Trusty Hogs - Ep152. JENNY TIAN / Cordial, Cults & Coronation Chicken

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

Catherine's back from holiday, and the hogs share the most significant elements of UK culture (Argos and squash) with this week's incredible guest, star of Taskmaster, Australia, Jenny Tian!FOLLOW JENNY: @_JennyTianTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Grace O'Reilly / LilyPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Tristin / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Nathan Smith / Amanda McCall / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / BrynWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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They do feel that good, and they do good, too. One item purchased equals one item donated. To feel good and do good, go to bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com and use code audio at checkout. Hello, and welcome to episode 152 of Trustee Hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart. I'm Helen Bauer And this is our podcast About our perfect lives Don't be jealous

And we're also going to answer All of your problems And gosh, they're very worrisome So we'll get to those Don't you worry I love the phrase worrisome They are though Sometimes I think goodness

And then other times Andrew tells us He has a problem for us From you know Three and a half years ago And I think Oh shit Oh Jesus cried

What happened to this person So do let us know I hope you're okay So shout out To anyone who wants to let us know They are We'll find Eddie approximately seven years

Through the fog Step forth The Trustee Hogs Yeah You're gonna give them your problems And they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem

They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hogs Trust the Trustee Hogs Oh Maybe not.

How the hell are you? We're both thriving. We are thriving. We're thriving. You're so freckled from your holiday. I've done all my big birthdays of the year. Okay, so you, if I may, were a real dick earlier. Because I was like, I'm going to talk about my holiday and you're like, I'm going to talk

about my birthdays. And I was like, oh my God, I've missed her birthday. What? You were like, I was like, what? You were like, I had so many birthdays at the weekend. I was like, you've, and then you set it up, you wanted me to feel that bad. I didn't. You did.

You did, you did a little shit. I did have so many birthdays at the weekend. And then you said, I had so many birthday celebrations at the weekend. I was like this prick. And then it turns out your birthday is still in March, because that's how they work. They stay the same every year. And yours is still August 13th. Thank you so much.

You're very welcome. And then you, you, we're actually just at birthday parties. Which is not the same as me being on my holiday. It's exactly the same. No, it's not. We've both been thriving. I don't think that's the same. You went away to Greece.

Whose birthdays did you go to? Francis, Gwyneth, Breed and messaging with Anna Grant, who's in Italy. now then who do you like the best don't don't do that okay who's birthday my agent breed

no but if you had to choose whose birthday party was the best oh my god you can't do this to me no tell me about what they each did Francis Francis listens hi Francis what do they all do for their birthday parties

Francis bowling drinks I couldn't leave the bowling I had a gig but I was there for all the drinks but you love to bowl I am a great bowler no I said you love to bowl I'm a great baller. You actually were pretty good in Australia.

I wasn't good. I was organised. I kept the game going. I think that you were good, but then people were paying you attention, which you loved, but then it threw you off. Yeah.

So, I wanted your attention. You cracked under the pressure of it though. Catherine, look at me. Yeah, that was the whole thing. Look at me bowling, Catherine.

I remember, I was there. And Catherine's like trying to like have nice chats with people and everything. And I was like, Catherine, stop everything. Look at me. I'm throwing the heaviest one this time.

Joel Kimbooster's beautiful fiancé was telling me like his heritage and, you were like, Catherine. No, he wasn't. Yeah, he was. He was.

His birth story and you were like, Captain! Okay, next. What about who, what did Francis do? Francis the bowling and drinks. And then breed drinkies. Nice. Lovely afternoon.

Gorgeous. And then Gwyneth, my baby, went 110% in for the birthday. Go on. And we went on a witch tour. Say everything. Say everything. everything. Where can you do a witch tour? London. What age is Guinness? Just, just five, five years old. Only five

years old, okay. No, like one of the 30s. One of the 30s. You don't know. You ship back. I think 34. That's okay. And so the witching hour came. And then where'd you do this tour? Tell us everything about the tour, please. London Bridge to St. Paul's Cathedral. Right. It's called like witch which tours or something. I think it's just, yeah, witch tours. I don't feel like I'll have a lot of trouble finding it if I Google it and or that I would ever go go on. It was the most charming afternoon. Now, I got so many questions, right? It was a couple of hours. Afternoon.

It's not like a nighttime thing. It's not like a ghost tour. No, because the last ghost tour I did was in York. Shout out to York, uni as well. Shout out to Edinburgh. Shout out to Edinburgh, uni. And, um... Shout out to Witches.

Can we just go shout out to afternoon. Thank you. They're deeply underfunded at the moment. They need those shoutouts. Oh, yes. When I say underfunded, I mean badly managed. But go on. Listen to TLDR with Catherine Bohart on Radio 4 on all of your BBC sounds.

platforms right now. Thank you so much. It's actually a really good episode about universities. Because Pierre Novelli's on and he's so good. No, Sunil Patel. Thank God. It's a real treat. A real treat of an app. Go on. So, um, you meet a woman dressed as a witch in London Bridge just on the street. As distinct from a witch. So she's not a witch. She's a woman dressed as a witch. She's, yeah, she's not a witch, but we all became witches. We all passed at the end of the tour and joined the witch coven. Which she can tell you, but she's not a witch herself. She had the outfit, but I feel like she wasn't. She was like an American student, I think.

Okay, hell now. Just like living her best life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got so many questions right when she'd asked people and I knew the answers. What kind of questions are talking? Like Henry the 8th witch questions and like hangings and stuff. And I just sort of knew, I knew some things and I felt really cool. Did you know, and like just enough to be impressive or too much to the point that people were weirded out?

I was too keen at the beginning. That part I fully believe, yeah. But I feel like the keenness rubbed off because Quinn has friends with a lot of actors as well so everyone was very keen and I think I calmed down as it continues. Proud of you, proud of you, proud of you.

We don't have time when we go to Dublin tomorrow, which we're doing for live hogs Dublin and I'm so excited. But if we ever have time together we must go to the Leprecon Museum in Temple Bar where all the furniture is huge so that you can take pictures of a leprecon

but more importantly where more importantly where American You're offensive to yourself I listen The reason I say it is because you reminded me Because he said the American student Because I went there years ago

And there was an American student Giving the tour And he was so serious He was like He started out genuinely opening gambit Here's my favorite sentence I've ever heard Let me tell you some facts About leprechauns

There's no such thing my guy There's no facts about lepricons There's no facts to be had Let me tell you some facts about lepricons about leprechauns. Then he says, and it's not what you imagine. It's not the Disney version of leprechauns that I'm going to give to you today. And I was like, Disney? Disney. Disney. What Disney leprecha? Do you mean? Thumbolina? What are you talking about? She means the seven dwarfs. Like, what are you talking about? I was one of the strongest opening statements

I've ever heard. I don't really remember much else because I then asked him a series of questions about how he could ascertain facts about leprechauns. And then he sort of stopped talking to me. Oh. So I think I also rubbed off on the tour in that I kind of ruined it. for everyone else but um and then he was mad our participation like hearts sometimes do push people away yeah i agree it's tricky though because we just want to share things that we know by the way yesterday i was doing promo for my tour and i mentioned trusty hogs on three irish radio interviews but i also might have mentioned um that um on each one that i took you to the family memorial and the only thing you learned was that it's a Pokemon gym well i'll look forward to those last so sorry

messages I got this morning about being respectful to the Irish. That makes sense. And I am sorry, but I told my mother, don't do it. It's not worth it. I don't start it with this girl. But yeah, I am sorry about that. But they laughed, so that was nice. I just think any tour in any city is always going to be, like, fun.

You weirdly came off so well because that Russian woman was taking the selfies on the memorial. So you seemed so super respectful by comparison. I am respectful. We'll get to my holiday, but first I must tell you, look, my finger's all swollen. Can you see that? Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah. Why is your finger so gross?

Look at the difference between them. Okay, that's pretty savage. Oh, that's disgusting. Yeah, it's pretty painful. Wait, is that because Ellen hurt her finger? No, it's because... So then you had to do the lion's share of the fingering. The lion's share?

Yeah. The lions share of the fingering, and now your finger's swollen. I hate queer Helen. I hate it so much. I love queer Helen so much. I'm thinking of having a sapphic salon. By the way, in the winter time. Wait, there's so much going on here.

What the fuck's a Sapphic salon? It's probably just going to be like booze and lots of lesbians on my house. Stop it. To which I will invite you. I can come to these now. Yeah, I know. So exciting. Oh, my God.

And what do we do? Um, I guess we hang out with each other. Oh, it's not like a sex thing. Oh, no, you should. I hope you have sex. Okay. So where it is a sex thing? It can be.

I could have sex in your house. Um, I'd rather you kind of took someone home, but I guess if you're desperate. No, it's so far. If you're desperate. It's so far. If you're desperate, you can go to their house. Ooh, because they all live around there, don't they? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They really do. Great. Okay, great. I'll let you know. I think you would love to be involved in my first queer sex moment. I was just like to say, I think I'm partly happy it because I want to be present at your first gay night out. You want that so bad to set me up with my first queer night.

