TrueLife - Becoming a better version of yourself

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

A handful of good ideas that can help you navigate the path to becoming a better version of yourself.

Darkness struck, a gut-punched theft, Sun ripped away, her health bereft. I roar at the void. This ain't just fate, a cosmic scam I spit my hate. The games rigged tight, shadows deal, blood on their hands, I'll never kneel. Yet in the rage, a crack ignites, occulted sparks cut through the nights. The scars my key, hermetic and stark. To see, to rise, I hunt in the dark, fumbling, fear. Hears through ruins maze, lights my war cry, born from the blaze.

The poem is Angels with Rifles. The track, I Am Sorrow, I Am Lust by Codex Seraphini. Check out the entire song at the end of the cast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the True Life podcast. I hope you having a beautiful day. I hope the birds are singing. Hope the sun is shining. Hope the world around you is looking better and better.

I apologize today. We had a great guest lined up, but it appears there be some scheduling airs. However, I did want to take a few minutes just to tell you about the book that this gentleman had wrote. His name is Norman McCall, and the book is called Take Charge, the skills that drive professional success. And so I know that most of us have read the books. I know that most of us have listened to coaches. I know that most of us have taken the time to find ways to make ourselves better. However, this book is written from the perspective out of an entertainment lawyer. And I think there's some really good universal ideas in the book that can thoroughly help you understand what it is you can do to make yourself a little bit better,

a little bit more attractive and help you find the finish line, if that kind of makes sense. In the book, he begins by talking about service. He begins by talking about everything we do in life is a kind of service, whether you're in a service industry or you're providing service to the people you love, be it your family or your friends or your workplace or doing some community service around the environment. I think it's an important topic because that's exactly what it takes for you to get the most out of life. That is providing service to yourself, your family, your friends.

He has some really interesting stories that he talks about, mainly about the world. of law and what it's like to go to law school and what it's like when you come out of law school or maybe some of the misconceptions one might have when they do come out of law school so i recommend the book take charge i found one particular section in the beginning to be really helpful to me and it was called the interview and i'm going to have him back on when he gets some time and i really think people could do a great service to themselves by understanding the idea of an interview. Because think about it. If you go on a date, if you meet a friend, it's all an interview, right? I know especially in today's environment, people are going out and switching jobs and

trying to find a place to work. That provides them with the environment they like, with the amount of money they like. And how do you, how do you break, how do you bridge that gap? How do you, in fact, get the people interviewing you to see you the way you know you can be. I know it's a mouthful of words. Well, the only way you can do that is by a little bit of social engineering, a little bit of compassion and a little bit of listening. I think those three things are a great way to get yourself through any interview. And let me give you a few examples of them.

I think there has to be some sort of engaging. And when he gets into the concept of the interview, most people go into an interview and they can, maybe they're a little nervous or maybe they're a little bit on edge, especially if it's a job they want. We've all been there. We've all been in a situation where you go to the interview, you're a little nervous and you have a panel of people around you and they're asking you these, you know, sort of blasé questions. And so what answers do you give? Well, the mistake most people make is they give the answer. that they think people want to hear. Instead of giving an answer that is true to yourself,

most people give an answer of what they think the company wants to hear. So I have found that even though you may not have the exact qualities you think these people want around you, it's so much better to give an interview of who you really are. In fact, I know for a fact I've gone to interviews where I didn't really care about the job and I got a job offer. Now you contrast that with the jobs you go to where you're really nervous and you don't get a job offer. Why is that? Well, it's because you're a little bit more relaxed.

It's because you're a little bit more willing to be free. And on top of that, you're a little bit more willing to challenge people. Think about that. It seems kind of obtuse, right? You want to go into a job interview? You want to go an interview on a date or do you want to go into an interview and you want to challenge people? That's not what we teach. but it's a great way.

And I'm not talking about being rude or disrespectful. I'm talking about challenging people in a way that engages them. Let me give you an example of what I mean. Let's say you go, well, first off, we'll try to make it fun. First we'll do like a job interview and then we'll do like a date. So you go into a job interview and they ask you, what are your hobbies? Well, most people are going to say, well, you know, I like, let's just go with, I like cooking or I like to go surf or I enjoy reading. And they'll leave it at that.

