Trusty Hogs - Ep137. Mackerel, Mayo & Michael Scott

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Despite the many shoutouts, this episode is NOT sponsored by The New Dewaniam curry house, but we do have a great time saying the name over and over. Meanwhile, Catherine has been to a new ballet based exercise class and we solve an inept boss dilemma...TOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'Reilly / Jay SPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Aussie Steph / Jam Rainbird / Nathan Smith / Amanda McCall / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah JWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, and welcome to episode 137 of Trustee Hoggs. My name is Helen Bauer. I'm a stand-up comedian. This is my friend, Catherine. She's also a stand-up comedian, and her son, names Bohar. She does stand-up comedy, and so do I. And this is our podcast, Trustee Hogg, so we talk about how fucking sick we are.

And then we, we, that's it. We help the listeners with our problems. We do help you with your problems. We try our best. God bless us. Helen, you started the episode, but I need water. So it was a real nightmare because I was trying to hold in a coffee. the whole time. Let's play the jingle now while you go get that.

Please, see you in a bit. Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs. Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not.

Sorry about that, Helen. Part of the reason I was dehydrated perhaps is because I worked out this morning. Ew. No, I'm celebrating. A new class in my local area. Wait, you've left Pilates? No, I haven't left Pilates.

You can do more than one type of class. Okay. Oh, wow. Sorry, I got really defensive there. You did, you did. I was like, no, I still got a Pilates. Girls, I'm coming. Wait, this is the local class?

This is a new class. I never done me. No, this is my run club. Because I couldn't go to, I can't go to run club tonight because yesterday, remember I wore my Doc Martins and then I ran in them and then I got the most gay injury you can get, which is that I've cut the back of my ankle so I can't go to wrong club tonight, so I've got it's not the most gay injury, but continue. You're right. I've

never broken a finger, thank God. But I thought it was tongue fatigue, but each of their own. Is tongue fatigue a thing? Let's make it a thing. Please continue. It's not like a pickup line. Let's make it a thing. You get gayer as we speak. So here's the thing. We have, um, this morning I went to ballet size you're going to love every single thing about this class I walked in and I was like I'm in a play question mark

what did you wear what did you wear okay so I just wore I mean to be fair I did wear my like highest of socks but I wore just like normal exercise wear but then I went right and it was my first time there and all of the characters that had already been to this play before to this show they were in this class before I guess they were in

the sweetest gay man who's like old for dancer young for a guy, um, is running the class. You get it. 40? Uh, very good guess, but about 36, I'd say. Slay. He is wearing a little gile and bun bag that he had no point during the class takes off. He will not be disrobing for the class. He runs this place and he obviously, um, I mean he, I'm sorry, but like a man who like clearly thinks himself above exercise is running this exercise class. He's like, ew, I would never. How embarrassing that you're all here to exercise so he's that for the art he says to me he was like this is your first class and

i was like yeah he's like okay you'll be fine have you done ballet before and i was like no i've never done i have done ballet in my like to like have done any as an adult and i did like as a child and through my teens and he was like hmm okay well just so you know it's very balletic so very what balletic so hopefully you'll be able to keep up and i was like okay then these there are three women in this class right there's a Brazilian woman there's an older woman called we'll be hearing name every three seconds in the class

and there's another woman whose name I don't know but is the favourite because she hates him and treats him with total disdain it's astonishing so there's only four of you in a class there's only four of us in a class

that's too few that's too few it's too few it's a 45 minute class that starts 10 minutes late because he's like vibing he's playing country music exclusively he doesn't want to play ballet music

obsessed I make a joke about how at the end because it's surprising hard. I'm like, well, all that country music made me walk like a cowboy. And he's like, I don't get it. And I was like, okay, cool. They're really good to spend the day with you. Here's my favorite thing about this. Okay, so the dynamic is this. The girl who is his favorite, who sort of like treats him with disdain is constantly going on her phone and he's always like, hey girl, off your phone. And she's like one minute. And he's like to the whole group,

he's like, this girl he works so hard. She works so hard. Just a boss bitch. But she's just ignoring. She's got a phone on her during the class. She leaves 15 minutes early by getting up and just walking out. And he's like, you've got to go. And she's like, mm-hmm. And he's like, okay, girl, have a great day. And she leaves. No word of reply.

The rest of the time is spent. She's too boundary. There's some people that just have too many boundaries. It's fantastic. It's amazing. In my head, they're like, actually, he's like her younger brother and they're just not revealing that to the class. The older woman, who's like not old, but he acts like she's like a thousand years old.

He keeps being like, you've got to redo your bag. What are your bands? So we're working with exercise bands that are extremely long, right? Because it's not actually ballet, right? So it's like... No, it's like exercises that are taken from ballet and influenced by ballet. He says to me very early on,

oh my God, all Irish people have beautiful feet. No one has ever said this to me in my life. I have tiny bunyaned horrible feet. But I was like, okay, thanks. And then he's like, I want to see those beautiful feet. Point, point, point. And I was like, ah! But I loved it, obviously.

And then he keeps everything... does he's like be wrong baby girl but then he's using this other girl the Brazilian girl as his example for everything she does the examples

for the whole class because he doesn't even seem to want to get on the floor to show us the exercises but she's been before so he just uses her as his guinea pig it is heaven on earth

I'm obsessed with their entire dynamic will go back just to find it at the grip yeah it's so toxic it's toxic as hell it's toxic as hell but I was obsessed with it I was obsessed with it

I couldn't believe my luck he's gonna start hitting you guys oh yeah it really had that energy he goes like this at one point to you is like they hate this one go down girls and everyone gets to the floor and has to do this exercise with this ball and I was like I'm losing my mind my um the worst part is though right the whole time I was like honestly I feel nothing this class is not hard I don't really understand the point of this like I'm having a nice time I'm loving the loveing the show but like and you're also loving and your brain being like this isn't even a whack yeah I'm like I'm barely moving oh my god this whole thing honestly I was like this is hell I don't really understand the point of it I'm having fun but like I don't understand the point of it and then and then I tried to get up having worked on the floor for about 25 minutes I tried to get up and my legs are like jelly like shaking I was like oh fuck you really feel it when you try to walk coming upstairs has been hell all day so he sort of like stealth burned me as your friend you are not going back do you think he is going to physically harm you yeah I did just recently

he wants you he yeah clearly getting off in peasant and playing dynamics against each other. But he said he's going to do a social event with line dancing and that sounds... Don't go! Don't go! This is... He's playing you all against each other.

You're literally watching be bullied from the... Yeah, we are. And ballet... Ballet can... I know. I did just listen to an episode of was I in a cult about a ballet cult.

And now that you say it... So then you immediately sign up for a ballet exercise class? Yeah, it's mad that I did that straight away. Thing is I'd stay in it long enough to get the outfits. Because they're so cute. The least. leotards with the, what do they have, what's it called the elastic band that goes around your waist? Do you mean a tutu?

Not the tutu, not that the tutu, not that the tutu. When I did ballet when I was little, we had like character skirts. Do you remember character skirts and character shoes? No. And they were like long black skirts with like ribbons around the bottom. Oh, fabulous, but no. Miss Shelton said they were normal. We just always had pink leotards and tutus.

