Trusty Hogs - Ep105. PADDY YOUNG / Landlords, Lattes & Love Actually

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

The wonderfully funny and slightly terrified Paddy Young joins us this week to talk his perfect Richard Curtis RomCom, Halloween costumes,and the inside scoop on what it's like on our competitor podcast Slime Country...FOLLOW PADDY: @PaddyIsYoungOUTSIDE IS AWFUL (Zoom Shows): www.ticketsource.co.uk/kerfuffleThank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Jarque-Deakin / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew ThomasPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Kie Web / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Klo / Becky Fox / Emily Gee / Dean Michael / Glenys Wood / Stefanie Catracchia / Sophie Chivers / Marc / Anthony / Carey Seuthe / Charley AWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feel good about Back to School with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards, you can keep banned food ingredients like high fructose corn syrup out of lunchboxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need without dairy, gluten, nuts, or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online. When you think of skyrocketing brands like Allo, Allbirds, or Skims, it's easy to credit their success to great products, sleek branding, and brilliant marketing. But here's the overlooked secret.

The real magic lies in the engine behind the scenes, the business powering their business. For millions of brands, that engine is Shopify, making selling seamless for them and shopping effortless for us. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Allo Yoga uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash retail, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash retail to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash retail. Hello and welcome to episode 105 of Trustee Hoggs, the podcast where I, Catherine Bohort and Helen Bauer, both comedians, both chatty women, both thriving, tell you how our lives are going and then answer your listener problems. But here's the thing, dear listeners of this, the spooky week of Halloween.

this week. Yes, you heard him a little bit of a ghost. This week I have Andrew White with me. Hello, Andrew. Let's not talk about ghosting, very traumatic. Oh yeah, no, that I can see how that brings some stuff up. God, remember that was your whole life? That wasn't the start of the showcast. I shouldn't say that was your whole life. No, it was. It was

every relationship or potential relationship did end up getting ghosted. Oh God, it was tough for a while there. But I should explain that Helen is here for our recording with our guest. She was here for most of the episode, but then she's gaddled off to a meeting because she's she wants you all to know she's a business woman

and so she's got to do business and so she's left you to steer the ship in her in her absence. How are you? I'm very good, thank you. It's funny that she's trying to present as a businesswoman but this is a scheduling conflict of her own creation. She has organised this entire

day and then be like oh actually no I can't. Oh my goodness, I can't believe this has happened to me by me. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems And they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests

And Andrew White on the tech Oh, it's Helen and Catherine And the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Happy Halloween week Do you like Halloween? I don't mind Halloween, yeah

Even though your costume got stuff Nolan from that ghosting guy? It turned into a good show in the end, I think. It did. I agree. Thank you. And we can't have comedy without bad things happening to us. Something to think of it. Anyway, so, are you doing anything for Halloween?

Do you have a costume in mind? Are you doing couples costuming? We are, yes. So obviously on Halloween night, I'm doing Outside is Awful. Yes, our online gig. With a lineup that may or we not change. Maybe we may not change a smidge, don't worry about it. It says all the listing line up subject should change.

Okay, good. Small print, small print. Are you dressing up for that, by the way? Yeah, so interestingly, Helen will reveal her costume later in this episode, but as a consequence, I don't know what to do. Maybe retaliate. I see, go like for like. Yeah.

But maybe dress up with something that scares her more. Like... You could dress up as Sunil. Maybe I could dress up as me who won't work with Helen anymore. Is that just you normally? Just like cutting her off. Yeah, yeah, I just cut her off. Like the Jordan Brooks episode.

Yeah. The ill-fated Jordan Brooks episode. Oh, I could dress up as Jordan Brooks. Oh, that'd be good. That's perfect. I could get a little bowl cap. You can have mine, yeah. That's what I'm going to do, Don.

No offense, Jordan, but you, yep, she's scared you now. What else could I dress up as really spook Helen? pancake the ghost of pancake that's good i like that the ghost of pancake could be really cute and fun actually do you think do you think if marianne found out she would be upset that you are appropriating she already hates me so maybe it's fine that's true yeah what have i got to lose yeah why not um any other thoughts of things that scare helen um while we're here in her absence she's quite a she's quite a brave woman i think she's annoyingly brave i could dress up as the stairwell How do you conceptualise dressing up as a stairwell?

I could make like stairs out of cardboard and then just a face hole. Yeah, I like that. And then hope she doesn't piss on me, I guess. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Maybe I'm going to go stairwell. Unless we could find out what that hotel receptionist was wearing. Oh, yeah, what?

Never. There must be a way, because that must be easy to find out because if you go to the website, they'll probably have all the staff uniform. It'll probably be just a plain black shirt in my view. Then you just make a name tag that says, you know, some boy's name. 18 year old boy. Yeah, and then the name of the hotel. Australian boy's name.

Australian boy's name. Darren? Darren, yeah. Or like, it's always like dameau. Damo or Pado or not Pito. I'm going to say Pito. Oh, Pito. Welcome to Trustee Hons.

It's fun without her. I like it. So, okay, so we have that on Halloween, but on actual Halloween party night, which is presumably the 28th, the Saturday. On the Saturday, I think I'm just gigging. But the day before Halloween on the 30th, I'm going to Thorpe Park with Olga Cock and Charlie Dinkin and my boyfriend.

Oh my God, cute. Fright Night. Yeah, we're going to do Fright Night. And we're going to do a couple's costume for that. What are you doing? We're going to do Gomez and Mottisha. Oh, my God. I love that.

Which one's which one's which? I'm Gomez. That was a little joke. That is a little joke, Andrew. Although one of his suggestions that I really liked was Papa Smurf and twink smirth. I love that. Daddy smurf. Yes, please. Oh my God, I love this as a couple's costume for you guys. Yes, please. Who's driving? I'll drive us to the thought point. I absolutely love the idea of Gomez looking across and seeing Gomez driving the car. What will Olga and Charlie be? I believe

Olga's going as Chenaya Twain in the leopard print, you know, and I don't know Charlie yet. That'll be exciting to see. What a clown car to look across and see. I'd love to see it. That sounds amazing. Okay, great. And so that's Halloween. And you also have a little, have you announced this on Trustee Hugs, a little Trusty Hugs? I have teased it on,

I think episode 100 in the extras I mentioned it. Okay. Do you have some updates? I do. And actually by the time this goes out, it might even be live depending on how quickly I edit it. Whoa.

Go on. My new drag act, Jan Honkers. Woohoo! Is alive and kicking. Have I shown you a photo of her? No. I'll put this on the Instagram story.

Who does your makeup? Reis did my makeup. And he did a very good job. Well, I'll let you be the judge. But I think he did a very good. I'm going to let you say it's really good. And then I will agree politely as his one's job. Yeah, there you go.

Oh, my God, he did a great job. Whoa, she's awesome. Yeah, she's, um, she's, um, oh, I love her hair. Thank you. That's my mother's weird. Her hair wants to speak to the manager. Her hair is so ready to, like, fill out of form. Mm-hmm.

Her hair has applied for planning permission and knows you have too. Oh my God. She's phenomenal. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. She had very pert titties. Yeah. I like them.

