Ep145. Skateboarding, Slugs & Simone Biles
00:00 At Arizona State University, we're bringing world-class education from our globally acclaimed faculty to you. Earn your degree from the nation's most innovative university online. That's a degree better. Learn more at ASUonline.ASU.org. Hello and welcome to Trustee Hoggs, episode 145. I'm Helen Bauer. And I'm Catherine Beauxhart, and you're being weirdly serene. It's spooker me out. How are you guys doing? Hey, thank you for joining us today, dear list. I hope the sun is shining on you.
00:32 I hope your friends and family are well. I hope you're keeping well. What? I hope your mental health is thriving. No. You're just having the summer of your dreams because you deserve it. Or if you're listening to this in let's say 2048, the world's still turning.
00:47 We're not underwater and the aliens haven't arrived yet. That's what you think is going to actually. Please welcome to Trustee Hoggs. Through the fog, step for the trusty hogs. Yeah. going to give them your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't
01:05 and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not.
01:23 Welcome to trusty hogs. This is the podcast where we tell you about our perfect lives as they increasingly descend into madness and we answer your listener problems and goodness me don't you guys have a lot going on so we do need to get to those pretty pronto but at the meantime hi Helen Bauer
01:37 it's warm we need to get to the problems pronto who can't do 50 minutes I know I'm doing one problem panic to the end oh my god it's so warm in London it's a surreal to be in this air con room with you even though it feels bizarre when it's been such crap weather
01:51 to be inside on the one day it's 28 degrees but oh my goodness me it's too hot out there I am loving it we've had such a slug problem with the rain that it's dried up the sluggies have gone oh where have they gone to and there was one in my room so apparently all gathering in my bedroom but like it's just we're just it's butterflies which i hate even more than slugs but like either way they're trying to get in your ear they're trying to get in your ear they're they're their whole plan that's their whole fucking
02:18 you look at them that's they're not gorgeous it's basically a moth with a nice coat on think about it think about it it's a moth with a coat on it's a moth with a coat on It's exactly the same thing. We're just better branding. Okay, I like both, but fine. You like moths? So sweet. Like, I'd like them out of the house.
02:37 I don't want them on my clothes, but yeah. I'm having a fight with a moth at the moment. A specific moth? It genuinely is a very specific. It's a big boy as well. Why are you having a fight with it? Because he's pissing me off. Where is he?
02:49 And he lives in my parasol in my garden for my, you know, my picnic table. Yeah. He lives inside the parasol. How is he harmed you? He's inside. Oh, he's outside of me? So every single night. night or like morning even I put it up and he goes
03:02 and he makes that sound he has a weight to him that he came in my room once landed on a metal cabinet I had and he made a noise okay but can I just say if you were hanging out in your parasol sleeping frankly and then some woman whenever she felt like it whenever she felt like it just was like doge morning you'd be like Jesus Christ good morning oh my god as well I'm too scared to do the dush now I literally go out I like
03:28 open it and then I sort of like flap it very gently the other day it came towards me I was like he knows what I'm doing and I've sent to Neil
03:36 so many messages being like I'm going to kill this month if it's there next day I'm going to kill it I'm going to kill it
03:41 I can't do it I can't do it because he's too big it would make a horrible sound it's I can't it's too big I don't know
03:49 how I would do it no I think just let it be just let it be there's like he's like weing or pooing on my parasol
03:57 that's got like brown marks on it from him. Okay, now I am on your side. And I reckon... That's not right. I reckon he's going to bring friends. Or birth to them.
04:06 He's huge. Maybe he's pregnant. It's been, you know, it's been a tricky summer for me, actually. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm glad the sun's out and that we're hiding in from it nonetheless. Here we find ourselves on the indoors. Well, it has been a tricky summer, but I'll tell you what, we had a gorgeous evening the other night.
04:21 We did. Guys, you know, we had Eve on the podcast, and theoretically we were talking about her musical and I was hyped and I was so... pride of her but having gone to see it what the fuck get a ticket for fan girls immediately it's so so so good i loved it i haven't seen a show about like teenage female teenage angst and that was that good ever it's so good if you were a fan of the disney pixar film turning red you will lose your mind for this it is so lush we had a couple of incidents i'll say that do you remember what happened in the second half when i choked on my own
04:58 owner. Oh yes, I did. But I thought you handled that. It was like real grace. You were very demure. You only had a hacked a bit. It was the worst thing. We've all had it in like the cinema or like assembly at school or like the theatre where you breathed down the wrong hole and you're like, I'm going to joke. But like it was one of those like really quiet, nice scenes. And I was like, it was also wild. There had literally not been a pause in noise. This thing had been like euphoric, like really, really growing songs, like huge, huge, huge numbers. And the second. and when quiet, it was just you going, and you were trying to keep it in,
05:34 which was so polite. But yeah, it was tough. I was, like, holding it in. And then I was like, oh, there's a big cough coming, but I can't get away with it. And I had, like, a very limited amount of water left. And, like, I couldn't turn to you because you were just double-fisting the prosaqa.
05:47 Like, no one's doing it. And I was like, we're not putting bubbles on this. We're not putting bubbles. No, and I wouldn't have shared a glass with you regardless. So I was, like, half looking at the exit being, like, I have to go, I have to go. And then Catherine just like, very gently, just placed her.
05:58 hand on my knee to be like we're here it's okay you will figure out breathing at some point but also keep it cool they are performing and it's their press night oh my god you took so much from i was just getting a bit of hands like i'm into the coffee now i'm joking imagine i was just like yeah it's mortifying just to choke it is it's so mortifying and it's so silly because we all do it but it is just one of those like it's one of the most debasing activities it's like so humiliating. Why is it so demoralizing? That's tripping tripping hell on earth, hell on earth. And do you know, getting the hiccups when you have
06:37 had enough to drink that people think you're drunk, but it's not that. That's not why. Oh my God. I wasn't even drinking. It's not that. It makes me so mad. It makes me so mad. I don't know if that's a pitch you can receive on a podcast, but I've gone for it. But it was so good. Thank you. Yeah, it was amazing. It was amazing. It was funny, it was moving, it was thought-provoking, it's a great time, it's just a lyric cameras, let's go see it. Oh my God, they're so young and they're so good. Speaking of young talent, go. That does make me sound pervy, that's not what I mean. Toddlers and tiaras. No, I have got Olympics fever. Oh my God. Andrew, are you watching every single
07:17 event? I'm catching bits on TikTok. Fuck all. That's a generous way of watching it. That's a fuck off. Oh my God, I'm obsessed with it. I'm getting into sports I've never even ever watched in my life. Yesterday I watched, honestly, it was the women's final, but they were all 14, the skateboarding event. Oh my God, I was like, my mind would have been blown if I'd seen that when I was a kid. All of these like incredibly cool, incredibly like resilient. They like, got, they fucking tank it. And then just like step up, pick their board up and be like, sup, yeah? And you're like, what? They were so cool. All of their outfits were, amazing. I don't know if they were meant
07:55 to be dressed like tiny lesbians but they were and it was fucking awesome. And then I mean obviously skateboarding is cool and it doesn't take that long. I also lost an hour and 40 minutes to the and I can't believe this to the mountain biking
08:12 I'll tell you for a way I started to watch the first few minutes and I was like bloody hell this is a complex course they're like jumping off the height of buildings It's like there's massive drops Oh wait Like parkour for bikes
08:26 Like part of the route around It's like there's technical elements Where like there'll be a big huge drop That's just literally off the height Of a thing that is the height of a building Or like they'll ricochet over things And it's all hills Anyway they do this laugh
08:38 Catherine's right are they wearing helmets They're wearing helmets Don't you worry don't you worry And knee pads in the skateboarding No one needs to panic But I'm watching this and I was like Fucking hell And it looks so hard
08:49 They are speeding up hills And then 11 minutes in go and that is lap one of seven of seven at this point I was like are you high are you crazy then I was really rooting
09:04 for this Dutch girl called puck because her name's puck adorable she's killing it to lap five she gets a puncture that's it baby that's it you don't lose your bike loses what that's a joke and she's out she has to go get her bike fix so then she gets way back then she managed to cycle back
09:21 to force but it's like she was leading by a mile for second. It was such a shame. An absolute travesty. Oh my God. That's awful. I know. And I, who, honestly, 120 minutes beforehand didn't even know this was a sport, was absolutely fucking en-rate. I was writing letters.
