True Crime with Kimbyr - Digital Friendship Turns Deadly - The Mysterious Death of Nadia Kajouji: Part 2

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

In this second installment of Nadia Kajouji's tragic story on True Crime with Kimbyr, we delve deeper into the events leading up to her disappearance. What pressures was Nadia facing as a scholarship-winning freshman far from home? How did her academic and personal struggles intertwine to create a storm she couldn’t escape? Kimbyrleigha examines Nadia’s vibrant yet complex life, uncovering the emotional and social challenges that may have contributed to her sudden and mysterious departure. Prepare for a thoughtful exploration of the pressures that can shape—and shatter—a promising young life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There was a lot being speculated in that Facebook group, which was then at 500 members. Speaking of Facebook, there had not been any activity on Nadia's account since the night she went missing. And our last post was very eerie. And it left everyone with even more questions. It read, quote, Nadia will someday be loved, end quote. Why was she referring to herself in the third person? Was this really her that posted this? She was loved.

It was clear from the effort that everyone who loved her was putting in to find her. Something I never thought of, even though I try to put myself in these family's shoes, hoping I'll never go through this in real life. But Mark, for instance, he wanted so badly to be in Ottawa every day looking for Nadia. But like many of us, he had to work. He didn't have the luxury of being a remote employee. And of course, there are sick days, but not paid. My sister went missing days.

So it became very hard for him. He was torn between having to go back to work instead of being there with his family. And that's why it's so very important to support charities that help families in these cases with resources financially and otherwise, so that they can be free to devote their time to their loved ones because that is heartbreaking. Mark wrote this in the Facebook group, quote, My biggest frustration right now is the fact that my life and financial obligations are taking a priority over searching for my sister. I love my job very much and I find it as a form of therapy. But as each day goes by and new information surfaces, I just leave to Ottawa.

I feel trapped at times when people want to talk or send emails or want to do interviews because I've made a commitment to my team. These past three days have been a great way to see if I'm able to work with my mind racing in many directions. I have two days off and need to utilize those to get my head straight. And finally, the police have some concrete information to share. The lock on Nadia's door was engaged in 9.41 p.m., according to the last. the security system in her dorm room. They also seized her laptop and were analyzing it. It was also reported that one of the security officers said that weekend, he himself got stuck

in thigh-high snow and he needed assistance to get out. That was not positive news. That storm was really bad that night. The snow was still on the ground making it hard to search certain areas and Naudia's family was disappointed with how long it took for police to even conduct a ground search at all. And it still wasn't done. They were going out there trying to search every day. Video footage was retrieved from some of the cameras that did record, but it was so grainy and dark. You couldn't make out models of cars in the parking lot or driving by,

and there was hardly anyone on foot in that area. However, there were some taxis seen on the footage, and according to Nadia's mom, in a post in the Facebook group, she said, quote, there is only one taxi company that has the rights to pick up from the university. And I find it very disappointing that the police made no attention, attempt to contact that company to find out which drivers were working that night. The night that she disappeared, bus drivers and taxi drivers can serve as a wealth of information.

We went to the cab company ourselves and the lady there expressed surprise and concern that the police had not been by. If Nadia was on foot, a cab driver very well may have noticed a pedestrian and what direction they were headed had they had been asked right away. What is the chance after all this time of recalling something like that? I did ask the police why no such contact was made, and I was told that is not their policy. They simply put out a request for public assistance and wait for a response. She also added, I would like to say that I've been touched by the overwhelming support from my family, friends, and even complete strangers. Your love and compassion go a long way in helping me to cope and to stay positive right now.

End quote. Poor Deborah. She added that many people had asked her about. a trust fund, and she was very touched by that, but she was not comfortable with that idea. She did want to discuss it with her family, and she also said that she's so sorry if she appears to be rambling, but that her hands were trembling as she was typing, and that it was hard for her to keep her thoughts straight. That's such a picture of how stressful and heartbreaking this would be for a mother or for any loved one. And at the end of her message, Deborah said this, signing off, Quote, please stay strong, Nadia.

We are all searching for you. Love mom. End quote. This poor mother, I can't imagine. Police also reported that there were only 10 calls placed and received on Nadia's phone since between November 21st and March 9th. And that seemed odd for a college-age student. But as I said, texting had become a lot more popular.

