Trusty Hogs - Ep130. ZAINAB JOHNSON / Buffets, Bum Bags & Birdwatching

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

Our first foray into Antipodean podcasting as we come at you LIVE (pre-recorded) from Melbourne! There's lots of exciting adventures to share, and of course a long diversion about films we watched on the plane. PLUS, our amazing guest is the phenomenal US comedian ZAINAB JOHNSON...FOLLOW ZAINAB: @ZainabJohnsonTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew Thomas / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'ReillyPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Emily Gee / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Hayley Worf / Aussie Steph / Hope Briggs / Jam Rainbird / Nathan Smith / Jay SWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Good eye from Downanda. Oh no, we're not doing it already. And we still haven't learned the accent. Hello and welcome to... Come on. Come on. Stop it.

Stop it. Oh my God, this is hell. That's a slang for a cigarette. I got told. Is it? Is it? No, that doesn't make it true. Hello and welcome to episode 131 of Trustee Hogs.

We are in the studio in the upside down land. So upside down is the land that Helen and I are here. and we have a producer called Nathan who's a straight man instead of our gay English Andrew. I love it. Finally a straight podcast. Everything's in reverse.

This is not a straight podcast and you goddamn know. I'm straight, Nathan. Just so you know. He does not. The man does not care. He's smiling and doing a big double thumbs. It's cold fear.

What you're seeing is fear. Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah. You're going to give me your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they'll. won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine at the trusty hugs.

Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not. Hello, this is a podcast where we tell you about it obviously our perfect lives and then we answer your listener problems because gosh, you've got a lot going on. Helen, how is the flight? I got so lucky. Talk to me. I got so lucky. So obviously the last couple of episodes we've been talking like, oh, we've got this long haul flight coming up. Like, how are we going to survive? Catherine went premium economy. I stuck with economy.

I spent the extra money I did. I got blessed. You got a free row. First leg, terrible. First leg was London to Dubai. Dubai. And I knew it would be terrible because who flies to Dubai. Yeah, you're right.

And what is it? Six hours? Seven, seven. Seven with the girlies. And I made a plan that I was going to sleep on the first leg and be awake the second leg. because I was landing at night time. Understood, yeah. But the leg that I was going to sleep on left at 9 or 1 p.m.

Right, yeah, yeah. So not natural sleeping type. It's like carbloaded at Gatwick Airport North Terminal. Oh, you told me you were going to walkloads and that's what I was going to do it. Dubai was walking. Right, okay, okay, okay, got you. Carb loading. What do you have?

Two prep meals. What are we talking? Did you have one of those cheese? Oh, yum. And a hoisten duck wrap. Good for you, girl. Thank you. But then I got on the first fight and, you know, when you see the person who's sitting in front of you and you're just like, you're going to be trouble.

Oh, really? Who was it? Just this guy. Drunk? Not drunk. Just like, he really, he took space. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yep.

Oh my God. Yeah. He wasn't a big guy, but he just like, he owned an area. Uh-huh. And it felt like the air hostess was his air hostess. Oh, yikes. And if we needed anything or asked for anything. Like, it was his toilet.

No, the yikes is because it's steward now. no I don't know I don't know these things I'm fucking with you I'm fucking with you well why does she have a sparkly headband that said hostess with the moosters

that's mental but she we got in and as soon as it took off he put his seat immediately fully back and it was a full fly I come down very clearly

on the side of the argument if it's not sleeping time like how dare you so I didn't put my seat back because I was like it's not sleeping time because it's 1pm all these people are doing like a different day to me and I'm aware that I've got a different

journey. But also my feeling is like honestly if it's in the first half an hour you're choosing violence like just set yourself off. Also look behind you. You've got a morbidly obese six foot one woman. Yeah. Don't put it back. That takes out the table as an option. Yeah. That takes out any movement of the legs. Yeah. Like if it's a child go for it. Oh my God. Cool. They don't need anything. Yeah, they're fine. But then I got instantly calmed because I didn't say anything and I was really good and the air um steward well done you wow feminine with the hair band oh a man when the food came around asked him to put his seat up for a minute so i could eat because the day where you're like when you're fully like cramped in but then second leg um whole road to myself the

flight was so empty terrible for the environment amazing for baby heaven yeah yeah yeah that's heaven and that was the longer one presumably 13 hours yeah but i accidentally slept on it oh it happens Listen, you've got to take what you got. So I did 16 hours to purse. So crazy. And then three and a half hours to Melbourne from there. I'll tell you what.

It was ideal actually because, well, first of all, there's no point in pretending that it's not much better. Premium economy just is much better. I've never done it before. But what was like, is it just extra leg room? So it's only two seats beside each other. They are probably like one and a half the width. Stop.

And then you've got. loads of legroom and a little thing that pops out as a stool so like a step you can put your feet on yeah and they go back and you're given like constant stream of um offerings of booze and wine and water and um coffee and like food and snacks and i didn't but that makes jet like worse isn't i didn't but like i had a peppermint tea i had a hot chocolate i had lots of i had a jasmine tea you know there was just sort of constant you went for an afternoon tea oh i had a full afternoon tea but what was interesting was I felt

because it was a sectioned off area with maybe like 30 seats in it with my OCD I felt much less neurotic I could only hear 29 people's coughing breathing and coping and that made me feel better

which is awful it's not awful it's great that you know that by yourself so you know to book into it and fewer people were using the loo I don't know I just did feel better about it but also Ellen did the research

and I stayed up the whole night before so that I could do exactly that sleep for the first eight. You're welcome. I know you said but you didn't have to have three days before it's not like Mexico. You've got to be proper tired. But I was exhausted so I was coming off a soho run and then I stayed up basically only slept two hours the night before by the time

I got to the airport I was desperate for sleep by the time I got on the plane I conked out immediately. Great. Slept for about like an on like Apache eight hours but then really did manage to stay awake and then when we got he was able to sleep and I watched some gorgeous films. Talk to me. Wait, what airline we with?

Qantas. Like, Emirates that were in the same alliance. Oh, are we? Yeah. I don't know that they're in what you'd call an alliance. No, they're called air. I learn about this in economics. One world.

There's air alliances, right? I'm looking at Nathan. No, thank you. Straight man. They know that air alliances. No, no. Americans know air alliances. This is like one of their few like masterminds.

Not few. You guys are fucking killing it. Yeah. What a good education. No, they are killing it. And by killing it, we mean there's a gun problem. Slend! No, that's scary.

Okay. I'll say this. I think the film selection I had was so whimsical. I went silly. And then I went to, right, I watched just Disney. No. And then I pivoted to Oppenheimer. You didn't.

Within like, two minutes. Hang on, had you not seen Oppenheimer? No. And what did you watch pre-Openheimer? which Disney like three because I was like napping but like you know what outside sound yeah which ones okay I start finding Dory oh my god come on because Dory is so cute as a baby yeah it's true it's true and then oh god is that the sequel I was sort of sleeping is Dory a sequel or a prequel sequel to finding Nemo got it yeah yeah I didn't imagine it was a sequel to like fox in the

house yeah underwater and it opens with the fox and the hound just drowned up on the beach. Jesus, Helen. What a Disney car. So you're not any less dark in Australia. I watched onward. What is that? It's a really sweet one that no one really likes or like didn't really get like a big

release. But it's about two boys whose dad has died, but he leaves them a spell that he can come back for 24 hours and one of them never got to meet his dad. But the spell goes wrong so they only get his bottom half, like just his legs. And they're trying to like complete it so he can meet him. it's um i'm getting goosebumps wow okay i watch the holdover is the paul giamadi film what's that oh my gosh he's a teacher in a like posh boys private school and they in the uk no in the states and so they and the cook and two a couple of the boys get left there at christmas and it's about and then

then some of the boys get to go home again then it's just basically two teachers like the teacher the um woman who runs the canteen and this boy left no way that doesn't feel good it's actually gorgeous it's actually gorgeous it's actually gorgeous it's actually gorgeous okay the cook's there most of the time everything's okay. It's not that story. Can you see how it sounds like that story? Ah, my alarm. It's not that story.

