Trusty Hogs - Ep158. Pumpkins, Popes & Polyamory

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

It's our SpooOooOOooky Halloween special this week, featuring Frankenstein, black cats, traditional turnips, and even a Latin lesson...TOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Graham Marsh / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate Spencer / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / BrynWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school deliciously with Whole Foods Market. Wake up with low-priced 365 by Whole Foods Market protein waffles and breakfast burritos. Prep lunch boxes quickly with 365 brand juice boxes, crackers, dried fruit and more. And look for sales on no antibiotics ever ground beef and chicken breasts that make meal prep a breeze. Shop best in class fines for back to school at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin

or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Northern Hogs! We are doing our very last tour date.

We're so excited. It's in Manchester, the Frog and Bucket, on November 6th. It's a Wednesday. Sure, what else would you be doing? Come on and hang out with us. Can they find tickets, though, Helen? They can find tickets at the Frog and Bucket website. Yes.

And it's trustyhugs.com forward slash tour. Trustyhugs.com forward slash tour. And we'd love to see you for Northern Hogs. Please bring a sausage roll. Oh, and a vegan one for Catherine. And a vegan one for Catherine. We'll see you there. See you there.

Hello! Welcome to episode 158 of Trusty Hoggs. It's a Spooksville episode because it's Halloween. Welcome, welcome. Oh my gosh, I know you've done some research for an Halloween episode. I know you have Helen Bauer. But before that, let's just tell them quickly that this is a podcast about our perfect lives where we answer our listener problems. She's Helen Bower. I'm so excited to get into it. Through the fog. Step for the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve that. Or maybe they won't. And that's you. your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White

on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not So this week we went to see a spooky film And you've done some serious research I've done what I think is right

For the queer community of listeners Oh my god that's so good But wait wait before we get into like the depths of Halloween because I know I just need to tell you a couple of spooky things that happened to me this week. One, by the way, I'm freaking, I know I keep saying it, but I love this time of year. I'm obsessed to this time. I love it. It's not raining all the time yet and it's just nice and crisp and crunchy and gorgeous. And your hair matches the trees. My hair matches the trees and also, hello, bake-offs on. Jadour. Strictly's on. Obsessed. We're still watching

Marita First Light. Heaven. It's like the best time of year for comfort television. You've got a busy TV schedule this time of year. I'm so happy. Catherine's busy. Okay, she's booked and blessed. And I'm baking all the time because bake-offs on. And I'm just delirious. Talk me through some of your bakes. I made chocolate and peanut butter cupcakes.

I made more corn chowder. I know that's a savory, but there we go. No, it's too good. I've been making two different risottoes in the last two weeks. One mushroom, one pumpkin. Because why not tis the season? God, you've lent in. What else have I been baking, baking?

I made banana bread. I made, because why not throwback? Do you put chocolate in the banana bread? And pecans, yes, I was going to say pecans, but pecans. And, yeah, I'm just absolutely loving it. I was reminded by the presence of strictly on our screens again this year that I went to a primary school where, from ages 5 to 7, you learned compulsory Irish dancing, and 8 to 12, you did, ballroom. And it was an all-girls school. And I was tall for my age, weird, I know, so I had to dance the boy parts.

And I'm always reminded of it because I loved it so much and I have little trophies and I really loved ballroom. Wait, is this actually a thing? This is true. That it's compulsory that all eight-year-olds do ballroom. Yeah. That is... Eight to twelve. Insanely adorable.

I know in our little school uniforms. Stop it! Did you like the waltz and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. That is the cutest thing I've ever heard. We were adorable. There was also, I loved the barn dance.

I can't remember what kind of dance that was and I love the Charles. Oh my God. Yeah. I know. I was so sweet. Why? What's the reason? Just because I guess they wanted to like vary up PE and that was a way. I guess that was just a way to, I guess, I guess kids learned stuff in school. No, it's, we just great find to Cascader on a CD. Really? And that's pretty fucking cool. I thought it was Cascada, so we're all learning. Oh, is it Cascada? I thought it was Cascaded because her hair's cascading down her back. I don't know. I don't know either.

is live your own life go for it the second thing i'd like to say and i wanted to start positive because i can do a bit tiny grace okay if i may if i may do you remember last week when i sneezed no memory oh no yes it was ridiculous it wasn't even a sneeze exactly and i said please can we cut that out not very good podcasting and also some things are private like me sneezing then i go to breakfast with my friends on sunday morning i'm like hey girlies they're like oh my god you're She's just so cute. I was like, what? Actually, that's not actually technically true.

My friend, Jess, is a lawyer and she was like, I think you'll find that they left that in the edit. And I was like, that's my girl. That's my girl. I love it when it's a gripe, not a me, but at them. And I like it noted, Andrew and M, that that sneeze was to be cut. I do think it was important it was left in,

not that there was a discussion behind your back, but I think it's sort of like, it was important to discuss it, Because for me, that wasn't a sneeze. I felt naked. I felt betrayed. I felt really exposed. I love how you felt naked from that episode.

I was someone that pissed myself. Yeah, you said you'd fuck a dog, but I didn't want anyone to hear my sneeze. It was private. I couldn't believe it. So my lawyer will be in touch. She will be in touch. Our lines of privacy are so mad, darn.

Well, I do have a sex confession too. Because I know that you said the thing about goofy last week and I wanted to tell you that I had a weird sort of sexual moment this week which reminded me that I am definitely bisexual but he always does remind me of it but you know very like dad move vibe did you see Obama bringing on Eminem at the rally for Kamala Kamala um yeah I think it was that Eminem had been on or he was introducing Eminem I think he was following Eminem for Kamala and anyway he wrapped eight mile um in the most like dad style everyone with like his shirt sleeves rolled up and his little tie and I was like well yeah he'd get it

wait Obama performed with Eminem no he was like I was nervous to come on stage because it was Eminem my palms were sweaty etc etc um these weak arms are heavy yeah but when he does it so weird It's about weirdly sexy. Oh, wow. But everything he says is sexy. Wait, so you got wet? No, Jesus. Whoa, not everyone

immediately soaks themselves because they know that they're attracted to someone. You were to get the flannel out because of the command. You have one flannel for it. One flannel? Yes, and he was like, get the flannel. We keep it with the cleaning stuff.

