Trusty Hogs - Ep160. SUNIL PATEL / Mornings, Movies & Micellar Water

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Catherine and Helen have been on a Halloween cinema trip to see The Substance and are craving more female rage films, but our guest this week probably wants a lot LESS female rage, it's dear friend and housemate of the podcast... SUNIL PATEL!FOLLOW SUNIL: @SunilPatelSolutionsTOUR TICKETS: www.trustyhogs.com/tourThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah OverendWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to episode 160 of Trustee Hogs. I'm Catherine Behoort. She's Helen Bower and we've made the terrible mistake of attempting to podcast at 9 a.m. in the morning. I feel great. Of course you fucking do. Of course you do. I on the other hand, I'm here in body but not necessarily spirit and I don't. And God bless you all. Well done to you. Fair play to you. If you get out there in the morning times and go to your jobs. But how are you doing it? It's like actually, I don't think you all get enough medals. You should get medals for showing. Imagine having to show up at 8am to a classroom full of children.

Imagine having to show up to manage a team where you're supposed to be the guy who's like, Morning team! Let's get out there. I think I'd thrive. I know you would. I know you would. But that's mad to be fair play to anyone doing it. fog

step forth the trusty hogs yeah you're gonna give them your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't

and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine and the

trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not it's for me it's the the journey. It's the commuting at those times. It's the worst thing. It's not the being there. Like, I actually quite like... Oh, the commute is hell. This morning...

Oh, yeah. Was your bad? Rammed. Rammed. And I was like, what is this is hell is? I got sneezed on. I got full, open mouth, open nostril sneezed on. I'm going to say, I'm back wearing masks on public transport. Good. We all should be. For my own protection. Like, truly, because if I may, well done on getting out there, but also so many of you are disgusting.

thank you like honestly open eyes coughing men picking their noses on the truth people just like just like oh god just so unaware of themselves and so and just like coughing and spitting it's like why aren't you wearing a mask why am i wearing the mask if you have that cough sir well so like say sorry if you sneeze on the lady oh my god say sorry she sneezed on my upper arm she didn't she did and it's like you have to say sorry to me lady you must you must Jesus Christ it was awful And also like, but you must do something annoying on public transport. Like everyone's got their own thing they do too. Yeah, I move the second somebody in my carriage starts to cough and that puts everyone on it.

Do you, do you move in a way where you look at them like, just so you know this is about you? I don't look at them, but I think everything about my physicality says it's about them. And that's harsh, but that is, I think my, I've had people be like, are you serious to me when I've been like, oh my God. But like they like before that were coughing up a lung. So it's like, what do you want for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine's music too loud.

In your headphones? Yeah, I think so. Like, I think it bleeds out a little bit. I know you told me not to listen to the kill list, but I started. Don't! You're going to kill yourself! Do not listen to it. Did not listen to it.

It's so spooky. It's so spooky. And also, like, okay, it's a podcast, by the way, about a list. It's basically about a journalist. Oh, no, no, I thought you meant our podcast. I don't think we've introduced it yet. Oh, sorry. Our podcast is about our perfect lives.

and we answer your problems the kill list is a podcast about a journalist who gets access to a dark website on which people pay to have somebody that they know killed which consequence in this kill list

of people who don't know that they're under threat but the scam the podcast and this isn't a spoiler the dark website itself is a scam it's just a way to get people to pay and money for killing they're never going to do

but obviously there exists a person in those people's personal lives who wants them dead and in some cases does kill them and so then you've got this guy who has to just go around being like hey ma'am we think somebody wants to kill you

and obviously everyone thinks of the scam because he calls him like hey we just want to let you know that based on a dark website you're in danger and everyone's like peace out man I don't have time for this I'm telling you I didn't recommend it to you I told you not to listen to it

I know but I would 100% of what I've realised be like okay bye bye now thank you so much like I'd be like you're a scammer Obviously, obviously. Of course, obviously. But also now when you're on, like, when you were commuting this morning, are you looking around going,

someone's ordered a hit? No. Or they've got a target on their back. That's all I can think. No, because predominantly it's the person in your bed who's, doesn't it? Not with the ones on kill list. I haven't gotten any further than the husbands. It's all husbands.

Okay, but like exes, right? Oh yeah, sure. Okay, sorry, in your bed or from your bed. Like, they're on. So then the more you listen to it. Well, the first one, that was her actual husband. Yeah. But, like, I mean, they were like,

separate, living separately. no that's the second one oh the switzerland one i'm talking about the american one i don't remember it was a while ago there was pumpkin i'm sorry katherine i got it wrong i'm sorry katherine i got it wrong anyway spooky um but speaking of spooky yes we didn't discuss the other day our Halloween film our Halloween cinema adventure we went to see avic ellen the substance so good it was incredible So what I keep thinking about All week is like how are there not eight films Like that a year

Of women just being Fucking raging Like of it being like Like given the films are made by women In the film industry Who get the most of the shit Like I just love that it's like Get fuck

Did you want Barbie to throw And go fuck yourself at some point I felt like honestly halfway through I was like this should have been how Barbie Like this level of rage Should have been Barbie Yeah Like how is it not?

Yeah How are all of us just moving around through the world? I fucking loved it. And what did you take away as the message? There were so many. There was so many. There were so many. I mean, that concept

of not being able to return of like the sort of constant evolution but no backward movement is so interesting of not being able to get back to something that you were is so fascinating. I think we should give the vague plot probably actually. Oh, sorry, yes. Okay, so Demi Moore is a

just over the hill as we are bled to believe via the mail game Oh she's disgusting She's like 50 Yeah she's 50 and it's But she's on television She used to be an actress

And now she does like And she shouldn't still be on TV Yeah no no she does like an exercise class On television Anywho She gets bumped for a younger For like they're going to hire a younger model She finds out from the doctor

Doctor's nurse about this substance Which essentially allows you to split yourself like a younger version of you a better version of a better and younger let's be honest hotter version of you comes out of your spine

and only one of you can be alive at any time are going to be like conscious at any time so they take week on week off and who is Margaret Qualley plays the yeah Andy McDowell's daughter

I googled her and I went home is she Andy McDowell's daughter yeah she's Andy McDowell's daughter she should have had Annie McDowell I loved Demi I would no complaints but they

yeah and so basically she obviously the more and more she is her younger self the less she wants she just uses all of the juice from the older self I thought there were so many messages about obviously patriarchy and male gays and aging and our

concept of older women as monstrous but also about like social isolation of the elderly and inability did not get that one that is very good Catherine inability to rest like the way she just like siphons and siphons and siphons the energy women are really good at sewing backs up.

Oh my God, yes. And injecting things. Like I would spend, what, two hours trying to get myself up to the, like, to do a blood transfusion on myself. Really? And she just did it. And I thought that was just brilliant. I was reading this thing about, um, that's a lie.

