Trusty Hogs - Ep122. KIRI PRITCHARD-MCLEAN / Swimming, Sweating & Scrap Metal

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

The brilliant Kiri Pritchard-McLean (All Killa, No Filla) joins us to chat milkshakememories and farting fiascos in “the fast lane of podcasting”. Meanwhile, we find out about the surprisingly familiar social dynamics of chicken coops…FOLLOW KIRI: @Kiri_Pritchard_McLeanTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Sarah Deakin / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew Thomas / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'ReillyPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Emily Gee / Dean Michael / Stefanie Catracchia / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Hayley Worf / Aussie StephWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast, Food with Mark Bittman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on Back to School. foods at Whole Foods Market. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start,

Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin, or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today.

Hello and welcome to episode 122 of Trustee Hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart. I'm Helen Bauer. Yes, she is. We are two comedians. We talk about our perfect lives and then we listen to your problems and we try to help.

But gosh, it all sounds very difficult. I refuse to solve a problem today until I've solved my own. Oh gosh, what's going on with you now? I'm depressed. You know this. I cried two days ago to you.

But that was because your house was broken into you. No, I don't think it was that because I had the depression before my house got burgled. I would have been over this. You have, yeah, yeah. And that's how I think I felt

like I knew I was going to get burgled because I was down, and then I'm still down. But I'm unbelievably proud of you, because you've done two constructive things today. Usually when you're depressed, you moan and moan and moan and then try to... And I'm like, air-fried potatoes, and I'm like, why do I still feel bad? And then you try to sort of hug me and get me to kiss your forehead when you're, like, extra sweaty because you've been crying. I don't sweat when I cry. Oh, my God, do I?

You sweat when you cry. Is that a thing? We both do. We're actually both quite shiny girls. Shiny cryers? We're shiny criers. I always... It's one of the things we have in common, but I don't want to kiss your forehead when you're crying.

I not to like I always categorize myself as an attractive cryer and I know that because like when I was a teenager I'd be like crying and then I'd like stop to have a look in the mirror for a bit It's tricky right because like believe women but also believe she Believe her believe her It's not sweat it's tears from my forehead That's how depressed I am I cry from every hole Through the fog

Step forth the trusty hogs Yeah you're gonna give me your problems and they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh

It's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Wait, I have a question But my point was that you've done Two great things this morning I'm so proud of you

They're both constructive things Like what did you do this morning? Thank you for you for. asking Catherine, yesterday I booked three swim sessions at my local leisure centre. Yes, Helen! Did one this morning. I regret to inform you that exercise still helps. I hate

it though. I know, I know. Because it's bullshit. But isn't it so annoying that it's true? But I needed it because all I'm doing at the moment is going out for gigs in the evening and during the day I'm watching below deck. I finish season one within like 24 hours. Season two. I'm back on motor ship Ohana. Okay, she's not okay. Kate's just arrived as the Chief Stu. She's new. We feel bad. We're raising fun.

And then, I book three swim sessions you've got to book them way in advance and I could only book into the slow lane and I was like you know what that's perfect because then there's no pressure with any speed

and my God the people in the slow lane at my leisure centre holy shit! Who are they? I'm the fittest one in it. No way, talk me through it. Well you're pretty, you swim a lot though.

I mean I swim but like usually like if I never go near a fast lane in a swimming pool because it's just show-offs and they're aggressive and they're mean. I don't know that I'd even go into the medium lane And I get nervous swimming because people come, if they're, if they're dicks, they're dick.

But I think in my area there's a lot of mobility issues. Okay. And also like, the slow lane is like, wow, we're taking the pets. I haven't been to a public's pool since 2020, 2020 just before lockdown where I went to one in Royal Oak. And I was swimming. And when I got to the end of the pool, a woman was cutting her nails there. And I was honestly, physically sick. Are you joking?

I had to go home. someone like boil myself. I was like, I need to be boiled. Surely like a lifeguard was there to be like. I was looking at the lifeguard like, are you fucking kidding me with this? And I looked at her like, and she just looked at me like, hmm.

What a random, who brings scissors into the pool? But let me say this. The other day, I was running in Victoria Park. Yeah. And I shit you not. There was a woman genuinely shaving her dog. That I kind of get. Keep the mess outside. No, no, how dare you? Because, okay, no, how dare you? because, okay, so Ellen and I came down on different sizes

that we were running together and she was like, there's a woman shaving her dog, and I said, that's fucking disgusting. And she was like, well, it's outside and I was like, no, I'm sorry, no. It sounds like, the air quality is so bad there as it is. And now, like, I'm running through your fucking dog fuzz. Are you crazy? Go to your garden or, okay, you don't have a garden, then don't have a fucking dog. What?

Whoa, wow, wow, wow. Wow. I guess I'm uptight a little at the minute. I mean, I think you want to say is take the doggy to a groomers, but cost of living, cost of living. Like you got to pop them in the shower and shave him there and then rinse it out or like something. Like you can't be in, you can't be up on a bench that's dedicated to somebody's misses.

This is so random. And then be like, let me shave my dog. Did I ever tell you about like this is years ago, like way before the podcast when my sister got. When's there a time before the podcast? Like, yes. B-T-H. Be before trusty hogs.

Very good. Very droll. I'm depressed. It's going to take me a minute. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. My sister was living in like

just a house share with some of the people and I went over to visit her because like no one had really heard from her from a couple of days but she was like this was during her I'm an artist phase

I would honestly assume your sister was dead if she didn't get it every single day so my sister was like living in a house share this is years and years ago and she was doing

like arts projects she was like obsessed with doing art is she a really good artist because she's like mad So her piece de resistance Like her favorite things to draw Were corpses and trees That was like her thing

And like one Christmas We all got given a picture of a corpse in a tree No She was like there you go Enjoy it And she was like But she was like She was doing a foundation course at an art school

Right Were the corpses and trees Connected in some way I think she just liked trees Like was the corpse sat in the tree Or just by the tree No I mean it wasn't like a detailed corpse It was like a tree with a corpse

A vague corpse is almost more threatening The whole thing's disturbing But she was doing a foundation art degree And like no one had heard from her So I went to go visit her in this house shed And I was like what have you been up to? What you've been up to? She's like oh god, so busy

So bloody busy And I'm like what you're doing? She's like art And I was like what sort of art I've been in the last two days Just going around London And I was like what animal groomers She's like yeah

Because I need all the stuff for my new art project I was like what's a new art project And she went to see and she just looked like over the moon and I was like I mean I do want to see because I'm like curious but I also feel like this is like a I'm going to have to either bury the body or call the police

like something's happened here she had a plastic bin bag full of dog fur and the way she showed me was like going and emptying her onto the floor no no no one knows the purpose still no one knows the purpose but she had so much and it was from like I mean I was talking like

50 breeds. Like, it was insane. But she's like, it's clean. Obviously, it's clean. I don't like that you still don't know why. That makes me feel so much. It makes me feel so much worse that you don't know why. Sometimes ignorance is blessed.

I have a weird feeling on my skin now. Do you have a weird feeling on your skin? I have a weird feeling on my skin. I didn't like that. The best thing about her art phase was her end of year school show, right? And obviously everyone just, like, put up their best pieces and she was doing, She did, not corpses, I think the teachers are torture out of it, but like tree prints

for wallpaper, like, prings printing. And they were very good. And hers was very good. But she walked me in a friend, I think it was Francis, around the exhibition, like, everyone else is by their art looking like really sheepish because I put all their, like, love and work into this. And she'd be like, God, it's there, everyone's shit, aren't they? God, that's fucking terrible. That's fucking, I'm the only one that's good.

