Trusty Hogs - Ep163. Musicals, Men & Mormonism

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Wicked fever has taken over the world, but Catherine has turned down the invitation of a lifetime much to Helen's dismay... Meanwhile, we've been imagining our dream high streets, working hard on our new merch photoshoot, and learning all about men!NEW MERCH: trustyhogs.com/merchLEICESTER (15/2): Live Show TicketsThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven ChickenWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Andrew M. We are now about to do our merch promo. It's ethical. It's size inclusive. It's lesbian coded. It's freaking gorgeous. It's a merch drop, everybody. We've got t-shirts. We've got beanies. We've got baseball cups and we've got a tote. Beep beep, merch, merch, merch, motherfuckers, let's go! You can get it all now at trusty hogs.com forward slash merch. And please, can you do us a massive favor? We want to see you guys wearing it. We really hope you really love it. Also, we talk pictures of us in it, so you can take pictures of you. and please we want to share them.

We want to see a little cuties. Can you tag us on Instagram? We worked so hard on it. Guys, you don't know how long I had to find Helen to make sure everything wasn't with pigs. And she's not thrilled about it. It's so weird that like the two I've bought only one of them has a pig.

After all that. After all that. And I was like, this is the one I want. I want a full cartoon pig on everything. I'm proudest of the fact that the T.H. In thriving made it on. I cannot believe that no one spotted that apart from you. I'm so proud of it.

Guys, we did our best. We really thought about it. Trustyhogs.com forward slash match. For your favorite podcast merch ever, please. Please. It's a. Hello, episode 163 of trusty hogs. Welcome.

Welcome. I'm Catherine Beauxhart. She's Helen Bowdo. It's a podcast about our perfect lives in which we answer you. You're honestly worrying problems. Are you all right? We don't know. We hope you are.

We're going to be great. Don't worry. We'll sort it out. No problem. You're here. You're safe. Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hogs.

Yeah. You're going to give you problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't. And that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Cat. Catherine as the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs

Or maybe not Helen Yes As you were saying just now That you and Seneal Have the same shoe size Except probably you have a size bigger And he probably

Won't accept that Because he's a dude or whatever And men are funny about their foot size I realized as I often do I do not see a lot of men Do you know what I mean Like they're so You mean like socially

At all Like they're so peripheral to my being that's because you've been on tour so on tour a hundred percent it's you with your audience right but i live with three women yeah when i go home my brother has a wife my sister has a girlfriend yeah my mom has her girlfriend's round my dad's at mass um when i go like everywhere i go it's just like it's just women when you're back to gigging oh then i'll then you'll i think it's like for now. But I'm not, I guess my point is I don't engage men in conversation enough.

So it's like, true. It's not that like I don't, I'm not like, yes, obviously I talk at them from a microphone. But in terms of like hearing what they're up to, hearing what they're thinking. See, I make an effort to socialize with men exclusively. Do you? You're such a boys girl. I know what? I'm a guy's girl.

Girls are bitches. Guys fucking get it. This morning, um, messaged a guy on behalf of Sunil who's also a guy. There we go. To say what? Um, Will you play with my friend? Oh, it was so exciting.

Sineal got his first ever witch magazine, you know, which the comparison sort of like, is this product good or not website. Okay. And he got his first magazine, but our friend Will gets it every month. And I'd had to take a picture of Sineal

to send to Will, like, holding it, and Will was like, it's brilliant, isn't it? I've already read the front cover. I've already read the front cover. That's hardly an achievement, is it? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know, but I'm just here to like pepper marketing. He didn't say I've already read a cover to cover. No, no, just the front cover. He just, he's booked and blessed. This is what I'm saying And a man thinks that's an achievement

Will does They were both clearly Is Will Rowland Yeah I didn't physically see Will I mean we just messaged But like you could tell over the messaging He was ecstatic And Sineal's been on cloud nine or morning

Really? Yeah Gosh, oh actually I'm going for dinner with a man I just remembered Ew I know yeah We're to a burger place No Barbecue

I think we're going to like duck and rice Or something Because like they only I don't know Duck and rice Yeah apparently it's okay duck and rice and you

are so unaware of men I'm like I don't know what it is duck and rice they prefer to eat animals I think on all fours I think they prefer all places we go to

sound a little bit like an army instruction duck and roll duck and rice meat let go but we are going there and I'm going to watch one man musical

that's got a man in I assume I am so jealous yeah I'm pretty lucky I've not managed to make the dates work out they're still at Soho Theatre it's weird to have me go to a musical before you go to a musical.

I love that for you. It's a big time for musicals at the moment. I feel like I can't go anywhere. I can't move for musicals at the moment. We are having a real moment in the M.T. community. It's true. But don't you feel it. It's everywhere.

I feel like I have an issue. My issue is. Don't say wicked because I will get upset. No, it's not wicked. Although, listen, I love what they're doing for lesbian representation and the Disneyification of lesbianism. I am wondering how she's fucking. It's not Disney.

No. Oh. No. well I just wonder how she's fucking with those long nails Cynthia yeah she's not fucking right now why she's busy she's working she's press touring like they are so sad she's like the most famous lesbian in the world right now and she's not fucking she's busy I think you don't know that she's not fucking I don't know that she's not fucking but I think like I think the nails are for the press and I think

you've got to finish your press tool that's like unfortunate messaging it's a false it's a false it's a false nails false narratives and no I just wanted to have like short nails but she's so hot and very exciting it's good that she's like it's nice that she's everywhere I will say I got invited to the premiere but I didn't go because I only literally got offered to go by myself and I was like hey can I bring my girlfriend I mean I was like wait wait wait wait reverse back you got what oh so I didn't you probably did too I got like you know because I don't know because I have Instagram followers or something I got invited to the premiere and I would have loved to go and I said yes but can I bring my girlfriend are you

fucking, I did not get an invite. I would know if I got, I didn't get an invite. Are you joking? Are you joking? You didn't go. You are. Scum? Can I explain?

I wrote back and said, can I bring my girlfriend? And they were like, no, I'm sorry, we don't have any extra tickets. Fuck, Helen. Ellen hasn't even seen the original stage show. How do I know that?

Because I was yours on Monday. Helen, you will not go to house parties by yourself. You want me to go to the wicked premiere in London with a bunch of celebrities by myself. Well, you're going to sit in silence and watch the film of a lifetime? Yeah, but I wanted to see it. And obviously, I wish I could have gone. but I was also like, I don't really, who would I talk to?

Life is wasted on women like you. That is insane. Who, genuinely, who would I have spoken to? Other people who went that we vaguely know? But I don't, I didn't know the time that people we vaguely knew were going. You could have had a good guess at it. And also, if you thought I was invited, why didn't you message me immediately? Oh, that's a good point.

No, because I would have had to break down online. But I would have been worried that you didn't, yeah. And also, I wasn't going to bring you. words my plus one, so we're kind of being rude to... But when you turned it down, did you not say, oh, I know someone who would love it? Oh, I should... You are... You are...

Sorry. People throw around these words too much of diagnosing each other. A sociopath? Yeah, probably. I don't know if that's the right use for that word. No, I think it's right. I'm so sorry. I can't believe that.

But I... Also, to pick Ellen over me... You're screaming. I'm not screaming. No one's screaming. Well, because yes, because I think Ellen and I would have... Like, it would have been like a nice date night. Because you don't really see each other in these.

