Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 9: Internet Goin' Nutz (w/ special guest: Joni Napier)

Episode Date: May 12, 2017

In episode 9, we highlight famous moments in rural internet history with our homegirl, Joni(@joniwasadiver).

Alright homie, welcome to the podcast Joni. Thank you. Yeah, thanks for being with us. Yeah. I'm happy to be here. Yeah, this is, I guess this is the first time we've all, well I don't know about you two, this is the first time we've congregated in, well in sort of real life. Yeah.

Still so much distance between us. Not a whole lot. Not a whole lot. It's literally like two and a half hours, which kind of makes it funnier. You're two and a half hours away, but we're still talking to you. I feel like I've known you my whole life.

Same. I feel like we're old pals, honestly. We are. We are old pals. I mean, yeah, and you're from this part of the world. You're from Berthoud County. Good old Berthoud County. When's the last time you've been back? Honestly, I went home for like a day over spring break and before that it had been Christmas so it's been about two months for a very short visit. Yeah. How's your mother doing? She's perfect.

I'm a big fan of your mom's Facebook page, I gotta say. My mom is the best. I don't think I've ever stumbled upon it. Wait, are you and my mom Facebook friends? We're not Facebook friends. But I do keep tabs on her Facebook page. Is that weird? That's weird. It's awesome. So, so tom if you don't know my mom uh her name was muasha and she's like indian as fuck and she's really into like uh granny woman like witchy shit and uh i don't know she's weird as hell but she's really cool very witchy I do love good witch

like she's a social worker but she also like has a soap company in like her free time but she like goes out in her yard during full moons and like cast spells and shit well I don't know how to spell that, but you should definitely tell us how to spell that so I can check her out. It's like... I just cold friend her. Remember when you used to do that with people back in the day? I've been thinking about that a lot lately because it still happens to me quite often. I'm sure it still happens to y'all.

You get cold friended, right? What is cold friended? I don't know what that means. Just like friended out of the blue by somebody that you don't know. Don't know. Or that you like... I guess it could be that you know of. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Right, you have mutual friends, sort of. Sometimes. Yeah. I think being a girl is a lot different being cold-friended than when you're a guy yeah i would say more more more fear of unsolicited dick pics i would imagine most i'd say 90 of those cold ads are thirst driven oh yeah have you ever thirst-headed anybody? I think I've done it already today at least once. With Jody's mom? Yeah, with Jody's mom.

I'm sorry. I hope she never listens to this. I'll be ashamed of myself. She's absolutely going to listen to this. Well, in that case, anyways. Yes, though, I've thirst-friended people. Anyways, yes, though, I've thirst-friended people. Because, like... Did you ever parlay a thirst friend into, like, a date or something more of a more carnal nature?

I would like to know the statistics on this. Like, I'd like to know how many successful relationships come out of, like, thirst. Just cold. What do you think about this i think my relationship kind of did so we have we have a test case well i think honestly now that i think about it jenny like i think the like all my past relationships in the last three years or so have probably germinated in some way online i was thinking about this too just not specifically just for meeting online but maybe we have mutual friends and we're facebook friends because of that and then i see them out and i'm like oh you're so and so from facebook and then we start that way. Not specifically just like, hey babe, what's up on Facebook. Right, right.

Because interacting with people is hard and it's awkward. But it's a lot easier just to fucking hit that, smash that click button, that like button or the friend button. What are you projecting? What are you saying when you do that though? That encounters are hard and it's hard to talk to people

trying to get to know you but i'm a little bit shy or what yeah i think so i want you to try to get to know me but i'm never gonna try to get to know you first right yeah that's exactly right that's a really good point um yeah no uh we met online though me and you did Joni we did I don't remember how twitter algorithms probably was it was it twitter

I'm sure it was I think it was I think a lot of people I would like to know how many podcasts that are out right now have started because people just met online and discovered that. Choppo started that way, right? Yeah, that they have things in common and they can talk really well. I'd say it's a majority. Yeah.

I'd say it's a majority. Yeah. Because, I don't know, like people you meet online, you have a lot more in common with, I think, because you choose those people instead of just kind of like accidentally being born close to each other, you know? Right. Yeah. And I think that something about Twitter,

which I've had a lot of thoughts lately about getting off of it because it's a fucking hellhole. But it's just getting good now but uh there's something about interactions on twitter that it allows a much more accurate mirroring of how interaction actually works because i think it's because of this word character limit whereas on facebook there's no there's no limit to anything you can say. And every person needs an editor, whether it's 140 word limit or someone sitting in an office at fucking Esquire magazine. Every person needs an editor.

But on Facebook, there is no editor. So you just fucking let it all out. And it's never a good representation of who you really are. And then with the time hop thing, you get the cringeworthy reminders of how stupid you were in 2006. Yep. Time hop is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Fuck a bunch of time hop. Oh, God.

Yeah, I'm with you on that. I saw a time hop the other day where I said that people need to think Socratically. When I saw that people need to think Socratically about it. When I saw that I was like what in the fuck dude you're better than that sexton. Oh that's so fucking good. Well that I just don't know what it means really. When me and when me and Tom lived together there were several times and I don't know if you do this with your friends but there are several times when like we would go back in time and read old facebook statuses and just fucking just like cringe just like oh like absolutely yeah i think everybody does that what were some of your house greatest hits well on my time hop today i checked it right before

we did this actually which, which is weird. But I got me and my friend Shauna got our nipples pierced like three or four years ago today. On this day? On this day. On this day in history. And you're on a podcast on this day in history. That's fucking great. How fucking fun.