Dear God. Dear God. Every woman should travel with a flannel. How is it that I tried to do sex confession and you somehow made it weird and about you? I'm trying to help you, but that's on you. you. I love that that's your bisexual. Like, oh, I am definitely still bisexual. Because I saw Obama

this week and yep. Still there. Oh my God. So Silver Fox as well. He's so fucking sexy. I get it. He's so sexy. I get it. When he's smoking out on the lawn, you're just like, oh, got those photos of him when he was in the White House just smoking outside. I didn't not see these, but you're on very different algorithms. No, no, I seek them out. This isn't something that comes to me. Speaking of algorithm, no, you know what, that's enough gripes from me. Are you typing into porn? Like Barack Obama's smoking. I've told you before I don't watch porn.

No, me neither. And definitely put that in that I don't watch it either. No, I know you do, but it's just not for me. When I could Google the president looking concerned. Google image search. When I could have moral conflict about how I feel about his policies versus how I feel about his face. You're going on an incognito mode to do a Google image search.

Do you like, was he even really that bad? Yeah, what a babe, what a babe. I am. Sexy. No, just speaking of algorithms I, you know how I've gotten really into sports podcast? Oh, God, yeah. Okay, but now it's gone too far, I think.

Oh, no. Because I keep being advertised this podcast and I'm not, like, to be clear, this podcast is obviously for somebody. Like, people are definitely interested in it. It's two American football players, I think, and their podcast is called something like, dudes on dudes.

And it's like, they figure out what kind of dude Tom Brady was. What kind of dude other people? or football players and I keep being like I have entered I've opened the wrong door somewhere like this is not for me

like I shout out dudes on dudes I hope you figure it out my guys yeah yeah yeah um but they're and also it's like quite homoerotic without them realizing it because they're like what kind of dude is he a is he a blah is he and you're like these are all okay categories of gay men

but alright um but I yeah that's um that's unfortunate but I will listen to Gabby Logan talk about anything and that's the only algorithm I feel like maybe the algorithm is trying to guess that you're going more that way whereas like no I think the algorithm with your Netflix documentaries maybe I may be I feel like the algorithm thinks I'm like a single man age 60 with a sports collection like they think I have memorabilia oh my god yeah which I wish I just um searched up dudes on dudes

and guess the name of the production company producing dudes on dudes. Dude Island, Nut House. How have I gotten here? I wish them well, I wish them well. Nut house productions. That's literally the name of like a gay bar, isn't it? Oh my God. And also very on theme for autumn because I saw a squirrel eating a nut.

But wait, also, I'm going to just segue back from that because I am thinking, do you think that it's because of my mental health searches? That's how I got there. It can't be. You can't say nuts. house. Andrew looks confused. Well, listen, that's what's going on with me. How's your Hollow Week ween?

Hallow Week? Hello. Hallow Week? Actually, you know what? Oh my God. I don't regret it. I don't regret it. I'm going with it. Trademark that someone. How's your Hollow Week going? Thriving. Tell me more. You've done some research. I can tell you have because you're opening your phone. I'm opening my phone. Soneil has been banned from being out for a full evening and not coming back because I'm

getting spooked because I've watched so many spooky films. Wait, sorry. Are you saying that? He's allowed to go out and have sex with a lady. He's allowed to go out, but he has to spend the night at home, so I'm not alone overnight. Because last night... You're completely cock-blocking some meals? Last night?

Does he stay out of an whole night orphan? He's not allowed to, like, take an overnight job. But what if she's nice? If she's lovely, she will travel to ours. Okay. And I will make her breakfast. Okay? That's actually a pretty good day.

We're having waffled. And she'll be charmed by me. She will be charmed by me. And because last night, last night, I was too spooked, even though he was there to go to the toilet, even though I needed a wee in the night. And I couldn't get up and go. And it was just, it was awful. It was all. I couldn't face the walking down the corridor.

It's such a short corridor. Not, not when you think there's killers at either end. Like, then it becomes longer. Why did you think that? So I had to keep finding a way to get myself back to sleep. But why did you think there were killers at? either in. We watched Scream and Rosemary's baby.

That'll do it. Yep. That'll do it. You want right before bed? And yes. But you were not able for that. No, I know.

I feel like we've had this discussion before where I say no more horror. Yeah. Before, like after seven. Yeah. Yeah. But I, a confident young lady. And you never know.

Yeah, that was crazy. That was a big call. You shouldn't have done that. It's really hard as well to get back to sleep when you need a wee, but you can't go. You could have gone. I could have, I was thinking about the bin for a while. Fuck off, you weren't. But the bin was quite full.

So then it was like a conversation in my head. That was your issue? Where the, well, it was that or go in the garden. No, it wasn't. But at the beginning of screen, there's a patio turning on an off light thing with Joe Barrymore. Yeah. Have you ever pissed in your own bathroom bedroom bin? I've pissed in my own bedroom before.

Hello? Why? I need it all the time when I was growing up. No, no, I'm not talking about pissing the bed when you're a child, I'm talking about... No, no, no, in the bedroom, I had a sink in fleet in the room, my bedroom. There was just, like, a sink in the corner. Do you remember these, like, just a random sink? Uh-huh.

I couldn't be bothered to, like, go across the hallway. Oh, God, all the way up to, like, probably 13 or something. And I was, like, climb on the sink and, like, dangle one, like, over. It was disgusting, actually. I just realized maybe no one else did this. You just realized that now. I think subconsciously you realized a few sentences ago when you felt the late ability slipping away

and they were like, do you guys remember sinks? You're just like grasping onto anything. Everyone was like, you know, that's not the part that's confusing. Because I didn't want to go to the toilets. I'm so scared of ghosts. But what you've done there is give me a different time you've pissed in your bedroom. And I guess my question was like,

have you ever pissed in your bedroom bin? No, but I was like thinking of options last night. Is it plastic? Is it? It's plastic, yeah. Right. So it would have been fine. It would have sat in the room with you all evening.

But it didn't do it. Does no one else get too scared to like leave their room sometimes? Like there's something out there. Like if I go out, there'll be like a thing. And there's that we've got like, you know the basement like outside San Niels room and there's a door to it? And sometimes I feel like I open and closes by itself even though it doesn't. But I feel like it does. Okay.

Yeah. So the room's saying no. No. No. Or me neither then. It's all banter. It's a comedy podcast. so we have to remember that.

Well, I did used to piss in my room a lot, a lot, a lot. Almost for the point of enjoyment, I'd say. Wow. So I remember one, Scott. No, I can't do another piss episode. I think that's for the best. No, you can't do another piss story in this piss episode. I think is actually what you'll find.