09:39 I was like, her parents haven't given up their whole lives, drinking, dragging her round mountains, train even if you can take it from her because of her wheel. I was, you're curious. Also, super happy person that came in third, though, to be like, ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I mean, sure, if you, I guess if that's how you want to win your medal
09:54 that's one way to do it. Honest to God, it turns out all you have to do is like either like massively physically impress me or wear a cool outfit or and this is the real thing I'm a sucker for tell me even kind of a sob story or like about how much training they've gone through
10:14 or how long they've hoped for something and I'm like fine you can have my whole fucking afternoon I guess I'm in now and I guess I'm weeping because first, second and third at the mountain biking did hug each other at the end and I was like, it's female solidarity at his finest. Oh my God, it was just like,
10:32 I am so, and I'm obsessed with it. It really, I, it evoked so many, like, specific and strong memories for me. Like, I know where I was on which bedroom I was in from most of Sydney, like I watched it obsessively. Yeah. I just, God, that is a throwback. Most of my fellas just won't even remember the Sydney Olympics. Is that 2004 or 2000?
10:49 I think 2004, was that happened. Yeah, 2004. then 2008 was in China, Beijing. Yeah, Beijing. You weren't even around. Andrew wasn't even born. What? No, I'm joking.
10:58 Okay, I believe you. Oh, no, sorry. It was 2000. It was 2000. It was 2004 with us. Crazy. I genuinely almost wasn't born. Okay, Andrew.
11:07 Okay, I was 12. And I can remember it so vividly. I can even remember the one before that. What, 1996? There was a Michelle de Bruin. I think maybe that's the year that there was a... Germany. Atlanta.
11:20 Atlanta. maybe it wasn't in that one I think it must have been but there was an Irish swimmer who got then done for doping and blah blah blah oh my god it was just I just love it and I'm so fascinated by the British coverage
11:32 because obviously I come from a country where most of the Olympics coverage we are either not in the event at all very very often or we are not expected to do well in the event although shout out to the rugby sevens at least we're back in some way congratulations you guys
11:49 No, I don't think we actually got beaten by the UK But at least we're like expected to do well Okay, well that's still nice Yeah, you're Troyin your best And so all but what my point is I think that the consequence of that Is that Irish coverage is relatively neutral It's relatively like it just says what it sees And to a large extent because there's no personal investment
12:11 Okay Watching it with GB coverage is fucking fascinating We don't care what happens as long as we beat the Germans Go on run bitch! No, but also it's just like, that was perfect. And it's like, it wasn't. It was amazing, but it wasn't perfect. It's like, it wasn't, you know, and it's like,
12:28 it's so interesting. It's like you can't be objective about your own athletes. And of course you can't. Of course you can't. I totally get it. I was watching the diving this morning on the recap and watching Tom Daly. Oh my God. And they kept being like, that was perfect.
12:42 That was perfect. And I was like, I mean, the Chinese are perfect. These guys are amazing. They're astoundingly good. Tom's a daddy. I love him. no more than Noah's so cute it's only a second Olympics
12:51 I obviously I do feel it I just I just obsessed with it I love it I went to sleep last night thinking about Adam Petey and why? Because he came second and he was expected to win and he was expected to get his third gold and then he'd done an interview
13:04 that I'd heard where he had said that whenever he calls his son his son's like Daddy are you the strongest boy are you the fastest boy and then I was like oh my god he's going to have to call his son and tell him he's the second fastest boy obviously there are real tragedy in the world but tragedies in the world
13:18 but I obviously got anything about that while I tried to think once in time. That's really cute. I'm up to like 1 a.m. worried about this kid. So truly, it's just been a lot. See, I've seen clips on TikTok as well, because I'm Gen B. No, I haven't. I've seen bits and pieces in the highlights in the evening. I haven't actually sat down and properly watched an event yet, though.
13:37 Well, I'll tell you what, if you do, don't start with hockey. I went to a hockey school. I went to a hockey school, and I don't remember it being... Violent? Boring. No, boring, son. I don't remember being boring. boring. I'm just like snooze alert. Sorry to the hockey fans. I know it's very homophobic of me to say
13:54 that, but I just thought, is it? Is it homophobic to not like hockey? Yeah. Oh, is it? Okay, I love hockey. I love hockey. We'll do balance on the podcast. I fucking love it. Tell you what I did watch though, which is Olympics adjacent. The Simone Biles documentary on Netflix. Oh, don't get me sorry. I'm going to weep. Have you seen it, Andrew? No. Oh my God. Don't watch unless you're ready for a big cry. It is beautiful and amazing and she is just an angel and I love her. Why do I feel like there's a buck coming? There's such a big buck coming.
14:24 No. And with all the respect for different problems that happen in gymnastics, to name, sorry, to name a serious condition. I know what you're going to say. The twisties. I know. It's too funny. It is a shame.
14:40 It is an unfortunate case of, it is silly. It's silly. Because the idea is, it's like, it's really, awful. If you get a case of the twisties, it means, it's not funny. It means it in the air. You don't know what you're doing. And you can just fall on your neck and die. It's like really serious.
14:59 But it's like you can't call it the twist. No, you can't. You've got OCD imperfectionism. That's like me being like Catherine's got a serious case of the cleanies. Like you can't. I mean, I kind of do. But you are right. You are right. It just isn't. It's like me being like, Helen's got the munchies. Yeah. Sorry, I've actually got really significant binging disorder. Helen's got the bingies.
