Trusty Hogs - Ep174. Sourdough, Sudoku & Sunset Boulevard

Episode Date: February 20, 2025

Helen's been living among stacks of boxes, Andrew dramatically crashes in mid-podcast, and Catherine has has a change of heart on musical theatre...NEW MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Annie Tonner / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Sarah DeakinPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie RobertsonWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, and welcome to episode 174 of Trusty Hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart. It's been Helen Bauer. Oh, gosh, it's Misha Catherine Bowhart. Are we doing our own language? It's good for us. Welcome to our podcast. We're both comedians.

This is a show about our perfect lives where we answer your listener problems. We are. And you guys are having a tough time and we're happy to help where we can, where we can. Through the fog, step for the trusty hogs. Yeah.

to give them your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hugs

trust the trusty hogs or maybe not Helen I this is like okay I was at coffee with a friend at four, maybe 4.30 p.m. in a bakery the other day. You worked in bakeries, right? Yes. Okay. And I was like, do you have any bread for sale? And they were like, oh, no, no, we're pretty much out of bread. And I was like, oh, darn. Okay. And then I see they're clearing up and they're putting all the bread in,

like, there's a little bit of bread, but they're like putting it into big potato sacks. And I was like, oh, I'll buy some of that bread if you're throwing it away. And they were like, oh, and it was honestly five minutes to closing. And they were like, oh, we at this point, how much do you want? And I was like what do you mean and they were like just have as much as you want guys we got to go for coffee at bakeries five minutes to closing i got two giant loves one of a potato sourdough one of a regular sourdough and two pastries and you can't say this in the podcast because everyone would know about the secret okay but wait i didn't realize i had such a busy evening so i carried this like baby weight of bread around it ended up becoming like to the pub to the cinema yeah yeah i was like but bread

became my entire personality but i was just so happy no bread tastes like free bread the bread made my week and then this weekend's been a lot of food but then shown i had that i haven't had it ages honestly ages and i'm sure everybody else is having them contemporaneously but i just remembered how good minstrels are you just remember how good are they're good they're good no i don't think you're appreciating how good they are i still have that blood thing in my head oh my god i count with you in this i know they're good i just i still i i still i i I've always heard Maltiser. Yeah, but the thing about Maltisers is

you can't put them in your popcorn. What I love a bit of minstrel in a hot popcorn is that they melt in the middle, but they stay, what's the word I'm looking for, I suppose, like structurally sound. Yeah. They've got some gravitas to them. They have some girth,

and I just think it's marvellous. And sometimes they'll have melted in the centre and that's a lovely surprise. And sometimes they won't have, and that's equally a surprise. I always think chocolate chips and, like, desiccated coconuts would be nice in popcorn.

I know see what I don't want I think and I think this is ultimately where we're coming down is I don't want the chocolate to like melt on my fingers okay yeah I could get on board with like a coconut chocolate covered popcorn I think I'm talking like I'd have like a chocolate spoon with me as well made out of the Maltesea bunny does that not melt in your hand though

not with the special glove I want I don't think you're thinking this through okay so you have a sort of temperate glove for your popcorn eating do you? Obviously, if I'm given a temperate glove in the cinema, which in of itself is like a whole new, it's a whole new experience. Yeah, I would like a glove actually. Is it my own glove? Yes.

Okay. Is it disposable? Because I don't want to use the same one every time. I think it's, there's an option for disposable. It's like a straw. It's like a straw. We're changing to a straw. No, but it's like a straw as far as like, you can carry around your own in your own little container and you can take it home and clean it.

Or you can get like a substandard disposable one at the cinema. I don't want it to be that because I never bring my straw with me. Right. Okay, well then you're not, you know what? I was so excited about minstrels. It's ruined. Oh, by the way, I had such a realization today. Did you have it at lunch?

I mean, I ate lunch with you. Did you feel us age as we did it? That's so mean. No, but you felt it, right? I couldn't hear in the cafe. It was so funny. We went to a cafe just before this. And Helen could not hear anything I was saying.

it was because there was some background music no it was insane it really wasn't it was insane no I want to be clear it wasn't as soon as I sat down I was like oh I'm in trouble here and I got there early so I was on my laptop and I was thinking god you know it just sounds like I'm in the middle of a rock and roll concert of a rock and roll show it really wasn't that loud and this is a bougie hipster cafe which is why we know it wasn't that loud led Zeppelin's on top of me are they they even know how many members are It was a mild level of noise of maybe like an indie music band. I feel bruised. I feel sold. Indy music band. It was the cooks. They could have been. They were very kooky.

But I'd listen, you were like, I can't hear you. And then you did what I thought I only do. I was like, Helen's younger than me. There's no way to do this. But you did something I've started to do. And Ellen laughs at me all the time for it, which is that you were sending an email and had to, as do I, speak every word you were texting. because that's how we know we're middle-aged.

