it was it was surprisingly good i fully expected and i was a little tired at first because i just had never done that and uh no you did great tom it's good it's good to have um you know it's uh when you got killer bands and acts as a buffer it's kind of easier to do live shows but i think brian and brett were right it's like maybe we should go before the bands, you know? Yeah, shout out to Brett and Brian from Street Fight. They were there in attendance. Love those guys. Yeah, they were kind of like, for me anyways,

they were kind of like when, you know, you're the quarterback and the defense is out the bands were kind of the defense and we were kind of the offense and so every time we go to the sidelines uh brett and brian would be like you're doing good out there yeah like rubbing my shoulders yeah they like squirting gatorade slapping me in the face they at one point they had to reset my nose. Stick one of those things up there to stop the bleeding. Smelling salts, yeah. Yeah, smelling salts. I don't know if I could do it.

Tape it up and get the fuck back in there. Get a hold of yourself, man. Hey, you've already won the first half, baby. Just one more half to go. Listen, you've just got to wear them down. Wear them down. Yeah. So that's much easier to do

when you've got like Lee Baines, Nicholas Siff, and all those totally slut pills killer. Everybody did great. Everybody did a great job.

Yeah. We're surrounded by very talented people and that's the key to success. That's the key to success. You've got to surround yourself when you're mediocre.

You've got to really just be, what do you call those things? The things that suck the shit off the gills of sharks and whales. What the fuck? Like, oh, you mean in the ocean? Yeah. Like a barnacle or something? No, not, well, I know barnacles like attach themselves to stuff like that. I see the analogy

you're trying to make. You ought to be a parasite, Kevin. You have to leech off infinitely more talented people than yourself. Trust me,

and trust me, we are very mediocre. And, yeah, so it's, sometimes I literally just sit and stew in my own

sort of comprehensive, overwhelming mediocrity. Now we have our moments. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. Maybe we're too hard on ourselves. So I woke up Friday or Saturday morning and we went to bed at like four and then like i had to like get up and go get the dog from the dog sitter at like seven so i didn't get to sleep very much but i woke up with

my leg thrown over lee bank and i was like woke up for a second mortified like oh shit did we fuck i was just hoping he didn't notice that i had in the middle of the course of the evening and tried to snuggle with her. Thinking it was my girlfriend who was out of town. Well, my original question still stands then. That's a weird feeling. Waking up next to a close friend, you're like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Did we fool around? we do no no no it's like

it's like i hope i didn't get like a nocturnal boner that like just poked into your calf and now now the dynamic of our relationship has changed now his calves are cramping because he made him come so hard what a fucking weird week man it was a weird dark week honestly it was much you know last week was last week the midterms was it i think it was last no the week before well i mean not this last week but the week before that because our last episode our most recent public episode was on the midterm. Was on the midterm. Right. This week, the sort of haze hanging over everything was a literal haze because of the fires in California.

Yeah. And I don't know. It was just so weird. being able to discern whether um whether i don't know i had a really dark and sort of foreboding sort of sense all week you know what i mean a dark cloud hanging over me and i couldn't tell if it was because i thought the world was sort of unraveling which it is but my sort of reaction to that varies on a spectrum from like nihilism to sort of ironic detachment to incredible earnestness and manic like desperation or if it was like i was just really stressed out about the show and i've got this essay that's coming out which by the way let me go ahead and pitch uh this essay that i have coming out

is that coming out today i think it is it should be. It's a good thing you're getting on a plane that's going down there now. Yeah. You don't have to stand and face the music for your allegations. You're right. It's a good thing that my life is ending today because I think I should be having an essay published in Popular today about nonprofits, which basically just kind of aggregates a lot of the points that we made over the... You know, it's funny.

It's like towards the end of the sort of season, we started getting way more into electoralism and critiquing sort of, you know... Might be a bit too much. Yeah, you could make that argument. But another large theme of the show is the nonprofit world and philanthropy and that's basically what i wrote this essay about so look if you don't got shit to do over the break

if you're sitting around waiting for the turkey to bake or whatever or you're sitting in an airport i've got a 4 000 word essay for you it's a long read folks at popula.com the good folks over at popula.com yeah subscribe today four dollars gets you full access yeah you know i mean i don't hardly ever plug or advertise for shit on this show but you know popula is one of the best things they give us platforms and i gotta hand it to anybody who's willing to uh give us a platform yeah to give R2 deranged asses. It is very brave. You're right. So yeah, I think it's one of the good.

