Trusty Hogs - Ep142. YVE BLAKE / Ghosts, Godparents & Gal Gadot

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

One of Helen's dream guests joins us this week: a musical theatre composer... Yes, it's the brilliantly talented and very funny mind behind hit musical Fangirls, Yve Blake! We talk hauntings, names, Taylor Swift drama, and our recent trips away.FOLLOW YVE: @YveBlakeTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'Reilly / Jay SPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Aussie Steph / Jam Rainbird / Nathan Smith / Amanda McCall / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah JWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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That's a degree better. Explore more than 350-plus undergraduate, graduate and certificate programs at ASUonline.asu.org. Hello and welcome to episode 142 of trusty hogs. I've just been on holidays, so I'm a little bit calmer than usual. Bullshit. Well, get this, Helen. Part of the reason I'm calmer is I am on day 11 without caffeine.

This is DECA. I don't like how this is going to end. I support you fully. Are you serious? Day 11. I had to. The doctor told me to. You, okay.

I have to go. I know. I've got so much I want to say, but I know I shouldn't because I'm supposed to support it. It turns out I don't need four copies a day. My personality is already incredibly jittery and intense. I'm literally saying nothing. Also, so I'm on this thing where they take you like a baby off all the things you could be allergic to and then you have to introduce them slowly. You have to be off them for six weeks and then you introduce them.

Elimination diet. Yeah. Yeah. I just am trying not to say the word diet. Okay. Because I don't want to get that in my head. But anyway, point is. Um, yeah, I haven't had caffeine in 11 days and I feel amazing.

I don't think the podcast is going to work. I, no, I will, I will be honest with you. I started on my holiday because I was like, I think I shouldn't see Helen the first week I don't have coffee. You're already so short with little Helen. I'm scared about what's going to happen. Through the fog, step for the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give me your problems and they will so.

of them or maybe they won't and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew white on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine at the trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not caffeine is one of the things you need to eliminate just to see if it causes like problems in your body well just because everything's like all of my issues are like digestive so they're like just take anything that would affect us. You're like a knot of necklaces and Claire's accessories and you're just pulling one out at each time. And I get it. So you're pulling caffeine out first.

No, they all have to come out for six weeks. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. My holiday was a holiday, sure, but also my first week without caffeine, alcohol, wheat, lactose, any kind of bean. Yeah, anything like ferments in your body. So, like, loads of fruits. loads of vegetables yeah so what you can have loads of stuff too yeah yeah yeah so what can

you have like lactose-free petty flu i can have um is that really the only food you could think of yeah well there's the other fruit and veg obviously literally blanking right now i can have oats oh you love oh i love oats but what do you have with the oats i've gotten really into coconut well i have my porridge with coconut yogurt and then blueberries on top delicious it's so good Andrew watched me do this morning It was beautiful It looked really nice I can have rice

And all things rice made So I've been making beer I had rice last night Oh my God I forgot to tell you the big one That I can't have No stay on me Stay on me stay on me You're doing so well

I'm so proud of you I was already so proud of you I felt really hurt To stay on me Get the big one The one that's hardest in restaurants You can't have onion or garlic It's in everything lads

It's in everything That's the only British flavouring I know But then you are allowed to have ginger and chili so m wrote me so many oh she wrote me like loads of food options that i could have for my fadmap diet um and so i am being making like stacks of this delicious noodle rice noodle and peanut butter or peanut butter peanut sauce is not peanut butter peanut sauce is not peanut butter peanut sauce oh like a laxa um no like a noodle salad i've been making lots of

is it like a sate salad yeah yeah yeah gaddo gaddo yeah no galgado no galgado no No, not Galgado, although I'd love to eat her for lunch every day, but I can't. By the way. You mean eat her out. You mean eat her out, not how many of a lizard, and I know that. I actually don't think I could have to be imagined saga, but isn't that sad? That's that charming. No, behave yourself.

No, but it's, well, yeah, that really popped me off. Who might be picky? All of that is to say that that's what's going on from me. And I guess I'm saying it because, like, I need you to be gentle with me. And also I'm saying, good morning. It's Trustee Hoggs episode 142. We all have growth and space for change. But also, I think the listener should know that this is our earliest ever episode in the day.

Did you know that? We've never recorded at 9 a.m. before. And so I'm coming in with an open, gentle heart. How are you? I just wanted to hear about your holiday because I... You did? Yeah. No, but you went to the new forest.

I did go to the new forest. forest. I went to the new forest. Annoyingly, okay, so I think there's like, it's a truth universally acknowledged that if a... Wait, what book is that? That's a book. Sensibility. No, pride and prejudice. It's pride and prejudice. I haven't read it, but I knew that was a book.

It's pride and prejudice that a rich man's always a wonderful one person. Yeah, anyway. But that, um, that if a self-employed person books a holiday, work will come in. If ever I need money, I'm like, Let me just book a holiday. There's the best paid job I've ever been offered. Great.

You got booked and blessed. I got booked and blessed, to be fair, but it meant that I went to New Forest on Monday, had to come back to London on Wednesday, went back to the New Forest. For like a corporate I had to come back. And then I... Like commuting like normal people do. Yeah, it's like a three and a half hour drive. Like you normally do.

Can you drive? No. I have found out of Hampshire many times. And then on Saturday I drove to Brighton for a gig that I also couldn't turn down but it actually was lovely. The Brighton Comedy Gardens, have fun. Some hogs were there.

I love the comedy gardens. Yeah, and the hogs were in. Woo-hoo. That is somewhere where you do get booked and blast. You really do, absolutely. And then I drove home and then, other than that, I wasn't. You drove from Brighton up to home?

Up to New Forest. Oh, that's okay. Yeah, so along, really. Yeah. And then, but other than that, I was on holiday. So, first part, Ellen was there. We had a gorgeous time. Yeah.

Then she had to go to a wedding that she forgot about when we booked her holiday. and she did have to spend every evening writing in an Australian writer's room but the daytime was we were on holiday apart from Wednesday and then Wait wait wait you didn't do it what do you mean

you didn't holiday no no and I sent you what text did I send you on Monday saying how proud I was of you because you weren't on your phone Helen I didn't want to I want to top me on holiday you're saying it like I'm the winner here you didn't do it

I tried my best. Then Georgie came because we were going to write together, but to be fair to Georgie, she's the most efficient woman in the world, so we got the writing done in like half an hour. And she was like, right, what else is there to do around here? And I was like, amazing. Turns out when you don't procrastinate.

Oh, don't. I've never been anyone like her. The things you can get done if you try is depressing. For context, my best friend is a civil servant, was a civil servant for the last 10 years. I just quit her job because she's an incredible, incredible comedy writer. And we work together on a lot of stuff.

but she just like is like doesn't have to be perfect just has to be done let's get the stuff that we need and like you're like huh and then we just get it done and she doesn't really like stop word chat in the interim

It's insane She doesn't even seem to want to have a snack every 20 minutes It's so weird Kids that go to Oxford and Cambridge She went to Oxford Their extreme privilege We've got to obviously caveat that

But like the things they can get done It's astonishing It's fucking weird I couldn't but she also comes from that civil service mentality Of just like As long as I Once I do my bit

and get it off my desk, on to the next, next bit, onto the next, onto the... And she's like, get it to the people who's turning it is now, and then we'll... It's insane. But honestly, I'm with you. We're saying it's incredible, but also, it is insane. Yeah, I agree. Like, there is a psychopathic tendency in every single... Like, who the, sorry, sorry, who the fuck writes a to-do list on Sunday night has it all ticked off by the following Friday evening to write a new one on Sunday evening?

If your to-do list, first line isn't finish old lists, You're not living. I agree. And also like, where are you getting your guilt from? Where are you getting your shame from? How do you ever get an overwhelming sense of dread? How are you putting other things off because of all the things you know you've never done? And the overwhelming sense of dread is what drives women in this day and age.

