Trusty Hogs - Ep127. ELE MCKENZIE / Marriage, Margarine & Middle Names

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

From biblical banter to top tier party bags, we welcome the fantastic comedian and certified party girl, Ele McKenzie to the podcast for a super fun episode...FOLLOW ELE: @EleMcKenzieLoveTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew Thomas / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'ReillyPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Emily Gee / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Hayley Worf / Aussie Steph / Hope Briggs / Jam Rainbird / Nathan SmithWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches, and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on Back to School. School Foods at Whole Foods Market. Also, I would have had my birthday by now.

Yes, because that is... The 13th of August. And yours... The 13th of August. ...is in my diary as... See, I've changed diaries. So would it have 25th of March. Helen Fly that day, remember?

But you will already be in Melbourne. So when I land, you have a little party for Helen, remember? Okay. and you have little drinks for Helen and you set up Olga and Helen's flat. I'm flying the day, I'll be flying in that day as well. Me too, so yeah. I think you're there just a little bit before you.

So we'll definitely make sure we've got decorations up in the cake and thing, won't we? We can discuss this on the podcast. We're rolling now. Wait, does that mean people just heard that Catherine did not remember where my birthday is? I did remember your birthday. Yes!

I've changed my diary method, and I'm now on, as you know, I'm just making sure that it's in Helen's birthday. Helen's birthday, March of 25th. I can't believe anyone wouldn't know that by now. I really do harp on about it. It's just that, okay, four days after Ellen. Okay, good, good, good.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I was here before Ellen. I'm not having that whole thing of being like, oh, I'll remember your birthday by my girlfriend's birthday. Remember her birthday by my birthday? I don't remember either. How many birthdays have you celebrated with Ellen? No, I forget them every time.

time. This is why I have no brain for a dick. Because you've had one birthday with her. Can you get off my dick? I put it in my diary. I love your dick so much. Welcome to trusty hogs. Welcome to Trustee Hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart. She's Helen Bauer. This is a podcast where we tell you about our perfect lives. And then we answer your problems because

yours don't sound so perfect. You guys have got a lot going on. And the saddest thing is when this episode comes out, my birthday would have already been. Oh, that's so sad. So we're going to give them your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs. Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not. So we're actually recording this in London even though today when you're listening to this we will have struck both

started today are Melbourne comedy run. I think we're both going to sell out. I don't think that's true. Our big Melbourne audiences. We are like, we are the hotly tip ticket for Melbourne. I gig there zero times. Catherine, when was the last time you gig there? Oh, 2019

and I did 10 minutes if the other acts before me didn't run over. Here we fucking go. We're going to sell out, baby. Book those tickets now. Please, please, please come. My show is called Again with Feelings. Mine is, oh. Oh, Grands, The Supreme Darling Princess.

You got to know. And I'm on at the Weston Hotel, where are you? I don't know. Great. And you can buy tickets on the Melbourne Comedy Festival website, but you can also buy them on my website, catherine bowhart.com. And yeah, I guess helenbauer.com, I guess.

Are you, hello? Hello? I've basically, because I finished my UK and like European tour. Okay, well, Melbourne Matters too. I'm done. I deleted Twitter. I was like, I don't need to do anything. You're not done.

Melbourne Matters. Australia's, it's a different, they don't have, um, do they have Twitter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no one has Twitter, but they have ads to. It's a different, it's a different thing. Ozzie's, I want you in desperately. And I will be in Melbourne and Sydney and you can get tickets on my website. I guess I just want you if you're up for it. At where we stand right now, in London though, we're getting ahead of ourselves so that we have a little bit of time to fly to Australia. Yeah. And then we have amazing Australian guest booked and I actually can't believe some of the people who said yes. I know. I really hope they do say us. We're like. we've got the most amazing guests and it's like

they drop out. I'm worried they'll listen to an episode and be like, oh God, not this. No, no, no, no. But fingers crossed, we should be sending you some amazing episodes from Australia. In the interim though, today we're recording in London and I have just finished the first week of my

Soho Theatre run. And if I may. With the best show ever. No, but if I may, few. Few. Few. It's over. It's not over. It's the start of like 10, 19, 90 day tour

but what it is is a relief as you know as I've talked about I was really scared I'm such a proud friend right now I never call anyone

I was petrified I was very very very anxious Catherine it's gone all right you know it's gone so much from you being like

oh I have naught or I have no sure no one's gonna call no one's gonna like it to literally Who is that? Like a week later, that, you, literally a week later,

like, reviews don't matter. We know that. But they do when they're five stars, am I right? Yeah. And not just from like the websites where it's blogging. We're talking broadsheets, okay?

Nice. I've never had five stars before, you know that? That's insane to me. We've been doing comedy since the end of 2015 and these are my first five star reviews. And it's so exciting. Did you ever ask before, though?

Like, when there's reviewers in, do you ever go, like, come on, don't be a bitch, give you five stars. No. No, me neither. That'll be so inappropriate. Look up my first hour of reviews.

No, I don't. But I've never had them and it's so reassuring because don't you find sometimes with comedy you like think that people get an idea of you and it can't change? Like, oh, they just see me this way. Oh, like an audience. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, or like even review. It's just so nice to be like, oh, I've gotten better and people noticed and I feel happy

and relieved. And also now tickets are selling for the tour. Woohoo! What a relief. And you were already so good. I think we're evolving, we're evolving. It's so nice. We're in our bulbosaur phase.

We're in our water. We're going to become, we're transitioning into an ibisore to become. Is this fucking Pokemon shit? Yeah. For a moment, I gave you credit and thought this is, this must be herbology of some kind. This must be like gardening. Herbology is definitely a class in Harry Potter. Yeah, it is.

Not an actual science. I know. That was, I can tell jokes. Oh, right. Oh, you were bantering. It's so hard to tell. Because you're a child. Because you're so shrill.

Five-star shrewd bit. What adjective do you feel comes up the most for you in reviews over the years? Not that we've ever read them, we've read every single word. I get gossipy a lot. But that's just straight. Everyone's like, that's so gendered.

I'm like, have you heard my comedy? Have you listened to anything I ever say? And I get fast-paced, quick talking. My age gets underscored a lot. lot but then I realize I do underscore my own age in my shows a lot so you're like a dell releasing album yeah I really am like whatever age I'm gigging at I'm like it's the most important age you'll ever be so you know I think those are the ones what about you you get referred to as like machinery yeah heavy farming machinery mainly but like I think energetic and like intense are the two main

one yeah I never get like um funny or smart or wise or like or um cleverly constructed. Like I never get like any of that. I once had someone at the end of the review go and the structure was really good and Rose Johnson was directing me that year and she went, oh fuck it, they can't tell because you're so mental.

Well the structure for this one got a lot of praise and that was all Ellen. It is such a good structure. But it was all Ellen. It was all Ellen. I last week had like an absolute meltdown. I was like, I just don't know how to put this show together. And she just was like, have you noticed

to the following themes? and I was like, no, I'm obviously busy screaming. And then she helped me and, I mean, she always... I apologies, that is my alarm. Is that your alarm? Not to wake up. That is my... Do I, okay, help me out here.

This is for, do I want to do top secret tonight? Should I message and ask for a spot? Have you gigged already this week? Are we doing your admin on the podcast? Yes. Have you already gig this week? Not this week. It's Wednesday.

But I've got a gig already tonight in town. It's like, should I just jump on? I don't know. This is not important. And do that too. Okay, I'm going to message. I'm going to leave it to fate. Okay.

Ready? Helen, shall we stick to the old? Should we stick to the old job? But people need to see what it's like to work as a comedian. This is not what it's like to work as a comedian. You vibing out whether or not you should jump on a gig that's very competitive. It's not what most comics are doing of a Wednesday.

Also, this is the only gig in the country that books its line up by text on the morning of the game. This is like it's such a specific thing. This is not all like being a comedian on. Oh my god, I just text The word, tonight Sorry, any spots going For Helen just sent a picture of her rack

And a text that said tonight And I spelled tonight wrong, look at that I wrote, tonight Was no capital, no like question mark And then sorry, any spots going for Tanigt Well, I definitely think I'm booked No, because I was like

If I'm already in town That's hell, you're hell, then I might as well but I'm doing like doubles and triples all this weekend so I'm like congratulations that's good yeah but not like I think we're both at that stage where we're like I'd rather gig fewer nights but more gigs in the night this thing and this one

a top secret if you guys don't know it's a club in London but like they have lots of comedians but you all just do tens like it's not like you're going on to do like 40 minutes and then going somewhere else to do 40 minutes and the thing is if I time this correct with tonight I could have a solo dinner in Chinatown

and I have my book with me Oh my God, which book are you reading? I'm still on tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow because I got distracted by the West Barre Baptist Church again. Are they back? No, but Megan Phelps Rope's autobiography is very much how I'm thriving. Oh, of course it is. All right, look, if we're doing boring admin chats on the podcast,

I have a story to tell you, which is to say. I believe that our boring admin chats have a title. How could you not remember that? Parrish announcements isn't boring admin chats. It's life updates, you dick one. So apologies. Dick one. Yeah, how dare you?

