Trusty Hogs - Ep173. ROISIN CONATY / Dating, Driving & Dirty Dancing

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

We're so excited to have this week's guest joining us for our Valentine's special, we've been trying to lock her in for a long time! From countless sitcoms and panel shows, it's the brilliant ROISIN CONATY...FOLLOW ROISIN: @RoisinConaty1NEW MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Sarah DeakinPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie RobertsonWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, seed price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Hello and welcome to episode 172 of Trustee Hogs.

I'm Catherine Bowhart. My name is Helen Ann Bauer. And without a knee. Gorgeous. It's important to clarify. And this is our podcast where we talk about our frankly perfect lives and answer your lovely problems, although sometimes they are quite the dilemma. Folks, it's Valentine's week.

Happy Valentine's Day. And more importantly, I love you. I love you too. I love you. And I love you. Want to fuck? Do you know what's adorable? As I was going to say, honestly, if you go to YouTube right now and watch this episode,

you will see we are dressed as a lesbian power couple. We're both doing denim. We look phenomenal. What a pair. both wearing gold hoops. Like, honestly, we look like, I look like your cowboy. It's so nice.

Gidea. So. I'm the horse. I guess, wait. No, no, that's not what I meant. Okay. I'm your cow,

you're my cowboy. Yeah, you could be the cowgirl of kind of what I was thinking wrong. You went horse immediately. I'll be the, I'll be the bull. Good for you. Why not?

Massive pair of, look at the pair of bollocks on that, those lovely, lovely swingers. Listen, why not? Why the hell not? If it says Valentine's Day to you, then there's no judgment here.

Through the fog, step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're gonna give them your problems and they will solve them Or maybe they won't and that's your problem They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not. We're in Leicester this weekend, Helen Bauer. I cannot wait to be in Leicester this weekend.

I love Leicester. Because we were talking before, like, will we talk about our Valentine's plans? And then we realised our Valentine's plans are to be in, at the Leicester Comedy Festival together. For the 15th and 16th, not for the 14th. What are you doing for the 14th? Big plans? No, no plans as of right now, but anything can change in a day. How's the dating game going?

Really, not talk to anyone yet and haven't gone on a date and over. every year. Well, you say not talking, but you're on hinge, right? Yeah. And are people talking to you? I have three matches. Okay. Well, okay, brag.

I know. And what have you said? Have they messaged? They have. And they haven't messaged back. What? Because I hate me. I hate, I don't want to match.

I wouldn't match with me is what I'm saying. Because I'm not. That's horrible. First of all, no one, no one normal would match with themselves. There, I said it. I'm sorry. I think maybe Oprah and that's it I masturbate so it's like I'm clearly

like not averse to myself You can think you deserve a wank not necessarily love Those are different Like I'm like I think that's fine Like clearly like I find myself Fuckable enough To you fuck myself But I think that's different to thinking you want to go

For dinner with yourself Oh god I'm not gonna go for dinner Do you know what I'm pressing I'm watching the television while I Eat dinner but I can wank in silence Oh my conversation is a lot It's a lot a lot and I breathe through my mouth I'm not a pleasant dinner day

And I think that's fine But what I'll say is other people have different taste to you. You are very much, you are very hard on yourself. Lots of people will find you attractive. And I think, should we reply?

Should we not get into the emotional side of this? And shall we just reply? I'm not feeling emotional at all. I find dating really easy actually and there's no sort of like body image or anything to do with it. And I've always thought that about you. This girl's easy, breezy about love,

but I've always, I've never cried. And in case you do, which you wouldn't, like, in case you like for the first time randomly did, shall we answer, should we talk about this in the extras?

I just need to respond to at least two of them in the extras. Can we actually respond to them? Yeah. But you are not allowed to type and press send. You are not in charge of buttons because you get, the way that you flirt is so foreign to me.

I would never flirt that way for you. No, but the way you fly, this is the way that you go about love, I do not understand. I won't be in. I guess I'll just stand there all dressed up for ages. Like, it's how. I won't say anything,

but I will support you through replying to them. Okay, that's what I want. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's day. What are you doing with your girlfriend? The problem is, I don't know. Thank you for your incredibly earnest question.

What are you doing with your lamp? I don't know, but the annoying thing is she knocked it out of the park last year, so it does feel like the pressure's on me, which she hasn't seemed to bring up yet, but it feels like it's on me. Okay. What did she do last year? Last time she took me to a beautiful hotel for the night,

and I had a spa. Oh, yeah. And now I'm like, I don't have that kind of money this year, and I'm like, would you like, but you can't do a picnic in February. Do you know what I mean? You can make dinner.

People love it. I make her dinner every night. Yeah, you do treat her too well. How about... Maybe I should treat her mean until that. It's too late. Two days of mean isn't going to keep her keen. You starve her today.

Like she's not allowed to access to the kitchen full start. That feels toxic. And tomorrow you make her toast. Yeah, maybe I could do that, but it does seem problematic. I feel like what I need to do is find something like, take her to the pub to watch a football match or something. That would be romantic. Really, is it?

She loved it. I'm looking at Andrew, like, is that... I think romance is, you. It's personal. It's individual, so you tailor it to whoever you're a romantic way. I think she liked that. Exactly, yeah. I also just, I really don't want to go to a restaurant on Valentine's.

I think it's so grim. It's just like, I've only done it once or twice and it's either like old couples, which is like, oh God, that's too sweet, but also like it's too loud in here for them. You can see they can't hear each other. Or it's teens, and the smell of links puts me off my food. So it's tricky. Makes makes me hungry. We're so different.

I guess so. I regret saying that. No, no. There we go. I've said it. I've said it now. We're leaving it, but I regret saying it.

Is that not the podcast? Yeah. I regret it, but we're leaving it. But we are leaving it in. It's fine. Is that not trusty hogs in a nutshell? I think it might be. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, Helen. I've got another Valentine's idea for you. Okay. As someone who's never had a valentines with someone. Right. You know, the other was good.

You know what I love is when they do everything in the shape of the heart. And it's so funny, what you do is you make a slice of toast and you cut a heart out of it in the middle and you fry an egg in that. That's cute. And then you got a heart. Sorry. Was that a sneeze? I'm so sorry. Or did you just drop your dick and ass fall off you?

What? That better have picked up on the mic. That was fucking weird. Do you need to go to the bathroom and check yourself? Andrew, that was the bark, the yappy bark of a chihuahua. You better not be wearing white pants. Today I'm, because you have striped those up. What were you taught?

What was that? In my years in my years in this chair, I have mastered the silent sneeze. I can sneeze without making a noise. I don't think you have. I don't think you can. Where I am ill, the action to hold it in didn't work. So instead, it just made a sound. Wow, that was crazy.

But that did sound like it came out your house. I thought it sounded like a dog barking. If we picked up on the mic. Like, now would be a lovely time to replay that M. Do you see what I'm saying? It was like a bark. Unless, of course, we haven't got it, but still. Wow.

Yeah. Wow in unison. That never happens for us. I'm enchanted. Of course you are. I feel like your sneeze is so stupid. Silence. Yours is so stupid.