Evenings, apart from most evenings, but other than those evenings, we don't see each other most evenings apart from the evenings that we see. Oh, we have a nice time together. Yeah, you do. And also, she doesn't look at me like this during the cinema, which you do and would have done way to much. Also, you would have sang along and you know you would have. I'm not going to sing along. You would have not sang along. Ariana Grande would have been three rows ahead of us and you would have been singing over her. Popular. I'm so on it. I've got tickets for Sunday with Emma Black. I'm going Sunday. I can't wait. Shut up. Yeah, this, though, that was the point of my story. I knew I brought this for a reason. It wasn't just to be told that I'm a sociopath. It was that I was like, no, I won't go with that my girlfriend. No, I will not go with that my girlfriend. I didn't quite say that, but I was like, oh no, it's cool if she can't go. And then, I have tried to find a time to go with Ellen.

Can she go with me now? I'm going with a close male friend. A gay boy, obviously. Shout out Sam. Are you going to get over this? Shout out, Sam. Can we move on? I don't.

You're right? Just upset. Okay, well, you didn't invite me to go with you and Emma Black. Do you want to come with me in Emma Black? What time are you going? Well, I wouldn't necessarily invite you to come and see Wicked with us because you've been a little bit like... Wicked is a play I've actually seen twice

and that I've said I like. Okay. And that actually once I was in a... Oh my God. Okay, so I was once in this... Hmm. Okay. Okay.

Here's my association with Wicked and this, I think it's a testament to the musical that I still like it, because this is true of it. One short day in the Emerald City. Okay, so I used to, my first girlfriend I went out with and we had this sort of like third person who was our friend as well.

Not a sexy third, just a third. Are you going to let me tell the story? Anyway, we're all in university and she would hang out at our flat a lot. We were sort of like, she was sort of present too much in our relationship, but whatever, fine. I think it was a testament to me the fact

that the relationship wasn't working and we always had this friend read. Anywho, once my girlfriend and I had a bit of an argument and then I got into the car with this friend and she was like you shouldn't have been like that to her and I was like you don't know both sides of the story and don't tell me anything about my relationship please and thank you

and then she didn't speak to me for this two and a half hour drive and just played the wicked soundtrack on repeat then the wicked soundtrack done by the glee cast on repeat it was like it was the glee musical soundtrack and the wicked soundtrack over and over and over and over again It's quite tricky to play because the songs from Wicked and Glee are over like several series. Yeah, but she's like not speaking the whole time and like huffing and kind of speeding and I'm like, do I die to Wicked? Because I don't want to be like, I don't want it to be playing popular while like, anyway, she drops me off of my house.

I get out and I was like, that was the most surreal experience of my life. Anyway, I think they're engaged now. Stop. Island is crazy. Yeah, it's a small place. It's a small place. It's a small place. It's a town of a country.

If you could crash and die to one song in Wicked, which song would it be? No one mourns the Wicked. That would be fun. That would be fun. That would be fun. I saw, um, there's like,

obviously like Wicked's everywhere online. Yeah. But there was, um, a video of, so like the queen dies, right? This is like, spoiler.

Two years ago. No, no, no, no. Like, IRL, not in the film. Spoiler. Spoiler. I'll stand by it.

Spoiler. Spoiler. The Queen of England died. Spoiler! The Queen of England died. Jesus! And then you remember like, I mean, we were gigging at the time,

but it was like scrambling about people do gigs, do they not do gigs, like all of that. So like wicked scrambling about whether to do gigs or not. Who was? Pete, are you serious? Not a single person I know was like, shall I, will I dig? Will I keep making money?

Will my life go on without the Queen? I was in a Royal County and they made an announcement and people cried in the foyer. And then it was. someone else's tour show I was supporting and we decided but we got, did I never tell you this in the podcast? We do not move in the same circle. I've got a video of the announcement being made but me thinking it was a practice announcement because they just come to our dressing room and said

we're going to make a practice announcement for the death of the queen which is like a pre-recorded message saying like let's have a moment of silence and they played the national anthem whatever and I was at a comedy show in the foyer of the arts centre where the comedy show was taking place. What? Where were you? This is actually, okay, you know what? I was with Jess Foster Q and I know I can say that because she did talk about it in her show.

What county was this in? In like, we were in like Maidenhead so like near Windsor and Eaton. And they made the announcement. We were like getting drinks at the bar and they made the announcement. But I thought, well, we were told the practice announcement was coming. So I was like, this is the practice announcement. But they made the announcement and people started crying. And I was like, oh my God.

I was like on video being like, this is a practice. This is a practice. She hasn't actually died. So we were like giggling a little bit. But it was actually the announcement. She died before they got to do the practice announcement. So during the announcement, there were people crying. And I was like, oh my God.

It's not even real. Which is so awful. That's somebody, because that's my reaction, but I'm like, it's not even real. And I thought I mean the monarchic. It's a made up concept. And then you don't know that woman. Obviously, we did the gig. But like, in the West End theatres, okay, you might not remember.

this, but it was a big to-do on the day about whether shows should go ahead or not, whether it was disrespectful. I think we were asked if it was important to do it or not. We did it, but like, it was like a question. If it was important, I don't know. Having traveled all this way to do the show that you wrote, do you think it's important? That's what I thought. But like, rude. Whatever, people are crazy, man. Like, I wouldn't, I would have taken the night off for Diana. But she was the people's prince. it's different not God's anointed queen they're different

one's real for acknowledging that God anointed her and God is real I said one's real okay you're choosing the queen and not Diana no Diana's real Diana's well no no no that means yeah yeah okay I think I understand what you're saying oh my god having conversations

together is difficult it's so hard sometimes I've started on a really bad foot I'm having a sort of disassociative day and I'm really sorry I'm listening to you but I'm also above our bodies being like well you'll like this premier you should have gone to the wicked premiere and if you say no then you should always say that i've got a friend called helen who would love to go who has a modest instagram following but loyal oh my god is that way you didn't get to go because you don't have enough followers that's what i'm wondering

that's savage oh my god that's savage instagram following i assume i don't know that's why i don't know that's why really small compared to yours no both of us are small compared to the teens in the world Damn it. Damn it. But wicked. Catherine Wickett on the day the queen died. Do you want to hear this? You want to hear this.

Okay. So the queen dies. Wicked is in just off Oxford Street on Shaftsbury Avenue. God, no. Dominion Theatre. Where is it? Victoria. Victoria.

The Apollo Victoria. Okay, that's mental. Okay, sorry. The queen dies. I'm sorry. What's it like being interrupted all the time? Helen. It doesn't feel good.

You got so angry and I could see you. It doesn't feel good. I watched you go. right, you know, this probably is what I do too. Maybe it's not worth saying. Yeah, welcome to my life. But you have to push through or else you'd never be on the podcast.

That's what I've learned. Okay. The Queen dies. Wicked is playing in the West End. They're like, we have to make an announcement before the show to acknowledge it. So, like, everyone knows in the foyer, whatever. They make an announcement,

like one of the stage manager or theater manager comes out on stage and goes, we'd like to acknowledge the death of Queen, Elizabeth the second, very serious, but in respect to the palace. They said very serious? Something like that. Like, very, very, like, obviously we take this very seriously, but acknowledging the Queen's love of the West End,

we will be continuing with tonight's performance of Wicked and someone was filming it. But what you need to know is the beginning of Wicked, the first thing that happens on stage is, done-da-dun, she's dead! Bon-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-d-good-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-old. Can I tell you, the only comparable situation I have to that was, we took my father to the Book of Mormon. Have I told you this? no.

