Trusty Hogs - Ep157. P*ssing, Possession & Pedicures

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Catherine remains baffled that we have straight male listeners (despite meeting many irl!), Helen's been down an Alfred Hitchcock rabbit hole and we solve a problem for a listener outgrowing their friends...TOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / BrynWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, and welcome to episode 157 of Trustee Hugs. We just had a freaking fire alarm in the building. I am going to become the building's next fire marshal. I just spoke to Ben. He's putting my name forward. I don't think that's right. I have never had that role. And I think they had clipboards.

And they had those shiny jackets. Yeah. And they were like, it was all women. I don't think you need more power, if may I be honest. I don't think you need that kind of power in your life. or maybe not. I'd love to be a fire marshal. I would, I think it's already quite a stressful situation.

I did not. Did you find it stressful that one? I found it stressful that we were traipsing down that many number of stairs in a corporate environment and I could hear you and Andrew and the words that I heard out of context were what I wiped my arse with

and I thought, I thought these people are at work. Not me, not me. These people are at work is what I felt. I felt, gosh, I don't really want to be And Helen kept saying stick together And I thought, I think I'll stick apart If that's alright I think I'll just stick

Because we're screaming And they are at work So that was my stress I didn't think we were screaming I was a floor above you Okay Andrew do you want to give this context my part It's because I've never had a fire alarm What I've been in the Lou before

I just like white my assed of panic You get that that's not a normal thing To say in a corporate environment I suppose this is quite corporate yeah I wash my hands I will say that I risk my life to wash my hands have to say like that's like you did that because it's a corporate environment you're like

listen i get it's a workplace though i bravely washed my hands like you should be doing that could you imagine if andrew got trapped by the fire in the bathroom because he was doing such a thorough wipe and wash i don't want any of this i don't know we're not doing it oh so yeah so i meant it actually very stressful and i thought it would not have made me feel better if you were in charge can i say yeah you can i guess but may i also say that your local top is very soothing thank you very much. You look lovely. But anyone who hasn't switched over to video, as soon as she said, low cut, what are you doing? It's mad because Helen has

both got a necklace on that has boobs on, but then has the exact same set of woppers underneath, and it's divine. Woppers. Woppers. I don't know why. It's a really lovely symmetry. It's actually very soothing, so there's that. Oh, sorry, welcome to trusty hog. Welcome to Drusie Hall. This is a podcast. We're we, Catherine Bowhart and Helen Barrett tell you

about our perfect lives and we answer your frankly stressful problems. Are you guys okay? What's going on? I feel like we'll start with our stresses first and then we'll come to your stresses and that's fair because I know that you've had a stress or something you've realized about beauty. Oh yeah, well there's two things this week that have occurred to me.

One is that my girlfriend went to a party and she was talking to this man, a straight man. Went to a party without you? Yeah, I was working. Yeah, because you're booked and blessed. And also, I don't really like parties, but she, you know, makes me go to the sum of them. And I'm glad I do.

I'm always glad I guess I went to. Anyway, the point is she was on a night out with going to two parties and at one of the parties she was talking to a man and he apparently write school things and she was chatting away and then he was like wait

your girlfriend does that podcast trusty hogs they love that podcast and I was like sorry I needed to rewind and she similarly was like I think she was a bit like wait but you're a straight man and I don't I still I know what happens

I know apparently straight men listen to our podcast but every time I hear about it in particular in the wild I'm like where it's not their wife going like he listens to it as well don't you, when I make you, I'm like, I can't fathom. Who was that? She's very busy, but I just can't fathom that straight men listened alone to the podcast.

It's educational. Do you think? A hundred percent. It's like me listening to like, if I listen to like an episode of Joe Rogan. But you don't, surely. What are they doing? But you don't. I mean, I don't.

I listen to podcasts about Joe Rogan by women, but I don't listen to Joe Rogan. I was just like, and also I resent the fact that we're the female Joe Rogan scenario. We wish we made that much money. Oh, you're freaking wish. Let's do a collab. Join on Patreon. Join on Patreon. But I'm like, gosh, isn't that such a compliment?

And also, what are they up to? Are they spying? It feels like when you say educational, I'm hearing spy. No, I feel like they're listening and just sort of being like, oh, okay, oh, that's how that thought goes, or that feeling, or that's how the world is perceived through their eyes. Do you think? I think it's a nice thing. Here's a better example.

I listen to Slime Country, Ed Hughes and Senil's podcast. Yeah, I'm aware of it. Just to see, like, what the boys are boising at the moment, you know? Really? Yeah, because I never get to be inside of a bro chat without bringing in my energy. Go on. It's if books could kill. And it's Michael and Peter, and they open the podcast by saying, Michael, Peter.

But one of them is gay. But only one. The other one clearly has a very stern wife. So I can, like, I can get on board. I don't know. Sorry, they don't count as men because they're gay and a cuck. Is that the... Yeah.

You know, I only just really... I guess I meant that they were like just about manageable but you read into that what you wanted to do Andrew and that's on you. Is it about books? Oh, that's fun.

Like a weekly book club? It's more about... It's more like a book deconstruction so they take books that you can primarily buy in like airports and like real hits, mainstream hits

and then they dissect them usually because they're full of active lives or disgraceful cons. So things like the secret. What's the secret again? It's like your thoughts affect things that happen to you. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. As in basically everything that ever happens to is your own fault.

Or they did the hillbilly elegy, which is really good, obviously, given that J.D. Vance is currently running for vice president. Oh my God, I'm so ignorant. He wrote a book based on his autobiography. A lot of us made up, allegedly. Allegedly. But it's basically the entire thing is like, you can, if you're a poor, you should just make your laugh.

better you should just be smart enough to make it better and be rich and if you can't then you suck and it's like okay there might be some structural issues with this oh my god that kind of energy but yeah it's a really good podcast i actually very much enjoyed and michael who does it used to be on or is still on maintenance phase but you used to do you're wrong about oh yes um and it's a it's a good it's a good listen but it's the only one it's the only man pod i listen to and that's what i call them man pods maybe maybe now you've got me worried now that they're spying on us and that you're right. It just feels

spoyuristic. I'm like, sure, come in, welcome, please, join the Patreon, but also... What do you want to know? What are you up to? What? Do you want us to describe our feet?

