Trusty Hogs - Ep149. LIVE in Edinburgh

Episode Date: August 29, 2024

A very exciting and different episode this week as we come to you LIVE from the Edinburgh Fringe! We had a gorgeous and very fun sold out crowd in the Monkey Barrel and we hope you enjoy...TOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'Reilly / LilyPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Nathan Smith / Amanda McCall / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra PeregrineWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to episode 149 of Trustee Hoggs. I am neither Catherine Bohart nor Helen Bauer. It is me, Andrew White, and I'm just popping in to tell you that we are doing something a bit different for this week's episode. Our main feed will be our live show from the Edinburgh Fringe.

We had a sold-out room in the monkey barrel. We had a lot of fun. We're putting it out here on the public feed for all to enjoy, with names redacted, of course, for anonymity. And we're going to be doing something a bit different on Patreon. We're going to work out some extra treats to reward our supporters over at patreon.com forward slash trusty hogs.

Normally all our live shows go on a 10 pound plus tier. And if you enjoy this episode and you'd like to go back and listen to the old live episodes, you can still go and enjoy those. But yeah, we're just going to do something a bit different. We had some recording problems at the fringe. We had some scheduling issues pre-fringe,

but we're slowly getting back to normal life and regular scheduling. So you can look forward to normality resuming. Well, actually, next week's 150. So it'll be something a bit different. 150 again, but then we are back to normal with our episodes. Thank you for all your love, all your support. As always, you can email us any problems, any questions at trusty hogs at gmail.com. Follow our Instagram and our Twitter and TikTok, all of which is at trusty hogs.

But for now, please enjoy episode 149 live from the Edinburgh Fringe. your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine

and the trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not Hoggy, huggy, hoggy hockey! May he's both of the day! Catherine Bowie and Helen Darm! That's all.

Hello! Go ahead. That was... Hello! Oh my God, you are in fine form and beautiful voice. No jumping to stage moves. Thank you so much. Welcome to Trusty Hogg's Live.

We are thrilled to have you here. Give me a cheer if you've seen the podcast. Heard the podcast. Give us a cheer if you are a trusty hogs virgin. Oh. Oh, this is going to make no sense. We can't explain it. We can't.

it's too late we're too deep in there's three men with mustaches over there no two two three three one two good lord i can't even count the men anymore who's to say anyway listen you want to fuck no no no no there's no correct answer so well well what i'll say to you is this she would be a better lay but do you like pizza And secondly... Also, looking at the size of me and size of them, I'd split them in two. But what if...

It's late night hot! You say that at 9 a.m. in the studio. But fine. Okay, welcome. This will make no sense. So, we're going to play a game that we've been playing on tour. It's called...

Guess hog! So... You didn't have a clue. You weren't even close. Were you? Not even close? I thought it was like... Which one's the hoggiest hog in the hog bun? Yeah, it is.

But Guess Hog is so much better. It's based on guess who? Did we discuss this? Yes. Helen, we don't. We did it. It's an hour show. I said it right before.

I said it right before. No, I said it was, I said it was, I said right before. We're going to open with guest hog. And you just don't listen to what I talk as you're also talking. Let's sit down, let's it down, let's it down, let's it down. Can I do my dance move, please. You can do your dance move, please. You can do your dance move.

just this one time. Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen, only if you do your impressions as well. So you can start with your dance move. Dance move, go. Stop, Helen, impression of a snail. Oh, you have to use your imagination. It's so good.

It's so good. Which one do you want to fuck? And then last one, last one, last one, last one, cat's bum. There's pussy. Come on. No, but let's play the game. So sit down.

Okay, hello. So here's how you play the game. It's very simple. Actually, we can stand. I realize I put this. I don't. I realized I couldn't see them and you were taking ages. Okay, so...

I love us. The moment period is one. Oh yeah, you mustn't. You must have. Yeah, you mustn't. And what is she not? Like, literally she's always on her period. Is she not?

She's like the least pregnant woman who's ever lived. Anyway. I love to bleed. She does. Yeah, she does. But we must stay on the game, please, or else we'll never get it done. I'm like this.

I'm actually... Amazing. So here's the game. The game is essentially who's the hogiest hog in the room. How we begin is everyone raises a hand in the room. Please, you must raise your hand.

Keep your hand, raise. you Helen, not you, everyone else. Thank you so much. We're going to go one at a time. So just put your hand down, or keep your hand in the air is probably more simple. Keep your hand in the air if you've ever had a hair color that could be described as purple. We got a lot.

A lot of people still in the running. A lot of people still in the running. Would you like to go? Keep your hand in the air if you have a bad relationship with your mother. Keep it in, keep it in, keep it. Okay, okay.

Keep your hand in the air if you've ever cut your own fringe. We're not losing them fast enough. We're not losing a fast enough. Okay, it's time for the real. We need to break this group in a little bit. Go do it. Go to the juggler. Okay, keep your hand in the air if you own a carabiner.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, losers. Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. Okay, good, good, good, good. You ready, you ready? Keep your hand in the air if you make your own shoo. jewelry as an adult. There we go, there we go.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. The last of you can stand. Yeah, let's go. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, not here, come on, wow, well, wow, well, wow, wow, blah, fucking say it is. Purple fridge, purple fridge. Oh my God.