And honestly, and honestly, my brother and I sat behind him and my then-partner, and we're like oh god he insisted on coming even though we're like oh I'm gonna bring Peter because he's desperate to see it and he was like no no I'll try come I like musicals I was like I don't think I like this one he was like I absolutely loved the directors your mother took me to that last month I was like you do me and the producers and he was like no no it's the directors and I was like

I assure you it was the producers but okay he was like no no I don't mind I'll come along and I was like will you great we could only get two tickets and two tickets so one in front of the other we watched the back of his head this entire time my dad's a clergyman in the Catholic Church obviously they're taking the piss out of organised religion he watches the entire higher first half turns around

it is like the Mormons are mental and we were like yes and there's definitely no correlation between that and sure yeah all right sure but it's fascinating the way people can do that about religiosity and religiousness

but really grand then just honestly the last three minutes of the interval my dad was like I should know what you were worried about like I don't you know like I'm not so touchy about religion at all that you can't be like a bit silly with it and mock it of course you must be able to like it's grand

we're not in like old school blaspheming era. The only thing I actually think you can't joke with really is the Holocaust, lights down. Open on the second scene after the interval. It's Hitler and hell. Here we go. And I honestly was like,

shoot me in the fucking head. That's the only thing. Okay, wicked. Super incredible. Long night. That's a long night. Is it a long night. Did you attempt to just to run across the road

to the comedy store and just jump on stage? just dies all the stage. I've got a gig, I've got to go work. I've got to go. Sorry. I will say that I haven't told you it all about what my vibe is. I'm thinking I'm bringing in weird energy, but maybe I'm not, but maybe I feel like I am, but I definitely do think I am because I'm having a sort of, I'm in my sloth era. On Tuesday, I just sort of stopped working, like my brain stopped working. Do you ever just get this weird in winter and you're like, I can't do it anymore? I cannot do. And I do. Hybernation? Yeah, but I have to go back to work. Like next week, I have Soho Theater and the weekend. after that I have so a theater in India like I have to get my shit back together but something just stopped in me my brain was like done for the year I couldn't I was like nope I can't I can't do it even though I was giving out about everybody christmasing too early it wasn't even christmasing it was just like extreme exhaustion and Ellen kept being like what are you doing today I was like honestly I don't know staring at this kind of wall and then my sloth era got made fun because did you watch the original series of rhythm and flow

when it came out like circa seven years ago could you change watched any of the rhythm and flow. Okay, that doesn't really surprise me at all. It's like X Factor, but for rap music. That surprises me that you've watched it, if I'm honest. I absolutely love any form of earnest competition where people are trying their hardest. Okay.

And celebrities critique them. I'm in. I watched an awful lot of pop idol. I watched it all of a lot of American Idol. I watched it all of a lot of X factor. I was like, yes, please. Also, it's a form of artistry. I don't know anything about it.

And it's basically, like, poetry. So I was like, yeah, this is fascinating. I get it. There's a new series out and it's amazing. The last series was such a shame because the judges have, well, one of the judges in particular has been sort of made problematic, not has been revealed to be quite problematic. But gosh.

A judge in a competition on TV has been made out be problematic. Anyway, listen, it's very good. It's very good. People are auditioning. They're doing rap battles. They're doing cyphers. They're making singles. They're making videos.

It's all very fun. I was really. hoping that we were going to find out through that conversation that you've got a rap history. No. I just love watching that compete. You know, I just love watching them compete. No, come on. I am not the M&M of Ireland. Sadly. I get the need to compete

because I was like an America's next top model obsessive. Oh my God, me too, obviously. From the age of like nine, I think. I thought it was flawless. It's so weird watching the clips back. I'm sure. It's terrible. It's so dark. It's like. good. But it's so dark.

Oh my God. It's so dark. I know, but so good. It's really dark. Why do they all have to live together in one room? Why do they all have to get their teeth changed? Oh, Joni. Oh, my God. That was awful. Why do they always have to shave their heads?

Why do they have to constantly appropriate cultures that are not their own? Why are they constantly being body shamed? The Australian top model was so bad for body shaming. It was like, I remember there was a series where it was like, one girl was saying that she was only eating salads that were like rocket lettuce and cucumber and they were like everyone to be taking a note out of her book that's amazing and I was like what this is they were like so overt about the starvation being like she's amazing yeah oh no it's dark a god that can't be very filling no no speaking of which what rocket cucumber and

lettuce I don't think it's insane like just an iceberg lettuce yeah but Oh God, how much would you have to have to be full? I don't think you could ever be full. Imagine what? Because by the time you're done chewing on. Salad shooters. Yeah. Have you, um, there's a series of maintenance phase or like two episodes of the last

two episodes of maintenance phase, which are about Richard Simmons. Have you listened to it? We're very different algorithms again. Are we? I'm sorry, I do take some of your recommendations. Rhythm and flow, I think you should try. I get it. I'm back in my murder.

The winner of the first series is so good. Okay, rhythm and flow. Yeah. I'm writing this down. But you promise this isn't going to be one of those things like when I took your recommendation for an audio book and then I bought it. And then you were like, no, I don't think you're like it. Cardi B is a judge on the first series. You don't want to watch her give commentary on, come on.

I know I'd spell rhythm as well. Because at school we were taught it with. Rhythm has your two hips moving. That's how you spell it. Rhythm has your two hips moving. Thank you, Mrs. Janoway from year eight. I'll say, sorry, Catherine. Do you know, but those things that you get, like,

from school and then you like remember it like for me force equals mass times acceleration no does those things that like stick with you okay sorry go on oh maybe um all of which is to say that yes so what I was trying to say is that today I watched almost all of rhythm and flow and then had to set my alarm but you know like when you're so disinclined to go outside that you set your alarm for like two minutes before you need to leave to put your hair and makeup on or like to put your clothes and makeup on and then I had 17 minutes to do that and then I had six minutes to get to the bus

I had like set three alarms just to make myself go well you look amazing and when we met up for a coffee before this I haven't washed my hair since last Thursday well it looks gorgeous today's Thursday I haven't left the house since Monday but Monday we had a big day yeah but I get that we were busy on Monday

it was a proper runoffice to myself never a good sign do that every week every week that's when I know things are like I'm having a bad men. Oh yeah me too yeah. Every week. I think like when I don't want to do it socially when I just want to do it to like be alone in a dark room. What did you what did you what do you got? I had a medium veggie supreme. Which one's that one? It's oh no red onion pepper sweet corn and the sunblashed tomatoes. I like the veggie volcano. It was overcoct if I'm honest and that

annoyed me because I rarely get dominoes and I was like don't fuck with my treat and then I got um a garlic pizza bread which is the best thing on the menu fight me you're wrong if you think it's it's flawless wedges which were cooked perfectly it's like i don't get the wedges and they're doing chips now in dominoise you've seen this i don't want chips but i do love the wedges i love them so much and they always come with a guaranteed barbecue sauce which is objectively the best sauce correct and then it's the garlic and herb dip you're crazy i don't touch that shit i hate that if i wanted like it just looks like and feels like phlegm oh no yikes uh no no No, absolutely not.