15:16 And it's like, are you up to those purgeys again? Yeah, it's not right. It's not right. And I'm like, I was watching it by myself and I was like, come on, Helen, you're grown up. Like, this is a very serious documentary. People do get hurt. This is a really serious thing. And then they'd cut to a different gymnast being like, I once had a case of the twisties.
15:34 I once had a real bad case of the Twisties. Backlid. Fake voice. And it's like, you've got to rename it. It's so, because I do know what you mean. Sometimes we don't take mental health seriously, that's still a problem. But sometimes. we aren't helping ourselves.
15:47 I hear you. Did you see the Americans? No, you didn't see the Americans on the event. I haven't sat down and watched it properly. I've seen like clips of the American team. I also am obsessed with their outfits this year. They've done a really beautiful,
15:59 really beautiful job with the Americans outfit. That's one thing I have seen is all over TikTok and Instagram, the paging, Dr. Beat, Dr. Beat, emergency and paging. Because Andrew gets it. And you do like,
16:11 they do outfit changes. You do outfit changes, but like all the different like countries are doing their Olympic teams, like these are all like outfits like and then have you not seen this no i'd be watching the sport you know the sports you know the sport doctor beat doctor beat emergency emergency do you know i've been working up a radio pilot um with a little just little tiny radio station and i was like it'll be a fun feature if we called up an old person and tried to explain online friends to them but um i realize
16:38 that's just this podcast so i can't do that oh Andrew that was a real risk she's not liking that one she's not liking that one. She's really staring into my soul. I'm so sorry. Remember she can't frown fully so yeah. I'm actually due an appointment so yeah I can this week. Oh that was a good. That's a sexy eyebrow raise. Don't try to flirt with me. You fucking dickhead. Wow. Oh my god. The twisties. The twisties.
17:07 But honestly I do strongly recommend. Sorry to say it. I strongly recommend the Olympics. Why sorry to say it? Who does? Also it's mad that it's so close to us. and neither of us are going. But the tickets are so expensive. But that's what I love about the Olympics. I love that you can watch everything on the telly. I know it's crazy, but like it's so cool now.
17:24 The way you can pick the sport that's currently live and watch it. It's wicked. And also like the coverage is amazing. Show it. Like you can go out and enjoy it. I'm so, so, so excited for the athletics to get started. That is my favorite.
17:37 I've come from like a very athletics house. Yeah. Well, my dad ran marathens and we always watch the running. Always. And also like the most successful athlete for a long time when I was growing up from Ireland with Sonio Sullivan. Okay. And so we're just like, we are a big athletics house.
17:51 We've always watched the Diamond League. Wait, what's the Diamond League? God, I'm so ignorant to this. It's the, it's like, you know how in golf and Tennessee, you've got the tour? Yeah. It's that, but for athletics, right? Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. It's like a bunch of smaller competitions that, um, it's just fun.
18:09 And it's, I'm so excited and I'm so excited to see Shikari. And, um, yeah. It's just going to be amazing. I've also been Googling the 150, well, autostraddle put out an article of the 150 lesbian and queer acts at the, queer acts? Queer athletes. I wish.
18:27 Athletes, I probably wouldn't make top of 150 and then I'd be furious. But the 150 queer and lesbian athletes at the Olympics, which obviously also got me even more excited about it because I was like, they're also all married to each other. It's adorable. They all marry each other, don't they? It's like, they all like, and the Olympic village is just like a fuck for Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And of course it is. Imagine it being that fit, that hot and that intense, and finally meeting, like, other people like you.
18:53 And also, like, I think it's easier if your event is early on in the month, because then you can just be like, let's fuck. But if you're at the end of the month, that's got to be so tricky to, like, honour your sport, but also your libido. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You've got to, like, find a way to, like, remove yourself. It must be, like, male comedians at the fringe when they have an 11 o'clock show. Yeah. Yeah. If we could
19:16 compare everything to the fringe You won't understand it It's on the moment I've got a question for you Go on If you had a pontchante For any athletic sport
19:27 Which one would it be Which one would you compete in Do you mean if I could compete at a high level Yeah And I could choose which sport that would be Wow Thank you for asking
19:37 What a great question Um I think purely for shock value here we go I think it would be fucking euphoric to see an Irish girl
19:54 win the 100 meter sprint do you know why specifically an Irish girl win the 100 meters sprint come on we've never feature it's like come on I just think
20:10 when it's dominated mostly by American and Jamaica. Yeah. Fun to just have a little Irish kid. One pale ginger. Yeah, absolutely. Stormy.
20:22 I also would choose the 100 meter because you could win and then have wrapped it all up in like nine seconds. Nice. I think there's something powerful in an event like that where everyone watches,
20:33 everyone acts like it's the biggest event and it is as far as I'm concerned. It's like such, because it's so intense and quick. But it's over in 10 seconds? No, mind of it. But my heart, that's what my like,
20:43 that's for a shock value. Okay, cool. My heart says gymnastics. Because, like, it's the cool one. It's the sexy, fun, cool, powerful, lyrical, like, teammates, but still, like, I want to be the star of the team. It's so fun. It's so fucking cool. Immediately teammates, but I want to be the star of the team.
21:01 But I will be the star of the team. But a really good teammate. I think, yeah, I think absolutely it's gymnastics, isn't it? What would yours be? I think I went through a phase of thinking I'd be an Olympic long jumper. So I think I'd have to go with that. What brought that of it? That, and then I went through a high jump phase at school.
21:20 We once did high jump in PE. Yeah. And, you know, when you just have a fluke moment. Yes. They taught us, like, to run to the bar and, like, go over on our back, like, the normal way. Yeah. But I obviously wasn't listening or my body wouldn't do what it said. And I did a different technique flawlessly.
21:36 And the teacher was like, oh, my God, you did the barrel roll. And I was like, the what role? Should that barrel roll? And I was like, yes, I did. Yes, intentionally. I jumped and I barreled over it. Also, like, long jump, they were like, oh, Helen's really good at long jump for like P-E days
21:50 because I was six foot and the other kids were like four foot. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, that will do it. So my step was as far as they'd be like running properly and I would just like saunter along and I'm already so much further ahead. That will do it. And that felt amazing. Yeah. So maybe, I don't know, jumping's cool.
22:09 That's such a cool one to choose. I do think it's so cool. And also it's one of the few. the Olympic sports we get this oh yeah before you do it get everyone to clap in the stadium could you imagine doing that before swimming races all of them like come on guys let's get an atmosphere going
22:26 try that before archery come on last it's just so good no no no no no no and I will say skateboarding was freaking cool for the person who got every single one of their tricks Liz was cool
22:41 from Japan that was awesome but it is so embarrassing if you just have to keep falling on your ass over and over and over again so I think jumpings yeah that's a pretty that's a pretty it's kind of a suave choice
22:55 also like it's cool because then like on nights out you can like jump over ballard without hitting your fanny like do you remember like those days in your early 20s where it's like every night out you'd always like you'd leaprog over a bollard to like show off to people like look how cool I am like I'm leapfrogging over stuff
23:10 and I'd constantly be whacked in the cunt like just absolutely like bollards straight to the clit and then try to like walk it off like ha ha ha ha ha ha we're different we're different we're different 20s yeah yeah 20s just Andrew are the kids still doing that on nights out are they jumping over bollards to show off to people particularly women or just anyone you're getting your cunt whacked no I've not I've not had my come whacked personally right in the clit I've just realized I don't know why I asked I don't go on nights out no idea yeah because you're only you're little but you also work hard.
