Trillbilly Worker's Party - Episode 99: Trillbillies Templar

Episode Date: May 30, 2019

This week we trace our pleasure lineages with Minister Turner, talk more about incrementalism, and examine how Sunday School really messed us all up. Send us questions and confessions for the 100th episode at [e-mail], or DM us!! Support us at our Patreon: www.patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

oh welcome to the show punching the clock what's funny is you actually have a little shoulder cum stain on this shirt too do i this one that one actually probably is a real cum stain which shoulder right or left it's like on your chest right there. Above your pocket. It's like cat hair. Oh, God. A big clump of cat hair. Well, are you feeling better about yourself, Tom? You've finally been confirmed a snack on the internet. Everybody's just saying that because they know I got my feelings hurt last time. I'll take it anyway.

That's the thing about compliments. You just gotta take them. Take in the compliments. Completely ignore the criticism. It's the American way. I do the opposite. Unfortunately. We know.

We know. I take in the criticism. I have a generally glass half empty outlook on life so it causes you to focus on the negative shit that's why i'm friends with y'all rays of sunshine yeah yeah yeah i'm really feeling that right now well i have a um so i did a little bit of thinking since the last episode and i was trying to think about um thinking cap on yeah yeah i did and i was trying to think about um other good ways to do incrementalism correctly and one that i got was um about the national debt um all right feed me yeah team me up so if you want to if you want to

deal with the national debt you know how like reactionary boomers and also just regular boomers will be like money doesn't grow on trees that's their main issue yeah the national debt is a lot of boomers main issue right right for no other reason than just you know they pay their payments every month why can't they exactly they they think that's to them it's like having a credit card payment yeah well and you know the thing that you always hear is like money doesn't grow on trees well my solution is what if money did grow on trees and we turned every leaf on every tree into the national currency so for example like a maple leaf one dollar bill an oak leaf that's a five dollar bill pine needles those are pennies

i'm into it yeah this would go far for just, you know, forestation education. There you go. And if we want to print more money. Tree ID. We plant more trees. Yes. Exactly. It's also got that component to it, too, because you have to be able to identify the leaf.

So you're like, I don't know if I've got a $20 catalpa leaf in my hand or a $1. And there's literally no way to know how much money is in circulation exactly you'll never know you'll never know but we would be deforested so quick oh yeah i mean this place would look just bald in three days bezos would send his fucking shit to come cut every tree down oh that's right then we would be so rich yeah yo exactly we would be rich overnight really tipping the scale that would be like an app Yeah, exactly. We would be rich overnight. Really tipping the scales. That would be like an Appalachian reparations thing. Because overnight, immediately, the Appalachians would go from being the poorest part of the nation to the richest.

Which we should have been many times over. Exactly. We already know this actually doesn't work. Physical resources are garbage. Jeff Bezos just stumbles into town looking distraught he's a popper now you just look at him wrecking tables turn down jeff right he's just what he's just climbing sycamore trees and we just shoot him yeah well what's that what's that story that jesus about jesus um zack zackius uh come down from there

before I'm going to your house today wow Zacchaeus was a wee little man and a wee little man was he he stood up high on the word of God the B.E.L.E. no anyway I mixed the two songs I thought

no I thought it was he climbed to the top of a sycamore tree to see what he could see which I'm going to have to check and to the top of a sycamore tree to see what he could see. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Which, I'm going to have to check and see if Palestine does have sycamore trees. Good point. God, what if we were shit enough in Bible school to be fact-checking in Bible school? Yeah.

You wouldn't have to do it that hard. Yeah, it wouldn't be that difficult. A man lived in the better world. Good. Well, okay, I will say, when I was in ninth grade, I remember being in Bible study, or Sunday school, and being like, so, you know, nobody takes this literally right. And everybody looked at me like, what do you mean?

And I was like, well, you know, they're just stories that have been passed down. Like, they're not real. Yeah, they're about, you know, to prove a point about something. They're allegories. Everybody was like. Terrible. Yeah. The Sunday school teacher, like, looked at the other teachers and was like, explain what

you mean by that, Terrence. Expose yourself, Terrence. Descend further into blasphemy. Right. And that was the first time that I dug a hole in front of a large audience and had to dig Terrence. Expose yourself Terrence. Descend further into blasphemy. And that was the first time that I dug a hole in front of a large audience and had to dig myself out. The ripe old age of five. Right. It became a common theme

throughout the rest of my life. Similarly I really got stuck on the Virgin Mary situation because no one would tell me what a fucking virgin was. And I asked every adult I knew, what's a virgin? Oh, you're too young to know that. Well, what is up with Mary? I can't get saved unless I know what a virgin is.

Yeah, what is the deal? It took me years for someone to explain to me what a virgin was. For a religion that is so pathologically obsessed with abstinence, they kind of painted themselves into a corner with the Virgin Mary thing. They should have at least just been like, they should have at least, at least just said that Mary fucked God or something. I just would love. The ultimate pull. I just would love to know the numbers on how many teen pregnancies had to come to their Christian parents and tried to pull the Virgin Mary thing. It's divine. I don't know.

I haven't had sex. I have not had sex. How am I pregnant? Mom, I must be holy. In my womb is the Christ. He's coming back out of me. The Lord of Lords? Perhaps you've heard of him?

I guess this does. Son of man? This was some foreshadowing for Terrence and I about what we were obsessed with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were obsessed with lies and truth. And you were obsessed with sex. I knew this virgin thing

was something fucked up i knew this was weird what was yours tom what was your uh what was your bible hang up your bible hang up that that manifested itself later on in life as a pathological drive to prove yourself in the world i was probably in the sex camp too i guess guess. Were you hung up on the Virgin Mary? I wasn't hung up. I wasn't hung up on anything. I always kind of suspected these things were, you know. I would say, I don't know, just from outside looking in, I'd say your thing was sin. Just in general.

Yeah, yeah. Being a morally righteous, you know, person. You know? Being a, maybe not. Maybe not, Tom. I don't know. I'm pretty shifty. I always have been. morally righteous you know person you know being a maybe not maybe not Tom I'm pretty shifty I always have been I believe that that's true I don't have many scruples

well I'm just saying there's kind of a one to one parallel between that and like hypochondria you had the hypochondria of the soul I guess that's fair yeah and it shifted to hypochondria of the soul. I guess that's fair, yeah. And it shifted to hypochondria of the body. Of the body, yeah. Fully manifested. The reason I say the sex thing is because I can remember abstaining from doing what young men like to do.

And then as soon as I would... Jacking off? Yeah, that's it. That's the one. And as soon as I'd be done i would uh queue up dc talks what if i stumble what if i fall oh god well i realized this morning i don't know how i missed this probably because i've been sick and there's just been so much bullshit going on but may is masturbation

month it's masturbation may which is interesting because it's also meltdown may and so you would So much bullshit going on. But May is Masturbation Month. It's Masturbation May. Which is interesting because it's also Meltdown May. And so you would think that if people were masturbating more, they would be. They would be melting down. Yeah. Who knows? I don't know, man. You get stuck in chronic masturbation.

It can make you melt down. At a certain point, you're going to need the real thing. At what point does masturbation become chronic? Twice a day? Three times a day three times a lifelong condition i feel like it's a good question i think it's probably less about frequency and more about how often you think about it or like how like how um reliant you are on it like can you go a few days without masturbating if you're like not alone you

know if you're sharing a hotel room you're on a work trip whatever it is can you make it a few days oh yeah yeah you know yeah generally yeah i can can you wait till you're alone um it's hard when you share your house with a partner too it's like do you just masturbate while they're in the shower that's not to insult them. How does that work? I've never lived with a romantic partner. Well, I mean... I mean, I don't want to put you on blast if you don't want to.