You are objectively wrong on that. Well, it's very good because Ellen and I share and she always wants that one and I always wants barbecue ones, that works out. You shared a medium pizza and wedges? No, none of this was shared. This was for me. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.

God, if I'd be like, we have got to end this podcast. This is really, like, we are at all. No, no. That feels almost offensive to my culture. No, no, no. I also got a top of fish food. None of this was shared. I love, love fish food.

Yeah, it's good. It's also the best of that menu. It's not the best of the Ben and James. but it's the best of the domino's menu dessert option what do they have like i never get it caramel chew chew cookie dough and then magnum crack that crunchy one but like it's fun yeah but not fun enough no it's over after like one second yeah and then they're doing all those um they have like the swirly things what are the dough bowl the dough swirl do you know what I'm saying the dough the dough the dough bite the dough oh with the chalky in it yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't know because it's got that

semolina thing all over it. I love semolina but I know what you're saying. You should just a handful of semolina please. We used to have semolina like pudding when I remember these and it was like... It flaps. I don't know how you make it or how anyone made it but it's so good. Do you boil it in muslin? Milk and semolina

boiled together. What? It's so fucking delicious. Reduced milk. Oh my God, please can we have some? Semolina pudding. Reduced milk? Do you say reduced milk? No, you just boil milk and semolina together. Apologios. Please can we have some? Please can let. Oh, we have that? I want that. Am you make for Helen and Catherine? Delicious.

I'd actually love that. I would really take you back. My gig tonight is over quite early. You want to come over and cook it for me after. I feel like it had eggs in it now. I'm sure there's many other versions of so many. Maybe. I feel like mine was eggy.

That I miss. My mom used to make upside-air and pineapple cake. Yeah. That sounds good. That sounds good. Mmm. So good. Sticking half a pudding.

She made individually so good with loads of dates and pecans. Oh, that sounds good. What else? I'd like the old school dessert. My mom used to just make like a straight-up chocolate roulette. Oh, yes, it's coming up for Christmas Yule time. Oh my God, she once made an entire Christmas tree out of Rice Krispy Cakes. What a woman.

It's actually incredible that she had a job. What a woman. Yeah, she's amazing. My mom is such a dog shit cook. Really? Yeah. And Anne, if you're listening, you heard that right. I've said it to her face many times.

It's so annoying about mine is shocking. Really? The stuff that woman churns out. You know what's so shit about mine? It's mental. My mom's incredible. And yet she's taking this sort of a stance. so she's like, I've given it up.

I've given it up. I've given it up. And it's like, sorry, what? What do you mean you've given it up? You're so good to it. She's incredible. She once made a three-tiered birthday cake for my dad's 50th,

carrot cake, black forest cato, because that's his favorite, and a vanilla sponge with a homemade blackberry and vanilla icing. It was like, and that's why they're still married.

That'll do it. She's incredible. I didn't know you could buy lemon curd. That's the kind of kid I was. I was like, I'd come to the party and be like, who made the cake?

And they'd be like, I just literally didn't know you could buy birthday cakes. Like, we were the worst kids ever because she spoiled us. She was so good. And tried. No one's saying that my mom didn't try, just to be clear. Yeah.

Just wasn't, yeah. She made lemon meringue pie, but I don't like lemon meringue pie. I make a really good lemon meringue pie. It's just not my flavour. It's just, it's too tart. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. It's famously very sweet.

Not the one that I was raised on. Did you forget the sugar and the meringue? It's half sugary meringue. No. I think I was also put off lemons because my mum went through a phase when we were younger of like so do you know like speech and language therapists

like encourage you to tighten your tongue muscles by putting lemon like raw lemon on your tongue that feels like a thing your mom made up I think it was really old thing that feels like a thing your mom made up so for like some I think some of my siblings speech and language therapy and then she was like this was really good

for like tightening your tongue muscles to get rid of your splashy like T's and S's and stuff Splashy were you spishing a lot No, just like, you know, I'd say like tissue, but it's tissue, you know? It's tissue? It's not tissue, it's tissue and issue, not tissue and issue. Okay, so she's objectively wrong. No, no, apparently that's true.

Gosh people do say tissue. Tissue and issue. No, I understand that they do, but that doesn't make it right. That's like, that's like being like, that's just not a relatable fact. But it's like, it's not home, dear, it's mansion. It's like what? To whom? For whom?

You know, when your mom goes through different health phases, like, I feel like everyone in our generation, like, went through the, like, you've got drink a glass of milk you've got to have a cod liver oil capsule yeah thank you for nodding yeah my mom went through oh you will have to have a capsule capsule you don't say capsule what is it then what is it's happening is it capsule capsule capsule capsule capsule either way issue tissue tissue oh oh that lemon didn't work enough is you tissue capsule capsule capsule capsule capsule no that lemon didn't work enough issue tissue capsule capsule capsule no now I'm losing it It's like a casual capsule.

Were you not forced to have cod liver oil capsules for a while? Capsules. Okay, I know what? Cod liver oil tablets, bitch. I don't like them. They repeat on everyone. No one has a good time with those. All day.

And then you're the fish girl at school. It's just a no from me. Oh, my God. We just ate fish. Why don't he just eat fish? Damn it, Anne! God damn it. I love fish.

Well, I mean, what do I miss retro is it? I loved chocolate sponge pudding. That's the one thing that I would like always want. It took like two minutes in the microwave. What do you mean two minutes in the microwave? Like you're just self-raising flour, sugar, butter, one egg, rises up in the microwave, done. Where's the chocolate?

And then, well, cocoa powder in with the flour. Apologies, everyone. Oh, no sauce. Not like a melting one, just like a... No, I don't know. Just like bash it out. My mom used to make those, you know, the molten lava cakes that would melt. She made those scrash.

She made fondents just at home. Oh my goodness. I remember getting to restaurants and being like, what do you mean takes 20 minutes? My mom's is just ready. Did you take a lunchbox into school? Yeah. Could you talk us through it, maybe? We didn't have school lunches like you guys did.

Okay, so everyone brings in a lunchbox. We need to make your own lunches. I made my own lunch. What was your lunchbox? Everyone brought it up. I'd have a tuna and cucumber sandwich or a cheese and tomato sandwich or sometimes if I was allowed on a Friday, I'd have a Nutella sandwich with no apologies. Don't mind if we do.

Packer of crisps and a shockey bar? Piece of fruit usually. And then, like, sometimes. a crisp, sometimes a rice cake and Nutella, sometimes it would be like, there was always like a sweet treat and then maybe some cheese or some fruit and a sandwich. Did you

used to get obsessed with the people's lunch boxes? Not really, I was very particular and I made my own lunch, so. I never got jealous. Oh my God, also I ate meat at the time, so I would have a lot of chicken sandwiches. Chicken sandwiches. Because my mom would always roast a chicken for a curry. Oh my God. God, she was good. My friend, Sophia,

who lived like the opposite side of my house. to Emma Black, like, all on one road. You all live on the same road? Emma lived at the end of my road, like 10 doors that way. And then Sophia was 10 doors that way with jazz-bary in between, right, jazz. Jazz-Berry?

Jazz. Mum's called Kaz. Grandma's called Saz. No apologies. Saz-Berry, Cas-and-Jaz. No stress. Yeah. Cass did my hair.