That was like, they're both cute, if I'm honest. Mine is fucking abhorrent compared to... Yours is just like startling. I'm always like, ooh. You got dad's sneeze. Mine also comes with, like, there's a lot going on with my sneeze. Well, you're a drippy girl. It's like, get a tissue!

She needs to be in the bathroom. Like, and as any of the gas or force on my body, it will come out as well. Well, you've got a sign this thing going on which actually doesn't explain the far. I've got a whole thing. Everything is very connected with me. I know this to be true. Like ears. Like, I can pop my ears with a sneeze.

Like, I'm, my body is, I am whole. I am one. And do you know why I'm whole and one? I've got added. a segue, but that didn't really work, but I'm going to click with it. Do you know why I'm whole in one? Because we are in February. We continue our journey of 2025 being the best year of everyone's lives. Can we hear you audience? Is it the best year of your life? Was that a yes? Good stuff. I now have a response on a podcast is a huge choice by the way. Huge choice.

Are you all smiling and having the best day ever? Yes. Just cut two hogs. just on the bus, like, I'm not going to have everyone. I can't move. No, but I thrived. I thrived up again. Go on. I have a fruit bowl. I eat fruit.

Helen? I eat fruit. Sorry. Okay. Is this new? 33 years old. Fruit. Yeah, new.

You've never done fruit before? I've done fruit before, but I've never, like, done fruit. You know what I mean? You've never had a fruit. Like, I'm winking with the, like, I'm doing fruit. What are we doing? It was one piece of fruit a day. Yeah.

For the whole of Jeanne. Wow. Jean. Have you moved to De? Now to de. Actually, I think three today, does half a tomato count? Of a big one, a big one, a big one. The pedants are screaming, yes, it's a frouge.

Great, I had half a tomato as well. So I've had two and a half so far. Well, that's fabulous. What were the other two? Okay, I've had a little banana, a little banana. Nice. Because I like the little fair trade nanas. Yeah.

Because the big ones are too big sometimes because I get so full. Oh my God. Who are you? me a fucking break. I can eat 500 grams of beef, but not a whole banana. Honestly, I planned for today's fruit shop so well. I even said to Saneal last night, I was like, we are leaving the house at 11am together and we are going Big Sainsbury's,

mainly because I wanted him to drive. All right, so when you said, you basically treated him like a taxi man. But I did buy him a chai tea latte as a guest. It's a starvation that he puts up with it. He loves it. He loves it. Can Nathan drive? I don't know

God, he better learn before you move in together But also where me and Nathan are moving to There's more like shops around Like me and Sneer are in a bit of a dead zone You know that Like it's a bit of a bit of a But we went to Big Sainsbury

Yeah And we smelt scandals together And then I bought fruit I bought Narnies I bought Satsumas Easy Peelers Obviously I'm not fucking more Oh you don't want to make it challenging

Why would someone do that Who's fine the hard peelers Even though I did do a proper orange Should I tell you about this? I did the orange in the shower thing. Sorry, what? You know, like, apparently mentally, the best thing for a person to do

is to eat a cold orange and a hot shower. Because, no, I heard this somewhere. Doctors, scientists. I don't think so. Women with lovely skin. Women with lovely skin on the internet. Best in relation to what? Because you never have an orange

because it's so messy. It's so messy. But if you get in a. shower in the morning and take in an orange and then you're like really carnal with it and you're like you're showering and it's all the natural sense of the orange like the skin and like the fragrances and you're like carnally eating it and then the rest of your day is amazing carnally because you have because it's like oranges aren't easy did you carnally eat an orange yeah in a hot shower naked and you go like and then you're like you smell orangey obviously you're washing as well

I hate this I actually do you actually feel so uncomfort It was good. Because then you're like full of like good juices. I feel really unclean for some reason. All that took of a shower and I feel genuinely dirtier than before he started. You can use shower gel as well. You don't, you're not washing with you. I don't know why my body's had such a weird reaction to that.

I didn't like it and I don't think it's for me. Well, I bought easy peelers. So I'm not doing that. Okay, good. I'm thrilled to hear. Have you not heard the orange thing? No. No, no one, these men are not on that algorithm.

But are you not like, oh, I'm going to do that. When I first had it, I was like, fuck, I'm doing it. I would, if I have an orange in the future, I'd consider eating it in a shower, but I wouldn't go out of my way to facilitate that. Really? Would you? Well, yeah, because it makes, it's a very messy thing. Normally, I'm like dripping over the sink.

Has anyone considered cossing it with a knife? But even then, it's still messy. The juices go everywhere, it sparts everywhere. Put it on a plate. In the shower. Like, what a way to start your day. Like, you're just sort of like, you're like in nature. I don't think so.

It's not for me. But fair play. Okay, easy peelers, little gala apples and little nannas. And then Soneal now has to have fruit as well. And we now, instead of just tea time, which is at 3 o'clock at ours, with biscuits, because we've got like medically addicted to those melted milk still. So we're bringing in fruit time, which comes about 2 o'clock. Can I say this?

I love a fruit bowl. And I really respect that you have one now. That's very exciting. Thank you. Thank you. I do think it's sort of a seasonal thing. Obviously, as soon as the fruit fly season comes, you have to put everything in the fridge because I cannot bear those little bastards

When's fruit flies start? Isn't it like summertime-ish? You tend to get fruit flies. But also, here's my only issue with fruit bowls is that I think some people's houses were different. Some people, it was like the popcorn bowl. Maybe it was Brona who tweeted about this. Brona C-Titley, friend of the pod.

Hi, Brona. But like ultimately in every house so you realize there is one sick bowl. Like for when the babies are sick or the kids are sick. No, I know what a sick ball is, yeah. And ours, and for most people it's like, I'm afraid it is the pot. popcorn bowl you know it's the ball you put your microwave popcorn in okay or the baking bowl horrific

or the fruit bowl we had a sick bowl like it was like a it was like a dish bowl you know that you put in the sink for washing up oh like the the sink why do people have those those sink i have no idea but we had two of them and one of them was the sick bowl exclusively for sick and my mom would put some detol in the bottom and then we'd throw up into it like throw up into the antiseptic did you guys do that no no she was cleaning ahead of the puke we puked on top of debtor I never fully understood it. Fair Fox, Anne. And if you're listening, let me know why.

Wow. Well, I don't know. Just for some reason, fruit bowls make me think of sick bowls. Oh, so it's in your head. And I just can't get my head out of it. Like, I can't get it out of my head. But also, I will say this.

I do love a specific bowl. I do have, I'm listening and I'll tell you why in a minute. But Ellen, Ellen bought me this beautiful vintage glass dish that has holes in the bottom. So you wash your berries in it, let them dry and then pop them in. And they just, it just drips down. and then you put them in the fridge and it's so nice and I do like that fruit bowl

but the rest of make me think of sick. Oh my God that is that is you've leveled up again. It's like a person. You have leveled up. Do you know what I'm saying? When I say I have to find her a decent way to spend Valentine's Day

because the woman gets me. I've had an entire new personality since I saw you last. You've got fruit. I don't even recognise you anymore. Well obviously I've had a haircut. Yeah. And you definitely noticed that before I told you right.

