Trusty Hogs - Ep170. MAILBAG SPECIAL / Brides, Beat Blockers & Badgers

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

We delve into the mailbag for our first correspondence deep dive of the year. From throuple updates to Disney Parks addictions, it's always fun to get through such a wide range of problems...NEW MERCH: trustyhogs.com/merchLEICESTER (15/2): Live Show TicketsThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie Robertson / Sarah DeakinWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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That's a degree better. Explore more than 350-plus undergraduate, graduate and certificate programs at ASUonline.asu.org. Edu. Hi, cuties. Don't know if you notice, but we released a line of merch and it's gorgeous. It's lesbian coded.

It's practical. It's in lots of different colors, lots of different sizes. It's ethical. And it's cute as hell. Thank you to everyone who shared pictures of themselves on Instagram and Instagram stories looking adorable post-Christmas in their merch.

If you thought, huh, my Christmas present sucked and my loved ones don't know me, then why not get yourself a gift? I reckon do. Go on to Trusty Hoggs 4 slash merch and get yourself a cute little tea now. I just spend that entire time trying to find the website

and yeah, trustyhugs.com 4 slash my Googleed merch and a 10% discount for all patrons. Thank you very much. Bye! Hello and welcome to episode 170. My favourite number. Of trusty hogs. Oh, are we done now?

It's your favourite number we got here, we're done. No, no, no, no. Because my second favourite number is 2,804. A sweet mother of Jesus. Christ, let's see about it. If we're still alive, crawling to the mic. Hello. Doing it from our, oh my God, we can have bed next to each other.

I don't want to die Burton-urny style with you. I'm sorry, I don't want that. No offense, all the best Godspeed, but no thank you. Through the fog, step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't. And that's your problem. They'll have guests

And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine And the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not Hey it's episode 170 And for now we're still with it

It's trusty hogs I'm Catherine Bowhart My name's Helen Bower And this is a podcast about Our Perfect Live Where we Tell you all about them No and solve your problem

There you go. And today is a mailbag special. Because as you know, we're not hacked on the old admin or correspondence. To the point that recently, excuse me, a problem that was sent into this podcast was simultaneously sent to the Catherine Ryan podcast. And she also answered the problem. How very dare you. Is that actually true? It's called having patience.

It's called not being so needy. How dare you? Do you reckon how other people are doing that? Like sending their problems to other podcasts? No. I think somebody was urgently needing a reply and it was like oh my god come on but still have a little loyalty my god if it's not urgent find out where we live come to our doors knock and tell us I don't agree with that that's not what I was saying I'm sorry I'm actually misappropriating an energy that is is taken from

elsewhere because on the way here what's coming on bear in mind today a day of recording 8th January I was walking here from Chancery Lane what do I pass 8th of January in Tesco what's the display Valentine's about mother fucking Easter yeah oh Easter mother he's only born they're trying to kill him off how about you chill the fuck out Easter eggs I haven't cleared out the chocolate coins I'm furious it's too soon that's too soon it's what Easter eggs actually

can you focus I am it's mini eggs and Lindbunnies Sleigh. No. No. Isn't that kind of a bit of fun? Christmas sleigh? Maybe because it's just happened. I just couldn't.

That's too worried. Can you? Also, it's late April this year. It's not even like, it's a March Easter. Thank you for checking. Okay, Gregorian King. Yes, it's late April and we don't need the, we don't have energy for you. Did you see that M&S are doing one?

Why aren't you angry about this? Because I'm just like a chalky fact. Like, I would support chalky just like all around. Yeah, me too, but I think you'd ruin this special occasion chocolate by having it out all the time. Yes, like for me, I just think, like, let's just celebrate it daily. No, I do. I eat chocolate every single day of my life.

As you know, I often have, always have chocolate bars in my fridge. I love chocolate. Yeah. But I think that the best form of chocolate, and this is why I think I'm really, it's hard for me to be saying this. You're really worked up. No, but it's hard for me to say this because my favorite chocolate is an Easter egg. I think the shape lends itself profoundly to the medium.

It's the best text here. It is phenomenal. Pop a Cadbury's Easter egg in a fridge. Come back to me. There's no better. There's nothing about. better in the world, but at the same time, it's special because it's rare. You're not with me on this.

No, I just, it doesn't, it's not bothering me that much. Do you mean to be angry as well? Do you know the, the TikTok sound? Do you know the puppets, the Mona and Grandma, the Australian? Oh my God, yeah, but I thought you meant like the Mona and Grandma's and like, we, the characters of being like, we're real monas and grandmas, Helen and Catherine. And I was like, what? But no, Mona and Grandma's in, who's that?

wonderful girl could she be any cuter who's that wonderful girl so basically the little like Muppet sort of star puppets there's a little girl and she's being babysat by her grandma and there's a moment where the little baby puppet's angry and grandma goes oh you mad do you want me to be mad with you yeah let's be mad together yes okay we didn't know where you were going what the hell you were talking about I was like I don't have a reference point I don't know the song I don't know where he's going with this but yes I just want you to be getting get on board to be angry with me then fuck What supermarket was it? Tesco.

I have always hated Tesco. Do you know why? Owned by Walmart. And you know what Walmart I've done? Not very good things, I'm sure. Couldn't give you an example. Couldn't give you one. That'll do.

I'll take the moral support. Thank you so much. Episode 170. Should we get into the mailbag special? I think we should get into the mailbag special. I will say this. Whenever we do a mailbag special, which for anyone who's new

is when we like go through problems and we don't talk about our lives because our lives are fine this week. And also because we have a backlog of problems because we don't always get to them. Yeah, that and we're slaying. Basically, we end up usually doing, I'd say two or three, even though we say we're going to do like eight. Don't jigs us. Sometimes we do more.

And I believe in us because I think people online and listeners of this podcast, thank you so much for the support in us, you hold us to too high of a standard. Oh, they definitely do. Too high of a standard to be able to answer more than two problems in an hour. That feels crazy. Oh, you think that they're the problem. Hang on. Sorry, I'm misunderstood. I just meant like I think that we don't warrant the level of support we get but thank you so much

for being here it's hard to accept love separately I think we should be able to answer more problems than we do so today Catherine this is another online trend like Mona and grandma which I'm pretty sure you don't know about why is everyone explaining TikTok to me how I miss I guess I don't go on there also Instagram right yeah yeah I'm on Instagram so I'm like a month after the kids and I just found out about prima vera so I'm really not the festival yeah stop are you going I'm no I've been way too late for tickets, I think, but apparently people I like play it. Yeah, always in like Chapel Run, like Olivia Rodrigo and stuff doing at this, yeah. So I'm told.

I heard some kids speaking about it on the street. I heard some lesbians talking about it. Yeah. Just take on your headphones. You know what, if you're over 30, just take out your headphones every now and again. Have a listen. Have a listen. Hello.

What's going on out there? I know very exciting. Very unlikely, like unlikely that they will be talking to each other. And then pop back in the rest of history. You know, you're going to rest of the history podcast. Exactly. I'm giving those boys a chance I'm learning a lot

and go on but today we've done it again we've tangented we have to like how many you say how many problems you think we're going to solve and then we see how many

we actually do like that you know the trend where they go like how many dollars do you think you're going to spend at Disney today and they go like $50 and then they like

do a jump cut the rest of us are not on Disney TikTok and then no but it's still it's a it's a thing right and then they've spent like $200

you're going to love this so you have to say how many problems you think we're going to do I'm just going to adjust my bra. That's okay. Do you want to say my number first? No, no, I got this.

