Trusty Hogs - Ep148. SINDHU VEE / Minions, Mothers & Museums

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

The one and only Sindhu Vee steps in as co-host this week to hold down the fort while Catherine slays in Edinburgh, and to steer Helen away from extensive tits and feet chat... FOLLOW SINDHU: @SindhuVeeTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'Reilly / LilyPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Nathan Smith / Amanda McCall / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra PeregrineWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Download today. Hello, Hogs. Thank you so much to those of you who listen to my new radio show. It's on BBC Sounds. If you didn't, if you missed it, that's all right. Otherwise, you can hear it at 6.30 every Friday night or repeat it on radio for at noon. It's called TLDR, Too Long Didn't Read, and it's topical news. Can you believe it?

I'm on the radio doing big girl grown-up stuff. But let me tell you this. A little secret between you and me, Hogies, please don't tell the BBC I told you this. But when people don't like a radio show, wow, are they get in touch? Oh, my goodness me, at pace, at pace. If they do like it, they just sort of tell you on the street and that's lovely. but say for example you liked it could you do me a favour please

could you go to wwwbbc.combeau UK forward slash contact forward slash comments and if you like to put a positive comment there because the BBC takes the ones that you send to the website very seriously and I love making it and I would like to make more and yeah it's a massive favour to ask but I also think like what's the point to having

all these lovely hugs if we can't ask to do it's a solid every now and then I loved writing you a review I went Best show ever. Catherine's so funny. More booed, please. No, I did not. I did not.

Oh, my God. I just covered my tits right now. Oh, my God. Yeah, so if you like the show, please go on and tell them. And don't worry, if not. Thank you so much. Bye.

Hello, and welcome to episode 147. 78. 148 of Trusty Hawks. Catherine, Boheart's not here. She's not here, but we have Sindhuvi. Hello. Am I a co-host? Your co-host?

Okay, because I don't want to be guest. Your co-host and guest, you're everything today. I am the full package. Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems, and they will solve them, or maybe they won't, and that's your problem. They'll have guests, and Andrew White on the tech.

Oh, it's Helen and Catherine. as the trusty hugs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not you are a very specific booking for this because in general this is not necessarily a compliment but I'm hoping you take it as such I will in general when Catherine's not here I've incidentally had people

who are let's say more on the Helen side of chat so we've had one where I pissed myself a bit and Alison Spittle nearly vomited apparently last time it was just me according to trusty hogg's memes which is like an Instagram account I described my feet and nipples in vivid detail because Catherine wasn't here to rain me in yeah so when Catherine was like I'm going to be in Edinburgh you need a co-host she was like you have to bring in someone with my energy and you were our first name what this is a compliment it is a compliment I'm not exactly Bohart's energy however if there was I would

say if there was gratuitous tit and feet chat, I would have to rein it in. Why though? Because there comes a time we have to move to other topics, you know. Yeah, yeah. This is called trusty hogs, not dits and feet. I wish. That was my original name. That was, yeah. Do you have any idea how

how hard I'd fight to get hogs in the title with Catherine? Yeah, no, hogs is a, trusty hogs is a great name. She didn't want hogs? I think she did after hearing my other suggestions. Oh, okay. That is always, one of my kids will always do that. She'll come in and then say give me a list of things that she'd like to do which are heinous and then be like or

this and I'm like yeah do the or this oh genius I was yeah she's the youngest she's a thing I get that manipulative vibe yeah but you know I with parents when you're a child after a certain age and it doesn't even have to be like a long time you know when you're a couple of years old you start figuring out how do I fuck with these people yeah so they can keep supporting me and giving me shit but I'm just going to do what I want and also, you know, constantly sort of bump up against losing my life and have these people sort it out. That's really what it is. I was so good at doing it for clothes with my mum. Like I'd make the car journey to Reading or Basingstoke be about me not clothes don't fit me. Oh, I'm insecure about my body. And then we'd go to a shop

and I would like go through the app as a sheepic tablet. I'm so ugly. I'm so disgusting. even though I was obviously fire and everything. And then I'd put on an outfit and be like, I feel good in this. And then she'd have to buy it. Yeah. Isn't that fucked up? It is. But also, I feel like your mom and I should have chatted.

I do not want you and my mom meeting ever. I would have been like, I'm so sorry. You feel badly. I think you look great. And you're going to buy what I allow you to buy. And the stuff that made you feel good that I didn't allow, I guess you're just going to write about it in your journal or something because I ain't buying it. I was a very needy chart.

I had a lot of expectations of what I wanted to do. No, but that's big. You're, you know what, you are nothing if not a fiercely independent spirit. Thank you. Which is tricky in a family with three kids, right,

to have one super independent because like every year, like what we're doing in our summer holidays, like I've got a full plan. Why don't we just follow that? And no, no, we're not doing what Helen wants.

You are the spirit animal of my youngest. Am I? She has a plan and then she'll announce that this is the plan. And I'm like, according to who? Never say options. Just say the plan. Yeah. No, no, there's no options.

This is what we're doing. And this is what I think is good for this family. And then so I'm immediately on the back foot. And because she has a father who's like, that's amazing. Oh my God. She's a genius. She came up with a plan. I'm like, what?

So it's a constant. What are the plans usually? Are they like to take, take me to thought part? Sephora. Sephora. that's her plan. That's the center of every motherfucking plan

this he has at the moment. Sephora. Is there a Sephora in the UK now? Well, maybe. But the UK is always school time, so there's no shopping then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's Target and Sephora, if we go, I mean, anything, I could be getting murdered and if it was Sephora time, she'd be like, bro, I will be seeing you after I hope you live and then just go.

But Sephora is really good. And Target, I totally get. I went, when did I go into America? Was it twice last year? Target's fund. And lost my mind because I'd seen people like shopping them on YouTube and like, that's where she watches it. Oh my God, does she watch Disney vlogs?

I don't know, but she learned about, put me in contact. You know, never. For anyone who's listening to Trustee Hogs, I am never putting Helen Bauer in touch with my kid because it's going to be the end of me. It would be great. I'm great with it. And my husband will meet you and be like, that's amazing.

I've already met your husband. As soon as you started talking with my kid. Charmed by me. I think you brought up one of your boobs was different than the other. I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have. Not to someone's husband. No, there was something going on.

And you were like, oh, and he just was like, amazing. You're incredible. What a talent. Amazing. Feels good. But he's Danish. She's very chill. Do you not enjoy Target then?

I did when I was a student in America and we used to call it Tarjeet. We're going to. to go buy furniture at Tarje, not when I say furniture, I mean a stool. But I did then, because I was on a massive budget, that and Salvation Army and Goodwill, loved that. Oh my God. Love that. I bought my first big winter coat when I got to McGill at Salvation Army. It was like $2. McGill? Yeah, I went to Canada for a while to study. Anyway, and you could zip it all the way up and there was just a funnel because it was so cold, you know? Like South Park? Exactly. And then I would smoke through the funnel and then I dropped my cigarette once. So all

you saw was this smoky semi-burning person slipping around the road screaming. Also, cigarettes were expensive. So I bought them singly. So I was trying to save my cigarette, save my hair, but my jacket did not combust. Two dollars. And I bought my first suitcase there. Wow. Loved it. I lost my mind. I went and I couldn't believe it. So we were going to Disney World, me and a friend just age 32. I love Disney World. Because it's incredible and the happiest place on that. I went at 40 and 42. Were you charmed? No, no, but I, no, no, I, no, I, I made this thing, you know, where I took every kid when they turned five. Shut the fuck up.

