Trusty Hogs - Ep147. Birthdays, Books & Blowjobs

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

In true Olympic spirit, Catherine's had a fall and Helen's been enlisted for jousting...TOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'Reilly / LilyPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Nathan Smith / Amanda McCall / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra PeregrineWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Helen from Trusty Hoggs with Catherine Bohar here. Hi, Helen, sweet little baby, Andrew has become a man. Andrew has a special. He has a comedy special out and you can watch it. It is on Andrew Wye, on the YouTube channel. It's just called Andrew Wye. It's called Andrew Wye in brackets, but not in a gay way. Fabulous.

Full comedy special. I was at the recording of this in Lester. I was. I sat right at the back so I wasn't in his eyeline. It was obviously packed out. But I was like, I'm not going to be embarrassing. Don't be a stage, mom. So I'm like just under the camera.

And it was, Catherine, so funny. Of course it was. He's always hilarious. He's an amazing stand-up. We strongly recommend you watch it. You like it. You share it. You subscribe.

He deserves it. And we all know you love him too. And he loves you. And we would love if he watched it special. And yeah, you know the algorithm. It makes a difference if you comment. Huge. You've got to comment, like, everything.

All the clips. All the love. Please, please. So shout out Andrew White. Episode 147 of Trusty Hogs. Hello, welcome. I'm Catherine Bowhart. She's Helen Bauer.

This is our podcast where we tell you about our frankly perfect lives. And you write in with all of your little issues. Oh my goodness, me. A lot going on for you guys. And we will help you. Always correctly. And everything goes well. And Andrew's away.

And so is M. So it's just us and Adam. We're basically on chaperone. Hi, Adam. Hi, Adam. But we are, I feel like, parents are away so we've had this once before do you remember was it in Sydney when it was just the two of us in the room oh god that was bad wasn't it like no one is here to like steer us in a

direction i know like we've got the problems in advance yes so like we know we're going to take turns reading them to each other i guess we'll have to we must can you read i my reading is so good at the moment i believe you i'm not sure about mine i haven't done in an ages through the fog Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them Or maybe they won't and that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs

Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not Have I not told you about the book I'm reading right now? No, what are you reading? What makes Sammy Gluck? run. Oh, you have told me about it. Oh, my God, it sounds great. Yeah, it sounds really, really good. I don't think you did. I think you told me and some, maybe, we surely we hang out occasionally. This has got to be last Thursday night when we were hanging out having drinks. Yes, yes, yes. After my radio show. So you were so you won't remember a single thing. I had had one whole wine. Staggering around.

One whole prosceco. A glass of red wine down your front. I actually had one whole prosceco. You're right. I was crazy. You were a mess. I was crazy. I just think if anyone is, it's, it's a novel from the 40s but like if anyone knows anyone who is like a networker and like very pushy ambitious it is I love how you making eyes at me like is me no I'm making eyes at you to be like you know who I mean I know what you mean you know we all know who I mean I know exactly who you mean I also feel like everyone's got one in their job where they're just sort of like necessary don't necessarily like have like the best skill set but their networking ability is so high yeah I'm a obsessed with how obsessed you are with the network is that what we both know.

I'm obsessed with networkers in general. Yeah, I do think it's a confidence I don't have in my own personality. I'm like, must work so hard because no one will find me charming. So I, you know, all due respect, I have to, more importantly though, get to the real issue of the day. Go on. We've had somebody get in touch. Okay.

And it's a very interesting egg theory. Okay. Helen, I had a message after our episode where we discussed how long and perhaps the last episode we were discussed how long it is we both boil an egg for. Six and a half minutes for a large egg. Four and a half minutes for a large egg. Okay. And obviously that's confounding, right?

That science doesn't add up. Why aren't yours hard? What's going on here? Mine are soft boiled? Yeah, minor soft boiled too. Okay, fine. And then a very clever hog wrote to me on Instagram and said, sounds to me a lot like Helen's keeping her eggs in the fridge.

No. What? No. What? Just on the counter next to the microwave. What? And they're coming out soft at six and a half minutes. Yeah, soft.

Like the yolk is soft but the white is cooked. Yeah, correct. For a large egg. I'm doing that for a large egg too, four and a half and it's cooked. What's the fridge thing? Who puts their eggs in the fridge? No, people do. And by the way, you're actually not supposed to because of food safety.

Like in kitchens, they do not keep the eggs in the fridge. It's actually more hygienic to keep them out of the fridge. But anyway, lots of people keep them in the fridge. I'm constantly telling my mother that they don't go in their fridge but they go on her fridge but um parent a parent Catherine

you mustn't ever but but yes they that was their theory but it turns out we must just be using different size eggs I hate you don't believe me at all

no no I do believe you but how large are you red ostrich oh you were thinking chicken I was thinking quail I only do quail have you had a quail egg no it's weird

is it I think I think Ed Knight once bought me here like a 12 pack of quare legs for like no no reason i think he was just coming over but he been over like every day for a week and just been at our flat so much that he was like oh i'll bring a gifty yeah of course so he brought me like a 12 pack of quare legs and i was like oh the fuck am i going to do with these so i eventually just thought oh make an omelette out of all of them no you didn't what that's such a funny use of the quails egg what are you supposed to you're supposed to boil them and like put them on a salad or with like something like asparagus

Yeah, but like why? Do you know what I mean? An omelette? How tiny was the omelet? It was huge because it was all 12. Yeah, okay, fair enough. And yeah, it just tasted weird. It did. I don't think it's for me.

So it doesn't taste the same as egg egg? It also felt a bit tougher. I think the ratio of yolk to whites is higher. There's more yolk. Oh, really? So it doesn't have that sponginess necessarily. But why did it taste weird? It just did.

I just remember thinking, but also it might have been, you know, when you think about something and then you get it in your head of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was like, what even is a quail? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, tiny chickens. Yeah, but like, what's their business?

What's their plan? Yeah, I don't know. And I think their name's creepy. Quail kind of gives me the heby-jee's quail. Quail. Like, who ever thought, oh, I'm going to have a quail farm? Yeah, I also just think it's like, there aren't there people, what's the bird that people just eat whole?