They're very high. I got like chicken fillet breasts, which I thought they were just going to be literally like bra fillers. Yeah. But they've come like very lifelike with arellas and nipples and everything and it's yeah, it's quite interesting. Fabulous. I feel like I feel like I'm having that sort of like early teenage gay experience that I never really got where I'm like hiding my fake boobs in my draw. That's exciting. My parents don't see them.

They know I'm doing drugs. But I don't know why. I think the thought of them discovering fake boobs that I've bought is an element too far. It's an element of confusion that you don't want to. It's like, I don't want, they just got on board with this thing. I don't want to muddy the water with kids. That makes a lot of sense. Wait, if you moved home amidst all of this?

I have, yeah. Oh my God. We are both in full regression mode, aren't we? I'm going backwards so fast. Me too. Snuck in like nobody's business around the house. Yeah, I'm, so you've moved away with your parents. I'm moving into a house share.

you're doing drag. I just learned to drive. We're living our teenage true selves out now. It's great. I think we're thriving. Yeah. Please support Patreon. And how's living with your parents? It's all right. I've been very busy so I've not like sort of got myself into the doldrums as it were. Yeah. I've been The doldrums. It's just been one thing after the other. Yeah. So it's not too bad. Getting up early to come to this is not enjoyable. How long is the drive? Well, it's about An hour and 40 to Ealing and then Ealing into Tottencourt Road is about 15 to 30 minutes depending on train. So basically.

And that business woman made us start at 9 today. Yeah. So I was up at like 5am. What the fuck? Yeah. Andrew, that's criminal. I know. But to be fair, I think this is the worst day I've scheduled.

The other things I've normally tied in stuff either the day before or the day. So it's a run. Okay. But sorry. Wow, I really need to. All I ever say these days is to circle back, which makes me think that maybe I don't have great focus to circle back when you say the drag act will be live where can people find her at youtube um and on instagram at jan honkers fabulous and then yeah it's going to go out on

youtube and it's also going to be a podcast but as as the i'm in drag and my first guest is a ventriloquist i think maybe that's a silly decision if you're going to watch it anywhere that's phenomenal who's the ventriloquist max fuller my friend phenomenal that sounds amazing have you do you have any sort of like Variety skills. Can you juggle or do like card tricks or anything? Okay. The blinking was perfect. What do you think, Andrew? I don't know. I thought you might have like something that you learn like at

university to some weird party trick. I was hosting full five-course dinner parties at university. I see. With a cocktail per course. That's actually a useful party trick. Like what do you mean? What do you mean a party trick? Yeah.

That's impressive. I don't think I've ever hosted a dinner party. We're different people. We really are. No, that's okay. We diverged so fast. You were like, do you do ventriloquism? And I was like, have you heard of napkins?

I like linen napkins. Oh, have you read Tom Allen's book? No shame. He's got two out, but no shame's the first one. No. It's so, because he talks about being like a 13 year old boy, like putting on a dinner party for all of his friends. Yeah.

And inviting his teacher along. Oh, my God. That was me though Yeah That's why it made me think I think you'd really like it My Montessori teacher used to drop in on my birthday parties just to say hello

Because she was one of my best friends I'll lend you the book if you like afterwards It's I think you'd really It sounds like I've lived it But yeah I'm like It sounds like I've covered it That's so funny

But yeah no No I don't have a variety Act skill I'm afraid Do you know what all the spoons And the forks and stuff are for Yeah I have no clue

Why is, really? Yeah, genuinely. Have we found a hole in your pretend adultness? Yes. Because you seem so together at 22. Cutlery, thank you. It's cutlery. It's cutlery.

Although I'll tell you this, I, no, this is embarrassing. When I was a child and I discovered the concept of finger bowls. Yeah. And so I'd go to Harvester, not a fancy establishment for those who don't. We'd order chicken wings. And I go, oh, well, my chickens will get, my fingers will get to dirty. my chickens are going to be so dirty And so I get the staff to make me a fingerball

Oh my god, the harvester, that's so funny Your old boy, a harvester being like, Excuse me, can I have a fingerball, please? And your family were surprised, were they when you came out? Yeah, no, they knew. Yeah, no, that checks out, that makes a lot more sense. How funny. Now, Andrew, they can catch you on that.

You have another little announcement that you've been coding. Why is it? I don't know. Did you make us a trusty hog's website? Oh, God, yes, sorry. Also, I don't even know why I'm announcing this because I know that the very supportive but if anything too supportive people on the internet

we've already bloody well found it probably When you said coding I thought you meant in the sense of like queer coding Like I was sort of like Putting it like a little hint on my body And they're like, have you noticed this yet? I thought you meant I was like sort of hinting at something But you meant literally like computer coding

Yeah, do you not have to code a website? No, it's this sort of a builder website Actually if you go to if I've not done the job Hopefully I've done it but if not if you go to trusty hogs.com it's currently just a template of a travel website which I've not edited yet. No, but I'm hoping that by the time they listen to this,

that won't be the case. Well, this has very much set a hard deadline for me, hasn't it? Trustyhogs.com, we've got a new website. I'm so annoying. Yeah, but no, but it doesn't it have to say, we want to say something on there by then? Yeah, yeah, it will. We'll have like...

Am I the worst? I'll move all the merch to that website, and, you know, if we do events and stuff in the future. But people should be on there because soon, I won't say a specific deadline. There will be a little announcement on there too. Okay. Sorry to code that you'd been coding.

Am I using this right? I don't know. Sorry to see that you may or may not have been editing a format that's already been created by a code or about a possible website that we may or may not have by the time you listen to this podcast. Are you having a nice time, Andrew? I'm having a great time.

Good. I'm so glad. Any other news? A-O-B? A-O-B? Oh, no. A-O-B with yourself? No, I just always get stressed when it's you and I. Not because you are stressful. Obviously, Helen's a much more, shall we say, panic-inducing presence.

But she always listens. Yeah. And that makes me nervous. Like, I'm podcasting exclusively to Helen at the point to which Helen's not here because she's going to listen and she's going to give feedback. I see. So you feel like this is sort of like your annual review. with the boss.

Yeah. You're like, oh God, I've had a chance without Helen and she's going to give me feedback. It's less annual review

with the boss and more like you've been the boss for so long and now someone's called and sick and the staff have to watch you

go back on the floor. Oh, you know what I mean? That's a very fun analogy. And he's like, yeah, yeah, we used to have wooden tills when I

worked the floor but I'll be able to figure it out, isn't this a tablet, is it? I'm that guy. I think you're doing a fantastic job. Yeah, but you're the son of the boss. So you being like, dad, you're smashing this isn't helpful. I'm sorry.

You know what I mean? Well, M's a neutral party. Going great, there we go. It's going great. She said unblinking and like she's hoping for a raise. Because you have to say that to the boss. Next time I'll be secret boss. I'll dress in a costume.

Do you ever watch that? Undercover Ball? I did, you used to love undercover boss. So weird. I loved one you could, you could tell that they could tell because they really started hamming it up. They were like, yeah, I give everything to this company. And I really need new car.