I was listening to a podcast about, I was trying to remember where I got this from about, um, the sort of ubiquity of Ozempic and how our like natural aversion has. been altered in a way from needles like we're so used to needles because of things like Botox as a part of the beauty process that they've become like less like that years ago would have been like

you inject yourself but now loads people inject themselves in lots of ways and injections are more understood part of the beauty process which is crazy I still look away when I get injected at the doctors I'm like I don't it feels like I'm not my business yeah oh no I do look away too

and I look away when I'm giving blood and stuff but I don't really mind injections so much but my point is just like they've been sort of become part of the natural vernacular of the beauty industry which is mad say what's next well I mean there's loads next they're already doing most of it we just aren't but what comes after injection well I think that's already happened I mean the fact that people self self select into surgeries for vanity um wowzers I can't wait to do it what was to get involved what did get from this so wait a second hang on we're not jumping from the substance and female rage to i can't wait to deal my surgeries what did you get from the film okay i think i got from it that we all just

need to like calm down like a lot of it was me just thinking like fucking like chill out yeah like a lot of it felt a bit more like it's not that deep you know really yeah like it's okay like you don't have to do everything. You don't have to be the best. Just enjoy your life. Like the fact that she couldn't just go for a drink. This is the sad thing. The big thing for me was like, just go for a drink with your old school friend. He wants to go for a drink with you. But instead of being able to go for the drink, she was just stuck, like, looking in the mirror going like, well, I'm not as attractive as this younger version of, like, myself. And then she got stuck. And I was like, that's awful, but I also totally get it.

I think that is the cycle of it, though, isn't it? It's like a self, well, I... Just enjoy yourself, you don't have to work. I felt like with the, with the guy who liked you from school, I was like, it's a shame that we can't value the people who just value the people who value us. And we tend to chase the, you know, the enthusiastic endorsement of people who don't give it out. Daddy, please say you're proud of us. But also, I feel like actually, actually,

that is the, I thought it was so good at capturing that locked in sense of isolation when you are obsessed with your own body and I know you and Ellen were like but I loved the sort of she the new version beats the shit out of the old version at one point and I just felt like that is so it was so relentless

but it was so relentless and I felt like it was so accurate because I feel like that is how my brain talks to itself about how my body is. And I was like, yeah, it doesn't let up ever. It keeps going and going and going. And it's so mean. And I was like, this is so good.

And I fucking loved the weird, surreal endings. Monstro Eliza Sue. I loved it. Charmed. And I also just loved that it was like, and this was my observation, this is very much Ellen. but like how the sort of the substance itself is like neon green and is like there's no realism

from the outset so when it does go crazy at the end it still functions in the same world you're not like what this is unrealistic you're like this whole thing is unrealistic obviously it's not scary it's more like gory yeah yeah i thought it was amazing i really enjoyed it katherine loved it she loved it i was charmed i was charmed and we had mortisers and m&m peanuts and pop but I just liked and I had a fanta I had tangerines oh yeah you brought your nearly gone off

tangerines that was weird just trying to put them in my popcorn that was annoying it's important to get your vitamin C so I wanted to have a nice time yeah we were having a nice time anyway I just it's the first film in ages where I was like

oh god I've been thinking about this nonstop since there's so much in here there's so much in here it was so great brava I think just as a warning though if anyone is like Oh, it's gory as hell. Yeah.

If you don't like blood. Our friend fainted in it. That's ridiculous. Get a grip. She messaged me. Grow up. I was like, no. Did you faint too?

But I get it. I felt physically unwell for half of it. Did you? I ate all the way through. I know you did. I was next to you. Catherine's like, what a metaphor. I was like, this is brilliant.

And her spines and get sewn up. And she's like, fast. I relate. I relate. I was really shoved and like that popcorn being like, I get it. I get it. I didn't understand was why she kept taking the substance standing up. I was like, just sit down and then you won't bang your head so many times, girl.

That was your main take. Girl. If I was taking this, I would sit down. I think most people leave that film going like, I would never take it. I would never take it. I could never do that. I could never do that. I would get a chair.

Yeah, I'd sit down for sure. It's good. It's helping stuff. But I felt like it was so of the time because I feel like Ozempic. That's what that is, that is the. I'm so. I don't know. I feel like that's different. Oh, I mean, like, I feel like there's loads of things that are comparable,

they're different, but I feel like because we are in such a moment of Ozzyc, I felt like something where you don't know the risks, where you change your body so much, where there's such a intense urge, and you'd get treated so differently. I thought it was like, of the time, I was like, this is such an interesting commentary. I'm sure they didn't necessarily mean to align, but I just loved it. And yeah, I can't believe there aren't like eight female rage films either. because I would buy a ticket to every single one and there should be more.

Also, I wonder what it must be like to be a woman, like an actress or like people in Hollywood watching that because like they're, you know, under the most pressure and doing the most stuff probably. I don't know, it must know. Wait, no one's under more pressure

than teenage girls at a public school in the UK. I don't know. I think women in their late 30s in Hollywood here it comes. That thing which you've been told is going to make you obsolete is coming down the road. Here it comes. and you have all the money in the world

and now it's like here are all these options do you want to medicalize the problem or you know it's just so fascinating I thought it was I thought it was fascinating I just would have loved

to have been in like a premiere cinema of like a bunch of like faces done watching you know what I mean people who genuinely

would do it yeah I wouldn't hate someone to crawl out of my spine I know what you mean I know what you mean I think I find it uncomfortable it was for me

when she was like like hacking up boob so I was like that I could do yeah to have a boob pop out of part of me I think would actually suit me did it you would even you would love it if a boob popped out of me right now you'd be like a little kitten if you sneezed a boob I would first of all be like is I'm made of churdy so and secondly be like yeah it's all coming yeah no but I know of course helen's got boobs hidden inside of that sure it's a sinus thing for musty gal's um um Um, no, I loved it. I really loved it. And I'm sorry if you haven't seen it and we've just blabbed about it. But I loved it and I needed to tell everyone. Catherine loved it. I really enjoyed it. Also, I heard someone be like, it just wasn't very realistic on the way out. And I was like, I was like, it's, what? It's not meant to be. It's not meant to be. What are you talking? I thought it was. It thought it was actually, like the emotion. Yeah, me too. I was like. You just need to watch it. You just need to watch it. We've flabbed on for like an hour about it. more is just astonishing. How about you tell me, let's just curve away from that toxic beauty

culture. What's your beauty regime like at the moment? My beauty regime? Yeah, what's happening with your beauty regime? Let's see. This morning, um, I got up a quarter to eight. Ice bath. Knowing I had to leave at eight. Went for a week. Did you actually have 15 minutes from bed to leave in the house? Yeah. And you look like that. Look like what? Don't, don't, don't do that. I put on. No, genuinely don't do that. I look. I'm not wearing makeup. I look wrecked. Okay, I got up.

Ellen was still asleep so I put on my pants, put on my clothes, in the dark. You're a fucking bitch. I went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, put on some sun cream, then forgot I hadn't got deodorant on, went back into the bedroom, put on deodorant, and then left.