My mum does ballet twice a week. You should join her class. I'd actually love it. I think it's way more accommodating. Yeah. because they're all in their 70s and 80s. It was so fun and funny, though. I really, really enjoyed it.

It went by in a second because I was just like, what is everyone's deal? Like, I was obsessed in there for. It's supposed to be 45 minutes, but it started 10 minutes late, but then it ended 10 minutes late because he was on a go slow because he was having one of those days.

He said, and on Saturday, I'm doing a new class in my area called Matitude. He's not there. No, it's a different class called Matitude. which I'm already excited about and I hope is taught. Is that attitude on the mat?

I think so. I swear to God. I mean, I know, I know. I, oh, okay. I know I should be supportive but fucking hell.

Oh my God. Honestly, Helen. Fucking hell. No, I know. I hear myself say so. I know. It's so embarrassing. We're never going to get any further.

As I say, women like you. As I signed up for it, I was like. This man is making an absolute killing just looking at you, getting on the floor. Helen,

when I signed up for matitude, I thought, I should just have a kid. This is why people have children and so they don't have to go to matitude. Like, I'm as sad about who I am as you are for me. I genuinely remember thinking like, that looks fun, signed up,

and then afterwards was like, matitude? Wow, I've lost my mind, I guess. Yeah, I think I probably need like a life. But on tour, it's like, you need stuff to do. And I don't have any, like, I don't get to do any exercise. So when I get the chance, I, I know. And this is why I'm trying to like,

I want to be supportive. because I also need to like readdress my relationship with exercise, but when you say the words you say, no, I'm not making it easy. I'm not making it easy. It feels like an attack on so many people. I know. Is it balacize again?

Ballet size? Ballet size. Ballet size. Like, no, I know. I really know. I feel like I'm watching myself. Surely I'm having breakdown,

but I feel well. But it mustn't be going well. Things can't be good. I don't think anyone signs up for ballet size and matto-size. Matitude. Please. Within that closer, who's... I can't be thriving.

But I want to be aware of your mental health space. I know, I must be vulnerable. You can't be okay because you wouldn't that ballet class. Am I wrong here? Just Andrew Eam. No, no, no, no, no, I agree. Evil. Yeah.

Do you want me to come with you? Matitudes run by a different company now, to be fair. To be fair, to who? To the class. To Matt. Oh my God, imagine it's told by a man called Matt. That'd be so cute. Can we just say if there's less than five people in Matitude?

Fewer. That's a sign. Fewer. Fuck off. Right. Because exercise classes, particularly in the area of you London, you live, they must be oversubscribed. People want them, right?

People are gagging for exercise classes. It's a hot, hot part of it. If there's one that has four people in it and someone leaves early. It's not good. That's so true. Oh my God, that's actually such a good point, because every exercise class I have been doing in the area is oversubscribes. you're so right

I should have walked in and gone something's bad something bad happened here someone died here there's a spook do you just want to wear a bun

what is it like I don't know I'm just sort of oh god what is what is up with me in the same way what my therapist says to me about what are you using food

to replace what are you using exercise to replace it might not be the time in place to have this conversation so publicly

I think you're dead right I think I am driving a lot so I'm sitting down a lot so I feel like I have all this extra energy I understand that yeah yeah Yeah, yeah. I'm not seeing a lot of people because I'm on tour.

So I am like spending a lot of time alone. I'm going to the theatre. The theatre. I went to the theatre the other than I, but that was with my house. I went with all the girls from my head to see. What did I, what's it called?

Multiple casualty incident. Thank you so much. Multiple casualty incident at the yard. Very good. Enjoyed it very much. I like the yard theatre. Lovely. And was sad there weren't more people in the audience.

I thought it was good. I liked the yard theatre a lot. Let's go. And Rosa Ropsonson's a beautiful actor. Wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. She's very, very good. I love Rosa.

A real talent. You can see her in small doses, my pilot on the BBC. Is she in your pilot? Oh my God, she's so great. Just to go back. Please. To where? What we're using exercise.

Oh yeah, so I'm not seeing anybody. And, yeah, I think I just feel I need like any stimulation. Like I voluntarily went to an art gallery with Ellen and her mom the other day. And I don't really like luck at art, but I really enjoyed it, actually. Oh, I went to see the Auerbach charcoal heads. Have you seen those? What has happened to you? Hourback.

A German artist? He's back? No. Very cool. No, Auerbach. I feel like we soft rolls. I'm telling you what I'm doing with my time. You're like, yeah.

Hourback. Who are you? I know, right? It was their good. I liked it. Oh my God. Yeah, and then we went to, um, Bancone for lunch afterwards

Have you been to Bancone for pasta? No. It's delicious. It was really nice. There's one on Covent Garden. It's actually like affordable for delicious food. Really good pasta. Really good.

And then. So I actually aged down. Have I been pretending I was 35 but actually I'm 40? You're going to galleries with your girlfriend's mom. Yeah, it's nice. You're going for pasta mail and Covent Garden. Yeah. you're okay

then we went to Leto after for dessert What the fuck's Letto? What's happening here? A different restaurant for dessert It's like we went to real like tourist haunts But like the places you bring somebody's mom When you want them to have a nice time It was so nice we had cakes Last night me and senile ordered curry from the New Dewanian

And I watched sexy beast The what? New Dewanian New Dewaniam What's that? What's that? What are the words we're saying here? New Dewanium

New Dewanian Duanyam Dwayneum Dwayneum Dwayneum That sounds like I'm saying it wrong I swear I'm saying it right The new Dwayneum

No I'm hearing it And but like What sexy beast? Really good film actually Because you know the other week When I watched Zone of Interest at 7.30 in the morning And got a bit funny

No that's a terrible idea No I will say this No I was struggling with jet lag And I was like I wanted to watch this film So I might go in

Maybe it was six 30 It was really bad No Done with it about 845 mentally in a very funny place. That's such a weird way to start the day. Really tricky place. Yeah, yeah, definitely was walking around a bit of a funk

because it's like, it's it, if anyone who doesn't know, zone of interest is set at a death camp. It's so harrowing. It's a really not, it's not a, most films aren't a pre-8am start film. No, I agree. But that I'd say definitely not. It's a definitely no-no.

But I wanted to watch it and, you know, have the time. Yeah. So, but then. So Neil was like, oh, if you like that, you should watch other Jonathan Glazer films. So we watch Sexy Beast, and it is very funny. What's it about? It's like, it's like a heist film with like Ray Winston, Ben Kingsley, Sir, Ben Kingsley. You've lost me.