What is the Wad when it comes to Dick Wad? It's like cum tissue, I guess. Oh, it's like the thing that comes out, I guess. Oh, like the cum or the tissue. The spunk. Dick Wad, I always think of as like, what comes out of the... Andrew, let's Google that, because I think it would be interesting. Do you source the etymology of Dick Wad?

While I tell you... I know what a dick is. I want to know what a Wad. Helen, I have a story and it's about you. Are you ready for this? Yes, and then we'll come to Dick Wod. So the other day, my first day off after Soho, I did all of my personal admin. I took my car to the mechanic.

I got a good deal, man. acting like I didn't know what was going on. What a fun day off. I know, really fun. In truth, my dad works in a, like in a mechanics as entity, but for HDVs. For God. No, for big vehicles and heavy goods vehicles. Your dad does that as well?

Yeah, the priest thing is a side gig. Anyway, you have to pay the bills. And we can't eat lobes and fishes every night. Diversa. All right. No, with your gluten intolerance. Come on, come on. Come on.

Anyway, so I know my, I knew a little bit what was going on, and I'd also spoken to my dad about it before. So anyway, I got them down from 620 to 480. Don't mind if I do. Hello. Hello. But beyond that, in my admin day, where I was catching up on my day off, sorry, but like one stuff for me, I went to get some keys cut because we'd lost a spare set of keys to the house.

We, it wasn't me. And anyway, I went to do it, and I hand over my keys, and this man goes, Cinderella The key ring that you gave me And honestly He was out of my mouth Before I knew why I was lying I just went

Oh yeah from a child So I have to use it And he was like I really get it I really get it He was like that's sweet But I know you have to use them Are you serious

The way he looked at me like Was like Cinderella Like you're an adult Oh my god I thought the first time you said it It was like Cinderella Like he was enchanted Oh sorry no he was like

Cinderella you're a grown woman and I had to be like oh yeah well it's from a child because I didn't know how to explain it's from a Disney adult

What the fuck is this nonsense what does he work for Timpsons? Yeah I used to like Timsons I'm not going Timpsons again You are they're a great company

that doesn't hold people's criminal history against them We love them They're one of the few One of the few decent ethical employees But still You said it was from a child Yeah it just straight up

came out of my mouth It's born in 91 Yeah I know But like there was no reasonable way To explain why I had this gaudy Cinderella My friend went to Disney World and she bought me an amazing gift Yeah, but I don't

I love Cinderella, my name's Kath Winn as a C Okay So yeah, so that That genuinely Like the lie came out And then I was like Oh, I've lied about that

But I guess there is no better explanation And also why would I have that key ring Anyway, I thought you'd want to know That I'm thinking of you You're furious Is that your anecdote? Yeah, you're right The one that you told me on the street

That you had a really funny story to tell me Yeah, I thought you'd be I thought you'd laugh honestly I don't know if I loved it you sound young in the story you sound young I am and I am very young I'm very young but I thought you love the key ring speaking of young I got Botox last Sunday and um I got it pre the soho run and so I think in the pre and post videos I do for my tour you can just see it setting in which I think that's just a little that's just a little Easter egg for the fans I think

if you if you watch from Monday to Friday you can really see a woman like it's like Benjamin buttoning Andrew please dick wad oh right if you Google it All it says is Dick Wad from the English Dick and the English Wad, 1980s. But I've done a bit more digging. Thank you. It was first used in maximum rock and roll, a magazine in the 1980s. Whoa. And Wad.

I was born in the 1980s. I guess that's why I say Dick Wad. Maybe. You're there at the ground floor of the Dick Wad craze. Well, me as a two-year-old, Dick Watt. I was a robot, apparently. Big Watt. Sorry.

No, I enjoyed it. Everyone go on. A wad is a lump of soft material So I wonder whether it means like Your dick is You know Or be like impotent You know

Like a wad What? That's not what I'm trying to say Well you just You're gonna say that he's like You just call me limp dick So yeah limp dick That's so boring I'm basically like you eunuch

That's so TV The eunuch's different though Yeah They're son's penis aren't they They're just like an action man Haven't they chapped at all? Yeah Yeah

No really Yeah I thought you could just be born a unit Can't you though Yeah Definitely, definitely looking to that as well. Can you be born a eunuch? Maybe the first words you heard as an 80s baby was Dickwood.

Oh, yes, you can be born a eunuch. You can be born a eunuch. Maybe there are, but you can also, you can elect to be a eunuch. Elects, yes, yeah. You can elect. Like an elective surgery. Oh my God, speaking of elections,

I'm sorry to segue from this, from eunuchs to this. Oh, wait, I know this guy. My sister's running for government. I see this all over Instagram. She will love the segue. She won't. But isn't this so cool?

So she's running for local councillor for the social democrats in Ireland. Isn't that so crazy? Also, in my head, you have to understand she's my baby sister. Then I watch a video of her talking about her policies and her beliefs

in everyone having access to housing. And I'm like, this woman, I would vote for this woman if I didn't know this woman. This is crazy. She's so articulate and so smart. And it's honestly like a pleasure

and such a pride-inducing moment to watch her like actively like want to represent her community. And whatever happens, I'm just like, I think the people who put themselves out there to do that and to want to actually help their, the place they live, I think it's wicked. I think to put it in the context of like anyone who puts themselves out there to run for local government who isn't from that private school man's world where like everyone around you's also doing it.

That's when it's brave. When it's just sort of like, oh, well, I'll take North East Hampshire, no worries. She went to a state school and also her, none of her family are in politics and she just like things, but also like, it's less that in Ireland to be fair. It's still that, but not all that. But it's like, it's just wicked. I just think everything... Tell me what the political parties are on Ireland.

Like, what's the main, like, ones? Fina Ful and Fianna Gale. Okay, so... Which are, like, both centre-right, probably really. Fina Ful. Feena Fawl. Ful. And Fina Gale.

And Fianna Gale. And they're both centre-right? Well, in my opinion. Then you've got Irish Labour. Okay. You've got, who are more left than Labour here, in my opinion. Okay. Depends on, God, Irish people are going to be like a lot.

Liberal, but also... This is so stressful knowing Irish people would be listening to it. So like Irish Labour would be like liberal but not full on sort of like, let's make sure there's like social equality and that everyone can get on the ladders. Oh no, they are that. Okay, great. Yeah. And then you've got the social democrats who are more lefty.

Yay. Then you've got Sinn Féin who, well, that's, I'm not touching that. And then, well, I'm not touching that at all. I've heard of Sinn Féin. Yeah. They did something in the 90s, didn't they? Yeah, and now they're like, yeah. And you've got to stop whispering about Sinn Féin.

Oh, wait, am I at risk? I'm going to say Google one. Okay. And then... In my free time. Yeah, and I mean, they're also hoovering up a lot of the youth vote in Ireland because they are left leaning on terms of their domestic policies, arguably. I think what we'll say is, um, sign up to the patron and I will give you my review

in the extra this week. Come to the live show in Ireland and we'll talk about that. really no we won't that's terrible um and then uh i think that's the big part and who's the sweet old man the president at the moment who's he with i believe michael de higgins was labor initially but that might be worth checking okay and um michael de higgins is the sweetest man with his dogs he speaks irish i've seen so many videos if you don't know this Killian Murphy won an Oscar. Oh, it's a great time for Ireland.

We all won an Oscar. Cogorge against Killian. Ellen Murphy's wonderful. Social Democrats. Ellen Murphy's running for it. It's so exciting. Yeah. I'm so proud of her.

And him. All of them. Oh my God. But definitely do Google Michael D. Higgins as well. Oh my God. Michael D. Higgins, the Irish president. Is he not the president anymore? With his big dog.

It's like a Bernie's mountain dog or something. Yeah, he's so sweet. And his wife's taller than him and I just live for it. I live for it. and he always speaks Irish. Even if people are speaking English back to him, he's like, no. No, like he just will include it in all his speeches. I love him.