It's not that story. I can see how it seems like that, but it's not. It's actually a beautiful story about like, kind of like not having a father. It's a really lovely. Like dead poet society? Yes, but less depressing than that.

But a lighter touch than that. But yeah, it's good. A strong recommend. And also he's not like, the teacher's not a good teacher. He's not like, oh, captain my captain. He's like, ugh, what a jerk, what a jerk. You know that guy? Really.

yeah and um it's great really enjoyed that really enjoyed that and then i watched uh dumb money paul dano such different film show yeah it's about short stopping the game stop stock and i really enjoyed it said again shortstopping that was called short stopping maybe i'm thinking of baseball it's um it's shorting the stock basically what's shorting stock it basically means like a whole bunch of big wigs in Wall Street are like who don't actually wear wigs gamble against the success of a company they say they're like they basically assume it's going to fail

and they so they short the stock you choked you're choking she's so horrified by capitalism and the behaviour of women. I think I get the reference is it like greed with Steve Coogan like the guy that runs top shop like they buy high street shops that they

know will fail but then they can claim the bankers and get more money back but then what's what what what usually what wall street people refer to as dumb money is when people who aren't experts in in this on stock exchange buy into a company they call that dumb money they always lose um which is incredibly offensive anyway this guy it was based on a true story this guy um believed that they were undervaluing and devaluing the stock and then got loads of people loads of dumb money to buy in yeah they did not cover this in finding dory they fucked with Wall Street big time and it was so exciting yeah so it has Seth Rogen he plays a bad I like Seth Rogen yeah has Paul Dano is that I don't know how to say his name has Dano I don't know

it has Shailene Woodley I love her she plays that dying girl in them with the stars yes indeed yes indeed and she's in big little lies I haven't seen it good podcasting it's always good podcasting but here's the question how the hell is Australia treating you but I have to openheimer quickly I've seen it okay do you know everything about it yeah don't want your hot takes. Awful. Yeah, really bad stuff.

Awful. Do not create a weapon of mass destruction. I think that's a fair. And this is to everyone listening. If you get an offer to go and make in any way a bomb, even if it feels like an exciting, scientific thing. Yeah. You will regret it.

Yeah. You will regret it. Yeah. Craft. Do some goddamn. Yeah. Do some mindful coloring. There's other things you can.

make that don't because that killed so many people Catherine yes Helen we know crazy yeah devastating I know no I'm saying that I'm sorry I love for the first no I'm really actively bad no I found it devastated yeah I'm having a good time in Australia yeah okay good I'm so glad hey what's your favorite thing you've eaten oh my God I know it's so hard the food and coffee here is unreal I mean it was so good to be reunited with the golden gay time you love those huh I love it I brought one for you and Ellen to your hotel room Ellen loved it because it's so so insane. It tastes like tea and biscuits and an ice cream. Yeah. I thought

it was nice. Oh, it's crazy. You're crazy. I thought it was nice. I'm trying to think what the best food I had. That dumpling place, I know we went there separately. I went there with pets and then you went there with pets the next day. The place with the Charlie? The lake place, Westlake. Yeah. Is it not good for veggie?

I was thinking that when I was there. It wasn't great for veggies. You had to bring Bohart and I was like, I don't know if Bohart will eat anything. It was fine. It was all right. I would say the places that I've had best food so far are brunch. industry beans fuck me it's like a spa for coffee and breakfast it's like all white is the cleanest place

I've ever been I absolutely loved it the food was divine and we went to a place called blonde across not that because we went to that public pool remember and it's just around the corner from there delicious but I came to the pool later because you got there at like well I got there at like 10 a.m. To save towels for all the comedians and it turned

out there were 480 seats and about 12 people at the pool and I was like guys I got a seat and everyone's like there's like 500 seats we could have but I yeah yeah yeah and ellen got sunburned because you wouldn't wear enough sun cream so yeah those poor little legies I know but annoyingly it's turned immediately to tan so she's learned nothing nothing British people are the worst I think I mean every food I've had is good I know the food here's unreal I had this like chicken and prawn pie sweet god but it was like from like a Vietnamese place

but the chicken and prawn was like the consistency of what would go inside of a dumpling a bit inside of a flaky pie and then I had what Fern described as a Chinese burger A dump pie? A dumb pie. A dumb pie. I had a dump pie.

It was so good. Fruin described as a what? Like a Chinese burger. It was like a like spiced meat with like vegetables and spices all sort of like squashed down into like a patty shape. Yeah. With like flaky puff pastry

at the side of it. Fuck. That sounds great. noodle place that was really, really good. That sounds unreal. Furon also gave me some sort of like Korean. It was like a, it was like a Lamington, but it was like cross-bonne flavor.

Fuck, it was incredible. Have you had a Lamington in Australia before? No, are they good? It's mental. How are they so good? Why have I never had one before? I'm guaranteeing you as MSG. Is it?

I reckon there's something going into it. It's so delicious. It does taste like crap. Because they're all like so obsessed with their tibes. Tim Thames and I'm not saying I don't like Tim Tams, but they're just okay. Yeah, I think they're fine. The chocolate here is quite bad, except if you're lucky enough. Don't say that to an Australian.

They are, sorry. The chocolate here is bad. They're so passionate. They make it so weirdly so that doesn't melt. But you know what? Chocolate's great. Whitakers. And you know what?

The hogs keep bringing us Whittickers! Oh my God, favourite flavour you've had so far? Peanut butter. I think mine's actually the caramel. I can't. What was her name? What was her name? Maybe it's the peanut butter.

This lovely woman and her mummy. I know they're all so good. But I can't believe. how many hogs have traveled from New Zealand to here to see us perform. I actually can. And the fact that hogs keep... They're lying. There's no way they have flown over just to see us. But I don't care if they're lying. They know exactly where to get me. Flattery, flattery, flattery, baby. Okay, we literally have to stop talking about food because I'm about to get so hungry.

So tell me what you're like, tell me your favorite activity because we've done so much. Let's talk about all the others and the extra. What's your number? number one. I really hope it's my one. Okay, because we, we will talk about the two things in the extra, one of which is the pool day and the other which is the, um, boats, the boats, um, both of which led to various sexual experiences for me, but we'll talk about that in the podcast extras. You got wet before you even got in the pool, honey. What? And we both know I barely got in the pool. I don't want to exercise. All of the lesbian comedians in Melbourne, just soaking from the waist down. Yeah. Am I right? The water level rose that day, but we'll talk about it in the,

the extras for now. You know, that's my favourite new joke of yours. Thank you so much. And it's not even a new joke of mine. It's just a thing I said to you once and you lost your goddamn mind. When you said it the first when we were on the rooftop and I was in the water with Chloe pets. And I was popping around like a baby with my day. We'll talk about it.

