Trusty Hogs - Ep118. BRONA C TITLEY / Tits, Traitors and the Tube

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

A hilarious multi-hyphenate and returning Live Show favourite, Brona C Titley joins the Hogs this week to chat Dublin rivalries, distracting breasts, and dating disasters. Plus, whilst Helen is making merry in Mexico, we welcome back the brilliant Urooj Ashfaq to take the reigns alongside Catherine...FOLLOW BRONA: @BronaCTitleyFOLLOW UROOJ: @UroojAshfaqTRUSTY HOGS TOUR TICKETS: trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Deakin / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew Thomas / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'ReillyPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Emily Gee / Dean Michael / Stefanie Catracchia / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Hayley Worf / GozzaWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The comprehensiveness of the program prepared me so well for medical school. Explore over 350 plus programs at ASUonline.asu.edu. Hello, welcome to episode 118 of trusty hogs. And there's no Helen Bauer in the studio, as she's told us approximately, 118 times, she's gone to Mexico. And we wish Mexico well. May we say that? For the week, we hope they're all right.

In the meantime, though, boy, oh boy, do we have a special guest co-host in this studio with us? Do you want to introduce yourself? Hi, everyone. It's me, Rouge Ashfark, standard comedian. She's back! I'm back! Oh my God, I'm so excited that you're here.

Genually thrilled that you said yes to this. You kind of had to because I harangued you on the street outside Soho Theater after your show and all five of us had come to see you so you had to say yes because otherwise it would be rude that's true but also I was really flattered that you asked and I wanted to say yes

this is very nice however I would have done this with someone I didn't want to say yes to also you are absolutely right yeah you seem polite but the truth is that I love you so that just happens to be the case yeah nice hey oh my gosh we loved your show so much oh yay okay I'm glad thank you so much for all five of you for coming.

We wouldn't have admitted to being there afterwards if we didn't love it. We loved it. I've forgotten to do all of the admin of the show. It's episode 118. The podcast is Trustee Hogs, usually hosted by Helen Bauer and myself, but today, by the wonderful Orooge and I, and we are going to tell you about our frankly perfect lives and then we're going to help sort of solve the problems of yours

and with our wonderful guest, Brona C. Titley. Yes, Brona is an actual name. Welcome to Ireland and India. We're doing it. for the trusty hogs Yeah You're gonna give them your problems And they will solve them

Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs

Or maybe not Here's my question I can I believe it's the Bronny not bad you're explaining because it was the titty part. Oh, you think it's the titty part. Well, you can say that to her face later on. Oh, no. To her tiths. You better say it to her tits.

And they're impressive. Yeah, very exciting. Something to look forward to. Hey, tell me about your morning. You just, you seem a little full. Yes, I am actually. I'm glad you noticed. Struggling to breathe. A little, like, up to the gills.

What's going on? on what happened i had a scone um okay and it was so delicious and then i had a bunch of clotted cream left because they're never proportionate those things right no you're right i was like i want to waste clotted cream so i just sat there like i sat there and i ate all the clotted cream with a spoon with a spoon and now i feel sick that sounds amazing though although like that's gonna give you like a sort of tacky mouth that's full i do that's why i have this glass of water here because it's given me like a dry mouth here's my question you do you know that's are quite contentious in this country.

Why aren't you contentious? British people are obsessed with it. They're obsessed with which order you put jam and cream on. Did you not know this? I heard about this briefly at the fringe. Wow. Yeah, it's a national debate.

It's ongoing. National treasures have weighed in and often had their treasury revoked. Is that how you say that? I'm not sure. But I know that Don French was in hot order because she was doing it the wrong way around or the right way around.

I'm not taking a stance. But did you have jam? I had jam and cream. Okay, so my question is, intuitively, without knowing what, all of the arguments, which should you put on the scone first? Cream. You went cream and then jam on top? Yeah.

Oh my God, you're a maniac. You're a maniac. Whoa, M is with you. Andrew's with me. This is the divide. It's obviously jam first. The jam spreads and the cream dulloch. Exactly.

It makes no sense to go the other way. Thank you, Andrew. I wasn't going to take a stamp, so I was going to keep my opinion private. But as soon as you said the wrong answer, I was like, well, you're a maniac. That's who I'm doing. with. I didn't know who I'd invited it in. How is, so, okay, so is the majority on jam first

cream for later? There is no majority. That's the problem. That's the problem with this country. They cannot get it together. Oh my God. Because I think, I agree. I think jam spreads and is stickier and the cream stays on more easily, whereas the jam goes everywhere if you put it on time. Actually, I, that's why I, so I put the cream

first because that's the flavor I want predominantly, and then I decide proportionate to that how much jam I want, right? Right. Exactly. M is nodding along vociferously and taking your side. The cream is like as thick as butter. If it's clotted cream, it spreads like butter, kind of. So it's not like, you know.

Wait, but aren't we putting butter on as well? Well, sure, but then cream on top. Yeah. Whoa, I never thought I'd disagree with you so early in the show. Huh, I guess we're enemies now. That's crazy. Now you don't want Miss Helen anymore. Well, no, that's not true.

She still needs her holiday and we're all glad for it. Hi, Helen. Hope you having a great time. I wonder, Helen could be the casting vote. Shall I voice note her? Yeah, we can ask her for her. Let me find out. I think that's important to actually settle this

because we won't tell her whose opinion is who. Yeah. Hi, Helen. I hope you're not asleep in Mexico. You might be, and then you might not reply to this during the podcast. But if you're awake, Arrude and I have had our first fight. It's over whether or not you put jam or cream on a scone first. Let us know what you're doing, because then probably not doing it in Mexico, but let me know.

And then that will decide. Bye. Okay, so you had a scone. It's 5 a.m. in Mexico. Thank you for Googling. Oh my gosh, is it? She might be awake. Probably not.

She's probably on London time. Maybe. How many days have she been there? Well, if she's flying back soon, she'll be awake for 48 hours, solid, remember? Oh, my gosh, do you know this? So she was going to Mexico, and her logic was to get around jet lag and to sleep on the plane. She stayed awake for three days. What?

I know. It makes no sense. And so that when she lands, she's on Mexican time? Yeah, and crazy, I guess. I guess. And also so she sleeps through the flight I don't know, it's a mad call So I imagine she was deranged for the first four days

That sounds insane And then slept and was still deranged But for different reasons, we love you Helen, miss you Okay, so how long have you been in London, please? It's been, this is my second week Okay, are you on London time yet? Yes, I love being on London time Why?

Because the thing is, when I come from India I wake up at 7 a.m. here because they're five and a half hours ahead. Oh my God. Wait, what time are you waking up at home? One. are you okay you sound depressed i am i thought you were getting all that therapy yeah but you know i've had some life changes recently and so what are they dare i ask can't say it on the podcast

okay fine they are private life changes sorry guys i'm having private life changes good for you keep them private honestly that's a whole new world for us on this podcast i've never had somebody who doesn't want to say it doesn't open with the private stuff um that's fair but okay so You're back to waking up at 7 a.m. here. I'm back to waking up at 7 a.m. here. And I feel so good about myself. I feel like a fresh little daisy every morning. That's so sweet.

And you're like posting back going to the gym on Instagram. That's right. Because I wake up at 7 a.m. I have nothing to do except spend time with my thoughts. So get yourself to that gym. What gym are you going to while you're here? Actually, I, okay, so the day I landed. I landed at like 12 p.m.

I got to my Airbnb at 2 p.m. I had a show at 7.30. I don't know. why my Airbnb was so bad, but it had, it was really dirty, which is totally fine in retrospect. No, it's not. It had no heating. What? Unacceptable. The heating was not working. It has to at least be warm and filthy. It was zero degrees. You're paying for this place? No, I left it. So I packed my shit again. I barely unpacked. Good. But I packed it all up. I went to Sewer Theater. I did my show,

and then I booked myself into a hotel for a week. Good for you. And that's when I went to the gym. Nice. You went to a hotel gym. That's very exciting. Was there anybody in it? Nope. There never is. There never is. It's so good.

It's so good. People are, I guess, are just like having sex. But for the rest of us, there's the gym. And we're fine. We're happy. We're well. No further questions. And so you're staying in a hotel in a foreign country.

