Trusty Hogs - Ep131. Walking, Whitakers & Wildlife

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Our Australian adventures continue as we encounter wildlife, overcome language barriers and go bowling...TOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Mary Fox / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Matthew Thomas / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'Reilly / Jay SPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Hayley Worf / Aussie Steph / Hope Briggs / Jam Rainbird / Nathan SmithWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners, Whole Foods Market is the place to shop, and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches, and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on Back to School. foods at Whole Foods Market. Welcome to the Down Under Edition, numero dose.

We are here in Melbourne, Australia, for episode 132. That's 132. You went English and then back to Australian-ish. No, that was all Australian. Okay. Welcome to Trustee Hogs. This is our podcast where we tell you about our perfect lives and then we obviously, obviously have to help you with your problems because have written into us and we're very excited and we don't always get back to them immediately but we try within the calendar year and if not within the calendar year within three calendar years

we will get back to you I'm there cannot be once from three years ago I think once or twice we've been like what year it's been like two years there's a dignity to two years yeah I agree it's like we're elusive but only because we want you to figure out your own problems fast this is it and then see if you would have done what we did Through the fog Step forth The trusty hogs Yeah

You're gonna give them your problems And they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine

And the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Hey, I'm Catherine Beauxhart. This is Helen Bauer. Hello. We're coming to you from Melbourne, Australia. I know it's hard to tell from Helen's accent. Fed Income, babe. Jesus. And, oh gosh, it's gotten very biblically wet here. Very biblically wet. Have you been inside? And it rained, yeah.

No, it's not normal rain. I don't know. I'm enjoying the rain here. Oh, I obviously love it. It feels much more like an Irish summer to me. But, and like there's cathedrals everywhere. I practically feel at home. But are you, I know, a lot of fires, a lot of rain. I was like, oh, we're in Ireland. I'm sure every accent is Irish. But again, are you, have you not been outside? It's like crazy rain.

It's crazy rain, but it's sort of warmish. Everyone's like, it's freezing. It's like, it's not freezing. No, it's not remotely freezing. I haven't been cold once. But it's like, where I'm staying has like windows, like floor to ceiling. I mean, you've been over. You've seen it on like three sides.

And you're on an insanely high floor, which I spook me at. 28th. Bless her. Ellen tried to go out in your balcony and was like, No, literally could not do it. It's also a balcony that you can't get out of. No, but we are both so scared of hype. It's spooky.

It's fine. She was fine sitting on the inside, but sitting on the, like, sitting on the very edge of it was like, and I get it. I get that. I get that. But here's the thing. I, what I, everyone kept being like, we get four seasons in one day in Melbourne. And I was like, yeah, we're from Ireland and the UK. We get it.

We, yesterday, I, they mean they get four seasons in like an hour. We ran the Yarra Trail yesterday morning before. I cannot believe you're actually properly jogging still while you're here. I get the first week. Hurtful to call it jogging. We're trying our goddamn best to run. Define the difference. Define the difference. Jogging feels to me like jauntily choosing to go slowly. Like running in our case is two women doing their goddamn best. And yes, from the outside, sure, it looks like a jog. Apologna. But we are doing our goddap. We're out of breath. We're trying real hard.

You sprinted the Yarra Trail. We sprinted the Yarra. What is it exactly? Is it just along the river? Yeah, but it's beautiful. It's such a gorgeous trail. Some of it goes into the river. It's fascinating.

They have these paths that go like into the water and they're sort of bouncy. Like Jesus? Kind of, yeah. Except. Like walking on water, but running on water. Yeah, it's amazing. But it's very cool and you're basically like on a path in the middle of the water. It's amazing.

I'll show you a picture. It's funny. She also lied to me. She said we were going to run 10K We ran 7 miles Which is actually like 12 kilometers Which is loads That is such a problem for me

The amount of people in the city Who are like Oh we're going there It's just around the corner And I'm like define Define corner Talk to me Am I walking for 20 minutes

uphill Or are we just going Literally two minutes Around the corner Because mentally I need to be prepared For either Honestly it's fine if we're doing

The 20 minute walk But you better not fucking lie to me I cannot be doing Because I'm fine to do it Let me prepare Let me prepare Do you know I want

got completely lied to her by a comedian and they said when we got to the place which was a 40 minute walk they went yeah i knew it was 40 minutes not 20 minutes but i knew if i said 40 then people wouldn't come and i was like i would have done fuck you i would have done but i would have worn different shoes yeah and i would have mentally been in a different state and i wouldn't have stood next to that person for most of the walk okay because that person is a 10 minute walk tops chat wise i've got no chat with them pass that 10 minutes yeah reasonable i can push to 20 yeah but 40 we were at I mean, I was saying mad stuff. Were you asking about their relationship with their father?

Incredibly invasive questions. Incredibly invasive. What's your weight? Oh, no. Oh, immediately. Medical history, please. Suicide attempts, explanations. Really in detail.

Like, it was mad. Okay, I didn't do that any of that on the run because I said. No, me either. I was like, no, no, as I said, because I was trying my hardest and couldn't breathe, obviously. But we eventually got to the end and I did feel amazing for it. But what was the point? of this. I've got no idea what the point of any of this. What's the point of the podcast? Hey, you, it's to get people to join our Patreon, please. Please. Because comedy, we can't be doing comedy

when we're 60. Right. So the thing is, we got, got out and it was a coldish, like, you know, like Melbourne cold, so we're still wearing shorts and T-shirts and fine. Jogging along and the, no, running at the best of our ability. And we, it starts to get like, like, there's drips and drops and drips and drops. Maybe we're like just far enough away from the hotel that it's not worth going back. Is this yesterday morning? Yeah. And it gets a torrential rain.

Like I, my pants were wet and I don't mean from joy. Stop it. No, I know. We got a stopping wet lady. Get her minge mop out. You know when you're like shoes and socks and toes,

when I took my shoes off, they were like raisins my feet. They were like, I know it was horrible. I know that feeling. And we got just like soaked to the bone, to the bone for the first maybe. 40 minutes of this run, the next half an hour of the run, suddenly glorious.

