Trusty Hogs - Ep125. ROB AUTON / Badgers, Breadcrumbs & Bridlington

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Our 100th ever guest on the podcast, we welcome the brilliantly funny, incredibly unique and resolutely calm Rob Auton to the sty! From his days as the infamous Crab Cake Kid to finding viral success on Facebook, we have a lot of fun chatting about all sorts, and even witness an intense physical battle between Catherine and Helen...FOLLOW ROB: @RobAutonTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew Thomas / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'ReillyPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Emily Gee / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Hayley Worf / Aussie Steph / Hope Briggs / Jam RainbirdWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You buy a pair of socks, that's two socks. You buy a pair of Bomba socks, that's four socks. Because one purchased is one donated. Sox are the number one most requested clothing item in homeless shelters. So when you buy a pair of super comfortable Bomba socks, you're also donating a pair. Bombas customers have powered over 150 million donations. So Bombas would like to thank you 150 million times, but we only have like 30 seconds. Go to Bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase.

That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, seed price estimates,

and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Hello, welcome. My name's Helen Bauer. This is Catherine Bohart. It's episode 125 of Trustee Hogs. And today we are doing the fastest ever episode of Trust. Hog, Catherine, go.

Thank goodness, because I honestly think the last few episodes have been far too slow. It's like, oh my God, I'm bored now because they've placed or something quicker. It's like, at the end of the day, we're busy with me, we're trying to get ourselves out there and we just want to make sure that we're... I don't think we can sort of talk about.

I think we're going to work with a hundred percent. Yeah, absolutely we are. Woo! Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't.

And that's your problem. They'll have a problem. guests and Andrew White on the tech oh it's Helen and

Catherine as the trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not That was a whole episode you guys There was someone that was famous for that

Like do you remember this They went on the Ellen show ages ago and their special skill was speaking fast Was it some sort of American debater From university Because they are

American policy debating Is spoke Is about can say as much as what you say arguably more than... Wait, there's an episode of Parks and Recreation where as long as they keep talking... That's something else. The what? The what?

Philibuster. Filibuster. Filibustering. That's it. How the fuck do you know that? I'm shocked you don't because you do it in conversation. And I'm very good at it. Very good. How do you know what filibustering is? Most people know a filibustering is, babe. From Parks and Rec? No. Because people do it in

parliament and government. Do you ever worry that you missed like two years of school and like just no one, like you just missed it? Well, I didn't do science in school. I was able to give it up at 11. Fucking Ireland, man. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy?

But they've since changed that and I'll give it up until you're 15. But consequently, in relation to this, yes. Oh, my, that's not good. I know, but it begs, but you, in answer to your question, yes, every single time anything remotely scientific comes up like, freeze. Because I'm like, oh God. God, I didn't, I've never had this formally educated to me. It's very stressful.

So where do you get up to in science learning? The mummy and the daddy wants a little baby. That's all I got. And the baby Jesus delivers him on the door. Yeah. That's all I got. There's some positive news about Irish education though. Go on.

We talked about learning Gelga in school. Did we? Osgelga? Osgelga? It's pretty good. Oswegelga, yeah. Pretty good. That was amazing, Andrew.

I tried. But we said that it's no longer compulsory but we got a message from Jill who said she loves this week's episode. Deeguish, Jill. And has a message with one small correction. Okay, Kirkcler. Golga is still very much compulsory subject

in primary and secondary school and it's one of the three core exam subjects as leaving cert, maths, Irish and English. Grammore, big love. But I thought it was only compulsory till the juniors aren't now. What I don't know this is I will fact check that

But that's what Jill said on the message Jill, thank you so much For being brave enough To write in with the correction Gour of Morgas, Jill But I'm not sure Gourth Morgoth Neelisagum, I don't know

Nealisagum Interesting I think it's nice if it's I mean still compulsory I hope it is I hope it is But I also Tosulagum

I hope But also I think Oh yes it is Leaving Certificate Irish curriculum The Leaving Certificate Irish curriculum Is divided in two men areas language and literature for Irish language. Fair enough.

It's compulsory. That's great. Well then Tobronerum. I'm sorry. Tobronerum. Thubronerum. Yeah. Taubronerum.

Tobronerum. Andrew. They changed the science thing to 15 now, did Catherine say? Because that feels also very pressing. Yeah, no, that just seemed like a bigger issue. There should be science to junior sir, I reckon. Like science, surely. Why do they not have it as like?

I think it's 16 in the UK. Ellen once asked me what I thought the speed of light was. I was like, I don't know, pretty fast. Like 100 miles an hour. Apparently that's a stupid answer. Is it like a million light years? It's like. I actually don't know either.

Wait, what's equals MC squared? It's definitely faster than 100 miles an hour. That's relativity, isn't it? I thought that was gravity. No, that's relativity. All right. Energy equals mass times a constant squared. yeah all right that's right right but wait how fast is the speed of light then it's faster than 100 miles an hour how fast is that Andrew Andrew we're going to have loads of science questions for you now it is faster speed of light is faster than sound

299 million 792000 458 meters per second it is fast and I think I was closer yeah I was closer oh no 1,000% what I will say is it's freezing in here today I have my coat on I have my scarf on and I have my scarf on and and I'm freezing. I've just got a t-shirt on, but... If you're listening to this, we're at that point in British weather now, I don't know when you're listening to this, but we, when it occurred is, we've just had that faux spring,

you know, when you have the stealth spring where you're like, oh my God, weather's getting maize, it's all warm again. I'm gonna wear a lighter jacket. And then, after two weeks of that, when my freaking daffs are up, here comes the bloody...

daffodils. That sounded so filthy. But my fucking daffs are up, you know? Sorry, you're telling me I can't abbreviate a word. I'm sorry, Catherine. I'm a clean comic now. Now, I'm playing comic now.

Girlie Whirleys. Girlie Whirleys. The girly Wurley. You didn't call Rob Gurley Whirleys later in this episode. No, Robbie. Wow. Oh, sorry. Our guest today is Rob Orton.

Yeah. But now it has become like torrential rain and horrible cold again. And I feel like to. Insane. It was horrid. It was raining from the moment I woke up to the moment I got home. And I mean actually raining. Yeah, no, that was the same for everyone.

No, it was different for me It was different for me From the moment I woke up to the moment I Which he was like yeah, it rained all day then It was insane Because usually there are like brief reprieves Where you can like run to the shop Or like go outside for a cigarette

Oh my God Only you would be like In my garden it rained all day It's like no bit every It was like citywide sort of I wish you could see How much that made sense in my head That it was just me experiencing it

Like When I'm in South London I cannot fathom that North London's still happening. Like, it's very Truman show in my mind. Your whole life's Truman show in your mind. But, like, almost like the set is all around. So if I go somewhere, it's like, oh, they've just woken up.

You're wild. I know, I'm not well. I'm not a well woman. But I was so wet all of yesterday. And there was a woman on the bus. And I felt so bad for her because she had wet shoe smell. And you know when it happens, like, she's clearly just stepped in a puddle first thing. She looked like she'd had

a day like a real day and I was on the bus like quite late at night coming back from a gig and I was like oh she's had a really long one. I think she stepped yeah but like in her shoes and she clearly stepped in a puddle I had a whole story for her at like 6am

and just couldn't dry all day and oh I just wanted to give her the biggest cuddle I wanted to have that close no I would have got close she needed it I wanted to have a hot water body I really hope she had someone nice to go home too I know wet shoe smell

that's horrid it's the worst feeling what's the worst part of your body to have wet it's got to be feet it's got to be feet I'm thinking feet as well feet's bad the only the one that's bad is if you sit on something wet I think bum because it's like where's a cup what's going on yeah do you know what's going on yeah but you know when it's so unnatural the bum is actually really disgusting

yeah it's so on a wet bum it's very unnatural It's just not, like, your instinct is like always then it's just like, oh, what have I not wiped? Like, that's like not great. How did we not think of wet back ass first? That's being the worst place that I'm wet. Obviously, just to be clear, I do not want a wet crack. Because if you do have a wet crack,

someone's not around. Or you're having a lovely time. Oh, come on. Not if it's that wet. Does Rimming make it wet wet? No, a little bit, but not fully. Andrew, thank you for answering that so honestly. No.

No. No, not wet wet, wet. Have you heard the TikTok sound? It's like, this is my hair a little bit wet, and this is my hair wet wet. No? No? We're on older algorithms than you, Android. Mine's all cleaning.

Fair enough. They really do get to know us very quickly, don't they? Yeah. Sorry, I want to hear that, but I also want to talk about cleaning. Yeah. You want the scrub daddy algorithm. Yeah, obviously, I have scrub daddy. I want one so bad.

They're so cute. It's a sponge with a smile. face on it. Yeah. Do you think I wasn't bought that by everyone one Christmas of the year came out? My mother's also bought me rainbow sponges. For the queer who loves to clean.

Genuinely. The two things she knows about me. Machine washable sponges. There's like, I've got the magic white stuff. I've got all that stuff. What's magic white stuff? He just pick off this bit of a little spongy guy. Yeah.