Even in his, you know, Wikipedia photos are notoriously like, oh, that, why have you picked that photo? Oh, yeah. He's so, look at him. He's so sweet. He's so happy. I really hope he doesn't end up being like a Boris Johnson thing. Do you remember when like back in the late Norton and everyone was like,

oh, he's such a buffoon? No, he has been the sweetest man for so many years. Yeah, and he just like believes all the right stuff. He's just like a good lad And then like so what do you think it is That meant that they That he managed to get into power Because everywhere else in you

Sorry sorry I watch the news I watch the news I watch the news Not enough, not enough Let me just stop you there The President of Ireland is like the head of state It's sort of a It's a more of a king thing

It's more of an international position Of like merit rather than like It's a figurehead rather than like The Taoiseach who's the prime minister Who's the what? We have a prime minister and a president. Oh, come on.

Yeah, he's like, he's like the country mascot, you know what I mean? And we love him so much. We have a Michael T. Higgins, which is a teapot, a T-Cosey. That's him. Wait, is this like a thing you can buy? His name's Michael D. Higgins,

but you can buy a Michael T-Higgins, which is a T-Cosey that throw over your teapot and it's the president. I haven't even thought about T-Cosies in years. Oh, really? We used them all the time at home. Oh, my God. My granny, everything was tea-cozy.

My mom had a T-Cosy. Cozy. Che cozy and Doily's my guy. Oh my God. Yeah. I want a tea cozy. You should get a Michael T. Higgins. No, I think it'll be weird for me in Sineal to have like a Michael T. Higgins.

Why that'd be so cute. Oh, my God. Michael D. Higgins. Aren't they so sweet? Oh, it's so sweet. Oh, my God. And I haven't even talked about, sorry, I were suggestive today. Sineal is in my new favorite television show.

Alison Jack. No. Things you should have done. he is amazing in it it's so good so good I messaged Chi

and I messaged her too you're a fucking genius I was like this is a rest of development funny this is like because I knew the script from doing self-tapes with Saneal for it

like last year it is spectacularly funny it's so stupid Andrew you've got to watch it it's so stupid some BBC I play I didn't expect you to be so fabulously weird

I love it and Sineal is absolutely first of all He's brilliant in it. Second of all, there's a scene. Thank you. We're ahead of going to bowling,

he's wearing a pink shirt in the office. Thank you. And he's had a haircut that day, I think. Thank you. He looks so sexy. Oh my God. Yeah, so. You got turned on by him?

I was like, whoa, that's a hot man. I'll tell him. That's so sweet. Yeah, he's very sexy in it. He's very funny. He's very good in it. I watched... BBC Eye Player is having an amazing moment for comedy.

Yeah. If you're living in the UK, and if you're not illegally get a link to it we've got The Apprentice coming out every Thursday we've got Call the Midwife New Season coming out every Sunday

Is that still on? What? Call the Midwife? Yeah. Yeah, season 13. They're still calling them up and they're still body coming. Rosa Jones is a regular in this series. No, she's in the first episode. Oh, she's in the first episode.

But like it's a, she's heartbreak. She's such a good actress. So she's in the first episode and I genuinely was thinking, okay, maybe I won't watch the next season of it and then rojo's in the first episode I was like a motherfucker got to watch it and then so Apprentice will be Thursday

That girl's pregnant and everything And yeah that and casualty She's also pregnant in What's it called things you should have done Cheese sitcom? Oh my God I love it so much It's all fucking happening I love it so much

In the UK 4 OD Really I watched a film on it the other day What'd you watch One that I think I've probably said On this podcast I watched Because I genuinely thought I'd watched it

But I don't think I actually had Mid-Summer oh yes very dark very spooky Lauren's Pew early days it's fucked up yeah it's really fucking spooky and everyone referenced it in their set so I think I thought I knew it or like

I must have listened to an interview with her and something it's fucked up yeah it's fucking weird man like when they're like okay skip this part obviously if you still want to watch it but it did come out like five years ago so you should have right

you've only just watched it I know but I'm slow of study which is actually a quote from it's night's dream that's quote from a summer night's dream just so everyone knows um they what does that mean slow off study slow study just a bit sly bit thick oh i think it's a quote from some i was in it twice harsh i would know um they have fucking like they sew the bodies up once they've killed them i know and fill them with hay and then set fire to them but one of them is still technically alive they saw him inside a bear and then burn him alive that's not okay that's not okay

It's not okay. And that's on Channel 4 and the only way to stop children watching it is for them to say oh no I'm not over 16 would you like to change the law are you running for government?

No I don't have the energy I mean I do have the energy you know I have this theory that is more like an epiphany that happened to me the other day I think so you know how I think I'm not sexy even though I know my body is sexy

I know that like everyone can be sexy I just don't feel sexy most of the time Yeah, I think that's totally normal A lot of us feel that way I figured out why it is I'm too energetic to be sexy You have to be sleepy to be sexy

Guys in general just want sleepy people I think there's something date rapy in it And I'm not happy with about that I'm just saying there is Trigger warning Trigger warning Can you trigger warning come after

I don't know There is something about being an energetic woman That isn't sexy But if I was asleep all the time Or if I came in and was like morning you'd be like oh my god what's that story but if I go morning yeah hell hell hell hell why is that hell why is a woman with energy isn't that so fun is it because they know I could run genuine no it is when you came in

and said morning I was like imagining you like with a long like men's shirt on yeah and like you just like pacing in to patting in to get some coffee and go back to bed with whoever's in there right some Italian stud when you came in and we're like morning I was like she's alone she's been alone she's been she's missed me all night that's the thing they want us they want us sleepy so I think I'm not going to sleep again for a while and then just just go on dates and be like hey sorry I'm so tired no you're not supposed to say I'm like hey do you want a drink oh get it oh get it oh get it you're not meant to say you're tired you just have to have the vibe of someone who's tired you can't be moaning you just have to be like

like Lana del Rey you know how tired she always is yeah yeah yeah everyone's like she's so sexy Renee Rapp's sexy Renee Rapp's so sexy see tired, so tired, so sleepy. Billy Eilis, she feels a bit sleeping. She seems so tired as well, yeah. Like, so either I need to work harder or just like stay up later. But I think I just naturally have a lot of energy

and it's just not sexy. Have you considered running? No, my knees. Not that I've got a problem, but I reckon I would do. Swimming? I swim already. How's that going? Yeah, really fun.

I splash. I'm in the medium lane now. Woohoo! Splish splashing? Yeah. We could go swimming in Australia. I splish splash. everywhere. I'm so swimming in Australia. I'm so swimming. I'm up for it. Also I've got a new look for Australia. I've got it all figured out. Long dresses.

That works with sleepy. But not the square neck ones that was like my look. Remember like my look for the winter was turtle neck and jumper like Diana. Now it's just this. Oh my God that's beautiful. Where'd you get that? And I just wear. Where'd you get that dress? Oh it's some like oh no it's broken. It's lovely. You've got to tuck, tuck that over the boobies. It's really lovely. And it's just like a long flowing dress. I think it's boo-hoo.

Really nice. But this is my look now. I love that. Thank you. Okay. And will the jumper being pulled up over your head be part of it? Not like this, no. Okay, nice.

No, because I'm going to be so fair. And I'm going to wear like, I see myself wearing these dresses with like, I think I'm going to cut my hair short. Like, like a, just like on the shoulders. That would be gorgeous. Right? So that's the look. I think I'm going to do rollers every morning.

So it's always about, like your hair. like who was it? I ran into someone at Soho Theatre after you'd left the other day when I message being like oh I'm opening at the store I'll come to you you had to run off

but I was someone like God Catherine's hair is always amazing and I was like don't even get me started because she's always like oh no we haven't done anything today but I'm going to start having that as a comment for me

and I'm going to wear layered necklaces I love layered necklaces and I'm going to wear long dresses layered necklaces and a little bob and then just like I'm going to buy Ray bands or something I love that

for you helen that's actually really sexy and that's gonna and everyone's gonna be like oh my fucking god can I please please please make one last one last push for the fact that you have got the most incredible natural wave yeah yeah

leave your fucking hair alone yeah well I have some pictures of you with your natural hair you look I have a compulsion to brush but I don't have it as much when I'm in Australia maybe your natural hair is you is what you're But then does that mean you're going to come over every morning

and help me dry my hair at me in August flat? I will if you want. Such a commitment for you. But all you have to do is put product and you leave it alone. It is a real sleepy girl move as well. I don't do anything. I was too sleepy. And it'll dry so fast in the heat.

Yeah, I will actually. Helen, please. A short bob with your waves will be divining. Wavy hair. Divvy hair. Layered necklaces. Are we doing like a leopard print sandal or something? Oh.