No. You told me earlier. You told me earlier you had a haircut. But you hadn't noticed before then. But no, because it looks so good and you look so good. last time I saw you and it's just like if you always look so good friend that's a good friend also I also think it's that if you have curly hair it looks the same 100% it's the same it's the same and then also

and also my hair sort of changes length every now and then because like depending on how curly it is that day but also I got you've died it no no no damn it's so close but no because it was blonde last week are you thinking of when you were looking at a mirror for very long time for a while I got an ear piercing that as well I did not notice until you said I was like Have you not noticed my tiny diamond piercing? You have Cynthia Arrivo. You have like 200 piercings in each year. I do have a lot of piercings.

But this one's so cute. Is it that one? It's a little diamond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Catherine, it's really cute. Thanks so much. So that was a big deal. Also, I feel like such a teen because this week I got a new, I got my ear pierced and I got my

invisible line. So I'm a 36 year old woman with a new, an ouchy ear from my piercing and retinaer. It's a really big week. It feels like a real like, wow. I'm Benjamin buttoning this year. That's what's happening. I have fully regressed. I'm actually not, like,

it's only like a half a day into having them in. I don't think I'm doing too badly. You don't sound lispy. I mean, I feel like I would have noticed. I was very spitty with braces. You're dealing in very much. But you got train tracks.

You went fully in. Whereas I guess I do wear a retainer at night, so I'm relatively used to them. But yeah, it's not so bad yet. But I think there's going to be weeks where it's like, just, ah. it has a sort of dull pain because your teeth are moving

but I feel like you wear one for a week and then you change the tray so probably by the end of the week it would be used to it and then it starts again on the first day then people usually take a paracetamol or something it's like they're bruised it's horrible yeah it's fine they're just a bit tender

but like I don't really expect any pity because I'm it's vanity pain I'm purely doing it's for vanity it's not nice to be uncomfortable I mean I don't know no one's asked me to be I've chosen to pay thousands of pens to tweak my quite nice teeth to perfect teeth because I'm obsessed.

Because of the patriarchy. Can I blame that? No, maybe just because of the beauty. You know what? I blame Hollywood. I have said it. Kate Blanchett. I actually have to say that none of this.

Yes, probably. Probably. But if I may, I would actually say I blame OCD. I blame OCD. I cannot cope with the like minor imperfections of my teeth. And I think that is vanity. I think that's obsession.

Okay, but I still think it's not nice to be in pain and you deserve to feel good. Are you now going to be one of those people? You're very welcome. You think I don't want you in pain. I don't want anyone in pain, apart from like Hitler or something. But like, not you.

You ain't done nothing wrong. You ain't done nothing to no one. Thank you. You're welcome. You know what you think? Who had 16 minutes for Hitler on Valentine's Day, guys? Anyone? So impressive.

We were going to mention him at some point. So impressive. He comes up every week. He had a girlfriend and not a baby. And that's not fair. That's not fair. Because I'm nicer than that. I have a better dinner date than that.

Yeah, I would have done. He wasn't even eating. He was just on cocaine. But here's the question. Would you date Ava Brown? Great question, Andrew. Because if not now. Not with what she's done.

No, but I'm saying if she's not to your standards, then you can't be upset about Hitler having a girlfriend. Yeah, that's true. I have no standards. I just want to... You have standards that are like not ABA brand. But I want them to love me as much as I love them at the same time I love them and they love me. That is literally the standard.

Let's love each other at equal amounts at the same time. That's actually quite hard to find, you know. I never found it. I'm aware. But no, no, what I mean to say is like I think in most couples at some point, one person loves the other person more and it can switch a lot, I think. But at some point for it to start, you have to meet someone. He fancies you the same amount at the same time.

And me, I'm like, fuck to get those timings right. It's tricky. It is so tricky. I mean about happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. I can't wait to talk to our guest about it. I feel like she's going to have hot takes. Maybe I'm overreaking it, but I feel like this woman has opinions about Valentine's Day, don't you think?

I think so. I'm hoping so. I just feel like she'll have some wonderful wisdom on it. And on that note, shall we bring her on? I think we should. Yeah, all right. Why not? We've talked about Hitler.

Let's go on with us. Please, welcome to trusty hogs, the incredible coaching quantity. Woo-woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between mat-paint finish and satin

or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top-rated pros, see price estimates, and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Roshin Connesty, welcome to trusty hogs. You feeling ready for this? I am.

It's lovely to be here. It's so nice to help you. Immediately, everyone just turned out there. Rocheon, do you think you're the loudest person on our podcast? Come on. I think I'm up there. I don't think so. Hi.

This is Helen, Helen, Helen, Rocheon. You've got a nice, I think you've got quite. a nice tone. It's even. Shut up. Are you serious? Yeah, it's even. Mine's like,

it's like a very, Matt Ford used to say it sounds like a, like a, like a, sound like a woman. Then occasionally. It did sound like

you burned to the beginning of occasionally. I came from, have you seen that crow on Instagram who can, like this is this crow on Instagram blowing up

brilliant stuff. Is there? Is it blowing up? He's blowing up. He's blowing up. Or a raven. I don't remember right now. Is this like that

I'll send it to you. Highland. hair you said was blowing up. Bruce is blowing up. There's a Highland Calver loves to cook. He's brilliant. He's actually a dairy cow, so you've embarrassed yourself there. What it is is a crow and he can speak and he says tickle, tickle, but when he speaks,

it sounds like it's come from like a different part of hell. Yeah. It's like, it. It's not talking about. I don't like that. You've got a demon crow. I'm not going to follow him. What is my algorithm?

What is my algorithm? Yeah, what is showing you, but not crows? It's absolute sort of. chaos. I get some comedy and then I get lots of Labradors. Nice. What was coming up last week? Who did I Google? Jennifer Gray. Because did you watch a real pain? No. She's in it. What's the real pain? A real pain is Jesse Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin. Oh no. Is she in that? She's in it. She's in it. I don't know how manifested her. I'm not saying she got the part because I've been Googling her, but I wouldn't rule it out. I'm very powerful.

Yeah. I mean, listen, why not? Wait. If the crow can speak, I think you can manifest. Jennifer Gray and do a film, sure. I was Googling her, Dirty Dancing. I was just saying, and then I just thought, what's she up to? I like to Google her every now and again

because I just liked her, I want her to have a big bit. I want her to have a big old, you know, like, yeah, like I'm like, it was such a movie.

So I was like, she should get the big, the big, the big gritty Netflix series. She should get something big. She was incredible. She's incredible. She's incredible.

But then she did change her entire face and I think people were like spooked. Yeah, but now everyone's changed their whole face. And now she's just ahead of the curve. at the time everyone was like oh demon yeah it's true oh was she one of the first ones oh she'd got a nose job but like it completely no no but it was it did change like she didn't look like her oh yeah it changed your face completely yeah and also she did it like add another one

no no she just also did it after a very iconic role so I think you get to change your face until a certain point and then you're like well they know you for this you can't just then be like a totally different she did it after baby yes yes oh yeah okay yeah people are fun about that then, aren't they? But in those days, it wasn't the de rigour, like it is now. I mean, please edit me out saying de rigour.