And it's like, shut the fuck up. That's so funny. That is so funny. funny. Yeah. Anyway, I'm depressed. I went swimming.

Wait, so who was in the slow lane? Believe it or not, that's where we started this conversation. It's hard to stay focused and not get distracted by dog fat. Yeah, I get it. The slow lane was me, a man who I think is recovering from an operation,

and a woman who I think has... We wish him well. Just learned to swim in her 70s. No, no. She didn't... Oh my God, my dad had got adult swim lessons and it was the sweetest thing. Stop. It's like, oh my God.

Stop. too heartbreaking. Okay, either that or she just had two shoulder replacements. Something was going on. Something was like, she was... They don't do those at the same time. It was like a guesser of... It was like a hybrid of butterfly breaststroke and, um, front cruel.

Was she drowning? Like, no, she seemed, because every single time I passed her, like, we'd smile. You passed? Yeah. Well, like, gently. I gently passed her. And I only swam for 15 minutes because I was like, I don't want to... Sometimes when I go swimming, I make myself too, too, too.

tired and the whole days are right off. But I've got like two gigs tonight. So I was like, I'm just going to literally just like gently swim for 15 minutes. I did weights for 18 minutes this morning. That's enough, right? That's fine. As long as you did something, it's cool.

And then you feel like you've done it. And then I did a hair mask and then... Oh, after the chlorine. That's genius. I have a swim cap. Do you? I have a swim cap, everyone. Good.

Swim cap over. My little body just like, eh, and then little goggles. I look like a right little creton. And then... I'll bet you look so. And I didn't have a pound for the locker, so I rest it. Which is absolutely mad things I've just been robbed.

It sounds like, it is mad since you've just been robbed. But also, it sounds like you took one look in that pool and we're like, I could chase any of these people down. I could get any of these people so fast. I'll be fine. I can take these people easily. Okay, also, here's a story about how exercise can be bad for you for balance. Oh, no, because I've just got into it and I've got another session on Sunday evening. I'd see if you think this is going to happen to you.

Oh, my God. I went for a run. Okay, and you saw the dog. Oh, that was a different one. Oh my God, do you run twice? Yeah. She's beauty and she's great. But I went for a run by myself, which I don't, I haven't done in my new area yet,

and I have no sense of direction, as you know. Do you know Ellen Cappell's run? We don't like hold hands or anything. I run behind her. Okay. She makes me, she doesn't like me. And, but I am ultimately slower. And consequently, I was out, I was like, you know what?

I'm going to do a lunchtime run and try to pick up my pace because I, I've been too slow. I felt like I haven't been able to get my 5K fast enough. And so I was like, I'm going to go out and do the fastest three miles I can. And I did what I always do when I don't have Ellen to set the pace when I had too fast. Oh, Catherine. And this hasn't happened to me in years, like years and years and years. But I started really fast and then I got really short of breath.

Nice. And it had the same, you know, when your brain can react to your body and your body can react to your brain. So my brain felt the physical sensation of having a panic attack and just basically joined in. It was like, okay, let's do this thing. Stop. And I really truly had to like sit down on the ground and be like, you're okay. Shush, shush, shush.

Everything's all right. And when my body calmed down, my brain did. But it hasn't happened to me in so long. And I was like, fuck me. And then went home and Ellen, who's like basically my running coach was like, how to go, babe. And I was like, I have to be alone in my office now. Please don't speak to me.

Poor Irish Catherine. I know, but also like how ridiculous. I basically had a panic attack. because I... Your heart rate increased. Because my heart rate increased and because I didn't really know my way around and also because I...

The park outside your house? No, I was going to say, I haven't actually been spending much time alone lately and I was like, this is such a weird thing. So tonight I'm having a practice. I live in a house here now and I live with my girlfriend. I'm never by myself.

Okay. And consequently, I haven't had like, every... I've noticed, I didn't realize I was doing it, but every evening I could technically be by myself. I've been like filling with people. Yeah. And I was like, Okay, interesting.

Gotta maybe rejig that again. What do you think that's about? Do you think it's because it's winter and you're like, I need to be happy, I need to be doing stuff? Maybe I think I'm also really stressed about the tour show and I don't, when I'm alone

I get quite anxious at the minute. Oh, so you just need distraction, distractions. And I was like, okay, I got it because I realise I haven't had a night alone like in my room in this new house as well. I think it just doesn't feel like, you know, like a place doesn't feel like home yet. Yeah, because you've moved into someone else's home

sort of thing. So I got to spend it. evening like just like having a bath and being in my room and maybe cooking this is so boring and not having your girlfriend watch you bath like those little things like do you know what I mean yeah that's so funny that that's what you think she does when actually she yeah well let's be in couples you take turns being like mother and baby now we kind of do that's actually so true um so sort of like bath time come on if I'm in the bath get the toys out she's like close off but it's everybody's bathroom and then gets in. Hey, we all

have a group bath. Oh, not when she... Yeah, well, listen. You know my theory, close the door, one person steams, one person baths. I love that for us. And to be fair, the bathroom is insanely big in this house. Like, outrageous... It is, it is. Your bathroom is huge. So she can't, we do sometimes bring in the armchair. That's fine. That's nice. But it's

also important, like, I fucking love alone time. Yeah, me too, usually that's why I think it's, like, noticeable. Is that like, I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I'm not leaning into that at any point at the minute um so that's just going on with me and you can just watch crap tv in the bath like i like her bath alone is the laptop on the toilet do you know what i'm really enjoying is which is 10 minute episodes and really kind of sexy but also fun is have you ever watched cheaters no they're just these 10 minute episodes on

BBC i play it i've seen it on goggle box it's susy wacomers yeah it's great i've seen the goggle box teaser which is the first episode where they sleep together yeah but then the next day they find out they both they're like they're across the road for each other and they both they're both they're across the road for each other and they both got partners. They cheat on their partners when they're away in Finland and then they get home. The most romantic of countries. Let's eat a reindeer and do a 69. They didn't know each other. They didn't know

to each other. They ran into each other there at a conference thing. And they were turned on. And then went home and then we're like that's fine. We'll never see that person again. And then both got home to their doors and was like, what the fuck? It's fun. It's like, but also 10 minutes is like a nice amount of time to watch something sometimes, I think. What's the most sexy country to have an affair in? It can't be Scandinavia.

Brazil. Brazil. It's Brazil. That's hot. No, because I know not all of it is a beach, but I feel like there'd be sand involved. I don't think sand is sexy. I know people think it is, but it's not. Water's sexy. You'd eat beautiful food.

You'd have some gorgeous red wine. You'd go to a salsa club and then you fuck. I don't really know Brazilian food. What is it? It's a lot of meat. Brazilian barbecue is a big thing. What's the Brazilian barbecue? I don't eat meat, so I don't know.