It makes me feel like a teenager on a boss. I'm like, what? What? What? What? So anyway... With a Capri son. What? What?

What? Why is you just draw paper now? What? So, yeah, other than that, I had no other dialogue except that I've realized this week that I fundamentally believe and I, by the way,

I think I've, I've done a lot of research, but I've decided that pedicures are a con. Okay, yeah, you mentioned this to me earlier, and I was like, we can't talk about this right now. I can't entertain it. Can I tell you for why? What's the con? The con is they create the need and therefore have control of the supply, obviously.

So they are... You have been the queen of this for years. The one and only time I went for a pedicure with you, you were like, do not let them shave your skin. Yeah, so when they shave your skin, they basically take off skin that doesn't need removing a lot of the time and then before it starts to grow back

in a cracked manner and then you have to go back into the pedicure because you're now like scaly also the I've just stopped getting them and my feet have literally never been softer the answer is cream what you are after is foot cream you're not after a pedicure

the pedicure just creates problems if you cut off skin it grows back harder and more likely to have to go back and get another freaking pedicure it's a con it's a con it's a swizz I'm with you. I'm with you. It's a swizz. Andrew, it's a freaking swizz. Now here's the thing I struggle with moisturizing thing. Pedicone. Pedicor. I'm furious. I honestly think that it's like slept on and we should just everyone needs to stop. Do you feel like it's because you've thought about how many pedicures you've had? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's a swizz. Give me my money by. I've never had swizz before. Get a put cream and you're good. My feet have never been softer. Though people I know who don't get pedicures, soft as feet. Do you think this is why the straight men are here? my feet is off my feet is off I'm moisturising them

how are you doing it naked I get out the shower no I actually only do it when I'm why are you powder you don't know I don't know I don't powder it please don't no 100% not definitely wouldn't do that so I just put it on right before bed because otherwise you're sliding around

thank you but happen this is the thing I've got foot cream if I remember I put it on before bed can I say a very endearing thing about you that I only noticed today in the last podcast which is that where ordinary like ordinarily the entire I guess the syntax of the sentence would be

what happens if you always say and it's so sweet you say yeah but happens if and it's adorable oh my god do I say is that wrong? No no it's not wrong it's just adorable if you just drop the what it's just there's no right or wrong linguistics are just a development process there's yeah but happens if

yeah I just think it's so cute oh oh adorable happens if happened if oh Andrew Andrew I'm sorry Andrew dropped his phone and no one heard it apart from us.

For fuck sake again. Here we go. I bet you some other man listening to this at home isn't even giving us a full attention. Wake up! Come on! Believe her! Thank you. You were saying happens if,

fucking Andrew. I said cream my feet. Yeah. Not put them on the floor ever, right? They go straight into the bed. I'm all creamed up. I'm in the bed. Inevitably, I'm like, I'm going to go straight to sleep.

Yeah, neither way. Ten hours of scrolling later. You do not do not do it if you still have. have your phone in your hand. You do not do it if you intend not to just simply immediately turn over. It is the last thing you do. But the wee, the water.

Like, you have to get up and I have slept. Yeah, and that's what I'm saying to. It has to be the singularly last thing you do. Ideally, what you do is get someone to do it like when you're asleep. But Ellen won't agree to do that. That's my house, my life. So now can you just...

I'd be like, please, can you agree? Might be just as I'm asleep. She's like, no. You fucking demented. I also am like, have you heard of slugging? I am not joking I just saw a clip of Jesse discussing this

Jesse Cave Yeah Does she slug If it's what I think it is It's the like putting on so much cream That you're like literally like a sea creature And then you seal it in with like Vaseline or something

Is that what you do? I think so Oh my God Did she do it Because I'll do anything she does to her skin Her skin's unreal It's flawless Yeah

So but do you do that No but what I'm saying is I want Ellen to slug my feet while I'm asleep. Is that so wrong? Is that so wrong? But would you still go and get a pedicure as far as the polish? But you'd be like, do not touch my skin. Yes, and I'm very good at doing those myself.

So at that point I'm like, why am I paying somebody more than a bottle, like three bottles of nail polish costs me to do this? I'm not trying to put them out of business, except that it's a con. I feel like you're trying to put them out of business. I think it's a con. I have not had a pedicure since May or April even.

Cream on, babe. You don't need it. Just cream on. So it's the polish. has all grown off and all my nails apart from my big toe and it looks almost like a French tip at the moment. Wait, what, you've kept it? Is it shalac? Is that way? It's gel. Okay, that's why you haven't just taken it off a nail mushroom over. And then I was like, well, it's winter. So, like, no one's seeing my hooves. So like... You say that, but last episode you said that you just

de-haired your entire cooch apart from the bits that you missed and your ass apart from the bits that you missed. So maybe somebody might see your toes. Did you keeping your socks on, but your hair off? Is that the way it goes? Maybe that's my rule now. Okay, like that for you. Maybe I'm redefining beauty standards. Good, welcome to queer culture. Welcome to queer culture. Excellent. I love that for you. Good for you.

Sox on, pubs off. It's called cash femme, bitches. Look it up. Good for you. I do like the feeling, though, of having the dead skin removed. See, I don't really want to talk about that. Okay. Yeah, your eyes just said, no.

See, I didn't, I can't talk about it. And then the last thing that I have to say to you is that this week, I went to the cinema to watch for the first time ever. on Saturday 1pm showing at the Prince Charles I went to see The room

Older than that Older than the room Yeah Oh my god Is it like 90s or 80s It's actually one of guess Probably 80s 80s

Goithbusters No Possession Think much more tension For pretty and pink It's a good choice But I've obviously seen that Okay

working girl. No. It's a Halloween movie. It's a scary movie at least. Scream. No. The 80s. Was that the 80s?

I think so. Maybe 70s? It's the Science of the Lans. That's 1991 Oscar winner. How would I know that? Because it's famous. Oh, okay. I said 80s maybe to be there.