You were like, and I will let you know when I know. And I was like, oh wow, okay, we're old now. It was intense, wasn't it? It was really intense, especially because at one point... Because I couldn't hear my fucking dogs in there. There was also one point where

because I thought you were replying to that guy on Hinge, but actually you were just being sarcastic about because you're still holding your phone. I was like, don't write that. You're like, I'm speaking. And I was like, what? And I was like, oh, God. You would keep asking if I was talking to you.

I can't be like, are you talking to me? You couldn't hear me properly either. Are you talking about me? Don't make out you knew what I was saying either. It was crazy in there. And then I told you about my new obsession with Sudoku. We really sounded a thousand years old. But I get this because Sudoku, I think at this point in our lives, being like in our mid-30s, having a puzzle that you can definitely complete is a win.

I love the little music at the end of the New York Times one. Oh, I thought you were doing on the Metro one. Do you do it on your phone? I do it on my phone. I love it. I've just learned it was my first time playing this weekend Sudoku, who knew?

You guys should check it out I think it's going to be a big thing You guys heard about it If you guys heard of Sudoku I think it's going to be huge The best thing about it You never have to worry about the double digits Because they don't know what they are either

Right? Oh right yes okay Because it's just one tonight Yeah sorry I was stuck on Why people would be worrying about double digits Like Because they're harder to learn

You know that you're right And like yeah Shout out to our toddler listeners Don't worry if you're not on double digits yet double it does get confusing because there's so much more to but one to nine you can just see them very clearly

but as soon as you go past 11 I'm like that is that one and a two or a two and a one what order are they coming in I do hear you like what an interesting thought what an interesting thought it was an interesting thought actually

it is an interesting thought it's definitely interesting I'm representing people out there who also see numbers weird yeah I like that hey listen how is your weekend obviously mine and I think you can take a lot from it in terms of my mental health

was based around bread, minstrels, and Sudoku. So I want to go back to the bread thing. Not going particularly well, but yes, go on with bread. That does happen at a lot of bakeries. The bread goes at the end of the day. It was the greatest. I froze one of the loaves, which means that when I take that,

it's going to be a second free loaf. Just to check sourdough loaf. You froze it. Yeah, and I kept a potato. Did you slice it before you froze it? What am I? Some sort of fucking rocky? Just you'd be surprised at how many morons

are wandering around there who just freeze a loaf without slicing it first. I'm myself sort of a fucking amateur? They're a thickos, Catherine. Give me a break. Honestly, when I worked in a bakery and he stole it to the estate of the clinically thick people around there,

it was insane. I obviously asked at the bakery if they would slice it for me initially. They wouldn't do that. You always push in a little bit. Yeah, to be fair, they were like, we're closing.

You're getting a body, a baby's body weight of bread. Just leave lady. We're not going to do anything for you. Yeah, and I did then, of course, cut it myself. I do love slicing a big life, though. I actually find it such hard work.

Really? I won the time I was done My shoulders and arms I was like Bloody hell I'm done You need to come knife shopping with me and Seneal We're going knife shopping next week Oh right

It was just such a big loaf Oh Yeah Can I have so Wait a second Do you and Sineal are going Knife shopping Yeah for knifie

New knifie Because he's got like 20 knivies But I've got no knife So he's like good So you're pluralising Knife to knive Knivey Knive z

knivesies knivesies I just want to know how it works I'm having a lot of knifey fun at home at the moment I don't like that I don't think that's right He actually

I don't think that's right at all You'll be surprised What do you mean Like there's lots of packages Arriving at the moment Right And some of them have surprise knives He's replacing everything

Like I've boxed up I'd say half my stuff It's like piled up in the living room Like I've taken paintings down And like shelves down Timemind for the listener You don't have your keys yet you just want to be ready to go. I'm going off vibes and I feel like I could get my keys either

tomorrow or in two weeks. Or in six months. So I emailed the solicitor and I was like, okay, is that everything done? Once you've got those, I put things in the post yesterday and I was like, once you've got those, everything done and she went, yeah, that feels that everything's good. There's just that to wait on. And then I was like, thank you. And then after that, do you have a rough timeline on all of this? And then her response, good afternoon, not at the moment, kind regards. So I just don't know. I, this is, that sounds really stressful. I find that level of uncertainty deeply stressful.

Oh, so uncertain. It's so not nice for you. I'm sorry. I know that's not weird the way your brain works either. So I've packed up my stuff and then so Neil's getting stuff delivered. Of course. Things that we've already, like he already owns. He's decided this is the right time to get a new bed.

He's getting a new bed. And he's like, new bed's coming and I'm like, where are we going to put the new bed? Like we're literally like. And also what's wrong with your bed? Oh, he's decided that he deserves a bigger bed. And I do. agree with him. Right, fair enough. Everyone deserves a bigger bag. Is he turning it into a bachelor pad

the second you leave? Yeah, he's got this that, that weights bench is still unboxed. I can't with that. And all the dumbbells. It's great. He's going to get a thick neck as his plan. Do you know what the thing is? He doesn't need to lift weights for that. Like, once he grows that beard to a certain point, I think, yeah, that must be a thick. I think he's got a very thick neck. Yeah, I'd say, it's hard to bit

about him behind his back, but I'd say that neck's thick enough. That's a thick neck. I reckon you don't need anything more. And he's hench. Where is he putting the extra thickness. No one knows. He's hench. I don't know about that. I think he's like Johnny Bravo.