Okay. The sexiest, just meat that I can't eat. It's the denial that turns me on. Honestly, the other day, Ellen, told me that she thinks I'm happiest when I'm abstaining from something. I bet you fucking are. Like I'm happiest when I'm, along with every other Catholic. I'm happiest when I'm denying myself

something. It's so true. Hey guys, I've just given up chocolate. Genuinely, it's like that I'm so pleased with myself and I'm denying myself. And then you're like telling people, like you can enjoy that. I can't. Like, I have a second story about how exercise is bad for you. This one... This is so not helpful because I'm literally

just forcing myself into it. No, but swimming is great but can I just take... You should have seen me at 8.15 this morning. Okay. I'm putting on a track suit. to walk to the pool I'm so proud of you that's so cool is my scum-suit too tight now yes

don't worry about it my tits were like well I just feel like I talk about how much I do Pilates and I love it I just came from my class and it was amazing

but I shout out to my favourite instructor shout out of my favourite instructor oh my god you're so annoying but but I was in class the other day

and I actually probably shouldn't be so specific look can we beep the thank you the names of the class here's the deal here's the deal Helen I was in this class yeah sorry I really want to hear about this start of the class yeah somebody let one of the worst foulest silent I've ever smiled and I was like this has got to be a joke was it could it have been you no it wasn't me I was like this is a joke sometimes you don't know I was like that's like so bad I can't breathe and somebody's being like breathe and you're like I actually can't like I feel sick and eventually it went and I was like thankful within seconds another no it was a constant flow of what I can describe is like eye watering like in your mouth like horrific I moved

machines do you think someone had a bit of dairy or something I had to move machines and when I moved machines like six machines over the instructor came over and was like okay okay yeah yeah yeah fine yeah fine fine fine I'll tell you after and she's like okay and then And, um... You told? No, no, no, no. You're such a rab of a student. No, obviously not.

I just need to... I'll stay at the end of the class. Sorry, but she was fucking dripping from her ass all. No, but that's the worst part of it. It's like, we've got a gas leak in here called a blammer. Have I ever been wrong? Hey, here's the thing, though. I couldn't just...

It was so pervasive and so pungent. Wait, pervasive? It was everywhere. Okay. I'd say omnipresent. It was so omnipresent. We're doing big words. It was so omnipresent.

And omnipelent. Well, I don't know. I don't know if it was omnibular, it was actively not. It was all knowing. Nope. That gas knew what it was doing. What I'll say is I couldn't have, you couldn't have paid me to discern where it was coming from.

It was a fucking mystery. I moved six machines over. I'm still gagging. I'm like, what is it? And it's never happened to me before in a class ever. And I'm sure it happens at yoga. It might have been you. It wasn't me.

Helen, this person must be leaving the ground. Like, they must have known. Like, you would know if this was coming out of you. Can I ask a question, genuinely? Yeah. in Pilates, is there a lot of moments where your cheeks are technically spread? No.

Because sometimes those farts can be the worst. There's a lot. No, it's not that, but there's a lot. Wait for it. Wait for it. I got it. I don't want to make sure the listener at home can hear it. I heard it. I won't make sure the listener at home can hear it. This isn't just for us.

This is for everyone else. Ready? And what I'm doing here, you've got to really imagine the ass cheeks are parted. Like, you know when you're in bed with someone and you don't want them to hear it so you open and you'll let it. it without a push

just let it breathe maybe it was one of those because maybe that happens in Pilates but your cheeks are together for most of it is it? Yeah because they're actively you have to clench your glutes

and your abs of scratch oh so the release is what fucks it yeah it was horrific but listen what I guess I'm saying is that like no one farted in the pool there you know of

how do you know because I had goggles on and I was like checking everyone's butts with every bar bubbles checking with bubble just like butt watch yeah that's fine

but watch is cute They should have called Baywatch, but watch. That would be nice. But watch. Hey, I've got a question to ask you about exercising. Sorry, did you just rub some dirt out of the back of your ear? I feel like I've got a spot growing out of my ear. That's not better.

But I was just checking there was no dirt on it. But there isn't. Fab. There isn't. Fabio. Do you ever get that? Like dirt behind your ear because you forgot to wash behind them. No.

The adults who are. Em and Alex both look really upset right now. They're just like, no, man. I did a hair mask. Remember that. I did a hair mask. And now the rest of it's behind you. Do you want to know what's in my hair mask?

What? peach and a manuka honey why did your hair have a sore throat just for context Catherine said that earlier I was like paper to the hair mask

it had manuka honey in it and she's like did your hair have a sore throat and Alex lost his mind loved it he couldn't breathe but then I couldn't you couldn't perform it

because you set me up I didn't expect you to and let's do it again let's do it again let's do it again okay okay oh my god you guys I did a hair mask today Whoa, what kind?

What was even in it? It was like an Aussie one, Aussie SOS. It was something peach and Manuka Honey. Why? Did your hair have a sore throat? Slay!

Slay, queen, fly! Thank you guys. It was better the second time round. I'm such a dad. That's a good joke. How's tour prep going? Talking about good jokes. Yeah, I say I'm at that place

where I've lost my mind with it. You know what I mean? The work of progress is. I've becoming more and more hysterical. Have you got to the point where you're like, fuck it, I might just do a dance routine? I've gotten to the stage where I'm like... Because I'm doing a dance routine.

Where I'm like... Okay. If I just speak faster, I'll get it all in. Oh, you've got too much stuff. Yeah. And I never, we don't know what the story is. I don't know what the show is. I don't know.

Can I just remind you of what people always tell me when I have too much? All you are is ahead for next year. Just... Oh, I like that. Take it out and take your time because it will grow longer as well and I can guarantee you

there'll be a couple of bits in it that will well I'm seeing it on Saturday so I'm more than happy to have a chat with you on the way home I think it's basically about being like confused because I am ultimately like doing my best and doing well

and 35 and still somehow like lots of people find myself in a house share and like I just learned to drive and it feels like worse than other people you've gone back you were by yourself and now you're in our house share. That's what's tougher for you because of the regression.

No, indeed, indeed. And you say, like, lots of people, most 35-year-olds are living independently around the whole of the country. It's you with your bourgeoisie, champagne socialist lifestyle of London. I've been listening to Alan Partridge on the way here. Well, I can really tell.

Also, you're way less compassionate when you're depressed. Should you bring out our guess? I'm being such a dick, aren't I? Please, welcome to the podcast. Hopefully she's in a better mood than you. I'll be nice. swat! It's our wonderful guest! Kim, Richard McLean!

Woo! Hey folks, it's Mark Bitman from the podcast, Food with Mark Bitman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunchboxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient in breakfast, lunches, and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on back-to-school foods at Whole Foods Market.

Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start, Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin, or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, see price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today.

Bonza, good eye and welcome to Trusty Hogs in Australia. We're going to be bush pigs. I don't know. I'm trying to think of an Australian version of Trusty Hogs. I think what we need to say is we're going on tour. Both of us. Yes. To Australia.

We'll both be playing. I'll be playing Melbourne and Sydney. You'll be playing Melbourne and. Sydney. and Brisbane and Perth. Fabulous. I will be in Melbourne. I'll be at the Western 3

at the International Comedy Festival. You can buy tickets for my show now and at Sydney I'll be at the factory theatre and you can buy tickets for my show now. And in Melbourne I'll be at the Greek which I have looked on Google Maps and it is very close to Catherine's venue. Isn't that so cute.

We're super close. And then, no I think you'll be picking me up. Oh, I think. I need to check that. But come pick us up. Come pick us up. Sydney, I'll be at the factory theatre with Catherine and that's super.

close to the ice cream place. Brisbane, I'll be at Powerhouse. And in Perth... Can a Powerhouse be inside of a Powerhouse? She will be. I'll be bloody there. And at Perth, I'll be the Perth Comedy Festival for the Regal Theatre. And we'll also bring in Trusty Hoggs Live

to Australia. Melbourne and Sydney, bitches, it's on sale. I've never said bitches before my life. It felt really wrong. It felt really weird. I said it and I was like... Bitches get your tickets! No, that's hideous.

Well, anyway, see you there, Australia. Ozzie, Ozzie, Oz. No, we've been over this Huggy, Huggy, Huggy Yeah We both got it wrong See you there Hi, I'm Catherine Beauxhart

And I'm going to the Soho Theatre in London For two weeks in March Now wouldn't it be convenient if they were back to back And I could just tell you the dates Of course it would, they're not The first one begins the week commencing The 4th of March And the second one, after a week's break

begins the week commencing the 18th of March Soe March, late March Where will I be? Soho Theatre, my love. and I'd love to see you there. The tickets I haven't sold necessarily as fast as I like them too. But listen, there are some available and I'll be there doing my goddamn best with my new show. That's the debut of my new show.