Well, here's a couple things. I will say this. I feel like that's when I started masturbating in different places because used to I was very much a... A broom closet gal yeah i have definitely masturbated on the toilet at work more than once oh yeah i have to i mean i don't go to work anymore but when i did back when i had a job i had a job what's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated probably on a toilet at work it's pretty weird and at the time i haven't

masturbated in the apple shop bathrooms yet thank god but um i was working i was i mean i could just leave i'm not tied to that fucking place you know i'll just fucking leave um but when i was tied to a office for eight hours a day it got I was miserable, it got stickier. But this happened to be when I was in an office where we had a large shared bathroom, like 18 stalls, with the Perry County Unemployment Office. So technically, I masturbated in the bathroom of the Perry County Unemployment Office, which makes it one step weirder but the other morning I woke up so horny and Michelle was like doing something and in the in the room and I was like it was like instinctive I just immediately started masturbating she was like do you want me to leave and I was like I don't care what you do like I just can't my god like I just woke up in a terror i was like i i don't know you do do whatever you need

to do i remember those days waking up horny that that rarely happens to me that's why it was so intense i was like i don't know what's going on just carry on carry on with whatever you were doing there aren't a whole lot of physical changes about getting into your 30s but your sex drive definitely changes a lot. You have to jump on it when it's there. You can't. That's what I'm saying. I was like, I haven't had a dream.

I haven't woke up like this in 14 years. Years. You gotta jump on it. Anyway, I think we should get back to the bible because i actually had another question yeah yeah which now i've forgotten about um was it about sin probably oh oh oh you all probably talked about this on your episodes that i didn't listen to about church because we've had a lot of church episodes that i haven't listened to but um did you all ever fake the Holy Ghost, you know,

where you had to get like pass out, people were passing out or like someone come touch you and you're supposed to just like fall back? Or was it real? Dangerous question, Tanya. I tell you why it's dangerous is because the only unpardonable sin mentioned in the scriptures is blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

So if you fake it, nobody really knows what that means to blaspheme the holy spirit i don't think but that i think a common it's one it's kind of interpretation of the second amendment it's like nobody really knows what it means right well no the one time this happened to me i was a child i had no idea what was going on it was like the wave you know everyone did it and it was my turn and i just had to follow her benny hens church it was this crazy church that came to run our vbs you know how they would like send up mega churches that was their like mission they would come do vacation bible school in the mountains yeah yeah you know they still do that's what that was yes the mega churches who would come

up and do vacation bible school in the mountains that was their mission they were like bringing you know poor rural kids like yeah the implication is really hilarious the implication is basically like you're doing christianity wrong you're doing god wrong yeah so we're gonna tell you how to do it right yeah and god knows you better do it right so you poor bastards have and i just my bit my biggest memory of this because i was you know so young and a lot of it just runs together but one of the guys that come one of the like teenagers in their youth group that came up i had a big crush on and i was like i was like a little kid but i was like obsessed with this guy he looked like jonathan taylor thomas how old was i was like hung up like he was in high school like he was a senior

sorry say if he had been a youth pastor he you probably scratched that but i just i was floored because at toward the end of the week when they were having these like big literal come to jesus's uh literal like altar calls and shit he goes up crying because he had gotten drunk at a party before he left for this like mission trip of course i felt like i knew him like i just really knew him then i was like you could have given him a hand job in a closet i was like 12 i was pretty young okay like i was pretty i was like 10 11 I was pretty young. Oh, okay. Okay. Like, I was pretty. I was like 10, 11, 12. Never mind. Terrence has the best of those stories, though, his friend Lonnie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew this guy Lonnie who was giving a testimony in front of his, in front of, it was this youth group that I had gone to. I didn't go to it regularly but i was like sort of shop did you ever shop for youth groups a little bit there was a mass i didn't have a lot to choose from here but right yeah there was a mass exodus of my youth group and i stayed i was like one of three kids that stick it out why was there a mass exodus was it like uh because the the youth guy let the youth director left there was like a there was like a big drama. And it was

my home church. That's where I grew up. I was there before all of them. Classic. I was like, no, I mean, my aunt goes here. I don't know. She gives me a ride to church. I don't really know what else I can do. Well, this kid I went to high school with, I knew him from school and he went to this church and he was giving a

testimony about how he like like his big sin the thing that he struggled with the most was premarital sex and as a sort of symbolic thing to that was his big that was his big because that's the thing like everybody has their thing like this jtt guy was like i drank before when i was in high school i like smoked weed and i would get really guilty about it um but uh but his thing was premarital sex and so his testimony as a sort of symbolic thing to show that he was done with it he burned a box of condoms in front of the entire youth group i would just i wish every time i hear that story

gets better but i wish he would just scream never again right before he burned them i cannot believe they would let him burn condoms that people need how did how did they respond to that everybody was like celebrating him yeah no seriously he was celebrating everybody was like for this good man how did he just did he did i got a question another question did he drop the burning cottons onto the carpet on the altar yeah yeah yeah he put him down on the ground um and he you know put it out with his shoe but unorthodox technique symbolism man who am i to it's symbolism um god loves that shit god loves him he really does love a symbolic gesture he loves it god loves a good symbolic imagine speaking of go ahead y'all not going to cop to any blasphemy?

In life? Oh, the fake and the Holy Ghost? No. No, I didn't do that. Well, we didn't have that in my church. They didn't do the fall over, somebody touch you and you fall over? No, I was Southern Baptist. It was very prim and proper.

Me too. This was out of nowhere. Yeah, because you got invaded by a bunch of charismatics. fall over no i was like southern baptist it was very like prim and proper like me too this was like out of nowhere well yeah because you got invaded by a bunch of charismatic yeah they were speaking in tongues and everything that freaked me the fuck yeah i'm pentecostal that's second nature to me we laid hands on the sick saw him healed i think that's really hilarious that i pin it like a sort of charismatic pentecostal or maybe came to my docile fucking southern baptist church and we were all like we were not welcome in like like first baptist church that shit does not play like there's a couple pentecostal churches that just split up for different reasons from uh adultery to just you know wasn't bringing in the ties someone fucked the bass player in the youth group band well we praise and worship and uh if you tried to relocate to first baptist they let you know

you have to you know sit in reverent silence there's no like shouting speaking in tongues how you've been worshiping you have to deprogram it and oh yeah go with the flow here really yeah which is interesting there were a couple people who'd like went off to college like from my church and then when they would come back they had joined different churches wherever the hell they went to college they'd come back and they'd be like amen they'd be like hollering from the back row and me as a kid i'd be like i was like what is going on because so much i just remember getting in trouble because i was like hey man what is happening like what we're yelling from the back row seriously not allowed it was not like that in my church either it wasn't like that either um it was very uh yeah it's very prim and proper

it's really hot in here guys i'm I'm sorry. I apologize. It's fine. We got two just oscillating fans, and one's just like... Hanging out. Just making his way. No, I'm trying to think if I did anything like that. Like, blasphemed. Well, I mean, like, anytime you question the existence of God, that's blasphemy. Right?

Oh, yeah. I don't think technically it would fall under the, that's blasphemy, right? Oh, yeah. I don't think technically it would fall under the purview of blasphemy. Questioning the existence of God? Like saying God damn. Everybody has doubt. No, because the scripture says to try the spirits. What does that mean? You know, just try the spirits.

I used to use that on my mom when I would go get drunk. She'd say, I'm just trying the spirits per the scriptures. Oh, my God. I never found that as funny as i know so but you you don't mean like try like test out other religions uh you mean i just think that there's room for inquiry and even uh at the crucifixion jesus says my god my god why is there a persecment it's not exactly what i call a declaration of faith that's's true. At his lowest moment, my guy was like, I don't know about this.

This is some bullshit. Maybe I'm not the Christ. Anyway. It's gotta be a pretty bad feeling. Yeah. Me and my sister's got a little too much humor and entertainment out of the Benny Hinn shows. Or whatever. Yeah. I and my sister's got a little too much humor and entertainment out of the Benny Hinn shows. Or whatever.

Yeah. I love it. Well, it's funny. Oh, God. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Our babysitter would get very upset. Why?

That we would laugh at it and act it out and go on and on. I still do to this day with Ty. If he sees me, to this day, he'll walk up and lay hands on me. And I got to act like I'm falling out in the spirit. See? So even to this day. To this day. If I called him right now, he would answer the phone and say, yes, Father.

I mean, I guess everyone's experience with church is about being reprimanded for fucking everything. But I just feel like I was reprimanded for fucking everything but i just feel like i was reprimanded for fucking everything asking about the virgin mary staring at people acting weird in church what did they say to you when you asked about the um virgin wait wait wait you're staring at people at church like when people would be like when when we would have visitors who would be more vocal in church i was the kid who was just staring at them who would just start staring at them give me like missionaries from france or something like that we never even had any from france they were from like north carolina you know well but my church and it wasn't a very big church but it was big enough to where um there were members who were missionaries.