Thanks, Kaz. Casbury? Jazzberry. Well, no. She was Jazz-Berry, but they had different side names the mom and grandma. Fuck or.

joke saskass and jazz fuck or berry they're all called berry in my head it's great isn't it no raz that's a devastating fact well you never know you never know that could be a raspberry on the way so cute right blue raspberry blueberry but um okay

Sophia's um mum was like French you said that like sorry you said that like you're gonna give some sort of like it's objective advantage of but instead you were like was like

she was French she was French and her cooking like even my mom would talk about it being like Martine is like off the chain and I was like Martine is off the chain yeah what you make oh my god the sandwiches were just like the most incredible

layers like freshly made you say issue and sandwiches wait what have I gone wrong here no you haven't gone wrong anywhere but I just that it's like issue tissue and sandwiches To be clear, I say issue and tissue Because I'm not mental But I'm aware that it is issue and tissue

It is according to who And Bauer School of Drama And would she say sandwiches Or would she say sandwiches I don't know, I can't ask She's in Hong Kong right now What? She's adjudicating a speech and drama festival

She's busy She's booked and blessed Is she actually in Hong Kong Adjudicating? Wow And what? She got invited back from last year She got invited back from last year

Yeah Oh, my God, amazing. I know. Good luck to those kids. Don't take your phone into the auditorium and stand up straight for God's sake. Look up from the page when you're reading prose. If you're not connecting with your audience, you're connecting with no one. And remember to enjoy yourself.

Does she say that last part? Does she even say that last part? From a kid who survived the speech and language. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. And you'd call yourself a survivor, would you? I think all of us who competed. Nice.

Oh, God, Helen, we never talked about the reason that, sorry, I'm so bad. This is what I'm saying. My brain's not working. It's right. I'm still waiting for the wicked apology. Sorry. Oh, that was that? Sorry.

So, sorry. Yes. So the reason I was tired, obviously, was that we had our, we were building up to for weeks, Monday's photo shoot for our merch launch, which happened this morning. That's our, we're recording on the day that we launched for next week. and people have been so nice about it it's so lesbian coded I knew that but when I looked to the photos

I was like oh we've just made a range for lesbians this is incredible please and thank you yes I think it looks so good if you if you bought merch please please please send us a picture with you in it we are desperate to see them I'm wearing it right now

are you yeah it's so cozy look I want that one that's the one I want I want to order that one I love this one yeah that's the one I got this one and the long sleeve yellow t-shirt with the little pig that's this trust the trusty hogs on it.

I want this one, the long-sleeve black because I got the long-sleeve white but Ellen immediately stole it to go under some sort of football shirt or something but I want this. Did she actually? Yeah. I did think I should have got some stuff

for like Emma Black and my cousin Sophie who listened. You still can for Christmas. Oh, that's a good point. Hello for Christmas. I'm wearing it consistently. I refuse to take it off. It's so cozy.

Yeah, it's cute. It looks good on you. Does it? I'm going to get that one. You've influenced me to buy my own merch That's the thing I think we do have to buy it What?

I don't think we've got a back channel to it Apart from the ones that we got for the I hate when you say back channel Back channel Back passage Anus What would you prefer? What are women one these days?

What are women? Hang out with men, you'd be more used to it Sensitive bitches You went too far That's what the guy say When we went too far We go sensitive I believe you

We instantly are watching More Fall and every new wife We're like fucking she's mad too And she Dominos. Oh my God, no. Before we were going all over the place. Anyway, we had our photo shoot and I think we handled it really well because we were dealing

with your feelings, my feelings, Andrew's feelings. He had no feelings. He was very brave and just did whatever we told him. But your feelings and my feelings on a photo shoot, don't mind if we do, because I hate to have my photo take and hate to be perceived. And then we also had Charlie Clive do so well on styling. I love her. I love her.

I don't wait for people to see the photos that she styled because she did such a good job. And we are not easy customers, I'd say. I think we're not easy customers. also just from a very practical point of view we're quite tricky to shoot there is a height disparity that is moderate too severe I didn't realize that until we got there

and the photographer was like did you not notice sweet back of the photographer getting on and off a step stool for like between shots for me or for you I did notice that but she kept being like is there a seat are there any seats and I was like oh she must be just tired and then I was like oh she means for one of us

oh when we realised if I sat on a stool and you stood straight we were the same height devastating devastating. It was nice. It made me feel like we were at a heterosexual wedding. It was so quaint and cute. That's what it is, isn't there?

Yeah, it was cute. I loved it. We managed to do it, and we managed not to cry. I cried in the morning. I cried in the evening, but sure, but that was in our own time. And do you remember that one point during the shoot when you saw when we tear up and we just stopped? Yes. Just in time, you were like,

I was like, and that's enough of that. It's so tricky when you're like, try it, because we, the merch shots were the easy ones because we'd already spent so long designing it, picking it, knowing which colours we wanted. Also the merch is designed like it's definitively like we chose casual wear we chose like stuff you're comfy and cozy

and that you would wear every day that we feel like ourselves in. A t-shirt you can whack on. Somebody styling us to look glam. I'm like nobody look at my body and you're like you I think find it harder to look remotely like you tried seriously in a photo. Your fear. of sincerity was like so funny and my fear of anyone looking at me I was like stop fucking looking at us and it's like well that is her job she's literally the photographer the practicality of finding clothes that fit us and like that match and like because we can't just like get like we don't have many shops that we cross over in size wise we were really lucky we got one brand that styled us both and sent us things to wear for the shoot which was remarkable that we're actually size inclusive and kind

The pictures aren't out yet, but they are releasing a plus size range, but not yet. Can we say who? I don't know, can we? I think we can. It was Bowden. It was Bowden. Bowden were great to us.

They are going up to a size 22 now, baby. And they were fucking eager and excited to be accommodating and also didn't make it a big fucking deal. They were just great. I actually was so impressed by them. It was cool. And you shouldn't be like, wow, you make clothes for all women, but like, apparently that's a fucking struggle.

Yeah, that became clear during one. Yeah. So shit. run of the month, we were like, one second, we are fucked. It's just, listen. But you're right about me, I can't do the, um, sincerity. I can't do the, like, I've made an effort. And then I think if I've made an effort, people will think, oh my God, she thinks she's fit.

It's so embarrassing. It is so mental, because I walk around most of the time going, like, look how fucking gorgeous I am. Look how my boobs. And as soon as it's like, you're beautiful, let's take a picture. I'm like, oh God, I'm going to go. I'm fucking great. I'm fucking great. All the photos, me just like, I'm a pig.

Just smile, Helen, like a normal person. It's so funny. We are, we put ourselves on stage on, by choice, and yet we hate to have our photo taken. Isn't it so bizarre? It doesn't make sense. And I don't mind my picture taken if the premise is me just looking stupid, because I know where I sit in that around. But when, so we, this is the thing, you haven't seen these photos, but we've done like a whole slew of other shots for other things next year. hopefully coming very exciting yeah blah blah um so we wore like gowns yeah and stuff and it's like

bits as they use you look so fucking stunning no i loved it no you looked stunning too our inspiration was miss piggy yeah that was actually charlie clive's idea and she's a genius she styled us within an inch of our lives based off miss piggy it was incredible because she is a style icon in many ways i agree I think we did so well We did our best We did our god damn best In the time that was allowed And that'll have to do

And I've only taken four days to recover I'm fine My favorite part is We were like sorting out Like photos and doing all of that And Andrew was like He'd done his merch shots right He was like on his laptop typing away

I was like what is he doing And then I can't remember what it was for But one of his arguments Was some sort of council Or some sort of airline or something He came and he went Stop everything I've won

And he went, I'm back in the room now. It was a parking dispute, wasn't it? It was a council parking dispute. He came and he was like, stop everything. Hu, sorry, who, sorry, he said the words, whoo, sorry, adrenaline spike. I mean he had to be like, emotional clothes everywhere, just like we need to get this done.