We'll talk about it in the extra. It was good stuff. Your boobs have been a big feature of this holiday. For now, if I may, I think you're right. Genuinely, my favourite activity was a surprise, a revelation. I didn't expect to have a good time. Helen organized for us as a gang to go bird watching because she knows what the lesbians like

and it was you, me, Ellen, Chloe Pett and we had forms that you made which is unbelievable and Helen printed off tell the listeners how you found these forms Oh, I mean it's very simple I was like I want to organise them a day out because Catherine like before we came was like we need to like plan all our days in advance

and I was like let's just plan up the day before and then I was like you know what she needs a schedule so I was like I'm going to take you on a day trip to go spot birds and I wanted to see the botanical garden so I was like tic tit tit you like you like you took you out the city so you can't get too stressed also like we spoke about before our bend diagram is very tight to see what we actually enjoy together it's like I want to keep moving I want to tick things off yes and you want to see cute things and I want to sit I want to sit and like look and You also want a point and shout. Well, sometimes if you're shout worthy. It really was a perfect intersection of what we both like to do. So I made you and the other little leszies a little form. You did a little tick box form for all the bird sightings that we did.

But the fact that you went on and found this, it's like such a detailed, colour. Well, I started making it myself. So there's a hundred and forty three species of bird in Melbourne. Yeah. But you made us a bingo card of some amazing ones. So I chose 14 in the end. And it was like, God, it's going to take for a while to make and I get the right picture.

Because it's got to be like a really clear picture so you know what it is. Small angles. And then I was like, oh, if I just log in as a special needs teacher in Australia, then I can get access to all their education resources because I can say like I'm training to be a teacher here. So I signed up and obviously left before they took the money out of my account for a full month. So I just used the, hello. I'm allowed to use resources.

So I got, they had these bird watching bingo cards. and why is this so funny to you? It's the fact that you thought of it. Like, I know your mom was a special education scene. Yeah. So, like, of course you thought of it. But the fact that we all loved it so much. Yeah, of course you would.

It's the perfect day out for a group of people who were tired and exhausted from doing a comedy festival. They were the perfect resources. Just the crossover between children and comics is astonishingly blake. It's astonishingly blake. But they were like, they had these sheets and they were like pictures. of like the birds and the names of them and I was like so I'm like yeah in a tick box which I didn't do perfectly in all of them but then I sort of swapped a couple around so I really wanted to see an Australasian swamp pen so that was added in big fan oh my god they're gorgeous

so if you don't know they're like a bit of war hens but with long black legs and then they have a navy chest and a red beak but navy chest oh like exquisite like a royal blue really gorgeous I didn't know I was into birds until we did this the walk was gorgeous the sightings were awesome. Joe's a natural bird watcher. Chloe pets. Mad. Chloe pets being good of spotting words shouldn't be that like a, but like wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. What a natural. Can I say this? Good at spot and birds. But the, the offer to chuck a rock in a tree when it wasn't moving so we could see it was too hard, too fast. Yeah, too hard, too fast, too common. Too often. I do agree.

Like, like, oh, can you not, can you not see it? Oh, it's not moving. I'll chuck a rock. Anyone got a rock? Like, we didn't throw any rocks, obviously. But like, Um, Olga calls Ellen's style, uh, what's she called? Spy Kids, uh, it's like she's serving she's serving Spy Kids basically. And Ellen's Spy Kids motif really came into its own because in that backpack it turns out she has a different colour pen for everyone who wants it. She was like doing special requests on stationery. That's the thing. We went to the Botanical Gardens. By the way, if anyone does want to, is anyone going to Melbourne or anyone who's local, wants my she? I do have it saved as a PDF and I would be happy to send it.

There we go. I'll tell you what, the rainbow guys were my favourite. Rainbow lorikeets. I loved them. I loved them. There was a red tree full of these rainbow lorikeet sat in little gay pears. They were in little gay pairs. They're the most beautiful bird I've ever seen.

I wanted to see a cuckaburra up close. I know we saw a few. But they were so far away. I want to see its little fat head. I was seeing it from so much further away than you. Think how much taller than me you are. Oh my God. That's like 10 feet.

I barely got a glimpse. They've got little chubby. I know little feathery heads. They're so, so great. They're just really squat. And I'm going to put it in my mouth. They were really cute. I liked them.

And then we went to that. And the pigeon? We saw that pigeon. The rock dove. Remember? The rock dove was nice. And what else did we see? You saw a spotted turtle dove, but I didn't because I was looking at a tree.

I know you were really mad about that. It was such a funny tree, Nathan. You'd lose your mind. Right. What it was. Oak tree. Lovely. oak tree nice and big strong but had um three branches that were holding into the ground and ellen told

me that those branches go in there when it's not getting enough nutrients so some of the branches grow down into the ground to suck it up whoa yeah and it was nice to learn that's very sweet way she was good to go it was such a good day and then um i also liked the pastries that we had they were delicious okay i really want to talk about how good the pastries you brought me. That white chocolate filled Danish, that somehow tasted of custard and vanilla and oh my God. That was stupid.

But salt? It also, oh my God, that was divine. That was really, really good. The Nutella Broanut, the Brioche donut? Oh my God. Fuck. An excellent surprise. What a treat. I went basic. I asked for almond croissant. You regretted it, didn't you? No. It was a good.

It was up there with Toad in South London. And I don't say that easily. I know you don't. You love those guys. I mean, we all know that the Toad Armand Croson is superior for the whole of the UK. Do you know what I'm desperate to get done here is my nails? I'm so excited because Fern Brady got her nails done in a place called Trophy Wife and I'm desperate to get them done on there.

Also, I didn't realize. Trophy Wife? How gay is this? Trophy Wife. How gay is this? She sent me a picture of her nails and it was a penis spaffing out some local flowers. But I'm so gay that I just thought it was a vase. So she sends me this picture.

I've seen this picture. How did you see a vans? She sends me this pick and I'm like, oh, local flowers, how nice. And then two days later, I saw on her Instagram, it was a penis. And I was like, burn, it's a penis. And she was like, you're so dumb.

I'm so gay. No, before we bring on our guests, can you quickly call it on your bisexuality? It is a hundred percent time to call it. This whole like, I'm bisexual, I'm bisexual. Like, you have, at some point. If you can't pick a peon out of a lineup, it does beg the question,

really but I'm going to say yes because it was such a penis there was a bell end like it was jizzy like the bend that was a cock it just never occurred to me that it would have been do you know why

because it was technically a flaccid dick and you've never seen one of those am I right because they're always rock hard around you I've seen a lot of flaccid ones let's bring on that I think on that note okay wicked hey she's the best

fucking comic I have seen in years we saw her the I think the best ever We saw her the other night and we have not been able to stop talking about I haven't been able to stop thinking about it I keep quoting it I'm intimidated

Oh my god I'm not like I don't know how this woman isn't I mean she's incredibly famous but how she's not on like everyone's radar She is the best comic It's the best set I've watched ever Yeah she's incredible I don't know what to say

We are so lucky to have her here Honestly we're so lucky Please give it up Go wild and crazy for the wonderful Zainab Johnson Adam. How the hell are you? I'm pretty good. I'm great, actually. Good. I love that you have your bag on. It's really like, I'll let, I'll decide about

these women halfway through. It's the crossbody. That's the beauty of the cross body and the fanny pack. It's like it can go, you know, it's cool. Yeah. But now that we've seen your set, I am worried you might be packing. I'm like, what? That's her. I'm like, so why won't she put it down? Well, you know. Yeah. We saw your set the other night.

Yes. Incredible. We talked about it nonstop. Okay. It's the best half an hour of stand-up I've seen in years. You're incredible. Oh, wow. You're incredible.