I mean, yeah, if we can find them, it's, I was looking for slippers the other day in my size because those orange ones you got me have just totally, they've given up. It's been a while, they've lasted, but like. What are you talking? A wide fit, what size? Size nine to nine and a half wide fit. Yeah, that's tricky.

It's hard to get the cute leopard print. Nine to nine or the exact same. We should share shoes. That doesn't make me feel great. Oh. But I've got so glamorous shoes. That doesn't make. be I'm sorry

that don't be sorry that's so funny but whenever guys like throughout the years been like oh my god we've got the same size B for some even though

gender doesn't matter and it's not a thing it still feels like oh no I'm sorry Andrew no I get it I get it it's tough

when are you getting hair cut pre Melbourne I'm literally getting it like three days before maybe four days before I go I've got that weekend off I'm going to go see June 2 with my father and brother at the IMAX

because lads day out and I'm trying to convince Sineal at the moment that he has to drive me to the airport because it's my birthday the day I'm flying and I think it's... And I think I'm the only one of my flight that I can find. We're flying basically the same day but we're not on the same flights.

That's such a bummer. But it's also because you wanted to go all the way to Perth and then to Melbourne. I didn't want to do that. Oh, I thought that's the one you chose. No, that's just the only one I could afford premium economy. Oh right. I wanted premium economy. I have to do the break in the middle to do like the two, three hour toddle around to make myself sleepy. I just needed premium economy because needed.

I wanted premium economy because as you know, I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I find flying in a tube with other people incredibly, incredibly hard. Oh, I'm really hoping. I'm really hoping we don't have crazy busy flights. I know for the environment we should want them to all be full. We should. But I really want them to send up 20 planes for every five people. Yeah. Because the environment's melting anyway, Catherine. We might as well have some space. What's happening? It's doing it

anyway. No, it's bad. We should obviously want them to be full. It's going anyway. We actually technically shouldn't even be going. All we could be doing now is learning how to swim. That's all we can do now is everyone should learn how to swim. Because that's probably why the environment's fault. Stockpile life jackets and floaties. We don't deserve it. Prepare.

I feel like we're losing our thread. Train. It's because you're I tell you what's happened. I said it's sexy to be sleepy and all of a sudden you're like, I'm so tired. Should we bring on our gas? Yes.

Yes. Oh, sexy sleepy girl. Please give it up. We'll ask. We'll ask. Please give up for the wonderful Ellie McKenzie. Woo!

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Bonza, good eye, and welcome to trusty hogs. in Australia. We're going to be bush pigs. I don't know. I'm trying to think of an Australian version of Trusty Hogs. I think what we need to say is we're going on tour. Both of us. Yes.

To Australia. We'll both be playing Melbourne and Sydney. You'll be playing Melbourne and? Sydney and Brisbane and Perth. Fabulous. I will be in Melbourne. I'll be at the Weston 3 at the International Comedy Festival. You can buy tickets for my show now.

And at Sydney I'll be at the factory theatre and you can buy tickets for my show now. And in Melbourne I'll be at the Greek, which I'll be at the Greek, I have looked on Google Maps and it is very close to Catherine's venue. Isn't that so cute? We're super close. And then, no, I think you'll be picking me up. I think.

I need to check that. But come pick us up. Come pick us up. Sydney, I'll be at the factory theatre with Catherine and that's super close to the ice cream place. Brisbane, I'll be at Powerhouse. And in Perth... Can a powerhouse be inside of a powerhouse?

I'll be bloody there. And at Perth, I'll be the Perth Comedy Festival for the Regal Theatre. theater. Cool. And we're also bringing Trusty Hoggs live

to Australia. Melbourne and Sydney bitches, it's on sale. I've never said bitches before my life. It felt really wrong.

It felt really weird. I said it and I was like, bitches get your tickets. No, that's hideous. Well, anyway, see you there, Australia. Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzie.

No, we've been over this. Hoggy, hoaggy, hoagy, yeah. Oh, you both got it wrong. See you there. See you there. Um, excuse me, we just heard a little bit of moose. Ellie, confession time.

What did you just say? It's my first podcast. It's my own podcast! Take your knickers off. I'll see if she bleeds. No, what? Because if she does and then she's a fucking liar. And then we can murder her in the medieval days when they marry a woman.

And if she didn't bleed and she was a virgin, then she's fucking lying. Even though a lot of women have the hymen's break just naturally throughout life and some don't have any. And every podcast is like this. Can you believe it? This is baptism of fire. Yeah, it's a lot. It would not be my first choice of a podcast to come on Trustee Hards. We're a lot as a starting point.

Can I drink on the night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just worried it be like, oh, we eat on it. Yeah, we're constantly eating on here. You shouldn't probably, but you can. Oh, okay, fantastic. I feel like if you call a podcast, Trustee Hoggs,

women should be allowed to eat and drink on it. Yeah, you know what, you're right? It's feminism. How the hell are you? I'm really, well, as I, I did establish earlier in my tiny bit hung over, but I only had, as I said, I was in bed by like half 11, and I only had about three pines. So I'm not entirely sure how that's happened. I think age has just hit me like a brick in the night. How old are you? 27. Go fuck yourself. You're over round. Yeah, you bang it's around. That is my birthday next month. Did you drink any water? No, never. I don't drink water anyway. This is like the first bit of water I've drunk in a year, maybe, no. But I don't, I seldom drink water. Might be the hangover. You do have to be, because higher is a dehydration, aren't there? Yeah, why aren't you drinking water?

I just don't. I just don't really like the taste of it. Nobody likes the taste of water. You have to drink it because... I forget. And if I'm going to hydrate, I'll have some juice. Some juice, like some fruit juice. I think it's because I grew up on juice.

My mom never gave me water. So she'd always give me... I was like a juice or milk kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you say juice or milk? Juice or milk. You know, like, at dinner, I'd be like... Or like, one of those American families

where you get, like, rolls, dinner rolls. I've always wanted to go to those meals where you get dinner rolls Those red rolls If you said, Mommy, let's say you're six Yeah Okay, where are we, where do you grow up? Barns in London

I know Barnes. Fabulous, yeah, yeah Oh, posh, bit posh, bit posh, bit harsh You're a Barnes baby And you're like, Mommy, I'm thirsty. Yeah. And she goes right,

your choices are orange juicy Yeah, or milk, yeah And if you went, no, I'm really thirsty Would the water even come into it? Probably not. Wow, see that's not your fault, that's your mom.

Is she like a, there's fluoride in there one of those, or is she just like, just doesn't drink it herself? No, I just, I feel like she's the same as well. I'm just a trip off the old block. She just probably doesn't like the taste. Wow. And we're talking orange juice, not even squash. Yeah, like from concentrate.

But that's good because I mean you won't be addicted to juice. I got addicted to five alive as a child. Oh, what? Because you had it later on in life. Because we just didn't really have that much juice in the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was a real novelty. Yeah, it was such a novelty to have juice that I was like,

I was a cretan with it. Like, I couldn't believe it. And like, obviously, with siblings and you're the one that wants to put it to your mouth than no one else would want it near their mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, you guys are gross. Can I just say this was the best day of my life

and I'm so excited? You're genuinely, what, so okay, so Ellie's obviously like a cool new comedian, which means that she's young and hip, which means that when you came up to me, and if I may, sort of like crept up to me at a party and said you liked our podcast. I was like, this kids, I was like,

this kids fucking mocking me. Like I was like, is she true? That's so sad. That's your first floor. I was like, I roll. I was like, yeah, sure. And you were like, no, like I listen. And I was like, uh-huh.

Literally like, she's like, no, no, I love it. I was like, okay. You did take some convincing. I genuinely say, all right, thank you. Nice to see you. I love it. I was so annoyed. I was like, this youth is really troubling me.

I love why you keep referring to me as a youth and a kid that fills me with so much joy. You two are also so young, so I don't understand where this is coming down. I'm 32. I'm 32. Yeah, I'm 35. But you don't look at it. And I think that's the most important thing.

As long as you don't look at here. I'll give you my guy. I'll give you my guy. He's so good. I think I met you at a party as well and you told me you loved the podcast last summer. Yeah, the Bifola one. Yeah, the Bifola one. Wait, so what party, are you just like, if you were partying last night?

I love to party. How? But like, here's the thing. Everyone in their 20s in, what are these called? Inverted Comas? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you genuinely love to party? or is it social pressure? No, I think I'm a legitimate party girl. That's so mental. It's such a mental thing to be. I honestly would say that I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really?

Do you like music? I do. I dabble. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I dabble in music. And when you get a party invite, your first thought is like, oh my God, I really hope I can go.