23:43 Yes. Well, hell, last night we watched the swimming. I love swimming. Because Adam Petit was in and I made, first of all, Andrew, I made the most delicious dinner inclusive of which was I made a maple
23:56 carrot with the maple syrup. You brought us back from Canada. Oh, amazing. Fuck, that maple syrup is, honestly, I don't know if you know, but Andrew went on holiday to Canada and he brought us back, honestly, the best maple syrup I've ever tasted
24:08 in my whole fucking life. And the Maggie. Thank you. injury. It's so good, but last night I put a couple of drops on my roasted carrots and I did some salmon and mashed potato and some roasted tomatoes. Beautiful. We sat down and watched the Olympics. Ellen went to bed early because you hadn't, anyway, you don't need my whole life. Point is, you do. You don't. That's why you're, that's why we're here, isn't it? Hogs, can I hear that? Okay, fine. So then. What are you wearing? Shut up. Come man. So then I, um,
24:38 we didn't finish the mashed potato. Very unlike me, but Ellen's English, so I can't do all the work myself. So I put in a lunchbox. Then, today, I woke up and I was like, there's mashed potato leftover. There's what? Mashed potato left over. There's mashed potato leftover. I was so excited. I actually kind of, you know when you wake up and you think about a food you're going to eat and then suddenly you can't go back to sleep at all because it's just like food, food, food. Yeah, I did it through this morning with a caramel tonics bar. Holy fuck. Did you do the gig at the weekend for Will where he gave out, he had those tonics bars in the backstage? Yeah, yeah. And then I was alone in the tent for a while and I I was like, here we bloody God.
25:11 Oh, my God. Look in my bag, Andrew. There's more snacks in there now. Green rooms are exclusively to fill up all my crisps for the week. That's fine. That's completely like. So, today I, for brunch made potato cakes. Oh, stop. And fuck me.
25:26 It was the best. Wait, from the mashed potatoes. Yeah, so I add, I add flour. In my case, gluten-free. I add a bunch of chives. I love chives. I add in my, I just today, it was what I had in the freezer. I stuck some peas in there.
25:40 Love peas. I just cook them in a tiny bit of butter on the pan very quickly and then put them through it. I salt, pepper, whack it all through. Oh my God. Mash them into what looked like, like, you know, little crumpity guy shapes. Like a panty. Yeah. Fry them.
25:54 Oh, my God. In butter. And oil. Don't mind if we do. Took them off the pan. Oh my God. Cook some asparagus in there too. Then put the, stacked the potato cakes, put the asparagus on the side.
26:07 And then I fried an egg. fucking hell it was delicious did you not have another wet oh you can add a sauce yeah yeah yeah
26:18 I'd want another wet with that because the egg that's going to wet it a bit but I'd want more wet I know what you're saying I know what you're saying I will say the mashed potato was really smooth
26:25 so while the outside was crispy it was still really smooth good good delicious and honestly I can't stop thinking about it and it made me so happy it's such a food of my childhood my mom used to do them with she'd put all sorts in sometimes they'd just be plain
26:40 but sometimes I'm so cool at cooking I know but sometimes she put like I don't eat meat anymore but she used to put bacon in she'd put bacon and sweet corn she'd put bacon and spring onions she'd do all sorts it was fucking deranged yeah potato cakes you'll never convince me
26:55 that it's worth eating all of your mashed potato when you could save some and by that I mean cook enough for six people when there's two of you save save some I want to make mashed potato tonight I'm in tonight it was delicious I have got into salmon recently again
27:08 It's so good I'm like spending all my money in supermarkets I'm out of control I think I spend most of my money on food I can't stop Yeah I think that's a good thing for it to nourish your body Salmon's so nice How are your eggs in the morning going?
27:22 Yeah two board eggs every morning Do I mind if I do? Yeah yeah I've missed a couple of days Are you allowed to cook them a different way? Yeah of course yeah yeah But I did do two soft bald eggs this morning I've got it down pat like I've got a system Do you what are we doing?
27:36 I love it. Get up, boil the kettle, put the two eggs in a sauce pan. Don't put them in after the water. They will crack. I agree. They will have them in already. Yes.
27:46 Then I shower. I come out, make a coffee, boil the eggs, go into my room and go, Alexa, set timer for six and a half minutes, please. And then I get dressed, and then I have my eggs. Question.
28:00 Are we doing six and a half minutes from the point of boiling? No, surely not. They'd be hard boiled. No, so they're large. They're large eggs. Okay, but the water is not boiling the second. Do you start the timer?
28:11 Yes, it is. They go in a pan and I pull the kettle. But they still commence off? Yeah. Perfect. Six and a half minutes. Six and a half minutes, everyone. For a large egg.
28:21 And I put a bit of salt and pepper, maybe some thratcher. Because I do four and a half. That's, what are you having medium size? Because it makes a difference. Yeah, maybe I am having medium. No, I like the large eggs. Yeah, delightful. Because I get more purchase on them.
28:34 Yeah, yeah, 100%. And are you. you, in my case I'm always peeling them and then eating them. I can't be doing with trying to stick the spoon in. Yeah, yeah. I peel it and me and Sneill a big fight about it. Now I peel over the bin. Why did you have a big fight about it? Because I was peeling in the sink and he was like there's always shell
28:48 and I'm like, yeah, there's a little shell piece of it. Why don't you just peel into the pan? And then empty that. Yeah, that's why I was doing. Then the shells were in the pan and then he just had to have a problem with it. Do not get me started. Right. I won't. I won't what? I've got to tell you this. What? New favourite thing
29:04 on YouTube that Soneil found got me into. it last night. I got back from a gig, like, so late. He was like, sit down on the sofa. You're about to lose your mind. You are going to find this so charming. There's a whole area of YouTube of men in their 40s, all from the Midlands, like Derby, who go away at weekends on their little microlight planes, and then they go and sit and they camp next to the airstrip, and they vlog the whole thing. And their banter, it is literally Alan Partridge. Like, here I am with this reprobate, and it's like, his name's Charles and Charles is there going like, all right, I'm having a J-2-O, whey. And they just, they fly around, they give you so much details about the different air strips.
29:47 And then they can, and he's like, yeah, I'll be having a pot noodle. Anyone who watches this, knows I love a pot noodle. And he's like, I'm having the kebab flavor. My mom recommended it. And it's like, your mom is still alive, man, you're 50. Man, you're 50. He's not that old, your mom wouldn't be alive. It's so good.