And you wipe your whites like counters and doors. Perfectly white. Nothing to worry about. Perfect. Oh, I'm on that too. Works on your trainers as well. very nice very nice um right i have something to tell you emma black came to my house i saw emma black on the tube she came to my house and for anyone new here emma black is uh my

childhood best friend that now works for katherine i met her lovely boyfriend this doesn't work for me oh how much do you love sam oh my god he's so nice isn't he the nicest guy he's so nice in scottish i loved him i loved emma black it was so cute wait ellen met emma black yeah she responded highly like to the perfectionist like tall, powerful woman obviously Ellen was like how about please you Sunday

I saw Emma literally two days ago she did not mention this I mean I ran into her on the tube and she had two brownies and one of them was for Sam and one of them was for her but me and Saneal somehow managed a tricker

into giving us one of the brownies we were literally like going to do a gig and we ran out of oh my god is Emma black and then she was like I've got the best brownies

their bag and I went you can't say that without like sharing you are such a piece of trash. Thank you again, Emma Black. I love you so much. You're such a trash bag, you didn't.

Where were they from? I don't know, somewhere in her office. You are the worst. I love Emma Black so much. But she didn't mention that you... She came to your house? She delivered what she had created. She delivered to you?

Yeah. Well, actually Sam would like it noted that he delivered. Yeah, of course Sam did. So he drove her in the cushions that she'd made for my... So Ellen found a Chesterfield on free cycle and the only thing was wrong with it

was that the cushions were like very worn and Emma took the cushions she picked one up for me at the Tottenham Court Road we met I love her and she got new foam got new leather

and replaced it and they look amazing let me show you I'm sure I have a photo she's incredible isn't she it looks so good what a talent and then Ellen showed her because obviously Ellen was impressed

by her work Ellen then showed her her DIY skills around the house Oh, Emma Black loves DIY. Was she really happy? Oh, yeah. They were asking each other questions. Sam and I were like, yeah. Just put their boyfriends on the corner.

Honestly, I was crazy. I am... This is amazing. I love... You and Emma Black becoming friends is one of the sweetest and weirdest things. Because, like... Why is it weird? Because for years in this podcast...

We have loads in common. But you're the same person. Yeah. Like, do you remember the first... I wouldn't have given you my fucking brownie, though. Do you remember the first time I came around, you're flat? like as far as like not like the house share that you were in before that years ago like yeah the flat name was just you yeah and I was like oh my god it's emma black's room it was terrified to the

point I don't have I don't know me saying I remember thinking how weird it was that someone would have hand cream on their desk I was like oh you'd have hand cream in like the bathroom or like in your bag but that's one you think to use it when you tell it you down there we go but I remember thinking okay Emma black's got it and I was like oh she's got this really random like centered hand cream I was What the fuck is this? Catherine had the exact same brand on her desk and the exact same placement on the desk and it freaked me the fuck out.

I can't find the pictures of the sofa but I will take one for you. Okay, Emma Black, send them to me. Okay, but also what I did find is just a photo of my muscles because I've been lifting weights. Do you want to see my muscles instead? Yes, but is the chest field all set up? Can I come sit on it?

Shut the fuck up. Is that good? I just lifted weights just then. Just M in the court. Can I see? Nice. Not bad. Thanks, guys.

You're a strong fucking girl. Yeah, everyone's always surprised by it. I'm, I am much stronger than I appear. Do you want to arm wrestle? No. Oh my God, let's, wait, we should do it. I don't want to. I don't think I do want to.

I don't wish to now. Now I'm stressed. Oh, please, please, please, please. No, oh God, please, please. It's my birthday. You went for buying anything for my birthday. Oh, no, no, actually you must. No, because it's not really fair.

And I'll be, I'll be arriving in Australia all alone. I'll be in Australia. My gift to you is that I'll hang out with you in Australia. That's such a, bad gift. Do you want it? Okay. Well, you have to be on mic while we do this. Yeah, I'm on Mike. Um, right. Is it best of three or just of one? Just of one. And you're going to beat me. It's going to be embarrassing. And no, no, no, because I've never, I've never lifted the weight. Hang up. Yeah, but you just seem more stubborn than me. I mean, more aggressive.

Yeah. Okay. Are you going to assist an eye contact? No. Do you want to do a blinking challenge as well as, um, okay. So just, just arm wrestle. Yeah. Okay. And remember, but this is for feminism. So neither of us can go, ow, or mm, or it. Because we have to, like, show that we don't give a fuck. Okay. Okay.

For feminism. Andrew, count us down. We go on zero. No, I'm not. We go on zero. That's my natural power. We go on zero. That's my natural power.

Zero will be the word go, okay? Yeah. Three, two, one, go. We both went on three. We both went on three. Oh! No! Oh, my God, I've got a spot on my arm.

Oh, my God, I've got a spot. Oh, Catherine, for the list of outfit, Catherine is really winning this. Oh, there's a lot of straining. Catherine's won it. Catherine has won it. Wow, I needed that today. Wow, I needed that.

I'm warm all of a sudden. I took her power, I think. I'm as loud as she is now. Oh, are my boobs growing? Oh, oh, my God, I feel amazing. That's hideous. Oh, can I wash my hands? Yeah, thanks.

Back in a sec. No, I'll take some hands, then. That was incredible. Wow, that was so fun. Also, it was sad how much we both wanted it. Congratulations. Oh, sorry, just hand sanitized. Thank you so much.

Congratulations. Wow, you really put up a fight. You were stronger than I thought. I tried so hard. Woo! I would also say this. I went so red. There's a point in which I was like so red. I could see myself turning a different colour.

I do want to see a replay of that. Yeah. Whoa. You know what good friends do arm wrestle? We must remember that. That was sick, man. Did you arm wrestle a lot of school? It feels like you had experience.

No, but I've arm wrestled on a lot of nights out because gay. Nice. Wait, is that a thing? Yeah, people are always arm wrestling on gay nightside. It's inexplicable. For what? Like to pick up the tab or? No, to be like, somebody always.

be like, oh yeah, I've been lifting weights. And somebody else would be like, oh, yeah, like, same. And then suddenly it's like, well, let's see who's girlfriend. And then it's like, it's a whole thing. In my head, I'm not picturing, like, the lesbians you hang out with. I'm picturing loads of twinks in like a musical theater bar going, come on. Let's do it. Well, weirdly, it's often the femmes who are the surprising winners because they, like,

torched themselves at, you know, gym classes, et cetera, et cetera. And there's only so much, um, that was a Pilate's arm. You better believe it, baby. What was that compliment that your Pilatist instructor gave you, like, a couple of months ago, and you lost your mind? That I was incredibly efficient in movement. That's that your body is incredibly efficient today. I wasn't wasting energy. I was using my body efficiently.

You're fine. Why are you acting like I broke in your wrist? Just checking I don't have any permanent injuries. Wow, that was intense. I feel invigorated. I think I should start my mornings like that. Just what arm wrestling your girlfriend? Wake up arm wrestle, let's go.

I think I have to win to feel like good, but like, yeah, that was, whew. You do look alive. I honestly, I feel like I just had a bump or something. I'm like, woo. Do you feel like this episode might be the weirdest episode as far as like ups and downs go?

Because just for context, we actually already recorded our guest like an hour ago. Oh my God, yes. And usually we do it in the order you hear it. But today it just worked out better to do it this way. And then we were like, so we did our guest. And oh my God, we love reporting so much. and we were on such different wavelengths to him.

The vibe was way more zen in that half. He came in like the zenist man of all time. Yeah, he's like a Buddhist and we are like, well, us. And so... Well, at one point, we both were asking questions. I can't remember some of the ones that you said. I think, favourite whale, favorite whale. And I went, what's your favorite aisle in the supermarket?

You'll hear it. You'll hear it. It's a good interview. Rob's a very considered man as well. So, like, you'd ask him a question. And he'd just like take a moment's silence to genuinely weigh up the answer. Yeah, he really pondered those. And neither of you could deal with those silences.

Because we can't deal with sensory deprivation. Just say something, Jesus. You'd be like, what's the whale? And he'd go, hmm, let me think. And you'd be like, what's your favourite aisle in the supermarket? And I'd just be listing whale types. Are we in a while? Are we mad?

No, I just think we can't be, if it's silent, then there's a chance the voice in my head will start telling people don't like me. So I've got to fill it really quickly. I hear that. I really hear that. Oh my God, you guys, I can't wait to go home and tell Ellen that I beat Helen. You've got footage of it.

Do you want the footage to tell everyone? Kind of do. But I wish I'd put makeup on today. Oh yeah, let's clip it up, Andrew. I wish I'd put makeup on today. That would have been such a good... Oh, do you want to recreate it in full glam? That'd be heavy.

I actually really do. I'd write that down. Let's do a full glam arm wrestle. I really would like to do a full glam arm wrestle. We could you just do it in post if you want. Could you really? No, don't full glam us in post. Could you really?