I just, I need to be in a comfortable position. Okay, here we go. Well, take it off. Well, I usually don't wear one, but I thought, I'll give it a world. Take it off. I shouldn't have. I'm wearing too tight a shirt. Look, here we go.

Take it off. I think we're going to answer five problems today. Seven. Whoa, Jesus. I think we're going to do seven. I thought I was being optimistic. I think Andrew has come at this with a list of problems that he knows some will be quick solvers. Okay, well, I just have to do two quick addendums.

One. um before we get into the problems because these things will be distracting me otherwise uh i've done a lot more reading around the telepathy tapes might have been a bum steer definitely google google and just read the articles because um yeah i think maybe maybe not everything you hear on a podcast is true can you believe that can you believe that and the second thing to say is um the second thing it's like when the news agents got it wrong that camelo's going to win the election and then suddenly genuinely my whole world was rocked i was like wait they're wrong about the biggest obvious stuff oh my god katherine bubble

anyway yeah very it's been an alarming few weeks for me and then um i started watching the traders have you started watching the traders obviously i've started watching the traders oh my god i've done all the first three episodes have you done the first three i have but do you think we should do this in the extras because we like we're so out of sync that it'll be like three weeks time before they hear this oh fine here are hot takes and the extras about the traders I hate when you're better at admin than me I hate it

But also it's good that we're behind on traders Because otherwise we'd be spoiling stuff If you don't haven't watched it by now You're crazy I now think we're going to do six problems What? You can't change it Andrew, let's go

Okay Well here's a quick question How many questions do you think We've used over our last 170 episodes In this used inbox I've got here Which includes updates How many emails do you think there are Well we should have done one per episode

and occasionally we do the odd one by plus in extras. We do the odd one for live shows. I'm going to guess 250. 300. It's flat bang in the middle basically, but Helen is closest. 287. Wow. By two.

By two. We've changed 287 people's lives for the better. Yes. They have been changed for the better. Because I knew you. Okay. I'm just going to do the one. Because I knew you.

Fine. I thought you'd like it and that would be enough. I'd have, like, fed the animal in you that loves musicals, but instead you had to take it too far. Go on, Andrew. And there's almost the exact same number still left in our inbox. No. That feels good. There's another 287.

Uh-oh. Let's get to it. Wait, I need water. I'm so thinking about problems makes me fairly. Five problems. We're going to do five. No, what can I get? Go, go, go.

I have to get my own water? It's right there. Okay. It's right there. You can do it. Just for those who are new here, I am Helen and I am always this much in control of the podcast. Today I am in charge. I'm keeping things moving.

And I think we can all admit that Catherine is a hot mass. Is your throat? You're rude. No, but I do feel better. Oh my God. Drink water, you guys. I sometimes forget. We must.

We simply must. Stay hydrated. Okay. problem number one is it my mouth's dry because the answer to that is get yourself a glass of water so and remember if you don't like water try a squash oh my god as you know peach is my preference but I've gotten into blackcurrant and apple lately

robinson's or the sainsbury's own brand robinson's Jesus Christ have a little respect oh as to had three for three pounds on the robinson squash what a dream what flavors did you get that's such a bargain we got peach fruit and barley summer fruits and apple and black currant. Except for the second option, I'm with you.

I don't like summer fruits, sweet and barley or whatever it is. Fruit and barley summer fruits. No? I don't like it. I like having a classic orange squash around. Reese doesn't like orange. I would go in for orange otherwise.

It doesn't taste anything like orange. It tastes like cack. I don't like it. What's cac? Cacca, like poo, in French. How civilized? Merci. How civilized?

I actually don't think it's seen as civilized. I genuinely thought that was like, to say like half, of French poo-poo instead of saying like a pile of shit or a bottle of dung or a steaming hot turd or like a half pound of dundee cake or whatever

If we get to two problems I'll be genuinely real I'll start with two updates for you That's not a problem I love updates I love updates But they're positive You know if you want some evidence The way of changed people's lives

I actually do I want it I need it Go on Well this is from the one of the Edinburgh Thruple From the live shows Okay I remember one of them was Irish they sat front row

and were like honestly getting started I think on their evening plans mid show they had met up to have a threesome right or they were a thruple they were having their first threesome as a thruple by evening but it was like a long distance

interaction right they'd met online island and Texas yeah that's it island and Texas right yes oh my gosh okay go on and it was electric it was and they were all like we're gonna come to tomorrow's show in the morning my show in the morning at noon um did they fuck they were obviously busy i mean obviously they did you get it go on andrew um so the irish one planned to fly out fly up texas and they did

the the thruple is still going strong um uh this person n missed their return flight and stayed a whole extra five days and has already booked another trip for the end of february missed missed as if we've all missed the flight where you're still in bed and you're like no i'm not going to I missed your show. Yeah, interesting. Oh my God, I love this. No, you say that, but one long distance girlfriend is a nightmare. Imagine having two.

That's so much texting, I wouldn't do well. What I've realized in the last week since we spoke about me not liking to text is I just think I'm an in-person experience. Yeah. I'm a live and in town. I couldn't do this. I respect it. Well done, thrilled for the thruple, but there's no way I could keep in contact with two people via messenger. I think it's so exciting.

Maybe it's a group chat. It would have to be. Do you think it kind of have to be? Do you think like if you were texting one girlfriend but you hadn't text back the other, that would be a nightmare. It would have to be a group chat, wouldn't it? I think you're not built for this sort of relationship, and I have no example of it, so we don't get it.

Right. But I think this is fun. And I really hope you went to see the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, and I hope you went rodeo. And doesn't Texas have like some of the best Mexican food? Tex-Max. Dance to reason. dance to reason yeah amazing and then you're already in america so think of all the dritos

flavors as well as you want mexican food and sex yeah i was just like i feel like this is not what the thrupper did they're not like well i wouldn't for the food not the beans i mean she's going to eat but she's not going for the food not the beans oh no she's going for the beans plural in but not i don't think i don't think that's what she's in i think you could have like a chicken and not enchiladas but cheesy bean like i think you could have a also called a fajita I think a fajita's fine before sex I don't think you want a mole I think tacos are fine

as long as they're not like big beerer drippy ones We're never going to get to another problem My food is every food you think is acceptable to eat No just I think corn's fine Okay Andrew Next up Margaritas if anything

That is a sex drink Yeah Yeah What does it mean? Margarita means Saint Margarita The Saint of getting drunk with salt Nope I believe it means Daisy

Oh, does it? Am I wrong? Andrew quickly. The word margarita's daisy. Yeah. That's really cool. Yeah, cute. It's also cool that you know that.

Do you know why I know it? Because it looks like a daisy. No, because it was on one of the quizzes at Christmas. Nice. Very good. It was on University Challenge at Christmas. Oh my God, it was a University Challenge question for the celebs, but obviously still counts because they were doing a cocktail round and I got every question right.