1991. My extreme apologies. How much did you love it? Honestly, it's a perfect film, no notes. Yeah, you rubs the lotion down the skin and then it makes the clothes again. And Sam, who was with us, who I didn't know this, apparently. said that apparently he's only on screen for 14 minutes. Stop.

Yeah. What a performance. That's powerful. Isn't that powerful? I just love, my favorite line was, love your suit. Love your suit. Governor.

One last thing. Love your suit. Oh my God. Or Senator or whatever she was. Loved it, loved it, loved it. I love Silence of the Lambs. And then I'd like been a fan of it for years. And then I got introduced to Red Dragon, I think it's called.

Is that the prequel? Which is a prequel, but it was made. after it, and it's also brilliant. Same actors? No, not aged down. I think it is. I can't remember now exactly. But it is definitely linked to it very well. Andrew Red Dragon, are they cast of the same people? Surely not. Maybe not Hopkins.

Red Dragon is Anthony Hopkins. Flay. Playing himself younger than he was in the... Sort of like before he's already in jail, right? Because you meet him in jail. In his like, munchy's face. In his munchy's face. Yeah, in his full munchy's So that's how we're describing it. Wow. Okay.

And it's really, really good as well. I think that's on streaming services. Does she play herself? God, she looked amazing and a Jodie Foster. It's so good. Clarice. Also obsessed with the sort of 1991 era running gear,

which is all like ski mom. Why do we not remember that? Because it opens with her running through the like army scenario. But you don't know that you think she's running through a forest and you're like, oh my God. But she's wearing like, it has just like ski mom energy. You're like, imagine. No, not at all.

If I think they were like eight layers so you'd never know. It's fascinating. But yeah, I loved it. Oh my God, I love that you're like, I feel like we're doing such a basic spooky season. Why, what did you watch? I am doing just horror films.

Okay. And I don't know if we spoke about this yet. I watched the birds for the first time, the Afrid Hitchcock film. I've never seen. Oh, no, I have seen it. I saw it in drama school. Of course I did, didn't we all.

It's a bit, it's a bit born. Like this. Are you allowed to say Hitchcock's born? I think you are. Like, the film, weirdly, the film's good. The point where it doesn't actually make sense. At one point, so we know, right, right, sorry, you turn on the birds and first of all, you're like,

okay, so we're doing it, we're doing, it's actually birds. Yeah. Like, not just sort of like fit women with low cut tops being like, did you expect that to be what it was? Drop my watch. Gosh, you must have been gutted. Dropped her watch. Drop my, oh, okay.

For the listener, it's important to know that Helen is squeezing her breasts a lot. I get why straight men listen to this. booty boop sort of thing. I just realized why straight men listen to this. Go on. For my tits. For you.

Join our Patreon. You can see my cunt. Just a bit of fun. Just a bit of fun. That's not true. Obviously not slide into my DMs. I won't be a bitch about it. Oh my God.

Could you imagine? I won't be a bitch about it. I won't come on. I won't be one of those bitchy girls. Uh-huh. I'll show you what you want to say. I won't be a dick about it. Please stop crossing your eyes and go on.

So you're watching these like birds. And then you're like, so you establish the birds are all like, like bad because they keep pecking, like peck someone's eyes out, like really like bad birds. And then we know the birds are bad, but they clearly need something next to happen in the film. So in the script,

Tippy just goes into a bedroom that's full of birds and just keeps walking in and then she nearly dies because of the birds and it's like, well, what? Obviously that was going to happen, you fucking moron. I've just realized I haven't seen this film. She arrives in town and she's like, oh, I'm staying at this woman's house, but she doesn't actually know her, but then she does just stay there.

What's the one with the apartment? Is that a Hitchcock film? That's a comic. Oh, rear window? Rear window. Thank you so much. Where did I get the apartment from? It's a comedy from like the old school era. Okay, yeah, it was rear window.

Very creepy music. Actually, that was pretty good. There's loads of good hitchcock. Yeah, famously there are good Hitchcock. Hot take from Justy Young. Hitchcock, not all bad, not all bad, not all bad, but pretty bad. But then, um, we know, and you're like, oh God, the birds are really fucked up, I guess. And then the next morning I woke up, I pulled my curtains open.

You know my bedroom goes out into like the patio garden thing. Dead mouse right there like it was just brought to me. Like no signs of like being bitten or like anything like that. And I was like, a bird has dropped this here as a warning. Because I laughed at one point during the birds and they're like, it's not funny. We could do this again. And then there was a dead mouse there. And I was like, what do I do?

Can I posit something? Yes. Because yes, maybe. sign from the birds. A hundred percent of signs from the birds. Secondary thought. Okay.

So gorged was this mouse on what I can only presume were flapjackery flapjack's that they've stolen from Soneil's room. Possibly. That it crawled out to die. It wasn't

a mouse that felt well fed. Well fud. Well fed. He felt... When you say felt, did you have a feel of him? No, I had a really good look, though,

because, you know, when you can't take your eyes away. Yeah. And I also was like, I was just, just checking it was definitely dead. I didn't poke it. But, you know, when you're like... Why would you just say to me that you didn't poke it? I didn't poke it. Why do you need to say that?

Because I feel like you think I poked it. No, I didn't think anything about you poking. And I wouldn't have assumed you did, but nay, you've said poking enough times that I'm like, did you poke it. I did not poke the dead. Why aren't you blinking? Did I think about it? Yes. Yes, I thought about it.

I thought about it and tried to find something to poke it with. You tried to poke it. But I didn't do it because I realized it definitely was dead. No, just because you couldn't find anything to poga with. And then, yeah. It's tricky because everything that was to use for anything that you could poke with, like a poking instrument, had spiders web some of it. So it didn't feel right.