It was just something that Mark found odd at the time. And that may have been significant as they colloquy. more and more evidence. Meaning, could they have been deleted from her phone? Not sure, just another note to make. Mark posted this on Facebook. He said, quote, In this day and age, I will not accept the answers

that she vanished from thin air more than a week later. I can tell you that Carlton University needs to increase their CCTV budget. When wandering around, I saw minimal camera presence. Cameras are not meant to be in secret locations. They need to be right there as you walk in the lobby, get off the elevator, leave the front doors, and so on. I just have so many questions about so many things,

but don't know who to ask. The girls living with her, friends, boyfriends, teachers, cab drivers, bartenders, chefs, police, I could go on. The only point I'm making is that more than nine days later, I'm not sure what information is out there. To piece together, a timeline to me is very important. Not as important as the electronic tools they have, such as being able to read locks and cameras that I saw.

saw in the tunnels. Anything at this point will help that is why genuine information and people are important." So you see at this point a week had gone by. Also, it had been reported that a woman was attacked on campus back in September, yet no changes were made to the CCTV system. Police were still talking to Nottia's friends, and remember, I said that it wasn't entirely true that nothing like this had happened before. Well, you're about to find out why I said police got in touch with a friend of Nadia's name Pascal Jensen. Pascal explained that at one point, the two were very close. As a matter of fact, a mutual friend had introduced them to one another, and at the time, Nadia was just beginning to express more of her true identity. And one aspect of

Nadia that she revealed was in regard to her sexuality, which was not a phase, according to her. This video was posted by Nadia herself. It's in support of pride. I'll let you watch it as I read what's on these papers that she's holding up. This was a trend back then. I don't know if you remember this, but people used to hold up cards like this or posters with very deep and meaningful messages on them without saying a word. They usually just played some music, so I'll pick some to play for this. The first piece of paper reads, my sexuality is not a phase. Remember back to what I said about Bitter Sweet Symphony and the evolution that we go through. Nadia was realizing things about herself. She was in that discovery era. And she was

proud to embrace the new things that she was learning about herself. I told you sometimes people think it's a phase. Well, she says otherwise. Let's continue because this is a very powerful message. She writes, my sexuality does not confuse me. My sexuality is not a cry for attention. My sexuality is not indicative of promiscuity. My sexuality is not idle curiosity.

My sexuality is not a statement or rebellion. My sexuality is not a choice. Then she reveals, I am bisexual. And then states, my sexuality is a part of who I am. I do not need to pick a side. Her ultimate message is love the person, not the gender. Ending with a paper that read bisexual pride. Her friend Luke said that Nadia stood up for what she believed in,

and it appears that he is correct. This is what Nadia believed about herself and what she stood for. loving the person. I try so hard to keep that in the forefront of my mind and be open to things that I'm not always familiar with, whether that's someone's ethnic background, their religion or their sexuality, as Nadia put it, were all humans. Pascal, who was studying contemporary dance at the School of Dance in Ottawa, was introduced to Nadia during the fall of their first semester, and she thought she was gorgeous. They had just both started coming out and had never been on a date with another woman before. They met at a cafe in town and they were very nervous.

They were new to this. But as soon as they sat down and talked, they connected right away and they were there for like seven hours until the cafe actually closed. They had great conversations. Pascal was impressed and knew Nadia was someone special. And they had the intention of spending more and more time together. They kept in touch through text since they were both very busy with school and they would see each other in between studying and going to class. Pascal recalled coming over to Nadia's dorm, going to breakfast with her and her sweetmeats,

listening to music in her room. And Nadia even gave her a tarot card reading. They were just having a lot of fun getting to know each other. Nadia read a few of her poems to Pascal. And Pascal described Nadia's poetry as beautiful and intricate. It was about life from her perspective. They were having such a great time together. And that is why it struck Pascal as odd when one night,

The pair planned to get together with one another. It was back in November. Nadia told Pascal via text to meet at the dorm at six. But when Pascal got there, Nadia was not answering her phone, nor was she coming to let Pascal in. Even after sending Nadia a few text messages saying, hey, I'm here, I'm outside your door. Are you coming? Nothing. Nadia just ghosted Pascal, and that was a very out of character for her.

It wasn't until three days later that Pascal finally got a text from Nadia that said, I'm really sorry about the other night that I didn't get back to you. I was asleep when you texted and I'm not feeling great. She explained that winter break was coming up. She had a lot of work to get done and had plans to go back home for Christmas. Then she said, she wasn't even sure that she was going to come back to Carlton after break. Pascal just responded with, I hope you get better soon.