Okay, keep your hand in the, oh no, stay standing if, and I'm sorry, I'm going to do it, it's time. Because now that you've joined the community, I think it is a metric. Sit down if you're straight. It was worth a shot. It was worth it. It was worth a shot. I was literally never going to happen.

Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, go on. You go. Okay, but I've got one. Stay standing if you have a favorite scented candle to have sex to. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

They're out, they're out, they're out, they're out. Hello, you three, interesting. Tell me what the scent is. Neon. Neon. You like Neon. I love Neum. Which scent are we talking? Okay, let's know our sense. My love. Yes. And then... It's got... No, and then...

It's also lemon essential oil. Lemon essential oil. Citrus, tangy. It smells of cleaning. I like it. Okay. Routes. Quartz. Of course. Okay, I've got a couple of questions. No, we have to at least call one. Okay. No offense.

Just flash turn you on. The flash clean. floor cleaner does your clip get something you're you sat down you sat down fair play to you there we go there we go

what's your name what's your name how excited where are you from I'm from here from Edinburgh okay very excited I love it here I'm here right now yeah and um

I never heard the podcast they brought me what Helen. Helen, down, down, Helen. You're right. You win. Okay. Helen, let's see down. We're going to sit down. We're going to sit down. We're going to sit down. We're going to sit down. Welcome, Trustee Hawks, to those of you who've listened. We're thrilled to have you here. Here's how this is going to work. We are, oh no, I left my phone in my house. I have my phone. No, but I need it for the problem and for the, yes, sorry.

Oh, actually, this is a good time to introduce today's intern because Andrew couldn't make the fringe outrageous. I mean, he's still coming up to do his own show, so it's still gone, yeah. Just today, just today. But we've hired an intern,

and by that I mean, my girlfriend, Ellen, is here. Thank you. Ellen, which one of us do you want to fath? Be honest. How about Catherine, me just watching? What? Okay. I just quickly, just to quickly embed myself. I've only seen three shows at the fringe so far,

all men, all northern, and I'm just a little bit offbeat. Okay, so here's how this is going to work. Ellen will go around with a handheld mic. We are going to ask you for your problems. I'm going to say two things. One, we're going to do one that we've been sent in so that we get a feel for it, so the

massage men know what the hell's going on. The second thing to say is, if I may, and I don't have to usually say this in other cities, but Edinburgh, we have form, we've been here before. So there's a trigger warning, and by that I mean an instruction. Keep it light. You know what I'm like?

No, please, you can tell us your problem. but like, do you know what I have to do all the heavy, so just come on come on. Come on. We've actually started taking them more seriously because the well board of the UK have gone in contact with us. It's gone too far.

No, it has. We shouldn't have been advertising as therapy, so... But did you see when we got we got better help to sponsor us? How nice. Did we let that go through? Yeah, I think there's... Isn't this lame?

Okay, here's a problem hogs. This is from C, but not me. Hi, C! You know what, that was beautiful. We're going to do it again, you little stutter. This is from C. Hi, C. Oh, my God, gorgeous.

Okay, essentially says that they've been binging since the start. They love the podcast. A bisexual cis woman, and I've known I was bi since I was young. Tea Fath, too Irish. Sorry. Okay, no. Fine. You told me to synopsize. Well, actually, I said I'll synopsize.

You said, what is synopsize? We did that. But the point is, I'm a bi-sysis woman who has always known she's fancied girls and has just recently started to be more honest about their friends and telling them about having crushes on women. Some of my family know, but I haven't told my dad and stepmom because they often say jokes or throwaway comments

regarding the queer community, and because of this, I've never felt comfortable to let them know this part of me. I've been with my boyfriend for six years. and I... Can you see these facial expressions from this story? And I told... It's exactly what you're imagining.

And I told him straight away it wasn't a big thing to him, I can totally be myself with him, and even talk about what women I find attractive, and the ones he does. Oh, that is not something I can relate to. Ellen, never fancy anybody else ever. Thank you so much.

We were just at dinner talking about the guys that both of you fancies. Oh, that's just because we both fancy Sunil. That doesn't count everyone fancies Sunil. That's just a fan. Right? Thank you.

Oh, my God, thank you so much. Jesus, he's so, he gets spitter. He's upstairs right now. Get him! Imagine this many Doug Barton's coming for Sunil. Oh, no. Okay, no, but please. So, however, I've done nothing other than kiss a girl.

Hey, oh Helen. And that was about 10 years ago. I've had several crushes and even tried the lesbian side of plenty of... There's a lesbian side of plenty of fish? No, that makes sense. Is that just like sushi? What's going on?

A few times, although I didn't meet anyone face-to-face. I don't feel I'm missing out on being with a woman because I'm so happy in my relationship. Brackets, I know Catherine will be laughing at me for that. I didn't know how polite I had to be. being the answer was not at all. No. And she's so happy.

That's why she's writing in about her queerness. So listen, I... No, but because I've never explored my queerness, I feel like I've completely missed out on a queer culture. I don't know any good people to follow on social media. I don't know any particular queer-run businesses. I've never been to a lesbian bar.