No, you didn't. I did. Or like a solo trip? Yeah. The first one was me and, well, the first two were so close. So me and the two of them alone in Disneyland. What, California? Yeah.

And they were like, jet lag. I'm like, it doesn't exist. Let's go. And so that's why they don't believe in jet lag. Oh, my God. I went alone with them. Then when the second one turned five, we went again. And then when the baby turned five, we went.

And by then the other's were much older. And then I went again. Oh my God, you are mom of the year. No, I love it. But I mean, you have to do those things, like taking your kid out of school. Yeah, you fucking do. Yeah, you do, but we didn't do those in my family. Yeah, but I don't know.

I wish I could say it was for the kids. Last night I saw Despicable Me Four in the theater. I made everyone go. Was it incredible? Not really. Oh, that's the same. But, you know. Do you like the character of Gru though?

It's brilliant. I love the... I love them. I love them. But I just was like, that's what we're doing. I did not have you, pay you, For Minions, Stan. I love the minions.

All my kids' ringtones are different minions. Stop. Yeah. Yeah. There's one that goes, bottom. That's one of the kids. But it's like you have to go. Dispicable Meat 4 is on. What are we doing?

So I cooked dinner. I got it. Fed them. And we went. And the guy forgot to turn off the lights. In the cinema? Yeah. I was like, this fucking guy.

So I was complaining. And my husband had to come from work and go to this movie. So you left the cinema out to complain? No, I told him, I said, what's happening? The light, the light. I made so much chuncho about the light. He's like, I'll go deal with it. Then he went and spoke to the guy and he came back.

He said, he told me he forgot. I said to him, he needs to be fired. And Jakob was like, just settle down. It doesn't need to be fired. He forgot. It's his job. Light off, light off. That's part of his job.

It's part of his job. And what's the other part of the job? Loading up the film, doing tickets, cleaning the popcorn stuff out. I'm sorry, this was not his whole. home cinema there was many people there working once that happened to me once in Basingstoke at the view the lights came on in the middle of the film

someone clearly lent against the switch and no one in the cinema went and I was 13 and I went and I told I was the hero of the screen you were and that's the point yeah it felt really good actually turn off the fucking lights what are you doing I need to see despicable me for it's good I mean you got to see it I mean this is my summer to do it because I'm like

not I'm in Edinburgh for five days but like I'm not really doing it. So I'm like, this is my summer to have a summer summer. Yeah, I'm going to see Wolverine and Deadpool in IMAX alone because no one in the family will go. Sunil just went. Apparently it's just okay. But Sunil thinks everything is just okay. No, he loves John Wick.

I think that... And videos of men flying planes. All right. Well, then if you love John Wick, you're not going to love Deadpool and Wolverine. He went to the IMAX. I'm dying to go to the IMAX. You've not been to the IMAX before? I have, but not to see this. I'm going to go see Gladiator 2 there

and waiting for the tickets to become available. I don't know if I want to see that movie because Gladiator was so good. They fight a rhino. Oh, then I guess. Gladiator was like a, is one of my seminal films in life. So I can't watch these two guys trying to.

I'm like, what are you doing? But a rhino. That's fair. In the original one, it was a tiger. I saw it for the first time last year. Gladiator. Oh, okay. It's really good.

It's so good. It's really good. My name is Maximus Decimus. I sound like an algorithm. What? Like Decimus and Decimal. I don't do the math. Yeah, okay.

Dessimal is a thing in math. And I'm just determined to have like a really classy summer holiday. But like I'm not going away anywhere because I went big holiday at beginning of the year. Where'd you go? Mexico. Nice. I know. That's a good one, right?

Nice. Yeah. The food's apparently amazing. Insane. Like insane. saying, but so rich. Yeah. Like, it's like too hot for that rich.

One of my kids went to Mexico at the beginning of the year with her friends. And she was like, why does everyone shit on this place? It's so great. It's, who shits on Mexico? People are like Mexico. Americans, America. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's not safe. It's not this.

She's like, it was fine. Yeah, I felt more safe walking around Mexico City than I did in London. But you're also four feet taller than everyone there. I am. Okay, that's a really fair point. When I got on the bus there, I was like, what the fuck is, wrong with me. I know. They had to open the roof lights, because even their buses are tiny. But you're not going to be scared in Mexico, which is fair. I remember once being in the Philippines

and getting on a jeepney, like, you know, those like little buses and be like, I just don't fit on the public transport. Well, because you're tall. I'm such a freakish size. In those countries, yeah, but like such a freakish size. Like, I don't know if I would use that word. The stairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also in Asia, including some. South Asia, people stare. They go, they just stare. And I've got unused to it.

Because in India, everyone stares. And in India, I'm a freakish height, right? So when I would go back to India, the kids would say to me, mom, that man won't stop looking at us. And I'm like, oh, he's just staring. And then I started noticing people just go, and they're not thinking something else. They are thinking about you.

You can tell. and I'm like just ignore it but it's something that is a very Asian thing to do yeah it is isn't it and here it's like don't look don't look don't stare but when I was little and we were in Malaysia with my family like I was the stairs were good

because like I was seen as an yeah they would touch my hair because they bring gold passed around restaurants I loved the attention and then I grew and I'm with all my like Malaysian cousins and I looked like a fucking weirdo

because I'm the youngest of the group apart from my sister. I'm two foot taller than everyone, big blonde curly hair. They're like, what the fuck's wrong with that bower? I know. I know. But being a teenager is tough. It's so tough. And I didn't get a trip to Disney. Well, I did when I was 40. My pet, this,

you're going to think this is awful. I planned Disney for my family every single year and it was always like, no, we're not doing that capitalistic bullshit. I really suffered as a child. I went on lots of really amazing, like, historical road trips that were really, like, brilliant that people would be jealous of now. But at the time, I just wanted to go to Alacante. I wanted to go to Alacante with everyone else.

It sounds very boring as a child. It is. We went to the San Andreas fault. Shoot me now. We drove for two days out into the desert where you can't have air conditioning on to see where two tectonic plates meet. So that's the kind of thing my husband. It must be some kind of European thing. That's what he does.

I take the kids to Disneyland. I say things like, let's go to six flags. Let's, you know, let's do that. Because I just think as a kid, and also as me, I mean, I'm a Philistine, if nothing, Jesus. So it's like, I don't do museum. So the kids are like, oh, mom today we have, you know, we go somewhere and say, oh, it's museum day, mom is staying home. I never went. I was like, you want to go to the museum with them, you take them.

I'm not going. I don't ask you to come to Disneyland. And also this thing about Disneyland was like when I first got married, like my niece had her honeymoon in Disneyland. Indians love it A sweetheart's honeymoon It's called Yeah And I had

No and I had And I had things done for her Like in her room And because Shut the fuck up It was Disneyland And of course It's your honeymoon

My husband And sort of Did she get the button That says Newly Red And then they get free things All the whole time But

But sort of in the West It was like Oh that's so kits And I was like Why? It's joyful Thank you It's joyful

Yes I don't think that roar sort of express joy, but I'll take it. No, that's me happy. Did you hear the good news about the Disney summer sailings from Southampton 2025? No, I don't keep up with it. Okay, no, me neither. Disney cruise ships,

Disney cruise ships. I went on a Nickelodeon cruise with my kids. Shut the fuck up. So they could meet I Carly and then we met Squidward and SpongeBob and SpongeBob and Squibbub, my favorite cartoon. Wait, you met Miranda Crossgrove? Yeah, the kids did. She's on the boat?