You've lost me. I'm gone. It's very good, though. You lost me at heist. I just feel like I've lost you a little bit. Yeah, sorry, I basically got real weird on my tour, but I think what has happened to me is I feel like I've done, I feel a bit like, um, COVID Catherine because, you know, oh no, COVID Catherine was so sad. I know, but oh no, no, no, no. Catherine. Listen, listen. I always told me in one week five times out of a man bolting a cabinet

to a wall and I wasn't interested in it all the first time. You weren't well. And can I, I'm sorry, I feel like I'm attacking you today, but I'm not. I've just, okay, I've done a lot of therapy over the last two days. Can I say why I feel like COVID Catherine? The reason is I'm just spending a lot of time with myself and I'm living a very unstructured life because I'm not getting to be home much. So I feel like I'm trying to impose a little bit of structure by going to exercise classes and like taking in some culture and making my brain feel like useful and exposing myself things that I wouldn't otherwise because otherwise the time is all dead and I hate to have dead time because then I feel like I'm wasting my life. And if I'm wasting my life, why am I doing anything

that I'm doing? And if I'm not sure why I'm doing anything I'm doing then why am I doing it? Because ultimately it doesn't even necessarily have the benefits of a regular job. Do you remember during because then you're like, oh God, maybe I'm not. Remember when you started talking to yourself? Because you were scared you'd lose your accent. I was really worried. I didn't want to end up sounding like Alexa. I wasn't having it.

You were so scared you're going to lose your voice. I was like, no. I was sitting alone for days on end. I was just silent. And all I was doing was watching American television as well. So I was really worried I was going to be like, end up sounding like everyone from Schitt's Creek. The thing is, I know that I'm going to end up.

I'm, you know, I'm, you know. I'm fine. We live in the same circles. do the same job like we I will end up at matitude yeah at some point in my life you never come to exercise classes with me I see me more like um I could see me more like um body pump yes I could totally see you at a hula hoop class huh right I heard something so profound the other day go on I was like listening to Crystal Hefner's autobiography Hugh Heffner's last wife you don't need to explain who Crystal Hefner is so rude that you even tried to and she was talking about

Sunday, Fun Day or Sunday, or Sunday. Wait, was she on her own podcast or was she guesting on somebody else's? Her book. Yeah. Go on. Once again, shout out to Audible, the best platform of all time. Yes, this morning I couldn't sleep and I did download my new audio book, which is my mother, Rose West by May West, her oldest surviving daughter. Christ. Yeah.

I need to sort of my life. What is wrong with both of us actually? It's mad that you're judging me. It's mad that you're just going to be. Was the profound hula hooping concept going to come back in? Crystal Heffner, nothing to do with the West's. Fine.

So Crystal was like saying like how they, all the girls are to pretend they like to like play in like a very like silly girly way for the guys to watch on a Sunday and she was like and can I just say it? Nobody likes to hula hoop in a string bikini. And I was like, that feels so real. Because like I'd never hula hoops in a string bikini

but I can imagine it being very uncomfortable. I'm not even hula hooped. Should we get Hula? Did you Hulube at school? No. I was a skipping rope girl. That makes total sense. Fuck you, Andrew.

What's that supposed to mean? What does that mean? What's that meant to mean? You said that like... I have got two skipping ropes. We could use those at my house in the park. No, no. I've got my breasts are too big.

My breasts are too big. My breasts are too big. I can't skip. My breasts are too big. Could you hula hoop? I could hula hoop. I could hula hoop, yeah. Fine with the breast with the hula. How long?

How long do you think they are? It's not a problem for me to holo hoop, my tits are big, but they're not like... Well, I just like, if the pain, not that they get a cop, but rather the pain is the bouncing, I thought. No, it's not, why am I jumping with a hula hoop? Well, there's sort of a movement to it.

Yeah, a movement. I'm not jumping, and my nipples aren't like playing with my belly button. Okay. One day they will, sure. But at the moment, we're young. We're around the waist. Okay, nice, great.

We're in the area. All right. Okay. I believe you. Fuck me. I didn't mean to insult you. I'm not insult. Well, I want to go back to what Andrew just said

with you being a skipping rope. I am a skipping rope, girlie. Well, just because like hula hoop is, there's a lot of, I don't know, personal pleasure in hula hooping. It's a very solo endeavor, whereas there is an admin and control involved in running the skipping.

I can imagine you being like, okay, next, next, okay, that's six jumps, next, next, next. A, yes, but B, I mostly skipped alone. Uh-oh. Sorry. You know what? You know what? Don't you feel like a bit of a little.

Stop, stop, stop. Andrew, did you run my ballet sex class this morning? Stop, we're doing a compliment circle. We haven't done it in age. No, we're being nasty with each other. We're being short, we're being cruel. I understand that I'm bringing some of that energy to the table. You're bringing all of that age.

I had a tricky day. We had a worm in the flat. What? Now. Ready? Are we going to return to that? We'll deal with that later. I want us to do this.

Andrew, compliment Catherine, and then compliment me. And then we'll go around. Go. Fabulous. Catherine, I love your top today. Big, big fan. I'm loving your energy. She says, well, you're a very kind friend.

It was nice to walk back to the station with you yesterday and have a catch-up. It was really lovely. So nice. Wow. Andrew, I'm ready. Sorry, are you like to undercut the compliment circle with insult? I don't think I did.

I think I breathed when you heard a word because you're paranoid. Okay. Now we need a common circle within the compliment circle. Are you all right? I need to take it. I'm being so mean. You are. What's going on with you?

Are you feeling defensive? No. I don't know. Do you need a hug? No. Okay. Andrew, give Helen her compliment, please. First of all, I love your new jeans.

Thank you. They've got hearts on them to match my sunny attitude. Second, I know that I've said this before, but you're very, very funny. That first episode we had in this studio, there's so many, like, clip notes and stuff because there were lots of, lots of funny anecdotes and jokes and you were on fine form. Thank you. That's part good, actually. Andrew and Catherine, I'd like to compliment you now.

I'd like to go with Andrew first because you just did me. Andrew, I love whenever we have a cuddle, I love that you went to Chesterton World of Adventures the other day, and I love that you made time to go on the Gruffalo ride, even though it is only children. It was really nightmarish, actually. It would be, yeah. It was horrible.

Imagine how it was for the kids, was a flaming homosexual behind them being like, this is for children! Compliment circle is still going. Catherine. I just love you and I feel like I've been very short with you. Okay, I not feel I have been very mean to you today. And yesterday I was very late.

And then I did leave early because I misunderstood the meeting phrase of meet someone and meeting. And 35 minutes into our meeting someone, I was like, this is mental. And left Catherine to finish a meeting by herself. And that was bad. That was bad. But is this confession or compliment? I don't know. I love you and I'm glad you are filling your days with things that bring you joy.

And I'm not saying anything else. Thank you so much. We're ready. Em, you look beautiful with your hair back today. Oh my gosh. Oh, now. You're going to compliment Em. I want to compliment Em as well.

Please. Otherwise, you're fair as fuck. But we can't both just go fickle because she's so hot. You're very kind. And nice. You are nice. And also a very good cook. Oh, my God.

What a nice cook. Oh, gosh. god um i think do you feel better now well i should probably give andrews compliment yes oh thank you i loved catching up with you yesterday i felt like i'd really missed our quality friend time it was so nice to hang out rather than just do work together and it was so you're such a charming man i also think you're a very good stand-up comedian helen thank you thank you i am more in love with you than i was before because when we went to

australia i felt like we got to know each other even better which i didn't think was really possible because I feel like you really share everything but um I felt like you were kind of the reason it was fun and um manageable for me and I realized when you were there that I sort of take you for granted as a sort of like family member in a way and um I know but I just feel like I will put up with you treating me most ways and you I because you spent too much time together but it was sort of when you were there I was just like oh god she's so kind and nice and um I don't know that the world always is like particularly kind back to you, but you just take everything in your stride.