It's not like, what's my excuse? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh? Legitimately, yeah. We get an invite and we're like... And I will travel. I live, like, often very far away from where, like, people have parties because I live in

Putney. She does travel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I saw you at that party, I went all the way from Putney to Wood Green. That is a commitment for you. I arranged to see my other friend who lives in Tuffnell Park that night because I was like, if I'm going to fucking Wood Green, I'm seeing multiple people. I picked up a hat I'd left at a club

in Tuffinil Park as well. I was doing the whole lot. You see, this comes with age, wisdom. I feel like I'm just not at that point yet. Oh, no, no, no. I got invited seven and was like, for four seconds, I got my book by then. Okay, I was excited to go to kids' birthday parties. That's different. Yeah, party bags.

Oh, party bags. I did party bags at adult parties. I would totally legit go to more of them. I would say, like, I would love to be famous purely to get, like, PR. Oh, my God, the goodie bags they get one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. How famous do you have to be to get those goody bags?

I know about them. Like an Oscar's Goody bag. Because I would love an Oscar's Goody bag. These are things with iPads in them, right? Yeah. Yeah. And they give you like... And like free holidays.

Yes, thing, like five nights the four seasons, Hawaii and flights. Why are they giving rich people free stuff? They don't need it. They're rich. That is such a thing that the rich you get, the more stuff you get for free. It's so true.

Like, you see people like, you know, like our first TV parents is. You're like, oh, I've got to get an outfit. We've got to get an outfit for it. But the bigger comedians who are getting paid way more could give an outfit for fucking free. That's the dream. I love free stuff.

I love free stuff. I still, I think I probably am known for it. Like, I still sweep the green room. Yeah. If I have a dressing room and there's like Mao-ams in there, they're coming home. What's on your rider? Do you have one? Oh, no, I don't have a rider, yeah, but the point is that when you go to, when you have, like, any TV appearances, they'll put, like, some fruit.

But then they'll always put, like, crisps, a kick-cats, some mail-hams. Yeah, a couple of freddos. Those are all coming in my bag home. Oh, my God, yeah, you just have to do, like, a sweet. I do. I've seen Catherine fill a car at latitude. before from other people's dressing but that's so savvy.

They didn't want it. I was filling up with you. I was backing 100%. Why did I bring my car and not take it? It would be mental for us to have left. It's a full bowl of wine. I'm not bringing that?

I need to start. Oh my God, you get alcohol. Yeah. Are you doing attitude this year? No. Okay. When you get offered it, just say yes, just purely

for the access for the drinks because you get like a backstage area that you can go into. You can go see the acts you want to see and then go back and just get free food and drink. Wait, that's so...

And if you're me, say, are you taking this? Yeah, or just wait to the end of the day. And then you just nab it all. What you want to do is make friends with the sober comics. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, do you want me to clear this out of here for you? And they're like, please do it. Or the ones that are so famous, that over it.

Yeah. Like, there's also, like, they get to that point where they're just sort of like, I don't need another bottle of this. Oh my God, I don't think I'll ever get to that point. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think I will ever get to that point. When you go to last year, do you camp in a special? place. I did the first time.

I don't camp. Do you stay in like a hotel elsewhere, like at Airbnb? You leave. You literally come and then you go. I did it with Catherine this year, the Bo Harway, which is driving in, driving out. How was that? Did it feel good? I died so hard on stage. You were like, it didn't feel good.

And then Andrew had to call the ambulance because he nearly swallowed a wasp. Like, we had such a do that. While he was giging a wasp in his mouth, I had a great gig. Wait, shut the fuck on. I mean, I'm so happy for you. But a was flew on your mouth. Yeah, yeah.

Did it sting you? Yeah, yeah, stung the back of your tongue. Stung the back of your tongue. Did you swallow it? No, no, no. I picked it out with my hand. Wait, that's kind of hardcore. Thank you, yeah.

I think it was nice for the last few paramedics to not be dealing with another kid that overdosed and just sort of like, hi, I'm Andrew. Just a little cow boy who's got a wong. I swear it's not a natural lisp. A bee stung my eyelid once. I was putting on a jumper and it was tangled off in my jumper. And I was like, ah.

And it stung my eyelid. What were you like? Ah. What were you like? Ah. Wait, and then was it one of those? Sometimes when you get stung by a bee, did the bee stay attached to the stinger for a bit?

God, I can't remember. It's all a bit of the blur. Hello, she was busy screaming. Ah. And on the same day, I stepped on one as well. Oh, revenge. Mother fucker, come for them. But they die, right?

Yeah, they do. Bees sad because they just give up on life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wafts can just keep on going. Then a beasting is worse. I think a wasp life cycle. Everyone's like, oh, they keep on going, I think it's only one day.

Like a Mayfly? I think it is. I think it's a day. Gosh. Like I don't, Andrew. I mean, that's incredible. So you're just going to go look it up. Yeah, he's really good.

Fact check. We've already got the definition of dick wad. What is a definition? Like limp dick. It's like a damp cloth from a deck. I didn't not know that. I thought it was like the stuff that came out of your dick, the wad. I thought maybe like Dick Cheats.

I don't know. Yeah. Dick Cheats. potentially we do learn a lot here yeah this is very informative if you have any questions people need it

well main one is the life cycle of a was 12 to 22 days I like not even close you were so off if we're comparing it to the life cycle of a human it's so fucking close I mean if it's relative to human it's probably can I force us to circle back

yeah please please we said party bags and then we all moved on and quite frankly I'm livid yeah no we don't okay okay five bags favourite thing in there Well, only because they've changed recently. I follow some vloggers online

who, like, I started watching when they were, like, instant things as me and they were all married now with loads of kids. And they put together party bags for their kids. Pye bags have got, like, insane. What, like, busy? Like, insane. Yeah, but that's people on the internet.

They're always like, those people make, the packed lunches I see people make on the internet. I'm like, would you be? I know, but it's like, no one would have done, like, an actual job's doing that. Oh, because it would take an hour. Catherine. Everyone's doing it. What?

Really? Just waking up brilliant early. She's like, I feel like I have to do this. Does it still have like a crunchy Nioia? And a packet of pom-biz. Honey, honey, honey, honey. No, because you have to be aware of allergens and dietary requirements. This is the thing.

So it's actual like gifts that you want. If your kids are allergic to stuff, don't send them to my party. Oh, what? That's my rule. Because I used to love, I used to love. Andrew, are you choking? Drink your water. I just had some water.

I've cleared it now. Okay, sorry. Sorry, go on. You're choking, you fucking idiot. She's just like, could you do it quietly? Go on. I used to love, do you remember the slide puzzles? Oh, they were so good

But you could pick the pieces out sometimes No, you mustn't, that was such a... Ellie, that's jeezing. My brother always did that and used to piss me off so much and you had to slide in and you make like a little image. That was where... I remember those really fondly. I think you still get them in crackers.

I am getting the worst crackers. I'm not getting those. So what are they putting in there now? Okay, so now it's like, oh, you'll get like a couple of face masks and... Wait, for a child. For children, for children, for they're into skin care. I'm not joking.

It's baffles me. Surely it's bad to put that much sort of like acid on your face. It is bad. They shouldn't be doing this. They're getting face masks. They're not getting like, do you remember like this sticker earring packs and your parents are like cut out like two stickers

for each of the kids to put on sticking earrings? They're getting like full on proper clipons. They're getting like actual little necklaces with sort of like the date of the party and a heart. Like really specific stuff. That's the kind of thing you get someone when they get married on Etsy. That is exactly, but they're ordering from... Somebody went to an all-girls school.

No, I should I went to a mix school. What? Me too. Do I give you all girls? Girl's vibes? You give real old girl vibes, if I may. What is that vibe? You had a hairbrush in your bag, you knew what to get the other girls and they're getting married on it, see. Yeah, okay. Wait, does one of you have a hair brush in your bag? I do, do you just... Oh yes, please, 100%. Where is it? It's over there. You don't need to brush your hair right now.