Yeah, yeah. The whole. Nickelodeon group was there. Stop. I knew someone who was big up in whatever, Sony, whatever, and I was like, oh, and they were like, oh, there's this cruise. And I was like, I'll come. And they're like, it's a kid's cruise. I'm like, I'll come, I'll come.

But you want to hear a crazy thing. And I'll tell you, this I will tell trusty hogs. I had just started this myrina coil. It's like a progesterone coil. And I've never had synthetic. I've had, I had never had progesterone that was synthetic. And the whole time I was like that. It's a hormone that they use when you do birth control.

So it's like the pill. Okay. But inside of it. It's a coil. And so it's a little bit of this all the time. And my doctor was like, it may not settle, but you have to see. And it might like fall out and this and that. And I was like, I got to go on this cruise.

I did not have a good response to it the entire time I wanted to throw myself off the boat. Because I had a bad psychological thing. And I remember sitting on the boat thinking, oh, you can't throw yourself off a Nickelodeon boat. I was like, the kids are going to forever associate Nickelodeon with their mom jumping off the to the boat and that's a bad losing your mom but also losing your entire childhood of good of like good cartoons oh my god i was like i got to get off this boat and get this thing out of me but then i when i got back to london i was like bro i wanted to kill myself the whole time and she was like oh yeah the progesterone doesn't settle with you i'm like can we get rid of it so we

got rid of it and i was fine good for you for trying it just before going on a nickelodeon cruise what a fun choice hello have you been to the nHS appointment situation it's hard to get an appointment It is. And the cruise was not... And the cruise wasn't going to wait. And I thought, a little bit of hormone, shmormone, what's going to happen?

Oh my goodness. Also, you have that brain thing of being like, well, this is a great time to try because I'm away. I'll be in the sunshine, I'll be on a boat, everything I'm going to extract it.

I just was like, get this thing in me. Also, I just want to say for people listening, I know it can be very triggering for people because hormones can make women do crazy stuff so I'm sorry about that, but it's genuinely. But women are already mental, I'm all right? Not like we need any help with that.

Crazy bitches. What are we like? What are we like? Running around, taking our wabs out, ruining things for people. Making men feel uncomfortable. I know. Having to take hormones just so that we can kind of stabilize our bodies. Crying all the time.

Where's the chocolate? Bleeding from our fannies or not. Either way, we'll chat about it. Should I have a baby? Should I have more? It's all. I've been, yeah. Oh, I've been, yeah, shit.

That was such a long time. Should I have more kids? You've got me. No, no, no. I would like my trip to Disneyland. Next time I go, I'm going to be like, do you want to come? I would really love that. Because I think what kind of do you, because the youngest one, you know, I mean, every once in a while, you need to go to Disneyland or Disney World.

What's the big deal? Why do people not get this? I have never agreed with you so much in my entire life. I mean, just last week, my husband. was saying, have you had your annual checkup? And I'm like, no, I feel fine. He's like, no, you got to go once a year. And I was like, I'll go when I feel sick. He's like, then it's too late.

And I'm like, oh, come on. But if the mentality is floss your teeth every day, go for your annual. Oh, no one's flossing every day. Oh, yeah, but that's what they tell you. That's the thing to do. Go for your annual health check. Why can't we say every four years, go to Disneyland or Disney World? I mean, come on.

Because some people don't get it. My parents are like, it's capitalist bullshit and it's busy and it's horrific. Maybe it's capitalist, but you have goofy. One of the best single dads of all time. One of the absolute best single dad's of all time. Why didn't your parents get into like, you have goofy and I don't care about it. We went to Shangy prison in Singapore and stuff like that. Japanese prisoner of war camps as 10 year olds.

Yeah, that's correct. If you didn't hear that, that's M in the background saying, fuck. No, listen, there's no need to bifurcate life like that. There's a place for culture and there's a place for joy. Most culture is quite un-fucking boring But it's so hard to enjoy your summer holidays at death camps Like it's tricky I don't know if it's easy to enjoy your Christmas holidays at death campsite

I'm sorry No I don't think you should enjoy any holiday there I think it's good if you want to learn about it And yes it is interesting That is different That is different I really wanted to be one of the families That went to like Alicante in the summer

Like south of Spain All the families from school are going there Magaloof? Magaloof. Like, oh, God, all the cool families or what it felt like, the cool kids at our school and these twins I went to school

where they'd always go to, like, Portugal or Manorca or Mallorca. And I thought, like, where is this magical place? They'd always come back with these amazing tans. Yeah. And really chill.

And I'd come back with, like, 20 mosquito bites and an understanding of the ways we can torture different humans to a level that was uncomfortable. Yeah, but where are the twins now? No, probably thriving in fleet,

still in fleet. thriving but they're thriving they're probably happier I don't know about that but the thing is I winged about it so long that when I became like 15, 16 we went to Alicante three summers in a row

hate it I absolutely hate it If I was your mother I'd have forced you to have a good time I was those other age were like I want to go and also it was more because my sister was into tennis so you went to like a tennis camp place

in Alicante it was called Lamanga and it isn't like it's you can take a bus to the beach but like every kid there was Tennessee and I was already like not Tennessee. Clearly not Tennessee

clearly like you could tell like just body wise like just I had two bigger breasts like it wasn't going to happen No but it's not like oh you're my huge breasts I love tennis No what have you seen the Olympics None of them have Wabs

None of them no but none of them in any sports Give us a fucking give us a chance Like do a big breasted lady week Yeah yeah yeah all of us just try our best running along like that. Yeah, but I mean, Olympics, have you been watching them? A little bit, yeah, they are fun.

Yeah, they are, but also I'm like, why? Oh, go on. Well, I just feel like all that competing, but to, you don't have to just be good at the sport. You have to change your entire body, as you've pointed out. You have to change your entire mind. It's like you have to have this goal. Yeah.

And that's fine. But I just think it's artificial. Now I'm at, when I was young, I was like, this is real. And now I'm like, it's artificial. It is real. I listened to a podcast yesterday about the history of the Olympics. Do you know that there used to be artistic categories in it until like the 60s? Yeah, but that's what I mean.

If you're going to compete, then do it across the range. They had, they did. They used to. So when they, so they were like originally Greek and they ran for 400 years, the original Olympics. Yeah. And then they went away. And then in the early 1900s, a French man was like, like, why are we not doing this anymore?

He brought them back with artistic skills in there as well. Like the best sculptor, the best painter. We would qualify for best. I would love it. If there was Olympic stand-up, I would want to compete. But don't we have a like, isn't there like a stand-up international competition? No, I wanted to be in the Olympics. Yeah, for sure.

It should be in the Olympics. Be in the Olympics. And I would represent India. I couldn't represent England. There's so many good stand-ups here. Well, I would want to. I mean, I'm not saying I'll get selected. But I'd be in the Olympics.

the heats and everything. The heats. I'd want to be in the heat. And I'd get to, and I, and we'd have like matching clothes. We could do the gym kit videos. Now when they're like, page and duct to beat. Emergent. Oh my God.

Yes. And then Snoop Dog would come and be like, cause. You know what I mean? Yeah. He loves it. He would do a whole section on it. I don't know why they got rid of the arts ones. They said it was because the artist got upset because they said you couldn't judge it

objectively. They were like it's too subjective to be. Oh, no. Oh, come on. And stand up. were like, can I be in this competition and win? And then get signed by an agent. So obviously, we do think it can be.