What you want to do is you want to further engage people. If they say, what are your hobbies? You want to say something like, well, I really enjoy reading. And I've been reading a lot of science fiction lately. In fact, there's this book by Brandon Sanderson called Oathbringer, and the guy builds this incredible world of all these imaginary characters. But what I really like about it is when he gets into the world building and the story he's telling about the main character has to fight evil,

kind of reminds me of my life. In fact, it reminds me almost of me. and it allows me to escape into this guy's world. And it's not just an imaginary world that parallels the world I'm in. So once you break down to the people, you can begin telling them a story that engages them. And then when you're done telling why you like the hobby you do or when you're done explaining about why the hobby to you is important,

once you've pulled them in, that's when you come with like the overhand and write. And you go, why don't you tell me about your favorite book? Why don't you tell me about what you read? And all of a sudden, and you can get the people on the other side of the table to begin not only seeing you as a candidate, not only seeing you as a potential employee,

but begin to see you as a peer. Because now you're asking the questions. Remember when you were little and you would watch cartoons and always always the guys like, I'll ask the questions around here. Well, it's true. Whoever's asking the questions seems to be like the person in charge. There's a great book by, I think it was Carnegie.

I'm not sure off to back it up, but the title of the book is called games people play. And in that book, he makes the distinction that we play these roles, we play these games. So in an interview, you are playing the interview e and the other people are playing the interviewer. And so there's a certain sort of confidence that comes with the interviewer because you have the power. And there's a certain sort of a certain sort of what would you say? insecurity when you're the interviewee. But you can flip that role as fast as you can snap your fingers.

As soon as you start asking the questions, now you become the interviewer. And you decide if you want to go into it. That's the mindset that you should have when you go into an interview. Now, let's switch it around and talk about a date or relationships. It's a similar premise. Like you want to be able to go in and interview people because you want to know if this person you're going to be with is the kind of person that you actually want to be with. You want to know if you're a good fit.

So in this particular instance, what I have found to be a great way to do it is maybe keep a little list in your pocket of things that you want to get out of a relationship. And you can ask those questions as well. What else is in this book that I like? Take charge the skills that divide. I really wasn't sure in the beginning what to think because, as I said, Norman McCall is an entertainment lawyer. He's a great lawyer and he's a fascinating individual. I'm looking forward to speaking with him. But I'm not a lawyer, so I thought to myself, what am I going to get out of this guy's book?

But it's not just about being a lawyer. It's not just about the entertainment industry. What it is about is about some universal keys that you can make your life better at. Another section that I really liked is learning what works for you. And way too many of us, too many of us do not get into this position until later, this position until later in life. I think it was the great Greek tragedies that taught us to know thyself. Only once you know thyself can you begin to thoroughly understand the environment in which you work. And that is sort of a foundation that he uses in the learning what works for you.

But here's a question for everybody out there. What works for you? How do you find out what works for you? Well, the only way to do that is by making mistakes. And I want people to understand that Learning what works for you comes from making the most mistakes. So don't get down on yourself. Don't get bummed out. Don't quit when everything around you seems to be crumbling. Because what you're really doing is building a foundation for what works for you. Because the only way you find out what works for you is by finding out what doesn't work for you.

Too many people get caught up right there. Too many people find themselves in a crumbling environment and they go, you know what, I can't do it. Too many people give up right on a five yard line instead of maybe calling an audible and running into the touchdown. Too many people don't find out what works for them and are fine doing the minimum. Or they find themselves leaving like a mediocre job or not getting to the goal line. That's another great chapter that he has in his book. Another chapter that we're going to talk about later will be writing skills. Have you ever thought about what you write about is what you think about?

Have you ever thought to yourself, wow, it's so strange. After I sit down and write out my thoughts in my journal, I begin understanding my thoughts more clearly. This is something that I would recommend for everybody to do, whether it's writing about your kid at school, your life, your dreams, your hopes, your relationships, cleaning your house, cleaning your car, cleaning the yard, who knows what you want to write about. But the fact is, if you begin writing about it, you begin thinking about it in a different way. I've always found that when I start writing things out, it's almost as if I'm giving my body is giving permission to my mind to have clarity.