Did you end up in a stairwell pissing at any point? No. Oh my God. That's so weird. Please elaborate. Oh, you haven't heard this? No. Oh, my God.

You have to be the only person who doesn't know this. Helen went to Australia and woke up from sleep. walking, pissing in a stairwell without any clothes on, didn't have her key to her room and had to essentially go back on out via sort of fire exit onto a main road in Sydney, circle her way round naked to get a teen who worked at the hotel to come and let her back into her room. Is that the appropriate, succinct version of that story? Has that not happened to you? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. What is Helen doing in Mexico right now, I wonder. I wonder. I guess it's 5 a.m. Why, she really could be. Wake up!

Appellant, wake up! If you're listening to this, wake up! Pay attention, wake up! I tried to get her to wear like one of those bun bags when she sleeps, but she won't do it. That's so cute. She won't do it. It's sad. I am...

The part about convincing the teen where you're naked to let you in is a really... How did she convince him that she stays in there? He knew? I think she'd come from the hallway. So you kind of have to assume... You have to hope that that woman hasn't broken in another way, I guess. Also, I think in order to argue with her, he would have had to look directly at her,

and he didn't sound like the type. Oh, okay, he was a good kid He was a scared kid He was definitely a scared kid He was a scared Australian boy Hey, I'm really proud of you Because since we spoke last You've bought yourself a bloody coat

Yes, sir I was freezing the day I'm I know, you were so cold And you looked like a tourist And now you look like a Londoner Thank you so much I went to a Nuclow Uniclow, good good good

And then I got the thomas And I got the big coat And now I feel good Because I, you're right I did look like a dumb tourist wearing a... You just look like a cold tourist. Oh, so cold.

I'm proud of you for getting a coat. And so where are you going on tour? I'm going to Leicester, Leeds, Coventry, Birmingham, Manchester, all of those places. Have you been to any of them before? No, never. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I'm glad you got a coat.

Okay, I got a scarf also. Okay, good, because it's only going to get colder, my friend. Right? That's all up north, right? Yeah, that's... Well, Midlands and then North, you're going. Is that right, Andrew? Yeah.

Okay, so I'm going to, I'm going to get my... I have a... I have a beanie, I have gloves, I have a scarf. You're good to go, my friend. You're going to be fine. How are you finding British food? It's fine this time around, actually. I think, like, last time around I was like, that's just too much bread.

Yeah. But now I've started eating salad as well. Whoa, the gym and the salad. Is everything okay at home? No, two personal a question. I'm so sorry. No, salad's nice. I'm going to go out of your podcast.

No, no, everything's fine. I just want to be really sexy. Good for you. Do it. I'm really working on being, so the next time you see me, I'm going to be so hot. Whoa. Like overheated or from the salads? From the salads.

Wow, inside out. That's really impressive. Here's my question. Have you had Indian food here yet? Yes, it's pretty good. Okay, good. I think it'll be better when you go to Leicester and are you going Birmingham? Yes.

Yeah, Manchester? Yes. Yeah, I think it's only going to get better. Okay, because I heard about like, because there's a lot of community there. And I guess they have like something called the balti curry. Someone was telling me about it in Birmingham. I don't know. So they were like, you should try it.

It was invented there. And I say invented with like air quotes. In air quotes, yeah. I'm going to say we've reached the limits of my knowledge on Indian cuisine in Birmingham here. We stop here. This is my ceiling. But I think that's probably true. It's probably true.

Maybe message us if you or tweet us if you have places that are should eat. But not, may I say not if you're a white lady. All the best? Nope, don't wait us. I think that's a, no. And so, what do you miss from home? Nothing, because I know I'm going to go back in a month. So I'm really, I miss my cat, though.

I miss her so much. I can't relate to that. I'm not a cat person. I'm really sorry. Are you a dog person? Yeah. I love dogs also. Okay, fine.

Do you have one? No. I have a little cat. Okay. You want to see her? I guess so. You're she's now. Okay, she's kind of cute

She's got a Jill ginger head and I like that She's so cute She's gorgeous Catherine She is beautiful She's like actually kind of a model cat Right? She's got all of the boy cats want her Oh really? Is she eating salads and going to the gym Kind of, she really struts like a model

She's gorgeous She is good What's her name? Sarah Sarah, okay great Yeah, that's her name And you just have one cat? I just have the one cat Actually she's an indoor outdoor kid

cat uh basically in my isn't that just a cat isn't that just a cat no so really we have cats in mumbai that people don't let out like they just stay in the house yeah we have indoor cats which i always feel sorry for yeah but indoor i tour that's like standard right i mean so i mean she chose me she showed up outside my house one day you stole this cat i mean she's just a street cat and she showed up outside my house i live on the fourth floor so in so hang on i needed to start the story at the very beginning. You live on the fourth floor. Yes. A cat shows up at your door? Yep.

She was sitting on my shoe rack outside my house. Hang on. How did she get to the fourth floor? She climbed up the stairs. What? She climbed up. The indoor stairs? Yes, because we don't have, we don't have these doors like you guys do, right, to our buildings. Basically what we have... Doors

aren't an English invention. You can't say that like, we don't have these fancy doors that you guys have. You've got doors. I mean we have doors but okay so the thing is the building doesn't have like a locked door it doesn't have a door at all because we have three or four buildings together that are gated and that's called a society so I live in a society where there are four buildings and the whole society has a perimeter around it which is a gate so many questions and so the building is basically

it's open like you walk in you there's no gate or anything it's just an open structure okay you can access the steps because the watchman stops you and then he checks who's coming in and everything. He didn't stop this cat. The cat actually was born in the building. What? Yeah, she's been living there the whole time. There's a bunch of cats that the society takes care of.

There's like six to seven, and they just hang out in the society. But they're all outdoor cats. They're all outdoor cats. But then there are people in the society who are cat lovers or animal lovers, so they put food out for them. But this gal, she, you know, she walked up to my house, and she sat on the shoe rack, and I was like, who's this sexy bitch? Yeah, obviously, you were turned on by the cat.

That's what it sounds like. I was like, come here to me and show me a bum And just grabbed a squishy bum And then I was like And then she would come back every day Because I gave her wet food You gave her wet food It's from dry food

Hang on a second Wait a second So what you're telling me is There were community cats In this four building block That you have named a society Which feels post-apocalyptic And the cats were for everyone

Yep And you decided Nope This cat's for me This one is just mine. Wow, you're a capitalist amidst a socialist experiment. Yes.

You seized a cat for yourself. I took her for myself. Does everyone know you stole a cat? Yeah, they know she's my cat. So if she's wandering downstairs and something's wrong with her, they call me, so I go down and I get her. Because is she a sickly cat?

No, no, no. Okay. Sometimes, but she gets into a lot of fice. She's a feisty cat. Oh, nice. Because all the boys want her. Okay, fair enough. Insert your boundaries, Sarah.

Fair enough. Fair enough. So you stole a cat from the common good. Yes. And I respect. hell out of us. That's really reasonable. That's fair. Is it just you and the cat that live together? Yep. It's just me and my cat. It's much more fun than it sounds like. I hope so. But she chose me. She chose me. She chose me. She loves me. I live for her. That's so nice. Who's taking care of her?

My friend Andrew is staying in my house with her for the month that I'm away. Thanks, Andrew. Thanks, Andrew. Shout out to Indian Andrew. Oh, Andrew. Do you know the other Andrew? I don't know. If we don't all know each other, we're not like in a big Andrew group chat. That's so weird. Although I'm in a big group chat of other people called Andrew White.

What? There was a trend a while ago where you find somebody with your same name and just make a big group chat of them. So I'm in a group chat of loads of Andrew whites. You actually did that? I didn't do it. Somebody else did it.

I was added into it. How many are there? Like how many participants in this group? I think there was like 80-something. Whoa. Including a famous Andrew White at the Bishop of Baghdad. the um yeah excuse me he's like a famous clergyman and he was the bishop in in bagdad for a while

and he writes books and stuff they have bishops in bagdad i think i think he's not the official bishop of bagdad he's just like a minister who is out there and you got the nickname bishop of bagdad sorry let me rephrase there christians in baghdad i'm like there are people with the surname white in bagdad no i think he's english he was just stationed out there yeah wow and you guys what do you guys talk about? Oh, it's not, I've not been messaged in in six years. What did you originally talk about? The bishop of Baghdad sent a picture of his new grandchild.