And without that, we'd be fucking useless. And we're already bloody half art. In many ways, the ones of the overwhelming sense of dread are the most ambitious women, even though we're all useless. You're dead, right. Yeah. And we're not well. No one's saying we're well. But at least we're not trying to pretend to be.

now we go well actually no I do sometimes I never pretend I know I'm mental but then then because we had some spare time then I went to holiday mode oh my god

well we'd already see Ellen and I went on a beautiful long walk on the wetlands and had seen the ponies which is beautiful but when George describe the wetlands for people from

not from the UK oh it's basically like walking from you're walking from the new forest so you're walking from forestry towards the sea and in between them is just like

puddles beautiful large bodies of water that have wild ponies that run everywhere and beautiful floor and fauna and stunning stunning birds a lot of great native birds hell and you'd be very happy that was delightful did you get any pictures of the birds but then get this you're gonna you're missing the best bit which is that i found we went for a dinner at this pub the gun in whichever you like and they have this wild flower garden that you sit out in but when i went to the loo i was like ha there's a little sign

on the door that one of the waitresses teaches yoga on a monday morning at 1030 in the wild flower garden. I was like, oh my God, heaven, heaven, heaven. Obviously, I convinced Georgie to do this. I didn't have to convince her, actually, to be fair. She was well up for it. I thought that she would think stretching was for hippies, but she was all up for it, so that was nice.

It is for hippies, but as long as you don't follow them to a second location, you'll find. That's, you're right, you're dead right, you're dead right. No, that is, that is the famous. Yes, it is, correct, you're dead right. And so, I love this. You don't have to learn a lesson twice. Good for you.

And then, so, but the thing is, we went, obviously, thinking, this is 10.30 on a Monday morning, this is going to be retired women. We are going to be amazing at this and they're going to be old. Please tell me it's just other artists taking a break. No, it was four of us. Great. And it was the most beautiful class. We've talked by an amazing yoga instructor. But who was like, because there was only four of us, was like, obviously able to see us at all times. And genuinely an amazing teacher who actually, I felt like really taught us yoga. It was incredible. But it was all outside. She had little flowers and our names on these cards welcoming us to our mat with a wild flower.

Shut the fuck up. And then it was just us and these two, honestly, two is the most impenetrably posh women I've ever met who arrived 20 minutes late to the class. Didn't thank anyone for waiting. Didn't thank anyone for it. We did wait because it's Hampshire, so we just waited because they'd text or whatever. And then every time they couldn't do something, they were like, they would, I've never seen anyone speak in a yoga class.

You just do the yoga. They'd be like, I thought you said left. Yeah. I thought you said left. like, oh my fucking, I can't do that. No one could do that whilst you're like, we're doing it. You're like, oh my God, they were furious. They were so, I've never seen anyone.

It was actually really funny watching somebody else be the most tense person in a yoga class. Because that was fine. That's kind of iconic. Yeah, I was like, this woman is furious. What was the bee situation like doing yoga in a wild gut, like wildflower garden? There weren't any inexplicably. So save the bees, I guess. We really do have to save that weed.

Yeah, we have, we must. No, there's no bees even at my yoga class. Then we know there's a problem. Get that, honey boys. but they weren't there for it. So you did relax. You did eat nice things. You've got like a big lifestyle thing going on.

But you're doing great. And then we went to the pig. You know the fancy hotel, the pig? I've seen it in people's Instagram. So we booked it for dinner. Okay. And I emailed ahead with all of my stuff and was like, is there any point in a kind of coming?

And they were like, yeah, yeah, come. Then we get there and they seemed like shocked by me. Shocked. And the poor waiter. The Irish thing or? No, you didn't email to tell them I'm I'm right. The diet stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Not diet. Yeah. Then I go, no, yeah, my diet. My diet's weird, I know. Restrictive intake of food? No, just elimination. Elimination.

Okay, damn it. But anyway, the point is... I am trying, please know I'm trying. I know you are. But I, the point of all of this is to say that I got there and there was a sweet ginger, I think gay, but certainly ginger. Working in food service. Yeah. Ginger.

And so, well, it's not like I'm going to catch it. It's already too late for me. I think that's probably where they gave them to me. But he was like initially like, oh, yeah, this is so entertaining. That's so fine. I'll tell the chef. And then it was like a busy service, obviously. And every time he came back to the chef, he'd just be like,

the chef's just a bit busy at the moment. But I'll go back and check that with him in a while. And I was like, you just got a play flung at your head. Like when you told him all the things I'm not allowed to have. Yeah, he was so stressing eventually. He was moved off our table. But to a different table, not like, because he was finished his shift. And I was like, that boy, had enough.

And you're not supposed to hug with the waiters. but I always want to. I know. When it's stressful, you just want to be like, it's okay. Everything's like, I'm not,

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna yell. I'm not the important table that's gonna be mean. I'm gonna tip you either way. Especially in a place like that I kept trying to be like, I know,

like hello, I know I'm the problem. Truly, I do, you don't have to, like, I'll eat anything, whatever. Between people who have done it. I agree.

And people who are currently doing it as far as hospitality, like like a wink or like a, I don't know, like a crotch thing. I don't mind how long it takes. I don't, It would be like subtle under the table.

I don't think that's it. I'm spitballing. Please, please spitball. Stop spitball. Yeah. In private is what I was going to say, but also stop spitballing. Why does that phrase come from? Let's not think it through. I'd love to know.

Thank you, Andrew. Okay, good. I'm so glad that you're having it Googled rather than spitballing about spitballing because the idea of you spitballing about spitballing makes me feel ill. Spitballing? Because I think of it as a business term, but it must be something to do with sports, no? Or is it something sexual like spitting on the balls? I hate you

Spitball was occasionally used in a figurative manner but largely remained in the classification of paper chewed and rolled into a ball to be thrown or shot as a missile so I guess you're like you're writing and then you screw up your paper and I've seen that in like American movies they do it like on the ceiling or they bully

by spitting on the back of their necks have you seen that in like yeah yeah yeah but that comes up with the phrase spitballing oh no there's also a baseball origin there we go spitting on the ball yeah it actually is

is to moisten one side to give it a curve. Oh, so you're like, you're curving. You're just saying random stuff. I love to learn. I don't know that you have to have a literal, but I'm not sure the etymology of spitballing, i.e. coming up with ideas, is putting a curve on it. Unless it is, oh, maybe.

Yeah, putting a curve, like just coming up with like, putting a spin on it. Here we go. Here we go. It's nice. That's nice. Countdown. Cats just count down.

Here we're from going to. Oh, my God. I would love dense position. Can you imagine? But I never want to. You'd be the only comedian. They'll be like, no, I will replace Susie Dett. I will not do a set.

I will not do a bit. I don't want to tell any jokes. I only want the book and I'd like some glasses, please. Let's go. I don't want to play. I want to correct. Please. Is that an option?

Do you know how at the moment, like, so many comedians, like, there's like a big crossover between the sporting world and the comedy world? Yeah. Like, yeah. So, like, for anyone who doesn't know, like, a lot of comedians getting no job, like, commentating on stuff. And I was like, oh my God, like, it's just like, it's an avenue that's so. not open to me right because I'm just like not into any sports properly. Could you imagine if the

spelling bee became as big here as it is in America. We would have a blast. I mean, no for you. I don't know if I would be invited. If I'm not in. They wouldn't invite me. They might. They might to sort of, you know, give the kids some perspective. Like do a dyslexic section. Just to give the kids some perspective. Like, see, it could be worse. But also, do you know what fucks me off about the sports stuff is the amount of emails my agent gets? That's like, we're doing a podcast with a football expert and then a comedian who doesn't know

anything about anything. I got those! I got those! And I'm like, I follow football. I follow Diamond League. I follow most athletics. Like, I follow a lot of sport. I was like, huh? Like, I know about...

I was sort of like baffled. Oh my God, by the way, I just watched Sprint on Netflix. Have you watched Sprint on Netflix? No, I thought you were going to talk about the one that you text me about. Oh, my God. I've obviously watched American sweet America sweethearts the um as everyone seen it Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders we're auditioning next year it's toxic as hell it's so bad it's not toxic no is it like justice for victoria

oh Victoria how do you not think it's toxic they all have Asian disorders what are you talking about every single one of them hates their lives no they don't read they all pretend they want to be Reese is in a cult it's called Christianity reese is in a cult it's Christian she's Christian Reese is in a cult. Oh my God. I watched it very differently. When the CEO is like, yeah, I mean,

they don't come here for the money. They come here because their dreams come true. It's like you are a multi- That woman's probably from a family that are like close on billionaires. And they are. It reminded me of comedy. Oh yeah, but no, but imagine there's a side

that you're the side hustle to a, yeah, well I guess that's TV. We do it for years. You do years and years of gigging for you're basically paying to do the gigs. You've got to travel there or buy a drink and stuff. Yeah, but these girls... With a side job and then hopefully eventually at least something better. No, but it's different, right?