I'm going to invite Francis as well so that you have a little buddy. Yes. And the other thing to say is that, no, I get this thing. in the mornings where my hands don't work I sometimes can't like hold a cup or open things like um my I get really sore joints and my hands get kind of stuck wait that's arthritis isn't it I think so yeah my mom has arthritis yeah yeah yeah and I sent her a picture of my finger and she was like oh sweet baby girl that's it oh fun and I get like my hands on feet and knees can sometimes be quite sore but it's it's the worst I've had it where it's like stayed past and that like been a whole 24 hours oh god but yeah so

I guess my fingering days are numbered so I should get to it. Wait, what can you do for arthritis in this day and age? There's not really anything, is that. You can do lots of things, depending on what kind it is. But a lot of them are steroids. And I also just like, it's probably too, I should go to a doctor. I'll go to a doctor. I think, yeah, for sure.

I'll start with the doctor bit. You don't want to live in pain. No, but I also don't want to like take, we'll see. Yeah, we'll just going to figure out options. We'll see, we'll see. If not, we'll go to a witch. Or just come to me because I'll pass the test. Oh, my God, amazing.

What can you do? Done and done. Do you mean drugs? We never did mushrooms in the end. I did. Huh? I forgot about this. Absolute waste of my time.

Came off stage. Sorry, what? Came off stage the other day. Sorry, did you want to maybe mention that you did them? I forgot about this. When did this happen? They didn't touch the size. I will never tell you about my holiday.

Go on. Okay, I won't name any names, but I came off stage somewhere. When? And I'd say like a couple of weeks, vaguely couple of weeks ago. I'll tell you everything. Yeah, yeah. And some of the comics were doing drugs. Where, where, where, where?

No one does it in front of me. I've never heard this. Where? And I can't tell you, it's so obvious. No, no, don't tell me the world, but was it like green room? Yeah. Wait, I've never said that out. My whole 10 years of comedy.

Never in my entire life. And I was like, this feels like a great chance for me. I'm far away from home. Those are the opposite of great chances. I'm far away from home. I don't know which hotel I'm staying in. I'm 100% in. No.

So I immediately go, lick-de-lick-lick with the, there were like drops, right? And I felt. nothing. I went back like half an hour later for more and honestly nothing. Nothing. And other people were like do you feel it? Do you feel it? And I was like no. Did you feel happy or like? I mean I was giggly but I think I was giggly because I'd also had

a like I had a cocktail in a can and like I had a lovely gig and I was like a bad like a cheap ass weak version of drugs. I think it was people who were like microdosing and they were also like no like like I think from what I understand

because I spoke to someone who was a big mushroom head and they were like yeah but you ate dinner you didn't think you were doing them and also like you're not going to relax into it because you're sort of like you're like you've got to go find your hotel you've got a train in the morning like it's just your brain's just not going to go there and I was like yeah that's true

but we all went to the pub together and everyone was like giggling and I was like I guess yeah pubs like you know when you're like pretending to be fucked after one shaman of ice and then you realize that, like, you're the only one. Never heard anyone pronounce it Schmarnoff eyes.

Schmernoff. Wait, no, it is. Shmarnoff. Sometimes you can really tell you. That's like a girl who spent some time in Germany. Shmarnov. Smirnoff. Do you girls want some schmernov ice? Yes, I said schmarnoff when I lived in Germany.

It was so great. You want some schmernov? I'm not a right. I'm not a regular mom. I'm a cool mom. Am I the girl that lived in Germany? And I'm like, I don't remember how to say things. Like, smirnoff?

You are the girl who. who went to Mexico. Mexico. I am the girl that went to Mexico unless we forget. I know a baby girl, I know it. Smirnoff. Whatever you like.

What, no, don't know whatever you like me. What is it? Don't because now I look like a freak. Smirnoff, right? Smirnoff. Okay, everyone's nodding. Smirnoff. I knew that.

You know what? Fuck all of you. I've also been to Russia. Nice. Yeah, for Dost Prima Chachanost. You're so good at languages last. My Moroccan.

My Moroccan. taxi driver dropped me off last night and what you were in Morocco last night no my taxi driver was Moroccan he dropped me home yeah from because I was hosting this event for women in construction oh my god the perfect crowd we'll get to a shout out for women in construction shout out women in construction oh my god my people they were so nice they didn't even mind me assertion that they were all lesbians the whole time um I know they didn't even mind me kind of making them do like wedding poses when they came up to get their words from me. I was like, let's look like

a perfect lesbian family. They were nice. But the, a lot of them, I think maybe were even straight weird. Anyway, I don't know. People are in denial, but the, you know. People are mad. Not me. You were trying to say something about your Moroccan taxi driver. When I got out of a taxi driver last night

he was like Gerv Magus, which is the Irish way of saying, thank you. And I couldn't believe it. It was so sweet and nice. That's charming. I know. And he was like, I told you I had some Irish friends. Like, I hadn't believed him, but he had to prove it. It was so sweet. Oh, he was nice. You're thriving. Everyone's being lush. Yeah, I had a really nice time in Greece. You have to tell us everything. Well, I didn't think I really cared about Greek food. That's what I'll say. I was like, ambivalent about Greek food. I was like a Greek salad. Yeah, I love fresh ingredients. Yeah, sure. Okay. Holy fucking shit. Right? First of all,

have you had this thing with a wrap feta in philo put sesame seeds on warm like heated cook it and then cover it and soak it in honey sweet mother of jesus christ so i'm sorry i don't love feta it was astounding incredible greek salad divine shrimp salad divine then they had this like um it was like a greek ricotta which is like a salty kind of crumbly stuff kind of squidgy lovely ricotta with lots of figs oh my god divine then the thing that they eat loads of is lobster pasta which i did not know i did not know they had lobsters there it's a in caffalonia lobster pasta is a real thing and we had all kinds of it it was divine oh my god what else did i eat i ate so much fish it was delicious i ate uh just like

everything was just so fucking good the food was just so fresh and delicious and like you know like the cucumbers tasted better and the tomatoes tasted amazing and they are really into omelets and do them so fucking well. It was just incredible. Tell Shaw McLaughlin, he'll lose his mind. Honestly, I had this omelet in Athens that was so beautiful. Yeah. Oh, because we went to Athens.

I was stuck on your journey that, you know? So, there was a storm when we arrived. No, in Greece. In Caffalonia, which is where we were going. And we got there and they were like, we can't see, this isn't like, it's like an old airport. There's no precision landing. So we can't see the runway. Oh, my God.

So how you usually land here is you see it. and then you just kind of throw yourself at it. No. This, by the way, is what the actual pilot's saying. He's like, usually just aim for it. Right? And I was like, well, that's hell on earth. Why would you say that to it?

So he's like, we're just going to go around and go to Zakynthos. Great. I've been Zanti. Right. No, Zakynthos. Yeah, Zanty. It's the same thing. I don't think that it is.

Yeah, it's like Magaloof is one thing, but Shagaloo is another, but it's the same thing. Hello? No. Yeah, Zanty is Zikynthos. I'm going to trust Helen because she knows. Yes. Okay, maybe it is. You're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome. I thought it was Zanzibar five seconds, five episodes ago, so don't worry about it. Which would be a crazy place for you the holiday. Anyway, we, they're like, okay, which makes sense, right? Because Zakindos is literally

visible from Kefalonia. A very easy, ferry ride, a very easy trip there the next day, makes sense. Yeah. We get to Zikindos and they're like, okay, we're going to try again in a couple of hours to get you into Kefalonia. Okay, okay. You say that. Helen, but that meant sitting for three hours on the flight would already been on for five hours coming through turbulence because of the storm which meant that the, at this point, plane was exclusively the scent of vomit. People all around us

puking. Oh my God. And praying. Oh, they didn't let you off the plane in Zantino? No. And for the last hour we had been flying through a storm. There was a woman across from us who just kept going, oh! Oh, mother of God! Oh! Oh, mother of God. A pregnant woman behind me puking her fucking guts up.

Oh! Oh, my God. It was hell, right? Hell on earth. Ellen went into like full terror. She's scared of heights and she scared of planes.

I was more freaked out by my reaction, which was like, well, I guess we're going to die somehow. I was so chill because I was like immediately accepting of death.

Weird. She was like, you were so relaxed that it was actually disconcerting. Like it wasn't comforting because your calm was too. like the inevitable comes for us all.

You were ready for judgment day. Yeah, I was like, well, I guess it's all way to go. Like what? And a quiz is coming at the gates. You know what I'm bloody ready. Let's get ready for Jesus. No. Oh, oh, God.

Oh, God. Crazy. Then we sit on this, in this like, I guess, whole of, like, repentance and vomit that people have just woken up to once we've landed in Zikinsos. And then, we try again.

They're like, we'll have another hurl. We'll throw ourselves at that island again. We'll see how we go. No dice. So then they're like, don't worry. We'll just reroute to Athens. Athens isn't closer to Kephalonia. Wouldn't you just stay in Zanty?

Exactly. Thank you, Helen. See how you figured it out so vast? I was like, excuse me, why aren't we just staying in Zanth? Should you put your hand up on us? Yeah, obviously, but nobody listened. No.