I've realized whilst writing this that I don't have any queer friends or family around me. She sounds homophobic. I feel like I'm missing out on a whole part of life that I don't know how to get. to please help me hauds. Lots of love from a bisexual in the dark. See, turn on the freaking rainbow lights. Yeah.

Okay, this is, um, listen, Helen. This sounds like a mean problem. It does. As the leader of the community. Loving the movement, by the way, guys. Keep up the good one. Go on. Any tips

from a new baby queer to a new baby queer? Let's break it down. Give me one question at a time. What's the first problem? Who should she follow? online. Don't just say porn videos, please. No, no, I've got this. I've got this. Go on. I know this. Andrew Lloyd Weber.

Number one, I'd say. Number one. When in doubt, musical theatre. Yeah. Oh, the West End cast of Mama Mia. Obviously. Judy Dent. Come on. She's never gay. No, but we all, huh. Oh, my God.

like Judy Denton's a lesbian fucking fire! No, but seriously. No wonder bomb died. No, that doesn't make any sense. It actually makes a lot of sense. Go on. Oh, Drew Pall. Liberarchy.

Help me. Chapel Rowan. Chapel Rowan. Oh, it's Rome. That's what the Gen Z are saying. Rome, Chapel, Rome. Well, I'm Irish, so it's Chapel Rowan to me, right? Rowan, Chapel Rowan, sorry.

Oh, what else? What else is gay? Okay, well, let's ask. Troy Savan. Thank you. Three boys. No, it's a little, it's a little twink who... Originally a YouTuber that had out with, like, Marcus Butler, and Kathaulie, Alfie day, Zoella, here we fucking go!

And she's straight again. The thing is, whenever she says Zoella, I'm like, oh, I've closed up. So listen, I'm dry. No, but also, Troy is, you know Troy because he used to be Andrew's background for ages, remember before you got a boyfriend. Oh my God, yeah. Andrew, feel free to edit that out.

But yes. Emma, if you're doing the edit, leave it in. Yeah, obviously leave it in. No, listen, I think that you already have told the important person in your life. You can definitely, once you follow Chaparone, just follow everyone who follows Chapel Rhone. That'll be normal. I won't take any time at all.

And then, what else could... I mean, ultimately, you have to go to a gay bar. I don't know if you live in London, but there's great lesbian bars opening in London all over the place now that... They've heard Helen's gay and they're opening everywhere. Every goddamn week.

I can't. I'm sorry, this is ridiculous. May I say this as one bisexual woman to another? Don't bring your boyfriend to the lesbian bar. You're killing the vibe. The room was divided on that. The bisexuals in that corner are like, I put a love baby, like, no. No.

Do you feel there's like queer literature that would be good because, oh, what is it? God, we have to do so much introspection and learning. Can we not just have an evening off? Oh, I know what's good. Join a football team, see?

Sorry. I would really like to get a femme cheerleading thing going, by the way. The football teams don't have cheerleading teams that's like, why? What are the fem's meant to do? I would so love to be a cheerleader. Do you know what I mean?

It's like... I would love it. Me too. It's like, I don't want to hold orange slices every time. Do you want to do the Dallas Cowboys dance? Or do you want to do the climbing climbing? Only if we're paid very well.

That's true. Set those women free. Okay, so listen. I have theories about every single one of them being homosexual. So listen, we've got to... Not Reese. She's lovely. Reese is in a...

You think Reese fancies that... She thinks she fancies that fiancé? No way. Oh my God. They're in love. Jesus put them. together. Okay, so here's your chance.

I think we solved it. We solved it. Oh, watch the Dallas Cowboys, obviously that will confirm that you're gay. Actually, it did for me. Yeah. That checks out. Is that Kelly not?

Oh. I think she's just sweet Kelly, which is a real shame because she's a con. So listen, but women, supporting women. Getting all the references, of course you are. So listen, do we have a problem?

Does anyone have a problem? They want to... Woohoo! Already a hand over here! Hello! Ellen! Ellen, run, baby boy, run! No, go, no, go, no. Hello, what's your name? Hi, who sent you Florence's book recently. Hi, ****in, thank you for the book! I realized...

I did not mean to tell you what language you can and can't use for your envelope. It's not about that. Okay. Don't back down, just because she stood up, you don't have to feel... Helen sit down, you're safe here. You don't need to apply. also don't forget don't forget that we're here to listen to the problem not just take issues with anybody who sends us a book for free as a nice gift thank you by the way shout out for the gifty okay I've read it and I've enjoyed it here's my fucking problem here's my problem on the dog about vagina on the diagram page I've now studied very thoroughly and googled around a couple of times I still stand by despite the entire internet and the book saying I'm wrong that yes Technically, down there, I have three holes.

And I agree with that. I'm not saying I don't. However, however, the location of where my urine comes out is close enough to the vagina, nay, slightly inside. No. How do I know when the tap on goes in, we pass her? No, you don't. I have two holes and a half.

And I'm sick of being my body, my holes. Don't clap that. Don't clap that. Oh then, I kind of wait for you to get a girlfriend so someone can fucking confirm or deny. I actually have Francis check. They agree with me. No, they don't.