Because there's a cap on that. This is the height of where they can get to. Their careers are over after this. Like, most dancers don't go beyond that. And also, they've been training since they were kids for this. So, no, I don't think it's the same at all. It's like they should be paid. At that point, they should be being paid well.

Also, the fucking football team's being paid so well. And they're a huge part of the attraction. I swear to God I want to unionize those cheerleaders more than I can say. I would also like to talk a little bit about queer identity with some of them. But that's separate. Okay. It made me very mad. I think you can unionize them, but you'd have to be on the inside so you'd have to get a job as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

I'm too old. I mean, that girl was like 33. 31. 31. Do you mean the orthodontist who they didn't let in? Yeah. Was she her foot? And her whole thing was how she was old because she was 31. No.

They mentioned her age. Yeah, they did, they did, but I think that's because we wanted to know. I always want to know people's ages when they were like auditioning stuff. I'm like... Yeah, but it was, I mean, good God. Okay, you're too old. Maybe you could go in as like a trainer. Did you really watch it being like, these are all perfect?

No, I was like, there's shit loads of problems here, but I also thought they were incredible athletes. And I feel like... That's why I think they should be paid more. Yeah. They should, hundreds of have paid more, but I don't think there's like... I loved them. I loved them.

I thought they were immense. I think Anna Kate is a psychopath. Oh! Why can't she show any empathy to her sister? She does. I just don't put that in for the storyline. You can't believe everything you see on reality Netflix. I believe everything I see on reality Netflix.

No. I loved it. I think we watched it very differently. Oh, sorry, I absolutely loved it. I loved it. Oh, do you know what else I got into all my holiday? I did watch a lot of TV. Sprint, America's sweetheart.

And Sprint is so good, by the way. If you like athletics, that all, it's about the American- Jamaican. Andrew, right. that down yep Sprint S-P-R-I-N-T

you could do the spelling bee very good as long as it's six letter words what words six letter words six letter words yeah and then and then I watched

the second series but I will go back and watch the first hmm she's nice and message her later sorry what's happened

remember before my holiday I said I wouldn't repeat things that you missed oh no I don't know they ran fast So how was your How was your holiday Andrew It was good, thank you Good

Yeah You went to Canada right I didn't want to Toronto And Toronto Pride was on when you landed Yeah I couldn't believe it We didn't plan it But we landed right in the middle of Toronto Pride What the plane

in the middle of the street. Yes. It was horrific. It was really bad. Super homophobic pilots. Super homophobic pilots. No, we landed and we went. Andrew and Reese bursting out.

We made it! We made it! It was great. We were lapping up the corporate pride. Tim Hortons were giving away like free drinks and there was all sorts. Timbits? No, there's just drinks, I'm afraid.

We had to buy the timbits. Oh, which one did you like the most? We didn't actually buy any timbits. We thought anything that we could get in the UK. we didn't prioritize. And don't eat carbs. Come on. Oh no,

I do eat carbs. Yeah. Not at pride in front of the other gay. That is true. There would have been a lot of judgment. Come on. It was interesting. There was a lot going on.

And because there was a really beautiful, my first pride parade. So we first landed. There was like an afternoon pride. And it was people's first pride. And there were loads of like, like immigrant groups and like refugee groups. Oh my gosh. And they're all wearing little t-shirts that said, my first. first pride and um it was very very sweet it was gorgeous were there babies were the children

of people in the microsoft yeah it was all very big family event it was gorgeous and um yeah it's really nice pride was great like an afternoon slot yeah so they had loads of parades over the whole weekend they had a dike parade they had a two-spirited parade they had the my first pride parade and then they had the big although the big one got called off because there was a big protest uh not a palestine protest rather than a gay protest. And they could all be at both. Yeah. But actually it was, I thought that was like the main event.

But everyone got siphoned off into this side street. And there was this whole street closed off with like market stores and food and all the gay bars are on that street. It was massive. It was really nice. Oh my God. Canada. What did the games of Toronto eat? I didn't see any of them eat.

Catherine is right. Dick. Helen, it's always did. It's always did. They're going to be so sick. Of what? Of dick? We'll just, you can't eat, you can't live off dick.

You can put a little maple syrup on it. A little bit of syrup. A little bit of syrup. Oh no. Had, had, had. I saw you went to the maid of the mist. Was that really fun? Yeah, we did.

You did. You did the what? And in, at Niagara Falls, you get a boat into the mist of the falls. They were Pim and Jam. Jim and Pam. Jim and Barry. Oh my God.

We can't record this early again. No, we're nailing it. I've sort of recounted every single thing I've done or eaten and we're both trying. I've got so much to say. I'm delighted. I can't wait to hear of it. Oh my God, I can, I can, I can vamp. Like when you're vamping, no?

Huh? What's the call when you're like filling time as a musician? Vamping. Yeah. Okay, amazing. But also we don't. V-A-M-P-I-N-G. Seven letters.

How do you count them so fast? It's too good. It's incredible. No, but it's just like, it's very, very good, Catherine. Thank you. You know what I'd love, actually. Genuinely, I'd love to see Spelling Bee with Catherine doing the serious commentary and then you're on the sidelines chatting to the kids.

Yes. I think that'd be really sweet. I have fallen out with children. No! All children. You have on that TV show. Oh my God, I did fall out. children on TV. Or maybe I'm not a kid's person. That was unfair. I should have won.

No, I was, um, I was, I godmothered. I had a baptism. Catholic church ceremony. Oh my God, of course. Congratulations. Congratulations. Full Catholic. Oh my God, congrats. Full. No sex. Absolutely loved it. Really? Yeah, you could have no sex to your marriage. Wanking's fine. No, I don't think you're supposed to do that either. No, fuck. No, you probably. can just don't tell them but there were loads of kids there and like afterwards what a segue what a segue that's all me but there was like clinging to the ass of a pig going there loads of kids there shout out to Sophie and my godson Jude yay Jude hey Jude Judy Judy

Judy and so and then afterwards we had like like food in a pub and like some drinks and there was like an adult's table and a kids table and the kids table had stickers and stuff so I was like just going to get on the biggest fight with like six like four kids even they were like yelling at me and I was yelling back

I said hi I'm Helen I'm four yeah that'll do it and this seven year old was like no you're not oh my god no you're not I'm seven he's four and this little boy was like I'm four and like looking at me like what the fuck's wrong with that one And I was like, I'm four too.

And he's like, no, you're not. No, you're not. Because I only come to here. And then his like big sister was like, yeah, he only comes to here. You're like that. And I was like, I've got Benjamin Button's disease. And they laughed and I was like, you don't even know what that means. And then it just got like became this massive fight about who's for and who's not.

And it's like, I'm allowed to identify as four. And I'm saying my body, my choice. They were having absolutely none of it, the little brats. Oh my God, you're exhausting. It was really tricky. And then my aunt tried to move me to the adults table. Wait, have you sat down with the kids? Yeah, 100%.

Oh my God, you're ridiculous. Because they get to go to food first. They are poor parents. You like vamp, like vamp. You like amped up. The parents actually were doing their own thing because I was just like having my own little like. Yeah, but you were busy amping up all their kids to.

It wasn't. I was just saying I identify as four. To a point of frenzy. No, you're not for. I'm four. Oh my God. Like you're a free. But wait, how does it feel to be a godmother?

I'm only four. Some of those kids on the internet are only four. who were smoking. No, who? That one kid that everyone was really worried about it. Oh yeah, you mustn't, you mustn't. No, you mustn't. Please do not start smoking and if you smoke, no, come on, come on. Don't do it. Yeah, it is. Yeah, be done by the time you're six. I'm gonna quit one day soon. I can feel it. I'd fucking love that for you. If I can quit coffee, you can quit cigarettes. That's true. I left the house about cigarettes today. I'm very regretting it. I'm very, oh, by the way, if anybody's thinking of quitting coffee, I thought it was going to be two weeks

of headaches. It was three days of the worst headaches I've ever had. And then, Just a week of being tired and now I feel great. Wow. Did you decide to do it like just one morning? You were just like from now. Yeah. Yeah. I did on my holidays because I knew I couldn't handle like seeing we're doing anything.

