Trusty Hogs - Ep171. Harrods, Hauntings & Hyaluronic Acid

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

We’ve had a chic week featuring four-poster beds, Shakespearean culture, and meal deliveries. PLUS, we’re joined by leading intimacy expert Dr Linda Crawley Leigh to help tackle a listener problem…NEW MERCH: trustyhogs.com/merchLEICESTER (15/2): Live Show TicketsThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Madeline Quinne / Sadie CashmorePRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Jess & Nick / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Hannah J / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie Robertson / Sarah DeakinWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to episode 171 of Trusty Hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart. I'm Helen Bauer. And this is a podcast about our frankly perfect lives where we answer all of your listener problems and oh my goodness me, we've had a perfect start to the day. Through the fog, step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're gonna give them your problems

and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White On the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine As the trusty hugs

Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not We went for a coffee We went for a coffee And what happened Helen? We were treated We were Can we say like

I think I was treated twice I got given free chabob chab lollies By you Yes A bag of them I'd say 15 to 20 I found the end of our Halloween treats and they were full of lollipops and I was like oh my god who needs these

one sweet hell and power I need lollipops I need oral stimulation at all time I'm gonna be very brave and not laugh like em did and what it's childish it's childish and it's pathetic it's honestly no it's great and so we um I brought them into you and then because of that we were talking loudly and then obviously the waiter came over and then you do as you often do to like tell the waiter what we're talking about which I adore we're including why not I think it's Awful to not include them. Listen, they're there. They might as well know what's going on.

And so you explain that you were getting chubby chubbts because... I have only smoked two cigarettes. In how many days, Helen? So far this month. It's been like, what, three, four weeks now? Yeah. That's amazing. It's amazing. That's incredible.

I'm a hero. You really are. Shout to my friend Matt as well for giving me those two cigarettes. No, Nat, no. That's so unfair. You made her. That's so unfair. I was absolutely fucking munited in Central London as well.

so drunk. It's so impressive I know what that said to you. She was like, I'm not doing it. Helen, I'm not doing it. I don't want to be the reason of a cigarette. And I looked her in the eye like a fucking psychopath and I was like, if you don't give me two cigarettes right now, I'm buying a pack. Like, isn't that evil?

Well, I think it's also good logic though because it does mean that you smoke those two instead of buying a pack. Yeah. But she was trying to be supportive and so I don't want to sell her down the river. But the beautiful thing was that when we told the waiter that you don't have two cigarettes, that's not full name. Helen's like full address. Um, so when we told them they, when we got our bill, they took the coffees off the bill and just

charges for the food as a congratulations to Helen for quitting smoking, which I think says a lot about how much I've smoked outside that cafe. I do think so too. I do think so too. I think it really, they were like, why that girl quit smoking? The chimney? The chimney stopped. Like I was, yeah, I think it was amazing. I think it was amazing. Last year. Yeah. I feel like I would sometimes go before you'd arrive to meet me and like sit with my notepad and like Thomas the tank pension it's pretty amazing

it's pretty amazing freak off also we now need to like it's I think this might be the new it's our honeymoon I'm gonna be like hi we're just gonna take this table inside because I've recently quit smoking do you reckon that would work anywhere else they're just so nice there I think they might be so

nice there but I also think we're at the shot also it means I can never smoke there again like even if I did like have a week well happens if I'm there and I got the worst news ever and I needed a cigarette I'd have to leave and go Costa yeah I think you would you'd have to get worse coffee I'm afraid oh damn they're so sweet what a time to be alive and I've done very well yeah hard agree and also I feel like it's a very chic week for us because it has been we also went to see both of us I mean separately but well actually first of all you went to see our billboard in Leicester Square I went to see our billboard in Leicester Square I went Daytime. Saturday, I'd say 12.30. Alone. Sadly.

Loving it. It was very embarrassing, but it was cool. Yeah, if it helps, it was embarrassing with people too because that night I got dragged by Ellen and Friends. Oh my God.

And they filmed me looking at it which makes it seem like I organized the film and then they all give me a round of applause when it came up. No, no. So obviously tourists were looking but at the same time,

do you know what? I don't know, man. We started this. podcast in a genuine like shipping container yeah when we made no money from it would lose money from it we were losing money from it and I knew there was something it was cringe as hell obviously but there was something about Adam Lawrence being like stand in front of it and Charlie Clive being like pose pose and like our friends being like I got this phone it was just like this is quite cool like thank you all so much for

listening because honestly I think you don't realize how much I think we can quite easily take for granted how much of a community we have built because of it and how much you guys have supported us and I just want to say thanks because you definitely got us from A to B and we're so grateful me and Francis were talking about this weekend being like what makes you the most emotional about Tracy Hogg's going well I'm like oh my God first of all first of all Francis said you they set you up for that question I heard you recently quit smoking what makes you so emotional I was like it's just so nice that they have friends with each other.

Yeah. I think because also Francis has like a similar like thing going. Yeah. London drawing group and it was like, oh, it's just nice and they're nice to each other. I'm so grateful that people still listen. I like, when I look at the producers list, I'm like, you are, the level of support is just unreal. You know too much as well.