Yeah. And that boss of ours is amazing. Yeah, I did that. That was wonderful. And I think, if I may, generous and wonderful. There was one exactly like that. It was a theme park. And this guy was like talking about how much he loves the theme park.

and he thinks the boss is great and the company's so cool and he was like and I've actually got some ideas for some coasters do you want to see them and he just had these files ready to like these mapped out coasters because he was clearly like trying to get into the theme park industry and this guy's so nerdy about it that there's no way he doesn't know that that's the boss in front of him in a shity like wig

in a fake wig what's a real wig anyway everything's fine here's our guest are you already from please welcome to the podcast Paddy Young and Helen Bauer What's up? I'm still on tour. I'm coming to Cork, Dublin, York, Leeds. Nottingham. No, Leeds are sold out. Forget it. Lester. Bristol, which has got like five left. Redding, Berlin, Birmingham, Guildford, Oldershot, Norwich, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Glasgow. Fuck, there's so much travel. Cambridge, Manchester and Maidenhead. Oh man. That's going to be. please come please come because some of those

are like when it's really cold and dark out and I'll be sad bring gifts thank you bye Hi it's Catherine Beohart

I'm going on tour with a new show it's called Again with Feelings and it'll be on sale from Friday that's tomorrow if you're listening

to this as it's come out unless you're on my newsletter in which case you had early access I hope you come oh do come I'll be so sad if you all went to Helens

and you don't come to mine oh god all she'll do is brag about gifties and I'll just be in an empty room that would be outrageous I'd be so upset. Oh, come see me on tour. Please, thanks.

Bye. Feel good about back to school with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards. You can keep banned food ingredients like high-fructose corn syrup out of lunch boxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need without dairy, gluten. nuts or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online. When you think of skyrocketing brands like aloe, all birds, or skims,

it's easy to credit their success to great products, sleek branding, and brilliant marketing. But here's the overlooked secret. The real magic lies in the engine behind the scenes, the business powering their business. For millions of brands, that engine is Shopify, making selling seamless for them and shopping effortless for us. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout allo yoga uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash retail, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash retail to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash retail.

Welcome to the podcast is Instagram. What? Paddy Young, Instagrams, because like, he's like an Instagrammer. Oh, okay, he's a comedian. Yeah, but I'd say like Instagram and comedian. What's wild is, just as you came in the room, Andrew said, Hey, Paddy, I like your sketches, and I heard Skechers. So I was under the table looking at them being like, those are new balance. And Andrew was being young and cool.

But also, I've seen your sketches. How are you? I'm really good. Thanks for having me. This is a microphone, a piece of shit. I'm so sorry, Patty. You just got here. I'm sorry. You've been really...

I got here 15 seconds. ago. I've not done a lot of podcasts and things like that, but normally it's between 15 minutes and an hour of just like sort of getting to know each other having a nice time. I've literally just got him. This is cruel. I'm not always allowed to book guests. So I've booked and I've told you a time, which isn't the right time I should have told you necessarily, but I also have a meeting at two. So we're really going to bash this one out with love and respect for you. Always take a booking through Catherine, always. So wait, you book this, but you're the one that's got a

issue. Yeah. Yeah. It should be, surely that you did it and you're like, well, that's not good time. No, 100%. But it's all you. I was like, oh my God, let's do this. We'll do it at midday. It's be great. It's great to be here. Thank you so much for coming. If it's any consolation, she's made me a coffee that looks chewable in her rush. Yeah, that's got a nice little disc on top of it. What is that? That's what a podcast. This is what you wanted.

Can you just look at that in the camera, Andrew. Look at that. It's got like, what is that? Was the cup dirty before, or has the coffee dirty to the cup by process of being? Like, what? Paddy? It's, there's like so much stuff floating in it. It's called women's hysteria. Okay.

I've heard about this. Back in the day, we'd give her a finger and she'd be on our way. Excuse me, huh? But instead, she's freaking out because Catherine insisted, we used a pod coffee machine in the office, despite the fact pod coffee is the worst coffee. Yes. I'm shocked. That's an espresso. I thought you got the pod machine free from Sunil because you stole it. Yes, and we got sent the espresso free by Simon Moore.

Thank you very much. Still, that is what you know. I think we should probably focus on our guest. Paddy, how are you? No, no, please. I could talk about, I could listen to pods all day long. But if you had a choice of coffee, what would you, like, what are the ways of making coffee that you'd go in the order of? He's rocking back and forth. I'll tell you something. Yeah, I'm stimming right now. I'm dissociated. I'm in my happy place.

Sunil does that. Yeah, I think it's a you thing. they do they do they do it's weird everyone I know seems to go like

this whenever I'm talking yes I'm being with someone nice I'm being with someone nice but let's talk

coffee girls please it's like being in a sketch gross me not so trusty these hogs but thrushy

good stuff do you have to talk coffee sure yeah we must we really must we do podcast

that's podcast well I've just moved him with your friend of mine Adam Flood? No! No way! From Liverpool?

He's from Stoke. His dad from Liverpool? They literally all sounds the same to me. Wow. Are you from Liverpool? No. No. We neither.

That's just generic North. Yes. Yeah, that's what General Northern Spotlight. Scarborough. Scabra. Lovely. Well, I think Adam Flood's very funny.

It's very funny. Well, more importantly, he's got a coffee machine. Nice. Useful to you. No, wait. you find out because there's some machines that are just shit, okay? Talk to us. So, I don't know what it's called. He calls it his breakdown machine

because he got it in the time of crisis. Okay, nice. But it's got, it's a proper espresso. Oh, it's a delongy? Huh? I'm not sure it's a delong a bit. It's a proper thing where you grind the beans in it. That's a delongy for sure. Goes in it. Espresso. It's got a little pressure gauge. That's a delongy if it's anything. A little one for the milk, froth it up. That sounds like a delongy, doesn't it, him?

It does to me that sounds incredible and you live with that Are you allowed to use it? Every day Twice a day Where do you buy your beans from? Twice a day What time are you getting these coffees in?

So if we were Let's go into it I've been a team man most of my life Yeah Scarborough Then I started going Yorkshire's it Yeah yeah You can swim in the sea in Scarborough

But I'm telling you now It'll be tet lays of it in on I didn't make sense It was so close to a sentence I didn't need an accent Go on I'm not outside out yet Please can I try it again

Please can try again Try what Oh yeah You can come up Scarborough For the weekend We're gonna have a little paddle But just be warned The sea is made of York City

Can I do my German accent Yeah There's one particular Well she's more Austrian But Hitler It can't be Hitler every It can't be Hitler every episode

Is it normally Hitler? Oh my God there's so much Really? Hitler gear around here Go on Really What Hitler? just do your

freaking coffee orders I want to know when you get them and what time you're having them I'm desperate to know Paddy you're holding out of me and I don't know why now it's two days