And so they would send back reports of their mission. You know what I mean? Like their good works around the globe. That was more of my Mormon friends that had that going on. Yeah. Around here, the most common mission trip is Belize. You hear about a lot of people going to Belize. Why is that? Well, it's because

it's the only I think it's the only South American country that speaks English. Majority English. So they're just like, oh, this will be easy. Yeah. Very little boundaries.

I love American Christianity. Lovely climate. Taking the easy mission trip. I shit you not, there's a whole crew in Cumberland who they, like, fire department style, stand out in the four-way intersection with buckets raising money to go to fucking Belize. Yeah.

That's a vacation fund. You're right. It's unbelievable. But they, like like bust ass. They like go down there and they like build houses and stuff. Yeah, they could be doing that here. Exactly. Plenty of people need new houses here.

God almighty. I used to want to be a missionary. Because when I was growing up in the church, I was like, what's my, what does God to want to be a missionary because when I was growing up in the church, I was like, what does God want me to be? Actually, my voice wasn't that low. What does God want me to be? What does God want me to be?

Am I a real boy? What does God want? Am I going to be a youth pastor or a missionary? Maybe I'll be in the praise and worship band. That's how you learn drums tell us the truth that is that is honestly literally how i learned the drums playing and playing in praise and worship band wow the funniest thing about praise and worship man the praise the worst the funniest shit ever this will resonate with probably a solid two dozen of our audience members, but it will resonate deeply. The funniest thing is that they put you behind this glass wall.

Oh, God. This, like, plexiglass wall. You know what I'm talking about? They had one in First Baptist, yeah. And I know. We didn't have that. I never really understood why. It's like they try to dampen the drum sound because they don't want it to be like full on fucking like you know kiss like acdc type shit

but like you only get the the tom and the hi-hat or something right it's like you can't and they get a full set in there and they give you the brushes too i'm gonna ask you a question they ever get out to you for playing your music too bouncy yeah absolutely like if you threw in a drum feel and showboating a little bit. Hey, Terrence, don't you roll those drums. And you'd be wailing to it like, yes, Lord. Boom. Rocking on that floor tone.

And then they'll stop and be like, all right, we're going to take five. Terrence, can I talk to you a minute? Look, I know you got these new drum drumsticks could you just tone it down a little bit try these brushes here our uh our band would go and play at different churches and they would tell them that stuff because if they're if they started getting brother tony to get a little too crazy on that stratocaster that telling That'd tell him to rein it in. We don't do that here. Brother Tony, it ain't that kind of show.

Dude, I've played in many praise and worship bands. That's the thing. A lot of praise and worship bands have a lot of really good musicians in them. Incredible musicians. That want to just fucking rip. Yeah. So I've played in a few where the guitar player just lets it go. Just in the middle of like everybody's feeling it i fucking love you jesus i love you and then just

and then they immediately repent for making it about them yeah That's a common thing at church band practices, I know, but they have to kind of talk about who made it about who for their show. It's got to be just, you know, about God. Evenly distributed. Very unilateral. But the funny thing is, there's like a worship leader

and stuff. And it's always about them. It's usually a really hot girl and a really hot guy. And it's always about them. And it's always about them. It's usually a really hot girl and a really hot guy. And they're always like we love you Jesus. Grinding against each other and playing the tambourine. For a religion. I think this is just how you remember it.

Cause you were a twisted little fuck. Yeah I was twisted and perverted sitting back there on those drums. Probably with a boner. Masturbating during praise and worship practice. Behind the plexiglass. That's what it was for. Your boy had cum stands on his shirt way back when he was 16.

Tom's getting uncomfortable. He's sweating. I'm getting prudy over here. Are you? I'm a minister now. You you are i'm an official minister i'm gonna start um what's the catholic thing uh you know taking uh communion no when people come tell you their sins oh confession yeah i'm gonna start taking confessions well if you're gonna do that you have to the thing is tanya is that if you want to do that you have to also abide by the other pastor rules priest rules which are never set never have sex

so you gotta be celibate if you want to take confessions wait i'm sorry i guess you couldn't fuck little boys i mean i think we saw where that led not a good look oh lord give your confessions to tanya yeah send me your confessions for our hundredth episode which is literally next week i have a confession i have a confession okay so you know how last week i was like look y'all take care of that show whatever i'll take care of the hundred episode i did try to take care of the hundredth episode and it did not pan out you know who i tried to get on the show for the hundredth episode none other than the man himself danny glover

no bite no dice huh no dice so the theory if you throw the bat signal up to danny glover no bite no dice huh no dice so the theory if you throw the bat signal up to danny glover 48 hours in advance and you gave him a week i gave him a week i gave him two weeks he didn't do it didn't respond and respond so i'm kind of bummed that's our our bat signals broke obviously danny would come if he could see it that's what i told him in the message i was like look we're huge fans of mr glover uh we're also huge fans of social justice and we know that mr glover will show up for any social justice cause and uh the 100th episode is a big cause i got nothing back damn pretty bummed about it. What if the day before, what if we come up here to record and Danny Glover sitting on that couch, microphone in hand, headphones off, ready to go, and he just winks at Terrence

and says, I told you I wouldn't let you down. I told you. Jesus. Or rather, you knew I wouldn't let you down. So if you have confessions you want to give them to us, send them to Tanya. Yeah. Send them to Tanya. We'll do it.

You want to do a Q&A since Danny Glover's rebuffed us? Let's do two things. Let's do confessions with Tanya in Q&A. Okay. So send either one of the other, Q&A or confessions, to Tanya. Do we have an email address? Yeah, TrillBillyWork, part and all, apostrophe gmail.

You can DM us, too. Or you can send them to the DMs, too. But if you want it to be anonymous, which confessions... Please indicate. Confessions generally have to be anonymous, right? As a general rule, yeah. That's why they do the little closet thing. We'll just keep them all anonymous.

Okay, well, for the format's sake, if you don't care that your name and location indicate that, if not, make up a name and location. There you go. Despite my instincts, I'm going to try really hard not to turn this into an

advice column. Why? I think it would be great. Take your confessions, and I'm not going to give you any advice on them. That's basically what a priest does, right? When he takes confessions. I guess that's true. He tells them how many Hail Marys and whatever. Yeah, how many Hail Marys.

And I think they often give some scripture to help guide the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you some Dolly Parton lyrics to help guide the way. Yeah, Dolly song, too. Yeah. I'll tell you either the Dolly Parton or the Lizzo song that you need to put on repeat to get you through this time. That'd be great. I want to get into Catholicism.

I think I'm going to make the leap from being an atheist to a Catholic. They get to drink. Yeah. They have all the money. Catholic. They get to drink. Yeah. They have all the money. Yeah. They have a lot of money. Here we are again. Here we are again.

You don't agree, Tom? They have so much money. No, it's... Pentecostals are the ones that have all the money. Really? Really? Yeah. Secretly?

What did Stalin say about the Pope? He said, how many divisions does he have? When he's talking about the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church has its own credit union. Like their own loaning. They have their own country. Yeah, they have their own country.

I'd say they're pretty loaded. My man, Pope. What Pope are we on? Pope Francis. As a proud member of the Knights Templar, I can't abide doing a show with a Catholic.

Longstanding beef between the two factions. I thought the Knights Templar was a Catholic. No. No. Catholics hated the Knights Templar. Well, then who fought in the Crusades? I don't know. I just thought

you can't be... Until recently, you couldn't be a Muslim or a Catholic and be a Mason. Oh, really? That's where I'm based on this. I have no knowledge of the Crusades. Except that they happened and Orlando Bloom was in a movie about them called Kingdom of Heaven.

What are some of the local rumors you've heard about the Masons here? I know the Masonic ritual. Really? Yeah. It's the same as every fraternity ritual. Really? Yeah, it's basically some variation of getting led through a perilous situation only to come out on the other side of it with your brothers.