And then had my breakfast here. I got like 45 minutes before leaving my house. 45 minutes? Yeah. To do what? Have a coffee, have breakfast, shower, brush my hair, put some effort into my appearance.

I had breakfast here. I didn't want to do any. I had to get up so early. Quarter to eight. Why do you look like that? I look like shit. I literally, my hair is not hearing. I'm not wearing any makeup.

I'm pretty sure I sell croissant in my teeth. You don't. Your teeth are so white. I hate you when you're making a toxic beauty culture for this podcast. I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm sorry. You're literally glowing. It's sun cream.

Great. Now I'm stressed and I'm sweating. Now I'm the ugly one with the sweat. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. No, behave. Here we go. I think it's sun cream.

And it's a thermal. I think it's sun cream and I don't blow your pits in front of me. I think it's, no, I think it's sun cream and I think it's Botox probably. Yeah, I've got on sun cream, Catherine, I have Botox. But I've got a sun cream on. I've got a vitamin C serum on. I toned. I put like Batiste in my hair as well

Just to make it a little bit more I haven't washed my hair in five days But I will today probably maybe I don't want to take so long God I can't even look at you right now You're not sorry Oh no I am But I don't really agree with the premise

I reject the premise which is that I look nice But you're sweet Okay this is great Maybe we should not discuss beauty Okay I went to P.E. last night. There be good. That's good. I went to this class around the corner from my house that is like an indoor circuit training,

but it actually is the closest thing to adult P.E. I've ever gone to. Fun. Yeah, it was. What was unfortunate was that a man pissed me off at the lockers. And then I was beside him for the whole rotation. So then I did treat it like a competition. And if I may, I kicked his fucking ass, but I don't think he knew that we were competing. How did he?

Okay, how did he piss you off at the lockers? I went to put myself into a locker and he was like, oh, I'm going to use that one. Okay. He hadn't put his stuff in it yet. But was he standing right by it? Literally by it, but not in front of it. Okay, okay. It was like to his right.

How would I guess? How would you guess? I'm going to use that one. There's loads of lockers. Anyway, because I was annoyed of myself, really, for backing down instead of being like too late. You can't say too late. I should have said too late.

Wait, that was the whole argument that made him your enemy? Yeah, and then we were beside each other the whole time, but then I kicked his ass. physically? No, I just mean like I beat him on the rower. Oh, that's very cool. And the bike. Wait, well, wait.

I thought you meant adult peers and like, and I literally the same way as the kettlebells was him. Sorry, go on. I just did the same way kettlebells was him. Okay, good. I probably gave myself an injury, but I showed him. By which I mean, I don't think he was paying any attention, but. No, maybe not.

I think he was because he was trying really hard, but then he gave up. Awesome. Yeah, he probably has a full-time job. I, on the other hand, I had done very little that day. so I had loads of energy for pee Anywho Those are my petty little vibes For the week

What else is going on? Oh my God, after you came home from the cinema I go into the fucking bathroom And okay Often I will find Ellen Using my products Often Which fine, I wear all of her clothes

Fine I think it's a fair exchange I think it's reasonable Is it frustrating that I Often buy like relatively expensive products and I like constantly keep them you know nice yeah nice and ordered yeah and she is like she just started wearing sun cream when we started going out you know um she's really believe in moisturiser that kind of energy but that does take time to believe in it like I fully believe in

moisturiser now but it did take a good decade I'd say as an adult to get it you know I was moisturising as a child I'm pretty sure but okay I'm not the same I think just different different strokes So, um, but I came into the bathroom and for the last time she was having a shower, I watched her and I was like, what are you? She was using my face wash. Wait, you watched her shower. No, I was pissing. There's the truth.

I was pissing. I was pissing she was in the shower. And if I may, it was the other way around. I was pushing she came in and got in the shower. But she started to use my face wash all over her fucking body. I was like, oh, that's fucked up actually. I was like, that's a face wash. And she was like, yeah, but it goes everywhere.

And I was like, it goes everywhere, but that doesn't mean you just get too positive everywhere. I was like, what are you doing? She cleaned an asshole with fancy face wash? Also, I was like, bitch, there's two body washes in there. They're both mine also, but you can use what if it means you'll stop using my face wash. Oh, listen, I, but...

How do you know, I'm sorry, I was so ready to defend Ellen and be like, my Catherine is just on one, like as early morning, she's not in the mood. That's fucking so damn. A seravet face wash. And also, if I think... Those are expensive.

I bought one yesterday. and I couldn't believe it. And it's also like... Does it work, though? For your face or for your body? Facing. Because both is the answer. But also she does sometimes usually just use her shampoo all over her body,

so I was kind of proud of her for washing her with something else, but I was like, if you could, just please use the body wash. Anyway. I kind of get the shampoo all over your body. Every now and again, it's just like, you're just like, fuck it. It's cleaner. Like, it is. Like, not permanently.

I don't have everyone judge me right now, but sometimes. Sometimes. But it's mad. in the shower where we have all the bits. That's crazy. But if you didn't have all the bits. But we're not, it's not like, we're not in a holiday in.

Oh, that's where you have to use that, like all hair body wash. Yeah, yeah, three and one. Which I would never use, but you could use. Also, I don't believe in three. It smells like washing up liquid. It's not three and ones. I don't believe in either.

How do they get the conditioner in there? Yeah, I don't believe in either. What I'll say is though the other day came in after the, um, cinema. And she was having like a little bird bath. You know the way you'll sometimes just do your pits and bits. Face fanning and feet.

Sure. She, by the way, said, I can only tell us on the podcast if I stress that she's an incredibly clean person. She's incredibly clean person. To be fair, she actually is, not least because she's using whatever the hell is there to wash herself. No, she actually is 100%. No, she showers more often than I do. Yeah, yeah. No, she actually showers more often than I do.

I love it. Okay. She's very clean, but I walked in the other night and I was like, she was using. to clean her piss. She was, she had one of my cotton buds, like, you know, to take off your makeup. And my miscellar water. And I was like, sorry, what are you? Wait, you're in a cotton pad.

Yes. Okay, right, yeah, yeah. And my missalor water that you take off your makeup with. Yeah. She's just wiping her underarms. And I was like, Ellen, what are you doing? And she, first of all, you know, when someone's caught nude? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're very vulnerable. She was like, what? And I was like, what are you doing? And she was like, I just, I just need a quick wash. And I was like, use soap and water. Why are you wasting my mis? I'm only using a drop. And I was like, then what are you even doing?

She's toning her under. You're literally, what are you doing? You're making no difference here. You're simply wasting my products. I was like, why do you just pour them down the sink if you hate me this much? But she genuinely was like, I just thought it would work. And I was like, this is insane. I mean, it's not not going to clean it a bit.

It'd be cleaner than it was before. It's just a really mad way of going about it. It's a really expensive way of going about it. It's a really spiny way of going about it. What? Like, there's soap right there. Oh my God. But in her words,

then she'd have had to do laundry because she would have to wash the face cloths, question mark? What? I was just like, I, I... Does she know that you have to do laundry every time you use a flannel? Like, it's not like, bloody got to get the laundry on that flannel's got to come out.