So far you've done a piss episode. I know men who've pissed in things because there's sort of an ease, isn't there? to like flopping it over but I think yeah but I had I've got long legs so my height was very sink appropriate I don't know think of sink a sink for what it was it was appropriate it gave you an easier ease of access I don't know if it made it more appropriate if anything the tall you are the more adult you might have been and more likely you should have probably I wonder whether it was like part of yeah I could have walked the bathroom is once when I slept walked when I was younger I once went into the

bathroom that all my family used and I walked in on my dad in the bath and he said it was like the moment that he realized I was fucked like I was just like a fucked kid because I came in like eyes open but I was sleepwalking and he was in the bath and I just like pulled up my nightie squatted pissed and left on the toilet no no no on the floor and he was just like what the fuck is wrong with you and I was like how haunting is that that but so is saying to your kid they're a fucked kid yeah yeah you should not say that but i was i've had like a lot of family time this weekend and like all the stories come out yeah and like i was like god i forgot these but i don't know i got expelled from creche that's like one of the

favorite family stories why did you get expelled from crash my mummy dropped me off there when i was like i think probably like a couple of weeks old or something sure a couple of weeks old i think she said a couple of weeks old and I just screamed the whole time and on the third day they were like we're not having they're like we're not having her she's a nightmare and I got expelled I was the first ever crash expulsion but sorry this was a couple of weeks old I think she said weeks maybe months yeah it doesn't feel true that someone would give their baby to a crush two weeks old right because you're still too little then are you yeah either way I got expelled from crash that's that feels like you had like colic or something or the bit they couldn't they couldn't take care of you properly not like

you were expelled oh i just wanted my mummy and i was very little and i just cried so much they were like we are genuine we're refusing access to the service she is not allowed to be fair you do cry a lot i do and think like when i didn't even have the words oh god and then the other story that stressed me out oh this is going to stress you out more um i forgot about this story but then my aunt reminded me in a group, shout out to Auntie Katie, that you know, God, I was such a messed up kid. No, these stories are not messed up.

You're a baby. This one, okay, this one I was like four years old and my granny, super conservative, Farnham, Surrey. I don't know that you're supposed to know, like you're supposed to vibe check the like conservatism of your grandmother at four, but go on. She had her WI

over, the Women's Institute. You could not have known that at four. And apparently I came out the bathroom. Okay. This is really messed up. Okay. And I said, Granny, I have washed my hands.

Now I can play with my clit. I'm not joking. That is like a family story. I was that. Like my mum clearly had taught me what the word was. And I knew I had to wash my hands. Isn't that so messed up? The room's gone silent.

The room's gone silent. Is it taking you? I'm trying to, um, it's, so I'm trying to call my mum and get the story properly. No, I'm just trying to check what the, okay, so first of all, I think it's good to be anatomically correct with your body parts with your children. That's like a safeguarding thing. Yeah. That's important. That's great good for you. Congrats to Anne on that front. And it probably came from her being like, do not do that if your hands aren't clean. Yes. And that's also a health safeguarding thing. Well done. Her are very good.

Do I know how you come back from that as your grandmother in the WI? No, I don't. No, I don't. I don't think that's an easy one to explain to Margaret and Jill and Jean and June. Her name was Margaret. Yeah, and she did have a June. It's not hard. It's not hard, but it is a gift.

A June and a Jean. They were best friends. They lived together. For 45 years. Separate rooms, several rooms, several rooms. They're companions, Anne. but listen I don't know how she comes back from that does she have to join a different WI branch

does she have to set up a book club No I think she went my daughter's a hippie Please please please forgive the child Her mother's a hippie That's the greatest response I've ever heard Shout out Margaret Where shall I go? Isn't that so messed up

It's not messed off You're so good to me No I think it's tricky right like it's like I don't have children but I think that children have all kind of like different ages and different relationships with their bodies are figuring stuff out and you want to like let them do that and also not judge them and cause shame but you also do want for example them to have clean hands and you do want them to know what's for the private and what's for the public sphere and maybe that one wasn't quite clear on on that day. I think it's important to say as well with the the liberal parenting that's very popular now in our circles which is amazing. Is that instilling a bit of shame never hurt Because I didn't get that instilled in me Yeah, I'd say I went the whole other way I was from a different

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, um, Something would have, that would have happened, but I, um The fact that I was given the anacomical terms and told The what now? Your, Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna, the anatomical terms. Terms, terms, you messed up terms somehow. Anatomical terms. Very good.

I was given those and told as long as my hands were clean, enjoy your body. I think sleigh, but like a bit of shame to be like, not at Granny's when the WI are over. Maybe not that. Don't announce it. In your bedroom privately. Yeah.

Don't make an announcement. That's not needed. That's tough. Yeah, that is tough. They're having sandwiches. Not now. You're not alone. Like loads of kids, you know, figure that kind of stuff out.

Yeah, you have to be like, maybe not in the supermarket. it. Oh, bicycles are forgetting places. You know, like that's kind of, you know, you have to, I get it. I'm sure there are lots of, but gosh. Do you remember the bicycle seat when you were a teenager, like leaning forward on it, on your, no? Never mind.

Helen. I thought that's what you were referring to when you were being silly and every time I'm like, imagine this. You're like, yeah, yeah, so I was a sunny day. It was a sunny day and I'm like, ah, Jesus. The rain was falling on Basingstoke Canal. You really could have done with some shame, frankly, young lady. You could have. I know. I'm sorry everyone. Her mother's a hippie. I'm sorry I was raised by a hippie.