Oh yeah. Oh my God. You must never tell anyone. But do tell us if we get like a new mole or a freckle or anything. Yeah, like definitely tell your friends about the podcast, but also shush. Yeah. no I feel I felt really chic and then when we got free coffee

it felt like girls in a movie and then the only other day I had this weekend was I went to see Dr. Ewan who has moved offices in Nice Bridge so it was like I was going to I was walking like up by Harrods I went into this beautiful and I was feeling in such a funk and do you ever go

The office is by Harrod yes by Harrods I know so gorgeous so busy but it's called the lovely clinic which I just think is like the sweetest name i don't know i just think it's realised and he is so lovely but there was a moment yesterday where i was sat in his hot seat um as he uh calls it and i was holding a stress ball that he always gets out for me because i don't love pain and is this for the botox this was for profilo actually because botox doesn't hurt me at all yeah but profiloh ho ho ho ho i'll be totally honest

it's got a little sting in the tail but i do think redheads are also worse with pain, we're more sensitive to pain. I've heard that before. Yeah so I do, I squeeze my little bowl and because it's acid under your skin huh? No no the acid isn't it's a hyleronic acid it's not like

it's not acid. Yeah it's drinkable like yeah like not like don't have a pint but like you put it on your face every night yeah yeah yeah yeah. It's more it's the it's that the needle has to go deeper I think than if you get Botox. I know but if I but I know but saying all that

I was getting that I was sat there getting injections and just had like he's just like you know like a sweet Scottish gay man who speaks in his exclusively like wise idioms like everything he says I was like that's so true that's so what you're so white I just felt like I went out and I felt like I'd had therapy I felt like I'd had a massage even though actually it had needles in my face he's just so good to me and it's such a nice also I think those. contexts are quite scary and quite yeah yeah and like also i've been in situations like that where people will be like doing something to your face and then also trying to upsell you on something about your face and you're like oh sorry did you just say something's wrong with my nose and he just doesn't do any of that shit he's just nice and kind and um and it's also there's something about like a consultant's level doctor doing that stuff to your face where you're like if anything goes wrong this man knows what's not that anything would go wrong but he if if god forbid he's not like my nail tech yeah or I'm not in a shed and it's just like it's a relief you know

but though I'm by the way I'm using two examples of my actual sweet friends who should get doctors to do stuff to their face not a random people I just think yeah I think like if you could part yeah is it is it like but is it one of those like you know like sheds like a sheed no no it's like he does it for cheap at the weekend oh I know and you're like add your whole The sort of guy that could sneeze and get it in your eyeball. Do you know what it means? Like, it's your face. Oh no!

It's your face. Got one really assity more. Yeah, whereas I feel like I actually would trust Dr. Eun to do like any, but I do whatever he said. In fact, I do do whatever he says. That is possibly also a, what's it like when you get there? Is it like a waiting room like at the dentist? They put magazines out for you.

Oh, it's really boogey. There's a lovely lady named Claire and Claire takes you upstairs and everywhere smells divine and like different in each room and then she gets you fizy water. if you want it or flat no problem if you don't mind and then if you're like me and you have sort of week hands she'll open it for you they take your coat you have a little sit and then out he comes and he's a fission

it's actually really nice it feels like... Is there anyone else in the waiting room where you ought to look at each other like... I've never seen anyone else in there which actually I think is a very good model just you and Claire alone I don't think you want to like bump into people when you're going in no makeup to get stuff done

you know you just want like it's just a nice Sunday vibe we have such different but I was in there being like I last night I saw myself on a billboard this morning I'm here get like actually spending time on myself and then I was like

well this is like I feel like I'm being a different woman and then obviously I went home and immediately went back to work but um you must you must you've taken two days off oh no I took like four hours off okay well you must yeah well back to work now still yeah no still obviously that's enough to be getting back to day

taking Saturday night off Yeah, exactly. And how dare I? How fucking... Because I went to see a real pain. Have you seen a movie this week as well? We... I did.

Should we talk about them in the extras? I think we should. Because I feel like we've been talking about films a lot lately, but I have a lot to say. So if you haven't seen it that way, you don't have to listen. I haven't seen it. Kieran Culkin and Jesse Eisenberg. Okay, I've seen stuff about it. Yeah.

It sounds... Well, more on the extras. Okay, we'll talk about the extras, but wow, wow, those boys can act. Let me tell you about my weekend then. Please, I'm different if you do. I had a big one. You did. didn't you? Oh my God, because you were going to the four-poster bed

plays. I'm cultural now. Because you had four-posts. I had a four-post to bed. I was in Stratford-upon-Avon. Wow. I went to Anne Hathaway's cottage, had it to myself. Sorry, what? No joke. It was just me and like four volunteers in their 60s. In a woman's cottage. Anne Hathaway. I said, it's a cat-woman's cottage.