I've one when I get up and then one about 2 a few ppm it depends what time you get up Paddy generally about nine nine is that right

that's a really big boy time is that all right yeah I'm just random like whenever I can't I get very disturbed by alarm noises so I have a radio alarm clock

that's literally the function of them yeah I know but it ruins my, like, it jolts me awake. So I have to have a radio alarm cock. Yeah. Okay, so you have a radio alarm. And the news scares me. So I have to set the, the new, the radio six, babe. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, but if you do it on the hour, it's news. So I have to do five past nine or three minutes past now. You just get or five two, you could go five to five. Or five two. You know what I mean? Makes a big difference. Who am I showing up to? I'm waking up then. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So nine of five, one nine or three today. Um, can I surprise you? Please. I also have a coffee when I wake up

do you. And what I do is I sleep naked. That's so weird, isn't it? This is really starting to freak me out. Are you guys on a frisdine? My room's just off the living room. You've been over, you know, my flat. So, yeah, not when I was out, obviously. Wow, that's good. And I come out my room and I put a towel around me, sort of like a vague nod to covering my body, because I'm fully naked. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And I boil the kettle, I have a shower. Then when I come out, I make the coffee. because it's like it's been boiled but it's cooled down enough that the coffee granules will still melt

but it's immediately drinkable Oh so it's instant coffee? Yes! Horrible. Because I think, no, it's the most caffeinated And I love it. It's the most caffeinated. It's the most caffeinated is the freeze-dried granules.

Andrew's checking it because I feel like no one believes me even though I am the smartest. Couldn't you just have a bigger cup of a nicer coffee? There you go. But then I'd have to buy a... Is it Andrew? Ground coffee is, yeah, yeah. Most.

Ground, but is that ground, is that a ground instant or just ground? Ground coffee can, granules. Yeah, granules, I say, yeah. This is from Hotel Shockerlard.com. Thank you very much. So it gives you the biggest hit, but also. We'll stay in there. It's good job.

Do you remember? It's good stuff. Do you remember when me and Senil wanted to do that sketch? Yes. We were going to go into Hotel Shocker. a lot and he was going to go over the suitcase and go any rooms? We didn't do it. We didn't do it.

Paddy, wow, coffee. We're all learning. I'm not going to about yours. Yeah. I should really drink less. I drink too much coffee. I only really drink a black on a cement in which case I'll have an oat cappuccino. But at the moment I'm on about four a day

and that's too many. And it has a massive impact on my mental well-being. it's bad for you for sure it's making me incredibly anxious doing the it's hard to take out a coffee because like the ritual of having a hot drink at that time but have you done like the one shot thing

no what's that when you got like because of cappuccino that's got like a full shot of an espresso in it whereas you could have one shot of restretto so like half an espresso shot so you're getting half the amount of coffee but you've still got the ritual of making a coffee I've basically here's where I'm at mentally

I'm moving house in when this comes out three weeks. For the past 14 weeks, I've been like, well, in a couple of weeks, I'm moving. And in that time, I have eaten so much takeaway, drank so much takeaway coffee, spent absolutely crazy amounts of money on nonsense and ultimately not really clean to my house because I'd be like, well, in a couple of weeks, I'm moving. But it's been happening for months. And so I hear you, but I don't think I'm in the right place to make positive changes in my life. What's going to happen instead is I'm going to move into this house and then I'll be perfect. So don't worry about me.

Where is this house? I have to stop saying where I live on the podcast. I'm in South London. Me too. I'm currently in West London and it's so lovely. Living alone. Yeah. Wow.

And now I'm moving in with a house share. And now I'm moving in with it into a house share. Wait, so is it just you and Adam Flood? Yeah. I was in an amazing flat share. I lived in London Bridge until recently, 500 pounds a month. Shut the hell. Crazy.

How? Balcony, looked at the shard. Huh? How did you get that? How the hell? Sort of no. Did you live with 74 people? No, I live with two people.

It was amazing. What happened? They noticed? The landlord gave it back to his daughters. I don't know if I should talk about this, because we're still fighting over the deposit. Definitely don't. I think it's okay.

I don't think I'm going to guess your landlord of multiple daughters who he just dolls out flats to isn't a big list. listener of the old hogs pod? No. Daughters might be. Well, fuck you guys.

Fuck you, you little landlord. What I've just done is I've just, I've delivered my trainers. Just, I've got some new trainers. I've made a big mistake with these trainers because I've been looking for trains for a while. And I've ordered. Oh, you've had them delivered to the wrong address.

So they're getting there today. So I'm going to have to go and pick them up. The other mistake I've made. Yikes. What if you fall in love with one of the landlord's daughter and then you get to live back in your room but you pay nothing? It's a beautiful love story.

Yeah. I'm no longer his tenant. I'm his son-in-law. That's a Richard Curtis film. That's so good. Oh, but it's quite a multicultural area, actually. None of the leads, none of the leads. But yeah, but like, yeah.

Just to be clear, what's the film called and who's in it? What's the film called? Wow. Just for the benefit of the listeners, we have jumped around a little bit. Whilst Paddy is thinking, we are currently casting and naming a film by Richard Curtis that stars he was once his landlord, now it's his... father-in-law. There's something about, is it like... To let and to love. Oh, it's so good.

I love it. Oh my God, I love it. They're not even going to call the size 10 lead fat anymore either. She'll just be your girlfriend. This is so good. Say it one more time. I've already forgotten it. To let and to love.

To let and love. But I got distracted with the word. I got there's too many L words to remember it. Do you want me to say it in Kraut? I love it in Kraut. it's so good oh my god so you're the lead

that's so great that'd be good I wonder if maybe he's Can I be in it please? Yeah you can be You're one of the sisters You're one of the sisters

who has to move out Because she's got a husband Oh fair He's never fair And old better Yeah I can do that Thank you so much Yeah okay

So you're the other sister Who are you gonna be? I think that this time The creep Who comes to the door with the signpost or some sort of profession that's unwanted is, and we've moved on enough for her to be gay.

Okay, great. So I'm the friend who's like, but I thought, we were going to live in your dad's house together. Yeah. And she's like, we were always just friends. And then how about you move downstairs

so you're still part of the film the whole way through it? Like you've never fully moved on. Yeah. Because you're like, closeness makes the heart grow fond. Yeah. And everyone else has forgotten

you the Beatles are, except you. We'll do more. Oh, that was, that's gorgeous. I think we should do it. have a part in it, please. Of course. Sineal would have a part

in the actual Richard Curtis film even if we were in casting. Yeah, he would be in it. So Patty has your Tabean other than your coffee? Dave, well, very short. Like I say, it was up. 903. 9.03.

Got on the old tube. Got another bus. That's the thing, because I was so central before. So I'm really adjusting to that. Where are you living now? I'm now... We shouldn't ask this. Well, South London, but nowhere near a station.

Before we move completely from coffee, our friend Ed Knight but his little coffee habits It's horrible Horrible Well listen if there anything like I haven't seen Edge and age I miss Little Eddie Night

He's exactly the same I have to stop I always say little before I say Ed Knight which I shouldn't Because he's a fully grown man Nope he's still little I adore him He drinks shall we say too much coffee

Yeah he goes to bed With a thermos of coffee So that as soon as he wakes up He can have this easy He's like clutching it like a little goblin Christ Ed Knight a friend of all of ours Obviously co-hosts a slime country podcast

Listen to Slime Country everywhere you get your podcast He should put his coffee in his hot water bottle Disgusting boy Yeah, it's awful Because then he would keep his hot, his toesies warm And then... Oh, in a hot water bottle, yeah He's minginging, he smokes in his room

He's just the most disgusting Cretanous of a boy. He's funny though. I want to saw him, I was like, What do you want to do with lunch? You know somebody more disgusting? Huh? Who's more disgusting than him?