And then, in fact, the woman just said from her seat, please don't ring the bell if it's not an emergency. which I found to be fair and then they figured you out we got to it was like blood yet then we get to Athens and to be fair to them at 1 a.m. after leaving us there for ages they eventually are like

well the pilot first of all says nothing will happen as quickly as you hope okay well there's an honesty I liked the pilot I really did he was very too honest but I respected him there was a real transparency there he was right nothing happened as quickly as we would have liked you to but eventually we were brought to

a genuinely swanky ass hotel the president hotel in Athens I strongly recommended a beautiful pool on the top of the roof and it was just so nice and honestly at that point I was just so glad to be out of the puk can that I was thrilled but then I thought worst case scenario now is that

we have to get up at like fucking 6am for a flight that then doesn't last but actually we got a full day they were like we'll take you on the 8pm flight so we got to go to the acropolis and have a gorgeous day wandering around Athens Oh actually this is like making the best of a bad situation Yeah, it wasn't too bad.

It lost us a day technically, but not really because we got it in Athens and then ate beautiful food and saw history and went to the like hipster part of Athens and ate the most just like delicious, delicious food and then got our flight to Catalonia and then it was fine. How was the Acropolis? So big. Yeah. It's so big. I, it's so funny, watching Ellen, who's this like sweet history nerd who was reading the short history of Greece on the trip. Did she ever break down on the Acropolis? It's not easy.

for the English to be there. No, no, no, no. But she was having like a really, like a really, oh yeah, there was a point at which when we were going through the history of Kefalonia and I was like, do you have to fucking fuck with everything? This is a tiny island. What did you need it for?

What did you need it for? Like, why did it have to be? Anyway, she was like, sorry everyone, sorry everyone, sorry everyone. Sorry everyone. She was in the habit though because we've just been to an Irish wedding so she was like, sorry everyone, sorry everyone. My bad, that's on me, that's on me.

Yeah, exactly. And so then, um, Oh my God, my family are all musicians and sang loads of rebel songs and songs on the second day of the wedding. And Ellen's had to keep being like, sorry, everyone. That good songs. But then we were, what was I saying? Am I all right? You're in Athens.

You're at the Acropolis. Ellen's read the history. You're all right, but you're still in Greece. Yeah. And so she is like really kicking herself that she doesn't necessarily know the difference between every single year. historical era like the Misson I don't know

Greece is not my Nor mine but she's like kicking yourself over like 200 year differences however many years BC and then this American guy walks by us and just goes

oh my God there's ruins over there oh my god there's ruins over there and I was just like you can always rely on the yang That's so funny. They're sweet angels.

I don't want to say that they are bad at history, but wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. That's so funny. Wow. Just to go like, oh my God, there's ruins over there. Do you mean the Acropolis? Do you mean the actual literal Acropolis? Sweetheart, they've got cats in Europe. Sweetheart!

They got coffee here too. I would have one. One time, we were, I can't remember when we were on holiday, but that was of Americans that is like a family when I was younger and like we got talking to this American family and the mum was like oh my God England England. England. Love to go to England at some point but tell me sweetheart does it have any beaches and my dad was like it's an island she was like no an island no no no way crazy. I was listening to it's astonishing I was listening to an episode of a podcast about cults yesterday that I usually were

enjoy and I think of as a fairly credible entity brilliant and they were talking about this Scottish guy who set up a cult the two by twos okay and they were like so he set it up in Scotland and he brought lots of people over who came with him no the Scottish guy set it up and he brought loads of people over with him from Ireland and I was like wait I miss something I went back I was like so this Scottish man set it up and he brought loads of people over with them from Ireland and I was like okay I must admit no that's sure maybe he went via Ireland

maybe that's what happened no they just kept referring to the Scottish man from Ireland and I was like it's so charming it's charming I guess but I was like I gotta stop listening to this I wish I wish that we could keep going on about this but Catherine we've got a gas coming in

oh my God we do thank God she's not American But she just moved here. She's moved here, but she's Australian. She has some hot takes. I've seen them on Instagram. About... We've got to ask her about her feelings on English bread. Okay. Let's do it.

Okay. Amazing. Please. Welcome to the podcast. It's the wonderful Jenny Chan. Woo! Woo! Feel good about back to school with help from Whole Foods Market.

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Bombas customers have powered over 150 million donations. So Bombas would like to thank you 150 million times, but we only have like 30 seconds. Go to Bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. Welcome. Welcome, Jenny. Yay, thank you so much for having me. Are you well?

I'm very well. How are you too? Good, delighted. I feel like you haven't acclimatized to the British yet. No, I'm going to, no, no, I'm going to say it because I just had a sip of my drink. You did? Yeah. I haven't had a sip out of it yet today.

Yeah. And I said, oh my God, I forgot there's some squash and this. Yeah. And it tastes a very weak squash. And what did you say? I said, like, pumpkin squash? Like that? Sweet Jenny.

You haven't had squash? What's, is it? Is it a pumpkin squash? No, no, no. No, no. So in here, in, in, In Ireland, we call it something different. In Ireland, we call it dilute, dilutable.

It's like stuff, you might call it juice. Cordial? Oh, cordial. Cordial. I love Australians so much. Yeah, it took us so long together. We got there. Yeah, that's what you mean.

Oh, wow, what a weird word for it. Squash. So there's a type, because it's like squashed fruit. Oh, my God. That's so visceral. It's quite violent there these days. Yeah, wait, but do you guys have a word for cordial at all? Or do you always just reverse words?

Squash. It's squash. Oh, my God. It's so violent. Wow. Cordial is like cordial. See, she's like squash. The upper classes call it cordial. Oh, undoubtedly, undoubtedly.

I think it feels like I'll take it. I'm classy. You're fancy. You're fancy. You're fancy. Squash for you. Yeah, I didn't. Quash.

Cordial takes so long to say, and if I may, especially in your accent. It's fun though, cordial. I don't have that kind of time. For cordial. You live in a big city now, Jenny. I don't think so. You have fun diluting it and everything. It like takes a bit cordial.

No, come on. You can't have a meeting and say cordial on the same day. That's too long. We've just said cordial about 12 times, I reckon. This episode is 47 hours long now. That's a lack. Oh my God. This episode title does not have cordial in it. I'm going to lose my mind. Wait, I want to talk about the big issue at hand, because this isn't even the biggest issue when it comes to British things that Jenny's experiencing. Go ahead, my babe. When did you move here? Give us the dates. I moved. I'd say it's been about like four weeks now. I moved just after Edinburgh Fringe. Fantastic. Where did you move from, just for the listener? From, so I'm from Sydney, Australia originally.

Amazing. Yeah. But that's the city you were living in you weren't in Melbourne. No, I was not. I just met you in Melbourne and therefore assumed that that's where you're from. No, absolutely not. I am so Sydney. Wow.

A hard no on Melbourne. A hard no on Melbourne. Right, okay, fine. It's like, what is it? Like how Edinburgh and Glasgow are like you can't mistake them for each other. That's like Sydney and Melbourne. I definitely wasn't mistaking them for each other so much. I didn't realize it was such an intense rivalry, but I'm definitely excited to know about it.

And we will get into shitting on Melbourne in a second. Before that, I've been following your Instagram and wow, wow, wow, you have some issues with the bread. I don't like, I don't understand your bread here. Okay, and British people are so passionate about it. Can you please lower your hand? Sorry, Catherine, so I do want to get into this as well, but we're just coming with fun questions.

This is a loving environment. Can we all say it's a safe space? And that felt for a question incredibly combative. I know that we're talking about something that's so dear to your heart and bread is... It's dear to the nation's heart. Yeah, bread's complicated. Of course it is.

But let's let's Jenny tell her truth. I'm just glad the Queen's not alive to hear this. Yeah. Okay. So, okay, so bread in Australia is in a square. All brands of bread are in a square. Yeah. And they all fit in the toaster and you never have to think about it.

And since I've come here to the UK, both when I was in Scotland and also here in London, um the bread that they sell is all rectangular yeah and you'd imagine that okay they have toasters that then adapt to the shape of this bread and then I put the bread in and then there's the little top of it that's peaking out which I didn't enjoy I made a little Instagram thing I posted about it and the amount of comments I got from all these British people were any of the comments and I just I'm just spitballing or any of them hey Jenny welcome yes thank you have you considered turning it on its side everyone has said yeah okay everyone has said it and i have

done a response to this one as well but no one watched no one watched this one everyone just watched the one where i couldn't no one means the correction thank you no go on and then i what's your no please please you're in a public forum what's your response my love so i would also like a chance to respond at some point you can respond to the response but we're just going to let jenny tell her no 100% and i want to hear your trade this is really cool isn't it this is you're the judge i'm the defendant Anyway, so I, the toaster that I had, the place that I was living in, I tried to turn it on its side and it wouldn't fit in unless like if I cut like a lot of the crusts off of both ends, then it could fit in. But I don't want to do that every single time. I feel like every piece of bread, you have to say cordial today.