Full glam me in post? Okay, Alex can probably do it. Yeah, yeah. Could you imagine me, Alex? Alex, put me in full glam. Could you imagine if we did an episode where we both wore like full glam makeup, like eyelashes and. and everything.

If the comments on YouTube be like, what the fuck's happened? What you should do is you should They've tried? You should go full glam and then the guest you should have without telling him Sunil Patel.

Oh my God. You wouldn't notice. No, he would. He would. He would. Just good night, sort of red carpet dresses. You have the lowest cut top you've ever worn.

Dress, dress, dress. Oh my God, I'd love to see you're like boobs full out. He wouldn't notice. Actually, he might. He would. He started telling me like nice things

about my appearance recently. Oh. Yeah. And so begins. And so nice. Mainly because I'll be like, oh, like I've just done something new with my makeup. And he'll be like, oh, a very pretty lady, very nice. Aw, it's really sweet.

And because I was depressed a couple of weeks, got like super depressed, and he tucked me in. Aw. What are you all good? I was like, can you take me in and I? Are you all right? And he was like, come on then, fucking out. Get in bed. He was like, yes, night night.

It was really sweet. But you sound very unwell. Are you all right? I'm fine now. Got the saddle lamp back out full blast. Okay, gosh. Turns off every 30 minutes, I've got a timer, and I'm like, fucking back out on my eyeballs.

You tucked you in? Well, not, like, properly. Francis spoke to him about it, being like, what was the tucking in? Like, did you tuck in her little toesies and stuff? And he was like, no, no, uh, uh. Like, it was more like a patty on the head. And when did you say he started looking into buying?

Next day, was it? Oh, my God, no, don't have this beautiful thing. We're doing really well as housemates. at the moment. I've stopped commenting. Like everyone's thriving. We are, we are. You stopped commenting?

On the potato waffle with American cheese slices on it for every meal. You mustn't comment on your housemaids food. I do. I know, I know, I know, but it's the No, because I'll be commenting it. Like, he's like...

Ellen? Can I just say this? You can comment here. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a chef. I'm not a chef. But my housemate... No way, but that time I came to your house and you let me cooked the entire meal for us.

I have no memory of you that. No memory of you cooking. Okay, honestly, if I cooked for you, would you eat it? There we go. So what's the fucking point then? What's the fucking point? You could order in for me. Have I never ordered any of you at mine? For sure, we've done, we've sat there and eaten pizza and stuff.

Let's do that again soon. I'd love to do that. Do you come over? I'd actually really like to. God, we've got so little time left before we get to Melbourne. We did you want to just do it in Melbourne, yeah. You know that I'm not going to stay in a hotel? Yeah, so I come to your apartment. I'm going to get a little Airbnb.

No, I'm sorry. I haven't burst it. I'm just like touching it because I've just like, it's just really weird that I've got a spot on my arm. What do you mean? Get an Airbnb? I thought they organized it for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm going to take an Airbnb. Okay.

Like, because I think hotel living might go a bit crazy. I'm worried about that too, so I'm excited to come to yours. Right? For sleepovers. It'd be nice. And it's going to be me and Olga. Okay, I'll come and let's get takeaway. So lovely.

What's Australian takeaway like? Oh, the same. Yeah. What a silly thing? aside. Should have been on a guest? Oh, all right, Andrew. Hang on.

She's about to tell us something. Oh, sorry, Helen. Just the way. No, Andrew, you're forgiven. I cannot believe you would interrupt Helen in an anecdote when she hadn't even finished it yet. Imagine doing that to a person. I simply can't.

He cooks the same meal. But, like, he's having waffles, chicken and broccoli. Those are all delicious and good for you. No, no, all great. and we have an air-friar, we've got a toaster, and we have an oven, and a microwave. So he's got so many options of how to cook things. Now, I'm aware the waffles, the only option is the toaster, right?

I don't know about the air-friar. Nothing else can go there. Waffles are amazing on the air-friar, but he does everything in the air-friar one by one. Why not put them all the same time? So the chicken goes in the air. Don't, because I'm commenting if I say that. Okay. So the chicken goes in the air-friar, finishes cooking, he takes up.

out and that goes on the plate, then go in the waffles. Is it not cold? They cook for a... Mm-hmm. But I'm commenting, so you can't say it. Then the waffles come out and they go on the plate, straight on with American cheese. Now, sometimes he panics because he doesn't put the American cheese slice on immediately and it doesn't melt into the waffle the way he wants. Just put it back in the air fire.

And then, then, then, in goes broccoli to the air fry, and then that gets closed, and then that cooks. So by the time, by the time he's sitting down and eating it in front of the Celebrity Yorkshire auction house everything is cold apart from the broccoli

Why? Because he's a moronaut It just feels like And like I said a couple of times Like hey don't don't message him Don't say he'll know we're talking about him I have to I'm sorry I have to

Catherine please Catherine please Catherine please don't do that I'm sorry Andrew can you tell her not to do it I have to Her choice Let's bring on our guest It's Rob Walter!

Broom, boom, beep, beep, motherfuckers, we're going on tour. Trustee hogs are going on the road. Roadhogs is coming to you, provided that you live very specifically in, Manchester, Brighton, Dublin, Bristol, Leicester, or London. So, get your tickets. And we'll see you. there, trusty hogs.com, is it?

Froop, beep, beep, motherfuckers. I will not apologize. Bonza, good eye, and welcome to trusty hogs in Australia. We're going to be bush pigs. I don't know. I'm trying to think of an Australian version of Trusty Hogs. I think what we need to say is we're going on tour.

Both of us. Yes, sorry. Australia. We'll both be playing. I'll be playing Melbourne and Sydney. You'll be playing Melbourne and. Sydney and Brisbane and Per. Fabulous. I will be, in Melbourne, I'll be at the Western 3 at the International Comedy Festival.

You can buy tickets for my show now. And at Sydney, I'll be at the factory theatre and you can buy tickets for my show now. And in Melbourne, I'll be at the Greek, which I have looked on Google Maps and it is very close to Catherine's venue. Isn't that so cute? We're super close. And then, no, I think you'll be picking me up, I think. I need to check that. But come pick us up. Come pick us up. Can pick us up. Sydney, I'll be at the factory theatre with Catherine and that's super close to the ice cream place. Brisbane I'll be at Powerhouse And in Perth Can a powerhouse be inside of a powerhouse? I'll be bloody there

And at Perth I'll be the Perth Comedy Festival For the Regal Theatre And we'll also bring in Trustee Hoggs live To Australia Melbourne and Sydney bitches It's on sale I've never said before my life It felt really wrong

It felt really weird I said it and I was like Bitches get your tickets No that's hideous Well anyway see you there Australia Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy No, we've been over this Hoggy, hoagy, hoagy

Yeah Oh We both got it wrong See you there Please welcome Please welcome to the podcast Rob on everybody How are you?

Okay Helen What have we talked about touching Just giving them a little tickle What do we get? We get consent Can I give you a tickle? Yeah, yeah consent

I'm consenting I'm actively I wouldn't call it enthusiastic isn't it you know sometimes when you're obviously when you're a child or whatever you get tickled

you're like pissing yourself yeah you're saying things like stop yeah and then I didn't say stop them but I wasn't laughing oh yeah no you didn't seem to you having a good time no but maybe you're not tickle do you think that's a good point I don't know.

Do you know what? It's weird. I think it's something to do with, you know, maybe if you're looking at like a viral video on Instagram or something and it's meant to be hilarious when you're just not in the mood. Oh, and your face is just blank, but it is good.

Maybe, yeah. I'm absolutely creasing inside. Yeah. But no, I'm not going to start tickling anyone. I'm very ticklish. I think that's for the best, man. Do you? Yeah, well, yeah, if I may.

Yeah, yeah, okay, great. Yeah. It's a lost art form, tickling. It's a truly lost art form. Imagine if that was your act. Here comes Mrs. Tickles. I think... You just go around, like, each audience member, tickling him.

I don't like that. That doesn't feel right. I love it. I think tickling's for creeps. I'm sorry, there I said it. I think it's for creeps. Just like, get your hands out of there. Stop that.

Out of where? Out of anywhere. It's not like you've not been invited. Get out, get off. Like bottom of the feet, under the arms. It's like really for creeps, if you ask me. And I don't think men should be doing it. I don't think it's a good look.

I know, like all the audience have to take their shoes off when they come in. No. That's worse for us than them. That's horrific. I actually would like to give that a go. It's always good to have different career options. Like, you know, Mr. Methane. No.

He's a comedian who's... I don't like what this is going. Come on, we know Mr. Methane. I don't know him, but I can get it. His act is... Farting. Yeah, but he can, like, do anything with farting. Like, anything.

He can do it in different positions. He can blow out candles. He can... What else can he do, Andrew? It's incredible. Blow up balloons. I don't want to entertain this. Okay.

Yeah, good. Rob, just for context, for the listener. None of these are, like, your act. Mr. Methane and Mr. Tito. No. I'm not going to do that. No. I've, uh, I didn't know, I've never heard of Mr. Methane.