If I may, I would like her to wash the flannels when she's washed her pits with them, but I know what you're saying. Yeah, that's true. But that is, like, how often do you to wash a flannel if it's just in the face every three days? I guess what I'm saying is, is this what it's like to date a man? What are the, how are the people dating men coping?

Are you finding these kinds of problems? Well, as someone who lives with a man, yeah. I guess we should just ask him. No. Segway! Was that last week? Was that in the extras?

Yes, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, oh my God. We're excited and I ruined it. No, we'll go again. I don't even remember what I said. As someone who lives with a man and then I'll say Segway and then you do hang out.

Okay. Well, as someone who lives with a man Yes. Yes? No, you're going to say Segway. You just say as someone who lives with the man I guess we'd just ask him. I thought you'd finish the sentence. As someone who lives with the man. Start again. Like natural. Is this what people who are living with men are going through? Well, as someone who lives with a man,

I guess we should just ask him. Segway! Oh! This is that alarming? You got over-excited. You weren't prepared for it that time. You got over-excited. It's Sinai-L Patel!

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off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com and use code audio at checkout. No one's touching you. You don't have to squirm like that. Hello. I'm going to be begin. A couple of rules. Thrill to have you here. Thank you for coming, Sineal. Thank you. Okay. Rules for you, Helen, if I may.

Yes. Hands inside the vehicle. You're not to touch him. You've already done it a few times while we're at this table. Please. I really want him to have a nice time. He's having a nice time. No, and we're also not going to speak for him. Okay. Those are the two rules for you. Sunil. Yes. I needed a blink, my guys. I need that to be a thing. I've got

my arms crossed. I needed a blink. Yeah. Sorry. And occasionally, if you would, try to answer the question. Absolutely. Those are the two. Okay, wonderful. Hello, Senil Bataille. Yay!

Welcome! Thank you. Let's talk about it. You've had a little bit of a glow up. Well, I've had a beard trim, yeah. It's lovely. Thank you. You look so much younger.

My barber, I had to really clamp down on my barber and say, like, please, can you cut it shorter? Well, he spends it, he perms it a lot when it's longer. He like perms it, makes straightens it and makes it like this perfect square. And it takes him about an hour and a half. What do you mean he perms it to make it straighter? Because it's like tongs, like hot tongs on it, straightens it all out, makes it a bigger.

It's a lot. Okay, do you know that perm means to make curly? Yeah, I didn't know that. That's okay. That's okay. Did you mean he straightens it? Yeah, it felt like a perm. But yeah, he straightens it.

Oh, okay. So he straightens it to make it a perfect square. Yeah. Well, he enjoys it. I think he likes, he has pride in his work. Yeah, and they have really big chats as well at the barbershop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. About films from the 90s,

that we've both seen. Which one? Anything where there's like, it's teen films with nudity in them. Give me an example. Oh. Scary movie. Has that got nudity in it?

It's got boops in it for sure. Is anything with like a one or two flashes of boot? But American Pie. Okay, fine. Okay, yeah. And we just talk about that. Okay, so I guess your definition of big chats is sort of different to mine, but that's okay.

What's a big chat? Oh, I guess like a deep and meaningful or sort of like... No, it's like what series we've seen recently. Which body part was available. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Okay, got you, got you, got you. And you're wearing a nice sexy jumper.

I am actually. Have you seen the sexy jumper? I'm wearing a nice jumper. It's cashmere. It's gorgeous. Thank you. It's from Marks and Spencer. Is it?

Are you still shopping there even though Mommy doesn't work there anymore? That's right. I am, yeah. Did she say you a discount? No. No, she walked out, didn't she? She said she's never going back. Is it a betrayal that you've gone there?

I think I got this before she left. Because it's a betrayal. It's a betrayal otherwise, isn't it? No, I don't know. We haven't talked about whether I can continue shopping at M&S, but I have been. Okay, wow. He's a loyal customer. I don't think he should leave Eminus behind.

I thought he was maybe a loyal son between that now. Oh, no, he gets a chicken, bacon, sees her out from M&S every day. I'm allowed to get one every day. Every day? Every day. I think I have one five times a week now. Why? I'd say five or six.

Is it just daily? Why? I think they're nice. Does it come with a meal deal? There's no meal deal on offer at Eminess, I don't think. Yes, there is. There is. There is.

What are the options? You can get a crisps in a drink. Yeah, I don't need it. Or fruit and a drink or a dessert in a drink. No, the dessert. I've been burned by the dessert recently. Well, I've been buying the little cakes are nice. The little cakes are nice, yeah.

They're in the meal deal. Well, unfortunately, I've been buying Swiss chocolate nutty clouds recently. It's been a disaster. It's been an absolute, it's a rerun. I don't know. What are those? It's got really bad in the flat place. And where are they from?

It's got real bad. So it's a bag of sort of nutty, chalky clusters. From where? MNS. Oh, yum. And I don't know if you ever heard about the 2018 triple chocolate crunch disaster I had where I was eating a bowl of triple chocolate crunch cereal every day. It was awful.

No. And I didn't realize over the week. I was like, I was doing intermittent fasting. I was like, why am I getting fatter? And you lost your eyesight in one eye at one point. You had so much sugar. Yeah. No, no, that's when I stopped eating sugar.

Oh, that's it. Yeah. And I lost vision in one eye. It went blurry. It was awful. Because I was eating so much sugar from triple chocolate crunch that the withdrawal. Was that? Because it's a bowl of sugar

And then he cut himself off from it 8,000 calories a week Yeah Fuck all From Chucky Crunch But wait Is what you're describing This knotty cloud business

Is that a breakfast cereal? No, they've done it again What they've done is They've made something so delicious And in a small enough packet They've done it again They've got me again Those fuckers have done it again

And I have you can have a packet On a train journey They're incredible Catherine They're so yummy What kind of packaging are we talking? We're talking like a small like grab bag right okay yeah

you could call it sharing bag but it's not but it's just a small grab bag and milk chocolate surrounding surrounding like chopped um hazel nuts your preference is almond my preference is almond like blue bag and um so I had a bag

like a lot of bags I'd say about 20 and then I read the back of the bag and it said one one bag alone which is a human's portion which was an afternoon snack for us in the half.

3,000 calories. Yeah, we fucked it. That was on us. I gave her a packet once just to keep her quiet. Didn't realize it was 3,000 calorie. She was bouncing off the walls. He left for the night and he went, I've got you this for tonight.

And I ate the whole thing in one evening. And I was up until 4 a.m. physically shaking. Oh, my gosh. Like physically. I was in a horrible stay. And he went, you're not supposed to eat them all in one go, but I've seen him go down through two. So more than a man's calorie intake for the day.

all sugar, basically. Over one chocolate snack. Yeah, one snack, I call it. Yeah. If I may, were you not very full after them? No, you don't, that's the beauty of it. You don't feel full. The beauty of it is that you can keep going.