So please come. I'd be thrilled having the audience. The show is called Again with Feelings. And the earlier you buy your tickets at Soho, the less expensive they are. Thank you so much. This is it. It's me, Helen Bauer, from Disney Hawks. I hate Jets.

I want to say. I'm doing my show one last time in the UK at the Earth in Hackney in London on March 2nd. It's a double bill with Olga Cork. You can see both of us. You can see one of us come for the whole night. You've got like a little break in between us to go get some food. It's going to be magical. It's going to be sexy. And I'd love to see you there. Thank you. Stop touching my hair. I did a hair mask. Oh, that is nice. Really good. She doesn't need encouragement. Keri, she's told us she did a face mask. Face mask. Hair mask about 17 times today.

I love a hair mask though. It felt really good. I basically was like swam but with a hair cap on so I didn't even need to do it. But then I went to super drug and I was like, I'm getting a fucking hair mask and I bought retinol for the first time. Okay, yeah. Have you heard about retinol? Yes, it's like the, it's the super one, right? It's what everyone's doing on TikTok. If a teenager's made a TikTok video about it, I've used it.

Yeah. Because I know what retinal is. If you put it on and go in the sun, your face will burn. Yeah, you must have to wear SPF, yeah. So you have to wear SPF, but here's the smart thing. Put it on before you go to bed. Yeah, that's what everyone else does. Is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I genuinely thought I'd come up with a hack where I'd buy sun cream. What? No, you still. Either way, I've crushed it. Kudy, how are you? I'm great. I'm great.

You're learning love? I'm learning so much because I don't have TikTok because I have. I know. Well, I actually have, right. I'm going to let you behind the curtain now I have a TikTok account and I send the stuff over to someone else however I

because I have ADHD properly as well I've had it for a long time before anyone tells me about that fucking panorama Kiri actually invented it I was the first person to have it I'm so sick of saying it Well there's a panorama documentary is probably deeply unhelpful that said

loads of people are being overdiagnosed and it's because you know that they want to monetise people's needs for treatment etc so people keep messaging me going Are you worried you got a false diagnosis I was like, oh my God. Well, it was 13 years ago,

so I don't think I was part of the system. Are you worried you're overstepping? Oh my God. But my whole, you will know this as women with podcasts where you speak freely. Listen, people's whole relationship is overstepping with you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, a hundred percent. But also like, it's annoying when it's really accurate because we're like, you shouldn't know all this. Yeah. But you do, you know,

more than my close friends know. It is weird when you're like, who told you that. Yeah. That's on me. That's on me. It is on me. I need to stop reading my diary out loud.

and I think it would stop. Out of pure ignorance, what happens if a person with ADHD goes on TikTok? Well, the brilliant Kat Sadler, who has ADHD, said, I stay up until 3 o'clock in the morning

and the time just goes. And I have to, I, because I didn't, I got diagnosed and then they were just like, you've got this, and they're not even a pamphlet about what it entails. I sort of built all these things into my life,

so I've never had a games up on my phone because I got hyperfocus, I got addicted, I was not leaving the house because I was playing like a literature, a solitaire thing. So I know now not to do that. All the ones you're going to make.

I remember being in Paris with my friend as a lithe 19 year old. And she was like, should we go out? And I was like, yeah, I've just got to do this. And I was like, it was. I've got to do this. I've got to complete the line. I want to see the little, I want to see the aces.

Wait, is this spider solitaire? No, not even that's complicated, normal one. Yeah, really. Basic bitch, solitaire. Yeah. So I know if I had TikTok, it would rot my brain. So I do have a TikTok account and I send everything over. But good for you.

Yes. Good for you. deals with all that. That's really smart because at the moment on TikTok there's this thing called Neil the seal

who is a seal in Tasmania in Australia who thinks he's human and I cannot stop watching him. I feel like Neil's been around for a while I feel like Neil the seal has been around for a bit

I've literally just found out about him and she's already heard of Neil. Why am I on such an old algorithm? I don't know you just found out about retinal it's wild did you guys hear about Donald Trump he's going to get elected wait to find out

what happens to Charlie's finger it's going to No, no, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't earn it. No, but Neil's so silly. He's just, like, humping, like, bollards all the time. He loves Cone. And he thinks he's human. Yeah, because he's always in town.

Okay. And the police have to be like, come on Neil, bick and the boy. That's bay in English. Is it? Yeah. That's the explanation. Gosh. Kiri, you have a farm.

Yeah. You were wearing a jacket with chicken feed in your pockets. My chicken, yeah, my chicken feeding jacket. Yeah. Can I ask a question? In my head, the dream is. owning chickens. Yes.

Do they vibe with you? Interesting. Do you mean do you have a bond like a normal pair? Yeah, is it like, do you feel a kinship like you would with a dog?

With two of them, yes. One, who is an ex-cage 10 who's got a permanent limp from how she was. She sounds like a badass. She nearly died because she got like bullied by the others

because chickens will do this thing when there's a weak one they'll be like, kill it. So they're like nuts. Oh, they're girls. Yeah, they're boarding school girls. Yeah. So they find the weak one

they go in on. also they're really stimulated by red because of blood so if anything has a bit of red on it they will like pack it to death so limpy is her name and she was never ask about a farm it will get dark fast so limpy was really unwell and they were all bullying her and she was just fading because she wasn't eating and i remember going in there and she like ran and sat on my lap and would eat she would only eat from my hand and then and then we had her in the house and then she's great now and like kind of the boss so she's lovely loves to be picked up falls asleep when you stroke her oh come on i'm upset she's really good

What's wrong with the other fuck ones? Well, the other ones is, they're just a bit wild. They're like a breed that is half wild jungle fowl, so they're nuts. They just, like, do what they want. Except the smallest one, who sits in my, her name, Shonad, and she's like this big. Shon Ed. Yeah, and Shonad sits in my hand and eats as well. She's just cottoned on that if I, if she, like, puts up with me holding her, she gets

the nice treats, yeah. I give her the sweets. Son Ed, I love Shonet. And she screeches at me in the morning to come and pick her up and, like, so they're nice and the others I take or leave them so you've got chickens you've got a dog is there any other animals on the farm

just a cat and then just like what's knocking around in the wild so like the farm has got like there's like a lake at the back and stuff like and we back onto a nature reserve so we have lots of like pheasants and herons and red squirrels and stuff like that you've red squirrels yeah because

on the island I live on and it is only red squirrels whereas when I was growing up there was grey squirrels everywhere because when I drove to my primary school you'd see them all and I was like what happened with those and I looked up you know you can go to like Google news like Google like squirrels Anglesey

and there was like an article from like 2010 that was like we need to do something about these grey squirrels but they said we're not going to call them we're not going to call them and then they spray paint was it well it's 2014 they came back and they said listen we're going to trap them and then in like 2018 it was like good news only red squirrels the cull was a complete success

so yeah at some point they flipped that and we're like we just need to kill them is you're calling one or the other right and because if you don't call the grey ones they will call the red ones they make them sick. No they make them sick by something in their skin isn't it an enzyme? They're also just much bigger the grey squirrel

red squirrels are tiny so but they give them an they give them a contagious disease and then they die and so you are calling one or the other and the red ones rarer and let's be honest hotter so much hot I mean you feel like you're describing yourself

but if you had to finger a squirrel You're going for the red one, 100%. But here's the thing. Red squirrels used to be all over Ireland when I was growing up and then they're completely disappeared and it's so sad. Yeah, because there was a big news thing

where it's like a grey squirrel had been found on the island because there's two bridges and one had like run afrogue I love Wales so much. Yeah, it's very... A grey squirrel has been seen on the island. Yeah, 10 o'clock news.