Is it, on Instagram? He's everywhere. I think it went on in Britain's got talent. It's your on Instagram. He went on Britain's got talent. Yeah. Britain's got talent. It has.

It has. You're dead right. What a positive spin. It might like, just like working on that. Just like doing working progresses and it's not going well. And you're like, come on. You've got to try on. What's your message?

What's your message? The arc of the show. How do you want people to feel when they leave? Disgusted yet excited. That's what I'm always. But I wonder if they'd do like trial and error of like food to eat and everything like that. They must do. Oh, for sure.

You have to research it. Do you play up to your allergies in that scenario? You're asking me or Mr. Methey? Well, I don't know who. Maybe. It feels like he's your second life. No, me. He's your secret family, Rob.

I just mean like if you were. Mr. Methane, I'm not saying you are, but if you were on the side, are you eating things you're allergic to you because it'll give you a gassy tongue? Yeah, I think so. Just if you've got a big show coming up. What's your most gassy food, Rob?

Yeah. For Lave at the Apollo, you're hitting up the dairy before that if you're Mr. Mitha. Is it dairy? Is that we're going? For sure. For me, it's dairy and bread. Like if I have a domino's pizza, good luck going at my room.

You have a domino's pizza so often. No, yeah. That's what there's good luck going in my room. Yeah. I don't know if Mr. Meath... He must, like, get sponsored by people and all sorts. Do you reckon? I've never heard of him, so I don't know that he is getting sponsorship deals from.

You've never heard of him? No. So where did this conversation come from? Helen. Obviously me. People Catherine brought on Mr. Methane. Rob, were you going to have this level of difficulty following us the whole podcast? Because we speak fast.

No, I think I'm all right. I'm up to speed. Good. I have a question then. What's your curl? regime? Curl? Yeah.

You get in the shower? What is it? Babelis. Is it really Babelis? Is it? No. Shut the fuck up! I would be so enchanted if you were like it's a babelish curl in one.

I've seen that. That's the name of a thing, right? Yeah, yeah, you nailed it, my guy. You nailed it. I would be so happy if you got up each morning and curl one did you all. It's also such an old reference.

Do you have sisters? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it feels like people, people were doing in, like, the 90s. That one. Or that, um, photo that went kind of viral of that, um, lady who was, like, looking like she was having a nightmare time in the advert. Did you see that? What kind of first this?

No. No. It's on the tube. And, um, there's a lady just with, like, a really straight face. And it's like, uh, uh, cut it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. We will not. Cut it.

Wait, cut the hair. Well, wait a thing. So you get in the shower what are you using? Nothing. You use shampoo? Nah.

Really? Yeah. I do sometimes, but my hair's all falling out. You have so much hair, dude. In the pandemic, my hair's on the top of my head started social distancing from each other.

Oh, my gosh, it's not stressful? Is what stressful? Like losing your hair? Yeah. Yeah, it must be weird, not to recognize. It's weird. because it's so gradual.

You've got so much. Can I honestly would not think of you as someone Yeah, but if somebody said to us like, yeah, you've got loads of hair but we were losing patches on the top we would be like freaking out. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, it's full on. It's a dark area. My cousin works in hair replacement. Like in noty. Would you get a transplant? This is no mister. Her name, her name. Medical and a woman.

Lady follicles, let's go. My name is Bauer. Natasha Bauer I thought it was Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Bauer Natasha Bauer and she was... Who's that, your cousin? Yeah, my cousin.

Right. And you'd love her and she could help you get your hair back if you wanted it. I don't want it. Okay, you're letting it go. Yeah. Your face says you're losing your hair young

but your vibe says it's actually remarkable you've kept your hair this long. Do I seem quite worried? No, you seem like 90. well do you know what it's weird that isn't it because I feel I was thinking about that the other day

I was like my body's left my spirit behind you're gonna have to explore that a little bit more I do need more I just feel like I am

15 I feel like people think that no 21 maybe no you're 50 you're little bit do you really yeah yeah yeah and I just like I think

this is me now. I think my body's going to keep ageing and then I'll just be like, just a 15 year old guy in a really old body. Maybe. Maybe I'm just trying to sound interesting. No, I got stuck at four. Like, yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. Like, I still need like the comforts of being four and I don't, like if I don't understand something, I feel like a child. Like, I've talked about it in therapy before. Like, if I feel like I can't say what I want to say or like explain it, I get very, But I, like, and it's very four-year-old. I've never been to therapy. That is not that surprising.

Not you specific, Rob, if I may, but often the male comedians and indeed British men, they don't seem like they have been, or lead with therapy energy. But would you like to? I don't know. I think it, I think I would. Nah, I think I'm actually, I come across as kind of a bit all over the place, but I'm actually quite settled.

Yeah. I think you seem quite zen. Yeah? Yeah. I think I'm quite zen. I was looking from my notes folder earlier, and I was like, hmm, might read some of that out.

On the podcast? Well, yeah. But it was just some stuff that I was thinking, let's see. I always want to see people's notes folders. I'm obsessed with this as an idea. I feel like... Also, is your background in Northern Lights?

On your phone? Is the background picture on your phone? Yes, it is. You looked so anguish, like, what? Yeah, is that... Yeah. Where did you see them? Iceland.

I love Iceland so much. It's the best holiday I've ever been on. Oh, yeah. Did you have a good time? Amazing. Oh, my gosh. Absolutely loved it. Where'd you go?

We went to Reykjavik. Nice. Anywhere else? We did like the tour. Yes, so do we. Oh, like the Golden Circle thing. Yeah, but then we got off the bus at Oloxfig and stayed there and went and saw whales. Yes, we saw some whales, yeah.

Did you? Did you see workers? Yeah. Isn't that most amazing? Well, they do the rainblow, did you see that? Yeah, oh my God. Wait, the rainblow where, like, they, psh, and the sun comes through it, and it makes a rainbow. The most incredible.

Yeah, it's epic. Aren't they the most amazing creatures? Unbelievable, but I've done a thing about that, like, you call it whale watching, but for me it's more like whale seeing it's quite quick in it it's like it was there it's like you know you hear them and then it the the uh the captain of the ship or whatever was going okay everybody i'm going to be telling you at the uh what time of the clock the whales are at and they're like okay one o'clock and you're at five o'clock yeah so you've got to run around the boat and like you could by the time you got around there it's gone whale seeing yeah whale seeing

Like, I used to go badger watching when there was a kid. Of course you did. Can I just be... In Bridlington, in my granny and grandpa's quarry. I love Bridlington. Where is Bridlington? Yorkshire. Rosie Jones is from there.

Really? Yeah. Go on. Sorry, badger watching. Yeah, no, so they had a farm and it had access to a quarry. Yeah. There was loads of badgers. And that was watching.

Like, you could get down there. You set up. They're there. You watch them. You have a picnic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas whale watching, it's like, come on. I'll be honest, when I was in Iceland,

it's the first time I got to whale watch because a pod swam with us for quite a while, so we really got to watch them. How much did you have to pay for that? Well, it was a nice trip, Rob. No, no, I mean, that was a joke that didn't land, but the, um... It's like watching two aliens from different planets

trying to communicate and it's so weird because you've done the same trip you like the same things and you cannot get on the same wavelength I want to keep watching this keep going this is honestly

it's like watching a two-year-old speaking to an 80-year-old it's quite funny because you seem quite old and he were like yeah I feel 15 and I was like oh no this is going to be hard so

badgers No, I want to go back to So there was a pod of whales Swimming along with your boat Yeah, Orcas came with us It was amazing No, that's killer whales, isn't it? Yeah

No, I didn't see them It was, it was It was the other type of whale Huntbacks Oh yeah, they're also amazing Did you see them? We did see them But you saw Orcas

Yeah Oh man They were, that's why we went to I said, that's specifically went to Alex Vickers Because they are there at that time of year And my girlfriend's obsessed with whales And I was always a bit like

What's the deal with whales? and then we went to Iceland we saw them and I was honestly moved Yeah Killer whales are like my My favourite probably They're so smart They're like so smart

Unbelievably smart Unbelievably smart I think they were like Trait to like know more about them as well Because like that big documentary Blackfish And like killer whales Like just that was it called Free Willy Like we just feel like we know more about that

You know that wasn't a documentary right Free Willy is close enough It's a real whale It's a real whale How much you reckon the insurance was For that kid to stand under that whale Like that's gotta be bloody high Doesn't her?

It was the 90s It's fine Everything's chill in the 90s It's fine What's your favourite animal to watch I'll come to you afterwards Catherine Favorite animal to watch Hmm

Might come to Catherine first I'll think about that You take your time I'm a ponder. It is, um, orcas for me. Definitely. But you know what? I'm still stuck on. I don't want to distract, Rob. I don't want to give you too much to think about at the same time, but I was desperate to know it was in your notes section.

Oh yeah. We'll come back to the animal. Do you know what? It depends where you are, though, don't it with, um, uh, what animal you, you know, I mean, dogs are pretty good, aren't they? Oh, God, I love dogs. Do you have one? No, I'd like one, though. Me too.