Suddenly up, not dry, not gorgeous enough for us to dry off fully. But like steaming a little bit. But like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like I smelled weird. I felt like it was embarrassing that we were so wet because it was obviously people who just come out of their houses were like, whoa, those girls are sweaty. And you're like, it was raining out here. It was raining.

I swear. So, yeah, pretty stressful time. Actually, they do get lots of seasons in an hour is what I'm trying to say. And I knew that I'd started somewhere and we got back there somehow. You were in that rainfall, having a jog down the air of a river. A run, Helena. Whatever. Who gives a shit?

I care deeply. And I was inside of my lovely Airbnb and the rain was hitting this glass on all sides. And I felt like I was in an ASMR video. And I was like, you know what? I could do anything this morning. I could write new jokes. I could read my amazing book. I could have a tea.

What do you do? Real Housewives Beverly Hill, season one. I've gone back. I've gone back. I'm going OG. August has never seen it before. What? Oh my god I wish I was in

Well speaking of Guess what we started for the first time ever Selling Sunset Have you never seen Selling Sonset? And now the bitch is left my Don't call my girlfriend my baby bitch And now the whole's gone Now the horse gone

No but truly I love her so much But also she's left me And we're mid-season two Three three No we're almost finished season two We're almost finished season two Because Chriselle is not yet divorced Oh my God

And she's straight And she is I know. I adore her so much. But I, listen, we, but she's gone now and we're not even on a time difference where we can watch them, you know, like together because she'll be asleep when I'm awake and I'll be awake when she's asleep. You have to go home after your show. That's the only way the time difference works. I figured out, like if you go home about like 10 p.m. I don't know that my adult productive girlfriend is willing to start every day with two episodes of selling sunset in a way that I am. I, you know, I've got a problem people who don't start the day watching two episodes of TV. I know. Like, they've grown up, like, at school you watch TV before you start the day. Like, we never did that. Before school, you didn't start with like two episodes of everybody. That's Raymond, two episodes of the seasons.

I fucking wish, no. And then go to, okay, so maybe fleets an anomaly, but everyone watched it. Wait, you did that at home or in school? At home, obviously. How early were you getting up? Seven. I would roll out of bed, get into my uniform and, like, have breakfast and go. I did not want to spend more time away.

Oh my God. I had two breakfasts every morning for like four years or school. school. What are we talking? I'd have breakfast at my house, which was like some weird bread maker bread thing. Oh, your mom with the Frenchman. And then I'd go to why the Sophia Awards, Emma Blacks or Anna Grant's and I'd have second Brecky. Which was? Oh, Anna Grant's cereal household. Nice. We're a big cereal house. But I was just like, oh. We were a big cereal house old. Emma Black, adorable like Cheerios, like really cute, fun stuff. Sometimes at Cairns, we would have, I'd have had breakfast, but then she'd be having a warm wait a bit.

which I now find repugnant but at the time was like oh, I love a warm wheat bicks or for our Australian list is wheat bicks is that what they call it? Yeah, it's mental. Well they would never have understood it I'm glad you translated. White bix.

Honestly sometimes in my show I talk about a house share and sometimes they stare at me and then I'll say share house which is what they call it here and they're like oh thank God and you're like what? No. Come on, come on! Wait, we've got a producer Emma today. Emma, can you nod if you would understand

house share right? Yeah, okay so you already it's a thick of shit. That's a hundred percent. Well, they're coming from your show straight to my audience are smarter than me here. No, I think we've somehow gotten them muddled up. Do you want to swap? A hundred percent. Why don't I show up with the Greek and you show up at the Western? Are you finding anything weird in your show like significantly different compared to? Yes. Because I've got one bit in my show which I'm every single day. I'm like, but I kind of refuse to take it out. I am having a bit. So, Okay, first of all, I would say Melbourne audiences are much more like left-leaning artsy as a given.

And they want to be on side, but they also want to make sure that they're not laughing at anything like that's punching down, which is good. But sometimes I think it makes them quite cautious. And what I've noticed particularly is that they can be quite prudish. Like I feel quite like I'm doing like very raunchy stuff when I'm really not. I've got no prudy in my bit. No, but I don't think I have anything like massively salacious in my shirt. Well, you get your vagina around and start working on their faces. That is once of an hour.

It's one bit, one bit. just to try it off after my job. No, I don't. The tickets would be a lot more expensive. But I hope. I hope. But so the thing is that they, there's one bit where I started to take it out and then I was like, fuck now. So I've put it back in, but I do like, I basically do a caution where I'm basically telling them like this is the test of whether or not you're fun or not. But I say in my show, does anyone think it was easier when gay people couldn't get married? As a joke, obviously. It's about like the pressure is my mom and like people put on you to get married. And so I'll be like, does anyone think it was easier when gay people couldn't get married? And then most of the time, I've had like some people laugh, but a couple of nights here, which has never happened to London, people are like, how could you say that? And I'm like, I'm gay. These are all jokes.

It's all jokes. It's all jokes. I don't know, they just, um, they're nervous. Do you feel like they're, that's, sure, I think that's a very good description. They're not like, it's not like, it's not like, I've heard a couple people like describe the Melbourne audience is like trying to shame the comedian. No, no, no, I don't think it's that. But it's like, I feel like my part is when I feel like my part is when I. say I'm fat and I just sort of go like some going into that bit about um Disney world and like

if anyone who's seen the show but like but what way are they facing and then are facing the stage that's the thing I'm like I'm fat and they're like no no you no don't don't and I'm just sort of like no no no like I'm like it's not a bad thing but then because they're worried I'm like I've got to find a way to make them go like it's a it's but not in a bad way it's just like I I genuinely am. And it's not like I'm wearing some sort of like mad, slimming knickers that are sucking me in. But also it'd be weird. And I'm thudding around that stage.

Like, they can't have missed it. Like, there's no way they've missed it. But also it'd be so weird to be like... My show's on floor one. I'm taking the lift up. Like, no one's questioning. Like, do you know what I mean? It's not a suit.