She's not a cat-woman. It's a joke because there's two Anne Hathaway's, aren't there? Oh, isn't that Hallie Berry? Well, yeah, in the 90s, but then it was Anne Hathaway. Do you get it? Why do I not get these jokes? I'm so fucking stupid. No, you're not, but Anne Hathaway is an actor and also Anne Hathaway, a different

Anne Hathaway. Maui Shakespeare. Yeah. Yeah. It was so good. Wait. So how long did it take to get to Strap-upon-Avon from London? Charming.

Took the trains, I'd say about two and a half hours with a stop at Leamington Spa. Oh, gorgeous. With one of the most charming. station cafe has ever been to in my life. Really? Say more, what kind of we talk? Platform two and three. Yeah. Darkwood, like really lush women working in there who don't like...

Darkwood's the name of the cafe or the vibe? No, but it's just like dark wood inside of it. It's like a station cafe from like, I don't know. Oh, it's no pumpkin cafe. The 1600s or something. It's not pumpkin. It's not, Catherine. It's not so far from pumpkin.

To the point where like the cakes they have out, they don't show you the cake. They just got one slice of each on a plate and you say like that one and they've got they were rustle at. Oh my god, that's heaven. Oh, we loved it. Full train journey, reading our books. Wait, what cakes did you get? I don't remember. That's fine. Okay. Life's busy. What book are you reading? I know the next day, I went to a cafe and got two cakes for the afternoon, one chocolate care, one carrot cake. Shout out to Huffkins, Stratford-upon-Aven. Were you sharing with Francis? No, Francis scored two as well. Yes! We took back a box of four.

But Catherine was so good to go see, 12th night at the RSA. Yeah. Star in Gwynette. Keeworth, friend of the pod, friend of all. Dwyndt. Anyone who follows us online will know her from the clip where we discussed her talking about Eels. Yeah, and your clips this weekend of her still talking about Eels. Update about that. They still

have not found out how Eels mate. They still don't know how it works. It's still only happening in the Sagas O'C. They did try and replicate the pH balance. Can I just say, good for Eel. Honestly, good for them. That is absolutely none of our business.

business. And if I may, there's groups of people in my friend circle where I'm like, I don't need to know this much about how you have sex. I didn't ask. I actually like a bit of intrigue. I get it. No, but like the friends, seriously, the married friends who never talk about their sex lives, I'm like, what are you up to? I am fascinated by how you fuck. The healing. The ones you're dating or the ones who newly date who like tell me every fucking thing. I, I, I, I, there's no mystery. I fucking all do respect to Eels. What I don't like, I get that it's private. What I don't like is if they're in a, pond or a lake they do walk over earth to get into a stream to get to the sagas

i see that for me i'm going to need to say all that again and sorry well the eel if it's in a lake or a pond yeah because it's so mingin if an eel is in a lake or a pond or like a landlocked body of water with no connection to get to the sagasso city they will travel over earth to get to somewhere where they can take a stream to the sagasoc sea or the population just go away like they all go there katherine this is the only place in the world that eels have babbies they go to the sagas i see to a trench where no one can watch no one knows what do you mean no no no no no no no no no i'm gonna start saying that about things i don't know no one knows confidently though

I loved that annoyingly there is a place called Sargasso just outside of Sidcup but I'm so sure it's not there no it can't be that'll be mental right if it was Kent

sorry I'm still shuddering although that if it's Eels walking across land that explains a few more people I met in Kent but go on I don't know where it is and I'm googling it it's not coming up

just message Gwyneth anyone know where the Sargasso see is babe we're just discussing the Eels thing love you but we went to... No, do you, like, do you, like, do full kiss then?

Into all of your... I'm so reeling from that, um... That's just, like, giving me shuddery shivers. I feel like I've told you this before. Maybe you didn't take it in... I don't... I think, yeah, I've obviously forgotten it or, like, chose to black and air.

The Saugas O-C is in the Atlantic. It's quite near North America. It's in the Atlantic, in North America. How did you... Did you go on Google Maps type in Saug-S-O-C? I just typed the Saug-S-O-C in to Google. Oh, I typed it into maths. Okay, well, that explains the line.

Good Googling. Thank you, Em. There's me bloody asking Jeeves. Bing! Bing! We saw the play. I loved it. Oh yeah, it's very good.

Everyone loved it. And it turns out I knew the story of 12th night. I was like, I don't know 12th night. I've seen it before. I've seen it before. I've seen Stephen Frye do it. I know for a fact. And then I googled as Stephen Frye ever played Balio

and I came up yes. And I was like, I've seen it. Lots of shows. Shows are also like other things, films and TV shows are based on him. Based on him or based on it. Indeed. Yes. Exactly. But Francis doesn't know that it's she's the man. And now they're going to think that I actually didn't know the plotline because I'm on Shakespeare connoisseur. Wow. That's incredible. Right? It's insane. We've got a voice message from Gwynna. Oh my God. Here we go. It's like where all these different currents meet up. So they've like create like a sea within the Atlantic, I think. Oh my God. She actually did now. Yeah. Fair enough. She's a real freak. And also a very good actress as Viola in the 12th night. Wow. It's now no longer playing. No.

What a fishy. But look out for another thing. It's because she's going to be huge. She's huge. It was so good. I loved the play. I had a hot chocolate in the interval instead of having a cigarette, which is really nice. You can have a hot chocolate in the middle of a dog.