How does a bishop have a grandchild? The math are wrong on that. He's not a proper bishop. I think that's just his nickname. There are some who can still, you know, have families, right? Only if they're Church of England. Is he Church of England? I'd assume so, yeah.

How many Catherine Boharts do you think there are? I'd say none. I'd say none. I'd say no. I'd say just me because it's a made-up name. Oh my gosh. So I... Sorry. Go on. Please tell me. I was just going to say that your show was so reminiscent of Ireland in the 1990s to me. Really?

But because it was like the sin of divorce opening gambit. I was like, yes, I relate to this so hard. Yes. And then watching you interact with inter-religious marriages and couples was so fascinating. You approached it like most of Irish, like grandmothers would. which is like, oh, right, same house? God, what's your parents think of that? I was like, this level of disapproval is one I've seen before.

Is it really that big a deal? For, like, to get married across religions? Oh, yes. In India, it still is. In India, actually, it's like a, it's kind of a political vote bank thing also where one of the things that people do is, obviously, we use, religion and politics are really disgustingly intertwined. yep um so when they're so far so irish go on yeah and you know so like so when hindus and

muslims get married it's actually a political issue there's something that they call love jihad do you know what love jihad is no but it sounds like a channel five documentary and i would watch so basically love jihad sometimes so sometimes this happens where um i guess people who are involved in terrorist activities uh sort of you know it's like a they i guess they are the honeypots i had although i don't know how they're attractive at all but women of in religions fall in love with them and then they come over to their homes and then they're like what do you say they get married and then they are converted to Islam and everything and then sometimes you know those women who go to like ISIS territories and stuff yeah but so in India what

happens is everyone is just Indian and then they happen to be Muslim or Hindu and then sometimes they fall in love with each other and get married okay but the political narrative is from Hindu politicians is that these Muslims are doing love jihad so what they're doing is what they're genuinely getting women by one one at a time by making them fall in love with them yep and then loving them forever in marriage and i was like that sounds fine that's your big long-term plan make them fall in love with this each one at a time we'll get them we'll get them and so funny so the opposite of that is called gharwapsi where if a hindu man marries a Muslim woman which means return to home because what they believe is that we were all

Hindus to begin with. So they're capturing them back. So it's like you come back home. Oh my gosh. And it's insane. Is anyone keeping score? I mean, I'd love if there was a scoreboard in a like in a square. We got one. Yikes. We got two. Actually, the Muslim men would get four at a time. So you can say that and I can laugh quietly. And those are the rules. May I say? Let's just be clear. Fair enough. Fair enough. And so when you were doing your show, I felt like loads you did something that I always tried to do but ultimately not enough Irish people speak Irish

for it which is you got to tell jokes in a different language as a secret from the white people and my brother and I speak Irish to each other on the tube but the problem with being Irish in London is that almost everyone around you on the tube is sometimes often Irish so you'll be like we can bet you

about these people in Irish and then somebody else will be like what the fuck did you just say? In Irish you're like nothing we're just practicing we're American Huh? No. What? It was Scottish. Scots gal. Like, huh? What are you saying, y'all? Well, you're just coughing. Don't worry about it.

Whereas you guys got to have secrets. It was very... Does that feel like a superpower when you're here? It's pretty fun because I just... I like seeing the faces of people who are not Indian. That includes white people or any other like... Yeah. You know, like maybe Southeast Asians or also. But it's like they feel so excluded suddenly.

and then I'm just like ha ha it's a very joyful thing to catch yourself in because you're like hey wait oh no I guess that's fair you're like hey well okay no all right can you speak in Irish right I've never common unconscious squelga all too eerie yeah wow yeah yeah if you want but also I'm sure Brona Brona has an Irish name I'm sure she's able to speak Oskwellga yeah no she's she is Irish yeah yeah yeah but not every Irish person can speak oh so when we were raised um when we were going to school it was compulsory it's no longer compulsory to learn Irish so Is it that your balance also spoke to an Irish at home so you were able to...

No, it was only that it was... Some families do that, but mostly it's like it was compulsory age 5 to 18 when I was learning it but it's no longer the case. So yeah, but there are small patches of Ireland that operate all through Irish. Wow. But they're very, very tiny.

It's like 80,000, maybe less now. But it's nice to know if you know... I mean, it's just nice to know multiple languages because you feel cool, so I guess it's fun. It is cool. I think it's a little less cool when no one speaks the one that you speak because then you actually just feel crazy in multiple languages

you're like oh I'm alone I can be alone in any dialect gorgeous so that's a little isolating How is your week? Sorry no No go on I love that that's just a nice question My week was fine I will say I have a cold and that I am like a man when it comes to being sick I feel very sorry for myself

Do you have this concept of man flu in India when boys feel like they need the help from everybody when they're sick. Yeah. Is that? Yeah. And they're big babies about it? Yeah. And they have low pain tolerance.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Like I said, I don't know if I've observed this, but I'm wearing my pajamas outside today. Oh my God. I thought this was a look. It looks really good. Thank you for saying that that's kind of you. Helen would have immediately been like, oh, are you having a breakdown?

And so it's really generous for you not to have mentioned that I was wearing pajamas outside. Listen, it's a choice, certainly it's a choice And I do think you can rock it as a look I really think it looks good Is it, am I doing that today Or am I a woman with her period and a cold Probably that one That's too much

Thank you, I agree You're just at the same time Isn't it crazy? Don't you often find that happens though That you get sick when you have your period? Yeah It's not very fair I'm sick, you're sick from your period

That's what it is Oh my God do you think Sick from being a woman Sick of being, I'm sick of it I'm sick of it And so that's what's happening for me But the answer to your question is, how is my week? Well, I did an Amazon show.

So I went to the premiere of that on Thursday in Ireland. And have you ever had to watch yourself in front of people? Yes, once or twice. Oh, my God. I've never been to a premiere before. So I've never been on a red carpet before. I've never, you basically go in and they play two episodes of a show that you're in while your family sits there, while the cast sits there.

No one's seen it. While the press sit there. And then you just have to, and a lot of teenage influencers. are there and they have to keep being reminded to put their phones away and you're like do we want them to influence people or not but so we sat there and had to watch it and I just like had my honestly like

was trying not to keep my hands over my eyes the whole time it's so uncomfortable but the show is I don't know if there's been an Indian version they're doing like loads of iterations of it basically there's a Canadian one a Swedish one an Australian one but you put ten comedians in a room and you're not

allowed to laugh or smile I know this one okay yeah it's called LOL yeah exactly Okay, so I did the Irish one. That's so fun. But it becomes, like, I think, very readily apparent that I'm a woman having a breakdown. Because, so I blacked it out. As soon as it was over, I, like, completely forgot what happened.

I do remember saying the words, I have OCD. So, like, I love things to being clean and orderly. And that's just my type of OCD. But I remember saying the words, should we all clean up for a laugh? Wouldn't it be so funny if we hoovered? and that's where I was mentally and so I was watching it back

everyone was like ha ha ha and I was like there's a there's a sort of a panic in my eyes that is very so that was my week was watching that and then sort of reliving it but it's out on Friday and I'm excited to see the rest of my breakdown pan out I'm gonna see

how many episodes how many episodes six episodes six episodes six breakdowns yeah that's beautiful and I'm wearing a three piece suit for the whole thing that's cool What color was it? It's gray. It's gray?

It's great. Okay. It would look really nice. It's nice. So there is at least that to distract from the breakdown. But it's also, yeah, listen, have a watch. Tweet me if you like it. Please don't tweet me if you don't. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I'm also, my other big thing in my week is that I'm watching the traders. Do you watch the traders?

No, is this a, I've seen some advertisements for this. Oh my God, it's so good. Have you ever played Mafia? Yes. It's mafia, but it's in a television show. It's so good. It sounds bad, but it's incredible. Where can I watch this?

BBC, BBC. It's so phenomenal. If you watch the first six episodes before Monday, you can come to my house for episodes seven to nine on Monday. Because we watch it as a group, and we watch them in bundles, which is very hard because all of this freaking country wants to give me a spoiler, but I'm trying not to.

