Trusty Hogs - Ep161. RHYS JAMES / Foreheads, Fashion & Full Fat Milk

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Helen's been round to Catherine's house for an ill-fated visit, we reflect on our final live show of the year in Manchester, play some road trip games, and welcome the brilliant comic & menswear model, RHYS JAMES...FOLLOW RHYS: @RhysJamesyLEICESTER (15/2): Live Show TicketsThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven ChickenWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Hello and welcome to episode 161 of the podcast, Trustee Hogs, with me, Helen Bauer. and me, Catherine Bowhart We're pigs Certainly And this is the podcast Where we oink our way

Through our perfect lives And listen to your frankly Disappointing problems You guys got a lot going on You guys are fucking messes It's a lot going on But we will fix it, don't panic Through the fog

Step forth the trusty hogs Yeah You're gonna give me your problems And they will solve them Or maybe they'll want to and that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White

On the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hugs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Helen, how the hell are you? Thriving as always

No, the answer I'm afraid is Disgusting Disgusting You're having a disgusting day And we've spent too much of it together Because actually I'm already repulsed Helen you came too much my house this morning and said and it wasn't this morning you arrived at noon yeah and you said what

words to my face after telling your housemate and your girlfriend that katherine's going to be upset with me i was warning them yeah but what do that to do with me because i'd leave my house at 1030 a m and i didn't get a chance to big toilet slash poo before i left the house how were they different how are they they're different they are big big toilet has digger no no actually sorry i sorry sorry i sorry Toilat has dignity, poo is gauche. And I do believe that. So I said, I haven't had a chance to big toilet yet. There's a good chance I have to be toilet at your house.

I'll let Catherine know. And I think that's the right thing to do. It was horrible. And then guess what happened? Your reaction made it go back up inside me. It's sent to back up. After you'd already, you went, oh my God, okay. Then you tottered downstairs.

I ran, I ran. You turned over oil reeds. She lit a candle. Listen, to get ahead of it, to get ahead of it. Do you have any idea how dehumanising it is for a woman? To have someone have to do five minutes of admin. How you've split porcelain. No, no, no.

We're renting. We can't afford that. We're renting. Saying I've cracked the bottom of the porcelain bowl is funny. I just wanted to get ahead of it. The guys are laughing. I wanted to get ahead of it. I was like, why not have the candle going?

The window open. The reeds turned. The spray beside the loo. Everything ready for you. you could feel comfortable and so that I could never think about how it happened there. Yeah. But instead, I think my face and my eyes running back to the back of my head and the panic and the breathiness and the going downstairs got you into a place where you sort of, it all

sort of, maybe it like, like did it evaporate back into you? Yeah, it went in, it went back into your system, I don't know. And I'm sorry about that I obviously, I'm a host, like, I want you to feel welcome, but never that welcome. Yeah. And I just need you to know that like, if you say it to me, I will, um, hate it. but like is it better not to say and then you've been burping loads since i and you know i'm finding it you burped earlier in charlie clive's room that that was different you did like i stood up after a ramen

yeah to get a lint chocolate oh man i'm gross no you're not i don't even know charlie well enough to burp in her room oh that's okay i think she would burp in front of you she's no she's normal and fine with these things i'm just incapable and i don't think we spend that much time to get the pre-record. I'm going into my baby voice because I'm going to defense of what's going on.

I'm like, we're-wra-w-w-w-w-r-r-w-er. Anyway, all of that is to say, I guess you are thriving, but I wish you would do it quietly. Can I say in my defense quickly? Yes. You don't really have to defend yourself.

You have not done that much wrong. I just, I find it. I experienced it all as sort of like needles on my skin. No, I went to Sunday school. A good Christian girl should big toilet before she leaves the house. For mass, yeah.

Are you doing it at the church? I must have absolutely dropped a load at a church at some point during girls' brigade. The toilet facilities that churches aren't great, well, at least in Catholic scenarios, you're often talking about like basically an outhouse. We had it inside toilets at the Methodist Church and Fleet. Methodist? Yeah. You're a Methodist.

I don't know if I am a Methodist, but we went to Methodist Church. So I guess that makes me a Methodist. Is that Church of England? It's a Church of England. Is it a Church of England? Alex. Alex is here today instead of Andrew and Hem because... Alex is back.

I know, I'm so excited. Welcome back, Alex. We should have started. We should have started with that. Alex is back. How exciting. And also he's Googling Methodist churches, which is exciting.

He's going to tell us all about the Methodists. So Protestant. Yes, Protestant. Okay. So Church of England. I am not a Catholic. And I couldn't be. I don't repent very well.

They wouldn't want you. No. No, no. I also have never denounced the devil and never will. I'm pretty sure the Methodists do that. Oh, but it originated within the church of England. Yeah, okay.

So they've moved around. I've got really into this recently. The church stuff, because I've been watching Wolf Hall. Have you seen it? No, my mom's obsessed with the second part's out, isn't it? Well, we started watching the second part by accident,

and we were like, what is happening? Is it Damien Watts's face? Yeah, Damien Lewis. Oh, God, he's so fit. I brought my, well, my mom came to see me at Soho Theater with my dad last time I did a show there, maybe two years ago. And it's so happened that the night we were in.

My mom loves Damien. Lewis and she'd seen everything he's ever been in and it still happened that night that we were in the South Theatre having a drink afterwards my parents first of all ran the place my dad had somehow had a boot booked under his name not mine inexplicable he'd made friends with the barman then um Damien Lewis was in the bar my mom was like this is the most fabulous place I've ever been she was like oh my god look who we're hanging out with it's like we could not be further away from this man at this bar that he doesn't know we're here but okay they guess we're hanging out with Damien Lewis in a way in a way

And by the end of the night, we're getting in an Uber home. My dad was, this is what I, this is my dad all over. He was shaking goodbye, like, shaking hands goodbye with people in the smoking area. And I was like, who are they? He doesn't smoke, by the way, obviously he doesn't smoke. He's just shaking hands goodbye with everyone. I'm in that smoking area often. You don't want to touch people in that smoking area.

It's crazy. I'm the cleanest in there. Honestly, I'm like, also like, when have you met these guys anyway? Saying goodbye to the guy who runs the bar, also a Damien, like shaking hands. I was like, Charming. Yeah, they really are. They're like,

they are so used to being the Deacon and the Deacon's wife that they sort of may are about 10 and it's gorgeous. So I'm actually taking them away this weekend so I'm excited to see how that'll go. By the end, I'm sure they'll own the hotel or something.

This trip is going to be gorgeous. It's very cute. My parents are going to be together 40 years. So as part of their gift, I got them this. Four zero. I know. They got together when they were 21 and 22.

Oh my God. And they are coming over and we're going to the new forest. And it's very sweet because my mom and Ellen played this game of cards so I love so much and my mom text me earlier

being like shall I bring the canaster cards and I was like wait what's canaster? It's a card game ooh like bridge much easier than bridge

okay I want to check this out but it's pretty oh my mom would love to teach you but it's pretty involved I think it's too involved but waiting for my invite to the hotel honestly my dad and I'll probably

go for a long walk but I think we'll have to play canasta at some point and Monopoly deal and whatever other card games when other ones to play Monopoly deal is fucking incredible. I remember getting into it in Germany.

We used to go to the lakes in the summer like me and the other comedians and play it for hours. We did it in when we went to Margate we spent considerable amount of time in beautiful weather, just looking for shade so we can play Monopoly deal. It's so much fun, owning that much property

in your physical hands. Yeah, it's really fun. You're dead right and also there's quite a few tricks to be had in Monopoly deal. Oh yeah, you can really show the cunt side of yourself. Yeah, I don't like that. It turns out mine is fucking vile. My favorite card is just,

say no. Oh, I think I'll just say no, but then sometimes somebody else can do, anyway, we're not playing there. But as women, obviously, we really struggle with saying now, don't we? Catherine. Now means no, unless they have a just say no card as well, which means it doesn't mean no, but that's the game specific. Not, listen. So the method is for Protestants. Our Protestants

unclear. Okay, fabulous. My favorite thing about you coming to my house beforehand is, oh, well, actually, maybe this is a good time to say, Helen was at my house, because we were, um, up to a little, we were plotting something,

plotting something that we will be revealing probably in the next two weeks on the podcast. In a perfect world in two weeks. And I believe that we live in a perfect world. In two weeks, we will be plotting, we will be revealing our plot to you. Yeah, I'm really excited about it. I think it's coming at just a good time for Christmas.

I think it's going to be cute as hell. We hope you like what we've been up to for fucking months at this point. Have you shown what we've been up to to anyone? No, have you? Yeah. Who did you show it to? Emma Black. Oh, thank God.

Okay, someone who's level, taste of I trust. And? Yeah, loved it. Okay, okay. She was like, I would like, okay. Okay. Yeah, I can't talk about. Two weeks, two weeks.

Stay two, two weeks. You know what? I actually also told two hogs I've met recently. What? I don't know why. I was like the Bill Murray. And I met a hog. Hello.

And he was like, you're chatting outside. And I was like, we're working on this thing. I don't think I showed it to him. I fucking hope you didn't. But also, that's so funny because I thought the two you were going to refer to With the two, I just remember you told me you told in Manchester. Oh, yeah. Let's say 10.

You've told 10 hogs. Maybe, yeah. If you've met me in the last couple of weeks, what? Don't put it online. No. Two weeks, Helen. It's really hard. I haven't shown Ellen and you've shown every hog you've met.

You haven't shown Ellen? No. I guess my relationship with the hogs are stronger than yours. In that, like, you're a complete oversharer when we'll tell them about. fuck as well I'm not... Imagine how busy you'd be imagine the sheer number

of like swine level sexual innuendo you have to come up with My hole would hurt It would Oh my God it'd be so like there's not enough Suducremm in the world To calm down those holes I'm sorry I'm pseudogram

And that see do you mean pseudogram No but to be fair you can't sleep With the hogs please No no no And I wouldn't Would you know No, I don't know I met

I met No, I don't know I don't know I don't know Maybe the seventh person I told about our project I would I think I told Saneal as well And showed him

But he would have instantly forgotten So that's fine How interesting to go to Sineal When I was talking about Who You'd My Fuck Oh my God Do you think it's gonna happen All of a sudden

I wish it would Um Helen also the nice thing about you Being at my house Is you got to see my favourite Local Caterpillar of Cute the forest school was out aren't they so cute

I died oh my god you have to explain what a caterpillar of cute is near where I live there's obviously some sort of like outdoor toddler Montessori

and they walk along with this long string and they all hold on to this circle thing and because it's winter they're all bundled up so they can't really move their arms or their legs

so they sort of like flop in a pack and it's so like they're little tiny Michelin men and the one in second in the row of maybe eight was just crying her heart out.

He was like, oh my God, a step further! And the little boys at the side, like, it's an audio medium, what are you doing? They're just smiling and toddling along.

So then, I swear these caterpillars, I've seen them every now and again, and they're so cute, right? Like, it's ridiculous how adorable it is. And me and Catherine's, they're high viz, both expleted over that, A-road.

But there's videos online of like little kids like in those little crocodiles and then one of them falls over and the whole lot just toppled down on top of each other and the teachers have to like stop at the traffic like we've got to untangle them all

and they're all like we can't do anything until you help us and pick us up and they're so tiny and so cute I'm my body is losing its mind at the moment I had my god son's god here we go back to religion

first birthday party didn't you have to renounce the devil at his Christmas. I did not renounce devil on behalf of him but I did not renounce a devil for myself as a godparent because I've already welcomed her in with open arms. Good for you. Yeah. So it's his first birthday party. This is his first birthday and first birthday party. How was this? How was this? Do you have to do anything special as godmother? By a big gift, I guess. I crushed it. What do you do? Number one, I feel like I wasn't great because my cousin Sophie was like, oh, do you want to come to Jude's first birthday? I was like, 100%. She's like, it's going to be in the countryside and sorry. And I was like, do we have to come? She was like, yeah. But then I went with them. You said, do I have to come?

I was like, do we have to? Like, to the countryside. Do they remember their first birthday? Probably don't need me to like 21st. But then I was like around there's the other day playing with little baby Jude. And he's really into balls at the moment. And I went, I'm going to get this baby,

the best ball in the world. And he's going to lose his mind. So straight to poundland, like any good auntie. And got him this fun little bouncy ball and these like light up. LED glue bracelet things

then read the thing zero to three no no no no I'll give them anyway just for banter and he did love them so that's fine and so did his sister

and I got her little pound land colouring thing for the car so she likes me I know what to do just gifts but then me and Alison Spittle I do think it's important

to butter up the sibling as well I feel like often people forget about the sibling and it's way harsh but if you're like the one guy who gives a sibling and gift on the other kid's birthday it's like

Kachin Kachin also she's the daughter he's the little boy and I'm just sort of like the girl needs more yeah she needs more so like she got a gift for his christening from me she gets a gift for his first birthday from me but I think you're helping him like her like him oh getting gifts because you have a sibling means you like your sibling she loves him as well yeah but that's all you and they're so cute and they're so lush and um I got him me and and Alison's bit we're walking down the streets we live really close together we were like what

the fuck is that ball and it was like a ball this size like a green football I'm going to encourage you again, it's an audio medium. So this, is the podcast? 20 of my head. Okay, thank you. No, that's six. I'd have said 10. 10.

And I've got, what would you say? Normal head, but bigger forehead than you'd expect. We both have high hairlines. Oh, we're both absolute freak forehead wise. Yeah, I'd say I'm even more freakish than you. Oh, I know, yeah, yeah. Every now and again, I'm like, fucking hell, what the fucking, okay, look a two far.

Watch the movie on that. I was like, yeah. taking it too far it's hard to know with the liners and the line was two three sentences back yeah

a bit like my hairline yeah there she is and that got on the biggest ball he cried when he first got it because we put it on top of him in the car

and clearly you thought it was being suffocated to death well yeah but then after that we reckon you'll love it yeah yeah and then we had lovely food

one of the weight weight staff there was a hog but I didn't find out until after I left and they messaged me being like

I didn't want to say anything because you're with your family but I'm a massive listener of the hogs and I was like you should have said something. Number one, I would have looked so cool in front of my family. Sorry, if we are with our families, always say that's the only time I wish to be approached.

I beg you to approach me when I'm with my family. Make me look cool, please, Jesus. Also, that's not my family family. That's like my cousin and her family and then his family. Do you know what I mean? Also, I don't think she'll mind me saying that I went for my first friendship hang, solo hang, with Monica Heise recently. I love Monica Heise. Me too. And so obviously I was like a little bit. I was probably more nervous than if I was, like, going on a first date with a boy. You know, like, I was, like, so, like, ah. And I really want to be friends with her because she is cool.

But also, she's, like, the first person in my area I've met who's, like, in their 30s, as opposed to, like, just turn 30. And I'm like, I need, I need someone my own age. But anyway, she's just wicked. But the point is we met up. And when we were, where we were at the coffee shop, a hog came over to me. And I was like, I was a, like, like. This is nice to meet you.

And Bia was like, thank you for this. Thank you for the kudos in front of cool, Monica. I don't think Monica will be surprised to hear that I was like, yes. It feels so cool. Yeah, pretty wicked. But thank you for also messaging afterwards. It did make me feel cool. Oh my gosh.

I've just noticed behind you on the display, the wall display, there's a gap. Is that gap always there? You are mad. Yeah, of course. But I'm just wondering, I don't think that's always there, is it? I've never looked behind me. I can't look at that wall now. What's wrong with that wall?

It's where Helen's head goes. We'll cut this, obviously. No, don't cut this. People should see who I really am. What if that was like something was missing? Also, was I just a really bad friend? You'd be like, you're just mental? That's what you are.

No, that's why you want to cut it. Because it doesn't count as gaslighting. It doesn't count on gaslighting. No, obviously that is. No, it's true. You're not gaslighting. You're dead right. I am mad.

But I, for the last, 15 minutes I'm like, can I leave it? Can I leave it? Can I leave it? I can't leave it. But it turns out to where your head goes. Never mind. If you're watching on YouTube, then that's where Helen's head goes. And if you want to know how big my head is, just because it's an audio medium, is a sixth of the green ball I bought you for his first birthday party. You get it. It all comes back together.

Do we know how to converse? Yes. Incredibly, incredibly well. Either way, I went to a first birthday party, absolutely charmed, played in the play park with the older cousins. Why was it in Surrey? just because there's like different nieces and nephews and like cousins coming in and that was like the midground because like we're the only ones in London me and so oh my god I meant to tell you that on my weekend away with my parents tomorrow I'm incredibly nervous about the drive because my parents have never seen me drive you were saying and to drive with them in the car is going to be terrifying also my dad is like the kind of passenger like my mom has been driving for many years she's an incredibly good driver and he's still okay to be like you know, like grabbing the

thing about, I think it's going to be a nightmare. But if we make it there, the plan is to pull in fleet southbound services for lunch because there isn't the culture of services in Ireland that there is here. You don't get the kind of

full scale experience. It's a day out. And I really think they're going to be impressed, I hope. You can bet and gamble. You can have food from all around the world. You can do a grocery shop.

You can get your stationary. Yeah. You can have a coffee. the afternoon, a Pizza Express, and a night in a hotel. And that's just Southbound. You haven't even touched the Scotland. They're going to be astounded. So I will report back on that.

And also, we're going there before the nice hotel. So, like, they won't even have anything to compare it to. You know what I mean? It'll be, I think... It's incomparable to a nice hotel fleet southbound services. And listen, I think, if you think about it, obviously, as we know from when Shane Daniel Byrne was here, most of the car ride to fleet services will be talking about how efficient London City

Airport is, I can only imagine. then we'll have the services that'll get us right the way down to the new forest we'll have a stay hopefully the old minds will be blown by the hotel

and then we'll come back and we won't even talk about the Northbound services we just won't even talk about it The Northbound services I probably won't even take them there I'll probably take them to a different one It's a nightmare

It's a nightmare It's a nightmare It's a nightmare It's embarrassing Are you joking It's embarrassing When you've seen the South Bend It's a disgrace

That's why the Scott Mills Sorry one second I'm not going to get upset I promise I'm not I'm not crossing a tourist site in order to get to a service If you want to, the option is there for Southbound, pedestrianised. We'll just stop some rails.

We'll just stop some rails. Oh, well, let's get on the M4 and go lead Elamere. Let's all just go take the crate. Throw a quarter to the wind. Let's go memory. Like, grow up, grow up, grow up, grow up. You never know. I've got a fun car game.

Okay. Me and Andrew played it coming back from Manchester. So you're mad. You, this is what blew my mind. We did the live Manchester. show, having driven to Manchester from Bournemouth, Andrew drove back to Bournemouth, via London to drop you home, Texas at 5 a.m. when he'd gotten home. And I'm just like, my guy, that's not safe. It's not safe and it's not reasonable. We said five times. We were like, let us get you a hotel, man.

Let's get a hotel. It's got a hotel. I wanted him to stay at mine originally. Weirdly, he did not want to stay in my palace. That's so bizarre. But he was like to the point where I was like, We are such annoying women. Like, he was like, I can, oh, mom! I can do it and I can drive. Just shut up. Yeah, he was like, and all fairness, he's still an organised little gay.

Like, he had his monster ready to go. Yeah, I know. But I just worried for him. We ate a lot of the hogs chucky in the car coming back. You'd already taken out your share. Oh, there was one of everything. We were very lucky. Elle and who else was there?

Anthony. Anthony was there. gave us gorgeous chocolate We got gorgeous Yeah we got a really good hole We were very lucky And sweet Andrew He drove like an absolute prince

And we did We sang a lot of songs obviously Turns out we are incredible For Good from Wicked I can't imagine that to be true Meagalinda him alphabet Surprise That all checks out yeah

And then we played a game Which is called Supermarket Supermarket on the motorway It's not catchy Supermarket, supermarket, supermarket on the road And it's really fun So you look for different lorries And you want to get every supermarket out there

And we saw, oh God, it was brilliant Audi, Sainsbury's Yeah, yeah, we're aware of to see Tesco Oh, M&S, we saw six Royal Mail vans We couldn't believe our luck Six, like crazy Pretty exciting And we saw, oh, what else did we see?

Just so many, we were like, What's the coolest van you can see? And Andrew said the Coca-Cola van, but he's already seen it before. The actual Coca-Cola advert van. Isn't that crazy? Was it one of those ones where you were both so tired and delirious? Like it seemed really exciting.

No, I suggested it right at the beginning. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Well, what games do you play in the car? I like the one where you link people through films. Oh, yeah, that is fun, isn't this? Yeah, you, that is really fun.

Love that. So I go like, do you know, I feel like the hugs for notes when you go like, okay, Emma Thompson. Yeah. And you've got to find your way to, like, like, Timothy Shalame. and then you've got to think of like six films it doesn't have to be six though does it

it doesn't have to be sex but ideally it's six degrees we play it like it's faster the quickest one gets okay okay that's nicer change of rules okay the quickest one gets there Emma Thompson I've got it in two go Emma Thompson in Harry Potter

is to Emma Watson in Harry Potter is to Emma Watson and Little Women is to Timothy Salome into give me one thank me one okay obviously play along at home and don't fuck me up with something from the 20s to something from like 2024 because it's I find that difficult with the dates

okay you know when someone goes like Natalie word and Dakota fanning and I'm like come on be reasonable yeah okay be human please Tom Hanks is to Tom Cruise okay Tom Hanks is in Forrest Gump which also has Sally Fields who's in Mrs. Doubtfire with Robin Williams and Robin Williams is in

Don't cry, don't cry. You got lost. I go back. I go back. Tom Hanks is in Philadelphia with the city of Philadelphia. Tom Hanks Tom Hanks

To get it We're going backwards Right Robin Williams Is in Flubber Why do you start with Tom Cruise Tom Cruise Why am I going to Robin Williams

He doesn't matter right now Not really He matters culturally To me he does Yeah sure Yeah Don't get thrown by Robin Williams I'm going to need to forget about

Robin Williams What's the name again? Focus on Tom Cruise Tom Cruise is in Scientology Yes. With many celebrities. Yes.

But shall we focus on Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise is in Mission Impossible. Maverick. Top Gun Maverick. And I can't remember any other actor in it. Tom Cruise is also in. Hello? Hello.

What else is he in? Tom Cruise. He's in something with Renee Zellwiger. What's he in with her? Jerry Maguire. with Renee Zell Wigger. And Renee Zell Wigger is in Chicago with Catherine Zeta Jones.

Gorgeous. And I'm lost again. I keep forgetting. I'm getting back to me. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. Is, um, I keep looking around for help and no one's helping.

Um, it's easier because I gave you one with Harry Potter and it's that doesn't really count. You know what's really useful? Can you do it? If you link it to love actually. Yes. nice. It is nice, yes. Renee Zelviger is in Bridget Jones.

Yeah. And there's got to be someone. There you go. There you go. Come on. Give it to me. Tom Cruise is in Jerry McGuire with Renee Zelwiger, who is in Bridget Jones with a woman whose name I can't remember who plays Mowing Myrtle in the second Harry Potter film. Yes. She is in the Harry Potter films with, who am I getting back to again? Tom Hanks Harry Potter to Tom Hanks Tom Hanks

Oh my God I've never seen you so broken Shut up for a second then Sorry I wish I could help but I can't follow your I can't follow your logic at all The logic is very clear I'm trying to get to

Tom Hanks Yeah And I'm at Harry Potter Why do you start with Tom Hanks's co-stars. Who's he co-starred with? Tom Hanks. Can I change please? No. Who has Tom Hanks co-starred with? Sally

Field. Okay, who else? Meg Ryan. Who else? Who else? Who else? He does work a lot doesn't he? Yeah, pretty famous, yeah. Yeah.

What else has he done? Bless him. Leonardo. When? In Catch me if you can. Mark Reilly. in Bridge of Spies Mark Rylance in Bridges Spies Mark Rylance in anything with Colin Farrell He's in

Mark Rylance is in The other Billing girl With Scarlett Johansen Who is In We bought a zoo with Matt Damon

And Matt Damon Is in Matt Damon is in Matt Damon is in Goodwill Hunting with Robin Williams who is in, oh my God, I had this at the beginning. Who is in Mrs. Doubtfire with Sally Fields who is in Forrest Gump with Tom Hanks.

Woo! Did not ask me to do that again. That has gone. And you know what? That's one of my favorite games at Tulsa. That was hard. Was that hard? Are you okay?

I feel like I watched your mind. melt in that. It was astonishing. On that note, shall we bring on our guess? Yeah, let's do it. Here we go. Please welcome to the podcast. Reese James. Feel good about Back to School with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards, you can keep banned food ingredients like high fructose corn syrup out of lunch boxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need without dairy, gluten, nuts, or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online.

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Rees James! Welcome! You're not even wearing Percival today. I know, right. Don't say that. This is Palms, and it's like I only go so far in the alphabet when I'm Googling.

Wait, talk to me about that. I'm a model. I'm a model. Reese is the model. okay I'm a model these days Percival I think wanted to humanize their brand

What the hell are you talking about? So they asked a bunch of comics They hired a robot They had a little robot boy So they, well they hired comics There was a period Yeah Quite a lot of robotic comics

Actually now that you say it Oh wait never mind They wanted to Mechanize mechanize It's all AI these days Yeah I'm not even really there You're a model

Yes I think ages ago Percival is like I think kind of It's part owned by Rick Edwards Oh is it He's done by a guy called Chris, but then it's who set it up. But Rick Edwards is in some way involved because when I... The OG Hot Comic.

Rick Edwards hired me initially amongst lots of other people to do this sort of sketch where it was like loads of comics or comic actors coming into audition for like the personal advert or whatever. And then after that they were like, oh actually, that did really well. We're going to make loads of little like thing. So they did like a parody of like a lookout like police show thing. And then they just started doing things of like going, Reese, can you just come and do some... Basically, I think the budget started running out. They go, actually, just Reese, can you do some top tips?

Or you just go, top tips are wedding season and just wear a suit. And then I did that. And then like a week ago, they were like, just come in and put on this and we'll take a picture of you. It wasn't even like, that one wasn't even. They were like, can you be in this? And it just, it's just, and I was like, oh, you want me to write anything? And they were like, no, no, no, just be just stills. But you had it.

Oh, right. That's the moment. It's like, in your head, when you go shopping when you're younger, someone's going to be like, what modeling agency are you in? Yeah, yeah. And you go, I'm not. And they go, okay. pack your bags we're going to London we're going to Hollywood baby we're going to

hackney wick baby it's very exciting but ACAST you did it as well right and what possible oh no they because they have a range off menu have a range that's sorry I've seen Ed and James I don't think that counts actually is modeling really I think I'm the only comedy model out and out models who's just advertising their product that's a collab I just don't think that can count really you're right I cannot wait to get to that level in my career it's very exciting and it's really successfully sold.

Well, you're just taking anything for a free t-shirt, you know? Anything. I do, I already do anything for a free t-shirt. Me too. I do a lot of stuff for free clothes. What was the first free item of clothing you ever got? Do you remember? I do remember because, well, sorry, you should ask the question.

I'm not a guest on the podcast. No, I'd like to hear you, actually. Well, I actually got via Brittany, who has styled me on many things. She introduced me to this. She's a Leopardian, though she's from the Wirral, and she introduced me to a Liverpoolian brand called Mulby, and they make everything to size and, and to spec and so

this lovely woman made me a dress and gave it to me for free which I didn't expect because I wore it on television and I think I was the first person to wear their stuff on TV so then she was like, have it, please. Connection, forever. Yeah, and which is very,

and now everyone does and I'm so glad because she's cool. Do you still get stuff from that same person? They also, I also ordered stuff from them, like they made my, they made me a custom dress for a special I did and they also, when that was, her dad drove it to London for me.

You know what I mean? It's that kind of company where her mom and dad are just like it's they're just incredible so that's who what about you i think years ago i got just like an instagram dm yeah i don't even think instagram was that bigger thing uh-huh and they just said can we send you this jumper and i was like oh my god yeah and then i thought wait this is a scam to get my address wait i'm not successful enough for anyone to want that and then they sent me a jumper and it was a great jumper and on it it just said feed and i was really thin at the time I was like, I was gone.

Oh my God. And then I was like, have I being pranked? Because they were like, oh, do you mind post? When it was just like, we sent you that free. Can you post about it? Yeah. And I was like, yeah. But at the time, again, posting about it.

It was like, to who? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I think I like, I've just held like some eggs in my hand and then for this top of this dead. And I think the brand was just called feed for some reason. But that's so funny. It didn't really make it. And like, it felt quite pointed.

Yeah. Like, help me. Help me. So I couldn't wear it out. So it was a bit pointless. Like marketing wise, it was a bit stupid. But a comfy home jumpy. But hey, why not?

Yeah, but even then you're like, I want to wear a jump at this feed? I think the company has now gone under. I think for the week of my period, I would love a jumper that says feed. Just the clear instructions, no talking, just feeding. It's like a Christmas jumper, isn't it? I guess.

Yeah, that's nice. But still, it was. No, that's dark. I got mine in 2009, my first piece of free clothing. Were you doing stand-up then? Not even doing stand-up yet. Zantey, post-day-levels holiday. If you were willing to get naked,

and sort of like, we're not naked, but just dance on the bar with the other girls. They will clothe you immediately. The best stripper would get a t-shirt. And I was not the best rhythmically, but I was willing to take it to the farthest point. Who was doing this? Who was giving this away? The people at the bar, I think it was like a group cheering thing. And it was me, a lot of the girls I went to college with.

And then like random other people. I don't know. I have no idea but I won What do you remember about the top I remember I got it but they clearly didn't think a bigger woman would win because they only came in very small sizes so I won it and then gave it to my friend

Ellie Solter because I was like and I knew I wasn't likely I knew I wasn't like the one that they thought would win but I was the most willing to shake and I have the biggest boobs so I was like I'm getting this

off like a sort of eight-mile rap battle. I think so. It was like, and now who... It was full don't flop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know I would have been like, come on. Yeah, yeah. Of course, I was saying to these guys beforehand,

I'm, I have a slight grudge because I'm quite annoyed that you currently have, in my opinion, the best joke about lesbians or queer people going. Yeah, well, I will do. It's a very good joke and it's so annoying. It's so annoying.

Your audience don't mind my... I don't think they mind. Um, I hate you. to repeat your joke but it is that um i already told you this i have about them it's such a good about weddings or marriage being like doc martin's huge in the 80s and now just for queer people yeah it's so fucking good and let me tell you that doesn't play that well outside of london really people don't know what you're fucking talking about people are like they're still getting married i don't think i don't think queer people can marry can they what are you talking about

and those shoes for stomping on queer people what the hell's going on here that's for kicking queer people what once again shout out to our listeners in the region And shout out to our sponsors, John Martin. What we fucking wish! The thing that annoys me about that joke so much is that I say, I say marriage is like Doc Martin's shoes. It's just such a not-a-human way to speak. Marriage is like Doc Martin should be the joke.

Are you worried people are confused with the television show Doc March? Yeah, I don't know. I was just like, I just came out. It was in the one time we recorded it. It's the only time I've ever said Shoes. And I only said it on that record of the two records. And so, like, in the special it says, marriage is like Doc Martin's shoes instead of Doc Martins.

I just obviously panicked. And that is, I might as I say, marriage is like crocs, slippers. Yeah, it's just like, what, did fucking track GPT write this? It's like Apple the fruit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even though that makes sense, yeah, wow, gosh.

Yeah, there's always something, isn't there? There's always something you go. Are you a real, because because the way you write stand-up is so lean, it feels like you don't waste a word and it's very efficient. Are you a perfectionist? Does it stick in your mind if you've made a mistake? That line is annoying. because it makes it sound like I don't know what I'm talking about.

I really would not have picked up on that at all. Okay. No, no. I don't think anyone will. I also then bring it up. Yeah. It's more that it's not like perfectionism. It's more that I have too scared of any, like the amount of time between laughs needs to be as short as possible, not for the audience's benefit, but because I don't want to

stand there while they're not laughing because it makes me feel weird. But that's so smart because what you therefore do is write stand up that's efficient and lean. What I like to do is therefore speak at the speed of light. Oh, but I also do that. I speak far too quick and people, the amount of people who've told me they've tried to watch my show on double speed and it just becomes. People listen to this on double speed. This. You've got no chance of this episode.

They've got no chance. They've got no chance. Don't say that a better listening. They are. Listen to this and double speed, you will have a panic attack. Well, people do it. They do it. People go to sleep to this.

The sleepers I've made my peace with. Like, I think they just disassociate into the point that they grew up in such a chaotic household that this is comforting. And once again, good luck with your future. Oh my gosh, sweet dreams. But it has to be a chaotic household you grew up in. Yeah, that's not a... Like a dog's house. Where you need constant noise.

Yeah, remember you from back to see dogs home. Oh, God. Do you think someone did? There was like a living family. Yeah. Or we've got puppy listeners. In which case, ooh. No, what?

It's wonderful stuff. I can't argue with it. I can't argue with it. You really can. Helen. That's join our Patreon. Hell. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So, you have a specialet? Yeah. What's it called? Spilt milk. Spilt milk.

People can buy it on the website. Yeah, they can buy it. Wait, wait, one second, I'll get this. As in don't cry over. Just a bit. Very nice. It's not born, don't cry over it. And here's a great question.

Most memorable time of spilling milk. We'll go to Reese first. I don't know that I've... You know what, actually. Come on, you've everyone's spilt milk. I've spilled milk basically every day since releasing the special, I've spilled milk because of the way they now attach lids. Now they attach the caps to the thing.

Here we fucking go. On, like anything, on oat milk, because I'm one of those guys. When you open that, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. When you open that and then you try and put, it just fucks everything up. The carton insists on the purchase. And then you try and yank it off, like everyone does. They've done this thing where it's like, oh, and it means you recycle both. You go, no, it doesn't.

It means that everyone just pulls these things off and now the bottle cap doesn't fit. And I know this is well-trodden ground, okay, but you ask me about milk. But this is my prevailing memory. is spilling milk and every day thinking maybe I'll take a picture of that, post it for promo and go, what a shit life this is.

Can't do that. Because it looks like I spilt it on purpose for the sake of a picture going, oh, you're always a bit like my fucking shirt. Oh, kill me. Kill me for one year. It's true. I really do understand.

Everything being content is so dispiriting and so fucking constant. Also, no, of course. Welcome to our content hub. Welcome to the machine. No, but also true. I have never known a unifying rage

like I've never known the sort of activism and articulate expression of thought that I have known from British people around the lid situation I've never known such a unifying entity like people can't articulate ourselves around we can articulate ourselves and other things of British right?

But I've never seen I've never seen you all I don't know we had your country for a while I must have articulated that well enough to get it no it's not funny and it never will be and I do know that and I do know that and I want that noted it doesn't even make sense No, it doesn't make sense. Okay, but I mean, like,

to have a unifying enemy. Yeah. Like, there's no one. I think you're angrier about this, and that's crazy to me. Yeah. No, no, no. But, no, I know,

but I feel like people are mad or about the lid thing. But let's think about it. If they'd done the lid thing during World War II. Well, game over. We're out of the war. We've got bigger problems at home. Forget that, yeah. You're on your own lads over there, I'm afraid.

People leaving bombshellers. I'm pissed off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's furious. Furious. Anyway. Okay, so the special is on... Oh, I've got more questions about milk.

Oh, right, okay. Yeah, so oat milk, when did that transition happen? Actually, it's not... The great thing about me is that I have no moral stance on anything ever. Sick. And so, as much as I've said, I do oat milk, and I said it smugly. Yeah. I do it purely for vanity reasons.

It's better for my skin. Don't give a fuck about the animals. When did you find out about its effects on your complexion? This is like the only time trial and error has worked for me on go one. in my life. My skin was going red, and so I was, I googled, why is this happening? And it said, oh, for some people, it's dairy, so maybe, like, have a bit less dairy. Okay.

Literally day one, I went, all right, I'll just have oat milk instead. And day one, it just went, oh, you're fine. It's fine. And then it's been fine ever since. And if I have a bit of milk, it does sort of, if I, if I, if I, two days in a row, if I had normal milk, it would make it a little bit, yeah. Like a rosacea? Yeah, not, not extreme, but it's like on the way.

And what milk, how much milk were you on? four and which level of milk because I think I'm not as young as I look because like milk comes in levels right because like I'm just like coffees and maybe cereal and we're talking green top yeah you're not like a blue mental

people who drink we're on television we're on television people who drink sorry we used to be on television people who drink blue milk terrified me that's full fat right it disgusts me and this is not from like a diet stance I it's like drinking cream.

Yeah. Is that, I thought it was red. Is red the thin one? No, red's the thin one. That's even weird. I was raised on red milk. I'm from a red milk household.

And I've taught. Because we had mothers in the 90s. Of course we are. And we must. A woman gaining weight is ghost and disgusting. I see. So my exacerbation there about you being pathetic was really quite a harsh comment. Yeah.

How magazines treated women throughout the 90s. There it is. And actually I've really. Yeah. What? Yeah. Okay. That's so annoying that I reacted like that.

And then you immediately made me look like such. like such a bigger. Welcome to Trusted Hodge. Yeah. What did you say about people outside of London? Okay, well I said I don't care about animals. Don't give a fuck about women either. Fuck off this audience.

Don't buy the special. I mean, no, but you said he's actually very good at coffee. Have you seen adults drinking milk as like... A drink in a cafe? That's an Irish man. Like a cup of milk? Yeah, Irish men. It's fucking disgusting.

All Irish men and Irish children drink pint glasses of milk with their dinner. It's horrifying. No. No. No. Neil O'Rourke. Neal O'Rourke, comedian Neal O'Rourke. I've seen him order glasses of milk in cafes

when I'm having a coffee. My brother has a glass of milk and biscuits, and he dips his biscuits into his milk. How often? Oh, like, regularly. Every now and then, a little glass of milk dipping a biscuit in, fantastic. With no Nesquick, just the taste of milk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's ungodly? No, no, the biscuits. That's, you know, cold milk, little biscuit in there. Every now and then. I mean, I'd say, Once every two years.

Irishmen have it with a dinner. Yeah, every day with dinner is insane. It's too thick. But that's why you have to go for the red top, right? Because otherwise... But I don't even want to drink a glass of red top unless it's nest quicked up to the eyeballs. My dad calls red top as in skim milk,

cat's milk. Yeah, it's for cats. As in it was from a cat. Maybe, but it's like thin and grim. I don't know if it's from a cat. I never thought of it. It's not. It's from cow.

No, he doesn't think it's from cats, but it's like the kind of milk you would only waste on a cat. But I thought the cat takes the cream. Hello? Get into Tim. Come on, that was a bath. No, you'll have to take that up with Tim, but I'm just saying that's what he says.

It's very derogatory as far as I think. So what is he drink then? I thought he was drinking milk at dinner. He would prefer full fat and he would prefer it with dinner, yeah. And in his tea. My friend is a farmer and he will drink it udder to glass, warm. I don't want to feel the cow's presence, even though I know cow has been involved.

Yeah. Also, I don't think it's any, it's not, I know it's not. I know it's not anywhere near where they wee, but it's still too close for comfort. Where do cows wee from? Is it ass? No, it's, it's, no, it's,

and it comes either through the penis or through the, yeah. But where? It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, okay, so it goes tail. It's to be like we're wearing out your tits. Okay, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In between. In between. Yeah, between their legs.

So between the legs, but like assholes really up high on a cow, isn't it? Like, it's like tail asshole to the point where it's like, I like to eye. Yeah. Do you reckon some cows forget to lift their tail and end up just shitting all over themselves? 100%. 100%. They get lazy with the lift, I think.

Yeah, with old age. I've seen that for sure. Well, they're not self-conscious cows. No. The animal kingdom generally, I think they're not self-conscious. I think we like to project. Yeah, you're right. We project on pets all the time that they care.

The fact cats also freely lick their asshole in front of you're like, come on. I agree with that, but I do have an observation. Okay. I'll allow it. So you, thank you. You know, when you, when you. watch like David Zattenborough any of those shows and it's all animals they're willing to do anything on camera but as soon as they're filmed eating most animals are like what the fuck what the fuck yeah

desperately holding on to a night they're secret eaters they are secret eaters they're 100% like they've got some sort of eating disorder problems they're like to not watch me do not watch me but then they'll be more than happy to scratch their bollocks straight down the lens so just you think they're just you think they were reading magazines in the 90s as well yeah exactly exactly it's like rodent they've been shaming in the same way, yeah. Yeah, I think you're not wrong. Here's my question. As you know on this podcast,

as I'm sure you know on this podcast, we answer listener problems. Oh, it's not about dairy. No, believe it or not, it's not about dairy. Well, we could circle back. Do you have more questions on milk? What do you want to know? I've got a couple of other observations

about spill milk. Do you? Yeah. You know, when you've gone. Thrill to be the audience of one for these observations. Is the special entirely about milk? Uh, yeah, why not?

No, why not? No, you want to tell me. I think it's the only way Helen's going to watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about milk. You're going to love it. So crying over spilled milk,

and it's what we call it in the business a metaphor. Yeah, no, I know those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not completely natural. Go on. Silence until we hear one, please. Silence is golden.

Is that a metaphor or a saying? Same thing. Silence is golden. I think it's, no. No, I think it's more of a... Metaphor. It's golden. That kind of does mean what it says.

Yeah. So, no, not math. No. She's like a, like, like a ship at night. Is that I think? I don't think I've heard that. No, I haven't heard that one either.

I don't think I've heard that one. Did you mean ships in the night? Ships in the night. And that's when you miss someone. Yeah. Sailing past. Yeah. So like you walk past them but I don't notice or pretend not to notice tomorrow.

Oh my God. What are you talking? Can I do this podcast now? Is that all right? Thank you so much. Great stuff. Let's do really quickly. Favorite milk.

Oh, for God's sake. Fine. Really, really feeling bougie? Hazel nut. Oh, I thought we were going brand. Oh, you can do brand as well. Minor figures. Minor figures, oh.

I'm sorry, they've got the nicest cartons, I'm afraid. They have. A little cartoon on there. That's so, East London of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not really readily available in supermarkets. So, our pro. Yeah.

Can't have Oatley, because the CEO of Oatley is a brick. Is he? I think the CEO of Oatley, all right, allegedly, various things. Allegedly various things. Oh, okay, will Google. I've never heard anyone put such an. is on pro oh did i say al pro like yeah al pro now i'm really like you're going to be professional al we love doing this to our male guest did i say al pro like that instead of al pro

because i do agree with you that it should be al pro yeah but you went i'd like v a r on this please i don't think i would have said al pro yeah i like milkshakes yeah that's your favorite kind of milk wait oh wait is that counts i thought it's a brand of milk okay obviously milkshakes but the thing is okay here's what here's the problem if you're in oat person. It ruins hot chocolate, milkshakes. Tell you what you certainly can't have, Angel Delight. I'll learn this in the pandemic. Try to make Angel Delight with O'Don. Why are you trying to make Angels Alive? I'm a human man. I'm not. Because we're in World War Six, we must be rationalized. Sorry, we don't. Oh, I'm not allowed my own vices. Have you finished your

prawn cocktail? And we're like, I'm still a little package. What are you talking about? I love Angel Delight so much, okay? And especially butterscotch. And yeah, and Popper doms as well, please, while I'm here. And still, I'll have still water. And just, Ed and James, just use this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm actually a bit full from lunch. I don't need anything else.

Angel Delight. Someone should go on off menu and say, you know, I had a big lunch. I'm all right. Yeah. End of episode. I, I love both got James Delight and the pandemic, we're all feeling a little bit of vulnerable after a while, weren't we? We all needed some comforts.

After a while, day one, I was. Yeah. Didn't we? We were all sad. Oh, we're all going to pretend that we loved it, are we? We're all going to pretend that we weren't sad. No, no, no, you're dead right.

If it wasn't for those celebrities singing, imagine all the people I wouldn't have got through it, okay? Thank God for Gal Gadot. And gigglers. But I, yes, exactly. It wasn't the gigglas. I don't know what I'd have done.

I tried to make it with oat milk. It doesn't set. So what you have is just oat-flavored butterscotch like milk, sludge. Yikes. And what, you think I didn't drink it? I drank it, and it was in a bowl.

I sucked it from the bowl. But what I did, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was like a beast. But what I did is, I then tweeted about it, saying, fuck's sake, oh, did this, you just get this sludge, but, you know, I still add it. I'd say, I'd say once a month someone searches oat milk, came into delight on Twitter to see if anyone's had the same experience as them that they clearly just had, and then retweets my thing saying, just did this, and he's right, this is gross. However, I did not drink the sludge. Wow. It's good that you said that out loud, so we're putting it out there, people don't waste time. Don't waste your fucking time. Don't waste your oat milk or your angel delight.

I might buy some angel delight. I have not. I will confess as well as recently as the last quarter. I, that's how I deal, I'm afraid. As recently as within the last quarter, I broke my no dairy rule to make some full fat milk, angel delight. Or some semi-skinned milk, angel delight with real milk, risking red skin for that sweet, sweet taste of butter scotch. And your friend of mine, a glass A cherry. Oh, babe. Hundreds and thousands. say, Jerry, welcome to big school. We're back.

What are you doing? Thanks, Mom. Bedside. You know, go to one of those schools that did that thing where they do like teachers lunch and you take it in terms to join the dinner ladies and make lunch for one teacher. What's going to be talking about? Sorry, hang on. That is probably unrelatable to the absolute fucking like out of your hebrides. What are you talking about? It's related. It's related

because of charity. And like, do you remember like, do you remember like school lunches? And then they'd elevate them for like teachers school lunch. Wait, what? So like at junior, junior school, which is a normal thing to say. Okay. And then you all like have like school dinners, you know, bring in a lunchboxy from home. We didn't have that, but okay.

Okay, well, in England. Like a canteen where, yeah, they serve you, you know, ladles of slop. Here we can not slot necessarily. Like a bolonades or something like that. Here we fucking go. We had pasta cheese and beans. That was their special allergy. Yeah, classic.

And it tasted of water. Yeah. but like we'd have that but then like you'd take it in turns as part of like maybe like year five to like learn how to cook as like one of the classes right that you'd like like four of you each week would like spend one day with the dinner ladies and you'd like help prep the food but you'd you'd main thing was you had to do it for one teacher and then that teacher would sit with you and you'd make them like a three course meal which was basically school dinners but elevated so it was stuff like you'd make they'd make a big angel delight

But because it's the teacher, you pop a cherry on top. And we'd be like, oh, my fucking God. Why are you saying like you're seducing the teacher? And we had Mrs. Cunningham and she lived opposite us. I bet the thing is, I bet at the time you would be like, how lucky is Mrs. Cunningham to get to eat this now? You know, in the staff room, thinking, fuck, y'all got to go to do it.

Four eight-year-olds are cooking me a three-course meal today. And one of them is Helen Bauer. Can you believe it? Yeah. I was just thinking like, how many times do you think they'll have touched their asses, noses, faces, mouths. Here's my question and it remains my question. I did not poo at school after year four

before I may ask my fucking question before you say something else disgusting and incredibly confusing. What is the... I just have to move on from that, do it? Yeah, because that's the only way we get anything done around here. Wow. Fine. And was it how silent was the shit?

Silent. Shit was silent, but boy, did my favourite smell. Well, actually, yeah, it heightens the other senses, doesn't it? when you're not listening, your ears aren't being used, the sense of smell with everyone in the library would have been heightened. So that's even worse. That's even worse. And what happened then?

How did it sneak up on you so much? It was like a special project day, called the paper bat print set. I thought you meant he was, you did it for a special project to prove a dirty protest against reading. It was a special project. I said, you know, we've got to do something. You know, those day project things where it's like you get put into groups and you've got to like do something all day. and we had to like create a little play about the base of this story about the paper bag princess

and we had to like make an outfit but I was chosen to play the paper bag princess because of my acting experience from being in the Ambao School of Drama which meant I had to be like dressed up in a costume and I just didn't ask to go and I think because I was like I'm so important in this I can't, I've not got time for toilet

I've not got time for toilet and then yeah my question remained and then no I don't know sorry your question can remain your question can remain Catherine please It's good to be vulnerable.

So. The more you talk about the shit, the worst my question becomes, though, but go on. How close to the start of sort of like the performance did this occur? Now, a lot of it has been trauma removed from my mind. I remember walking home. So shat yourself immediately walked home? No, I remember waiting to the end of the day. You'd have thought I would have put like, I'll deal with this.

Go to the nurse, get new pants, and then go home. I remember walking home and being like, this is a low moment. Yeah. It was still in your pants? Yeah. And because I'd wet myself the year before at school as well.

What are you going to do the year after the shoot yourself? I mean, how'd you have to get like that? So year three, wet myself at seven years old, eight years old shit myself. I knew it was too late. Eight is too old.

You can't be shitting yourself at eight years old. Not if you're the rest of the week, you're a chef. And not you're a chef for an adult. Yeah. The princess is shit. Did you go on stage with shit in your pants?

And I was a big eight-year-old. Did you go on stage with shit in your pants? Well, stage corner of the library. Did you go on stage? Yeah, I must have done because they walked home and there was still shit in my pants. Yeah.

I was a very, like, the show must go on. Could people tell? There's no way. I was, there's a picture from that day and I don't know whether it's before or after, but I am bright red and sweating.

Like, I am clearly not doing well. I have no idea what happened at breakfast time All I can assume is some sort of marmite on toast shenanigans. Were you nervous maybe for the performance? I think I just didn't pick toilet at the right time. Oh my God. Have you ever been in a situation close to this before you go on stage where you're like, I don't have time they're about to announce me, but I'm going to ship myself.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But usually then it goes away. It goes away. Really? Yeah. You have a bit more control as a, yeah, yeah.

If it really was a diabolical situation as an adult, you are capable of going. I think I've had it more with we going on stage. I've been like, oh, I really need the toilet. I really need the toilet. but there's not time and then I go on stage and I completely forget I need the toilet

and then I'll be like two hours after the show and I'll be like oh my God I really need the toilet but I don't know no poo not so much for staging My question remains remaining

I think I'm ready and it's unfortunate that we had that story as the interlude but what's the texture of Aind Dozolite when you said what's the texture it's kind of bubbly airy like moose

yeah yeah it's like a delicious butterscotch moose or strawberry but why is it made something sorry what a mad alternative to all woman or strawberry hey all angel delights count okay there's no judgment here and there's a chocolate

as well as well isn't there and it's powder yeah yeah okay thank you I still don't want to eat it honestly it's a taste sensation I've already messaged to Neil asking if he wants to have angels delight tonight

well for dinner he said ha ha ha ha yeah please yeah please here we go no he's already been for ice cream He's going to have a jippy tummy. That's too much dairy, Chris O'Neill. What flavour? Could you stop texting while we're on the bottom? No, I think this takes precedent if you're asking.

I don't think so. Get some glass-a-cherrys in as well. Oh, what, so a woman can't enjoy herself? Agreed. Agreed. Did you say in 2020-23? 20-4. Okay.

Right, now, to the podcast, please at hand. As you know, we give advice. How did this podcast work then? As you know, we give advice to our listeners. Are we starting recording soon? Oh, my God, these fucking models. All they eat is Angel Light and they cannot focus. Someone needs to feed this guy.

It's the classic model diet. Milk and Angel the Life. Yeah. If, um... Feel good about Back to School with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards, you can keep banned food ingredients like high fructose corn syrup out of lunchboxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need without.

dairy, gluten, nuts, or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market in store and online. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin

or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros seed price estimates and read reviews all on the app. Download today. So do people come to you for advice often? Uh...

And what kind of advice giver are you, would you say? This is my problem, is that I think I'm so wise. I think I'm so smart and wise. This is my... This is a big problem for me. Interesting. So, you know, I give a lot of advice. I don't know that people have come to me for the advice, but I go, you know what you need to do.

Do you? You need to, you know, straighten up and fly right, get your head down. Did you get good GCSAs? yeah I'm more of an A level guy actually but yeah I got good GCSEs as well they get arrogant

no I didn't actually I wasn't that good GCSEs I was underachieving versus I had a lot of meetings about not meeting my potential I'd love to have some of those meetings now because it kind of it did work to push me a little bit

if someone could just go mate you could be if you could be really good and use the word potential makes you feel so good yeah you could be really good instead of being like she's doing the best she possibly yeah no one was ever like the good thing about Reese is he really tries it was like he's not trying

this guy's incredible but he's not trying and so he's the school's fucked because he's getting all this these shit grades in mocks my feeling with that

was always yeah come on who's gonna try it kind of deweeb tries in mocks what kind of absolutely I'll do it on the night and then the results were disappointing

I actually had a very similar experience to you I am not because I didn't try in my what we call junior search and then leaving search but because no one my mom was quite like

I was quite an intense kid so she was always like put less pressure on yourself, not more. And no one told the truth in my school about studying. I didn't really know anyone was studying for the junior search. So I just sort of did it. And then afterwards, everyone got the most, my friends got the most insane results.

And I was like, what's going on here? Oh, they'd be secretly trying. Turns out they'd been fucking, like, really studying. Behind your bag? Well, sort of just like, I think they just knew to it. They were like, obviously it weren't you kind of thing. And then I really tried for my leaving certain did very well. But only because I was like, oh.

Everyone's secretly revising. You're supposed to do, yeah, you're supposed to do. work on this. That happens in adult life, don't you find? People are always claiming to like, oh, I haven't really prepared. And then they've come out with 20 pages of notes. A hundred.

Yeah. Percent. Yeah. But again, because if I can just circle back, I, do you really think of yourself as well? I can't imagine, can you get invested in other people's, like, business enough to give advice? Like, do you, will you care enough? You think that I, you think I wouldn't care enough. I think that you would, you're so funny that you'd be busy making jokes and

That's not the word you're thinking of. That's not the word you're thinking of. Yeah, I think you'd be too quick to make jokes before you'd give advice. Do you give key, like genuine advice, earnest advice? I think what you're underestimating is the, my desire to give advice comes absolutely from no place of altruism or wanting to help anyone. It's, it makes me feel incredibly smart. Okay. So it's all just like, listen, what you want to do?

Is this? Even if it's like an emotional problem. God, that's a great guy. That's a great guy. Oh, I can't wait to see it. Ultimately, deep down, that's quite honest, but that probably is what's going on here. No, I love that.

That's the, I mean, I 100% give advice so that someone can say, wow, that was really insightful. Wow, it's really clever. You're so wise. It's got nothing to do with, and then this person will be held. What sort of advice do you give for that? Just like, be good to.

Are you advising at the UN? Be good to each other. Be good to each other. Be good to each other. Be kind. Be kind. You should be more of that. In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

It's beautiful stuff. Have you got a problem for us, Alex? We do. Here's your moment, Rhys. Here's your moment to be very impressive. Hi, Hogs. Hi. I'm a queer, oh, this is from B.

Hi, B. Hi, B. I'm a queer British 27-year-old who, many for career reasons, and being fed up with being broke and living in house shares, decided to relocate to the US to earn more money, live alone and have a little adventure. Here we go. Now, with the results of the election,

I'm suddenly wondering what I should do. Stay here for a year, three years, or go home immediately in six months? Anyway, that's not the question for today. I'll work that out later. The reason I emailed was to ask for advice on handling the boring bitches at Christmas who have never left our hometown. I've heard it all. You'll get shot.

What about your health care? But you're gay. The last one came from a cis straight woman. I think this election result is only going to fuel their narrow-mindedness and belief they can comment on my life. How do I tell them I'm working out my future plans whilst also reminding them that in the short term

I'm doing the right thing for me and my career the sassy or the better please hogs thanks well obsessed I can picture this I can picture this hometown pub I'm so glad we have sass queen

Reese James here to tell us presumably we've all had the hometown Christmas experience as people pursuing careers in the arts oh yeah right we've all had some devastating ones we've all had those conversations what have you had too pissed you know it all goes away

way once you do any kind of work to do with anything that they've heard of, right? That all goes away. The second you appear on something where you write with someone or you're seen with, you know what I mean, they all just go, oh, right, fine. Once you're on mock the week, people start to take you. No one said anything to me. I cannot tell you how much it resonates with me, but it has not completely gone away with some people's partners.

Oh, some people's partners. There's a special kind of man who likes to neg you if you're a female comic. Maybe it's true if you're a comic, but I get less so from women. I get a much more from men of like, okay. So you think you're funny? And then they'll like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's sort of weird to like, oh, what are we doing here? I don't, I was just chilling out at my. Even, the thing is, what you get, what I would get

sort of years ago when this would happen would be even if people behaved a bit like that, like, you reckon you funny, do you? I'm funny than you. They would go, no,

but it takes balls. You got balls. Yeah. And you go, right. And that's, and that's all you care about. And also, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't. No, It's a myth. It's a myth. It doesn't. It's not out of bravery. Yeah. It's out of loneliness. Yeah. It's just this boredom. There's nothing else. I've got two others from my age group in and around my town who went into the arts, as it were, but they're rat battlers. So it would usually be the three of us at Christmas. So we started doing sketches together when we finished school. Some of us went to uni apart from Theo. Shout out Theo. But they became like shuffle tea and Marlowe and they do a rap battle. Everyone knows those guys. That's so cool. I've been in a sketch with those guys. Shout out Adam and Theo. I've been two sketches.

Oh, I've seen them. This is year. This is before I even did stand up. This is going way back. This is going way back. So like they were in the Ambao School of Drama, but we were all really good friends. But because they got success like earlier on but we'd all been doing sketches together at Christmas like they would have to like defend me while all the guys were going like,

oh my God, I'm going to hell and still think she's like part of something in the arts. And I was like, oh my fucking God. And then like one time a guy, we almost got into a fight with him with a previous Sam Bauer's School of Drama alumni who was making fun of them. And this alumni had stopped being in the arts. I think had wanted to and then had stopped. I thought that it would all stop because everyone kept saying to me, why didn't you try to get on live with the Apollo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I did get on live with the fucking Apollo. I still say it because no one watches it. Well, no, there's that. Oh, that's after the voice. Well, no, instead, for me, it just, this, I swear to God, I don't think it had stopped airing on BBC before people were like, I was about Tasmas.

that seems to be the one I'm not going to be. We all fell in the gap. It was all when you're going to do life for the appellate and now no one asks about the Apollo. It's just straight away to, so tap. I was like, I'm going to fucking kill it. How did you? That will never change. The second that you do that, there'll be something else.

So, B. When did you get on Bibble Box? What are you going to do Bibble Box? Who's going to get on Bigel Box? Yeah, exactly. Who's booking on the ground for? It's my new show. You can get on the ground floor.

I can't wait. But wait. What do you think that B should say to these people? Well, you've got to stand your ground here And you've got to don't No doubt You can't show any doubt I agree

There can be no way of There can be no like Yeah, I know I've been thinking that Like because of the whole Trump thing Because of all this No no no no No it's the correct decision

You now say Well it's perfect for me I'm a Republican And we diverge here We have to say I'm a Republican Plus it's been great For the crypto markets

You don't know what you're talking about I'm absolutely blasting to the moon Let's get a Lamborghini Yeah yeah Feel free to they're here in this shitty small town. I'm not even in America. I'm on the moon. I'm fun of Stevenage. I'm a human. Wow. Yeah, it's a Stephenage adjacent place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. You know, I think it's just, what I'm getting at, okay, is just pure conviction here.

Yeah. And you sort of go, you know, I'd be there. I'd be there in their faces going, don't you want to forge your own path? Don't you want to do something and see the world? Don't you want to make six figures? That I know even that. I think, because that rubs people up the wrong way. And if you, well, so it's all of it. You know, sorry, I thought that's what you were doing. I thought that was the thing. I thought that was a thing. Actually, sorry, no, can we just get serious for a second, Catherine? I actually think that's really...

You can say you're... But don't say you're rich. You did this to me earlier. I'm sorry, I stopped listening for a second. That's why I'm like, oh, pretend he's to laugh. I don't really know what's happening. Just go, if they go, do you... Yeah, what do you think about all this stuff?

Well, the second they mention politics, just go, I know, it's great. So wait, do you what they want... Do we do real advice on this? I feel like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't fuck around. have a laugh. No, no, we have a laugh.

We have a laugh and then Helen solves it with a perfect plan. So what I'm thinking is that's fun, right, to be like, oh, I'm a Republican, so it doesn't matter to me, get me my guineas. Yee-ha. Get me my guineas, get me booties. Here we go, I'm getting a truck. You know what I mean? Let's enjoy ourselves.

If you can even say Merry Christmas anymore. Which I think would work. Just in this scenario, okay. A little playing a part for that line. Definitely play the character. in that character. Don't take that out of context. No clips.

I want to assume they said what do they refer to their home friends as? Basic bitches. Basic bitches, basic bitches, I think. Yeah, Boring bitches.

Boring bitches. Boring bitches is better. Boring bitches is actually better because basic, you're right, is a personality type and it's one I can actually get on board with. Yeah. Yeah, but boring is so fun.

So, damning. Playing a fun part and like being clear with it can be tricky with boring bitches in the hometown because I think we can get to be like what are you hiding and what are you masking here?

You know, very quickly, you can, like, be having fun with something and they'll be like, but what's, like, what's the feeling here that makes you feel that needs to do this show? I think you're pointing at the heart. I don't think boring gets to this.

I'm not, I'm not, they do. Really? They're just sort of like, let's just, can we just quickly? So. It's, I mean, it's such a good thumbnail. I don't think you do thumbnails.

It's happening for so long. The panic in recent. So, obviously, we've seen it quite a bit on this episode so far between Reese and Catherine. using shame to embarrass someone else in conversation can be a wonderful tool. So when they go,

oh, you're moving to America. There we go. How's it going with that boy from school? Oh, you married and had kids with him and you're still going strong, is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to move to America, make it, a MAGA hat like me. Forget the MAGA thing really quickly

because I think that might be a bit tricky. Yeah. And say things like, but didn't you stay here during Boris Johnson? Like, really like throw it back, like twist the scenario, twist the scenario. also a lot of America is fucking fun and great and I think you can be like very resolute but be like oh well like and you're staying here

and you think that this state is absolutely fine then do you oh my god that's so insane like look at what we did to India and Ireland and Rwanda like and stuff like that and I think that's a lot better so you make them feel bad and then and then you say things like also like chicken and waffles and stuff like that new offer yeah if I'm a third way supermarkets are better in America stuff like that

third way if I may why are you hanging out with the boring bitches are they a compulsory element of Christmas you have to that's not fair you go home for Christmas you're kind of fuck my advice would be

stay in America for Christmas I agree I completely agree you don't need to go home for Christmas to chat to these people that's what I think they have

Zoom your family they leave the theme parks open on Christmas I went to a water park in the sun in Florida for Christmas one year there were Christmas trees above the water slides

hello why are you coming Fancy solution And then post the shit out of it on Instagram They do not Is Disney open on Christmas Day? Open on Christmas Day We went to the water park on Christmas day

It's incredible, I won't Finally, I'm going to Portsmouth Are you fucking joking? We had Christmas dinner at TGI Fridays It was the best day of my life It was the best day of my life I was so young TG Fridays is the worst restaurant in the world

Not when you're 15 and it just came to Ireland And you're in the big like No don't you dare You're in America and you're getting the giant rib rack I still ate me then It was the best day of my life On Christmas Day Giant rib rack

It was incredible What's wrong with TG on Friday? Look at the dessert menu Any angel delight? I think so That's your problem with the quibbean I disapprove I disapproved

Um Nah TUI is rubbish It's like Frankie and Venice Come on Get a grip No he didn't No he didn't No he didn't

Where does the unboiled like you eat then Where do you eat Answer the question I don't know if I have an equivalent Of either of those What do you mean to like you don't You don't have a chain restaurant You don't have a chain restaurant you go to

Yeah I guess I would go to five guys I would go to So you don't want a beer with your You don't want to sit down with a lovely Can you? Yeah

They have coronas Oh god, okay You can't have a starter Main and dessert You can't have a birthday party About those nuts Free peanuts Don't forget the nut

Who's thinking happy birthday do? No it's not really comparable that It's not I agree it's not really comparable Nando's Pizza Express Yeah yeah those things All the market town, the classic market town place that you get on those discount cards that give you ZZZs and strada.

Oh, I love a ZZZZ. All those places. Giggling squid, is that one? What's a giggling squid? Oh, in the tie one. It's pretty good. Like, Rose's tie. Yeah, it's in the same sort of...

But giggling squid. Giggling squid. Tell you what's good. Wagamama. We had that the other day. Delicious. Yeah. Sorry, you did that serious recommendation.

Yes. You talk for... Do you think I've not been to Wagamama? You do. I don't know why you fucking been, you crap. Yeah, but you... You talked for so long but angels are like,

you can't then take them more high-ground-based food. Wagamama. Cannot be, I'll tell you where's good, Wagamama. It needs to be like... I've said it now.

I've said it now. But yeah, but it needs to be somewhere I like, it needs to be somewhere more niche. You can't recommend the chain of Wagamama

that's in airports. I speak on my own podcast that. So Zando's in airports but you have a problem me saying that. No, that was because I was on the edge

of getting the shit kicked down me. It's too. I have to agree with... Wasabi. these are all restaurants I've never had to end this by saying times of all the restaurants those are some Angus Steakhouse beef eater

now let me ask you this about Langa Are you aware of the current ongoing situation with the Angus Steakhouse? I've actually never had a steak so I've never been to Anga Steakhouse No but Anger Steakhouse is currently has accused down the road from tourists Why? Because they've been tricked People started leaving so that they

tourists were not going to restaurants people actually want to go to in London. Londoners started leaving five-star reviews saying this is the best restaurant in London on Anga Steakhouse and now tourists go on Tripavise and go, where shall I go? Oh, number one rated restaurant in London, Anga Steakhouse, Big Dilly Circus, cues around the block. Is that what? Because whenever I do the store, it's like happy and happy

and I think Happy is the same. After this, I then looked up the reviews for Happy. Every review happy is like, this is the best meal I've ever had in my life. I had a TikTok come up the other day of someone being like, you've got to go to this restaurant Happy, look what I got. And it was the worst looking sludge. It was trough food. It was stuff. It was a disgrace. It was trough food. It was trough stuff. It was, if it It's cat's milk, this was cats.

Wow. This is cat's beef. And it was, yeah. My dad, we'd hate it. It'd be furious. But people are doing it like, you've got to go here. And I think it is working. That is fucked up.

Yeah. We are such guns. But also, that is potentially going to, the fact that the point of that is to keep the restaurants they want to go to empty so they can go to them could potentially make those restaurants go out of business. Because it's going to crumble the whole restaurant. And there'll be Anga Steakhouse on every corner. But anyone who's listening to business currently on a trip to London, you're happy. You are so close to Chinatown, but you want to go to Tonkatsu in Soho is really nice, they'd say.

Speedboat Bar. And Speedboat Bar. It's a very spicy Thai restaurant in Soho. Oh, Scarlet Green. It's good. It's good. It's so much spicy that you think is going to be. Really?

Take the day off the next day. Oh, tell you what's really good. Make sure you don't have a school plate to do this day. I haven't shit myself yet recently. Like not since what? I don't think you'd have a bench on South Bank. Rich James has a beautiful comedy special. When was out on that bench at Southbank

When I sat down Checking your phone As if it's in your calendar Shut myself 2014 So it's nice to remember Sorry Where can people find you?

Oh my God Sorry, Catherine Where can people find you I feel we should Glacet other foods Don't you? Why did we stop at Cherry? Where's my glassay sausages

Are the fucking people find you in your comedy special? Reese James.com. For your comedy special They can find you on Instagram Sure, at Reese James E. They can find you want X? I don't know. I don't know. The Guardian have left, so maybe I'll get out of

there. Maybe, but you're so good at it. It's a shame. I think it's dead. Don't get on X anymore. I'm not doing blue sky. I can't be asked another one of these platforms. No, that's completely reasonable. Okay, well, um, how much is he special? Five pounds. British pounds. That's such a fucking good deal. That's such a good deal. The price of a starter at 2J Fridays. Exactly. Probably less than that. Probably less than that. Yeah. But you probably don't have a car that's also a table. Well, listen. Spiltbill. What's the special? What may you find out? Okay, it's a mystery and a mystery.

Check it out. Reese James, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you. And please comment your favorite milks below. And foods, of course, you think should be laughing. And Angel Delight flavor. Let's come on.

There's only three. You can do it, yeah, but you can do a poll. Can you do polls on whatever platform this goes out on? I don't think we have enough octogenarians listing for that poll to work. Look, you say this. You're judging your audience. I'm telling you this audience. They're going to be an angel to like right.

They're going to be into Angel Delight. Well, Rhys James. That's fine out. Thank you so much to all of our producers, but especially the illustrious bunch that is our executive producers. Thank you so much Guy Goodman, Simon Moore, Annie Tonner, Stephanie Catrachia,

Oliver Dago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Madeline Quinn and Sadie Cashmore. Thank you. We are so grateful to you and keep us going and honestly, it means the world. Helen? You guys are all my father, Christmases. Thank you to our other Little Elves, our producers.

It's so early in the year for this. It's close enough. We're less than 100 days away, right? We're like 80 days away. Thank you to our producers, our little elves in the workshop. It's L. It's Richard Bold. It's Harold Van Dyke. It's Tim and Dom.

It's David Walker. It's Rachel Aris. Claire Owen Jones. It's Jess and Nick. It's Sarah and Molly. It's Ria Fink. It's Cordelia. It's Rachel Page. It's Helen A. It's Tina Lindsay. It's Graham Marsh. Sing along with me. It's Amy O'Rearden. Abby Warrden.

Abby Warrth. Matt Sims. Luke Bright. Leah Kate. Spencer. Liz Fort. Taz. Anthony. Clive, Becky, Fox, Dean, Michael, Sophie, Chivers, Chivers, Carrie, Sooth, Charlie A, Casey, Jam, Rain Bird, Tamsden, Smith, Harding, Hannah J, Ezra Paraguin, Bren. Which is Hill in Welsh. Thank you, bye!