You can't take hot drinks into the auditorium, which I already knew for my years working at the Royal National Theatre in catering. In catering. Yeah. And we stayed at a. a lovely place and we had a four-post a bedroom which was so cool so nice too old too small oh no wait that was so close to gorgeous we went into the room and it was two bedrooms there was like a living room and the other room i think that the room was from like 200 bc or something the floor was so rickety like it was like all off kilter the toilet when you were sitting on it you were

sort of leaning backwards slightly no no we're going to die but it was so cool but how was the bed when you first see it had like a Tudor rose in the wood and we were like this is this is a moment and then we get on it

we're both like six footers and we're just like yeah it just wasn't for us too small too small or too old every turn was like no like neither of us slept for two nights

fuck I came back and I slept for like 15 hours but was really cool. We watched the traitors. We went swimming. We walked around, Shrapford upon, even Why did you swim? The hotel

had a pool. A poolie. Divine. Shout out to the Alveston McDonald Manor. I think it's called that. I don't think you do want to shout them out because it sounds like you didn't sleep for two nights. There's only one four poster bedroom and we went for it. You don't have to do that. But does it say on the thing that it's quite an old

four poster? No, but if a bed is from like the times of you're and you're like the size that me and my friends are it's just not it's just not built for you're tall girls you're tall girls that's okay and the fours creak to the point where you're like am i too heavy for the ground no that's hell am i too heavy for groundy yeah there's a couple there's a couple of um floorboards in our house that just absolutely go from undue and it is perturbing to be like am i am i breaking like the structural integrity of the house am i am i Stronger than my home To your bigger friends when they come over

Yeah they're very upsetting Very upsetting Yeah it's deeply alarming So hey listen That's well a mixed bag But I have to tell you Anne Hathaway's cottage One of the best things I've ever done

Okay wait so you can go there Did she live there with Shakespeare? No Okay did she live there pre post Pre Okay She lived at 225 It was like a 40 minute walk

Was she raised there? Yeah she was raised there Zero to 25 Oh my god's stunning Did you walk there from the hotel? That's such a lovely walk. Yeah, lovely walk. And we were the only, it was like freezing, freezing conditions.

So like no one else went. So when we arrived, there was like, there were four volunteers like, no one's here. No one, it's just you. And they were like, and we could hear the walkie talkies. And they said like, two lovely guests are coming your way. And we were like,

and they were like, do you know the walkie talking? We were like, yes, we did. And because of that, we were like, oh, I'm sure you can tell us everything. So we were like standing there for like, 20 minutes in the cold, like here in the full history. And then I made the mistake of saying, I've actually read Hamnet, which is like a fictionalized version of the life.

And they were not impressed by that at all. If anything, clearly you're sick of hearing it. And I was like, yeah, because in Hamnet, she makes potions. Yeah, well, that's not actually historically true. It was really fun. It was so fun. Oh, I'm so glad. That's so much better than the time I went to Slistinghurst when I was preparing for

mastermind and I was studying Beatty's Aquas at West. And I got there. and ellen told them that i was doing it i was there in part because i was it was on celebrity mastermind she was my topic and they just straight up didn't believe us they were like sure and i was like oh no like i am they're like mm-hmm and i was like oh no but like i like i i am and they were like yeah i'm a great day around the garages we will tell you nothing extra yeah it's glad that i'm glad that you got a full that's a cool thing to have done we had a special we had a special moment

and we ordered pizzas to the hotel that's your special moment why was that so special just really nice we like cosied up with pizzas do they not do room service they did but we wanted pizzas where'd you get them from

somewhere called mama something mama what I don't remember that's okay we ordered in France what you get pizza what kind

olive mushroom oh yum olive mushroom and then we've got like garlic bready cheesy side thing and some arachini balls that were like

roast slow roasted tomatoes wow wow wow wow it was just it was just I love a takeout that is multiple iterations of the same food in different like I just want it's like

you know like I used to have a joke about lesbian sex being a bit like Mexican food and that it's like largely the same thing just folded different um Ew why does that make my tummy feel really weird it's beans and cheese baby

It's piece of cheese. Yeah, well, I don't do this. What's the cheese? I know what the bean is. No, in the food. Yeah, but like, if you had to. Why are you really this? Why are you really there?

I mean, I know what the cottage cheese is, am I right? It's the cum. Have I taken it too far? Cut it out. I can't. I don't want to any part of that. It's so hard to know where the line is. Is it?

Mm. I get very lost. See you. The beans and cheese. Yeah, but my point is that ends lovely. But now obviously I feel sick, so we have to move on. I'm oh my god you know what I'm back on tonight what are you on tonight it's one day of a new week it's winter I'm back from my holidays I'm back from all of my like nonsense in December what am I

back on gigging it's January what am I about you can do this you can do this Helmer Helen look at me we are old friends I promise you there are listeners screaming it's not bake off it's January it's January I'm running I'm exercising what am I back on the common Monday what have I ordered. What have you ordered? We were just talking about food. I know. What have you ordered? Any guesses him? That like meal delivery service, what's it called?