Boom. Next. They didn't know from the ingredients what a cause. Cosmo was. They said in Manhattan. They told them it was in sex and the city. I just, some people. Wait, they're both. It's like, do the reading. What have you studied for this? Cosmo's vodka, is it? And granadine.

No. And cranberry juice. And cranberry juice. And quantro. And quontro. And quontro. And lime juice. And lime juice. I had an Apple VK last year for the first time in years. It was brilliant. Not the same. Go on, Andrew. Update us.

daisy the margarita sort of dictionary listing there's also a game called desoha la margarita which means defoliate the daisy and it's he loves me he loves me he loves me he loves me he loves me he loves me he loves me desoha la margarita yeah that's so good memory yeah anyway this is another positive update from jay who wrote in for advice before their driving test this was this would have been a couple of months ago now was the question whether or not they should drive in advance of the driving test if they should drive is that right um i'm nervous about what's going to be driving like alone without my instructor did did how do you get the confidence to drive alone and what was it like the very first time you did it and i think i think one of your advice one of your responses was

to drive before your test because i'm yeah yeah constantly going on about that gone um they passed with four miners and couldn't be happier we all passed only four miners that's amazing well done only four more than me that's so good you're welcome that's genuinely incredible well done oh my god whew and what else did they say anything else um thanks so much for advice I even re-listen to it on the morning of my test to keep me grounded and help my nerves

yeah that's so cute I listened to podcasts on the morning of my test too because I was listening to this learner podcast that was so helpful to me oh my god well done we are making lives so much better okay sorry three women are fucking in Texas and someone can drive you're welcome world wow we're basically queer I know oh my god we are have you watched the new series no I know you're watching I need to watch

I've finished it can I say something go on and I would help more if you'd watched it okay sorry I wanted to dislike Jeremiah I've done the reading I miss Bobby I felt disloyal but I love him so much you love him okay I love him so much and is he replacing Bobby okay and he's so excited to be there it's like new eyes it's like somebody being like there's after the first episode when they're watching at the end he's like weeping on his watch and then he's like is this what it's like every time they're like yeah and he's like oh my god i'm never going to make it through this series and i was like i love this man he's gorgeous is it all out okay i need to watch it you gotta you got her you got her maybe i should cancel my gig tonight probably no that's so extreme that's so

yeah that's crazy yeah imagine doing that i'll do it tomorrow yeah cancel you gig tomorrow no i'm going to train to stratford upon even tomorrow i'll go girl watch it with um Francis, are they going to be on your train? Yes. They've got to watch with you. Clay. Cute. Fleigh.

Flea. Two tall blondes weeping on a train. That'll be a side for sore eyes. You love the drama of them. If you spot us, come and say how I. Genuinely, Helen would love it. You on. I just got the image of two tall blondes, not Helen and Francis, weeping on a train just being

approached like, are you from the podcast? How could you ask us that when our mother's just gone? No, but truly, we don't know. problem yet. Yes, sorry. No, we've not had a single problem yet.

And we've done 20 minutes. Stop! That's fine. Oh my God, that's kind of unusual. Yeah.

We could talk for more time, I think, and still get one answered. No, go on. Can I want to change my guest to four? No, you can. Seven was mental.

You're still on seven and I'm on five. Go on, Andrew. Well, this is, on the back of that driving update, we'll have a driving problem.

Okay. From F. Hi, F. I've got a problem regarding a work colleague. I, 29 F, F, work around 20 minutes drive from my home in a small town.

Hang on. Is their name F in this instance and they're also 29 female? Yes. Okay. The office is pretty rural so driving is the most... I'm sorry, I missed the whole problem. I've not done any of the problem. I was still on the details. One second, Andrew, one second, actually, look at me.

Right, I don't know what's going on with you today. I've had four coffee. Yeah, and you're being a bit like, yeah, yeah. Like, honestly, hot mess and I kind of love it for you as a friend, but as a colleague, as a professional, this is fucking exhausting. Sorry. Because we need to get... No, we're sorry, be better.

You know how to do this. We've done this million times before. Do you realize we've just done body swap and you're having to deal with that I do it every single time? 100%. And it's exhausting. Imagine that I do that. Imagine that I do. I would not, but that's why I'm me and not you.

It would be a nightmare. It would be a fucking nightmare. But whatever this is, today. Today. Today. Today. I did the most unreal full body worker this morning. I don't get too many endorphins.

I don't care. Can you overdose on endorphins? Andrew. Yes. She's ready. Yeah. 29 F. Yes.

And initial F. Yes. They work 20 minutes drive from their office. Thank you, Andrew. It's pretty rural, so driving is the most reliable way to get into work. And they car share with two other co-workers who also live in the same town. Okay. However, very recently, another man wanted to join the car share, and around April, 2024, 24.

This is a very recent problem. This only came in two days ago. Wow. And he couldn't rotate driving because he was waiting for his driving license to be transferred from another country. So he's just moved to the UK. He can drive, but he doesn't have a licence yet. So he's getting off scot-free in this car share, basically. Otherwise, they normally rotate drivers.

However, he now has his license. He got it just before Christmas. He stopped asking for a lift, so he's not taking advantage of us anymore. But he's not offered any back in return. His wife is pregnant now, and he tends to leave work early. So even if we did ask for a lift, it would have to be on his schedule, which wouldn't work for us. so I understand that it's maybe not convenient at the moment but I still feel like it's not been fully repaid

what we've given to him for months with all these lifts what do I do? Do I let it go because it's just a pain to sort of work out what is equitable in that situation do I say something to him about how it's inconsiderate that he's taken all these lifts and hasn't given anything back or do I just keep asking for lifts and try to work to his schedule

let it go let it go 100% what's the the old thing of like never do something for someone

and expect them to repay it like you don't do things to expect something to be given back to you you do things because you do them and this one

what is it what is the phrase like you give you're generous without expectation sort of a thing so like

I've never seen that one but you just it's not on a good i think it's a christian so as i said i was like that is definitely a sunday-school hang up in my head and like have a servant's art all i can think of is nobody owes you anything but like you don't do that's not

that's not Christianity that's capitalism nobody owes you shit i like i like that phrase what was your phrase then do you say nobody owes the only thing because i it sounds like very capitalistic like nobody owes anything go fuck yourself like but i think it's a good mindset to have like nobody owes the only thing

so that you know when you're giving something not necessarily to expect anything back, you're giving freely, and that when you do receive something, you're aware that that person doesn't owe you anything. So you shouldn't give expecting in return. Okay. Listen, I think sometimes circumstances are out of people's control, and it seems like, it seems to me probably best read, kindest read is that he meant to give everyone a lift back, but then his wife got pregnant and he wasn't expecting that. But, and sidebar, if ever there was a punishment enough, a surprise baby is definitely one of them. But I think

I think you've let it eat at you in a way that isn't necessary and probably he doesn't realize how annoyed you are and the most you can do in this instance is go like hey I really thought this was going to be reciprocal I wonder if there are times

that suit us both where you can give me a lift if you really want to but honestly it seems like it's more inconvenient for you to take the lift now anyway and you're just sort of carrying around a rage that's actually only damaging you and not him and it's maybe better to chalk it up to like you did like Helen says

you've done a nice thing for somebody who couldn't do it for them and look would you on reflection if anybody else asks would you say if yes if you contribute to the petrol certainly that's a good learning you've learned that this time yeah but like yeah i really think it's a case of like you're going to have to just let it go sounds that's like you've got one of those lovely brains which thinks of the world fairly so you treat everyone fairly so if you give something you if someone did something for you you would find a way to make sure that you give something to that honey the world ain't fair it's not and not everyone's brains work that way it just doesn't like probably not malicious even though oh my god we've all been in

these situations but but i think it's just a learning moment i'm afraid just because you invite them to your sleepover when you were nine doesn't mean they're going to invite you to their birthday party when they're 10 10 even if they're your sister even if they're all god i was joking that's ever happened yeah no she was joking we all laughing because we were invite we get invited to everything we definitely do we get and if anything everyone um invites um i say no thank you to things all the time because it's got so much. What was the last thing you said? No, thank you to?