Is it quails, or is that a different thing? Do you mean chickens, like in the Philippines, when it's sort of like the No, no, the tiny one. No. The tiny chicken that people eat whole With the bones? Yeah But they're really soft so you can just punch them

I have no idea But you seem to know so much about it just then You totally understood I thought you meant the You could fathom it That you can eat Which is sort of like a chicken that started I'm sorry

It's all making it feel so sick You started it Sorry I got it You started it No Good morning if you're listening to this Over your breakfast I made the worst lunch today

Why how bad I was like in a rush And I was like oh, I'll just like use up things in the fridge. Yeah. And it was just so minging. What are we talking? You're going to think that sounds good.

But it was like, okay, one spring onion. Okay, so far I'm not sold. One spring onion. Like a chunk of cucumber that I cut into little pieces along with a spring onion. So like just like, so chopped saladty bits. All my saddled leaves were like wet. So I had to like get rid of that. Yeah.

It was like two like two thirds of a packet left over. And then I had some. Hulumi and I was like okay I'll fry that yeah and then some hummus and then like well you know one of those like you know Leon are doing like rice packs now where you can like just like two minutes in the microwave and it's like Leon rice with like herbs and spices and lemon okay nice it was the worst tasting blandest dish but it sounds so lovely I put serratia trying to give it flavor and I was like but I figured out it's because the rice was hot the hummus was cold the Hulumi was a bit burn. The spring onion has been past as big.

Okay. The cucumber was a bit mushy. It does sound nice though. It was not good. No, no good. I'm sorry. That's such a shame. And then when I met you in the cafe just now, your food looked so good. Oh no, you must remember at all times that I'm eating gluten-free bread. So the eggs were perfect, but the bread was so bad. No. Yeah, it's always so sad and bad. Are they not figuring out gluten-free bread at all yet? Not really. No one's nailed it. And on the whole, it's really bad. Like the sourdough bread in our place. is divine, but the gluten-free bread is just so cardboardy and kind of just turns into sand in your mouth.

Oh, Catherine. Yeah, no, it's bad. My stomach is still not right, so I don't know what is up, but when we'll find it. We're figuring it out. We're going to figure it out. Yeah, I guess. It's not process of elimination.

We're putting a new one in. I wish I could do that. Can you do stomach transplants? No, but did you what? There was apparently a Netflix special about Netflix special, a Netflix show about, um, it's a Netflix session. Yeah, a Netflix show about, um, gut,

health and like had these people eating like their partners like in a tablet form their poo to change them and I was like I've heard about and if one more person fucking tells me about it thank you for the messages but if one more person tells me about it I'm like I'm not doing that I refuse um also I've had a really tough week Helen because um I had a fall you did have a I had a fall tell everyone what happened in the in the I've really really really really grazed my elbow like big time it's like out geez it's a massive cut it's a real like fell over on the playground injury it's very that yeah so basically i was running and i um didn't see a little tree route oh kathwin i went flying in a way that like usually you fly you like

land on your knees or you'll land on your hands but you're not going to land like i flew so far forward and just like arms out in the air and just landed completely all along my side and belly and down my arm and also it's so funny my i was saying to ellen i was like you always think if you're you would like know to put out both of your hands. Yeah. But it's always your dominant hand that goes in instinctively and intuitively. And she was like, Catherine, only you would be like, when I fall, I'm going to fall properly. And it's like, yeah, good point, well made.

So controlling. Yeah. Even in a fall. Obviously, if I fell, I would be falling correctly. So, yeah, that was a harrowing way to learn that about myself. You just have to enjoy these years of the fall not being a disaster. It's true. Because what are you, 57 now?

Like, it is, it's about to change my doll. Like, soon your fools will be, like, an event. I hate you, too. Ain't, not even 36 yet, although I will be. Actually, by the time this episode comes out, I'll be 36. That's so wild. Oh, my God. Because isn't this coming out on the 15th?

Yeah, 13. Yeah, 13. I don't have any birthday plans. I find it really kind of lame that my birthday is as a friend. I find it so disappointing. We had a nice one last time. Yeah, I just think it's like ultimately I would love to wake up on my birthday,

do no work and like chill. And like maybe hang out with friends but it's like get up, go to work. I have a writer's day for my radio show and my actual show show at Edinburgh and the night before we have a live song and the night after we have live on. So I'm kind of just going to act like

it's not really my birthday and have a nice day when I'm back. After your show though, you've got free on the 13th. No, I have to. The writer's room after. Yeah. Dang. What about dinner evening?

Yeah, I will definitely book a nice dinner. I will book a nice dinner. I will book a nice dinner. I must actually get on that. Do you want me to come or is it going to be a romantic thing? Will you be there by then? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to make it.

Shall I message Ellen? Is she doing it this year? Because I know why I organised it one year. I will organise it. I'm just going to book a place for dinner. I'm just going to book a place for dinner. Oh, no. Oh, sorry.

I love being on your dates. It's so fun. No, I hate it because I get paid no attention. I know. Just you and Ellen. learning. I'm like, why would I want that? Ellen love Helen and Helen love Ellen. I know. It's very cute

but I'd also just, I just thought I'd invite someone for me to talk to. Oh, who? Georgie probably. Oh, that's nice. Georgie's so far. But you don't have to pay us any heed. Don't mind us. And are you paying? Oh my God. You are We can split it if you want. We could just split the bill. I know it's my birthday, but I'll

pay. I like paying on people's birthdays. Absolutely not. But yeah, so I think I'll do that. I must book you've just reminded me oh no now I have to hold in my mind that I've admin for this um when I'm admin there's so many nice places to eat in Edinburgh yeah there's so many and this comes out after yeah that's true we can't talk about it now have you been to the angel on the mile no it's a really nice restaurant I went there once my godfather and auntie came up to fringe in like 2017 okay my first year and they took me that and it was so loved like a really nice restaurant. Okay, interesting. I also

love that Indian on that street. The one with the Spice Challenge? I don't know. It's like the street up from the Pleasance. Yes, yes. What's that place called? I love it there. They've got the famously hottest curry ever. I think it's on the Pleasants. I love it. It's just so delicious.

It's like at the end of Rankela Street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really like that place. So maybe there and they have that weird tasting that, um, that cocktail with a flower that makes your tongue go numb. What? Yeah. Like a bang lassie? I can't remember what it's called.