That's too good. Yeah. Yeah. how fucking fun that's too good yeah yeah uh no a lot of mine were like uh a lot of the ones i'm really embarrassed about are like really rabbit atheist you know like uh or like pro obama stuff you know what i mean like around 2009 2010 i was just kind of your story on mine too i'm just kind of nobody remembers that oh god i had a bad one like somebody was going off on like it was like you know some kind of war on coal blah blah blah shit and i i commented

and this it showed up on my time hop too and it was like I said something like don't speak that way about the president of the United States of course it came back to bite me like the office you're not going to respect the man at least respect the office that kind of shit that shit's funny

so now I try to delete them whenever they pop up like that just to erase the record. So on that note, there was something I was going to talk about on Facebook. And I texted you about this, Joni. But Facebook can be a place of interest and it can also be a very creepy place and a very terrifying place and all these other things. But you do kind of come across personalities every now and then that are sort of larger than life, or at least larger than Facebook. And I was trying to figure out how to tee up this segment without seeming like I was making fun of anybody or punching down on anybody, because I'm not. I don't mean this in a mean way.

But if it comes to that, we're not above punching down. There's been a few times that I've, and I don't know if you do this, but do you have certain accounts that are sort of inside jokes with you and your friends? And I'm not talking about groups. I'm talking about individual human beings. Yes. 100%. Tom and I had an inside joke

of a local amateur weatherman who... You may know this guy. Is he on Twitter? If he's on Twitter, I gotta see that. If he is. Because I If he's on Twitter, I gotta see that. If he is.

Because I bet he would be wonderful on Twitter. Some people are built for it. Oh, yeah. I just know an amateur weatherman on Twitter from East Kentucky, so it might be the same guy. I don't know. Oh, my God. What's his name?

I don't know. I'd have to look it up. Please tell me about him. He may be the same dude. His name is Johnny Mullins. Johnny Mullins. Weathered by Johnny Mullins. He rose to notoriety sometime around election day

when all those wildfires that were going to notoriety sometime around election day when all those wildfires that were going on like in eastern Kentucky there's a school of thought and that school of thought is the state fire marshal the state police

the state police happen to think that that our own Johnny Mullins Weatherman may have been the progenitor of those fires. To make his own weather reports out of them. Yeah. Tom and I had this inside joke about this guy for the longest time. Years.

For the years that he would be the type of person to start a fire or do something crazy and then sort of film it for in art imitating life it actually it actually came to pass this past year allegedly allegedly he admits to it i think he doesn't he doesn't deny it okay Okay, well. So. But it's so good. You gotta go. I don't know if his archives are still up or not. Yeah. But it was like, how did he say it when he came on the scene?

Oh. Johnny Mullen's weather here. Yeah. It's just crazy. He's got no background. He's not like, who is it that you follow on Twitter that you and your friends are always, is it Chris Bailey? Chris Bailey.

Yeah. Yeah. Is that it? Yeah, Chris Bailey. With W-I-V-E. Yeah. He's not that guy. Chris Bailey, he's my hero. I have such a crush on Chris Bailey.

Chris Bailey's the man. Check it if you're a teacher. Yeah. If you've ever been a teacher, Chris Bailey's like you. Yeah. All right. Well, he's not If you've ever been a teacher, Chris Bailey's like you. Yeah. Right. Well, he's not.

So Johnny Mullins isn't like Chris Bailey. He's not like that. What is Johnny Mullins? He's just a regular ass dude just like us. He's just one of us, man. Yeah. I wish that he was a little more like Appalachian. Like if you're going to be an amateur weatherman, at least incorporate some of the cultural mores of the society around you.

Like I wish he would talk about like woolly worms and shit, but he doesn't. Or some sort of witchcraft. He uses like pseudoscience. Well, not even that. It's almost like he just like, it's like he watches Chris Bailey and like adopts like his like mannerisms and gestures and everything. But then just like comes up with these wild ass conclusions.

It'll be like 63 degrees today and partly cloudy. Looks like we might be having tornadoes later. Yeah, right, right. It's never like, it's never just like, you know, it's just gonna be a ho-hum cloudy day. It's going to be like death and despair and agony is coming our way, surely. You got to get those clicks. Yeah, that's true.

Partly cloudy days don't get the likes, though. No. Well, so anyways, yeah. So I've got a creepy story, and maybe you guys have an equivalent. Maybe I can just throw something out there, and you can pick up on it. When I was in college, me and my friend Mahmoud, I don't know how he found this out, but he sent me this

Facebook page of a woman, her name was Karen Catherine Waldegrave. It's spelled K-A-R-I-N. And, um, I remember this specifically for two weeks of my life, like, I followed this woman's Facebook page, like, obsessively, because she lived in page like obsessively because she lived in like ontario she lives in canada or something like that like right on the u.s canadian border and um she would have all these crazy facebook statuses about like how she was being targeted by the cia and various united states intelligence agencies you know about this yeah i saw this on reddit or something like somebody had archived her facebook and like had all her posts and shit yes and then she just like disappeared fucking vanished fucking vanished like so me and my friend makboud were following this like in real

time like she would put facebook statuses out and and they would be fucking crazy. She would go on and on about the Habsburg dynasty and the fucking Iranian Ayatollahs. You know what I mean? She would just go into these crazy rants. And people would be like, well, it's either a spoof you know it's either like a parody page or she's like schizophrenic like insane yeah I don't think it was a parody page because like you just said Joni like all of her shit is archived you can go see it like it's also specific and the pictures were of actual people but they were fucking creepy shit man like they were like water damage water they had water damage to him and they had been like burned and stuff and like

As this still never been resolved like what happened to her to this day Is that kind of like so it got McCliff hang it got stuck on like 4chan Which is like the fucking internet pit of cesspool cesspool is the worst fucking place it never in it I think it did eventually go to reddit Someone actually eventually tried to find her house because they were thinking maybe she was in trouble or something. Maybe she actually was being fucking held hostage or something and that the intelligence community was after her.