Well, the last thing. The last thing. Probably, well, we were there and then we were else, didn't we say as well? And then we were, yeah. For the palate. And also it's like, I don't, yeah. Wow, you're swatting them away.

Yeah. Thank you. Do you want another problem? Please. I mean, no, thank you. Oh, shit. Please. We'll be there.

We'll travel, I'll travel, I'll travel, I'll travel. I'll travel. I'll travel. I'll travel. I'll carry something? What can I bring? No. Do you remember when you came to mine?

It's a blocker twins. Going to anything we're invited to. No. Me neither. Obviously not. No, I don't need that day. Hello. Have you seen my energy?

No, let's go. This is from Elle. Hi, El. Hi, Hoggs. Huge fan here. You make my Wednesdays and Friday so much better. Oh, that's all nice. Very sweet.

They are a 22-year-old student coming to terms with being Arro-Ase. A-romantic asexual. A-romantic. asexual. One second. I know the definitions. I just got to get them in my brain. Some people don't want to have sex, but do want romantic relationships. In this instance, is it, L, doesn't want either. Yes. Correct?

So they, they're just, they're just chill. Yeah. Oh my, I think, yeah, great, good for you. And that is the definition. Just chill. That would be way easier. Just to check, do you, do you self-identify as just chill? Don't you think people would just be like, so much better at receiving that? We're so crap, but if you're just like, oh, I just like, I just like, I just like, I,

I just like like my life. Whoa. Great intel. Okay, go on. So cool. Yeah, okay, so Elle's just chill. Love that. That's how they define it, but go on.

Naturally, I've been questioning my orientation since I was around 15, but didn't put too much pressure on it because I was still so young and inexperienced. They're so chill. Since then, I've been on a few dates, traveled abroad, et cetera, et cetera, and have still felt nothing. I don't want to kiss, have sex with anyone. I find the idea of having a partner so unnatural. I'm getting more comfortable with it.

And the first time I came out was drunk living in France, telling a room full of strangers. It felt very freeing. But in my personal life, it's got a bit weird. My flatmate and best friend is very boy focused. She had a lot of relationships, ups and downs. It's constantly having her heartbroken and wanting to get back with her ex. And I feel a terrible friend because I just... You don't get it.

Yeah, I cannot engage with these conversations. I find them exhausting. that all she talks about sorry I had a little throat bubble there it was an old talk of voice my man is this about me oh Andrew you've got a semi as well you've got a semi as well you've got a semi

also I've got a little throat bubble I'm raging hard on Helen sorry we're doing Elle's problem and I'm aware of that but Elle's chill so Elle would have loved that I do laugh I liked it go on go on do you want to beat it out now

or do you want to wait for it just to go Helen no that's inappropriate That was inappropriate. That was bad. Sorry, Andrew. I have very gently told her that I think she needs to decenter men from her life. But beyond that, I have no advice or anything to add. My advice is always to break up with people and apparently that's not nice.

I'll be your friend, Al. And then just outside of that with friends and life in general as a 22 year old uni student, so much of conversation is about relationships. and dating and I just have nothing to add and I feel a bit left out. Any thoughts or advice on navigating all of this would be much appreciated. I just feel ignored sometimes. Okay, I definitely have thoughts on this because I want to say one thing that I think is really important to underscore here.

The secondary part about how lots of conversations are around relationships and you don't have something to add will get to. But the first part, which is that like you have a friend who's boy mad who incessantly and exclusively talks about relationships, who you live with. and therefore you're hearing on rotation and you're finding that boring is a completely normal reaction whether you are interested in relationships yourself

or not. We have all got a friend who exclusively talks about their relationship especially when it's like a hot and cold thing or an on and or off thing or who just exclusively will only talk about romantic relationships and honestly if you live with that person it's dull as fucking dishwater

it is really is it's so refreshing it's so boring. Oh my God of course I like the use of that as the one who's like had relationships because I was like so for me, obviously I'm going to agree with Elle and be like yeah that's really boring but it's interesting to hear that you're like everyone thinks that's boring

yeah but also like if your housemate exclusively talked about their only their thing about anything like I think only talked about their career and you didn't have a career I mean you do but like that's just like something where like the only that's only self-centered and only affects them and only has really three things that happen in it over on repeat like without self-awareness then

that's fucking boring so that's just like I just want you to take that off and like sort of disassociated if you can from your own sexual orientation or identity because it's not bad I don't think when you can see that it's like not going to happen or it's not happening because you can see the patterns easier than the person who's making the patterns or something of being like do we have to discuss this person for two weeks knowing that we're never going to discuss them again after that like are we wasting our time or like do we have to pretend that you're really going to break up with this person when we both know you're not like oh my god like do I have to give you advice when you've already made up your mind like Christ alive but may I say this I also get

it when you're obsessed for someone you're obsessed I 100% get it but I also think if I may I think you have a really good out from this conversation and I do think it's here is my orientation consequently I don't think I'm a very good person to give you advice on this it doesn't make sense to me and my advice is probably always going to be like what's intuitive to me is to end this, which I don't feel as a friend, is helpful to you or even fairly considers how you might feel because I can't necessarily empathize with that. So I think it's better if I give you advice about other things, but not relationships. I would be using that to the fucking end of time. Peace out, motherfucker. This is nothing to do with me. I would be absolutely using it in that

in regards to that. But I would also say this, with the rest of it, it's true that so much of your early 20s has been talking about relationships. If it's a lot of it's, any consolation that definitely changes when people get jobs have financial worries have like like real big challenging things in their lives or have like more exciting things to talk about you're also going to get more confident and saying to people like every time you see them they go like oh like anything happened in their love life like you're dating you can just sort of say to them you get confident and just being like um look i'll tell you if i want to at some point but there's no point asking me every time i see you like especially if you're ace or are you romantic

because you can just be like that's never going to be a thing for me so we're going to have to find different things to talk about. Yeah. And I would almost be like, so we're going to have to find different things to talk about, which is quite fun. And then make suggestions of things that you're genuinely passionate, like badgers,

badger rescue. Okay, so crazy, yes. But what I was going to say, but the suggestion, L knows, L knows. Premise is good, examples crazy. No, no, L knows.

No, I think the example's crazy, but I also, why would you talk about something out with there's so much innuendo to be had? The point is, I think that you're right. Stop. I know, I'm very funny. No, no.