And if you need anything, I'll be there. Remember, by this time, Nadia had already gone through two breakups. And she was just coming into who she was as a person. That's a lot to go through at once. So Nadia had kind of gone off the grid before, in a sense. She was the type that wouldn't answer for a few days, even people close to her. But this still seemed different. When Pascal found out that Nadia was missing, it was unreal.

Nadia's picture was on TV. Just imagine that. The news stations were asking for the public's help. Pascal was just staring in disbelief. Of course. Pascal wanted to join in the search, looking every everywhere around campus and beyond, just like everyone else who loved and cared about Nadia. Nine days after Nadia was last seen, a friend came forward with a tip, the first real lead in

Nadia's case since she disappeared. Remember how her laptop was powered on? It was locked. It looked like she was writing an email. Well, she had written an email and sent it before locking her dorm room the last time on the night of March 9. It was at 9.30 p.m. She emailed a friend telling them that she was going ice skating that night. The email read, quote, I am going to brave the elements and go out for a bit of a skate, I think. I'll talk to you when I get back, end quote. Investigators talked to friends of hers. Luke had mentioned going with Nadia to that canal on previous occasions, so we asked about whether Nadia had ice skates, and he said yes. And he gave a description.

beige Nike skates with white fur on the ankles, and here's a picture of the same style skates. Well, when investigators go looking at Nadia's dorm room for her skates, they're missing. That's when another friend Jessica Brown comes forward and says she recalled seeing Nadia leaving the building with her winter coat around 11 p.m. on Sunday. Investigators confirm Nadia's winter coat that she usually wears is also missing from her dorm. So far, the items that are missing are her phone, her school ID, ice skates, her leatherbound journal, a black downfield jacket, and a pair of high, soft-sold suede boots with fur. Coupled with the email that she sent to 930 saying she was going skating, investigators begin to narrow their search to any area nearby where people go ice skating.

When her family hears this, the first thing they think of is that she would not be going skating alone. So who was she meeting? Why was her journal missing? The same one that Luke had read without her permission. Something wasn't adding up. Plus the most popular areas to skate. The Redu Canal Skateway was closed, for example. The season was closed March 5th. Days before Nadia emailed that friend that she was going to brave the elements. The next location was Brewer's Park, and that skating rink had also been closed due to inclement weather. There's a reason these skate areas close. I looked at the Redu Skateway website today. And look, this big message. It says the Skateway will not be open this winter

because despite all the efforts by their team, the latest ice test show that the Reducanel Skateway remained unsafe for skating. This is usually open 24 hours a day. But if it's unsafe, no one should be on that ice. This really concerns investigators and, of course, Nadia's family. There's also an ice skating area on campus. It's an indoor rink, but there are only designated

designated times for figure skating and 9 p.m. on a Sunday was not one of them. I wondered what made these conditions unsafe. I'm not familiar. And the Skateway website explained that it's open to the public once the surface is at least 30 centimeters thick. So that ice has to be really thick and good quality. For that to happen, their ice experts actually come out there. They need 10 to 14 days of consecutive cold weather. Once the layer of ice has been formed, a drilling team actually goes out there and they drill down to get a core sample out of the ice. Look at this thing. They use this ice carrot, that's what they call it, to measure the thickness and check the ice quality.

When their testing shows a sufficient thickness of 30 centimeters and good quality ice, then it's safe. And they do this daily. They also take into account all the weight and the pressure that's put on the ice from all of those people skating every single day. Not only do they monitor the thickness and the composition, they also make sure there's not too much weight on the surface of the ice. The weight of the crowds, snow, the snow removal equipment, it all must be dispersed for the ice to remain safe.

The ice inspection team monitors vertical movement of the ice. If the ice sinks, it means there's too much weight on it. So all of this was taken into consideration. At the time, Nadia told a friend she was going skating because she shouldn't have. There had been a bad snowstorm, and snowfall is bad for ice. Who would have known? I had no idea. When snow accumulates over the ice surface, it forms this insulating blanket and it eats away

at the surface of the ice. The weight of that snow also depresses the surface. That's why after a snowfall, the main ins crew is quick to get to work, get the snowblowers out, and the snow plows, and get that snow off the surface and check for cracks. This all sounds scary and dangerous. I've never skated on a frozen river or a pond only indoors. And I've seen plenty of videos of dogs and people just falling through the ice. So investigators start to think an accident could have occurred.