You're obsessed with brushing your hair. I do because I haven't, look. Ready? No, you, this is too much. You need to brush it less. No, I love it. I wish my hair had more volume like that. I wish my hair had more volume. You need to brush left. Honestly, brush less. Is that a thing? And when you have natural curls, yes And this girl will not accept that she does It's outrageous Well, so you just have to let them She needs to let them be

Yeah, you've got to You've got to You've washed her I brushed my hair This morning I wasn't going to brush it Then me and Sineo watched Carbio enthusiasm And I got distracted

And I've washed it Just while you're watching The best is when someone else brushes your hair That is like I do like to brush somebody else's hair The most next level feeling I don't like to have my hair brush

But I like to brush somebody else's older sister vibes Hey hang on Also can I quickly say At party? did you ever have the little ham sandwiches and they were cut off the cross and you would give them like a little squish and they were just the best things ever

it's basically like you don't have to chew yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like it's to really like that'll be one bite you could just swallow I remember the first time I had butter was at a girl's birthday party I was like eight years old I must have told this on the podcast no you haven't what are you talking about my mom didn't believe it we were a margarine house

Marjorine house We were a Marjorine oh my God Sorry, this is a massive revelation on the podcast. We were a margarine house. Hang on, Helen, what the fuck. And it was Isabel Pooleys. Full name. Salted.

Hang on, you have to stop, you have to stop, you have to stop. Go on. You were eight before you had real butter. That is insane. It must have been around eight. That's criminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were a big butter family.

Yeah. Oh my God, everyone, it turns out everyone was. But like, I... Margarine's for baking. The end, full stop. I could never... It's also not nice. It's just like lard.

Yeah. But that's a lot. think if you're raised you don't realize what you're like and then you have salt to butter for the first time and you combust you lose your fucking oh my paint as a picture okay so I'm invited to her birthday party and it's like it's fleets so like she's not my year I think she's my sister's

year at school thank you so much is she saying so like come there'll be butter and it's like everyone's like everyone's invited and their siblings are invited all right she lived on the road next to us so go there and it's like it's time for like food and I'm like eating the sandwich and my mind what kind of sandwich what kind of sandwich? Just

normal like white bread with ham and butter. But we never had that bread at my house because I was raised by a mother who like used a bread maker or we didn't have any bread for you and then it was breadmaker bread. Was your mom always on a diet?

So we were always on a diet. So she would be as breadmaker and I remember being like at school and being very aware that my lunchbox did not look the same as anyone else's lunchbox because everyone else had like the bread sandwiches or bread rolls

and it was like oh my god what I mean. be doing wrong like either like I like just the big bread from a bread maker in the 90s that weird sort of like yeah and he like like like flower pockets that were just like and with margarine or what your topping be like ham yeah but like it wouldn't be the same but then like I always loved it at parties like that would be like oh my god like the no what I received as normal food and then this time there was this butter and I was like oh my god what is this what is this and like everyone was like losing their mind over all the sweets and I had like 20 ham sandwiches and I was like am I getting away with this and I'm getting away with this and I'm looking around

the table like really panicking you're like oh my god I'm going to know so I'm eating the whole crust there's no evidence like I'm not being like fucking bobbed off and at the end of the party all I could think about with this ham like there's games happening you got to put the oven mitts on and cut up chocolate and my brain was just like what was in that sandwich And then my mum comes to collect me and my sister. And I was like, I'm fucking saying it. I'm saying something. Good for you, girl.

And I was like, you need to talk to Mrs. Pooley, okay? And you need to find out what was in that fucking sandwich? Because I swear to God, that was the best thing I've ever eaten in my life. And it turns out, full brand name, it was anchor butter. No way. It was anchor. It's got to be salted as well. It has to be salted.

Otherwise there's no point. I agree, I agree. I think of my first sexual experience. Yeah. When I first went to Paris and they, you know those small paths of butter they do with the salt, like almost sold crystals in them? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. Holy Jesus Christ. On white breath, oh my God. But that's, I can't believe you were ate before you had butter. Because we just had, it was called pure sunflower. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's so yellow.

Yeah, I will admit that my mother was quite, um, quite rationing with the butter. We had to, we only had it on special occasions. Yeah, and she kept in a dish high up in the cupboard. Yeah. Whereas we did primarily eat, um, those butter, fake butter spreads, whatever. Yeah. Just to be clear, we weren't doing it because we were poor. Oh, no.

But I'm so glad that's been established. Oh, no, sorry. We could afford the butter. Ours was a bit of both. It was like a money thing, but it was also a, um, like, like a health, like a faux 90s diet culture health thing. Yeah. And so, and we always had seeded or brown bread.

Yeah. And so when we would go to my auntie burnies, she always had white bread, batch, white bread and salty fucking real butter. And I wouldn't be in the door coat off and I'd be like, toast. Shall we have some toast? Round and round and you've got to see your tea. She would just make us. When you spread the butter.

Oh my God. So much. And it's just, that's solid. salty, melted deliciousness. Fuck. Oh, I can't believe. I got to it. No, but I took it too far.

Just butter. This has really inspired me. I would. Just a spoonful butter. Honestly would. I told my mum of this butter. She bought it. But then because I was the only one

eating this butter, like, it was so obvious how quickly a five hundred pounds. Tub was going down that like, it stopped. Like they were like, you can't have access to this because you're a demon.

And I'd be like, what are you talking about? Just like butter squeezing the hour between my teeth. You just start to sweat it. It's like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer says to butter up that bacon, boy. And you're like, what? How do I not get this Simpsons? Oh yeah.

Butter up that bacon, boy. Oh my God, yes, in the pan. Did he rub it? Yeah, butter up that bacon, boy? Isn't that a Simpsons thing? One more time, one more time. But do you remember these moments of going to other people's birthday parties and being like, what food group is this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember, so Emma in my school had, and this part, first of all, I couldn't get my head around. I could not get my head around. Had a pool in her house. Shut up. We went to a pool party at her house because the pool was in her house. Shut up. Inside. I couldn't.

It heated. I couldn't. It had a bar. A bar? It had a bar. And they did these kids cocktails with grenadine. I love granadine. I had never had.

it. I'd never had it. I must have been 10 quite similarly. That's the French squash has me up. Yes, yeah. You have it with my lemonade. And it had pineapple juice in this. It had pineapple juice in Grenadine and I was like, what the... Similarly, it was like, what the fuck is this? That sounds like the most delicious thing ever. Well, it's also like cocaine for children. Yeah, I was like, you're not alone and present. You're bouncing off the walls.

Yeah, like completely crazy. I was like, what is this? That and the other thing I had at that party that I'd never seen before were miniature, you know, there's like miniature pizzas. The little tiny round one. I forgot about those. I'd never seen them before. I'd never tasted one before. I was like, honestly, I was like, I felt like I was in,

but also I felt like I was in L.A. I was like, my cocktail and my tiny pizza. This is so glam. I was like, I can fit my tiny pizza in one hand and I have my cocktail on the other. The pool is inside. I was like, hello, Hollywood called. I was honestly like, this is L.A.

This is crazy. We are in L.A. Wow. I love miniature things as well. Oh, my understanding. Miniture things just really, you feel the same way. There's just something about mini toiletries. Oh, I completely agree.

You feel like a giant, but you're so... I can never get the conditioner out. Yes, fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I always struggled to, like, get the conditioner out of the miniature. And it's like a one wash only. Yeah, and it's really like, it feels attacking on me. This is why I like to have my conditioner out of a pot.

No, that's reasonable. Oh, what? Like, you scoop it. Yeah, like, you know those big... I get the big tub. Yeah, the tub. Herbalacinthes. Yeah, the gardenier was at the nightse. Ozzy do a pot now.

Wait, I didn't even realise you could get it. Hair food, yeah, yeah, I get the big hair food one, watermelon or banana. Oh, that sounds really nice. Although my hair is like, I have to use like clarifying shampoo. Sorry, this is so boring. I have to use like carri-line, like apple side of vinegar shampoos and stuff

because otherwise it gets greasy so quickly. Oh, so you don't need that much conditioner. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, just sweat your ends though. I have to, yeah, always do my ends. Always condition my ends ease. Can we recommend the tub? Yeah, please the tub.

Please the tub. you about the best party you ever went to because I feel like we both shared. When I was a kid? Or your favorite surprise food group when you got there. By surprise, oh, what was the best party I ever went to?

Well, we eatin disorder children. Oh yeah, 100 million. Both of us go to parties. Everyone's having a nice time talking and we're just like, what is happening? The thing that I remember saying most is like, you're allowed?

We weren't allowed. Like, my mom was always like restarting the diet on Monday so like all the junk would have to go. And you'd be on the diet, no. Well, no, but like the food would, Like the nice food would just hear you. Yeah, we very much had no snacks, only condiments.

Wow. Were you eating like a spoonful of ketchup as a snack? Exclusive. If I was desperate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what was the food you saw when you got to somebody else's taste where you were like, shit? I was going to say one time I went to a party when I was younger.

And I went to this boy's bar mitzvah. And it was in Madam Two Swords. Shut up while you went to a party. What a bar mitzah! And I didn't even know him very well. Like, he was younger than me. and Chipmunk. Do you remember Chipmunk?

