Trillbilly Worker's Party - SUNDAY SERVICE 4: Loopholes of the Bible

Episode Date: May 10, 2020

In this series finale, Trillbilly Baptist Church is being closed due to quarantine violations, but Bishop Sexton and Music Minister Ray are able to get one last sermon out before the liberals in the Governor's Mansion manage to close the doors. Also features a washed up Christian rocker and a worship leader synth-crooner. Thank you for enjoying our Sunday Services, we hope to be back some day. Forward your tithings to: patreon.com/trillbillyworkersparty

If you brought your Bibles this morning, turn with me, if you would, to the book of 2 Samuel. And I'm reading from the only ordained translation by the Lord, the good old-fashioned King James Version. The Bible says 2 Samuel 5 and 13, And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron. And there were yet sons and daughters born to David. Verse 14, And there be the names of those that were born unto him in Jerusalem,

Shemua, and Shobab, and Nathan, and Solomon, and Ebar also, and Elishuaua and Nephech and Japhia and Elishama and Eliadah and Eliphelet. Now if we go on down to 2 Samuel, I won't read, but in verse 15 and 16, 16 and 22 and 20 and 3, we see how the great King David, who in 1 Samuel 13, I believe it is,

is called the apple of God's eye. Or excuse me, that's the psalm that records him as the apple of God's eye. 1 Samuel deals with the blessing of David and calls him a man after God's own heart. Now, this same man, after God's own heart, also notoriously led the Hittite Uriah, a friend of his. David sent him purposely in battle to be killed so that he could then marry his wife, Bathsheba, which also was probably a lifetime achievement award at the Player Haters Ball. And their son was a guy named Solomon who, as you might have noted in the Scripture, was a fan of strange women, had a problem with strange women. Let us go to the Lord in prayer this morning, church.

Dear Most Kind and Gracious Heavenly Father, Lord, we just come before you this morning just asking for your blessing. Lord, we know that cursory reading of the scriptures tells us that things change and nothing's set in stone. Certainly we're seeing this play out in the real world in these times that can only be described as troubled and trying and so forth. Lord, we just come before you right now asking you for a little mercy for our appetites, our physical addiction to the good times and so forth. Right now, what I want to get across to the church is just that there's certain ways that we can get around the hard and fast rules that

have been preordained in the scriptures. And so, you know, that said, I guess we should just say, let God be true in every man a liar, particularly where our own vices are concerned. And Lord, we just bless you. And it's with all the praise and the glory that we say, amen. Now, church, as I alluded to there in my opening invocation, I want to deal with a thought this morning that, you know, there are several ways around things, particularly in this Christian walk that we do, that are laid out in the Scriptures. with the story of King David, a man, as I mentioned, that's called the apple of God's eye, a man after God's own heart, and several other superlatives. I just want to point out that if it's true that David was the apple of God's eye and a man after his own heart, and if it is then true that God is the same today, tomorrow, and forevermore,

and it is then true that God is no respecter of persons, then how is it that King David, even for all his valor and so forth, was able to take up several wives. But let's just look over that as there's subject to much debate in the church, particularly where our Mormon brothers and sisters and gender nonconforming folks are concerned. But I think most would agree that the scriptures are pretty clear cut on this idea that we're not supposed to be shacking up. We ain't supposed to be taking up wives and concubines

and probably not supposed to be birthing children from said relationships with those concubines. But then again, if God's no respecter of persons, and David did it and he was the apple of God's eye, then, you know, maybe cut yourself a little slack for all those love children you have running around out there. Hallelujah. Now, for those of you that say, Bishop, I don't have no problems with shacking up and extramarital affairs and so forth. But my problem is, you know, when my wife goes to bed, I like to log on to that Pornhub premium and, you know, commit what many think the scriptures call onanism.

And if you would just turn with me real quick, and we'll read what the Bible has to say on the subject. That is in Genesis 38 and verse 9. The Bible says, But Onan knew, and Onan being the son of Judah, But Onan knew that the heir would not be his. And it came to pass, when he went to his brother's house, he admitted on the ground, lest he should give an heir to his brother.