Hello Fresh. She's back on Hello Fresh. Oh, and I can't wait! I've been absolutely dying for it. I ordered it about December 20th, so we picked our meals for the week then. I just got ahead of myself. I was so excited. Picking your meals is so fun. It's so funny, except for the weeks when you forget and then they send you like four spaghetti balanaises and you're like no we don't eat meat but most of the time that

i actually said that and it's literally ever happened to me once in years because i remember that kind of stuff but i um yeah it's coming tonight and i'm so excited i'm honestly just oh god it's like i've said it before and i'll say it again but to have someone go to the shops for you do you know what i mean just to have someone pick up all the right amount of bit for whatever it is like ordered it was four weeks ago i can't remember what meals we chose but i'm dying to find out. Oh, I'm thrilled. Do you ever, though, like, take out the bits that you want to eat immediately and then fuck yourself over the rest of the week?

No. I used to... Like what? None of them are, like, particularly fun components. I remember back in the times of yore when I was medically addicted to bread, which I swear is the right death, clinically addicted to bread. Yeah. Now, obviously, fully healed from any food stuff. I can't tell if we're talking about, like, two years ago or two weeks ago or one.

weeks you know what let's say let's say lockdown when emma black had to officially say goodbye to bread in her life because it couldn't be yeah yeah yeah yeah no i think that's fair but like does nathan know he can't have bread in the house i would nathan's talked to senile yeah fair enough you can have bread in the house just don't expect to be there in the morning yeah buy yourself a roll eat it immediately yeah because it will actually that's not true there's been quite bit bread in the house recently who cares basically i would sometimes get one of those meals where it's like you can make like two beggars or like something like that or like the ones with its wraps or whatever and I'll be like no way that's going to make it to Thursday and then I'd have to go and buy like

little bits of ingredients to like replace it okay I got you no the only one I would be tempted to eat to be honest with you is the cheese yeah come on they're perfectly proportioned one person cheese where you're like okay obviously but no generally speaking I absolutely love things being in very rigid order for a very specific time therefore my inclination is not to do that it's to like in fact arrange them by a meal in the fridge on their own little little shelves and lives for each day um you're so cute oh i'm pathetic the thing the thing is that honestly gives me such a high like the thought of it coming i was like a kid at christmas i was hoping it would come before i left the house day but it didn't but then i got the text to say it's arriving

between two and four so it could be arriving any moment now but you're not home i know but ellen's there it's okay what are we what are we what are eating talk me through the name it's a it's a Marks and Spencer's Italian hazelnut Crem Ingot. Italian hazelnut Creme ingot. If I close my eyes, it is a Gillian slash gullion

seashell, but sugarier. More shuggy. More shuggy. But that makes it sound bad. No, it's good, but that's what it is. Yeah, you're right. But the texture is also very good, very smooth. Gillian, Gulian, Gwilia. Gwilin.

I absolutely love that. Is there, They're such a fun treat, aren't they, those seashells? Oh, yeah, hell yeah. Absolute joy. Wow, okay. Well, listen, if you're near a Marks and Spencer, just go in and get yourself a box of ingots. The only kind we can afford, eh?

Oh, and the milk chocolate covered cast of creams. Or, fuck, fuck in that. I still don't know how I feel about that. I don't know how I feel about that still. Go co-op or Sainsbury's and get a milk chocolate, one-side dipped, malted milk. Oh, yeah. So Neil thinks that they're taking off because I've advertised them.

Really? Okay. He was like, they're taking off. And I was like, why do you think that is? He's like, they're in two supermarkets now and he's like,

did you mention that in Drusty Hoggs? I went, yeah, and he went, I think that's you. No. But I think he was doing it because he pissed me off. So he was trying to like make me feel good.

He's trying to flatter you. And because I'm bullied in my friendship group for believing that I start things that I haven't started, even though I do start a lot of things. Like what? I genuinely believe I brought back the yellow jumper in 2018. I genuinely, I genuinely believe that.

Like, I think no one was wearing them. I wore one and then all, and then everyone had a yellow jumper. And I was like, oh, really cool. And I was like, you weren't there at the beginning of yellow jumper. And, like, when I first wore it, everyone was like, oh, what are you wearing? Oh my God.

I can safely say I have never started a trend. I've started so many. I've never started a trend in my life, I don't think. I start, like, I'd say about four a year. I'm always so late. Remember when I found out about chopperone? Like, I'm so late to everything. I was the same time.

with you. I'm perpetually the last one to know about anything. So you don't start, no, no, it's not even finding out which it's starting the track. No, but I mean, like, that's what I mean. There's no way I could start one, given that, like, I just, I'm so far behind on them. There's no world in which I could set one, I could set one in motion. Even though co-op obviously sold and manufactured the milk chocolate, um, multi-milip biscuit, I now believe that I am the reason they are doing well.

Wow. Well, listen. Me as an individual. Why the hell not? Isn't that mental? How are your last days with the Neil going? Is there a tension in the air? Do you know the end of mine?