I have to say cordial a lot, right? So every, I feel like, okay, from a design perspective, okay, bread should fit in a toaster. That's just what it should do. and I shouldn't have to like cut off crust or like add any further steps to it and that's my stance. Can I say one thing? I'm not doing anything

so I don't even know why we're trying to pacify me right now. The only reason I ask, the only reason I want to say something actually is because I was with you. I was honestly, I was looking at your stories and I was like, yeah, you just don't get it, turn it on the side. And I was like, okay,

don't we know where we have this beef with the bread. I think it's fine. It's also like what's the problem with the bread or the toaster and I feel like we're attacking bread for something that's nothing to do with it. Oh, that's interesting. Okay. Well, you say that, but do you know what re-tipped me?

Go for it. Jenny, in a sort of like, I think a real, like, gauntlet-throwing move, a sort of like, a real mic-drop moment, posted a picture of a sandwich maker and the bread. Yes. And then you realize those are also square. And the bread seeps over the edges of that too. So what should be a perfect toasty

just has a sort of weird, mushy moat on the side. and honestly for me it was case closed thank you so much thank you i didn't know i had an issue with i didn't know i had an issue with it but i think the bread should be square right everywhere else in the world it's square except you can i say this not i think mentioned on your not mentioned on your on your stories which i'm now acting like was the news but i felt like if it is square you get more coverage of all of the spread harder to get up around those round edges do you know what i'm saying floor is yours she's furious in this day and age of 24 yeah with the cost of living crisis happening in Britain don't know if you've heard about it it's awful I assume Jenny's paying her rent

in English pants so yes hasn't you heard of it God knows what she's up to I say that God knows I don't want to judge but like you're at sea my love the idea that you'd want less for what you're paying for is mad like they're giving you more bread than is required the loaf would be longer please please give me a minute what you get there is you get to put your toast in you can rip up the top okay and then you've got a little peanut butter half sandwich whilst you're waiting for your toast the idea that you need your sandwich to be squared despite the fact that you can make it square and that as an option feels mental to me that's so much admin in the sandwich stuff it's not admin it's just more food be grateful but it's like that okay so but the thing is the more food

that you're getting is like becoming an inconvenience to you because there's that little bit at the top that's it's not inconvenient it's not inconvenient it is inconvenient if you want then just pop it and just flip it around the toast halfway through why you'd have to think of that it's not so much work how do we think that's so much work but also as a person who likes things to be symmetrical but there is square bread you can find square bread but if you're tearing off of it you're tearing off of and then you're tearing off another bit, they're not the same. Then your sandwich is uneven. But why are you toasting the bread that you make a sandwich with?

Because it's tasty. It's tastier when you toast things, you know? Not always. Not always. So if you like un-toasted bread, like you, who eats un-toasted bread? Wait, sorry, what? All the time. Okay, what are you making with untoasted bread?

Sandwiches! Yeah, but sometimes, like, two days into only the bread, you're going to want to toast it because it just goes a little bit hard. No, because I keep it in the freezer. Wait, what? That bit, I'm like, also like, why would you, why would you do that? Because it goes straight in the toaster and it does keep fresh. You have your bread and then you keep it in, and then you put it in the toaster and then it thaws

and it needs to go in twice anyway, so you're flipping it either way. It's not a big deal. It shouldn't be this much of a big deal. Why are you screaming? Yeah, why are your hands out now? I don't know. I'm getting really defensive right now. You've already told Jenny to go back where she's come from.

No. You also already told you to be grateful. I don't think I did. It's on, I think it's on the, I think we've got a podcast. I don't know, I'm definitely not going to cut there. I'd say, that would definitely be a moment to cut that. I see how it is, Helen. I just think like, there's like, you're thinking of it as like bread is just this like

one square thing. We've got bagels that need to go in these toasters. If it's higher up, then it won't pop up enough that you'll be able to get to it. You've got Pop-Tarts. Yet they fit because that design, but if it was a lot lower down, the bagel would pop up, you'd have to put your fucking hand in the toaster. to get it out like it is trying to accommodate so many different sizes of bread also let's talk about loaves like not everyone's buying sliced bread you can get a sourdough loaf you've got to cut it up

yourself like make your own choices and decisions and don't blame the tools around you you are really angry i don't know where this is coming from i mean part of me i'm going to be honest halfway through that i was like they've got a point yes but for the sake for the sake of this and the bit, I guess. I cannot concede to it. Helen, can I say something? No, because I'm actually getting a bit stressed now. I can really tell.

But, because whenever you do this with your boobs, it's stress time. Is it what I think? It's, she holds it to, she's thinking. It's so true. Maybe I should try that. I don't know if it works for us with our tiny tibus. Okay, I see.

It's like... She gets all her wisdom from them because there's stuff in there. Those are just so full. But maybe we could. I've never heard them described as full. They're nice and full. Your breasts are so full.

So nice and full. There's so much happening in there. Yeah, that's nice. That's nice. Of knowledge. What about this? What if Jenny's right? And it's okay for us to admit that I'd not have to play devil's advocate because

no one is wearing a cap here and this isn't a men's podcast. That means my entire life to this point has been a lie. You know what? You do sound like the entire comment sections on the news. Like pretty much everyone in the comment section is on your side and like who is this random Australian girl? girl, just get a bigger toaster. Yeah.

So. What are they getting their bigger toasters? What do they mean? Get a bigger toaster? Oh, my God. I'm like, I went shopping the other day for a toaster, which, look, I really shouldn't have got because it was so cheap. And the guy was like, this is a great toaster, and I just believed him.

And then I've, I've looked that now. Sorry, you went in person to buy a toaster. Yeah. Like, it's 1984. I mean, like, I like going in person to get things because you can get things like instantly, you know? I know, you mean, yeah. Yes, right.

Thank you so much. Same day delivery? You just, you just, you just go. Yeah, right, you just, you just go and get it. But like, same day delivery is like sometimes it's not on the same day. And like, what if I'm not home, you know? Like, there's all these considerations to make. Well, you're out buying.

I'm saying cordial. Yeah. Yeah, I'm, you're buying Cori. Where did you go to buy the toaster? Oh, my God. It was some, I really shouldn't have gone in there. But it was like, one of those shops that kind of sell everything. No.

No. No. Like, everything like, sweeping brushes outside. Yes. So, like, they hang sponges from the ceiless. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. and they're selling, like, blankets and random bits of, like, crockery and whatever.

Some rugs. Yes. Everything looks like it's made of porcel, but when you touch it, it's plastic. That vibe, yeah, you shouldn't have both of toast. I love those shops. You should throw that away. That's going to set your house on fire. Okay, when I toast my bread, it smells like burning plastic.

Get rid. Get rid. It works. It works. You know what I mean? And microplastics are good for you and small dices. I don't know that that's true. I'm worried about you.

Yeah. I'm fine. Make a suggestion. It's to get an... No, no, this is a welcoming to, like, Britain, like... Oh, yeah. So, number one, buy some squash at the supermarket. You're going to be charmed by it.

Right. Is it good? Is it good? Is it really good. And the flavours here are better. Oh, okay. Yeah. Peach squash Robinsons. So good. We've spoken about it on the podcast quite a bit, but we are living in a golden age of squash in the UK, right?

Yeah. No way. It's a really great to. I wish we'd know this before. I would have brought you a couple of your first bottles of squash. Oh, no, no worries. It would have been nice. It would have been...

I would have brought you a toaster, frankly, that wasn't a habit. Um, go on. Um, okay, you're going to lose your mind. But if you need any other household items, I, I know, it's so many. Have you heard of Argos? Oh my God. I ordered, like, half my stuff from Argos the other day, like my juveys, like it comes online. You've got to go in person.

What? You don't have, sorry. No, it's, you actually don't. It's the only place you could go to that makes ordering online somehow slower, by which I mean, You go there and then you order online in their catalogs at the desk. And then you queue for a teenager who's furious and you don't know why and you'll never know why. To call your number, maybe. They'll probably just expect you to know it on a screen.

And then the teenager goes receipt and then you hand your receipt that you got from another machine. And he honestly throws whatever you've ordered at your face and you try to catch it. And it comes from underground and you don't get to see it until you've bought it. Oh, you don't get to like feel No, you're in a doctor's surgery You're in a waiting room Of just catalogs You type in a number

You write it down if it's available It's awful And then they call you And it comes, the item comes from underground And the teenager throws it like Harry Potter Oh no, sweet angel No, it's not, it's not at all like Harry Potter It's like...

It's just like Harry Potter No You love this for some reason It's really fun Because you just don't know Until it appears Oh, and that's, but you just spent a lot of money on this. It's the risk that makes you feel alive.

I feel like you love gambling. Oh, yeah, big time. We've got to watch her. She's big into Bitcoin at the moment. Oh, my God. Not Bitcoin, Salana. My apologies. Forgive it.