But that's what I'm supposed to say. It'd be so much worse if at that point you were like, jokes. I'm not. I'm taking up. That would be ming. Yeah, I'm like, what? Of course, it's so interesting. But, but saying that, what I love about Melbourne audiences and I mean love is that they don't have any of the fear of like coming to sit at the front that English audiences do. And I think it's because they don't really expect me to talk to them and then I do every time and they're horrified. But initially they come in being like, do, do better get the best seat. Like it's a play. And then every time they're like, oh, I've made a horrible mistake. And I'm getting much more varied audiences because I guess they don't know who I am yet. So like I'm still getting like families and. dads and you know people who really by rights wouldn't have chosen it are being dragged along not knowing what they're getting themselves in for that's lovely I'm getting much more because

you're in the hub of it though I'm only getting people specifically who have come oh I'm getting like a lot of like I'm getting like groups of men that's not on purpose do you know what that's a sheer accident okay my audiences are small but they're purposeful oh I in a way I think that's nice it can be nice yeah yeah that's lovely I'm getting a lot of like surprised confused families I'm getting very awkward teenagers, but like, obviously I'm doing rim jokes and their dad's there, so I get it. Last night, one of them was eating Cheeto bowls and it took all my might not to be like, you think eating balls besides your dad's going to make the rimming jokes less awkward, but I didn't say it because she was maybe 15. No, no, this, can I say this? They sell snacks here

at comedy shows. And so then everyone eats the light of snacks, usually Cheetos and popcorns and crisps and things. And even though I know, even though I see the snack thing outside my room, and even though I know that they're being sold them and I know that they're allowed to. I cannot, I hyper fixate on it every time. I talk about it the whole show. They get uncomfortable. They hate me. They're like, we were sold these. Why are you being a bitch? But I can't stop talking about it. And every time they, and I also hate the sound of chewing. I'm like quite mis-a-monic. So I really don't do well with it. And also my show's in like a hotel boardroom. So it already has like, it's already like a little bit of work to get a vibe going as it were. So then when you hear

someone sneeze or crunch or open a packet of crisps you're like, this is not going well. But I do think they really do support the arts festival. Are you obsessed with the Aussie hogs though? Okay, so that's what I want to talk about. I have never I'm so, A, I'm shocked.

I just, I keep being like, but we're in Australia. How could you know who we are? But then the amount of some who've flown from New Zealand. That is what is. Yeah, Australia. To see us, us. We're a gobshop. But I'm so glad they've come

because the amount of them that I've been messaging both of us being like I can't believe you're not coming to New Zealand I can't believe you guys and it's like we also can't believe it

you have to be invited like we're shocked I can't believe you're not coming to do a show in our country and it's like we want to we weren't chosen like

I'm as upset as you are please fly to us but they have it's crazy and they keep bringing Whitaker's and oh sweet baby jeez have you had that peanut butter one? Oh it's gone. Oh my god

and the dark chocolate caramel one have you had the dark chocolate caramel yeah yeah but the I still is the hazelnut one for me oh I'm all I think I'm I go caramel then peanut butter then hazelnut although very close three very close three I also got the jelly tip did you get the jelly tip? What's a gel? Oh wait you told me about this and you were given this with a note saying it was to share because they told me that the next night well I shared it with my venue staff instead I'm sorry are you fucking joking

did you actually well yeah that is bad female friendship but they're all women okay fine good female friendship jelly tip is like an ice cream I gather in New Zealand and jelly tip

jelly tip and it's a bit like it's got like white chocolate and then also sort of like a bit like Turkish delighty I want that I want that sorry well we've got that ice cream voucher from that lovely hog oh my God what's it called what's the place called

Fluffy something Fluffy something Tornado? Fluffy. Fluffy tornado? That can't be right. It's a weird name for an ice cream shop. It's, I'm not that far off, you know. What is that? Fluffy torpedo. We'll report back when we go. I can't wait to go. When she gave me the voucher, she was like, just so you know, they do like really bespoke flavors. And I was like, defined aspoke. And she was like, white chocolate and veggie mart. Okay. Well, maybe we'll find something we like. They'll also have your pistachio. don't worry. They'll have your like basic nut, 100%. I also love I'm the worst. I'm the word. No, you're right. That's exactly what I want. Even as you said I tried to be like, no, I love some pistachio. Actually, I really, or a dark chocolate gelato. Don't mind if we do. God, I'm so boring. It's so bitter. I love it. With a raspberry sorbet.

Fuck yes. You have the tastes of everyone's mums on holiday that first time in Italy. I really do. I'm in Sorrento. I've eaten at the localsy. Yeah, well, you can't have rum and raisin and Arendo. Come on. I love Raman Raisin. It's every mom's favorite. It's so good. We were supposed to be talking about other things. Oh my god, yeah. So we wrote down what we're going to do a mailbag special. No!

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I know what I want to know. I know what I want to know. Okay, let's say you go, you go. Okay, sorry. Can I just tell you about this walk I went on with Geraldine Hickey and her wife Cass? A hundred percent. With a dog as well? Three dogs. They have three dogs. And they have the best combination of dogs because they have a little one, a medium one and a big

dog. Which means that every time you walk by a kid they go little dog medium dog big dog every time it's so sweet me too so much okay and her wife kath is awesome stop so they very kindly met ell and i at this yarra national park in this amphitheater outside it's amazing they have this old 1950s tea shop there you'd love it it's absolutely gorgeous i'm so glad i couldn't make the stay i know like geraldie messaged me being out and bring a binoculars she did bring the binoculars she brought the binockeys and we saw a cockatoo yesterday on the Yarra Trail, but we also saw... Ellen Message me.

We also saw this amazing bird. We saw little... We saw baby rainbow laraicates. Baby ones. They were like the size of this coffee cup. It was... Oh, yeah! Okay, well, anyway...