We were like, are you okay, my guy? Like, he looks like he could have lifted a table. He's a 60-year-old man. It's a win for the little. die. It was crazy. It was crazy. Do you want any more

depression TV recommendations? Don't mind if I do. No, because I feel like depression is creeping in even though I refuse to have it this year. Okay, shrinking. Oh God. What's it about? It's incredible.

It's on Apple TV made by one incredible Brett Goldstein. Harrison Ford and Jason Seagull are both therapists. Jason's wife has died. So he stops wanting to just do CBT in that way where like you tell people, you kind of listen or like therapy where you just listen.

and instead just like starts telling his patients what he thinks they should actually do and Harrison Ford is a supervisor and Jessica Williams is incredible and they all work in this this therapy office and it's just brilliant it's cold shrinking it's great she's so funny

it does sound really good it's honestly it's incredible television and also the jokes are so good it is laugh out loud funny I also have just finally got around to watching mergers in the building only murders in the building it's so joke for

joke pound for pound so fucking funny i do love selina dynes i was like i don't get it the fourth episode i was like oh this is phenomenal it's so self-aware it's so stupid it's so funny how mad is in the building loved it loved it loved it i've been watching um just sitcoms which one um sadly one that i remembered like very fondly um eight simple rules but i forgot that the main dad dies in it oh yeah i could I could have told you that. I could have told you that. I just forgot. I just forgot.

I just forgot. I could have told you that. So then it got really sad. Kokoko, like honestly does so many interviews talking about him and it's devastating. It's really awful. He was really significant to her in her life generally. It's sad. It is.

But God, we love to see a ginger girl thrive. Shout, Carrie Hennessy. Shout out Carrie. But no, it's devastating. Tell you what I've been doing.

What's the name of the mom and that? Who's also in Futurama. Something's Seagal. King. Who's also in love and marriage? Is that what I was called? Yeah, what's it called marriage and kids or like wife and kids

or like, what's it called? My wife and kids maybe? No, I think it's like. Katie Segal is it? She's a Segal as well. She's also in that biker show. What biker show? Katie Seigle.

That's her name. She's in the biker show with the biker gang. Anyone? Married with children, sons of anarchy. Sons of anarchy. Thank you so much. Is this good? I don't know if this is a good podcasting, but we are remembering a lot.

Can I tell you what I've been doing? Please. You've been watching TV. I've been going into my mind palace. Oh, God. And, you know, like, you know when you were younger? Did you ever, like, walk around and, like, play games with yourself in your head just to, like, entertain yourself? I used to do it on, like, my paper round all the time.

So, like, what would I do if I won the lottery? Then I'd play out, like, telling people and, like, taking them on treats and stuff. Do you mean, did I ever imagine things as a child? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Why do I say things such a stupid way? Yeah, I've had imagined. Sorry, do you guys have an imagine.

Well, I do. Listen up, bitches. Okay, how about this? What kind of kid do you think I am? Just being like, no, my... I don't know. Having fondant made for you at home? Yeah, but it doesn't mean inside my mind is silence.

Just waiting for mummy's fondant. Just noise. Why noise? Ah, it's arrived. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I've imagined things, sure. Okay, you're going to love this new imagination game. Okay.

Okay. You have to picture a nondescript street in like a fake town. Sure. Okay. Design your perfect high street. Best restaurants, best cafes you want there.

Which shops do you want access to? Like how big they are. Like is it a mini W.H. Is it a big W.H. Smith? It's not a W.H. It's not a bookshop. Thank you for inviting me here, though.

So like you can pick bookshops. Like what style of high street do you want to? Because I want mine pedestrianized. Fake Tudor pedestrianized. Don't mind if we do. Fake Tudor. Yeah. Pedestrianized.

Yeah, I do. I just love the way you guys do that here. It's so silly. It's like being in a Disney town. Do you mean? We're like, why? Like the tutors were here. You could have just, okay, sure.

We had a fire. Yeah, I know, but wow, I love it. It was great. Okay, yeah, I'm going fake tutor. I'm going pedestrianized. Wow, thank you for asking. Gosh, okay, yeah, all right. Yeah, okay, yeah.

I'm saying, Marks and Spencers Relatively small Like your Queen's Park size Clothes and food No we're just doing food Thank you so much Thank you, I don't need the clothes

Thank you so much I do want the big sort of plant area I don't need the cafe or the clothes Thank you so much Okay I'm definitely going to want an Oh what's the best sushi of the sushi options If it's wasabi

If it's it's You can pick like a broad You can pick sushi train in Australia Ooh Wait the what in from Australia Sushi train near the chain in Australia Is that the one I liked on the street

With the ice cream place And the smoothie place as well I don't remember I like that Thai place we kept going to In Newtown Oh yeah Ooh if we can just put anything Then Messina the ice cream place

Nice Okay so you got an M&S and an ice cream place Okay fantastic Outside seating at Messina No it's still England Isn't it? It can be Or you can like pick on

a sunny day. It's your perfect high street to spend like a Sunday afternoon. Cross Town. What's Cross Town? Don't replace. Oh my God. What's cross-th? Helen! Wake up to yourself. Sorry everyone. No, no, no, thank you for that. That was embarrassing. No, no, no, no. Then we're going, Itsu. Slay. These are all, like, they have to sort of high street stuff, right? It can't just be like anything. I'd say high street stuff, but I think I've allowed myself to have like a secondhand bookshop. Okay. Then books up, stairs from Dublin.

Books up, what's that like? It's a beautiful, rickety, full bookshop. We're like every, there's books on every step. With the smell. It's beautiful, with the smell. Yeah.

I love that smell. It's narrow and long and I love it. Okay. And then I want... Places to sit and read in it? Not really. It's sort of like... Oh, or the lighthouse

from Edinburgh. That's maybe more the vibe. Oh, I want both. So let's go with a lot. You can have both. You can have two bookshops. Okay, fine. I am.

One of them will close within six. months of opening but that is your high street and it's your choice no then I can't do that to them when they've just enfranchised um you know what I'm going books upstairs okay I am um call me a basic bitch I'm having a butlers the chocolate place in Ireland yeah with coffee and hot chocolates don't mind if we do and this is a sit-in so I'm worried about your third locations what do you mean like you know the importance of like third locations when you're building a new city so you've got home and work but like cities thrive of having a third location which is like somewhere you sit in a square or like a cafe you can sit in or a bookshop you can sit in

fine there's also a green square in this like soho square in the middle of yeah slay thank you um okay pizza east what's we're having a pizza east it's just good oh yeah no it's it's yeah it's nice pizza and then gosh this is so tricksy Do you not want like a chain coffee shop or something? Well, that's butlers. Oh, okay, yeah. I actually, if I had to have a chain or coffee shop, we're going Nero. I'd say Nero because I don't feel bad sitting in there with my laptop for ages.