I don't know. It gives you just one of those rare windows into an internet moment. As a small town, there are internet moments. There are Facebook events. Oh, God. Are there? You know what I'm talking about, Jenny? Like, when you're friends, like, something big happens online.

Do you have any internet moments? I can't think of any off the top of my head I have a creepy a creepy internet thing um I don't know if these two things are related but they have to be and I'm pretty sure I told Terrence about this when it was happening like a year ago maybe maybe a year and a half yes I yes I do remember this I get a phone call one night and they're like hey joni what's up and i'm like nothing and i'm i don't want to be rude and be like who is this because i never say phone numbers like i'm the fucking worst and um they just keep talking to me they're like i'm just hanging out what are what are you doing are you at home and

i was like and you're trying to like figure out who this is. He's not a little clues. I'm trying to get some context clues to figure out who this person is. And they won't tell me eventually. I'm like, who is this? And they're like, Oh, you know,

and I'm like, no, I really don't. And they were like, actually, um, I just got your number off the internet. You seem like a cool person.

I thought that I would just like give you a call and see what was up and i'm like that's weird as fuck but okay i gotta go now and they were like are you at home i would really like to like come hang out with you which was a total lie i was home alone but was fine. It was a dark and stormy night. And then, like, two days later, my friend Gentry lived, like, one street over from us. And he was dating my friend Heather. They come home from, like, the bar one night or something. They go in their house, and this girl is just asleep on their couch and it's like two o'clock in the morning and they wake her up and they're like what the fuck are you doing here and she's like oh I just I just got um I was really cold I was walking home from the bar

and I was really cold and I was just like trying to open doors to see where I could get in and I got in here. But the thing is, their apartment was the upstairs part of this house, and the entrance was around the back. You can't just kind of see it off the street, you know? Right. I don't know if it was the same girl because I wasn't there. But, I mean, they happened like two days apart. I'm thinking this girl was trying to like murder me or something. That's pretty funny.

Okay, so the person that called you I wrongly assumed was a male. Right. There's a twist to the story. That is fucked. Although I'm not going to like cast dispersions on her because one time I got really fucked up. And I walked into Alumni Tower in Moorhead where I lived on the seventh floor. But I passed out on a futon on the sixth floor. And when I came to, this guy was just on his computer looking back at me.

And he was just like, dude, I'm so fucking sorry. He's like, oh man, you look real peaceful there. I didn't want to bother you. So he was cool about it. But anyway, I've been the creepy girl in question. Well, I like to think that the call and the girl were connected. I mean. That is a really good fucking story.

I'm going to stick that in my back pocket for like a Halloween type thing. Yeah, I remember you. I'm just going to pretend it's my story, though. Yeah, I was receiving live tweets about this. Live texts about this, I do believe. It's something. I remember it happening while it was happening. I told you about the phone call.

I told you about the phone call, and it happened. And a couple of months later, I'm like, yo, Terrence, remember that girl who called me? I think she broke into my friend's house. But you haven't heard hiding her hair from her since, right? Not a word. And what would be the ultimate if that was really Karen Catherine Maldegrave? Yes.

It just comes full circle. She's fucking. Although if she had passed out on your friend's couch, that would have broke the internet. She's targeting all my friends. I'm going to start taking them out one by one as she gets closer and closer to me. And then one day I'm just going to wake up and she's just going to be standing there.

Hello, Terrence. Hello. Hello. Hello, Terrence. That is real fucking weird. Yeah. Man, that creeps me the fuck out. Something that I was thinking about the other day,

this isn't so much creepy as it is just sort of, eh, like lackadaisical. I don't know if you all ever did this, but this is a foundational part of my sexual awakening. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I ain't about to sign up for this. I don't know if you guys ever got on chat rooms and had cyber sex with people.

This is very weird and awkward for me to talk about. So I'm not going to go into detail. All I'm going to say is that have you ever thought about if someone that you had cyber sex with when you were 12 years old, you might be married to them now? Or maybe they're your best friend? Or you would have no fucking idea. That would be fucking crazy.

I've thought about that. What if me and Tom have cyber sex? You would pretend to be Vivian 34 in Miami. Strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes. Dude, I was in a, I was probably, I'm going to tell myself a little bit here. I was probably like I'm going to tell myself a little bit here. I was probably like 12 or 13. And me and Tyrone used to go to community college and get on like the attic, I think was one of the big chat rooms.

Like, you know, all these chat rooms. Yes. I had girlfriends in Pensacola, Florida and York, Pennsylvania that would like mail me letters and pictures to my home address. But they were actually like girls my own age though. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Luckily. But it was always weird like, oh, I love you so much and all this stuff.

And then like. I'm just laughing because it's so true. And if at that time, I don't know, sometimes you would take it a step further. You'd be like, hey, hey baby, here's my AIM handle. We didn't have AIM at the time. I don't know, sometimes you would take it a step further. You'd be like, hey, baby, here's my AIM handle. We didn't have AIM at the time. I wasn't that. Or MSN or whatever. Yeah.