And Nadia may have fallen into the frozen river and been trapped underneath the ice. This is horrifying. The weather doesn't become warmer until around mid-April. That's when the ice melts and the river begins to flow freely again. It's frightening to think that this may be the most likely scenario here. But it's hard for people who know her to believe that Nadia would kind of do something this stupid. She was intelligent.

She would have checked the condition. She would have made sure it was open and she would have never entered if it wasn't safe. Plus, they really don't think she would go alone regardless. And was it her that wrote that email? Was she meeting someone? There were just so many questions. And at this point, there were about 10,000 people in that Facebook group, dedicated to to finding Nadia. Plus, a $50,000 reward was in place for any information leading to her whereabouts.

Muhammad told the media, quote, just tell me where my daughter is, alive, and $50,000 of my money is yours, no question asked, end quote. And he was breaking down in tears saying this. And there were a lot of theories. But as investigators were digging deeper into Nadia's laptop, which was pretty much the only thing they really had to guide them, there were some, concerning things discovered. Investigators started to put together a theory of their own, one that Nadia's loved ones were not happy about. Here's what they found. Nadia didn't just have a physical diary, but she also kept a video diary. She would post them on YouTube under a channel called Camera Shy 89. The videos had all been removed from the channel on March 8th, a day before Nadia went missing, but the channel was still up. Investigators are putting all of this forensic evidence together and connecting the dots here.

The videos were saved on her laptop, so investigators began to watch them. In each one, Nadia is blindfolded. It appears she did this so she could hide her identity and be anonymous. In one of them, she did a little fashion show for the camera. She says, what's better than a video closet montage? You can see it here on the screen. What is better than a Video Closet Monta It seemed like posting these videos was a release for Nadia because there were more serious ones

like this one, where she explains a very emotional situation that she went through that year. Here's that part now. I didn't want to get pregnant. I took the morning after bill. It failed. So I was pregnant.

Then I miscarried. So I couldn't choose whether to keep the child and not keep the child to go through the pregnancy and alcohol with it. If that was hard to hear, Nadia said that while having sex with a guy that she was dating, at the time, the condom broke. She took the morning after pill, but it failed. She was still pregnant.

And that's when she had a chance to realize that she didn't know what she wanted. But before she could make a decision of her own, she experienced a miscarriage. And now she was no longer in control of the outcome. That can be very emotional. This pregnancy wasn't with her long-term boyfriend as far as I read it. It was the relationship after that one ended, when you were you. And she was in the midst of trying to get over that and move on. Her family explained that she was head over heels for this guy whose baby she was carrying, so it made matters worse when they broke up after the miscarriage. Investigators talked to Nadia's parents.

And her mother reveals that Nadia had actually confided in her about this entire situation. She was way too scared to tell her father, though. And Nadia's mother was surprised and concerned when she heard about the pregnancy. She, of course, offered her support and reassurance. She knew that revealing the news to her father would only bring its own challenges, and Nadia wanted to carefully consider her options before involving him. Deborah explained that before Nadia could even begin to process her feelings and decide about the future of her pregnancy, she experienced that heartbreaking miscarriage.

The loss of the pregnancy sent Nadia spiraling into a whirlwind of emotions. She felt a mix of sadness, grief, and confusion. Nadia's miscarriage brought about a profound sense of loss and left. after feeling empty. She grappled with the complex emotions of losing a child that she had not yet fully decided whether to keep. Nadia seemed to have found solace in the unique outlet of her anonymous video diary. In the privacy of her own room, she could just don a blindfold and pour her heart out on camera. So though the diary started out cheerful and carefree, it slowly began showcasing Nadia admitting her challenges, expressing her innermost thoughts and emotions. The investigators wanted to

Investigators wanted to know if Nadia had been exhibiting any odd symptoms or behavior when she visited her parents on winter break. Deborah, Mohamed, and Mark explained that when Nadia returned for the holidays, they couldn't help but notice a noticeable change in her personality. Unlike previous visits, Nadia seemed closed off. She was spending a lot of her time confined in her room. And this behavior was a stark contrast to her usually sociable nature. Curiosity piqued. Her family started to try to engage her in conversation. But Nadia remained distant and unresponsive. It was like it was a wall up between her and the outside world. Concerned, her parents and her brother wondered what was causing this change in their daughter and sister.