I don't know how you could tell. He seems like one of those never-news, doesn't it? Oh my God, do you remember that rumor? That's Sineal Patel was a never-nude. I'm sure I started it. I didn't mean to, but that's the thing I've said for years. No, I'm so sure Sean's wife, Alexa, started that. That checks out.

Well, she and I are on the same wave like then, because that man has to be an ever-news. He's my prince, maybe an arm and croissant this morning in the air friar. No, Prater selling them frozen in Sainsbury. Oh my god You are truly the prime audience But I was trying to think who'd buy Of course you would

Yeah yeah yeah Actually that sounds great And it's morons like us Who like run to Iceland When they start selling frozen greggs And we're like Is it even any cheaper You just have to work more

You just have to be a special level of thick To find it so exciting Like it's a brand in a cafe Are you home? But what was I saying? Oh yeah But then he completely apropos

apropos of nothing nailed it thank you pretty much first I'm saying that out loud apropos by the way well done if that's the first

I'd be saying that out loud because the only other person I know who's never heard it to be fair to her my sweet mother when she first said that to me and she is an avid reader

but she's at apropos and I had to be like oh my sweet mom I love it so much she's so cute because it means out of the blue isn't it apropos

sort of like stemming from nothing. Steming from nothing. But also only out of the blue, it can be apropos of something specific or apropos of nothing. So apropos nothing. Apropos of nothing.

So Neil wrote me a list of things I need for the kitchen. Huh? I know. So then, and then he was like spent, God must have been about... Sorry, is he worried about you? I don't know. Sorry, is he being incredibly cute?

I think, for my brain, obviously, I look on the positives. I'm like, oh my God, he's so cute. And then from his side, I think he was scared. I was going to take his cheese grease. and it's like, I'm not going to take you a greater. Dude, I'm not stealing from you.

Also, it's my greater. Is it actually? I don't remember. Okay. So then you can see why he was worried. I don't want to buy anyone. Because it seems like he can remember. I don't want to buy anyone.

Okay. So it seems like his concern was actually plausible. Maybe. When you put it like that. You're like, I'm not going to steal it's greater. Although it is migrating. And no one can even say who had it. And I think I probably will take it because I don't want to buy anyone.

I'm like, okay. I can see why he made the list. So we're doing a trip to Procook. and there's one on Tottenham Court Road because Will came over last night to play Eldon Ring for a couple of hours You need to give other people context One, who's Will, two, what is Eldon Ring?

Our friend of the podcast Came over to watch Eldon Ring A game on the Xbox That they have been playing for a couple of boys' nights now At my flat I get locked in my room during it When he came over to watch it No, they play it and they played the same level

For two and a half hours And then I messaged Nick Ellery saying Can you call them? I can't live? live like this anymore because all I could do was hear them going oh no oh no oh no and that was it are you desperate to move out at this point yeah I'm ready to go I'm ready to go and then and then they start talking about Procook and Sneer really wants to go to Procook now and there's one on Tottencourt road and he's like that's really easy we should just go there but I think it's more fun there's

one in Basingstoke and I think we should road trip but you don't drive no but he's got a car yeah but you don't drive and that's why you want to go to Basingstoke's charming and he doesn't know bad about it but like you you can see why you want one and he wants the other. But I would pay for his entrance to two milestones at the Victorian Village Museum. I think it's more like who pays for the petrol

who pays for the car. Well, him because it's his car. But I will pay for the entrance to the Victorian Village. I bet he's pretty excited for you to leave as well now that on... He bought a mirror. He bought a mirror. Did he not own one?

No. What? He goes into my room to look in a mirror. Shut up, shut up. Yeah. Shut up. Yeah. This man's one life goal is to get a thick neck

and he's never even seen himself. No wonder it's to get a lot. a thick neck. He just needs to look me in a goddamn mirror. You're good, my guy. I'm the only one that's got like a full-length mirror and even then my mirror is not full-length. It's like the size of my torso, but obviously if you stand away from things, you can see everything. And also I can probably see my whole body. I told you if I was going to say I could probably see my short body in it, whereas you, because like, isn't that just because you're so tall? Yeah, but senileas to come in my room to look in the mirror. Andrew's here. Andrew, welcome to trusty hog. Andrew, where's our,

where's our tablecloth, Andrew? We're doing a podcast with a tablecloth, by the way. You can probably hear it the table feels nude i feel weird where is it Andrew i don't know i mean i we do know i took it home to watch it but didn't we have a second one on it because i didn't know we need to spell one today though okay that was fine Andrew had an accident with hot chocolate last

week they they remember I'm sure they felt as weird about it as I felt about it I sort of lifted up my glass and then dropped it yeah wasn't a bit of a hot chocolate wasn't um wasn't rocheon here yeah and then you put the pig on it and then we said it looked like it chatted itself and then

They were there. Everyone was there. That things happened to good people. I think you can tell how my brain worked. Andrew walked in and you were like, I have to wave and I was like, I have to fix the thing that's changed. No change.