It's not disgusting. He's a stoic. I saw him get so drunk, he puked up his guts, puked on himself, and then for lunch at a pot noodle. he recovered from vomiting from alcohol poisoning to a pot noodle within three hours

fine call him up call him up I don't give a shit wait do they slag me off on slime country all the time fuck that guy fuck that guy all the time actually it's more like the podcast in general

but yeah have you been on slime country yeah how did you find it did you have a better time than you're having here do you have a nice time here do you want another coffee or anything do you want to do on something nice

are you having a nice time I'm having a nice time yeah I mean that was a lot more It was a lot more, well, I guess you guys are very, like, efficient and businessy and, and ruthless and cutthroat, whereas those boys are lazy. So I had a lovely time. I was there, what, six hours for half an hour? I don't think they ever turned the cameras on, actually.

I think we had to go back and do it every time. So it was a lovely day, but utterly useless. Because they're determined not to build an audience. They're terrified. When they're getting new subscribed, they're like, right, we've got to get rid of one of the mics. And being mean, it's so funny if you listen to it, it's genuinely one of the funniest podcasts. We've already plugged it. Everyone is slow.

Big up slime. We're slimers for life. Salim. Here's the problem. I've never listened, but it sounds good. Here, we like pick our times and we invite guests on and we try and be really organized and make sure everyone's here. Sometimes they get the timing's wrong, but I'm trying my best.

And then there, Sanil's like, oh, we're recording slime country at midday. And I'm like, oh, you better go now. And he's like, no, they won't arrive to a one, so I'll aim for one. Yeah. And then our message, like, was something. And I'm like, oh, so sorry, you must be doing the podcast. He's like, no, we're having lunch. Wait, are they still doing it out of your house?

No, thank God. They've got a studio now. That's what I thought. But then it takes them probably about four hours to start recording an episode. And when they do, and I listen to every episode, it's like, how did you choose that? How did you choose that to be your start point? That's so funny, all of the meeting. Two of them going, like, oh, what did you get from the bum me place?

Oh, my God. That was like, you jumped 10. Yikes, y'ogged. Did you hog start here or were you somewhere else first? No, God, what a journey we've been on. You were one of the Vauxhall, you were part of that. Before that, we did one, two episodes in Vauxhall. In Shoredish.

In Shoreditch to test the theory. Then we went to Vauxhall. They told us they were closing down. We panicked. We rented our own office. We did it up, as you can see. We really, we signed a very long contract. we really, really did, like, lose our minds.

We acted very quickly. It was very stressful. The hogs came out in support. It was amazing. But now we've got somewhere to keep all our picks. Just as soon as we hung the sign, Vauxhall did reopen. So, but actually we love our little sty. Don't you feel happy here?

Yeah. I mean, love Vauxhall, but I mean, it's interesting in doing a podcast outside of a shipping container. Isn't it nice? Yeah, yeah, it's lovely. It's very nice. Just one for Helen. Looks good.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. You wanted to do a podcast. So when did you guys move in? Sorry, sorry. One day, yes. September.

Okay, so have you done the place up for the two boys? Well, it's been a difficult, basically I've got, I don't have a lot of stuff in many ways, but for the place that I've moved into, I've got too much stuff. So I've got all stuff everywhere, all my bedroom's just full of, like, stuff. I ordered caps. I sell caps after my show, and they're just like up in piles. And I've been slowly just sort of manipulating. and Adam to get things that I want.

So I've got a shoe rack in the hall now. Nice. It's lovely. Nice. Lovely. And two tier, three tier four. Lovely. Fabio.

Three tier and a thing on top to put a little key dish in. Lovely. Wait, is it? So you just come in, honey. Are they hidden away the shoes? Or do you pull them out or do you, are they just open? No, it's open, but it's wooden. It's like classic.

It feels like lovely. Okay, fairness. It's got the best shoe rack. Really? It's very thin. They sit flat like. Oh, they go in? Yeah, she was looking at those.

And they just pull it, and they're so, it's so neat and tidy. And I have a very, very narrow hallway, so it's perfect because you get a lot of shoes in a small space. And then, yes, my key on the door for, of course, my... And do you, can you see the shoes, or do they go all the way in? Really, that's the place. Everything in Catherine's flat is a secret. Everything's a secret.

You'll never know what's around each cupboard. Do you imagine that all your objects... I like everything away? Yeah, it's like toy story. That when you leave, they're all that. Well, I just think... The things that are... should be beautiful and everything else should be away.

Wow. Yeah. That's nice. Catherine finds my flat challenging. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's confronting, which is an aesthetic, I think. It is.

So shoe rack, what else are you trying to get Adam to buy? What did I get? Oh, this is brilliant. Got him to get a fridge. Because he had a little fridge. What were you going to do before? Just dig a hole in the floor with salt. He's a stoic.

A little fridge he had, and it had that awful thing where you just have one freezer door that doesn't close. Hang on, was he living there before you moved in? Yes. You must have a fridge as well. I once went out with the guy do you remember I told you this and he didn't have a fridge and he only drank UHT milk and then

he got a stomach holster and ended up in hospital. Wait, wait, wait, plot point. Your landlord falls in love with the sister who's being ditched by the You're the older sister who's being ditched by your one because she's falling in love with this lad and he's moving back into the London Bridge flat

but that's fine because you can stay with his friend for a little while and then you two you and Adam Flood fall in love Oh I think I need a flowchart Wipe swap You need a flowchart for two couples Men are so bad at gossip So am I the sister?

What the hell? Get it together Wait wait so who's... Everyone's straight and you're just swapping flasses Very simple Richard doesn't even make it complicated You're not straight I'm not in this story

Oh why not? Why did you concast yourself? Buy Eurasia Thank you so much for being concerned about that Thank you I'm making sure this podcast doesn't pass the Bechthal test And it mustn't And it never... God willing it won't So I'm in

I'm one of the sisters But Paddy moves in and I move out And we flat swap No, Landmore take... And you go to the old place In Peckham No, look, it's not... Wait, come on, come out, cut it out!

Cut it out! Fuck sake It's not Peckham. No, it's not. It's actually not Peckham. It's fine. Well, can you? I know that. And then she and Adam Flood Fall in Love.

That's lovely. That's really nice. Is Adam single? Yeah. Tell him I'm very interested. We're telling a lot of Adam's business on this podcast. Yeah, that's a good point. Who are you?

Who are you? Tell us something about you that we don't know, Paddy. We don't know. Star sign? Guess. Look at me. Aries. Aquarius.

Cancer. Oh. My mom's a cancer. I'm sorry to hear. My sister. What date? Two. No?

May. July. July. July. Six? 11th. What does it mean? Tell me.