Yeah. Go on. Of course it's the tension on the air. Like, it's also because I don't have a move out day. I think it'll just happen suddenly. Like, apparently that's how I'm looking around for support there. We've never bought,

I've never bought property. It just happens and then you have a panic attack on your first day. No one in the room is bought property. We don't know what you're talking about, but go on. That's what I assume me. So what, you just get your keys. But you don't have to leave the day you get your keys. I don't like.

kind of want to do because otherwise you're paying rent and then mortgage so you're like that's the month of paying two rent and that will be like on a month where you lose all your savings but can you give your landlord like a day's notice is a how it works i already gave my notice they got a bit cocksure with that that's on me that is on me when did you give it i don't know they just told me a date and i was like sounds great so i don't know so you have to have moved out by when I just think like I don't have to have moved out because like I can pay Sineal up to the day that I leave

because I'm not getting my deposit back necessarily because like when he moves out then he'll get the full deposit back I'm obsessed with the fact that the woman who like works the letters agency thinks me and Sineal have had a breakup she messaged me being like really happy for you like moving on to new things I'm guessing as bad news for Sineal I was like she's like wants the gossip

that's so funny oh my god sorry she definitely thinks you dumped him a hundred percent thinks i'm moving on without him like i've left him behind and he has to like pay the full rent of the flacks i've moved on and it's like oh my god whereas i was assuming there was attention because it's like you know the end is coming so like you kind of have to fuck if you're going to fuck now if you're going to fuck no you've got to let it go you've got to let it go it's not going to happen you don't think you'll have packed all your boxes i've started packing my boxes but then he started retaliating by buying boxes we've got a weight bench in the living room we've got what else did he just buy oh he has to get a bed because he wants it on this certain

deal so now we're going to have another bed and I'm like you've already got a bed he's like no I want a new one like he's making trouble he moving into your room he wouldn't let me watch TV this morning because he wanted to read fatherland while sitting on the sofa wait he heard about this book is he moving in hitler had won is he oh god is who wants to read that Jesus Christ is he moving into your room yes and so hang on you don't think there's a chance right where you have all your boxes packed up. Yeah. And the room's...

My cuddly toys, my hairpan. Yeah. The room's empty. You're just sort of both sitting around having a glass of wine, sat on boxes, him on his weights bench, you on something sturdier than the cuddly toys, I guess, because we're on top of my Mae Mae Mae, from turning around. Yes. Yes.

Gorgeous. You're drinking wine. You know, the next morning, 7 a.m., the moving van's coming. It's your last chance. I don't know if it's going to... I think I might just do it on the bus, just like five steps down the road. leans in he says i'm going to miss you you say he's never leaned in his life exactly that's the

kind of thing you'd say like you'd never let it in your life and he says the first time for everything and then you fuck what do you think like live fan fiction about her what do you think what do you think I think you're I think it's genuinely creepy and I can feel the moisture coming from you right now oh no I'm not trying that I'm hopeful

I know but I'm hopeful I just and then you have to fuck on the floor because you don't have a bed I just don't think and then you roll up you roll over and then you both don't mention a thing and just both eat like dunk some chocolate dipped

custard creams and have some tea together and then you go well and then you shake hands and off you go but then you're in love if I called Sanil now I said I love you and just paused what do you think is going to happen he would just say all right but that's different because I'm saying like post fuck

post-file but we're not going to fuck but what about my plan yeah i mean my plan your dream yeah i mean my dream but what about my plan we have to just let helen and senile say thank you to each other yeah that's what it would be for wonderful years together yeah exactly a lovely thank you with a cuddy and a kissy yeah that'd be after sure but we always have a cuddy and kissy yeah had one this morning yeah he was reading fatherland did he want it did he consent to was he looking at you he does try and get it out the way now so yeah I think it's consenting isn't it

what I hate about moving though is the amount of people choices of the podcast I'm not gonna fuck him I am not gonna fuck him and also you know what to defend him he doesn't want to fuck me either

he's got no interest in it to the point where sometimes I hug him and he goes ugh he goes er to me do you think that's dehumanizing but what if right neither of you realize you don't until it's almost over

till the boxes are packed I don't think you realize how unsexual creatures we are Oh my God, a pig just fell down Which is frightening It's really, that's ever happened before I think I might have brought a ghost back With Ethan Stratford upon even

That's not what happened No, because we were in a haunted place Because when we went to the Anne Hathaway house No, no, no Because I couldn't believe you weren't going to try to make a move on your last possible chance It was like fuck this I'm all In the Anne Hathaway house

A woman died in there Fell down the stairs Her last living relative And then they Sorry that was me on the chair Don't do that! That was fucked up! That was genuinely fucked up!

You didn't bring back a ghost and I can't tolerate this. How did you... Was that sound picked on? No, look. That's creepy. Can you see how that's unsettling? Yeah, but it's not like a ghost. It's just a little babble.

What do you think a ghost sounds like? Not... Helen. Shall we do a problem before we end the episode? like to do a problem. Okay, great. We're not going to find. Sorry.

Emma. Em just moved her mic and went like, Okay. That was crazy. Everyone. That felt spooky. Stop it because they will shit myself. Okay.