We will never edit that out. What does de rigour mean? I don't know if I said it in the right context. I've never said it out loud. I think that was the right content. I don't know. It means like... Oh, I don't like myself saying it, though.

There's definitely a pre-me saying that phrase and a post-me saying that phrase. This is your nose job. It's not good stuff. This is your Jennifer's moment. I practically, I might have said, uh, go. It's absolute piggery.

It's a piggery way to talk. I say ergo, that's a great phrase. Oh no, ergo's terrible. Ego, ego. Ego is like, idiot. It's like saying to someone, okay, idiot, ergo. I'm going to jump loads of steps. No, it's not.

It's Latin. Yeah. For. Idiot. Isn't it? No. It's therefore. Therefore.

But it therefore exists. You've chosen not to use. Therefore, it's mad that you've chosen ergo. Ego. Yeah. Also, you say you say it. I, we're on 100, episode 172. I've never in my life heard you say it.

Bullshit. The amount of times on this, I've said, Kegito, ergo some. And, yeah, thank you. Okay, actually, fair enough, when you say it like that. What if you say, the whole phrase. The whole, constantly. Yeah. Well, then there's a little bit of effort involved.

Ergo is sort of like passive aggressive. Ego, I win my point, though. Yeah. You go, fuck yourself, you think, bitch. I get point proven, it is a little bit passive aggressive, and then sometimes it's actively aggressive. I've only seen Dirty Dancing twice in my life and both as an adult. I never watched it as a kid.

How old are you? 33. But I remember my first time watching it and being like, why did no one tell me the mum from Gilmore Girls? Yes. No, we don't know yet. I'm still figuring about it. Do you like boys in any way?

Yes, yes. Well, that surprises me. But I don't fancy Patrick's Wazzy. I mean, he's absolutely perfect. Really? There's a moat show in that. There's no actor that has come near what he did in that. Yeah, I agree.

The vulnerability and the masculinity in one, the dancing, the sort of not, it's unbelievable what he does in that movie. I am, thank you for saying that. I completely agree. And also, on him,

oh my God, them crawling across the floor, he is so hot in it. Oh. And also, I genuinely feel like he, like, it's been so underused thereafter.

Oh, God, he's so hot. He should have won an Oscar for that movie. He is impeccable in that film. He's unbelievable. He brings such a humanity to what could be a very, I mean, this is I'm going for it.

Like a hymbo role. Yeah. And he gives this sort of like this work. Well, the whole movie is amazing. It's about class and it does it so well. Yeah, I've seen it. But he does it so well that embodied this sort of version of a sort of dance of this good looking guy who's like,

and it's very masculine and yet very feminine. And in those days and he, oh, he's unbelievable. And like a proper, properly emotionally available and emotionally intelligent man who isn't the upper class man this scenario is so nice to see and also I just feel like I mean maybe I can't believe you didn't see it until you're 33 maybe it is so I know I think I saw it was 29 but I saw when I remember seeing it like too early you know like oh yeah I found out about abortions yeah like I was like

I shouldn't be seeing this but I it was so interesting to see like a male ally as well being depicted in that way yeah I thought it was amazing it's incredible I still watch it in this I mean my sister had a role we would watch dirty dancing in the summer you don't You don't watch dirty dancing after Labor Day. Then it was Sleepers in Seattle. And we watched that and you don't watch Sleepers in Seattle after February. And then you go into Dirty Dancing. I love that.

We had rules. Doty Dancing is a summer love romance movie. You don't watch it in November. That's chaos. Yes. It's summer. It's a summer film. Also.

So strict. No, but it's like watching when Harry Matt's Sally in the summer. Yeah, you're like, everyone's wearing jumpers. What are you talking about? That's such a good point. Yeah. But the worst thing, one of the ones, the worst thing I happened to me. I was reading Patrick Swayze's

autobiography on holiday. I was with you until then. Now you're alone. Now you're by yourself, Roche. He should have won an Oscar. He should have won an Oscar. And he was amazing. And the book's actually really brilliant. So he had cancer and did, but there was such an awful thing happens. I'm reading the book and I was like, okay. And then I just got to a page of the book where it stops being him and his wife's like, hi, he's dead. He's dead? Yeah. Like so she takes over writing. She takes over writing it.

but you don't know that so you're like halfway through the book and he's telling you about his journey with pancreatic cancer and you're like on this journey with him and I must have known he died but I thought I would get to the end of the book and it's just like a page in the book where Yeah she's like hi this is

I can't remember the name of his wife Lisa or Lisa or something Tammy he actually died yeah I wouldn't have said that he shouldn't deserve an Oscar I know that's why I was very hostile to that I don't obviously give an Oscar give an Oscar then fuck oh my God fuck that's so jarring I know I was on holiday And I was just like, oh, like, shaking.

No. Oh, God. Oh, God, yeah. That's like once I brought a little life on holiday. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, you could be very careful. Absolutely ruined a weekend breakaway with a partner at the time.

I was just weeping 24-7. It's a book about four men that lots of you have lots of opinions about being like sort of tragedy porn. But it is a very moving, quite sad. I was at the play one. I've not read this. It's the one where he did the play. James Norton has, yes. Yes, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is just like devastated. thing after devastating thing after devastating thing I love a devastating read though on the beach. Then you would love. Do you? I do. I take really sad books, listen to really awful things as well. And then I like the, I like the juxtaposition

of the action. It's not me. It's not me. I'm not in that graveyard. I'm not in that graveyard. It's very calming for me. I feel bad about Patrick Swayze now. 2009 you died. Yeah. Fucking same year as Michael Jackson mad

eh were they linked no and let's let's uncouple them in fact I think let's do that let's uncouple them for sure then please Rocheon this is coming out

the week of Valentine's Day Happy Valentine's Day Happy Valentine's Day Any feelings about the holiday Oh And you don't have to have a hot take Obviously you feel strongly about Patrick Sway And his entire oeuvre

But should you have any feelings about Valentine's Day We'd love to hear them I think get it done in the afternoon I think get it done in the afternoon I think get it done in the afternoon. Say more on that way.

Whatever you've got, get it done in the afternoon. Get it all out of the way by, I'd say 2pm at the latest. You're like, fuck it. If that's your day, get it done by the afternoon. I actually love that.

Get it done in the afternoon. Of an evening, a valise day, especially post meal. You're right. Oh, it's completely. It's like having sex when people give you fancy underwear

at Christmas and you go, cool, it's like rolling timber. I don't know, you're going to talk to Catherine for this. Why have you given me to, you're like, why have you given me to, What is this?