I got, I was on the tube, right? Yeah. And I wrote this down. It's obviously going to go. nowhere and I'll delete it immediately but um there was as I got a line in my show of like um at the end is I talk about um uh that as the pool of people who are younger than me becomes deeper the pool of people who are older than me becomes more shallow right yeah yeah and so I'm getting older and like I mean I'm gonna be 49 next year so it's just like what

how old are you going to be next year 49 you're lying shut the fuck no you're not that's a lie that's a lie that's a lie I want to see a driver's license that's a lie

anyway that's a lie no you don't believe him he's not he's not he's lying I got this thing right it says young people

young people you're liar why are you lying I loved that I'm gonna be six young people have this I've got

it's not even a fully form thought but young people have this feeling of it's in front of me so they look at older people and be like

it's in front of me and it's behind you you know what I mean I do I do Rob they're like you've had your turn and it's just like

fuck it's devastating yeah age aging in general is upsetting yeah but I'm always

particularly at 48 that's a lot to look back on let's try and find something a bit better and you're sort of getting out your phone thinking I should note that now no no you think he's looking for a different now no I'm just trying to think through the process of being on the tube seeing I presume a sort of snide little child looking at you like get bam

and then it's the tube in the north and then you're like Yorkshire accent no it was honestly I don't know what accident I panicked I like looking at gorillas what does that note say what does that note say This is for that feeling when you don't really need anything from the supermarket, but you're going because you know you want something and they've got something in there that could itch that scratch. You've got a piece missing and it's on the shelf somewhere. You've just got to find it.

I've never found that missing piece. And it isn't a pastry. Yeah. It's not always a pastry for me. Sometimes it's the pre-made coronation chicken packets. And I just won a coronation chicken sandwich filling box with a spoon. Yeah. Like it's so often.

It's pecan Danish for me. Pecan Danish. It's a pecan Danish. And then you get and you're like, and then you get that and then you feel okay. Then I have two bites of it and then that's enough.

Yeah. But it's that thing, isn't it? But I still eat the whole thing and feel sick. Can I ask you a personal question? Yeah. What's your favourite aisle in the supermarket? Oh, that's a great. Paco section in Liddle is, you know,

one of my favorite places in the country. It's a good. Yeah. Yeah. I was listening to this and you say you were running around Victoria Park. Yeah. I live near there.

Do you ever go to Liddle on? No, is it good? Yeah. I only just got there. I mean, I moved in November, but I don't feel like I know the area at all. So maybe I should check out the Lidl on Fri. Big time.

Okay. It's absolutely awesome. Well, it's cheap. It's not as cheap as it was. Yeah, but pretty cheap. It's cheap. And it's, well, it's, you know, obviously if you go in the morning,

it's well stocked. If I see you there, should I say hello? Or should I assume that's private time? And there's no offensive answer here, by the way. I personally don't wish to be said to hello to if we didn't plan to meet. Really?

Well, I often think it's strange that people bound over to with enthusiasm as if you'd organised an event when you didn't. And I'm obviously a different person on the days I plan to see someone and the ones I didn't. Right, yeah, so if you didn't know... What the fuck? If we didn't plan to meet...

You're not Catherine anymore? Thank you, Em. Em is nodding. If we didn't plan to meet, keep walking. Even me! I prefer it. I'm not ready. Do you know what I'm saying? yeah I mean I've seen people that I know on the tube have you done that and you just don't yeah yeah but we both see each other but we do it at different times but we both do the

oh maybe that happened to me as well then because I'm thinking oh I just ignored them but they'd have done it to me as oh man I think sometimes you both ignore each other I once had a really obvious one me and a comedian were on a train up to macklesfield together and I was already on it and then he got on and was like I was on a table and then he was on chairs facing that way so we were basically, like, facing each other across the diagonal. Hell. He clearly saw me. I clearly saw him, but we just didn't register each other in quotation marks.

And then 20 minutes on Maxford, he went, Helen Bauer! You fucking legend! And obviously, I could have just played it, and I was like, I bloody knew you saw me, but I genuinely respect that. But he did a double take, I'll see you're overperforming it. What? What?

a way to find out you are manageable in 20 minute birth this man went it's 20 minutes but wait on my saying hello in the pastry section or no yeah I think so definitely well I don't know it's up to you

but no I think favourite what's your favourite favourite island supermarket I like the cheese yeah yogurt and dairy yogurt and dairy that's not my favourite

really yeah what do you like quips oh can I mean Chris Scarles and one in it. Can I also say, I really like the squash aisle. Yeah, me too. Like different, like squashes and drinks

because there's always a new squash out. Like, there's something amazing about the time we're living in in Britain. I do agree, and I love the new Peach Robinson's barley one. Have you tried? I don't like the peach and raspberry. Don't talk to me about it. Not talking to you about peach and raspberry. No one said peach and raspberry.

Have you tried the Sainsbury's own brand, white grape and peach? No, but I will. You'll be charmed. Okay. All right then. And we're living in the gods. golden age of squash.

I do agree with that. I do agree with that. Everything just comes to double strength and standard at this point almost. It's like wild out there. The variety

is incredible. I do agree. And I think it's because the price of juice it's out of this world these days. Pear. Have you had the pair? Pair squash.

Oh no. Squash is accessible for people. It's unreal Rob. The flavour combinations, we've only just scratched the surface. Is it cheap?

You can get 59 pence for one. that will last you a month. Put it beside a juice and you'll be laughing. Yeah. You'll get rock hard son. I'll tell you that. If you realise the price that you're paying for juice, you'll be wasting your life.

Also, I can say this, juice, it's not always actually fruit in there. It's from concentrate. I'm just very passionate about drinks at the moment because I drink healthy now. What do you mean? I bought a lemon. So what?

I bought a lemon. I put lemon in my water now. What are you having lemon and water? Like hot water, cold water. No, wait for it. Fizzy from SodaStreamy. You got a soda stream. Honey, honey, honey. You covered this on the podcast before.

Oh, no, no. I got everything. You want something in the kitchen. I got it. You got, we're saying out of soddy, what's happening? You got an air friar. Honey, I got an air friar. I got a soda stream.

I got a microwave. Do you buy it with these things? No, I don't have a soap. Rice cooker, toaster. So far I have all of these things. Yeah, of course you do. Sodium, yes. ice cream maker

muffin tins banana loaf tin different bits of crockery from dead elderly aunts it's getting sad now sieve colander yeah everyone has those both mixing bowl

what do you prefer syve or colander colander thank you for asking disagree because you can use a sieve as a colander but you can't use a colander as a sieve yes you can if you're really easy guys

show title there what's your favourite bit of kitchen equipment I'm sorry, I'm losing my mind. Are you a good cook? Yeah, I used to work in a restaurant. That was my first job. So, yeah, I was in charge of the crab cakes.

I was called the crab cake kid. Nice. CKK. It's the best nickname I've ever had. That's wicked. Where is this restaurant? What else are they starting at? How old are you? York? Okay, we're in York.

I was still at school. She was 16. Okay, that explains the kid. And it was just, it was just epic. It sounds like. I mean, I've got a bit in my showboard of talking about this. Come on, let's hear it. I mean, it's two pages long. But basically...

At your natural tempo, you're right, we don't have time for that. I know, yeah, it's a three-hour special, yeah. The, um, it was... I loved it and it was so great like just I don't know I felt like I felt like because I love process and I love like when I've got something in front of me that I know what I'm doing so I had a big bowl of mix get it bowl them you know get them all really no one all the other chefs didn't give a toss about it but I was like right come on I'm going to try and get him good and so you bowl them then flour them egg and milk them

breadcrum them breadcrum them again egg and milk you know get this a thick skin of breadcrum whatever deep front and then put them in like a ring and press them down and I got them looking sounds good really smart just in their full body

breadcrumb ones is that sounds honestly delicious I'm hungry now but the best thing well you know it's like that thing when you get your first job and like if you get a if someone gives you a bit of props like I remember one of the was coming up from the wine bar downstairs and someone had ordered the crab cakes and for some reason he was bringing the leftovers upstairs and he just started eating

someone else's food that they've left that's a compliment and he he was eating the bit of crab cake that was left and he was like oh this is really nice keep up the good work and it was like yes that's wicked that's from a real chef that's pretty much whipping me with a teetail for the past two years excuse me what yeah they used to wet the ends of the teetoles and whip each of the with them like have you ever worked in the kitchen No. Have you? Yeah. I mean like...

They seem like violent, hostile spaces. Yeah, there's a lot of drugs. Yeah. A lot of drugs, a lot of contact. It's really fun. Did you do drugs at 14 in the kitchen? No, I didn't. Good for you.

15? No. What happened was... When did you start doing drugs in the kitchen? Well, this guy, one of the, um... Chef said to me, um, you just smoked Ganger and I was like, what? He went, oh, hold your hand out. And then into my open...

This is just literally lines from my shoulder. I was saying, hold your hand out and held my hand out. And it's my open palm. He plays the centimeter square, half, block up what look, like dark chocolate. Raptained cling film. Oh no, no. It wasn't howling. Did you eat it, did you?