Now, you know, I have a few feelings on the subject here, but it sounds like my man Onan's not guilty of anything but having world-class dick control. And, you know, how many know that as we get older, that dick control is just something that comes with it. But a lot of people will point to this and say that this is why we shouldn't masturbate, that the scripture says it's a sin to sow your seed on unfertile soil and so forth. But what my man Onan was doing here was not masturbation,

but a classic case of coitus interruptus. Now you say, hey, you know, that's not good either. That's not a good thing. Well, I say to you, friend, what if some of the great antagonists of history, what if their parents would have engaged in a little coitus interruptus? Probably been a lot better off, in my opinion. Well, the Bible has much more to say about the subject in particular, so if that answer doesn't satisfy you, let's just turn over

if we would to the book of Matthew, and we're going to look at Matthew And we're going to look at Matthew 5, starting in verse 27. And the Bible says, You have heard it was said to those of old, you shall not commit adultery. Verse 28. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Verse 29.

If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you. For it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish than for your whole body to be cast into hell. Verse 30. your whole body to be cast into hell. Verse 30, and if your right hand causes you to sin, and this is the one that a lot of people tie to, you know, what you do when, you know, it's a long Saturday and you pin up in isolation and, you know, your urges get the best of you. And the Bible says, and if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you.

For it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish than for your whole body to be cast into hell. So as you can see here, Church of Matthew 5, we've got a number of loopholes. One, for all of our gay and lesbian, well, for all of our gay brothers, you have an immediate loophole because the Bible just says, but I say to you, whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Exemption. Then we get more. If your right hand causes you to sin, Cut it off, cast it from you. Well, what about our left-handed brothers and sisters out there?

Exemption! Man, I just think that's about the last word on that subject. Now, I know there's a lot of us out there that every once in a while you like to take a drink. I'll be honest with you. I myself have wrestled with liking to take a drink. And, you know, it's true. Your reverend has probably spilt more whiskey than most men have drank. But, you know, and there's varying degrees of varying schools of thought on this in the Bible. I mean, the scripture says to not find yourself drunk,

but drunk on the new wine of the Spirit. But it also says to try the spirits, church, and Lord knows I've tried them all. But also, the Bible points out to us here, too, a very working class statement from Ecclesiastes 3, 12, and 13. The Bible says, I have concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they live, and also that everyone should eat and drink and find enjoyment in all their toil, for these things are a gift

from god so if you're out there and you're working a 40 hour week for a living just to send it on down the line as brother randy owen sung about and his hit song 40 hour work week uh you know you want to come home crack you up a couple cold ones you know if you want to come home, crack you open a couple of cold ones. You know, if you want to meet up with the boys and crack a couple of cold ones. I mean, you know, hell, I'd stand before the judgment seat of God and say, Hey, listen, man, Ecclesiastes 3, 12, and 13 says that I should revel in my toil and get drunk, and I see this as a sign from the Lord. drunk and I see this as a sign from the Lord. So that said, church, I'd just like to say that, you know, there's many things the scripture has to say about many prohibitions it lays out there, but there's also a little work

arounds and, you know, God says that he's the same today, yesterday, and forevermore, but he also said he repented that he made man, so clearly he's capable of changing his mind. He also gave King Hezekiah 15 extra years to live after he had called him home. It can be done, church, is what I'm trying to say. And, of course, that brings me to the last and final loophole here, and this is for our Jewish brothers and sisters that might be thinking, hey, you know, these Christians might be on to something here. You know, what if I, too, have to stand before the judgment seat one day and give an account for my sins that's, you know, an event that's not accounted for in the Old Testament necessarily. And I say to you, my Jewish brothers and sisters, that there's hope.

And that hope is contained in the book of Revelation, verse 7. Let's read a little bit tonight, church. And the Bible says, After this I saw four angels standing at the four corners of the earth, holding back the four winds of the earth to prevent any wind from blowing on the land or on the sea or on any tree. The writer here is a poet and didn't know it. Verse 2. Then I saw another angel coming up from the east, having the seal of the living God.