Doing no caffeine to the point of even like tea is gone. And having rhubribus. Robous tea. Yeah. My mum has Robous tea. I probably should stop with the decaf because apparently there's in coffee. Apparently there's a tiny bit of caffeine in that but I'm I'm easing myself in with I need the pretense.

I always feel like if it's only. just a tiny traceable amount doesn't really count. It's like cocaine, you know? Yes, I've always felt that way. And also, if you're not paying for it, it's fine. Or speaking of quitting things, you know, we got the giggles about Alan Carr in the extras last week. Catherine Bradts.

And you were confused about who you were thinking of. A lot of patrons have commented and said, were you thinking of Paul McKenna? Yes. The hypnotist, yes. Oh, my God, thank you. I was thinking of Paul McKenna. Shocking.

Thank you for writing in. Oh my God, I didn't know that was sitting in my body as a concern. Also, a lot of people wrote in and indeed direct message to say that no Spinelli from recess, her first name was Ashley. Oh, my God, of course it was.

The Ashley's episode. Oh, of course. Yeah. Oh, dang, I knew that. That is silly. Is this all in the patron extras? No, I think the Spinelli thing was in the main episode. Oh, damn it.

I was hoping I was just like thick in the extras. Like, because there was. divide it up like super on it in the main episode in the extras you know we've got a long day today i know we do we're going to bristol does this episode come out today today yes hi patrons it is currently 940 a m we'll see a bunch of you in bristol this evening that's crazy i know i'm excited for bristol i think it's going to be really fun i was excited for bristol and i am excited for Bristol. But I hope, dear listener, you'll understand when I say, I wish it weren't the same time as the semi-final. Yeah, that's unfortunate footy-wise. Yeah. But Andrew's just going to keep

me posted and I'm going to watch it while he's on. And I'm going to be listening to it in the car and start. We can have it on the stage with us if you want. I fucking love that. Yeah. I think a lot of people have done that. I've seen like people having their like James Corden did it. Oh yes. I don't know that I, I don't know that I had a play. I play. I saw it on like the The news. The news. I don't think we want that. Do you don't want, no, no.

To follow in the footsteps of. People are curious. Is it the Netherlands versus UK? Yes, very good. Yeah. UK. Wait. Yeah, we don't play together, do we?

No, no. Oh, that's a shame. Why can't we all get along? Why, though? Genuinely, why? I can't with this. No, we'll figure out later. I can't.

What do you want to do in the car? Do you want to do an audio book? Because I've got into Taylor Swift and Chapel Rowan and Sabrina Carpenter. I am really into Chapel Rowan. unsurprisingly initially I was like is this for me but then I was like obviously it is it is it's for everyone it's so good oh did you see the little girl those little curly red-headed girl she's like four and she was going around the house and they were like oh macaela macaela and she's like i'm not macaela i'm chapel and then she got to meet chaparone and she

was so star-struck it's really cute oh my god that's adorable we'll watch that video later obviously obviously after i'm done googling the my first pride Toronto pride because i know also like to see film of that. I do this footage online. Helen. Yes, darling. How are you? What's going on for you? What have you been up to? Godmothering. Is there a godfather? Scott two. Thank God. Proper Catholics as well because I refuse to renounceation or say I believe. Are there two godmothers? No. They gave you two godfathers. I've got two godfathers. Why do they have two godfathers? I don't know. Are they a couple? I think they needed more people to stand in between me and the father because my aunt said it was quite the spectacle of my eyebrows at the ceiling when I

had to pledge different things. And I was like, well, I'm not saying I believe because that's a mortal thing. But then my uncle said it's also a mortal sin not to believe. So I was like, well, I couldn't do bloody anything right. Yeah, there's no way. I have renounced Satan for the baby. I thought that one sounded good. Yeah, nice. Be mad to be like, no, no, no, no. Jude loves Satan. Bring him, bring him or her or them in. So we just like, decided to let that one be yeah but i didn't renounce sainton from myself because i feel like it's just oh it's done now it's too late it's done did sophie mind um no no no they're obviously not choosing you for your godliness no one was picking me for being to be a spiritual guide for baby

yeah yeah i am there for like babies little bit of fun but they are catholic they that's why they had a little bit of fun yeah yeah but not but not helen not helen not helen not helen And not Catherine. Not Catherine, but I did enjoy the ceremony. Nice. Number one, because I'd never felt like all the times I go to church. It's like for like friends' wedding ceremonies or whatever. But it's always like Christian, so I know exactly what I'm doing.

I know like the, I know the prayers. Catholic is Christian. Catherine. Do you mean Protestant? You guys are fucking different. Yeah. Okay. You guys are fucking freaks.

I mean, actually you guys are the different ones because it diverted. No, no, no, no. We're not doing this. Well, Protestants came second. You guys are so weird. Why, because we actually don't mind some music, and a bit of gold. We have music.

We have music. Oh my God, your music's whack. Sorry. The gold is mad, may I say? Yeah, I'm sorry, we wanted to decorate the church. Also, we have choirs instead of everyone singing along. We've got choirs. We've got more in common than we think we do.

Hey, isn't that nice? But I did enjoy the service. I thought it was quite fun. Long, though. Like, you've really got to. Yeah, definitely. It was like six pages booklet. and like baby needs a lot of like things sorted out yeah yeah well if you're going to get them

into a cult early you got to really do the admin yeah but it's like a lot of admin yeah yeah you got you're a promise and swear things the parents have to say I had to um do a cross on jude's forehead yeah nice and definitely real before walking in yeah I did I did a little smiley face nice oh I'm so glad I'm so bad kiss I love you in all of this fiction And if you're gay, you're not to feel bad about it, okay. And I bloody hope you are. He better be. I'm going to send you to Frozen the Musical every weekend.

It's closing. He's only got like five weeks left. Frozen the musical. Oh, they did a pride special. Oh, are you okay? And at the end, instead of having a big ice cape, she had a big rainbow cake. Why are you crying? I always thought I'd see it a million times.

Yeah, no, it's going, I'm afraid. Oliver's moving in, I think, over the Christmas period. Whoa. Hey, I don't want to change the topic too much, but we haven't talked about the big thing. I kind of thought, I was waiting to see if you'd bring it up, Helen. But I don't think we're getting there. Okay, I'll let me guess.

Are you pregnant? No. No. Any big changes recently? Frozen. Come on. You could do this. Okay, big changes in.

The world, the country. The general action. Happy new government. I knew that I just didn't because we didn't even get a chance to chat before we started recording because like we like to like use this as just sort of like a fun space

without like letting the world in but don't you feel hopeful for a moment okay I do feel hopeful just the possibility of being bored by politics did you watch it? Did you watch it? I watched every single second of it of course I did I was on holiday I could stay up to all hours who were you rooting for Blythe or Sunderland

Blythe or Sunderland Yeah What do you mean? The race to get the ballots counted faster Oh my God. I was like, what is that? I was like, what are you talking about? Oh, I have to say I had no investment in that whatsoever. Oh, that's all we, is that all you cared about? No, I changed my vote on the day as well. Did you? What should change it to? Green? Yeah, me too. It was such a safe labour seat. I was like, same. Fuck them. So I went green, but I haven't really researched my green MP. So I was like, also the greens definitely have some serious whack opinions on like childbirth and some terrible policies on an environment.

great option that's the thing but I also I just needed the labour party to know it wasn't no questions asked that's the thing it's not just easy you've got this and I gather they know from my one green vote that there's not no questions asked I feel the same way I'm like that that'll show them that's for your opinions that'll show them yeah

you lost one vote in a very safe seat guess what also happened in the general election the fleet is no longer conservative my hometown did you go live down at one point when I was living there was the safest conservative seat in the country. Did they go Lib Dem? Yes, well done.

Insane. My mum thinks it was her. She went to the hustings and asked some very tricky questions. Her and a group of divorcees gathered at the weekend. That's how they did they come up with their question. Do they fly in like that? They went to Liverpool to plan actually. They went on a weekend to wait.

To plan their hostings questions? Fuck off. How are we not open with it? And they were like, listen up you, Tory cats. They're obviously like posh, like Southern women. Just genius.