And if you're not necessarily what could be deemed a pro rider, you got an essay burning in your little heart that you want the world to read. Yeah, pitch it. Pitch them, yeah. Pitch it. I'm constantly trying to get all my friends to pitch something. hearts you want the world to read yeah pitch it pitch them yeah pitch it um i'm trying i'm

constantly trying to get all my friends to pitch something um together we're trying to bankrupt popula and send them to the poorhouse but in the meantime subscribe well i i think that like right now we um especially right after the midterms look you know this whole trump administration in general and the whole sort of maga movement and um the sort of resurgence of global fascism etc etc etc all the other you know small fires in the world the rise of global fascism the earth warming up to the point of combustion. Right. Well, I'm saying that we're in a moment where the legitimacy of all these sort of dogmas

and orthodoxies and things that we have... Can only be fought by 4,000 word essays and popular. It's all we've got, folks, is our tongue and our sword, and the sword being the pen. Yeah, yeah. Well, you see the point i'm trying to make i'm saying that it's a battle out there for hearts and minds and um and you know i think that one of the sort of points of this show one of the objectives of this show i've said it multiple times is to critique and ultimately demolish the sort of facade of liberalism and um whatever outlets we can sort of use to disseminate that and to shape people's thought on what is going on currently um we need

to take we need to take it because like the sort of hegemony of liberal thought is finally coming, in my opinion, coming under critique. That wasn't the case necessarily during the Obama years. You had to just sit back and be browbeaten by these assholes who told you that, like, oh, all we got to do is just go meet with Sally Jewell a couple times. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's right and you know it's funny i had a dream last night that we did a show um where you know like sometimes we'll take a popular song and twist the words around i i do like how we do that well last night i had a dream we came up with one and it was to the uh wallflowers one headline and it was change has gotta be incremental and uh i forgot to write that down when i woke up this one but i'm glad i remembered it because it

worked oh there i had one i had i had a good one the other night before the show about that Kelly Clarkson song. It's Since You've Been Gone, but it's about jerking off when your parents are gone, like when you're in high school. Like, since you've been gone, I can jerk off for the first time in front of the dog.

And not next to you. In the other room, wondering what I'm doing in here. Do you ever try to surreptitiously? Because, like, in my house, I grew up in a house that's pretty small. And, you know, and we only had one computer in the house, and it was in the kitchen. And so, you know, my parents are listening to this all those times i was sitting there just sort of leaned really far up against the computer with my hand in my hands oh my god you're a degenerate yeah don't act like you haven't done it no i know i have if you grow up in a house that small you

don't have a choice dude my friend brandon young has the best fucking story i mean it's highly embarrassing but it's i'm gonna tell it yeah you even gave his first and last name maybe cut out his last name here's his social security number and his address here's a very embarrassing story about him he's a rotten motherfucker so he said that they were having a family reunion at his house and uh i'll tell you the type of guy brandon was he like he's the guy that like when he gets interested in something he just like fucking goes full bore into it like when we were kids he wanted to be a navy seal uh-huh so like he was way far out like we were probably like 15 but to start training to become a navy seal he

would go to car fork lake in the winter time and go get in there and practice at 15. Wanting to be a Navy SEAL. And he's like, you know, however old you have to be to go into SEAL training. Those are people who are really into World War II. Well, I think he came around not later on. Kind of normalized and had developed some good politics. But anyway, it's just funny. 15-year-old boy, I want to be a navy seal i want to

go carpool bank freeze my little dick off so anyway um and they lived in a trailer and they were like you know had some family in or whatever and brandon was like it was the night that sable was on monday night raw with the body pain over her tits. Over her titties, yeah. I remember that. And it was like green. I remember this exact episode. And he said, man, he said, I was in there, and he said, I would have bet money I locked the fucking door. He said, I was laid back on my bed.