This is your garden, is it? Yeah, Apatia. It sounds awful. But then Sineal was like, do not touch it. Nature will take its course. And I was like, what does that mean? What does that mean? Because I don't want to watch it rotting.

horrible. What does that actually mean? He was like, something will take it in the night. Did they? It did. Next morning, totally gone. This has had one whole day of having to remember. Who has access to it? Like, can cats get in? Can foxes get in? It must have been like a cat or a fox's like. But it's so creepy to think about it because it's like literally like a foot away from where I'm sleeping. They're like, there's creep. Do you know what I mean? Like just like, you know, when you watch, what was that show that we really liked? The Survivor one where they were in the Canadian wilderness and then you'd see on the night cams. Naked. Naked. Was it naked? naked that's naked and afraid what was that um when they're just alone in the woods in Canada oh yeah

we loved that what why did I think we loved it what is one with us alone alone alone alone why did I go naked because you love naked there is a show called naked where you're like naked in the woods naked and yeah but that's different and and this one's alone alone but one of them was naked do you remember that yeah because the men I'm sorry to say it the men are always like when they go crazy do they always get their dicks in? Why would they not be naked? Yeah, I'm sorry. It makes no sense.

Oh, if I should be pounding my naked chair, like that. What? Oh my God, stop. I'll take my clothes off and then I'll figure out a way to get warm by building a fire. Just bananas. Did you watch, and I only ask this because you're the only person in my life who could might even have considered it in the same way that you're the only person in my life who might have considered poking the mouse. Yeah.

Did you watch any of the Channel 5 fucking Phillips Schofield alone on the island business? Wait, what's this? Oh, Philip Schofield has been cast in this show. Is that called the island, Andrew? I think it's called Castaway. Cast away. Like Forest Gamm? They put you with your own cameras.

They put you with your own cameras on an island and he just feels sorry for himself and self-indulges to camera for however many days. There's no film crew. So he is like, but he's obviously a TV pro. Shut the fuck on. I haven't seen any of it. I listened to the This is Entertainment about it and Marina Hyde really fabulously savaged him.

But, and she has the accent for it and don't I love to listen. What's the accent? accent marina hyde yeah how do i describe marina hides she i think would self professes like having a very posh very emily mateless very posher than emily mateless i would say imagine that and um yeah her and richard osmond have a podcast called the rest is entertainment yes yes yes and they dissect television shows and that is a very good episode because she just savages them and it's wonderful okay awesome i just wondered if you'd seen any of it but the answer seems to be no no i still haven't watched couple's therapy either i went on b bc i've got it up and i was like god there's so many seasons

seasons here and there's so much stuff. Just start on episode one season one. I know. I don't know why. I haven't done anything yet. I'm sorry. I watched another horror film. I watched.

And oh, I got my book. I got my horror book from suggestions from people. I just don't think you're going to be gay if you don't watch couples therapy. But wait, do I have to watch it to get a badge to be the gay badge? I think you, well, no. Look, here's what I think is going to happen is I think we're going to go on your first date, me at the table over from you, obviously, wearing spooky glasses. and I'll be incognito

and the, I've never said it like that before in cognito and I'll obviously be sat there and then your date will be like so what do you think of the latest couple's therapy who did you relate to most and you're going to be like and I'm going to be like

I'm going to be like, I'm going to take my glasses off and be like did I not fucking tell you? Did I not prepare you? Did I not train you for this? Is that not famous bisexual Catherine Bohart just sitting on a table and they're giving you a thumbs up? It's so crazy that you assume they've got on a date with you because they're trying to star fuck.

Maybe they just like your tits. No, no, they recognize you. They don't recognize me. I don't think I'm going to recognize me. Maybe they just liked your tits. Maybe they just liked your tits and that's why. That's why they're there. Have you considered that?

So I'm nothing without my breasts and I knew that. I think you knew that. I knew that. You knew that. Damn it. I watched possession as well though. That was very good. It's a recommendation from my friend Nathan and it's from 1981.

Okay. and it's set in Berlin I think it was filmed in Berlin like during the Cold War because the walls up and they've got like shots of sort of like the Russians and it's like

they're like clearly did not know they're being filmed they're like clearly watching this film being filmed on the side of the wall and they're just being like oh okay so what the fucks and it's it's sort of like yeah lovely you're concerned

about their privacy but go on no one had any in Berlin is it was one part in it where like a building blows up but it's right on the Mauit like in Kreuzberg that you're like there must have been people on the east side being like oh I want to see that oh no I'm not going to release that over here shucks yeah you're right that will have been

their biggest concern go on to possession and the lack of bananas um then that was really good it was really dark and a lot of like a lot of goo and gunge um what's it about sorry it's really good but really hard to explain but like it's sort of like about Um, it's, it's mainly about one relationship, one marriage that's gone bad. Okay. And, um, a new force coming into that marriage. Um, you're describing couple's therapy. Like, I don't know why you won't watch it.

I don't know why you won't watch it. Sometimes through cheating and sometimes through like a big religious sort of taking over. Couple therapy. Couple therapy. You're welcome. That's good. If you liked possession, you'll love couple's therapy. Okay.

Please. I promise. I promise. Please. And what about you? What's going on with you? Nothing. No, I had a really lovely week, but forgot to enjoy it properly. Huh?

Like, I had, this week, last week, I was like, oh, I don't have, I had, I was penciled to film. Yeah. And I knew I just had one scene, right? But they wouldn't tell us what day. They didn't have the schedule yet. Okay. So the whole week had to be left free for when this will be filming. All done by Wednesday.

the evening. Yeah. And then I was like, well, I'm not going to like, I'm just going to try and chill and just do my writing. I had some deadlines. Yeah. And I did a couple of gigs that I picked up. And that was it.

So then just didn't. Yeah. You were about it. Relaxing, huh? Look, listen to what you just said. Listen to what you just said. I know. So I just, um, how do we go off?

So I just did, um, lots of writing and, um, some gigs I picked up. So you mean you picked up gigs that week because you had that one night. I was good at like, like, not. Of a double. I did a double. on the Saturday night whilst... Are you trying to hair clip your neck right now? Yeah, I don't know why.

For the listener. I feel like a big question. It's okay. Neither of us likes to be alone. I realised the day that I have spent a lot of time alone in the last 10 days and I've been so weird because of it. But also, I'm incapable of sitting in silence. So at every single moment, that's why I always listen to somebody podcasts because

at every single moment I need noise. TV, TV for me. And I blows my mind. No, because I have to be in the same room for that, whereas I can bring my phone around with me and my AirPods in. But it blows my mind that people just most. must move around in quiet and I can't even imagine it. Sometimes I go into the living room

and Neil's just sitting there like just sitting and it gives me the fucking willies. Not even music on? Uh-uh. Just Catherine. Just sitting. Reading a book? No, phones to the side. Catherine, he's just sitting.