No, it's more of a, it's not a lassie. It's like an actual, in a little coop. Oh, so it's not actually supposed to be drugs. It is drugs. No, it's not supposed to be drugs, but it does make your tongue go like, oh, la, la, la. Yeah, a bit of fun. Well, let's do that.

Yeah, maybe I'll find that. I'll figure it out. I'm trying to think where else is good. There's so many good places in Edinburgh. I know, but you want somewhere that's like a bit off. Yeah, that's the problem is that place. Should we go to the pleasant's courtyard and sit with everyone? Yes, with a picnic.

Yes. Yes, please. I'd love nothing more. Yes. No. I think it's interesting to be arriving at the fringe halfway through because I'm wondering what level of weird people will be at. I mean, I arrived at this point last year. No, a bit later I did the last two weeks last year. It was fun.

I arrived and immediately cried. Why? Because I arrived, did my first show and then went to see Janine Harunie's show and then just cried in the courtyard because it was so beautiful and touching. Yeah. And then my agent messes to me being like, oh, are you out tonight? Like so and so, like wants to meet you or something like that.

And I was like, I'm ordering Domino's! I'm waiting. I'm not leaving the house again. Yeah, fair enough. Okay, well, hopefully your first night won't be like that because your first night is hogs, right? No, first night I'm coming up on the Sunday. And I have...

11th. The 11th, because I've got a wedding in Lancaster. Shout out to Fear and Neil. Hope it went really well. I mean, it's so weird this is in the future. I love it. I've got a wedding in Lancaster. and then I'm going up and I'm

dropping my stuff at Anna Grant's house shout out Anna Grant thank you for let me stay again and then seeing Eddie Hare and Jordan Brooks great shows to book right I always forget to book men well done you

well done you but you've only book women and I've only book men so I think I'm the problem I have yeah I've got Cat Cow and Olga Cock I've got Harriet Kemsley I've booked Emma City yes yeah I actually haven't booked one single

man yeah there's so many good shows this year i cannot wait to see chelsea burkeby we had her in the podcast a yeah and i'm excited to see dallum show yeah there's so many great shows i'm really pumped it's going to be good to sophie duker she's a cuteer oh he's so good i don't know what i was trying to say there i was trying to make cute work with duker but it came out she's a cucker duca yeah that sounds cute yeah yeah sort of like a quokka you know shout out to sophie you know shout out to

Can we do it like you do? Shout out. Shout out to Sophie. I think it's a bad habit I've picked up from listening to Slime Country. Oh, you listen? I listen to episodes every now and again because like I'm just getting fucking rinsed on them. Yeah, that makes sense. It's like a self-harm thing.

But don't you love that you're like the main character in their lives? Yeah. Of course you do. You're obsessed. Of course. Well, I can't listen to it because I already see enough of Soneil because as you know, he's on my show. Yes, I love you two working together so much. Okay, so if you don't know

I'm making a radio show called TLDR and it comes out every Friday but we write the show Monday and Tuesday and then record it on Thursday and Sineal has been doing the like sidekick bit and he I think he's off for two weeks and then back for two weeks

but he is so fucking funny on it and like annoyingly nice he's so nice What do you mean annoyingly nice? I just kind of oh I had him in my head as like real dour funny but like quite like you know like serious

yeah and actually like he's just a real softy isn't he yeah he's just tired around me which is usually when you see him okay he's worn out yeah well with a little pep in his step he's also like just a really soft sweet guy and I love him so much and also

I don't know if they saw me see them but there were definitely some hogs in and when I announced the Neil they literally did a like jump in a clap they were like Sineal and I was like this is so nice And my friends, who also listened to the podcast, Charlotte and Jess, who just got engaged. I love Charlotte and Jess. They just got engaged.

Congratulations. Congratulations on your engagement. Well, they had come to the first one and, like, afterwards, they were like, we went up and said we were hoggies. And I was like. To Sineal? Yeah. I was like, you didn't want to say you're my friends? They were like, no.

And I was like, okay. You mustn't do that to Sineal. He's scared of the trusty hogs listeners. And he should be. And he should be. Good, good. You know, I've been thinking about my engagement. recently.

Uh-huh. Because I was, I listened. Sorry, what? You came out as queer and now you're like, I'm thinking about my engagement. Oh God,

this queer journey is mad, isn't it? Are you queering marriage? This was listening to about a queer engagement that made me think about it. Oh my God. What? I'm jumping in.

I'm jumping. No. You are in. We should address this because people do message me going like, oh my God, what's happening? Or like, friends have asked me about it.

Really? I'm like, I still don't know. You don't have to know. I don't know. I think what you know is like you're open to it. I know I'm, there's like, there's a queerness there. Yeah. But like, I don't know if I'm bisexual or pansexual full lesbian.

That'll be a fun twist. You are not full lesbian. No, I think I'd know that by now. All due respect. Yeah. You're just not. But I don't like sucking cock. Nobody likes sucking cock.

That's the thing. And there's always a couple of people who are like, I bloody love it. There's like the rest of us. There's like the re-game in, I believe. Sorry, that's it. No, no, I know a couple of hors from Fleet who are fucking, gagging for it on my life on my life. I'll bet you anything now.

They've got hobbies. You don't think sucking cock is a hobby? No. No? No. Okay. I think it's one of those things we're like a bit like drinking alco pops where you're like the second you're allowed,

the second you know that you could get alka pops any time you want to, you're like, oh but there's so many better things to drink. I don't know. An apple VK still slaps. Really? An apple VK. Are they sort of sour? Apple vodka cake, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's not for me. even my face went my mouth is salivating thinking about it i've not had an apple vk in so long my face went like eat i i cannot do so even like a fizzy haribou makes me like oh yeah fizzy sweets send me like funny they said i hate them but thinking about that that like made my teeth hurt oh my god should we get some no i don't have any after shock in here i don't have you ever heard of champagne that exists too yeah still just okay with it my god i love it so much it is really good but like i still go towards red wine Oh my God, sorry, can I just say that I actually, I remember them because they brought me champagne once, which is, you know, Ruth always brings us lovely gifts to the hoaggy events. Hi Ruth. She gave me these essential oils, but I didn't open the box that they were in for ages. And then just to open them. They're lime. It's my favorite scent for an essential oil. Have you ever tried it for the mornings? I don't know if I have. I feel like I did go through a phase of lime. Wakes you right up. Really?