He said, I was going to town on it watching sable and that body paint just jacking the devil out of it and he said about that time his bomb walked in and he said ed man let me tell you something when you're a young boy you always think what would you do if you get caught jacking off oh totally you always have to have some contingency plan and he said let me tell you what you do he said instant kicks in and you should go with contingency plan. And he said, let me tell you what you do. He said, instinct kicks in. You should go with the old possum routine. He said, I just acted like I was asleep with a rock hard boner. Naked as hell.

Just acted like I was passed out. Just full mask. Just these half-naked women on TV in full mask. And he said, the funny thing is I made eye contact with her and then just immediately I got sassed out. It'd be funny if his mom was like, really Brandon? Well that's what she said. She said,

we've got, you're in here jacking off. You're in here jacking off. I don't know how to even face my mom. Shit. There are some things that fundamentally alter your relationship to another person like one time um i walked in on my boss taking a shit and it fundamentally altered our relationship it was a traumatic experience for both of us you know what i mean because it's like

you know you got you're just in a very vulnerable position yeah sure i guess what i'm saying is that you know i'm not telling everybody to try to walk in on your boss taking a shit there might that might be a little bit problematic uh however it is a power move if you're trying to motherfuck them yeah it'll never Your relationship with them Will never be the same No Lyndon Johnson Used to use that

As a power move though In the reverse He would make people Watch him shit God damn it God if you had a hog Like Johnson's How would you even

Fuck it You know like A lot of people Don't know this My girlfriend Was surprised to find out That when you poop you tuck your dick in the toilet am i the only one that does that no it's what else would you do with it yeah like you have to you just kind of have to what if what if you had a hog like johnson's though it's kind of weird

because it'd be like great probably grazing the toilet bowl or something you know it's touching it's like dipping in the water yeah it's like a tea bag like my cousin payton's a fucking dickhead but he does have a huge penis and his joke is always when like we'd pull up beside the urinal together and i said but it's cold in there water's cold what if what if you were, what if you had like a phobia about tucking it into the toilet, so every time you shit, you had to just get a boner, and so that way it was sticking straight up while you were shitting? Well, I think we talked about this before. I had a buddy who was in Iraq who spent so much time jerking off in Port-A-Johns, he

would have like a pavlovian response when he got back every time he'd smell shit he'd get horny that's so fucking weird this is this episode's just turning into a clip show we're just we're just doing a greatest bloopers sorry everybody back to my original. Back to my original point about what it is we're doing here. Yeah, we're shaping thought right now. We're trying to do some thought shaping. You know, you got to theorize and understand why everything is happening the way it is. Totally.

So what I'm saying is write. Everybody should write more, even though nobody's reading. But it's good for you. It's good for you it's good for you it helps you process yeah it totally does so um well also i guess the other piece of advice i'd pass along to people this season really the theme of this season i guess can be summed up thusly. If you don't vote, don't bitch about anything. Don't, I don't want to hear you fuckers

that didn't bother to go to your polling stations. I want to hear you bitching about what's going on because you know what? You get the government

you vote for. That's the Trill Billy's message. That is definitely the Trillillies message that is definitely the trailbillies message i guess uh what can you really say after that that's just says it all that's what we've been hitting that for months well i do want to say that um i was thinking a little bit about this over the past couple weeks and um you know i think that as leftist like sometimes as you get sort of hopeless and despairing about like the way that

the world is um the sort of and i mentioned this like i think two or three episodes ago but like the gravity of what it is that you're doing and what you believe in it just kind of gets it takes a back seat to that sort of despair and hopelessness. But I guess what I'm saying is that like, it is not an insignificant thing to want to change the world. That's a pretty, that's a pretty significant thing. And pretty, uh, pretty, uh, tall order, pretty egotistical too. But look, we've all got egos. Some bigger than others

no but i mean seriously um it's not an insignificant thing and um you should be proud of that and um you know you should let it you should let it power you you should let i don't know you should let you shouldn't let yourself sort of get overwhelmed with the despair and hopelessness and everything and i think at times we did totally caused us to act out say things you probably didn't mean but uh well we're humans you know we're trying our best doing our best so um but seriously and i know that like you know it's that's especially important when you sort of like go home and you're with family and your sort of beliefs and everything are tested um get your talking points ready you don't need talking points or anything all you need is your

forget man this is Friday is the Super Bowl of the rhetoric game yeah I dated somebody one time who I mean obviously that relationship did not last very long but who had literally had talking points and made it a point to force a conversation.