Do you worry he's died? Oh, I hate it. And then sometimes he says something like, what happens if I turned around and I didn't have a face? I'm just trying to creep me off. He's that guy's a dick But I did, actually I did a lot of really nice reading

There I said I cuddled up with a new book And Which one? I got, it was a recommendation from a listener about horror books

And they were like, you're clearly scared So it's a gothic novel Rebecca. Oh my God, cool. Rebecca. Fawn. Good is creepy.

Yeah. Mrs. Danvers Do not trust her. Yeah, yeah. Listen, you're the only one who hasn't read to Rebecca. I know.

I've been realising that. Yeah. People have been like, you're reading Rebecca? And I'm like, yeah. I literally just the signs of the lambs so what the hell do I know i'm like have you heard of this movie have you

heard of jody boston mrs danvers is awful yeah nightmare you know and that's a recommendation um if you're a hog and you look for something to do tonight watch silence of the lambs and then read rebecca whoa if you want to not sleep for days and you you mustn't always have a night open in this day and age you never know what's coming for you you am i right um but that was nice i saw is this our Halloween episode why are we actually like it's our Halloween episode it's not a Halloween next week okay that's very interesting. But just to check

for Halloween episode next week. Yeah, I'm going to sneeze. Bless you. Bless you. You have to cut that out. That's not good podcasting. No,

that's such an interesting sneeze as well. It's really cute. It is. What? No, we're not keeping that in. It sounds like a turtle. Yes.

It's a little hot time. Imagine a turtle. Yeah. Okay. Halloween episode. Am I going to do history corner? Can I just say also think sneezes are a con?

I don't think anybody needs to make that much noise. it's so not just a con it's performative and it's dramatic and it's attention seeking like fucking hell Catherine I'm sorry I just think it's ridiculous who needs to be you know when you hear those people who make a noise and you're like what like that was so unnecessary the people were like

you're like fucking relax okay I do sneeze loud it's because of the shock of having sometimes when you don't see it coming and you've had like a lot in a row the shock of the air you have to take in dad's need to cut it the fuck out and you No, no, I'm trying.

They all need to fucking relax. Yeah. Who is that for? Grow off. I don't know. You know what's start happening to me. This might be too vulnerable for the podcast, actually. Go on.

You can do this. Maybe it's common for people. I think I've got like a weak bladder, like a weak pelvic floor. I was telling France about it yesterday. Oh, it's just being a woman in New 30s, my love. Is it, is everyone else getting this? Because I have like sneezeathons in the morning for like hay fever or whatever. And sometimes I do piss myself.

like a time like not like I don't want to say that I'm like wetting myself but it's like I have to go to the toilet before I start sneezing so I bought some of those you pan your sneezes you can time them for after your way I try to I'm like get to the toilet I guess in the morning you're bursting right so if you put any sort of like stress it's just like if you laughed I'm so bursting in the morning and then I bought some of the they're not tenor ladies but like the equivalent of them from always so I bought like I don't think they're the always equivalent of tenor ladies and it's called like sensitive bladder and I had some and I was like let's give this a go and it's like I was like okay this feels good because then you're just sort of like oh now I don't have to like feel like

it's going to happen and then I'm saying that I don't actually have one in right now and I'm on my period they would have been a great day to put one in but like I have to get in the habit of doing it but like is that something that people have in their 30s or is that weird I don't know if it's doctors or lady shame do you know what I mean I first of all I don't know what's weird or normal I guess where I've heard this is usually from women who've had children Why, that's why I'm like, is this a medical thing that I need to go and get it looked at

or is it something where it's like actually this is quite common and people don't talk about it but it is just a case of you just go by it. Do you know what I mean? I think it's probably that one. It's probably that one. I wouldn't say I'm quite there and I'm older than you. Yeah.

But I never have sneezeathons in the morning or ever. or ever, so I don't really know whether or not I might have that situation. See, I get quite a lot of sneezeathons. Right, to have a sneeze athon every day that must be stressful. Well, like during the hay fever months there's always something. But you always have hay fever, don't you?

Yeah, I'm always got something. It's like a hey, you're always on your period. I don't know what's up with you. Poor Helen. Poor Helen, but maybe you should go to the doctor. I know, it feels like, you know, like, it's really hard to book doctors appointments when you know the NHS are in dire straits because every now and again you have a little bit of wee-wee come out when you sneeze five years in a row.

Yeah. But if it's not for that, what is it for? Do you know, I feel like that, to me that feels like... Also, who doesn't have a bit of piss coming out of them every now and again? I'm really trying to relate to someone in the room, but no one's quite clearly having the same experience that I am. Yeah, I would... Well, bear in mind that I find it difficult to pee anyway,

because I have an uptight... This thing has got very different vaginas. Yeah, you're like Lucy Goosey and I'm like... Fucking try to eke it out of me. Yeah, whereas I'm always weird. I'll die with it and say. inside me. There's a chance I'm urinating right now

and I don't know yet. Gosh. I'm not. I'd like that noted. Are you, but like sometimes it does happen and then if I'm laughing loads and I'm like,

and I do, I know about women who have had kids. I have seen you leave conversations because you've been laughing so much that you've been like, I'm going to wet myself. I'm going to wet myself. It's coming out.

Yeah. Yeah. But then I don't want to be someone to be fair. And I said it to Francis to sort of like try and get some reassure it. And then they were like, like going like

I think that's just like a weak pelvic floor and I was like I just needed to tell me that you've never smelled me and they were like no I've never you've literally never smell of anything and I was like okay I needed to hear that because the paranoia is is that like I smell gross

right because like there's like that whole area you guys are very close friends want me and Francis yeah yeah surprise

like could you imagine I don't think I have a single friend who I don't think I have a single friend who I could be like, hey, quick check, have I ever smelled of wee? Just have you ever, like, noticed it? Because, like, we've spent so much time together. We've lived together. But would they really say yes?