Change. Fix the change. Anyway. All that to say. All that to say, now that Andrew's here, I can tell you and him that I learned a thing accidentally to be fair,

but nonetheless, very riveting about musical theater this week. Yeah. Apropos of very little. Here we go. So I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts called, look, it's a really low brow, but it's called dis, I can't even say it with my retainer in dis and tell.

Dis and tell. Thank you for saying. D-I-S-S-A-N-D-D-T-E-E-L-L-L. It's that. And it's about like feuds, like sort of high, like celebrity camp feuds. And this one was about. Beanie Feldstein and Lea Michelle. No, no, no, no, no, you mustn't guess.

although I have listened to that one as well. You simply must and guess. Well, not really because that was so one-sided. That was basically just Liam Michel being furious and Beanie being like, I don't know her. But anyway, that sounds the point. I guess I have listened to that one as well. It was actually Andrew Lloyd-Weber versus...

Thank you, Andrew Patti Lopone. Oh, my God. Decades long. Decades long, I didn't know. Okay, did you know, Beth? Okay, Andrew, just for the listeners benefit. Catherine's got very excited. I don't know about it, so I'm very excited to learn.

and Andrew has sat back in the cutest most I know something you don't know way I'll do the facial expression with Patelepone Okay so here's the story We get it you gay Are you ready for this?

Okay so he casts her in Avita Let's just all just take a minute because I'm excited to hear it and I want to take it all in but Helen's hearing we're going to go nice and slow for Helen yeah I love you He casts her in Avisha

brilliant as we know Angeloid Weber not always a huge like critical success but a very popular success this is like his sort of general

reception the thing about the reviews for Abita aside from being like this isn't very good initially and a little bit shallow is that they're quite harsh

about Patty Lepone but he keeps her in the show and it goes on to critical success and they win best musical at the I believe so

yeah Tony's okay then they fall out why do they fall out over Abita Catherine's

just listened to the podcast it's because he sends her a bunch of a bunch of passag messages

during the show right he's like if only we could consider your diction being better which is a big

criticism of her career constantly I'm more caught up from Sunset Boulevard okay then 14 years

later he cast her in Sunset Boulevard and wait for it exactly exactly but as is often the case with Broadway shows they will open in other territories I've recently discovered because they want to test it and they want to change the stories okay so they open it in London yeah with Patti Lepern the reviews do not enjoy Patti Lepone specifically one man at the New York Times who hates Andrewid Weber actually likes Sunset Boulevard but doesn't like her in it

fuck the grey lady but so then they open in Florida. Florida? I think it is Florida with Glenn Close. But here's the thing. Patti Lepone's contract says she will be in the transfer to Broadway. Oh my God, Sly. And then he starts auditions. He auditions Barbara, Streisand. He auditions Merrill. Of course you do. And then he auditions Glenn and he gives it a part. Then Patty Lepone finds out about this from the press. and she kicks off and leaves she doesn't go out to perform that night she leaves the performance

having like smashed up her dressing room then wait wait smashed up as in like properly smashed up Norma Desmond style indeed literally everyone was like put that into the performance that's exactly the problem is that

she doesn't seem deranged enough it's too composed then now the thing to say about this is one Glenn Close started dating Patty Lepone's ex-boyfriend Kevin Klein film start at the time not to be confused with Kevin Costner

oh that's what yeah anyway so she was already it was already like you took my boyfriend and then you took my role although actually he didn't leave her

for Glenn Close he left her for chorus girl that's what I learned from the podcast but separately they announced this and then he's like oh nothing to do with me

Paramount just that I had to power mount go to the press and her like nah we didn't say that we didn't discuss anything. This is all him. And so then she kicks off and then she sues him and then she gets a million dollars, which isn't that much given how much thing he made that shows up boulevard. But then she built a pool with that money in her Connecticut house and named it the Andrew Lloyd Weber

Memorial pool. Memorial? Yeah. And that's the saga there. But anyway, sorry, I had just repeated a podcast that you can actually go listen to, but without any of the like sassy quips. But I was listening to it. No, I'm fascinated. But I was listening to it and I was like, oh my God, I'm loving this and then I thought wow Helen's gonna be so proud of me I learned a thing about a thing she cares about I'm so excited to tell you

I really I just thought it was Glenn closest and that was it no it was really big wash out your fucking mouth there's a recording of Batty's last performance as if we never said goodbye electric amazing fucking love that song

yeah I don't know why I'm frightened yeah it's really good she's so good maybe I'm wrongly she's I think she did storm out for in that performance that night she definitely trashed her dressing room yes that part's definitely true because she went on

and onto like an interview show and with what's his name who does all the wife the housewives oh Andy Cohen Andy Cohen and she's just like she got out of bat and used her dressing room as like Target practice is what she says in the interview and the other actress is just like

I'm obsessed anyway all that is to say that I think you'd love dissentail it's really good and also I listen to a really good one on there they're about two competitive eaters but I don't think you'll have the same level of interest. Oh, maybe you know.