And I have to know who you've seen. No one. No one. In general, I don't like stand-up. I think it's cringe. I watch loads. And the last time I had that experience was probably watching Maria Bamford or Michelle Wolf at this festival.

in 2019. You're like another level. It's a, it was masterclass. And also it's so, sorry, I'm going to start by being sycophantic, but it was just so, like, everything is so well thought and so precise. You must be so diligent. But then it's so light touch. It seems like you're just like giggling at yourself and having a light time and you're like, no, no one has this set and like sort of unravels that way. Oh my God. It was so smart. Thank you. It was just, do you feel incredible at your job? No. God damn it. If you don't,

that's so annoying. I wish you had been with us when we finished watching you. I don't feel shitty, but I feel that set that you guys went to, I knew that that was a good set. It was so good.

Yeah, I knew that that was a good set. It felt good in it. Like, I felt good. And there were some things that were firing off. Like, even when I got off stage,

I was like, oh, that's the first time I said, that just came to me in a moment. And you know, like, that's so annoying. Yeah, I knew it. It was like, it was too.

live yeah you felt so present with it oh yeah well that's that's how i am yeah that's definitely how i am and but the night before that i messed up a punchline so severely but the audience doesn't know because they don't know the set but i knew i was like oh but i mean i just kept it you know it's not taped no it's not yeah it's just fun my girlfriend who does sketch comedy and is a playwright and i would say doesn't usually watch as much stand-up as i have made her and who i think at this point is like, I get it. You all have your little problem. Please God.

Was like, oh, it can be that good. And I was like, fuck you, man. After watching you three nights in a row. She went to see Steynove and John can be stuck. She, we just, oh my God, just. And also she was there. You were there. I was there.

And Rob Orton were there. So very, like, I would say you don't know us that well, but like four very different creative minds who come out of it from a different, very different. I'd say you and me are very similar on stage. No. Just like compose. I actually saw you at the 10 for 10 at the Max Watts, right? And what did you think?

Similar? No. No. Oh, no. In all fairness, I was jet lagged and those two girls in the front row were too cute and they just made me angry. But I don't even think you have to justify it in any way. I think I thought that it was wonderful and it seemed very specific to you. No, that's not.

No, it is. It really is. No one can say you're not authentic. Yeah. No one can say. And you were funny. You went on late in the night. It's like,

and we were supposed to do five minutes. And I think I was the only person that got off stage at five minutes. I felt like everybody else was doing. I did five as well. You did five. I came off and they went bang on. Yeah. The nine people before you or whoever,

because you were close to the end. I was close to the end. I felt like people were doing like eight minutes sets. And when you have 12 people, like 10 people on a show, it can feel that can be a lot Particularly in the first section Like don't want to know they're in the first section Also it's an international festival

A lot of us have just arrived I know it's awesome And everyone who arrives in Australia The host, the host has done his time Then they have like an intermission And he's doing some more time Remember he was like I'm gonna just keep going Yeah yeah

I think he said that I'm just going to Forgo the intermission Because or whatever they call it here The middle break Midtime party No they don't know They've got weird names for everything. Let's take a fucking mid-time party break. I was just, I was just telling my

friend, I was like, because we were out with my, an Australian friend that I have. And I was like, I'm so sorry, I think our names are better. Like, I think what we call things are way better than what you guys call things. Okay, give me an example. What, what, it was called like a toastie, a cheese, a cheese, what's that? Okay, we call it a cheese toasty. Is that for a grilled cheese? We call it a grilled cheese. That sounds so much more appetizing. Yeah, it does, to be fair. there was there were other things like yesterday we were at the ice cream cheese toast she feels like an ovary heated foot exactly then it was like a rock melon

what's a rock melon a rock melon is honeydew doesn't honeydew just sound like something you need when it's hot and it'll just taste yeah when you say honeydew it feels healthy a rock melon sounds like am I going to be able to poo yeah you will but it'll be one of those ones that hurts am I right it sounds aggressive honey do sounds like a color yeah it feels like a sweet little gal it really does it feels like a nice lady hey um are you

finally the audiences receive you differently here to how they do in the states like do you think they get all your because i've had to go huh you don't say those words and also this isn't a problem you have but i obviously speak at the speed of light yes yes and so they do follow me but i can see they're doing their concentration bases like everyone's bra's a bit furrowed when i speak like i think it's also an accent thing for you as well like i feel like i mean the three us have accents but I understand mine's red as an accent and yours is just read as off the telly. Not but yours is like not

popular culture as much apart from like people trying to pretend to do it like a sketch. Do not feel like the Dublin accent? Everyone knows who Killian Murphy is but yeah I hear what you're saying. Yeah but we know Killian Murphy from doing films where he's playing Oppenheimer. Yeah I guess I wasn't in that film. Yeah no you're right. I do understand

that mine is more specific and everyone does a sort of like I say father. You guys say father. What do you say? you say father yeah that would it's i would have been like what what yeah it's that kind of stuff where they're like on a lag i'll have moved on to the next joke and they're like oh and it's tedious but do you have that i don't think that that's happening although a friend an australian friend did come to my show when she was saying her and her boyfriend it was there were a few things

that they got like a second later yeah you know like what was the word that she said i i feel like i don't know i feel like i speak kind of slow and i feel like it's very easy to to understand. You're unbelievably clear. Yeah. Also, you're very, it feels intentional, the words you choose. Yeah. Irish people will use 20 where you could easily use one.

One, okay. I feel like you choose quite precise wording. Yeah. It makes it easier to follow. You come from a riddling culture. I do. But also, but also, but I riddled culture. I went and saw a comedian by the name of Nazim.

I don't know his last name, but he's like a big act in Australia, like a growing act in Australia. He is Sri Lankan Muslim. Okay. And he has a very strong Australian accent. And I couldn't, it was, everything was delayed for me. I couldn't even, I can even laugh because I had to concentrate. That's nice for him to look up and see him.

I was all the way in the back, but I was just like, I had to stay hyper focused. Wow. That's impressively good. Yeah. Well, I'll just hold it in my mind. If someone looks like they don't having a good time, I'll be like, they are really going to enjoy this in a half an hour. but like man an hour after the show

they're going to be having a hoot it's going to be good you are on stage yeah I think really interesting because you obviously look like a doll you like look so sweet like butter wouldn't melt

but then you're also talking about owning a gun am I allowed to talk about that on the podcast okay great and it's I don't know why you seem because maybe it's because

you come across so reasonable I forget that you're saying that you own a gun I'm like seems reasonable And then I come away being like, wait, what? No, I'm, I don't, I don't think I'm pro that. Yeah, I mean, that's good. That's good because I hope that, I mean, I think I say that really early in a set, right?

Like, it'd be really scary if I was like, I got a motherfucker gun, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that that's like, yeah. But it's such a mind-bending thing to come away being like, wow, she was amazing. What a nice girl. Hang on a second. Our weapons are bad. Like, we do, do you guys have the keys in between the fingers on the walk home?

I think that's the, yes That's like our one. I don't think anyone's ever managed to fend someone off with a key. Yeah. But like that feels like our version of it. Oh, we have Mace. We have, I think I want to get Maced so bad.

It's not legal in the UK, I don't think. Oh, really? It's like a pepper spray, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to try it once. It's not legal here either. Like I was going to actually bring it with me. And then I'm happy that I looked it up.

I'm happy that I Googled it. And it was like, oh, no, it's not legal. We were really Googling. different stuff ahead of the time. I was like, where can I see kangaroos? Are kangaroos in the CBD? I mean, I know where you can see kangaroos. Have you been?

I was, yeah, last time I was here, we went to the same. We're actually, we're probably going to go this week to the animal sanctuary. Yeah. The heelsville? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

One where you can feed the kangaroos. And the koalas. I believe so, yeah. Because it's like out in the open. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The wallabies.

Oh my God, cute. Yeah. So cute. What's your favorite thing about Australia so far? Meeting me. I don't know why I said that. You set yourself up, girl. Was it, I don't know, like seeing me do 10 minutes?