And I know that sounds kind of strange, but we're all connected, right? Our body is connected to our minds, our thoughts is connected to our feelings. And so when you write stuff down, now some people can type on a computer, but I recommend keeping a journal and actually writing stuff down. You know, there's all kinds of different ideas and papers out there that talk about the way in which we're wired. And one of the things I think is beautiful is that, you know, your right hand side is connected to your left part of your brain. Your left hand is connected to your right hand side of your brain. So you may want to practice writing stuff with your left hand. Here's an experiment that I do.

And I know it sounds kind of corny, but I promise you, if you want to be corny, if you want to try something new, if you want to feel a different kind of technique for thinking, Try writing stuff out with if you're right-handed, try writing with your left hand. If you're left-hand, try writing with your right hand. I think you'll get a different perspective on the way you think. Now, here's something. People aren't going to tell you this. It's trial and error. But I promise you, it works.

It might not be very clean writing because you're not used to writing with the other hand. But it's that concentration. It's that particular type of out-of-the-box working, thinking, and doing that's going to change the way. you see the world. Think about it. If you just wake up and do the same stuff every day, you're going to get the same results. And we all know what Einstein said. And, you know, if you continue to do the same, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result as insanity. So it's a simple exercise. Just switch your hand. Start writing your goals out with your other hand and see if you think about it different. I know it works, not only because I've done it,

but if you look at the research that people have done on epilepsy where they have cut the corpus callosum, and they can show people an image when they cover up one eye and they show the same image covering up the other eye, they have two total different thoughts. So a great way to prepare yourself for an interview, a great way to prepare yourself for any sort of event, be it public speaking or being out in the public, is not only to write stuff down, but write it down again with the other hand and see exactly what it comes up with. I bet you write something different because you're going to think different. It's going to take more concentration to do it. Now, that part, is not a Norman's book. That part is in just my book in my head right there. So I hope you can

use that technique to find a way to make yourself better. I've used it in my life and I think you'll do it. Later in the book, he gets to the idea of the career switch. How many of us have found ourselves in our 20s, in our 30s, in our 40s, in our 50s? Soiex. 50s? Okay, okay, you got me. but there's been tons of times throughout my life where I've wanted to make a career change. It's scary. You have kids. You have obligations. You have responsibilities.

And the question you need to ask yourself is, am I doing the right thing? That question will pop into your head so many times. And sometimes it's a cop out. Sometimes asking yourself the question, am I doing the right thing, will lead you to not making a big decision because you blame it on the responsibility. you have for other people. It's a slippery slope and only you can thoroughly understand if it's the right decision for you. And that's why you write it down. That's why you think about it. That's why you have mentors. That's why you reach out to your friends. On the flip side of that, I happen to think Gina Perlman, I just got a comment from an amazing young woman right here. She is an entrepreneur.

She is an amazing woman. 48 years old, we share a similar name. So I thought that put that up onto the comment right there. Back to the idea of switching careers. What would you do? What would you do if you wanted to switch careers? And you were, say, 45 years old. You had two kids.

And you knew that you knew that you had, if you weren't satisfied in your life, Would you stay in your career or would you change it? What are the factors you would think about? Well, I bet you'd think about your relationship. I bet you'd think about your kids. I bet you'd think about, am I worthy? Am I going to make enough money?

What does this mean for me? These are gigantic questions. But if you're beginning to think about should I stay in this career, the truth is the career you're in, you've already left. You're no longer committed to that career. You're no longer committed to being the best you can. at that position. So you should really think about pulling the trigger.

Now, there are times when you can't do it. If you look, bills are bills, responsibilities are responsibilities. But it doesn't mean you can't start beginning that new career while you have your old career. It doesn't mean you can't begin laying the foundation for something you want to be while you're already working somewhere else. That's my advice to the people who will find themselves in situations where they want to change in their life where they want to change their career but they're afraid to. And if you're afraid to change, welcome to the club. Welcome to the club. It's a scary thing. The chance,

maybe you don't make it. It's a real possibility. But maybe not making it is what's supposed to happen. Maybe not making it is what's going to propel you into the next chapter of your life. You know, not having a safety net can make some people really, really nervous, but not having a safety net may be exactly what you need to cross that high wire. You may have to just throw caution to the wind. You may have to chance it. You may have to take a good, hard look in the mirror and understand that, hey, I love myself enough to make it through this. Sometimes that's the only way we go. I bet when you were younger, let me tell you start about me. I remember going out to this place called Box Canyon. And it was all these different places where you could jump from. And I remember

thinking, wow, it's really high up here. It's a real far way down. Looks like about 40 feet. I don't know if I can do it. I watched my friend do it. I'm like, oh, he did it. And then I still stayed there. I was kind of paralyzed in fear.