So if you're out there, Francesca Navarro Sanchez or Christine Ramirez, apparently I had a thing for Latin women. Holler at me, babe. I thought you were going to say like, Britney Spears 859. What was your handle? Did you have a good handle? Oh, fuck. It's like drummer boy.

Yeah, I was in a punk band called The Screaming Turtleheads, so for a while that was my handle. Just not a... Sc head singular no it's turtle heads plural you represented the whole yeah um did you do did you do this i mean you don't have to like i said talk about it it's embarrassing as fuck but i mean i have to assume that a lot of adolescents probably did this, right? It was a thing that we would do when I had friends over. We would all gather around the computer and get on Omegle and just fuck with pedophiles, probably.

Yeah, right. Or kids like me and Tom, probably. Our girlfriends were five women in a single group just being like yeah say that i didn't do that with friends as a group but i definitely did that with chat roulette because like that shit as like as a group activity was fucking hilarious oh yeah chat roulette taught me more about male anatomy than any class ever did. Yeah, that's bad. Is that the one where it just pops up a different screen and it's like a different naked person every time or something? Yeah, you can hit the button and it just sort of scrambles you around to somebody else.

But I remember meeting people on it. Me and my friends would get on it like on a friday night like we'd be fucked up and we'd just get on it we'd like talk to people in germany seriously we were just and like you know you'd just be talking and and or or just hanging out like just drinking watching tv partying dancing and you'd have people on the chat roulette and they would just be watching you or you'd be talking to them or it was just really one of those i mean but there were there were 95 of the interactions were dicks dude's jerking off into cameras um so so yeah no that was uh yeah um don't really have anywhere to go i'll tell, I mean, I might be showing my age a little bit here,

but I really thrived on ICQ. Did you guys have ICQ? I didn't. Was that maybe a little bit before your time, Jeremy? Yeah, I think I'm too young for ICQ. No, ICQ was... I forget there's a generational divide here. Even between me and you, I think.

You didn't have ICQ either? I didn't have ICQ. No, I had MSN Messenger and AIM. But, you know, I think the kids older than us had ICQ a little bit. Yeah. Whatever. You guys are fucking dicks. My brother tells me that the youth don't even use Facebook anymore. Which, if that's true,

they're gonna fucking rule the world. They're gonna fucking... Oh god, they're ahead of the curve. I don't know. Is that true? Am I the youth? No, you're not the youth, really. You're kind of...

What, you're 24? 25? 23. I would say the youth are like 19 and 20 yeah i know that the younger the person is the less that they use facebook like i've noticed that like the kids who were freshmen when i was in high school like when i was a senior yeah like none of them are on facebook yeah that would be like my brother's group of people. They're Twitter famous, but they don't have a Facebook. Yeah, they got 60,000 Twitter followers. Yeah, the damn Daniel thing was huge. It was just little shithead high school kids just being like, damn.

I still think that's pretty brilliant. It was fucking great. I i love that i usually hate those moments but i love that one yeah it was a good one what i want to talk about is tinder okay yes i wanted to do like a tinder report in some ways how is it out there i've been out of the alley now for uh about a year and a half so what's what's what's been going out there in the tender world well my favorite thing is like i'm used to tender in like the richmond lexington area where there's you know a lot of people that i don't know yeah even though i've lived for a few years um but then i like to go home when i like visit my mom and get on tinder and breath

county and it's a whole different like everything every single person i've known my entire life and like it's really funny to see someone you've known for like 20 years writing a tinder bio they're like yeah i love hunting and fishing and beer and all this and i'm like you will never be cool in my eyes like you're the one either in like miss carpenter's room in the second grade like you're not cool yeah you you knew them before the tinder buyer all right that is so true difference between like small town tinder and like city tinder my favorite thing oh yeah that happens to me every time i go home for christmas yeah no it's weird it really is

like uh what is even weirder in some ways is that there's like a certain language for tinder um like obviously there's like the infp thing and you know people want to like you know categorize themselves so i never i never inquired as to what those meant when i was on there well do tell me do tell me that the acronyms and so forth it's like your personality type and there's like four that's the personality test yeah like okay yeah yeah okay yeah i remember that okay i think i actually it's been a few years but i think i was an infp that sounds that sounds familiar to me. I would like to know what Trump thinks his is. Not what Trump subjectively is, but what he thinks it is.

And then he can put that on his Twitter page. Did y'all see that he put that tweet on his head? About him being innocent or whatever in his banner? Dude, I don't even... That's just... He's not hiding his hand very well. Yeah, we live in a truly bizarre time. But anyways, yeah, so there's the whole personality type thing that people like to use.

That's such a niche thing, really. That's so weird that like... I think it comes from this... I think it comes from this... I think it comes from this place of this very sort of like neoliberal, corporatized mindset. I don't have any other way to put it. With your mood color like orange or...

Yeah. Like all that kind of shit. It's hard for some people to talk about themselves. And so you kind of have to have like a certain sort of like pre-formulated way, pre-figured way to do it. To do that, yeah. But also, yeah, I don't know,

it's also just really hard to know who you are. Now that you've jogged my memory, all I remember about that is that I shared a personality type with both Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela. I don't know what that says about me as a person. Well, it means you're either going to destroy welfare or lead us to the promised lands. That means you're either going to destroy welfare or lead us to the promised lands.