30:02 Oh, and his mom was probably like 75. I think, well, maybe because I've got older parents, but I'm like, oh my God, how is your, like, my mom recommend this pot noodles to me? But when you were 50, how old are your mom be? Oh, what's like in 20 years? She would then be 90. You're not 30? Oh, 33. So she would be 87.
30:24 That's a livable age. That's a livable age. That's okay. Sorry, sorry to the man. But when she's 87, would she be recommending pot noodles to you? No, fair enough. But it's like, it's. She'd be recommending.
30:35 lunch options. The most chaps, they've got so many more YouTube subscribers than I have. Please subscribe to our YouTube. Please do subscribe to us. I'm not that surprised by this because I used to work at the airport. My first job was working at the airport. And so the number of men, and I'm sorry but men,
30:52 who would drive up to watch the plane. So lush. It was a much higher number than you'd think and they all park in the same spot and it's like I just find it very endearing. They're so happy. They're so happy. I'm so glad Giles has friends.
31:06 That's nice. One. There's just there's two of them. And yes, it's J2L as well. Here's this bloody reprobate. I'll be having a beer.
31:12 Anyone who watches me knows I love a beer and it's like that's been heating in your plane three hours of the sun one beer and he's like JAS is a J2O jazz doesn't drink.
31:20 No I don't actually. I'm obsessed. I'm upset. The best moment. Yeah. Oh yeah, we've just put our tents up obviously I've already made a joke about erection.
31:31 You'll have to go to Jarza's channel to see that. I was just telling them about the erexion oh yeah. They both have a separate channel On which they refer to each other's jokes No Please join us on YouTube
31:44 Because I am thinking about becoming a vlogger No Can I show you another vlog I think you'll love It's a gay couple in Blackpool Who do restaurant reviews They're called the Chatter Guys I just want to play you their introduction
31:55 Okay Hey up Chatter gang is dinner time in Blackpool And tonight we're eating at San Marcos And we want you to dine with us because he's Colin, he's Tim and together, we are the chatter guys. Oh, sorry, I don't know if you caught that last bit where he goes, let's get gnoshing.
32:14 He's Colin, I'm Tim, let's get gnauthing. We are the chatter guys. Chatter guys, yeah, yeah. Because they chatter while eating. Oh, Catherine, I love them. I know you do. That's nice that you have that for the evening. You're planning for the whole night now.
32:27 You go home, you make mashed potato, you pop on the chatter guys. What, Bob's a good and. Bob's a good and John. I couldn't decide on a phrase there. I'm tired. Jobs are good. Jobs are good. Jobs are good. Yeah, jobs are good and Bob's your uncle.
32:38 But wow, can you tell I'm sleep deprived? You're sleep deprived. Well, you're sleep deprived. I'm thriving, can I say? Well, I was worrying about Adam Petey's son all night. Yes, that's the thing. I'm not worrying about that. I need to watch it.
32:53 But I want to watch these guys now instead of it. And you will, and I know you will. Andrew, can you fill us in and what happened to you, though? Because you've had an accident. And I think people do need to hear about it. It wasn't, it wasn't, you make it sound like I've shit myself or something. Did you? No, no, neither.
33:07 No, I haven't, I haven't. No, it wasn't so much an accident as sort of like a mechanical, complete failure of my car. Oh, God. So I was driving back from a very difficult festival gig. It's so difficult that when I arrived, it was pouring with rain and people were flooding out of the comedy tent because they would rather be in the rain. No. So it was very tricky. Ouchy.
33:31 Yeah, it wasn't great. What about was there? Tell us off a mic. Have we done it before? No, no. It's like a little, one of those ones that's like the little village thing. Yeah. But then, so my gearbox basically fell out.
33:46 What? In, not like onto the road, but out of the, the gears and the clutch was completely out of action. The gearbox can fall out. In a way, yeah. Okay, where were you when this happened? So I was driving along towards the M4. So I wasn't on the M4. We were on an A road?
34:04 I was on a road. So you were going 60 miles an hour? I was going, yes, 60 miles an hour. National speed limit. How did you know that this occurred? Like what was your, what was the first indication? And also second question, how old was your car? Okay.
34:16 So this is actually my second car in about two months because my longer term car also had a clutch problem. So I went, I thought, I'll just get a cheap car for a year, 2002, per show, 208. Yeah. gorgeous um it had a cassette player shout out to the peugeot 208 i think yes yes and two goodness me you're a 22 year old car for two grand no no i i've only paid 500 crown for the car okay i don't know where i got the two grand go on um anyway it uh i knew it had some issues when you say what's the first indication uh it was allowed eh eh he that i'd been annoying for about a week um so that is on me that is on me why did you ignore that because it was only
34:57 in the lower gears and i thought oh once i get up to 30 40 miles an hour it's fine do minimal city driving. Once again, we'd like to say on behalf of the whole podcast, learn from us, do not do as we do, learn from us.
35:09 I've been watching this woman on the internet who builds women's confidence with their car and their car maintenance so this would never happen to me unless it does. This would never happen to me
35:19 unless it does in which cases have compassion and love. Yeah, exactly. Andy, this is terrible. So what do you do? I'm driving along and I hear it go, and I'm like,
35:28 you literally hear it. Yeah, I'm like, oh, that's the clutch gone. And then all of a sudden, my revs go, right up to the top. No matter what gear I'm in. What? So I'm just losing power. And I can see there's a parking half a mile away sign.
35:41 I'm like, I hope I've got half a mile in me. I do. I pull into this lay by. Lovely. Okay, well done. I'm still in this lay by trying to work out what to do. What maybe like trying to call, I call my dad, call a recovery service. Green flag won't cover me because the car's over 15 years old.
35:56 Yeah. I didn't realize as part of the policy. Anyway, we have to, my dad. comes to collect me we have to leave the car where it is come back the next day it's a whole ordeal but i got this message on instagram you know uh like fans meeting you at like the worst time yes this message from esther hey i'm a long time listener was listening to episode one four three on my journey home and thought i saw andrew pulled over on one of the a road to swindon hang on a second andrew are you telling me that esther messaged you but didn't pull over
36:29 yes yes I love Esther so much Hey Esther shame on you She didn't pull in To be fair If you're driving at six miles an hour And you think
36:39 You can't Is that the producer of the podcast I like You're not gonna be like Let me pull in and check You can't No you're right Actually when you put it like that You're right
36:47 But savage to message To be like Did you message back? Yes yes I was like Yes it was me Oh my God That's so funny
36:54 If you ever see any of us Looking lost or in trouble please come and help us yeah I do agree we do need help yeah oh my god Andrew that's that's tough though and so what the hell are you going to do about your car so I'm currently borrowing my dad's
37:10 which isn't ideal because the temporary insurance is more expensive than the you know or getting on proper policy so I just need to go buy a new car I guess one that's not 22 years old do you want to come with you to negotiate or something
37:23 run me through what you would contribute well I've seen that shit's Creek episode you know when you go in and you go like we haven't got any money place can we have a car and then you get like a really good deal you sort of give a sob story hello right yeah so if i go if i go in with a sob story like oh my son thinks i'm the fastest swimmer but i'm only the second fastest swimmer and they'll be like i'm afraid adam did you undoubtedly get the discount so far yeah no it was it was just the most recent sob story i've heard what sort of car are you wanting so i tell you what's adorable go on fiat 500 looks like a little bubble
37:58 it does it's not ideal for motorway and I do a lot of motorway driving if you get wrapped into with a lorry that's not the one oh a truck you want me to be a trucker a pickup truck are you just describing things you'd think would you'd find sexy yeah yeah yeah yeah you want
38:12 I could see Andrew with a truck we could get like merch and like put it in that would be cute that would be cute but no you just need like a sensible safe car that will last you Toyota Yaris that's what everyone said that is actually a good car
38:24 it's like the classic safe good I had a full-on head-on collision on one of those airbags off absolute right off walked out of absolutely fine we all did incredible yeah that's terrifying yeah yeah yeah big car crash just went straight into another car like fucking it's been like 50 miles per hour fuck yeah whole front of the car crumpled and senile turned it
38:46 so i got hit more than he did because i was in the front yeah yeah yeah and he twisted it it was only the next day i was like what do you want to talk about how you turned it and he was like yeah i panicked i was like you fucking brick I took the full brunt of it in the front. Yeah. Wait, Sineal was driving. Sineal was driving.