Also loving your bird watching Nero. I know. I'm really into it. What a surprise. But I don't have the patience that you and Alan have. I'm like, yep. Whereas you guys are like, they're for ages. Anyway, so we... The Yarra National Park.

And we're like, walking along, the lovely dogs, there's a... Oh my God, Ellen and I learned and found out that it's called a Bernese mountain dog. Yeah. We have, until now, been calling them Burmese mountain dogs. And Catherine's like, from Byrne, you know, like, they're mountain dogs. She's like, how do you think they would do in Burma? Like My Ann Marheed and we were like, it really does check out now that you say that.

Also makes Louise Amelan's dog Bernie make way more sense to me. That's like a very clever play now. Yeah, well, we didn't know. I said it twice and she corrected me both times. And then the second time, I was like, wait, what? Like, she said it in a bravely corrected me twice. But I, um, so we go on this walk. What a surprise, the gays meet up for a hike with the dogs.

Yeah. Adorable were having a gorgeous time. One of the little dogs is too scared to go across the bridge. I'm basically too scared to go across the bridge. Gerald didn't carry her dog though, but Ellen wouldn't carry me, fine. Ellen can be so, it's so selfish. And then, I miss her so much. She's been gone for less than 24 hours.

I know. I know. You've got to do better than that. I have. So that was so embarrassing. Cut it out. Cut that out. No, no.

Leave it out. Cut it out. And so we are going along this path and we're coming into like a very tree covered area. Like huge high trees and a narrow path. Right. Oh, wow. And then we just hear this noise and I was like, eventually I was like, fucking hell. What is that bird?

Like that's so, no, like the loudest bird I've ever. We're talking like, they sound like monkey screams. You know, that kind of call? Wait. Wait. And then Katz goes, that's not worse. These are the baths. And I said, what? I lock up. For honestly, as far as I can see wide and ahead of me and suddenly behind me, a hundred meters. We are, I feel sick talking about it. We are balconied. We are canopied by, that's the word, canopied by what are called flying foxes. These, fuck off, massive, repugnant, sickening baths. Now, they didn't tell us this, Helen. There was no warning. There wasn't a case of like, we're going to see the baths.

Australian lesbians are different. We're just suddenly amidst the bats and there's no way back. There's no way forward. We have to just keep going for a hundred meters at least through this city of bath. My skin is crying. That's what I felt like. Helen, on every tree there were hundreds. I'm talking like, we were surrounded by thousands.

And they're big here. It's not like the London bats where like you don't even know if you've seen it or not. They're not here. Don't because if you look around off, I'll panic. Sorry, sorry. Don't because I don't like bats either. They're horrible. They're like the size of a table.

They're fucking massive. And get this. These girls are just talking about these like. Oh my God. No. I know. But they're just talking about the bats like, oh yeah, look at their little hands on the end of their wings. Huh.

Huh. Huh. What? What? They're so loud. They're screaming. I've seen a couple here walking from catfish. comedy you know like these those parts where parliament is i'm deep breathing i'm screaming roberton was

like losing his mind and i was like that is that is the size of me now imagine you can't you can't escape them i'm like do they shit apparently they shit like pellets though so it's not like the same as bird and then they at one point ellen's like oh god those two are fighting they don't like when they're fighting and gath and geraldine were like they're not fighting when a bat loves a bad it was horrific they're making more They're making more. It was so repugnant. I'm going to put it on the Instagram.

They were honestly like, oh my God. They were so repugnant. We're going to pop it on the Instagram. Make sure you follow trusty, Trigger winning. And I'm following both of us as well. It was honestly like, it's weird, right?

It's like I imagine when you go through, like it's like trauma bonding. Like when we came out, I somehow felt closer to Geraldine and Kathy Nellman. I suddenly felt like I'd had the best ever, but it was relief. It was relief that we'd made it through. And then we went to this Yarra Pub

and it was gorgeous where they let dogs in and we had a lovely, a beautiful fish. Wait, I want to do this day. Do you reckon Geraldine will be up for doing it again? You don't want to go to the bats. You want to go to a different... The thing is, I'm scared of bats, but I also... I'm not going there again. I'll come for the walk, but I'm not going to the bat again. I want to do it. You can't make me. No, I honestly didn't think I'd sleep again. My sister, I wrung her. I facetamed her when I saw the bat in the park and she was over the moon. Like... Helen, they're horrific. They are horrific. But I never go in the bat caves and

any of the zoos over there. Like, I hate it. Because I've had priors of bats and also like, I've not seen the flying fox ones. What do you mean you've had flying lemurs that are on like a couple of Malay Islands? So there's like loads in Lancawee, which we went a lot when I was younger. But it's like a flying monkey, but it has the control of a like, it's just sort of like paragliding. And they don't even, they don't fly like birds. They're like their bodies are so heavy. And they don't know what they're aiming for.

They've got no aim these ones, right? So they just, if they hit a tree, they wrap around it and they stay. But I'm 6'1. So my argument is they hit my head. They're wrapping around. And I'm not living with a fucking flying lemma around my head. I'm not doing that. You mustn't.

You mustn't. I'm single at the moment. I think it'll be easier to find a partner with a lemma around my head. I don't think so. That's unkind. That was unkind, Catherine. You did me in unkindness. You know, have you seen any like other, like, apart from bird watching?

I, in Sydney last year in Perth, I saw some big spiders. I've seen nothing. I didn't even talk about spiders with you. Why would you say this? I literally said it and I was like just going to freak out. Snakes, have you seen any snakes? No. No.

I need a minute. I'm changing the subject. I'm changing the subject. Look, we made a list. Remember we made a list to stay on topic. Bowling. Say something about bowling. We went bowling. Thank you.

We went bowling. And we went with, I, uh, yeah. We went. Two women in their natural habitat. This is feminism. This is feminism. We've gone past us not being allowed to be scared of stuff. And now we're owning our fear.

We're owning our fear. Take your top off. Take your top off. Oh my God. Could you imagine if you actually did? I'd be so happy. Emma, could you clip up that just croppedop moment for me? I'm sweating.