Imagine going to your family's Thanksgiving dinner and say, okay, now that you're all gathered here, I just kind of want, I got a brief PowerPoint presentation I'd like to bring up to you here. Hillary Clinton was the victim of. Never mind. Yeah, no, but... Yeah, no, I mean, you don't have to have, like, talking boards and some dumb shit like that. Just be yourself, and yourself should want to overthrow the social order and create a new world.

Because that's literally the only thing that's going to save us. That's true. Look, I can't cut it any other way. I mean, like, we can have disagreements about incrementalism and... Tactics and organizations and whatever. But at the end of the day, the writing on the wall is that the um the world is in a death spiral for multiple reasons and the only way to save it is a revolutionary intervention from the left and we've got a we have to build up the sort of philosophical, intellectual, but also material bulwarks

for how we see that come to fruition. And it's going to take a little bit of time. So, you know, just... The left basically has to become Kentucky. What I mean by that is Kentucky was sort of a bulwark against, you know, the Great War of Yankee aggression. Protecting our southern values. Sort of the first line of defense. That's a horrible. The analogy Tom is drawing here is that the left is like the Confederacy.

No, no, no. Yeah. Maybe let me reverse that a little bit. If the Confederacy were good, that's what the left would be. God damn it. Oh, fuck. Well, anyways, you know. How do you follow that, really? Strike that from the minutes that was really bad um but seriously um you know just go listen to the last episode

it's early um we're tired we had a really long week. We've been busting ass. And, you know, just like I said, it's not insignificant to want to change things and sort of overthrow the social order. And you should be proud of that. Yeah. You should be proud of that because it's like it's really crazy when you think. I mean, I think about it all the time. I think about all the stupid shit I thought and believed in my early 20s and, like, even incredibly racist, sexist, white supremacist stuff. You know what I mean? Like, all kinds of stuff.

And I think about it. I'm like, damn, I have done such an excellent job of becoming a better person. Listen, if you found your way to the left. I'm just kidding. But, I mean, seriously, though, if you found your way to the left from the various starting points and i mean i was talking i was talking to max alvarez the other day and he was like yeah i was a full-blown conservative not too long ago you know it's like that that is that's not insignificant you know so yeah well and and the i guess another point i'm trying to make is like trust your instincts, trust your political analysis.

And, um, you know, there's a reason why you feel the way you do. And it's probably rooted in outrage of some kind. And, um, and you should trust that and then take that outrage and,

and turn it into a 4,000 word essay that nobody will read. They will read it. They'll read it. Or they'll at least read half of it. Or turn it into a podcast in which you self-congratulate yourself on all the amazing things. You can do it, guys. You believe. It's not a bad supplement to your income.

Right. So I have some speaker pieces. We were going to do it at the show on friday but we wind up not doing them from this past week it's god damn you hey you imagine nicholas f that's on this very spirited like killer performance then we're coming out here saying thank you god bless um but yeah no i guess this will be the last speaker piece of 2018. And honestly, nothing's going to top that one we had last week, which was the funniest goddamn speaker piece I've ever heard.

Damn, Mickey Stines, for sure, had a big thank you spread here. Did he really? Yeah. Well, we also had some local elections here in Letcher County. Yeah. Well, we also had some local elections here in Letcher County. They're having 25% off Under Armour this holiday season at the John B. Adams store. Under Armour's probably the most reactionary brand.

Has to be right. That or Ed Hardy. Do people still wear Ed Hardy? See, I think they've waned in their popularity. Interesting. In the mid-2000s, though, it would have been absolutely true. That's absolutely right. I just noticed that I have a triple-starred speaker piece

on there, so that one must be good. I don't remember what it is. We're going to have to say that for last. As evil as the Democrats have treated Donald Trump and now they're talking

about him working with them, why should he? Let me read that again so I can... As evil as the Democrats have treated Donaldald trump and now they're talking about him working with them why should he that's it yeah okay great sentence great sentence i'm calling on you candidates to get all of your signs down. We the people are tired of looking at them. Get them down.