He called out in a loud voice to the four angels who had given power to harm the land and the sea. And he said in verse 3, Do not harm the land or the sea or the trees until we put a seal on the foreheads of the servants of our God. Verse 4, Then I heard the number of those who were sealed, and that's going to be 144,000 from all the tribes of Israel. Verse 5, from the tribe of Judah, 12,000 were sealed. From the tribe of Reuben, 12,000 were sealed.

From the tribe of Gad, 12,000 sealed. Verse 6, from the tribe of Asher, 12,000. From the tribe of Naphtali, 12,000. From the tribe of Naphtali, 12,000. From the tribe of Manasseh, 12,000. Verse 7, From the tribe of Simeon, 12,000. From the tribe of Levi, 12,000. From the tribe of Issachar, 12,000.

Verse 8 says, From the tribe of Zebulun, 12,000. From the tribe of Joseph, 12,000. And lastly, From the tribe of Benjamin, 12,000. And lastly, from the tribe of Benjamin, 12,000. And if you tally that all together, folks, that's 144,000 of our Jewish brothers and sisters that are going to be let into the kingdom.

Now, you know, that's not a mighty big number, but, you know, that's why we have democracy. So I guess we'll have to draw straws to see who makes it in and who doesn't. But, Lord, we'll be praying for each and every one of you. And that, I'd just like to turn it back over to Brother Ray. Thank you so much, Church. How's everybody doing this morning? Seeing a lot of face masks in the crowd.

Well, we won't hold that against you here. The other day I was at the local library doing a little bit of research on some of my favorite topics like germ theory and phrenology and alchemy. The devil's science right there, alchemy. By the way, if you ever catch your grandkids doing alchemy in the garage, that's how you know that the devil's got a hold of him.

But anyways, I was doing some research and I ran across a friend of mine. And he's up here on the stage with me right now, as you can see. Brian, why don't you say a few words? Hi, everybody. How's it going? Brian is a lead singer in a Christian rock band around here called Reconciled. They're reconciled with God. And I thought that maybe he could come up here

And sing a song for us And so Yeah Everybody Just give Brian a warm welcome To the stage Brian you want to sing a song Yeah that's right

Jesus Ryan, you want to sing a song? Yeah, that's right. Jesus, yeah, lover of my soul. Jesus, you can always touch my whole. Okay. Wait, all right. You led me from the human clay. Shed my feet upon the rock. Now I know you're all I ever wanted. You're all I ever needed.

So tell me what to do now, because I want you back. Okay, that's good enough. Thank you, Brian. Thank you. Brian from the band Reconciled. Thank you. As I'm sure you all know, we've got some hard times ahead.

Congregation, I'm sure you've all received in your mail the notification that we are closing down the Trillbilly First Baptist Church. But before we go, I was at our local watering hole, preaching the good word, mind you. I was not partaking in the libations, as they are called. And there was a crooner there. His name was Geraldine Forrester. Geraldine Forrester, he's the third um did not say what his heritage is he's a crooner from um the Italian parts of New York City who has who has um assured me he has found a way to meld the two forms of music we call praise and worship music and bar crooner music.

And so I thought this would be a fitting into our music ministry here. We never got that additional $40 from Bishop Sexton to expand. Maybe if we ever get to reopen, we will get it. But anyways, give it up for Geraldine Forrester Jr. III, who will be taking us out on Heart of Worship. Thank you so much for your support, congregation, and we'll see you soon. Thank you. music fades and all is stripped away and i simply come longing just to bring something that's of worth that will bless your hearts i'll bring you more than a song for a song in itself is not what you have required you search much deeper within to the way things appear you're looking into my Thank you. Thanks for coming out tonight, everybody. I'm raining But it's all about you It's all about you

Jesus Thanks for coming out tonight everybody And go with God They're shutting down the church You can see them right there In the back of me Fire marshal has arrived And has told us to all get out of here

And disperse We are in violation of the quarantine. So thank you for coming out. We'll see you maybe never again. We had a good time in the church, and maybe we'll see you again. Goodbye. Thank you. I'm a little bit scared There is power, power, where the Lord in power. You believe in the wonder-working power

of the blood of the Lamb? Of the blood of the Lamb. Is that what you're literally trying to say to me right now? I believe in the ever-working power of the blood of the lamb. Is it ever-working for y'all? I think it was. What did you just say? We were all into signs and wonders, so we always said the healing power of the blood.