39:04 What happened with the car in front? We were driving along in Italy. And it was like one road going this way, one road going that way. It's an audio medium. We don't have to do better than that. One road, single lanes. Thank you. Two single lanes going in opposite direction.
39:21 That was good, actually. And the lady was like wanting to overtake someone coming the other way. but we were like driving along and our friends were in the car in front of us but obviously we so like she's coming opposite us yeah right
39:37 and she comes out of her lane into our lane to try and take over another car and then but we can't see this right because that's quite far ahead but it's moving quite fast and then our friends who are in the car in front of us drive off the road to like this past part of grass but they've got more warning time than we do
39:55 and they drive off the road and then we're like oh my god this car is literally coming straight towards us but where we were if we drove off into the road we'd go like down into a ditch and there was a big metal pole so we didn't have that option particularly so then we tried to get into their lane because there was no other car coming that way this sounds like we had loads of time we had literally no time
40:12 but then at the same time she then went back into her own lane and just like crump crumple she was being really dangerous she was being really dangerous and then also we didn't speak Italian so she was trying to tell the cops when they arrived because someone in a building had seen it and like ran out
40:30 because it looked really bad but she ran out but she had already been trying to tell them being like oh yeah well they were coming into my lane you can see they were coming into my lane and it's because it looked like that but then obviously there was like CCTV in the building and they were like no like literally you were in their lane
40:44 okay thank God but yeah we all just walked out shout out to Toyota Harris nice not to generalise but Italians Italian driving culture is crazy they have a much more laissez-faire attitude to road safety, to road signals, to road laws. My friend, you know, who's very, very lovely, and otherwise a very safe, sensible person will just very gladly be like, oh, four glasses of wine, that's driving home wine. That's driving home wine?
41:13 Yeah, I mean, and, but she's, like, conservative with her, like, alcohol and driving in her family. Whoa. Yeah. It's different, it's different. but yeah that's wild but also what a great advertisement for the Toyota Yaris we came back from holiday
41:30 which we are not being paid to advertise Sunil bought it he was like well if it can do that yeah he was like I'm getting one I was like great my mum needed to get a car and I was like get a Toyota Yaris she got one as well because if it can do that that's amazing that's a great advertisement for it okay yeah fair fair play
41:43 again though this isn't an advertisement and we're not being paid this is not an advertisement for it Andrew but I do want you to be safe out there thank you yeah please please please please please and will you buy a car out right or will you do all that balloon payment blah blah blah blah need to work out what I'm going to do with my finances where I'm living how long I'll need it what I need it for yeah crazy personal question from me actually now they think about our
42:04 no no it's a good question you know what I'd love to buy it for you thank you so much I will be buying you your car oh my God it'd be my honour it'd be my honour thank you so much Helen you're so welcome I don't drive I think it'd be fun to go on a car shopping spree I'm assuming I get to come yes of course yeah talking about you can't buy him a car I'd love to buy a car. With more money? With my... Let me get one job.
42:30 Let me get a big job. Let me get a big job. I'll ask for a big job. Do you know how much a car costs? £500, you just said. $500? That's not bad. That $500 car lasted six weeks.
42:42 With my deal when I go in. Do you know how much a car will actually cost? I'll do a comedy store weekend. If you wanted to get a new Toyota Yaris. I'm going to be calling up for a... He doesn't need a new. He doesn't need it new. He's fine.
42:55 I'm going to be calling up your agent and like, where's the big job? Yeah. Hello, we all need a car today. That's so funny, but you mustn't say things like, we'll get his, he laughed, well, there's a little bit of hope in Andrew's eyes
43:07 and it hurts. Yeah, 500 pounds. I think I can do it. It's not going to be 500 pounds. Around 500. No, I'll stress the 600 if you want a special seat. 19. No way.
43:19 I'm not fucking getting you one of those. You're not having it. I'm going to guess for a new Toyota. Can you just Google how much, but I'm going to guess 19 grand. No way. But no one buys a new car, do they? You always get like, it's like buying a new laptop. You never buying a new laptop. Think about buying a new car. As a minute you drive
43:35 off the fucking lot, it's just after value, isn't it? Stay in that character. Stay in that character. Please, she's already so excited. Let me see. Have a look at this. Let me have a look at this. All electric. None of that guff. No, thank you. Well, petrol, please. Let's have a look on it. All of it. It's all
43:52 bloody hybrid. I can't be dealing with it. Let's see. Shopping. Toyota Yerisneut 2022. And none of your girly colours. Pick a real colour. Here we go. 22,640. Wow. That's a fair few monkeys. Not.
44:07 A fair few monkeys! 22 grand! I'm not doing it. You have to. You said you would on the podcast. I thought it was 500. Well, I'm afraid you're wrong. And I have the footage. You're locked in, baby. Oh no. To be fair, the seal.
44:22 isn't the worst thing that anybody said out lie today. Do you remember why I made us leave the cafe so fast? Yeah. Catherine had a mistake. We were having iced coffees in the coffee shop around the corner and I went in to pay. Must give you the receipt, by the way. And is this good podcasting? But we went to pay and the guy goes, and I'm not very awake today.
44:42 I'm really tired on it. I'm drinking decaf as well. So I'm just a bit like sluggish. So my brain wasn't on. She didn't order a decaf coffee. So sluggish, you're going to turn up in Helen's bed. room. Very nice trade draw.
44:57 How many minutes in we're doing that? Very good stuff. It's called a callback baby. I loved that. But no, I was paying and this guy's like, what are you doing for the rest of your day?