And also I don't mind having a chain. I think the coffee's pretty good. I think the coffee's pretty good. Me too. Yeah, there I said. Disagree. Disagree. You've lost me there.

You know what? You've lost me. No, sorry. Literally the worst coffee in the whole world. It's so bad. It's just sugar. It's just sugar. Starbucks maybe.

What I think is. Starbucks is bad. What press annoys me is because their coffee always tastes burnt to me I'm like I'm sure I've no idea what the coffee tastes like because it always tastes burnt Costa the coffee tastes of coffee and it tastes bad it tastes of sugar and bad coffee it's a hundred percent in rabicabine it's bad it's bad but it's also bad but I do go there if I'm ever having one of those drives where I'm like oh I'm a bit sleepy how will I make it home I'm like oh I'll just get a thimble of the coffee from Costa and I'm like what

um okay yeah Nero is my okay what else do I need to choose from you should get like a gluten-free bakery for you. Do you don't want that? You don't have to, it's your dream. Can't it just be nice stuff? Can't it? Oh, maybe I'd go, hummingbird.

Oh, like one from New York? Oh, that's Magnolia. It is. It is. Oh, I'd love the Sprinkles place from New York where they have a cupcake ATM, but English people would ruin it. And it sings that song.

No, no, not on your high street. They would. Yeah, we would, I would, they would. There's something to be a shit in there and you were like, oh, no. Back passage, delivery. Okay, no, let's just go hummingbird because we know that there's always a gluten-free option there. Catherine, this is a really charming little street so far. It's very sweet, right? What else do I need? I need like just your basic lunch place and I'm going to go of the high street chains. I'm going to go. You've already got on it, too.

Yeah, but we need like a hot food option We need like some sort of cafe food Like not upper crust How about that suit plate In Edinburgh What's it called? Hula! Hula!

Hula Cafe's great Oh I'd love Hula Cafe I'd love a Hula Cafe Shout out Edinburgh But I was going to say Of the high street places What's the one I'm thinking of? I don't know

You do It's got waffle fries Leon? Leon. I love Leon I think that's my best like basics I want Leon of mine Yeah, I'm going to go Leon.

And then what else have I not covered up? I've got a grocery shop. Do you want somewhere where like lesbians will be like a bike shop or like... Oh, good point. Like a little climbing centre or something? I'd go La Camaniera, the gay bar. Yeah? Your gay bar in Dalston, is there?

In Hackney. Hackney, bring it down. Yeah, we can have that. Well, yeah, and then do I need anything else? Do you want a pet shop or something? I need a post office. I'm fucking sick of high. Where are the post offices in London?

Oh, and I need a charity shop. Yeah. I cannot, for the life of me, find anywhere to donate clothes. Um, okay, charity shop, come down my way. We've got so many charity shops. What else do you know what I want is a great corner shop? Like a really great corner shop. A corner shop, okay.

Ooh, yes. There's a nail bar I love called O'Fleur in. USA Nails. No, O'Fleur in Angel. Okay, O'Fleur. I love it. I'm not against a waterstones. Oh no, it'll do my books upstairs out.

I think you do have to think about like businesses thriving so you don't end up with empty spaces. do you not want like a this is me so like judging you as a friend like you'd want a stationary shop paula young i want a young chocolate shop pullet young chocolate shop and i do want a stationery shop which is kind of what i was thinking when i was going water stones but maybe that's not the vibe i feel like you want like a really nice like kitsy stationery shop that has like amazing cards but what is that like scribbler but that's only cards not scribbler like you know those ones where you just like come across every and they've got like miniatures for dolls houses you're

Okay, don't want any of that. You'll never do it, but you'll think about it. I want a Rymans. I want a Rhyman's. I don't want a Rhyman's. I used to love Rhyman's, but that's on no one's stream ice tree. Why?

That has everything you could possibly need. Because you could get it in like. I want a Riemann. Okay, you can have a, you can have it. Actually, do you know what I want? No, I want to Rhymans. Okay. Because I don't know anywhere else that does like great stationery that I just of everything I need.

Great. Do I want anything else? What about those? class shops in central london like the ones that are like there's one in common guard and yes they've got like really lovely pens really lovely art surprise i'd go that i'd go that i'd go that i'd class art is it called cass art never read that right that's a shame for me okay i'd go cass art katherine this is a charming high stream but wait am i missing anything obvious yeah boozers oh my god yeah literally was going to say i want a bottle apostle what's a bottle

It's a boosy, boosy, oh my God, I want a bottle of pothel and I want a pop-ums. Oh my God, I've got so East London. You are East London. Oh my God, and I want an E5 bakehouse for brunch. I've not been to an E5 thing. And I want a Bob's for brunch. E5 is in East London and Bobbs is in West London and I want them both on the same high street.

What do they, is it just like... And I want a wine bar. Where's my wine bar at? La Camanera. Yeah, but what if we want like another... Oh, I guess we need an evening restaurant. option. You should get one of those.

I got pizza east but I want something like fabulously Asian. Would you want a wine bar where you get like a card and you put a certain amount of money on it and you can just try all the different wines and you put your card and impress how much you want into your glass? I don't hate it. Do you know what I do need is a pub? You do need a booze? I don't have a pub.

Yeah. Which pub though? Which is your favourite pub? The weather spoons in central London, the Montague Park. It's a gorgeous choice. It's a gorgeous gorgeous choice. The toilets are upstairs. There's so much effort. I want the toilets to be on like one floor if I'm drinking because there's too much effort to go up and downstairs.

I don't hate like the Betsy Trotwood. Oh, in Farringdon? Yeah. Yes. Like, or I want something with fireplaces. I like, um... Oh my God. Have you been to the BBC in Ballam?

No. The Ballam Bowles Club. It's gorgeous. They've got really good food, really nice garden. They've got those board games out. It's dog friendly. I want the gun. The gun.

The gun is a pub in the new forest. And it is exquisite. All that it's got like lots of like open fires, beautiful food, low ceilings. And then we'll be with guns in there. Big, like wild flower garden that they do yoga in on like a weekday morning and then you get a coffee. No mind if we do. Yeah. I think the back garden goes on to water heaven.

That's what I want. Catherine, you might have just designed a high street I want to visit. Really? Because my one is just a military hardware shop and a fishing net shop. To pick up men? Is yours exclusively for dating? For the lads. Just me.

Why'd you like me talk so long if that's true? I don't know. What? Mine is quite similar to yours. It's like different places. Give it to me. Okay, mine is like, okay, go on. No, you weren't.

What was that? What was that? I need an ASOP. I'm done now. Or ESOP. I was going to say body shop, but I elevated. I want a lush and everyone thinks that's crazy. I love a lush.

But I want a lush. I think it's so fun for spending time. It's so convenient. Sorry, tell me who you can't get a gift for. Tell me. Done. So you can't. A dog.

I'll bet you they have something. I bet they've got a cream for a dog. I'll bet you have something for a pet grooming. I'll bet you they do. Okay, I want a lunch. I love a lush. Also, hello. Sorry, my whole street smells amazing.

You're welcome. And also those people are like, I had a headache. I'm like, fucking grow up. Grow up. Have you never had a scented candle? Grow up. Go on. I want a lush.