But you take everything in your stride. And I was really in all of you when we were there and I love you. I love you. I love you. I'm touching you. I don't know you want to touch me. But mentally I'm touching you. Do you want to come to my attitude?

I feel bad. No, I do not want to come to my attitude. That will not make things better. Is that nice? I think that was, I think it was good. Okay. I think I'm just being like an asshole. It's okay.

Are you due on? Are you on? Are you on? No, not even close. Is it the therapy? What's been going on for you? No idea. Actually, I do.

I did lots of therapy this week. That'll maybe do it. Yeah, we'll discuss it later. Is that an extras issue? That's an extras thing. Okay, fine. But there was a worm. Can I do this now?

Yeah, you'd have to keep asking permission. You're allowed to talk about whatever you want. Okay. Apart from any of the things that I don't want you to talk about. I'm glad you're doing everything well and you're thriving. I did a lot of therapy this week. Had a big session. Finished and was still crying.

Went into. Sir Neal's room for a cuddle. And I was cuddling him. I went, can I have a cuddle? And he sort of pushed his laptop slightly to the side of his bed. And I went, no, like laptop away, proper cuddy. So then jumped on top of him, got a proper cuddy.

On his bed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm usually not allowed on it. I'm usually not allowed. Actually, no, I was on it yesterday as well last night because I wanted some attention to I just lay on, just talking, showing him different reels that I liked. Yeah.

Are you guys? After we watched sexy beast. Feeling a little more romance. no I think I was really needy but then I was like lying on his bed and I was like having my cuddle and then I could just like there was just this massive worm

I really thought you were going to say erection he was fucking rock hard and my clip was sopping no there was just this worm wait sorry that's let's just put one image to the side and then return to the real one why is there a worm in your house

where that's what I said why is there a worm in the flat in his room on the floor and it'd been there for a while because half of it was dust. Does he have a room? No. It was a dusty worm and it had a couple of his hairs attached to it and I was like

why is there a worm in your room? And he went there's not a worm my room and I went what's that then? He looked down and he went well that's a big worm and I went yeah no it is and I was like where did worm he come from? Do you live on the ground floor? Yeah you know we live on the ground floor you've been around the floor but wait is there a room? His room

his bedroom have you been allowed in it yet No does it back on does it have a room So we both can, like, go onto the patio. We've both got doors in our rooms. But, like, I was like, why is there a worm there? And then he was like, oh, I don't like the worm. And I was like, well, I'll get rid of the worm. But, like, you need to...

I got some toilet paper and picked it up and then, like, threw it onto the dirt outside. Like, gently throw it. Because it was a little worm. Well, it was big, but it was sweet. I left the dust on it. I didn't want to, like, pull it off. No, you know, what are you, like, patting the worm down?

Jesus. Like it was just mad. I was like, where's this worm from? And like, there is a big step up into his, do you know what I mean? Like, you, the worm he would have had to climb. So I was like, well, where did this come from? It's like, maybe I had my door open. I was up, but you didn't.

And then I was like, how do you know he didn't? Because, like, that morning I'd been doing therapy in my room, which means that, like, I closed my window so my neighbours can't hear because I'm super paranoid. And then he's in his room. And I know if he goes out for, like, cigarette or something because I can see it open and we sort of have this deal when if I'm doing therapy that he's either not in or if he is in he's sort of in his rooms because otherwise I'm worried people are like which is so common right yeah so he'd been in his room which means that

which part is common that people would listen into your therapy or that you're worried about being overheard yeah um but like there was a really it like and you never feel that way about the wanking but you always feel that way about today i think wanking's so different like it's not that Do you know what I mean? Really? Are you quite defensively going at us? I just think like if someone catches you wanking, fine. But if someone catches you crying, I feel differently. Would you rather your sex tape get leaked or your therapy session gets leaked?

Such a good question. Thank you. Sex. Wow, I would prefer sex. Oh my God, it depends on the sex and depends on the therapy session. It really does. Yes, but six times. times out of 10, I'm going, I'm more, I'm saying more embarrassing things in therapy than

I am. Do you remember that time I had sex and I was so drunk, I vomited by five at the same time? Everyone remembers that it's an image I constantly think about. That would be rough to have that released. You count that part as the sex tape? It's all part of the night, isn't it? I didn't think you thought that was still the sex. Do you think the sex stops immediately your orgasm? I think the sex doesn't, you're not counting the bit where you go to the bathroom to vomit and then fart with the door open as still the sex you're not like we're having sex now are you no we won't we won't so like i think then you can cut it off there i still don't think it's a good watch that one oh no no no no no no no no no no no do me that's not what i'm saying either i'm just saying

i think i would feel less exposed trying to think about like what's the best option for me maybe sex tape therapy is so imagine but who's but also like sex tape gets released like you're upset that's been released then also you're checking the views on that yeah and also like the paranoia that no one wants to see it like that's intense and also like at some point I'll be like 30 15 30 years older and be like I'll look pretty hot whereas like I don't think I'll ever look back and be like do you look good those were real problems sex so do you look good no no one looks I actually think if you're trying to look good during sex you're

probably not having great sex but like I mean like I'd be like well oh, my body looked good. Whereas I feel like I'll never look back and be like, those were real problems that were worth paying £110 an hour to fix. We've got to get you a cheaper therapist. That's mental. But I've been in hospitals, so they really...

Do they actually say no, how bad have you come in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn it, damn. That's frustrating. Andrew, thank you so much for that question. What a wonderful input you've made to say. What was the question? Would you rather have your sex tape?

Yeah, you remember, it was like literally tens of the guy. The last five minutes of the podcast. Holy shit. I'm well. I don't think. Are we? Yeah, we're okay. What have you had to eat today?

I feel like we're talking blood sugar crazy levels today. Oh my God. Wait, what? Have you not? What have you had today? What have you had today? What have you had today? Oh, I know.

Oh, I've eaten that. What have you had today? I got up. three in the mornings I couldn't sleep and I had a bagel and then what's on the bagel

like just just not even toasted just butter and a bagel I just woke up hungry and I thought what kind of bagel we told just the New York company

whatever they're called they come in these bags Plain cinnamon poppy Plain thank you and then had a leftover curry for breakfast

I had therapy at midday so I'd say like 1140 okay so you did you did new duranium last night was it new geranium de waneum doanium doanium how can we not say this this is basically a curry place that me and emma black found ages ago right we cannot figure out how they're in business because they go back there because they do a deal that is so good for the customer we're like what how are they making talk me through it okay so we would pay i think it was 12 pound 50 Wow.

For a meal for one. And usually at places when it says a meal for one, it's like a starter and a main or a main in a dessert. Or a main in a drink if they're being real scabby. Wait for fucking this. Starter, side, nan, rice. What? Maine.

No. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. And the starter could be like... What's a side that isn't nan or rice? Wait for it. Like a full portion of alogobi. Behave you sir.

Or a full portion of chana masala or sagaloo. like any vegetarian full curry was technically, is still technically a side for them. But this is dinner for two. They don't think that. They don't fucking think that way. So you get like a full nun.