No, and then he said, and then he gave me three Rizzler, pay, pack of Rizzlers and three cigarettes. He was like, there you go, go and get stunned. And I was like, what now? We're at work. And so it was, it was difficult. But he said, he said, he said, He said... Did you smoke them?

There's a starter kit. So he literally... What age were you? I was like, 15, 16? Yeah, but it's different up north. It's different up north. No, it's not. It is.

It is. Have you been to York? Yes. It's different. There's men there that jobs are just to take you on ghost tours and they're wonderful and I really enjoy all of them. But like, it's a different place. Have you done a ghost tour on York?

So they kind of... It's the same person in it pretended to be a different ghosts. Is that right? So there is one where they can jump out at you. but there is also one where it's historically accurate ghosts of York. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, it's really good. I went on it with Nick Ellery and Sunil Patel on the Ladd's holiday once.

Oh, did you? Yeah. Yeah. Ghosts, awesome. I know. You must have had loads of ghost chats on this podcast. I can't believe I asked, we have. I can't believe I asked if you'd smoked the weed. No, well, no. What happened was I'm not actually a massive stoner, strangely.

I am now. I've done like six gummies. Have you? Mm-hmm. It's not from me. I sleep so well. My ear hurts. in the morning.

Why? But on one side too long. Wake up with an earache, but very rested. You don't move. You don't move. She got a heavy head. But it is fun.

I took a couple of gummies the other night and we watched Shalong came, Polly. And I couldn't breathe. You cannot have only had six edibles because every time we're on this show, you're like, last, the other night I took a couple of edibles and it's like, those are adding up now. You're right. I actually have finished a bag. Yeah. Oh my God.

I'm a drug. What a way of my name? I'm throwing my life away for Gack. Can you get addicted to Edibles? I don't think, I mean, if you can, I haven't been, because, like, Senaer to remind me the other day, he was like, oh, like, do you still have them? And I'm like, oh my God, I do.

I actually wrote down something in my notes that I heard in one of your previous episodes that Helen said that I thought, oh. I deny it, I deny it. I thought that could be, I thought. I thought this could be a funny show title. For me? If you're in the market.

Yeah. What the fuck's wrong with that white woman? When you know, you're talking about the bus, when you got hit by a bus. She did not get hit by a bus. Thank you for remembering that because I got hit by a bus again. Catherine, no joke. Last night, last night I was getting off the bus and I was walking down the stairs at the back and it breaks her. suddenly and my arm went through the gap of the handle rail and the bus and I had to yank it out.

So you tripped. That's not being hit by a bus. No, I was hit. It's like that bit on curb when the guy says about his dad being killed on 9-11. And he just, he wasn't in the two towers. He just got knocked off. I think I've seen that episode. You are in that episode. It's the takeaway. We've got my dad on 9-11. You are the episode. Rob, can we guess your actual age now, please?

Yeah. Okay. 29. What? 29. I only see the soul for 15. You think I'm 29? 33 at the oldest.

I'm 41. Fuck off. I am, yeah. No, you're not. No, you're not. That's correct, actually, for 41. What's the skin regimen? Are you wearing sun cream?

Yeah, I'm wearing sun. What's a, oh, think of a sun cream brand, quick. So like. Salt hands. Songtime. L'Orielle! Okay, so you're not wearing sun cream. Gosh, do you spend a lot of time indoors?

You look wonderful for 41. He's the cramp-crant kid. Or maybe 41 isn't that old, and I just... Do you know what? Leo Reich said to me, after we've been in Melbourne together, he said, you've changed my opinion of what a 40-year-old is. I think that's a compliment. And he also said to me...

Was it? He also said to me, you know what? You're always dressed for rain. That's the two things I remember. I'm lovely, alright. It's rude, but was he wrong? No, because I just wear that rain back all the time. Even in Australia?

Yeah, me and John Kenzer got the same one, so hopefully, you know... Good for you, Rob. I'd love to be knocking around. I'd love to be knocking around. I'd love to show off this rain jacket. Yes, it's North Face. It's North Face. It's lovely.

We have here a hood with the toggles on either side, in case it's windy but it doesn't have a ventilation pouch for the head no see I'd rather that a vent pouch

it's got you know do you ever get like a sweaty head when you're walking in the rain you know in the back of your head gets hot

and it gets a bit sweaty under a raincoat well I thought you said you've got a lads picture this you're walking in the rain

you're going uphill you need the raincoat on but it's creating a sweat sarcophagus. What's sarcophagus? Was that right? Yeah, that's pretty good. What is a sarcophagus? Like a pupa? No, no, it's like a, like a sort of Egyptian coffin, like an ancient Egypt. Slay! You've created a sarcophagus around yourself and sweats gathering in it, but you need the rain hat on,

and then at the back of your hood, there's a little vent panel to let air in and out. Have you ever seen these? No, but nice. Maybe I'm shopping at better quality millets than you guys are. I don't think so. And then, sorry I'm from Hampshire. That's the first time Rob stood up from me. I don't think so. I think I know Mia Millett's when I see one. I mean, this is, I was doing a gig at the Exeter Phoenix over there. You've done a gig day?

I know the one. And I got back into the dressing room. I was like, where's my jacket? And I'd left it up at the top when we were doing the sound tech. But I thought that I'd lost it. And the thing is with these North Face jackets is that the colors change over and over again like with every year. So I don't think you can get these anymore. This is a classic.

I really like that. I like it too. And I've got three, I've got other, I've got a red one and a maroon one. But if I was in charge of North Face, I would just do every different color combination that you could possibly have. Wow. And just like, and just have shed loads of them. I can't believe you're not in charge of North Face. Do you know what?

I did a video once that went viral on Facebook. Here we go. Whoa! On Facebook! No biggie. Okay, I believe that you're 40 now. I did it until now. But it was, it was.

About me, when I did a show all about hair and it was like, I grew my hair really long, grew a massive beard for like 18 months or whatever and didn't touch it. And I said, oh, like, people started to, you know, not sit next to me on the tube. Really? Yeah, it was pretty bleak, but...

What the fuck? And then I, and I thought, I need to make myself feel like a solid member of society. What can I do? So I was like, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get a Norface jacket. So I, uh, and then, then, when I put it on, you know, people look at me

and they go, oh, it's all right, he's an explorer. Bombas makes the most comfortable socks, underwear, and t-shirts. Warning, bombas are so absurdly comfortable you may throw out all your other clothes. Sorry, do we legally have to say that? No, this is just how I talk, and I really love my bombus. They do feel that good, and they do good, too. One item purchased equals one item donated. To feel good and do good, go to Bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase.

That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start, Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin, or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, see price estimates, and read reviews all on the app.

Download today. I'm going to have to stop you there. This podcast is for people to get advice on. It is. Rob, what kind of advice do you give? Can I quickly look through my notes folder? Yeah, 100%. Can we hear more of your notes, please?

Yeah. So this was something that I wrote down the other day, and I read it again this morning, and I thought, oh, it sounds like there's something in that. Um, so I was, I was doing my first work in progress for my new show. And I was just like, whoa, doing it again. Yeah, I know. I know it's shocking.

Um, and just thinking about, like, I love the show I'm doing at the moment. And then it's like, wow, I've got to go through that pain barrier again. Of like trying to, um, I was nervous about my work in progress. And in the kitchen, I said to myself, it'll be over soon. And I thought, yeah, it will actually. it will be over everything and I was like

I don't want it to be over and I was like we don't get to stay here for long it will be over and I won't even get to look back on it once it is so there's probably not too much sense in feeling nervous about it I'm just pleased to be here at all

so I think the advice in that for me is just like it only gets to be you've got to just like it will be over So just, you know, try to grab it in any way you can. And that is really difficult to grab it, though, in it? I've got any kind of grasp on life.

It's just brutal because it just skims by. And you're like, okay, I'm going to try and stand on this bit. Oh, that's gone. You know, like, bam, bam, bam, bam. And it's just that thing of, like, trying to feel something. I'm making it? It's a very grim over-extension of, like, oh, it does get better. Like, oh, it will end.

Oh, my suffering. No, everything. Everything will end. But don't you think of that all the time? I'm just like, oh, I've got to do this, this, this and this, then it's just like, oh, but at some point I'll die. And we'll all be dead. And no one will remember and nothing will matter. I find that really.

So comforting. No, I do, yeah. I can really get behind that and I find it really motivating. Yeah. And, um... None of it matters in the grand scheme of things. No, and that's it. And things just like matching up, like, knowing what a crisp by all this, you know, we can talk

about a crisp isle and we're there and it's like what what's a crisp pile you brought up the crisp aisle sorry it's the northern accent it's not very clear sometimes crisp bile crisp aisle crisp aisle you're all right don't worry you're just screaming that is so true though that's often the thing that like crashes me like I don't I very come very rarely come back up from a depressive mood or a depression period I normally crash through the bottom where it gets to such a point of like oh well Not only is this bad, everything's bad, we're all going to die. And then it sort of just free falls into sort of just, oh, well, nothing matters.