Yeah, it's so nice. What do you do? Like, shut it or? No. No, I just, I just, um... Smell it? Yeah, just waft it under my nose. Like a petite lady smelling salts.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's so nice. But it's like, really nice as well because I'm off caffeine, as you know, and it's like, fuck me, the mornings are a little bit trickier. Although, actually I am getting up more easy. I don't know why I say that. I actually, everything's easier, but I'm trying to like, not be a, like, my dad always

says there's nothing more pure than a reformed hewer. And it's like... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You have to translate the Irish Because no one fucking knows In Irish, you can make pure And hoar rhyme There's nothing so pure as a reformed hooer

Whereas you so And that's what I feel like When I feel like I'm like proselytizing When I talk about not being on caffeine anymore I'm sorry to say it Yeah, do you know if you never heard of it? I've never heard of it say it one more time Because I'm enchanted

There's nothing so pure as a reformed heller Can I try it? Go on There's nothing so. so pure as a reformed pure. It's close enough. It's as close as we're going to get and we'll take it. I've got a question history-wise, but you've got a degree in it, so you'll know.

What was the original smelling salt smell? I thought it was um, oh, Andrew, can I Google? Because Andrew would. Yeah, because it can't have just been salts. No, it's not. I thought it's, I thought it's just like fart in their face and I'll wake them up. Like, why are we buying smelling salts? What were smelling salts? I thought it was a drug. I thought it was a drug also if you want to wake lady up why don't you just dump a bottle of water on top of her

smelling salts was a bit of like a long way around do you know what I feel like I don't think I've ever woken because of a smell okay smelling salts also known as ammonia in haylands ammonia that's piss spirits of heart heart chorn or salvolatil are chemical compounds used a stimulants to restore consciousness after fainting. Wow. So it's urine? It's a release of ammonia, gas. Oh, so it is farting in their face. Essentially. I knew those doctors were kinky as fuck.

Whoa, that's so great. They're like, oh no, she's fainted. Let me just, I'm going to quickly fire in her face. Like, it's nothing sexual. And it can increase a person's blood pressure, heart rate and oxygen levels, helping brain activity and reactivating the sympathetic nervous system. Wow. whoa but do you think it really works

do you wake up because of a scent apparently some footballers still use it before the matches because it gives you a burst of energy should we see if you can get a bottle on the web for you before shows before we go on stage no thank you I was on stage the night at the store

and I was talking at a pace that I like and I knew what had happened there were four Irish lads in the front row and I just get once I see there's Irish people in it's like I gain steam I'm like I have full permission now somebody can understand the pace

I'm speaking at, there's no slowing down. I don't have to do this for English people. Believe it or not, yes, me on stage is me slowing down for English people. So I was like, off at full throttle. And honestly, I knew I was speaking fast, but then at one point I just went, I don't drink caffeine, and it got such a big laugh that I was like, okay, I'm mad. I do not need

smelling salts or any sort of stimulants. Thank you so much, please, and thank you. Focus your mind, though, into like not speaking. You'll be, like, measured. I'd love to be. I can't imagine it, though. I just can't fathom it. You can't fathom being, like, measured on stage.

No. Me neither? No. I think it was really throw me off. When I'm tired on stage, like, if I'm sleepy, I'm weird. I love, I get nervous performing sleepy, but usually it does go well. There's something about like that heightened adrenaline focus being like just this time. Yeah.

I did a work in progress on Saturday, just for fun, just doing like hours here and there. And thank you to everyone who came. But it's like, there's something, I went on stage and I started off like really like, blah blah and I was like I've got I had a five page document of new ideas to get through I actually said on stage calm down helen it's okay yeah yeah I said it out loud that's so funny I need to slow it down or I'm not going to get these things out the way I want also there's a tendency with working progresses when you're like so not close to start in the new show to be like oh there's no rush to try out all this new stuff so you sort of like you can slip into old stuff or I know I do sometimes like a comfort blanket. Yeah. And it's like, whew.

Helen, I had to get the producer and to be fair, they actively wanted to do of my radio show to put in capital's slow down on every single page of the script.

And they took the liberty of putting an exclamation mark before and after to slow down. Before. Before. Before. So yeah,

I get it. I really do get it. But do you feel like talking fast has come and benefit for like so many things because like we've both written scripts before

like sitcom scripts. I'm doing one at the moment. And okay, it's supposed to be the goal is around 25 pages. Yeah. It's currently 46. Classic.

But they're not taking into account. How fast me and the other cast will talk? I put at the top of a script pitch or when I got the script commission on a series for the first pilot, I wrote, please read as Irish, by which I mean double pace. Like there's no, you can't, exactly, like you can't predict. What are you talking about? Like double speed is Irish. I would love it. the people at the BBC or Channel 4

or like wherever. We're like, please read as Irish. Okay. Order, order, water, just like, super. That's a horrible impression by the way. That felt enaboardic. During the Fiddly, Didly D thing in the south. Like, just a lot of them. It's so funny.

Have you gotten more into the Olympics? I have. Oh, I'm obsessed. Oh, Catherine. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. There is a fantastic 400 metre women's runner who's absolutely Adelaika is actually just spectacular from Ireland she's amazing

I think I saw this morning God she was so incredible and you know that one of those ones who like runs 400 metres and then looks like she's barely broken a sweat and then the interviewer was like how did you find that she's like it was so fun and you're like oh my god you're like a but I love it so much but my friends Kate and Anna are over

and we were watching we were watching the Olympics this morning we were watching the gymnast and Kate made a very funny point which is just that like the amount of times you're watching it you're like fucking how are they doing it

this is like a feat of the human body this is incredible like honestly we were we were watching them like on those rings when they like throw themselves and you're like

it is inexplicable to me that the human body can do this this is astonishing and they're on the bars and the way they like the uneven bar our arms are like backwards what are you talking about

they're like rolling between backwards arms we're like you watched it and you're like the human body is incredible how is this man doing this and then you cut to the commentary and the commentary is just like

well a lot of mistakes there are we like what are we what oh that's embarrassing so don't ruin it shut the fuck up we don't know truly it's just being like I don't know about that and you're like what that was incredible and that is truly me watching every Olympic sports

I'll be like oh my god and they're like and that was the gymnast warming up and I'll be like what the warm up what it was so good I'm loving it so much I'm obsessed I'm so glad the athletics have started the 100 meter final was amazing

I watched some of the BMXing oh my god everyone loves the BMXing it's not for me I don't get it it was the it was the Jordie Grandad did you see this there was like a little like carousel on Instagram of like the most heartfelt Olympics moments so far oh my God and it was just like

Geordie Grandad and his I think grandson I think he won gold or silver he got a medal that's right he was like he's the best grandson I could have asked for and he's like really struggling to get through the interview and it's just, oh, it's so... I will watch that later.