But it's something crazy. Like, women weren't allowed to compete running more than 200 meters until the 80s. Like, they weren't allowed to go above that. Yeah, but that's always the way, right? It's like, let's find the way. But apparently it's because one woman in the 60s felt sick after doing 300 meters. And they went, none of them can handle it. No, but it's always like, you know, how can we make sure women don't start to think that they're equal?

That they're really capable. But I think it was something like the Athens Olympics or something like that. Something really recent was the first time when men and women were allowed to compete in all the same sports, like the same amount of them. Crazy. Did you see the Turkish shooter guy? Oh, the guy who just like, like someone's dad just showed up and was like, that guy? I got some backstory on him. Okay, just it better not be.

How do you say the word libelous? No, this is from an interview. Or like I've had someone told me But we are talking about the guy who just showed up Yeah, yeah, yeah, got second Yeah I think we talked about him last week Because the like the competition has happened

So in his post interview They were like, oh like Why did you take up shooting so late in life He's like, I got a divorce And obviously this is going to be like Ed all over Turkey This is going to be like a huge thing And then they're like, oh,

there's anything you could say to your ex-wife, what would you say? And he's like, I want my dog back. but that guy had that energy the whole time just the whole different thing like he's just not there like I doubt he's staying in the Olympic village he's got the vibe of a comedian that goes to Edinburgh but stays down by the beach and just comes in for like there's no way he's staying with the children also he's carrying trauma yeah he wants his dog back yeah but also how rough for that woman to have the whole country being like give him his dog back and she doesn't get a platform to say her story

I'm sure she'll find a platform I hope she does I mean write a bloody book I'd say I know and tell us what he was like right tell us what he was like let's hear the we don't need to hear the details

of our athletes actually there are a couple where I'm like how you know the Beckham documentary when that came out yeah I only watched it when Netflix would show you stuff and she'd be like

and she was like I'm not posh and he's like tell the truth tell the truth and turns out her dad at a role story so I was like these two are I like them now

because it's gone 360. Yes. Like they were so unbelievably not my type and now they are. And then their son is married that girl. Oh my goodness. Peltz. Do you not agree? No, no.

He was a child. Love is love. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The heart wants what the heart wants. Okay. But also then they had this thing because they've spent their whole life making a brand. And now he's gone and got belts tattooed on him.

And it's like, no, no, that's the wrong brand. You think he has to stay with the family brand forever? No, no. I'm just saying for them. It must be like, what? we've worked so hard on this and now you get this billionaire daughter and you go down that story

I think they've had a lot going on but also her dad had a Rolls Royce why was she so again it's that class thing where they don't like talking about it but I think she's like trying to say in it if I remember the interview correctly she's like she's like oh yeah we both grew up working class and he's like tell the truth

and she's like what did your dad drive to school and she's like it's a long story and I think it's that he worked for a company that drove cars for people right I think but the whole thing was kind of like hmm also why do you think they made that because we're

I mean speak for myself fascinated by excellence it's like how do you get to be that good at something and for him you just think oh he's just really talented but behind basically all of these incredible talents in sports there's a really pushy parent and you see it with his dad

like his dad would film all of his games go home and watch them and make him practice corners for days and days there's no other alternative practice makes perfect and you need in the life of a child you need one concerned adult look at the Serena Williams and Venus Williams their dad

could you watch that film King Richard? No that's very good so I don't like that actor Will Smith because of the hitting no no no in general in gent I didn't ever like him it was just a thing really yeah that's why Fresh Prince of Belair is like I can't watch this this idiot

it's so good no but I just didn't like him that can happen yeah fine fine in Fresh Prince of Belair I like I like the cousin. Stop it, Carlton. Yeah, Carlton. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's such a babe. I loved him. And I just could never get. The only movie of Will Smith that I really liked was when he had the dog with him. And it was like a zombie robot movie. I robot. Yeah. And it was a lot to do with the dog.

Yeah. It was a good dog. Do you watch The Dog House? What's that? You're going to thank me so much for this. It's on Channel 4. Oh, okay. I love the disdain for the internet.

The constant is on the internet. And it's like these, you know, like you watch, like they're full shows on YouTube and they're just some kind of reality thing. Is this a reality thing? Yes. Is it about dogs? Yes. Okay, good time about it. Okay, good time.

Okay, good time. Okay, good time. Okay, good time. Okay, good. Okay, here I go. So what they do is they introduce you to the dog kennel each time. It's incredible and it's for dogs that have been like abused or the owners can't take care of them anymore and they're trying to rehome them and then they bring in like three different people each time, sometimes a family, sometimes someone by themselves and they've got got a sad backstory. They've been broken some way and they pair them with a broken dog and they

help to heal each other and you get to hear both their stories and then they go into a dog's talk. Almost. Almost. Oh my God. And then they're in a meeting pen and they have to get to know each other and see if there's a bond. Did anyone get bit? Someone got pushed over. I don't think anyone's been bit. They probably have but they haven't shown it. And sometimes the dogs do run out of the meeting pen because they're like, I'm not fucking going with that family. That's mental. And they're like, oh, they're a bit skittish. And it's like, no, you're fucking weirdos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's, I cry every single time. But it has to be realistic. You have to have some dogs that are like, you come near me, I will rip your face up. Oh, yeah, yeah, there are dogs that are like, you can't even look them in the eye. They hate men, they hate women, they hate children. Because I was, by the time I was 10 and a half, because we left the Philippines, I'd been bitten 13 times by a dog, by different dogs, including our own dogs. So for me being, what?

Yeah. I love dogs, but I had no respect for the fact that dogs may not love me. Oh, you were too keen. Yeah, I was always like, hey, doggy. And also, this was in the Philippines, and people didn't fix their dogs at all. Like in India, we don't. And so the dogs had full emotions. And, you know, and there would be these gates and their noses would be out.

And I would stick my hand in to say, oh, hi, doggy. And sometimes so many things would happen to that hand. So you've been 13 times. And I remember the last couple of times because you had to get a baby shot because not everyone, because there's rabies in the Philippines. My dad would show, my mother used to say to me, if you get bitten by a dog, that's going to be the good part of your day. Don't come home. So I was very scared because she was so fed up. And she used to say one second, break that down for us. No, no, but she used to say you have to be careful with dogs. And I never was. And so she got

fed up. So she started saying, if you go out in the park and you get bitten by a dog, that's going to be the best part of your day because you should not come home. You see what I will do to you. So I was always very scared. No, little Cindy got bitten and then come home and mummy. Yell? Yell. Oh, that's so frightening. Oh, I didn't know like that. Oh, I wish.

No, not yell. But it's fine. She's my mom. She also made it very clear what would happen. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You knew, yeah. So I would wait. I wouldn't tell anyone until my dad got home.

And I'd be like, Dad, I got bitten by. And he'd be like, oh, okay, let's go to the hospital. And I'd get the hospital in the hospital. The last four, five time, the nurses, because it was a local hospital, be like, oh, dog bite, get in there. They literally knew why I was there. Stop it. And I didn't just to cry because I would, Mommy would be so mad.

But it was also, I mean, I was also taking the piss a bit, you know, by going up to dogs, I didn't know. But I was very attracted to, I just love dogs. Anyway. But that didn't put you off because I've been bitten once by a dog. And it really, like, it's. It's so scary. For like a year, I was a bit like, oh, I don't know.