But Jenny, wait, wait, wait, four weeks in, what the hell else have you found out about London? What are you enjoying? What are you liking? What are the pros? I, oh, I love your supermarkets. Thank you. There's so much variety and, like, a healthy level of competition. so they're competitive in terms of their pricing and I love the little hierarchy that goes on like

yeah like like like okay so like like liled is like really really cheap from what I little little yes I love that you said little because that's also cute and adorable yeah I didn't understand their logo it was like it's very confusing no no it's it's really everything here is confusing I when I first got here I was like, as, as, as, as, as the price, as to, as the price, as to, as to, mm-hmm, it took a while. It's completely reasonable. That is fine. Okay, it's very cheap. But, but the staples are really good in there. Yeah. I've yet to go there because it looks so cheap. It's really good for, like, rice, really good for wine. Okay. Clothes. No, wait, they sell clothes. Okay, no, but what they do have, okay, so what Little has,

what it's famous for is it's a thing called it's middle aisle. Yeah. And the middle aisle is honestly anything. Oh, it's like a bargain being type of it. Yes. But I'm talking like you'll be like, oh, a pram. Yeah. Oh, a wetsuit. Oh, I think. Is it like a alley? A lawnmower. Exactly like Aldi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool.

Am I thinking of Aldi with the middle aisle? Is that the one who... I don't know. I think they both have it. It's astonishing. Wow. A competitor to Audi. I love these. It's really exciting. Oh my God. It's really exciting. German supermarkets And I don't think this is true But I got told that they're German brothers That went two different ways

And one brother owns one And one brother owns the other one But that can't be true, that's not true It's that one of the brands That I'm not sure which But I think it's Liddle Has split into North and South

So it is, depending on which country you're in Or city you're in You are in one of two types of Little There are two types No, there's two types of Little? Yeah, yeah Because they had an argument over Whether or not they sold cigarettes

Is that the different to us? What's the different one? That's so dramatic. I believe it's the, so yeah, I think that's a different. Wait, you keep talking. I'm so Googling, then. Okay, but what has become your go-to supermarket? Okay, so I guess, can I guess?

Can I guess? Oh, yes, yes. Where do you live? Don't docks yourself. Just tell me, like, north-south, north. Okay, I'm going to say Sainsbury's. Yes. Nice.

It's always the most convenient and it has everything you're probably going to need. It has everything. Yeah. And I fell in love with the Sainsbury strawberries when I was in Scotland. They're really good, huh? They're really good. Yeah, they're really good. I'm afraid we are coming to the end of that good season.

Oh my God, I'm sorry. I had a punt out of Sainsbury strawberries the other day and I wanted to cry because I was like what's happening. They're incredible. You're, oh no, because is it starting to get the white tips? The white and then they taste like sour and unrived. Yeah, they're sort of GMs. Yes.

Oh my God. You've missed the summer. Why would I come here if you guys don't have strawberries? It was actually crazy of you to come here at the end of the summer. Having come from the winter. You're about to lose your mind for us at Summers though. That's so true. Oh my God.

That's so. consumers like mandarin's like small oranges oh but they're different to mandarin's yeah oh what i don't know how but they are they're just different types of fruit but they are of like they're like a different plant but they're so good clementines so good okay so good okay you're gonna have a great time those get really good also um what else is going to be in season that's going to be delightful you were talking about meal deals with me oh my god i love meal deals i love meal deals i love Christmas meal deals. Oh, Christmas meal deals.

Oh my God. Yeah, it goes like turkey and stuffing sandwiches. I'm so excited. I love like, I mean, everyone here says, you're so nice. I love meal deals. Well, everyone says that like, oh, meal deals are so bad because they used to be like three pounds. That was so cheap. And I'm like, five pounds is incredibly cheap.

It's a good deal. Are you kidding me for a snack, a nice little snack with so much variety, a meal, like a main, and then a drink as well? Can you please say snack again with that level of enthusiasm? A snack. Yes, I love it. I love a snack, right? Personal question, which meal deals have you tried so far? And what are you picking? As said snack. Okay. Heavy on the cake. Oh my God. So, okay, for my drink, I love, oh my God, the logo is like this little smiley face. Innocent. Yes. And it's like, it's like the blue green flavor of it. I really like that one. Wow. And then I really like for a snack, I love fruit. It makes me feel like I'm being really.

healthy and then that's so sweet wait what are we talking like little pundits of grapes a little box oh i love when like okay so i've noticed that the strawberries in those snack packs aren't the greatest they're too wet yeah so it would be like the apple and like bit of grape yeah yeah i like that combo i love when i don't have to do any actual like like biting of the apple it's already cut off yes it's all it's all good it tastes better i don't know why i completely agree with you i'm about your mind with a better option in a second but go on. Yeah, yeah, go on. Okay. And then I love, um, what have I had? I really like the, um, Caesar, the wrap. My house makes a dick to the chicken bacon Caesar wraps. Yes. Yeah, he puts them in the microwave. He takes them home.

What? And heats it up in the microwave and then eats it. That's disgusting. I know, because it's like, it's like, it's like, he swears by it. I don't like that. I'm curious. I'm curious. I want to try it. Do you want to come over? Yeah, I'll come over. You can both heat up your wraps together. Imagine if that's Jenny and Sunil's meat cute and then they marry. Yes. Oh, my God. That's so nice. More mayonnaise, people. That's, oh, no, that's wrong.

But, okay, so did you know, have you been to a waitrose yet? Oh, I think I went to one, one time. And it felt very posh. It's very posh. I felt a little bit out of place. Yeah, notice me too. I would never shop there. I love it.

Oh, you guys. Well, my hometown had a waitrose, and the only nightclub in town is below the waitrose. Oh, that's how, like, fucking fancy. So what I like about waitros is, they do. a kids meal deal What? That is honestly like the stuff of dreams Because we're talking

Cheese or cheese and ham or ham sandwiches That are cut up into quarters crossed off sometimes A door a bowl The snack options are absolutely divine We're talking palm bears right We're talking cute little fruit packets We're talking It's just like maybe there was like a little packet

I feel like it's waiters though I feel like there was a tiny packet of quite a bougie sweet Maybe it was hell of those kitten ones Candy Kitten But maybe I'm imagining that It's just Honestly they're so beautifully made It's like if you had a trad wife for a mom

Do you know that kind of energy It's like really gives like I thought about you dear Like you'd expect to find a note in there With your name on my god I need that You have to go there It's really good

It's really good It's a strong recommend So are you doing like Sainsbury's Tesco boots Yes Not even a meal deal Not even is fine Is it boots a chemist? It's rough

It's also a meal deal The meal deal's rough I will never say a bad word about boots I adore them. It's my favorite place to do a big shop. It's incredible. I absolutely love it. If you ever want to go and get your essentials, I'm your girl.

I absolutely love that place, but I don't think it's the place you buy your meal deal from. You're fucking mental. Marks and Spenters exist. I feel like you shop at all these places with like a bit too much variety. You know, like the clothes in that supermarket and then now like you're shopping for your food at a chemist. Yeah, I do agree. I get my drugs at Topshop. It's been closed for seven years.

I like my son-wages from my chemist. And I like my clothes from a supermarket. And I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being attacked. Sorry. They, um, in boots, if you like the raps, the chicken raps, they do a, have you ever had coronation chicken? Wait, what's coronation chicken?

It's like a 1980s British mom's cuisine. It's famously not the 1980s. It's from, it was designed for Queen Elizabeth the second's coronation. Okay. Why would they make a dish called coronation? because I'm explaining your culture is Jenny. It's from the 80s. Okay.

Thank you. I think it's famously from 1952. Jenny, it's from 1980. Okay. Okay. And it's chicken cooked. You get so pissed off. And I'm not pissed off.

She's so easy to make a noise. I'm genuinely not put. I'm actually really, what is wrong with me today? I'm so angry. No, I finished. Really? I'm like three days post. This is you light.

This is you light. happy. No, that's okay, baby girl. That's okay. You're pissing me off. I really know. I know. I know.

I'm sorry. No, you're not. You're smiling. Yeah, I'm not sorry. I'm smiling because I kind of want you. I'm hoping it'll make you stop like with a baby. Like, ah.

Hey, Hey. I just, I want you to try coronation chicken. It's okay, I'm calm. I'm not attacking you. Yeah.

I love having you here. Yeah. Thank you. I love you. You're having these experiences. Yes. And I'm sorry about the bread thing. I think I got a bit.

it's me and brett are very close i i think i was yeah yeah sorry sorry okay well that's sorry you don't understand what's just happened is like it's we're episode 152 i think that's the first time i've ever seen helen voluntarily without being told to apologize to a guest and she needs to apologize you get it every week that's sorry that was like the the most sorry sorry sorry i didn't mean it and we could tell but i make a uh last pitch for coronation chicken well no if you're a meat eater and i gather that you are i am and i haven't had one in like 12 14 years but i used to go mad for and i see that it's still on sale so it must still be popular the hoisoned duck in marks and spencers oh is it in any way authentic no

is it fucking delicious yes okay it's astounding spring onion a little bit of cucumber don't mind If we do. Yes. That's fancy. Honestly. Delicious. Okay. All right.

I'm taking that. And what's this coronation chicken? Thank you. Okay. Cook chicken, mayonnaise, curry powder, saltanas and a bit of acacot. Don't, don't. You thought about it.