You might as well put this on the tree But the good it's going to do on me Like that's insane of all the times For you to give me This tinsle This thong tinsle Oh my God, Thong tinsle

That's horrible Do not wear thong tinsle No one's done that No one's done that Not thong tith But like sexy gear That you go sure Well we'll see in May

When we're back to normal When we get our breath back When I can breathe Down past here Without hitting meat Yeah that's it That'll be nice gravy as a lubricant then we can talk yeah absolutely it's so hard to eat meat and then feel sexy

oh there's like just just physically like potatoes like cow like you can get around things like that but like a hunk of meat yeah you got you meet one end or the other I think it's also because because I ate that beef recently by accident oh that's also I ate that beef accidentally who was he clip came up with my photo, you know the one where he's like, and I'm booming vegetarian this week, but for now, this is my normal shop. We've got two maxi pads of mince, and we've got chicken, chops, chicken,

and around the week got 28 pork sausages from walls. You need to mother of Jesus. Just a table of meat. And it's like to eat, I don't know, lamb, maybe, lamb and sex, maybe, a bit of chicken. Oh, that lamb's very, maybe. I feel like that's a sweaty meat.

That's a busy, yeah. Prawns, maybe. No, but prawns for me aren't and meat I think sex and seafood mixes already Like tuna, sex Yeah, you're right, yeah Yeah It's sort of

And sex, yes, I mean, you heard correctly It made sense to me It's sort of a code if you order If you go for dinner with someone And you're like, you know, the meat platter You're telling them, don't touch me Yeah But if you're like, oh, I think I'll have the light stuff

I do mushroom risotto Yeah Oh, let's not, should we go a veggie? Can we go veggie? They did they get a lobster, seafood is sexy, right? Yeah, you can still go to Pantern on seafood, I think. So if you get a surf and turf, like, is it just like mouth stuff? Just confusing.

Just hand off. Don't penetrate me, but anything with the hands. You can eat me out, but I'm not going to tell you what else I find hard with sex. Lasagna. Because I always have too much of it. Oh, yeah. Pastas is just tricky. Lasagna is sex.

You've had it. Yeah. You want you going to orgasm twice? You're wet already. You're done. You're gilding the lily laugh. You're gilding the lily laugh. you're finished already

like you might as well be found with your hand down your pants you're done going to the bathroom of a shower I guess start with the bottle of lasagna about to become infected oh my god you're so right yeah there's nothing to be said after

since I turn 30 every time I have pasta I need to I need to lie down like a nap I can't digest it anymore no God it's tricky you've got to be hungry it's like even doing stand-up you can't do stand-up full

I've done the first my I did stand-up the first time in ages this year And I just decided to quickly do it But I'd eaten 10 meatballs Massive ones And then I just ran down the streets It downstairs at the King's Head And then I was on stage

With your 10 meatballs in your tummy Yeah And then I sort of got stage And all of a sudden I was like I shouldn't be here And it was so, it felt dangerous To be that fun on stage It felt like you need a licence

Like you should take some breathalosa Like I was so full I remember what I just did I ate that 500 grams of beef by accident Total mistake Fine now Then I had a gig at the boat I had to go on a boat

And I was in a horrible way But it's the same as you is all that meat and then having to go on stage. That's the worst. Physically, I was sea. I have to say, I think I'm an outlier here. Now, to be clear, I don't eat meat.

So maybe that is part of it. Yeah. But I'm an outlier in the sense that I can't go on stage not having eaten. I get panicky that I am going to be hungry up there. It's like, eat someone. No, imagine. No, but I'm real like, it's real famine culture.

Like when I'm going into like, fight or flight, I have to have eaten. Like, I usually will shove something in before I go, on, even if I've already sort of eaten earlier because I'm just, I'm like panicky that I'll be up there and worried and or like, faint, I don't know, like what, I've never in my life, but yeah. I don't think you need a bit, you can't go on completely starving, you have to have, you need to find the balance, but it's just full.

I need to feel full. Oh, full is dangerous for me. I think, like, depends on what your full is. Yeah. My full can be everything up to the point, like, Mr. Creasol in the meaning of life. Like, does that, is that reference people know? No. No.

You know, like, in the Monty Python, the meaning of life. and they've got Mr. Creosol and he has everything on the menu and then the waiter comes, okay, you know what, it's a mad reference. I don't need to be, just a waffer thin mince out, and then he has it and he explodes. Okay, I don't need to be like vicar of dibli at Christmas dinner time, fall. Yes, that's a better reference. But I do need to be like, I've had a main and a little bit of sweet after fall.

Oh, no. I like eating after gigs, actually. I'm like to have just enough so that I'm not shaky and a bit weird. like I'm like you know sort of panicked yeah but a Coca-Cola will do that like a pint of Coke will lever me out I used to do a Coke and anana back in the day yeah but then every night I was coming back and visiting the chicken shop yeah so I'd fall asleep with a chicken burger and chips yeah and then I was like this can't be right because then I'd go to the bakery to work the next morning at like 7 a.m but I'd still have like the chips like I could taste them yeah they would just they just

sat there all night yeah and the older you get the worse it gets eating that late I used to eat so late and like didn't touch us like and now it's like the dreams are weird you can't sleep and I see sitting up I get such bad indigestion I sleep like a vampire I just have to build pillows behind me and sit like this with gaviscon in my hands um you're actually right to sleep sitting up yeah because I just went to Anne Hathaway's cottage and in Tudor times people in Britain used to sleep sitting up why because they thought if you were lying down that's how the devil got you so you had to sit up with your eyes up Because if you were lying down,

they people thought that they think you were dead. The devil's going around like, when you die, you go in the ground flat. That's all they were like, oh shit, they'll get us. That's why their beds were so small. It wasn't because they were significantly shorter.

It's because they were sitting up. So you're not going to be taken by the devil. Congratulations. I've always said I've got an old soul. That's mad. And a young fucking body. That's mad. That's mad.

Old soul. Oh, so. Makes sense to me. Roeena, as you know or may not know, the podcast that we do, believe it or not, is not just a meat pod,

but also a podcast where... Meat pod's very good, though. Right, thank you. Thank you. Where we have people write in and they tell us their problems. Do people come to you for advice often? They do and it's shocking.

Can they turn meatball lady? I'm not so good. No, but speaking to the old soul thing, I think you do have a quality, even when you're not, even when you're not holding one, in my mind, you are holding a glass of white wine. Yes.

And you have sage wisdom to give. even like I that's how I see you is like I'll go Roshin will level me out like I'll take that's a compliment I've got my I think I come from my mum's got 12 sisters there it is so I've been around women going I'll tell you yeah oh I know that so I've been around women giving advice so that's sort of in the VAR you know like that's sort of the 12 triplets my nan had nine and then triplets no and then one more for luck yeah the last one was she had one more the second to last one. And she was 43 when she had triplets and nine already. Wow. Shocking, isn't it? That's fuck. I love it though. I know. It's wild. It's a lot of sisters.

I've got one sister and I find her hard to get on with half the time. I mean they've got so many and all of them are leads. Like none of them are like the shy one. But my mom who maybe is the quietest but the rest of them. Main characters. Absolutely main characters. All of them are everyone is. Do they all physically fight with it? Because my sister, she brought my hair and No, me and my sister used to fight. My mom, that's what my mom was like. I had 12 and we never fought me. My sister used to beat each other up, you know, we were young.