And it was really. It was growling, growling. But it sort of like, it yapped, and then it started, and I was trapped. It was like horrible. I think, well, I think I do remember if from a great distance, like I learned to figure out if a dog was obviously going to bite me, then I would walk away eventually. In the beginning, it was all like, oh, I win this dog over a bit like I was with men. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'll fix this.

I'm charming. How could they not love me? No, and also, oh, really, I'll make it better. And thankfully, I dropped that and stop getting bitten by dogs. I dropped that whole philosophy, I think. But then the ones that didn't show those signs, because they were reasonably well-adjusted dogs, but did not want a kid to come up and be like, I also was very forward with them. I'd be like, look at the nose.

And they'd be like, I never, like, did the thing where you show the back of your hand and all. I'd be like, look at you. Love me, love me. No, I used to do this. No, you were not. Obviously, you're on my mom's side. I'm with your mom. I'm 100%.

And I own it. Sleep outside, not in the house tonight. No. Easy. No, not. Well, I would not go in the house and tell her. I used to just hold it like this and go and wash it in cold water. I mean, how I didn't get rabies, I don't know.

But anyway. Wow. I know. I know. So I want, if I watch dog house, I want to see someone getting bitten. Come on. It's, it's UK TV channel for they won't show it because no one want to adopt these dogs. Yeah, but also the dog can be.

fine. There are people who are stupid. People, you can't show it. It's so crazy. Channel show, channel show. Channel show. Channel 4 will show whether you can the guys, you can see all the bits. You know, that one where they choose it. Naked Attraction. They'll show you that,

but they won't show a person getting nipped by a dog. What bullshit. I would love it if you watch Naked Attraction. Do you watch it? No. Oh my God. I just was like, I don't... It's really boring. After the first like 10 minutes, You're like, okay, yeah, there's...

But there's a lot of... I've never seen Kardashians. I don't watch reality TV. And I've never... I've heard Kardashians, my kids watch it. But then again, I've never watched sex in the city. There's many shows I've never watched sex in the city. Yeah, I just...

I just the concept of it, I was, you know, I was young and when it came out, and the concept of it, I was like, this is idiotic. I'm also not having sex in the city, so like, why would I want to watch it, you know? No, but four women, you know, and it's supposed to be about... Yeah, I'm about four women, am I'm all right? Oh! No. Chocamanan. No, it was more like, oh, this is such a sort of girl power.

And all they talked about was their relationships. That's all there is. That's all we have. Fuck that. That's all we have. No, I didn't like that. I haven't watched Kardashians. I haven't seen naked attraction.

What reality TV have I seen? This is sexist that neither of us have seen sex in the city, but I did watch the whole of entourage. I haven't even seen that. It's really good. What have I seen all of? Oh, House and Law and Order SVU. House is the one where he's a doctor.

and he's so hot and he's so good he's so hot he's such a good doctor no he's crazy but he's hot I've always had the hot not when he was Bertie

in the Worcester in the Worre is that's the name not when he was in blackadder but now as his house it's hard to get turned on by funny I know

well no that kind of funny but also he's on Vicodin that's so attractive what's Vicodin it's an opioid what's an opioid it's a drug

it's heroin he takes heroin on screen as a doctor. Yes. You muffin. He does. And that's what's so great about. He's very broken.

But he's a genius. What does the heroin do to end? It's a, have you not, when you have an injury, like in America, like here, they say, go home and take paracetamol. In America, they say here. Or ibuprofen. Or ibuprofen. Or ibuprofen. Or ibuprofen.

In America, they just give you vikidin, which is like an opioid. Is that why they've got that opioid crisis, the people who are super addicted to them? That's not exactly. why but it's close and so if you're like me you say no to the Vicodin because you know two of those and it's never stopping wow makes you feel good yeah like in what way like brain good like high but like like ecstasy like a rush of like happiness but then it's very addictive oh no no oh yes that's why that's why i'm not doing it no no if there was opioids that weren't addictive i'd be all over that who doesn't want to feel good i feel like i got addicted to melatonin by the way i'm

not saying people should do drugs. Don't do drugs. Don't do drugs. Don't do drugs. Even if you need it, don't take it. I've never done drugs. I smoked weed once. I was 24 years old in Montreal and I thought all the dogs in Quebec were coming to bite me. And my friends had to lock me up. My friends had to lock me up. And then all I did was eat. And I was paranoid and they said, don't ever smoke weed again. And that's the only drugs I've done. Smoking weed is awful. I tried to get into it for years and years and years. But now I like gummies. Yeah, I don't, I don't do drugs. I'm not suggest. you do, I'm just saying if I had taken Vicodin, I'd be an addict. Sick. Love that for you. It's good self-awareness.

Yeah. You just know where your line is. Oh, yeah. I was a drug addict at the age of four, so we've had to be very careful with me. My mum found me, I'm sure I told us on the podcast many times. What drugs were you doing? She found me passed out by the window in our house, having drunk a bottle of cowpole, because I really liked the taste. And she was like, oh my, and it was like literally like the scene of like a child just like little dress just like a empty bottle rolled out but luckily she took me straight to hospital she's like oh my god we've got to pump her stomach but it turned out four year old me insisted on using the spoon but

had none of the ability to do it so I spilled most of it whilst trying and I'm like chugging it I was like that's a great that you cannot meet my youngest as I've told you when she was very young in nursery and she may mind me telling the story but it's not a bad story she was in nursery she had a play date and um i could hear them and then suddenly i couldn't hear them and that's always a sign yeah and i went and she she had asked me mama can i eat crackers with my friend and i said yes and i'd taken out the crackers she had taken her friend into the bathroom and had had spread the crackers with baby neurofen, like the liquid, and said, this is delicious. This kid had no idea.

I had never, like, was a normal single, she was a only child, so no. And my kid was sitting there and eating crackers with, like, instead of marmalade with the baby ibuprofen, neurofen syrup, I had to call the mom. how do you say well first of all the biggest thing you can't do is lose your shit the way you would if your kid was alone because there's another kid so I was like oh oh don't do that

and because it was so artificial of me my kid got scared she thought I was having a psychotic break mom's not screaming no mom's not screaming and mom is smiling like this is going to go badly for me so she put the cracker away and I asked how much have you eaten

and the little girl who was visiting had no idea she's like yum yum I'm like okay put that away and I just looked at my kid and I was like that's not a very nice thing to do and I think my kid was like can I go home with you like to the other kid can I never come to practice then I had to call the other mom and you know this is my third kid but this is that mom's only child and be like oh god um nothing bad has happened you always start by the way mothers never call another mother and then start giving some long-ass story get to the point and the point is Everyone's safe.

Everyone's alive. However. Your child has. I said there's, your kid has had some baby neurofen syrup on a cracker. So the good news is it's with food, which is important for ibuprofen. She was like, what? I'm like, ibuprofen is a bad for your liver on empty stomach. So she's had it with food.

But I'm sorry. It's unnecessary. And my kid thought it tasted good because it was strawberry flavor. that's but I'm with your kid the cowpole had strawberry flavouring in it too it tastes magical then sit and have your own sandwich with it why are you feeding it to another kid

because sharing's important always share with other kids sharing is scary anyway that mom was pretty chill about it actually oh that's good I was scared I think the fear of a parent having to call another parent to like say that something's happened is like such a big deal yeah yeah no no especially on your watch

We played so roughly in my house. And I was aware that we were like a rough playhouse. Like because we always looked off. Like we said like stains and like hair was a bit. Like we would like you could tell that like something. You were as my mother would say rough and tumble happy children. There we go. Rough and tumble talks and I bloody loved it.