So, hazing. More or less, if you're required to get nude. Goat fucking? Any goat fucking? No fuck no none of that none of that i want to know can you can't tell us can you that shit's for life y'all i'll never betray the secrets of pie capify fucking god damn it well yeah i'm an official now. I have the flask to prove it. That's what they give you? The brides that I married, they had a flask inscripted with Minister Turner in the wedding day. I did see that.

They gifted it to me. It was so sweet. That was pretty nice. So now I have a commemorative drinking vessel. I told them I would put holy water in it, of course. Drinking vessel to remind me of my first wedding that I got to officiate. I like how that

you got... What did you say about the two? Getting married. Yeah, did you have like a nice... Did you have to write the... I did. I wrote a love sermon. That's what it was on the wedding agenda. Love sermon. Have you ever been in love? I love

myself. The ultimate dodge. The ultimate. We know. Absolutely. I love myself so much. But have you ever been in love with somebody else? Yes. I'm in love right now. Okay. It's a great feeling.

That's good. That's good. Yes. I'm in love now now. Okay. It's a great feeling. That's good. That's good. Yes, I'm in love now. I've been in love twice before. That's good. I believe. That's four or five more times than I've been in love. Four or five more than the three.

Four or five times more. You love Leon, don't you? That's a different kind of love. I've been in love before. Don't ask me. It's mysterious. It's've been in love before don't ask me it's mysterious it's way in my past i gotta keep it keep it buried stoic bring it out just bring it out for the confessions episode send us an anonymous email no all of our confessions for the episode will be our own no i wrote a love sermon mostly based on bell hook's book all about love what's the gist of that book or as construed by tanya turner minister well i pulled out the

good part i mean most of it is that all of most of americans understanding of love is bullshit and based in capitalism uh that's bell's general but i pulled out the good stuff that's like we we don't fall in love we choose to love because it's an action not a feeling if it were a feeling it would come and go we like it's active it's like every day that you do things for the person you love and even when you don't want to or whatever i didn't say all that but very like love as an action as a will as an intention that was my love sermon that's good i'm into that the idea of act of something you do being love instead of some way you feel yeah love isn't love yeah and most other languages have many words for love. Like we are like blanket love.

We don't even have language to actually articulate what love is in this country. I love America. It's so great. It's so one dimensional. It's pretty sad, yeah. It's this thin, paper thin. It's great. Oh, yeah.

sad yeah it's this thin paper thin it's great oh yeah well no i've always heard that like love used to be like uh um like something that you you know you would give up a part of yourself to something greater you know like you would um you know beckon the sort of like chivalric love like love is sacrifice yeah Like love is sacrifice. Yeah, like love is sacrifice. Like you give up a part of yourself to something greater than yourself. And I feel like... I think that's parenthood.

You're confusing that with parenthood. You don't think that applies to relationships as well, though? It shouldn't. You don't think it should? You don't think you should have to make any sacrifices? No, you should get...

I mean, compromises will be made. But you should, like, gain so much more from a healthy relationship than you lose. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't, I don't know. I just saw something happen here. What? Donnie throwing out wisdom.

You're just like, I just don't know. I just don't know his eyes just rolled back I was like receive this let me give you this gift but do you think that love now like love these days I feel like

and this is only from my observations of the weddings I've gone to in the last three or four years, five years. I feel like love now, for the most part, is what can this person do for me? Like it does have this sort of like sort of selfish. Capital. Belle agrees.

Capitalistic. And she breaks down, you know, I highly recommend All About Love, but it is a little fatalistic. But she breaks down like community love, family love, romantic love, like friendship love. And she, you know, ties it all together to say that we actually shouldn't see these as so different because they shouldn't be so different. Like when you say, have you ever been in love? The answer probably is more like I'm in love with a lot of people right now. Yeah. Like I'm in love with a lot of my friendships.

I'm in love with my mentors. Your community. Yeah. And like. Most days. Other things that. Some days. Some days.

Some days. And yeah, I'm in love with my family unit. Like all these things. Yeah. But she talks about how like what love is not and how we are often, especially, I mean, some of the most obvious it's like abusive relationships even starting with child parent like parents like hitting their kids repeatedly like this is damn can't can this be love a podcast yeah a podcast can this be love

um and so bell you know she's pretty pessimistic like she's like my parents hit me they couldn't have loved me you know like it's um I struggle with that too because my parents did that as well so yeah but I think it's hard to I think I have to believe it I have to believe yes because if I do yeah she's like love cannot exist where violence is like love cannot exist but you know she's talking about a very like more perfect you know often bailey is talking about a more perfect world yeah yeah yeah and similarly i pulled some from adrienne marie brown's book pleasure activism around like and how we really we have we have love in many ways we have made it too complicated like we are afraid to say it is it too soon to say it is it this like that is these are it's this crazy

it's like shouldn't be this way especially when you think about it as an action and like a way that you interact and grow with people around you yeah yeah yeah yeah so anyway that's that's when you think about it's around pleasure and what made me think about that is talking about like my mentor you know like being in love with my mentors and my friends it's like adrian marie brown um challenges us to think through our pleasure lineage which i think is really funny and you two and you two would have a ball with this given your history yeah yeah tell us about the pleasure pleasure your pleasure lineage make a list or try to think at least make at least a mental list if not a physical list let me close my eyes for a moment yeah this is your homework think about the like all of the moments in your life where you like

immediately that come to you immediately of like really just pleasure like real real joy that you've experienced in your life physical pleasure or like spiritual all of it all of it all of it all of it okay every bit of pleasure and and joy that you have had that you've experienced in your life think about who brought that to you who like substance me no people people this is this is about elders mentors prince partners yeah totally like artists that have inspired you books i thought about the woman who introduced me to whitewater rafting like the woman that i go on these trips with like she totally introduced me to a part of myself that i had did not know you know like yeah like lesbianism

that happened a little earlier in my pleasure lineage but yes britney on my softball team she's on that list there's just a lot you know it's like that's we could we could and should make a long list of all the people who have like brought pleasure to our lives or helped us like understand our bodies our spirits whatever in different ways but the problem here that you two will run into is that she encourages us to contact all of them and thank them that's not happening if we have to and i would just love to be on fly on the wall while you two are rolodex uh yeah uh just want to thank you for... I want to thank you for the pleasure. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine, like, I mean, one of the... Hey, thanks for the sex back in 2004. It's true.

It's like, but, I mean, I literally first thought, I haven't done this. And it's like a part of the homework in this book that you're supposed to do, whatever, that I'm reading. And I haven't done it. Because it's very scary to think about. She's like i mean this is this whole book is about like really pushing your boundaries but can you imagine me calling the first girl that ever came on my face and saying that was such a spiritual experience

for me i don't know about this can you fathom it should we should i just do it on air and then it'll be this good radio i'll just call her her right now. Do it. That'll be my phone of friend. You do it, Tom. Call the first girl that ever came on your face. What if that's not happening? I was like, I don't know if that's possible. I look like a man

who produced a face orgasm for a while. Come on. produced a face orgasm for a while. Terrence's papaw laugh has come out. Tom is a part of your pleasure lineage. I can tell you that right now. I ain't on that gay shit now.

Well, so I guess just to say to anyone in our audience if you get a random phone call at about one or two in the morning someone thanking you for the pleasure you gave them in the bush era uh hey let's we should send that out to all our patreons thanks for the pleasure yeah you bring us pleasure that's for damn sure you're part of our pleasure lineage. All our patrons. You helped me pay off a lot of debt. Are you paying your bills right now? No, not anymore.

More or less. I can't fathom that. I can't fathom you paying any bills at this moment. I'm getting good. When I was an employed, respectable citizen, I was paying bills. I've never paid bills. I mean, my mom jokes about this like it's like rich people are the people who don't pay their bills i feel like poor people are like adamant like they you know have to budget every penny you know where every penny goes and poor people pay their fucking bills

and i have this like i mean michelle's even commented on it that i'm like obsessed with paying my bills on time and and I, like, panic. I pay some, and I don't pay others. It just depends. I think it's because of the trauma of having a vehicle repossessed as a child. Yeah. That I'm, like, terrified that they're going to come take something from me. You're going to get embarrassed somehow.