Of course, Deborah, having a lot more information about knowing what her daughter had just gone through, hoped that she would again confide in her. But instead, she told her mom that continuing to ask her what was wrong was making it worse, it worse, that she just wanted to be left alone. So Deborah abided by her wishes. She gave her some space. Muhammad had been planning a surprise for Nadia, and during that trip home, he decided it was the perfect time to reveal it. He wanted to show her how proud he and Deborah were with all of her hard work and her accomplishments. She was always taking the bus everywhere, so Muhammad took it upon himself to buy her a brand new vehicle. When you notice how down she was, he thought, okay, this surprise

is going to lift her spirits because why wouldn't any 18-year-old be excited about getting their own car? So we carefully planned the surprise. He made sure to choose a vehicle he knew she would love. And on the day of the reveal, Muhammad parked the car outside of their house, put a big red bow on it. And he couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she saw her brand new car. As Nadia opened the front door, a mix of excitement and nervousness filled Muhammad's heart. He said, But to his surprise and disappointment, Nadia's reaction wasn't what he expected.

While she seemed grateful, her eyes just showed a disinterest. Instead of rushing outside and taking the car for a drive, she just looked at him and said, tell my birthday. And it wasn't. Her birthday was in June, but Muhammad was like, well, yeah, I know it's an early birthday gift. He handed her the keys. She took them. She said, thank you, Dad.

She gave him a big hug. But then she just turned around and went right back inside. He knew that something wasn't right. Muhammad was worried. He and Deborah discussed it and he was so concerned. He thought that they needed to do more about it. But Deborah said she already tried talking to Nadia. She said she was fine, but her dad didn't believe her.

He thought something must have happened at school. And of course, we know he was right. She just experienced two breakups, an unplanned pregnancy, a miscarriage, among all the other normal stressors of being a new student experiencing this new place. Plus, we know she was also starting to come out as bisexual, going on dates with Pascal.

It was a lot. Her video diary started to change. They were darker in nature. Even the lights were dimmed in the video she recorded after winter break. In these videos, she's much closer to the camera, almost whispering,

as though she doesn't want anyone around to hear her. This was a time when she was spending hours, and hours in her dorm room all alone. She became a lot less social. She spoke about her struggles while away at college, the pressure of academic expectations, and the overwhelming feeling of being lost in a fast-paced world around her. Let's listen. Stay in school, I can't even go to class. I'm going to lose this semester. And it seems like it would be easy, you know, just start going to class and doing your work. But I can't

She said she can't function. She can't stand school. She can't even go to class. And she was going to lose this semester. And she goes, you know, it seems like it would be easy. Just start going to your classes and doing your work. But she can't. When her parents were shown these videos,

it became very clear that Nadia was struggling to have the perfect grades and she was an overachiever her whole life. Striving to go to law school didn't leave much room to have any mistakes. And we know that she even had even told Pascal she wasn't sure she wanted to come back for the second semester. Pascal told investigators that they did correspond via Facebook over break. And then into the new year, Pascal had asked Nadia how her Christmas break went, and she said it was okay. But then Pascal asked if she could see her that night. And Nadia said, I can't. I'm too busy. So Pascal said, hey, you want to get some coffee tomorrow?

And Nadia said, I'm sorry, I can't. I have too much work. Pascal said it really didn't seem like Nadia wanted to meet up. So their relationship did not progress after that. It became clear that Nadia either wasn't interested and making excuses or that she just really didn't have any free time. Pascal says she did end up seeing Nadia once again before she disappeared. It was about a month before March 9th.

It was late in February and there was a party at a frat house. Friends told Pascal that Nadia would be going. And they did end up running into each other. They had drinks together. They had a really great time. And Nadia seemed so happy. It was the Nadia that Pascal had remembered. They sat next to each other.

They took this picture. They were talking and connecting. And Nadia got up and Pascal thought, okay, she's leaving to go to the restroom. But surprisingly, Nadia never came back. She didn't even let anyone know she was leaving. No one knew where she went. They called her and they texted her over and over again with no response.

Pascal was worried. She kept texting things like, where are you? I'm worried. please call me. So after hearing all this, investigators are leaning towards Nadia leaving on her own. She had done this before. So maybe she just picked up and walked out. And then maybe she got caught in a snowstorm. Or maybe she's long gone by now. Now that the investigation is in full swing, they request all Nadia's academic records. They want to know how she was doing in her classes. And it turns out it wasn't good. Her grades had dropped. She was skipping class.