I'm a fucking, I don't know, poon-hound revolutionary. Or that, yeah, blending of the two. I prefer to think of myself as that. Yeah. No, so yeah, you got that. And what else? My favorite shit, my favorite shit

is when people are like, I'm fluent in sarcasm. Jesus Christ. People really don't know how to talk about themselves, do they? It's hard. It's hard to talk about yourself. But that phrase has stuck around for so long. Because I literally remember that being in people's MySpace files years ago.

You're right. That is from the internet's earliest days. From when we first started talking about ourselves, and it stuck around. I'm equal parts sass, sarcasm, and country or something like that. That's a very good point. country or something like that. That's a very good point. Especially, you know, another part about the rural,

the rural Tinder thing is here, there's a lot of people holding deer heads and stuff. But when I go home, it's all rodeo, baby. You're showing me the rodeo, girl. i sent tom screenshots of the rodeo i mean like the rodeo girls and it's just like this this chick had like a fucking like was putting panties on a pig or some shit um yeah no uh that's hard shit like honestly like that's an untold story al jazeera needs to do a story on like cause like I went to high school with girls who did roping

you know that shit is fucking crazy I mean like you ride a horse you fucking rope a goddamn calf you have to get off it's like kicking you in the face and you have to fucking tie it up that's fucking ass that shit's wild what chance do you stand in a relationship with somebody like that yeah

me personally. That's not bode well for you, my friend. I don't know. Could be fun, I guess. Yeah. But the one thing I remember about Tinder, like local Tinder, that I always thought was crazy was, like, you generally, like, know pretty much everybody

or know of everybody like in at least six degrees of separation sort of way. And then like out of nowhere, you'll get like one of these like super fucking sexy bots that you just want to be real. That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. The fucking, the bots in rural areas have to be,

like what do you think's going on there it's like nobody at fucking jenkins kentucky looks like that yeah what's going on what do you think's going on there honestly i think a lot of it okay i'd say it's half and half half is someone trying to scam like rural people who they think are dumb the other half is like today's version of like 13 year old girls getting on omegle and like posing as like hot grown-ups okay okay that makes sense it's the same thing it's just evolved that makes total sense because all the time like they make facebook profiles to make the tender profiles and i'll get a friend request from, like, Ashley Johnson. And we've got 80 mutual friends, and she's from Brethitt County.

But she's a supermodel, and I've never seen her before. Yeah, it used to be the case that, like, bots were named, like, Yi Ping, and they were from, like, Hong Kong, you know, or wherever. There are some, though, that are fucking hilarious. Like, the names themselves are so fabricated oh yeah they're like um gosh yeah i don't know i want i want to ask you i want to ask you a serious question here what have you ever got a 50 50 bot and got okie doke by it yeah i've been okie doke by a few bucks.

I mean, I've never given them, like, credit card information or anything. No, but I'm saying, like, you definitely mesh and you're like, yeah, what have I got to lose? What if the hottest woman in the world actually does reside in Neon, Kentucky? Listen, it's fucking... And I just blow her off. Who am I? I just, you know, this is something that really doesn't get talked about a whole lot, but I mean

it's hard to date people in small towns and rural areas. It's fucking hard. It really is. Because it's kind of like high school. I mean, it's like everybody still knows your shit and like... Well, I moved out of Brithwick County when I was 18 like i went straight into

college so i wasn't really around when i was like prime dating age yeah but even in high school almost all the boys that i would talk to or go out with were from hazard because that was like the exotic place to go yes yes we had that. It was where I grew up, Lovington, where Brian Urlacher is from. And everybody in Lovington was hot. Yeah. Everybody in Hazard was hot. Yeah, I remember that. Everyone in Hazard was so cool and exotic.

They had a bowling alley. You could go on a date. Yeah. We used to go cruise perry county park like yeah like a busted ass topaz bumping like the big timers or something yeah that's just that's badass god i'm glad things didn't really change that much from uh your generation to mine. Hazard's always been kind of little and just edgy enough too. Oh yeah.

So on the theme of talking about yourself though, I kind of like, I'm really pissed off about how so many people think that this is just a millennial thing. That like we're obsessed with ourselves because of the internet. And like,

I just want to state for the record, for fucking posterity, eternity, fuck every single person that says that. And that was not us. That was the fucking hippies. That was the fucking baby boomers who started the whole cult of self thing. They're way worse about it than we are.

Oh, 100%. started the whole cult of self thing like they're way worse about it than we are oh 100 like the whole like um sort of like fitness culture and like you know like um being obsessed with your own sort of like personal fitness and your own personal brand and like your personality type and all this like that started in the fucking 70s like that was not something that like we just fucking came up with because we're obsessed with ourselves. It still carries on today, though. Like, I don't know. Maybe if I had that V cut and, you know, an eight pack, I'd probably feel differently about it. But I've always found it a little strange.

Right. That, like, people, like, that's, like, people, that's, like, their go-to Facebook profile, you know? It's, like, them with, like, you know, their best, you know, their fucking whack stuff or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. The whole like bodybuilding dudes.

Right. They're really into that. Right, right. Traps were popping nice one day, so they just decided like, yeah, I don't know, I'll go with that one as my profile. Right. Yeah, no, we didn't start that.

Until I'm not bitter at all. But yeah, no, it's kind of something that, like, I don't know, I just think it's something that is unfairly pushed off onto our generation. And I also think it's not, like, vanity is not a new thing, you know? Like, even back in the fucking Renaissance, you know, you would have fucking oil paintings of yourself, like,

hanging in your fucking house. Which take, like, days to complete. Years. Yeah. I can take a selfie in, like, five seconds and post it on Instagram for everyone to look at. But, like, having a painting of yourself, like, that is a lot of effort.