Yeah, that it's going to, like, and also it was just, yeah, it was really embarrassing. It was just, like, a lot of, like, I haven't let go. Well, the debt, a lot of the debt that I have is stuff that can't be repossessed. Medical debt and college student debt. Exactly. Mine too. So all of mine is student debt. Right.

I mean, I'm going to have like maybe a few grand on a credit card or something. That's just like junk. We will get to a point though, probably, as a society in 40 years when they're knocking on your door like, we're going to need that liver back. You're getting a lobotomy, bitch. Right now. We're taking that education right on back. We scooping your brain out yeah yeah i just can't fathom that i really uh like that i really that that my eku education was really worth what i paid for it

you know no yeah you really think you got what you paid for at moorhead or uk neither no no i just can't i mean i don't know what's of that much value but it's not me or any living i'm making that's for fucking sure my my deadbeatness is sort of an aesthetic choice i kind of like you know like reading about the charles bottelares and the oscar wilds and the great you know, like reading about the Charles Baudelaires and the Oscar Wildes and the great, you know, dandyish literary men that died broke and penniless. But did so with style and aplomb. I would imagine if at the time if you were to talk to them, they'd probably be like, I'm miserable, man. Well, Charles Baudelaire constantly had to move residences to dodge his creditors. My favorite is, I just love the thought, anytime Tom buys something in bulk to flip, that's my favorite Tom scam.

Tom, you do buy a lot of, you're right. Skateboards. Well, the thing about Tom, you gotta realize about Tom is he's always hustling. Scheming. Always scheming. 24-7. Always hustling. I love it.

Me and Michelle went to my favorite shoe outlet in louisville this weekend the zappos outlet i love it you know i always buy a bunch of shoes i don't need but they're very cheap and she's always like damn i could probably i could probably resell these online right now and i was like call up tom he'll probably tell you how to flip it she was like i think people do that for a living up here and i I was like, yeah, in a city, there's all kinds of fucking ways to make money. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, there is, too. Look, I have a friend, Mike Howard, who used to make a living getting moss and selling

it to dipshit hippies in California over the internet who would buy it. That's a good hustle. Who would buy it as pure App Appalachian like moss and stuff like that. Like on eBay? Yeah. No, no. Like just through like herbal forums and you know shit like that. You know those bougie people out in fucking California. That's brilliant. Yeah, they buy all kinds

of Appalachian shit. Like I do. Moss is so cheap to mail. This comes full circle to my earlier proposal to turn the leaves into cash. Like there's always people. You can hustle all kinds of shit. Well, when you started talking about other examples of incremental,

this comes back to, I started thinking about student debt and how we could actually, it's like everyone with student debt actually just gets paid that now. Just gets it paid back. They get that. You're 70 grand in debt scratch that you're getting 70 grand that's the legislation we need to start pushing well you have to add you have to add an element of like insanity unhinge insanity to it so if they can't pay it then obviously they need it well it has to have this sort of cultural it has to have this culture war dynamic to it so so look trickle down economics

put you so these are educated people they're creating jobs put it through the twisted mind of me of terrence ray at the other side we teach the teachers and they all have to come into our safe space and we don't respect their pronouns. That's what I'm talking about. That would be the incrementalism and the opposite. That's good. You know what I'm saying? The teachers are now the students. And we get paid $70,000

on top to teach them dumb shit about Moss. Is he still mailing people Moss moss that's a great gig probably so smart i learned all kinds of crazy things about mike from mike howard um another another engine in june in what's the word i'm looking for ingenious thing i learned from mike howard was uh never thought i'd hear those two words in a sentence together, but okay. Some people who are just living at the margins, they,

they can, you know, they, they got survival tips. Another thing I learned from him was that if you don't have a lot of cigarettes, um, you know,

if you want to bump some cigarettes, go to funeral homes because outside of funeral homes, people rarely smoke an entire cigarette. They'll just take one or two hits and then just put it out in the, in the ashtray there. So you can get like almost full cigarettes outside of in louisville i saw people pull out multiple pops out of trash cans and finish them off wow i was like people living hard up here oh yeah in louisville yeah that's pretty dire though. Just take it.

Just leftover cigarettes from morning people. People in deep grief. That's how you catch a spirit, ain't it? Yeah. I was like, I don't know about that. Woo. Oh my God. But sometimes, you know, desperate times.

You can also, it's a pretty good hack. You can just get in line at a drive-thru. Uh-huh. And you just don't, you know, say anything at the thing. And then when you get to the window, it's like. That's a classic hustle. That's easy. Hey, I came through here about a half hour ago with my kids and we left two double cheeseburgers. I saw that literally at the grocery store right before we started recording. Saw somebody doing that. through here about a half hour ago with my kids and we left uh two double cheeseburgers and i saw

that literally at the grocery store right before we started recording yeah am i doing that yeah this woman she came in she said uh i got a bunch of jimmy dean sausages and they weren't in my bag and the lady was like i had a line out the door and the lady was like just go grab another thing when i would go to the poker houses including the one over in pineville what they would do some of those guys would bring their food stamps ebt they wouldn't they couldn't play but they would go to the grocery store and buy like 50 cases of pop or some shit like that bring it to the poker game that way if it got busted up the cops couldn't say that like there's always if you if here's a pro tip if you're ever hungry just go to a poker

house because there's always going to be like 50 mcdonald's dollar double cheeseburgers and chicken sandwiches on the table and all the pops you can drink interesting because the reason they do that is because if the cops busted up they can say well we're playing for for this for cheeseburgers yeah because that's legal well that's how they cutting the pot is illegal you can play a home poker game as long as you don't cut the pot but poker houses all cut the pot so they say the money's just going for this the stuff oh the cut is going to cheeseburgers cheeseburgers and whatever what does it mean to cut the pot the house is taking a cut i don't know anything about gambling um how long you gotta hang out with this guy to catch a tip?

Jesus. Well, you know, me and Tom have a division of labor, you know. We have an end of interest. Now that the twins meet. That's right. Very different. Right, right. He stays in his lane

and I stay in mine. Yeah yeah how do you try to take him as your plus one to the poker house i'd like to see how that would be fine i'm cool tanya i'm cool i can i can mix it up with poker players uh terence be like one of my buddies that we go there and you know i give him 50 to play with and he sits down and loses it and playing Tonk and Keno in the first fucking 30 minutes and can't even play in the real thing. That's actually intentional. That's a strategic thing. That's how I'd always get out of playing shit as a kid.

Just get out early. Just dump it. Just throw away all your Monopoly hotels. Exactly. Sorry, guys. Sorry, I can't play anymore. I'm out. Basketball just fell out immediately man get off me yep yep um so what else is going on how was new orleans

new orleans was good it was uh man it's a fucking wild place down there. It's so fucking wild. I learned a couple of interesting things. Southern Vegas. You've been all over the South, man, lately. Miami, New Orleans. I've made the rounds. But let me tell you some things that I learned that's interesting.

Did you know, did you know, this is a little bar bet thing that well obviously louisiana is one of the only states in the country that was never colonized by the british at all like british never owned louisiana yeah the french colonized it twice in the Spanish once. So you get a little mixture of the two cultures, mostly French. And as a result, law students, because the reason we were down there is to visit Tulane, law students that go to school in Louisiana learn the French statutes and words and stuff like that. No shit. the like the french statutes and words and stuff like that no shit and bar passage is harder in like other places because you don't really learn like the british like standards for different things you learn the spanish and the french i mean obviously you do learn you know there's some standardization but there's a little bit of a learning curve

that's crazy that's very interesting yeah i didn't know. That's crazy. That's very interesting. Yeah, I didn't know that. So what's your stance? Does the French have better laws? The French create way cooler cities, I'll tell you that. There's no grids. They're real fucked up, but they know how to have fun, and they make some questionable choices like building cities in swamps, but whatever.

I've only been to one strip club in my entire life and it was in new orleans and at that strip club i saw the craziest thing i've ever seen in my entire life um and you're not gonna believe me i've told tom this story yet before i think you're not gonna believe me but i'm gonna tell it anyways i swear to god i saw it with my own two eyes it's like seeing a ufo so um is this you know uh i was with some of my buddies and you know the dancers are on stage and everything and um this one dancer got on the edge of the stage and put her legs out like this basically like put her pussy in her face and um then this guy this guy put a five dollar bill down on her pussy. Like, put it right down there.