And apparently, she had an appointment with a counselor on Monday, March 10th that she never showed up to because she went missing. But then a huge red flag. As they looked deeper into why Nadia was scheduled with this counselor, there was a report about an incident that occurred on campus involving Nadia back in November. So about four months before all this. I couldn't believe this. And neither could a lot of other people. Nadia was reported to have been running down the hallways at school into the cafeteria. full cafeteria with students, yelling and waving a box cutter in the air with the razor

blade pushed out. She was screaming, somebody help me before I hurt myself, begging and begging saying, please help me before I hurt myself. It really made me sad. She was just screaming and flailing around until she passed out right on the floor in front of her fellow students and concerned staff. Nadia's parents who were financially responsible for her education there at Carlton were never notified about this bizarre and terrifying event. They were livid. How could the school keep this from them? Remember I told you, when someone's 18, a lot changes.

There were rules in place to protect a student's privacy. Once they're 18, they're adults. So their records are not released to parents without their consent, and the school has no duty to inform them of their parents. these type of things, which I understand, but is also shocking. Like, I can see both sides of this. 18 is still so young. Instead, the school ordered Nadia to attend weekly meetings with an on-campus mental health counselor, and she followed through. Nadia wanted help. She was exhibiting signs of depression, and she could not sleep. She wanted so badly to get back to her normal self.

This is also when Nadia's video diary became even darker. There was one of these. videos made shortly after she began these meetings with a counselor, where she admits that she's actually thought about self-harm and even discussed it with her counselor. Let's listen to that now. Have you been thinking about suicide? I say yes. I'm depressed. I have postpartum disorder, clinical depression, and I'm not and insomnia. What a shocker. Maybe I wouldn't be thinking about it if I had to sleep and be happy. You know, you're unwilling to give me the medication and sleep. She said, if you were to ask me if I've been thinking about self-harm, I would say yes. I have

clinical depression, postpartum mood disorder, and insomnia. What a shocker. Maybe I wouldn't be thinking about it if I could sleep and be happy. But I know you're unwilling to give me the medication to get me to sleep. It seems as though, at least from this video of hers, that she wanted a sleep aid to help her to get some rest. And it sounds like the doctor or this counselor was not at that point of giving that to her. I just did a video involving someone who is exhibiting signs of suffering from depression. I will link that video in the cards and below if you haven't watched it yet. It is interesting and I would love your thoughts on it as well. But back to Nadia. Not sleeping has terrible effects. I was a law student. I know that pressure. I didn't even know I was stressed until I lost my

hearing. I was vacuuming my apartment one day and I realized I can't hear the vacuum and that frightened me and I ended up suffering from stress-induced hearing impairment. And it took me a couple of weeks before I got my hearing completely restored. So not sleeping can have really devastating effects on us. Sleep deprivation can have a number of issues on your mental health, your physical health. And the main symptom of sleep loss is extreme sleepiness during the day. And that means in the hours we need to actually get things done. So it makes it hard to focus.

And then there's other symptoms like depressed mood, poor memory, concentration, increased irritability, anxiety, impaired thinking, and so many more, including chronic health problems. Not sleeping can make you feel like you're going crazy and you're living in a haze. Sleeping just like eating and drinking and breathing, it's a basic human necessity. But hormones like the stress hormone cortisol, for example,

can have higher levels, and that can affect your sleep. And so many people also suffer from seasonal depression during the winter. And I wanted to point out that Nadia actually talks about how snowy it is in one of her videos. She even positioned the camera so her viewers could see out the window at all the snow. It makes it even more dreary, causing many people not to be able to function as usual.

And it sounds like Nadia falls into that group of people. And teens between 13 and 18 years old need about 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night. Nadia wanted medication to help her sleep. And there are definitely things people can try. The first is usually not medication. It's sleep habits getting better, like winding down, not eating a big meal before bed, not being on your phone. We've probably heard of a lot of these.

or even using sleep sounds, for example, but melatonin supplements, they can work. I'm not sure how popular they were back in 2007, 2008, though, because I didn't start hearing about them probably until 2012. I take beam shakes at night and sometimes melatonin dummies, and both of them work really well for me. But you can tell that Nadia was suffering. It was clear she was under a lot of pressure. After hearing about all this and the incident with the razor blade and watching Nadia talk about self-harm in her videos, the investigators have theorized that she may have taken her own life. And that is not something that any parent wants to hear.