And everything sort of starts to fall away again. But what sort of advice giver is he? A bleak. Bleak, oh, is that the aunt? Who me? Yeah. I don't know. I'm pretty depressed now.

I really am. I find that so. Keep going to you crash through the bottom hill, really. Demoralizing. What do you mean? I, all that tells me is nothing matters. which means or that I've already wasted all this time or that I'm missing and enjoying the brief moment we're in

and that I'm... Just be happy because... I'll be remembered as nothing. Nothing else matters. But this is it. It's like those... I feel like just emotion is everything. Yeah.

So when you feel something, that is it, in it? And that's all we've got because it was like we're skimming across this earth in like these really temporary bodies for it and then like the only real thing is how we feel and make other people feel as well and it's just like that's that's it

I think I'm talking as if I know but you can only talk about from your own perspective right and for me it's like I always think about looking at animals and everything like that and just being like yeah they're doing their own reality whatever and then I'm doing mine and we're all doing this and it's just like we get so obviously get so

mixed up in everything and you just got it's really difficult to take a breath and just go how you're feeling you know I'm trying to check in with yourself and it so what advice would I give is like don't be scared of feeling overwhelmed in it we've never had someone give such beautiful advice without even hearing of problem because Catherine would you know what I feel right now love for you really isn't that nice and I feel love for what and a little tickle

I feel like an acute awareness of the impending death of everyone I care in Lovac Yes but we all we all will but then we meet again in the underworld do we? Yeah in the lake of screams I think that's another thing isn't it like I think that I'm motivated by the fact

that I firmly believe that this is completely 100% it I am too I do think that's true I'm really envious of people who don't believe that and like think about other people like um in heaven and things like that and like i've had ideas about it off i'd love there to be heaven like be my i go up to heaven and like my granny and grandpa are there and they're at the gates and like they're holding my sign you know with my name on it like people do at airport and i'm like they're going to like hey we're

going to show you around you're going to like it i'm like oh yeah but i just i don't and it's like if it makes me makes me not want to make the most of my time here. So like doing what we're on stage or any job. It's like I'm going to Reading tonight going to do a show and then Southampton tomorrow and then Cardiff and then keep going

and it's just like and the thing is some of the stuff that's been happening at the end of my show is like people saying what the crack is what they're going through it's like you never know what people are all that you know, we're standing on stage and there's people in the audience who've got some serious stuff going on and like, I'm really saying that to myself

every time now I've going, give it. A hundred percent. Let's try and give it some. I like that. 100%. I like this. I don't know if that's not advice, is it? It's exactly.

It's also just a lot on back. But it's what I wanted to hear from the crab cake kit. Yeah, me too. Because not to like try and neatly wrap this up but like you gave the crab cakes a hundred percent of yourself i did and you were present for them and that in many ways is the end of the life of the crap that's the full cycle but you allowed that to live on well it is all about being present in it and like that's the thing about feeling and like trying to get into the moment and like i was i was behind a um lady in wasabi the other day right and um

Love was on her phone. She was on her phone and the guy was like, can you put your card on there? And, you know, it was, and she'd got like a Katsu Kru, whatever. Can you put your card on? And she was just looking at her phone. He was like, excuse me.

And she went, oh, sorry, I was miles away. And I thought, that is what phones do. They get you. And I thought, wherever you are, I've been where you are when you go to on your phone. It was like, it takes you away. And it's like that thing of, like,

being present. And obviously, phone's really important because it's, you know, you're communicating, but when I see people on phones, you know, and there's people always saying, look up and all that bullshit. Like, people are on their phones because other people,

it's all about trying to connect, in it? And if other people are on the phones, and of course you're going to go on your phone, because that's the best way you can connect us on the phone. Yeah. Do you not think there's past lives? I can't. We're going to do the problem.

We're going to do the problem. We're going to do the problem. Andrew? I really enjoy the, but that's a very beautiful. for diversion so this is a problem from C. Hi C! You say hi C!

Hi C! C says to the trusty hogs for the past few years I've been experiencing some of the worst anxiety of my life Oh no! Luckily for me as nicely coincided with me finding your podcast. Woohoo! We can't be helping with that.

The number of people who go I've had a really difficult time with my mental health but that's what I found you! you think, oh gosh. I don't know that we're helping. Propananon. I think you really are helping a lot of people, actually. Shut the fuck up.

I do. No, I don't. You know you're trying to get us emotional. And I'm not going there. We're about to have lunch. You want to make the emotional, bring me a crab cake. You should partner with better help that if they go to the server. If you enjoyed this podcast, you are going to need some therapy.

Ewan. I've been experiencing some varying amounts of. underlying anxiety in the background, ranging from a tiny feeling of despair or then feeling like being on the brink of tears. A lot of these feelings come from myself recently struggling with work. I work for the NHS and experience, and I'm experiencing major burnout and imposter syndrome. I do not get much support in the hospital, and often when I speak to my colleagues, I'm made to feel very small. When I listen to you guys, I feel relief, as if I can finally breathe and can myself relax. Thank you guys so much for this small but wonderful pocket of calm

and relief, wouldn't use the word calm, but relief in this stressful world. Oh, they've actually put in brackets, yes, I meant calm. Thank you, see. My problem is, I am moving to a different post in my job, thank God. However, I am fully aware that my anxiety and confidence issues are not going to magically disappear overnight. I've been speaking with a therapist about these issues, and I wanted to make sure that I can work on a good work-life balance going forward.

I wanted to know if you guys ever struggle with imposter syndrome and if you do then how do you manage thank you so much I love you guys with all my heart kind regards C I want to help but I'm really bad at this because I'm like the most annoying person when I feel like I'm doing something that I shouldn't be doing yeah or like I feel like I've chanced my way into something

or locked my way in why I'm just like oh I've never done this before I've never done this before I've never done this before to everyone knows I've never done this before this is new to me Like the first couple of times I did acting stuff, like professional acting stuff. I was like, I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian.

I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. And it's like, oh my gosh, you were raising the Ambaugh School of Drama. You know what to learn lines. Like, and it's just people don't want to hear that. I think they do, though. I agree. With that short time, I was with you on set for that.

I feel like you bought a good energy that was just like people going. It's like, I don't know. It's like you do a lot of a heavy lifting of. bringing an upbeat atmosphere, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Rob! I agree. I also do think that, like, saying I am worried, because I've never done this before,

I'm nervous, is actually, like, quite a relief to people. And also, they know where you're coming from. They know why you're behaving the way you're behaving and also can give you information and help. I actually just think it's quite a clear way of saying, I might need help with this, which I don't know why we're all so embarrassed to say. Like, if it is your first time, or if you do feel unprepared, your job is actually supposed to have things in place to support you i would say have we ever had any um

i would say i constantly have imposter syndrome i'm starting sohitheater on the two in two weeks i've done i've done soho theater ones before i've started a new show before and i feel i'm not sleeping i'm i feel nauseous i feel teary i feel worried it's not exactly great places to be creative from but I yeah of course because like I think it in my case it sounds like in your case I want it to go well and I want to do my job well and also like people are relying on you and I don't want to let them down I think it is it comes from place of caring that you do your job well and about other people but it we are worrying about the absolute worst case scenarios like my hyper focus is on if it goes badly I never think about if it goes well and it might I guess it could

your new job could go well. It's worth spending at least some of the time that you worry about the worst case scenario on what it would look like if it went well. And if it's with the NHS, God, we hope it goes well. Oh yeah, we really need that. No, no, no pressure. But we do.

And the service for all of us here at Trustee Hogs. But I don't ever do, I don't think I've ever done anything in comedy where I haven't felt like, how the hell am I here? Come on. There's not been a couple of things where you're like, I got this.

No. a children's show called Dog Ate My Homework on the CBVG and they went All you have to do is not understand and answer the question correctly because we want the kids to win and then you have to get slimed

and they were like do you want to practice anything and I was like I've got this I've never felt more natural at anything in my life than kids TV they went are you all right if we slime you and then put glitter all over you and I was like absolutely no stress

do you want to do you shower here and I was like no I've got at the hotel I'm absolutely fine oh wow no I've never had that level of comfort what about you wrong I went back did it again loved it But I think it's really good to approach. I mean, I approach a lot of stuff with like a careful amount of caution, I think.

A careful amount of caution. A cautionary amount of care, yeah. I think it's good. I mean, it just sounds like you just sounds like you care about what you do. And like overconfidence is the worst thing, I think, because there's been, yeah, that thing where you're saying about, oh, I've got this. like there was a thing on my um when i was learning to drive i was absolutely bricking it so much and then he the the instructor took us to an airfield in just outside york and was like he went right

you get behind the wheel and i was like whoa no i can't i can't and he was like come on so i got behind the wheel and he was like uh 16 can you drive then no 17 yeah and um and anyways i was driving for bit and it was like right you drive us home i was like what on the road and he went Yeah, yeah, on the road. And then I drove home. I was like, I can't believe it. I'm doing it. And then I was like, I'll just park here.