Bowling. Remember bowling? You weren't very good at that either. Do you not talk about that? I will talk about that. I'll tell you this. That was hard because usually I'm actually okay at bowling. Catherine.

No, no, genuinely. No, we all, you've played two full games. No, I was terrible. But what I'm saying to is usually I'm good at it because usually I'm not. drunk but you were sipping on drinks oh my god because suddenly ellen and i were terrible at and we were like we need to get drunk fast nobody else was getting drunk by the second game we were hammered and we were like we need to chill out but what was annoying was guess who i was playing with fucking arroo guess what's true about erud her dad's in a bowling league guess who picked up

some tips from old daddy oh arroo did guess who kicked my ass she did that tiny sneak erud and sam were two of the best players on that team unreal well it wasn't hard to be better than me and Ellen who were getting hammered and freaking out that we weren't a good of bowling anymore. And Dan Tiernan, who's dyspraxing. And at one point, bowled his ball into the, into the gutter from the, of the alley beside us, of the lane besides us. He kicked it into the lane and then over to the gutter, bless his sweet angel heart. Everyone, just is important invite your dysfraxic friend bowling. Like, it's a laugh. It's a good laugh. Bring them out. Bring them out. This is their moment. I never thought about it before, but Gwyn is dyspraxic. And I'm like,

I don't think I've ever taken her bowling. You must. But I really want to see it. God damn, by the way, just to shout out to Dan Tiernan, because while he was the funniest of the bowling, he's also like one of the best comics I've ever seen. I've never seen him before this festival. Go see Dan Tiernan, lads. Especially if you're going to Edinburgh, go see his next show.

I can't wait to see it. Yeah, he's doing a new show for a full run, isn't he? He's absolutely fantastic. He's a new young comic and he is gay, dyspraxic, curly-haired. He's all the things. We love a better guy. But he's also sweet Jesus, he's funny. You were crying.

and this wasn't even like this was in within 10 minutes of Dan walking on the stage. I was screaming laughing. He's just brilliant. He's amazing. And he's not like anybody else I've seen. I just think he's so fucking good.

He's got his own thing, doesn't it? Yeah, he really does. I don't even know how he'd describe it. He's just spectacular. Go check him out. I think there's so many good shows here where you're like, you're seeing people who like really have their own thing.

I mean, we talked about Zanab last time, but oh my God. Zana is incredible. Like two hearts we both saw last night. Sweet baby. Two Hearts musical, me liking musical comedy, but I loved it. Because you loved it, because it was so fun. Helen, I've made a decision.

Go on. I'm willing. You're going to become a musical comedian. No. To go to Grand Hog Day the musical with you. Would you like to go? I honestly had not even messaged you about it because I was like, there's no way Catherine want to go.

I've decided I'm willing to go with you. Would you like to go? But you're aware that I can only go on the last day. Or we can go on a matinee. But the matinees are on when. And on Wednesdays, we record trusty hogs. There's one on Saturday? I can't do this Saturday, neither can you, because we've got trusty hogs live at 4.30.

That does check out. And I think we should go to that. I think we should go to. We have to go to trusty hog's live. But we can only do the last one because next Monday, the one day off I've got, I'm going to Sydney now for the night. If you come to the Christian Stewart one film with me about weightlifting, then I will go to your Groundhog Day musical.

And excuse me, what do you mean you're going to Sydney for a day? On Monday, our day off next week, they're flying me out to Sydney to do a gala and then fly back the next day but like literally in the theatre down the road from the hotel I pissed myself naked in the corridor of and they're like we've got to get hill on a new new hotel and it's like yeah we fucking do I'm not checking into that are you gonna tell that story no Catherine no I'm not do that you have no because it's like a gala no no no because they've invited like it's like the head it's like politicians it's like the minister for arts for Australia and stuff I don't know why they've booked me nothing you have

we'll do you have to do that like you have to do it Maybe. Helen, come on. You have to. I know. That's so funny. You're right. I have to. It literally is like eight doors down. You cannot be on that street, gigging to the Minister for Arts and not talk about pissing yourself in that stairwell. It's quite a harrowing story. And we've got tickets to sell in Sydney. We've got trusty hogs live.

That will sell the tickets, baby girl. Really? Yeah. Can I think on it? If you must. Please let me think on it. I guess you can decide what your own set is for God. Do you want to know how good I did at bowling? You were actually a natural, except that.

You were quite natural at bowling until you would insist every third go on having the entire group watchable. Just you. Well, in so doing... Catherine, Catherine, watch me. In so, in getting my attention, you got everyone's attention. And then every single time you do that, you'd gutter ball. It was so weird.

I was either getting... You cracked under the pressure you created for yourself. Over two games, I got like six strikes. I'd either get a strike or two. gutter balls in a row. Like there was no happy in between. Yeah. Sad. Because the power means it'll either go veering off or just

whack it straight all down. Really tough to watch. Really tough to watch. Hey. It was a nice group, wasn't it? It was a nice group. Arguably I'd usually think too many people. Yeah. I think it was gorgeous and I had, and you organized it so well. I got quite aggressive. I, you did. There was like a pep talk.

You wouldn't let us be with anybody that we wanted to be with. You split up the group. I really respected that. No, no. I think, right. We spoke about this when we had a coffee this morning. It's very easy in big groups where some people know each other better. There's people coming from different scenes around the world that cliques can form and people can feel left out. And I know that because like it can be tricky. Like you don't go to something.

I'm now in the Indian comics clique though. That's a really good one. What? Canon and Arrude and Sam. Slay. They don't know that I'm in, but I've decided I'm in. But like there are cliques. So then we were going to go bowling and then I sort of like opened it up to the group and then everyone came and then people obviously start writing their names down. But then like you've got to like write your name down to be like which team are you on. And I was like I'm not having this. So I wrote down everyone's names. I passed it to the person who was working behind the counter and I went, you do you. Mix us up. Because I was like I'm so fearful of people. No, it worked out really. They don't like anyone feeling left out. It's not nice. I know because but I think it's just inevitable at these these yeah.