I don't know. What else can we learn about you? How many siblings? Three. You're one of four. Yeah. Middle? Yeah.

Irish family. Three sisters. Are you second from the... Or the, you're one from the youngest. My older sister is two years older. My youngest sisters are twins. They're three years younger. Whoa.

Oh my God. So you got ditched for twins. Whoa. Whoa. I got what? Twins? You got sisters. I got ditched, did you say?

Yeah. What's that mean? It means like left behind for twins. Oh, uh, left behind. Hmm. Never thought about it that way. What do you mean left behind? Oh, just because it's not the middle child narrative that you...

Oh, I guess. I think it's different when you're the only boy, though. Oh, they are Brasota with the boy, of course they are. Well, we all get, we all get, I think we're so self-aware. We all got a good deal, I think. Oh, nice. The little prince. Whoa, are you a comedian telling us you had a nice childhood?

Well, a nice family life, for sure. The comic's broken. That's so nice. That's so lovely. Do you get on with your siblings? Yeah, yeah, I really do. They all live in London. Oh, that's so nice.

Are the twins identical? Yeah. That gives me the creeps when they're adults. Adult twins is my nightmare. Do they still dress? They're dressed the same? They don't dress the same. Thank God.

No, but that's when it creeps me out when you see. Oh my God. So a while ago at the comedy story, this couple, couple you couldn't have told came, dressed the same. Man and a woman. I thought they were as well-

like they gave me the freaking heibi-jibis. But not even complimentary. Like the same outfit. Gave me the... See, I think that's... Give me the spook. So adorable. Like, you know, those American families

that like, well, wear matching outfits to do their family, family portrait. Or their Christmas card? Their Christmas card. Yeah. Oh, gather around Shelby, we're doing a Christmas card

And Shelby's a horse You know There's that level of American family She's a donkey They're like, he's not a dog He's my brother That's good stuff That's what I want to get to actually

Like family Because you said you had like such a lovely family Yeah It's like Wait are the twins people What do you mean? Oh they're not like No they're not horses

But they are identical They're my sisters They're turtle duffs I think it'd be so nice To get to that point where you're like This is Sheila, she's a donkey And she's been with her seven years And just like have her at breakfast every morning

I think that would be such a happy family set up for me I'll put it to the... Can you talk to snail? Yeah, what didn't we say to him? Helen would like a donkey called Sheila Oh, and a goat called Jessica Which I now have. Thank you so much for the gifting I remembered.

before we move on to our advice and we have to only must and we will I was wondering this episode comes out the week of Halloween Wow What are your feelings on it I enjoy it I've not gone trick-or-treating in a little while

I like watching spooky films The way to re-release old ones in the cinema Which ones are you paid? Favorite scary film I hate scary films by the way I don't know what my favourite scary film is Have you ever seen Hollow Man? No.

It's horny. Horny? Yeah. Wait, what is her? It's Kevin Bacon. He gets to go invisible. He's a scientist. Oh, so he's just creeping around women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not my favourite then. What's your favourite? Favorite. What one gives you the creeps most when you think about you're watching it as a kid? Like what one gave you the spooks? Flabber.

Yeah, flubber's scary. It's scary. When it goes up, the guy's batty. Right? Yeah. Like, what the fuck? Where's that coming out? Yeah, it's horrible.

Also, that's definitely a chemical substance and it's all natural here. Man in the iron mask gave me the hebie-jee-jee. Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's terrifying. They punish this man by putting an iron mask in him and it's... Are they twins? Or they're cousins?

Yeah, it's like the King's brother, maybe. It's all very creepy. Okay, that sounds good. Do you ever watch Sleepy Hollow? Yeah. It's terrifying. I didn't think that was so bad. It was terrifying.

Okay. Watched at Hannah Cohen's sleep over one year. I had her grandma's house, at her grandma's house. And it was so frightening. And all the other girls were like, ah, we've seen it before. And I was pretending I wasn't terrified. And I was too scared to go to the toilet. So I just lay in my sleeping bag, just like holding it all night in excruciating pain

because I was too scared to go. Yeah, that was a good time, wasn't it? It'd been like 12, 13 years old and watching the worst. Because I remember you'd go, if you could, did you ever get grownups to buy you stuff in HMV? Me and my friends used to do that. Like, we'd see the films, we'd always go to... Sorry, hang on.

We'd always go to the 18 films, right? The films had 18 on it. And I would always look at the metrics. You know, sometimes it would say contains violence. Oh, I have a thick dad. He would just rent them out for us. I need to trick anyone when you got Michael at home. Well, she's 18 in donkey years.

Don't worry, it worked on the side. She's not my brain. Sometimes it would say, like, violence and language and sexy stuff. And you'd be like, God, I have to see this film so much. I remember there was, like, they re-released a bunch of horror films that got banned and then re-released, like, The Evil Dead. Whoa. Me and my friends, yeah, I remember I got a guy, um, yeah, I get a guy in H&B to go. I know, it was Woolworths, actually.

And he did it. So hang on, paint the picture. Are you waiting outside? No, I'm inside. Okay. And I see there's an 18 DVD that wanted to buy. Yeah. It was actually, it's really embarrassing, a stevo DVD.

As in El Jacka? Oh, my God. But he did his own DVDs that were like, even like, it was like, it was even, I remember the, the, the, like, his own Blair Witch Project. No, but it wasn't a horror film. Hey, guys. It wasn't a horror film. Oh, okay. I didn't, I thought, I didn't know we'd switch genre.

Okay, so Steve, I were doing his thing. Yeah, and I remember the cover was him coming out of a coffin, and he's like, oh my God, that's one. And I remember seeing all the metrics next to it of all the bad things it had, and it was all the bad things. And I was like, and it was saying, like, too extreme for Jackass. And I was like, I have to see this film. But I knew my parents wouldn't, my parents didn't, my parents didn't watch Jackass. but this just you could see from it it was even like designed to be too extreme for jack up so I get it I get it so I said to this guy this man I guess probably wasn't like now probably in his 20s but

you know back then you just feel a big boy yeah and I said to me this DVD I give you the money and he said yeah and he did not nice no that's predatory it feels kind of weirdly grooming predatory I went up to him yeah but it feels like he was I kissed him he was he was an opportunistic groomer did he make a Profit off you, was he just a good man doing a good job? He's just a good man doing a good job. He might have just been a goodie. He was just sort of like, you know what? He might have seen himself in me.

Not in that way. Maybe it was... High five. Big Tens! Maybe it was Steve O, but in like a hoodie. What to get up sale? What I love even more is your pronunciation of Steve O. Steve O.

I thought we were talking about Steve P. I'm alive. Okay. Well, interesting. I never bought DVDs. though when I was little. Really? No, we always went to the van.

Three videos for three pounds for three nights. You seem like a DVD guy and so does Ed Knight so that makes sense. Yeah. Do you take them out to their boxes and put them into your case? Yeah, and I got a...

I'm not going to say that. I got a portable DVD player. Oh yeah, the best. And then anytime we went somewhere even just for the weekend I'd bring literally like 60 DVDs. You know, like it'll be two and then two. Were they alphabetized?