And I don't hang up my selfies in my own fucking house right right and you don't pay somebody to do that going back even further than that like some some person walked the earth one time and called himself jesus christ like that person said that he was the savior of humanity what's more vain than that that's a lot to put on yourself too a lot of gravity to put on yourself Like that person said that he was the savior of humanity What's more vain than that? That's a lot to put on yourself too A lot of gravity to put on yourself too I don't know Maybe my heavenly father sent me on this mission You know be a little more humble

Which you know We're big fans of Jesus Christ on this show Big shouts to Jesus Christ But there's nothing wrong with being into yourself No There's nothing wrong with liking yourself definitely uh it's really really hard to like yourself I don't know if anybody really does I don't know it's just kind of a like fake it till you make it kind of thing like you post the picture on Instagram and you're like look how hot I am and then everyone's like look how hot on Instagram and you're like, look how hot I am.

And then everyone's like, look how hot you are. And you're like, maybe I am hot. Yeah, it's that feedback loop. It's good in a lot of ways. Right, right, right. Yeah, I'm not mad at the vanity. Yeah, same here. I'm not mad at it.

And even the people that maybe should probably think twice about something like that. I even applaud them just for having that. I'm not going to let any society define what I should look like. Somewhere, somebody's going to enjoy looking at me. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I'm into it.

Yeah, me too. But you're totally right. Could you imagine sitting in a in a chamber in a medieval chamber like looking at yourself in a mirror and like painting you're each and like like every last detail it's so fucking weird totally weird i'd like paint a picture of me like wrestling a bull to the ground or something you You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. Wearing some sort of a skirt.

Yeah, totally. That's just what I'd do. Be ripped out of shit. Speaking of that, on that notion, on that on that note, recently I was in Gatlinburg and we had stayed at this cabin

and my favorite shit ever is when you walk in somewhere, and I'm gently ribbing my mother because she does this shit. Like, when you walk in, and they have pillows with, like, quotations on them. You know what I'm saying? Like, Ephesians 4.27 or something like that, and it'll have some crazy quote or something like that and it'll have some crazy crazy quote or something like that and it just made me wonder like if that is a modern thing

or if back then I wonder if Jesus ever walked into anybody's house and was just yeah it's like or or he like saw like a stone tablet or something and was like what the fuck is this what the fuck is this? What the fuck is this?

You got my man's Peter's words on here and not mine? Oh, that's not going to do it. That's not going to fly. Put my shit in red. Yeah, put my shit in red. I think it would be fun to start a little cottage industry industry where we make like all these like tacky like wall ornaments and pillows and shit, but we would put like just nondescript,

non-applicable Bible verses on it. It would be like the inspirational shit. It'd just be like Jesus wept. It'd be like a fucking, I don't know. Or I would do my house, every pillow in my house would have a verse from Revelations. It sounds like the blood poured forth from the headless corpse. The whore of Babylon.

The whore of Babylon and the four whores. People are like, this dude is fucking wild. The whore of Babylon always sounded like a lot of fun. Yeah. Badass anyway. Did you grow up in the church? No, I did not yeah like my mom's a heathen and she never made me do that shit you dodged a bullet there dodged a bullet i went like a couple of times with like grandparents um i remember being single out

as fuck when i was in the third grade my teacher teacher, Mr. Back, we were watching a movie in class. I think it was Willy Wonka. And he paused it. He was like, I just want to take a poll here. How many of you all go to church? And literally fucking everyone raised their hands except for me, which is not okay to ask. No.

That's fucked up. Everyone else raised their hands except for me. So I was just like, Totally like I raised my hand too And he's like Choney I didn't know you go to church Where do you go to church at And I was like oh it's uh It's on uh Hunton Creek you don't know it Yeah you know

Primitive primitive Baptist okay Super primitive What kind of church do they have in Brethwick County? We have a snake handling church. At least one that I know of. There's

Pentecostals, Baptists, I don't know. There's the Catholic church beside the KFC Taco Bell. Which is a rare fixture of rural eastern Kentucky. Yeah, there's not a Catholic church in Whitesburg, I don't think. In Jenkins, there's one, but you don't see them very often. I've only known one person who went to the Catholic church.

He was Andy Griffith. He was what? You cut out there for a second. He was Andy Griffith. His name is Andy Griffith. Oh, I thought he was the Andy Griffith. But he's easily the weirdest person that I've ever met in my life and so I just associate that kind of person with

the Catholic Church I kind of yeah the Catholic Church is is kind of fascinating Catholic Catholicism was like the predominant religion where I'm from well I don't want to say, I'd say it's probably rivals Southern Baptism and Protestantism. It's pretty fascinating. But it's just like, I love it. All right, so this is a little secret. I said this in a really creepy way.

Let me back out for a second. When I was in high school, like all the catholic people were like the ones that were known to fuck like all the catholic all my catholic friends were fucking and it was like and i was just like you know if you could land your catholic girl you were in yeah yeah like my catholic best like my guys friends that were catholic they were all fucking like that's true they were drinking my friend Tim got kicked out of Catholic. He got in severe trouble in Catholic school for writing a letter to the Red Shoe Diaries.