And they said, no, come on, pull up to the house. So I pulled up to the house. And then I was absolutely buzzing after. And I was really looking forward to my next driving lesson. I was like, oh, yes. And then I, the first thing I did on my second lesson was I just pulled out in front of a van. And he had to put the emergency brake on. So that is such a massive lesson.

And that's why I refuse to learn to drive. I'm not doing that. I'm too frightened. That's mental. I was confident and I was looking forward to it so that was such a lesson in like approach everything

even like this gig tonight in Redden I'm really up for it but I'm just like go through your lines get everything in place and as well like if you're starting a job but there are some things

don't approach going on a kids TV show getting slimed with caution like you can throw yourself into some things yeah absolutely right yeah maybe but I'm also

I'm quite a puff of I would have questions about the slime I'm quite a confident person maybe but I'm too scheduled enough to drive But what are we saying So you should tell people that you're nervous And you don't know what you're doing I just don't think there's any shame in that

I think it could be quite useful I don't think there's any shame in it I just felt like sometimes I've become A bit repetitive to the point where they're like Well we've hired you so you know Yeah what I don't think you want to do Is talk to yourself out of any confidence you already have By being like I'm new I'm rubbish at this

But I think I have done in relation to Soho I've gone so far around The other way that I've made myself feel like can't do it but I think so high theater you're actually on a great day Rob I had that I had that when I did soho recently and I was like yeah absolutely brick in it but then you get the first first one done and it's kind of all right is that also just because social theatre like it's just terrifying because of like the atmosphere of like people can come and review and it's like it's there's industry there you're being

judged and like I mean I can't even walk into that bar I think I went there once after my show like you're a lot better at being in the bar than me like you'll go there for drinks I'm Irish baby but like I like I think it's more like

it's not so much the show I'm always happy doing the show and being on stage it's the you trust your talent whereas I trust my like ability I trust that we're gonna have the

we're gonna make this next hour of our lives the most fun we can have it and yes if I sacrifice a nervous man in the front row so so suing so sooning Oh, wow, we're very similar women in that regard, yeah.

I think, I don't know. I have a line in one of my shows that I wrote that was about, sorry, I shouldn't say this, but I had a thing that I wrote this thing called a letter from Father Christmas, so it's like every year I'd write a Christmas list, and then one day Father Christmas wrote me his Christmas list of what he wanted, and all it was. Wait, what the fuck?

Hey? That's just an idea that was in the... Oh, right, okay. didn't... What? I was wondering that was like a service that you could do for your kids

where Father Christmas writes you a letter. You can pay for that? Yeah, big time, yeah. Oh, that's so loud. Yeah, we got those, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think my auntie did it. Yeah, you could just pay.

Father Christmas wrote to you? Yeah. Oh, actually, no, I didn't like Father Christmas when I was younger, I thought it was a pervert. Really? Okay, tickle, McGee, let's go, sorry. Oh, yeah. He was going to come in my room and tickle me

when I wasn't awake. Fuck that noise. But wait, so you had... Yeah, so I did that, And basically, he, Father Christmas, which is just like, look, you can't keep on being so nervous all the time. Anxiety is not the capital of you and all that, you know.

And I just, after I was like, you know what? It's every, I think this is, everyone is like, what are we doing, basically? A hundred percent. What are we doing? Some people are just better at hiding it than others. And there's like, you know, that Simon Sennett guy who's over.

always on YouTube he's always saying like be the person in the room who asked the most questions like he's always like oh I don't understand that because then the person who doesn't understand it but isn't saying it will be really thankful for you hear it I believe that's so much as well I'm just like oh no I don't I don't get I'm always asking if I don't I'm like what you know like big words or stuff like that what's your favorite animal to watch like good questions yeah favorite aisle at the supermarket which I'm I was thinking about that, juice, your favourite aisle at the supermarket. What is it?

It is the cereal aisle. Sly. It makes me feel really like the world's full of possibilities and also very nostalgic. I think that's like the food I have the most specifically associated memories with brand-wise. But a second shout-out, if I may, to the library of the supermarket that is the wine aisle. Okay. It's quiet, it's peaceful. People don't really talk there.

You notice that? It gets very hushed in the wine section. I don't think I've been to the wine aisle in years. Yeah, it's really zen. I think it's because the kids don't go in there because people are worried about the glass so they don't want you to knock anything over. And everyone's trying to posture at knowing about wine

or think, like it's like, I think it's one of the things in the shop you're buying not out of need. Just the check, we're all just looking at the prices, right? Yeah, that's what I'm going to say. You're not really buying it out of need. You're buying it out of like a treat. So then you want to get it right.

because it's kind of expensive. Yeah. I find it very calm. That's really lovely, Catherine. Thanks, close. But you don't go down the wine on though? I don't think so. I think my wine buying is very much like,

bloody I don't need a glass of wine and just like in the off licence on the way home. Yeah. Like where I live, I don't have, a supermarket isn't like on the way back from like a bus stop or a train station. I've got my off licence. So I go in there, get that, and a toffee crisp.

yeah a lot of histamines get very sneezing bit of an eye now have they changed a lot over the years or not really just a bit smaller that's it but it's still exactly the same quality or are we bigger who's to say they are thinner

they're smaller they are okay Rob you've been a lovely guest yeah yeah vibe turned out all right in the end I love you Rob Orton I know you were worried about the vibes

but I thought you nailed it yeah I will see you but not necessarily greet you in the little pastry oil Yeah. I'm surprised we haven't run past each other in Victoria Park. Do you run in there as well? Yeah.

You're probably faster than me. No, I doubt it very much. I'm pretty so. I'm also always behind a sort of lesbian who's taller than me because it's the only time in my life that I follow. Right. That poor woman, she gets two half hours a week where I just shut up and go, you can take charge.

That's nice. It's nice. Peaceful. Bye, Rob. Goodbye. Oh, wait, wait, wait. See you, Rob. Sorry, sorry.

Can you come back, Rob, please? What? When? He's back, he's back. Could you please plug yourself? Oh yeah. Because you're on tour and it's a very funny show. I know your Facebook famous, but maybe people could find you somewhere else.

Very funny, very funny. I am on tour. I'm doing a show called The Rob Orton Show. It's a show all about me and I'm on tour and you can go roberton.com. Rob is a phenomenal stand-up comic, by the way. I'm genuinely brilliant. I don't think you'll have seen anything like his comedy before if you've not seen him. So you should follow the link, which is...

Robbilsen.com.uk. Makes sense. And I'm on Instagram. Thanks for that. It's true. Instagram. TikTok. We're going to tag Rob on all our socials as we do.

So then you can just follow that link. That would be amazing. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming on. This has been the best day of our lives. It's been a while because your vibe is so zen that Helen has by... Both of us have calmed down. I'm screaming on the...

the instance. Yeah, me too, but I... I'm having... Since we had things problem, I've been having a panic attack the entire time, because now I'm thinking about anxiety. Okay, well let's give it up for Rob, because he's got to get to Redding. Rob Wharton, everybody! Thank you so much to our executive producers

who really keep this podcast going. It's the classics. It's Guy Goodman. It's Simon Moores. It's Mary Foxx's Annie Tonner. It's Sarah Deakin. It's Oliver Jago and Anthony. Way, Matthew Thomas, Madeline Quinn, and Grace O'Reilly. Genuinely, thank you to everybody gives us any money at all. We are so grateful, and you are genuinely helping us keep the podcast going.

And also, um, snacks we get to eat now. Oh my God, that's not what I meant. I meant that we actually get to pay Alex and Andrew and M and that we actually get to have a cool studio, which we can't actually necessarily afford for long, but we'll get so we're new and then we'll be able to support that. But the point is thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting the podcast. It means so much to us. Every time we realise there's somebody else on the patron, it honestly excites us.

Thank you. A little great for Catherine. But I mean, I just, I know, but it's so cute. I really think, like, I don't think people realise how much it means to us. It's so great. So thank you. Thank you to our producers, Richard Bicknell, L. Richard Bald, Neil Redmond, Victoria Hutchison, Harold Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel R,

Sadie Cashmore, Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Sarah, Sarah and Molly Ryan Ryan, Cordelia. Oh my, that was from memory. That was crazy. Rachel Page, Helen A. Tina Lindsay. Graham Marsh, Amy O'Reard, Nabi, Wurf, Matt Sims, Luke, Bright, Leah, Kate Spencer, Tristan, Liz, Forth, Tass, Tass, Anthony, or Anthony, who's to say, Clow, Becky, Box, Emily G. Dean Michael, Stephanie Catracha. Sophie. Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Chivers, Carrie Sooth, we guess, Charlie A, KC, Haley Worf, and our new producer, Ozzie Steff. Ozzie Steff! We love to see it. We're all assuming as a nickname, but I really hope that someone out there, first name.

Aussie second name staff. Well, on queer ultimatum, there was an Australian called Aussie. Like, genuine christened first name? I don't know, because their pronouns were also Aussie. Iconic. I know. Iconic. I guess you can be too Australian.

Well, shout out to all the Aussies out there. Thank you so much.