Why did I ask? A trick is not to think about it. And when my granny made it when I was little, she'd also cover it with sliced grapes. Sorry. What? Like, she'd cut grapes in half and cover the whole dish with it. And that would be like,

outside. No. I am so, I got so addicted to my cousin Sophie listens to this and she'll be like, you've got to tell them. So I'm telling them. I used to buy pots of it for like sandwich stuffing pots. Do you remember from Sainsbury's where you can get like pre-made egg mayo, pre-made like patte or whatever? Yeah, you can't be ours to like so much as cook an egg. Yeah. You can't buy the pre-cooked dead mashed up with. You can't be fucked to pull the bread off. So like whatever. And I would just sit there and eat it. Just tubs of coronation chicken. I loved it so much. But the raisers an apricots and that bit? Yeah.

What is it? You like sweet and salty? I don't know. Em just did the loudest side. She sounded like she was being deflated. You just went, ugh. That was like. I will say this.

I used to eat. My Marks and Spencer's tub was the tuna sweet corn mix. That I used to put on their black pepper crackers. Ooh. And I would just eat the whole pack. That makes sense. This, what is this? This is crazy.

I'm so annoyed I have to run off straight after this because I really want to take you to boots because there's one just there. There is one just there. And you can get a triple coronation chicken wrap. It's not just two. It's free. It's free of them. And that's included in the regular meal.

I don't like that. I will try a little bit of everything because you know what? I tried in Scotland the pork and the apple sauce and that apparently is like tradition for them. It's tradition for most people in the UK pork with apple sauce. That's a thing. Yeah. Everyone loves that though. I didn't like it.

But, like, the sweet and the savory seems to be, like, a thing in use. So maybe... But that makes sense. Like, pork and pineapple is a thing in a lot of cuisines. Yes, yes, true. Like, I think I feel like it is a thing. Hawaiian pizza. Yeah, but wait.

Why sliced up grapes? Just on top is like a decoration garnish. Oh, my God. It's really bad. It's really bad. Oh, my God. You know what I tried here that I was like, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Go on.

English men. What? I said English men. What did you say? Oh, okay. Mm, though, I have opinions about them. But anyway, the jellied eels. I've never had it.

Did you do it? I've never had it. I actually, I actually didn't mind it. I thought it was pretty nice. I liked it. Talk me through it. What is it? It's exactly what it sounds like.

So it's like eels that they cook up and then they slice them up and then they have like this like salty jelly that's like mixed in with it. And it's pretty good. No, but it's kind of like, this jelly kind of tastes like ham, right? So it's like got this saltiness and it's jelly so it's fun to choose. Did you get this from like a, that's horrific to me. Did you get this from like a chippy? What is that a pub? It's pie shop.

Oh, is it a pie shop? Okay. Is that a pie shop? I guess I was in one of them. It felt like a pub, but they sold food. Yeah. I feel like it would be a pie shop. Pie shops do jelly eaters.

I'm obsessed with you because the way you just said that it's like a pub, but they sold food, which all pubs do just makes me think that like you, every day is going to be such an adventure for you. Every day is amazing. Like, it's going to be so, like, if you were like, this pub sells food, then wait until you see the things they're up to. Like, this chemist sells sandwiches. You are going to absolutely lose your mind. You should see it every single day. I'm like, oh my God, a squirrel. This place is amazing. I'm like, snow white. Just discovery.

The squirrels are good. They're getting confident, but they're good. Yeah. Yeah. And then they dig with their little nuts and stuff. I'm like, this place is amazing. Have you seen the foxes? I've seen the foxes. They're incredible. I have a question. Are you living, have you come to live with other Australians? Are you living with English? I'm living with a bunch of random comedians, but they're lovely. They're the best people. English comics? I think they're like, they're people that have like, you know, I guess done comedy in other places and then moved to London. Have you all moved at the same time?

Um, I don't think so. I'm the latest to join in, but they're a good crew. Like in the same block as I'm like Pravanya and Erica Aela and like that crew. They all live in your area. Yeah, well, we're in the same like flat basically. I feel like I'm in friends. That's what it feels like. I'm Rachel, I've just joined in the crew.

That's so great. Did you show up in a wedding dress? No, it's raining. Hi. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, you moved to London with the squirrels and the jelly deals and you're like,

it's like friends. It's kind of, I guess, if it was in London. That's so nice. It's so good. And everyone else here is like, I hate London. I love London. I'm so sad all the time. And I'm like, this place is beautiful.

Yeah, I actually love London. I really do. I actually wish the people who hated London would move out of London so the prices wouldn't be so high just fuck off yeah if you don't like it just don't want to take you something special like take you somewhere in a little trip but don't you think we could blow her mind with pretty simple stuff

yeah I think you honestly quit don't you reckon yeah probably like a museum I love a museum have you been to any of them yet well I mean like I did I did do the British Museum just to be like what is you got to go see your stuff I gotta see yeah sure go see your own stuff

we've got clear Patrick's mummy there like yeah it's a lot and then I really, I haven't done very much at all. Like, for someone that's been here for four weeks now, like, I've just done, like, the classic, like, I've seen Big Bears. I've seen London Bridge, which is kind of ugly. London Bridge is just the bridge. Tower Bridge is the one.

Yeah, it's nice. And just like the classic things, but I still, I haven't gone to, like, Notting Hill yet. Jenny, you got to go. I've gone to the Beatles crossing. I've taken a photo there. Abby Road. That's so nice. Which, you know, no one tells you that everyone is doing exactly the same thing there.

And they're all just crossing the road. I learned to drive around there. And it was just constantly like, no. Because I was slow to start off as well. So then I like the invention. So the worst street to large to drive on. The Beatles.

You really learn patience there, don't you? You do deeply, deeply, deeply. Oh my God, you're going to have such a good time. So what's the plan? Staying for to do comedy here? For a little bit. For a little bit at least. Yes.

And then like back to Australia to do like the tours there and everything. Of course. But, yeah, staying here for the next little while. Are you doing the show that you did in Edinburgh in London? Yes, I am. When are you doing it? I'm doing it September 27th to 29th. Lush.

It's like Friday to Sunday. Where are you doing it? Next week, everyone get tickets right now. Next weekend. Where are you going? I'm at the Underbelly Boulevard. Where is that? Soho, apparently. I've not been inside before.

Oh my God, it's a new venue in Soho. Shut the fuck up. It's like, I wish I were going to remember the street. Do you remember the street? Do you remember the street? No. But it looks like a. like they have a lot of like circus and like you know big performances

stuff things in there like it looks very lush yeah there's a new underbelly venue this is awesome yeah so it looks like really really cool i haven't been in it yet i'm very excited for you this is so excited yes oh go see jenny she's so good at stand-up i had to be on bills to do in australian was like oh my god how do we follow this so you're amazing you're amazing they're gonna love you i saw both of your shows in Edinburgh and I was like, no, because they were fucking Mingers, we're actually Mingers. But I also think if you like our stand-up that you will like, Jenny, I think we all have a relatively, like, there's a vein of anxious woman. Oh, yeah. Don't you think? Don't you think,

that we all live in? Yeah. It's a, it's a neighborhood we all frequent, no? Why am I panicking? I think it's true. I think if you like us, you'll like Jenny's stand-up. Um, okay, so those are the good things. What's the bad, apart from the bread. Oh, my God. Okay. Are you doing okay with that your family? Oh, my God. Oh, no, forget. Wait, no, I was going to, I haven't even thought about my family. I'm like, I'm just happy to get some freedom. Squirrels are my family now. Okay, the tube, taking the tube, and then for the first time yesterday, I was warned

this would happen, but I blew my nose and then it was like black. Yeah. I was like, sorry, what? Like, oh my God, that's so gross. And you guys just like live like this, like it's normal. That's like in your lungs and in your nose. Sorry, baby girl. But also, can we talk about how when you say sorry what, that is so much more dramatic

and incredible in an Australian accent, isn't it? Sorry what? No, it is horrendous. It's horrendous. And I am so used to it. Me too. What? I can't remember the last time I registered it. Like, that's how, yeah. Oh, my God. You could wear a man. It's, like, so convenient. That's the thing. That I'm like, I kind of got a token and I just kind of got to do it. And then like breathe all the fresh air that I can in parks when I'm up overground. And it's not even that fresh. It's not. It's really not. I'm really sorry. Yeah. What else? The roads are only one lane.

Like they're really narrow. I'm like, this is London. Like it's, I just thought it would be like, you know, like big city vibes. But it's built for horses. Yes. Yeah. It's so like, like narrow. And so if one person's slow, then everyone's just slow. Like that's so inefficient. I'm going to take your day trip to the M25 and you're going to lose your fucking mind. Is that? Is that where James You don't need to know anything. Helen, if I may, maybe I should come because you don't drive. We'll walk to it. We'll walk it.

Is that a highway? Yeah. You're going to, but in the shape of a circle, you're going to lose your fucking mind. It's confusing. Okay. All right. Okay. It is gorgeous.