Wait. A badger, a beaver, enough. Explain it. A badger is not. A badger absolutely can be. A badger is not a vagina. Dead and older woman, my sweet. Now listen.

Thank you. Wait, wait, yeah, okay, yeah. We've got someone laugh. Yeah, well done you. What is, like, okay, you know what? I don't need to know. I just mean salt and pepper. Okay.

If we may, what I was going to say was this is not, this is about L. I understand that. I understand that. I think the point that stands and that's important is that it is... Is such a violent animal?

Did you just get it? It's just such a violent animal. Helen, focus. If we... Ellen, focus. Focus. I think that if you are... The point that's useful is that

you should absolutely go into conversations with some conversation starters, not to be too prescriptive or too like pre-planned, but I think it's always useful to be like if you're the one who's going to shut down a conversation, which sometimes you will have to be because you'll have to say,

look, I actually don't have anything useful to add on that. I do think you do as well also have to offer some suggestions and what else matters to you about your friend's lives? Because that is the other thing I will say is like just because it doesn't relate to you or you maybe can't relate to it. It doesn't mean you can't like something. Obviously you know that's important to your friends

and that it matters in their lives. Like what else matters to them? What is true of their sense of self and of what's important in their lives that you do want to know about? because I do think you should be asking about those things. Like, is it what their, how their friendships are, how their familial relationships are,

what they're reading, what they're working on, what they're making, what they're passionate about? Like, I do think that is friendship, obviously. So you want to make sure that you are still putting forth a show of care for your friends by asking interesting and interested questions, which I'm sure you will anyway, but I just mean like if you want to shift the conversation, then you've got to have topics to do it with.

Yeah. I think that was perfect, Catherine. Okay, great. Congratulations. Sorry, you got a boring assmate. No, I thought that was a really interesting question as well. Yeah, me too. Because it is, you're right, it is boring for everyone.

Because sometimes I forget, sometimes you're just sort of like, or maybe I hate talking about relationships because, like, I don't have one. But then again, I do want one. So it's different. But it's that thing of being like, oh, everyone finds a boring. No, but at least that's a point of interest and unusual. I also like, oh my God, it's so bad, but I've gotten to the age where. Like someone else's relationship is never going to be as interesting.

gotten to that age where like if people are on the rocks or like I can see like a marriage is going to break up all like oh no because now you're going to start dating again let's fix this prondo because I can't with it I can't I can't I'm literally working on a bit of stand up right now but how much better I am at breakups than people excited for new relationships like if my friend is a breakup I will suddenly become really close with them yeah but like if they're in a relationship I just can't I can't do it yeah but I think that's more because I like my friends to be unstable and unwell and unhappy. Thank you.

It's just important to have things in carbon. Next! Next! Here is the problem that it's very hellen loaded. Oh my God. This is a person called A. Hi, A. Who has also had an endorphin overdose recently.

They went to Disney World for the first time. Congratulations. As an adult. Congratulations. And just went again Only six months later Oh my God To Florida twice?

Slay! Millionaire? Congratulations there, I know there's deals Sorry, Andrew, please I'm already considering when I'll next be able to go I have an obsessive nature And I know this will become a problem brackets if it isn't already one

It is. Catherine, please shut the fuck up Do I stop now and say enough is enough Or come to terms with the fact That I'll be spending all my money here For the rest of my life limit yourself to once every two years so you don't seem like a freaking loan

and lose all your money Out Go stand over there for a minute That's a reasonable bit of advice I'm not going to stand over there That's such good advice That was fucking That was rude

That was genuinely rude And while you save yourself Thousands of pounds You're welcome I think that's fine The amount of lesbian nonsense I have to listen to with the problems Thought you were queer now I'm queer now

I can still say lesbian nonsense I can say it more now And then I get one problem That fully and like I understand and I get it and all of a sudden you're just shutting it down working yourself

that was embarrassing God I'm so my period right now aren't I okay Did you just wipe your nose then wipe your forehead Yeah I got I'm just I'm trying to calm myself down

I need to calm myself Andrew I've become dysregulated To say become This is why I messaged you yesterday saying I just started my period because I knew today was going to be a nightmare I told you you were coming on your period

You told me the day before that I was going to come in my period but I messaged yesterday to be like it has happened and so genuinely thought we were going to be fine today. I'm paying attention. It's the end of her period, second day of mine. I'm literally livid right now.

Right. Is that the end of the thing, Andrew? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Are we all okay? I'm okay. You have three minutes.

Go. A. Do not fear enjoying what you enjoy. I feel like people always have to like ruin things for themselves because they're like, oh, this is going to become a massive thing. If you enjoy going to Disney and that's how you want to spend your money, then enjoy it. and spend your money there.

It's okay to be part of a fandom. It's okay to have fun doing something. Of course, but you also need money for other stuff. Shut up. Obviously, that comes with a caveat of just being aware that life continues at home

and there's stuff going on. And realistically, it does sound like you're someone who's probably saving up to live in celebration at some point in your later years. So I think always have a... Celebration is a village

that is attached to the Disney property in Disney World where you basically live a Disney life 24-7. You have to get yourself on the list for a property right now if you think you're going to get there before you die. It's very important.

important to do, A. It's not a retirement home. There's also like, you can live there as a younger person, which is very hard to get in. But it's like the perfect Disney town. It's amazing. I will live there one day. Okay.

Are you on the list? So, no. I need to get on it, though. Can you write that down, Andrew? Andrew's not your PA. What is he writing a day for? Right, yeah, yeah. What's he writing that day before?

A. You are. I think there's also a fear of being a Disney docks of how harshly we're judged. And it's just sort of like, that we're all so mad and like stupid we're not they're encouraged to do much not judge doing one okay catherine please go when you want to go enjoy it keep an eye on your finances obviously it isn't the cheapest holiday there's loads of packages you'll figure it out you don't have to

stay at the fanciest hotel each time you don't have to go grand floridian okay go pop century they've got access to the special swingy things and you can get straight into epcot that way i think that's lovely take your time enjoy yourself how many times have you been? Once, but I watch vlogs for about five hours a week, every week. Do you actually? Yeah, I say about that. It's bad. Think about everything else you could get done on that time. I know, I know. Oh, you shell your pistachios while you watch it. I do shell pistachios while I... Do you? You really listen to me? Yeah, because you make them write everything down. Love you. No, my new, my new pistachio addiction. And I have a pistachio addiction? Yeah. It's got half control. Like,

I love to have snacks on me. Yeah. But it's like I've got, it's pistachios, the salted roasted pistachios. Yeah. But they're so expensive to buy sheld. They're so expensive. To unshelled. So I buy a massive one of shelled, same spruce.

And then I just stand there, shelling them watching TV for hours and put them into doubleware. Why don't you sit? I don't know. Treat yourself. Have a sit. Yeah, I should. Sit down. babe oh senile never thought to tell me that

I've been standing it's not in charge of you he is a little bit because it's his TV as he says right yeah okay interesting yeah I'll sit listen I think once every two years

means that you don't ruin it for yourself and you have something to look forward to and I think it also is probably more financially viable they're changing rides over six months and I think you have a more relatable life for your friends and that's just my opinion so if I went to Disney twice the year you would no longer be able to talk

me or find me relatable. No, I would be able to but I couldn't hear about Disney that whole time and you'd want to talk about it all the time. You go to that hotel in Hampshire twice a year? Do you think that, like, do you know what I mean? What hotel in Hampshire? The pig.