So you guys could pay 625 each and get dinner for two? Well, we didn't do that. We're not morons. But like, it was just, it's insane. So I can, it's the only place in the world where I get a meal for one and I actually have a meal the next day. That is heaven on earth.

It's crazy. I also love how earlier I was like, No, I haven't had lunch and I'm like, I've had a full curry. I actually, wait, wait, I must be going like, I'm really faint. That's why I met him so weird. I haven't had any lunch and it's like, nope, had a full curry and leftover popadom, which is not good. I don't know why I ate it because it just doesn't keep.

Splash a little bit of water on and put it back in the, under the grill or in the microwave. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. And I understand what you're saying. I'm just never going to do that. Like, it's just, there's simple tips in life that I will never understand or take. but I appreciate it

my sister made me the most rank dinner the other day really? I thought she was a cook isn't she a Michelin star she um like I don't think it was rank I think it's just sort of like she was like talking up this meal that she was going to make me that she's prepared it

she prepared her and I was like okay she's given it all that it was mackerel which is not my favourite fish I quite like mackerel but go on okay it was just that in the oven with a plain jack of potato with chopped up beetroot with crem fresh and spring onion

and I was like what the fuck is wrong with you that actually sounds really bad like it was just sort of like how is this a meal and she was like she's usually really good at cooking I like all the component parts but that's like what

and I said no to the free pizza at the comedy club The Forge because I was having dinner that she made and I was just looking at her like you piece of shit that's wrong that's heartbreaking That is wrong. It was insane.

Once I did comedia during lockdown and they didn't have their kitchen running but they had a deal with gourmet burger kitchen but I said oh don't worry I'm going to dinner with my friends Joe and Danica and we got upstairs Oh hi Joe and Danica I know this story

We got upstairs and they're like We decided we're going to gourmet burger kitchen I was like no fuck you You have to pick somewhere else Yeah you do Turning down free gourmet burger kitchen And then paying full price for it So we went to our Pizza Express instead

I love Pizza Express and all fairness Me too fair Yeah, it was just like a plain, and I love jacket potatoes. And she was like, oh, you don't like deck of potatoes. And then she didn't go and like, oh, fish is so good for you. Fish is so good for you. And I was like, I had fucking salmon for lunch, you freak. I'm sorry for shouting.

I would get the Fiorentina with the olives and the egg. You're telling me your pizza express order. Fiorentina. And you? What's the, what's the mushroomy pizza? Fungy. No. Maybe that.

Google mushroom pizza. I like, I like, um, yeah, I think mushroomy pizza. I once had a pasta at Pizza Express that was so bad it's put me off them for life oh yeah

who goes to Pizza Express for pasta I had a carbinaura once there spaghetti carbure no no no and they obviously like

everything comes to pre-packaged the sauce and they just stir in and they hadn't stirred in like half the sauce

and it was you could still see the shape of the plastic the sauce it came from like on the side of it I was like

Pizza Express no but wait that I didn't send it back but wait that that or the mackrol which would you rather eat if you had to eat

one of them now? This is the thing. The Macquarie had access to mayonnaise. Right. Which also put me in a tricky position because my dad clearly is aware of how much mayonnaise he has and he doesn't have any anymore. That is a tricky position. Let me say this. The other night I went to a pizza place with Ellen, we both got three sizes of this incredibly delicious garlicy mushroom pizza. But the place itself had run out of sauce. She got it from the table, walked out of the restaurant, went across the road to a St. Spruce, brought back a big full family size mayonnaise and I've never loved her more. taking your own mayonnaise into the restaurant is so

she was like i was looking for others also that was the only one they had but i can't have like a sauceless pizza so she just brought this huge tub of mayonnaise and everyone looked at us but i don't think it was just mentally i think it was jealousy what pizza dip do you make at home dream scenario for me it's a barbecue situation emma blocks the same it's always a hickory barbecue if i can sort of put it with a little bit of mayo to make a creamier i'm-mm-mm-mm i also like to pot-lay mayo i also like a spicy male like serratia mayo stard around. I'm not against a garlic

but a lot of the time I'm like well I can't taste my pizza now because it's just like so if it's too strong it's a bit much for me. She's a garlic gal so it's best for me now. I don't like garlic and herb I don't like that runny business from Domino's. I would always go barbecue in Domino's. Fire away do a really good garlic dip. What's Fireaway? What is Fireaway?

Well they're like a chain all around London but they just do loads of interesting nice pizzas. Am I living in the city? I don't know where you live New geranium is your favorite. Duaneum! Duaneum! Duaneum!

I will always say it wrong to have you say it correctly. Every single time. Every single time. Helen, are you ready to solve a listener problem? Yes, I am. Are you starving? I'm hungry all of a sudden, which makes no sense because I'm not because I've had a full curry, but I don't know how I feel anymore.

I suddenly feel hungry. I've had two crumpets with three eggs on them, and then I had a Charlie Clive made coconut cupcakes so I ate one like an animal over the sink before I came out the door it was delicious Who are you? Oinkoing frimbrum

motherfuckers We're going on tour Bristol's already sold out I can't believe that And we've got a new date for Dublin And Edinburgh and Brighton are selling pretty well Where are we going and when are we going there Helen please We are going to Bristol

10th of July if you got a ticket great if you don't you fucked it 17th of July we're at Brighton at the Forge Comedy Club I love it there me too I just did my tour the air it was amazing love a love love it love it come homeos get down there 12th of August we are the Edinburgh monkey barrel tickets for that are going super super fast

so please book if you want to come and also come see our shows as well both on that day it was so lame not too Wednesday 16th of October we are at London at the Clapham Grand The Clapham Grand oh it's a big boy so feel free tell your friends bring your friends bring your friends Bring your aunts. Bring your uncles. Why not?

I have to do a number there. That might be where we do lame is, finally, Andrew. Okay, 19th of September, we are in Dublin at the Laft Lounge. That was rearranged. We're sorry about it. It was me. It was me. I had a job come in, which then got rescheduled, and Catherine doesn't know about that, so I actually could have.

Wednesday 6th of November, we are at Manchester at the Frog and Bucket. I love Manchester. Join us in Manchester. Come see us, book tickets right now. Are you joking? I'm not joking. I love you so much. See you soon. Bye! I just can't look at her right now. I get it.

I love you, but I can't. I know. Andrew? Yes. Can you give us the problem that we can deal with with? We can bond over. Or bond over. That's a nice way to put it over.

Do you want me to bat you an easy one? Easy one, yeah. I'd love to you to bat us what you think is an easy one. How about help my boss is lame and incompetent? Oh, I'm in there. A hundred percent, yes. Help my boss is lame and incompetent Yes, it sounds like a podcast

Under the Audio Always Network It does, it really does Go on This is from Kay Hi Kaye Okay says Dear Catherine and Helen After seeing Catherine's Melbourne show this year

Which I was obsessed with By the way You quickly became my crush of the festival I also discover your podcast And absolutely adore it And love you both We got a listener from my Melbourne show That's so good

That's so nice Because all I got were sort of aggressive messages from men's wives. Why? Cases, please come back to Australia soon. Okay. This is genuinely the next line. And sorry about the men here. They're trash.