I thought you only did five. Play, Zane up, sleigh. I was. I think my favorite thing about Melbourne so far is like the coffee culture. Oh my God, yeah. I think that's the, that's the, to me, that's the thing that speaks the most to me. I'm not finding it a bit strong. The coffee?

Yeah. I mean, I'm loving it. Okay. And I'm drinking it at night after the sun goes down. So. Good Lord. Yeah. You're so impressive.

Yeah. That is really impressive. They're making it stronger here than everywhere else in the world. What do you think? A hundred percent. I've run into like four comedians. who had to leave the conversation early because they were like...

Stop it. On the verse. Stop it. Of like, do you call it turtle heading? Oh my God, please. Like when you're shitting yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't had that issue.

No, me neither. I haven't. I wouldn't have. No. Different. I'm definitely talking about other people. I've never. God.

Yeah. Are they drinking? Are they also drinking tap water? Yeah, I wouldn't know. Yeah. Are you not going to take the tap water here? Well, I think that I, that's something I also Googled, like best water in Australia and it was like right out the tap.

I did not trust it. It's like, oh, interesting, good for you. You seem like a wary person. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. First of all, when I let the water run in my hotel, it sounds, it smells a bit chloriney. Okay, that's a no. Yeah, you don't want to drink that. So, yeah, I'm just not, I'm just not going to take the chance.

Good for you. With water. Okay, I've been drinking the tap water. Which is why you've been turtle heading? I have, okay, like, I was. Prairie talking. I had one. Do you say barry dogging?

I don't know. How do you guys describe it when it's coming? I know what you're talking about. What do we call it? But like, what's the American term from? You know? Like not a wet towel head. You're looking at your friend.

Yeah. Aejan, do you have? I want nothing to do with this. No, I've been, I've been, okay, there was one time. Helen, no. Day one where I got in the lift and I was like, you know when your body goes like, we're close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you start like mentally, like seems like needing a piss on a night out. Like you're like, oh, I'm at the bathroom. Then you see there's a queue, but your body's already like got into the mindset. Yeah. So I had it and I got on the lift in my building. She's there. Just let it happen. Yeah.

Celebrate. You know what? Celebrate women's bodies and believe her. How about that? I got to, I was on floor 28 and I was like, got on the lift and I was like, here we go. Here we go. And then like five people got in with all their different floors. And I was just looking at that.

I'm like, I made it. And that's what really matters. it that does matter but this was all because of coffee yes a hundred percent it's the like i get like just like an americano with a splash of like just a splash of milk yeah and it's like it's hitting me different so i'm finding actually the opposite me too yeah because i actually do have that experience when i'm in the states like coffee runs through me yes it's like it's like it's actually like just like a laxative like don't you know like if i but it is a laxia but here that's not happening. Yeah, I think it's not happening

to me here. Yeah, I have been the same. I've been to drink more coffee here. Yeah, I'm finding that the taste is really sufficient. I'm at risk every cough, I'd say at the moment. Helen, okay, you went from no, I'm talking about other people to I can't cough. I feel like it's important. I mean, I can cough. You really told on yourself?

Doesn't feel, say sleigh. Slay. If you're an Australian listener, can you write in and prove I swear it's. I don't think it is. is Helen. There's something's happening here. Yeah, something, but I'm not sure it's that. Hey, if you're drinking coffee at night during Ramadan, how are you sleeping? Um, I mean, it's happening. Like, it's happening. Okay. Yeah. You're getting some. I'm getting some. It's so impressive. When's Ead? Wait what? When is Eid this year? Oh, um, uh, either, I think the ninth. The ninth. Okay. So,

close. So close. You're so close. Okay. Amazing. Yeah. All right. It is hard. I, I, I, I, we were in the car the other day with DoD and obviously Irish people do lent which is like such an absolute piss poor attempt at self-control I'm Harrison de Rambana I mean this long is 40 days

yeah but it's like come on what are you giving up I think of giving up like people give up like Diet Coke I know some like modern day lunches who are like I'm actually just gonna not give up anything but just be kinder to myself and it's like there are always people

that have already been so kind to themselves yeah exactly and he was saying that yeah in Ireland a lot of the time people give up chocolate bars except oh I was in a car with you Yeah, exactly. And that bounty doesn't count because bounty is kind of a fruit. So the sales of bounty bars go up. Coconut bar covered in chocolate. Go up in Ireland.

That doesn't count. Yeah. Anyway, we were talking about this and then realized, technically it's a fruit. Then we realized saying that was fasting. We were like, wicked. And we'd already done our favorite restaurants. The best thing everyone had eaten that day. But I love it.

I've lived vicariously through everyone for the entire day. Damn, you're good. You're good. I can't wait to see you on the 10th. Like in the queue at least. I won't even be here anymore. Oh, wow. Yeah, my last day, yeah, my last show day is the seventh.

Oh, okay. Great. You were like getting back to your very specific places that you want. Where do you want to eat first when it's over? Are you allowed to think about that? Is that unhelpful? Well, actually, I might be a little bit bummed because I think I'm supposed to go to New Zealand from here.

Oh. Just for like a quick holiday. That's exciting. Yeah. And so I was really looking forward to it. But then my friend last night, she was like, oh, New Zealand is kind of like in the past. Like, she's like, you're like in like the 90s. she was like so I don't know if you're going to be able to get like the food that you like

disagree but I watched Disney vloggers and two of them just went on a Disney cruise lines thing and then they took a P&O ship to Auckland and they said the food was amazing right well that's not encouraging look at me how's not encouraging Disney adult's food taste doesn't scream

you have no idea the quality of food at Disney you have no idea it's like you lost me at the cruise do you know what I mean do you know what I mean Really? Here's what I'll say. I have no reference point to what their taste buds are.

English, they're from Bournemouth and the UK, so good. Probably good. No, that's like, that's bland as mouth. That feels judging. It is.

It's as judgy as the loose coffee. We're like best friends, aren't we? I look for you physically turn to Catherine. I'm just going to sit here for a minute and I'll like say. Let me say this. There are a bunch of Kiwi comics here and they'll tell you where to eat. And a lot of them.

them have great like really really good food culture and i will also say that there is the the chocolate here is terrible do you like chocolate i was oh my god it's so bad here so i was like i'm eat i i love peanut emm&ms i really should not eat them because i have an allergy to both peanuts no no and so but i've been it's like a guilty pleasure peanut m&Ms and i'm like the peanut emmns tastes different here everything's bad here food chocolate wise to the point where i can't even get through like i could I could go through a family pack of eminette. But this I'm like, I'm just going to eat a few. Yeah.

And then I'll save them for late, like save them for the next night. Oh, God. Yeah. And I can't pinpoint. We had a chocolate chip cookie. Yeah. And we didn't call it nasty, but we, it's not right. As soon as I've been into it, I was like, this is different.

I'll tell you why. And we couldn't figure it out. It's because they're worried about the melting. So they wanted to be longer life. So they don't use the same things. They keep it more coagulant so that it's, and it just tastes bad. They put an ingredient in chocolate so it won't. I knew it was something.

I could not figure it out, but I knew it was something. So when you go to New Zealand, get Whittaker's chocolate. Okay. It is. They do a peanut butter bar. Really. Oh my God. It is so outrageously good.

So there's that to look forward to, but yes, the food is good and you're going to be fine. Also, the seafood there. And also, they, like, they are real a dairy culture. Like, they will have lots of, do you eat beef? Do you eat, like, no, no. Okay, so that's not going to work. That's probably why she was. I'm always looking.