So is it the big show that everybody's watching right now? It's the big show that everybody's watching. watching right now. Are you guys watching? Okay, it is a big show that everybody is watching right now, Arooge, I'm telling you, I promise you, it's so exciting. I want to be part of London culture for this one month. Okay, well, London culture means staying inside and watching six episodes on your laptop alone. Okay? Okay, please, I'm thinking of your cat, obviously. It's amazing and that is basically made my week. Isn't that very dull? It sounds fantastic. Oh, and I'm going to do a premiere. Yeah, that's true. That is true. It was cool. And also they did like,

Irish catering for the premiere. So they had crisp sandwiches and sausage rolls. I love sausage rolls. Do you love sausage rolls? I really love sausage rolls. These were vegan sausage rolls

and they were pretty good. Okay, that's really nice. Do you eat meat? Yes, but I've stopped eating lamb and pork. Okay. Because I just... So you're going to work on like the bigger animals first

and then go get great. I want to stop. Still eating... Do you eat beef? No. I mean, of course, I know, that's the Hindus. they don't eat beef.

Fine. But, I mean, I used to, but I've stopped eating it for a long time now because in a lot of places in India, it's banned. Okay, really? Because they believe it's their mother and they worship the cow, right? But you really are working from biggest animal down.

Yes, so. Okay, great. What will be the last one you have left? Probably a shrimp. A shrimp. Oh, do you eat rabbit? No, I've never tried rabbit. Okay.

Well, then that's good not to have to cut it out. Don't start now just to add in a different meat. That would be great. If you were like, I'm going to have to go to the eat the smaller ones. Sorry. Okay, I wouldn't advocate. Has anyone had rabbit?

Is it nice? Yeah. Yeah, it's quite nice. Gross. Good and a patte. You guys haven't watched Traders, but you've eaten rabbit patte? This country's fucked, man.

Don't take, don't, this is not good advice. That's not London culture, okay? I need you to watch traders and not have any rabbit patte. Andrew's not a good metric. That's deranged. That's wild. Yeah. you not eat meat?

No. Oh. So how long have you not eaten meat for or like since? Since 2012. So you've been a vegetarian or vegan? Vegetarian from 2012 and then I went vegan for three years. And then during lockdown I started to eat fish again, which I don't feel good about. It's okay.

So I'm sort of petering that out again. Fish is fine. Fish is like, you know, like it's like if we're addicted to heroin, then it's like you had a joint. You know, like it's okay. Whoa. Yeah. I guess I do wear pretty giggly after fish. That makes sense.

And hungry still. So maybe that makes sense. That makes sense. It's like, I feel bad for a fish, but not as bad as I would for, you know, maybe. Spoken like a true cat owner. Yeah. I'm like, whatever. No, I do feel bad and I actually, I'm trying to cut it down.

And it's only ever meat eaters who are like, fish are fine. Yeah. Vegetarians are like, hmm. Okay. Yeah. Well, maybe you could cut that out. Wow, what a thing to compare meat eating to heroin when you eat meat. Yeah, fascinating.

Interesting. Something to think about it. But your salads are all vegetarian. Yes, yes. No, I mean, they have chicken or like prawn in them or like some type of fish. I love that you just said, yes, yes, they're all vegetarian. I mean, chicken or prawn. You really sound like an Irish grandmother.

When I went vegetarian, my parents were like, but still ham, right? And I was like, what? No, no, not ham. But, like, prawn or, you know, chicken is basically, it's like a vegetable if you really think that. If I really think about it, talk me through that. Maybe you don't really think about it. Okay. If you brush over it really quickly, it sure as heck can be, it's fine, it's fine.

Am I like an Irish grandmother? You genuinely are. It's wild to be like, prawns and chicken are vegetables and mixed marriages are wrong. But don't think about it. Everything's fine. Favorite thing about London? Favorite thing about London? I mean, okay, this is going to sound so lame, but I love the tube.

What? I love to ride the tube. You love to ride the tube? I like to be in the tube all day long. Whoa. That is such a wild choice. I will tell you why. Please, you'll have to.

It'd be terrible chat if you didn't. And also, may I say, inexplicable. Go on, try. Basically, public transportation in India is overcrowded or badly maintained. So far, so tube. But no, no, you have no idea. Once you come over to. Mumbai, I will take you in a bus and in the train, and then you will step into the tube and

you'll be like, what is this luxurious limo provided to me by the government? It's that bad? It's because there's too many people, you know, and it's not like, it's nobody's fault except the government's, it's always the government's fault. Okay. In the sense that they don't make it more efficient, they don't make sure they maintain the standards, you know, and they just like, you know, people have to adjust because they have no other choice. But you like the tube more than say, like walking in a park? Oh, but I haven't been able to walk in a park this time. I'm like, ah, it's so cold. Oh, come on.

It's a positively mild winter. It's really? You haven't done a Hyde Park with a hot chocolate? No. That's nice. You should do that. Be brave. Maybe I'll do that after the podcast.

You should. No, because that sounds like you're going to do it by yourself and that's so sad. Let's do it together at an array-ish time. All right. I can't take any more of your sad stories. Like, your favorite thing about London is the tube and the only thing you miss is your cat. Please don't go for a walk alone. I'll worry about you.

I have so many more sad stories for you. This is just the beginning. That's so funny. Wait, so, okay. So, Tube, you like about the tube what? The space? The space. The fact that it's not sweaty in there.

And how convenient it is and how it gets me everywhere I want to go without, you know. You should be a TFL advert. This is amazing. Really? Yeah. I've never heard anyone speak with this level of enthusiasm about the tube. The tube is, you should talk to more people who shifted here after India. They love the tube.

They're like, we're going to take the tube. And I'm like, oh my God. do like a day trip yeah that's so fun oh my god the tube we're spoiling ourselves that's amazing wow okay it's so fun avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start thumbtack knows home so you don't have to don't know the difference between mat paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is with thumbtack you don't have to be a home pro you just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated

pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Hi, I'm Catherine Beauxhart and I'm going to the Soho Theatre in London for two weeks in March. Now, wouldn't it be convenient if they were back to back and I could just tell you the dates? Of course it would. They're not.

The first one begins the week commencing the 4th of March and the second one after a week's break begins the week commencing the 18th of March. So early March, late March, where will I be? Soho Theatre, my loves, and I'd love to see you there. The tickets I haven't sold necessarily as fast as I like them too. But listen, there are some available, and I'll be there doing my goddamn best with my new show.

That's the debut of my new show, so please come. I'd be thrilled having the audience, the show is called Again With Feelings, and the earlier you buy your tickets at Soho, the less expensive they are. Thank you so much. This is it! It's me, Helen Bauer, from Disney Hawks. I just want to say, I'm doing my show one last time in the UK at the Earth in Hackney in London on March 2nd. It's a double bill with Olga Cork. You can see both of us, you can see one of us, come for the whole night. You've got like a little break in between us to go get some food.

It's going to be magical, it's going to be sexy, and I'd love to see you there. Thank you. It's Brona C. Tittley, everybody! Woo! Huck, hawk! Hock! Huck! I'm going to hawk! You know, I love to hog! I know you love to hug! It's all hog together! It's so exciting to have you here.

By the way, you are compensating for, and I hope, you don't mind me speaking on our behalf, for a lack of breasts in Ellen Sampson. Do you know, they do say about me that I bring a multitude of breasts to the room. You really do. They kind of enter the room before me, actually, as it happens. We actually have discussed them before you got here. Okay, so in more ways than one.

Well, because I was like, oh, yeah, just so, you know, Brona is Brona's name, because I know it's an Irish one. And Rooge was like, you think that is the part of the name I was struggling with. Oh, yeah, because my surname has the word tit in it. I don't know if you noticed that. And tit is another word for... Birds. For a little bird.

But I noticed that my surname had the word titanet because I'm loads of people pointed it out my whole life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like a really good way of, like, from like, like four on I would say like really smart boys in the playground yeah they're a stew like oh my god thinkers thinkers right from the start

and every time I would go what but isn't it fortunate that it turns that you have amazing boobs yes yes that's why I got them because I mean if you didn't if you were like a flat chested titley there's gotta be some flat chested titular my brothers oh those poor guys poor guys that's going to be a tough existence

No, they are amazing. I'm so glad that I brought them today. Imagine if I had, like, worn a turtleneck, you would both be... I'd have been like, who is it? Hello, are you lost, ma'am? I should say, by the way, that the reason I... I mean, I've always... I mean, I've been aware of your boobs, sure.