And Nadia's don't accept it. Deborah said that Nadia was sent to college as a well-adjusted shining star. She was happy and confident and she loved her life. Nadia even had a note stuck to her poster board in her dorm room that said, don't forget to love your life. And it was written in her handwriting. Sure. She had things occur over the first semester that brought her mood down.

And yes, She was in an argument with Luke and she was seeing a counselor. And maybe she thought about self-harm. But her family just couldn't imagine that that is what was happening here. But there were parts of her videos like this where she explained, if you admit that you've been thinking about self-harm, they're like, well, what methods have you been thinking of? She says, oh, I don't know all of them, any of them, whatever would work.

You admit that you could do that suicide, like, well, what methods would you been thinking of? For me, that's terrifying. And I think it would be for her family. And who was she referring to? Who would she be admitting this to that would ask her what methods has she thought about? Was this her counselor or was it someone else? Because aren't medical professionals supposed to report that if you're thinking about committing self-harm? There were a lot of questions.

And I'm sure you know that in many cases, as soon as self-harm is mentioned as a possible reason that someone's missing, opinions shift. Many times people see it as a cop out or they're cowardly, and it's taken less seriously than, let's say, a kidnapping or a murder would be. And that was what was happening right now in Nadia's case. Mark and his father, they were even taunted. They were on campus one afternoon during their painstaking search for Nadia. And Mark took to Facebook to express his anger and disappointment. On March 18th, he posted, quote,

By the way, if anyone knows those two drunk that yelled out to my father, there's Nadia and fell into the snowbank, tell them to call me, or just show a little more respect for themselves." End quote. Wow. It's cruel. People can be cruel. And Mark went on to say that he hopes that all of this can, quote, bring more awareness all

around Carlton. My Papa hit the streets, malls, etc. But he couldn't be there because he kept wishing to see her. Carlton is like a mini city and has not seen that. him handing out flyers as much as people in the market. People know who to look for, but there are still no answers. I was being interviewed by the news, chatting with this cameraman, and a little punk asked me for a cigarette. I simply was frustrated that this boy would interrupt a man who's working to help find her, but I stated no. Normally, there would have been another comment, but I'm far too positive to waste

energy. I need that for my sister, end quote. Another thing he revealed was that quote. There's so much information that I've gathered in the last 48 hours, and I just don't understand why it's taking authorities so long to take this serious. I won't get into details out of the respect for my sister in the process of this investigation, but I'm furious with the way things are being handled and the comments made by authorities that are supposed to protect people at the school. It's disgusting and insensitive. That being said, the people that care should start asking all the questions they can, because without questions, there are no answers. He goes on. It took until the 12th, to reported to the police yet her music was on loud and security had to open her door in the morning.

This was normal to listen to music in her room, but if she was seen leaving with the same loud music playing, why did that not set off some alarm bells to security and her roommates? Considering she was not in her room. Why does it take so long to comb the video footage on campus? Why does Luke feel that it's a grieving process instead of taking a stand and doing something? Why has he not contacted me here? Is he in this group? If he doesn't want to comment to the news about her journal, what is even in it? Why doesn't he tell me,

even though I know what's in it, according to the head of the Ottawa Missing Persons Unit, Sergeant Linegar, I have so many more questions, but no answers. End quote. You can tell just how frustrated Mark was. Families don't always get the information either,

and authorities deal with so much of this that they can come off as insensitive. Word got out that the detective's theory arise that Nadia may have been contemplating taking her own life. Perhaps she went somewhere to do it. There were many web sleuths in that Facebook group, which was now at 15,000 members all trying to help or stay up to date on Nadia's case. And one poster said that they were looking up the Camera Shy 89 YouTube channel. And even though all the videos were deleted, they did some digging on YouTube and they said they thought her family might want to know that there was a comment

that Nadia left on a video of Wonderwall, the song by Oasis, the poster said that it sounded positive. The comment was left by Nadia's account, so Camera Shy 89, about a month before she went missing. And it said, quote, when I'm old and gray, I'll still love this song. This is the stuff classics are made of, end quote. So it would seem Nadia had every intention to live until she was old and gray making a comment like that. And that's what the poster wanted to, she said. something positive. That song's lyrics are also very deep, with the chorus saying, I said, maybe you're going to be the one that saves me. And we know Nadia was reaching out for help. Again, art imitates life. And it makes sense that she would be drawn to the song like she was

to Bitter Sweet Symphony, being a poet herself. Reading through the post on Facebook, somebody said that the fact her phone was with her and didn't shut off until March 10th, It meant that she probably didn't go skating and fall into water because her phone would have instantly shut off. And that's a good point. I'm sure the detectives were taking all of this into account. But another poster and friend told the group, they remembered Nadia talking about what happens to your Facebook account after you die. And that this was just two days before she left.