No, I think, yeah. It's actually a beautifully moving story. I think I'd find that incredibly moving as well. It's actually more about workers' rights than you think it is. Competitive Eaters, workers. Well, the particular feud in this context. Yeah.

Really good. Dis and tell. Yeah. Once again, I am blown away by your ferocity and appetite for podcasts. Oh my God, there's an amazing one you have to listen to. Okay, sorry.

No, okay. No, Helen, tell me in the extras. No, okay, fine, because I do talk too much about other people's podcasts, but oh my god there's one that you actually have to listen to and I'll type out in the extras you're dying right now I just don't know where you like I feel like you get up in the morning

and plug in your headphones and then but when do you like like can you do other stuff whilst listening to it like I can travel and listen to a podcast or walk listen to a podcast but I can't have a podcast on whilst I'm working no I don't do that I have TV on actually though which is weird I'll pop it on when I like I'm making the bed I'm making my coffee.

I'm making my breakfast. Then I will bring with me on my run or listen to it while I do my weights. Your earphones are an information super highway. They really are. I ran 10K yesterday because I was loving a podcast so much. That's insane. Barf?

Barf. I actually, who am I? Who am I? No, but I felt like absolute death. It was like, it's the first 10K everyone in a long time. And I was like, this is not easy. I did an Encanto Disney workout. Did you?

That sounds so fun. So similar. similar gave up after surface pressure because i was like it's the best song as no point doing another one that is so fair um where did you find also she had a dumbbell and i didn't have any so i's where did you find such a thing um okay on youtube there's someone could grow with joe i'm sure i talked about you have yeah and she does she does an incanto workout dressed up as mirabelle so similar things similar things we need different things from our workouts but i love you so much for that i feel like we're going to be trusty hogs memes like the two of us like how your friends

work out you want a 10k run and me dressing up as Louisa from a cantoe like can i can i buy you dumbbells for your housewoman gift no guess why guess why you don't want them i've ordered them not dumbbells not dumbbells um how is that pink ankle and wrist weights oh cute which looks like the same thing but no risk of dropping it because how did you drop a 2k or 1k dumbbell on your time how we that's really really smart that's really smart and also you can you can't really bring a dumbbell on a walk you look like an absolute loon but you can strap on weights if you want to wear them outside the house no I'm going to do it for when I do my um that's cool um my my next um my next polkaontist dance along or something oh my god this sounds so fun yeah we

exercise differently yeah we do but I prefer yours your sense great you won't whatever land you land on but also literally who gives a fuck how you exit as long as you have a nice time that sounds amazing so Neil says I can't do a naked in the home no I'm joking I don't do a naked in the home I don't do a naked and now you're like I'm wearing weight It's all right. I'm coming. I've got an ankle weight on. I actually... I actually... For the first time I was an adult woman this Christmas,

I bought myself in the sales. I bought myself three actually nice sets of exercise clothes. Like, they match. And they're so nice. They aren't just like 10 years old or with holes or paint on. And it's making me want to exercise so much more. It's so pathetic that that's true, isn't it? But you're like, just like knowing I have a cute little set,

I'm like, I actually am exercising. I was like, oh God, how annoying that that worked. What a basic little bitch, but I do love them. Or wear knickers and two bras to keep everything in place. I barely have to wear a bra. Each of their road, that's all I'll say. Except, yeah, yeah, no. That and a Trusty Hoggs cap.

I do sometimes. Merch available at trustyhoggs.com forward slash merch. Is that right? Thank you so much to everyone who bought our merch. Everyone looks so cut, cut, new. My favorite thing is when they're wearing a top that I wore at the photo shoot and then they get tagged on Instagram because then I'm like, oh my god I'm an actual influencer

yeah of course you are like an actual influencer though I'm so proud of you because have you seen the Molly May documentary no obviously not oh my god it's great is it I don't know man I love her I love her

oh I'm sure I love her too I just I can't get sucked in again I'm so busy with traders you're not that's over by now no I've done I've done English traders obviously

and then because of the gap it left in my heart and the fact that I don't have a party on Monday every single week to go to which I love I'm watching the American one with the late in life lesbians

Gabby Wendy and Chriselle I've been told to watch the American one it actually initially so I watched the first series and I was like this does not work

I don't want to watch celebrities it's a no from me then I went to the Australian one yes please very good lovely bit of fun okay then I was like sorry I'm so

you can definitely hear that I have my retainer in you really can't I in my head it's so loud I'm like oh my God but and then I was like I'm going to give this one

to go because I love Gabby Wendy do so much and I love Crischel too and it's actually great. It's got Zach Efron's younger brother in. Why? Because then this kind of thing can happen somebody can be like, I know you're lying, I know you're lying, I know actors and then somebody else Bob the drag queen can go, not need good ones.