Apparently there was a high jumper who didn't get over his high jump because of his penis swung into it. Did you see this? I thought that was like a joke article. No, I don't think so. But his full cork? I think he had a bit too much swing on the old dog.

I mean, but also like... Well, that's what I was going to say. I'm like, oh no, but like no one's remembering who came back. I didn't win Olympic gold because my dick's too big. No one's remembering who got silver. Everyone remembers that guy who's like, sorry, you're the guy with the like, donkey dick who couldn't get over the...

Hello? Should have just on Polovald? Nonetheless. What a great reason. I know, right? You remember that guy. Yeah. The Paralymp, sorry, the Olympics, I have been watching it. I do struggle with the lack of representation of big-titted women, just in general.

Oh, you need to watch the rugby teams. I've followed Elona Mara. Yeah. As if you're not queer. as if you're not queer. I just like happened to be following the hottest woman in rugby ever. She is. And her sister's also an influencer.

Apparently her sister invented girl dinner. Do you know, girl dinner, girl dinner. That was her sister. Apparently that was a sister like she's an influencer. They're like an influencing talent family. I was like what the fuck is happening? She's great, isn't she? But they don't even have like, they're not like insanely waabbed, are they?

I mean, they've got waabs. I just think like the only thing standing in between me and being one of these world-class athletic persons is my text. Have you watched Hammer Throw? No, have they got Tiddy? Yeah. Sleigh.

Big time. I'll watch it. Big time. I'll watch it. I want to know what bras like you're saying. Discus? Discus. Oh, that's the old old one, isn't it?

Yeah. But Hamletrow, they have some serious whamps. Have you been to the old Olympic place in Athens? Like the original Olympic Games place? No, I haven't. It's cool. Although I listened to, um, I listen to sports agents, which is so good.

It's the newsagents for sports. Okay, I'm actually, I'm joining Andrew on this. You listen to too many podcasts. Every single week, you've got like three new recommendations. Well, I've always listened to newsagents and the sports agents every day whenever they come out. Sports agents are only a couple times a week. How are you doing that? It's just the way I get my news.

And also, I really hate silence and I run and walk a lot. I hate silence. I hated so much. But those are the ones I don't miss. to be fair. And so I won't like bulk listen to those I'll listen to those

as I go but sports agents is great but they were talking to the rowers from the UK from British rowing who won the gold

and they were talking about just that they were talking about how they're trying to get sports bras for all kinds of bodies because it's a big reason teenage girls drop out

because you don't get like enough support especially in their kit. That's thing and if we're moulding cups to their dicks why can't we doing it for the test? Yeah, so they're working on it.

That's a really exciting moment. Yeah, British rowing are on it. It's very exciting. It's really pretty interesting. They were also talking about how it's so interesting how they're doing, obviously lots of the sporting information they have around athletes is based on their, they're having previously done research into men, and men's sports, because they have more data, right?

So the more women who do sports, the more data they have to access, and also the more money that they're in women's sports, the more research they can do scientifically around it. and so they're doing this stuff on like like so apparently there's way more ACL injuries in football in women's football at certain times of the month and similarly

you get more bone issues in women or like hip and knee issues in sports people who are women but often it's particularly around a different time of their hormonal cycle so it's so which makes sense right like the week before my period I can lift so much heavier I can run

so much further the week of I'm like a sensitive little being Wait Our bones get weaker When we're bleeding Apparently Shut the fuck up I don't know that's quite right

But it's like there's yeah Your bone It's like Everything's more sensitive And it includes that Isn't that crazy That just feels really bizarre The idea that your bones

Could like lose calcium Is it I don't know I think so but yeah They yeah it's crazy But it makes some sense I guess But they're I don't know enough about it my point is that they are doing research into it which is cool goes back to what i've been

saying for years and i'm sick of being told i know what you're going to say stay home if you're bleeding don't go out it makes people uncomfortable it's inappropriate stay home stay on the pot and you know you're going to injure yourself love and i'm sick of saying that you know just stop it why are you running on your period how much you run into a man and the smell makes him uncomfortable it's horrendous sometimes you go in the tube and it just smells like pennies what's happening here what if you distract people dogs yeah great oh there's one walking coin purse is it why's i doing in why's i join in because i'm sick of it yeah so you know we should have special lady olympics we'll watch the tides we'll watch the tides and we'll be like gone run ties out run i bet you loads of the olympians would

fucking love it for it was a different time it was on like based on one of their fucking like period is on oh my or you could just pick when you want to do it yeah and then you just send in your times yeah like you film it on a camcorder yeah there'd be no problems with that and you could definitely, there'd be no problems with that and you could definitely tell that everyone was doing it fairly and it'd be fine. Everyone would do it. How would you cheat on that? No, no, and whatever. No, whatever. Because you, let's say you have to run

holding. Cheating and sport, I can't imagine it. You have to run holding a clock that's counting down on the entire. And today's newspaper. And today's newspaper. Nailed it. Start my little blood coming out at the beginning. Oh, never mind. Helen. Good Lord.

So yeah, that's what I'm up to, watching the Olympics. what else are you up to you're just in very different faces of life so it just feels really weird like you're doing a radio show you're touring you're about to do a big Edinburgh I'm doing three days at Edinburgh and then I'm doing two weeks

I feel like I'm sauntering in an end you're not sauntering I'm sauntering I'm sauntering I'm writing I'm writing lots which is annoying because I can't really talk about it on here I mean you know about it but I'm just doing stuff for fun oh my God I'll tell you what I did do I've taken a gig

at like, from what I can gather, like a medieval times event. I'm going to need you to say it way more. There's a jousting event. No. What are you talking? Ye oldy times. Sorry, where is it? Night. Billingshurst. I don't know. I haven't googled it. What is Billingshurst?