Yeah, if I was asking directly and it was just the two of us. Yeah, 100%. I'd want someone to be honest with me and be like, hey, this is absolutely fine. Like, yeah, I think that's something that, like, yeah, maybe you are someone who should, like, put in a, like, discreet pad because that might make you feel more comfortable some days. Wow. I really don't want to be judgmental and I also don't want to be wasteful of the NHS

but I'm also like I don't know what's normal I don't know what's normal I feel like we do as some medical I know medical people listen because they do message every now and again Oh God they're always tweeting me to tell me to get my blood's checked I'm done because you let me know of this

I'm 33 and there's never been any like thing down there What a dire indictment of the health care system that we're both like you were by the way I'm like maybe losing my hair

is that seasonal and you're like I'm like oh I bet on my allergies and you're like please write in if I should be going to the doctor about my piss situation like this should not be our first port of call health wise you shouldn't have to set up a podcast to find out if your symptoms are real right but we have

but also like if it is a medical thing it doesn't feel like that big of a deal if like every now and again a bit of whee's coming out because I can't stop sneezing because that feels more like a sneeze thing but it's all connected connected. I remember I pissed myself live. Do you ever think

no, please go on. Remember when I went to hospital after I ate all those eggs at my bra and gave myself poisoning. Can I just need to remind you that this started with Helen going, this might be a bit too person. Q an hour later on the clock.

She's like, and then this other time I pissed myself, you remember when I went to hospital about reading all those eggs out of my bra? I'm like, oh God, it's contend, okay, go on. Yeah, I really, I get nervous to open the door, but once it's open. It is open, baby, girl, wow, which maybe is the same problem with your potter. You've got to close it, close it, close it, close it, I don't know how to close any hole in my body.

Yeah. The whole time we're like, oh, that's so gross for me. It's Trixie, for sure. Why do you run out with me? Well, we are sort of professionally entangled now. Oh, and you love her. because I love Catherine. And we were going to get a scented candle

under the table, weren't we? Oh no, no, no, no. You don't do that to me. Now I'm going to feel really self. I'm going to spray. Wait, I haven't placed myself today. I don't know why I'm feeling today. Today, to say, today.

To say. Today. It's just tough out there for a young lady with a weak pelvic floor. To say today. And then, oh God, I want a date at the moment. How happens if someone, like, because like, I'll be going on a hind

and then people like, if they see you've got a podcast, might listen to the latest episode then this will be the latest episode and they'll be like well obviously not i'm not going out with that thing but helen don't say thing helen what i would say is this if someone listened to our podcast and still wanted to go on a date with you they're in be gentle they get it they're like they like you as you are yeah and it's not every day and like but if it was every day for you if your podcast is not to get a diagnosis and or a girlfriend what's the point of it yeah and don't just diagnose me without like give me

give me uh give me uh exercise for my pelvic floor do you know what be amazing is if from listening to this podcast you managed to get a girlfriend from hinge who was also a GP and then gave us appointments whenever we needed one are they like to do that I'm sure they are I just GPed two weeks ago got both jabs done Bing Bing Bing within 10 minutes. Jabs for what I got flu and I got COVID update Bing Bing do we need to get a COVID update I like to yeah I've never met a more sickly sort of girl though so

I don't know that either of those are working I've never known anyone to wipe their nose and sneeze and blow I'm like girl okay good good for you are we have flu jab territory are we at weeing ourselves and flu jab territory

I always get a flu jab it's good since what age just flu jab age what's flu jab age 84 I think I don't no no not unless you've got like a medical thing

then you get put on the list yeah but if you don't have a medical thing I think it's for like yeah so like if you've got a medical thing then you'll get the same message you get a message saying like you are ready for your seasonal flu jab and then you get a seasonal flu jab

and then I had like COVID-19 yeah and then I'm like COVID-19 update booked in like a week later and then I asked her I was like just to check it's cool that I get COVID next week and she was like babe I'll do it now and she just went and she jab me twice

well was she flirting with you I think so Wow, hot. It was amazing. It was nice to get both done. Soar arm, though. Soar arm. Saw arm.

I went to the cafe, messaged Alice in Spittle to come and hang out with me. Does she live near you? Yeah, she came down the road. That's so nice. You should get a COVID update if you want one. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Because you can just, actually, maybe people didn't know this. They are open to booking for a booster. If you haven't had one since, like, the lockdowns, you can get a booster booked in, and it's definitely worth doing going into the winter months because we are closer on trains and stuff and just for that security, particularly if you're seeing vulnerable people around Christmas time.

Very good point. Please do book in your COVID boosters. They are free on the NHS and our most pharmacies now. I also need an acute mask again. I don't have a cute mask, but I want one. Get you a new mask? Yeah. It's the season, isn't it for it?

I just, to be honest with you, I don't enjoy the cinema. I don't enjoy trains. I don't enjoy bosses with everyone. Just big people just like open mouth cough. It's back. and like wipe their faces and just oh god it's all just so grim it's all just i'm just like not open mouth coughing i don't know it's just like oh my god nobody can everyone's just like do you remember

does anyone remember it's crazy isn't it i hate it so much um helen i think given we've solved our own medical mysteries by which i mean you should probably see a doctor i'm having every jab in the world shall we um should we answer some mystery problems oh and shall we thank the maker of these incredible. Oh my God. Incredible. These are these are coasters. That's the word I'm looking for. These are coasters from Ireland via Germany. Yeah, so German listeners came to my show

in Dublin and they brought these and one of them had made them and they're incredible coasters. One of them says parish announcements, hashtag trusty hogs. One of them is for SinduV for Cindy V in fact that says mango on it. Gorgeous. So good. This is sisters or two

lesbians. Love that very much. Love that. Outside is awful. And then there's one that says I'm only four, but I've already put that in my badge to take out. Have you? Yeah. I didn't know if we were keeping them here, so I feel really bad.

I'm going to take it out. Oh my God, the audacity. No, of course you can bring it home. I'll put it on the table for now, but I will take it with me later. Wow. It's so cute.