No, they don't. No, they don't. Did you have them watch you wait? Did you have them watch you wait? Did you have them watch you weed? I hate you. Oh my God, I'm sorry, what was your problem? It's totally fine.

I will say, I know you're having Florence on the podcast, but you do have urethal tissue inside your vagina, which might be what's something for your feeling. And also they have a correlation between the distance between your clit and your ureth and how easy you will find it to orgasm, which is also a fascinating topic of a really great research paper. Could you send us the research paper? I will send a link.

Thank you so much, go on. Wait, because my click is close to my personal. Does that mean that I'm orgasming faster? I can't remember what the results of the research paper. What, we have to read the whole thing ourselves? Let's study now. We'll do a measurement, we'll go in line up of order,

we'll start my kids, see where the water starts. We begin with the moustache men. No, but fucking serious. Please. No, the... Calm down. If we may.

What was your problem? Oh, yeah. So, I have a light-hearted... Oh, is it? I think it is. Okay. So I've gone on one date with a trans woman recently.

It was really great. I am a trans guy, by the way. Pretty big brag. Nice. Nice. She also listened to the podcast, so she may hear this at some point in the future. Wait, sorry.

you went on a date and then discovered that the other trans person you want to date with also listen to the podcast. Yeah, oh my God, I feel so cool. Go on. It's called being part of the culture, guys. I guess you could follow me on Instagram, see? Go on.

I was very nervous about this, but I bought her flowers. Oh, that's nice. I was like, I feel this is a nice gesture, but also I don't want to come on too strong. I mean, I've been a guy all my life. I've only, this is the first person I've been dating. I've potentially started dating.

I don't know if we're dating yet. I'm now overthinking this, you can tell. I'm obsessed with you. You're definitely dating you're adorable. Go on. I hope so. And basically, I am, what would your advice be for cute romantic gestures that do not come off of an like a misogynistic main character from a 90s rom-com?

Wow, what a fantastic question. That was adorable Oh don't ask Ellen by the way She goes crazy Ellen Do you want to tell them about the first time That you brought me flowers? No

No Okay Well listen What I'll say is That Ellen has a girlfriend And she showed up in my house When I didn't know that she was coming with flowers And when she said I rang the phone

And was like I'm outside was like, what? And then she was like, and then apparently I said no, 17 times. But eventually, the point is, do we have suggestions over there? Are you okay? Oh, no, that's okay, but don't. There you go ahead and it's because we can't hack it. What? Someone's like, don't worry.

Oh. No way, because they couldn't handle it. Fine. Okay, well, we don't have to spread the, yeah, no, that's okay. I'm obsessed with the fact that you thought you were whispering. So listen. I have so many answers to your questions and I love your question, it's adorable,

but I do think you're right that you've sort of snooker just have a little bit because you've started with flowers. Ultimately, the most classic, beautiful gesture you could have done, but it's like, where do you go from there? I think, did anything happen on the date? Like, did she happen to mention that she just loves like a kinder eggs or anything that you could just like bring?

That you could bring, that would be like a reference to anything on the date? That would be cute, but you'd also, by the way, you don't have to bring something every time. I know, but having bought flowers on the first time, back myself into the corner and I feel like I feel like I need to use something I actually think you don't. I actually think that will be, that will wear thin. And thank you so much, Ellen. I actually think that flowers on the first date does not require further gifts at every other date. And actually, it's a really kind gesture. That said, I do think

and having read things written by trans women, I do think that they are often not romanced in the way that they should be. And I think therefore a little extra romance makes a girl feel special. Mix tape. It's so cool, it's just so fucking love. And I put really rogue things in there.

Keep her fucking guessing. Do you know what I mean? Like go full romance, like full just like gorgeous like you're the most beautiful girl in the world, all of that stuff. and then just chuck in like Eminem, lose yourself. Where is she? Where does she stand?

Make her freak out a bit. Have fun with it. Yeah, that's a good move. Ellen did a lovely mixtape for me, like a playlist for me, and it had a ring of keys on, which I'd never heard before. From that music, what's it called? Fun home. Thank you so much.

Fun home. Fun home. Fun home! Yes. That's actually nice because it doesn't cost anything. I think that's a good touch. But also, I hope that you do get extra dates, and I hope you, will you tell us everything you sent?

Well, you could cook something. Bear Factory. No. Bear Factory. Honestly, we bloody love it, okay? So what you do it, and you can record a message, and every time you hug bear, it goes, hello. It's so funny. Do not clap for incorrect.

That's a no. We can all say that's a hard no, right? No, yeah. What? that's not a second date move no no it's a no and I think you could I think anything that's referenced in the date I think a mixtape is nice I think you could bake something that's nice I think you could do one flower that's like a nice like reference but a de-escalation what that's nice I got hay fever so I'm always like you trying to kill me

you're always like that I don't mind me flat you flowers. I know and then the first time you did it I went oh no one's done this before I don't own a vase so you had to go buy me a bath. It was a nice vase yellow to match your room. I still got it and I haven't broken it. I'm very impressed. Does that answer your problem? And if not you could always bring that research paper.