Do you lamb? No, but she's, I'm always. I'm always. looking for like, I'm always looking for like leafy greens and vegetables. You're going to be fine in New Zealand. You're going to be fine. Yeah, it's going to be good. I don't think you had the same taste as people from Bournemouth and.

No. Intentionally eating vegetables. You said, it's like you put so many words together that were trigger words. It was like Disney, cruise, taste, it was a lot. What's wrong with Disney and cruising? And when we're talking about food? Yeah. It's a buffet.

It's a world buffet for America. Another trigger word. I always bought by a trickle. I'm traumatized by the last five minutes of what you contribute. It's so funny because usually people are traumatized. Oh my favorite comedian. Just that they're trying to traumatizing.

Yeah, it's tough. I need to work on myself. I keep saying I'm going to do it one year. But each year I'm like, I'm fine. They just say how you are. Do you think? But don't give food recommendations to a woman who's fasting. Because they're not, if she's like, I could do it out.

That's bad. like are we right are we going to just like american food isn't flawless either i went to um what's it called cancun not america i know that but close but i want them to know that i know that it's not america it's mexico okay but i went to an all-inclusive there because me and my friend are like i wonder what the like mexican version of all-inclusive is because we were like i bet it's just americans and i was enchanted. Okay. The buffet there, everyone was losing their minds. I usually use my mind at a buffet, but everything tasted like fridge, but they did not mind. They did not mind. First of all, everybody knows the all-inclusive. You're getting the worst American food. Anybody that has any good

taste always leaves the all-inclusive and goes and finds theirself where the locals eat and gets that. So that's, they're trying to appeal. This is what happens. When you go to an all-inclusive, especially where you don't have to cross water like Cancun, right? That's it. The last two days of our trip, we went there. Yeah. Yeah. So from the States, you don't have to cross water, right?

So there's a lot of people in the middle of the country. That's where they're going for their vacation and they're trying to get the most bang for their buck. Like Kentucky. If they're not in Cancun, they're on the Disney cruise. So it's, do you get, so when you said Disney Cruise, I got the fridge. Tell me about white people without saying white people, this is fun. This is fun. I'm very white.

Loving it and they're getting, it's like you're getting all you can eat. Let me tell you what will never be good. Okay. And all you can eat. Yeah. Okay. You say that.

Have you heard about, what's it in America? Golden Corral? Yes. I know exactly about Golden Corral. What is that? I've watched a YouTube video. What is that?

Charmed. Listen. Enchanted. Yeah. Go. You pay. Eat your heart out. Oh my God.

They've got like, you can do anything there. There ain't no rules in the golden corral. Yeah. You can put gummy one. in a burger and they'll literally clap you. I don't want that. I think it's the most beautiful place of all time.

There's one in this place I really want to go to or Daytona Beach. It sounds like rock bottom. They say they have all you can eat, but the one thing that people get there early for that they do run out of, the snow crab legs. What is the snow crab legs? Because it don't matter what,

you don't know what a snow crab is? It must be a crab from the snow or something. It's a big, it's a really big crab. And so the snow crab legs are the really big. Yeah. Yeah, it's a type of crab and it's a big, and the, the legs are really big. I don't think I want to have to, it's very meaty. It feels like.

They're popular. It's very popular, but it's like you can't snow crab, especially now with inflation, it, for like a pound chain, do the metrics. I don't know that. Yeah. We know what a pound is. Yeah. It's like probably a hundred bucks where like some years ago might have been like $20 for a pound of snow crab legs.

Gosh. I'm going to go there. That sounds like a lot of stress. I don't like Disney World. then just just our curiosity oh i went with um i did take my nieces my yeah it's always a child people usually bring children yeah they came to visit me in california and we went to and we had a really good time yeah it's like magical place on earth but we did not eat there correct we we uh had food right before we got there we went and then we brought our food and then when we left we got food

outside because my nieces also have really good taste oh that's savage But the food you ate was it shaped like Mickey Mouse? It was not. When you missed that? But my niece did get a little cap with the ears on you. Yes. I've got some of those. Do you have a lot of nieces and nephews?

I do. Like probably 20 or more at this point. Because you know, I have 12 siblings. So. Say no. Wait, did you not know that? No. Oh, it's in the first hour.

Oh my God. The one that's on Amazon. Yeah. That's incredible. I need to get a VPN. You got to get a VPN. That's incredible. It's available in the UK.

Is it? Yeah. Oh, we suck. We suck. We'll watch that later. You have 12 siblings? Yeah. Who's your favorite?

I don't have one favorite, but there are a few that I really, really like. Even if they weren't my siblings, I really like their personalities. Wow, that's harsh to the others, but I respect it. It is what it is. It is what it is. And I'm sure I'm not the favorite of some people. You couldn't be 13 and all get on like you. Yeah, no.

Yeah, yeah. And what's the age difference? Like, 22 years. Holy hair. Between the youngest and the oldest. Yeah. Fair play to your mother. And where do you fall? I'm the fifth from the top.

Okay. Interesting. Why sick? Just because I'm middle as well. I just like things up on dust. How many in total? Three. Oh, nice.

Yeah. You're not really the same. But like you and me just like same thing. Do you know what I mean? So much alike. Do you not. I think so. I think so.

Exactly the same on stage. I had a girl after my show and she was like, everything you're saying is my life. It's, it's, because we're the same. So, okay,

so with a man, do you do that? Okay, so what you're saying? I, I didn't really know. I tried my best to be like, there are some similarities.

And I'm happy that you, I'm happy that I have given you representation. Yes. But also please stop. so close to me but also just we're different people and that's okay and you've seen me in a half hour capsule girl did not read the message i sent you i know i didn't i did not i didn't say that you brooklyn queens me fleet northeast hampshire like yeah it's the same it's the same um we got listener problems in okay um what kind of advice giver would you say you are oh hmm um i think i give good

advice. And what would you say your, what kind of advice give you would you say your friends say you are? I'd say that I'm the person. Don't come to me if you just want to hear what you need to hear. I was literally about to say that. That if you want, if you want the truth, if you want the truth. And you want something like logical and reasonable, but also I will still lift you. I'm not going to be like, okay, here's the truth. You know, F you and what you stand for. You You get what I'm saying? Like, it's not, it's still going to be like, because you deserve better. Yeah, but it's like, if you don't want it, then how can I give it to you?

You know, it's like, painfully honest. Oof, okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like, do you love you?

Oh. Yes. Oh, God. But with love, you know, like, hmm. And I'll ask a lot of questions to try to get you to arrive to the conclusion, you know, like, hmm, do you, so do you think that he. What did you study? math and education. Okay, yeah.

You know, like, do you think that, like, this is specific to you? Or do you think, like, most people have, like, you know, intruded upon your time? So maybe it's something that you need. I feel attacked. Okay. All right. Okay. Good to know where we stand.

All right. I think this is going to be helpful because you come to me if you want to hear exactly what you want to hear. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be, but I'm such a people pleaser. No, I'm really good at advice, but Catherine's is like, yeah. I just, I think it's helpful? No, not at all.

It feels good sometimes, though. No, but I'm, hmm, I think I've been burned a few times. Okay. I've really gone in, you know, on like a breakup or like I've really been like, okay, all right, good, good, you deserve better. Okay, and then I've been like, oh, you're back together. Yeah. Oh, you know what you.

Okay, so you have to let go of all of that. You have to let go of the judgment, right? But when someone comes to you and they're, and they still have like this repeated, like, kind of like, not loving towards themselves self-love behavior, I'm just going to call it that, right? Then what you do is you just listen.

You listen openly, but you don't give any advice because they're actually not coming to you to hear what you have to say. They're coming to you to unload. When you use those phrases like, that sucks or like, oh, how annoying. You don't even have to do that.