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At Arizona State University, we're bringing world-class education from our globally acclaimed faculty to you. Earn your degree from the nation's most innovative university online. That's a degree better. Learn more at asuonline.asu.org.com. Come on. Tell me about the research you've done because that can't be the story you're meant to tell me today. So good. I feel like I've crushed it. So I was like, okay, Halloween episode. We talked about witches previous years. We've talked about our halloweons. And I was like, what would our community want to know about? about vis-a-vis Halloween and I was like cats right because of the um the lesbian listenership yes we have lesbians listening Andrew so many and once again welcome

yeah okay so sorry so because we have a strong lesbian listenership and as by the way I said last week that I was surprised at somebody straight men listen to our podcast and then the amount of supportive men in our area who got in touch on the internet to be like I'm one of them I love it was honestly weirdly moving thanks guys it is moving and please make a club like straight men trusty hogs listeners oh my god that be cute come on it be so cute

but then they'd be able to advocate for their rights because they're like they're always advocating for something yeah we don't need I don't know if we want that but it's nice to have you hear chaps and I think it's best that you remain isolated from one another I don't want them moving as a pack is all I'm saying do you mean one one and you're like a nice group and you're

like oh god make a gang you can meet in non-eaten that's a very straight male place it really is non-eating no because it sounds incredibly sapphic but okay none eating there she is there she come on but if you say so so wait wait a second you are um you've done this research on the history of black cast yes but can i say do you know where Halloween originates because everyone thinks of it as an American holiday it comes from Salem Ireland Ireland comes from Ireland is what I was going to say next

Wait when did it start It's based on a Celtic holiday A Celtic celebration called Sowan that is Salon stop it Yeah There you go originates in Ireland You're welcome everyone So did you guys start the whole pumpkin thing

I don't think we started the pumpkin thing That feels very America But we started Halloween Thank you Ireland Thank you Ireland Gerev Magwiv Gareth Mugwev Oh apparently

The Irish originally used Turnips in place of pumpkins But pumpkins came in because they were more native to America When That checks out Do you imagine carving a turnip Yes I really can

Putting a baby in a turnip I really can We had so much turnip Turnip was such a big part of my life As a child It's not part of my life at all as an adult is it the purple one the circle one? It can be white, it can be purple, it can be green

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I've ever eaten at Annette. It's delicious. It is delicious. What do you put it in? Soup. Soup, we also, like it also is in like the base of a lot of soups as in stocks and it's also a, we used to have turn it mashed a lot, especially through

mashed potato. Is that good? No, it kind of makes the mashed potato bad actually, you're like, why have they put this in? You can have like a turnip puree. There's lots of turnip things. latte. Turnham spice latte.

Andrew. Turnham spice latte. I die. But it is a thing that a lot of Irish people would just have if you're like a

meat and two veg kind of household you might have like boiled ham potatoes and some boiled turnip. Boiled ham. Your hot meat

and your two vegetables. Yeah. Pretty standard very turnip and cabbage big combo. I never got the cabbage thing.

I fucking love when it's fried. I get it. But the Just cabbage in general. I love cabbage in so many ways. Raw cabbage made into a delicious coleslaw at home. Yum.

Oh yeah, cabbage is and coleslaw, isn't it? Yeah. I like cabbage. Yeah. Covered in mayonnaise. Yeah, me too. And sold, ideally.

But that goes for everything. Yeah, same. Oh, God. I made a mayonnaise sausage sandwich at the weekend with a bit of ketchup, but a lot of mayo, and it was incredible. Nice. Incredible. In a premiere end.

Meat? Nice. No, actually vegetarian sausages. What kind of? the ones of those crappy little bits of veg in or like a fake meat I'd say a fake meat

okay great was what it felt like I love the what are they called the damn it I can't think of the brand the veggie sausages that had the green packs

thank you yes the Richmond veggie sausages are elite next level they're so fucking good they're like I can't cook the whole pack

because I'll just stand and eat the whole pack but snacking on a sausage it is just very satisfying Yeah, I think a snacking sausage is actually my most bisexual trait. Do you ever buy a pack of cocktail sausages just to have at home? They don't really do them in veggie. Or maybe they do, but...

I think they do do veggies. But the answers no. The answer's no. Yeah, no, you mustn't. It's really good. Yeah. It's really good. I think I have like a trauma around cocktail sausages.

Oh my God, why? They were just always served at... Funerals? Yes, and also just like sort of bad family gatherings that I associate with. I don't know. I don't know, they just make me be like, ah, not today. I've got that with a big keesh. Yes, yes.

Not the little keesh is, or the little, like, but like a big keesh. I'm like, what's going down? That's what I think. I think I see cocktails sausages and I'm like, no, why? It wasn't me. Ah! I don't want to sit with them, you know? I'm gay, get over it.

No, it's even younger than that. It's like, it's like ants commenting on the size of my boobs. It's like, oh yeah, constantly, like, steal nothing. Who? Bee stings over there. Oh. You won't need a bra. That kind of energy.

So, yeah, I just go full sausage. And you do need a bra, but what's lovely is you have the option to not. I never wear it. Fuck them. I never wear it, but still. No, you love having your nips out, don't you, Catherine? Why not?

And so do I. Why not? You got a lovely pair. Thank you, darling. Lovely pair. Thank you. That means the world. Now tell me, please.

Cats. Would we ever get there? This is just classic us, though, isn't it? Do you? Okay. So, do you know? Like, what do you think you know about black cats as far as, like, Halloween goes? People say they're unlucky.

They have an association with witches as a witch's companion. They obviously apparently have nine lives. I think there's something to do with, like, whether or not they cross your path. Yeah. That seems particularly unlucky. Well, in England, it's like if a black cat crosses your path, it's unlucky. But, like, in Germany, if a black cat's walking in front of you and turns to the right, then it's good.

If it turns to the left, it's bad. So it's like different countries of different things, but it's mainly a European thing where black cats were, this is so cool, this is new words for me, deified or vilified. I never knew that deified was the opposite of vilified. Isn't that so interesting?

It's a new word to me. I think if you're deified, then you can be basically like, yeah, I mean, I don't know if I would necessarily say it's the exact opposite to vilified, but I do like them in contrast

and yeah, it's pretty good. And we have been deified. We have been. Yeah. How so? Because we're godlike, aren't we? To whom? Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone.

All those straight men? Although straight man. I am your God. I think that you're placing a binary on podcasting that isn't necessarily relevant here because I think possibly we are objectified or intriguing or like something to learn lessons from. We're Queen Hogg. we're Queen Hog Yeah

Yeah maybe you've been deified I don't think so I think we're like You know when you got You used to watch those like Traffic videos in school That'd be like Don't drink and drive

Yeah I feel like we're that But for like Adolty I think they think of us As Queen Hawks Like the Queen of the Pecks Maybe I think so

I think so I don't know The black cats have been been deified and vilified, and it all comes from Celtic mythology. The Irish, why did I not get the Irish thing with Halloween? It all makes sense, okay. So back in the day, they were like, oh, black cats, the yore, back in yore, back in yonder. Okay, back in yonder.

Yeah, back in, way back yonder. In time of old, all right. In the oldy time. I got you. All right. I'm going to say. Don't say. No, you nailed it.