But the thing is I think, so everything here, just in case you don't know what we're talking about, everything here is based around like a sort of festival hub and all of the comics are put in pretty much like three places to stay. And Helen's staying in an Airbnb with Olga. But other than that, we're all basically in three different hotels. And our Airbnb is next door to like Sellier, Josh. Yeah, exactly. And an interesting dynamic forms, which is that like it's so nice. There's like a group chat everybody gets involved in. But on the one hand, do you both feel like you could do everything, but also left out of all things as well. It's like a weird

dynamic where everything moves as a group. Yeah. And I don't do well with groups. Kelsa Priy. I don't think any of us actually do. But that's the thing. Comics are not natural group. Well, that's not true. David O'Donoggi was born to be in again. It transpires he was born to lead again.

And all due respect to him for that. But I like, I don't love not knowing what's going on. Surprise. if you're in a big group as well you feel like if you don't talk to everyone

you're being rude to certain people we get a real sense of responsibility you can tell we're like I'm the eldest and you have siblings like are you the eldest I'm the middle I'm just a freak

but you have the energy of the eldest like that you siblings that you care for it yeah yeah maybe it's an eldest daughter thing but it's that thing where we're both like oh is everybody okay but therefore we are not okay is everyone included has everyone has everyone paid has everyone got their shoes is everyone's name on the board and everybody's having a nice time but

the two of us just like I've stopped breathing and nobody's blinked in a while and it's like just chill out man um I was like yeah yikes I don't know if it's for me but it's but then the other flip side of that is is if you want to do something by yourself absolutely fine and gray but then you might see everyone's hung out and even though you were included but you didn't go you might feel left out or also sometimes you want to hang out just in a little group but I don't want to be making a clique that people feel like they're not welcome to be in like every time you invite me to something and I'm like oh we're just going to have a moment and then you put it on the group chat I'm like oh oh really oh oh oh well when we were going to go to the penguins I thought

it was just you me and Ellen and Olga and then you put on the group and I was like well that's cool I guess everyone's coming and that's fine but then the penguins were closed so we didn't have penguins you have to go to an island to see them apparently like I've had tell in Melbourne you see them at the end of the pier in St. Kilda no you can but it's just closed they're closed The pier's closed and I was like, and it was like, the... We have to go to Phillip Island. Do you want to go? I'm, the ferries stop in March, apparently, the regular ferries. And then it's weather dependent.

So like, no fairy penguins for us. We can go to the Melbourne Zoo there. Are they fairies? Do you know at the Melbourne Zoo? They've had three baby elephants born. We need to go. And they're still very little. Like, mummies are doing everything for them.

How do we go? I think we just walk and say two tickets to the zoo, please. Oh, right. But then, then, but can we go to just to two of us? Can I just tell you? Can we go to, do we have to invite the entire group? of course we do. invite the whole group. Of course we do. And may I say this? It's so funny how, okay, so at this festival, it's the opposite to Edinburgh. If you're an international act, you're brought out by the festival and they treat you like sort of like little babies. They take care of you like little Lord Fondor. But look how quickly I've become institutionalized. I was like, how do we go? Who's going to take me to the zoo?

Forgotten I'd be a fucking adult. Sorry, I don't actually know how to get to the zoo. Can someone please help me? Can someone please help me? We're supposed to be doing a problem. Yeah, I know and we haven't done it at all. Wait, I've got one. I've got one. you. Andrew sent me one. Go on then. Am I'm supposed to do it? I'm supposed to read this one. No, I'm supposed to do one. No, you're supposed to read the problem in the extras. Yes, I've got one for the extras. Yeah, and I'm supposed to read this problem. I know I am. Oh, it's a long one. You're ready. I actually am ready. Yeah, yeah. Wait, is there something else I wanted to tell you about Australia? It'll almost certainly. Oh, I like the State Library. Oh yeah. You've been working in the library. I've been working in the library. I've been

in the library. I want to do it. Well, I mean, I've done it like twice. But like, it's really good. Can I come next time? This is what I mean about everything becoming a group. But the library is different. The library is like, you don't have to go as a group. Oh, God, and also we could just be quiet. I don't want anyone to feel left out. Can I come? I feel left out.

Do you? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Ready for a problem? Yeah. Hey, folks, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast, Food with Mark Bittman. It's hard for me to believe we're talking about back to school, but whether you're thinking lunch boxes or nourishing dinners,

Whole Foods Market is the place to shop. and their high standards allow you to shop with confidence. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has everything you need for quick and convenient breakfast, lunches and dinners from oatmeal to trail mix to wild fish sticks. Explore the many ways you can save on back-to-school foods at Whole Foods Market. This one's from F. Hi, F.

Hello, I'm heading off to university this September. Congratulations. I'm really excited about it. my course, I know that this is the right path for me. However, I'm really worried about the social aspect of uni life. I don't drink at all, owing to alcohol-related childhood trauma and know that the nightclub life is not for me. Okay. As an autistic person, large crowds of people loud music and bright lights are a complete nightmare for me as they are super over-stimulating and I know that I would be really uncomfortable in these situations.

I am very worried that people will question why I don't drink and I won't be able to think of anything to say and I don't feel comfortable diving into the incidences for my childhood. with people I've only just met. Equally, I'm worried that my flatmates might be big drinkers and that this will put a divide between us and make it really hard to live together. I'm concerned that everyone will make friends at nightclubs and I will have nobody to talk to during lectures

or to hang out with socially outside the classroom. This anxiety is only heightened by my constant struggle throughout secondary school to fit in and find friends. Having no support from friends during lectures would be particularly difficult for me as I have had many bad experiences from primary and secondary school where teachers have been continually dismissive of my needs as an autistic student, often interpreting my cries

for help is just being silly or playing up to get attention. If this would happen at uni with no backup from friends, it would be completely debilitating. Any advice, reassurance or tips would be greatly appreciated from F. P.S. completely adore this podcast. Oh, thanks.