They play a bigger part in my life now, Arrude, because my girlfriend has met Rona. And my sweet girlfriend struggles to maintain eye contact with you, I'd argue. I do love Ellen, but I do have to say, I'm up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. She loves you so much, but I love her so much. And I do think most of it's the boobs, but also some of it's your personality. Thank you so much.

Okay, I'm actually fine with that if it's like an 80-20 split. I don't blame how your breasts I divide. Yeah, I like you so much. We are best friends. And thank you for saying I was the most beautiful Irish woman you'd ever met. Yeah, and I meant it. That was such a nice thing to say. You flirt.

Damn it! Damn it! I'm just saying she was I didn't mean to come on your podcast which I love a door and respect and then immediately like gaslight you I didn't mean to do that Well no it's fine like I said

Helen's away somebody's gotta do it It's important to have you here It's nice I miss Helen Helen's great We miss Helen she's in Mexico She stayed up for three days before she went Because she thought that would help her sleep on the flight

Okay I feel like Helen has such a unique perspective on the world That we could all learn from it By not doing it Yeah What are you doing? Good, I won't.

I won't. I won't. Yes, so she's in Mexico and we... Is she living her best life? Yes. I think we'd say Mexico now. And no doubt she will when she gets stuck and that will be a shame. I approve it. Thank you.

Oh my God. And you're in Mexico. Thank you for saying. Thank you for saying I was the funniest Irish woman you ever know. That was so kind. Little piece of shit. God damn it. By the way, Arruch is more Irish than both of us.

She's like Irish Grammy. equalities. Oh, amazing. She's considering dating women because she finds men difficult. She struggles with inter-religious marriages and she reads vampire novels for the smut. Oh, wow. That was a really good, like, summary of who a rouge is. The second point is not accurate.

No, it's not at all. I should say, I need to stop reiterating that, actually. Do you actually have an Irish grandmother or just have an Irish grandmother vibes? No, I feel like I'm just... Yeah, it's just the vibes. She said, I'm like an Irish grandmother, like an Irish woman from the 1990s. But that's probably as liberal as India is right now, so it makes sense. Oh, that's perfect.

Oh, you nailed that. We went to a show at Soho, which is amazing, by the way. Your reputation has preceded you, like, my boobs have. It's so good. But it's like... I wish my boobs preceded me. All of the scandals in it are very circa Arlenin 1990s. Oh, my God, that's great for us.

I love that for us. Am I allowed to say you talk about divorce? Yes, yes, yes, yes. And that is like... That was still... Ireland in the 90s. We talked about that so much. And it was only legalized in Ireland in 1996?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Like divorce in the 90s, only not being a no, being a homo was legalized in Ireland in the 90s. Yeah. Oh, it's still not in India. Yeah. So it's, really? So it's basically it's legal, but you can't get married. Oh yeah. No, oh no, 2015 was when we eventually could get

married. Yeah. It was only that like it was a crime, a crime against the state. Yeah. Actually, I know a funny fact about this. I don't know if I've ever dropped this on a podcast before, or if it's historically accurate, but I'm bringing it out now. Let's hear it. At the time of like Oscar Wilde's trial,

who was like a famous gay writer in Ireland, the head of police wanted the public to know that this wasn't like a widespread problem. So he announced that there was 11 known homosexuals in Ireland. Wow. Which I love so much. 11. Of a guarder being like,

now I want you to know this isn't like catching because there are 11 of them 11. And I know where they all live. Oh my God, that's so funny. I don't know what accent that was. I loved it. I liked it. I like how you apologise to me like it was more like mine than yours.

And it's like, hey no, hey no. Well, you're from the other side of Dublin, right? I am from the other side of Dublin. I am indeed. We're from opposite sides of the tracks. Do you respect each other as sides? We respect each other, but I will say that. But I don't respect Catherine. Yeah.

As a person. Yeah. No, no. It's like culturally, yes. Personally, no. No, that's important to say. Thank you for saying I was the most Irish-looking Irish woman you've ever met. That was such a nice thing to say.

You could have the other two, but you can get to fuck with that. That's what? Look at this burden. Look at it. Where am I from? You know where I'm from. Come on. Do you have redheads in India?

Good question. No, no, we don't. We don't. Everyone has black hair. Oh, my gosh. Even the eyes, like, there's a, when you have a variation, like, if it's green, we're just like, what? You have green eyes? It's just fascinating.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. My wife is mixed race Asian. Her family are from Sri Lanka. And I literally brought this up to say she's the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen in my life. Are you fucking kidding me?

Did you just bring up your wife to talk about how dreamy her eyes are? She's dreamy. She is actually an unbelievably beautiful woman. But that is a crazy outrageous brag, Brona. It's quite nice because actually we've been together 14 years and this is the first time in ages. I've said anything nice about her. And I've done it into a microphone Not to her face

Or like where she might hear Good for you Also like literally out of nowhere Just because you were talking about eyes And I was like I know an Asian woman with beautiful eyes Wait a minute I'm married to that guy What a revelation

How a sweet realisation I love that like if someone has green eyes You're like wow sit down and open them up Tell me about yourself We're like she's so beautiful She has green eyes And you only are blue eyes You have beautiful eyes

Well it's an interesting thing In Ireland, as in when I came to the UK, people would call me Ginger, which I'd never been called in Ireland. Really? That's not really a word that was used in my school. Were you called Redsor or anything like that? Yeah, and like Fanta and all that jazz. Like, I got a little bit bullied, sure.

Sure, sure. But the level of, but it is low level. Yeah. Because there's so many redheads in Ireland, it just can't be the thing people bully about. Whereas in this country, people are way crueler to redheads. But why are they cruel to redheads? It's a really good question. I think.

You, what? Yeah, I think people see it as like, well, like, they're kids. If you're anything different, they're like, that's a... But I think redheads are seen as kind of cringe. I'm my right. I'm thinking there's like one in 1,000 people in the world have red hair. It's like 4% of the world's population, but most of them are in Scotland and Ireland. Yeah.

So I won't see a redhead here for a little while, but then I get on the Air Lingus flight to Dublin and it's like, we're the majority. Yeah. Oh, wow. You should come to India. Yeah. Have you ever been to you? They would like follow the down the street.

Red hair is gorgeous. They would really appreciate it. Plus they're all very big fans of the podcast. That's kind is that now that you're a whole population of India. Oh, it's one billion of us.

Wow, I wish they'd follow us on Instagram. Shout out to India! Can you hear me, India? That would be sick. I will say this. The only places I've been in Asia, namely Philippines,

there was not an enthusiasm for the red hair as much as like a concern from my health. Oh, that's so sweet. Or they tried to give you, like, vitamin D. I think they were a bit like, is it a skin disease? Was the reaction I got mainly, which was the shame. But I also get that from Greek people sometimes. I'll be like, are you okay? Is everything all right?

Have you had that scene, too? The hair? Freckles. Mainly it's the freckles. I'll be like, is everything all right. But you're so good looking. You're nice. Yeah. She is a brilliant co-os.

I know, right. Oh, my God. What are you bringing to this podcast? Helen does not sit here and tell us how hot we are. That is not something Helen does. No, I brought up the bullying because it wasn't happening, which usually it would have been. Truly. You miss her.

I do miss her, but I hope she has a nice time in Mexico. Mexico. I don't know what accent that was either. Irish. I should stop trying to do voices. Yeah, it was Irish. It's okay, I'm here. You can do them.

No, stop. They're allowed. Stop it. Did I mention I have a brown wife? You did. You mentioned it already, actually, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, here's my question. Please, you must.

What are you up to? Oh my goodness, thank you so much for asking. Well, it's Friday. Love a Friday. It is Friday in the studio. In the studio, yeah, I might not go out on a Friday, right? Have I shattered the illusion of podcasts? No, no, I think they know it's not live.

We would change some of it if it were. We do a cute thing in my house on Friday. I have a four-year-old. She just recently turned four. Shout out to my four-year-old. Shout out to India. But we do this cute thing on a Friday that I started, obviously, which is that I, when I come home from work.

Be mad if she was taking that level of initiative. She was like, Mom, and starting Friday tradition. So when I come home from work, when I come in the front door, or if I'm like writing from home and I come down from my office, I blast Rebecca Black's Friday. I don't know if you remember this hit hit song. Remember it? It's still a big part of my life.