If you're vulcan, it's great. No, it's, the beauty of it is that you want more. If you have a role or you're playing a much faster person, the beauty of it is, you can keep going. Exactly, yeah. So it's a dangerous game. Yeah, we've not been very well. Which is the game? Going to M&S, buying treats.

Wow, wow. So, yeah, I won't do that anymore. You had a pack yesterday. You were eating in yesterday. All right. I went to your room when you were eating them yesterday. It's different ones. You know the danger.

When did you find out yesterday? About a week ago. But now it's like flirting with danger, isn't it? Rather than just like not knowing. Yeah. You know. It's like smoking, isn't it? Before they knew and after they knew.

Yeah. It's just more fun after they knew. But we both still do it. Am I right? I don't smoke. You literally took one at my bag yesterday. You came in my room and took one. I don't know.

No, I don't know about that. A complicated man. The last side is he's left triple chocolate crunch behind. J.K., there's two boxes in our kitchen. It's triple chocolate crunch. Wait, is triple chocolate crunch? Is that the sort of musy-like cereal with chocolate all the way through it? That look, it comes in the purple box.

Yeah. Literally that one. Oh, shit. They do a high protein version of it. Not worth it. They also do a gluten-free version of it. Pretty good. Is it?

Yeah. Are you gluten-in-tolerant-tolerant? I have a real sensitive stomach and I can have some gluten, but then, okay, she'll be like, oh, no, you went one bite two, far yeah okay yeah not us with strong tummies apart from i believe you i had the other day from starbucks helen's lactose intolerant now no i'm not my stomach is so much better since i found out that that i had that um i think i feel like the medicine has finally gotten rid of all of that um bad stuff yeah whatever the h palori bacteria i had in my

upper gut what's that is that the bad stuff it was a infection in my gut that i didn't know is there a bacteria and now that it's gone i basically don't get a swollen stomach every single day and can go to the bathroom Oh, that's nice. That's good. I don't have, yeah, it's good. And I'm allergic to avocado and sometimes too much gluten or tannins from red wine make me go weird or onion. Onion.

I know, real shame because it's in everything. Yeah. I had a blood test done recently. Uh-huh. And my... 12 vials. Incredible. Six.

Six, sorry. Twelve would be crazy. Yeah. Are you there? No, I just told her about it. Okay, I didn't prepare me for it. I did. I went by a lucid on your way.

No. That's not preparing me for it. It was telling me to buy a leukazade. When it came out, were they like, it's 100% sugar? No, no. Actually, no, because I had to fast for 12 hours before it. Okay. Hence the leukazide.

I didn't know about that. I forgot about that. If you've got a fast for 12 hours, then you're getting all that blood taken out. You're going to want glucose. Yeah, they didn't give me a biscuit or anything. 12 hours is like the night time, guys. Yeah, but you remember, we're chocky crunching. We're not chocky crunching throughout the evening.

We're doing little trips to the Chucky Crunch cupboard. There's chocolate locked in my room sometimes. Most of the time. Yeah. Yeah, because of my food addiction. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Put five bagels in the freezer, didn't I?

Whoops. There's still three. How many did I eat? Four. Did I actually? Yeah. Yeah, I'm out of control, man. In one go?

I struggle with having bread in the house. Yeah. There's two loaves in the freezer. Okay, but I prefer his bread. prefer other people's bread yet. Do you eat four of his five bagels? I don't think it was four. I,

my memory is one. My memory is... She stopped doing that thing where she eats all of it, says nothing, and then waits for it to be found out. I have stopped doing that. She now eats 90% of it

and waits for you to find out. So it is progress? I think it's good because I'm leaving evidence now. It's not so stupid. She wants to be found out. You know when a murderer wants to do. Yeah, they're just tired.

They're just tired. It's part of my nutrition. It's part of my nutritionist. It's like, you know, you're allowing yourself to be caught. Your bread crumbing, Sunil, with his own bread. You never eat the triple chocolate crunch, though. Well, you scared me with the eyesight. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A little bit. Whoa. Yeah. Okay, well, wait until you both find out about the symptoms of diabetes. Oh, not heard about that. Oh, you do have it? I've had it a couple of times. No, I don't have diabetes.

Oh, sorry, the triple chocolate crunch. Yeah, I have had it a bit, a little bit, a couple of times. Have you? It's turned into a clump now because it's next to the air fryer. Oh, is it? Yeah. Well, we need to do a clear out.

When do you guys talk about your eyes, like, feel thing. I know, so do I. There's a, I found in the cupboard that, like, your fancy tin of sherbet lemons are all just one big club. Travel sweets for my long journey. Yeah, but you never take them. Also, why do you have travel sweets in a tin?

It was a bit of nostalgia. It was like 200 years old going on the M4 with this travel boiled sweets. Keep the kids quiet in the back. What kids? And why don't you just put them in your car? You, Eddie, huh? Why don't you put them in your car instead of the cupboard?

I know, I know, sorry. I want to clean out that, yeah. Yeah, we've got to do some big old-fashioned thought-outs. You know, if you guys live apart, which may happen soon, I have ordered. No hands. What did we say? Yeah, no hands, sorry.

And you, yeah. Well, okay, I would like to ask, because this could be the end of an ear, and this could be the last time we see you on the podcast before that happens. I'm very emotional. about it. I've ordered a weights bench.

Yeah, he has actually to replace me. For her room? Yeah. Yeah. Would you not take her room? Oh yeah, I'm going to move into there because mine is basically a mold. Yeah.

It's pretty moldy, yeah. He doesn't open the windows. You don't open the windows. I have the dehumidifier on a lot. The problem is there's a downpipe outside which is dripping water on the side. It's fucking ridiculous. You don't have mold in your room

because there's more air coming in. Wait, wait, wait, wait. This might make it easier. This might make it easier. make it easier. I thought this was going to be a stressful conversation, but actually three things you're looking forward to that you think will change about your life from not living

with Seneal. Helen, go. Positive is not living with Sineal. Well, it's very hard to think of them because I do. I love living with him so much. I know, I'm just seeing three things that you think will change about your life. You can go one for one. Sineal, have you got one and I know you do. One positive.

Just a bit more space. Yep. Okay, fuck that. More space for me as well. No, because you're getting a flatmate. He's got about 800, 800 pairs of shoes. and just everywhere. I threw two pairs out the other day.

We've got a Lego Seinfeld set that's been now half completed for about eight months now. What else? More space would be the number one. Okay, so Neil. Not having food is constantly rotting in the fridge because he's like, I'll get around to it.

You're not going to get round to it. Okay, that's fantastic. Just another positive for me, is it? Please. Oh, tough to think of one. Aw. Not having like blocks of cheese going off in the fridge. That's what she does a lot.