It's there. I live in a small village. Well, it's gotten bigger and bigger and bigger but I grew up in a small village and there was genuinely headline news in the last three years about a chicken crossing a road as in there was a chicken

crossing the main road in Kwanzella and everyone was just like shit with the chicken and I was like and we're not doing a joke but everyone's just like that cannot be I was obviously like why

and everyone was like what? Coles the squirrels though I want to know this like is it like a group of people it'll be pest control wouldn't it? Yeah but you just know where I'm from

that's like you imagine sort of like maybe they're maybe they're caught in a cage and then they're gassed or something like that No! But I actually think it'll just be Thick lad, one tooth, big hammer. I honestly, no.

I am, my name's Daveth. I'm in charge of pest control. Exactly that. There'll be blood on my hands, but I'll wash them later. Yeah, exactly, exactly that. That's so funny. That's like, I hope he gets paid well

because that must be quite emotionally tough as well. I think he'd do it for free. Yeah, I agree. The sort of candidates running through my life. Group of lads just like, I'd love to, honestly, be an honour. That reminds me of, my dad works in a church because he's a deacon.

Yeah, he would, yeah. And one Sunday they had an issue because there was a pigeon in the church and they could not get this thing out. They were like literally like covering the front of the church with breadcrumbs to try to lower this pigeon out but it wasn't coming for the life with them. So, and then a man was like,

oh, I'll sort it out and went and got a gun. Yeah, that's... All God's creatures. All God's creatures. Yeah, but also they've got to know where they belong. Oh, wow, you are a farmer. I'm on the... You're on Team God?

I'm on Team God. I'm on Team. go, yeah, yeah. Although, I was just talking How do you shoot a pigeon? That's pretty fast move it? No, they're not, no, no, no. Also, it'll be like, it'll be up in the, yeah, if you take your time with it, they're not flying around until you go and disrupt them. Sorry, it's actually a man went to go and

Kiri went and got a gun. Keri came over to Concella with a gun. Yeah, she was there, good to go. I was telling anything on Ryanair. She was like, I'll do it for free. I was telling Rachel Febben about this this morning that, um, the farm I grew up on, my has lots of, like, pigeons in bands and things like that. And it's quite common for people to come around with a gun and go, want me to shoot all your pigeons because they just want to shoot

stuff. Or they go, John me to, can I shoot all your pheasants? What, like in the scene when they're like, should I clean your windows? Yeah, it's exactly like that. It's exactly, can I do you gutters? Also, I'm going to go and kill a lot of pigeons. Can I clean your windows? Can I clear God is very, they do say euphemistic when you say them. I don't know why. Thank you.

And is this the same group of guys that want to do these squirrels? Like, it's the same sort of lads. It's exactly the same lads. Got anything I can shoot? There's something about the barns where I grew up. is the front of them looks like where you keep homing pigeons so we would always get lost homing pigeons

I'm gonna have to stop you there we don't know what those look like yes we do homing pigeons no I know what a homing pigeon looks like I don't know what a barn where you keep homing pigeons like they're just like little houses like little sheds like pigeon holes correction I don't know

yeah so it's just like it just looks I couldn't necessarily describe why and which bit but we'd often get lost homing pigeons being like I'm home and then they're tame so they don't really know what to do it would happen every few years Do they have any letters? They have little bands on their things.

We're not doing letters anymore. Right. Just it's really inefficient. Yeah. Have you heard about WhatsApp, though? It's the only other thing that's double-side encrypted is a pigeon. So these little humming pigeons would stop, and my dad would always get attached and feed them grain and stuff like that,

until they were sort of like well enough to go again. And so this guy came around and said, oh, can I shoot your pigeons? My aunt said, yeah, of course you can. But don't. You see that one in the yard that is too thick to fly away. Obviously, don't shoot that. That's cut with my pet. And of course he shot the pigeon.

Yeah, he killed a pigeon. And my dad was like, never again. Like, my dad is very, my dad was very sort of like to the point once, you know, like not a friend of the animals, but he was deeply upset. That pigeon he understood. The pigeon, yeah, was the door he really wanted, I think. That is devastating. He was very upset like that.

That is devastating. Because I don't think pigeons, like, they are a bit thick, aren't they? Just in general, all pigeons, because there was one that came into the bakery when I used to work there. And it was like massive bakery, like massive eaves. It's now, you can go see it. It's now a Gales in East Dulwich. But we had a pigeon that came in one morning. But my boss was like, oh, we can't close and get rid of it

because they'll be upset if we lose business, like the owners. And I was like, well, there's a pigeon and people are eating. But the pigeons sort of made its home in one corner over one little section. And he was like, just don't say anything. And then someone was drinking their coffee and it booed straight into it. So then my job was to like put tape in the section. it was in being like look up do not sit under me I'm pooing like and it just stayed there all day. Of course it did. It's something a great time. It's in a bread bakery. Did you put a sign that said

don't look up on sit under me I'm pooing? Yeah. You already had the sign right? Always. Finally chance. Like here we go. And I remember because the comedian, you know, Ruth Hunter was staying at mine. Oh, I love her. And she was like, whenever a comedian stayed at mind, I always be like, oh, come down and like get a coffee in the morning. I'll be at work. And she came down. She's like so like busy today and I was like, I'm on pigeon watch. And she's got a video of me in an apron being like, ha ha ha ha. Because it's so exciting in the mundane job when a pigeon comes

in. No, I do agree. It's jogging the playground territory. Yeah, I agree. Oh my God, was there anything more exciting? Oh, actually, stag beetle. Stag beetle in the playground. Do you ever have that? No, but can I say this? What if? Infant school,

Stag beetle, dinner ladies, took groups out to look at it. I grew up in an Irish Heist's estate, so the equivalent was Horse on the Green. Oh yeah, of course, yeah. Horse on the green. What's the green? The only part of green space in the housing estate.

Okay, okay. And then there'd be some lad without a saddle on a horse in the green. That was my, I think my only interaction with what I thought Irish culture was, because I grew up around horses and there's lots of horses where I'm from, is imagining Irish boys galloping ponies up and down housing estates. I just thought that was island. Horse on the roundabout was not uncommon either. I thought you were going to say the Alan Partridge quote when he's like,

come on island you know island kids with no shoes on horses on a council state we shouldn't have said it we shouldn't have said it it's still funny though they had shoes they weren't necessarily their shoes they found them this is Ireland yeah no I mean no oh god my mother would be like don't be telling people about that where we let is that's what we like my mom was those women who um you know who um

behaved in the most glamorous way even when it didn't necessarily fit our station and our station caught up with us. But she, like, if you'd put your shoes out the front of the house or like, you know, like if you take your shoes off after a run or something, my mother would be like, what do you think this is? I tell them to me to get your shoes. Like, she would think that was the most shameful thing you could do.

That was too Irish. What, she'd just be very embarrassed. Okay, if you had shoes? What, leaving shoes outside the house? Yeah, just like, people would know that we're like... Are you on shoes? Honestly, yes. Yes.

That's mad. Yeah, but when you grow up, like, my mom grew up in a council house And I think there's like, you have to, like, create these sort of fake rules about who's better than who based on sort of like, like, and who's the least, like, seems like they... Oh, so it's like an etiquette, who's refined, who knows just invisible rules. And it's unrefined to leave shoes outside. Because I think of that as like, like, Wellington's on a doorstep. Yeah, there's a bootjack there. Yeah, this isn't really that, I'd say.