I also loved tumble tots and the kids loved it. And I used to love it because I could do other shit and they would just be tumble totting. Oh, tumble tot. And they couldn't hurt themselves. Of anyone who's international tumble tot. tumble tots is the best thing in the world they just take a village hall and just cover it and soft play stuff and parents just chuck kids in and have a coffee yeah brilliant yeah

brilliant so so you were rough and tumble we were rough and tumble but we had like we had quite a big garden but we would like invent stuff yeah instead of like you're having actual toys with like safety procedures so we were like this is a great game so we got my dad to climb up the highest and tie a rope around it and we were like, that's the toy. It's a rope. But like, we couldn't really... So what we had to do is we had to hold on for dear life

when I would run back as fast as possible, we'd get flung in the air and you cannot let go with the rope because you will die. And that was the one rule. But then, like, we thought it was the best game ever and we didn't let go with the rope. And then, like, I'd invite girls over from school.

One of them let go. Is she okay? She fucked up her wrist. My mom had to call and be like, right here's a thing we've got this thing called ropy all you have to do is hold on she panicked and she let go

it's technically on her like it's all but I'm being so embarrassed the next day at school be like to not go to Helen Bowers' house her dad throws you really high and I was like you're fine but it's always funny you know when you have how households are oh my yeah different houses and you know sometimes you have to

tell your kid who's invited to a certain house, I'll take care of it, but you're not going there. I'll take care of it, but you're not going to their house. Stop. Yeah. Me and Em had a coffee this morning, and we were literally, because I'm like, obviously writing, like, a new show. And I want to talk about, like, the idea of friendship when you're younger,

like, being like you friends, your chosen family. But it's not true because you're just friends with people that your parents know or the people you go to school with. Yeah. Like there was never an option to like not be nice or friends with someone. It couldn't fall out. Yeah, yeah. No, you can be friends with school.

I don't. You wouldn't let them go to certain houses? Yeah, because I know that that's, there's trouble. Rough play. No, not rough play is not the trouble I worried about. No, there was other trouble and you just think it's not my child's business and it's not my business, but it is my business to protect my child. Oh, I bet my mom did that as well.

I'll ask her. Because there's things that you just never know when you're like growing up. I wonder if I was ever like. But also you have an instance. And you think, I'm not going to be judgy, but I'm just going to avoid the potential because I've seen or heard stuff. Yeah. And that was always hard because in India, when we were growing up, if your mother said no, it was no. Here, the children, both because I think it's in the water here, they will question you.

Oh, for sure. I love questioning my parents. And they were young. To this day still. Yeah, now you're older. They're young. And they say, why? And the first time that happened to me, I was like, sorry?

and they were like, why? I'm like, because I said it. And they were like, no. And I remember one of my son's friends said to him, she can't do that. You know, he was like seven or eight. He said, stop at seven or eight. Yeah, he came home and said, what was this kid's name?

I can't remember his name. He said, Ollie, Ollie says, you can't do that. You can't just say because I said it. Oh. And I said, well, but I was like, well, you have to tell Ollie. That's how it works in this house. And he said, no, mom. But he was also, in my child, he was very innocent.

trying to figure out where the line is and like where the rules start and so then I said listen I don't know about Ollie's mom but I'm this mom and this is your house this is your family so he said well then what I said well you can pack a suitcase and go and see if someone other family will take you where you can question but this is what this house is so he said I don't want to leave this house I said then there's the rules it's fine so we're fine but when they're a little bit older and you say you can have your that friend over and they say well can I go there and you say no and then you have to sit there them down and say you cannot tell your friend I said that because it's going to be very hard so

we're going to have to lie you're going to say you have a dental appointment and you can't go and we're going to make and I'll take care of it I'll eat it I'll bring up the stories we can't go there wow you can be friends with them in school because the thing is as a parent you and it was very rare but you think you have to have a lot of compassion for that family as well yeah yeah Yeah, you know, that you don't, like if something was to happen or something weird, they would also be very upset. Not everyone can, and I'm not talking about rough play or bad food. No, I'm now thinking people were probably like, don't go to the powers. No, but not, no, no, but this had to be big.

Yeah, okay. It had to be big, you know. And like, for example, if there's a family where when the children are very young, they let them play. And the only person supervising is their sibling who's a year older and the parents think it's fine to go out. I'm like I can't have that because I can't hold another child Your kids would not have come to the palace No but how much older was

Two years older Yeah but you know I also think My mom left us all the time But I just She wouldn't necessarily like leave us But she'd be working My mom would like run the drama school in the house And then I would put like

No no I'm talking about parents leaving And then being like not being in the house Oh not being anywhere close yeah And when the oldest child child is eight. Oh, that's little. Yeah, that's little. And I also feel for that oldest child like, it's a kid. Yeah. And I'd be like, no, come to my house. We'll all be around. I've seen episodes of Supernanny like that where the oldest kid is left to do all the child care. And it's really sad because they can be like 10 years old and they're like raising children. It's like, oh my God.

And it's like huge in this, I'm obsessed with this IBLP cult, which is IPLP, the Institute of Basic Life Principles. It's, um, It's a cult. It's a cult. It's a Christian thing. But it's like, you can see it on this show called 19 kids and counting, which is a reality show when we were growing up. Yes.

But now a couple of the kids are like grown up and out of it and like writing their own stories and their own books. Yeah. And is this where one of the boys. Is in jail? Yeah. The son did stuff to his sisters. Oh, yes.

But which is incredibly common in that cult. Of course. The sexization of young girls. Don't look. Don't think about your sister. Tits. Don't think about your sister's tits. Then obviously they're like... And also when it happens, then cover it up until the girls... Oh, it's

your brother. It's horrendous. Their dad who was seen as this like perfect father or was portrayed as this perfect father went on the stand and said, I've got no memory of him doing anything. And it's like, you're just pretending you don't remember any of your daughter's sexual assault. It was horrendous. What was I was going to say about the IBLP though? It was going to be very droll. Just about them

and they're writing their own stories and we were talking about child care. Child care. Yes. So the parentization, what do they call it? Parentification of young children. It's like a massive thing there because the idea is you have as many children

as God blesses you with. I can't even say it. It's so fucked. So like the women are like puppy mills, right? Just like chucking out, checking out, checking out. But then because they've got like 19 kids, like the older, it's always the daughters have to then raise the younger siblings

and they're called buddies. But like they're from the age of nine. they're raising babies instead of getting an education and it's like oh my fucking God yeah yeah I mean in India you don't even have to be in a cult it's just like parentification's just done a lot of it not in my family but in my parents family

cousins you know I mean it's and it's so different to being like protective and taking care of a younger sibling it's a totally different thing yeah you're cooking you're cleaning you're yeah you're cooking you're clean and also all of your needs are like a parent's needs when I had children I didn't need to sleep

but I was an adult who chose to have those children in these situations your parents are fucking producing children you're a child and then your needs don't count you stay up at night you change diapers it's it's not just this IBPLP IBLP it's I think

a lot of systems all patriarchal in which family and hierarchy are very closely joined and this is literally what IBM is

it's like the umbrellas of protection you are under the head of the household which is the father and you're under his protection until you get married and then you are under his protection but like

you are all under the umbrellas of authority and also the big umbrella is God who is a man as he bloody should be as he bloody should be I don't know about that

I'm listening I don't know about that avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start thumbtack knows home so you don't have to don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is with thumbtack you don't have to be a home pro you just have to hire one you can hire top rated pros see price estimates and read reviews all on the app download today Hello, Hogs. It's me, producer Andrew. I am obviously lurking in the shadows very often, but I do also perform stand-up comedy. So come see me in the spotlight. I'm at the Edinburgh Fringe, 20th to the 24th of August. And then I'm going on a mini tour around Brighton, Bristol, Manchester, London, Exeter, Portsmouth, Bourmouth, Salsbury, all those places, some of which are very far away and I have very little audience in. So please come and support me.