We switched it up. Sometimes it was healing. Sometimes it was wonder-working. Wonder-working power. You really missed out on the Southern Baptist experience, my friend. Well, to me, it sounds like y'all missed out on the experience. It sounds like Southern Baptist just Pentecostal took their foot off the gas a little bit. No, dude. the experience it sounds like southern baptist just pentecostal took their foot off the gas a little bit no dude southern baptist is way more um repressive it's it's way more about denying the urges than pentecostalism because look pentecostalism is basically witchcraft let's just

go on it's about indulging, yeah, the signs and wonders. Whereas Southern Baptism is all about, I mean, some Southern Baptists can't even dance. They're not even, that was like the whole premise of that movie Footloose, wasn't it? Footloose is about a Southern Baptist boy who just had a song in his heart that was traveling to his feet and he couldn't do nothing about it. Yeah, it's either Footloose or Dirty Dancing. One of those dancing movies in the 80s, that was traveling to his feet and he couldn't do nothing about it yeah it's either footloose or dirty dancing one of those dancing movies in the 80s that was the premise yeah i don't think it was dirty dancing which is a masterpiece but yeah which doesn't make a lot of

sense to me because um the whole prohibition against dancing doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me um because you know there's so many instances in the bible of dancing david dance dancing you know maybe they're trying maybe the thing is is they saw that david danced till his bird fell out they didn't want to repeat the same mistake yeah yeah i dealt with king david a lot today in today's sermon he's just a never-ending source of contradiction well yeah so the theme for today is loop loopholes of the bible and my man david not only indulged himself in a few loopholes but also probably flopped his bird in too too many loopholes it was funny because the bible basically imagine you imagine that there is a world historical document read and followed by millions of people.

And the concept of eternal destiny for those millions of people is attributed to this text, okay? And there are literal whole passages dedicated to naming off your love children. Just immortalized as a pussy ham. And also homosexual. Well, David found himself a few loopholes, that's for sure. And that was kind of the point of Jesus, I guess, to come around and say, now we've got a lot of loopholes in the law.

We need to close some of these. Well, I guess, in a way, Jesus is the ultimate loophole. Jesus is the ultimate loophole. Yeah, that's true. I guess we're talking loopholes. My loopholes dealt mostly with vice today. You know, there's little workarounds you can do if you you know enjoy indulging in substances or sex and basically that's all we got

yeah well here's the here's the thing um if you are a christian uh this is the thing they're they're here's one of the the ultimate loophole questions how far can you go physically until it counts as sex you know what i'm saying the bible is not clear on this yeah how far do what no. You're right. There's no clear. I guess if you're looking at Onan, the son of Judah, he was the first person. I guess people just didn't pull out before Onan. Either that or he just got saddled as the pullout king. You know what I mean? He's the guy.

out king you know what i mean he's the guy and uh so his whole thing was he was into he they point to that scripture in genesis of him like pulling out before he could conceive a child as like why you shouldn't masturbate which makes no damn sense and that's why they call it onanism onanism yeah because of on. Which doesn't make any sense. So, basically, they're saying don't spill your seed anywhere where it cannot grow. On unfertile soil, yeah. On unfertile soil. Yeah. So, I mean, was that a problem in the Bible?

Dudes just jacking off in the garden? Here's my thing. Like, in the same way that, like... Everything in the Garden of Eden was covered in cum. Everybody just jacking off on everything. It's like, hey, we gotta do something about this. God damn it. You can't walk anywhere without getting cum on your feet these days.

Sorry, continue. The thing about this is, like like this is another thing it's like what if all you were doing was exercising some dick control you know what i mean and you pull out and you you don't finish and now everybody said points to you as the guy as the masturbation guy when you had nothing to do with like old man was getting some pussy. He wasn't masturbating. You know what I'm saying? That's true.