This is more like, this is more like, it's a muddy Clark's. This is Ireland. This is Ireland. Oh, God. I hope my mother doesn't feel. feel ashamed to be saying that. I had a friend whose mum once screamed at her from a car

because there was a phase of school where it was really cool to go into town after school and get a milkshake from a place called moccachinos. It's now closed down. Milkshake for moccachinos? You would think

Machininos from machinos? But we're children, we're children, right? Okay. Oh, sorry, they do serve machinos. It's not just a milkshake shop called. I imagine they did, but they did milkshakes and it was like the first milkshake in fleets we were losing our bloody minds.

And we were walking along and she was drinking her milkshake and her mum like drove past us and like hit the car horn and was like, I raised you better than to walk and drink. I was like, had never heard about that being a thing before.

Love that. You can't walk and drink. Do you remember you? Well, she was Irish, the mother. First milkshake. First milkshake. God, I'm glad we've got on to this. I think actually there was a time

so my secondary school had built like a conservatory which is sort of like an addition to the main cafeteria and in the conservatory they were like guys we're getting a milk bar and it was like huge news so there's going to be a milk bar and at the site like you when you grow up in rural Wales

you're like that's what feels American how glamorous. Yeah yeah exactly and we could there was only three flavors of course there was like chocolate strawberry vanilla but still and then huge and then maybe a couple of weeks later Jamie Oliver raised his head

there's this huge revolution the milk bar gets shut down Yeah, like caution tape all over it and it's like, no one's allowed milkshicks anymore even though it was just like making kids who were largely from like, there's a big council estate there that's like got real big problems of deprivation

like they're getting calcium. They need a daring. Let them have a milkshake. And then also I remember they're being a big thing like, right, because Jamie Oliver's on television we're not allowed turkey twistles anymore and also we have been serving chips every day in the canteen and it's really not on

so it will now be, it will now be every other day. So there was like all these sweeping reforms that were brought in and so the milk bar RIP, it's gone. What did they replace the chips with? Potato wuzzles. I was genuinely like smileys

or something like that. So they just, they just switched up. Living the fucking dream. It must have been amazing to be a dinner lady during that moment. Oh, the two things that stand out from our dinner ladies. So first of all, I went from a very small

like village private school type thing that was like set in a forest very sudden. We had our own packed lunches to a massive high school that's incredibly rough. So at like a normal school basically. So that was quite a cultural exchange. And I remember I was having school dinners, which I thought was so glamorous. And I remember coming home. And my parents said, how was it? What was school dinners like? And I said, um, I don't really

understand what's going on. And apparently the story I said was that I was going along with my tray. And they're so on autopilot that I had a sandwich. And she went, do you want Gravy, Dal? Because that's whatever you got. They went, John Gravitol. And I was like, I'm fine for gravy with my cheese sandwich. Thank you. weird little private school kid who's like, I don't know what's going on. And the other thing I remember is... Is the second word you were saying they're dull?

Doll, yeah. So, like, it's a term of endearment. Wow, okay. So, yeah, doll. Yeah, like a doll. Yeah, yeah, okay, got you. I'm totally enchanted by this accent. It's incredible.

Well, I didn't pull you up on it earlier, but I was like, she's doing that thing that English people do where they do a Welsh accent and they do a Southwellian accent. Oh, I'm the worst. Because of Gavin and Stacy. Yeah, I get it. Because of Gavin and Stacy.

Also, there's no real English language representation of a North Whalian accent. You? You are the representation. No, I don't even really have it. Like, because what I'm from, people talk like this, yeah? And they like roll their arts, but I don't, I don't speak like that. Everyone's always gone, why do you sound so English? And I used to go private school, because I thought that's what it was, but none of my,

none of my friends really, even if their first language Welsh had the accent. It's a weird thing. Whoa. Yeah. Anglesi. Is that the accent? No. No. One more time. Anglese. Anglese. No. What would say? Anglese. Anglese.

Anglesey Anglesey So yeah So when The pattern of the sentence Is different Yeah Oh it's so okay

With South Wales It's so gorgeous It's a real hug of an accent Um Okay God I think it's a bit like I think it's a bit hoggy And then a little bit sexy

It is sexy If you I think if you met any man or woman With a particularly strong Gog accent North Australian accent You would I don't think you'd be like Whoa

I'm telling you know If a guy came over with like 20 dead grey spirals and spoke to me like that. My knickers would be off and I'd be so happy. I will call my brother after this and arrange. I'd love to hear from him. I'd love to hear from him.

Hinge isn't going very well. I changed my parameters to make it exactly what I wanted because I wanted to be clear and I've had no likes. I preferred it when it was just horrendous people. Well, my friends were on Hinge in the area and because you've got to, like, you're quite spread out,

you've got to make your distances a bit further. Forever matching with people in Ireland. forever. I was just about to say you're going to say because that or as the classic Irish problem you have to set it really wide

otherwise it is just like your family yeah yeah the first time I went on a queer up in Ireland third person my sister

who I didn't know was out of the time and we talked about it since but both of them were just like did you match no no she's too young

I don't make my brother jealous I've been on updating only ever been on one dating out and it was for 15 minutes and I downloaded it and looked on it and there was a in the first five men there was two men that I knew one one from union one from comedy and I was like done bye no no no I love it when I get a comedian pop up really yeah yeah because I'm just I'm just like I want to see what they've written and usually I've got to say their profiles are better than the average ones they've just got like a bit of swagger a bit of fun but you know they're

lines but I was saying how many girls are looking at it going oh my god ah Love, love, wav, wow, wow, wow. Whereas the other side of it is, Oh my God, they're like, ugh. Yeah, it's disgusting. What's wrong with that unit talking? Like, yeah, they're absolutely, like, they're horrified by me.

Kiri, we get problems in from our listeners. What kind of advice do you give? Ooh. What kind of advice giver are you? I think I'm, like, overly thoughtful and earnest. I spend a lot of my time on WhatsApp, administering often solicited advice. Yeah, I said so.

No, wait, wait. No, but not always. Not always. I'd say sometimes to me. You give a very thoughtful voice note. Yes. I consider it an absolute honour if people come to you with a problem.

I do. That's nice. To be fair, so do I actually. I think that's nice. To be like, if someone trusts you enough, that's quite... Yeah, because they're trusting you with the fact that you're going to tell everyone, you know.

Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. That's part of the game. Wait, do you tell everyone everything? Yes, she does. Do we have a... Oh, fuck, Catherine.

There's nothing I don't know. Like, you haven't already... edit on this podcast. In the extras, in the extras. I paywalled it. We edit it really well. That's why there's so many adverts of us plugging our tours.

We just need one. Can I plug my tour? Can I plug my tour? Oh my God, do it now. I'm on tour. I'm on tour. It's called Peacott. It's called Peacott.

Thanks guys. It's from May till December. I'm doing everywhere. Are you? I can say what it's about now. Please. Yes. Yeah.

So in secret, my partner and I have been foster parents for like 18 months, two years. And so, yeah, thank you so much. I love it, it's the best. And it's about the story of how we came to be foster parents and it's not a very straightforward journey,

so it's about that. I can't wait to see it. It's something I'd really like to do, so I'm really excited. And I'm sure lots of people who have been through it or have thought about it or just like to laugh or want to see it too, but I can't wait. Also, it's a Kiri show.