Birmingham, Birmingham as well. There we go. So, yes, standupandry.com forward slash tour for all my dates and Edinburgh. Thank you. Hello, young hogs, hoglets, as it were. Are you on the internet? Have you heard of YouTube? Well, same just recently. So, if you would like to subscribe to my YouTube channel or Helen Bowers' YouTube channel

or Andrew White's YouTube channel, then boy, oh boy, would we notice and be glad. Have you seen it on there? There's so much stuff. Join us on the YouTube's. You know, for all of its complications, at least Hinduism has goddesses. Yay! Favorite goddess? Probably Parvati.

What's her thing? She's, so Parvati is, one of her forms is, well, her main form is, she's, She's Shiva's wife. Shiva, the creator? No, Shiva is the destroyer. Oh, who's the creator? Brahma. Apologize.

That's okay. And Shiva's the one where every time he opens his third eye and eternity passes. Oh, my goodness. I know. But the thing about Parvati that I love so much is that she was, I think she's the only Indian or Hindu goddess who is divine in her own right, not because of her marriage or her father. Lash.

So she, throughout all the stories and the middle. mythology around her wants to know because in Hinduism God is really yourself with a capital S so she is very much I didn't know that so divinity is in us and so that's the whole purpose you know like we say we want to be liberated we want to have nirvana we want to have moksha it's because we are always here in different bodies to learn that we are ourselves divine right broadly speaking so you still celebrate the gods and goddesses like you still like make offerings because the mind needs a form. Because the mind needs a form. Okay. Okay. You know, the thing about the mind is it needs something to look at, to smell, to see. Otherwise, how do you bring your attention anywhere?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So all of these forms are for our attention so that if you keep on seeing this divinity, that's how your focus will ever be on divinity. And you can pray to a certain God or goddess to bring out the divinity you so desire or wish. Yeah, you can pray for money, you can pray for education, you can pray for fertility, but it's all to, it's to focus the mind on the fact that there's divinity everywhere and also inside. The thing about Parvati is, because she's herself divine, she's a female who shows up and says, I want myself to know myself. I don't need a man, I don't need a husband, I don't need a father. I am sui generis. able to understand what is my divinity

and all her stories are about that and that's what I like about her because it's in a way the most equal relationship and when in one of the songs Guru Gita when she she wants to she sits at Shiva's feet and he's

a renunciate and she decides she wants to marry him and she tries she's very stunning so she tries to be she dances and he's always in meditation like this and then she gets the god of love and lust to come and put his arrow What's his name? Kama.

To put his arrow. And as he's about to pull the arrow, Shiva opens his eyes and burns him to dust and says, you should know better. I am in stillness. Shut the fuck up. And she's like, oh, damn, that didn't work. But because she's divine, she has all these powers. And finally.

Turning people into dust? Well, she didn't. He did. Yeah, he does. He just goes angry like that. He also wears a garland of skulls. He's like on his own trip. Anyway.

Yeah, he is. But finally, you know what? you know what she falls in love with about him when he finally opens his abs when he finally opens his eyes because she has sat there forever and says okay i'm you know what i accept you like i accept you to be my wife you've you've you've shown that you're not you know what she says no i want to learn the meaning of stuff that's what i want i've gone past all the other stuff i want to learn where's like what is God what is divinity teach me that and that so she meets him right there and like he's all about like oh you're hot and you should be my wife she's like but she advocates for herself yeah and she's like

I want to have the knowledge that everyone says you have here and that's amazing about her the other thing and I don't know how much time we have but I tell you the story no no tell me everything we'll do problems in the extras fucker you're going to love this story so then they marry right and here's this and here's a story that my mom used to tell me and I used to read in the Indian comic books and I always thought she's the bomb. She's the bomb. Is that they got married and it was huge because he'd finally accepted her and they were very happy. And then he had gone to war or gone to do something once and she lived in his palace. So it was their palace, their home. And all the guards and everything were all like, oh, Lord Shiva, he's our boss, you know, and you're his queen and it's great.

Must be really difficult to be married to, like, the destroyer. Like, just, like, plates and cups and stuff. That too. That too. And also, it gets angry that makes people ashes. But I'd hate to work in the destroyer. Like, I love her, but, like, I think it would be tricky to, like, clean up after that. No, but they had the help.

Okay, good, good. Yeah, because they were, like, kings and queens and queens as well. Anyway, so she's going to have a bath. And she thinks to herself, every time I go to have a bath, I want my privacy. But if my lord, her husband, comes home, his, um, his, the guards always let him in because they're like, it's his house. But sometimes just want my own space, you know. So she says, I need someone of my own who just sees me.

Yeah. So she takes Ubtan. Uptan is a thing we make with like water, rose water, a bit of turmeric, a bit of chickpea paste, and we usually do it to like clean ourselves. Okay. So she does that and she does like this with her body and she gets all that, you know, grime off. Yeah. And she makes a little boy and she breathes life into him because, remember, she's divine.

So she has that power She breathes life into him And he's a little boy And she says, you're my son And you're just my son I'm going to have a bath And don't let anyone in And she doesn't tell him anything else

And he says, sure, mom, cool, cool, cool So he goes And he's just fine with it He's just like, yeah, no question He's not hungry I told you in India we don't say why to parents We already He's like, oh hi, I've just been born

Okay, cool, no you've got back So she gives him all of what he needs And he's there And she's having a bath And then Shiva comes back And he says, hello, hello to all the guards And he's about to go in And this little boy says,

My lord, my mother is bathing. You cannot go in. And he's like, who are you? Like, what, you know, move out of the room. She didn't tell me she had a fucking son. Exactly. And he says, he keeps calling her my mother. And he's like, all right, fine.

Get out of the way. And the kid says, no. He says, I can't. It's my mother's word. And her word is everything. And he says, I'm Shiva. I am her husband. I'm this.

He's like, sure. but it's her word and then all kinds of things start happening a war is waged but this boy has so much power that he this is mythology but still yeah but then shiva gets more and more angry and his armies meanwhile she's having a very long bath okay yeah it's about to say like she's enjoying the soak yeah but she also has you know what we talk about manifestation intention she has full belief in her son and her love for her son and her power to have someone who just sees her. Okay.

Full thing goes on. Doesn't work. Shiva gets... Wait, the war happens while she's in the tap. In the bath. It's all going on. It's a mythology story, all right? But the boy, even though he's very gracious, he's unbeatable.

He's like, you can't go in. And then at some point, he turns his back and Shiva comes from the back and cuts off his head to win, to be able... And he says, there you go. Now I can go in. And at that moment, Barwati comes out. And she says, that was treachery. And he says, oh, come on, this boy,

and I don't know what you were doing or whatever argument they have. And she says, that was my son. And you are prayed to by the mortals as God, and you were so treacherous? And she said, these people that pray to you, because of whom you are so great, you and Vishnu and Brahma, you're frauds.