I want, like, this is deviating between me. I want a witch shop. You know, the shops where they spell like dream catchers and crystals. Disagree. And like different like sense. It's a no.

But I do have a shop for you to take you to in East London, but it's a no for me. Okay. Like essential oils and like cast cans. And they've got like a selection of like, gift books and I really good. Do they have crystals? Yeah, crystals yeah 100%. And like St. You know the St. Ival Candles? S-T-E-V-A-L. Oh yeah. Lovely. Oh my God. A collection of those. Incense. Like just like bits and bobs. Okay. I used to live quite close to one. They found it so good for like getting gifts to people if ever wanted to treat myself. Yeah. And I won a garden shop but like the

Nunhead Gardener. Do you know that one? No, but I remember the long phase where you were going there a lot. I am addicted to life. Remember you were. You used to have that patch that you used to take care of and call your garden. Oh my God, thank you. Yes.

I miss that. And the chicken, oh. Don't. Don't. Don't. It's my fucking birthday. No,

I know it's your birthday. Chicken die. Chicken die bouncing. I want like a garden shop. Yes, I do want a couple of like really nice cafes. Like.

Like. Do not say Costa to my face. Okay. This is the thing, but I want a Costa or a Nero there just for the comfortability of being able to sit. for a long time, then Nero, then Nero. But I am, I'm definitely in a phase of I'm liking hot

chocolates at Costa as of right now. Like I'm in a hot chalky. Have you ever had a good hot chocolate? Catherine, yes. Have you? Do you know that Costa this year are doing a collab with Terry's chocolate orange and you can get a Terry's chocolate orange hot chocolate? Slay. Slay? Although I have the beautiful Hotel Chocolat orange hot chocolate at home from my velvital. Hotel Chocolat. But I it to be an actual hotel you've said this so many times yeah but like on my high straight oh yeah yeah yeah like guests and stuff so like yeah no not just my my Jeter Neil's thing of coming in but any room oh fun which is still so funny any rooms for the night so we just sell chocolate it's good stuff it's clean fun but yeah

a hotel chocolate but an actual thing as well I want to like a oh god okay yeah book shop I want the same not I don't know your shot

but like second hand Lighthouse Lighthouse Edinburgh or like Shakespeare and Company in Paris although Shakespeare

Company sorry to say it I could do with a little bit of aisle room can you move over a little smidge can we move it back

can we widen and no books written in French God no hmm famously they're not very good at literature you know what

I just read book by a French woman and granted it was from the 1800s so it was a bit weirdly written it was translated but it was a bit yeah beauty in the base the original did you not think that what I initially said was a joke oh yeah no I thought I love the French what I love I forget that the English don't like the French that's such an English thing nobody else feels fucking frogs am all right you can't say it's not just Helen it's not just fucking frogs you can't say that I like the French but the English are obsessed with hating the French and like nobody I'm like I know I don't know why also you can't hate somebody who doesn't know you're alive like it's like being like I hate that girl but the most popular girl in school and she's like him you're like the French don't give a shit they don't know we're here I know there's like we're adding nothing to their culture they don't need us for food they don't need this for cinema they don't need this for literature they don't need this for shit they don't visit Disneyland Paris because the French aren't fucking gone that's true but that's just because they're like food and cinema why is it there why did there

It makes no sense to take the happiest place on earth and put it on the edge of Paris. Put it in Nuremberg. At least there'll be some vibes. It's mental that it's in Paris. Sorry, but that is genuinely how I feel. It should be in like Yorkshire or like Liverpool or somewhere where people are nice and friendly. Agreed. Anywhere else in France.

It is crazy. Paris is like famously, even the French are like the Parisians are fucking mean, man. Yeah, it's crazy. that it's fair, isn't it? It's like a real test. It's like, oh, you think you can make anyone happy? Yeah. It's like in trying Disney World and Florida and putting it in New York.

Welcome to Disneyland, the most happy place on earth. Hey, I'm walking here. Fucking goofy. You have to have it where it's appropriate. Yeah, I don't disagree with you. Now that you say the crazy choices, isn't it? I want a toy shop on my street as well. Really?

Yeah, I think I do with like loads of board games. but like, you know, like an old school toy shop, like full of nostalgia. Why not, given that you're so into third spaces, why not, um, a board, a game cafe? I think I would like that, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere just to like sit and chill and they want the pubs and they only serve yellow food or

something, you'd love that. Oh my God. Or just just nachos. But they do natures really well. That's basically what I said. But with jalapinos on top. But you'd want mac and cheese dips as well, uh, dippers. You could get mac and cheese.

cheese dips you can get mac and cheese like bowls you know to dip into this stuff and what if they did chicken strippers it's just yellow you just love yellow food you write down nachos with mac and cheese on the side for dipping i've got a trip to do don't make that noise no that's not what i said don't make a noise i've got i've got a tasco trip to do um supermarket wise are you going to eat the mac and cheese with the nachos yeah that's what i thought what were we saying i thought like you could have nachos on your menu and also mac and cheese balls oh and also like chicken strippers. I like chicken strippers.

You're like Ellen. You like all foods yellow. I think I'd want a cab. I do. I think I'd want a kebab shop as well. I think you'd need a kebab shop. Yeah, right? Just like soaking up the alcohol at the end of the night.

Yeah. And also just to make your like local friends. I forgot my favorite coffee shop. Oh, it's okay. You can say it now. Remember my little coffee shop from where I used to live in Made Avale, the little tree? The one just down? Run by the two women.

I loved that one. I loved them. that was they loved you they loved me that was a cute shop they were actually awesome yeah a coffee shop where like two women one is really cheery and one is really grumpy but they both love you for some reason they make the sweetest coffee and they don't really ever make me pay I loved it there yeah the little tree please I love those places where you just feel like there's loads of I want like this be my last one say no we've literally run out of time and we haven't even done a problem so please join us on patron for the problem

Oh my God, yeah, join us on Patreon. You've got to join us on Patreon. There's two days worth of stuff on there. There's probably two and a half days with a stuff on. And it's really good chat like this. What's your dream? High Street. But my last thing, I love those like Turkish cafes where it's also a takeaway,

where it's just like the big like, my pronunciation is awful. They're like, Goslemais, you know? Oh my God, there's a place in Victoria Park Village that does Goslame must bring you. It's so fucking good. I want that stuff. It's so good. Yeah, this is huge though. And it's like six quid and they cut it up

and it honestly takes up on an entire bag the way they cut it into pieces. You're like, yeah. And it's so cheap. And you can get like a lentil soup and then you can dip like a spinach boric in it. Yum. Like I want all that.

And also I will have a Messina as well. A nice cream shop. Yeah, we must. You've got to live a little. Oh my God, Catherine. Our streets are so good. Yeah, it'd be hard to find any fruit. But other than that.

Oh, more expensive. You got M&S. And I've got a fruit stall. run by Ian Beale from EastEnders Okay, I did not know where that was going Don't even have time to discuss that Oh, in a cinema, on a cinema Oh so do I can I?

No, I, no, no, yours is closed Which cinema do you want? Please, please, please. Something affordable, the castle, the castle. The castle? The castle cinema from Hackney. I've gone so East London, it's crazy. I'll go to the Basingstoke View.

Okay. Yeah, with the Nando's underneath it. All right. The charming night. out. Thank you so much for listening to trust your eyes. Bye.

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