Okay, because in one of my shows, a man was so aggressive with me that his wife messaged me the next day to be like, sorry about my husband. I didn't message back because I'm like, sweet love, please pack a bag. If you're sending in these kind of messages, sort of the woman about your husband, please, pack a bag. But the follow-up in the message was like, he was having a bad day. And I was like, oh, go on, Andrew. Thank you, Kay. Kay promises to bring every lesbian they know to your shows next year. I'll take it.

That's good. Every lesbian one person knows coming to my shows. Is that enough reason to go to Australia? That's all the lesbians in Melbourne. Everyone's connected there. You're so right. We are all pretty much, yeah. Go on.

My dilemma is, I just started a new job at a small company, and it has quickly become apparent that my boss has no idea what he's doing and is using me to do his job for him. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Gosh. How do I set a boundary of telling him that... Sorry, Andrew, do we have any idea what kind of industry this is?

Small company, I'm assuming ice cream. Or like koala neutering or something? Coala neutering, yes, yeah. It could be kangaroos. That's a little bit, no, go on. Kangaroo shooting. Their positions within the company is marketing manager is the boss, and Kay is a midweight graphic designer.

Midweight graphic designer. Now, where does the mid-year? weight I guess like not like a feather weight graphic designer but not like an intern like just a stable graphic designer okay head of design yeah awesome okay great should we assume it's for well it's for marketing no no but like what are we marketing just for fun the neutering of koalas thank you andrew let's do that that would be fun do quals have to be neutered I hope not I'd be awful well then why do they all quit Kate quit you must stop neutering those koalas don't they all have syphilis or something is a

Chlamydia or something. Surely they're not nurturing them and then they also still have chlamydia. Maybe they like chlamydia though. Oh, right. No, I think it's actually very damaging to the koala population. Oh, is it? Oh, bless them.

Gosh. The top gigger result is koala, chlamydia to human. Only one way to find out. No. No. Kay, sorry, Kay, please. Let's stay on message.

So Kay has a boss. I wanted to stay on message. Yeah. Kay says, how do I set a boundary of telling him that that's his job and not mine? He also loves the tell clients that I am the new creative director when I have been hired for a far more junior role and he also states that we are equals even though he's being paid to manage me. He's also quite a lame person which doesn't help, he sounds it.

He constantly harps on about how if he didn't have kids, he'd be a famous screenwriter in L.A. despite never making a film. He's made New York Streetwear, his entire personality and enjoyed the Tom Brady roast on Netflix. This is a really good email. should do a roast okay because this is yeah i do agree this is savage and tremendous uh what should i do thanks so much you have to enter him into a street screenwriting competition don't you think like enter his emails into it uses personal addresses and just sort of like make him an actual entry that's so funny or um make your next pitch that you guys have to make a short

film together and he has to so he's so you like you must write the script of course I'll do the visuals that's nice too and more achievable but don't you think this guy is probably so a he clearly is desperate to be liked really wants to be cool he sounds like Michael from the office

so oh I love Michael from the office though yeah that's different that's that's I love Michael but would you want to work for him yes would you want to do his job for him while he gets paid to manage you and he doesn't redo anything yeah okay

I have an idea he says you're equals and he keeps telling everyone you're the creative director I would ask for a meeting and say you'd love to be and that in order to do so and to take on that level of responsibility

and then name some of the things he obviously wants you to do you'd have to be paid more I think it's an opportunity waiting to happen I think you've got so much power here because he's so clearly wanting to be like friends with you

and like I don't think he's saying cruelly that you're the creative director I think he thinks you'll love to hear it and thinking that you'll love to hear that you're equals even though he's receiving a lot better compensation for being whatever equals is

in his mind. Unless Kay doesn't want that level of responsibility in which case you do also have to have a meeting that's like, hey this job is not as advertised do we need to talk about that because I don't have the bandwidth or the time or whatever it might be or indeed nor am I being paid

appropriate compensation to do the job you're describing and then either it's like I'd love that job here's what that would look like or I don't want that job because and then either way you sort of redrawn lines and the sand it sounds on the bright side because of his apparent need to be liked and thought of as cool he will be okay in that meeting because he doesn't want you to think he's lame despite his incredible cheesiness well so what was the Tom Brady roast I missed this there was a roast of Tom Brady I saw this on Netflix but is it literally just like the American style like comedians come out and they just sort of like yeah yeah and he loved it Yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't know, maybe make friends with him. He does sound a little bit. No, you've got a lot more power here than I think you realize purely because he's clearly so desperate. I want you to forget about Michael from the office, who you're clearly in love with.

No, see now I'm getting, yeah, now I'm feeling bad for him. How about this? How about you're in a car with a male comedian who's driving? Why? Because that's the only way you can get to this gig that is five and a half hours away. I'm pulling the gig. No, you're in because it's a view you can't turn down. how much two grand

oh my god are you a hundred okay you're two grand god I would have done it for a fifth of that you're on the hot well I should have

400 pounds then fine okay no worries okay so you're on the hook for this gig it's five and a half hours away he's driving okay he is

talking the whole time about how if and there's a picture of his gorgeous wife and kids on the dash if he wasn't lumbered with his missus and the kids he'd actually be

he'd be well gone to LA by now probably a famous screenwriter and he talks about that the whole way there and he passes your favourite services and doesn't even offer it to stop why? Yeah

now what are you doing how do you feel about this guy now probably getting a train back are you like make friends with this guy I know you're getting a train I mean let's be realistic I have been in these cars yeah me too I know exactly who I'm talking about

I just think like at the end of them I just sort of go like look like if it was meant to be it's meant to be and you would have done it by now and also like there's so many examples who have written films

whilst just living in London and having kids like just fucking get on with it yeah but that's not the same thing that's not the power dynamic of a boss that's just me

with another comedian in the car what about when you get there it turns out that fee is actually split and he's getting four-fifths of it why? Yeah you're furious

I'd probably call you up and ask you what I do yeah to be fair I'd happily be your advocate that's not the point okay have we lost the train of the problem The point is I think it's an opportunity

Either you don't want this job in which case He's thankfully so nice And so desperate to be liked That he will Make that an livable situation thereafter Or you do want the job in which case You say wow incredible This job that you're talking about sounds amazing

It's not all I was hired for How do we make that happen Where I get paid more Is there an episode of the office Where Michael asks for a roast for his birthday Where everyone roast And it ends up like he's super upset And in tears

Could you host him a roast Like a Tom Brady-style roast for him in the office. That would be suffered because he loves it so much. And doing that, you can get all the jabs sort of in. Just read this email out. Yeah. Kay, please you must. Well, no, don't play this back because we've really celebrated him for a while there.

But if you could film that and send it into us as an update, would watch please, yes, thank you. Would watch please, yes, thank you. Oh my God. Yes. I think we crushed that one. Yeah, I think we nailed it. I'm sorry, Kay, that you had to come in on such a weird day for us. Hope I'm still your crush.

I'm going to be everyone's crush when I'm done crushing Mattitude. I fucking hate you today oh you are what is wrong with me I'm genuinely seething sometimes I know M's managing my tour for a week

and partly it's to share the driving and partly because like it's good for me to pay somebody to help me get to places and to manage all the things that we need to be managed but mostly it's so that I don't have to spend every single week alone

and for that week she's already decided to make a spreadsheet for the things we do and I can't tell if it's because she gets who I am or if it's because she knows that we need to fill the time otherwise I'll just talk at her like this and be like, want to do Matitude? I wonder if there's Matitude in Newcastle.