The movie? The rapper. The rapper. He played. Fuck off! Yeah. I don't know who that is and I'm in print. No, it was mega. Lonely.

Is that one? Is that that guy? Yes. Yes. I am so lonely. No, that's Acon. Damn it. I'm trying to think what he sung and I can't remember.

I can't remember. But I got, that was also, and I got my period when I was there, my first period. Because I got it quite late. I got it quite late. It's been insane day. It was like, it was the most insane day.

But I remember being really happy because I got to it quite late and I felt sort of deeply uncool about the fact that I... How old were you? I was like 14 when I got my doing. So he's having a party to throw... He's having a party for becoming a man and you walk in like,

oh, you think that's maturity? Mm-hmm. Doge. And then I just bleed everywhere. Did he have the whole of Madam Two-Sods? So we did the little ride and then he had like a room. So it wasn't the whole thing that it was enough.

Oh my God's incredible. Chipmunk play. Who's Chipmong? His songs include... He's rebranded as Chip since, by the way. Oh, sorry. Here I go. It's only right.

champion friends oopsie daisy ways oopsie daisy i hurt you again I thought it was acon sonnay and he's a rapper isn't because what you just sang was like a children's rhyme then he does a little rap in between that bit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah one more time oopsie daisy i hurt you again you guys are beautiful

dropped the ball and found in my head walk out baby I'll understand and I'll hurt you again women. Oh my gosh, she was going to be a high five and Helen went to a handshake. That was the widest thing I've ever seen. That was a hell on earth.

I only went to one bar mitzvah. That was hell on earth, watching Ellie lift for a high five. And Helen went for a full handshake. And I thought it was Chip. And I thought it was Chip. And I thought it was Chipmunks a movie. This is hell. Do people watch the videos?

Do they watch them? Yeah, people watch on YouTube, yeah. Do they wave? Hi. Hello. God, you've got a free camera set up going on. I don't think of that one's on. Is that on?

They're all on. Oh my God, so they get you from all angles. Yeah, everyone say hello to people on YouTube. And this is a great reminder. If you don't know, we are on YouTube. Please subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. Go on then. You have to do the thumbs up thing when we say thumbs up.

There we go. Right. Ellie McKenzie, you know the score. We're here to give advice to audience members who've written in. Now, this is so bad thing. Are you a good advice giver?

What's your energy? I actually asked my friend. Should I read you out her response? Yeah. But I left my friend in my bag. I'll get it. Okay, so you text your friend group to say, what kind of advice giver do you think I am?

Yeah. And somebody wrote back and said, they said, sorry, sorry, sorry. No, no, please. Take your time, take your time, take your time. This is fantastic. Can I tell you what my original vibe is? Yeah.

I think you're going to be good at advice. Okay. But I think you're going to give the advice you think the person wants to hear instead of actually what is useful for them. That's so interesting. But based off you, but also you're 20, you're in your 20s. So my friend says you give very biased advice. Like you give advice that I'll make your friend happy in the moment

and to see them happy and relieved, but not always beneficial to them in the long term. So it's absolutely lovely and great to ask if you've got like a partner that everyone hates, but you want to stay with. because you'll say stay because you want to make me happy to see me okay oh my god but ultimately that's long term bad yeah they're not useful i'm psychic nice but not useful you really you hit the nail on the head that was really good do you have a middle name oh yeah go i guess that i don't think you will can i guess that can i yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Rebecca no Rosalind no Lauren my god no Jane no Emma that's my mom's name there you're not psychic

No, you told me outside. I looked at me like, but I did tell you outside. I did tell you outside. Oh, my that's crazy. You know, when my parents met, they met at a party and my mum came up to him and she was like, and obviously this was like pre-social media,

et cetera, this was a big party as well. And they met and my mum was like, before he'd even said anything, she just went, your name's Alex. And he was like, yeah. And she was like, and you were born on, oh, I've forgotten his birthday. Let's say it's the 5th of October.

It's around then, but she was like, you're born on the 5th October. was like, yeah, and she knew. She was like, I just knew. And then they got married three weeks later. What? They got married off for three weeks. My mum didn't even know his surname.

What? Yeah. Love is love, guys. Were their parents furious? No. I think my grandma was so relieved. Because my mum got married and she was 28, which I think for the time, is quite old.

Depressing me old. That's the time. Crazy. The time was like five minutes ago, you love. Catherine, we've totally missed the ship on this. What the fuck? It's like that bit in Pride and Precious where she's at, I'm 27. I have no prospects.

You know, I still need to watch that. You've never seen it? No. Dude, what does his face? I know, I've seen me coming out of the water. No, that's the, um, Colin Firth one. This is the Matthew McFadden one where he goes to me and he's their sex. He says, man.

The Colin Firth one is the one. No. Don't listen to this child. Don't listen to this child. It's the Mafia McFatman. I've started it like 200 times and then I'm like, oh, do it another day. Hey, it's so, take it. Wait.

Three weeks. Three weeks. Three weeks. I shit you know three weeks. And they're still together. Still together. It's been like 31 years That's insane

It's nuts, isn't it? It's honestly nuts Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Well, let's hear the problem, Andrew It's amazing You know, almost every story I hear like pre-90s of people getting married with

in three weeks, they're still together That's crazy. I just feel like they have to They feel like they've got a point to prove It's because they were together through Diana's death Sorry, that's exactly it My mom remembers when Diana died

She was feeding my brother and I Exactly, they go If you live through that with someone that person and you are bonded for life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trauma bonded, yeah. Please make a stunt, Andrew. I will.

This is from C. Hi, C. For reference, C uses they then pronouns. And they start with, you are my all-time favorite podcast. Thank you, show. Shut the fuck up, C! Mine too.

Mine too. Mine too. I love listening to Trust your dog. Never listened to you. I also love your stand-up. And Catherine, as an Irish queer, who used to debate, thanks for representing us. A pleasure. Oh my God, C's a Catherine.

So C continues. Let's hear you drama, see. Here they go. They write. I have a classic gay problem. I'll do it. What comes to your mind when you're thinking classic gay problem? I'm in love with my best friend.

I fancy the person who my friend used to go out. with but we're all in one big friendship group you're always falling in love with your friend or someone from your friendship group or an ex's friend i think the classic problem is no with lesbians or with gay people it tends to be dating a and like going back to an ex or um opening the relationship or moving in too fast no no but katherine has an island is on it don't fucking come for me let's go i dated this girl for about a year a couple of years ago Okay. It was just out of a long-term relationship,

I was just out of a long-term relationship and always made clear that I wasn't ready for something serious. Though I defo-sent mixed messages in the ways we acted. For example, we went to each other's family homes. For God's sake. Keeping a casual.

After we broke up, we took some space and then reconnected as friends and then started sleeping together. Here we go. We made the sensible decision to stop and just be friends, but now recently we slept together a couple of times again.

I'm torn, because as a queer person, I believe we can relate to each other in many different ways and that us being friends doesn't have to mean we don't sleep together but I also worry that I'm just convincing myself of that because it's fun when we sleep together and that actually it's not really healthy. I care about her a lot and I also care about looking after myself and avoiding gay drama.

Any advice much appreciated. Maybe I should go in the well, question mark. Winks C. You can't be saying that you want to be avoiding gay drama and then be the drama. are you the drama it's you see my love is it all drama gay as well see my darling love

I've seen plays with only straight actors and been like that's gay I go straight out the gate and say I think this is I'm gonna play hard ball today and actually say I think that you are going to be very confusing to this girl and that it's not at all clear and that you might feel

like you're going to relate to each other in whatever way you wish this has gone on for too long not to be massively confusing and not for it to be like deeper feelings there on one person's part at least and I don't think that you should um sleep with her if you don't just want to if you if you do just want to be friends what are your friends with benefits is almost impossible i think as soon as sex gets involved it just becomes messy and muddy's the water yeah and i think um yeah i would i'd end it yeah friends of benefits is such a tricky thing and i think we were all just sort of like oh the idea's great and then so like 10 years ago now just in timberlake

and me lecuhus made the film we all saw the episode friends of benefit yeah is it me like I think it's Milakounis, yeah. And I think I'd watch that film, see, that'll be my first port-a-call. Really? Yeah, are they in Ireland? Go to a blockbuster or your local library or something. I don't, they have films on it, but... But not good internet streaming service-wise.