And then he gets actually offended. See, that's what we're missing on the traitors in Britain is like genuine nastiness. Yeah. Going back to what you're saying about Patty Lepone, Andrew Lloyd Weber. I actually do you think this is a very nasty person on the last episode on the last series but I won't say it because this is also what we're missing from British podcasting and indeed Irish podcasting is like I actually ultimately don't want to get into a fight with anybody so I don't really have a fight but I would

like at some point in my life to have a feud as epic as to build a pool called someone's memorial pool whilst I still living with their money that you sue them for yeah because all my feuds are a bit like I've got like a couple of feuds in my life obviously like one girl at school one teacher like I've got one comedian like do you know what I mean you know you know don't try and you know exactly I'll list yours the thing is I don't have any feuds I literally know you really do

you tell them don't you I just do it when I say I don't have any views I mean I will if somebody is like damaging my well being enough I'll just be like bye and then I genuinely forget they exist but then you'll never get to the point

where you get to like have a Cruella story arc or you'll get to build a pool like that's true but I could have a Catherine Bohart Memorial pool that would be exciting I'll do it your face

like in profile how beautiful would that be with all your hair my nose can be the slide because it's perfect oh my god that's ideal thank you

oh my god what can I sue her for do we have anything yet if I don't have room for a pool forget it forget it I don't have the garden that would be mental

that ended so bad it was absolutely that was the biggest thing I've ever thought of in my life I take it back at least we don't have to have the feud I guess I take it back

that would be mental How was your weekend? That is genuinely and I asked you half an hour ago. We got there, we got there. Yeah. It was Mother's birthday. We had a charming time.

Happy birthday, Anne. Happy birthday, Anne. Went to Fleet for the day. Haven't been to Fleet in, well, actually, I went at Christmas, but just for like an hour before going to Dorset. Oh, so I've been to Fleet as recently as you have. Yeah.

Wow. How crazy is that? Because I, of course, stopped at the services on the way to Oxford. Oh, you did? as I always do because stopping on the way back is a fucking disaster because as I've said before

Southbound are a fucking shameful disgrace let's not just okay we don't have to fight let's not fight we don't fight Islands a shithole how about that

do you know if we're doing that sorry that was low that was low that was low it's also like I take it back I take it back

you have to mean it you have to mean it you have to mean it you don't think I mean it no I know I think you've had a fucking charming time in the Midlands

you've had a beautiful wedding I do love Westme yeah I know you do I will back that to the end of the So I don't know what, wait. You know what, sorry, you were at Ann's birthday. Oh, I'd love you. Buy me a punner of strawberries and take me to tell them all.

Don't that be nice. Tell me, please. Anne thriving, Anne thriving. Took a picnic with me from the M&S at Waterloo Station. And I thought I did a bloody good job, seeing as I was supplying it for everyone. What you buy? Green olive chabattas, two different cheeses, cheddar and gouda, two quiches, one vegetarian, one regular Lorraine. Lovely.

Two bags of salad. Two things. of olives, one thing of two different types of olives. Two different types of olives. One crisps, one sort of other crisp but not really a crisp like a peter chip. What flavors were they? One thing

spicy, one hummus and end of list. Oh, no sweet. Damn it. Oh no, Marianne made a cake. Oh, well done. Okay, well done. After several calls to her. drink to make a cake the cake was my um mother had a bottle of bolly

fuck yes anne she had a bottle of bolly out and like none of us were that fuss about drinking it what she was like i've got a bottle i've got a bottle i was like just open the bottle of bolly so then i opened it wait did no one drink it with her no ted did a marianne had a bit and ted's girlfriend came my brother's girlfriend okay that's like wasted and and let's hang out babe let's hang her she loves a bolly i love a bolly um i just love champagne yeah she's in her drinking I would happily never drink alcohol again except champagne. Really? There's nothing else I like as much as it.

Red wine. No. I just love a dry champagne. Oh well. What thing? Oh well. I would happily live against my, like beyond my means forever and ever and ever. Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I interrupt you with my own little story? No, my God, you poor baby. Poor Helen. Poor Helen. We, what did we do? We had lunching. I ordered in takeaway in the evening. That was a good picnic, by the way.

Thank you. You had two meals together, bloody, yeah, a long day. We played code names. Love code names. Marianne was my partner. How is that? She's too, she's got too much self-belief. Yeah.

It's a waste of fucking time. It happens with women sometimes. Just constantly. Oh no, it says I can go first, but you go first because I've got a 10-and-1. And then I'd be like, you don't, Marian, you don't. Genuinely, you just says red first, we'll go first. She's like, no, I've got a 10-and-1, so there's no point even playing it. And then it'll get to her.

and she'd be like, ship. And that's it. And I'd be like, well, no, makes literally no sense. One of my clues was pancake, the dead hamster. And I was like, what? And she was like, well, obviously it's sword and circle. And it's like, you're a fucking, you're an actual moron. So I just kept losing.