You are immortalized as the masturbation guy just for having the foresight to pull out. Even more than that, having the dick control to be able to control where you spill your seed. Right. control where you spill your seed right so basically god was saying premature ejaculators are are okay but guys with dick control are not i guess he was saying i guess he was saying like no i guess he's probably saying it's good to get your your pregnant. It's bad to do everything else. It's like it has to have an endgame, you know? Well, this is an interesting, this does present an interesting contradiction. Because if that's the case, that means within the confines of marriage, all foreplay is off the table.

Yeah. Essentially. It's true, because it doesn't say anything about marriage. It just has to do with sowing your seed on unfertile soil. So, if masturbation's a sin, so is even getting oral sex to completion

in the context of a marriage. That's off limits. That's off limits. Giving oral sex is also off limits. Not good. Gotta be. But, if you're a if you're a 15 year old pious little angel boy who just wants to get his dick sucked what's the bible say about that this see the thing is is you're supposed to practice abstinence although i'm not entirely sure what the bible says about premarital sex.

I'm sure there are some revisionist history in there about that it's bad. Well, I meant to cover that today. The only thing I could find is in Hebrews where there's like a pretty clear prohibition against it. But there's nothing in the Old Testament against it that I can find. I see. Yeah, I should have covered that one, but I felt like it was kind of summed up. We do have an interesting dialectic in front of us. We have the Old Testament God who is repressed but extremely horny, right?

Vengeful, wrathful. Vengeful, wrathful, but extremely horny. I mean, because, like, I don't know. There's not a whole lot about self-denial in the Old Testament, at least not in the sense that there is in the New Testament with Jesus. You think God's, like, the ultimate fuck-my-wife guy? In the sense that he's, like, this omnipotent voyeur that like watches everybody have sex you know what i mean you know the guys that get off to like some young buck like fucking his wife or something like that if you're god you do get to watch billions of people have sex and that's probably pretty

pretty fun well you probably get desensitized to it after the first millennia of it. He probably doesn't do it anymore. He probably just like, I don't know. Started making a corny joke about binge-watching something. That was stupid. He just needs freakier and freakier shit. So he makes new universes where sexual possibilities are so far outside the realm of what we could even conceive of. Yeah.

He's like watching people with the most depraved sex dungeon shit, and he's just like yawning about it. Yeah, he like makes a species of aliens that have like 80,000 dicks on them. The males do, and the female has like 80,000 vaginas. And they meet in the street and just... And they just like roll around and... Yeah. The ultimate pleasure. God's like, yeah.

Yeah. Okay, so... So you have the God of the Old Testament not telling you—here's the thing. The Old Testament is not telling you to repress the urges. The Old Testament is basically telling you just don't get caught. I mean, people would disagree. They would say, you know, by telling you do not lay with another man, that that is repression. But I interpret that to say do not lay with another man and get caught because the punishment for that is stoning.

It just seems like the law says the punishment for laying with another man is stoning rather than saying, deny yourself the urge of laying with another man. So that seems like what he's saying in the Old Testament, right? Do what you do, but keep your head on a swivel. Right. So that seems like a loophole. Yeah. Do what you do, but keep your...

But then you have the God of the New Testament in the form of Jesus saying, it's okay to be who you are um you are saved by grace it's um no much of hippie shit basically pretty much yes pretty much um so then you have this like synthesis of the two so what you get is self-repression even though you are saved by grace, which produces a very weird psychological defect as you get older. Because it means that every time you spill your seed, you have a momentary feeling of extreme guilt. And you're not really sure why. It's just a holdover from two, three thousand years ago.

Yeah, imagine the fact now if you're in that boat during these times when there's nothing to do but masturbate. It's just you would just feel like absolute shit the whole time. Plus you'd have the lingering specter of death from this fucked up virus in front of you too. It's just like probably the worst time to be like a 14 year old kid yeah a 14 year old kid um who is concerned with um at least remaining pious yeah because again the loophole here is that the bible doesn't specify what premarital sex is. And so this is the loophole that many kids would engage in. They would just have anal sex because that's not actually sex.