That's right. That's a good thing. I think that somebody on the street fight group pointed that out. They said yeah it's like or maybe it was even Brian and Brett themselves it was like you know you make all of these signs for one race and like

especially if you're a democrat and you're running on saving the planet, but you're going to make all these dumbass signs and just throw them away after they're done. Totally, totally. Are the Democrats not smart enough to know that everything they do is going to bite them in the you-know-what in the future? you know what in the future. Well, I think I circled that one because I know for a fact it was a Trump person that wrote it, but it is 100% true. Yeah, because only Trump people say the you know what.

The you know what, right. But it's 100% true. Yeah. Like the Democrats don't understand that like the sort of internal logic of their political view or project or whatever necessitates them eating shit in the future. Taking L after L after L. Oh yeah, totally. I hope the new county judge brings some new stores to Electric County. First we need us a Rural King, a Tractor Supply, and an Ollie's.

Thank you. The other one I would add is if you could pull off the hat trick and add an Applebee's. Oh, yeah, this is good. I'd like to see this Antifa mob come to Letcher County. We might not stop them from starting something, but you can put it in the bank we're darn sure we'll we're darn sure finish it yeah okay there pal so locked and loaded here come on down they've become like um in the conservative mind have you noticed how

rapidly they've gone from ms-13 to antifa it's become the new here's what we need to do now here's what we need to do. Here's what we need to do because, frankly, these are the dumbest people alive. What we need to do is create a new group. In high school, I had this buddy named Josh.

I hesitate to say buddy because I really think he's a tool. I always have thought he was a tool. In high school, you're friends with a lot of people you think are tools just to keep up the you know totally social order well josh was known for a couple things one was he could suck his own dick

i think that's why i really hate him why because you're jealous because you want yeah if i could i'd never leave the house uh but the other thing he was known for is that he was just like such a bullshitter like crazy so wait wait wait but basically what you're saying is if he was a renowned bullshitter could be he might not actually have been able to suck his own dick no we saw it you watched him suck his own dick no listen dude i gotta tell you i gotta tell you i saw i saw let me tell you what's happening i swear to god dude call him up like you did the bear guy i don't have i don't have his i don't have his number but i suck your dick on the hold on a second hold on a second hold on a second let me i'll phone a friend, though. No, you don't have to.

Let me just see if I can't get somebody on the horn here. Hey, okay. Hold on a second. Oh, my God. So, anyway. Oh, fuck. So, anyway. The other thing Josh was known for was that, like, he just had to be first to know about all the new bands.

You know what I mean? So one thing we used to do was we would just make up these bands. Yeah, like they do on Jimmy Fallon or some shit. Yeah, when they were asking the Coachella people. I'm going to call Johnny P and have him crop right there. Anyway. We need to have him on the show at some point. So we made up this band called Audio Salvage. And he was like, yeah, hell yeah, man.

I love all their shit. What's that one song they have? And we made up like, you know, like spun this big tale about this band he was like, yeah, hell yeah, man. I love all their shit. What's that one song they have? And we made up like, you know, like spun this big tale about this band he was going along with the whole time. But what we need to do with these Antifa MS-13 fucking paranoid freaks. Start making up. Let's make up these like new groups. But be like, here's the thing.

Here's the thing. It's like they're like killing trump supporters like in their own home like they're breaking into their homes and like fucking cutting baby's heads off they break your ribs and make you suck your own dick they break your they take your ribs out they make you gay by breaking your ribs and making you suck your own dick and then you when you, you come so hard that your calves cramp up. It's going to be crazy. God damn. That's so fucking weird.

Yeah, you're right. But seriously, though, Antifa really has replaced MS-13 in their sort of domestic terrorist, we call them. Well, it's really funny to me that they sit around and daydream about getting into a fight with Antifa. Like, that's what they're fantasizing about. Yeah. That's how bored these motherfuckers are. Yeah. They sit around fantasizing about fighting some 28-year-old with, like, a neck beard who's wearing a bandana.