I like how you get quite sheepish right before you said P word. Well, I don't know how she did this, whether there was some sort of hidden hydraulic apparatus in the stage that I did not see, or if she just can queef really well. But she shot the dollar bill up from her pussy and set up and grabbed it in her teeth. And the whole fucking place went wild. And we were all just like,

ah, just throwing dollar bills. It was incredible. I thought it was A+. It was LeBron James shit. Hell yeah. So good. So shout out. It was A+. It was LeBron James shit. Hell yeah. It's so good. So shout out.

Shout out to that strip club. I wish I remembered the name of it. This was like a decade ago. Yeah. There's like a whole strip of strip clubs in New Orleans. I don't know what street it is. But I made the mistake of going in in the middle of the day. It's like day time strip clubs in New Orleans. It's not a good scene.

What is that like? Well, they pulled me up on stage. I immediately knew that was so bad. Three o'clock on a Tuesday. You're the only one in the house. Wait, I lied. I did go to a strip club the other day on accident. Are you fucking kidding me?

I think you just forgot that. Like this weekend? No, look. I'll show you. forgot that Like this weekend No look Look I'll show you It's right here Oh god It's right here Drop off at Cash Express

By Platinum My truck broke down In the parking lot Of Platinum Blondes That's the name of it The strip club Pure Platinum I pulled over

I was in Lexington And I pulled over To um Like find a place to eat On my phone The place beside paul miller ford and me daggy otto yeah yeah yeah and that's where you pulled off there was nothing there was no storefront it was just an empty uh there are no windows at a strip club bubby well

but this strip club is turned back so the back of the building is facing the road it was on new circle road purple yeah yeah that's the one. Yeah. There's only one platinum. There's two lakes in Kentucky. There's nothing around except a cash express. I got a fight there with the bouncer once.

Wow. They won't let women go in without men escorts. I got very upset about it. Oh, yeah. Well, the bouncer was kind of mean to me because I walked in there

and was like, please, sir, I need somebody to jump my truck off. Could you jump me off? He goes, that's not happening and i was like i was like do you but is there like a cook i was like because i understand i mean it's because you never know there's all kinds of sketchy people that hang out inside of the strip clubs and probably pray on the workers and so i was like i was like i understand it's cool but there's like a janitor or a cook or a bartender somebody that could help me out he was like no we can, it's cool, but there's a janitor or a cook or a bartender,

somebody that could help me out. And he was like, no, we can't go outside. We can't help you. And I was like, all right. I'm sorry. So I had to go. Did they try to give you some coupons there for a free drink or something? No, he didn't even do that.

I love that this is where your trucks broke down and you've concocted the story that you were looking for somewhere to eat on your phone. I was minding my business and all of a sudden just on my cell phone i don't have any i mean you know it was at like three in the afternoon on like a tuesday right what was the scene in there when you went in completely dead completely dead there was maybe two customers yeah um but no i had to go to the cash express across the street the woman you know talked to me for like an hour about how her dad had just died and her whole family was dying she was trying to soften you up to tell you that oh and by the way this is going to cost you 379

well she was like were you over at platinum on, you don't have to lie to me. I was like, look, there's nothing wrong with it. For the eighth time, I wasn't at Platinum. But if I was, there'd be nothing wrong with it. Sex work is labor, god damn it. Moral of the story is that we need more protection for our sex workers so that people like me can get their truck jumped off. Yeah. SESTA FOSTA fucked you out of getting your car jumped off.

That is exactly right. That is 100% correct. Way to make it about me. What's the rewards card? The rewards card is... I can't remember why they gave me the rewards card. What is this sketchy paper? Well, this...

Man, I have so many questions here. I had to call AutoZone and then they had to come deliver a battery to my truck. And I don't remember why they gave me a rewards card. I can't remember why. Rough. You had a rough trip to Lexington. This was right after my grandma died, and I flew back into Lexington, and I was about to drive back. This was months ago.

This was a long time ago. And this has been laying here this whole time yeah cash express by platinum wow anyways sorry i wanted to tell you that story for a while i just kept forgetting about it i was tanya will find this amusing yeah but you broke down looking at food on your phone at three o'clock on a tuesday nobody has nobody has to believe me fine fuck it whatever nobody has to believe me that it wasn't bird shit on my shirt that's the funniest truth or thing truth someone had zoomed in on that photo of me and that's zooming inoming in on their video. Yeah, it was like he used the shirt in two videos. People are zooming in on your cum stain and your mustache. They're just out of control.

Yeah, you lucked out, you asshole. I know, I'm so glad I wasn't here. I'm just like, thank God. That's so funny. Well, for the record, I wore a jacket that day. And they wouldn't let you wear it? Didn't know that in the big In Hollywood

That's in the business Yeah you can't wear Stuff with logos on them What was the logo? Like a mountain hardware logo I say whoever becomes our thousandth Patreon Gets that shirt Gets that Cub shirt?

Yeah, you can have that, motherfucker. Don't you go promising any more fucking t-shirts, Sexton. Just eat your fucking words. Look, someone can have it. I don't know who. We need to find a way to put some kind of Trailbillies logo on it. Or that bottle of wine. I ain't letting that

go yeah tanya's never letting that go i'm sitting on that goose egg till it's worth something they're probably worth about 14 dollars say 14 it's worth now um i made some new friends at this wedding over the weekend. Of course, everyone loved me. Did they? Nat? Yeah. I did not expect to get a bunch of people coming up to me telling me what a good job I did as the minister. You know, it's like.

You didn't expect that? No, I've never done that. I've never went up to a minister at a wedding and been like, you did a great job. That was awesome. That's true. Good job. I thought it was real weird. It started to creep me out and what i loved is that the bride one of the bride's

family their her aunties were um they were all very sweet to me and told me it went it went great and i did a good job but then uh the dirtier the dance floor got the more i could tell they were like sketched out by me they weren't as nice to me later on in the reception yeah because after we were dancing tanya tucker came out well i'll just tell it okay i have an official pair of minister underwear and once i got drunk everybody saw them but it was really just for me to begin with but they just came up for a second for the brides and then the brides made a big deal out of it and they made the professional photographer come over take a picture of my ass because my underwear said you ready for this this is why they're my special minister

underwear the underwear say no gods no masters no scrubs and these are these religious hands uh yeah and so the wedding photographer had to get a shot of this yeah the brides freaked out i thought it was just gonna be like a little joke because no scrubs was on i was like my, my underwear. That's so funny. Yeah, it was. And then they were like, no, get the photographer over here.

And I was like, I don't think so. And they were like, oh, we're getting the photographer over here. Wow. I'd say that's going to be a pretty big hit. Yeah,

it was a hit. It was a big hit. It was a big hit. I wasn't expecting. Well, congratulations. When all else fails, show your ass, right?

That's actually a wonderful a wonderful piece of advice no it was all around a good time anyway the point i was saying is that i made some friends at the uh we had like there was like a wedding brunch the next day and we ended up talking about all kinds of just like fucking religious political shit the biggest debate we got in was over turkey bacon turkey bacon is obviously terrible right it's just objectively awful from religious political shit exactly that's why it's funny exactly we did but this woman is in the military and she uh reminded us or told us all which i did not realize that it's now we've now been at war for 18 years and so now you like people who were uh initially in the like this war at the very beginning now they're like they've had children that are now enlisting in that in the same war yeah that's bleak real bleak and she's like it's only a matter of time before this becomes a feel good.