They made you one too, Andrew that says. Yeah, it says Andrew White, young gay and a third thing. Bring it home, it's really cute. Can I take it home? You must, and they all have picks on them, and they're amazing. Oh, I love it.

Amazing, amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, Andrew, do you have listener problems for us, my sweet pee? I do. I just remembered, I got this comment on my YouTube. It turns out I'm not actually gay. No.

Turns out, yes, apparently not. According to this person, I've just given up on women. And the exact comment is, giving up on women when you look like this, it's fine. But it doesn't make you gay no matter how much you want it. Oh my God! Who the fuck wrote that? Some random YouTube troll. Gross.

Oh my God. Also, if you are wanting to give women a guy, I would be more than happy to send you on a special night with me. I knew who was going to do it. I was like, surely you mean with you. You didn't mean with yourself. Yeah, I'll take you out. Thank you.

If you were. We've kissed before. Yeah, we kissed this morning. Yeah. It didn't mean anything, Helen. Why? No, I mean, I kiss Andrew because I love Andrew. Yeah, but it's not romantic. It was a spark.

Yeah, there's always a spark. Okay, Andrew, I was trying to help you. My love, I wish you well. Oh, yeah. in the cafe. He thinks it meant something. He's into you. You forget the me and Andrea and Reese for sex.

I do forget that. Oh my God. I mustn't forget the car ride. I mustn't. Helen was hugging me in the cafe earlier. Yeah. Making eye contact. Then she was like looking away like, thinking, thinking.

And I was like, what are you thinking about? And she went, how turned on I am. I told you last week. I'm in a bit of a horny face. Yeah, but you can sexually harass Andrew at work. Andrew's a business partner. He's not like, is fine. Is it fine?

No. Sorry. That's okay. Yeah. Suddenly, Catherine's all high, am I, eh? I sit down here, take my jumper off and she's like, Humber, hopper. And then all of a sudden she's like, oh, Helen, no, you can't do that.

Helen, when I said it was that your tits were comforting that the symmetry... You call them whoppers. Whoppers. Helen? Did you take any issue at the time? No. You can't... You can't say.

Is that the HR rule? I think so. in the count of three. One, two, three. Sorry. No, I'm just making sure they're up. I'm nervous now. Okay, one, two, three.

Sorry. Ready, Andrew. They should just resolve all workplace dramas like that. They should say sorry on the count of three. That should not be a head job policy. Kevin Spacey at the old back. Sorry. Allegedly.

Is that how you do you? I don't know. I don't know. It's bad. Go on. Okay. Andrew. So we actually have.

a problem from oh I won't say their name obviously I don't know why I want to give an initial it's from B Hi B! We had B last week that's fun! I know it's a different B though I'm a different B though

Hi Hoggs I'm a huge fan of the podcast and I've been listening for ages but this is my first time writing in with a problem thank you so much for choosing us for your problem I'm a 19 year old queer cis man who has recently started his second year of uni I really love my course and have made an amazing group of friends

who I now live with. Well done. I also had a boyfriend for the first time. Woohoo! I come from a very small conservative town and being able to meet like-minded individuals has been amazing.

However, when I went home for the summer, I found it really difficult to really connect with my friends from home. None of them are at university and all of them are incredibly straight and laddish. It's never been a problem before, but I've just lost interest in doing what they want to do, which is going out and getting drunk.

They started changing the topic or just taking the piss out of me whenever I talk about uni and I feel like shit whenever I'm around them should I try and repair these friendships is it worth it and if not

how do I accept outgrowing people and feeling comfortable in my new identity lots of love B you go fast no please you go first you sure

yeah very tricky to say because I am still in my school friendship group but we have gone through phases of not being as close and as close as we are now,

I was probably the one on the outs just through, they went to university and I didn't, so I wasn't home in the summertime. I wasn't home at Christmas the same way they were. I'd come back, like, maybe. So like, we're just on a different schedule to everyone and found it very awkward for a while because I was like, I wasn't pushed out,

but I did feel like I'd push them away somehow by not being like on the same beat as everyone. But if it's meant to be, you will find your way back together. And what's very tricky at 19 and something that we still are learning as adults is sometimes friendships do just change. And you're not, no one's done anything, I don't know, it's tricky.

Friendships sometimes just they don't work. And you change and you move on and then you either come back together or you don't. But the idea of you don't have to repair, I think use the phrase repair the friendship. but you don't have to repair it. They might just not have the language that you need right now.

Kathleen. Yeah, I don't really think it's about your friendship changing. I think they sound like cons. They're pulling you. It's like, that's like not the same. I don't think it's the same as like we're on different schedules.

We have different interests. It's like when I bring up university, they mock me. They have an extremely laddie culture. And did they, did B also say that they mock them being gay or no? No, no. Okay, I just add them that in for fun.

I think like if they can't be respectful to you, you, then it's not about growing apart, it's about being cruel, at which point is the only person's job it is to repair it is theirs. And if they don't want to, then you don't know them anything. I wouldn't do shit. I would just stop making effort and see what they do. But in the conservative Christian way, as you were raised in that town, you give them grace and time. They didn't say Christian. They just said conservative. I'm assuming a conservative town in Britain, it's got to be Christian. I don't know. I think heathens can be conservative here. It's a weird country. I'm literally picturing fleet.

I just think that's not on you I would just stop making any effort until they fixed it and if they don't but you have loads of new amazing friends but it's B not trying to figure out the emotions of the saying goodbye the emotions of the letting go

because it is emotional okay yeah I think I'm quite like oh look this doesn't work anymore I'm quite cutthroat not cutthroat go back to where you were when you were 19 I wasn't friends with anyone in school

yeah or from school I have one friend from home and we were friends outside of school and remain friends. Karen. I love Karen. I love Karen.