Please let us know if there is Matitude. We'd love to hear about your favourite funky and Garovi exercise castle. Castles? Classes. In the North East. Oh, well, actually, we are going to Birmingham, Newcastle, Manchester, Leeds, Liverpool, Sheffield.

No, but listen, if you have either A, any good yoga or Pilate's exercise class recommendations or B, any nice food places to eat, M and I would love to know. You can get that chocolate cake in Leeds, the Bruce. Oh my God, that looks amazing. It's that bakery. It's near Hyde Park Book Club. That actually looks outstanding I would really like to go there, but I also really want to go to idle hands in Manchester for pie. What's idle hands in?

It's a pie shop. They do sweet pies. oh no no no no no no no I think in Leeds I went to a really good bagel place with Acosta that was incredible a donut place Where did we go to the Marmaduke

Was that Sheffield? Yeah Oh so good What's the Marmaduke Gorgeous Cafe delicious food It's very nice Oh I do love a cafe They thought us free cake didn't they

They did give us free cake Oh I remember this It was really exciting Which was a joke because we'd already Spent like eight hours working for free in their coffee shop upstairs all for like the dregs of one coffee We're just leaving And they were like have some free cake

So maybe it was because they recognised or maybe it was because they were like Jesus Christ these kids kids it was years ago it was pre-matitude should we do any of the problem it's probably for the best Andrew oh well speaking of crushes

someone's got a crush on me never mind we'll get one one day I've got a crush on Helen anyone who shows an interest in you you're like disgusting gross because I'm mentally not very yes go on um this is from tea hi tea dear trusty hog oh my god and the first one was from k k t k t tunstall

what go on my brain works very different let me okay ready not even k d lang no i saw k t because remember k t tantstall like spelt it k t t t t l lettus k d lang i'm tired i heard it as I said it and then M looked at me like you fucking pathetic lesbian and then I was like oh my god I don't even know who Katie Lang is in all fairness what yes you do who oh my god they're like the OG lesbian musician guitar short hair wears denim on denim Katie Lang Cheryl Crayan mother fucker I'll look her up in a minute Katie Tunsell KD Lang where that really is where the straight and the gay meet that's that's Katie Lang for reference Katie Lang.

She looks gorgeous. I don't think I know her. I actually think you'd really fancy Katie Lang. Yeah. She does look very, very beautiful. Yeah. So this is not from...

M's gone to a different place now. M's like, oh yeah. Sorry, go on. Any other thing a songwriter. Okay. A dear listener. Called T.

Hi. Hello, T. Sorry, we really went down a rabbit hole there. That's all right. The listeners are used to it. Huh? T. I'm, who was being so far.

I know we're off today. but Andrew's being a fucking prayer. Wow. Okay. Oh, gosh. Say sorry, Andrew. Sorry. Don't say sorry, Andrew.

You're forgiven. I'm so sorry. Go, just go, just go. Go on, T. T says, I have known my best friend now for six years. We met through mutual friends at a pub quiz and clicked instantly. Lush. We're both very introverted people by nature and have always been a support to each other at social events.

Two interviews would totally meet at a quick pub quiz being like this is fucking hell. why is this happening to me? I love that. Go on. Been there through big changes in each other's lives and also being each other's emergency contact for the past three years. We speak to each other every day. Obviously, we're very close. However, during our friendship,

we've both either been in relationships or been recovering from breakups and nothing romantic has ever happened between us. On multiple occasions, my friends and family, who he's met multiple times, have suggested that we started dating, and I've always protested and said that I don't see him that way. however over the past six months or so

I have realised I literally was waiting for you to say that that is why I looked to you I was like I am not fucking doing this go keep going however Is he your emergency contact? Oh my god

I do put him okay on like filming days or like when you have to put to manage content enough work yes yes he is my emergency contact and on my phone he is my emergency contact Because we live together It makes sense

Come on one little blowjohn just to see how it feels. Wipe the dust off that worm, baby. There's a worm in his room! Why the dust off that worm, baby! That's disgusting. I'm so sorry. But I support it.

Go on. So T says, over the past six months or so, I have realized that I have an embarrassingly large crush on him. Yep, that was coming. I've only told my sister about this. She wasn't at all surprised, and I've managed to keep it a secret otherwise. As I enter my late 30s,

I'm so aware of how much all my friendships, but especially his, mean to me and I know that I wouldn't recover if I confessed my feelings and lost his friendship as a result are they gay or straight sorry just straight I there's no it doesn't matter but it but I go on I don't know I don't know I'm afraid this feels so straight woman to me really I think it might be gay just that's why I was asking is I feel like we're all reading our own biases and doing and just wanted to find out but go on the final comment is what I did is a lovely PS

that says thank you for making you remember amazing podcast but obviously their problem and their question is should I bite the bullet and do it anyway thanks tea we have done problems of this style before but never like 30 six years exactly what I was thinking I feel like you've done the I'm in love with my best friend should I say it I can't bear losing their friendship for like 18 to 22 year olds like yeah we haven't even been in this position like yeah the feeling of like oh my god and also like I don't know if this is true for everyone

but like my crushers feel different the older I get the more like serious they are they're less flighty so like the more like you're like no no I actually do really fancy them it's not a case of just like maybe and to lose a friend that that's wonderful and oh

number one you might not lose them even if it isn't the answer you want to hear I would say that. It's not an either or. It would be difficult and it could be. I do think in respect to that you also have a big part to play like they might be able to get over

but would you be able to as a question that you probably do. The good thing about this being this age is you probably do know yourself well enough to answer the kind of questions you need to ask yourself like would you be able to handle it if you've got to know and still be friends? Have you also genuinely considered whether or not you'd be good partners to each other?

Because... It sounds like they would be though. Like don't you think? like they're able to support each other through big different life events throughout the years like why hasn't the friend said anything of this nature if they are interested like is that is there an absence there of mutual attraction

or is there a nervousness on both parties like do you really feel like I think as their friend you probably have a sense of whether or not they fancy you I'd say so I mean I don't know how long the last relationship or breakup was for either of you but it's also what feels like someone fancying you back

can sometimes be very good friendship vibes yes it can and that is devastating to misread but I think we all do it when you're like I think there's a vibe there and it's like no and sometimes it can be quashed within

an hour like there's a vibe and you're like no they're in a relationship I just didn't know that and like they're just very friendly list that you've got to say though do you think you do because it's like if this is a big thing for you and i think it'll be uh ever so ever so hard do you think if they're both single i think if it's something you would look back and regret you've got to give it a go yes and friendships are harder to make the older you get they're so fundamentally important it sounds like they have a borderline This thing, we're so different.