I should not go twice a year. You went twice last year. I'd been twice my whole life. You went twice last year. No, I went once last year. Okay, you went once last year and once the year before. How many times I went to Disney. You know what?

Forget about it. You know what did Disney once, have you? You've been to Disney more than once. I'm just saying, have you been to Disney more than once surely. Been to Disney World once? Right. Disneyland. Paris twice.

I guess you've been three times. Yes. Okay. Nice. I'm not talking about Disneyland Paris again because I can't take any more of those comments. Would you like to quote Helen lesbian nonsense instead? Yes, please. Please remember when you're listening to this episode that my period is raging and I'm only four.

So I'm in a very difficult place. Andrew. This is from the lovely C. Hi, C. Hi, who is very excitingly marrying their girlfriend. And, ooh-hoo, fiancé, surely, if we're talking. Indeed, yes, fiancé. Congratulations.

Thanks have been fairly straightforward so far, but one thing is taken me by surprise. The amount of people, including people that know me well, who have asked what I'll be wearing. When I say we're both wearing dresses, they seem shocked. What were they imagining? We're both femme lesbians, so I find this question so odd and dull. Why are so many people asking me this? Are they expecting me to wear a Moss Boss three-piece? I mean, it's your wedding.

It's smash out for more than Moss Bros. Yeah, I was like, Moss Bros is savage. I've never heard Moss Bros said out loud. I think I've only ever seen it written down. Moth Bros. Moss Bros. Isn't it Moss Bros? No, grow up.

Moss Bros. Let them have Moss Bross. Most Bross. It's your wedding, not your problem. Come on. Yeah. But C would love if you could help come up with a sassy snapback when questioned. My last retort of, oh, we'll be walking down the aisle wearing any strap on.

did not go down well. I like that. Have them on behind, so it's only once you've like walked past people on the aisle, they notice it. Are you thinking of tails? Yeah. Not really the same thing.

Hats and tails for the wedding. Here's the problem, see. I don't know if I can be that much helpful to you. I always ask people what they're wearing to their wedding, regardless of straight, gay, gender, because I think it's weird to presume white dress anymore. I think that's as, like, strange and presumptuous. Lots of people don't want to wear the traditional fair

and actually don't like to reassume that they will be. And I think that it's fun. And lots of people who are excited about clothes will ask because they're excited about clothes. So there's a chance that people are asking that. Now, obviously, I also say that, knowing that I had a conversation over Christmas where I met this woman for the first time.

And she obviously just, like, saw a lesbian and was, like, telling me the story of how two girls she knows both got married and they both were. or bridal dresses. Oh my God. And that was the punchline and I was supposed to be I don't know

shocked question mark because one of them wasn't the boy. And so I do know I do think from context you will be able to tell tenor-wise which kind of person is asking but a lot of the time people will be asking because they think that's like

more normal to ask than assume and because they love clothes. And I think that assuming that you weren't wearing a suit just because you have long hair or a femme is also kind of weird. So maybe give them a little bit of slack but also if the tenor is like, what are you wearing,

then I think obviously you do need to sassy comeback, but I don't know what that would be. I like the strap on one. Also, yeah, me too. I think it's very funny. But what about you, Helen? Do you, am I being too unfair? I know how to do this.

Oh, right, okay. Okay, there's a key and peel sketch called Gay Wedding Advice. Have we seen it? I love P&PL. No, I haven't seen it. It's such a good sketch. Are you watching it right now? No, but I just, I googled it just to like check

when we first answering the problem. and it's like it's a family and they're like wait should I play a bit of it oh no we can't play it on the podcast oh yeah we can't because it's I don't have YouTube premium but basically

yeah that's why that's why the advertca I don't have a paddy power addiction I don't have a fatty power addiction but basically they it's someone whose work colleague is gay

and it's a whole family and they're trying to figure out what to do for their like cousin or nephew's wedding and it's a gay wedding and they're like okay we just like I've brought him in he's a colleague of mine he's gay and he's going to answer some of our questions and then it's just sort of like things like when are we singing the gay anthems and he's like I don't know what a gay anthem is when are we going to sing like it's raining men hallelujah and he's like we're not in the church ceremony and they're like do we do we um do we watch when they're like yeah like you would like at any normal wedding and they're like happens if I

involuntarily gasp like a he's like I'd encourage you not to do that and it's like where do we get the euros from to buy the presents and it's like you don't need any euros like it's just going to be normal dollars like and it's just

great watch that sketch take a couple of things from it right and then like make it your own right fascinating it's so funny it sounds like that's just gay people going oh no

no yeah yeah no no it's one guy being like once again just a normal i'm really sorry by the way i'm not trying to take their side of the other people see i do what you know we're totally on your side i just i think i would ask that question but i'd ask it of anyone i don't know if i do what you probably probably my friends my girlfriend but i'm just obsessed with clothes like i just want to i you are a clothing fashion girlie i would want to see the dress i'd want like what i'm really asking when i say like what are you wearing is i'm my hoping they're like this is my dress from the fitting and I can be like, you know?

Yeah, but you ask that for like, I would do that if, like, I would do that if you were like shooting some stand-up or like going on a day tour. Oh, everything I do, you ask me in my outfit. Yeah. Everything. I have no special out.

Yeah. I don't know. Just tell them to fuck off. We're doing it naked. We're wearing straggles. I think it might be a little bit of, I think it might be unfair though to say that way. No, I just do it.

Just do it. You can tell anyone to fuck off you want to fuck off. Oh, right. Okay. My period is so raging now. Yeah, it's like it's certainly. It's certainly. personality choice.

If they even look at you, lose it. Fuck off. Just fully lose it. Okay, great. Solved, I think. Solved, so I'll put that in a soft column. I just feel like I want to hurt someone.

Why? I think it's a combination of quitting smoking and period. Oh my God, I keep forgetting. I was like, what is going on with her? You're in a bad mood because you've quit smoking. I'm in the eye of the base. You are so proud of you. I'm having withdrawal.

I'm so. Can you have withdrawal? Yeah. You are having withdrawals. I'm so, impressed by you you're doing it it's so cool someone's going to have to lock me up in here after this recording so i don't immediately go and buy a pack of cigarette just don't you can do this just don't just don't that actually is the only thing that will stop me just quit i do well i don't

i won't buy them because i'm a non-smoker there you go and also think of all that money you could spend on your house instead or on shelled pistachios oh you could just buy them shelled wow that'd be good Yeah, that'll be nice, wouldn't it? God damn. Think how many, when you can have your own Christmas tree, how many Christmas decorations you could buy from Disneyland if you didn't smoke. There you go. A, I'm coming with you.

Pack your back. Got another problem, Andrew? Yes, this is from B. Hi, B. We've done A, B and C this episode. An L and F. Andrew, you could have thought about this. Where's D? Where's E?