No one knew what to believe. Nadia's mom, Deborah, also posted in the Facebook group and she said, quote, much is being said about the response by the Ottawa police. I've been asked many times how I feel about their response, and it's a difficult question to answer. Keep in mind, as you read this, I am her mother, and as such, my judgment is clouded and biased. I just needed to say that first in order to keep things in the proper context.

Of course, as her mother, I would have expected more from the police. I will try to keep only to the facts and keep my emotions from surfacing. The first thing that struck me as very strange was when we visited Nadia's room. Police had already searched the room, and I was told completed an inventory of everything in it. Her laptop was sitting open on her desk. It had not been shut down and had been locked. You could see from the faded screen that she'd been using her email just before it was locked. I could not understand why police had not already seized the computer.

Because of that, we would have to wait another week before finding out about the email she had sent." End quote. Nadia's aunt was also posting a lot. and responding to many theories. She didn't think Nadia really went skating at all. Maybe it was to throw everyone off. While the detectives also find out that Nadia finally did get that medication she wanted,

she was actually prescribed two medications, one for insomnia and the other for depression. But instead of helping her, it seemed as though Nadia became even more antisocial and spent more and more time hold up in her room alone. And there was something else, something even more, concerning. As detectives did their forensic analysis on Nadia's laptop, they pulled up all the

websites that she had been visiting, and one stood out. It was called Alt Suicide Holiday. This was sort of like a Reddit-type forum back then that was created to talk about the relationship between holiday seasons and self-harm thoughts. But eventually over the years, this forum evolved into a forum for anyone to express their thoughts and feelings about taking their lives and for support to get through it. like-minded people to connect. The site was known by the acronym ASH, and that evolved into just calling it ash. So Nadia had ventured onto that site when Googling things about her thoughts. Many of the people that go on ash are not actually suffering from thoughts of death and ending their life. Many participants are there to post positive messages and provide psychological support,

but this site was also well known for being a negative place for people who are hurting the way that Nadia was because it can open the door to trolls. It's not moderated. Anything goes in there. And there's a lot of really dark conversations and even forums that discuss the best ways to end it all. Yeah. So detectives didn't think that this was a good sign. They were able to pull up Nadia's profile and sign into the account and explore the things that she was talking about. And eventually, they found messages that she exchanged with another poster on the site. This poster's username she was communicating with was Cammy D, who all also went by Falcon Girl or just Cammy.

The conversation started on Ash, but then Noddy and Cammy moved their conversations to MSN Messenger because it was private. That way they could connect on a deeper level and tell one another their stories and detectives are scrolling through weeks and weeks of messages between the two of them. They initially had normal exchanges talking about life where they were from. Cammy said she was from Minnesota and she was 25 years old. She had been suffering from depression for 12 years, that she already tried men, therapy, yoga, prayer, but nothing helped.

Cammy then asked Nadia about her story, so she tells her what we already know. Nadia did lie about her age. She told Cammy she was 21, but it didn't matter how old she was because she was ready to end it, that she had had enough of this life. She was tired and she wasn't doing well,

and that it was a big relief for Nadia to be able to talk to someone who understood what she was going through. The conversations, of course, went on into many different topics, and there were moments when Nadia would ask questions like, she wondered what it was like to die. She asked her new friend, Cammy, this question less than a week before she went missing. Cammy's response was that she thought it would probably feel nice.

They both talked about how depressed they felt. They went into deep, morbid conversations, including the best methods. Could this have been who Nadia had been referring to in her video diary when she said that they ask you how you do it? And if you've thought of the different ways, And it seems like it could be the person she was talking about. Because Cammy was an emergency ward nurse. She was very knowledgeable about the body,

and she expressed her own opinions on the best ways that would be quick and effective, since the last thing they wanted was for this to fail. She told Nadia she knows what does and doesn't work.