Sign me up. I'm going to Google Billingshurst. Billingshurst. I feel like it's Sussex. It feels Sussexie. And it's a call to what? I don't know. And your, why would you be involved no offense they were like would you like to come and do we're going to put on a comedy show around the jousting and i was like tell me no more i shall be there and um a village and civil parish in the horsham district of west lossoc england great that's close

billinghurst medieval yes festival oh yes lockswood joust by any chance? That sounds right. That sounds right. Does it look good? The Loxwood Jouse. This will be coming out before that event, actually. So please do come and see me there.

The UK's most spectacular, immersive medieval festival, the Loxwood Joust. Are you dying? I was dying. Transport to an unforgettable time in West Sussex. Wow. It's not the largest medieval festival in the UK, because that is, of course, the Chukesbury Medieval Festival. Come on, everyone say it together. I've never been to a medieval.

Actually, no, once in Fleet, one year, there was, no, it wasn't medieval. It was like, I think I've tried to do something Roman. I think it was Roman times. Oh my God, I've just seen the font. Is it amazing? I needed to Google the font choice. Enter the magical kingdom of the joust. Come on, but they're doing a comedy tense.

I got a message from lovely comedian, do you know Tom Bell? Yes. So funny. Being like, hey, look, I'm doing this event. Like, would you be up for doing it? it. Wait, I have to read you something. Yes. How will you explore the kingdom of

Lockswood? Perhaps you'll start in the woodlands, mingling with its mystical inhabitants, al-cass of the town. Or maybe rub shoulders with the salt of the earth townsfolk, who bring history to life with their crafts and wares. Secure your seat at the banqueting table alongside the royal family.

Solve a mystery or two, and listen to spectacular live music hand-picked by the queen herself. However you plan your day, just be sure to cheer loudly during a joust for our knights need your support more than ever this year. What? Do you reckon I should remark my comedy set into ye oldy English? One thousand percent. Because I know a couple of the words like fuck is fie. They're actually jousting on real real horses. Have you seen these

they did this at the Lambeth Country Fair each year. They do a jousting competition in Brockwell Park. These costumes are divine. It's a full thing. thing. It's giving a night's tale. Oh my god, Bronisie Titley. Have you seen this? She wrote the musical version of A Night's Tale is opening in Manchester. Stop. Yeah. We've had her on the podcast, Brona C. Titley. She's incredible. She's just written the musical A Night's Tale. We are living in the golden age of musicals. We're living in the golden age of women. And women are musicals. Have you seen they're doing Drop Dead gorgeous as well? Yeah, having Michelle Brasier's in it. I'm dying. I'm literally, I loved that film.

it's crazy so intensely and so is at Diana Vickers stop yeah divine this is oh what

I can't believe we're all alive at this time I know it's a really special time well you've made it you've made it you're best years

I know congratulations oh my god I really hope some hogs come to the medieval village wouldn't that be so fun it's on

on the one hand yes on the other hand then they'd have to be at the medieval it's gonna what's wrong with you what's the only thing

I'm nervous about Hog roast. I'm checking. I've messaged my friends Alice and Francis to be like, hey, random one, do you want to come with me? Because I think it'll be like, it's like a fun friend day. Neither of them have responded, but they both have read it. Wait, who was it?

Alice and Francis. That's very funny. Oh, people camp. They did ask me if I wanted to stay in camp, but I am so allergic to horses. I feel like I need to go in and out because I think it's going to be pretty rough on the day anyway. I'll take my drops, my sprays, my tablets, my tablets. and the inhalers.

God, you're not an outdoors woman, are you? No, I think I'm going to be very ill, but having such a lovely time. I want to drink mead. The story of Lockswood. Well, there's two bars, so I'm sure you'll be able to get out one of them. Uncover the legacy of the boar.

The boar? Having reclaimed her kingdom, our good Queen Helena. Huh? Wait, do you think they ever asked me because I'm going to be the queen? Has returned to Lockswood to a land of peace. And plenty.

Well, almost. The royal coffers are looking rather empty, mainly thanks to its previous ruler, Lord Villian, who spent it all locking people up for unauthorised smiling. You're there to make people smile. Oh my God, do you think I'm part of the story? Like they're doing a comedy tent to be like, don't smile. Oh, that's going to be hard.

Still, recovering from his tyranny, the poor folk of lockswood desperately need a morale boost. Even the honeybees seem slower than normal. to run out of mead would be disastrous. You just said mead. Luckily, our queen of the mead knows exactly what the town needs to resurrect the ancient local

celebration of the boar, which pays tribute to the origins of jousting in Lockswood. And then there's a tiny little asterisk and then the asterisk down the bottom of the page says, apparently. I am gagging for this, Catherine. I am obsessed with this actually.

I do actually think this will be stuff, and it's reminding me of, you know this, you know, Luke, sister in Gilmore Girls Yes, what's her name? I don't know, she would sell the stuff of the fair Yeah, she's got all the medieval fairs And oh my god, what is her name? Oh, she goes out with TJ.

Yeah, Liz. Liz, yes, well done. That was really impressive. I couldn't get there, I couldn't get there. Yeah, that was good. But yeah, so that's going to be you, that's exciting. I can't believe it. I'm not that surprised they haven't texted back to be honest.

So that's what I'm doing this summer, just doing gigs like that. I'm just wanting this summer just to do those little fun things in life, but it is freckin weird. I know when you're used to being in Edinburgh every year, it's very bizarre, but you're by the time you'll be up there. It's more like... And Helen, I can just know, I can see it already.

You're going to get to day three of the fringe and be like, get me the fuck out of here. And I'm going to be like, I have to stay. Take me with you. I'm going to be leaving you. I, when, because you did that to me earlier this year, It's like when you left in Sydney, do you remember? And I still had to go to Brisbane and Pear.

Oh my God, yes. And I waved you off. I love that you talked that as me doing it to you. No, no, but just like, I know that feeling. I know that feeling of being like, oh, it's all fine. It's all fine. Like my buddy. I've got my buddy.

And like, obviously we've still got bodies up there. But it's just sort of like, I remember you being like, oh, like it's my last day. And being like, oh, don't go. Oh, no. Don't go. That was so much worse. I felt so bad because it was just then just like three of you or something left after everyone had been in 10.