Okay, so you both say the same thing. cheese to go out of date before consuming it. You have allowed cheese. You actually have. That is more cheese. Excuse me. Yeah. If it ever gets to a small block, you can't be asked to grate it, so you just leave it and get a new block. Bullshit. I put it in a pan, and I melt it and put tortellini in. Never seen that. I've never

seen that how do that. I do, Catherine. I really thought you were going to say the whole, like, eating your bread thing, but you haven't. Oh, yeah, no, yeah. Is that the third one? No, no. Number three, Helen. All I can think of things I'm going to mess. What about all the hair in the drain? I think. That's your. That's your. No, it's not. I use your turn to use the drain snake. The bathroom floor is literally like a fucking beast.

It's insane. What am I not going to miss? I'm not going to miss. Do you guys have a cleaner? No, I will get one. As soon as she leaves? Yeah. That's so hard.

Because I clean. Yeah, I've always said, like, you don't need to do that. We can get a cleaner. I'm happy to pay for it. Okay. But he says I do it because I'm anxious. Yeah, she does. She does it whenever she's, like, wound up about something.

Okay. I suppose I'm not going to. miss the I don't mind the announcements of big toilet between us but I didn't appreciate it let's say I think you started last week I think it's important to announce big toilet when there's just one toilet between two people so they know whether they want to brush their teeth or have a shower before you big toilet yeah I didn't appreciate when Nathan came over last week where I was like god I hope when he arrives he goes straight to the toilet because I want a big toilet yeah but he didn't immediately and I said oh do you need to toilet before we watched the film Nathan and then you

went Nathan you better go now because she's about to blow no I didn't That didn't make me feel good. You did, and it didn't make me feel good. I've never used the term she's about to blow. You used that. No, no, no, no. Not those exact words. And then I came out and you went, have you lit a candle?

And that felt dehumanising. Well, you said, I've lit a candle, but I'd still give it a day. Only because I came out at the bathroom laughing because I was thinking of that Elaine figures, you know, the Catherine Tate skirt with Daniel Craig, where she comes out of the bathroom and she's like, leave that a couple of hours me to get some more glades

and I thought I'd say that when I came out and it'd be funny but I couldn't get it out because I was laughing so hard Yeah, it was funny It was funny Yeah I'd like to have the TV back

I'd like to be able to use the TV rather than just have to watch Married at First Sight You're not having to watch Married at First Sight You just had it on Is this last night? You just have it on all that or dance moms

Or Malcolm in the middle Yeah Wow those are three The good thing is she doesn't know how to put YouTube on the TV. Otherwise, it would just be Disney vlogs all the time. I once got into his YouTube algorithm. No, you didn't.

And I did put on Adam Hatton on it. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think it's good because your YouTube is fucking home. It's absolutely fucked. Is that because of all your Russian dash cam? No, it's different now. I'm watching battlefield simulators of different armies throughout history fighting each other.

It's awful. One million T-Rex versus Humanities Army. Why? I don't know. I just got addicted to it. It's like an hour and a half. You just watch a million. T-Rex just die on a beach.

So now whenever we have a friend over, he's like, you've got to look at this. You think the T-U-X would lose? Two guns and rockets, yeah. And a million of them. It is quite a lot for humans to take on in one go. But with Apaches, shotguns,

laser soldiers, which are Jedi's. But thank you so much. Okay, great. And I was just, sorry, I was telling my truth. It is interesting, though, and Catherine would like to see.

No, that's all right. I'll send you a link. Please don't. Send it to Ellen, sure. Ellen would watch anything just to impress you. It's the length of a feature film. Ellen's like the only man Ellen currently fancies us,

Sunil, it's adorable. She was very clear about that to me. She gets very coy and cute around them. It's very sweet. We did play a, like, well, a romantic couple, didn't we? Oh, look, she's on my radio show. Yes, it was actually quite electric.

They were so far away from each other, which felt like they both, which is exactly what they'd both want, I think, if they were to have sex. Did you get semi? Did you feel sexually charged? No, I was on stage, Ellen. Yeah. And we mustn't.

We must have a full bowener. I'd like to ask a follow-up question please because again might be our last time as a group before you guys live apart three things please that you will miss about Sineal that's what I was going to say Catherine

I know you'll never let me just finish a sentence go on okay I'm going to miss like our lovely special evenings in watching films like we also do like a lot the same TV shows at the moment abandoned railways

from above we love that and I'm going to miss the like when he gets excited about making new food and then he just like makes it like obsessively for two weeks and gets it really good nice what was the last thing

chili wasn't it no you went through that year os famous oh I did didn't I didn't I? There's flatbreads yeah with like two different sauces on them how quickly you've forgotten okay and and the third thing I'm going to miss

always having someone to share good and bad things with and to cuddle and comfort and love on and I like that's not one thing though that's I like that he has a car and we go to Sainsbury's together and we get a special drink at the end of it together what special drink well he likes to drink like frappes and frappuccino's but he gets nervous to order them because he thinks it looks lame yeah um because he likes his like cream and his sauces and like all of that so then I have to get it for him or I can get it wait till you find out what the calories in those are yeah I know I know I know We mustn't.

No. Yeah, that is fun, isn't it, a trip to Sainsbury's. Yeah. Okay. And to Neil, what do you think is your miss, please? I like tea time. Three to four o'clock tea time is fun. What's that?

It's where she makes a tea. That's so sweet. And I make a big event of it, obviously, every single day. You're not home yet, it's tea time. Yeah, but got to get home for tea time. And he gets to pick his mug each day. Yeah, it's the same one. It's the cat sushi mug.

Usually cat sushi. That's so sweet. Tea time's good. Coffee morning. No, let him. I'm actually not a big fan of coffee morning because I'm never up at the same time as you. Oh, she's crying.

Okay. I like abandoned railways from above on Channel 4. Cute. We watch that. That's fun, isn't it, Helen? We've been utterly charmed by it. I know, you talked about it the whole time the other night when, because obviously, whenever we're out with Ellen,

Helen brags about you because she knows makes Ellen jealous. So the fact that you had watched abandoned railways from above was a big talking point. Yeah, it's just a drive. own and a voiceover. It's quite cheap programming, but it's very good. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's good. We've got episode six out now to watch. Yeah, I think, um, I'm going to Chelsea tonight, aren't I? Oh yeah, of course. For what? Halloween party. I've got to record, uh, for the radio show. Oh, fun. I'm going to infiltrate the Chelsea set. Phenomenal. Is that way he bought the cashmere

jumper? Yeah, yeah. And last thing? Um, God, try not to struggle so hard. I'm not struggling. I'm just adjusting my glasses and rubbing my forehead. Someone cleaning something for you, someone making so much dinner for you. Yeah, no, that is oh yeah, didn't it? Helen make nice dinners. Which one? She made a pie the other day, didn't you? This came up in the episode last time.

No, in the extras. In the extras. She does cook a lot, actually, yeah. And she just, when she decides to cook, it's like a big meal, it's good. And how was the chicken leek? It was really good. Wasn't it? Yeah, it was. I think it was. She always slags it off, but it was good stuff. Okay, wow.