But my mum was like, she knew because she was walking around Fleet just after the Conservatives had put up their posters and someone had written Tory scum on it and you do not get graffiti in Fleet. You do not. Wow.

And she was like, and I was going to do it. But someone else already done it and I was proud of them. That's incredible. Oh my God, by the way. I went to, obviously, and from the New Forest, the Southbound...

Fleet service is phenomenal. Northbound, dog shit. I know, yeah. It's because the... No one told me. The Southbound burned down a couple of years ago. And they had a regeneration. But the Northbound's been left for years.

But you have to understand, I'm telling Georgie the whole way, oh my God, I came to the fleet services on the way up. It's the best services you've ever seen. It's amazing. It's going to blow your mind. So you just went to Northbound. No, I'd been to the South Bend all the way. I roll into the North Bend with Georgie who'd gotten the train to New Forest to meet me.

And I was like, ta-da-da. You know what? I am fucking sick of people like you. I'm sorry, Andrew, but one time, coming to Fleet Service station on your way out and you go,

Oh, Southbound's amazing. No, no, no, no. And then coming back up and being like, oh, it's shit here. Despite the fact famously, and I'm genuinely famously, the whole place, smells of toilets. We have the Scott Mills Bridge,

which means you can walk from northbound to southbound. Southbound is always an, Option and fleet. Always. Okay. Okay, well, I didn't know that. Say sorry.

Well, no, because it's still shit. And also, who wants to go on a freaking walk? They're trying to get back in the car and get out of here. You want to walk to stretch your legs. Oh, my God. Also, it's fun walking on a bridge over the motorway. Yeah, I'll give it a world next time. You get to go, what?

Vroo. You get to go what? Are you in a car? You sort of like stand there, like you're on the front of Titanic and go, voom, voom, voom, voom. Oh, I love that bit of the film. Loom, zoom, zoom, oh, it's really moving stuff. And Northbound, yeah, it's not our crown jewel,

but the fact that it's always an option to go south. You're fucking hideous. How about that? You don't think that. You're a fucking minger. No, I don't mean it. Wow, you're aggressive in the morning. You're really beautiful.

We have a guest coming on. Yeah. I said it like that. Helen, do you know who it is? I know who it is. Do you know what she does? I met her. Do you know what she does?

She does musicals. She writes musicals. We're very excited, please. Welcome to the podcast. E. Blake! Oink, oink, brim, brim, brum, motherfuckers! We're going on tour. Bristol's already sold out.

I can't believe that. And we've got a new date for Dublin, and Edinburgh and Brightner are selling pretty well. Where are we going and when are we going there, Helen, please? We are going to Bristol, 10th of July. If you got a ticket, great. If you don't, you fucked it. 17th of July.

We're at Brighton at the Forge Comedy Club. I love it. Me too. I just did my tour. It was amazing. Love it, love, love it. Come on, homoes. Get down there.

12th of August. We are at the Edinburgh Monkey Barrow. Tickets for that are going super, super fast. So please, but if you want to come. And also come see our shows as well. We're both on that day. It was so lame not to. Wednesday, 16th of October.

We are at London at the Clapham Grand. The Clapham Grand. Oh, it's a big boy. So feel free. Tell your friends. Bring your friends. Bring your aunts. Bring your uncles. Why not? I have to do a number there. That might be where we do lay miss. Finally, Andrew.

Okay, 19th of September, we are in Dublin at the Laft Lounge. That was rearranged. We're sorry about it. It was me. It was me. I had a job come in, which then got rescheduled, and Catherine doesn't know about that, so I actually could have. Wednesday 6th of November, we are at Manchester at the Frog and Bucket. I love Manchester. Join us in Manchester. Come see us, book tickets right now. Are you joking? I'm not joking. I love you so much. See you soon. Bye! Welcome Eve Blake to the podcast.

Helen just found out that she's a little bit queer. Oh my gosh, Kelly. On a count of how she wanks to women, watches only lesbian porn and would like to have sex with a woman, she's just newly discovered that she might, in fact, be queer. Happy Pride Month to all of us. I will be watching the L word. I'm watching the L word.

I'm going to watch it. I'm going to start watching it. Wow, that's a big retro move. And what was the other film I was told to watch? Um, okay, now as a queer person... Have you seen Carol? Love lies bleeding. No, what's Carol?

Love Lies bleeding is a bit intense. I'd go in with Carol. Yeah, start with Carol. Then you're about to love lies. It's a gay Christmas film. Yes. Oh, you need to know. Why have I not seen this yet?

There's also that one with Christian Stewart at Christmas. Um... Oh, yes. Here's the season? Happiest season. Thank you so much. It's so bad. It's so bad.

How are you? You know, I'm so good. But I'm, oh, please, women in STEM. Please. I'm good, but this is, so this is Wednesday of our tech week for the musical I've written and the reason I'm in London. Rewind. Rewind. Rewind.

Eve Blake. As far as we know, you began life out the womb, I assume, as a musical comedian. That's so true. That's my dark past. It's your dark secret and I'm sorry to begin with it. That's okay. Blow up my spot. You then found a way out.

I did. the light. You saw the light and you began to write musicals, question mark? True. You've written a runaway hit. Well, well, well, well, we missed a step. What step do we miss?

Come out of the womb, musical comedian, start writing musicals. Yes. And then in April, 24, the three of us met in a bar. Really important. Yes, actually vital. At the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

Well, Catherine, I arrived later and Catherine introduced me to you. Because we have the same agents. That's true. And I am, I immediately fell in love with you both because our dear friend Lou Wall, aka Lucifer Wall, I was with them at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. And they took me to the bar where all the comedians go. And they planted me down on a table. And they said, this is my friend Eve.

She writes musicals. And the way that everyone leaned in. They said, hello. Present and correct. You didn't, that's so funny, actually, that we didn't know you were queer right then. Hello. Go. Yes, exactly.

Okay, so, but you've written a massive show called fan girls. Yeah, it is called Fang Girls, yeah. And it's already done, taken Australia by Storm. Yeah, so this, it's crazy thinking about it. Basically, I have written this musical. It came out in Australia in 2019, first of all. Okay. Before the pandemic.

Before the Panasonic. Exactly. And so, like, in a nutshell, it's about how we shouldn't shame young women and people who aren't men for loving the things they love and how there's a double standard around how we make fun of like young women for loving things but then we don't make fun of... But football is very serious business.

It's very serious business but so too is Taylor Swift. Go on. Exactly. So that's kind of... But I get the Taylor Swift thing now. Have you listened to our new songs? Which one... I'm a Swift do.

Cruel summer, is it called? That's not a new song! It's wonderful. It's from five years ago, babe. And you've first love story, Helen. That one I know. It's a sleepy goose. That's old.

So I listened to, what was that? I downloaded it did a Taylor Swift thing. I think it was called the Best of Taylor Swift. It was probably because of the ERAs tour. This reminds me. I can't. Yeah, Taylor Swift, best of the best playlist. Brilliant.

Cruel summer I really liked. Anti-hero. Yes, that's also not named. Brilliant. Great. Total rhymes in that one. August. Yeah, we've heard all of them.

Yeah. I'm assisting. When do you have time to listen to all of these? Welcome. She's so good and so talented. Wait, Taylor Swift is talented? No way. I've never heard that before.

I feel like you're being like, but like she, you'd be surprised. This is more annoying than you discovering your, discovering your queerness. This is more annoying because it's like obviously. But I liked the red album. It's just. Everyone liked the red album. What are you talking about? I'm taking the piss, but I really support this.

This is really beautiful. This is really beautiful. And also you can't shame her because you're, that would be really going against brand. Precisely. And we've got to say on brand. Oh, I'm not a fan of hers though. Women do not support women. Behavi.

your scooter all the way. Who? Scooter Braun. Oh, Helen, you're going to love this. Oh, Helen, you're going to love it. Come on, go on. Give me a, give me a. I need you.

Give me an overview. Do you want to pray see? Right. Okay, so Scooter Braun is a man who discovered Justin Bieber off YouTube when Justin Bieber was, I want to say, 11, 12 or 13. It's not like a rapper who discovered him. Oh, Usher was also part of it. Okay.