Yeah. You're going to love it. Whenever you say something's great. I don't know, you're like, yeah, there's this delicious thing called like coronation chicken. Yeah. It's from the 80s. You remember it. It's tough.

It's tough out there. Oh, my gosh. And so have you started gigging here? I've started gigging. The gigs are so good and everyone is so nice. Like, no, Jenny, can I just say, no, that's because you're good. No, people are nice. Well, I will say, well, I will, two things.

One, you're very good at stand-up. Two, and I'm sorry to shit on Melbourne, but I do think that in Melbourne, the audiences are, and it wasn't an issue in Sydney, but in Melbourne, I found the audiences really, really hard on female comics. I find in Melbourne there's a thing. Oh, God, I shouldn't say this because that's my, I probably shouldn't say it, but... It's my biggest sales, but I, okay, let's start with, I love Melbourne. Yeah, I love Melbourne. Messina ice cream is honestly worth the flight alone.

Thank you. It's amazing. It's the best city ever. I love it. Yes, it's around Australia. Did you try Messina? Yeah, of course. I had a different flavor every single day of the entire month festival.

It's so good. And then they have like special flavors as well that they change up. It's phenomenal. It's amazing. But there's a thing where because they're so artsy and in a way, they're like London where they just they see stuff all the time because their weather's miserable and they need somewhere they need to do something they know if I need to call Melbourne weather miserable because we were like this is heaven I was there in my puffer jacket like the

warmest you're crazy I wore summer dresses every single day you're were mad I was naked yeah honestly oh my god famously that's more of a Sydney thing for you and then like they sorry sorry go on sorry it's not even worth explaining Okay, okay, I'll just move past that. Thank you. And they watch it like, hmm, art. We love art.

But it's like, it's a comedy show, like have fun, but they're really like, yeah, yeah. I think the thing about Britain is that there's a much bigger or at least more,

um, on the surface drinking problem. Oh. And that means that they just are more raw because like at comedy venues. We love it. They're just drunkers. They're just drunker.

Let's get the Irish and the Australian to talk about how the British have a drinking. Where do you think we got ours from? Where do we think we got ours from? But yeah, they're just up for it, aren't they here? They're really up for it. They're so up for it. And then like, a lot of the time when the audience calls something out, it's actually pretty funny.

Yeah. I'm like, you are actually, that is actually quite good. Do not do it to me though. No, don't do it. Don't do it. It's not encouraged. That's like, that's actually how I feel about most Irish audiences. Like, honestly, if an English person interrupt me, I'm like, don't you there.

If an Irish person does it, I'm like, this would be a great story. Go on. Let me get a seat. This is going to be great. eyes people are so funny and then like yeah the audiences are like they're just like up for it immediately most of them you know how okay at the beginning of a show um the emcee would go like oh who's been here before yeah and in australia it would be guaranteed no one and then you can make a joke about that and be like ah ha ha ha ha ha ha well no one's come here that says a lot about

this club but here people actually return to the same comedy night i'm like wow people come back to see people return to the point where you're like oh my god when was like last here, what did I say? Like, I need to mess it up, I need to mess it up. Yes. That's brilliant. I think there's a huge, huge, huge love of comedy in this country. We're so lucky.

I don't think we realize how lucky we are. It's like, real appreciation of this. And then like, I talk to other comedians about it and they're like, hmm, I'm like, it's not that great. And I'm like, it's the best scene ever. You're like, I saw a squirrel on my way here and that man's been to the comedy club before. Wait, till I get my congregation. A good thing.

Wait, what's your favorite place that you've giged so far? Oh my God. I've loved. angel comedy. That was so beautiful. We love a lot about it. It's so lovely. What else did I do? Last year I was here for a little bit. I did backyard. That was nice. Fun, fun. That was fun. Where else? Oh, when I was in, um, I was in Glasgow for a little bit. I did the stand. Heaven. That room is like, electric. So good. And then they just, it's like a, I went on their new material night. Like they just, they just have like so many people in the room and then you're just doing new

material to them. I'm like, what? Jenny, you are a, honestly, a breath of fresh air. And I think all comics should have a conversation with you. Like, that's, not that it's your job, but I feel like you should go around like an Australian fairy godmother just to reinvigorate every British comic with an appreciation for how lucky we are and a sort of love again. I want to see the world through your eyes. Yes. I mean, like, you guys, this is really, really good. Because like, in Australia, also, okay, so the stage time is, not to take over too much with comedy chat, but the stage time is like, please. So you start with, um, at open mics, when you start out you get four minutes so they can fit more people on the bill which is why like

you see Australians they're like so like they get straight to it and it's like boom like short snappy like you got to just get into the jokes um so four minutes and then if you're good you can move on to like five to seven and then when you've been doing it for like a few years and you're like good and stuff then you would be able to get tens and then from there it's kind of hard to move up beyond that unless you're emceeing or headlining and the headline is usually like quite experience, like does a lot of TV, that sort of stuff, like, just extremely good at comedy, like, great club comic. And then that's it. And they're usually doing like 15 or so maybe at the very end. What? Yeah. So like here, I'm like, I get to do 20 minutes. Oh my God. Yeah. And

it takes me five minutes to say hello, Jenny. Exactly right. And then when I go back to doing tens now, I'm like, oh my God, this feels short. Like, yeah. This is amazing. I've got to do eight minutes tonight and I'm shitting myself. I'm like, how am I going to do eight minutes? That's barely time for me to get on stage. I'm gonna, I'm just gonna dance the whole time. Nice. I'm like, how do I do this? Oh my God, welcome. Well, I'm so, I'm now more excited about comedy because we talk to you about comedy here and that's heaven on earth. And we've also got to do a problem, but we've run out of time. Oh my God. We can do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna do the quickest problem solve. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. M. I'm gonna solve this in one sentence and then Jenny's going to do the next sentence

and Catherine's going to do the third sentence and that will be the solve. Okay, fantastic. Like a gay, you know like an improv game yeah yeah okay okay Ann Bauer School of Drama let's go did you go to drama school Anne Bauer School of Drama no way is I don't know what that is my mum run it from our living room stop yeah yeah it's like Rada Lambda and Bauer School of Drama in Britain I'll tell you more okay okay okay yeah it's like huge Judy Dent went no joke before my mum took it over we have to work on your levels of gullible because I'm you're so sweet and precious and London will ruin you I'm like I believe everyone all the time you I'm like a trustworthy person.

No. Oh, actually, no, speaking of gullible, sorry to be derailed. I got my phone snatched the other day. Anyway. I fully believe that. Are you okay? I'm okay.

I mean, I got it back. I ran after the guy. Yes, see. What? Which never happened. Apparently I shouldn't have done that. No, you should. This is awesome.

Yeah, no, I ran and then I yelled. No, we're not encouraging anyone to chase someone down. And then I yelled. And then I yelled, and then all the people on the street heard me yelling. And then they helped me corner the guy. And then the guy just, like, gave it back. And then I got my phone back. Yeah, so I mean, gallible.

And also, I should have known because he was wearing a ski mask in broad daylight. But I was just like, he's, like, he's obviously off to, like, rob a house. He's not going to bother me. He's on his way to work. He's just cold. He's just chilly and he's just trying to travel on the pavement on a motorbike. I'm like, I can't assume. That is the coolest story of ever.

I know that you think the message is that you're gullible, but I think it makes you sound like a badass. Not anyone else should do it, but that's so bad. Oh, thank you so much. Also, only Snow White could get the whole village involved to be like, Everyone gets that dog. You don't have to stop it right now. I've seen streets people just watch. Just like, and how do I know that?

Because I'm also like, I'm just like the idea that you saw a man in a balaclav and we're like, he's going to work. And dealing houses. Not bothering me. It's not going to bother me. It's fine. Everything works out for me.

Anyway, this problem. We've got to do it. We've got to do it. We've got to do the problem. Okay, this is from E. Hi, E. Hi, Hoggs, long time listener first time emailer. For context, I'm a very sociable, extroverted person and I value.

my friends very highly. I'm also the most organized of the group, so I'm usually the one planning get-togethers. My group of friends is a mixture of men and women, and the boys are always very grateful for any planning slash organizing I do. Unfortunately, the girls are less so. My two closest female friends don't seem to prioritise me like I do them. I'm always the one hosting, suggesting we go out, have girls' nights, etc. And they very rarely do the same. Is it, is it Emma Black? Potentially. It absolutely could be. I will respond to the message about the Mamma Mia party, Emma. And I will respond to the message about the Mamma Mia

party, Emma, and I'm sorry I haven't put the perfume making. I thought I had, but I hadn't. I'm not the perfect friend by any means, but it's starting to upset me that I don't feel loved by them in the same way that I try to appreciate them. I don't mind organise and get-togethers, etc. I always

enjoy hosting, but there have also been last-minute cancellations because other offers have popped up. Please let me know how I can navigate this. Side note, I hate confrontations, so the idea of saying something to them about this makes me want to jump in a well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. I can't wait

I have a thought No with the three sentences No no no I think we should very briefly let Jenny answer this Because sweet baby angel This feels like you're a sweet enthusiast Who always organises things Get new friends Yes

You're not being appreciated enough These friends are like clearly prioritising other things And if you're the one that's putting in the effort And they're not seeing that and appreciating it Get new friends That's what I think I love that from Jenny I've got a quickly message I'm at blackback

I was going to say a sort of halfway house to that which is stop just stop you don't have to necessarily get new friends although I think you should probably also do that but I and at the very least because actually I cancel a lot and I can't always attend things because of the work that I do

and I think it's good to have a varied group of people to hang out with so that those don't hurt you quite so much but also I just think stop and then see what happens because you might be surprised I am always the first person for example in my house to like, I don't think the girls would deny this, to like say refill things. Like if we, I'll notice things are gone this second they're gone. I'll notice a bin is full, the second it's full.