You know, like, that's their fantasy. That's their fantasy, yeah. And also, it's like, it's just so fucking weird. It's like, you know when this whole militia culture, like right-wing militia culture sprung up? It was like, at first, it was just like a bunch of guys in their late 40s and early 50s that are just starting a statin regimen and fucking just needing a little excitement in their life and going out out and shooting in the woods and like crawling under barbed wire and shit

and then for whatever reason like the chuds that idolize those guys like the guys that would be the proud boys and all these other people really took up the mantle for them and now we've got a mess on our hands created by these fuckers who, if they hadn't had statin therapy, would have fucking... What's statin therapy? You know, keeps the ticker working. Oh, right, right, right. It's amazing how these drug dealers can get on Facebook and deny the Lord. Is this my triple star?

Yeah. This is the editor's pick this week. This is so funny. Wait, DJ, run that back. The first sentence of that. It's amazing how these drug dealers can get on Facebook and deny the Lord. It's amazing how these drug dealers can get on Facebook and deny the Lord. It's amazing. It's amazing.

It's amazing. It's amazing how these drug dealers can get on Facebook and deny the Lord. What the fuck is like... Anyways, continue. Man, you really fucked up not circling this one beside it.

But anyway, I'll come back to that. It's amazing how drug dealers can get on Facebook and deny the Lord lord they find out who's a preacher and then they'll get these preachers to feel sorry for them and give them money so they can go get the things they want such as bribing local law enforcement so they won't get caught they might think they're going to get to heaven but they're not how do you know first of all person here's what i would say how do you know that that uh game doesn't recognize game and god is going to let

these totally in heaven totally well i just think it's that first sentence is all-time great man how do you go amazing how these drug dealers can get on facebook and deny the lord like if you're a drug dealer, the thread there, you go from drug dealer... That's like, you know, we talk about the woke straw man. This is just your standard

straw man argument. Well, yeah, it whips you back and forth. You go from Facebook to drug dealers to denying the Lord. That's impressive. I would say these people are diseased, but those are essentially the three themes of our show. We'll have to do some self-reflection in the coming days. If Republicans started agreeing with global warming,

Democrats would start denying it. Which is funny because now it's like Republicans are agreeing with global warming, but their attitude is like, well, we've already went this far so oh yeah yeah yeah well that's the thing um and that's the that's another point i've been trying to sort of hammer out over the past few weeks is that like the global elite is totally comfortable with the world boiling alive oh yeah and they're devising all kinds of i mean you saw this it was pointed out a million times on twitter you saw this with the wildfires in california the way that they've hired like their own private firefighting forces and all this stuff yeah like they're gonna they're they're

not only are they fine with it they're hoarding all the cash and creating all the resources they need to outlast the coming global authoritarian, Google-able nightmare hell future. Totally. And then the rest of us are just going to have to... Right. Not only are they preparing for it, but it's like I've said a few times over the past few weeks, not only are they preparing for it,

but they're also sort of trying to lay the institutional and sort of philosophical groundwork for how to manage the masses in a in a world like that yeah and the only word for that is fascism like that's the only explanation for it because eventually those contradictions will become more and more impossible to sort of square away you know what i'm saying yeah yeah you're getting texts yeah getting blowed up over here there's a man in not county that when he dies they'll have to carve on his stone quote here here's lies the body of truth in quote that's here's like h-e-r-E apostrophe S. Here lies the body of truth. Because it sure never came out of him.

He's got a dog, killed 10,000 squirrels, 47,000 rabbits all by himself. He couldn't have killed that many animals in 150 years, but yet he's got a top grade, top line, top blood world champion hound. Dude, that is crazy. Just hating on somebody in the ground let somebody tell their bullshit hunting tales and fishing stories and whatever that's the good content it's good content it's good exactly that's the thing people who want to people let the truth get in the way of good content exactly funny stories are the ones that are embellished and... And change over time and expand. You know?

The internet has really broken our brains that way. You know what I mean? Like, it's created a sort of subclass of individuals who are obsessed with facts. Yeah. You know? And interesting in a time when, like, we're governed by, you know, like, that's an immense belabored point, but, like, just facts don't even matter anymore. Totally.

But, like, all the adherence of this, like, people, like, are, like, lean on. It's, I don't know. It's very disorienting. And this is, again, why Marxism is the only thing that's going to offer you any kind of reprieve from any of this because it is an objective scientific analysis of the world and um you can have that in your brain while at the same time telling stories with your buddies that are 90 bullshit and made up yeah enjoy it guys well the election's over and the democrats did really well. Nancy Pelosi's going to take your guns.