But Scootabron at the time is a 25-year-old emerging music manager, and he sees this young child and he goes, I can make this kid a start. And he does. He makes Justin Bieber a star. And then he gets... Can I give a little pricey on your pricey? Beautiful. Really, really, really gorgeous place to choose.

Love where you're coming from. Very nice. Off you go. I thought we have to have origin story. No, I loved it. To really appreciate where it goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Scoot-Bron, he has Justin Bieber.

He turns him into the star that he is. But then he gets a stable. He has Ariana Grande. He is Demi Lovado. He has a whole bunch of them. Going young. He's going young. Yeah.

He is going young. Vulnerable. Yeah. Very powerful man in the music industry. Meanwhile, Taylor Swift, at the age of, I want to say 13, is signed by a man named Scott Boshetta. Boccetta. Either way, it sounds delicious. Yeah.

Oh, yum, yum, yum, yum. So from the age of 13, she begins working with him, and she signs a deal with him at his record label called Big Machine Records. But that deal means that he owns the masters to all of her recordings. So it means when she records a song, the actual recording of that song, he owns. She owns the publishing. She wrote the song, but he owns the recording. Okay. So after making, I want to say, five albums with him.

Five, correct? Five albums with him. She's now like one of the biggest stars in the world. Yeah. So she enters a new record deal where she can own her masters. And then she wants to buy them off Scott because she's like extremely rich. But no, no, no, no. He refuses to sell them to her.

He sells them instead to Scooter Braun. Importantly though, Scooter Braun. Inexplicably cruel and gross and fucking disrespectful of the artist and a female voice. That's mean. Yuck. It's also just like just exerting power because you can. It didn't feel like it was about the money. You know what this reminds you have car boot sales?

You know, when you're like your friend says, I'm going to sell you this Bewitch CD and you're like Slay. And then you get there and they've already sold it to fucking Emily Taylor. And they didn't save it. Yeah. Except in that scenario, you're in Bewitched. I like to think so. You're Adele.

It's crazy. Stop. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. So Scooter Braun now has her master's. Yes. Importantly though,

Scooter Braun also is tight with Kanye West. maybe they work together. So Taylor Swift then comes out and says that she's experienced bullying from Scooter Braun. He's like a really negative presence in her life. So of all the people to buy her musters, he's involved in the video. Yes, I think so, right? Somehow, some way, but I don't remember the details. There are many podcasts on this, don't you worry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The video being when King Kardashian. Listen to it after. Don't leave this one. Get back. Come back. Come back. After.

After. Thank you. Please. All to say that because of this, Taylor Swift went, okay, fine then. I will re-record every one of those five albums. And so she's been doing that for the last, how many five years? Taylor's version. So, you know, when she releases an album,

and it's called, like, Red Taylor's version. Yeah. She's gone back to an album she made, God, in that case, when she was, what, 20, 22. And then she's re-recorded, famously 22, actually. Famously 22, and re-recorded the entire album. So her fans now can stream that version of the album in order to stream it ethically so that Scott and Scott, Scooter.

Doesn't get any money. I want to do that. You must be only. exclusively listening to Taylor's versions. Yeah, you can't. It's imperative. With the best of the best, is it unethical? Why do people do that to other people? True.

Have you heard of capitalism? Yes. Because I remember telling you about it. Famously, it's awful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's not going to happen to you with your musical, is it? Do you own the master? I do, I own the masters. That you must.

I own the masters of trusty hogs. I do. No, you don't. We all share it. Does he actually? Because it is comedy cuffo, which is in Andrew's name. Yes, but every single. contract we've signed has been three-way. You're fine. Have you not

had any of them? What contract? Do you mean the email we had when we first started to do a podcast where we sort of like agreed to like share it equally and oh I love this drama? Yes and also you know the contracts we signed in relation to making it here and the we'll talk about I think I did sign one for here imagine if I was this good of Braun like imagine if I then go and buy the masters I would love it if we went back and recorded every episode we've already recorded. But we're like, but do it twice, Helen's version and Catherine's version. Really good.

And we like, just see the streams of each one. How would we organise that without Andrew? He'd get us. I was like, yes. But we could also have Andrew cut. We could also have the Andrew, the MasterCart. Andrew's version. Which is Andrew going, you fucking moro.

I own you pieces of shit. Oh my God. Can I ask some tough questions now? Please, would you? Favorite musical? Oh, okay. Well, we actually have had this conversation. before and I'm so happy we're revisiting it

because I actually to some people this is controversial but I think legally blonde the musical is a masterpiece that's not controversial in this house oh good I think not one syllable is wasted of those lyrics musical me and Catherine saw together is it now and yours will be the second oh what that you've seen together

yeah that can't be true yeah I'm really spacing them out because I love them so much but I like to just leave a gap Catherine is newer to musical theatre fandom but no less of a fan. I love, welcome. Thank you. That's so good.

I think I'm excited to be here. I just, I think I haven't found my musical yet where I'm like, that's the one that's like changed the game for me. But I, although I say that, I haven't seen it ever, but I have listened to Fun House and that did break me into a thousand pieces. Yeah, that's really important. I haven't listened to Fun House. Home.

Thank you. Fun Home. And I did mean Fun Home. Fun Home. I know, I wasn't going to shame you. Why, you should correct me? No, because I don't want to be one of, like, those musical theatre fans that's like, oh, you mean, funnheim?

Oh, no, it's important to say that I've read the graphic novel. It's just early and I'm tired and I'm off caffeine. I'm on day 11 without caffeine. You must correct me. Oh, that's day 11 without caffeine. Yeah, how's I going? Honestly, later on, I could be like, my name's Claire. Like, people have got to check in with me and correct me.

I'm not awake yet. You would be such a good, Claire. Thank you. Holy crap. Why? I don't know. It just works. It just works. In the same way, I'd be a good Melanie, but no one knows why.

Yes. Do you know what I mean? You'd be a good Amy, sorry. Oh, my God. No, my God. There's actually a crazy story behind you saying that. Go on. Okay, this is huge. Okay, so I was not born, Eve. Like, I picked that name when I was 18, which is a whole story. Which says, I'm not Bohorse. Go on. Great. It explains so much about why it's spelled with a Y. I feel like that's so 18 to be like, it's Eve, but with a Y.

Yeah. Anyway, so when I ask people, when, when I'm not. I explain this to people. I then ask them if they can guess my birth name because this is really fun mini game of Rumpel Stilts. Can I get to play? Right? I'm like, what do you think I look like? Right? Anyway, and so I go, you just do three guesses and then I'll tell you. And consistently, people always say Amy, Emily, Amelia, always. Wow. I know. And so is it some past life stuff? I don't know. That's very wide. Are any of those, your name? No. No. Can we guess one each? Yes, please, please do.

Oh, this is so fun for me. Wait, we get one guess each, so that's a lot of pressure. Sure. Okay. But think Australia, because they are different. Both of my parents are British, important information. My parents were born. Thank you.

And my parents are a bit older. They're born in 1947. I'm going to go, Catherine. No. But I would. But that would be so nice. Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't it be nice?

There was a lot of hope in that. And the names you've already had, Amy, Emily, Amelia. And Amelia. And I've just guessed. And we know none of those are correct. Okay, you are a... Rebecca. No.

Dang it! What is it? What is it? What is it? You've got a third guess, babes. Do we have a third guess? Yeah, but you just guessed two names and there are three guesses, so there's one more. Sarah?

No, but that is the closest. Is Sophie? No. Oh, darn it. Sarah. No. Sarah, sorry. It's not the first letter that's close.

Ira? Aira? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're in the neighbourhood, you're in the neighbourhood. Cara, Sarah. That's the closest so far. Laura. You did it.

Nora! Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so your parents call you Nora. No, Laura. Laura. Laura. No, no, no, actually even better than that.

So, Laura is like, there's not really many great nicknames. It'd be weird for your parents call you Nora if your name's Laura. That's true. That's true. It's not that many great nicknames, right? Rory. It's like, what Rory? No.

No, we already found out my name. It's Laura. No, no, but that's a nickname for Laura. Rory. Oh, that's right. Well, I didn't think of that. Okay. I didn't think of that in the 18 years.

Everyone would go like law and then they'd sort of just look at me apologetically like, that's not it, is it? La La La. Do you know what I mean? I like to say Laura. Laura. When I was 18, I tried to fix this. I came home and everyone at school was getting nicknames and my name didn't really work for one.