So that's a bit of fun. Ellen, can we find another problem please my darling? Oh you don't have to find it Ellen. We're going to Oh no yeah. You don't have to go around being like Look at Ellen's broken fingers. Aw. She was in goal, but she saved it. Yay.

Very sick. Okay, so we have loads of times. Does anybody have more problems? Come on. What? No, there's no... Oh, good. I was like,

there's no way there's many people who listen to trusty hogs are okay. I think it's because we said, keep it like me. Oh. I retract it. Go on.

Hello, what's your name? Hi, R. How are you? Oh my God, are you called? That's mad. Everybody else called in the room? What?

Oh my God, all of you gather. Wait, wait, all say, all... We're sitting on five. All say your birthday at the same time. I want to see. One, two, three. Never mind. Never mind.

Never mind. That could have been fun, though. siblings thinks they might be non-binary. Okay. And I can't keep referring to them as a sibling because it sounds like I don't like them. What should I be using other than just sibling? You think sibling sort of

like professionalises the dynamic? It sounds like I'm not that interested and I'm reasonably fond of them. And where are you from? London. London, so we know you like them. That means she likes them. Reasonably fond is like English for like would die for.

Okay, great question. If I may, Helen, I know you're not going to like this answer. I know you're not going to like it, but bear with me. I'm worried honestly. I don't know that we are the right people to answer the question. Oh, God, I haven't asked. I do have an answer, though, but my answer would be, have you asked them what they'd like?

No. And you shouldn't, because we've got your job. It more occurred to me as a light-hearted question in the moment And you did a bloody good job Let me say that for nothing We have to stop keeping your light It's ruining our entire brand Go on

What were you going to say? What was your answer going to be? DNA buddy Oh My DNA buddy We can spit Same thing Woon pal

Yeah Was it the same wound Come out the same pal? Womb mate womb mates that's cute that's cute that's cute it was the same womb so I think wombmates

wombmates is nice but it's a lot to get your mouth around anybody got any suggestions that they like to be called good stuff excellent I feel like sibling is fine but you think it's like very formal well because I've got a brother

and then I go my brother and my sibling and there's just there's the edge to it Do you think it might be your intonation? My brother and my sibling. My brother are my fucking siblings. I can't help it, I'm English. Yes, I know. But still, you should say sorry more.

No, you must have. I think... I think you just say your brother's name, their name, and then we're siblings. And then you all do a cute little dance and we're matching outfits. Right? Oh my god, it's sibling dance.

Could you imagine anything more creepy? Can you imagine... You watch adults going to Disney. I forget how many of you do that as well. It's a room. I'm a hat and uploaded yesterday, 5pm, like we all watched. Actually, that was two nation.

Yeah. What about... I think you should ask them. Yeah, I can do. Yeah. Will you tell us what they say? Yes, I can. Okay, thank you so much. Bless you. Thank you so much.

Okay, anybody else got a problem? It can actually be as heavy as you like. I don't know what I'm asking for it. Hello. Hello. Hi, oh my gosh, I love that I said it could be as heavy as you like and then here we go. Okay, hello.

Hi, what's your name? Hi, I'm again. Hi, I just wanted to give an update. An update. Oh, we love an update. We love it. Okay, great. So this is from a problem that you had before.

Do you want to remind us of the problem from before? Yes, so two years ago at your live show I asked what to do because I changed jobs but ended up in a psychiatric hospital Yeah, you did. See? Go on.

After Catherine's show. Oh, it was asked. Wait, you went to my show and then you... That can't be on me! I'm not having the wife come in here and say that's on me. Do you know what it's it on you is just, I guess you were the catalyst? That is, it wasn't on you, but I guess you were the catalyst. Because you're raising mental health away.

Thank you, Catherine. Thank you, Catherine. For your good work. No, no. Okay, so go on. Do you not have parents? Surely it's their fault. yeah it is

good okay good see good okay go on so you went to a psychiatric ward having changed jobs that was the initial and the initial problem was that you didn't know whether or not to tell them

wasn't that right and whether or not how to get support in work is that right yes so that is right so basically I very much felt like I had to tell everyone but then I basically on your advice

was like no this is my own story and I don't owe it to anyone. I can just say I've been unwell, that's all they need to know. And yeah, so some people know.

I think your advice was like, get a hat or something to say they're going to. I stand by it. Okay, go on. But yeah, so I tell people when I feel like I want to tell them and I can only say that's been really helpful because yeah like it's it's just not something that I need to share with everyone that's so nice wow I'm a terrible example because

comedians tell everyone everything in the hopes of them they'll pay us but I think but it is it has it made me for ages sort of on Julie duty band as if I had to to tell everyone every part of my mental health diagnosis as if A, they could understand it, B, we're equipped to deal with it or C, we're somehow entitled to it. And actually, yeah, it is quite freeing to be like, do I think this person is capable of holding me in this situation? Nope, that's cool. Guess I was just busy that day. So well done you. I'm very impressed. I'm so glad. I'm so glad. Good. Bye. Fantastic little Peggys. Woo-hoo. Anybody else got a problem?

Should we do our problem at French? Oh, there's one over there, though. Yes, and Two problems, two for the price of one. Well done. Thank you for the update. Okay, awesome. Hello, what are your names? Are you doing it at the same time?