It was so few of you left. weird watching you like go away and katherine did that whole like she decided to walk to the airport just walking down the street with her hand out like no i was like did i and then i was like wait a second no i didn't um we need to do a problem oh wait i've got a problem um we'll do it in the extras i'll do it in the extras um are you ready for it yes oh my god i just saw the picture for this episode we look very cute but i absolutely love that you've gone spread you can just look at the photo Go on Instagram, follow Trustee Hoggs on Instagram and Helen Bauer and Catherine Bowhart

and Andrew White. Thank you. Hi, Trustee Hoggs, O here. Oh, no, wait, aren't you going to ask me what sort of advice giver I am? Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Helen. Hey, Helen, do you have any friends who come to you with problems that they need advice on?

24-7. Whoa, and what kind of advice do people come to you for? And what kind of advice do you think you give? I'd say the best advice I give, it's it's honest it's calm it's rational I like to present people with options

and allow them to pick it and let them know that they are loved with whichever choice they make really no genuinely never thought about us before I don't know why you asked I told you to ask me I love that you were like I don't know why you ask me

I know I don't know why I think I'm I think people do come to me not so much with problems but for rants yeah and if they need like advice that pertains to removing water from the ground in places that they might hide a man. Those are, you've got those bases covered. I can do the extremes that everything else is just sort of like,

um, what will be will be, good luck. What I do like about you as an advice giver, because I do come to you for advice, is that you, regardless of whatever mad shit you advise, you will always be as outraged, if not more outraged, on my behalf than I am, which is so cathartic and so comforting when you have a problem. I'll be like, this thing has happened and you'll be like,

Helen will light up a cigarette and be like she said what to you to my girl to my baby Catherine I'll be like why oh yeah she didn't inhale and would be like it's like when I was livid earlier when I found out when you fell over people laughed

I was like give me fucking names I know you were I kind of had to be like oh no it's fine it's fine but I love you for that I love you for it I'm talking about that on stage a bit because I'm like I am a people pleaser but I think everyone thinks that's you complimenting yourself and it's like we are spineless fucking weasel yeah like you want a bitch about someone if you want a bitch about my best friend i'll fucking do it to make you feel better right in front of me yeah no worries no spine there fucking yeah yeah fucking state of them

best mates couldn't give a shit so true well we're we're fucking awful okay well with that in mind can i ask you what sort of advice giver you are please oh i think i say everything the person wants to hear also spineless um with a little hint of acting like I know what the fuck I'm talking about everything which isn't true you do have that debate quality yeah it's like an era of authority that is actually just

bullshitting and I lack perspective entirely when it comes to rage you are very good at being like you'll be furious on my behalf and then instantly be able to think about it from the other person's point of view I the other person doesn't exist they've never had a point of view

they're not a whole person when I'm angry that's so true whenever we get into it or we're talking about anything like but i think that's quite annoying that i always want to consider the other person's perspective no but it's so nice we think it might diminish no no it's good whereas i don't even know that they have i forget that they have a perspective that they're a person with most bastard yeah yeah i'm yeah yeah yeah so i'm thrilled that yeah we're a good balancing to act i think in that regard i hope so um hi trusty hogs hi hi trusty hogs oh here hi oh hi oh recently found the podcast by seeing Catherine on LOL Ireland That's so nice

And I've been watching every episode since Oh my God, thank you for watching Wait, I'm waving straight down the lens to you right now It's the middle one, it's the middle one This is my first ever time writing in a problem I'm a 23 year old and have never had sex or been in a relationship I'm a lesbian but live in rural Ireland Oh no

Oh no So my options are very limited I have been on dates but they have just been awkward and felt more like friends I feel so behind compared to all my friends and worried that I won't be good or that no one will find me attractive any help would be great

I feel embarrassed even writing this thank you oh you do not need to feel embarrassed writing this genuinely first of all no one says it but you are not alone like so many of us I was 20 when I lost my virginity 19 or 20 and that's like

I know that you'll probably be going, yeah, but 23 years older, yeah, but like, I know loads of people who didn't lose their virginity until well into their 20s. I'm 33, and I'm yet to be with a woman. Yeah, exactly. There you go. And also, it's just not a race. I know it feels like it is right now, but it really, really, really isn't. I think, um, also the idea that you won't be good.

Like, first of all, I didn't, yeah, lots of us didn't have sex with women until we're much older and it is a different thing anyway. so like the idea that anyone's good at it but also like oh the truth is you'll be grand at it and these things we learn and anyone you're with who's worth being with when it happens and I do mean when because it definitely will will be patient and understanding it does take a while to learn someone else's like body and what they like and what you do together and that's true if you've had sex before or not yeah it just is like to be honest with you anyone who's like Things are good at sex.

I'm a bit like, you don't, that is so person to person dependent. Like, that doesn't make any sense. Like, what you need to be, to be good in bed is a good listener. You need to be a good communicator. You need to be patient. And hungry. No, you need to be patient. I'd say hungry.

I'd say hungry. No, you need to be patient and you need to be present. And those are all things you can practice without having sex. With a therogon, blast your clip up. they are things you can practice with your act with sex toys for sure but they're also just like things you can practice in friendship they're things you like truly i mean this like people who don't listen are not good sexual partners because like they're not responding to how you respond or take instruction i think honestly i think queer people also like often do come to sex later because they haven't met people or they didn't know their sexuality so you won't be alone in that to the rural ireland point sweet jesus what are you going to do about this oh because when we're wow, I really get it. There is a dart of lesbian presence. Like an absence of...

Okay, okay. A lack of lesbian presences. And it's also very confusing because everyone's wearing boot cut jeans, everyone's wearing a track suit, everyone's in a GAA kit. My darling, like, it's so confusing. It's a GAA kit.

Gay-lick football. See, there's so much we can learn. All of which it's like, yeah, it's screaming gay, it's giving gay, but sometimes it's just a girl your cousins with. And that's the other problem is you're half related to every fucker in your town. so that's going to be a situation where I think you pop on the apps and you go to Dublin for the weekend

you've got to travel yeah but there's nowhere in Ireland that's so long that you can't travel like if it's I think it's worth it for a bit of like meeting women but also maybe start by not meeting people for dates like it's so much pressure especially if you're putting that pressure on yourself of being like I haven't had sex yet those dates are probably going to be awkward I mean it doesn't sound like you've met someone you're attracted to yet but but also bear that in mind right Like you could make some friends and then that will, they'll know other queer women

and that would be good. But bear in mind, right? I think this is something really important that you said in your email. You were like, I'm worried no one will ever find me attractive. That's the main point that stood out to me. But you also said in your email

that it was more friends vibes for you and a couple of, on those dates. You didn't then say, so I'm worried those girls will never be found attractive. Sometimes, like loads of, most people you don't find attractive.