You know what I'm saying? Well, in truth, three of these people have had the same initial, I've changed them for variety for alphabetical variety Andrew I'm going to tell you I love you right now because I feel like you needed to hear that Thank you I love you too I love you I love you Catherine

Ready? Yes so this is from B Hi Vee Hi Hogs I'm fairly sure I have ADHD And everyone at work hates me And thinks I'm lazy Oh no How do I get them

Whoa sorry whoa Just one second Okay Go on How do I get them to understand I'm in the trenches going through it and would appreciate a bit more patience from a chaotic gay. I'm literally in the trenches right now so I would not be able to join you in the trenches answering this question right now because I'm also in the trenches. You have ADHD? No, but withdrawal.

Okay. First of all, let's take a breath. Hello. Ah, it's must have gas. No, we're not in the trenches. Oh my God, what's wrong with you? That would be mad. Oh my God, what is wrong with you? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to just have like a suck on that lollipop you gave me. I think that's a really good idea. Okay. Sorry, Andrew. B, I think it's time to take a breath.

I think it sounds like if I may, you're being incredibly hard on yourself and assuming lots of things about your colleagues that they have not said. So let's just take a minute. Everyone does not hate you. They might not understand you in this exact moment. They might have some qualms with how you work at this exact moment, but they don't hate you. So let's just take a minute. a breath and go, okay, first issue at hand is you think, are you opening that lollipop

for a thousand years? Can you just open it? It's the loudest thing I've ever heard in my life. Thank you. Sorry, Catherine. Sorry, listener. Don't suck it on Mike. Sorry, B. So, Christ alive. So you think you have ADHD. Thankfully, there are ways to get that checked. And I think you absolutely should. I think you should go and get yourself a diagnosis. I think you deserve that clarity. I think you deserve that level of self-awareness and understanding. And I think that will enable you to go to your workplace and ask for the kinds of accommodations that you need and explain yourself in a way that is discernible and manageable and helpable in the workplace. So I think that's what you've got to do. Now, obviously getting a diagnosis when you have ADHD is actually

quite a challenge because it usually involves a lot of organisation, which I know can sometimes be a struggle but I think the first thing you could do is ask for help with that either from HR or from a parent or a friend and I think that is worth exploring first but I think honestly it seems to me like the voices in your head are being very cruel to you at the moment because of things that are outside of your control and that your mind's being a real saboteur and if you can say huh fascinating that probably isn't true because a lot of people work in different ways. and probably the hardest person the person that the ADHD is hardest for is probably you

but I would go to HR and explain what you think is happening and they might even have some tips on how to get a diagnosis or how to manage that in work because perhaps they've encountered her before but I just can't imagine anybody hates you because you're a little bit erratic there's no way everybody hates you because people who even like even people who are bloody awful

have got friends yeah hell has loads of friends I'm got, I am Mrs. Congeniality of South London. Mrs. Mrs. Congeniality. It's older. Because I'm older.

Because I'm 33, Andrew. Still no skills, but everyone's five. I'm 33 and having a lollipop. Okay. And I, I don't have anything to add. Do I? We don't hate you. We don't hate you.

And yeah, loads of people who are awful, I've got loads of friends. And I'm sure you've got loads of friends. And I bet they don't all hate you. And you know what, if they do. Oh, yeah, if they actually do hate the... Then move job. Don't work with that many people who hate you.

Life's too short. I just think it's so unlikely that everybody hates the like fun ditsy one in the office, which is probably always the worst case scenario you're coming across us. Go work someone happy. Go work at Blue Peter. I don't think that's good advice. Go work at Blue Peter. Don't change your job.

Go get a diagnosis, my sweetheart. You deserve that. But if you do get a job of Blue Peter, let us know we would love to come in. Information is empowering. Do you think we'd be allowed on Blue Peter? 100%. No, I have way too many jokes about rimming on the internet. Well, I don't have any jokes about rimming on the internet.

Or in real life, actually. But there's that long video about you not believing in the female G-spot. I have no memory of that. I do believe in it. I just think it's the clip and I stand by that. And the amount of people that do message me about that being like, you're right. you're not right 100%

I am and other people who message me being like you're right that you piss out of your vagina it's just inside

okay well I'm sure those are a bunch of doctors no doubt Andrew next problem please yes this is a problem

from S hi I'm afraid it's our last problem of the day yes what number is that how many are we on

Andrew well do we count solving Catherine's water issue as a problem no no it's our sixth then it's our sixth

problem exactly in the middle of both of our guests. Also, more than we've ever answered in a series? Question why we don't do series. We're incredible. That's amazing.

This is number six. And I feel great. Don't cry. I'm not crying. Okay. Okay. For our sixth and final problem. Are you okay?

Is the lollipop helping with the smoking? I think so. I don't know why all of a sudden. I think, you know what? I'm just, I'm in period hormone hell and I listen to too much Kenny Rogers on the bus here. And there was a queue at the pharmacy.

Yeah, it was a, I listened to, We've got tonight. about 20 times in a row got myself teary and then pivoted to the gambler which for some reason also that's insane

no when to fold them no when to walk away no one to run memory is my song if I want to get reed teary then a culture is a great sorry no but we've got tonight

like and then I start thinking about like a big love that I like never had when I was like younger and then I'm here and I couldn't smart you know what you know what this isn't about me and I'm fine I'm present eat your lollipop S go for us fucking out go on so S says something I've been struggling with recently is a feeling that I'm going through a period of great change in terms of accepting my sexuality trying to be more confident and breaking out of my comfort zone um however um i those around me are not comfortable with this um i find these things quite difficult

but i've been trying to push myself and i although i have one great person in my life who supports me a lot um most of my friends and family who have known me before this change won't accept this new version of myself um which is hard because it's not even a new version i'm just for the first time accepting and embracing who i am and have always been inside A lot of what my family members and old friends of mine say comes from a place of insecurity and themselves not being confident enough to live authentically but it's hard balancing empathising with that

with my feelings of frustration at their behaviour. The criticism is not always explicit but consists of questioning looks, taking the piss or making out like I'm leaving them behind. Accepting myself has always been a struggle for me as a young woman, brackets 18, and feels even more challenging as there are so many voices from ugly ass

men that you have to tune out. My question is, how do you be yourself when other people around you are still clinging on to the old version of you in their minds? I feel this is definitely part of the queer experience, enter gay hogs, but it's also something that many people experience as you grow up. Oh, this is actually a problem from before you came out. Brackett's enter Helen, but obviously you're yourself now are queer, so. Yeah, but I'm still lost in it. Like, I don't know like one day I'm like looking at the ladies on Hinge and other days I'm just sort of like I don't know who am I kidding like it feels weird yeah interesting that's okay I think a lot of people can feel a little bit impostery if you haven't like had a relationship with the woman super impostery but also like

some days I'm looking at blondes on Hinge and some days I'm not you know what I mean that's not true because I'm a girlfriend but um and don't tell her I said I'm joking um okay can I answer this problem yeah that was it thanks to the advice and sorry for the essay. No, I was a good essay. Oh, sorry, the essay. Us too. Um, here's the thing. I think that what you are describing is interesting because if you listen to yourself, what you are saying in that email I think reveals a lot, which is you're saying, this isn't a new revelation about me. This is a thing that has been true for a long time. And so actually, I'm not asking them to accept this big change. Yes. And you've known about it for ages.