They're going to start doing feel good fluff stories about this. And so I'm waiting for the first one to come down the pike this weekend. I bet it already exists. Let's try to find it. There's all kinds of insane shit like that. Have you noticed this? There's this sort of, since my analysis has changed and evolved i'll say changed and evolved i've noticed little things in our society like that that like

are just completely sociopathic yeah like little think pieces like that that are like like the poor people don't deserve a vacation one yeah yeah like this just these like very callous things that are sort of dressed up in either like rise and grind culture or like this is just our american way of doing things right that they're just trying to slide under there and act like we're not supposed to have any kind of reaction to that right yeah yeah it's pretty bleak i'm trying to think of other examples yeah okay that's so hot well that coal miners deserve the black luck they got for voting for trump you know it's just like these like bizarro remember that

yeah wow wait so on that note i was talking to Tom about this earlier today. There's like a new identitarian coal miner movement. Guess what the new word for coal miners is? Energy displaced persons. What? Former coal miners. This is wild,

because like, CNN... Please, please, please, I prefer energy displaced persons. Wow, wow. We got, fucking CNN hit us up today.'s like oh they were like oh yeah we heard so they're doing some solar spoof some solar story they're coming through tomorrow but they eventually i don't even know how we got to talking to this motherfucker because eventually they like said well we're only we only have to go ahead to talk to minors and we were just like what of course the fuck is wrong with you no yeah former coal miners they just want you to find them the minors yeah it's the same it's been the same story for literal years now it's just like well you should have said please, please. Energy displaced person is a word we use around here. They say coal miners, you say, wow.

Wow. Interesting. Interesting. I think I could fall into that umbrella term. I could be an energy displaced person. What are some other ridiculous identitarian terms? Make them up if you don't know any right off.

Pro-life. Like the billionaire thing was like... Pro-life is pretty ridiculous ridiculous you know how like the the new thing the billionaires want to be called was people of means people of means people of wealth i thought people of affluence or something like that yeah something i think well what's an affluent well the reason the woman wasn't gonna call him back there wasn't gonna call back the journalist because yeah because in the email he had called her she had called her affluent right right i almost didn't respond i almost didn't so people of wealth i think is the word that they were going with them yeah and now you've got energy

displaced persons are former miners and i'm presuming also like oil and gas workers. Maybe not so much. No, anybody that works in the fossil fuel industry and was a former employee in the fossil, worker in the fossil fuel industry. Would be an energy displaced person. So, I don't know. What are other people that like, people that break down in strip club parking lots.

Dumbass. Horny displaced persons. Horny displaced persons. Horny. Gee, I don't know, Tom. It wasn't 100 degrees. Well, maybe there's one for first responders. They actually want to be...

Or cops. Cops. They don't want to be called cops. They want to be called some other... people of the line servants well defenders of the line yeah yeah well i'm just trying to think of like because okay so but to do this you have to dig into the psychology behind the appalachachian American. Displaced. Dude, that is a really... Not hillbillies. Appalachian Americans. That one's an amazing one that I subscribe to.

I got to just say something. I'm just going to go off. If you want to cancel me, cancel me. You're already canceled, Tom. You can't cancel the cancel. That's Carrie's favorite joke is that Tom's canceled. Why am I canceled? Because she thinks it's your greatest fear.

It's been canceled. Anyway. Anyway, we got to talk about Appalachia. Do we have to talk about Appalachia? I just want to talk about Appalachia for a second. Let's talk about it for a second. Particularly, I want to talk about Appalachian. Do we have to talk about Appalachia? I just want to talk about Appalachia for a second. Let's talk about it for a second. Particularly I want to talk about Appalachian chauvinism. Let's talk about it, baby. Oh, I think this should be part two

of this segment on Patreon. Well, I'm assuming we're probably going to have to hum a lot of bar. We're probably going to have to cut a lot of that up top out, maybe. No. No. Why? It'll all go on. Okay. I'm not editing. What's up top that needs to be cut out? Okay. I'm not editing. What's up top? That needs to be cut out.

Nothing. I'm just sad. I just thought. If I actually wanted to treat this as a job, I could edit it. But how many are Tom's going to go off on? Tom, go off. We need to just relax a little bit. Just need to relax a little bit?

I've noticed something. And listen, I love all y'all when I say this. I ain't picking on anybody. And I'm as guilty as anybody. We're as guilty as anybody. But we've had a tendency to dogpile on anything that sort of reeks of, you know, sort of big city privilege, coastal privilege, you know know whatever you want to call it i'll never use the phrase coastal elite again as long as i live not because that's not a thing just because it's so tired as long as i live but like like look okay so sarah jones said tweeted something

that like a lot of people got didn't agree with and thought was unfair and that may if you know depending on your perspective may have been true may not have been whatever i'm not opining on that but then you gotta you gotta you got everybody got showing up in the damn comments calling sarah a carpetbagger and all this shit it's just like come on y'all what you're i think what you're dancing around here is you would like to cancel the south i don't necessarily want to cancel the south i just think we need to like relax and not like you know like like people just popping off like sarah jones is legit like from here you know what i'm saying like yeah okay if you know like like people just popping off like sarah jones is legit like from here you know what i'm saying like yeah okay if you don't like something she said that's that's one thing okay but to call her a lawyer can't call her a carpetbagger you have to call her a lawyer

did someone call her a lawyer no no yes they did yeah they did did they really yeah they called her new york lawyer that was my favorite bird i was on the water that day i was canoeing yeah well i was out too and i tried to catch up i never did figure out what actually happened i never did either really i just know there was something about mennonites and something about yeah kkk and then sarah jones ended up being a carpetbagger yeah i never knew what actually took off. I guess what made people mad. It was something with DSA. I thought it was, all I saw was her flash out, something like, the South deserves better DSA chapter.

That's right. I guess she was, she took exception with how some guy in Tennessee was tweeting about the Mennonites and how they confronted the Nazis or the KKK or whatever. Same shit. I couldn't track that down. I don't know how to find the original tweet it's all too complicated i say all that just to say this is i will make a solemn pledge to try not to dogpile on people anymore dogpiling is bad it's not true it's not

going to happen um i mean it's not going to stop i think that uh if there's anything that i want to say about this is that um i too over the years this is the struggle session this is me lashing myself on the back cat of nine tails um i think that people who um people who sort of talk about this the south as it's the as if it's this sort of like exploited uniquely exploited place like almost a colony or something like that um have it exactly backwards like there are bad southern people. There are quite a few of them, actually. There are bad hillbillies. And I'll tell you what, they're rich.

That's the thing. That's the thread. It's like I've said before, there are only two nations on the world. It's the capitalists and the proletariat. Like, there's no south. There is no north. Like, we've all got the same

enemies um you know i mean you can talk about differences like regionalism like you can talk about like oh you say things this way and i say things that way but once you elevate it into you eat this kind of food i eat this kind of food once you elevate it into the realm of politics it gets falls apart it's literally reactionary is what happens. Wow. I mean, these things you're talking about, these are like tools of organizing, bringing people together based on common blah, blah, blah.

But the whole point is... Right. We've got things in common. Common enemies. Right, right. And just got to keep that in mind. Yeah, I don't know. I would like to dig into that in another episode. And we talked about it on one of our recent Patreon episodes

when we talked about that movie Hillbilly. Oh, I didn't listen. I didn't hear that one. It's pretty good. The movie alone was enough to make it through. Do I really have to sit through a takedown? It was god awful. It was a piece of shit.

You think that, okay, well, what we should do is show them side by side when Hillbilly LG movie comes out and see which one. I'm going to go ahead and say this. Oh, man. Oh, no. Yeah, this last 15 minutes has to go on Patreon. No, the Hillbilly movie is worse. And I'll tell you why.

I'll tell you why. Because it actually obscures the problem. At least with Hillbilly Elegy. Well, he does it too a little bit because he's kind of a liberal in many ways. But with Hillbilly, that that movie it obscures the problem i mean in the in the universe that this movie creates don blankenship would be a good person because don blankenship is a hillbilly and my point is that there are bad hillbillies here's my question you didn't enjoy a little bit you didn't like the story arc of the deliverance story.

No, no. Even that made no sense. We're supposed to think that the deliverance actor in that movie, we're supposed to think that the enemies of his story are Hollywood executives. It's like they thought what their movie was missing was a gotcha. Yeah, exactly. That was their gotcha. The real villains of that movie are like Sam Walton and Donald Trump.