And I don't have a change. I haven't got to change with me. You remember at school when your parents have to pack you a change of clothes at the beginning of the year. Or you have to go to the... Year 11, you know? It's like, you got your change. No, I'm joking.

That was a joke. That was a joke as well. They're just packing. But in infant school where they're like, have you got your change? And every day you'd be like, or you have to go to Lost and Found. Oh my God,

Red Noseday. Year 3. When I pissed myself because I couldn't undo the cords. Oh, I had to wear a skirt, a grey skirt. It's so obvious.

I'd be like, yeah, I hate the trousers. Just crying on the playground. I hate them. I hate them. Loses my head. Oh, bless you. My little skirt on.

Oh, bless you. Poor fat wear. Helen. Behave. And she couldn't tell the time. Wow, she had a lot going on. She had a lot. I like nothing, sadly. Wow, God, okay.

Ready. This is from Elle. Hi, Elle. Dear trusty hogs, I've been a huge fan of the podcast since the start and really look forward to listening every week. Oh, thank you. I've always been too embarrassed to write in with a listener problem, but this is one that I can't seem to solve.

My girlfriend and I've been together for just over a year and are generally doing really great however she came out as gay not too long before we met and has been with a man had been with a man for a long time before that he's still in her friendship group so i've had to meet him several times and i think he's an idiot not just because he's her ex i've been lucky that i've never had to meet a girlfriend's ex before um and it really bothers me it makes me feel a bit dysphoric and i find it very confusing the idea that she could have been with him because he is a guy but also because I don't think he's a great person. I also hate the idea of them sleeping together,

which I can't get out of my head. I realize this is unfair on her, but it's something I can't seem to get past. Any words of advice would be appreciated. Love Elle, she, her. Oh, you've got to get past her, but I don't know how you do. Okay, can I say a few things?

Yeah, of course. I feel like the problem is a lot of what I'm going to say to you, L, is I think you probably know, but I do think it bears repeating, so stick with me if you will. thank you for writing in thank you for listening since the start i look i think and you have done zero blaming and well done you but i think that what you're feeling is as you've rightly identified about you and not actually about either of them and i think it's really important that we start

there because because you know this but like obviously there's absolutely nothing wrong with your girlfriend having taken some time to figure out who she is and also having to have daged other people you her sexuality does not belong to you and it was a process for her and also more importantly like people have exes that's how they learn about themselves she would not be the person you're dating if she hadn't dated him so many thanks to him because obviously you adore her so that was some in some way contributory to her becoming who she is I think so I think it's good to reframe that as like her own journey that has nothing to do with you and probably what led her to being the person that you love but also I think there has to be a there it is triggering something in you and I don't want to

I'm not like a psychologist I don't want to pop psych you let's pretend we are but okay I think it's you would not be obsessing over this if it weren't bringing up an insecurity that you have in your own self and I think the dysphoria is quite telling probably in the sense but like because first of all I don't think it's fair to be like he's not a great guy like obviously they you're not going to see what she fell for like and that's fine you're not attracted to him but like obviously this man has some qualities that were at least attracted to her at a certain time which I know it's painful to hear but like it'd be so much weirder if she dated him and hated him the whole time that would be like you don't want to be dating that person because then why is she with anyone and it's sort of but I think if it's bringing up dysphoria and if it's bringing up like obsessive fixation on it then maybe you're worried about something between them or something, some quality you possesses that you fear she's looking for. And I think to that end, you have to give her and her agency and her growth more credit. Like she has chosen to be with you now, which means whatever it is you are worried about,

she's not. She's not seeing it as a lack. She's seeing it as a positive difference. and I don't know it feels like an insecurity that comes from some sort of jealousy or some sort of doubt that you were enough and that is about you and so how do you fix that well I think that's probably sorry to say but it's going to be a long answer something to do with self-worth and that means you probably have to look at yourself and figure out what's going on because probably that would be true of any partner you were with then not just this woman and not just this

man like it probably is the case that anyone would threaten yourself sense of self and it is like listen by the way it is like a little bit weird sometimes you meet a partner's ex and you're like really okay right huh how did that dynamic work but a like i'm not the same person i was 10 years ago i'm sure your girlfriend's a different person who she was a year ago like that's how like that's just what being a person is but also like even your skin changes every seven years how munted is that that's bizarre horrible but also it's like yeah so if it's any consolation it's not probably on the same skin but but you're like yeah so if it's any consolation it's not probably on the same skin but you're also just like it's it's just like they were a different person and the

and also like it assumes that your part i've got so much more self-worth than i did then which also means i put up with different things to what i would have then but also like it was a different time and that was who they met and that was who they were exposed to also i think like sometimes you meet an ex's partner and it sounds like there is a positive spin here at least you are like this guy's an idiot i don't get it why was you with this guy i've met some exes and being like oh fuck she's gorgeous oh and she's nice oh and she's incredibly challenge that's amazing they're always nice at first they're so glad she's incredibly challenged that's amazing to hear incredible oh she's being so nice to me I don't have a bad

word to say that's so much worse because then you're like what why so look we all have insecurities I just think that it's really important to put none of this on your girlfriend and to figure out what's going on for you I'm guessing I think we don't have enough information and I hope that that's and how do you do that I think maybe you talk to your friends

or a family member or a therapist who isn't your girlfriend I would that pig behind me keeps falling down but I would prioritize a woman in a bonnet behave yourself I would prioritize talking to