I'm going to say the 1100s. Okay. Thank you, everyone. We're going 12th century. Yeah. Okay. So they were like, and some people thought they were witches,

and some people thought they were fairies. Isn't that so fun? They were like... What accent did you just do? Irish. General Irish from the 1100, so you actually don't know if it was good or not because actually they sounded different then.

It would have been in a different language too. They sound a different then. Yeah, but I'm not going to speak or squager because our audience is predominantly English first language, and I will respect my crowd. Always service your fans. Don't. ever service your fans.

We have been over this. No servicing the fans, Ellen. Okay, wait. Unless you bring us chocolate. No, even then. No, and we mustn't. And we don't. We won't.

Well, wait, so the, okay, so some of them, some people thought that they were witches and some people thought that they were fairies. And did they think that the witches had morphed into the cats? Yes, that they were like satanic, sort of like, but it wasn't like, in terribly, it wasn't back, this is back when witches weren't like,

this evil, evil thing. It was just like a curiosity. Like, it was more like pagan sort of like, oh, that's a witch. Wait, in the 12th century, they weren't at that point being vilified. Well, we're going to say 11th century. No, we're going to, you know what? Fuck you. Okay, I have researched this and no one needs your history degree getting involved right now.

Fuck it. The year was zero and they were fine with everything. Great. So witches were just of interest. Yeah, well, I didn't take good notes, did I? So I was trying to watch a YouTube video and take notes. So it was a bit tricky actually going back and forth. I really get it.

And I'm not a YouTube premium subscriber. so I kept on getting adverts and things. You were taking notes on your phone and watching the video on your phone? Yeah, that was stupid actually. Oh, that's okay. Listen, hey, hey, hey, no. You're expelled from my crash, Helen Bauer.

No, we're crying. I feel like I've done a school project and instead of being allowed to present it, I'm having the teacher be like, oh, Helen Bauer. Oh, dear me. And I'm very sorry because actually what I'm behaving like is another girl in your group who's like, we didn't say that.

That's not what we found. So please, go on. I would not have been in a group. group with you on a project at school. I agree. We would have killed each other. No, we just would have opted out of it. We would have been like absolutely not.

Go on. Okay. So then it also appears in Greek mythology where some woman was like, oh, I'm going to turn some woman. We can't remember names. We mustn't. It's not our business. And she turned her servant into a black cat.

So it was sort of just a thing of like black cats were like, they were a curious sort of creature, a bit spiritual, but they weren't bad or good, right? And then here. we fucking go. We get the Catholics. Wah, one. Pope Gregory the 9th.

Know him? Idiot. Fucking moron. He was like, Andrew, can I get a date check on Gregory the 9th, please?

1,200s. It's not written down, but I feel like... Yeah, but we're moving forward because it's a timeline thing. It's 1241. It's when he died. Nice.

When he died. Power! Power! Nice. Power! Here come the Catholics and Gregory the Ninth, go on. He's a piece of shit. Okay.

Because he's all like, all these women are getting satanic. And he's like, it's the cat's fault. It's particularly black cats. They're the ones that are an absolute nightmare out there. Was he allergic or something? What's his beast? He was just sort of like, I think he was like really did not like women, just didn't get the vibe, didn't get the boobs, didn't get the stuff.

No, I meant was he allergic to cats, not alerted to women? Very droll. Thank you. Very droll. He might have been allergic. Andrew, please Google. Was Pope Gregory the 9th? Oh, like, cats?

Surely he'd be obsessed. He's a cataholic. That's a Macsimmons chick. I got it. No, it is good stuff, though. No, that's good stuff. That is very good. And then, idiot he is, he says that you have to slaughter all the cats.

So this travels across Europe. So in Europe, everyone is killing the cats, but particularly the black cats, okay? So they're going out there, just going like, fuck them. They're all, like, the cat is actually the witch. This is the witch. you thought the lesbians would like? Yeah, because they love cats. Yeah, this is a story about cats being killed.

No, no, no, it's got a happy ending. Okay, go on. Well, I'll make one up. So all the cats are going, particularly the black cats. And Gregory's like, kill him, kill him, kill him. But we're in the 12th. So this keeps on going and it travels across Europe and everyone's killing the cats. And then, a little bit of time later, what's happening?

The plague! Oh, no. We need cats. We need cats. Because now. Motherfucker, Gregory. Greg, you fucking dickhead. He is a fucking nightmare, okay?

And I know he didn't know the plague was coming and he didn't know about the rap thing. But always do not mess with the food chain. Yeah. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. That's why I don't eat hawk, you know? Like stuff like that, you've always got to be thinking ahead. So. I guess.

Yeah, and you don't eat hawk either. So you're part of the good side of this. Right. Okay. Andrew can't ever protect of a hawk? A hawk masala, yeah. Oh, yeah, well, Andrew had a hawk masala, but Andrew's younger, so he's got time to make up for that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on. He can offset his hawk eating. You're on. Okay, so then the plague happens, and everyone's like, oh, bloody hell. And then after the play, we get to the witch trials, and all of a sudden we're still hating on cats, and it's all awful.

But this is just in Europe. I love you so much, but you are screaming. Just come back to me. Sorry, I got you're excited, because you all got excited about the fact that I got it. No, and it's so good. Keep going. Okay.

But in Egypt, they fucking love the cat. They do. They build a lot of statues to them. Oh my God. They are obsessed. Okay. There's a god. Yeah.

Bagu? That's a guess. Good guess. That's a guess. What's the fertility god in ancient Egypt? That was a cat. Batem. Beatern.

A min. Close enough. Amin. I don't know if Min was a cat, though. I think that's... No, the black cat, the black cat. God, Egypt, let's have a look. Bastet.

Bastet. The goddess of protection. Bastet, that was pretty close. And bring her of good health. I am Bastet. Nice. So, Bastet, and they're like, they're loving it and they're all into it. Right.

And then, unfortunately, my notes do end with, then we get the plague. Right. Because I feel like we've done witches before and stuff. But sorry, just to, what is the counterpoint with Egypt? Egypt. They liked them there. It was Europe that was the problem because of bloody Gregory the 9th. Okay.

That's it. Oh. And then I do have a fun fact. That you're making up on the spot? No, real one. Go on. That in Italy, they have a superstition about black cats as well. They've got different ones everywhere.