You know what I mean? Or the real villains that should be in the movie. It's not Hollywood's fault that that dude has to work at Walmart for the rest of his life. That's the fault of the capitalists. That's the fault of the capitalists. And that's not to say that there's not like a lot of criticisms to be made of hollywood it's just yeah the whole the movie was just completely confused about what it wanted to be didn't know what it wanted to be she wouldn't even let her uh hillbilly supporting family in the movie

her hillary her hillary supported family in the movie yeah that's my favorite part that the whole other side of her family are just like super liberal hillary supporters and they weren't even in like she doesn't even she wouldn't let them in the movie well because it didn't support her narrative of the fucking fucked up story she's trying to tell well and it was also funny like she encountered some random people at a gas station which if you looked like her those people and the deliverance actor were like the only people in that movie they weren't either her family or um you know writers or academics and they were like trump's not gonna do anything for this place i'll tell you the truest the truest

uh the saddest part here is that this woman has gotten herself i got a call this week yesterday i guess or friday anyway whatever last few days i got a text that someone had talked to someone it's our someone had gotten to me that she has landed herself an hbo series on nice role lgbtq people badass on nice role lgbtq people badass fuck me fucked up how do these people land these jobs talk about failing i'll tell you what i'll tell you how society's dog shit and so someone texts me like hey if you want to be a part of this hbo series hit up tyler on instagram no thank you tyler and how the fuck? What the fuck? Society sucks real bad.

Apparently they're about to drop a bunch of real queer series. And they're all going to be terrifying. HBO is? It's HBO and other places, apparently. This is going to rule. And of course, you know. Every time I think the well's drying up. Everything.

I don't know how long we can go. The heavens open up and manna in the form of content just comes. And the Lord provides. And the Lord provides. So that's how we're going to keep this rolling. I love it. There's going to be a new MTV reality show about Pike County kids, right? That is right. You're making like a Buckwild 2 or something?

Well, they've been. It's going to have to drop sometime. They were renting three houses at three different places in Pike County and paying kids to live there, party there, do whatever they want, and we're documenting all of it. And so that's going to drop sometime soon. Kids, you want to list the drugs, it makes for good TV. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like they don't want to, the producers don't want to get too involved. So they're just leaving bags of weed under pillows like the fucking Tooth Fairy and shit. Yeah. God damn. Damn, that's dope. They're like letting the air out of their tires so they get to film these kids trying to change their tires. Shit. This whole thing fucking kills me.

I wonder how much of that shit, like Buck Wild when it was on, how much of that shit was like, just contrived scenes, you know? You'd think they would. Well, I mean, it's like us. It becomes, even those kids, they became an exaggerated version of themselves and they like couldn't top themselves

until they were dead, literally. Yeah, well, no. You'd think they would have learned their lesson with Buck Wild. I mean, the kid, he died mudden yeah yeah but that's the weird thing that i didn't understand in that movie it like her i guess her point was yeah that's in the movie too yeah i guess that her point was like he died because of because he was trying to live up to a hillbilly stereotype and it's like i mean he was just doing what he liked to do on the weekends.

And I mean, maybe the fame killed him, but I don't buy that. Well, anyways, I'd like to, let's put a calf on this one. Peace.

Um, any, any closing thoughts? Anybody? Anyone got anything to say? I think Tom's just over all the valor, all the hype. Yeah.

Southern Appalachian valor. I mean, I'm with you on this. He's over it. I'm with you on this. Well, it's just the thing is I was reading Glenn O'Brien's essay about Donald Trump maybe a week or two ago. And he's got this great line that I've used on the show before and probably tried to pass off as my own but he said that you know any man that makes a doll of himself that says 17 of his like signature phrases has himself become the doll i can see all the shit has become it's just like feigned outrage about like nothing like there are things to get mad about for sure in terms of like we talk

about them all the time but like come on if you're just like like i think something's you know bad that somebody you otherwise like says and it's leading you to like say weird things like calling them a carpetbagger i just you know five thirds to weigh in tom's worried this is gonna come back to haunt him because he's gonna do something to get canceled it's like these little minute things that'll get you canceled these days i don't know i just don't i just like i don't know there's this like ready-made southernism that i'm just not terribly attracted to that i think is weird you know what i mean and this like i'm even hearing like people like you know like the gratuitous y'all became a thing we're talking about which is fine i don't give a fuck who says y'all or not i don't give a shit

people that like grandstand about that or like how you pronounce appalachia or whatever i don't care about any of that stuff but now it's getting to like i hear people fainting the flat eye sound ah ah ah you notice this no you know the flat eye sound like i notice people like fainting town yeah fainting like i went to the store oh my god like say ah ah yeah you don't say aye. You know, like most people would. Aye. I say aye. Terrence would say aye. Aye.

I say aye. Really? I say aye. I don't say ah. Aye. If I said aye, you'd be like, that's an affectation. Anyway. You know what I'm saying?

This is devolving into weirdness. Anyway. Tell me I speak incorrectly. Is that what you're saying? No is devolving into weirdness. Anyway. You're telling me I speak incorrectly? Is that what you're saying? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying people are trying to take that from you. Have it, bitch. Fight back.

You took everything. You gotta fight back. It's not even about all that. No, I do. It ain't even about authenticity or anything. I think what you're struggling with is that it's all become commodified. And in the neoliberal whatever world, it's really because everything's about representation and about your own histrionic performativity online that lends itself perfectly to a southern performativity.

Does that make sense? Yeah, I think that's close. I think, yeah. And when I say this, I do this. We do this. We've done this with this show. You know what I mean? I was about to say, it's funny that we are telling people not to do this.

We're literally, our show's literally called Trillbillies. Like, we're the Trillbillies. 100%. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, it's just, you know, it's, I don't know. No, I forget that I say I differently until I'm ordering a Sprite in Brooklyn, New York. What do you get, Sprite? What's that kind of Sprite?

Sprite. Well, Sprite. I don't say Sprite. Sprite. Well, Sprite. I don't say Sprite. Sprite. I'm kind of a Sprite. Can I have a fucking Sprite? Can I have a fucking Sprite, bitch? I don't want your fucking Sierra Mist, you cunt. Give me a fucking Sprite.

I want your face. Sprite on my face. Call up the girl, the first girl that ever Sprite on your face. up the girl The first girl That ever sprouted On your face Yeah Thank you for the Sprite on my face In 2003 I would love

To hear you Calling up Your pleasure lineage What about Your displeasure lineage See that's not Going to bring you The pleasure you think

That ain't pleasure I disagree I don't think That's going to do For you what you think That's going to bring up a lot of trauma. I don't know, Tanya. You forget that I hold all my grudges right

here and I'd never let a single one of them go. I don't forget. I don't forget that. And it ain't helping you is what I'm saying. This is a self-help activity. But when everybody does me wrong, you know, I'm obviously the victim of every single

thing. And it was obviously on purpose. They went out of their way to victimize you. Why doesn't the fucking world just do what I want it to do? This is another hour and a half episode. We're giving the people too much. Alright, fair enough. Too much.

Go to the Patreon. P-A-T-R-E-o-n.com slash trill billy workers party um there's all kinds of good content there and check out true bullies on means tv yeah if it wasn't all over your timeline today like mine you can go to check it out on youtube um i don't know what you type in Do you? Go to Means TV's YouTube page It's probably the first thing on there And go donate to Means

Go donate to them And go donate to us Because we need that money And next week Is the 100th episode So send your questions and answer his or wait just your questions

but if you have answers too we'll take it to TrillbillyWorkersParty at gmail.com or you can slide into whoever's DMs that you want to ask the questions my DMs aren't open unless you follow me but

mine unfortunately aren't I've you follow me Mine unfortunately aren't I've sent y'all a few recent examples Or wait unless I follow you Bad news And then There was something else Confessions Also send your confessions to

Aunt Bernice over here Minister Turner Because I would love to You gotta be a pastor or bishop pastor nobody minister is not really a title you gotta be pastor or bishop i'm bringing it back reverend i'm bringing it back be a cardinal why not be a cardinal he could do a rare rare cardinal big yeah cardinal turner it's rev yeah i love the way they're all dressed in red isn't that what a cardinal wears i don't know what you're talking about.

You know, don't cardinals wear red? Oh, in the Catholic church? In the Catholic church. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. You're always staring at me like I'm crazy. No, I'm just deliriously hot. I don't know anything about the Catholic church, but that they drink and fuck.

I'm not so I just lobotomize me for the last hour and a half. It's been a hot episode. It's not that hot up here. It rained just now. It's humid last hour and a half. It's been a hot episode. It's not that hot up here. It rained just now. It's humid. It's a problem. It's pretty humid. All right.

So go send us that shit and go to the Patreon and do that shit. And we'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.