So I came home to my parents and I was like, I know. I'll get them to call me a nickname and then everyone will copy. So I was like, hey, mom and dad, everyone at school is not calling me Laura anymore. They're actually calling me. and I didn't really figure out what it was going to be. So I improvised. I was like, they call me lolly because I'm sweet. And my parents...

You're about to your parents? That feels very sexual. Yeah, it does feel like you were going to get a threesome going. Like, what? What am I like? Anyway, but here's the best part is that they tried for a week to call me lolly, and quickly that became lull. And so to this day, that's all that they call me.

And when they write me little opening night cards, they say, we love you, lull. And everyone thinks they're joking. Oh, that's so... Congratz loll. Lull. Lull. Loll.

It sounds like it being sarcastic. If there's any Lora's out there listening, please let us know what you use for a nickname. We would love to hear from you, I think. I can't believe this. Yeah, they call me Loll. I can't believe you change your name when you were 18. I would love to have done that.

What would you change it to? I don't know, because it changes all the time. I thought the name Jade was the coolest thing in the world when I was younger. Yeah. I just wanted to be a jade so fucking bad. I don't know if I would have pulled it off though. I think you could. Do you think?

The Helen I've met now could, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, she could. I always want something more exciting. My sister's called Marianne, which is such a great name. It's very Austin. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah, all very Austin.

It's really got some theatre to it, you know? It does. But, like, I don't know, something, I always like the name Beth. I loved the name. I think Beth is such a beautiful name. Because my middle name's Elizabeth, so I always like Beth. I was like, why couldn't be my first name? I don't know what, but the thing is Helen suits me so well.

I would have gone for like, if I was younger, it would have been an Annie or a Halley, like something from Parent Trap. Really good. Like, I thought Hallie was really cool. I thought all the American names was so cool. Yeah. Like, if I was a boy, I wanted to be called Brick. Like, I just thought it was so.

Brick. Yeah, well, that really was, it took a turn. I was ready for you to say, like, Chad or like a classic American name, Brick. Brick is a classic America boy's name. According to many. There's like, there's like thousands of bricks walking around in America. Behavior, though. They are there genuinely are.

Hell and I've never met a brick. Oh my, yeah, but you've never been to America. Have you been? Many times. Damn it! I, but I, I stand corrected. Crazy, cool. Or, like, I don't know.

Wait, we didn't even. Samantha. Oh, huge. Why are you putting so much emphasis on the man? Samantha. Samantha. Amanda. Like, I think those names I would have really suited.

Like, being Amanda. Oh, that would be fun, wouldn't it? Like, hi, Amanda. Yeah, so the same intro. These have massive racks. Probably. That seems great. Or go really old school and be like a Sue.

Sue. Hi, I'm Sue. You could not be a Sue. Everyone would think you were a lot older. Somehow that name really ages you. Yeah, I've never met a young Sue. I'd like to. Oh, I'd love to meet like a really little Sue.

Like a three-year-old Sue. I know. I'm a two. Sue. Baby Sue. Oh, Sue. It's like how you don't see any baby Gary's anymore. No.

Do you know? There will be some coming back because it's like famously so. unpopular's name a baby Gary that people are going to rebel by calling a lot of I have a story about the name Gary. But wait before, and I want to hear it but just to clarify yes you're taking your show oh really really good yeah really good

from Australia to London. Yes so it came out in 2019 yes in Australia pre-panic we got there I'm so sorry I'm not good at this job I think you're excellent at it so long but that is on

Mandy, I think you're perfect. No. Yeah, I think that. Stupid Sue! Stupid Sue! Sorry, 20. Really, Laura, please. Focus, locus.

All right. In 2019, it came out in Australia. Yes. And then, you know, it's a musical that's not based on a book or a movie or anyone famous. So we didn't expect much to happen, but it just blew up. And so many people came and they were like lining up around the block. And then we were like, great, we'll go on tour in 2020. We didn't do that, obviously.

But we toured in 20. 2021 and in 22 it went to the Sydney Opera House. I know, I died. And then now it's going on in London, but in London it's a brand new production. So like new set, new costumes, new cast, new choreographer, who works with Beyonce, crazy. What? Absolutely, it's luny tunes. And so I'm here.

We're in the middle of our tech week, which is when, you know, you run the show again and again and get the lights right. Yeah. And I've come to record this podcast, but otherwise I'm just in a dark theatre from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. every day. Oh my god, we're so honored that you were taking time right for us. I would never pass up an opportunity to be with the hog. Which theater are you in? The lyric hammersmith.

Andrew, do you have a problem for us? We do indeed have a problem. Bad, I'll be from a fucking woman. I'll tell you that for now. Of course it will be. They tell us all their secrets. Thank God. It's from a gay man. Oh, yeah. Finally, someone we can try. To keep us easy This is from you

Hi you You says hello hogs I have a question for the girlies That is I love that I'm a gay man 31 and have been in a committed relationship For the last two and a half years

However he sort of pulled the carpet out From under me recently As I found out he's been on Grindr for two months Messaging and sexting other guys Turns out he'd been thinking about wanting to open up our relationship and didn't know how to talk to me about it, so I thought she'd have a little look around

and see if it would help him figure it out. Now we've spoken about it and I am open to giving things a try, but I just feel so angry, sad and betrayed the life I thought I had and would have for the foreseeable has completely changed. I don't know what to do with these feelings as I want to try and work it out as if I didn't, I'd always wonder what could have been

because I do absolutely love the fucker and I do believe he loves me too. I love the fucker. Really good. We've just got a communication problem, but I do wonder if we maybe want different things. Sorry if this is long and a bit of a bummer, but would love to...

Really good. Behave. We'd love to hear your thoughts. I've considered throwing him in a well, but I can't find any. Many thanks to you. Private message me on Instagram for the well. Oh, I really love you. I know.

I'm so torn here, honestly. Really? Yes, because I know it's like, I know the obvious answer feels like betrayal of trust, betrayal of trust, but I also feel like everyone's horny and that's just a fact. I don't care if you're horny. I think if you want to... Wait, wait, we mustn't, we have to let Eve. Because Eve is an enabler, I think we have to let her go first and think it's through

folly with her advice because otherwise she'll agree with us. Sorry, Eve. No, no, don't apologise because, well, here's the thing. I know that the obvious answer is like... why has this person betrayed you? But like, let's not forget, remember when Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce because he thought she was too good for him? Yeah.

Like, people cheat for crazy reasons. They do. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You think she believed that? I just think, like, I don't know. I don't honestly know what my advice is in this situation. But I have been in a relationship where someone went outside of the relationship,

but then we stayed together and it felt like it was the right move. And did it get back to your place of trust? Yeah. And how long were we together after that? Now that I think about it, six months. And why did you break up? It's a completely different reason. Nothing to us trust.

No. Okay. That's pretty cool. No. Go, Helen. Go on, Helen. I personally hate it when someone gets caught in something and then has their excuse. Like, if you are considering opening up the relationship, you have to talk to your partner first.

if you're not in an open relationship before you even explore that thought because then when someone goes to, hey, you've been grinding for three months you've been like messaging people, blah, blah, blah. And they go, oh, because I was just trying to figure out like my sexuality and if I wanted to open up the relationship. That's such fucking bullshit.