But I think I then take on this persona where I'm like, I'm always a person who does everything. We went on holidays, came back, the salt was restocked, the soap was refilled, the loo roll was restocked. It's like, no, I'm not. I'm just the speediest. That's not the same. And I wonder if you stopped if they would actually stay. step up and do it because I think it's easy to take advantage of something that you consider to be reliable and actually if you don't do it for a while maybe they'll fill that void

and if they don't then I'm with Jenny hell fucking yeah get new friends or just take the boys out boys night also they have to pay for everything does they you do not know how this works there's one thing because I do agree that just sort of like just like if they're not if they're not getting it and they're not being good friends to you then there are other people that are good friends and sometimes just like going like I'm good like fucking peace out. Imagine canceling because you got a different offer. They might step up you know but could you like reframe it not a confrontation but as far as like an asking for help? So instead of it being like oh I need to confront these people about

it could you be like hey can you help me um with this organization stuff is just getting a bit much and I really want to still do this stuff and hang out and then it's not a confrontation I like that. Yeah, that's so lovely. Right? Yeah, I'm ruthless. But so I'm okay with but you're a non-confrontationalist. Yeah, I think that's dead right. But like, would you be, would you find that easier if you had to reframe it as far as like, I'm asking for help. I'm not asking to like point out a problem. Yes, I would worry that they'd see through me and that they think I was like sort of being disingenuous. So would it still feel like? No, I think it's a really good idea. it's specific to like say you guys had like um you always do a holiday but it always ends up

being you who organised it if this year you're like hey guys this year i'd love some help with organizing it because i actually can't take it on this time don't do that with a holiday there's a reason you're the organizer of it to not let go of that power i guess i mean like if you have like a regular thing but i yeah i do find conflict very people find this really surprising about me i'm very assertive you hate conflict but i do i really hate it and i really shut down and I and I get and I can't identify the emotions that I'm having when I'm having them. Relatable. Yeah. You just need the person to be like calm and like patient I think like throughout like the struggle of confrontation. Yeah, I take all confrontation as a because I'm

bad at it. And it sounds like maybe you've done this a little bit E. I let it get to its worst possible iteration before I say anything. Oh my God, so relatable. Yep. Which means that when I get there, I am like a wreck. I'm like full of feelings and I don't know what any of them are and I always cry. You know this. And it's usually not as bad as you think it is in your head. Like you play out so many scenarios in your head. I actually think all I've really, and you're probably the only person with whom I ever have to have like because we're the only friends, like you're my only friendship.

That's also a working relationship. You're the only person who like holds space for me to express my feelings in those ways. It's because we've got so many different opinions. Like you should see our decisions. discussions about the aesthetics. But yeah. But what... You do not want to be present.

But what's so nice is, every single time, if we've had those conversations, I've always come away being like, oh yeah, duh, that's why I adore her. Helen's really comfortable with confrontation. If anything, I love it. And I think it's actually not just me this is true of. She's, like, very good at, like, identifying when her friends are having a feeling and genuinely listening to what they are and not taking it personally. Oh, that's so important.

She's so good at it. You can't. But it means that actually, every time we have had, and I hope you all have this too, if you do broach the topic, every time we've actually come to what I think is going to be like, hellish, I've built up as a worst case scenario

where I tell Helen what I'm actually feeling. Every single time my realisation is, oh yeah, that's obviously why she's the best. It's just a really long confrontation because you've got to add in 30 minutes of Catherine Cry Time. Yeah. Before we get to.

I'm really sorry about it. I love Catherine Cry Time so much. You're so sweet. My two best friends, Helen and Georgie in this country, Karen's my best friend in Ireland. I want to be very clear. Hi, Karen. But my, when I, the two of them have the same habit, which is that if I cried, they both cry. Because it's so intense.

Your tears seem to store up in you for so long. And then when they come out, it feels like a four-year-old. You just scrape their knee. Like, I have, oh, hell, so many feelings. And when I was 12, oh, I was like, I can't, I can't not get emotional. Because somehow I'm on the school yard with you. And I don't know why we're there. Because I just think a cartoon pig is a cute a logo.

It's not where. And I want to talk about fonts. How are you? We're not, we're not even mentioning funds right now. I'm sorry for bringing you into that, Jenny. No, that was nice to witness this beautiful friendship. But what we're saying is like, even if you don't like confrontation,

I think there are ways of communicating that to friends because you did tell me that you're bad with confrontation and have said that. Because it's like, I think obviously our friendship is different because we're friends as well as colleagues as well as sort of like business owners with Andrew we found ourselves in.

So it's like there's so much going on. But like you can say to people like you can start it by being like, hey, I'm really bad at confrontation. It's going to be really uncomfortable. And I don't want this to be taken as a confrontation because this is actually me asking for help because I think actually what you are asking for is help unless you need them to apologise

in which case is a confrontation but I think you need them to apologise I think you need them to be better in the future I agree I do have one question and then we'll go but Jenny because your advice is make new friends and you have been here a month and seem to be thriving you have a whole village on your side against your thief yeah

what is your best advice for doing that as an adult oh like confrontation no making friends oh making friends love how you're like a head confrontation oh confrontation you chase the fucker on his bike um oh man I guess in a way like I'm still trying to figure it out because I'm new here but um I don't know I guess I'm cheating a little bit because I'm like in the comedy world that's what I always think everyone like just gets along with each other um I mean okay okay let's see some advice that people have given me is like um throw your ego aside and if you're really like i really want to meet some people and have interest don't be afraid to like join like meet up groups and stuff like sure like some people there

can be like cringe or whatever but like there will be some people that you might vibe with and that's worth it and then you have like a great night out anyway what i've found here is like i don't know i just meet people at like events and then like there's like you just vibe with like certain people and if you vibe with them like get their contact details like you know follow each other like be brave and like you know if you're liking their Instagram stories or whatever like don't be afraid to like send that little message and give them that little prod oh my god am i doing that with you i don't know i think you did that in melbourne yeah but like when you vibe with someone you got kind of like got to like put out the signals to let them know like hey like you know we vibe

and like don't be don't have your ego in it and don't feel ashamed about doing that and then like you know you vibe and then don't be afraid to also be the one to initiate like i found that with like when a lot of people had moved to Sydney to start comedy, they would often be the ones that then organise, like, a group outing and then invited other people to it. And it's like, don't be afraid to be that person because, like, things, they're not just, I mean, for me, they sometimes do, but they don't just automatically happen, like, beautifully and, like, blossom out and, like,

things work out. So you kind of, like, got to manage all of that yourself and make your own friends as well. And then just be nice, chat to people. Yeah, I think what else? Some people have made friends through hinge here, I find kind of funny. I don't think it should be a wrap it up. I've got to, I've got to go.

I'm so sorry. No, no, it's okay. That's okay. You go, you go. You go. But do, I want to, you plug, you plug. Please, when's your show? What's it called? So, my show is called Chinese Australian.

It's at the Underbelly Boulevard in Soho, September 27th to 29th. Yes. In London. That's amazing. Go, let us know how it was. We know you're going to have a great time. Jenny, thank you so much.

You've been an amazing guest. And honestly, the happiest, Londoner I've ever goddamn met. Jenny, everybody! Thanks for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. Thank you.

Hello, executive producers in that lounge there. Thank you so much for joining us, Guy Goodman, Simon, Moors, Annie, Tonner, Stephanie Catratcha, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Madeline, Quinn, Grace O'Reilly and Millie. Thank you all so much. And thank you for our producers. I will be doing this all in one breath. And Northern accent. Jesus. L. Richard Bold, Harold Van Dyke, Tim and.

Dom, David Walker, Rachel R. Sadie Cash, for Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Sarah, Molly, Ria, think, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina, Lindsay Graham Marsh, Amy O'Riddon, Abby Ward, Matt Sims, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, Kate, Spencer, Tristan, Liz, Thar, Tass, Anthony, Clove, Becky Foxstein, Michael, Sophie Chivers Ferey Sox. Charlie A, KC, Jamrame, Bird,

Nathan Smith, Amanda McCall, Tamson Smith Harding, Hannah J, Isragan, Bryn. Two breaths, but still not bad. Pretty fucking good, actually. I actually, you didn't drop the accent. Thank you so much. I really, a lot of respect for that, actually. Huge.

And then just the last thing, I won't, just to do this line in the eighth of a advert. Good, hi, it's Catherine and Helen here.