They have a borderline familial dynamic. No, I think this is just, we always get split on romantic relationships like this. I do actually, I ultimately agree with you. I come down on the side of you should say it. But I just really want you to think out, would you be good partners? Are they, what has gone wrong in your own relationships

that make, like, or what has been good in your past relationships that you think will work or won't work here? Just like, be sure is all I'm saying for your risk. Oh, my God, I want this to work so bad. I feel like I've got all the emotions. that I have when I have this feeling of like I need to say something. I've never had it twice

but like... Sineal. No, not Sineal! But like... When was this email sent? About two weeks ago. Oh my God. T, have you done it? Can you let us know? Please immediately. I think you should. I think, okay God, yeah, I think you should actually because I just think...

Oh my God, just know that we are... If they get into a relationship and then... But the only thing is to say, if they say no, and then they get into a relationship and they tell that new partner that you said that there might be an obstacle to you guys being... friends going forward no you'll move you'll move country and you'll be fine you'll figure it out that's what i did ah you'd be fine you'll be fine oh my god i feel like i can hear all the hogs at home listening to this just like tell him like we're sending love to wherever you are in the world like yeah

yeah i want this to work so bad by the way like it's like literally like you're so young this is like this is like you don't have to feel like this is like either i do this or i don't ever meet anyone or I have to do this because I'm at a certain age. Like, I just want to be clear, like, Ruth, the oldest person who listens to our podcast, Ruth, the mayor of Gigless. You're going to say, no. I'm joking. That was a joke. That was a joke because Ruth would think that was so funny.

Ruth is laughing. But seriously, Ruth's so old and fended girlfriend. And now, fiance at our gigs. So, I always feel thinking of that when I'm like, everything's to find. Do you know I met? I hope Ruth's laughing. Imagine Ruth's so I've really offended. Ruth, don't be offended, man.

I am mad. I met Ruth and Rachel's, like Rachel's sister in Brisbane. She came to see my show. Ruth sent her. They bought them tickets. That's so nice. She was so lovely. Oh my God, that's so sweet. I met her and I was like, you're just an absolute babe. And she was like, um, my sister met her fiancé at one of your shows. And I was like, oh my God, like what? And then I was like, is this Ruth and Rachel? That's so cute. And there can't be another one.

Oh my God, you must please. tea tell us everything also um the invites have gone out for that wedding and we're not invited so that was a tough thing to find out of my show from show in newark i don't care no me neither tim and dom got married didn't invite us either oh i saw timid the other day wicked but listen like just we're having a tough episode man yeah do not like just kind of where it's sort of fundamental to people's relationships doesn't mean they have to invite us to their weddings tea you have to let us know i'm so sorry and i know it's going to feel like you don't want to message us

if it's not exactly the thing you want, but we want to hear it. Oh, you do kind of have to message. I think it's love. Oh my God, what if T does it on camera and sends us the video? No, don't. Don't do that. Do not do that. That's fucking mental. Yeah, no, that'd be crazy. What is wrong with you?

Hey, how about this? Go to Matitude. If T does it and it works out, you have to tell Samil how you feel. That he needs to clean his fucking rude. Do you want to see the messages from when I left the flat? Like, I am so... Okay, you have to, how about this?

If tea does it, you have to try to kiss the Neil on the mouth one time and see how you feel. I could do that, I could film that. He would freak out. I think actually that would be really, really funny. Just, for anyone who's new here, by the way, Sunil is my housemate. Who I believe she's destined to be with.

No, you guys have vibes. We spend all our time together because we're both single. And you make such hot babies. I think it would be funny to film me. trying to kiss the Neil just to watch him either completely freaking out and lashing out or going with it. Disassociating to the point where you see him leaving his body.

Or a third option, you're both into it. Or third option he starts making out with me and I'm like, what is happening? What is happening? And then 20 worms arrive. And I'm like, sort of your room out. You're 43. Clean your room.

And stop buying things. You're going to fucking. read. You bought Dostoyevsky's the idiot. He hasn't read a book in eight years. He's not going to start with Dostoevsky. Listen, what if you just kiss him and then say

his tongue fatigue a thing? Okay, Slay, I actually would film that. That is very funny. Hot, hot, hot, hot. Do you know? In the way I went to see at the yard called

Multiple Casualty Incident. The guy in it, Rosa Robson, is like dating this younger guy. Yeah. And he sits on her lap. But at one point, and it's so hot. You don't often see that dynamic that way. And it was like, I was like, I'm so into this.

It's just a sexy thing to do to have a man in your lap. So you could do that with Neal to sit on my lap. That'd be so sexy. I don't think he's ever sat on my lap. Try it. Might start something, might get something going, might awaken something. Maybe we'll watch Sexy Beast again. We'll watch another Jonathan Glazer film and just get in the mood.

No, I just think, I just think say his tongue fatigue a thing. And then T can try the same thing. hot. I've solved it. Done. Am I weird today? I honestly think that's wrap up this episode. You see? I think it's only getting worse from here. Do you want to talk about the actual reason that we're mad? Which is that you have had a big therapy session.

You've brought that energy in. There's loads of stuff going on for you. It's going on to the table. I can feel it. And you're not talking about it. And so we've gotten weird. And I actually think you just need to tell me the truth of how you're feeling in the extras. What an episode? What an... What, you know what?

What? Just banter. A great example of female friendship. I'd say that. Do you think? Nope. Do you know what? We've got lots of lovely comments on Patreon

because we said we'd do every other episode just us. Yeah. And loads of people said, oh, I love it when it's just you guys. Well, they're not anymore. We're going to make them rude a day. We're going to start getting messages. We're like, bring in guests.

We've lived to regret it. We would like some guests. But I think most the messages are going to be like, what happened with T, T, please let us know. For sure. And now we're going to leave you. and for those who are on Patreon, we'll see you, we'll see you in a minute.

Bye! Bye! Whoa, Helen, we've got some new executive producers. This is so explicit. Holy fuck. In the Boogie section, all right. Thank you to Guy Goodman. Boogie, is it, boogey?

I lent on the G. I lend on the G. Bougie. You boogey. Anyway, thank you for supporting us our exec producers. They are Guy Goodman, Simon, Simon, Simon, Stephanie Katz. She has moved up a level, don't mind if we do. Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Matthew Thomas, Madeline Quinn, Grace O'Reilly and J.S.

A whole bunch of new guys. Thank you all so much. And shout out to our amazing producers. You know them. Sing along. It's Richard Bicknell, L, Richard Bold, Neil Redmond, Howard Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel R. Sady Cashmore, Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Zoe, Sarah and Molly, Ria Fink, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Graham, Amy O'Reardon, Abby Worf, Matt Sims, Luke Bright, Leah, Kate, Spencer, Tristan, Liz Fort, Tass, Anthony, Chloe, Becky Fox, Dean Michael, Sophie Chivers, Carrie Sooth, Charlie, eh?

Don't know why that one tripped me up. That's crazy. Casey, Haley Wharf, have I not already said that? They're two wharfs. Tina Wharf and Haley Wharf. Shout out to the system. And Kerry, no, oh no. Ozzie Steff. Jam Rain Bird Slay

Nathan Smith Amanda McCall Tamzin Smith Harding Hannah J I loved my favourite read there was when you said

Kate Spencer Kate Spencer Who's Kate Spencer She's one of our producers Yeah I know that But you said Kate Spencer Oh right okay

Oh thank you everyone For producing We love you all Thank you bye I wonder if Amanda's related to Davina