The top of the volume. And then I come down the stairs dancing. And then my wife and child have to drop whatever they're doing and just join me on the rug. And then we all like style it out to Friday, rainy. That's hilarious and adorable. It's really quite funny. My wife loses enthusiasm for it about five to ten seconds into the thing as my four-year-old

and I gain enthusiasm and start like flinging each other around the room and knocking things down. I'm your wife. I would be tidying. Yeah. So I be like, oh yeah, let's keep it on the rug. Yeah, except I do the tidying. Oh, okay, fair. Yeah, she's not that into it.

Being a wife is stressful. Oh, woman's work has never done. You have to clean up after yourself when you have a dance party you've organized. It's so weird. That's adorable. But yeah, sorry, that's my Friday plan.

Otherwise, we're into it now, aren't we? 2024, it's happening. It's happening. It's happening. It really is happening. I'm slutting around, writing some TV shows, acting in some TV shows, slutting around, being sludging around. I've never met less of a slot. Oh my God.

That's such an offensive thing to say to me. You just got that sluggiest what. Oh, but can I be a lot? a flirty but I have boundaries slut Oh you're an outrageously flirtatious married woman An inappropriately flirtatious married woman And I'm I think I'm the slettiest here Oh my gosh

Well that's actually true because we've just been on three dates So during this podcast No No ever She's not some sort of whore She's a slot, it's different Three dates during this podcast I would be so brave

I have to attend to the men Be right back Catherine We're trying to convince her If we like pause while just some hinge men just walk through so that I can swipe them in real life? No, no, yes, no. How were your three dates? This is like five years ago.

They were all bad. Okay. They were all bad needs. I'm very sorry to hear that. Yeah, you're trying to convince Arrude to date women despite her being straight. Okay, sure. Oh, you're straight.

I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I know. I know. She's had this reaction to wives. They have support groups for women like you now. No, cool. I'm kidding.

Where do I try this? I think they're cold like. like IKEA? Yeah, that's where you go to see, it's where you go to see heterosexual relationships break down. Yeah, oh gosh. Quite quickly.

Yeah. And they break down often. Over tea lights. Like literally over them and then that's also the topic that has caused the breakup. It's tough. It's tough to watch.

There has to be, I keep trying to think of a good thing about dating men. I see, I'm like old school bisexual in the sense that that's what we called it before I would now describe myself as pansexual. Yeah.

But I would say that I thought, like, I do respect and believe that there is such a thing as straight people, but I do find it hard to believe. Yeah. So like what I'm saying is it's a spectrum. Yeah. And it's just better. Yeah. It's just less possible at one end. Yeah.

It's just better at one end and harder at the other. I agree. I feel like a lot of sexuality is learned and then it's like encouraged. And so because I'm in 1990s Ireland. Yes. I am a straight woman. Yeah. And early 90s as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true. And there was only 11 known homosexuals in Ireland at that time. Yeah, in Mumbai also. Wow, those deaths are crazy. I hope they find each other. Oh, my God, in Mumbai, it's going to be tricky, but I hope they do. Come on, guys. Are you from Mumbai?

Yes, I'm from Mumbai. And then so, like, I just... Shout out to Mumbai! Shout out to the four-year-olds in Mumbai. Why did I think that you were from, like, countryside? I think it's my wife. It is your wife. And maybe I don't seem like a city girl.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, you seem too sweet to be a city girl. And I am. I feel like you should drive a tractor if you need it to. I really do. If you need it to. Actually, go to my village often, and my village is, like, it's a village. Okay, maybe this is where I got the idea that you're not from city.

So did you grow up in the village? No, I actually grew up, well, I didn't grow up in Mumbai. I grew up on the outskirts of Mumbai, on the suburbs. And then I moved to Mumbai as an adult. But my village is eight hours from Mumbai. and I visited very often and I'm in Dutch with the land and my people.

Wait, your village is eight hours from Mumbai but you're from Mumbai. I mean, India's a big place. Yeah, I mean, if you travel eight hours from Dublin, you're in the UK. Yeah, you're in Liverpool. Wow, we're from a tiny country. If you drive eight hours from Dublin

in any direction, you're in the sea. Yeah, you're in the sea, girl. You're at least, you might have even hit Europe. Like, it depends on which way you're going. Are you serious? Yeah. Have you been to Ireland? No, I haven't.

Podcast trip to Mumbai and Ireland. Yeah, it's not to be so sweet. We should swap. You should really go. You'd fit in culturally very well. It would be too much bread for you. Oh, I'm actually seeing, now I'm taking myself out of the situation and I'm seeing a comedy feature special where you two swap and go to each other's villages.

Catherine is from the wrong side of Dublin, just a warning. How dare you? Why is it the wrong thing? I'm funny because actually I'm from the north side, which is considered the wrong side. I'm from the north side. Wait, what? What? Are you guys from the same same same?

We're from the same side. I was like, literally about to be like, fuck you, you poshore. Oh my God, then I really would have been an insult. I thought it was funny because you were from the south side and I was saying it was the wrong side. That would have been the wrong side. Okay, I genuinely started to sweat as you said the wrong side. I was like, where the fuck? How am I going to get around this?

Okay. Where are you from again? I'm from Poncilla. Oh yeah, I'm from Glasnevin. Thank God. Sorry, what you said? Sorry, you just saw us work out. This is hilarious.

That could have been real ugly, but instead it was quite funny. The aghast look at my face was. That Brona, I thought, was from the posh side of Dublin, which is south side. And I was like, the tear nerve of coming on this podcast and saying it's the wrong side. Coming to my home. When you're from the posh well-to-do area. How is it always that the south side of every country is posh. Something to do with where the sun rises?

Maybe. Maybe. Interesting. Where you get your notions from. That is outrageous. If you see the sun just a few seconds before the other side of the city, that's where you get notions. Yeah. By the way, Irish, it's a very Irish phrase to say, yeah.

of notions. It's basically like thinking you're above your station is having notions. But notions is like can be anything as simple as like having a nice towel. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. So you're towel in the bathroom. Yeah. Notions. Yeah, genuinely. It's like thinking you need a second coat within a decade. Oh, no shoscience. Do you know mean? Oh my God. It's cleaning your shoes. Thinking you're too good to text me back. Oh my God, absolute notions. Notion. Notion. So those shout out to those three men from five years ago. Yeah, that's right, three-day. That's right, water buffalo guy.

That was a water buffalo guy. We discussed him early on. Okay, fun. But what you need to know is that in India, people don't want to eat beef, so they instead have fake beef, which it turns out is not a vegetarian option, but rather water buffalo.

Yep. Oh, interesting. Which, like in Ireland, when we ran out of cows, so Tesco sold some horse meat. Wow! And called it cow burgers. Don't think about it too much. It's totally the same,

except for the deception. Everything's fine. They're so much similar. I love that water buffalo is like the vegetarian option. Yep. It is genuinely like amazing. I mean, it's mostly water. Come on.

90%. 90%. Andrew, do we have a problem? Oh. Many? Okay, great. Well, before we get to that, the reason I have to ask if he has one lined up is because we speak very quickly.

So when I come round to it, he has to be ready. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. I'm with you. I'm here. I'm ready. Brona. As you know on this podcast, we answer listener problems. Yes, we do.

And sometimes you solve them And sometimes you don't And that's your problem Oh my God, somebody knows the song And I love it so much Here's my question Please, you must What kind of advice giver

Would you say you are? I think we both know the answer to this I know the answer but what Teller Rouge I'm very fucking good Oh So you are genuine and Yeah I mean like

Obviously there will be jokes You know sprinkled in there But just does a little sprinkle But ultimately I'm a very wise And centred person Who always knows exactly What everybody else should do At all times

That sounds Which people love love to hear from it. Yes. That sounds centered. Yeah. Centered and grounded. The thing is, I actually do

think you're incredibly good at giving advice, mainly because unlike a lot of Irish people, you've done quite a lot of therapy and work. Oh my God. You simply must work on yourselves. It comes from experience. When you're from the wrong side of the tracks. The wrong, but the right side.

But the right side. Would you say you were good of giving advice last time you were great? I think you would be. I was being very honest. But you were nice But I would like to fuck around this time Oh what?