That's nice. I have so much to say. I just, oh, how do you reassure someone that no one makes friends in nightclubs? How do you do? Because you don't, you don't, you make drama. F, let me say. You make yourself a use problem that you'll never get rid of, but you're never. made a friend in a nightclub never not a real friend no way but also you're talking to two people who never really did clubbing either like oh i did for like five seconds but did you like it no god no

i pretended for a bit and also obviously there's a privilege and that's being able to pretend and do it of course but i don't think i pretended that well i also hate big crowds dirt like sticky floors lights people touching me sweat i can't deal with any of that so i hear you people are so sweaty in nightclubs. It is insane the moisture. Well, can I start by saying a couple of things? Go. Congratulations on getting into you. Yeah, that's sick. Do you know what's awesome about universities that isn't true of the education system writ large yet is that in general they have a very good student support systems by which I mean like actual educational support systems. I mean, you know you used it. Exactly. Especially for access needs in relation to anything you

might need in terms of lectures and support and note taking. They'll have a bunch of programs, usually a bunch of support options for you. So just to alleviate the first initial worry about how you're even going to cope in class, I don't think it'll be down to individual lectures and the way it is down to individual teachers in primary and secondary schools. There's usually a system. There's also usually student advocates. So the nice thing there is you don't have to do all the fighting by yourself. Get into that access office as soon as you can. Say hello. Tell them your needs. I think that's a really good place to start. That's a really. really nice idea. Just go and introduce yourself, even if there's nothing that you

particularly take a face, get a name so that if anything does arise, you know exactly who you're going to. Exactly that. So that's a nice thing. I just think it's like, I wish I'd known that when I started university. So my sister has dyslexia. And really properly like, advocated for herself, was so good at going in and being like, hey, I'm going to have the following needs. Who am I speaking to about that? And really like, used the things that she should have abused that were there for her. So I'll say that from the outset. The second thing to say is, as you say, no one makes a good friend or even real friends in nightclubs. And also, honestly, my love, let's be realistic. Those aren't your people. Like, they're just not. If you don't drink,

if you don't like nightclubbing, then the club goers are not your gang. And that's okay. The great thing about the first week of university is like you're even going to see it in Fresh's week immediately. But there are comic book clubs. There are comedy clubs. But can you do that in, because I never went to uni, obviously, but like Freshers Week from the outset, it looks like all there is is clubbing. No, no, sorry. No, no, no, absolutely not. So Freshers Week is like full of people going out at night, of course. But there's also, it's also full of these people saying, hey, this is the stall for a film club.

This is the stall for a comic club. This is a style. So you go out, you can find out. Book club, cooking club, baking club. Knitting club. Knitting club. It was huge. Stitch and bitch is what it was called in Trinity College.

Stitch and bitch. Stitch and bitch. it was amazing. Oh, definitely join a stitch and bitch. The point being that there's like actually so many places designed for people to find friends and I know this pitch perfect. Yes. They do it and they're like join our a cappella group. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what I'll say is try a few things but also the other thing I didn't realize is you don't have to, if you don't find it in the first week, that's not your only chance to keep trying places. So that's the other thing. And additionally, I would say

you are really catastrophizing which I understand when something's unknown we think about the worst possible scenario You're a Catherine Yeah, oh my God, hello but what if actually the people that you live with

do drink and are also lovely and inclusive? True. Like there's a considerable chance that like I have a drink and I also completely understand why people don't drink and a lot of the time don't

but like I think there's a world in which like most of the time they're happy with having somebody who they can just chill in with, you know? It's so true. And I think, I'm hoping it's better now because I feel like when we were at the age, people were going to university, like, drinking was sort of expected. But like, I think it is better now. Gen Zier's now what's up.

I feel like they're better at being like, oh, no, you do you, you do you. But like, I think the same as like going to introduce yourself, like set up your stall day one. And that's what I was going to say is in relation to the not drinking thing you don't owe anybody an explanation you definitely don't owe them your childhood trauma and if anything I think that's kind of an intense way to introduce yourself anyway so I would just open

with I don't drink full stop leave the silence it's very unlikely people will I think you'd be surprised how many people just will be like okay and won't ask because they'll assume lots of things maybe but if they ask why you can just be like oh I just don't enjoy it and it doesn't make me feel like myself

because that's how I feel about like certain substances it's just like oh I don't like how makes me feel so it's a no for me but also it doesn't mean that you don't have to be involved like you can sort of like do the whole like they're doing pre-drinking or whatever like if you're comfortable being around it then be the person that makes the volavons to line the stomach oh my god be the volvon person that is the worst advice I've ever heard the bollivan. Put them in a well about it. Bollavons? No, I'm only thinking because you know King Gavin

and Stacey when they're going out. Obviously I get the reference, but on what planet are Gen Zers not drinking but still doing bala vons? I don't know. They're a mystery to me. Imagine being like alcohol's outdated and being like, but volavons are back in, baby. We're following it with Angel Delight and

a little prawn cocktail for the road. What? I don't know. Okay. You could be the snacks guy. I do agree with that. I don't even know what to say because part of me is like, I feel like we now in our 30s know that it does not matter if you do not drink and do not go nightclubbing. But if someone had told me that when I was like 18 to 25, I'd have been like, you don't understand.

You don't understand. I have to go out because I'm being rude and no one. And it's like, how do I find a way to like bridge that gap and make it clear that it really doesn't matter? I'm telling you. knowing how much I would have been like, of course it does. I have to go to Jacks every Thursday night. I really will say that I got out of it so fast because of clubs, because of debating.