But my mom never, they never, it's too small a house. So they just couldn't, you know, and they was just strict in those days. You can pinch anywhere. We used to, like, yeah, you can figure it out if you want to hurt someone. Okay, so you'd be around women who give advice. And what, what kind of things do people come to you for advice on generally? Oh, I think everything. Well, you know, like I don't, I think I'm quite trustworthy.

I think I'm, but I'm also, like, you know, like all people, it's take my advice, I'm not using it. Like it's good to do other people's lives. Yeah. But it's not, you know, so it's sort of, I think, you know, it's like when you've never heard that before. That's such a good phrase. Yeah.

I'm not using it. Yeah. I love that. It's great, isn't it? It's like, you know, it's like if someone asks you for help on a joke, you're like, you can fix it really quick for someone else or a script note. And then your own thing, you look at your script. You're like, how do you spell house?

Yeah. But, you know, like it's just easier when it's some, life is so much more manageable when someone else is doing it. You're like, I tell you we need to do. Yeah. It's very easy. when it's not you. Right? And then it's so easy

than to end up spending like your whole time they're trying to fix it for someone else and then you forget about yeah, fucking hell. Yeah. Interesting.

Are you? My advice I'm not using that is me all over. I feel red. Really? Yeah, so really, I always think that because I think I'm very,

I seem very, I can sound very sorted and I'm absolutely not. I think you're hiding it well. Oh yeah. That's what I mean, that's what you have to say it. Like, oh,

with the disclaimer of I'm absolutely crazy. I'm absolutely crazy. I'm like, what's happening? Yeah. I don't know, it feels like you got it together. Okay, well, shall we try? I put eyeliner on, but it's not because I'm organised

because I forget where my eyes are. If they're not lined out, not far off it. But align them! I've lost them. Should we give it a go? I was sad with the meatballs. I know.

What kind of meatballs? Sorry, what kind of sauce? Oh, it's my favourite sauce. And when I was in LA recently, um, Goop. What's her face? Gwynif Paltrow's got like a restaurant.

And when I like a thing, boy, boy, do I like a thing. Nice. And they do, it's basically, the main ingredient is fennel with the meatballs. Turkey meatball, are you serious? I hate fennel. Oh my God. Wait, wait, it might be a mixture, is it a mixture of pork and beef. And then if you've got breadcrumbs and it's just pork.

It's turkey meatballs. And I think there's got a tiny bit of pork in it maybe. I still love it. It's unbelievable. And then she has it on a pizza. I ordered it every day. And then I found it in London, not goop, but a version of it. And then I was like, I'm getting those meatballs.

And then I got 10 of them, but they were like twice the size. And I walked them down. A restaurant in, like, Muswell Hill. Nice. Oh, that does sound good. And then I was just sat there like out of my mind on meat. Yeah. And I thought, I need to go on stage now.

And breathing with that much meat in you is harder as well. Like, it's hard on the ribs. Yeah. Yeah. I've not done it in a while. I, wow. No, it is. Men and meat I've been off about the same much time. Like, it's such a good source of protein.

Because you imagine having meat and then going for a swim as well. Oh, I've done, I've, there's nothing I haven't done after, because I... Physically, are you strong then, like body wise? No, it's just because I eat, I can't, you know, I eat a lot. And so I have to live. So sometimes I have to pay, sometimes I have to pay the price of those decisions, which is... So I give up and go bed? You see, sometimes you can't.

Sometimes you've got to go do the gig or you've got to do the big. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've done a little, if you've done a binge, you've still got to be a bridesmaid. Do not get me started on that. Having to go to the toilet to have breaks of breathing. Oh my. I broke in on the tablecloth. Okay.

Spillage. If you're listening to have it looks like a deer. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. It makes me feel better. It's like a bunny from here to be fair. We should all spill and see what shapes. I read it like tea leaves.

It would actually make me feel better. Sorry, Catherine. Well, and it spilled her hot chocolate getting excited about being a binging bridesmaid and listen, it happens. But you can't tell now I've done that. Oh, no, do you make it worse. Please don't do that. And then there we go. No, I think put it back.

Yeah, and put the pig over it. There he goes. Now he looks like he's out of shit. He does. I like to be fair of pigs do like mud. We also appreciate that that was bad that I spilt then, but I haven't spilt in like six months. Very good.

That's really good on this table. You are so sweet. That's very good. I spill things a lot, so you've got to be, you know, I spill, I do have a lot of spillages. I spill exclusively when I wear something I care about that is white or I'm going anywhere important. Oh, they don't eat in my bra when I've got a white top on.

Like a... You're so smart. I get in, I get my food out, and then I take my top and sit at the table like a psychopath. Unless it's dominoes, because then you've got to go topless, because those little crumbs are semolina, they fucking gather around your nipples. I don't mind it, though. Really, it's expoliating in a way I don't need. Oh, really? I don't mind anything getting in that.

If I need to get back out in the white top, I just have to go, it's no point trying to manage it. I can't enjoy the food. I need street. am I straight I am straight that just feels like a show I know like eight women who would want but I am sort of like I feel like I'm one of like some old phone because I feel like I'm the last of like a straight woman who's like straight yeah like everyone might not because I only found out I have the definition we can't go over

this again really but like maybe you're not I think she knows that she is oh yeah you're right yeah I think I'm not listen I might I don't want to say her business I say anyway I know people who they're complete everyone's changing so I'm not like I never rule I've got no phobic if I'm if I met a woman

and fell in love absolutely delighted I just haven't got and then if she got home and cooked you dinner and you took your top off to eat it let me tell you she'd be all so delighted but that's what I said if I met a woman

so I'm open to it then you're bisexual no no because you well I don't know I don't know either that's what yeah I think it was the fact that you paired it with

and you've made out with women and you think about women when you I watch women making out in the shower and porn hub I love that

have you seen it have you seen it very tender very tender very tender they're very good to each other it's lovely

lovely to see lovely girls and we've believed it or not we have somebody with a bigger problem who's the hell who is the big problem

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You just have to hire one You can hire top rated pros See price estimates and read reviews all on the app Download today Okay let's hear it am Okay this is from Jay Hi Jay Jay says as a millennial woman

I have a complicated relationship with my mom She's always been shy, quiet and slim and has a deeply rooted self-hatred and classic mum diet of a disdain for people who enjoy food. I'm fat, silly and loud and have fought not to hate myself for these things. The problem is I've held on to a lot of anger

towards my mum for who she is and how she taught me to exist as a woman. How do I accept all her flaws and learn to build a better relationship with her? Many thanks for making me laugh every week. Five years of therapy? Wow, Jay. Were you expecting that level of problem?

wasn't actually um how is going to be like um a little bit like i'm trying to sober up someone's walked up to me and like i can't find my phone and i'm like something terrible what like um okay we no longer know where we are we are everybody but yeah okay here we go um but we got this thoughts initial thoughts i've got some initial thoughts do you mean to go first yeah um um um as someone who has i mean maybe a similar predicament my mom's like a similar predicament my mom's like a size six and I am a morbidly obese crazy person. It's called fat and silly, please. Fat and silly.