A reactionary answer is a defense. And I can tell you why, and I know the main question is like, I'm angry, like how do I get over it? Because they haven't taken responsibility for being a fuck. Like until that person goes, hey, I should have come to you first. That's actually a really good point

because I'm thinking about it now, and if you sprung their partner, that's actually really different. In my situation, they came to me immediately and they're like, and then that's different actually. Oh, that's so different. It's actually so different than getting sprung. Finding that they've been on grinder and the person being like using that language of like, but I was wondering whether I should open up the relationship. Yeah, I've done a four one. You've still done a bad thing. It's not a bad thing if the communication is there early and you're going to be angry and not be able to trust this person until they take responsibility and say, hey, yeah, I fucked up. agree wholeheartedly I think the big I completely think you're right I do also think here's the thing is I agree that you I just don't get clean and um no I'm joking just so sticky um yeah that

thank you for taking that um here's the thing um one I agree that it's like if they've never mentioned opening up a relationship before and it does feel you will you'll never know whether or not um it was just a justification but also in terms of like whether or not this person is a good person to enter into an open relationship with, aye, aye, aye, red flag, red flag, black, black, because it depends so much on communication and trust. Like, most people opening up a relationship do so, if you do it healthily, you do so with like shared rules, but also shared values, shared hoped outcomes, shared, like, trust. And he has come already said from the outset, one, I don't value your opinion or your

boundaries two i don't like take your trust as something that i i am going to treat carefully and three my needs will override your well-being in on the most flimsiest of terms like i just i truly think it's like there's so many indicators of why that would be a bad person to be an open relationship with i think that there's still a way back which is like they apologize they take responsibility they have to take responsibility and you then i don't think you're in a great place to start an open relationship. I think this person, the anger is such a tricky thing. Once it's there, it doesn't go away easily. Yeah. And that's not a bad thing. Anger is a very normal emotion I think gets villainised. But like this, yeah, your partner just needs to step up and be like,

hey, I was wrong and this is why I was wrong. And this is why I wouldn't do it again. And then if you entered into an open relationship, it should be like when you're both on better footing, where you're both like taking each other equally into account. I really agree. And I just want to say I had this out of body experience while you're talking where I was like how do I make Catherine be my aunt how do I I'm going to come to you with everything now there was just this incredible easier when it's somebody else isn't it true I don't know I heard it and I was like I don't know maybe it's fine I just think it's a lot easier to intellectualize and to give advice when it's somebody else that is my genuine feeling but I also know that that is like I'm not

in love with this fucker so that did break my heart your fucking needs to say sorry yeah your fucking needs to say sorry. And actually take responsibility and then take a fucking pause and a beat until you tell him you're ready to discuss that. And if he can't, if it's like so urgent that he fuck someone else, then like, I don't think you're

on the same page. Get a flashlight. Is this that urgent? She solved it. Or as my house point says, don't have money for a flashlight, get a pint glass and some porkments. It'll do the same job.

That's hell. I really didn't see. this going there, but wow. Does it have to be pork? Any mints, any cold mints? I don't know, she's just being on brand because it's trusty hogs. Oh, nice, nice.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, we support our pigs. That's our brand, yeah. Is that supported to pigs or disrespect? Shout, Snilipal and slime country. Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky. That's our brand. Fuck mints in a glass.

You know what? You're all cringing, but you and I both know there's a lot of guys at home right now grabbing their pine glasses. None of those guys have listened this foreign to a conversation between three women. They have. I'm also thinking...

I can hear them squelching the pants and now. Just don't use a glass one I think. Use one of those plastic ones, I think. Don't you think? I'm nervous about people reaching for a glass. I think a pint glass. Yeah, I agree. It's famously quite a thick glass.

Okay. And... But if you're holding it too tight, if you're squeeze it, that could... I'm nervous about that. No, you're right. I think you're right. So listen, boys. Put the pint glass down.

Pop it down. take out your mince that's going to need a thorough washing pop it in the side you're in the zone you can't wash up right now get a plastic cup or a bucket

no you can use one of those like you know like water bottles that are plastic or like sports bottles that you put the big cap on oh with a white mask and you're bouncing your balls off the top of it

and that will dig in and hurt I'd imagine duct tape around the edge of it yeah a little bit of soft edging I've been working in theatre too long but you'd want some foam around it wouldn't you

you know what boys it might be worth just buying a flashlight. There we go. By the time you buy all the things you need to make this prop and you could just buy a flashlight probably. But put the cloth down! I can hear you. Please, please, please.

Okay, so where and when can people see fan girls? So true. So our first preview is this Saturday the 13th of July. Oh my gosh. I know. How long are you running for? And then we go to August 24th. Amazing.

So we're on for the summer. Lira Camasmith. And Charming Theater. Yeah, ticket starts at 15 quid. What? yeah, for real. But like, also, I know, the thing is, like, yappa, yappa, yappa, yapper, like, I wrote musical, but genuinely, it is really special.

It's like, this cast is really quite special because they're all like, they're all like in their early 20s, they're fresh out of drama school. And, like, you know, when you meet someone that age and nothing's hurt them yet? And so they're just like, wow, this is my wig. Wow, I'm in a musical, wow! And then they open their mouths, and they all sound like Mariah Carey, and then they kick their legs so high up to the sky. and I just sit there and ball.

They're amazing. I can't wait. But we're going week two. We're very excited. Very excited. Obviously just because I want the youths to settle in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

You want the glee kids to settle. Yeah. Really know this stuff. Come on. You know, don't drop any lines now. I'm not supportive enough for that. And do you have any recommendation of places we should eat around Hammersmith? Oh my God.

I wish I knew. You know you had a chance to explore, yeah? Well, honestly, I've just been like running to Pratt. Oh, my heart. Lunch breaks, babes. Pratt, okay, can I... Oh, there's a Wagga's nearby. How familiar are you with UK food chains?

A little, I've lived here for three years, ten years ago, but what are you about to tell me? I'm just... It's all changed. Honestly, I just consider this very important, like a prayer. Did you come here for a university, is that way? Yeah, sort of. I only went to uni for a year, and then I stayed for two more years. No.

It'su. Oh, I'll say it again. It's Sue. Isn't it? She is the one, she is the main doll. Yeah, she really is. What do you get from It'su? Okay, I get the...

rice bowl terriaki and then I either get a geosa warm if it's like a cold day and a little miso soup or if it's a hot day I still get the rice bowl because I like it and it's filling but I get like a little shashimi platter and then I get like a little of the um they've got like a ginger and lemon kombutra oh I love the luncheon nice I do this salmon festival or carnival I'm never sure which one it is it's delicious is it like a sushi yeah yeah yeah delicious Look, we don't have an Ittzu and Hammersmith, but there is a Wasabi. I believe you do. Wasabi's also good.

Inside the train station? I don't think there's an it's. If there is, it's going to change everything. Because we've been rehearsing for six weeks. And if I've been not having my it'su, that'll be really gossing. That'll be gutting. If you've been giving all that money to press. All that money to press.

Sheff is the nearest. I'm so sorry. Thank you for checking, Andrew. Andrew, I love you for that. But wasabi's a great second choice. Yeah. It's not the same. It's pretty good.

It's poor equality. The food's more sloppy. I like it. I thought you're going to have to put up with wasabi. I think I don't like wasabi. I think I like wasabi just as much. Sorry. You're a fucking moron, Catherine.

Sorry. They don't have the kombuchas though. They, do they not? I don't believe so. Surely at this point in London. I could be spreading misinformation. You go into a wasabi and it's just warm.

Like the area's warm. What? What's a warm venue? The one in Paddington is a delightful. The temperature of a Greggs and I don't want to buy sushi someone that's got the same temperature as a great. No, go to the one in Paddy. it's ideal really ideal guys honestly the it'su and paddington yeah obviously not if you're

going to a show in hammering where is that i can just picture the wasabi under the stairs i really hope you get free it'su after no the was i'm talking about the wasabi and padding actually is okay the show was on at the hill at the hill at the lyric in hammersmith and it's starting on the 13th 13th july right the way through to the end of august to the 24th of august how exciting oh my gosh i wish you all the best thank you so much thank you so much i'm really pumped the floor is an LED screen It's like really fancy fans. Oh my God. Yeah, I know.

Oh my God. I love that you just keep growing. And the choreographer worked with Beyonce. I know. It's a little bit gross. It's a little bit gross. It's exciting. When they had the LEDs running down from the top to the bottom with the messages being sent.

Or like the curious instant of the dog in the night time when they had like a LED light up floor. Okay. Wow. Okay, Helen. Yeah, I like me. Okay. If I'm musicals or LEDs, we're not even sure. But wait.

Light emitting diode. Oh, where can people find you? Well done. Me? Oh, oh. I'm on. I'm on Instagram at Eve Blake, but Eva's spelled with a Y. Because obviously I picked it when I was 18.

Yes, but also you can head to Instagram or TikTok and it's just at Fang Girls Musical and you'll see all my singing baby children singing and dancing. Oh my God, we'll see you there. I can't wait. We're so excited. We're so excited. Thank you so much for coming in. Thanks for having me. Give it a free everybody.

Thank you.