I don't know that I can back you up on that one. I feel like, but the good news is she got. We've moved into things only your sister can say, but now things that all the people can say about people. She got, she got banned by my mother. because then we started doing well because I figured out if I said all of them

like I was thinking of them like who wants to be a millionaire style you know when that guy she made noises like oh no oh yes yes yes oh no no oh no so I'm really did a good job

for a while there yeah that's excellent and then yeah we had a lovely fleet curry from where it's a lot of Nepalese restaurants in Fleet and Olderstruck because of the Gurkhas

so we had Gurkir Square which if you're from Fleet you'll know it on Fleet Road. What's your order? A couple of mommos and a Rogan Josh. Delicious. What meat? Chicken.

I'm the only one. Me and Ted are the only ones that really eat meat. Okay. Everyone else is that team. Is his girlfriend new? No. Oh. Well done Ted.

She's lovely. She's lovely. She's got red hair. Oh, that's a tough family to come into, isn't it? Two big energy sisters. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like if you're...

Yeah. I feel very fortunate that my girlfriend has two brothers. Yeah. I just feel like, listen, gender's a construct, but the boys are busy. Do you know what I mean? I'm basic. It's like, how are you the end?

Sisters have a level of investment in the girlfriend. That is, I think it's a lot to handle. And you guys, all, or it's just, those are too strong female energy. She's a legend. We love her. She, I think she sends Marianne Animal Video, so she's like totally went over there. And also does take care of a cat that Marianne is able to,

even though apparently she offered Marianne to look after this cat for a bit and Marianne said no in the moment of incredible self-awareness and said no I can't I've got a problem with overfeeding Oh my God bless her

so she is aware that there was a chance that pancake went sooner because of the peanut butter on toast and the eggs which shows the level of growth I think we all needed to see before the next pair arrived That's huge that is well she was yeah but isn't that so dear I can't take care of Kippa because I have a problem with overfeeding

oh what kind of cake did she make lemon drizzle was it good um it was really good and then I said well look you've used dad's ingredients and all of this to like make it for his ex-wife maybe you should take him home a slice and she was like no no but then she wrapped up the Sineela slice and then she had to call her and say it was the best cake he'd ever had and she was like yeah it's the best cake he'd ever had And she was like, yeah, it's the best cake you've ever fucking had. Are they dating? 100%.

Okay. 100%. And then what else happened? We saw the cows. We saw... You say the cows, like you own cows. The Highland cows that live in fleet. Oh, nice.

We saw the coos. What did you get your mom for a birthday? My company. And the picnic. And the picnic. Gorgeous. And a card. And...

You're welcome, man. That's loose. That's loose. That's low. You catered an entire party for her. That's grand. And you got Marianne to make the cake. I was going to Venice last year.

Yeah, to be fair. Yeah, so what's the point to even trying to compete? Right? Yeah, you're right. I had a full day playing code names with Marianne as my teammate. Yeah, say no more.

I'm a competitive woman. That's mental. Having to look across someone be like, I've got a 10. Pancake. Oh my. Well, actually, never mind. Wait, should we play code names together one time?

That's what I was just thinking I was like, we should do a game night, but then I realized I did what, I had the same thought and then I thought, let's not do personal admin on the podcast, but then you both just did it anyway, so fucking... Do you own it? Yeah.

I don't own it. I'll come to you. We own it and articulate, which I love, as you know. Slay. Nothing gets me higher than articulate, genuinely. Do I have to...

I love it. Find a partner to bring, or will you supply one? Let me see. I'll bring someone. No, I think I'd rather set you up on a date. No. I'm kidding.

No. I was kidding. I was kidding. The genuine, like, nausea that I just saw a way, leave over you. No, no, I know. I was just kidding. I feel like, you know, the, um, you might take this really badly, but like, you might host a pie, like, you know, the episode of Schitt's Creek where it's the games night and I'll arrive like Stevie and I'll bring like the creepiest boy in the world with me. I don't remember that episode. Do you not? They're in the motel.

No, no, I know that. Yeah. I was like, no, I remember the show. And like, they're desperate to like have a social life like Alexis is and then she throws a pie. And they make and get with Mutt, maybe. They make the parents stay in the other room, question mark? Or do the parents go to the cabin that night or something? There's something, something, laughter ensues. Yeah. Do you do a problem? I think we should have.

Do you know what I make the listeners just listen to us trying to remember an episode of a TV show they may or may not have watched it? Come on. Everyone's watched it. Come on. They really should have at this point. Everyone's watched it. We're ready, Andrew.

If you have an unsubscribe from this podcast, get a Netflix and watch it. We're not unsubscribed. Don't unsubscribe. Obviously don't unsubscribe. That was just bantam. I was just bantam. would like not even pause. I'm having banter.