You remember that fucking soft core porn show? He wrote an erotic letter to the Red Letter Diaries or whatever. Yeah. And he got caught by his headmaster at his Catholic school. Anyways, they were fucking deviants. And I was just like like why do y'all get the fuck like i don't get the fuck i just couldn't really like i mean i could have if i wanted to but like the whole catholics kind of have this like you know you're sort of like

the whole free will thing of protestantism of giving you the choice to like determine your own salvation really kind of has this weird effect on your sexual, well, really on like just sort of like becoming sexually active in general. Whereas like the Catholics, like you do something, you go, you confess, you do 10 Hail Marys

and like that's kind of it. It's a very transactional thing. Whereas like- Plus we have to like hate ourselves for like 60 days. Yes, you fucking internalize this self-loathing and hatred and it's just very fucking...

Anyways. I don't know. Imagine trying to put all this... You're perfectly well adjusted, aren't you? Imagine trying to put all this into a Tinder bio. I'm an erotic ex-Protestant. I've got all these hang-ups. And I'm mad because my Catholic friends were getting it in.

All the while, I was watching Red Shoe Diaries on scrambled HBO. Dear God. I say that because I did that. Yeah. My mom took that shit off, but like if the right time of night, she could catch just enough of it.

Yep. The dark days before internet porn. Gosh. You probably don't remember those days, do you? Nope. You're a better person for it. You're a better person for it i mean honestly or go ahead i grew up up a holler so we had internet but barely like it worked but not really i remember the first youtube video i ever watched it was like a third eye blind music video or something and it literally took an hour to load this one video it was like a third oblong music video or something and it literally took an hour

to load this one video I was like fuck this that's tight that's pretty badass yeah no we yeah we had shit like Winamax and like you know you had Napster of course

and stuff like that but doesn't that just take you back hearing Napster, of course, and stuff like that. But doesn't that just take you back, hearing Napster? God, I miss that shit, man. So anyways, yeah, things change. Really crazy. Now we have a president that uses Twitter daily, and it's never boring. There's that. We're probably going to get nuked to fuck

which is pretty dope but it's probably gonna be about it's just because something crazy happened on twitter death becomes a lot less scary at the prospect of like us all holding hands and just marching right into it together honestly I've been very scared about

this healthcare stuff but then I'm like I mean everybody, everybody around me is going to be fucked up too. So, I mean, at least we're in it together. That's it, man. It's like the only thing that's really scary about dying is like not being a part of tomorrow. Dying alone. Yeah, yeah. Dying alone and all that shit.

But if you die with everybody else. It's all gravy. Who am I to stay here by myself? Years leading up to 2012. I was all, like, it was really calming because some, like, shit would happen and I'd be mad or upset. And I'd be like, you know, like, it doesn't matter.

Like, the world's gonna end in 2012 and, like, it doesn't matter. Like, nothing will be as bad anymore. Oh, wouldn't that be great? The bad thing, well, I mean, we all went through this, but the same thing kind of happened in 2000. You all remember 2000 was a lot the same way? The Y2K, yeah.

So we've lived through two, like, legitimate, not legitimate, but like, in our, like, two apocalypse scares that actually got some mainstream traction. Well, I mean. We've been through a lot. I mean, like, living with the fucking, living with the impending doom of either nuclear fucking Holocaust or climate change induced, like, you know, just some freak weather event.

I mean, like, that's just, that's just a really, that does something to your psyche. It's hard to be hopeful in that kind of atmosphere. But if you're going to die with everybody else, it's kind of hopeful. It's kind of beautiful. Me and you are going to be drowning and getting struck by lightning. I wanted to be gay with you. I didn't mean that.

We cybered together in 2001. I never wanted to tell you. I didn't mean that. We cybered together in 2001. I never wanted to tell you. It's like on Almost Famous, we don't end up dying. Yeah, yeah. Hey, I didn't mean anything.

Yeah, yeah. I was talking some shit, man. Yeah. I really was very depressed in my early 20s about climate change. Like, not so much like the... I mean, I was just very okay i was very depressed in my early 20s about the idea of like carrying capacity and like just the sort of like you know like the bumblebee or the honeybees and like just like all the various ecological disasters that are occurring around us on a day-to-day basis. Like, how we've lost, like, 95%- 99% of all species on the planet just in the last 50 years. You know, there's, like, that kind of shit used to really, like, freak me out.

But now I've just kind of accepted it. Now it's just kind of like- You know, like, what? Shit ain't getting pollinated. Just bees are dying off. Yeah. Well, I mean, there mean there's like nothing one person can do about it

so you know you just kind of have to join your friends and gripe about it or become very zen about it or you know

change the world there's that thing too I'm not that's just a granted I'm taking that for granted because I'm I'm really betting on our generation

being the one that actually stops this whole climate change and shit. I hope we are. Yeah, I hope so too. Wouldn't that be great to fucking throw that back in the faces of all those piece of shit hacks that wrote all those bullshit articles about how lazy millennials are.

It's just like, we saved your ass, motherfucker. Yeah, you're welcome, fucking David Brooks. You know they would still find a way to turn it around where we only save the planet to save ourselves. It wasn't a completely selfish act that we saved the planet. Yeah.

Yeah. You were obsessed with yourselves and the vain, selfish generation. Yeah, saved it all selfish acts that we say yeah yeah you were obsessed with yourselves and vain selfie generation yeah saved it all just so they could carry on oh totally totally we could post more selfies yeah so we can post more selfies yeah no i mean like you know on that note you know it's weird to like examine like the things that have become normalized now and that were weird, like, three months ago. I was thinking about this with the sort of EPA stuff. Like, have y'all heard much about, like, the shakeup that's going on at the EPA?