Jillian could you imagine I would prioritize talking What was that? That was me refusing to engage with your ghost stuff that was me just like pushing on through naughty helen eyes that was it was like I'm studying but I think the thing is to prioritize talking it through with people who aren't your girlfriend

because I don't think she deserves to feel any kind of bad about having relationships before you why that was a long-winded monologue from Catherine you um as a registered psychotherapist psychologist and an expert in the field of intimacy Dr. Linda Crawley Lee Dr. Linda Crawley Lee Yeah that works not actually As Dr Linda Crawley Lee

You oh no she's posh Here we go As Dr Linda Crawley Lee I find it best to Accept in life that change Is a positive thing We can fear it We don't know what's around the corner

And if we accept change has happened in the past We have to look forward to change happening in the few which can be frightening we don't know what to hold however it is the only constant in life as the old saying goes and to to embrace fully the relationship you're in right now you must let go of what has happened previously now to let go oh what a nightmare oh there's Helen a bit listen to the song let it go and let it go write it on a piece of paper burn it and um you know we all have a past

accept it and you probably listen to let it go burn the words let it go let me get there let me get that and accept it

you know you're not a woman until you've tasted your own blood there's another thing that Jemaine Greer said if we're going down that room we're not we're not but I feel like Linda Linda reads no Linda we don't like

Daddy, no. Why did you leave us, Daddy? Like that sort of Jermaine Greer era. Good book. Check it out. If you were, I haven't read it. No, we don't like Greer anymore. No, we don't like her.

We don't like her. Braspo's to help a woman. Couldn't tell her she was furious. No, it's more the transphobia, but go on. That's terrible. It was bad. And at the end of the day, you will figure it out. And also, please be right in and let us know what sort of idiot the sex boyfriend is.

Because I feel like idiot is used so, like, broad sometimes. No, disagree. I think. else needs to focus less on the extra one no no but like what sort of it because like idiot can be used for like people who are just like don't have the same interests as you and sometimes it's like you can actually meet a proper moron that i don't think the they should she spent any more time focusing on him and if i may i actually think that like you should be careful that what you say about him doesn't read as like judgment of your girlfriend like but you're not a psychologist

no and listen i'm absolutely not but like i do have some love for his the people that my partner has loved because I'm like you made her happy for a while and they grew up together and they have the same taste I do which like she's swell and sometimes things don't work out but like that is so mature actually makes me like I feel like you're on a different level to everyone else I'm having that no I think I'm just 36 I'm just 36 that's just like now I'm like I have too many exes to have like for people to have for that to be like a thing that counts against me wow that feels like very like you like you've leveled up you know when someone says

something and you're like you've leveled up you've leveled up it's definitely like a new thing but yeah I just feel like also like it's I'm dating a person who is friends with their ex and it's so new and not yeah yeah wow that is very healthy very that feels like a big jump for yeah I don't think Elle's going to hang out with this guy I don't think she has any love for him but I know realistically Elle you're gonna like look up him on like

Instagram every other weekend but I think you could be like kinder to the younger version of your girlfriend or print off a picture of him during sex with a girlfriend be like would you rather that would you rather that

but I'm good enough for you like and really like don't do that don't do that that was a joke from Helen not from Dr. Linda Crawley Lee the huge greer friend whose name we will not besmirge apparently.

The massive German grip who will be giving out advice for every other problem for the next two to three months. No. I don't want to do a podcast with Dr. LCL. Let's have Dr. Linda in the room. I don't want to have.

You can have a character as well. I don't. We're already caricatures. We don't need characters. No, we're not. I think we should do characters. Let's say goodbye for now and I'll think about it. I should do that or, um,

George from George of the Jungle I'd honestly take that okay see me and George next week but for now have a great one bye to ta-ta for now as ever a huge thank you to our executive

producers we genuinely couldn't make our podcast today and we're so so grateful which is why we've set you up in the delightful executive lounge you are of course Guy Goodman Simon Moore's Annie Tonner Stephanie Catracha Oliver Dago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond and Sadie Cashmore. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Can I get you some olives? And let's give some more olives to our producers. Thank you so much. It's L. Richard Bold, Howard Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel R. Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Sarah and Molly, Ria Fink, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Amy O'Reardon, Abby Wharf. Should I work out why I couldn't read it? It's because I didn't click on the image and have it big with all the names? Abby Worf, Matt Sims, Luke Bright, Leah, Kate, Liz, Fortas, Anthony, Clow, Becky Fox, Dean, Michael Sophie, Chivers, Kerry, Sue, Charlie A, K, C, Jan, Rainbird, even, Tamson Smith, Harding, Hannah J, Ezra Peregrin, Bryn, Laura Pollock, Leah Overend, Stephen Chicken, Taggy Robertson, Haley Singer, Sarah Deakin.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you, bye.