45:06 And I was like, oh, just heading back to work. And he was like, what does it you do for work? And I just went, my brain didn't think fast enough to lie. But I also knew I couldn't say comedian. By the way, if you're listening and you're like, why can't you say comedian? It's because I can't have that conversation all the time,
45:22 especially with a guy in the coffee shop who is listen I'm not having that conversation with this guy and so I think fast enough to know I shouldn't say comedian but not fast enough to have a good cover story so I just go a lot of different stuff and he laughs in my face
45:41 he goes what and I went yeah just a lot of different stuff and he was like oh right okay he hands my receipt and just goes good luck with whatever it is you're doing
45:54 so I'm so that I wasn't there it was hell it was hell but honestly you guys know how that interaction would have gone
46:02 if I said comedian yeah it's just awful it's the it's the say something funny or oh no before that
46:10 you should go in live at the Apollo or you should do taskmaster before that it's this one that I get a lot
46:15 from like like especially younger men I get really and it makes me want to rip their hands
46:21 heads off so I just thought let's not be violent in the coffee shop yeah let's just have a nice time um anyway yeah it was awkward to tell and we can never go back there so no i love it there no we can't sorry no that's not fair that's a pre like hangout no we're gonna have to find somewhere else i'm sorry hmm i'm sorry have you heard um maisie adams joke about uh not wanting to say she's a comedian no no it's very i don't know if i should burn her material oh no he's It's very funny She's very funny I mean that's a
46:56 You should just do that anyway She's so funny How are you feeling about French I am feeling Thank you for asking if you'd even ask I am feeling Yeah a bit nervous to be honest with you I've never redone this
47:07 like swooping in as a last two weeks version of friend Last year I did a work in progress For the first 10 days But it does feel a bit like I'm already behind Like I am coming in halfway through and I'm going to try really hard not to care about like all the nonsense and the noise of like who's doing who's getting the best reviews and who's getting nominated and who's and just trying to enjoy myself but I do find a very stressful place to be the last two weeks I did last year yeah you won't care really you won't care okay great you just I also we've been doing it long enough that like yeah it just you know how little it matters by September 1st the best of us doesn't it test you did you what
47:49 watch Stu Laws documentary. No, not yet. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, Stu Laws. Have we ever had Stue Laws on the podcast?
47:56 I don't think so. We referenced him on the Evelyn Mock episode, yes. Okay. And indeed, multiple episodes. The amazing MMs. He made a podcast, no, he made a documentary. He made a documentary. It's on YouTube.
48:08 It's on Turtle Canyon's YouTube page. I don't know exactly the documentary is cool, but you can find it. It's so brilliant. If you were interested in the fringe and it's following debut acts, I think it was filmed. 22 22 22 and it's called the debuts but it's yeah the debuts the debuts and it like follows people doing their debut wax so you can see just like how we number one how much pressure and how much dress it is but also how moronic we all look like yeah the amount of money we're putting into a possibly maybe and even if you do do everything right even then you're not guaranteed anything like we it's just like oh my god and just like and just like
48:49 He really captures, like, how invested we all get and people around us. And that's even without having the time to show, like, the meetings with the teams, like, panicking about ticket sales. Like, they show a bit of it. But they're just not enough time to show, like, the amount of panic going on. And then I think it's Josh Jones when he's being interviewed. So it's like, yeah, I tell my friends, I'm doing this. And they're like, oh, it's just an hour a day.
49:12 Why are you so stressed? And it's like, because it's not an hour a day. It's an hour of being intensely judged. and then 23 hours of waiting for people to like throw that judgment at you again. It's also like in my case I'm going I'm really excited about it to be clear I am really excited about it
49:28 but it does make me quite like anxious and self full of doubt and you know like insecurity of course but it's more like in this case I'll also be making my radio show so two days a week I'll be in full days of riding the radio another record of a per week we're doing two live hogs we're doing I'm doing a bunch of gigs around it
49:46 It is like a pretty full-on schedule, but also it's so fucking fun. And it's such a gorgeous city. And I'm at the Monkey Barrel and I'm so happy. I love that venue. And I... We've also done it before. We know it's due. The debut year is so different because it's your first time being like,
50:05 can I hold an audience for an hour every single day by myself? And also like you just get more attention and more judgment as a debut act. Even to this day. Like we will not get that same amount of attention. We did when we were debuted. to now. It's true. So yeah I'm excited. You remember earlier when we said
50:22 let's get those problems real fast and then you said cut to us talking for 50 minutes before we get to them. We have not. We've nailed a schedule. Stop it. That we are. We're sick and we're fucked up. Go on. Please. Andrew, you got a problem for us, please? Yes. I'll give you a section. To the minute. To those of you who listen to my new radio show,
50:49 it's on BBC Sounds. If you didn't, if you missed it, that's all right. Otherwise, you can hear it at 6.30 every Friday night or repeat it on radio for at noon. It's called TLDR, Too Long Didn't Read, and it's topical news. Can you believe it? I'm on the radio doing big girl grown-up stuff. But let me tell you this, a little secret between you and me, Huggies, please don't tell the BBC I told you this.
51:10 But when people don't like a radio show, wow, are they get in touch? oh my goodness me at pace, at pace. If they do like it, they just sort of tell you on the street and that's lovely. But say, for example, you liked it. Could you do me a favour, please? Could you go to H-TPS, what's the one, colon? Forward slash, forward slash, www, www.
51:32 www.bbc.com.com.com. And if you like to put a positive comment there, because the BBC takes the ones that you send to the website very seriously. And I love making it. I would like to make more and yeah it's a massive favourite to ask but I also think like
51:50 what's the point to having all these lovely hugs if we can't ask to do us solid every now and then I loved writing you a review I went best show ever Catherine so funny
51:58 more booed please no I did not I did not oh my gosh I just covered my tits right now oh my god yeah so if you like the show please go on and tell them
52:08 and don't worry if not thank you so much bye flatmate cleaning um i've never been in a situation like this before aging parents i've never been in a situation like this before please i like all of them actually very tempting isn't it yeah this is from ee hi a 19 year old lass from cumbria oh self-identifying as a lass from cumbria we love to see it okay ee comes through i found the irish athlete by the way uh michel smith yes I found, and the headline of the Olympics, the official Olympics website article was the Irish lass who fooled the Olympics.
52:53 Oh my God, that's so funny. Was it at Atlanta? Yes, it was 96, yeah. Good memory, baby girl. Nice. Sorry, E. Yes, back to our Cumbrian lass. Who's currently studying at university, but I'm in the summer holidays and back home right now.
53:10 Back in Beatrix Potterland. Thank you. He says, I went through my first year of uni with not too much going on, which I was happy with, as I had a really bad experience with a girl where she just didn't want to commit,
53:24 but we were acting as if we were in a relationship. Here we go. Bit psycho, but each to their own. Although this summer I found myself in a really good place with a girl who lived really close to me and is quite literally the only other gay in the village. And we get along like a house on fire.