Guys, it really feels at the end of an era Like, my parents are divorcing Well, I think she's moving down the road, so But it's still, I mean, maybe it won't happen. Yeah. Well, I have ordered the weights bench. How do you actually? Yeah.

Did you check the size of it? It's foldable, but I'd like a permanent space for it. Yeah, I just don't want us to end up with that treadmill thing again. Treadmill under bed, that's fine. I know, but we, he got a walking standing treadmill, but both of us are too fat to use it. I'm 10 keys. We're over the weight limit for the exercise equipment.

Yeah, it's pretty heavy. No, we're about to lose weight, we reckon. Once we get off the nutty glass. Once you get off the nutty glands for our pachinas, triple jockey. And our pies. And we had a chippy tea the other day. I don't like chippy tea, though. You didn't have chippy tea.

What do you have? You're Ross. Yeah. So they're just checking. Yeah, there's plenty of opportunities in the house to overeat. That's for sure. Oh, yeah. I like to have food around me.

It is harder when you live with other people, I think, to have any sort of regimen around food because not that you necessarily need to but if you are trying to be because in my house obviously there's four women so one of us at least one of us is always on her period which means somebody every week is like I've put a multi pack of mini-snickers

in the fridge or like there's literally a box we have on the side that's just for sweets and somebody always refilled it whereas if it was my house I probably just wouldn't have a box that comes to be on the counter full of sweets because when they're there I exclusively eat them obviously but yeah you can't really be like could

could everyone keep their delicious foods out of sight? Do you know that with ice cream? What's talking about? Do you not all sync up if there's four of you? Thank you for the question. Actually, Ellen and I have now synced up. So we need there's only two different weeks. Okay.

If you're asking, but I guess everybody else's details of their own. But yeah, no, we don't. We don't. There are two weeks where there's somebody always on their period. How does that happen, the syncing up then? It's not real. Is it not? No.

Is that made up? Is it? Apparently, yeah. Is it, though? Is it? Yeah. How would that be real? Yeah. Just, you know, the moon.

I just thought we did, like, the moon and then, like, we're living in the same house. So, like, there's a time together. But the moon's not different, like, up the street. Like, every woman on a street doesn't sink off. What? Yeah, it's not real. So walls don't affect it. No, no, it's basically, um...

But I've synced with friends when we've lived together before. We've been like, wow, we've synced. Maybe it's all in your head. We're a week apart, which is bloody annoying, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Am I'm right. Bloody

I don't know No okay It was funny Oh the pun Yeah Right When I'm on my period The Neil says to go

In my room What? It's like I'll not have a lady bleeding in the living room No I don't say that I do not say that Do you not? Do you keep track of when she's due on

No she tells me I tell him Oh I keep track of it Ellen just because It's best to know When it's not about me Oh I see You know

Just a little like Wait a second Am I oh no That's fine I'll just cry loads And I'll be like Oh that was my period It's not a depression

He'll be like Didn't notice didn't care. Yeah, I just think it's part of your personality. Or go out for a walk. Do you? No, you suggested that before being like, did you see any sun today?

And I'll be like, no. And he'll be like, let's try a walk. Yeah, that's in the winter though, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you go together for a walk? No, he doesn't really invite me. We did once to release a mouse. Jacob.

That was awful. Don't, why do you keep bringing that up? Because you know, I found that really hard. Jacob! It's like, almost two years after it. And you're like, do you think he's all right? I think he's dead. They don't last that lot.

Their natural lifespan is my concern is that where I released him he immediately died I'm sure I would have said this in the podcast at the time but we released him into a field into a field and then there was a sign around the corner that said keep your puppies on their leads seven goslings dead in a week so god knows what would happen to Jacob and he was so frightened katherine yeah because you released him into the middle of an open patch of grass I caught him with peanut butter caught him with peanut butter. Yeah. That's intense.

And then we wanted a coffee before we released him. You've got to walk quite a bit from your house. So I stood outside the coffee shop holding the mouse inside of a cage in my tote bag as he went in and got a coffee. Yeah, one of those humane traps. Where you give a little bit of food and they can keep eating after they've been trapped. But he was so panicked. He was sweating. He was sweating.

Yeah, Jacob was like really quite damp. He wasn't sweating. He was shaking, which is how animals were really strong. He was too scared to go close to him. He was too scared to do anything. I'd do it all. He was. Well, you're a bit scared.

I'm not scared. He's fine of everything. When you had that earthworm in your room the other day, you were terrified. I had to do everything. Yeah, I was like, why is that worm in my room? Yeah, why is there a worm in your room? Why?

A bit about how? Because there's a completely sealed door. Where is the worm coming from? Exactly. Yeah. That's how in your room is. Your foot. Because you came in from outside on your foot.

No, but it gets caught in the tread of your birkenstocks. You had a worm in your room, an earthworm. She has to, she's not allowed to, um, shrap. No, you can't carry on the fight. if she has to stop you have to stop Okay Cineal I don't think it was a fine

That wasn't a fight And then he put a slug in my bedroom I did not You just have slugs in your room He put a slug in my room I don't know I didn't put a slug in Well how do you get that

Exactly the same where the earthworm got in Do you want to talk about the teaspoons Or do you want to leave it Yeah what you Yes How are you generally Yeah I'm fine Doing well

We're both fine Yeah yeah yeah what's you up to What am I up to at the moment? Abandon railways from above and muddy clouds And the man, do there are things about Sineal that you don't know and you could find out new things about and maybe you let him talk. I doubt it. I'm doing a radio show at the moment, so recording bits for that.

Fantastic for the BBC. For the BBC Radio 4, yeah, BBC Radio 4. And when's it out? January or February. We don't know. Fabulous. And this is the second series? Second series.

It's... Of Sineal Patel. An Idiot's Guide 2. Great. And what's an idiot's guide to this time? This is an idiot's guide to bagging an air-ass. Phenomenal. So I've got to try and marry an heiress.

How's it going? It's going pretty good. It's going pretty good. Yeah. Don't worry about me. You know that Helen's grandfather invented Syrix? Yeah, but where's the money gone now? Yeah, we don't know.

Exactly. That is. Yeah. If she had shit loads, would you marry her for the radio show? No. Why? Because it wouldn't make sense with the storyline we've built so far. I play the landlady in it in both series, so it would be weird for me to be.

Yeah. Helen's a new radio show. Yeah, yeah. She plays my landlady. Landlady, yeah. Oh, that's lovely. She just calls me a dickhead for a throw. Yeah, essentially.

Honest with the script. Yeah, of course. No, it's not. It's fully improvised. In my radio show, we just made you call yourself a little bit. Every time. God, you don't have it easy on Radio 4. You don't have a easy.