It's just going to be really funny. Thanks, thanks, mate. Yeah, I think there's some bits of, yeah, that I'm really like, oh, this is, you know when you're doing stuff, you're like, oh, I'm going to always love doing this bit. Yes. And you have to do it so much

If you don't feel like that at the start, you're fucked So that's great Also it's some of the best promo images of all time I so rarely message someone When I see their tour announcement But I think I messaged you being like Me too This is a good

So just like go all the dates are there On your images on the tile work On your Instagram So like definitely go and book Actually there's very few comics I'd say this about But even if you have an off night And sometimes you know you have to at work Kiri will make it worth your while

because she'll be wearing something amazing. I think, yeah, even if you'd want to zone out of what I'm saying and I'm fine with that. Just enjoy what's going on visually. Sorry to objectify you, but like, I'd go and be like, listen, if she says a joke too, that'd be great. That's really fucked up to say, Catherine. I think I'm the calling of this guy that I used to sleep with when I was younger

and he was really fit, but I would not let him speak because he had this accent, but it's really unattractive. So I was like, no names. and we'd like not let you speak. And I was like, I'm having a lovely time as long as just sh-h-h-h-thew. Quiet, inside voices. Yes. Poppy loop headphones in and put something else on them

and I'll just, I'll be a feast with the ice. That's gorgeous. That's roleplay, but you're a mute. You got a problem for us, Alex? We do, this is from M. Hi, Em, and if you could do it in an Anglesey accent, I'd be wonderful. I won't be doing that. Fair enough, it's nice to be asked. Dear trusty hawks, I'm a big fan.

my girlfriend's sister showed me a podcast a while ago and I've been a Patreon member ever since straight in fat play to you

I've also been to a couple of shows I recently went to went to one of Catherine's work in progress shows but was too scared to who

when you asked who here is a lesbian oh I was like what did I ask incredibly that is quite an invasive question

to be all right just want to check everyone's sexuality before I'm willing to do you reckon as a straight woman Put your hand up if you're a lesbian just so I know Maybe you could

No I wouldn't I don't want to know It's not my business I'm writing because I wanted to ask for some advice Mostly from Catherine I'm 22 And live with my girlfriend I'll feel this I'm going to say

Personally that will just be That she doesn't want to hear Put them in a well again As they feedback yes You're cooking that up on you I don't get my take I'm 22 I'm 22 and live with my girlfriend

I've been together for four years And it's great I've been out since I was 40 teen, and I'm pretty comfortable with the fact of my lesbian, and although it's complicated with my family, coming from an Asian and African background, we found a way to navigate this. I've just been thinking lately, it's kind of sad, feeling constantly on the outside of mainstream society. Normally, I don't think about it much, but as we get older, maybe leave the university environment, going to work, etc. I'm finding it harder to not feel like I'm on the

outside of life. As much as I try and avoid it, I know I have to accept that who I am is not the majority. I wanted to ask your advice. How do I manage the feelings of being on the outside? when I'm in a room for straight young people chatting about the relationships how do I stop feeling like a spectacle if I have no older queer

role models that I know personally how do I imagine my future in a world whose structures are designed for straight couples thanks for all the great content thanks Catherine of being out and being proud and making me feel less alone

sometimes it's genuinely scary of being gay sometimes it's fantastic best M oh M gosh thanks M for your beautiful honesty yeah that was gorgeous

should we let the straight women go for it or do you know I'll take this yeah Catherine please I that made me really emotional just because like

one I'm sorry that you still feel that way and two I don't know that I have a like easy answer for you where I'm like that stops completely I think I have structured my life such that it is a sort of test case for the world if men didn't exist but that's not on purpose that I happen to have built lots of

like beautiful relationships with women and queer people um and that consequently makes me feel more normal in my day to day life but there are still like a lot of very jarring experiences where you feel like and it's never like it doesn't really like it's not really like noticeable if it's like somebody like if your difference is felt but it's a positive but there are still quite a lot of like jarring like whoa oh yeah I forget that people hate us for no apparent reason and And I think what you're talking about is like the day-to-day experience of being like, huh, it is just going to be treated like a special case. And that is sometimes just tiring, especially because you are, also it sounds like this person is from a non-white background, which means probably you have objectification or sort of like otherization on a couple of levels. But I think the only thing I can say is that it's worth it.

by which I mean being gay is better most of the time than it is bad and not that it's about them being straight M laughed although I do think that my queer friends talk about straight women like straight people would have talked about us in the 80s

they're like oh with compassion we do it to our faces we should raise fun it's just a harder life I know it's not a choice because who choose it but I guess what I'm saying to is that it also is the and I hate to say it

but like it is where a lot of your strength probably comes from. And actually, I think being queer and growing up different gave me huge amounts of perspective and compassion for people who I did not. I mean, I grew up in a very white Ireland and hadn't got a huge amount of experience from different, of people from different backgrounds to me. But I think being a little bit otherwise gave me a huge sense of empathy and understanding of other people.

And also like where I don't presume I know what's going. on or what's anybody else's story I like to think or I try not to but mainly I think the answer is if you don't have queer role models I've got a solution to that you've got to go find some

yeah I've got no you know what I'm going to say Hempton bridge nope no right you know what I'm going to say it's time to join a football or rugby too and also I think one last thing I'd say sorry to go on

but the last thing I'd say is I spent so much of my 20s over explaining because people left a gap like there was explanation needed get real comfortable with silence I think I spend a lot of time being like that's a question I should answer

or a position I should explain as opposed to just like my girlfriend oh right right so you feel the need to like justify I ended up having to like yeah I would end up saying my girlfriend and then I would explain my sexuality and then I would end up

I would also like end up fielding a lot of questions that I should have just been like as in people will often ask you incredibly invasive things when they say like makes you feel like a spectacle it's because like somebody can be like

oh me and my boyfriend live in and they'll be like oh cool it's a nice area and then you'll be like oh me and my girlfriend live in and people are like oh my god you're gay and then you end up being like oh well I'm bye I guess I'd say queer oh what's the difference oh right when did you come out how are your family with it and you're like

oh we just met and I think I should have I wish I'd known to be like, how are your family with it? How do you guys have sex? When did you know your sexuality? Or to just be like, oh, like, I also wish I'd give myself permission to be like, fine. They were fine.

I actually don't owe you the story of my life. So I think like also remember you don't have to answer every question or you don't have to dance just because they think it's a show. It's so true. I think it's awkward, but you don't have to answer anything. You don't feel comfortable with. I would add the caveat unless it's me asking. Oh my God, obviously if it's a nice lady

who just wants the gauze. Yeah, yeah. I'm one of the good ones. Yes. Sorry, if she has to. The A stands for ally, guys. If she owns Dungarees, you have to have to. What a?

What A! LGBTQIA plus. Oh, right, okay. Thinking Keri print from Gengue. Where's the fucking A. My fucking love of your middle name was ally. It's Louise, sadly. Oh, I know.

Darn. You can 100% get older, like, queer role models, no? Because you just, like, do a parosocial relationship with someone? What great, solid advice? Like, Sarah Poulson, isn't she, she's married, isn't she, to a lovely lady?

She's not married. Is she not? Okay, well, she's in a relationship with, yeah, Honour something. Holland Taylor. Holland Taylor, there we go, we got there on the end. Like, start a parisocial relationship with one of them. Yeah, that's an option. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe. Or just, or just. you know, hopefully try to meet some queer people in your community. Yeah. I know the Bumping Broccolies are looking for a member on their rugby team. Who are they? It's a rugby team in Broccoli

in South London. I know they're looking for more members and it's like a queer rugby team. Tag rugby team. You could just call it a tag rugby team. So a tag rugby team. Tag rugby is the best I play touch rugby on most Mondays. It's absolutely bang in. Do you actually? Yeah. Okay, so when I'm home or

yeah, April. That's amazing. I started it like two years ago, I started playing rugby because I just loved watching it and I was like, why have I never got a chance to play it in school so I train with Langevenny ladies Although, one more time Oh, Sangevney Klanglevny

Okay Oh you're not going to try it like I went So it's at the side Yeah, slang Evny Yeah, really good, yeah, really good Ady Oh, I ended up to her and went

No Why do I always, oh I'm the worst No, it's lovely. It's really nice. This is why you're so good at learning languages because you'll give it a go. Damn. Diochum.