And then I watched somebody else do it. And finally, I got up to the edge and my friend walked up and he says, if you don't go, I'm going to push you. And I look back at him and he pushed me. And I fell down, but I made like the, You know, I made myself small. But that's what it takes.

It takes that push. And it doesn't have to be a physical push. It can be a push in which someone compassionately pushes you. It could be someone like, hey, you know what? I believe in you. And in fact, if you don't leave, that this other job is going to kill you. If you don't leave, this is where you're going to end up. If you don't leave, you're going to be bitter.

If you don't leave, then this is what you're going to be forever. And I think that's scarier. I think understanding that this is all you're going to be forever if you stay is worse than not taking a chance. Because ultimately, what is a chance? Think about chance in the positive way. You have a chance. Some people don't have any chance. So if you find yourself in a position to take a chance, if you find yourself in a position,

in a position where you can make a difference. If you find yourself questioning who you are, that's the world telling you to take a chance. Just jump. You can do it. Tons of people have done it before you. Tons of people will do it after you. Do you want to be the person that says,

I thought about it, but I couldn't do it? That's the kind of rhetoric that you think back on your life and that bothers you when you're, you know, 85 years old in your rocking chair. You want to be the person that's 85, in your rocking chair, maybe smoking a cigar with a little bit of Jack Daniels and telling the kids, like, look, you just do it. You just do it. You believe in yourself. You take aim and then you take your shot. Because you have just as much chance. You have just a good shot as everybody else.

And think about what kind of character that builds. Think about the story you'll have at the end of the day. Think about the story that you can tell to everybody else. In fact, this is a good strategy to help you do the things you need to do. Don't focus on what's going to happen immediately. Think about how good you're going to feel once you figure things out. Think about how good it's going to feel when you've quit that place that you're at and now you've found yourself at the top of the next mountain. Think about how good it's going to be when the people around you that doubted you

come to you and say, you know what, I was wrong. You could do it. And I feel like a dummy for telling you you couldn't. Think about the people you'll inspire around you. If you have kids, your kids will never reach their full potential until you reach your full potential. So instead of looking at it, I can't do this because I have kids. Think about it this way. I have to do this because I have kids.

I have to do this because I have a wife. I have to do this because I care about my relationship. I have to do this because I believe that I am good enough and I believe the way. and I believe the world needs it. I know what you're saying. The world needs it, George, you egomaniac. Yeah, the world needs it. You need it.

The people around you need it. If you have an idea that comes into your head, if you have an idea that begins to grow, I believe that that is the world. That is a force bigger than you know talking to you. That's you in communion with the planet. There's a plan for you. And you know it.

The plan for you is that what you begin thinking about. The more you think about it, the more, when you talk about it, it's a dream, when you envision it, it's possible, when you schedule it. That's when it really becomes real. That's when you start taking the first steps towards making the dream come true. And so I want to tell every one of you listening to this. Thank you. I got a great interview coming up with Norman Bacall. Like I said, there was some scheduling conflicts. So this is me kind of filling a little bit of time right here. want to say hello to the beautiful Marnie Goldman, the beautiful Gina Perlman. I'm so stoked for you, ladies, on your adventures. And I'll be reaching out to both of you. I've recently spoken to

Marnie, who has a great book out. Gina Perlman, you should definitely be coming on my podcast because you are an amazing woman that I've known for a long time. And we do have the same birthdays. And we are both great people. So I'll be reaching out to you to love. I hope everyone out there has a fantastic day. I hope the birds are singing. I hope you decide to take a chance if a chance presents itself. And I hope that everyone in your life loves you. So we got for today, ladies and gentlemen, Aloha.