53:40 There is no physical attraction there for me. It's the only thing. however there is another girl back at university who has expressed her feelings for me and said she wants to meet up more and see how things go he is doing he is cleaning up this summer yeah and actually I have she was my whole first year crush but I didn't even know she was into women let alone interested in me okay so I'm really stuck on what to do would it be awkward if I ended things with the girl from home if as I'm from such a small place literally everyone will know it'll be the whole business of our social group um so that won't be
54:18 fun uh i also can't use the excuse of oh i'm going to university again in september um because i live right by the football stadium which he regularly goes to and watches games so there's there's not a geography easy out yeah there's not a like i've got a good university end things or carry on also this person in your hometown does deserve honesty and love and respect and not a cheating way out you know i i do think it's so sweet that I think you're trying to be considerate but I think what you are ultimately asking is is there a way I can say this that doesn't involve me saying what's actually happening which is not really what you should be looking for because I know it seems tempting it actually seems kinder maybe short term but actually I think this person really does
54:58 deserve a justification because as you say they're not they'll know what's going on actually just be clear you're not saying tell them that you don't find them physically attractive no I know thank God never say that I know nor am I saying stay with them forever you live up the road you have to I'm not you know what I'm saying is I think you have to say hey I've really enjoyed this and I think we get on so well but I do think we get on better as friends that doesn't mean you have a duty to be my friend or that you might want to be but gosh I hope you will want to be at some point that's literally yeah but that is for me where this is how this is feeling and I don't think you should bring
55:37 the other girl into it I think that that's just hurtful I think you should just be thing very boundaries and also just to be like I'm very clear on this I won't change my mind because I think hope hurts a lot as well especially when it's not there really and truly and I think you say thank you for this lovely summer that we've had yeah I'd be like I love you as a friend and I'm really sorry to have hurt you um but people you're 19 people break up all the time and we'll continue to for many many years but I think um sorry it's true but I think yeah you that's what I would do and I would say as well that in general I've never been in a situation where I've told a short-term lie in a breakup that has actually worked out in the long term because if you say like I'm not
56:26 really looking for a relationship and then she will find out you're in a relationship with this other girl or your start she just will lesbians find out everything there isn't a lie you can tell it she won't uncover if you just say we're going back to i'm going back to university like you say she will know that she's going to be near it all the time whatever you lie about i promise you she'll find out lesbians are the best loaths in the world i'm part of the community but fuck me yeah i'm sorry it's true state of you girls okay you absolutely can't say that anymore you're either in a right get off the fucking hot actually state of us yeah there you go that's my girl so that's my advice i hope that helps what's yours yeah like just you've got to do it sooner rather than later because
57:05 the next thing you know you've got a dog together or a tortoise and it's just an absolute nightmare so true so like definitely call it before the baby animals get involved when was the scent um only 11 days ago so okay thank goodness hopefully got in early um i would also add yes definitely agree earlier because if you can do it whilst you're still back home i think that would really ease some of the yeah the worries you have about everyone knowing about it oh my god yeah yeah you don't feel like you don't know what's going on and also do it today and also you might run into her which is good to get rid of those few first few awkward rather than if you leave it For months and months and months until your next back,
57:40 it would be so much more awkward. I agree, Andrew. Do you want to tell her in a specific setting? Like, you know the song, Andrew. Tell me on a Sunday, please. Oh, right, yes, so I'm blah, blah, blah, yeah. Don't write a letter if you want to leave. Don't call me at 3 a.m.
57:59 You're singing at me like I'll ever guess, but I won't. I want to know choose how I hear the news. Oh, God. It's a very beautiful music. school theatre song. Is it? Yeah.
58:10 That he did justice. Okay, yeah. But maybe take her to the Beatrix Potter house. No, don't ruin Beatrix Potter for her.
58:17 Do not do that. My mom did Jemima Paddle-Ducks. No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Because then you do not ruin Peter Rabbit. Do not tell her on a lake because then you're on a boat
58:27 and then if it doesn't go well what a nightmare as far as rowing. Why would they be on a boat? They're in the lake district. Company's in the lake district. It's always on boats. I, okay. Yeah, do it.
58:38 in person and do it quick. With an audience. And you're allowed to break up with people. It's fine. Do it in person and do it soon. I'm like, vote early, vote often. No, but you should. You must.
58:49 And it's going to be okay. And she's allowed to be upset and you're allowed to be upset. And it doesn't mean that you're not making the right decision. That's my last. Also, the sooner you do it, the more of the Olympics you'll have to distract herself with. Oh my God. Get it done early and then you can go home for the big roundup. Good man yourself and do you're dead right.
59:05 So make sure she does not listen to Trasty Hawks. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Definitely. I double check on that. Because I don't want anyone knowing that, like, even if it's true, the idea that someone isn't physically attracted can just, I'll stick in your brain forever. Do you know what I mean?
59:25 Here's my thing. I think there's a distinction between saying to somebody, and I don't, it's not how I would break up with somebody, but I think there's a big distinction between saying, like, the physical attraction isn't there for me versus, I know it's brutal, but. Versus you are not physically attractive. They're very different. By which I mean to say is like, if you say like, I think what you want to say is like,
59:46 if you're really, really pushed, you say like, for me, this is more of a friend's thing. I don't feel romantic. Versus like you're ugly, which is horrific. I think they're very different messages.
59:56 So yes, I agree, but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. If I found out somebody broke up with me because they weren't physically attracted to me, I have had that happen. Yeah, and it's awful. Because I even though they're saying,
01:00:07 but it's also fine. individually not physically attracted to you all you hear is like you're fucking mingin no i think i am able i'm maybe more able to be like on reflection to be like yeah like people's attraction wanes and also and also like it is specific like lots people do find me attractive so it's fine but i wouldn't go with it that's like i think it's quite a cruel thing to say right i think it depends on the person for me though if someone said that or makes any comment yeah it lives in me oh no sorry it lives in me. Of course it lives in me. It lives in me. It lives in me. No, no, it lives in me too, of course, but I think, I guess what I mean to say is just like, in terms of, in terms of going into a conversation, I think there's a bigger difference between someone being like, yeah, but my point is that's not what E is saying. Oh my God, it's 2006. No, but E isn't saying that they're not, they're not, they're not saying that they don't find, she doesn't find her attractive and that is different. Call me a minga, go and let's do regression therapy. No, I don't want to do it. No, either of us is quote. Say Helen Bauer's minging.
01:01:10 Thank you so much for tuning in. Oh my God, oh my God. Thank you so much for listening to episode 145. You're beautiful. You're bloody beautiful. And if you are listening to this and you were dating e, you send us in a message and we'll tell you how to fix it. We'd love to do both sides. Bye.
01:01:30 Thank you so much for all the support, particularly from our amazing executive producers. We've even got a new one, Catherine. Are you dying? I'm dead. I'm bloody dead. RIPA. RIPIA. That's cute.
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01:01:57 Oh, Helen, I'm so sleepy. I wonder if I'll get told us. I'm so grateful. Can you be sleepy and grateful at the same time? You can be sleepy and grateful. If I y'all and I don't want to think I'm ungrateful. I'm so grateful. I'm just tired from all this podcasting.
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