haven't it is new information to them and it does feel very sudden and even though you know it's not and have known for a long time it's the knowing for quite some time that has made you certain and it's the consistency and the surety in that that has made you feel comfortable with it and I think being very generous to people who should be better than they are but people are often disappointing you could afford them this kind of will have to afford them unfortunately the same amount of time and consistency so that they find it easier to accept because people have suggested that you're doing that as well in the email yeah totally i think s is being really empathetic to the fact that well no i think s was saying that like some of them

were having difficulty because they themselves aren't living authentically and they're trying to be empathetic to that but they're also saying like this isn't a big change and this has been true but they haven't known that so it's so frustrating when what you actually need when your life is becoming more difficult because you're coming out is when you need everyone around you to rally around you actually the most they all go oh god we need time with this and you're like what the hell do you need it's not affecting you and any and you're right and i could tell you're right till we're all blue in the face but that doesn't mean that they don't have weird notions of what you were going to be that now have to adjust which they shouldn't have had but given that we know this is going to be the

case i promise you it generally speaking more often than not gets better with time not worse I just do think that's true In most instances If they have a bit of time and breath with it And you remain consistently yourself Then they will In the same way that they believed an idea of you before They will

This will adjust to their normal Is it tedious? Yes Will it get better? Very very very likely yes Now listen I ain't been around on these shores for long I only been around since 1991 What accent is

But I know one thing for sure. What accent is this? What you need from people. Very rarely is what you get. I wish you could speak in an normal voice, please. Me too. Okay, I can do it. Is that something you learned in therapy?

What you need from people. So right now you need all this support because you're going to this big change period and you know what you need which is a very good thing to know but you're not going to get it. You're not getting it right now. now and there's a good chance that you don't get it because what you need from your loved ones

very rarely actually is what you receive. If you have the mental capacity during this time to really figure out exactly what it is that you'd want people to say or do around you, you can find ways to like vocalize that to people and ask for support that way, but you need to be like super clear with it. Otherwise people can feel like their personalities are being attacked, which I think does happen and that's just like not great. but you can also do some things for yourself. Sometimes when you realize exactly what you need, you might be like, oh, maybe that was something that I just needed to hear,

but I didn't need to actually hear it from them. I just needed to hear myself saying it. So there is like a bit of, it's annoying that you have to do it, but remember, we do therapy for those that don't do therapy in our lives. And, yeah, it's patience and just, you know, people just don't get it sometimes. They just don't. No, and look, the thing is like people shouldn't raise children

with a clear expectation of who they want them to be and then be so shocked when they turn out to be a person that they didn't preordain. But they do, repeatedly. And given we know that people make the same mistakes over and over again, being shocked by that is tedious. So instead, all I can say is,

welcome. Hey, from the team, welcome. There are a whole bunch of people here who are thrilled to have you and will be thrilled to accept you as you are. but as is always the way like parents always see us as children they always see us as like

your favorite food being a thing you once mentioned one time in 1994 they commit to things and notions because they think it means that they helps them feel like they know you that they identify you that they matter to you and that you match it to them and when things change they find that disorienting and shocking

but they will adjust it just takes time and in the meantime so glad you're here so glad you're queer yay for you and I'm so glad you are figuring out who you actually are and people will catch up I promise but for now the big part is that you're figuring it out

and you're the only one who has to live with yourself 24-7 so hell yeah girl and if you don't have anyone saying that to you then we're going to do a little message for you now from Helen and Catherine and you can snippet this up and play out and repeat to yourself you are doing fucking fantastic

you have stepped out of this shadow of who you used to be to be your more authentic self, which is so fucking brave. People don't do that in their entire lifetimes, and you're fucking doing it. You know what? You've done it and you're going to continue to do it and I'm bloody proud of you.

I wish you could see that Helen, if you're not watching this, you should know that Helen's like waving around a strawberry lollipop at the same time. She's so full of conviction. Because you deserve everything and you deserve love. And let me say this. Sometimes you try a shoe and yeah, in five years you regret it. But right now it's what

you need to signify to other women that you would like to have sex them and no one's judging you for that and that's all part of the same message they are both the same message we wish you well don't pluck your eyebrows too thin that's another thing i wish i told my 18 year or so this isn't about me okay you're doing great we're proud of you love you bye bye supportive pair of shoes you will regret laxatives just don't do it I never did that one good for you what what would you do laxatives for wait last oh my god grow up sometimes you're such a boy What the hell of it? Male privilege rang. Hello.

Jesus Christ. Give me a fucking boy. What does the youth have to do with this? Well, just because I was different, like, I don't know whether our generation were like on laxatives. I mean, I'll ask my female friends, but I don't think so. No, don't ask your female friends. They grew, they, sit your female friends out. I'm like, girls, are we doing laxatives?

Yeah, don't do that. But also, they grew up with the Kardashians, weight loss teas. They're doing laxatives. Sure, okay. interesting okay wow well it's important to learn wow way to fucking full stop that with some freaking clue listener thank you for the lovely problems andro yeah those are really good we did six problems and two updates that's good and we solve dehydration the answer's warders hey helen 170 it was a weird one i feel great i feel weird i feel like i came in too caffeinated

you came in quitting smoking on your period and really highly newly into your addiction of lollipops question mark i don't want to bite it i'm by the way i was genuinely thinking is she doing that for me because thank you for not chewing it on mike or is she like really that self-control no it's like i don't want to bite it with the mic so i'm just trying to like roll it around my mouth but can you hear it is it like horrible to listen to oh good okay no we're saying no you couldn't hear it and you're you've got the headphones on so we're fine the listener can't hear zafia just so you know so okay well my friend in my head Eyes off here.

Why wouldn't you just say the person doing the tech? The person doing the tank is that they can't hear. It's so much matter to go imaginary friend. Okay, we'll see you in the extras. Bye. Thank you, bye. You guys, you guys, thank you so much to our exact producers and to our producers. We're going to do a shout out to our execs first and say thank you so much for supporting us on Twesty Horks.

That was actually really good. Okay. Thank you to our exact producer, Sky Goodman, Simon Moors, Annie Thona, Stephanie Katzaccia, Oliver Diego, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond's side of Kishmore. Hey, I'm walking here. You guys get that I'm too tired to keep fighting, right? I'm just sorry. Also, thank you to our producers. L. Richard Bald, Harold Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel R. Claire, Owen Jones. Jess and Nick Sayre and Molly Ria, Fing Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Amy O'Reardon.

Worf, Matt Sims, Luke Bright, Leah, Kate, Liz, Forth, Taz, Anthony, Chloe, are you doing a, what are you doing while I'm I'm waiting for you to read all the names and I'm going to go, eh, stop punching the air. So I needed to get the names up, so I follow along, Becky Fox, Dean Michael, Sophie Chivers, maybe Chivers, Carrie Soothes, Charlie A, KC, Jam, Rainward, Tamson Smith Harding, Hannah J, Ezra Peregrin, Lauren, Laura Pollock, Leah Overend, Stephen Chicken, Dougie Robertson, cute name, Haley Singer, guys honestly thank you so much for supporting the podcast we couldn't do without you we are so grateful and this is the end of the thanks for patreon and also the end of any plugs that you might want to make about patreon it's the end of everything this is the end that's the end of me