Oh. I know. She's really on hook oil. Um, too. So you play rugby. It's so great. It is really fun. Also, the nights out are absolutely feral.

I'll bet they are. Yeah. I've done sort of like, I've tried to do stand up about this because the perception of rugby in England is very different to, in Wales it is a working class game. And my team plays in the shadow

of a chicken abattoer. And we are sponsored by a local scrap metal firm. So that is... Shut the fuck up. Yeah, Phoenix metals... Is somebody making a movie about you? Yeah, about me specifically. I hope so.

A chicken abattoir, and you're all just like wrestling each other down into the mud. That's it, yeah. And then you've got sheet metal factory written on your back. This is incredible. What's the sponsor called? Phoenix is, yeah, Phoenix scrap metals. I have a good relationship with them because I live, you know, very near to where I grew up. and the one thing I've inherited from my father

is a pretty encyclopedic knowledge of how much scrap metal is worth at any point in time. So, copper, all-time high guys. Go, go, go, go. Get that old boiler tank out. Wait, so can you, like, actually, like, strip metals and, like, take them to the place? Oh, no, not on church roofs or anything like that.

Just see Kiri on an off day and she's got a cart. What's the one that's in the car? When people steal the cat... Stereos. No. People... No. people get there

What's the piece of a car Carboreator? Yeah, the carburetor gets stolen because there's something in that. Oh, I don't know that one. I think it's... None of us are scrap expert experts, I'd say. No, no, no, it's not my life and, like...

Could you just Google to check that I'm not imagining? That people do steal a piece of a car because it has a, like, a precious metal in it. I bet they do. I'm sure. And then you merge them. Should we get into scrap? It's a catalytic converter.

Catalytic converter. It was on top of our tongue. Yeah, yeah. Apologies. But what metal? Copper. A catalytic converter is, has,

oh hang on, I'll do some research rather than just trying to read it out. That'll be amazing. We'd love to know. Can I, can I jump in on the question? Oh my God, love you two. We'd really like to finish this catalytic converter. End is actually waiting.

Yeah, go on, go on, go on. Yeah, aside of it being very, it's really interesting to hear your perspective as well about, I think it must be, I think you've really, you've really beautifully expressed the difficulties that must come with like existing

in many identities at the same time and often I think often people think when you're from one marginalised group that the other marginalised group will automatically have solidarity or empathy or understanding and I don't think that's always the case from my friends who are like queer people of colour they find homophobia exists still within

like you know queer politics queer scenes as well and racism certainly does yeah and yeah and and vice versa yeah I think that's the word I was looking for so I think that must be really uniquely difficult but I also think there are communities out there that have recognised that I know that there's

like support groups or meetup groups for like queer people of colour so maybe that would feel in the short term like a space that you can occupy and be more authentic or more understood or more seen and also like not to diminish what you're saying but like I wouldn't forget that in both instances you are the global majority which I know obviously

is a phrase that we're working towards like you know if you're a person in colour you are part of the global majority and now if you look at statistics in our age group queer people are in the majority so yeah I did not know that millennials yeah yeah I love to see it listen you love to see it

they were right it was your dream come true Catherine it's an agenda and they won you did it you fucking did it well done good job meet up groups we nailed it yes also I genuinely think that like there is no shame in like if you are thinking of ever moving

not that you have to be you might love where you live but if you are ever thinking of moving I think there's no shame in like going to that place and seeing how you feel I wish I'd done that a bit earlier in London I've just moved to East London

no one gives a fuck yeah these people wouldn't notice I was gay if I was paying them like truly every single person has a mullet except me I look like the straight and honestly my girlfriend and I walk through East London and I feel like I've come as like

dressed as her mom. Like, it's a real east meets westbound. Obviously, this comes with a caveat of certain areas of East London. Yeah, but it's so... But like, not Shadwell, like, yeah. I used to live in Shadwell, and you're right. Yeah, like...

You're right. I don't want people coming to London for the first one. She said East. Yeah, I just be like, go to hack me if you want to feel like no one can see you. Chadwell's the only place I've been to where in the pub, they're like, just stole a bike.

Does anyone want it or sell them now? I love those pubs. I miss those. When I lived in Liverpool, people would come in it were like, like, all right, girl, do you need any ham? Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

Do you need any shoes in a size nine? I'm okay, thank you. Thank you so much. That's my size, but I'm a half wide fit. But I'll take that ham, sorry. People selling cigarettes by like one at a time sort of a thing because I've just got a carton.

That's amazing. The man went to Benadom. Amazing. So good. Alex, catalytic converter has? Three very precious metals. Three? Three.

Go on. Are the precious metals, Helen, Kiry and Catherine. Yes. platinum, palladium, not the London palladium, and rhodeum. I think it's the platinum they steal more. I've never even heard of two of those metals. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the platinum they see.

But apparently all of them have gone to like high prices in the 21st century. Yeah, they have because people are constantly... Should we get into that then? Like stealing cars? I think Sean McLaughlin had his catalytic converter stolen out of his car for silver. Really? But I think he's got a new one because him and Saneer wanted to go car shopping together and they did it, but they wanted to be taken seriously by the car dealerships

They both wore suits. Don't say it. They wore suits and went together because they thought they'd have more respect. And be like, oh, some managers of a phone shop are here and I'm about to take advantage of them. Also, why the fuck are you taking some Neil Patel with you? It's a stupid choice.

Oh, God, that's... Little suits on ready for their big day at the car dealer's shit. Okay, so you're going on tour. It's called Peacock. People can get tickets where? My website is a pretty good place for it. Fantastic. Dot.com.

And you have a podcast? I have a couple of them, yeah. Yeah, you do. Oh gosh, of course you do. Yeah. I have got All Kill and a Filler with Rachel Ferber, which is true crime-ish. We just talk about lots of other stuff. And I've got one that's all about.

clothes and fashion called who you're wearing and then I just do one if you're thinking I'm going on holiday to Wales I do one for like the Welsh stories board with Esselte is called Pot of Wales. Do you want to have a go at her name? I've actually met Esleth because she is from the same village. Eslath. Essel. She's from the same village as age. Oh no. Well she lives in the same village as age. Oh I thought she's from. Yeah, in Bow Street. Yeah. Which is where my best friend's from. Really? Yeah. My auntie used to live there. That's so crazy. great is it like a little

will your aunties be all your tour shows we're not the dead ones now but um can I say her name more time I can I have gig with her Esleth no Eschit Eschich

Esch Es E Eichet Yes Yeah really good It's a very good It's a very tricky It's it's

It's so funny because you acted like The S and ill part were difficult You were like S, S, ill, ill, and then just like... It was supportive. It's like, well, come on. Listen to the podcast. Listen to the podcast.

Yes, thanks for having me. Cherry Pritchard McGlain, everybody! Go see Peacock! Woo-hoo! And then let's all travel Wales. Let's all travel. I actually love to travel Wales. It's great.

There's an incredibly cheap bus you can do it on called the Trails Company. And it costs, I think, to get from my house to Cardiff. So, we're in the region of six pounds. Fucking hell. But it does take 19. Hours. No.

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