They weren't, but they were sort of genre. I had all the sore films I do look back and I've got on my parents my parents were in some ways in terms of like media they were very liberal yeah

they just sort of like I had like M&M really young and had like the horror films really really young when you first had Eminem I was like you ate Eminem's really young yeah pretty liberal parents you guys

and not just the natural brown ones I was having yellows for greens I wanted a portable DVD player so bad by I only had I had extras season two on DVD Ugly Betty Season 1

Bridget Jones 2 and Janeair Really nice Wow 1 or 2 Yeah Are you Are you gonna dress up

For Halloween And if you were going to What would you go as Hmm Well I'm actually invited To a party on Halloween How annoying is this It's in a

It's in like a bar And the last entry is 1130pm And after that You've got paid to get in But I'm doing a gig that finishes at 11.30, so I'm not sure I'm going to be able to go. Swap. Swap with someone going earlier.

It's my gig. Okay, yeah, no option then. All right, okay. And it's on Halloween night. It's on the Saturday night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's any consolation, my situation is that my girlfriend's having a Halloween party and... No, I'm gigging. I'll be there. No, I'm ginging in Scotland. Oh.

So I can't go. I'll be there if you want to come with me. Yeah, that'll be great. It's no voice. It's not no voice. You can totally go. I didn't think I needed a costume for that party, but now I realized I do because I do because I've already got my costume sorted for, yes. But I'm not able to go. Ellen wants you to go though.

That's so annoying. I was also invited. Yeah, I know. I'm just so annoyed that you're still going on. I guarantee I'll get socially anxious and cancel. There's no way I'll go. There's no way I'll go. She'll love you to be there.

No, because Patty won't be there. I don't want to do with myself. I'll be there. Promise? Yeah. Promises. Great. You're both invited.

I'm just going to say this. I've had a five or ten and a one from her and nothing from you. I don't really like touching. Mm-hmm. And I don't know you that well. I only just find out your star sign. I know more about Adam Flood. I'd be willing to give him a high 10.

Paddy, we could walk through the party and you can watch everyone start stimming as I walk. Everyone's happy to see me. The party don't start till I walk in. That's awesome. No? Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, because I've got a costume sorted for online gig.

But I was like, I messaged Catherine being like, oh my God. I've got my costume I knew what it was before you even gave me a clue My first guess And then you were like I'll give you one clue And I was like I know what it is

So here's how the conversation goes You do your side I'll do my side No no we remember the words Come on You remember our conversation You text me and go on You're like

Oh my God I've got the best costume For online shy I turned to Ellen beside me And go Helen's gonna dress up with me You go And then you went

Oh my God what is it And I went I can't tell you I can give heads was actually, oh my god, what is it? But you read it as, oh my god, what is it? Oh yeah, no, I did read it as excited. And I was like, I can give you hints.

And you went, go on. And I went, I bought a freckle pen. And Catherine went, it's me. And then just stopped. I stopped flying. And then Helen's like, I've worn a wig. I've worked da da da da da da la la da. I was like, it's so good.

I've got this red wig and I've got a freckle pen. And then I'm going to wear something with a collar. Yeah? And I'm going to say things like, oh, have you tried hand sanitizer? and you're just crossing and you use way more hand sanitizers

than me I just wash my hands oh yeah there's so much effort with the standing and the turning and the twisting and what's another Catherine catchphrase

so again Paddy what would you go so again I don't know I used to use the same ones over and over again I got a lobster costume that I was given

after I did a play and so I just was it a play of Love Actually was the Lobston Love Actually yeah as played by Lulu Pop well right yeah what's that the car and the kid the kid in the car the kid in the

are you going to be the lobster at the birth of Jesus yes first lobster oh I don't remember but that sounds good have you ever seen love actually I think so you might have seen the Scarborough version of it love actually what turns out love no it'll be it'll be actually love it's all around Please, please, Richard Curtis, please get in contact. That's your Christmas sketch, actually love. All right, we'll get it done. That's your Christmas sketch.

That's so good. Actually, Love actually's very sexist. You can just be too many explaining why it's a sexist concept. It is a sexist film, isn't? That's what they say. I read an essay about it. Yeah, see, there you go, they're just scared. Why is the sexist thing?

Why am I an answer? Someone did a graph of like the more a woman talks in that film, the worst their love life is. Yeah, that checks out. Does that woman when I can't... No, we don't have time. Not today.

I'm sorry, Marianne. Catherine says we don't have time. Chicken happy. Chicken happy. Oh, yes, I sent her a video of a chicken. I'll call you later. Bye. Chicken happy.

Chicken happy. Oh, it's so cute. So sorry. Olga Koch found a video of special needs chickens wearing booties to help them with their movement. Do you know what?

Slime Country is quite professional. That's all the problem. Oh my God. Wait, Patty, what kind of advice giver are you? Probably one of those ones that's actually talking to themselves in the past. Oh, that's so obviously. So good.

I think I might be that. So I don't know how this works. People are writing in. Yeah. Yeah, awesome. That's so fascinating. Is it sometimes really heavy? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, often. Welcome to the lesbian lunch. I'm guessing you've got a light spin all there. That was my guess. Not me. I've actually found a light one and a very apt one. Oh, my God, yes. A lot of scrolling to find a light one. You've been scrolling this whole time because what you learned about Paddy is keep a light?

I just thought maybe it's not like dump a lot of lesbian trauma on Paddy. Having to sort of... I was a really hope they picked up like home. That was a beautiful girl. I mean, it is a lesbian issue, but one that's a bit lighter. It's from F. Hi F. For fingers.

I get it. Very droll. Or frotting. Come on, Hannah. All frothing. Let's be inclusive. Apology. Me and my girlfriend, both 23 female.

Both 23. Mm-hmm. I've been dating for eight months and are going to my friend's Halloween party later this month. We have been talking about couples' costumes for weeks and I thought we had agreed on Daphne and Velma. Great. But after I sent her my Velma outfit, I had spent ages picking out, she replied with one of her as Corella DeVille. Apparently she thought the costume chat was all hypothetical

and that it's too soon and cringe for couple's costumes. I know it's silly, but I feel quite hurt and let down. Is this an early red flag? Is this just my communication problem? I think she should come as Daphne anyway, especially as it's my friend's party and she's the plus one. But I don't know how to ask for that without her calling me cringe or saying that I'm being too much.

I know I'm imagining those potential responses, but I am just stuck on what to do. Please help. I can solve this for you one word What's Corrella DeVille's One word Oh Three sentences

Three sentences Wow I've never held me to that before That was fascinating I can do that That's a move Whoa This podcast just got shorter Go on

Three sentences Let's be half of them Go on Schooler deVille's main staple Is the cigarette And the cigarette holder, go with the cigarette and the cigarette holder, and then your girlfriend has to suck

on you all night. It is three sentences, to be fair. Yeah, problem solved. Okay. It's not cringe, it's banter. Go as the puppy. Who's harsh, she broke and then killed. Gosh, can I...