That's how we're pronouncing it. I'm fat and cookie as fuck. I'm silly. I fart when I fall over. I think, like, number one thing is, is like, you can have, you can be annoyed at someone, but like you can have sympathy for what they were raised in. Like, I'm assuming that your mother's from that generation of like the Atkins and the cabbage soup, like it actually was a lot worse for them and a lot more toxic.

And like, often the idea that they want you to be thin or they want you to enjoy thin foods, it's not because they are disgusted by you. It's because they're worried about how the world will treat you if you're bigger. So I think sometimes, like, I could feel like judged by a parent or someone in my family because they're, like, commenting on what I'm eating. But it's not because they're, like, disgusted by me. It's because they're like, oh, God, the world's not going to be easy for you if you're going to be that size. And also, the world they grew up in was, like, bad.

Like we had special K when you had to eat two balls. They had like an advert on TV where you had like pinch your fat and then the man would go, better get on the special K. And they were told no carbohydrates. Like we're aware of those diets but we weren't told. We had different stuff. But I think ours was better. So you can, if you have sympathy and understanding,

then that does make it easier. But it's still really fucking annoying. So when they don't even, sometimes mom doesn't have to say anything just to look at you and you're like, what the fuck are you looking at? Yeah. where you're looking at I think that's deeply compassionate and it's a good place to start

anything else do you think? I think you you know it's very hard to control other people you know like to and I just think that's like the relationship with your family

if you love your mum I'm presuming you do or to some you know I think it clearly do otherwise you really have right and she wouldn't matter to you no that's it I think it's really as I've got older

I mean I'm really lucky with my mom my mom's tiny she's like four foot we're like you know sophia and dorothea from golden girls my mom's tiny she's like four foot 11 always been tiny and i'm like this massive thing um but you know she'll say things like at the odd time but i i've always just i don't i just choose to take it as what you said i think it's sometimes she's trying to be she's never a mean or i don't know i just think um you can like your own healing your own your own relationship with your body and your weight is the one and then I think you can sort of get a bit of armour around how the world is

because you can't control it. You can't control people places and things and how they're going to, the world is going to respond to you and when you're bigger you do people respond. There's just and I just feel like it's really hard trying to control that response the whole time and we should be. We should be able to have like no one should say anything mean but

reality if you've ever been big you know like people say mad shit to you do you know I mean and you go okay and so I feel like and sometimes that could used to fuck my day up, you know, in the middle of the day, it would be like a little bullet. And then, you know, whatever the rest of the day was would be affected by it. And I've got to sort of make sure that those things don't land. I can't give it other people that much power. Even a mum,

even because your life will be miserable. It's tight, you know, and I'm not saying except it. I don't know the solution other than my thing is, with all of it, is to try not to let anyone have that much control over the ratio I have with myself. It's to me. If I can be like, okay I'm not doing this now you know kind of but it's really tricky it's a tricky one when it's your family member yeah I think those are I think it's really good advice I think like probably there's something in trying to mother yourself the rest of the time the way you would have preferred to have been which I know sounds really cheesy but like oh no it's quite how much do I think like so true yeah I think trying because you're probably not with her more than you are with her

and I think giving yourself all the kind of language you would have liked for her to use I think empowers you to sort of feel differently or maybe better about yourself and also know that it's possible because I also think I do think there's a degree to which like yes

she will have been raised in a horrible scenario but also I don't know that they understand the implications like I don't think if you sat your mom down and told her all the things that her self-loathing has made you feel that she would have wanted that to be the outcome so there's like a little bit of like trying like also not being trying not to have her take on responsibility for stuff that is like structural as much as it is individual but I think to be honest with you I my mom says the worst things about herself and that often makes like everyone around her feel bad because then the language is that food is bad and whatever it might be but the more I show her love in those moments like the more I'm like oh

I actually think like if I say something positive to her and why I think that might actually make her feel like what she's saying might actually not be super helpful then I think it does register in her body more. Like sometimes I think mothering her helps us both as well. Oh my God, mothering your mother and mothering yourself at the same time is 100% of thing. Like to be like, oh, that sucks that your mum didn't like your body

or her body enough and that you now believe this thing to be true. Yeah. And now you're judging my body. because you don't like it's so sad that you don't like your own body that all takes huge grace though on my worst days what I try to remind myself is that

if somebody is saying anything about my body they are probably saying 12,000 things worse to themselves about their own yeah and I try to just look sympathy on the best days but pity on others and try to block it out

but it's really really really fucking hard and I do think there's ways to have that conversation if you haven't had that conversation. You can still say, like, you can find that way of articulating and saying when you say these phrases, how it makes you feel. But it is that then, you know, if it still gets said, it's sort of like sometimes you can get into a situation where, you're like, oh, now they still, I think people,

it's hard for people to sort of change. It's like habitual. But then I also don't think you should just be like, accept whatever's being said to you. It's just tricky. It's just to navigate. You also might be a teenager. We don't know how old you are.

In which case, do what I did when I was 14. It's like, I might have a bad relationship with food. That's because you get. me a bad relationship with food like manipulate the situation screaming fun secret eat if you have to you can order any food in eat it in secret make sure it goes in the bin but under something else no no no no no no if there's a jar of peanut butter and you want to binge it don't just have a couple of spoon finish the jar put it in the bin make her think she never went tesco like there's ways of doing it all good options I think all good options allow the option like you nourish your body the way that

you want to nourish it and if you've got to you've got to you know sympathy for your mum than amazing but that also can come because I had to do I mean yeah I got therapy for years to like be like oh okay like it's not about me and all of that it really isn't about you that's the thing like it's so crap that wasn't just body stuff that's yeah that's what I mean I think like the older you get the more you realize like oh my parent was just some guy trying their absolute fucking best in a series like a myriad of circumstances that they had no control over it's thousands of years if women weren't sexually attractive they would could starve to death if they weren't chosen by a man and so this that sort of you know you had to keep

beauty like it's such a weird like the idea that you could that you know it's only in recent times where you're like I'm gonna I'm like a dog today and I'm the privilege to be to go I'm not going to brush my teeth you know what kind oh you know a real old lab slobbery and you go but like a hundred you had like if you didn't moms are like God look fit we're going to starve to death that is actually facts from ancient Babylon, and I'll tell you exactly what happened. Ancient Babylon. This is genuine. This is genuine.