Like in Japan, if a single woman has a black cat, she's more likely to get a suitor. That's nice, isn't it? Cats are a huge. huge, huge part of Japanese culture and a really interesting thing about it is the very first, I think the very first ever book. They were talking about this on the

rest of entertainment. The first novel on record was about a cat in Japan and that's why you see cats in a lot of Japanese literature and it's why for example if you were to go into most bookshops now, there's a lot of cats on the covers of Japanese books and obviously Japanese literature

is having a moment in England so yeah. That's such a good fact. Why do you I find that. No, no, that's okay. But in Italy. In Italy, they're mental there. I don't know that we're saying. We don't agree with that.

That's not a thing we're standing by. Okay. In Italy, their black cat superstition, though, is silly. Go on. Because their superstition is, if a black cat jumps into the bed of a sick person, they will die. But that does just feel like they think they're unlucky. Like, that's ominous. But the person's sick.

Yeah, exactly. The odds are higher, for sure. sure for sure don't blame the kitty cat yeah that's not on the cat no you're right but I think it's a bit like if a if like a giant black crow lands on the windowsill when I was like coughing my lungs off I would be like oh god he's come to take my car this is over now like yeah you'd be like fair enough and that's my research brava wow very good well done oh oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah And I've, just a little public service announcement. Yeah, because I think I know what you're going to say,

and I would say that like everything you've just said there, delightful information, the kind of facts you want around Halloween. A bit of fun, bit light, but there's a different kind, right? Oh, I know. I know what you're going to say. This comes up every year for me. I know. Tell me.

I don't think it's possible for anyone to get through a Halloween season without being around and it is cis men exclusively. finding a way to work into the conversation that Frankenstein is actually the doctor and not the monster. It's a fact that every everyone knows. Yeah, you don't need to tell us. We know.

But they love it. So I just feel like there has to be a solution because I spend most of Halloween just on edge, anyone dressing a bit like Frankenstein. They're like, who's that? You'll find that when you see, Also, sorry, you're missing out often the tiny woman beside him who's often like, oh my God, this is so good.

It's so fascinating. I didn't actually know this. And you're like, what? Yeah. Ah, I'm just saying her name's Ellie. Her name's Ellie. Yeah, there we said it. If you know it.

Listen to this. He's read a lot of books. Yeah. Actually, he's read a lot. Never listen. And he's really interesting. He's an architect. he's an architect yeah and he's amazing yeah incredible in the stack yeah so when you see the actual

house is the architecture and he's the architect fuck sake okay so go on what's your advice PSA okay I just need get a pen and paper if you're listening at home um when you see him going to say it don't get angry because I always get angry you need to to beat him to it. So this is how you say, I think you will find the doctor was called Frankenstein in Latin,

which I think does just sort of beat them to it. You're showing an education level above theirs as well as... So you beat them to the fact but you say it in Latin. That is... So you see them go, actually,

and then this is, word for word, I think you will find the doctor was called Frankenstein. Remember this. Puto, Inveneas, Medicum. vocartum frankenstein one more time puto inveneus medicum vocartum frankenstein and then just for good measure shut up in latin is cloudetus cloudetus is it it sounds like a name i've had a really fun google this

morning clouditius feels like it feels like sorry that couple's first born child Cloudetus Cloudetus Come over here Daddy wants to show you How to build your Lego properly Clouditas

Do you hang out with a lot of poshoes recently Oh my God You've doing the voice Really well Yep Anyway

Cloudetus That's a really important And good Public Service announcement I do think you're right I think Latin's the only way To out obnoxious that person It's so important

To use Latin Yeah I love that I love that. And I imagine your pronunciation was perfect and we have nowhere they're common. I think it was good. It sounded good to me. It was good.

Although these are Ws is the only thing. Now you're saying these are Ws now. I thought it was good enough. I didn't want to come. But then you asked if it was good. Wait, so vocartum is wokeartum. Yeah, yeah. Loll.

We're going again. Everyone get back out your pens. We hope you used a pencil. But if you didn't get some tip X now, here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Thank you, Andrew, for bringing that to my attention about a bit about man's playing.

So late fucking in the game. Huto in Weneas, Medicum, Wokartum, Frankenstein. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Calditus! Calditus is like, I'm allergic to paper. Anyway. Should we do a problem? Yeah, I think so.

Wow, I got so many gripes this week. This was a good spooky episode that I wasn't feeling it. Who? Oh, Jesus Christ, that spooked me. That actually spooked me. Andrew, you actually put your hand on your heart. Andrew clutched his pearls. No, I didn't know that second time.

No, but it's a one and done thing. It's a one and done thing. All right, Andrew, you got a problem for us now that you've recovered from your fright? Yes, yes, thank you. I've had a breather. This is from S. Hi, yes. S says so, I'm polyamorous.

I'm married to my lovely husband of 13 years and I've been dating my boyfriend of three and a half years as well. 13, ooh, oh, oh, three, ooh. Polyamory, ooh. That's just how our parents pronounce it, go on. Not Helen's mom, she's a hippie. Go on? We all want kids, and the idea is probably to have them with my husband,

with my boyfriend also living with us, and being part of it all. details tbc but lovely yeah yeah um however those details include what our kids call my boyfriend uh my boyfriend is called ben so we can't use uncle ben for obvious issues fair enough um so what would should my kids call my boyfriend in this polyamorous parenting relationship and they don't want just ben they want like a specific like parental name um i i guess Like an equivalent of a dad. Yes, I want like a familial name, maybe not... Familial.

Yeah. That's good word. Thank you. My dad has this brilliant phrase, which is like borrowing trouble. He's always like, don't borrow trouble, i.e. don't live in the present, a problem that hasn't even affected you yet. It may never affect you, and it certainly at the very least as well in the future. So I wouldn't be too panicked or borrowing trouble too much about what they're going to call him, because I think you, you can. can um sit down and make beautiful composites and think cleverly about um what the latins would have said

or what the latins would have said what the greeks would have said is what i mean you've got latin in my head what the greeks would have said what the like you know like what the other like romantic languages would have used whatever blah blah blah but actually in truth like sorry this will be figured out by the like the first utterance of a baby not properly being able to say ben and then suddenly he'll be called like bin and now he's bin you know like it'll be like there'll be something that'll happen and that's just going to stick and I'm really sorry to tell you that but the baby will decide are they in the UK um yes I believe so do you not think like go like old school like with it like you know like posh peoples like like pater

you remember like mater and pater or like thinking have you seen down to nabby and I think maybe it's in the films are down to Nabby but they call their grandfather donk Donk Donk I don't I think I prefer to be called bin than dunk

Donk Peter Like dunk or Peter Those are also options Papa Papa But they might not want a dad term

Okay donk Donk Bonk Because Ben Bonk Bonk I don't know that you want to call Mommy's

bunk I don't think that's quite it I live with mommy daddy and bonk or even worse uncle bonk uncle bonk you must not have an uncle no

new new new new and if you do stay away from him yeah god avoid him it's not worth going for a cocktail sausage if you have to run into uncle bonk

um a full kish for uncle bonk yeah oh christ I think you're right. I think baby will just, like, babble out a name at some point,

and that's the one you're going to get. Me too. I think the only thing I'd maybe look up is, like, fun words for third, maybe. Like, you know, like, you know, like the third in a trifecta is nice. Like the Latin term for triangle or something. Andrew. Oh, Father's son, Holy Spirit. Oh, triangle is, is unfortunately, already Latin.