We're separately? Separately. Good for you. What are, what's, who's going from? I'm, I'm, like, I don't know if it's a problem, but, okay, no, it is. I already love it. Me too. Like, oh, okay, basically,

like a couple of nights ago when I was with my boyfriend I'm bisexual with a boyfriend so Oh my god A way to make my birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you

Birthday, dear Catherine, Happy birthday to you. Thank you very much. That is incredibly sweet. It's gluten-free. Thank you so much. That's so sweet. You're angry. Sineal smells so nice

and also What about... And also, what are you wearing? And also, what a... Well, oh yeah, that's fine. They all knew. Oh, that's so not. How did they all know?

I went to the queue. That's so nice. Oh, that's lovely. But I am ultimately a gossip war and what I want for my birthday is to know what happened with a stupid bisexual boyfriend. No, I do.

Patrol. No, thank you so much. That is nice. Yay! And actually, that's such a nice surprise. The last time we did at Trustee Hogs Live, we had Nish and he just announced

in front of everyone, that which I did not want to announce, which is that he'd seen me kissing somebody in Edinburgh the night before. And she's Dale here. Hugh! I'm... Spree. Happy birthday.

Thank you so much, very much appreciate you. I thought that music was because I was bisexual. So we're nice. I thought because you said you were bisexual with a boyfriend. Yeah, like a stage. We're disappointed, but we can get on board. We should do that next time. Have little bits prepared.

Yeah, okay. Go on. And he's bisexual. as well. So it's like... Okay, that's better. Okay, go on. Okay, no music. That's fine. Basically, we were just talking and then some friends were like,

oh yeah, you two should move in together. And then he was like, oh yeah, we should move in together. And then later, like, the next day I was like, do you want to move in together? He was like, yeah. Wait, he sounds really camp.

He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But basically, like, I'm just wondering if I move in with a guy who ain't love. Or if I, or if I'm, like, enjoy my youth. I have follow-up questions. And move in with, like, because we want to move in together. Okay, first of all, it's such a savage move to be like, should I be there with my boyfriend who I love? Or if this person needs it, it has my...

Secondly, she's, like, above my boyfriend. It doesn't feel like it because you're just going. discussing this with the group but let me do you want me asking 24 okay and how long have you been dating your wife how you're only four how long have you been dating your boyfriend oh my goodness have we met last fringe okay yeah okay and um this is so harsh because if we say in with your boyfriend obviously your friends just left like without anybody to live with let's hear the friend pass the mic pass the mic pass the mic pass the mic yeah it seems harsh yeah And then we will be voting, by the way, so pay attention.

Hello, what's your name? I'm B. Hi, B. Hi, there isn't much of a rush to move in together because we both live with our parents, so I'm rent-free. Different parents, we're not... We're not roommates. We're not roommates.

But, yeah. Okay, so there's no rush. I love that, because what B. Reading between the lines of the video has said there is like, oh, you should be moving in with a boyfriend. I'll still be here when it ends. I have the vibe of like, I'm not in a rush. I can do it now.

I can do it in six months. I can do it whenever this is done. Did I get that right? Yeah. Wow, what to do, what to do, what to do. Have you ever had to move in and out of a home before? Like, like not with a partner. Yeah.

Let me say this. It's expensive and an awful lot of work and painful and drags out the pain. You're all right, Ellen. Okay, cool. Just checking you're okay, time.

Ellen cried. No, please. I'm explaining the point is that I made a terrible call, I moved in with Ellen and her best friend and our other friend. It's like, I obviously have to go. Maybe we should move in with... No, Fikia doesn't want that.

She doesn't want that. Look at her, she's like, uh-uh. She's rent-free, baby girl. She doesn't want that. Can I ask another question? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because obviously, if you stay with your parents, you don't have to pay any rent.

But if you move out and then have to move back with your parents, that feels somehow like you're taking a step back. Is it not just better to stay there rent-free and then live with shit? Because then you can kind of hang out with your boyfriend at the weekend or whatever. When do you see boyfriends once a week, is it? I don't know.

Once a month? I don't know. Twice a year. How often do you have to see them? I don't know. What about... What about if you stayed with your parents and then your boyfriend stays for a while

and then you guys one night are out and you've had some wine and you're like, you're like vibing. It's like, whoa, do we have a connection? And then you're like, don't do anything because you're like, what about her boyfriend? and then you're like, oh, and also it's like, we're friends, you don't want to ruin it, and then you go home, and then you think about it,

and you think about it almost every day, and then you write it in your diaries, and then you see each other, and there's something different between you, and you can't quite figure out why, but something... Did you say that's too real? Oh. I'm a fucking psychic. I reckon don't like... I'm obsessed with these two.

I know. I want to read the Shatlin Wilsonberg. And here's what I'd say to you certainly don't sign longer than a six month but we are going to vote so here we go everyone for moving in with the boyfriend give us a yes

everyone there's three options obviously there's living with your parents everyone no no doubt and down everyone for staying at their parents' house everyone for just move in together and do this thing. You're welcome, sort of.