What, that's not true? Go to your library, okay, rent friends of benefits, watch that, it's the best option for you right now. But I think, it just, it always makes it weird. Why, it's why, it's why, it's one friend, I've got one friend who I'm, no, it's weird. It's weird, I can still feel it. I just don't think, I personally,

just from personal experience, don't have the capacity to casual sex is not something that I can do. But no offence, Ellie, you can't even do like a casual, we saw each other on a bus one time. No, you make an incredibly valid point. Wait, what happened? Nothing, but Ellie will be like,

I saw a man across the street, so I guess that's an awkward thing I had to deal with now. And you're like, I don't know that it is. And she's like, great. So what are we saying, commit to marriage. I'm going to deal with this now.

But here's my question. Do you think you can revert back from the sex to being friends? Yes, this I do think is possible. Really? Yeah, because I have, I've been there. I've done that. I've got the T-shirt. I've definitely slept to people that I've then been able to have friendships with

post-sleeping of them. Great. I was a friend to the person I lost my virginity to. Whoa. At that bat mitzvah? No, not at the bad mitzvah. No, I was quite old when I lost my virginity. I was at 18.

old I think comparatively to my friends I was 19 yeah again I was just I desperate to do it because it made me feel deeply uncool oh man

but how do you do that how do you revert back to friends I think you if it's once without feelings do you not say but that's not what happened to you maybe it gets harder the more you do it

but I do think I mean this is the vagus layness answer but I do think just try and be as normal and friendly as possible and break the ice quickly

do you know what I mean establish it's no longer a good idea that you sleep together and then go do something friendly. Maybe in a group setting because I feel like that's... Yeah, I think that's smart. That's smart.

If you're part... Maybe, you know, if you have the same sort of extended friendship group. I think that's very smart. Or, here's a curveball. They dated years ago. They became friends.

They needed to start sleeping together. They tried to be friends again. They immediately started sleeping together. Yeah. Call me kooky. See? But do you think ye might want to try date?

Oh, like they start dating Like, sorry I ran out of steam I'm really, is there, is there a possible Then I think people find it really stressful The idea of starting to date someone Because then they're like, then the friendship will definitely be over But it won't be

It can also But like, I mean if you If you haven't caught feelings yet You're probably not going to have true So true, so true Yes, but if you can't be friends yet You might have caught feelings Oh, when you look at it like that

It's like a glass half full thing, I guess. I don't know. So what film was that they need to watch? What, no, that's all films. Fox in the house. They're friends. Fox in the house. Their friends and then they sort of fall out

and they're friends at the end of it again. Devastating film. Devastating. But beautiful. Something to consider, see? That's a double feature. I'm obsessed with the gays writing and being like, I don't want to call it drama.

And it's like my guy. My sweet angel love. I think we're there. I think we're there. There's the debate. made pros and cons for you my suite now time to make a good decision but I think just be gentle be gentle and bear in mind that like whatever anybody's saying probably now you're invested enough that there is like ego and a little bit of investment there so just go easy

you summed it up that's what I was going to say I was going to say that too hey Ellie McKenzie yeah where can people find you um that means that no don't give her a dress I mean I'm on Instagram but I'm not like a prolific poster that's okay keep them wanting more that's exciting Ellie McKenzie Love which is spelled E-L-E yes that's how I spell it McKenzie M-C-E and Z-I-E and then love like love oh my middle name do you want to know I'm desperate too oh my gosh my parents curse me with the middle name myra Mara yeah fully also this is like post Myra Hynley so off.

It was so dirty. Yeah. Everyone knew who she was. You know, like she, everyone was aware of who she was. Yeah, no,

no, no. Let's give it up for Myra. Thank you so much for coming on. We're going to make that my first name. We'll tag Ellie in all of our socials. Please check her out. Good luck to see. And we'll see you next week.

Thank you so much for having me. Get the fuck out of here. Wait, wait, wait. Get the fuck out of here. Wait, you're rushing. Hold on. You're on Instagram. You have a psychotic middle name.

Yeah. Are you doing any live shows? Can people find your live shows? Oh, that's good as well. No. Guess you are. I think like, I do get, I get it. You post about your gigs online?

Yeah, I'll put, I'll, like, repost him to my stories. Are you doing the other friends? I should get a website. I'm not, I'm not doing it this year. I'll pop up and visit. I'm not actually, sorry, sorry, nothing to promote, really. But I love that for you. Nothing to promote. Maybe one day.

Are you in anything? Do you want, you want to, you don't want to post about, I'm, I'm going to be in, I'm going to be in a, a, uh, a blap that's going to come out at some point. Wicked. But I don't know when. Watch out for the blap. I guess look out for that. We were literally just talking about

how fucking sick Channel 4 is, Alia. We love Channel 4. I'm all over it, all over it like a rash. And BBC, all of them actually. Have you seen things you should have done? Oh, I've watched two episodes of it. Yeah. So good.

So good. Thank you so much, Ellie. Goodbye. Thank you so much for having me. Ellie, my own again. Bye, my own again. Thank you. Hello and welcome to the executive producers

like him to sit back relax and let us thank you Simon Moore's Guy Goodman Mary Fox Annie Tonner Stephanie Catarachia oh hello newcomer and welcome Oliver Jago Anthony Conway Matthew Thomas Madeline Quinn and Grace O'Reilly Can we get you anything? Oh that was so creepy. Thank you. The can we get you anything was creepy at the end did you not? I wanted to go for um

accessory wise that is a hundred Nicole Kidman Thank you. Okay wait what Should I do the producers list in? Slum on it. Like Pumba? I want it to be like Ryanair flight. Oh Ryanair.

Hello. No. We're from County Dingle Doodle. What? Wait, wait. Isn't there a country called like Dingle or Doodle or something? What's it called? There's a place called Dingle.

Dingle. Sorry, just to check in. What do you think Ryanair is? An Irish airline. Yeah, but like it's not from Dingle. It's not from. Where's it from? Dublin.

Why don't you just do a normal accent? But that's like more like... They're Irish people that work around air. It's more quality. It's more value for money. Think like Icelandic. No, like. Stacey Solomon. Thank you.

I love Stacey. Mom. Mom's shopper for you too. Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Bye, thank you so much to Richard Bicknell. El, Richard Bold, Sadie Gashmore, Zoe, Rachel Page, Helladay. Abby Wharf, Luke, Ray, Kate, Dean, Dean Michael.

Oh, no, they said that wrong. Sophie Jeffin Carysose Give me a new one Give me a new one I've gotten Two more last Australian

Gooday And thank you so much To a wonderful producers from Dan Under Slash you're probably In the UK It's Victoria Hutchinson

Becky Fox Timendorm Royal Fink Cordelia I'm iridin Meet Thames Tristan Tess

Choliai Kai Sai High La Warr Hi, Briggs. Jam Rainbird. Jam Rainbird. Stop, is that actually your name? Yeah, yeah.

Thank you so much for your support, Jam. Please be single, and please contact me. Helen Rainbird. Helen Rainbird. Jam Rainbird is a wicked name. Jam contact me. Helen Rainbird? Sorry, can you give me one more accent?

Texan. Nice. Howdy? Haldie, partner. They're all so close. Y'all want to go. to the kettle ranch, y'all, y'all heaven's sweet tea. Okay. I'm going to pray for you. The big of the hair, the closer to God. Okay. I'm going to pray for you. Okay.

It's so weird when you go for you, for you, for you. I'm going to pray for you. I'm going to pray for you. Okay. Welcome to Texas and thank you. A big thank you to Claire Owen Jones. No. You can tell. No. Claire Owen Jones. Harold Van Dyck, no, come on. Okay, Texas, Texas. This ain't Texas. This ain't Texas. I know, hold on.

Okay, Claire Owen Jones. Claire Owen Jones, Harold Van Dyke, David Walker, Jess and Nick, Rachel R, Neil Redmond, Sarah Molly, Tina Lindsay, Graham Marsh, Lear Overend, Liz Fort, Chloe, Emily G, and Ozzy Steph. Was that vibe? He sounded like the narration for like an American murder mystery podcast. I thought it was like one of those sleep time,

you know, the ones where they're like, you're going to go to sleep. I was thinking about a big Texas man on a kettle ranch. Make it stop. Hey guys, thanks for supporting the podcast. We really appreciate you and we need you. We need you because Helen's alienating, if I may, with that kind of thing.

They're saying Texas. I earned my degree online at Arizona State University. I chose to get my degree at ASU because I knew that I'd get a quality education. They were recognized for excellence and that I would be prepared for the workforce upon graduating. To be associated with ASU, both as a student and alum, it makes me extremely proud. And having experienced the program, I know now that I'm set up for success. Learn more at asuonline.asu.org.org.org.