Well, please, go ahead, Paddy, actually. First of all, I don't think Velma and Daffin were like a pair, really. so I think that's not like an obvious with your pedantry yes I agree to be fair so I'm saying she may be she should offer an olive branch

and see if they can yeah go go a pair of creditorville and something she can go as well not but she could go as a hundred one dameations she could go as the coat or the dogs like when they're still or one of the dogs lucky

because it sounds like she should find out they should find out if they can if she does she want to be in a couple costume or does she not want that particular one? The partner does not want to do a couple's costume because she thinks it's too cringy but... And too soon?

F, who's written in. She said too soon. Oh, she said it's too soon? Yeah. Sorry, I wasn't listening properly. And see, that's why you should date a woman. Imagine if I had given you like a very complex lesbian, that wasn't complex.

This is the lightest problem we could find. Right, I need to start revising. Don't you feel like that's like, it's not too soon, it's just a simple. one night couple's like party just dress and matching costumes I think that's cute I do it with someone I just met

Here's the thing Obviously a couple's costume is light And it's really truly very low stakes But the second You make this into a thing You're the person making it a big deal And I don't think that you should have to do that Like if she doesn't want to do the costume fine

Like it's not that big a deal You can think of your own costume And also like you don't actually want a scenario where you forced her into wearing a couple's costume with you because it's your friend's party and I think she's being a little bit taking it a little bit seriously as in like it probably means more but but maybe the real conversation underneath that feels like you're at differing degrees of commitment but am I reading too much into it maybe I'd have a conversation about like what she thinks it means and why that's worrying her just be like

forget the costumes for a second we'll just go in our own costumes but like what are you worried it will say to the world if we did a couple's costume that were a couple, aren't we? Why is that important? But maybe it's about like she just wants to like maintain a bit of when you're early on in a relationship. It's like, oh my God, am I, it's my identity being subsumed in this. Like I do want to still be an independent person. So I think it's fine to just want to go in your own costume. I don't think you should say it's my friend's party so you have to do what I say. I think that makes her feel like you're a plus one and not like an actual invited guest. I just thought of a good couple's costume.

And I think it makes you seem a little, um... The Battle of Stalingrad. What are we going as? One German, one Russian. And together, you are the Battle of Stalingrad. Right. Sorry, that was brilliant until then. Yeah.

That was really good. I just think there's stuff underneath... You're the red flag. Well, I think it's not a heavy issue, but it obviously like symbolizes something for both of you. and you seem to want her to do what you want her to do and she seems to want a little bit of like independent identity and I definitely don't think you should like make it a rule about what she wears

but no judgment yeah I mean it's all just a bit serious isn't it really exactly it should just be a fun thing why don't you just like both just go okay it's disappointed she doesn't want to do what I want to do but maybe that's something we have to look forward to in the future what can I do that I won't be able to do when we are in that phase of our relationship that I want to do now, myself, that's all me. And then just go with something fucking amazing.

Ejaculation. That's always a funny costume. How'd you do that? You've got a constant, like, bouts of, like, lube on you and just constantly be ready to be like, I'm ejaculation, and look like a shooting out. You have to be covered in it. Yeah. It's not the best costume we'd have to keep saying it. That's a really good point, actually.

I've never done that many good costumes over the years. Like, I had a witch's hat. And what were you saying? I'm a witch's hat. No, I was being my witch that wanks. I've done the impression this year yet? Oh, have you been the witch that wang? Yeah. No, go on.

Oh, you're going to love this. Here's a Halloween special. The witch that wanks. Here we go. Oh, the coundrons babbling. It's good. Come on, that's good stuff. That is good.

Hope that help. It's just the best impression I've got in my entire art. Do you know what you are good at giving advice? Do you miss slime country? Yeah, those boys, they looked after me. Oh, yes, that's really good. You do. You do.

You do. We've just got a very manic energy today. And that's probably because of coffee. It all comes back to the beginning. Wow. Wow. Sounds like you guys need a bit of. advice yourself. Hey, could you give us some?

Yeah, maybe just give you a little bit longer to warm up when they come in and don't look at me like that. We're taking notes? No, I don't think I don't know. So what happens is sometimes we don't know what we're going to say. Right. But all the time. Yeah. And then we both have ideas and then we both start trying to say it.

And then the guest is trying to talk and then we're just sort of forcing our own agenda because we're powerful women. But it doesn't necessarily mean that we're being good friends to each other. So how do we make sure that doesn't happen in the future? Yes, we. What I would say is you came in and were pushed into the room physically by your backpack by Helen Bauer. And if I'm right in remembering this, Paddy now, I did say, don't push him.

You did actually. And then she said, get in there and sit down. And I said, well, can he have a hot drink? And she said, we don't have time. And I said, you do have time. And then they pulled the bag over my head. I'm trying to blink in Morse code Helma, help me

I need you and the rest of the gang to come find, solve this mystery how did I get myself into this mess? I'm just saying, I, you know, I tried to let you have a minute. Yes. So in many ways it's all hell and full. Have you thought about that?

Well, I have thought that's, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot going on between you, it's nice, it's nice. Paddy, can I say something to Catherine? Yes. What Catherine made? is when I went out there to get Paddy, I took on, I started playing that I was like getting him in

from like a COVID operation, sort of like, you've got to come in really quickly. So the receptionist tried to have banter and I was like, there's no time. And you missed the whole play that happened. Paddy Kim, you please tell Helen that I'm not speaking to her anymore. Thank you. I can't believe you'd monetise this. Guys, guys, we're doing a compliment circle.

And then we're going to end this because this has just got out of hand. Is that it? So just do one bit of advice. Yeah. Right. Well, you took on advising us and then that's like... Do you want to do a really harrowing

bit of advice for the extras? Yeah, why not? Yes, okay, stay on for that. But before that, where can people find you? I'm on Instagram at Paddy is Young and all the other things. And I'm on tour, so come see me. Paddy's show was nominated for the best show

at the Edinburgh Comedy Awards. It's very fucking good actually, technically and actually. It's very good. It's on tour and it's also at the Sarah Theatre in January. It's good actually. Good tickets now because it will sell out and then you'll be like, no one told us. And it's like, we told you. We told you in October. We did say. Book now. Didn't we say? Thank you. I remember saying. Have you had a nice time?

Yeah. I think that. Excellent. Podcast. Over. Thank you so much to our executive producers. Guy Goodman, Simon, Moore, Mary Fox, Annie Tonner, Sarah Hartgate, Deacon, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway and Matthew Thomas. Thank you. Thank you. Out of the executive lounge. but into a VIP area nonetheless it's our producers thank you so much to Richard Bicknell L Richard Ball Neil Redmond

Victoria Hutchison Harold Van Dyke Tim and Dom David Walker Rachel Raseby Cashmore Clare Owen Jones Jess and Nick Zoe Sarah

and Molly Ria Rachel Paige Helen A Tina Lindsay Graham Marsh Amy O'Reardon Abbey Wourf Key Webb Matt Sims Luke Bright

Leah Kate Spencer Tristan Liz Forge Tass Clow Becky Fox Emily G Dean Michael Glenis West Stephanie Kat Ratchia Sophie Chivers

Mark Anthony I always have to split those two up. Carrie Sooth and Charlie A. Thank you so much.