They'd get all the birds in town that were ready to get married, line them up in a row, and they'd line them in fittest to least fit. And they'd start at the fittest end, and they'd be like a guy who'd be like, right, who wants this one? And they would pay the dad to marry them, like the honour of marrying them. And then at some point, half the down the line, they'd get to someone who was free. They were free. you could just have them all done

and then for the uggos at some point during the line No you didn't have to pay Yeah the dad would have to pay the guy to take her So your entire worth was on how fit you were Could you imagine being the one after zero Like I'll be free I'll be free

But you couldn't work and earn your own money So you had to be sexually attractive You had to have someone to go I want I've So that stuff is so ingrained in like In our species As women going Oh will you be safe

will you be safe if you do not beautiful you know and that lot of the time protection is afforded to beautiful women and not to beautiful you know like that's sort of like she is worthy of protection I'm getting very you know it's tough being a mantra or a minger like can I just say by the way I wish I could be like olden times were crazy but I literally just had a flashback to drama school which was like constantly being put in lines of like who's fittest for things but also oh god they're the boys in the boys we were in our early 20s so like I was 24 years old and I was on this course and there were nine men 11 women

and the men made a list in order of who the women who was fittest to laugh yeah I had that when I worked at school

at school Woolworths yeah what sorry there was there was I worked at Woolworths and then

this girl she was very posh and she came down and I always remember what she'd do in here but there was this girl and she came down

and she was fuming and I was like what she said there's a list of and they've like with a boy who worked there had written all the girls

in order of fitness and I was like outrageous and then still wanted to know where I was of course of course that's disgraceful uh where is it yeah yeah I did badly very badly oh yeah yeah yeah I did badly they must have been 10 out of tens and 20s out of 20s that you're going to be a good I was 10th the 11th woman of the 11 was the other redhead and some part of me though it was all Dispigable was like relieved that I wasn't 11. It's box. You can't, it's safety.

Do you know that if you go under anesthetic, you need more? I do know that. And also that everything hurts a little bit more annoyingly. Yeah, we have a very low pain threshold. Yeah, that makes sense. My sister who always says, shout and she bruises like a peach. My mom, sorry, that's such an Irish. My mother's always like, I pray is like a peach.

And you're like, why do you sound like you seldom on the side of the street? I pray is like a peach. Yeah, it's a thing. It's a thing. We did a list at our school, but it wasn't as bad. Wait, no, we're saying other horrible men did it. You're saying we did a list. No, no, no.

There was like a list in my year. The guys did one. But like, I remember thinking, oh, God, it's going to be like the most to least attractive. But thank God the guys in our school, like year were a bit more fastidious. And they did like top five most beautiful eyes, like top five best tips. So there was like more options and more things going on. I'm going to say it right now. obvious if you weren't on the list. Specificity gives everyone a chance and it creates a much more diverse

idea of beauty. And there's so many lists going on that like I wasn't on any of them, but it didn't matter because there were so many lists to check. I'm putting a tenor. I put my nose in. I'm putting a tenor on. Yeah. Oh my God. You have a perfect. It's a good nose. Everything else, absolute chaos. But the nose, I would, I would go head to head. I've got these. You've got that. They're going in. They're insane. We'd like to enter. Sorry, boys, I know it's geography class. I just want to make a little, um, contribution. Can I just say, the boy who categorize all of those qualities that a woman white is in.

Yeah, gay, gay. I would put a tenor on that fact that that was run by a gay man. Well, how are we breaking this down? And who's eligible for what? And like God for him. Yeah. Go ahead for him. Do you feel like one of the boys said like, you're gay?

And he went, no, I'm not. Who's got the most beautiful life? Yeah, exactly. Are we including lashes or neat? Oh, what a time to be alive. I'm so glad it's gotten better than it was. Shout out to the boy that started that at Courtmore School and Fleet. I don't know who it was, but like, good for you.

I've got to imagine being at school now, though, with all the WhatsApp stuff and all that stuff and that amount of... Like, there's just... The groups where people must be so much of that all day every day. Like, just lists hitting you, like, you've got shit news. Like, you've won shit news. knees like things that you know I know that I would find funny to be like let's see who's got the worst knees you know if I had a I just I know it went to a girl's school but like it would

but we used to draw each other it was very vicious we were brutal oh yeah it was unbelievable they used to draw me with like 25 chins and just a boot for a nose like with laces like these are my best friends but we enjoyed it so much it was really good fun okay That sounds like more in jest than the school I went to. Oh, yeah, Mars was in jest. Ours was like, if you thought of a way to draw someone, very close, you had to be very close. Nice. It was very, I had one friend, we just drew as Rod Stewart because they looked so similar.

So you just drew Rod Stewart and it won. That's incredible. Yeah. I mean, that's just a good time. It's good stuff. Boot nose, even now when I see the old drawing, I'm like, that's so funny with the laces. But your nose is perfect. It's like a boot, though.

I don't mind it. Disagree. What sort of boot? Like a boot from the side. They'd draw a boot and then just draw these laces. Oh, cute. Oh, that's actually very sweet. It's very sweet stuff.

My loves, we have to ask Rocheon now where the people can find her. They know where they can find her. On the television. She's famous. On the tubes. On the tube.

In a Woolworths, but I loved Woolworths. On stage, full of meatballs. You're not the first guest who worked at Woolworths. Who else worked at Woolworth? Somebody recently was a Stevie Martin. I don't know. I think it was.

I worked at the one in Camden as well and it was really good stuff. That's intense. yeah why well it was just camden it was just felt like i was so shy still then like i was really shy to let's oh my god so shy sorry for going so high bitched yeah my friends my close friends i was like a secret funny person so the people who were close to me were like she's very funny and other people like what the woman who doesn't talk i did that for four years at such a very school there was one teacher that couldn't believe i was in the school play and she was like

helen you're in the school like are you serious and some of my friends like yeah obviously and i was like yeah because half the classes I'm quiet in it was so weird it was so but I remember thinking like what is wrong with me why am I so fun walking my friends to school and then I go into the classroom went silent but it's a mad like I think sometimes my whole personality is a trauma response like I genuinely think I'm quite a shock girl put it on a fucking t-shirt is that not well and that's the podcast the end we've we figured it out guys we're all done here what a treat honestly what a treat you're a babe you're a babe thank you're having me might be a bunch of babes We're a bunch of babes.

I'd put you in my top 20. Oh, yeah. We should definitely vote our noses, our eye. Let, if you want to send it... Should we start a list of female comedians online and then send it to the lads? Well, send it to, like, a male podcast and be like, can you rate us on this?

I'm gonna lose boobs so high. No, you won't lose. You won't lose anything. The only one I care about his nose. I'm going head to head on nose. I've got, I'm going all in. You know, when people go to Vegas, about 100 grand on red.

All in on your nose. I'd have to put all in on tips. I think there's so many good tips in comedy. No. there's like, I think you've got a good show. No, no, there's some amazing. We're not recording anymore. I think we are still recording.

I don't think you should say it. Now we sound like dodgy guys. Like, oh, Carol. Come out. Thank you so much to the machine. Bye! Roachy College, everyone. As ever, a huge thank you to our executive producers.

We genuinely couldn't make our podcast without you. And we're so, so grateful. Which is why we've set you up in the delightful executive lounge. You are, of course, Guy Goodman, Simon Moore's. Connor, Stephanie Catrachea, Oliver Dago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, and Sadie Cashmore. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can I get you some olives? And let's give some more olives to our producers. Thank you so much. It's L. Richard Bold, Howard Van Dyke, Kim and Don, David Walker,

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