You could be like, oh, wow, is that what, that's what happened? Oh, okay. And then just, Just be like an active listener. And then, so how do you feel? They're not coming to you for anything. They just need to get it out.

How do you feel? Yeah, so how do you feel about, okay, so what do you think you're going to do? And I'm on an edge in my seat. Oh my God, yeah. The problem is now I'll end up doing your accent. Yeah, but I just think it's like, I think it's like, in your accent, it sounds amazing. Like, what are you going to do? But I think it's like, what do you think you're going to do?

And it sounds a bit, like, panicking. Like, and I love that the American. accent can carry that but I feel for us like if you have Catherine say oh wow with no judgment oh wow wow oh wow and then what then what next? This might be an American thing. Okay I love it. I love it and then no I'll work on it. Okay let's have the problem. I'm excited I've just seen what your cap says it's amazing. Inshallah. Inchalah. This is from X. Like Twitter from yes. Are you on X? yeah yeah yeah i mean i left it wow i just want everyone to know i'll come back when i need to sell her next talk but hiya you answered my question a little while ago about sweating in the gym

oh no we're not doing this one we're doing it from w and that's okay that's what an editor's for that's all right well we usually have andrew who reads that so this is me you can do this okay i can read it this is your chance to prove it from w yes there we go hi w high hogs over 50 years ago I made a friend at college. I was in my early 20s and I was quiet and shy. She was loud and dynamic so she often decided what we were doing and generally took the lead and bossed her friends around. She sounds amazing. She moved over, please be respectful. She moved overseas after a couple of years and we had very little contact. About once a year she would call me and tell me all about her life. She never caught me up on the past year. She always jumped straight into the

detail of her life and seemed to assume I knew everyone she was now friends with and everything about her work. I never thought about her outside of these calls and no longer felt close to her, but she sent me gifts, often called me her best friend, and she missed me very much. Following this, during the pandemic, she moved back. I have developed into a more self-confident person now, but she treats me as if I am the same meek 23-year-old. She still tends to boss me around, and having returned after many years, she seemed to assume, I would be available to her at all times like I used to be. I have a partner that I would prefer to spend time with

and lots of friends and interests which keep me busy. More to the point, I don't feel very connected to her and I don't know whether I even like her that much. I don't want her to, but I don't want her to, but I don't know how to respond or how to handle this. We'll figure that out. I have so far used avoidance and delay tactics, but she is very good at making direct requests and she is incredibly persistent.

I don't respond to her messages for days and give her non-committal answers, but she won't take a hint. I don't dislike her terribly, but she's not someone I would choose to spend time and energy on. Oh, she doesn't seem to want the kind of genuine conversation and connection that I enjoy with my friends. A few messages are one thing, but I really don't want her coming to stay with me. How do I break up with a friend who hasn't done anything terribly wrong? best W you got so you your mood changed through the reading of that yes you were like this feels like me oh wait oh no oh is somebody breaking up with me you had an entire journey because I also moved away I moved abroad and then came back to like my home area my god I mean that's clearly not you're not

W, you know, but, but you can tell you identify closely and then you realize, like, this might not be what I want to identify with. Do you not think I'm also a really good sight reader? Like, hello? That was, I don't know that it was a complex text, but yes, you read W's words very well. Um, what do you think she should do about breaking up with her friend, Zena? Who hasn't done anything terribly wrong? I think, like, W wants to be super clear with that.

This is not a bad person. This is someone that they, yeah, go on. I think that W is actually not super clear on what she wants. Because she's like, I don't dislike her terribly. You actually don't know her and she does not know you. Because a lot of time has passed and she seems like the same person to you. And you may seem like the same person. to her. And I think that you can actually stop her. You can be as direct as she is being

and have a clear conversation with her. And then maybe the new use can get to know one another and then decide, oh, I gave this a chance and I actually am sure I don't like you and I'm not interested. And then you can just say, hey, you know, I know that we had this connection and when I've had that happen to me time where you outgrow where it's not even like a drastic personality change but you just outgrow friends you know from the past I feel like you don't have to break up with those friends because you do like I've had it happen like people that were super super close because we were like working together or we were just like in the same phase of life and then you sort of goes up like there's no actual breaking up a friendship it's just a

slow if it happens for both of you but that's not happening for both of them she's going this way and she's saying wait, wait, wait coming, right? Yeah. I'll decide where we're going. I'll get the door. I feel like she has done a lot of the avoidance and the things that she said she can't take a hint. It's clearly that. She's done all the stuff like not responding immediately. And she's probably saying the same thing. She's like I keep reaching out. She's not taking a hint. I'm

interested. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever broken up with a friend? Yeah. Yeah. I have. I haven't. I think Helen thinks it's the worst thing ever, but I have and I think I couldn't do it. I do think a generous read would be be to say there is scope here to go hey actually you are presuming a level of intimacy i don't feel not because i don't like you but just because we don't know each other that well and i really feel like you're not asking me any questions about me i'd love to get to know you slowly slowly gently gently as a new friend yeah but if you can't do that i understand but i also and i think that's the nicer kinder thing to do and you'll feel better about yourself and then you can say

actually this isn't working out but i know that i in my heart of hearts would just be like yikes i don't like how you're treating me but even if that is the case she still can say that very clearly yeah like hey i just wanted to talk to you real quick and let you know like i know you've been inviting me and like welcome back and i wish you all the best but i'm not really interested in it actually doesn't feel good like the way you you know it's not really working for me i know that it that i allowed that in the past but i'm a very different person so i just wanted to wish you well and you know like either way what you're doing is also not

okay. Yeah, I do agree. Of being avoidant and being, it's like, why does she need to take a hint when we can just communicate clearly? Yeah, yeah. And that is very hard for people to do because you have to... I am a natural ghoster, I feel like... I'm a boy which is so interesting because your personality is so out, you know, we would

think that you... But I'm loud, anxious. I'm not like... Confrontational. Yeah. But I don't like confrontation, but I have found that it is, I think that's what I've realized over time is that there isn't actually a kindness and avoidance that we think. There isn't. And it's not for them. It's for you. Yeah. It's in. And what was crazy is you think it's for you, but you're actually showing yourself no self love. Like, imagine being annoyed over and over and over. Like, uh, she's trying to be, she's trying to hang out with me again when you could have just honored yourself. Do you remember when I was like trying to break up

with the friend that we talked about before? Yeah. And I've done a. four-year slow step away. And finally, I'm off. Yeah. Yeah, that was a good four years though. I do think it's hard though because I do think, I will say this. I do think women in particular are trained to appease the feelings of other people and to take responsibility for the feelings of other people.

But I will say this. Somebody said this to me years ago. After a breakup, I was like feeling so guilty about where I sort of left that person in life. And someone said to me, she was like, it is the height of arrogance to a. that somebody can't get over you and quite similarly I think you have to trust that this person absolutely it sounds like she'll be hurt but it is silly of us to assume that she won't have other friendships and possibly even be freed and give an energy back to spend on people who do want that level of friendship she might be like oh okay yeah or she might be like oof that hurts

and then in a year be like actually I'm really glad I stopped chasing that because then I went and found my people yeah yeah like I do think it that honestly is the only policy. Catherine, that's such a nice way of thinking about it. Like, you're giving them like the, hey, like, go find your people. Like, thank you so much for the energy you're putting on me. But, like, it's definitely, like, better place somewhere else. And then you can see it as a gift.