And we would like to pay your deposit. I'm glad you'd love to borrow some money. That was my birthday wishes that we'd set up and we did. Okay, so listen, it came true already, yeah. We have time for one last problem. Does anybody else have a problem? We need a problem. Wait, that has a separate problem.

I don't know. That's my thing. Oh my God, I saw you... I want to hear it. I'm literally... You've got no idea how into this I have. Okay. Well, it's a bit of a twist. I also have a boyfriend. No, sorry guys. They're booing. That's crazy.

Is the boy... your boyfriend also bisexual? No, no. Come out, I'd say cup of roulette. Yes. Let's spice it up. Also, I'm sorry. If you're describing your boyfriend as a twist, it won't. not last, but okay.

Twist. I have a boyfriend. It's like, okay. This is a thing. So I know. I'm so good at this. Go on. So I started dating him six months ago,

knowing that he was going to go back to Australia in October. And all the same. Wait, has this fucker changed his mind? Does that what happened? No, he's going back to Australia. Oh. Oh.

But the question is, I am hoping to travel in October. Just casually. Should I go and visit him in Australia or should I just like cut it before I travel? Wait, wait, wait. What the fuck was that? Wait, I don't think you guys are thinking

about how expensive hotels are. Where in Australia does he live? Melbourne. I think, so I do think you should visit him. I think you should leave your stuff there. You think you should leave your stuff there. You think you should go to back. You could go to Sydney, you could go, lots of lovely, but you go to New Zealand, pick up your stuff,

and then I would say, it's a case of a poster on the laptop. Wait, one second. What about my... Oh my God, yes. If she goes to Australia, if you're about to go backpacking to chase someone to Australia. Yeah, if she goes to Australia and doesn't come back, I've told her not to do that. Oh, my God. Because you secretly love her.

As friends. When with this trip to Australia at B? October. She said October. October. You've loved and lost. There you are. They've got her for a room in Melbourne. There we go, you got one.

No, it sounds like... Go and show up on the streets. Just be there. With a boom box. That would be so nice. Oh my God, yes. And one flower. Solved it, yes? Did we solve it? Yeah, I think we've solved it

because what we know is that they're 24 so they're going to be my friend and he's going to get to Australia and then in two years time they'll meet up and be like, oh, I wonder if we even had anything in common. But maybe not. You have to keep us all updated. Will you please?

Let's make a WhatsApp group. Yeah. Send us a postcard for Melbourne. I would like that. actually to me. Please do. That'd be so nice. Wait, hang on. Would you actually have time for one, one more problem? Do you have one more problem? Yes, oh my God, amazing. So the speed with which you put up your hand is amazing.

Ellen, one more, please. Run, Ellen, run. Run, Ellen, run. Thank you so much, my love. It felt like there was a problem, didn't it? Sorry, Andrew doesn't talk back, to be fair? Um, hello, what's your name? I'm... Hi, I'm...

How old are you? 18. What? Um... I don't... Um... I don't... Um...

Stop of incredible, like, I'm the best of town, sorry. Obviously, I see you as an adult, because I'm only dead to... Oh! turn 18. In April. Oh my God, congrats. Oh my God, where's your birthday? 21st, like the queen.

That's my brother's birthday. That's my brother's birthday. That's my brother. Correct. Correct. Okay, 21st, like the queen. And that's the thing you're saying on ironically. That's so cool.

Okay, so you're 18. We have so much to learn from you. The children are the future. Come on now. Tell us your problem. Wait, my. It's a sex problem. but I don't know if that all like...

It's not TMI. I asked the sort of line up measuring this district like work. I know a specific shade of oil that reminds Helen of the slick that makes itself known on her vagina. We're good. It's sort of like, it's like petrol, but you see it on the road?

Boys? Boys. Do you know what I'm saying? Boys? You are the worst wing woman in the entire world. That was mental. I'm so sorry.

Go on. So, I've been with my boyfriend for like 10 months now. Wow. Wait, how old is he? Also 18. He's not a paedophile. It's not a paedophile. It's good to know.

It's good to know. Woo, okay. Good to have that context out of the way. Go on. And I have a much higher sex driver than him, which is fine. But it's like, you know, a bit later on. And it's like, it's a bit later on. Because you can say it's a bit later on in a relationship when it's 10 months in

because she's 18. That's like a 20th of her whole life. Oh, my God. I know. No, but go on. Okay, so it's a bit... You're well into this relationship. You've been...

Go on. And it's like, you know, that's fine, but it's like, I'm going to feel... still feel sexy and desired, and it's like, how do I do that without being pressuring and horrible and, you know... Yeah. Like, how do you do that?

Are you wanting orgasm in general or orgasm from that specific way? She wants to feel desired, right? Like, you want to feel... Okay. You go ahead. It's the Nielsen of the Rooms. Is he, no, he's definitely not.

Get a fairer again. No, she said she wants to feel desired. Yeah, you're going to lose your fucking mind. This machine is a sportsman. Helen, no. The Olympic athletes, okay. No, no. Helen, Helen, that is for an old con.

That's not for an 18-year-old fresh cunt. Helen. You will blast. to clit off with him. And I mean, fully. Don't listen to that. And you're not going to need anything from anyone else ever again.