I had a buddy that did anal sex for the longest time, but not because of the sin aspect, because he thought it was safer. He was worried about STDs. because of the sin aspect, because he thought it was safer. He was worried about STDs. And he thought that for some reason you couldn't get STDs from anal sex. Interesting. I would have probably tarried a little longer at the literature on that subject before I would have went off doing that. He's like, man, I thought it was great.

I thought I didn't have to wear a condom or anything interesting well um so what about other loopholes you got any other loopholes for us um well i dealt specifically with the the issue of substances and drinking in particular because there's drinking is one of those things that there's like a conflict in the scriptures over. I mean, the Bible has lots of prohibitions against finding yourself drunk, but nothing explicitly saying it's wrong to drink alcohol. In fact, everybody drank wine because you couldn't drink the water. But this is an interesting one because this is like

when we talk about American evangelicalism as sort of this like weird techno American religion, like uniquely American monstrosity. Like a lot of the things we think are scripturally forbidden are actually just forbidden in American society. Like so like the idea that Christians can't drink isn't really even much older than prohibition that was just something the church used during the era of prohibition to like i don't know for whatever reason um but uh so that was one you know the scripture says to not find yourself drunk i mean there's a lot of scriptures about like avoiding drunkenness but there's also the writer of ecclesiastes just is on some like joyous shit and says that you should find joy in everything you do. The scripture in particular says that he became drunk and reveled in his toil and he saw this as a sign from God.

And then what I cited is Ecclesiastes 3 where he says that I find it good that everybody should eat and drink and be merry and so forth, paraphrasing. And enjoy their toil, which is funny because it's like, also you should just do what you love. Right, right. And then he says, you know, he saw this as like the blessing of God or whatever. Right. So, you know, it's okay to drink well let's let's look at before we go let's look at the sort of evolution of the institutions that cater to sin in general. And I'm referring, of course, to the ultimate loophole machine,

the most ingenious, innovative loophole machine to have ever graced humanity. And I'm referring, of course, to the indulgences system in the Catholic Church, wherein you could pay the church a certain amount for an indulgence, and then they would let you essentially do the sin that you would want to do. No, this is the good stuff. That is what some people,

I was listening to David Harvey the other day talking about capitalism or about capital. And he was talking about how some people say that the Catholic Church is one of the earliest capitalistic innovators because they turned sins or they turned forgiveness into a commodity that you could purchase from the church for your sins in a way the catholics the catholics innovated the idea of turning immaterial things into commodities they're sort of the precursors to podcasting in that way. They're the innovators of content. Selling an immaterial commodity that also cuts your overhead. It's like the best thing, the best of capitalism, because you don't have to spend

a whole lot of money to get off the ground either. Right. No, and it creates the most, like I said, the most ingenious loophole system ever seen. Yeah. Doesn't, I think, doesn't, Marx kind of takes a pot shot at the Catholics in Capital.

It already says about the, it's a joke about the Pope. Well, so yeah, that's a pretty good um set of loopholes so if this is the season if this is the finale of sunday service which it might not be maybe we'll come back at some other time but for the time being we have to go we have to we have to go and create other contents in other content minds um but if you're trying to take away some sort of lessons here, what are the lessons? Is it look for the loopholes and depend on the fact that you're saved by grace? Or is it avoid the loopholes at all costs and be a good little pious saintly Christian. I think the message is look for the helpers,

and if you can't find the helpers, look for the loopholes. That's a good message. If that doesn't work, just loot and pillage. There are no rules anymore, folks. I think that's a good message. It's a good message to go out on um you know uh you are saved by grace i i personally am i can do whatever i want i have been baptized in the blood of the lamb that's a good decision you made earlier on because you probably just feel

ridiculous getting baptized now but we got it we got in on it before it was embarrassing to do so that's exactly right so like i i can live the rest of my life however i want to and god has to be grudgingly like all right yeah god yeah i guess i did say that technically he got baptized you can come in so i i have lived pascal's wager i at an early stage in my life, decided to get baptized, and now I'm saved by grace regardless. So if after this life there is the Christian afterlife, I'm good. You're covered both ways, man. Right.