I never needed to go to a club because we had a debate every night of the week. And when we weren't at that, we were like in the sort of conversation room as it was called drinking wine or eating food or like they always put out free buffet. So everyone was just there to like eat their dinner. You do not have to. And I think the way in is to find like theater where there's always a play. on in the evening or like you know like or a sports club where you're playing games like

you just you don't need it mm-hmm film club always sounds really good yeah I agree and also like I just like I don't know why it's more normal to drink than it is to not drink I think it's like

it's like completely reasonable to be like oh I hate the way the poison makes me feel bad when it poisons me that's like yeah reasonable. Why do you think it's like the need to do, is it to show off to people? Oh no, I think it's like, I totally understand that it's an inhibitive thing to be like nervous around people and that actually people do it to calm themselves and also to like make that easier. And, you know, these aren't good reasons, but that's why we do it. And also because sometimes it's delicious. And it makes you really good at bowling. It makes me sick of bowling. Which you would see if you'd ever bring me there drunk. But yeah, I think, listen, listen. Listen, what it seems like is you're wise beyond your years. Yeah. You don't know anybody in explanation. True.

And there's honestly, there's nowhere else where there are more options of places to meet other people via other things, except in university, where they literally set up their stalls and go, would you like to spend your evening making paper mashay? Like. There's not a paper mashay club at university. There would be if you were there. Somebody will start that. Well, then start it, my love.

Start it F if you want to. And other clubs at universities that come with like fun excursion. like a language club like if you like I want to learn Greek and then you can go on holiday to Greece with almost certainly see do one of those I do one that's got like a trip involved of course you do learning a language because you're so good at them I like learning languages easy easy for Helen Bauer but like that always seemed like something really cool because all my friends when they went to uni none of them did it and I always thought like oh that's a yeah what a fun thing to do yeah so I think just you're never actually going to have an easier

time I think finding out what your options are other than clubbing if you're at work Everyone goes to the pub. Start a bird watching society. Cute. Oh, I wish I knew where they were going to university. I'm assuming it's the UK because they said uni. You can make friends while bird watching.

Did you actually mean what you just said just then? That was so unkind. You've been bird watching three times. I don't know that it has mass appeal though. You think there's Twitchers in uni? I think that our lovely producer Emma today is birds on her top. But does she go watch them for font? No.

And that's a headshake and you saw it. You saw it. Okay. Hey F, give us an update. Let us know how you get on. Desper to know what club you join. Please. Stitch and bitch, is that just the Trinity thing?

Yeah, but I mean, you can set it up. Oh my God. Oh, and please, please, please get into your access workers. Tell them and support systems and tell them that you're there and tell them that what you need and let them do some of the advocacy because that's their job. Oh my God. You could not pay me enough to be 18 again. Okay.

That's not a helpful thing to say. you could not pay me enough. Good luck to you. I wouldn't do it. Oh and enjoy your body. It'll never be better. Bye. Oh and I used to go to a club when I moved to London called Infernos and Clapham High Street. Do you ever go there? No. Oh my God. Stay in. That's what you should do of an evening. Stay in and just try on sexy clothes and look at your gorgeous 18 year old body. But also how do you convince an 18 year old that they're gorgeous as well? Because we're also gorgeous now and you're not having that because there are 50 year olds looking at us going appreciate it. What 50 year olds? Get out of here. Stop looking at us.

It's my bloody mother. No, it's not. She's 70. We should wrap it up. Yeah. You didn't think that was a perfect end. My mum's 70. Thank you so much for listening. We're really are. Also thank you to all our new patrons. We saw that we've like hit like a new little milestone for us. So we're so excited. Hey, if you listen to the podcast and you'd like 132 extra episodes you can also join the Patreon where we have an extra episode for every episode which I think is a really good bloody deal

and also you get access to our live shows and we're doing two live shows in Australia One of which is next week in Melbourne I'm so excited Melbourne's going to be so much fun It's almost sold out Isn't that crazy? It's crazy. I met some hogs that were like we can't make it to the live show and I was like oh no and they went we've got a really good excuse, we've got a really good excuse

And I was like, oh, what's your excuse? I'm like, scattering our grandpa's ashes. I was like, okay, yeah. Peace out. Please follow us on Instagram. Come see, I'm Catherine on tour. I'm doing some new shows. We're going to announce an Edinburgh trusty hogs live day.

Yeah, we are. We might have announced it already, but we just got confirmed yesterday for it. Okay, well, yeah, we are announcing that. And also, we are, I'm adding a bunch of dates to my tour as well. So if I wasn't already coming to your city, maybe I will be now. Everything's going nicely. we're having a gorgeous time Dudley Litchworth

Here we come What? No I don't know what I'm saying Just like fun Is that a place? Dudley Is that it? Yes

I thought that was the boy from the Harry Potter films No Dudley It's near like Birmingham They speak like this It's mad that you thought

That I meant The Harry Potter films And not the books I watched the films Before I read the books You know I read the books In my 20s But the films

I saw the first two For Ellie Salter's birthday parties L.A. Salter is always where the party's at. Ellie Salter. Well, two Harry Potter films years in a row and one year we went go-karting for our birthday. God damn. It was incredible. What a cool girl. Love you. See you next

week. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much to our executive producers, members of the Executive Lounge that are Simon Moore's, Guy Goodman, Mary Fox, Annie Tonner, Stephanie Catrachia, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Matthew Thomas, Madeline Quinn, Grace O'Reilly and

J.S. What a fantastic bunch people thank you so much our execs and on to our fantastic producers as well we have richard bicknell l richard bold sadie cashmore soie rachel page helena a abie wharf luke bright kate gait dean michael victoria hutchison becky fox tim and dom riah think cordelia amio ridden tristan tars charlie a k c claire owen jones harold van dyke david waker jess and nick rachel r nia redmond sarah molly tina Lindsay, Leah Overend, Nathan Smith, Haley Wharf, Hope Briggs, Jam Rainbird, Nathan Smith, Liz Fort, Clow, Aussie Steph, Anthony, Sophie Chivers, Kerry Sooth and Matt Sims. Thank you to our wonderful producers and everyone who supports us on Patreon.

If you'd like to join their ranks, you can go to patreon.com forward slash trusty hogs, and from as little as £3 a month you can support the hogs, get early access. From £5 a month, you can get weekly extra episodes, and there are many more benefits beyond And if you go to pectoral.com for slash trusty hogs, check out all the tears and support the show today. We cannot do this without you. We are so, so grateful, and we'll see you next week. Thank you.