She's going to open our borders. She's going to change America to where anyone who wants to come can come across these borders. Well, you all put her in there. No, we didn't. Actually, no. People in California did. We're trying really hard to get her out of there. But also, even if you did, nobody in Kentucky put Pelosi in there.

America to where... I'm sorry. Well, you all put her in there. Trump is making this nation grow, and you all threw him a stumbling block with Pelosi. But we still have the Senate, and he still is in control of America. Why don't people quit bad-mouthing him

and give him some credit for what he did? That is a common speaker piece you see all the time like listen everybody obama fucked up shit so bad that it's just taking him a while i knew that's what the line was going to be it's like the perfect time like trump is not going to improve your life mr whoever and wherever okay it's like it's not but what you're going to do is you're going to give him the longest leash in the world. He's going to make other people's lives miserable. And at the end, all you're going to be able to say is, well, he had his hands tied.

Who could have undid all that Obama shit? I noticed a lot of Republicans lost their elections. I was kind of shocked that we didn't go downtown and knock all the windows out of the buildings and try to destroy people's businesses and then call everybody a racist and i remember that's what democrats do dude that is so absurd i mean like another thing that um has really you know again not not a unique point not a uh you know, original point, but they are so thin-skinned, man. Holy shit.

Did you find a good one? I don't know why this wasn't your three-star editor's pick of the week. Hit me with it. It could have been yours. God bless America. God bless our president. God bless our government. California, wouldn't you have had more water if

you hadn't have saved some of your storages there to save some fish what the fuck weren't there a lot of dams and stuff tugged down to save a funky little fish or something or other sure it's been dry in california but i believe in the old days you'd have had a whole lot more water to fight with quit bad mouth from this president for what you all did. It pisses me off. I hate to see you in such bad shape, but if you have saved your water and your dams and stuff, you'd have had a hell of a lot more water to fight fires with.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it. And then there's an editor's note here. It says, more than 40 people are now confirmed dead because of the current California wildfires and many more people are still missing and you're blaming the victims. I like a little bit of when they do a little bit of editorializing on the more egregious speaker piece. Yeah, well, the funny thing about that speaker piece is you can tell that it's a call in. Oh, yeah. Because the and stuff. Buddy, don't y'all got a bunch of dams and stuff yeah it's not

you wouldn't write that way even worse is the fact that not one expert backs up your claim about a lack of water well it's even funnier about that it's like california's become a stand-in for this like godless sodom and gomorrah type place it's like when we were talking to drew on that california episode earlier on the run and it was like like if you go to like bakersfield and then like a lot of places outside of the cities in california it's like all real tree camo and like totally hillbilly and redneck because like you know a lot of people from eastern kentucky and oklahoma and places like that went out there right right right not that like saying that they brought their they brought the lack of culture they brought their uncultured ignorant asses out there and completely fucked up the project for everybody but my point is is like california is much more conservative than people give it

credit for i know it's just their population centers tend to vote Democrat and so they swing Democrat. Totally, totally. Oh, fuck. Well, that's just about it. So speak your pieces. It's the season finale. You know, one of my favorite hallmarks

of a season finale is like, you know, the year in review. Yeah. So go ahead. Give us your three-star editor picks for favorite moments of the year. I'm going to go ahead and say this is a bit of a under, it kind of got swept under the rug a little bit fast. But I'm going to say my top editor pick of 2018 was definitely when kirstie alley tweeted about stephen hawking and said you had a good run you remember that kirstie i like from cheers yes from cheers she when stephen hawking died she tweeted a picture of him that just said

you had a good run thanks for your input thanks for your input. Thanks for your input. Totally. That was probably one of my favorite moments of the year. That's good. Pretty good. Buddy, it's been such a crazy... The thing is, and the thing is with these wildfires as well, is that... Hopefully, if this show ever ends, somebody tweets at us and says... Thanks for your input. That was a good run, thanks for your input. That was a good run.

Thanks for your input. No, hopefully they'll bury us with a gravestone that says, here lies the truth. Here's lies the truth. Here's lies the truth. Dude, media, you know, news stories move so fast now. And it's really crazy. I was thinking about this, because another crazy thing that happened

just in the last two weeks, in the same sort of media cycle as the wildfires, was there was a shooting. There was a large shooting in California. Remember? Like 12 people died or something. Yeah. But what is it?

You remember? It was last week. I know. That's bad. I know. the... You were married last week. I know. That's bad. I know. You remember? Oh, I know. I know.

Well, that's the thing. But they were interviewing... I don't know if you saw the interviews from the family members of people in the shooting. And it was incredibly raw. It was insane. You know, they had this one woman and she was like, I don't want prayers. I don't want thoughts. I want action.

I want, you know, gun control, all this. It was one of the victim's mothers. And it's like, you know, those kind of stories, like the world and media moves so fast now that those stories can't even acquire any kind of momentum or gravity or be sort of placed into... Or grow into a bigger thing right people should take notice yes yes they can't be placed into some sort of like larger

sort of capital s scandal that then the political system has to then react to or anything like that because you gotta you know because donald trump can't put a noun and an adjective together and yeah it becomes somehow well and also sucks everything out yeah yeah well that and i just wonder how much longer people can sort of i talked about this with you and katie and andrew the other day that like i like listening to the the revolutions podcast and like the sort of oh like the common theme you see um in like 90 of of revolutions is when a critical mass of individuals can no longer maintain the facade. They can no longer suspend their belief. And for me, that's what voting and elections are.

And we're going to see this especially into as this presidential election so you're shifting you're just before you go too far down the road here you're shifting from your top picks of 2019 to your crystal ball for 2019 like crystal ball exactly there you go he's wearing a very offensive like uh swami fortune telling hat yes exactly so the the point is is that elections are essentially they they essentially require you to to suspend your belief they require you to suspend your um sort of intuitions about the system in the way that it is and the point that i was trying to make earlier is you should trust yourself trust your political instincts like don't give in to this notion that you're checking your phone no no no no no no go for it i'm sorry you blew my point you asshole don't go for it i'm sorry no i don't want to make it no make the point make the

point it must have been a pretty boring one no no no. Don't make the point. Make the point. It must have been a pretty boring one. No, no, no. It wasn't a boring point. I've been fighting off these texts all morning, and somebody needed my immediate attention. Well, I don't know. Just whatever. Don't listen to anybody or anything.

Anyways, what's your crystal ball for for 2019 what do you got what are you thinking on the horizon yeah what's going on okay wait wait so like my larger point i guess a minute ago is that i don't know how much longer people can maintain the sort of suspension of belief and um when people sort of pressure you into doing that and to to doing that then you should they don't care about you i lost my i lost my mo i lost my thread i lost my thread see true season finale form baby we're uh we are just mailing it in at this point yeah here lies the truth well anyways we're an hour and eight minutes that's a good that's a good stopping point it's a good stopping point yeah i think uh

a an attempt at a profound point just deflating that's true 2018 you're sitting here making a huge point, and I'm sitting here just texting away. God damn it. All right, everybody. So, yeah, we're going to sign off now, but thanks for listening, and the deal with the Patreon. We're going to keep you all updated

if you want to stick around for the next couple weeks that we're going to be off. It's totally possible we might put an episode or something on patreon um you know just to sort of keep you in the loop keep you keep your appetite wedded right uh when when we can but it's just the schedules will be too inconsistent to really put out regular episodes for the next probably several weeks. But we'll be back regularly. About like last year or earlier this year. Probably around the time of the Super Bowl.

About Super Bowl time will be. Unless we start to get really bored and angsty before then. Yeah, and can do it. But it's good to take breaks. Look, you need a break from us because um distance makes the heart grow fonder totally and uh distance makes the dick grow harder there's that too if you're sitting around jerking off to our podcast you're gonna have a massive raging boner when we come back. Yeah. Yeah.

Just, uh, you know, yeah. You got to take breaks every now and then, um, to keep your sanity and to also keep your sort of clarity, your analytical clarity about things.

You got to stay sharp, baby. You got to stay sharp. Yeah. So anyways, uh, thanks for listening everybody and we'll see you when we see you. In the new year.

In the new year. En la año nuevo. Yep. All right. Goodbye.