But that is not a blank slate for being an asshole. Yeah, that's true too. Because here's the thing. You are put on this earth to harvest souls and so while you yourself you may live the most um reprehensible life but be saved by grace and god has to begrudgingly let you through those pearly gates. It's all about all the souls you bring with you as well. And so your place on this earth is not just as your individualistic role as a sinner or whatever. It is the message you spread to others. And so even though you may have found the ultimate loophole, So even though you may have found the ultimate loophole,

what you do in this life determines what the afterlife will be like. Will you take your friends with you, or will all your friends go to hell and you'll be lonely in heaven by yourself? Questions to ask. Very important questions to ask. Very important questions. Look, you can't podcast between heaven and hell. We know that. You can't do between heaven and hell that's that's a that's just we know that you can't do zoom calls with your buddies in hell while you're in heaven

yeah so think about that maybe heaven could be hell remember that news voice song they don't serve breakfast in hell they'd update it for 2020 they don't do zoom calls in hell. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. So your life of sin may get you to a point to where you can get into heaven, but that will itself be a form of hell because all of your sinful friends will be in hell having a blast without you, and they can't call you on Zoom. So just think about that, huh? Just think about it. Yeah. You're going to wonder what's going on down there, aren't you?

You got FOMO about hell. FOMO about hell. And that is your own private hell. So anyways, don't look for the loopholes. Look for the helpers. Lead a godly life. Don't cough on anybody sneeze into your elbows

social distance and hoard hand sanitizer hoard resources you know and this show at the end I've been doing a little bit of T-Ray's Christian Guide to Secular Music.

Christian Music Guide to Secular Music. And I kind of neglected to find one for this week. But I think that the Newsboys' Breakfast in Hell is a good way to go out. I think that's a good song to go out on. It's one of my favorites. What would you say is the secular music equivalent of Newsboys? They were kind of like...

Kind of like the Barenaked Ladies almost. Yeah, they were very much like the Barenaked Ladies. You know, they didn't have nearly as catchy a... Yeah, I guess they kind of did. They had that... I don't know where or how Just take me to your lady That song, I guess that song of did. They had that, I don't know where or how, just take me to your leader. I guess that song was kind of like one week, because they start singing a lot of words fast in kind of a sing-songy rhyme.

Yeah, they're kind of the Barenaked Ladies of Christian music. Also, let me give a full-throated endorsement. I've been really getting back into Starfire 59, who I think unironically is an incredible band. Well, they were like Pedro the Lion. They were kind of on the margins of Christian music. Like, their lyrics weren't overtly Christian. They were just signed to a Christian label. Right.

And they were, but they are excellent. They are an excellent band. Yeah. So if you like My Bloody Valentine or Jesus and Mary Chain, you'd probably like Starfire 59. Yeah, yeah. They kind of honestly sort of bridged the Shoegaze divide. They were kind of the in-between between My Bloody Valentine and Beach House.

Yeah. Because a lot of their songs are kind of low-key as well. Yeah. Damn. Wow. Well, all right. So those are some good recommendations. We'll go out on news, boys.

We'll see you soon. If you'd like to tithe and support the True Billy Baptist Church, which is going out of business for the foreseeable future. Unless you do something about that and give us 10% of your income. P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Troubled Workers Party. We thank you for joining us for church, for making these last few weeks a blast, and for listening to us experiment with all kinds of musical forms and um and uh exegetical forms um sermon forms it's been a fun time all right well in that case i guess we'll see you soon uh goodbye

hold the milk put back the sugar The apparel's too concerned We're gathered here to sprinkle ashes From our late free cereal bowl Breakfast lovers say the motto That he taught us to repeat You won't lose it in your gym class If you wait too long to eat Back when the chess club said our eggs were soft

Every Monday it sang grace and hold our juice aloft Anonymous knew his checkout time would come so soon But before his brain stopped waving he composed this tune When the toast is burned and all the milk has turned And Captain Crunch is waving farewell. When the big one finds you, may the song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell.