Trusty Hogs - Ep162. KATY WIX / Snow, Sea Bass & Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

Halloween may be long gone, but we have one more Ghost in the studio... the brilliant, KATY WIX! Katy's been all over British TV comedy in some of the best sitcoms and panel shows going, as well as writing her hit book 'Delicacy'. We settle down to chat snow, teeth special effects & announcement blunders...FOLLOW KATY: @Really_KatyWixLEICESTER (15/2): Live Show TicketsThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven ChickenWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Hello and welcome to episode 162 of Trustee Hoggs,

a podcast where I, Helen Bauer, and this slut, and this slut, Catherine, whenever you're ready, and this slut, and Catherine Bohart discuss our amazing lives, how well we're doing, how much we love each other, I guess, even when we use names, there's still so much love behind it because I'm using it in the reclaiming of the word. In fact, no, I'm using it in the old style, I'm not using it in the old style way either, actually, which would suggest that you were slovenly and unhygienic, which you're not, you're very clean, you're love brushing your teeth for example and then we do list of problems I shouldn't do it you're right I should not do you get it now right yeah okay I heard it and I panicked halfway through I'm so glad

we sort of that um hello and welcome to episode 162 of trusty hogs I'll be honest with you I'm kicking off and I'll tell you for a while do you know what happened today this morning did you open your curtains did you open your window did you look outside yeah at nine what was happening rainy you're mad we live in different cities it was snowing thank you that's the correct dancer and I have a video from outside of my head it was snowing big time and may I say this it is an outrage that we are at work what the fuck ever happened

to post being fun and snow meaning you have a day off I hate being an adult I'm sick of it so I'm here fine I'm here in body but I'm not here in mind and you can't make me be through the fog step for the trusty hogs yeah you're gonna give me your

problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not I don't think it snowed south of the river otherwise I would have 100% I'm going to show you a video have a snow day I'm going to show you a video I'm an international woman. I'm on Instagram. I'm going to show you a video. I didn't put it on Instagram because it would have doxed myself.

There were so many videos on Instagram with snow. And I was like, where is everyone? Not mine. Look at that. It did. Okay. That did not happen where I was. That's snow.

We live, well, we live a bit far apart. That's crazy. No, that's flaky. That is more than dandruff. Two hours after that,

I was out running. I went away. It went away. It went away. So I woke up and I was like, oh well, can't run. An hour later.

I was like for a fox. Was it wet run? Yeah, but I kind of loved it because it was one degree but felt. You know when the app tells you feels like minus three which is the best.

I love it when it's cold. I don't understand these people who run in warm weather. Godspeed to them, but I have no interest in that. I don't wish to squelch my way around. I want simply to be cold and basically dry while I run.

So yeah, I went for a run and it was lovely. I love the colder, the better the more inclined I am to run. The warmer, the less likely I am. am to run. That feels very opposites of people. But like it makes sense to me to run too warm off.

But does the cold weather not hurt your eyes and your chest? No, I don't get runny eyes. I'm quite lucky. But it is mad to me that people are like, oh, it's roasting. What I should do is become even hotter. Whereas when you go out and you're cold, it's like, well, obviously the more I stand still, the worse it is. So yes, I went for my run. And then, as you know, I protested the fact that we had to

come to work, but nonetheless, here I am. I think you're sick of it. snowing all over London. I think we could call it a snow day. There has to snow in South London for me to get a day off. It snows in South London. Would you have actually given me a day or? Yeah.

You'd have cancelled on Katie Wicks from the television. I think I would have done if you wanted it. On Katie, you'd have canceled again. Well, that's not very professional. I would have said you're fine not to come in and then I would have come in and asked all my questions. You traitor, fine, I respect it. Is there traitors coming back this year, by the way?

I'm desperate for it. Where is it? Tis the season? I swear. Everyone said it was filmed. Like it filmed a while ago. I'm sure they filmed a celebrity one. There's a celebrity one out already. No, that's the American ones always celebrities. But there isn't a celebrity British traders out yet, is there? Is there two to be released then? There surely should be. Guess what I heard last night as well. From who? Was it Soneil? Joe Sutherland. Okay, go on. I'll buy it. I thought he was in New York. Not last night. He was in Shortwich. Good with me. After I had a big fall.

Oh, bless. Yeah, I fell on the street again. And an old man asked me if I was okay. young lady was he a good nurse no i just went yeah i'm fine and then got up and i was embarrassed but was jose was he didn't seem to no one seemed to care at the gig i sort of like underplay not all gay men i guess hashtag not all gay men i think i underplayed it and then immediately regret i cannot imagine you underplaying anything because i was like if i may it was it was no that gig where like i actually wasn't in the mood to gig either but like this gig comes with like a free dinner from a nice restaurant in between the two shows. Do you know the one?

It's like in shortish house. Oh yes, I do. Yeah. So you get like a meal allowance if you can order anything you want. Did you get membership? And I was like, no, I don't have membership. No, I just get there like,

you arrive and you get given like a little toggle. No, but did you get membership for doing the gig? I think they used to do that, yeah, but no, or I didn't ask. I'd never go. That's the thing. I'd never go. That's the thing. What are you going to do there?

But eat the best sea bass of. my life. Was it amazing? It was so good. On the bone? Because I know. No, no,

no. It was like properly filleted. Is that why you weren't on the, in the mood to gig because you had a big dins? It wasn't a big dinner though. That's the thing. Because you know,

I mean, we talk about this on our Patreon all the time. I'm doing like binge eating recovery. And, um, but basically like, just say it's so casually. I'm doing binge eating recovery.

I'm just trying it out. Don't worry about it. I loves it. If anything, I loves it. Um, but I was like, oh,

there were a good opportunity to like practice like eating with other people and just sort of like having whatever and it's sort of like it gave me like parameters as far as like how much you could spend so then I could like that felt like I was ordered something I could control so whatever and it was just I was like I'm going to get something I will never do at home because like I was gigging with all guys obviously and they all had burgers and I was like you know when you're like you say obviously it shouldn't be obvious yeah because I always feel so much shame around food so instead I shamed them and then I felt great. I was like you are fuck look at this state.

use fucking goblin it down turn the table's good for you yeah someone has to feel bad do you want to do you have mental capacity to hear a better food thing with me this week can I tell you the joke yeah a hundred percent but can I tell the Joe Sutherland thing okay great yes okay I can't remember it one second what was it he told you gossip yes is this good podcasting it's always good podcasting thank you so much for being here yes um there is apparently online a BBC archive of everything that's ever been on BBC I player or on the BBC. Because you know it gets taken down randomly

but there's so much stuff that I loved on the BBC. Like what? Catherine. That's been taken down. I mean, not like I can imagine something being good on the BBC. Like I watched the BBC. I just meant like what has been taken down.

Okay, I used to be obsessed with a show called Child of Our Time. Do you remember that? I don't know it. Yeah, Robert Winston. Sarah Robert Winston. What does it mean? What do you say?

Okay, they took like 20 kids in the year 2000 and they were like, we're just going to film them over their lives. We're just going to see what happens in their lives, like their families and stuff. What, and they're done now? They're not filming them? The kids are 24 now, obviously, but like all the episodes have gone, not doing anything with it. And I'm like, I don't know if I kept up with it for 10 years. But it was like really emotional.

My mum said they did one in the 70s and like one of the kids died or something. It was like really tragic. But like you just sort of see them going through life and have their personalities. And it's like a big experiment as far as like if your parents are extroverts, would you be in like, It was so interesting. Do you think those people would have been exactly the same people if they hadn't been filmed as if they were? I think so.

I think so purely because it wouldn't be something new that comes in. It's something that's been a constant in life. But it's still like you understand yourself as a subject of perception. Of a one, like you're probably on, yeah. I would say yes if they had like more than just like two episodes a year they would do on all 20 of them. So, like, they would be 10 minutes of an episode. I think if the BBC were checking in on me

every now and then, oh boy, that'd be a world of pressure. Yeah. I think personally, I think it would, it would alter some decision. In some personality types, 100%. Yeah. I would say in my personality type,

tell me you wouldn't be like, I'm actually a child of our time. Yeah, exactly. I'm actually being filmed at the moment. Child of the time. Child of the Times. I am the child of our time. So did you find it on the...

No, he's going to send me the link, or he said he was. Sorry, your hot goss from Joe Sutherland after he came back from New York was that he is going to send you a link such that you can watch a show you've already watched. I'm BBC Iplayer. Celebrity gossip with the Chosty Hogs, everybody. Catherine, that would be... That would be in the CBBC archive as well. So, like, Bernard's Watch, the Queen's Nose...

I just think... I don't think you should be able to tell me that, like, it's gossip. You shouldn't be able to set that up. Like, I'm like, I'm on the edge of my seat and it's, that can't be it. Okay, no joke. When Joe said that to me last night, I squealed and I swear to God, like, my crotch was like, fuck. Like, like, you know when you, like, get like, a tummy ache in your crotch. Isn't it about children?

Like a... What? No, no, just the idea of the BBC Archive. That was what got me excited. Right, okay. And it's all... The Queen's nose. I could watch that any time I wanted.

Wish from a 50p, you know? The good stuff. Do you not have that an island? No. Do we don't have the Queen's nose, no? No. Oh, in the North. I'm all right?

No. No. We're not doing that today. No. No. What was the Queen's nose? The Queen's nose, the cartoon, right? The Queen's nose, the cartoon.

No, no. My God, why did I say that? Oh my God, I hate myself. Is it not a cartoon? The Queen's nose is not a cartoon and I'm really, I don't need any, hey, like, who, I don't need any Irish or Genese bullshit on me right now. this is a regular thing that regular people watch. Not that you're not regular, you're both, you're fine.

Sounds pretty. I'm not how I said it. Yep. But like, for normal children, um, back me up here. The Queen's Nose was one of the best, you know what? Queens knows one of the best TV shows of all time. It was two sisters, Harmony and Melody, flawless names, coolest girls on TV. And I'm including Lizzie McGuire and that and Sabrina's a teenage witch.

And they, no one thought Sabrina was cool. The show was great. She's not cool. Hilden's Elder. cool you're a fucking they have a bit of a drag of a niece everybody knows that really yeah

okay is that no one what it's like oh it's so weird that Sabrina gets to go to Harvey because he's cool and she's Sabrina she's kind of annoying I get what you mean Salem's cool Salem is so cool I'd say the real case of the adults being cool and the cat obviously and not the kids is Sabrina the teenage way but in

but in the queen's nose they have a 50p they find and it's magical and can grant wishes it can make like wishes come true and you have to rub the nose and turn it is it like in your hand or is that banners watch you to turn it seven times it's incredible demon headmaster i can't not think of good things on the bbc archive demon headmaster who raised you i didn't have the bbc when i grew up i didn't have the bbc until i was 17 what was what was happening on rTE a lot of i'm sure we

were reading books me too sure luck we were reading history books didn't seem like you had any them over here. Now, I'm sorry, spent the weekend with my parents. You don't have to read history if you make history. I'm all right? I feel like you should read some before you make anymore. If I may, can I? May I? Shall I? I will. I have. How's your week being other than your big fall and how is your uncle? It's big. You've seen it. It is quite big. There's sort of a golf fall swelling to the side of it. Yeah, but I did two gigs and had a full sea bath sit down dinner, so clearly I'm fine. But it saw. It saw. So Neil was luckily in a boots when I message to him. Right. And he bought me a tubular grip. Okay, that was good of him. Which I'm wearing

under my tights. And you keep moving the tablecloth with your tits and it's really distracting, both because I like things tidy and his boobs. So he was sympathetic? I, because I didn't get the sympathy I wanted from the guys at the gig, because I underplayed it because I wanted to get the dinner. I didn't want them to be like, oh, you better go home. Because I was already there. So then I messaged to Neil. You thought you were going to be overplaying it so much that anybody at the gig would be like, this grown woman should go home because she fell on her ankle you've seen me yeah you're right go on I don't think I ever send you home no but if I went boys you'd have to it's heartbreaking I'm adorable I'm adorable yeah I'm a six foot one adorable to an angel baby adorable moron baby so you fell

me and senil got you a tube but you've lied to him is that right what how have I lied to him well he was feeling I said I had a fall and then he went oh my god not another one and then i didn't respond and he went are you okay and i was like that's what i wanted but the reason he he might not feel as sorry for you if he knew why you fell don't tell him i'm not going to tell him but you also haven't told him no because senile has a theory i have like three big falls each rainy season which i would say is spring autumn winter not spring spring is rainy drip drop drip little april shower You're falling in the April showers?

I'll fall in bloody anything. If there's a wet leaf, I will step on the one that has a plastic bag underneath it and go straight down. It's like my speciality. Okay, fine. But like, um,

I just... What Helen is evading is the fact that she hasn't told Sunil that his suspicions are correct, which is that she fell presumably because she wasn't looking where she was going and she wasn't looking where she was going because she was playing Pokemon.

But he doesn't need to know that because he was like, why are you playing Pokemon when I got home? And I was like, no, I wasn't because he always was like, Well, if you stop playing on your phone and just walks normally. But he's right. And it's like, you know, other people play Pokemon Go and go, don't fall.

So clearly I... But you were not one of them. No, if he asks, I have weak ankles and it is hereditary. If he asks, I'm going to say, well, yeah, she's playing Pokemon Go. You are. You are a bad female friend. Yeah. You're a bad feminist.

I'm what I think you refer to as a slut. So... Oh, poor! Tell me what you've been up to. Have you been thriving better than me? Oh, last night. We went on a sort of spontaneous date, Ellen and I, and it was a date of truly 15-year-olds.

We met at the Westfield Shopping Centre. We had Nando's. Post-Nandos, we went to The View Cinema. Because I was like, oh, I have vouchers for there. Turns out I have vouchers for the Ogin. But still, we were there. So in we went. And a very nice, I think, Venezuelan man sang to us.

He was working at Nando's. He was very nice. Um, what? Yeah, Raphael. Incredible. He was a very attentive host. I've never had such good table service for a restaurant that you order at the desk for, but it was very nice. But I say, like, you just don't get that Amanda.

Oh, he really did. And he honestly would have cut up my chicken for me, except that I wasn't eating chicken and I, you know, you know what I'm saying. He charmed him. He was very nice. No, he was charming, charming. He came charmed. Precharmed. And then, um, we went to the cinema and lots of new flavors of Ben and Jerry's, and they have a mashup

with Tony's delightful. Wait, stop. Yeah, there's a Ben and Jerry's Tony collab that's currently happening which I wasn't aware of because I hadn't been to cinema in a while but wow, wow, wow. I had the We Love Chocolate one or something

it's all salt and chocolate and it was heaven. Okay, Andrew, you better be getting up that list of different flavours that are available and Ben and Jerry's for us to read through and rate right now. Right now! Well, because the other way around

I had had, I hadn't had the Ben and Jerry's ice cream that's flavour with Tony's Chocol Only but I have had the Tony's Chocol Only bars that are influenced by Ben and Jerry. I think I've had one of these. The chocolate brownie is my favour of the bunch. But in this instance, this was delicious. So then we went to see,

and I had no warning of what it was about, Heretic. I was like, lovely. I like Hugh Grant, this will be a laugh. Why would I not think it was a laugh? It's Hugh Grant. Then the ads start. And there's a real theme to the ads.

Every ad were shown, horror film. I had a feeling. And I turned around to Ewe and she was like, Sorry, I didn't tell you, I know you hate horror. And I was like, why are we here? Why are we here? Why? You're going out with a teenage boy or a teenage day?

And can I just say, the people who attend horror films are the worst cinema attendees I've ever been around. They're all fucking talkers. This room full of people being like, it's like, just shut up. Anyway, I didn't enjoy their gasps. It's like, just be frightened quietly. We gasped during substance together. Yes, but that was a very large cinema and that was us. and mainly you.

From the woman who was eating nachos and crunchy chocolate during whatever that film was that we saw together. All us strangers. No one could have known that that was going to be a silent film. You read the book!

The talkies had been invented. They surely should have known, but anyway, what I'll say is this, very good. Oh, you loved a Indian. Very much enjoyed. Very good. No, I ultimately thought it was a three-star film,

but the first two-thirds were a five-star, well, four-and-a-half-star film, and Hugh Grant's performance is great and Chloe East is phenomenal in it it's a real like three-hander it feels like a play in lots of ways I thought it was great until the end but that's fine

that's pretty good that's more like I can say for most horrors and it sounds like the perfect night because it's also like it's got a bit of like drama in it you being like Ellen like not a horror and Ellen being like I wasn't gonna tell you

but then you love it sort of works out well in the end like you get sung to in Landos as new flavors in the ice cream yeah and we were home 9.15. 9.15. What time did you get to Lando's? Oh, we had Nandoes at 545? There we go. Don't mind if we do. 545. No, by 9.30, we're in bed. I was reading our book to her. That's right. We're reading a book together. I read it to her while she goes to sleep. Oh, I don't know if I like that actually. I know. It's awful. It's as close to holding hands when you're jogging as we could possibly get. We don't hold hands when we're jogging. But look, here's the deal. She... Are you actually reading together? Not usually. What happened was I started a book and it was one of those books, you know, where you gas, because there's like

hot gossip at the end of every every sentence was a, every end of chapter was a cliffhanger. Wait, what book is there?

Caroline Dunah who, what is her name who wrote the Rachel incident? Oh, Donahue, yes. Yeah, okay, Caroline Dunahue.

And it's just great, but like the story is just like, it's just gossip in the best possible way. Okay, okay. And so I was reading about Helen, oh, I must have confused with you of you.

I love it when this happened. I must have. But Ellen plays this game, royal match would not play. I get adverts for Royal Match all the time. We had to have words about how she's not allowed to spend. I mean, she wouldn't. Well, she said she wouldn't, but then I think one time she really thought about it, so then had to admit that she thought about it. She's not like spend money on it, but she does play it a lot. Um, she's not allowed. You're a fun mom. I'm not

her mom. I don't make the rules. I'm just saying that's her rule she has for herself. Okay. So then she plays this at night, um, sometimes in bed, but then I was like gasping loads. So she was like, you have to read it to me. So then we started again. But I was only one chapter in. So it's fine. And then she says things every. two minutes like wait who's that wait what now wait huh um which is annoying but um it's the first book we've ever read i guess where i've read to her and it's good and it's been quite an enjoyable book to share because it's just like everything you're like no or i knew that was going to happen wait i want to read it's a rachel incident yeah very good bit of business how long is it enjoying very short chapters

and i think it's like 24 chapters it's maybe like 200 you you lend to helen when you're done then i will yes it's very good it's very good i'm really enjoyed i'm really enjoyed enjoying it. I'm in, I'm in. Short chapters. Catherine loves. I love a short chapters. I don't think even matters the content of the book. Well, this book could not be more Irish if it tried. It's set in Ireland where my dad's from. Stop. It's like, yeah, it's very specific. And it is in a people going to university at a time that I went to university in Ireland. Um, so it's so satisfying when you know the setting of something. Like, not just like recognize it in like a town that you've been to, but you're like, I know that's.

Street. Oh, one of them literally lives in the small village my granddaughter lives in. Like, it's like, yeah, okay, we're really in. It's crazy when you like, yeah, I can picture it. And that was our evening. Sorry, that became way too much detail about my date, but that was my date. No, it's really, it's wholesome. I think I had a bit of an unnecessarily violent reaction to the reading to each other. I think it's fair. I would, if another couple told me that I'd be like, oh, that's fine. Yeah, it's minging. I think it's gross. And I also think what they're forgetting is that I have a lovely Irish lilt. And it's an Irish story. It would kind of not make sense in her accent. Well, fair enough. No, that's fair. I don't know what voice she uses in her head, but I'm sure it would be wrong. I'd love to come over for story time.

No, thank you. Just like me and the bottom. If I may. Like a Labrador. That's okay. Have you ever met a Labrador? Yes. Something's wrong with that one, if I may.

A Labrador after having like a bit of exercise and drinking water too fast. Okay. No, they're more like, what, wait, they're more panicked, aren't they? Yeah, that's much closer. What was I doing? Oh, train. You were giving birth, I think. And train.

You were a train in labour. It's what I... Look, I never said dog impressions was my skill set. No. Apart from Scooby-Doo. Oh, shoggy! That'd be good. It's pretty damn.

good. You've also been to the cinema this week I saw on Instagram. It looked stressful. We had very different cinema trips. You went with your siblings? You went on a lovely date night to like a place where it's just like teenagers hanging out and like wholesome families. I, okay, I went to the BFI London's IMAX, the largest screen in the UK. Wow. For a 1pm in the afternoon Sunday showing of Gladiator 2. I can't wait to see it. Is it so good. Love it. Is Pedro everything and more? Catherine.

He's so fit. I loved the whole experience. Really? Like the whole day was just like, it just like nothing went right. Did you get lunch before? For any member of the family. No. Everything went wrong.

Did you go just the three siblings? So, no. Michael Bauer, fathers. Oh God. Belated birthday gift from us, right? Wait, I need to get up the family chat. So is the four of you? This is four of us, yeah.

Mike and his three kids. My dad and my brother and sister, older brother, younger sister. We're all familiar with the family. But just a quick run down here. Michael, 70-something. Very, doesn't respond to dad. That's why I call him Michael. No sad reason.

It's just never quite computed in his head. You've got to say the full name. And he'll be like, ooh-ho. Everyone can disassociate, apart from me in the family. Everyone's quite comfortable with silence. I'm not, so I talk. I make them more uncomfortable than I feel rejected. It's a good fun family Sunday.

How is there so much talk? during the film. Well, this is the thing. So, we, my sister's coming up from Fleet, my hometown. Yeah. Her train is delayed by 30 minutes. I took my parents through Fleet this weekend. I forgot to ask you.

We'll talk about the weekend away on the extras. Okay. Shout out, by the way, to all of the listeners who gave me advice for Bristol. It was actually my brother who was going, but everyone recommended a lot of queer-based activities from my little brother and his wife. So I hope they had a nice time. Enjoy it.

But I'll tell you about my weekend away. But yes, we went through Fleet and they were charmed to have the services. Please take my sneeze out Please take my sneeze out That can't be to see Excuse me that was my sneeze Take that out, it's private Particularly at this time of year

Sneezers have to be wet Like that can't be a sneeze Ew, what a horrible thing to say You're a horrible thing to say That's a horrible thing to say Why do they have to be wet? I'm trying to find the family group But I remember it's called progeny

Why would they be wet? They're called your family group's called Progeny Because my dad's so proud of us He's like, that's my progeny. That's very funny. Now they are, my beautiful girls. That's very funny.

So, Marianne's train's delayed. She starts sending gifts of cats because she's stuck at Woking. And these cats are like, I'll show it to you. Angry Sphinx cat. Oh, God, they're horrible. They're horrible. Then we've got another grumpy cat just like,

these cats are fucking furious. My brother then arrives. It's me, my dad and brother at the BFI in the coffee shop waiting for her to arrive. We're all tense. We're all looking because it's glass all the way around. there's different entrances. We don't know where she's arriving from.

All we know is she's angry. And my brother's got four sausage rolls in his pocket that I picked up on the way there for him for a bit of fun because he loves sausage rolls. Where from Greggs? Greg's because I decided to walk from home to the IMAX because it was a sunny Sunday morning. That's nice.

How long was that walk? Like hour and 20? Gorgeous. Charming. Really nice. And we're all having nice time. But the family gets tense. We're like Marianne's arriving.

My sister. is a big presence and she scares me she's she's she's brilliant she's brilliant she's powerful she knows exactly how she wants to murder me yeah and she's told you to your face she's not like sneaky she's not going behind your back she always says axes plural which i don't like like she doesn't want to kill you by axe how are you going to kill katherine only on axes axes um she's she's great fun if anyone else has anyone with autism on neurodivergist family you'll know what i mean she's that one so she arrives we're all like fucking hell this is going to get so tense.

And then she's like, I don't even know if I'm going to like this film. It's going to be a waste of my time. And we're like, oh my God. Like, come on, babe. It's dad's birthday. Like, make a bit of effort. Like, try smiling or something.

And don't tell her that. No, I was going to say, I hope you didn't say cheer up love to your sister. Cheer up, sweetheart. And we don't have time for lunch because she arrives late. So it's fine. We get a snack. She gets a sandwich.

I get a lovely coffee cake. Charmed. Gorgeous. That's a BFI. Yeah. Did he actually eat all four? I think he had one. left by the end of the film so I don't know where they went

so yeah he said three we're growing we're growing good for him but my sister like hates and people eat meat around her so he had to like try and convince that they were vegan but they wasn't it was a whole thing she didn't eat one it's fine and we sit down for the film and so the

adverts obviously represent the film so they're quite violent so Marianne's already perked up she's like blood on the screen here we go oh she's loving she loves Dexter like she likes death and she's fascinated by death and blood yikes that's scary to me but okay

it was terrifying what an unsettling factor it just has a feature of anyone's personality you think oh that's a bit unnerving my mother is very similar she loves gore she loves death she loves it loves it quite frankly the last time she visited London

I was living in remember made of ale and outside my flat a man was stabbed and I came in, I came in from the coffee shop being like, oh my God, running upstairs, being like, I can't believe they're seeing this, they're going to be so worried about me. My dad, asleep.

My mom has pulled the footstool right up to the window and he's looking out like, oh, I wonder now, is he in a gang? I wonder now what's going on. Isn't that crazy? And I was like, why are you watching like a TV show that you're too desensitized to violence? But go on, okay, so she's getting excited already by the ads.

So she's getting excited by the ads. And then we're like, okay, she might like this film. We might have a nicer afternoon after this happens. And you can remember the BFI, like people who go to the iMacs are like fans like i bought these tickets like two months ago like they're there because they love the film like they're in for it okay and um film starts and it immediately gets bloody and she just lights up to the point where i have to keep on hitting my dad to point to her to be like can you see the monster you've made like she goes like

biggest smile comes across her face so anytime we go into the arena where you know they've got to fight you know something bad's going to happen she's starts, her hands start raising into the little like evil fingers all together. Like, ha! And then there's a character in it, this monkey, who she loves. His name's Dundas. She loves Dundas. Okay.

And any time he's on the screen, she's like, ah! And he gets to the poop, and I'm like, shut the fuck up. Because any time someone's killed and no matter how brutal, she's like, oh! And you know what you're like? Oh, this is the worst to watch her. Had she seen Gladiato before this? She said she had. I don't know if she had.

She said she has. But yeah, she was absolutely charmed. Which when after it, we were going to go get some food out. Have you been to Roti King? No, but that sounds amazing. The bars are obsessed with it. It's a Malaysian restaurant. That sounds great.

There's a couple in London, but it's amazing. Okay. And we went in there, but we couldn't talk about anything because we had to do 20 minutes of her being like, but what was your favorite? What was your, Helen? What was it? Helen, what was your favorite?

If you had to pick one, what was your favourite death? And then I'd have to be like, um, beheading. And she'd be like, no, no, no, the best one, though. I was just like listing different gory ways to die while trying to eat some noodles. Jesus. It was insane. Noodles at the roci place. Nudes.

Well, I mean, we had like a roti chanite star and a mutterback. And then I had noodles. What are the words you just said? Like a roti, like a bread, roti. But what, with a dip? with a yeah it's like a it's like a curry like darling thing yeah it's just

it's good yum it's a breakfast food yum it's amazing fuck yum you know I'm going to Mumbai next month I'm really hoping it's curry for breakfast kind of energy every day I'm so excited I'm so excited I can't wait okay good

this is thrilling I'm glad she had a good time did at any point she um say she like actually didn't mind having come all the way to London and it wasn't a waste of her time um or even happy birthday to your dad or like you know and he was his birthday in august and or fairness so like we wouldn't expect that of her okay fine um no she didn't anything anyone got hit oh wow that's pretty impressive okay great yay yay one low bar woohoo oh that's nice and she's very excited for her day out with you and ellen you are doing it you can don't don't go back on this

What did we go back on? I never agreed. You did. No. What happened was you got your sister on the phone to my girlfriend at my house. You had agreed that you would go with her to see Moana too. I didn't agree to shit. I didn't.

Ages ago, Catherine, you did. In what world did I do that? I didn't. And then you were like, we're doing a double film to see Paddington 3? I've never seen Paddington 1 or 2, so I won't be doing that. So I agreed against my better judgment to join from Moana 2, which I will do. With the Bauer sisters. Also, Ellen and Charlie are coming, and I think it's best that people sit between myself and

Marianne because she doesn't enjoy my vibe, and I find her terrifying. She just thinks she needs to take a chill pill, Jesus. And I would find it easier to take a chill pill if she didn't stop, like, didn't continue to threaten my death with specific, real specific clarity. That means she loves you. She knows how she's going to kill me? I think so. I don't think most people would be like, well, sure, this makes me feel relaxed.

It's mainly for close family members, Catherine. Oh, okay. That actually just seems nice. You can, if you don't get to Moana, too, you go on. the Rosie Jones list so it's up to you I'll be at Moana too I would but I'm not going to see Paddington 3 okay it's up to you I've never seen the others and apparently they are good I am I've been told they're be good but I'm not going to watch them in advance because I'm spending as you know Christmas with the Protestants and apparently they watch Paddington and Christmas

so I'll watch it there you're in for such a treat to go back in time and get to watch them for the first time again oh I feel like it might just be a British thing it's Peruvian no but I mean enjoying Paddington. Oh, maybe. Like sort of, listen, I'm sure it'll be fine. Can you just why can't you just enjoy it? I'm sure I will. I look forward to it. And you're going to fucking love Mo Manor too and you're going to shut your trap if you don't, okay? Deal. Oh, sorry, Kathredge. You're bringing a guest. I think so. I'm so excited. Listen, I understand why you're in this mood. You have, of course, been to a birthday party this weekend. So, please, welcome to the podcast, the incredible. Oh my God, she's so cool. Katie Wicks!

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really early? Well, I had to be somewhere for nine. Okay, wow. So that means getting up. You were meeting a co-writer? Yeah, something with a seven in it in Soho. So then I came back home and then I fell asleep, had a mega nap. What time? At about five. How long? And the thing is, my room was too hot so it was like that was makes me so drowsy and it's a tricky time we've all just put the heating back on we're not sure how to regulate it it's hard to not feel drowsy and wake up once you start the sleep it's true so i slept for an hour and a half whoops so it means i won't go to sleep tonight now and then i watched a documentary about acquired savant syndrome which was quite interesting what's a quiet what like where you just suddenly become

fascinating it's like if you have a head injury you get banged on the head as the brain heals like The way it sort of overcompensates, you might find that you've suddenly, once you heal, you have this amazing new skill you didn't have before. Like a language? Well, for one guy, it was like he suddenly started painting and he'd never painted before. Another guy was really good at maths and he just worked in a futon shop. And then he got hit on the head and suddenly he was a math genius. Whoa.

I know. But I remember reading somewhere that Roaldale had a head injury. So I always wondered whether that made him... Before or after Matilda. Before. And I've often wondered if that was why he could write such good stories or something. Well, they're not perfect, are that? Not that great.

Like how the, I mean, we've got to ride for. No, what I'll say it again. How the fuck did Charlie Bucket, a boy who's only eating two chocolate bars in his life, win a chocolate factory? Give it to gloop. You mean how did you get the golden ticket? No. But it's planted. He shouldn't have had it.

He shouldn't have won it at the end. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Gloop cares. Gloop knows how to eat. Yeah, because it matters to me. That's the algorithm. There's a clip of just the hogs of me saying this.

I think it's fucking disgusting. Whoa, really? How did he die in the tube? Drinks himself to death in a river of chocolate and gets stuck on the tube on the way to the fudge room. But that doesn't matter. Did he die?

Did he die or did he just get taken away by the Uberlumbers? I think they all die. They all die in the book, I think. No, one goes small, don't they? Mike. So that's been my day. Yeah, Mike TV.

Wow. Good day. Huge. But I just need, you know, sometimes when you think, because I was feeling, I need to catch up and sleep. I was feeling a bit burnt out. And I just think that the body do what it wants to do. Like, if I needed that big sleep, I just needed it.

Yeah, I think you're right. But I do think you'll regret it later. And that, um, and that drinking tea now is frankly. Oh, that's fine. Really? Yeah, that never, that never affects me. Oh my God. I turned honestly 31, I think, on my body was like, okay.

If it was like, okay. If it was like Coke. Yeah. get it. Oh, really? But tea, I'm just so used to tea now. You're so British, it doesn't touch the sides. I don't, well, I don't drink coffee.

It's just tea. You don't drink. And I think it's a Welsh thing. I'm drinking since I was like five. It was in my beaker. Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. The beakers, the one for the lids on there.

Yeah, the two handles. I've always thought that you should have like, two handles in adult mugs because of when you're passing. No, I agree. I agree. That's my glue. this. Oh my god, TM, you should TM that. You should invent that.

Dragon's Den. You really, you're, because that's such a point when you're passing, a mug, don't you just want another handle? Absolutely. Sorry, especially you know. And then the alpha has to choose. Yeah.

So stressful. Or you do that and your fingertips are just like on fire. Yeah, I can't handle like even though, you know, in Starbucks or whatever. Also, that would really help me. How hot the carball gets, I can't handle it. Yeah, it would really help me. I have, um,

my mom has arthritis and I am starting to get it like the early signs of it in my hand so I can't hold things in the morning sometimes like I can't hold a cup is it like a stiffness yeah like just I can't unfurl them or oh god but a little beaker would help so much because then I could kind of share the load okay whoever gets caffeine for secret Santa is a hundred percent no do not buy me a plastic beaker I don't want that I just got flask I'm so excited did you your life is going to get so good are you going to do super hot drinks with it. Hot drinks. I'm just going to do tea. Nice. Nice. Nice. I just have it all day for its stews. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really excited.

You can take a hot shockey anywhere you guys. Katie, you're doing well enough to surely buy a cup of tea while you're out, no? But there's something about being able to just have it whenever you want. On the bus. It's control. It's control. On the bus. You've made it exactly the way you want. So you can put your sugar in it early. So it's all there, all perfect, ready to go. And it's yours. And you have to go and someone gives you a tea and they left the tea bag in but it's fallen out and there's a staple wandering around your cut you can pull like a tiny bit swill it put it back swill it putting it back no sorry I meant swirl it

okay thank God sorry okay yeah good for you I didn't mean it spitty that's a relief that is a relief that is a really welcome to our set welcome to our podcast you do a lot of podcasts Katie Wick um well you seem above them when I know no I'm beneath them When I was promoting my book, I did a lot of them because that's our delicacy. A beautiful book that I think a lot of our listeners probably have read, but should read if not. Good Christmas gift.

Oh, that's true, yeah. And so I did a lot. And it was tricky old things, particularly with a book, because, you know, in a way it kind of stands for itself. And anything you say is like paraphrasing the thing you took years and years thinking about how you can phrase it. And it's all reduced to you saying a sentence.

not as good to try and tell people, you know, sell the idea that it's good. Yeah, that is true. Oh, my God, that's a trippy thing. It's like when they ask you to, well, actually, it's the complete opposite in stand-up where they ask you to write the promo for the stand-up show usually before you've written it. Yeah, yeah. So you have to be like, what will I be writing? Oh. What on earth in two months before the show, will I panic and think of a good night? Yeah. What if I'm like,

what if I'm going to be up to? What is she going to be thinking? This is a nightmare. Yeah, I remember that. I met with, with, with um edinburgh shows i think one year we um i was doing a double act up in edinburgh and katie yeah and um i think we wrote oh no it was the back of our flyer was just a recipe for rice we didn't know we couldn't think of what to say and then the blur my two white women what was the recipe just for rice spoiled rice yeah it was like a nice way to cook like a foolproof rice. Do you remember any of the staff?

It's a student town. They might not know. Wait, I'm really hoping it's an Uncle Ben's packet. Like, got to rip it a bit, three minutes of the microphone, but shake it up a bit. It was a website that said something like full proof rice or something.

And we just copied it down. You copied it. Good for you. But we knew it was fine. We weren't, you know, good sales like, yeah. I don't remember. Maybe someone out there is like preserve the flyer and they could.

For sure. If anyone had it, please let us know. Oh my God, I'd love that. Imagine that. But the blurb was equally stupid. It was like something like a big thanks to and then a load of made up names. Oh, beautiful.

Just for our own. I used to be so punk. You were so funny. And now I've got a flask. That's like aging for you. It is. It's really, it is the journey of womanhood, is it not? That's incredible.

Girlhood to women like pranks to flask. What was the name? It was just like names that made you love. Oh, I remember it was like. Like Seymour Buckethe. It was like the name of the show and it was like, big thanks to Mark Wellmer. Big thanks to. Just made up name.

Huge thanks to. I really like the idea that you just called that a prank. I love the idea of you watching people turn over and fly me like, prank. Yeah. We got you. Soik. We should have ended the show with like, we don't know those people. Sorry.

Jokes on you. Very nice. I am really sorry to do this, but I feel like I have to momentarily fan girl because I don't. Sorry. I'm afraid it is Katie, which is I'm not locking at her. You've watched Big Boys? Yeah, it's amazing. Your character is, well, obviously I feel both represented and insulted by her.

I'm obsessive her. She is me around all you. That's how I feel. I've never noticed that side of you. Oh, well. I think you're cool. Hey, fellow kids. Let's make sure that the rules control the fun.

Am I right? Yeah, I'm very much that. I have a been in my car. like I built it's a built in bit like your ad bin you can drive so I know I learned at 35 what it was safe I can't drive well I did learn at 35 which is too late it turns out but um yes I really love her someone did you have fun making it it was it was so fun I loved it we just did oh god I was getting to trouble for saying you know you just forget you're not allowed to just say when everything shows are happening or not happening oh yeah I think they've had the next

season announced it's okay but this is the it was one of the fuck goes where they told me that and that it wasn't true and then they left it in and I got so I got really bullocked oh no this isn't that and they told me how to get up at 6am to tweet out at the same time as someone else who was in the States there's a punishment and I didn't do it I'm pretty sure Jack Rock has posted about this

I don't want to be involved in this in any way because I've got no fucking close Andrew White can you please check if Jack Rock has announced season three, which I believe he has. Yes, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I did it out. So, season three is just being announced, just now live. Yeah, to all the lines.

How could you, please? That was my favorite one to film, I think. Oh, watch. No, it's great. I mean, it's such a, it's such a lush bunch of people. I'm sure, you know some of them. You must do. We had Chi on.

Oh, my God. She and I have. such a special little friendship, I can't tell you. I think she's similar. Yeah, that makes sense. We really, we just really click.

Yeah, she's so sweet. I absolutely adore her. Yeah, we can put that out. She's an angel. I know what, fucking put it out.

I love her. That you'll have on record. That she will have on record. Not season three, that's being nice, but she will have, she is a nice girl on record. We kind of went on holiday together,

but in a group. She, I'm sure she won't me say, she went to Albania with, I heard about this holiday. Lots of, like, older sort of women in comedy. And then she texted me to say that no one was drinking and everyone was on their laptops and she could know what to do. What?

Because I think she's so, she's only young, bless her. She's little. So I think it's like, if you go on a holiday with like grown-ups, people just do get their laptop out and, like, write something, don't they? A comedian's working on their Edinburgh shows and stuff. Yeah, exactly. People have, like, book deals and I'm trying to finish stuff. And I think she would be like... Come on now, we're going to fire.

Then why did they go to Albania with her? People being, like, work mummies. A writers retreat. Oh, that's the spring. Because she was like, no... She said she was drinking on her own every night. Trying to get like the work mummies to like have fun. So she, um, texted me, said, you want because I'm so fun.

She said, fly out with your flask immediately. Did you? Yeah, well, she said, why don't you come out? And then I pretended I wasn't going to and then got on a plane. But then one of the work mummies texted saying, she's going. So then I had to spoil the surprise and say, I'm coming. Don't go anywhere. Oh my God.

So it was like a fun thing. I went to Albania for like 24 hours. What? How far? How did you know each other? What do you mean? How do you know? Me and Chiya?

Yeah. From big boys. Is that where you first met? Oh, no, no. This was like March. Okay, fine. Okay, fine. I was just wondering.

Okay. That makes way more sense. She's heaven on earth. She is. Yeah, she is. She also, that's so funny because when you put it in the context of what she said on this podcast, which was that she fancies older women.

Yes, she's really into women. Specifically in comedy, specifically, ideally she'd like them to have like enough work done to their face that they look like a confused age. Yeah, she likes real house wives. That's exactly what she said. And I was like, this is something I've never heard. Because, yeah, same moment. Like, that's all I want to blow.

That's my new dream aesthetic. Really, to go full real housewives. No, I don't know. My issue is. is this is that too scared i am too scared to go for housewife and also every like to the dot every time i get Botox i get like the best audition i've had all year in every single oh and then you're on express two weeks later from my appointment it will always be to be a housewife it's all no it's always like weeping woman and i'm like you have to do the day for nothing else

honestly I would give you the role just to see you in person just to watch it happen I always think about how does like how did the women how did all those famous actors we can see if how did they do it

how are they still winning awards and acting? I don't know how they do it it's incredible because I think like a lot of them have trained just the bottom third of their face to do the acting because I can't I try I'm like I and I or do they stop for filming

also I would stop for film I would stop for filming in case anybody's asking. And Catherine would like that known. I will stop for filming. The poet's good enough. Yeah, of course. But obviously you're all auditioning,

but you can't be like, at the end, you can't be like, hi, I'm Catherine Beahard. I'm 5'5. My agent is this person. And also, I would stop getting Botox for this role. You have to be like, he just has to be like, peace out.

Hope that's fine. And I'll make my boobs bigger. If you want to. If you're paying. I'll do everything but anal. Just set out all your rules at the beginning. I'll show. my lips, not my clit.

Give me the job, you piss, Ed. Someone, I make it, the days asked me if I had caps, and it genuinely took me a while to compute what that. She asked if you have caps? Is that on teeth? I was like cat. And I was like, oh, no, I don't, but it was weird to be that, that's like... So what are caps?

When you have, like, teeth on your teeth? I think so, yeah. And I felt very, like, oh, like, naive. I think it's like a teeth covering but it's like, when it's like so perfect. When I saw Gladiator 2 this weekend all the Gladiator's teeth were like

so straight and so white. That's so weird. Come on now. Yeah. I say that I am about to get Invisaline. I had to, a few times in my life with horrible histories and stuff sometimes they have to, if you're playing like a peasant or something they put that sort of brown goo on your teeth.

Do you have that in ghosts? Go imagine first. That wasn't a great impression. That was a great question. hugely... That would be awful. It was a guess. It was a guess. I'm not going to

make a conversation list. I'm not making a conversation list. I'm actually going to go. I'm actually going to say it. No, they just are giving them tea and five. She fucking does. You're so lucky it's not just because she's well. She's had teeth since the age of five.

I don't know what you're like my boob sweat and I panic. Don't ask that. I just have yellow teeth. Yeah. Helen, that was crazy. It's fine. it's fine that was crazy what a huge risk like when you say to someone like oh i love your when no let me get it's right when you're like oh i love your costume and they're not in costume or you're all the other way around

yeah i was had a holiday like oh that's so funny and they're like oh these are my own i haven't changed it i was had a holy party the year before last and uh one girl said to another i love your wig not a wig not a wig not a wig so then to be fair very funny of the girl who was accused of wearing the year before this year did come wearing a wig and the other girl was like funny and then about an hour into the party she took off the wig and it was very funny it was good so we're all okay we're all just having a nice time on the podcast that is funny no no I'm lucky for you and I hate it point is it's horrible it's like what does it taste of it's more just the sensation it really puts me on it makes me feel

really claustrophobic like it's a panicked feeling i don't oh no that makes total sense oh yeah i wanted it actually that what all make up the mud the oh yeah the mud and do you have mud on your face oh my god she's john welshut is that just not a way i kept thinking it was mud until i remember the plot yeah it's because i was burnt at the stake but i kept referring to it as mud weirdly oh wow it's the same thing isn't it fun to do a bit of discovery on your character or whatever series in. I was like, oh, yeah, I keep going to get mud. That's very funny.

I like it. I'm too scared to say anything else. I'm genuinely nervous right now. Like, what am I going to say now? I loved it. They gave me special yellow to be this every day. And you still, yeah, you did it. Are you going to do anything?

It doesn't know for the whole, you're so good. As soon as Kate arrived, you're like, you've got the most beautiful eyelash. She does. And she does. But I never think to say those things. That's because you have a more adversarial relationship with your sister, I think. What's adversarial mean?

There's more animosity there. There's more tension. She's a bitch. I know. I know. With my sister's like compliments, compliments, compliments, compliments. Is she older younger? Two years younger than me.

Mine's five years younger than me. It's not that. No. I love a sister. Oh, are you going to have one. You'll be your sisters. Oh, will be your sisters. Wow.

We went different ways. What is wrong with you? Have you never met a woman? You put your hand under. That's not what I wanted. Sorry, she's just newly out. I should have said. I should have said.

She's newly queer. Help me. That was really panicking. I've got a fine question. No. I don't know why if I like this. What's your favorite place to poo? No.

You don't ask people that. I know that. You do not ask people that. Toil. It's good answer. Good answer. In toilet. In toilet.

In toilet. Did you? Did you? Do you. Yeah, yeah. Remember when you thought you were below podcast? Not me more. She's written a buff.

Hey, listen. I'm reading the book. I'm reading the book. Oh, you're so sweet. It's in my bag. Over there. You've bought a dark. Yeah, I want it signed at the end of this,

but I'm not going to do it on the podcast. That's so huge. Sign it. A little diagram of my tea scoop. Please, in brown. It has to be in brown. In brown, in brown pens. Do you have any siblings?

You don't have any, do you? No, I have one brother. You got a brother. Okay. Yeah. harsh to be like I wish I had a sister when you only have one brother okay and it just must be a nice experience I have both it's quite nice I've got both too it is nice well it's sort of quite a narcissistic part of me would love to see what another female would look

like and like how similar we'd be or not similar I know I know exactly what you mean like what's the what did they get what did I get yeah yeah when people like they're like oh like of course there's a comedian in the family because you look at the parents you're like the perfect recipe for a comedian like what's it someone was saying i think it was fair brady like the perfect recipe for comedian is like a distant dad a crazy mom and a sick sibling something like something like that is like the perfect recipe and it's like so you had no choice but to turn to comedy and i'm like no i've got siblings are they thinking of little women what's going on what are you talking i think fan was saying it's like the perfect recipe for a comedian there's always something like

bugged up oh not me though traumatic i'm all good i always think it's a bit like oh i'll just be an outsider then I'm just like comment and not join in That's true I'm better than I'm different A lot of the other girls I'm special Yeah no that is I don't play Barbie

I play Pokemon I'm observant I notice things Yeah A comedian said that to me Once a male comedian What I'm not Is that so funny yeah We were all the kind of

I couldn't tell it was a date or not It was one of those funny things It was about 10 years ago I was walking along And he said look at that bird Look at that bird and that tree And then he said I'm so observant

The thing about me is I'm observant. I notice things. Please tell me you gave that man a blowjob. Don't you. Don't be a bitch. Get on your knees. Don't be a bitch. I think of the bird a blowjob. He said, oh, uh, you know, I can't think the name of a bird. He named the bird. He identified the bird. Magpie. Like a pigeon. Was it Seville Patel? He really likes birds?

No. Okay. I wish. And then, um, uh, uh, uh, And I sort of looked and went, oh, yeah. And then he was like, yeah, I just, I just kind of notice things, I guess. Oh, my God, can I just tell you that something else is happening for me right now? Obviously, that guy's hilarious. But also, he's a really well, like, I'll tell you after.

Please do. But also, you should know that in our social setting, the deference that is shown to Katie Wick. So whenever Katie Wick's come to our house, there's like, what happens is like, she'll sit in an armchair or around, like, the fire or something. Sounds like me. And there will be like a collection of women. Honestly, you'll like to gather at her feet. It does happen. And I'm one of them.

And we sort of gather at it. No, it's true. We sit on cushions. We sit on cushions. We sort of gather at her feet. And then she sort of provides wisdom of the world. And we all just go, wow. Katie's so smart.

And you have met her just now, is it? And are like, um. We met this Edinburgh. What I'm saying, I guess is I was sat on the bench. I was trying to. it was after your birthday and I was leaving the courtyard and my agent message me saying you're not leaving like come back and say hello so I went back and said hello and you're with lovely shame yeah and that lot I've just never seen anyone um I just didn't expect today to sort

of um to watch you finger in face to cage you being like get on your knees get on you give my blow job don't be a bitch I'm so glad I did it's just a different dynamic to how I usually see you and you're dealing with it so well in my defense I don't make a good first or second and but the fourth or fifth one is usually better. I know what you mean. There's so much pressure on

first. I know and I'm just, I go too big. I like trying. I go too in on first. I think in's like quite endearing but like instead of going in I go a bit like,

who like me? And then people are just like no we're good like you know stop trying to show us your breast or you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's always that one breath. It is always that one guy. You never have a brow without a hole

in it so it's like look no one's seeing it why am I like spending on it? No but everyone's saying it you show to it listen Katie yeah yeah the podcast believe it or not sorry Katie

oh yeah this one we yes we have people write in for their problem oh right yeah and do you get asked for advice often I feel like you must do you know it's funny you say that

because I recently decided to stop giving it because I think go on I'm being really mean no but that's that's fine It's solicited here.

Because it just, I just feel like, if it's unsolicited, it quite often backfires. But it's asked for, yes. But when it's like just, do you know what I think you should do? I just think it can go so wrong. Okay, fair. And I think you've just got to let people get on with it and come to their own. The other day I was talking to someone, she's probably about, it was a female comedian, she's probably about, she's probably nearly 50 or something.

And she was describing all these symptoms. and I was thinking you're clearly talking about like perimenopause or the menopause but she was talking about like she didn't know what it was and I thought I really wanted to say to her do you think it could be this but I just thought you've got to come to these things on your own

I think you can suggest that to someone I thought it was a bit crazy that she wasn't thinking that's what it could be it is crazy but it seems crazier to me that you were like well I'm gonna have to figure that one end and around women can't be telling women about their menopause It's like a teenage girl style of period.

I don't know what's happening with you. Never heard of it. You never heard of it. I just don't think it was my place to say. I know what you mean. Do you not know a crazy well? That's a bad example. Yeah.

It is because you come off quite harsh actually. Oh, okay. Like you've been like, good luck with your riddle, dumb ass. But I thought maybe it's like a bit. I couldn't even tell. Oh, it was like a trick. You should ask that male comedian who's very observant. Maybe she was being sarcastic.

Like, what do you think that is? Do you think, but that's a bad example, but it's more like... I loved it as an example. That you really committed to your not giving advice been. I know what it is. It's that I've got friends that are really screwed up, but they're amazing at pinpointing what someone else needs to do to improve their life. So I always worry that I don't want to be that.

Yes. Okay, now I feel a bit seen. Yeah. Yeah. We are probably that. Because it's so easy to see what other people are doing. I'm looking at you going wrong. No, me too.

I love to give advice, but I'm not. I don't sort of any of my own problem. Yeah. Fascinating. Damn, where that's... I think... Should we end the podcast? It's like it depends on if you think of your slides down.

It's because some people think of themselves as the main character in every situation. So when they're like giving people advice to thinking about it from their point of view, instead of going like, no, they're the main character and their story. Like, this affects them and like the effect you have on them is as important as the effect they have on you. And it's that sort of like looking at things, right? so it's like if you are able to like understand that they're when you're giving advice it's a completely different person then I think it is really hard yeah I guess okay well with that I'm sorry we're gonna have to ask you for some advice I love it I feel like is there a specific

type of thing people come to you with it for looking for advice about most I mean yeah it's it will be like emotional sometimes career but more like emotional yeah so career stuff is really fraudulent because you know there's so much I still don't. I mean it's tricky isn't it like the kind of the idea of having a plan or being able to kind of plan out what you want to do and so much of it seems to be arbitrary or you know just whatever you're asked to do. Yeah we are if they if they ask I'll do it. Yeah yeah I will give off Botox if they are but they haven't um young people people's young people's want to know how you advice of how to start don't they there's a lot of like

How'd you get into the industry type questions? And it sucks because the only answer is... Having money? No, but you just sort of like just... If you want to like... Both help. Yeah, but it's like, oh, you want to do acting, then you're just going to have to join

as many, like, youth theatre groups as you possibly can and try and, like, do as much of it as possible. You want to be a comedian, you've got to go do open mic. That's the thing if you want to do comedy, you're going to have to go to... I mean, I always sort of say, well... Because I went to drama school for a year and yeah just a year they checked me out

said you know it all it's good leave and then I remember just going to auditions you know like drama ones and comedy and just being just like in this sea of brunette 24 year olds

and just sort of thinking oh god this is this isn't this is just totally pointless and that's the only reason I started you know writing and doing my own stuff yeah and if i hadn't done that i'd still i just don't think it would have happened yeah so that's what i always say to them just try and make your own work yeah yeah hard agree Andrew do you have a problem for us feel good about back to school with help from whole foods market thanks to their high

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today. Yes. Okay. How do you feel about some Christmas looking forward advice? If we're too close or? I feel good about it. That was so boring. He's giving real advice. No. Oh, no. Oh, please. No, they're here. We have a strong female and queer listenership. People come. We'll go and I cried through an entire patronage two weeks ago. Yeah, don't you worry. Don't you worry. Don't you worry.

Very sincere. I'm conscious of time and I've tried to scan for a non-sincere one, but that there aren't any. Great. Amazing. It's a rough time of year for everyone. Never change you guys. Take vitamin D sprays from Holland and Barrett. No, pay for them.

Take, oh yeah. If you can afford it. Thank you. Go on. I'm glad up for the rewards program. Thank you. In honor of your vitamin advice, this is from D. Hi, Dee.

Hi, Dee. Hi, Hogs. Me and my girlfriend have been together five years, but have never spent Christmas together. Here we go. And this might be my first year going to her parents' house. For context, I'm an only child from a single parent family. No aunt's cousins or grandparents.

Whereas my partner is from a huge traditional family. Her family are great and I get on really well with her parents. And we had planned to do a combined family's Christmas at some point. But sadly, my mum got very. poorly and passed away. I've sacked off last Christmas and spent it crying alone, which was actually a lot better than it sounds. This year, my partner would like me to go with her to her family.

Putting aside my emotions, though, the thought of sharing a house, brackets one toilet with her entire family, is making me so nervous. I'm not used to big families, bickering and being served piles of food, I don't know how to refuse. And that adding, bursting into tears in front of several people I don't know, is just stressing me out a lot. I want to make an effort for my girlfriend and be part of her family, but how do I overcome anxieties about stuff like toilets, food, plans, etc. at a time of year that is already so emotionally charged. It feels so difficult. Any experience or advice will be

much appreciated. Lots of love, Dee. Fucking hell. Told you they were sincere. Yeah. There's so much going on there. But if it was me, it's half a value. now I'm serious I mean that's got me through funerals before now it works true that's for me just the half can you ask you a doctor for Valium for Christmas well I have my dead mother's supply of Valium in my drawer brag when after she died I just stole it I just took it she doesn't need us um it's probably illegal isn't it so I have some in a drawer I did get some from when I flew to Thailand and they gave me a volume for the flight I know that every suggestion is getting more

And more and more wild. It's like, just deal. Well, just go to Thailand and then. You could also get a propanol prescription. Oh, yeah, that's great. From the doctors. It's a beta blocker. It's good for anxiety.

It's great for anxiety. And it also doesn't make you feel sleepy or dread. You feel very clear. Brilliant. And I'm absolutely fine. Yeah. They're really good because they, you just feel very clear-headed and calm, don't you?

I think for me, yeah, everyone's different. It's like, but it's like, you can't panic. because you can't go fast enough to panic. What are we telling a doctor to get those? Not that I... Oh, well, for me, migraines. You just say migraines. They prescribe it for so many different things.

They'll be it for blockers. You can get it for heart problems. We are not a medical problem. But you can get it for, if you have like extreme anxiety, they can... Other than that, I would say, just break it down into, you know, 10 minutes at a time. That would be my advice. Almost like, just think of it as three steps, you know, I've just got to... When you're just in a terrible, terrible stay, you've just got to think,

all I've do is put one leg down, that's one, another leg down, that's two, stand up, that's three, and then I'm up. You know, brush my teeth, another three step. Like when life feels unbearable, that's what I do, just like three steps. I think that's really smart. And just 10 minutes at time, an hour at time, just break it down into little chunks. I would say probably also not a very healthy suggestion. reassert for yourself that this is optional.

I'm not saying you don't have to go, but I am saying like you're sounding like a person who's being led to something compulsory and it's not. I think if your girlfriend knows all of your circumstances and loves you, she will understand completely that you might want to come

for Christmas afternoon, Christmas evening, you might want to go home at noon, you might not want to go. And that that's the kind of thing you might actually have to decide on the day because there's every chance that you could get a hotel nearby and that you could wake up on the day

and be like, I cannot go. But there's also every chance you could go and be like, actually, I don't really want to spend the whole day by myself. You might not know until it comes around. I think like making this a bit more flexible feels. Like also a hotel has its own bathroom.

I think there's a lot to be said, but maybe not staying there. And also, with all due respect, and like, they're the only like thing that is, good about your situation that people have to be understanding of it and I think saying like

I have to stay in a hotel because I don't know how I'm going to feel because there's huge emotional up people I think means people will be understanding like her family have to be able to understand that you know I think that is probably something I would lean on and make it a bit more dynamic for yourself

so you don't feel trapped I stayed in a hotel last Christmas and we got free cookies at checking oh I know exactly which chain you're talking about warm aren't they nice Is it Hilton? Yeah. Yeah.

Warm. Yeah, they have like a warm cookie. Well, she's never going to leave that hotel for some mad family for her with one toilet. Yeah. It was very nice. It was very nice. We had all own roomy and then I'd like walk to family Christmas with my dad. I think that would be a good option.

Also, I've got another one. Like sometimes. Don't say adult nappies. Is that what you're going to say? Not that time, but my first instinct was like, get a nappy. Get a nappy. Get your jaw watch. Just possible.

Like stinking with being. No, other than have wonderful sense in them. Oh really? Wonderful. Not that I know, but like, brilliant. Like an ocean breeze

straight off of the shit. I'm joking. I don't wear nappies to shit in ever. And I want that written yet. Something to look forward to. But my suggestion was sometimes to have like a little lie sprinkled in.

Yeah. never hurt like you've got a big work thing on that you might have to go work on oh I've got a Zoom with one of my best friends that I have to do obviously your girlfriend can be in on the live disagree why does she like her whole family died last Christmas it's just easier it's just easier it's just easier to not have to explain yourself or assert a boundary and just be like hey me my best friend do a Zoom on Christmas at this time and you just go and just take yourself off I agree actually like sometimes to like add up sometimes people push back and say like if you say I've got head up got to go home oh we've got

pen killers here and then you get into a whole but why can't it just be like her girlfriend tells her family remember that life altering thing that happened last Christmas she don't want to talk about the life altering things sometimes you just want to go and oh no no she shouldn't have to talk about it but it's like the time thing be good to have boundaries around the time I would place a lie in early

I wouldn't like take a jigsaw or something so that you can do something mindful and there's no conversation you know everyone's doing a thing that's nice that's nice then you don't have to chat. The Thomas Kincade, Ravensburger, jigsaw puzzles with soft-click technology. You will not regret it. Ranging between 500 and 2,000. There is a 10,000 piece puzzle.

Do you reckon? Maybe. She does enough songs. She does do a lot of advertisements of their products. Oh, my God. Okay. What's your favorite thing to get for the picture is? Disney Watercolors by Thomas Kincade.

Okay. Are you surprised? Why is it the Dracula one last Christmas? What's the Dracula one? It's just like a, it's just a drawing of Dracula in the few of his victims. And it's 500 pieces. Babe, I do like Mickey and Minnie Mouse outside of their sweetheart cotton. It was dark.

It was like Bram Stoker. We're doing different things. It was like literary, literary ones, for sure. We're living in different times. Different times. No, no different guys. And activity is a really good choice. Tell you what not to do if you are like nervous.

about like being around like a family that you're not like fully in with and you're not do you know what I mean like they're not your family there's a board game that everyone's got mental for and we had it last year it's called herd mentality and you win points for putting down the answer that everyone else would put down you will feel so not part of the group if you play that with people you don't know I was playing it with blood relatives and I got zero points but like they they just that was so different I was going to say how many of them are neurodivergent they're all autistic scientists I'm like

I'm like I'm going to talk about my feelings it's hard to do herd mentality with autistic people they're going to play their own game are you not science were you good at science in school oh no I failed everything but they're all science people your family

yeah so the most of them are science my dad's like he works in sewage but like still sciencey isn't I I didn't laugh I didn't laugh. Why?

Oh, you know what? I don't think that's funny. He's still science-e. It's science-y. It's a science-in-way biology show. Right, I'm sorry. How is it not science?

When they turn poo into water and that's what you're drinking. Enjoy your fucking drinks. In London, it's gone through people eight times by now. Thanks, thanks, so enjoy that. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Michael.

Look, Dee, I feel strongly that you shouldn't fly. It's a bit left in it, but it's good, too. But all right. But also that you don't have to go. Karen, she's touching me. Not on the chest. She's not near. It was near.

It was so tentative. You went with the back of the hand as to not palm anything. You're like, Don't touch Casey Wick. Come on. I need you to know. I'm like, I'm so much better on the fourth or fifth impression. Like, it's just, it's so much.

This is number two. It feels like I've got like, my relationship with shame comes like five years later and I'll be like why did I get my vaginal lips up to measure them? You know, like the next day. Why did I do that? Why did I ask the teacher if it's okay if they go grey? Like do you like stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Like just too late. I guess you just um not like other people, not like other girls. Please please give me more chances. I get a lot. You don't have to. I can't wait for five. It's like, you're going to be. It's put a lot of pressure on five now. Yeah. Well, look, four or five, four, four or five.

Okay. Um, so Katie Wicks's advice is, steal drugs. Helens is not adult nappy. I've got one more about the food thing as well. Yeah. Um, you, you're not going to be able to tackle like a whole food thing going into like one Christmas experience. Not a Christmas. So who was it who was very wise who said that, um, Christmas is not the time to heal your relationship with your family, fix your mental health, or solve your problems with food like it's already bad enough those that who's adding that on yeah it's not the time for that go on what else so like the best the best thing you can do food i'm trying i think now in this sort of like short amount of time bring your own can i offer some advice as a person from a big family bring your own i feel like you feel less out of

control when you know where the next food could be if you want it i feel crazy around food secret eating thing and I don't want them to like feel like perpetuating. Okay, that's true. If you're like me and you panic about a finite resource. It's stressful as well, but it's one big huge meal. Exactly. And it's so stressful. There's so many people.

No, you're right. Have your own food. Have it hidden away. Like, fuck it. I think, no, not if you're, if like that's your issue, but I think if your issue is like control and not knowing when to eat or how your body feels sometimes, like I can't always get hunger cues and things of that, I find it better to just know when it is so that I don't like freak.

out and then binge and then panic and the pressure to finish it all because otherwise it's impolite yeah that's hard yeah just um deep breaths and have a little bit that you know at least where it is so that you could have your own if you wanted i think yeah good luck can't be worse than last christmas no it can be nice to cry alone i get it yeah yeah it might be a curry a christmas a home by myself once it's gorgeous it might be wicked there's also a there's a potential that it's fun it's a potential that you come away feeling like proud that you did something for your girlfriend and when your expectations are so low sometimes it's like a tiny nice thing it's such a surprise that's true but gosh yeah i can get in the hotel nearby oh yeah definitely yeah for sure yeah for

sure they can't live that far from a premier in can they yeah they're everywhere no one lives that far from a premiere inn and remember everything has premiere but the price and those beds are lovely they look nice on the ads she's not actually going to test them i'm not actually going to say one she's on the telly helen i have to say that i'd be mental they're really fun because of telly oh you've been in midday yeah is that where they put you yeah katy wicks where can people find you well i'm here you're here are you on instagram um yeah i am on instagram in a cute little meadow's dress and it's just yeah we both have the same dress And they can buy your book?

Yes, I can buy my book. I've never done this before where I've had to say what my social media think. I've just never had to forget it's a thing. It's just at Katie Wicks, right? No, it's, well, it's a bit of someone was pretending to be me. So I had to go on and start an account because I told Instagram, this isn't me. There was a few actually before I joined of people pretending to be me. It's really underscore.

So I had to write and they wouldn't shut them down. I had to write really me. Really, Casey Wick. So that's why it's called that because I was trying to make the point that this is really me, not them. Well, you showed them. Yeah, I think I won.

You did win, you did win. That's why it's called that. One of the, just had a picture of a Labrador who tends to be, which is I have no connection to Labrador. Helen does an incredible impression of a Labrador which like to hear it. What it's not like?

Is it of a girl pretending to me as a Labradorton? I think it does better in like the stand-up bit because then it makes sense what I'm saying as a Labradoro. but it's a yes sometimes but it works as it's a whole bit it's a bit of fun so that's why i'm that name on instagram fifth give me a little choice that that's it you can buy the book delicacy yeah and they can see you on big boys on 4 o d they can see you on ghosts on bbc i player things you on staffs oh my god so good yeah my favorite thing is it oh yeah that's cool that's a good one to have see your favorite um what else have i done

God, I can't even remember. You don't have to give a CV, you've made your point. I thought I can't justify, I wrote some articles. You can find them. Yeah. Did you ever do like an advert for anything or model? Oh, years ago. Do you have a model?

I did a couple of beauty campaigns. I can't wait to see them. I did do an advert. I'm so embarrassed. I just really needed the money. Yeah. For sofas. Oh, fine.

That could be way worth. And I was about, about 25, 20s. What did you have to do to the sofa? I had to, it was like, it was the bits of people, they called, it was like eyedents before Coronet's Street. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I'd like to sort of sit on the sofa. On what channel?

And sort of do this. That's fine. You know the way people flumped to show how like sort of plush they are, that kind of thing. Wow. It was good acting, wasn't it? That was amazing. I really believed that you were sitting on a sofa. I didn't for a second thing in chair.

They offered me a free sofa and I looked and I said no, because I didn't like them. Okay, you didn't need to say yes, You didn't need the money badly enough, Katie Wick. People would a cumbersome big thing to have to have carried into your home and then sell. Wow. I wasn't, I didn't, I was renting like a room. Oh yeah, there's nowhere to go.

What could I do? Like, just have, it would have been the size of the sofa, this room I was renting. Wow, that's savage. For a person who's desperate for money to turn down your sofas, they mustn't be that now. Yeah, it was all like, I won't say the name. I mean, people can look it up. And we will. Yeah, good.

There was also, to my horror, I was walking down, Tom and Court Road. there was a couple cut out of me in the sofa shop. Sort of, and I remember the day, because they said part of the contract, I feel like everyone's going to leave, and I'm still going to be talking about the time. Was, I remember the contract was like, and you have to agree to the photo,

the ad side of it as well. That was like part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I couldn't get out of it. I remember there was a kind of shoot day where it was like back on the sofa, like smiling. And I remember this photographer sort of said, just do a silly one where you like,

I hate it when they say that. You know what's coming. They'll always fucking use it. They'll always fucking use it. So I'm walking down to Tongue Road and it's the one stupid one. No. In the window.

Dick. I felt so like, I wanted to be an artist. Yeah. You are though. You are. You are. May that be a lesson to us all.

Anytime someone says, just have fun. Don't. Don't. It'll always be used against you. It's a bit like they still do it now when if you're, if you've just filmed something

and they want, you know, I can't think. what the world is promo or like there's just the shots to promote the stuff you know the one that goes in radio times and there's some of those it's like so what's your what's your character like you're like oh well I'm a bit grumpy

and then I'll sort of make you do that in the photo there's a lot of that so no I've just started being like my character's neutral and then I just do nothing she's kind of a gorgeous neutral woman my character's like my best angle gorgeous woman yeah my character's this side

yeah three quarters on I like this. Stunning and perfect and sort of like very non-feeling. My guy just is pretty really still and has like one, has two shots. Yeah.

Yeah. With cute your teeth, am I right? We're all having time. Katie Wits and her clean teeth, everybody. Is that thing on the big breakfast? Thank you.

Thank you.