Oh, that's. I speak Latin. I know. do babe um holy spirit holy spirit is good it definitely adds a lot of pressure i think i think so too i think so too to be holy yeah and spirit yeah um gosh i think ben is a lovely name daddy's rival right no too much too much Catherine but didn't enjoy it

that was a joke I understand polyamory to be clear these are just little jokes um it's hard we don't know Ben and we don't know that what like

yeah that's true yeah duck duck ducky something cute like that duck dook Doug is cute. My cousins call my dad maggot instead of Uncle Mike.

They just find that he responds to it really well. They're like, maggot. And he's like, okay. Well, like we said, the baby will just say something, I think. Yeah, the baby will just say something. But maybe. Or Peter, though, if you are thinking. But maybe I guess the thing that's worth thinking about is what you wanted to convey.

Do you want it to be a phrase of endearment from the child to the, to Ben? and then therefore does it not matter? Or do you want it to tell the world something? Do you want it to tell the world that he's part of the parenting team? Do you want to tell the world that he's part of the family? Do you want to tell the world

that he's an important friend? Like I do think that's the thing I would be thinking about, which we don't know from your message, unfortunately, so therefore we can't help you with. It's good and also a lot of people use like bonus dad, don't they? If you wanted to go down that route

with step parents, now they say bonus dad, bonus mum. what they're like this is my bonus mom yeah like I've got my mom and this is my bonus mom sounds like they won them down the bingo hole it's a popular it's my bonus mom okay if not synonyms for dad go on

father daddy papa daddy pop pop pop pop papa papa pater I call my dad pops to be fair pops is cute sire sire old man

patriarch father figure Patriarch. Trying to teach a 90-month-year-old Patriot. This is your dad and this is your patriarch. Or your Pater Familius, which I think is really fun. Pater-Familious. This is Dad and this is Pater-Familious.

What's up? Call me bad. I think we have a winner. Pater-Familius? Yeah. We're doing it. We're doing it. I think done.

What and done. It's been or Pater-Familiar. You're welcome. Nailed it. Let's do one more. Okay, we will go with this from E. Hi, E! Me, female and my partner, male,

have been in a relationship for years and recently became long distance for work. Boasted in the UK, but train prices are shit. Yes. We're both queer, but he hadn't explored this part of identity, his identity before we got together. So we decided to try being open so he could explore sexuality.

Is this a Halloween? Is this a polyamorous episode? This is so exciting. Everybody's open, Andrew. I know. I didn't even think about that. I love it. So the long distance,

they just opened up the relationship so that E's partner can explore their sexuality and also, I guess, you know, I guess it makes long distance a little bit easier to have a bit of release. Andrew's adding his own. Andrew's adding his own rationale.

And he's like, and also like, I couldn't possibly go three weeks without having a fuck. No, no. I've got to see something. I've got to see something or I'll lose it Sorry, he said Sometimes I'll do this while

I'll go on a tangent I'll paraphrase He said and make long distance a bit easier Okay fine I know what I'm supposed to walk around With all this tension in my balls What am I supposed to do with this? Okay Andrew Sorry yeah

To make long distance a bit easier And to explore her sexuality They've opened their relationship Go on I would not freestar from this point onwards Okay A boundary we set in that open relationship was broken and I now don't think that that it's a situation for me my trust feels broken

he however wants to stay open while I want to close things is there any middle ground that can be reached um or yes is there any middle ground that can be reached what what's what I don't know if there is do you know is it um first of all I think that you did a really kind and generous thing for your partner and I hope for yourself because sometimes I think opening the relationship exclusively for one person's needs can be very tricky but I do think it sounds like with generosity

and kindness you made a safe space for your partner to live out his sexuality and that was really cool of you and well done and I don't think it's any small thing that in the context where you are being more generous than lots of people could be almost sounds quite instantly

fairly quickly your trust was broken and that to me shows like a complete lack of appreciation for what you were already doing and a complete disregard for your feelings and that the trust is broken and I think it's really hard to rebuild that trust especially when you're away from each other

and I don't know I feel like there's a reason somebody did that whether it was like he was being selfish or he wanted to fuck with things but both are bad and I I don't know that I think there's a way I think it's a shame that you're coming to us being like

will this, you're not coming to us like will this middle ground maybe help us recover but you're like regardless of having done this he's intransigent and we're staying open or else there just seems to be no middle ground I feel like if I were him and I wanted to fix the relationship I'd be like we'll do whatever you need

I fucked up but it sounds like that's not well the problem is like I think it'll be fair enough for him to be like let's keep the relationship open because those are the terms you did agree on and it's okay for him to want to do that but

I think like I don't know how you would you trust him again in that situation yeah so I'd know I'd have a tough time carrying on if you're both still fully in love with each other though

then like there would be a way could you do like open every other weekend or something what maybe like in general you're not open but like every third saturday of the month like how is she supposed to believe him though when she's they set boundaries around that openness from what i understand of love is that trust can be rebuilt if you do love each other because people are flawed and they do fuck up yeah but if you're not it's going to be very hard to do that

yeah and I just feel like he could have she's made a scenario where like they are open and talking about being open like he could have just come and said that he wanted to go further than they'd agreed that's the thing it's like if the boundary is set and you think to fulfill what you need for your sexuality like the discussion has to happen like beforehand but it does sound like he's come and said hey across the boundary that's actually true like it doesn't sound like she found out from like a third party.

So there's an honesty there and there's a respect with honesty. Yeah, that's true. And like... And I don't know that just like... It's tricky, isn't it? Because it's like, you can get trust back. It does happen, but it's hard.