Also, she's a nurse, so she tells me if things are weird or wrong with my body. Oh my God, can you message her about the weird thing? Thank you. I am so going to say this. Okay, so Tom was on the board just said,

can they pick you off on the microphone? No. Okay, that like people do go through phases and that like this phase right now you're in a uni phase there and are still at home phase. like your phases might cross over again also like the yeah it could change over time

but at the moment you should feel no guilt or no stress in moving on from it but also understand that's incredibly difficult because it's a small town you're going back to and it's hard enough going home but going home without having friends to go to the pub with on Christmas Eve like it's alienating I do think you should just say it to them though like I don't think you should just like back out and be like can you not be mean about me going to uni just because like

I'm not as thick as you. I wouldn't necessarily go with that. I think I would just say, could you stop mocking me for this? Or do you want to talk about anything you're feeling around it because you always mock me for it? Yes, suggest a compliment circle. Do you miss me?

Are you jealous? Do you think it means I think anything about you because it doesn't? Like, what is going on? Yeah. Yeah, I think if it's really bothering you, I would say, have a conversation with them. But if it's something where you're like sad about it,

but happy to let it go or feel like actually they don't be very nice to you and it's on them to fix it that's also fair. One at a time, go on a walk and never let the person

you're talking to know what's about them be like, don't you think everyone else in the group is being really awful to me do that to each of them individually,

ruin the group but have lots of individual coffee. Oh, that's quite fun. Just wreck the entire group. Wow, what an energy you are. That's sick, isn't it? That's time consuming. It's sick and wrong, yeah.

No, individual chats with a couple of them, I think, would be really, really nice and just sort of be like, hey, like, I might be being a bit sensitive, but this is just how I feel. I do also think, like, there's a version of this that is like your, there, okay, there's a read on this that is like

you are the privileged one in this circumstance, you're at university and they might have wanted to go and might not have been able to for lots of reasons. It's really expensive. It's hard to get into. It's largely informed by, by, You cast forms along.

It's largely informed by socio-economic circumstance. We know this. Like there is a world in which like, not that you have to take jokes about it all the time, but like people might feel prickly or defensive towards it and it's not necessarily just about you. Like it's about a systemic thing that maybe therefore, oh wow, I've really changed.

I've really changed my tune. That's what I was thinking. I'm like, I do think maybe you should just have those conversations and be a bit understanding if you can be. Wow, I've really changed my tune. you know what happened and I'll tell you what happened is that my coffee kicked in as we talked about this initially I was tired so I was like

ah sack them off and then I thought about it my caffeine kicked in B I'm really sorry you should actually probably chat that through that is like that's um you know that's a class issue probably also at 19 none of your friends are being the best version of themselves so remember who they were like I disagree they weren't better when they were 16

this is the better version you get better or better with age I think actually it is the best version of themselves oh I was awful at 22 worse than when you're 18 Oh 14 was my worst 14 I was horrible Mainly at home Like I was fine at school

But I was vile at home Wow fascinating My mom would be like how was you dead at school You never ask me anything about myself Shall we see what Karen is saying About tenor ladies Oh my god yes please thank you B Good luck with your problem and your friends

Good luck I hope you listened through all the way to the end And didn't just sack them off before you finished it Okay let's see what you're saying Okay we've got a message from Catherine's friend Karen who was I love that you're talking about this on the podcast and it's actually a very typical subject to be talking about but it should be spoken about more. Women in the early 30s do tend to need tenet liners and it's more to do with pelvic floor as we age our pelvic floor weakens especially

after childbirth. It's very common and but it can just be from array of things if you've had any injuries or any surgeries to your pelvic or a uterus area you can absolutely require tell of ladies because I can weaken the floor so it's very important that we've been doing our pelvic floor exercises daily so yes quite common

Helen Helen is right so I just think is it key goals is that the pelvic floor exercise yes she wants to know if it's keegals is that right because I'm doing them now

but they really turn me on so I find it right on his moment oh Helen I'm not going to say that to Karen ask her where the urethra is no I'm not doing that we've wasted this woman's time enough yes when your pelvic floor is weakened as well any kind of bit of coughing or sneezing

can make you like your sphincter of your erythra weaken and get loose and it can cause you to have a little bit of your income out which is unfortunate so very important that we do those muscles to tighten the sphincter this isn't a nice thing to be listening to but it is important

and that's my best friend I feel like we just got like some really nice information that hopefully is helpful to other people she just sent a picture of large silhouette high waist underwear cream tenel lady pants oh my wait wait we think that underwear yeah made of tenel lady oh my god she's in super value right now in ireland in honor of helen cry laughy fake she's like you can get full pants yeah UK size 16 to 22 I'm a size 22 this is perfect

that's your birthday present source I don't know I feel like I should just get used to put in the pads on that feels like really bad for the environment to buy a new pair of and could you imagine if this became our new sponsor? I can absolutely imagine that unfortunately. Unfortunately I can fully imagine that.

Is this female health? Are we discussing female health? Yeah. It's a poo topic according to Karen. It's a poo topic. A taboo topic. A taboo, thank God I was like

I'm not shitting myself every time I sneeze. Could you imagine? Actually, I have coughed and fired before. I'm done. We've all done that. End the podcast. We're done.

goodbye. No, like we're done with the podcast forever. Bye. Oh, no. Thank you for joining us for 157 episodes. And, you know, what a shame. Have to end somehow. That's it. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much to our executive producers.

You keep the podcast going. You keep me in high fashion. Seriously, thank you so much. No, actually, thank you so much. No, but genuinely thank you. Too Jesus, I don't think you can do it. But let's just give like the biggest shout out ever, babes of our love. I'm going to get emotional.

Simon Moore's, Guy Goodman, Annie Tonner, Stephanie Katachia, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Neil, Redmond, Madeline Quinn and Sadie Cashmore. Woo-hoo! It's a good way. They're legends. And here is our amazing producers. L. Richard Bold, Rachel Page, Helen A, Abbey, Warf, Luke Bright, Kate, KC, Ezra Peregrin, Anthony, Sophie Chivers, Becky Box, Tim and Dom, Ria Fink, Cordelia, Amio Rudin, Taz, Charlie A,

Kerry, Soothe, Dean, Michael, Bryn. Jam Rainbird, Tamsin Smith Harding, Claire Owen Jones, Harold Van Dyke, David Walker, Jess and Nick, Rachel Arsair, and Molly, Tina Lindsay, Leah Overend, Hannah J, Clow and Liz Fort. Thank you all so much. Thank you!