Okay? This thing will fuck him. No. You can get, no. No. And honestly. We have scar tissue. We're like...

No. And you won't need anything from anyone ever again. But you're all good because you... Slash your house mate. Has bought it. I don't...

I don't... First of all, I don't... I know I've done it above the clothes because once he walked in on me and Posey Jones drutting out of him. I am pretty sure that A, it costs too much for an 18-year-old. B, that you're too young to need a therogun. I think that's for like when you're dead inside.

It's not like... You don't even if they still have joy, I think, at this time. They're fun. It's insane. Okay. And that is one option. I'm going to give a really honest. answer and maybe people in the room will agree or disagree, but I'm going to say that 18 is

too young to 10 months into a relationship feel undesirable or feel undesired. And I say that in the context of every dynamic in sexual interactions with, especially in romantic relationships, becoming more complicated and being informed by the society that you're in. And I think the context is already that we presume women shouldn't have the higher sex drive. It's already one whereby we feel like there's guilt around asking it from our romantic partners. whereby a society already tells us that our bodies are not good enough or not attractive enough

it doesn't mean your partner has to have sex with you all the time that's obviously not a reasonable request but you can find people who have similar sex drives to you with whom you do feel attractive or with whom you don't have as much sex but already make you feel more attractive regardless

because there are things that are non-sexual that you can do to make your partner feel desired I fucking love a slap on the bum but I'm 56 baby so it's what I like but the point is you can feel desired without being fuss but I think the point is that you shouldn't be wondering if it's possible or if it's okay to want to have more sex when you're 18 because you're 18 and I can't stress this enough things only get worse from

here does your vagina droop now yes what the hell I was like a little like honestly like a purse and now it's like it's not massively droopy but it's like you couldn't the gravity has taken home not Google click gravity Really? Really? It's mental. Okay. It's not like I'm not on the floor and then, but I'm like...

Oh no, me neither. No, but I'm... No, but I'm not... Me neither. No, mine's still like, it's high. But I'm also... But since the Sarah gone, she's... It's not skews left.

Point is, um... But my... No, but my serious answer is I think that that is either A, a conversation that you have to learn to have now. So it doesn't mean you have to end your relationship, but it's like... You gotta practice now, because otherwise you'll... so, it's a habit you get stuck in, and I say that as a person who got stuck in the habit of being like, well, I guess I'll just go with whatever they want, but you have to be able to articulate what you want and need,

and those are okay things. And it's also no judgment on him, it's like so okay to be like, damn, what a shame, we're not compatible in this way. But maybe you will be if you just talk about it. But if you're not, that's not a reflection on either of you. That's just an unfortunate sadness and a reason not to move in with something that you haven't traded for it. But I think, does that feel true?

Yes. And you're so cool. Yeah. Your middle name's and you haven't even tied your boots. You're crushing it. You're prushing it. Is that a thing that was supposed to be doing?

I don't know if that's the thing. No, I just always fall over. So you don't tie them. No time not to fall. It's fine. It's like, it's cool. And is it Chapel Roan or Rowan? Roan.

Roan. Roan. It's Roan. Okay, amazing. Am I too old to be saying sleigh? I'm 33. It's okay.

I'm too old. My friend my girlfriend told me that. Who are you? It's okay. I'm just a friend. I don't know if I like having 18 year olds but truly genuinely you deserve to

feel desired. Yeah. That is like a reasonable request of your sexual partner. It doesn't mean that they have to have sex with you all the time but that is a hard one to navigate and start learning now. if it's uncomfortable.

What? The show's over. Okay, come on. We're going to have to do the show's over because that's outrageous. I can't be in a room with a person who doesn't know who S Club 7 are.

They're conferring. Sweet Jesus. Oh, my God. Is that their studio 66? Is that what S Club 7 is? Oh, Studio 66. Hi, darling. So you have to give them...

Thank you so much. Thank you for you. We're actually from the last show of the night. We're keeping everyone at right, guys. Okay. Thanks so much for coming. What we've realized is that the staff obviously can't leave until we leave.

So what we're going to do is stand by the door and we'll have a bucket with a card machine and if you want to give us money you can but if you don't want you, that's no stress at all. Please don't if you're 18. Obviously that would be deranged. But what we will say is thank you so much for coming. Thank you for supporting our podcast.

What we won't have time to do at the door tonight is take pictures because we want to let the staff go home. but we will come up to the street afterwards and we will now pose for a photo shoot. Oh, oh for me, oh my God, yes. And also, please, please do remember. I know it's Catherine's birthday, we're really excited

but do not hurt Catherine. She's a fucking weirder. Okay, ready? Okay, what are we doing? Three sexual poses, go. And one more? Yeah. Oh my God, it's so on my periods.

I like it. I like it. And then how about just be spanking you? That's nice. That's nice. I do like it. A little one for you. Oh, little squeeze.

Oh, that's nice. And we're all happy with that. Yes. Every got that. Please give it up for the start for the monkey barrel. Give it up for Ellen. Ellen.

And the player for finding a gluten-free Kate. Thank you, Claire. I'm for Samil Patel for coming in the room. Give it up for people. Thank you, so you're going to give up for Annaberg! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.