Watch out That's quite good actually Let's I keep my new roles I'm filling it for Helen Yes, Arroo So I'm a bad bitch now You're just gonna shout at them To get down a well

I can't wait to see what you come up with When you fuck around Have you thought about Loving your cat so hard It has a nice day I'm excited to see Is that your impression of Arush Trying to be like mean

It is. It's my cat. Oh, your cat is very beautiful. She knows. Oh, the boy gets one. Congratulations. What's that cat called? Sarah.

What are you calling that cat? Huh? Sarah. Oh. How old is your cat? I think she's too old. Oh, she's wonderful. I don't like cats.

No. Is it an Irish thing? It's, I think it might be an Irish thing. I don't like to be there. I'm semi-teasing you because that is a very beautiful cat. But no, I said the same thing. She does, you're... Why get to because I'm a puppy, like I'm a dog.

and I like run towards people in life like a puppy and leap on them and hump them and lick them and I'm not speaking about me. But why are dog people always not cat people? But cat people are dog and cat people. You're right. It's because this world forces artificial binaries on toes. That's right.

When nothing is a binary. I actually think it's a spectrum. There's turtles and ducks and cats. Love dogs. And it's better at one end of the spectrum with a dog song. Do you know what I think it is? I think is that if you like dogs, What you want out of an animal interaction is love.

You're a needy person. And cats are like, fuck you, man, I'll get to it. Cats are very loving. Some of them can be, but some of them are dicks. Yeah, that's true. But you have to really on it. What's your cat like? She's lovely.

I don't like earning people's love and approval. I like sort of unconditional adoration. You're like, yeah. Just give it to me. Yeah. Immediately. Sort of like unconditional, immediate adoration. Is that too much to ask?

Is that so much to ask? You know, very few cats are dicks, though. I feel like they have, they've gotten a bad rap, but I understand. Okay. How many cats have you guys interacted with? I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. Imagine if you would count it to the cats you'd met. I've kept a log, Arooge, and so I know. Yeah, imagine if someone was. Shout out to the cats we've met. Shout out to the cats I've loved and hated. I'm completely open to the possibility that I am cat prejudice. I think it's ignorance.

I think you haven't interacted. Okay. Thank you for coming here. I think. And teaching us. Because every day is a learning day. And I appreciate this. It's just, you know, you haven't been, you haven't met enough yet.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But the cats I have met, may I say, have been a little standoffish. Yeah. Has been. They're either standoffish or they're like way in your face. They're like. So they're like, we're women.

Well, but dogs don't get on the table. You know what I mean? Cats are like, let me get on the table to say a little. It's like what, and there's no middle ground. I don't want you on my table. Can we not just be like, hey? Oh, okay. They're either like, fuck you or they're like, I'm on the table.

If you're eating and I'm eating. It's a bit, they're too, they're honestly a little too agile for me. Interesting. Okay, that's interesting. So I don't, I like dogs who can't get on the table. Who are not stationary in any way. But who are desperately in need of me. Oh, okay.

I feel like the thing with cancers is that you have to understand that they are the ones that they have power. they're the owners. You are simply, you're blessed to be in their presence. Yeah, you're speaking to two tops. That's how I think the cat should feel.

Yeah, me too. We're two femme tops and we're like, oh, no, we're the owners, thank you. I mean, I'm averse,

thank you, but I will. That's fine. But okay, if you say so, um, yeah, I like a true talk.

Shop in the bedroom, but a verse in the kitchen? No, that's not a thing. Let's move on. It's not. It's not. It's not.

It don't even mean it. You don't even need it. I have seen, so once I went to Brona's house, I hope this isn't too private. Oh, wow. But I went. And Brona had left the most organized. So she had left the Hello Fresh instructions

beside the chopping board where she had already done steps one through four and had marked clearly where your wife should pick up step five on hello friends. And that is the kind of communication you can expect in a relationship with a woman. Oh, my God. Cooperation, communication. It was incredible. swap in positions, even though Catherine doesn't believe me. It was the single most organized thing I have ever seen, but that's a tough move.

That's like, I have done the following things, just finish it correctly. I had no memory of that. I'm really glad that you noticed that. It was honestly one of the most impressive things I've ever seen. I feel like that must have turned you on, though, as somebody was like organizational kinks. Obviously, why do you think I've held onto it? I've revisited it alone several times. Tell your girlfriend, I said, hey.

Oh, I will. Oh, my God. No, because then I'll have to tell you what she said, which is something akin to. meeting Broader today? Do you want me to come in? I was like, no, thank you. You got a problem for you? Please. Yes. This is from V. Hi, V.

V. says, hi, guys. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. Absolutely love it. Thank you so much, V. That means a lot to me. I appreciate that. Vee says, I am 18 and use they-them pronouns. I'm currently on a gap year and have a place at university for September to study screenwriting. Oh, well done, V. My parents are eager for me to get a job during the gap year and I am also I've had several trial shifts in interviews

but none resulting in a job which is really not my confidence I think this is largely because I tend to struggle in social situations something which has been a constant throughout my life I find it really difficult to talk to new people and this makes it really hard sometimes it's had a massive impact on my self-esteem

and anxiety is hugely increased to the point where I rarely leave my room often don't reply to text and generally just try to isolate myself as much as possible I have tried to talk to my parents multiple times about my mental health but they are continually dismissive and have always expressed very negative views

about people with mental health problems any advice you can give on how to navigate job-infuse when struggling with anxiety would be much appreciated as well as anything on coping with being in a household where I don't feel I can speak openly without judgment.

Thank you so much, V. Oh, thank you, Vee. I'm so glad V wrote to us on my podcast, Trustee Huggs. Me too, and I'm so thrilled to be here on your podcast, Trustee Huggs. You're welcome. And it's so nice to me,

Arooge's favorite podcaster. I thank you so much for saying that. That was very sweet. I did say you were my favorite Irish podcast. I was going to be traitor. But I feel like this is V's moment. It is. I'm going to let you guys start,

but I do just want to acknowledge that up top, you do not need to worry about being articulate and being able to express yourself because what an incredibly well-written email. I feel like completely got a handle on the situation and your communication is excellent. So good, good job, Vy. Thoughts?

Yeah, Vee, I'm speaking to you right now. I'm so glad V wrote to us because that sounds really tough. Like, that's the first thing to start with. That sounds painful and tough and isolating and a bit scary. And being able to articulate yourself like that and being able to ask for help

and being emotionally mature enough to identify what your challenges are and then ask for help in the world is incredible. So I actually think V is already like a very, amazing person. 10 steps ahead of most 18 year olds. Yeah, and like I'm two or three years older than 18, but it is tough. No.

It is, I know, shocking. It is, it's tough to be 18 and, you know, first of all, I would say you are doing amazing, so much better than you think you are. So you have to give yourself credit for that. Second of all, I would say, if you're 18, then your parents are probably Gen X, unless they're a bit older and they're boomers. and they just do not have the language and the capacity that you probably have

for expressing yourself emotionally. I think it might be worth trying to speak to them in a way that you haven't spoken to them before. So if you've tried to talk about it and they've shut you down, what about writing them an email? Because you express yourself so amazingly over written text.

That might be a way of doing it. Second of all, take your self-esteem out, if you can, of the situation of applying for jobs. Just think of it as a numbers game. If you knock on enough doors, one of them is going to open, but it is not about you. If a job gets like 400 applications, they're never going to find the one best. They're just going to be like, ah, overwhelming, that one. And so you getting rejected for jobs is not, it's not about you.