Like, people are getting ousted left and right. Well, anyways, this would be a crazy story. This would have been a crazy story six months ago. But now we live in a world that's dominated by news of, like, Russia and all this other crazy shit. And it just kind of... I don't have anything really profound to say about any of this. It's just really crazy, the things that you'll sort of normalize.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, I don't have anything else. I'll be on that. Well, what else you got? Got anything? You got to go here soon, don't you, Johnny? Do you have to go to work?

I do have to go to work in like 15 minutes. Okay. This is fun. We have a good rapport. We should do this more often yeah we really should we really should we need more trillbillies i would love to be an honorary trillbilly trillbilly yeah we'll make you we'll make you a full-time review yeah i need something to do i'm about to graduate and I ain't got shit to do when I'm due.

So, like, I have a little mini panic attack, like, four times a day. Everyone's like, what are you doing? You need to graduate. I'm like, what do you mean? Yeah, I remember that time well. The best advice I can give is don't go to grad school. At least not yet i mean because like every friend i have that went immediately to grad school says i regret it i wish i wouldn't have done it and i'm just i feel kind of vindicated in that moment because i felt like my wheels were

spinning at 23 24 like i wasn't doing shit with my life, but now I feel pretty... I saved a lot of money during those years. I'm just kind of... I'm not more student debt. I'm just kind of like... We're chill. Got a middling podcast. Got a middling podcast. Yeah. If you need something to do after you graduate,

we'll just have you on the podcast. We don't pay well. We don't practice what we preach. We don't pay well. We don't even what we preach. We don't pay well. We don't even pay ourselves. Yeah, so I don't feel bad. We're still doing this bullshit for free. If y'all know anyone who needs a social worker, you know where to find one.

You got two right here that could probably... Yeah, we could probably use some social workers. We could probably benefit from social work. Right. That's one more thing. This whole semester, I've been working at a homeless shelter. So I'm, like, at the shelter from 9 to 5 and then at Meijer from 6 to midnight or 6 to 11. And it's so fucking, like, I don't know.

Like, during the day, I'm having to convince this woman to go to the hospital or she's going to die from her MRSA infection from shooting up. And then I have to go to work at Meijer. And I'm like, ma'am, I'm so sorry that you had to pay full price for these Triscuits. I'll fix it for you. It puts it all in perspective. The juxtaposition of problems. Oh, I know. It's exhausting.

It's fucking bullshit, yeah. And people treat you like shit just like and this is like a really popular thing on twitter and facebook a couple months ago the the video and it's like um sorry you had to wait so long like really short staff and the millennials like oh that's fine no worries and then the middle-aged woman is wrecking the fucking room it's so true it is yeah yeah it's because these baby boomers they all want to tell us like oh you know you gotta yeah why don't you do service industry work like why don't you like you gotta have an entry-level job or whatever they're like like but they never had to do fucking bullshit like that. It's so much wind that they're bad.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And we've all, like, we're millennials. Up to our fucking ears in student debt, like, have worked these shitty fucking jobs. Like, we know that, like, that they're hard and that, like, people are fucking terrible. And so we're not, I over tip because, you know, because I was treated like shit for so goddamn long in customer service like oh man that's the worst yeah the cool thing though is that what was that i think i'm sorry i think you cut out i worked at cracker barrel i was a server

and like nobody under the age of like 45 ever eats a cracker barrel just the absolute worst fucking clientele in the world the worst tipping demographic i fucking hate you oh yeah one of the best memes on that note one of the best memes is the the mom haircut like i want to speak to your manager haircut. It's so dead on. Oh, God. Terrible. Well, so I guess we'll let you go. I don't want to make you late to your job.

Thanks for joining us. Yeah, it's fine. I got the internet going nuts. I got the internet going nuts. I got a couple pictures on this email, too. We're going to see what the hell. We'll talk to you later, Jenny. I got the internet going. I got a couple pictures on this email too. We're going to see a little town vibe. We'll talk to you later, Jenny. I'm on that 5-9 South Leap. Okay.

See ya. I'm coming straight up out of that chat room and live from the message board. I'm at the crib all by myself chatting online when I'm bored. Oh my lord, Black Planet got all the f***ing out of freaks. I get your page and send a note.

Then hit me back when it's time to creep. I'm trying to reach this girl Monique Her screen name is China Doll She's light brown with deep thighs And standing 5'7 tall If she don't call me it's okay I'll hit up Sexy Eyes 02 A sophomore at TSU and she run track

That's what it do I'll send a note to my girl Crystal She shooting star 99 She uploaded some sexy pictures And oh my god that girl is fine. Wine and dime, but not this time. I picked the keyboard, I'm online. Talk and fly in the chat room.

My conversation is going down. Where you from? Where you at? Lil mama show talking nice. I'm telling me, me at U of H. Right by the towers later on tonight. I'm sending all my girls a kite. I'm trying to find some internet hype.

Hit me up on my sidekick. I'm signing off and I'm switching the site I got the internet going nuts I got the internet going nuts Wow, baby, what you know about me? I'm on that 5'9 South League, baby, how loud, man? Okay, I signed on to this Dallas piece On the hunt for a couple freaks

I'm logged on and I'm ready to chat Where you at? Let's meet and greet D6F, the UNT I'm sending these notes, talking fly We'll be right back. so before she had a baby boy i was ready to pay a visit she used to look like you