Like, majority of, you're like more people will be unattractive to you or neutral to you than they will be attractive it's a rare thing so it's like they'll find people who find them attractive even if it's not you and you will find people who find you attractive even if it's not them that will definitely happen there is more than one person for everyone loads of people and also people are into every kind of other person like there are so many types of people having sex I promise you that will happen but I know it's hard not to be impatient and I do get it that it's so difficult

as a queer person but I think going to Dublin with the apps on and trying to make some queer friends is really, really a really good place to start without the pressure of this having to be sex and then

I'm getting to know your own body I think really really trying to figure like what you like sexually by yourself is a really good help for that when you are in that situation you're not like what do they like And what do I like? And what is a body?

Like, the good thing about being queer is you've got all the equipment you need to practice on. Yeah. Like, if you can make yourself come, you're in a pretty good... You're starting from a good spot. I just think it's so hard, though. Like, if you don't feel attractive

to be able to put yourself out there is just impossible. And as a thing of being, like, someone will find you attractive because you are attractive. Everyone has so many attractive qualities. And what is attracted to one person until it's been proven to you

yep you just there's just no way of believing it well it should already be proven to you because people presumably agreed to go on those dates but if you don't believe it you don't believe it that's the thing oh totally but that and until someone's chosen you but I disagree I don't think if you don't feel attractive I don't think having sex

necessarily makes you feel attractive someone chosen you as far as like having a relationship having someone say like I want to be with you publicly and show you off I think there's a tricky thing though you can conflate those too. I think if you are if you need if you are like I'm not attractive unless somebody chooses me that speaks to like a low self-esteem and then I think like somebody choosing you doesn't always make it feel like you make you feel like you are attractive it just often makes

you feel like I have to hold on to this because they're the only person who's ever found me attractive or the only person who ever would and it's quite like codependent and I actually think that like you are attractive and that is worth knowing by yourself. I haven't seen a picture but I think you're so fat. She's 23. I think you're so fair. Yeah, but also 23. Yeah. I don't think that you're fucking gorgeous. But I also just think... You're beautiful oh. You're bloody beautiful. But I do

think it's worth knowing that in yourself so that when you get into relationships, you're not so grateful that you will let yourself be treated whatever way. Because I definitely didn't think I was attractive. Was chosen, as it were. It didn't make me feel like I was more attractive. It made me feel more like I had to put up with bad behavior.

Mm-hmm. So that's something that you deserve to know by yourself. I think it's just, yeah, how do you learn to like have that love and respect for yourself? Yeah. And you're 23 and I'm hoping you, oh, I'm 33, I haven't taken it out, so I don't know. It's hard. It's tricky, but I think it will be learned

and like it's so hard to realize that there are people out there and you're going to have, you're going to have good sex, you're going to have bad sex. Often it's nothing to do with you. You'll have some sort of boring sex sometimes. You're going to have so much boring sex. Yeah, but it's just like, if everybody else around you wasn't doing it yet, would you be beating yourself up?

No. So why do you have to go by their timeline? Just fudge yourself in the fields. Right, yeah, that's thought. Yeah, why not? You know what? Purn ordering, get some toys. I do think that.

And also, when you order sex toys, you can opt for private packaging. You must. You must. You must. You're in rural island. Discrete packaging. and you do not need the postman who's probably also the butcher

who's also probably your cousin knowing what you've got arriving. Go to a field, get under a tree, get under a bush, hands down. We have bedrooms. Do you? Good for you guys. Shad with many siblings. The Catholic way.

No, no, no. She'll probably have her own, I'd say. I've got a Catholic question, art in a minute. Yeah. But, you're 23 and it's going to be so good. It's going to be so good. And also, I know some very successful people and like people who just genuinely thought it was never going to happen

who lost the virginities in their 30s, well into their 30s. Read Rebel Wilson's book. Yeah. Read that. That actually, that's it. Read that. That's a good solution. Get the audio book.

Okay, great. And check out when the next spinster night is on. That's a good queer night in Dublin. It's called spinster. It's called spinster. So good. And also, yeah, find out where your local queer community are. There has to be when I'm sure whether that's the women's hockey team. team, the vegetarian restaurant, maybe you're so rural that there isn't one of those.

But you know what I mean? There's some, there's somewhat, there's got to be some, some people around. And if there isn't, sometimes, and this sucks, you might be the one that starts it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You might be the starter. Yeah. And I think it should be called the trusty hogs club. I love that, but I don't think it will necessarily get the members you want.

And you get together. No, in rural Ireland, you can't have a trusty hogs club. It'll just be a loads of lads shown up with their most reliable pig. do not do that oh my god do it do not do that could you want there is nothing more charming oh she caught no we've got a nice sow outside then oh age 23

super excited to meet some lesbians putting up the signs booking a room in a pub and then in come like ten lads called Kean holding their favourite pigs some of them would be called PJ holding their favourite pigs and her being like yep this is it I'm fucking I'm getting the ticket to Dublin.

Yeah, sometimes you've got to move. Sometimes you got to move. Hey, will you let us know how you get on? No, because I'm desperate to know, and we wish you all the best, but you're not in a race with anybody. Yeah, let us know how you get on. Oh, we'd love to hear.

I've got a new queer revelation to tell you, but I'll do it in the extras. Oh, there's a tease. There's a tease. But I'm just, it's only because, like, we might have to cut it from the extras. Oh, my God. Well, meet me over there to see if it happens,

but I'm going to get it out of her. So don't you worry. We'll see you in the extras. If you're on Patreon, we'll see you there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Ellen, the other day said, oh, like, is it you're like, Patriarchs? And I was like, what? I was like, that's genius. The Patriots, the, the, the, the, the hogs who are on Patreon are our Patriots. Patrohogs. Our petrogs. If you're a patron hog, we'll see you on the Patreon extras.

Isn't that cute? Yes. Thank you so much for listening and have a wonderful. of your day, night life. Goodbye. Bye. Thank you.