Have we spoken about this on the podcast the day that you, Sineal got, okay, so Catherine's radio show, TLDR, Sineal was in it, and Sineal got sent over the writing for, like, for like his script so like a day before right recording it and he was like reading it through in his room and I was outside and he came out and he was like um oh is it like how do you how do you say this do you remember this what was the what did I have to say oh is it oh a messy little bit he was like is it okay if I say like is it like so how do I say um my name's Danielle Patel and I'm a messy little bit what's the sassiest way for me to say it's it funny or it's it

offensive and I was like we got it from your bio sorry oh I see You were so cute. You came out your room all sheepish. It was adorable. That's so cute. Sorry to stress you. No, no, not at all. It's good to grow as a person, isn't it? It was a writer's room of five women and a production team of two women just being like,

what can we get to Neil to do every week? And him being like, is this offensive? It's like, no, we cleared it with a quorum, go on. No, it's great. Are you watching chaos? No. Really? I think you might like it.

We're watching Abandon Railways from a lot. No, I do know that. I just wondered if he's, okay, mind. And you're watching. that was the show that you told me industry, is that I? Oh, I must return to it. I watched the first series, but I think yeah, okay, worthwhile? It's really good.

Okay, fantastic. Yeah, yeah, it's worth watching. Helen's not going to watch Finding Nemo soon with Catherine Ellen, I forgot to tell you this. I haven't seen it. I cannot believe you haven't seen it. There's a lot I haven't seen that. Pirates of the Caribbean. That one that you could pass on. When are you coming over to watch Finding Nemo then? Whenever you guys invite us.

Yeah, sure. You've never had me over. Yes, I have. You've had me over once and I cooked you dinner. You've never had me and Ellen over at a host of us. Damn it, that's true. That's a shame, isn't it? That's a shame.

That is a real shame. Wow. But I always see the pictures on Instagram of your friends over watching movies. Oh, that's got hurt Ellen. That's really, isn't it? That's good. It's a little sword. That's good.

Because it's always a group as well, so they're definitely room for one more. Oh, what do you mean when we got all the boys together to watch Lawrence of Arabia? Oh, that was me. There were several times. The Lawrence of Arabia and stuff, that's him. Yeah, but it's been sent from. Yeah, there's been several times. to sit on a chair behind all the boys

because I don't get it. No, that's not why. It's because there weren't enough seats and Helen gave up her nice seat for one of the little boys that was there. Under the assumption that one of the boys would be like, no, no, don't worry. I'll sit there.

And they all went, uh-huh. We're all completely embarrassed by Lawrence of Arabia. My mother's favorite, one of her favorite Christmas films. Whose favorite? My mom. Christmas sounds. It's a good film. We watch Ben, her, Lawrence of Arabia.

lots of long films Christ on a bike yeah he gets funny about long films as well anything Sydney Poitier as well really yeah she loves the old I need to watch some of those yeah which ones um which ones look he's coming to dinner yeah that's a classic yeah mr what's name no but I want to okay the one where he's a teacher she loves mr something mr Sydney potter yeah no but oh

Mr. Sidney body. The graduate. He is so hot. No, he's not the grandchewish. No, he's not in it? Yeah, that's Dustin Hoffman. What's the film I'm thinking of? I don't know.

Em doesn't know. We need Andrew energy. Andrew would have been on it. Can you say sorry? Can you just think nice about me quickly? I already have done the three things. Okay. I honestly think the fact that Simile has stayed this long.

Well, every time I... Stayed. Yeah. Well, the reason that we are now moving is that I was the one that. said I'm going to move out and get a buy a flat yeah um but then Helen got that Helen started looking and immediately sort of found some of that could be perfect for her yeah but so many offers just in what like two days or something she did you're going I'm just

sort of waiting I don't know where to move to is it almost impossible to think straight while she's in the house maybe you'll find something after it's more just like I don't know where to live you know when you're like oh I could I think it's quite smart to let her choose first and then you can go wherever I want He is an absolute mess with it. I've had Clarkingwell, Farringdon, Margate, Fogstead. No, I'm not. I'm not moving to Margate or Fokston.

You have to home. Farrington and Clark and well aren't that far away from me, that makes sense. I want him to stay with me. Well, she wants me to buy in the same block as her. That's ridiculous. In an ideal world, all of my friends would live in one block. It would be quite fun.

There's a town. It's got a parking space as well. Why do you do that? Yeah, no, I don't want to. Oh, why? It's on a main road. Okay, yeah. He's funny about that, whereas I like being on the mate.

Oh, my God, I got a hinge notification. Do you think it's the guy with the goate? No. King Kong? It sounds like you're going to say with the gooch, but what was it? It's not. Is this a guy called King Kong? Not the King Kong guy now.

Who is it, a woman or man? It was a man liking me, but I thought maybe it'd be the guy whose picture was him hugging goofy, but it's not. He's put that on his hinge, is he? Yeah, and I think he might be a soulmate. It's Helen's perfect three-way. That's not you think. A man dressed as a dog or the actual dog.

Sineel Patel, where can people find you? And are you doing any live shows they can come and see or any records for your radio show or anything that they should look into? Doing a charity night for the Crizzards at the Bill Murray in London, so please come to that. That will be...

Is it to raise money for the double act of the Crizzards or are they raising money? No, it's for refugee. Isn't it? Oh, it was refugee action last year. Okay, fantastic. I don't know the date because I haven't put it in my diary, but it is in December. Otherwise, my Radio 4 shall be out in the new year, and it's called an idiot's guide to

bagging an heiress. And where can they find you online? Sunil Patel Solutions on Instagram. Fabulous. But not on Twitter. I'm not really on Twitter. I just, yeah, I don't do that. Okay, great.

And presumably they can find you in like second life or something. Do you have a character? No. I am on Xbox Live as Ace Mantis 7911. one. Of course you are. Have a gorgeous day everyone. So Neil Fitzgerald! Thank you so much to all of our producers, but especially the

illustrious bunch that is our executive producers. Thank you so much Guy Goodman, Simon Moore, Annie Turner, Stephanie Katrachia, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Madeleine, Quinn and Sadie Cashmore, thank you. We are so grateful to you keep us going and honestly it means the world. Helen?

You guys are all my father, Christmases. Thank you to our other Little Elves, our producers. It's so early in the year for this. It's not early. It's close enough. We're less than 100 days away, right? Go on. Go on. Go on. Thank you to our producers, our little elves in the workshop.

It's L. It's Richard Bold. It's Harold Van Dyke. It's Tim and Dom. It's David Walker. It's Rachel Aris. Claire Owen Jones. It's Jess and Nick. It's Sarah and Molly. It's Ria Fink. It's Cordelia. It's Rachel Page. It's Helena. It's Tina Lindsay. It's Graham Marsh. Sing along with me. It's Amy O'Reardon. Abbey, Matt Sims, Luke Bright. Learke, Kate Spencer, Liz Fort, Taz, Anthony, Clive, Becky, Fox, Dean, Michael, Sophie, Chivers, Chivers, Carrie, Sooth, Charlie A, Casey, Jam, Rain Bird, Tamsden, Smith, Harding, Hannah J, Ezra Peregrine, which is Hill in Welsh. Woo-hoo! Thank you, bye!

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