It's just about the job market, and you just have to play the numbers game of trying and trying and trying. That's good advice. You will find your tribe. There are people out there in the next few years of your life that you're going to fall in love with, in a friendship way in like any other way and you're just at the moment like now you're in your bedroom and you're 18 but there are your tribe is out there so my advice would be try and talk to your parents again

keep trying to get a job because that is worth having that independence but just make sure that you don't think they're getting rejected for a job has anything to do with your worth as a person because it does not try fuck around after that wow shit I haven't made a joke in ages try fuck around after that so good

my god that was such great advice yeah what you got I mean steal a cat her face says yeah I was just your face says yeah

steal a cat thing a lot no you're right I'm sorry no no it's done nothing wrong I was just I was just trying to scare you see I fucked around you you thought I'd fuck around with Lee

but I fucked around with you you did why she's good well she's scary when she fucking I know. It's a whole new year. Go on. Wow. I mean, your advice was so solid and it really just, I think you covered everything. I guess the only thing I would say is dress better. Seriously, you look stupid. That's brilliant. They didn't mention anything about wardrobe or dressing in any way. I love that your advice is dress better. Just dress better. I think dress sexy, you feel confident if you dress

sexy when you want to talk to your parents. Be sexy when you're talking to them. Be sexy when you go for the job interviews. Okay. This is taking a turn? It has taken a pretty hell in turn though. You want your parents to worry about you? Dress sexier. Then they'll send you to therapy. Hey, V, I don't think you're being sexy enough for your parents. Maybe they would listen to you if you were sexier. Very interesting advice. That's my advice. Mic drop. Okay. I have maybe one other thing to add, which is that the very virtue of being 18 is that you can go to the GP by yourself, which means that you can

advocate for yourself without their permission. So while I think it's important to ideally have your parents on site, and I do think is to keep articulating your needs to them, you also are well within your rights to ask for help from your GP in relation to your mental health, and you should do that because, annoyingly, the list take ages and actually best you just be on them. If you feel better, great, therapy is still helpful. If you feel worse, well, you've put yourself in a position where you can get help. So I think do that in the meantime, but oh my gosh, it's so true. The numbers

game is so tough. And also like, it's probable if you'd gotten a job where they didn't click with you or didn't get your vibe, it would have been a horrible experience. That's also a really good point. Which I know is really hard to think of now, but yikes, I could

have done without one or two jobs I've gotten where it's like, come on, you know, surely you know I shouldn't be. Yeah. So I think I would say if there's anything you can work on where you are working like in a context where you are writing like written word damn I know this I feel bad because I don't say this every week but damn that is such a well articulated email is there anything you can write for you it's so good I'm like you could write a website very

well but yeah I think I think get to the GP yourself you know you're a grownup you don't need permission V you got this and also I agree oh god I don't think I'd met my tribe at all till I was 20, maybe 22, 23. Wow, 20 years ago. I will kill me. Yeah, I joke, I jest. I've been the reason it's funny is because of her young-looking face.

Also, I'm bad at maths. You're real bad at maths. Let me say, let me say that. Terrible a month. I did not mean to come here to your house and insult you and gaslight you. Yes, I did. Yes, she did.

I'm Bronisie Titley Where can people find you? Oh my goodness, thank you so much Currently on this chair In your podcast studio On the internet I am at Brona C Tidley On Twitter and Instagram

Oh, I called it Twitter Sorry for dead naming you X And I would love if you would follow me there I still clinging on to the dying days of Twitter because it's where I post my little jokes and I like my little jokes

and then I mean I have a few things coming out this year I'm acting in the second series of avoidance on BBC which is Ramesh Ranganathan's sitcom

I'm in the third series of The Outlaws Blinking you miss me but until that show comes out I'm going to pretend like it's a bigger part I will not blink I'll be dry eyes

watching that show and then there's a few shows coming up that I'll be writing in February and March I'll be writing on and deck Saturday night Takeaway on ITV on a Saturday night

at 7 o'clock so please watch that but mostly just follow me on Instagram and tell me how brilliant I am yes if you're not too busy reporting her from being too

goddamn to sex and too young and too young and too young could people find you please my love you can find me on Instagram at

Uruchash Fark I'm not on Twitter because a lot of comedians tweet and then go to jail in India so I left that platform I don't want that for you oh my God

yes so I I'm now exclusively on Instagram. Please find me there where it's much safer to exist. And I'm going on tour in the UK. Huge of true. Huge of true. Don't you be coming to here and making up tours? Tell us, tell us everything.

Huge if you're not actually just hanging out with your cat that day. I'm so pleased. Everybody can see you. Yes, probably. Where can they see you? Sorry, I'm just putting out. the list. No, pull up your list. That's fine. Take your time. It's definitely real and I believe you. It's from 23rd Jan to 7th Feb. I'm going to Edinburgh, Glasgow, Leicester, Coventry, Manchester, Bristol,

Milton, Keynes, Birmingham and Leeds. Oh, this is brilliant. That's going to be amazing. I'm going to take my wife with her amazing eyes to see your show. Okay, yay. She should have to meet her. Aren't there extra dates in Soho? Yes, then I've added two extra dates, 29th January and third February. Oh, I'm sorry, I have plans. Oh, okay. Hey! Huge of truth. sorry, I am very busy and popular, but I'll find a way. Okay, just if you can wrap up your podcast,

you know, and we're busy with this podcast, which is, yeah, if you can squeeze her in between all of your broadcasting, that'd be amazing. No, that's so great. I'm so pleased you're doing a UK tour. That's amazing. Strong recommend from the hogs, obviously. Hogg, hug, like, you have our full endorsement.

Five hogs. All five hogs. All five hogs. Hey, any last shoutouts before we go? Oh my goodness. Shout out to India! One more from a bye? Yes.

Okay, great. Folks, give it up. Oh, before you wrap up, can I just say thank you so much for having me. I've had an amazing time. I just think you're the best podcasters and I really missed Helen Barrett, but I feel like we all shared something special here today. I think we did well without her. With M's and Andrew and this beautiful studio and I just want to give thanks for that.

Oh my God, is this going to get religious? No, but sexy. Yes, fine with that. Also, so thrilled you're from North Dublin. We figured that out. Well, you sidestep that landmine. Yes, we did. Everyone, give it up, please, for Brona C. Tittley.

Woo! Yay! Helen, huge news. Is the executive plan feeling a little fuller to you today? Is it? Probably, because we've got another executive purchaser. Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you to Simon Moore, is Guy Goodman, Mary Fox, Annie Tonner, Sarah Deacon, Oliver Jago, Anthony Connoe, Matthew Thomas, Madeline, Quinn, and our new arrival, Grace O'Reilly. Is that Irish? That's got to be. Surely. Religious first name, I don't know.

Hello. No mind if we do. Hey, thanks so much for joining us guys and thank you for all your support. We genuinely couldn't do it without you. How do you say, thank you again? Gir of Mahogah. Gerf Mahogas.

Gareth, Morgas. Nope. Got further away. But that's, thank you. Thank you. And then also to our producers and the producer lounge. We got Richard Bicknell, L, Richard Bold,

Sadie Cashmore, Zoe, Rachel Page, Helen A, Abby, Woff, Luke, Bright, Kate. Oh my God, do I need any glasses? No, we can't do this now. Dean Mitchell, Anthony, Sophie Chivers, Kerry Soothe, Carrie Soothie, Victoria Hutchinson. Please, everyone, please, please, please, please let me try.

Becky Fox, Tim and Dom, Ria Fink, Cordelia, Amy O'Reardon, Matt Sims, Tristan, Tass, Stephanie Katratia, Charlie A, KC, Anthony. Tass, who just sent us all against more? Wait, are there two Anthony's? Anthony, you get two shout-outs. Congratie Wharf Claire Owen Jones

Harold Van Dyke Which always makes me smile David Walker Jess and Nick Rachel R Neil Redman Sarah Marley Tina Lindsay

Gwayaum Leah Overend There's a joke in that I think about it Liz fought like over And like yeah Something with like an ass Maybe

Or a boat We'll work it I'm sure she's never heard it before And definitely gives us her money So that we'll mock her Like she wasn't at school Let us know if you've got a good one for us.

Chloe, Emily G and Goza shut the fuck up. Gozah, is that like short for Godzilla? No.

That can't be. He's just got to film out. He's busy. He's not listening to podcast. But maybe he's flush and he wants to spend it on his favourite podcast. Gozah.

Okay, is Gozah? Are we thinking like a really fun non-binary person or a lad from Essex who's got a nickname from school that they've never got rid of and still refer to themselves as Gossa. I'm Gosser.

Oh my God. Don't ask why. oh my gosh so fun thank you all so much for supporting the podcast we really couldn't do without you thank you thank you thank you if you're thinking of ways to spend your money that might help people in the arts then please support our podcast on patreon and also you can give very little you can give three quid a month you can give five quid a month but you get access to the 160 extra episodes that are on there there's a whole back catalog why not get in there so many extras we'd love to have you we'd love to have you sexually Ha ha ha ha ha.