Yeah, but I'm also, like, I do believe in, like, giving a person the opportunity to meet you where you are. Yeah, I think that's the good for stuff. You know, and if they, if they can't meet you there, then it's a very, reasonable um choice to be like okay and it's a no for me but like she's assuming a lot you know like she's it's like you've never said she can't correct behavior you never made her aware of so she's been leading and she's been doing all of these things and it's been oh it was okay in the past and then she calls you you know once a year and she sends you a birthday and you've never

corrected the behavior so for her she may not know it's wrong. So give her the opportunity. And then if she doesn't do it, then it's like, all right. And also it genuinely seems like when you were younger, maybe that did serve you, right? Like, if you were meek, sometimes it's nice having like a person who takes a lead. I love going to places with Helen because sometimes I want to step back and like sit back. Yeah. And she is an icebreaker. I took them bird watching. But that is like, but I can go to. Bird. Oh, bird. Yeah. But I can go places with Helen if I'm feeling quiet because I'm like, and that is, but that is like, if I then want to go somewhere and go actually

hey like I need space to like to show off or whatever it might be we have that we have that kind of relationship I always want to be my myself anyway so it's perfect yeah she's ultimately pretending I'm just pretending when I'm out and about I'm having panic attack the entire time this is so good though because

um okay well a lot of the time we'll have British comics on and um we'll ask them for their advice and they'll be like oh gosh but it's so good you can't break up you can't break up with America no but I'm what I mean to say is Americans Americans have all been to therapy so they're like here's what you do I love it. It's so free.

Boundary. Yeah, it's so nice. Gaslighting. How did you learn to honor yourself? Foundry. Yeah, you got American special. All the lingo. How did you learn to honor yourself?

I don't know, honestly. I don't know, but I know that I like to feel good. And I can, I'm very aware of when I don't feel good. And so it's like, I mean, maybe it is like the logic in me. Maybe it is the small part of me that has always had like a knack for like math. It's just like this is not adding up. You know, like I can identify the problem so that I can get to the solution, you know, but it seems to me like I'm also, I'm also like, I'm a level of reason we don't have. Feeling like a disgusting poo and people treating you badly because then it fulfills

your destiny that we're in all cretons. Well, here's the thing too. This is different from my life in most people's lives. I am naturally socialized being the middle kid of so many kids where a lot of people aren't. So I have all my life, even, so even when a kid goes to school, when they come home, that may be their resting place. But for me, it's like I'm still dealing with multiple personalities and appeasing, you know, appeasing, pleasuring and not, like I'm dealing with at all the time.

And so it's just, it's just a, it's a certain. it's socialization on a level that most people don't have. And so it's like, all right, well, if I'm dealing with this literally 24 hours a day, I'll have to save myself. Yes. I have siblings who don't save themselves and they're very different than I am. But it's like I can choose to let this, you know, consume me or I can decide to save myself. Wow.

So I guess that's just where it's like fight or flight, really. Fair play. That is so interesting. I think I'd never thought of myself as like as somebody who isn't saving themselves but I do think yeah I think I will put other people's needs ahead of no you break up with friends you're amazing at it that I do I get to I will do it to a point and then I get to a breaking point and go okay actually and sometimes that point isn't even reasonable I'll just be like I'm done

what like what this is the last thing and then I'm out I was like that too I would take a lot and then it would be a straw but when this when the back broke yeah it's like now I I am unhinged and I am saying things that are. It's kind of like, oh, wow, well, I could have just been like reasonable and said it, you know, but now I don't care about your feeling. It's going to come out in the worst possible way. And I saw how that was making people. Because that would happen even when I wasn't trying to end a friendship.

It's just like I'm tired of this pattern or this behavior. And so it's like I go from like, mm-hmm, to like crushing you, you know? and it's like oh that's not that's now it seems like an overreaction yeah you know so i think it's just you found balance yeah i'm i i am like i i'm into awareness in a way that might be unhealthy almost awareness of what specifically just awareness how you're coming like someone else's feeling and how you're coming across not really how someone else is feeling but what how what i'm doing Like checking in with yourself. Yeah.

Yeah. And how I'm feeling, how it seems like the other people are, you know, like I'm constantly reading the room. I think that comes from being a comedian as well. I think it might be a new way around with you, you know. I think you might just be very good and aware and therefore you are a good comment. Maybe. Maybe I don't know.

I think being able to see if someone's feeling left out to make sure everyone feels like welcome in the space, everyone's comfortable in the space. I think it is a comic thing because you go on stage and sometimes you're like, oh, these people are really up for them because they're so up for it. these people feel a bit left out or like this is something's happening here or like someone doesn't feel that comfortable I bet they were told to sit in the front row and like yeah you do so it's like not about fixing just because I can I did just because I have an awareness for something doesn't mean it's my job to handle it so sometimes I'm very aware like oh this person is anxious but that is

on her to that's not for that's not for me to do it that's that's that's point if you're what's you're going to say it's your anxiety unfortunately i was like scratching my arm at the time as well i was like this i'm not going to be like this helen you need this so you need yeah that's that's that is for you but i've identified it so now i know that that's you know that's that's a that's a that's a that's a variable in this equation you know but it's like i don't i'm math's not my i feel like a day in your brain would be like going to the pool for a day just like i feel like i'd be really rested it sounds very peaceful

it's no there's a lot happening there's duck feet underneath there okay interesting okay interesting that's the first equation reference we've ever had on trusty hogs it's because we never invite anyone that can do maths anyone logical on

yeah two plus four make it hard I was gonna say two plus two and then I was over the answer before you gave yourself oh god we've got to wrap it up

we've got to say that you've been amazing thank you thanks for having me you guys are such a treat you're so nice Hey, here's my question. What should people watch? They can see you on Amazon.

They should watch my special. Both things that they should watch are on Amazon. My first one hour special is called hijabs off. It is on prime. It's only on prime. It's not like you can buy it from Amazon. You have to be a subscriber of Prime. Also, a half-hour comedy that I'm on,

where in the third season is called Upload. It's from the creator of the American Office. I love the American Office. Yeah. Could you tell? From that. Just from the vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. So watch that. I told you that I'll be coming to London. I'm so excited. In the fall. I'm so excited. Wait. Are you actually coming to London in the fall? Yeah. I'll be there for like a week. Where are you playing? Do you know? I don't want to get it mixed up. That's fine. It's fine. Our listeners all love comedy. Loads of them go to watch comedy in London. We'll be going to see Zay now in London. We will remind you of her show when it's on sale in London. And more importantly, if you follow her on Instagram. then you will see when she's coming to long time. I would say this is one of those situations where

you know how on our show we'll say buy tickets with Zainab I'd say buy the tickets immediately the second you see it or it will sell out which is kind of a big deal and also she's Do you want to take you out for food in London? Hello? In London

I'm either going to go fine I know that I can go to any hole in the war Indian place and that's going to be fine I'll probably travel to like Brixton for some good career Caribbean food. Yes. Okay. Yes. But yeah, that's usually those are like, like, oh, you've been before. Yeah, yeah.

That was spoken like a real. I did an intensive at Rada. Oh my gosh. You're coming back on it in autumn. I'm going to talk about that then. Okay. You have to come back on the podcast now. If you drop Rada at the end. Oh, I did. It was just like a summer intensive. How so how funny is it that I was like, are you finding anyone struggling to understand your accent? You're like, well, my diction is perfect. It's not though. It's not. It my diction is not perfect at all.

but I also don't care. I think there's the freedom in like, they'll catch up. I am obsessed with us. As if you dropped rot. Okay, we'll see you in the full. Sayna Johnson, everybody. Woo-hoo. At Arizona State University, we're bringing world-class education from our globally acclaimed faculty to you.

Earn your degree from the nation's most innovative university online. That's a degree better. Learn more at asuonline.asu.asu.edu.