But I don't know that just like shutting it back down and being like it has to be closed again, help. Every other week. No, because then I think the second you open it again, the worry will always be that it was that rather than

a communication breakdown. How about you have to be on like Instagram live when you're doing it so I can watch? So you can watch. Or like how? Oh, that felt like you were like, how about I just watch every one of these engagements? Or you know that thing where people like quit smoking?

But they're like, but they smoke when I'm on holiday. So like you can only do it in Spain. I don't think their issue is that they don't know how to make rules. It's just that he doesn't seem to know how to follow them. No. It's that they would have booked for Spain and he would suddenly be in France the week before. What's France got to? Or he'd be like

he did it at home Yeah, yeah, yeah And you mustn't Yeah That is really tricky I think honestly I don't feel like I know enough about the situation

Make a blood pact maybe So that he has to follow it But is there an actual middle ground Between open and closed I feel like you Every other weekend No but I feel like you did make the middle ground The middle ground was

Open with some boundaries Yeah And I like I don't know I feel like you're you might need to reset the middle ground if that's something you want to discuss but the

trust is a tricky one isn't it it's a really tricky one because I think you can get over it if both of you are really wanting to but it's harder to get over it as a newly open couple who will then still be hooking up with other people and self-reporting on those boundaries it's like a lot

that's a lot I think the middle of ground is maybe you have to do some couples therapy while you do it is that that's the best like middle ground I can think that could be good having someone else come in who sort of does the like the rule making almost so it's not one of you policing the other one being like this is how I think an open relationship well this is how I think I don't think a couple therapists would do that they don't make rules I don't think so no no but I think you might get a couple of therapists who's maybe like an expert in an more open relationship style and that might help you as new new navigators of that space in a way that is a where they can talk about trust in a less traditional context. I think that would be what I would say is the middle ground that I can, it's only one I can think of. And if he's not up for that, then he doesn't really understand what he's done.

I think you and I need to go on like a polyamory course or something so we're going to be better at these problems. Because if we're going to get more polyamory ones, we should probably do some studying. Do you want to go on a course? You think we both need to go on it? Like a couple therapy polyamory training course. The two of us.

Yeah. Interesting. Like a weekend thing. I don't know that they do train people to be polyamry therapists in a weekend. And if they do, I don't think they should. Well, we'll YouTube it maybe. There'll be a TED talk or something. Yeah, listen, I would definitely watch a YouTube video with you.

We will be studying so we can be better equipped. It's very funny watching in couples therapy. There's a polyamory, there's like a, there's three people from a polycule. They're not the entirety of the group. but they are in this therapist office and she then, you see her then go to her advisor and the therapist orna is like has clearly I think done some work

with polyamorous people before and is doing the reading and doing the work and but I think she's not necessarily that experience and then her advisor is like eh? But in therapy speak how does this work? What are you just watching?

Is there going to be like more of this? but you know as in a therapist language it's very funny question though I think I brought polyamory into that is an open relationship is that polyamory is only when like everyone together is together an open relationship can be two people separately or is that all polyamory I think an open relationship could fall under polyamory but they're not necessarily the same thing right I think but polyamory presents in lots of different forms but it doesn't mean that a polyamorous I don't what I said presents as if it's like a diagnosis it is um it is it can manifest in lots of different ways okay so you could be eight people who all date each other

you could be eight people who happen to date some of the people in that group yeah you could be a person who dates eight people you could just be Mormon um yeah I don't know that they think of themselves as polyamorous necessarily as much as um bigamous oh a bigamous for Joseph Smith yeah yeah understood and Brigham Young yes yeah There you go. And all the songs. I believe. There you go.

That's such a good song. It really is. Parody from Sound of Music. A bit of fun there. Oh, really? Yeah. Who knew? Well, there you go.

All of which is to say, thank you for telling us your problem. I'm sorry. I feel like we haven't been as helpful to you as I wish we could be. But I think that's for a lack of certainty about the context. And therefore, I don't want to make

like sweeping statements about your boyfriend because obviously that would be easy to be like put him in a well but yeah but then if he's got like a new boyfriend he's putting them both in the well that feels like they're just like having a weekend get away

they'll be fucking loving it yeah they'll be thrilled you and the third in the well together it'd be dark and in water enjoy yourself boys it doesn't really feel like a punishment like literally put them in a dark room

with a hot tub it doesn't it doesn't feel like a punishment enough um okay well listen thank you for writing and thank you so much did I have a take put them both in the well it's okay I love you you so rarely laugh at my

but when you do well you go for it and I appreciate it thank you so much for listening to episode 158 if you're a Patreon member then you know that you can come in over to Patreon and get your extra episode and hopefully we'll see you there if you're not a Patreon member uh why not

Helen has some serious secrets to tell about the, let's face it, family wedding at the weekend! Family wedding! So we'll be over there. Toot-l-Loo. Bye. Thank you so much to all of our producers, but especially the illustrious bunch that is our executive producers.

Thank you so much Guy Goodman, Simon Moore, Annie Tonner, Stephanie Katracha, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Madeline Quinn and Katie Cashmore, thank you. We are so grateful to you to keep us going. And honestly, it means the world. Helen. You guys are all my father Christmases. Thank you to our other Little Elves, our producers.

It's so early in the year for this. It's not early. It's close enough. We're less than 100 days away, right? We're like 80 days away. Thank you to our producers, our little elves in the workshop. It's L. It's Richard Bold. It's Harold Van Dyke.

It's Tim and Dom. It's David Walker. It's Rachel R. It's Claire Owen Jones. It's Jess and Nick. It's Sarah and Molly. It's Ria Finke. It's Cordelia.

It's Rachel Page. It's Helen A. It's Tina Lindsay. It's Graham Marsh sing along with me. It's Amy O'Reardon, Abby Woff, Matt Sims, Luke Bright, Leah, Kate, Spencer, Liz Fort, Taz, Anthony, Clive, Becky, Fox, Dean, Michael, Sophie, Chivers, Civeys, Charlie A, Casey, Jam, Rainbird, Tamsden, Smith, Harding, Hannah J, Ezra Peregrin, which is Hill in Welsh. Woo-hoo! Thank you, bye! At Arizona State University, we're bringing world-class education from our globally acclaimed faculty to you. Earn your degree from the nation's most innovative university online. That's a degree better.

Learn more at asuonline.asu.org.org.