You wait and see what I do to them. Because I am also God, because she's divine. so she puts plague on human beings all the temples they go to there's just plague and sickness and people are like oh Shiva oh have you have you forsaken us

and he can do nothing and she just sits back and she's like you are treacherous you killed my boy with treachery because your ego as a god is this I'll show you

not one person is going to believe in you and in that form she's Devi And no one knows what to do Finally, Brahma shows up The creator Yeah, and he goes to Shiva And he's like, it is a shit show down there

People are losing faith in us What is going on? People are throwing up in the street And pooing everywhere And dying, yeah And also you're domestic And where is your ego And Shiva says, I didn't realize

He's like, what did you not realize? You kill that boy with treachery And you expect to be held up in respect Never decapitate a boy. from the back. Never. No, but if you're in a war, it's a war. But, I mean,

the boy was a soldier, fine. But she said, if you had beaten him fair and square. Anyway, Brahma goes to her, and he begs her. And he's Brahma and Vishnu. They all say, please, please, please. And she says, you know, the three of you, men, you think this is what is to be? No.

And he says, I will bring a boy back to life. Yay, Brahma. Yeah. And she says, and because she's a mother. That's really what she wants. Yeah. And so he goes to Shiva and he says, look here, dude, get in the forest. And the first animal you see bring me its head because I need a head.

Oh, no. And Shiva goes in the forest. And the first thing he sees is a one-tasked elephant. And that is why you have Ganesha. He is the god of all new beginnings, unauspicious starts. Oh, my God. And that's him. And so you always have Shiva Parvati and Ganesha there.

There's a little family, you know. Yeah, their mother-father. Did they-ishah's, Shiva's and Parvati's son? Not that it's any of my business what happens in their marriage, but did Shiva and Parvati's like stay together after? They did, and they have another son, Karthikeya. They have another son, Karthikeya. God, I find that I think I'll be tricky to stay together after that.

But she taught him a lesson and he begged. Yeah, it's a lesson taught, but I think it'd be hard to move on, like to get back in bed with him. I'd be like, well, fuck him. Yeah, I don't know what the goddess and goddesses did, but they stayed together. Some people are better at forgiveness. Yeah. I think it's the lesson.

And also I think she was like, bitch, I showed you. Yeah, I mean, she did. I mean, and no offense to any Hindus listening to this. Obviously, she didn't say that. That's my language, sorry. Yeah, just to check, like, did then Ganesha, like, have a good relationship with Shiva, with his dad? Yeah, I mean, he was always like, my mom's pretty good and you're okay. Yeah, I think I'd feel super awkward around my dad.

No, no, it was fine. Really? Yeah, because in Hinduism, it's all cyclical. So everything that happens is so that we learn something so that next time we're better. But that's why I love. the Bible, man. That's why I love Barwati. I like her too.

And she is, so the two forms in human. I do think the bath could have been a bit shorter. If I'm on it. And I do think a plague to all human guys. No, but she was trying to, but she gave, listen, she gave Shiva so many chances. She did. To back away. Oh, man.

And all, and here was all of humanity saying, Shiba and Brahma and Vishnu are so great. And she was like, are they though? For ego, you kill a child from the back? Not nice Not nice And that's how come we have Devi Like for us goddesses are a big deal

Because we're like yeah You know So we have Devi and we have Shiva and Shakti That's what we call That's the sort of The Trinity Form no that's a form of OMA That's the female energy

So in all tantra Tantric You have Shakti and Shiva The male and the female energy Always There's no huge There's no life without male and female. Interesting.

You read the Bible? So many times I went to a Catholic and I went to another. It's not as good, is it? It's different. It's really different. The Abrahamic religions are different. Yeah, but it's like, it's not as fun. I don't think anyone has a bath.

No, but there's not mythology, but the Greeks had mythology. That was fine. That's it. When you were saying all that, I was like, this is so Greek. Because the only, but then it's like, there's no really good relationships in Greek mythology, apart from Hades. who's Hades wife the one that like

he takes her to the underworld but the agreement is like you have to come and live in the not Persephone oh it is Persephone boom fucking genius Sam but like at least they make a deal

that she gets to leave for like half the year and live above ground and get light like that's sort of like a little bit of an equal we have so many of those as well like the sad ones

but there's always something to learn I know I know because as I was saying I want to get into it. Is there a book I can read that will tell me everything? I don't want to take everything. We'll start telling you something. The hits.

Yeah. Top hits. What are the hits? I want Hanaman. I'm going to... What's Hanaman's deal? Hanumanji. He's the son of...

So Anjani, Vayu, wind is a female in Hinduism. Great. So her name is Anjani, and he's Anjani Putra. And his father, we'll leave it. Putra is son. Okay. And we only ever hear who's... who is his mother.

We never hear who's his father. Because as in a lot of Hinduism, you can only really know your mom. Also, if you can just be like, there's my baby. You don't need it. No, but we don't, we, I mean, ultimately you can only really trace

the truth of who is your mother. You can do a DNA test for your father, but you know. Yeah. So we really have that mother energy. Hinduism is so cool, man. It is cool. It's got lots of things

that are not cool it depends what you focus on I suppose like in Christianity if you think about St. Francis of Assisi and the very spiritual side of it then you get away from the kind of more sociologically complicated parts yeah well that's good chat

yeah not to think about yeah I'm going to give you a book of like stories there's a kid's book of like Hindu stories and then you can start saying oh there's Hanumanji and this but the thing with Hanuman is he's I went to his temple there's so many monkeys so many and they just hang around everyone's like yep that's what

you're doing they're really cool yeah yeah yeah yeah he was like is he in hampie so pretty they're everywhere oh my god i love it i'm going to deli on sunday and i'm going to daly on sunday and i'm please and i'm definitely going to the hanuman temple there yeah oh my god i've got it end the episode but can we just keep talking in the extras yeah we'll just keep talking in the extras oh okay so you can join us on patron but like just plug yourself oh oh What? Plug yourself. No, hi, I'm Sindhu.

Like, what do you want me to say? You know Sindu. She's already been on. We're on Instagram. Go see our live. Do you have a big audience in the US? I think we've got American listeners. I don't know how big it is.

All right, listen, American listeners. I'm coming on tour, man. I'm coming in October. To Target? I'm going to go to Tarjeet, but I'll tell you where all I'm going. And then please, please buy tickets and come and see me. It's called Sindhu, live, and I am going to be...

What a name. 11th of October, Vancouver, 12th, San Francisco, 13th, Houston, 17th, Miami, 18th, Washington, DC, 2 shows in New York on the 19th, 20th, Austin, 25th, Atlanta, Philadelphia on the 26th, and I'll end in Toronto on the 27th. Please come. It's a second part of the tour. Well, it's actually a different tour, but that was Sindhuvi Live in March. I hope you came, and this is going to be other stuff, and it's in October. so please come. I want to be in the States.

That sounds really cool. It's going to be fun. And also it's so close to elections. That's going to be tense. It's going to be tense. Kamala Harris. So then go see Sindhu. Go see Sindu.

Break the tension. Have some time off. Yeah. Kamala Harris is a very chill presence on stage. I am and I don't talk about politics. But just one thing. Kamla Harris is half a million and so am I. Yes.

Indeed. Thank you, Cindy. Goodbye. Hey, you, I'm talking to you. Why are you not a member of Trusty Hogg's patron already? You can get extra episodes, 145 of them. We've got blogs. We've got live shows.

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Thank you so much. I thought, does it sound like the mattress king in that episode of Friends. Hey, I'm the Metris King. Come get you mattresses.