I'm having banter with the listener. Okay, just don't want to take us literally. Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never go. Whoa. Huh? Pressure like a dip. Do the thoughts have connecting? Are they going to be like linked or will they?

Very rarely. Right. This is a deranged episode. And you know what? We don't even have the excuse today of like it's the second one we've made. It's not. We purposely started to do one a day because they were getting deranged. And this has been mental.

We're drinking peppermint. to be calm. Still hasn't worked. And I had a decaf coffee. We might just have a minute it's our personalities. No. Nah.

No. This is from S. Nah. Oh, my prince is bot. No, I don't know. I want to do that. What? No, just that Disney thing

that I showed you. I got that way. Again, are the thoughts going to be connected? No. No. Did you just reference a video you showed me not on the podcast,

but before the podcast? Yeah. Yeah. Did you see her, Andrew? No. Okay. Shall we, it was in it oh my god it was in helen's stories it's a cartoon that is seemingly just a replica of

helen and senile's dynamic it's a very sort of excitable blonde woman who's on a way to did you know it's a tubby blonde woman with blue eye shadow on and like big teeth and she's like i can't believe my disney princess bought me tickets to disney world i have seen this i have seen this and that the grayest man who looks like honestly like withered is just like anything for baby yeah exactly whatever and then she starts shitting herself and she's like oh no

it must be that moulan mooshu pork and he's like it's called panda express what's it from I don't know I think it's a standalone internet thing I've just realized why I've seen it somebody tagged us in it on TikTok that checks up that really checks up oh my god

yeah we've been tagged in it oh my god Oh my gosh I cannot wait to level up to that Yeah I think you have I think they've stolen I've been once I've been once Oh no sorry I meant like I feel like those people have That's your story

Yeah but like I want to be like The Disney I don't know If you are a Disney person Please contact me I'm looking for friends Sorry Andrew This is from us I earned my degree online

At Arizona State University I chose to get my degree at ASU because I knew that I'd get a quality education. They were recognized for excellence and that I would be prepared for the workforce upon graduating. To be associated with ASU, both as a student and alum, it makes me extremely proud. And having experienced the program,

I know now that I'm set up for success. Learn more at ASUonline.asu.org.org. Who may or may not be a Disney person. Hi ass Why the excitement Big fan of the podcast So I Moved to Spain

Two and a half years ago For a job in an English speaking office I've got to kill your attention It's not Disney No I'm so sorry Congratulations Felice Okay so S sorry

I'm so distracted by this counter That's like sort of B plot that doesn't exist Forgetting Disney for a moment S moved two and a half years ago To Spain to an English speaking office Is that right? In quotation mark English-speaking office, yes.

Okay. When I arrived, it immediately became apparent that they wrote emails and documents in English, but all meetings were through Spanish. Uh-oh. It's important to note, I did German in school until I was 18, and I'm Lee for Osweldga. So while I have no issue chatting away to Helen and Catherine in their languages, I literally had no words for the people of Spain.

Oh, no. Two and a half years later, however, I'm proud to say I have worked through my Spanish and I'm able to describe any graph or dashboard and it's linear trends in Spanish. Wow. The issue is I'm not funny in Spanish. Oh, I would hate that. That's such a nightmare.

If you are a funny person and then you have to go around being like, oh my God, this is how I feel in French. I'm concentrating so hard on getting everything correct and like conversing that it can't then add in but also sometimes it just doesn't translate. God damn it. Well, it's interesting.

You've particularly picked up. this because she says as an Irish woman, it's deeply ingrained in me to tell at least one joke every time I open my mouth. So my question is, how do you learn to be funny in another language? Or on a broader note, how do you build your jokes to be applicable and chuckleworthy to people from a culture different to your own? Thanks, S. You gotta go broad. You gotta go broad. Okay, this is really great because I think this actually speak, you went to Germany and did you ever do comedy in German? Yes. Okay, so you're the person who should be answering this question. Oh, yeah. yeah yeah i mean yeah please helen tell us i was a new comic so it wasn't very good necessarily i think

you've just got to oh this is when i'm gonna be honest i think um a lot of my comedy in the first couple of years was less writing more vibes okay but that's but that's probably been on stage vibes but i think that's more applicable here because there's no way she's like writing material for the office go broad go broad like have fun with it like falling over farting burping

like you know like silly voices silly faces like you'd be amazed how far that will get you slapstick oh do you

there's so much fun to have learn how to say any plans for Christmas say it at Easter people love that stuff people like it nobody see I worry about that one being like people are just being like she doesn't know the order Easter.

No, no, no, no. Could I make a suggestion? Oh my God, do they all think I was thick in German? That wouldn't be very, no. Big farty, folly Helen. I thought they thought it was delightful. What? You thought they all thought that was like.

Bantor. Satire. Let's hear your suggestion. Watch some comedy in Spanish. Watch loads of sitcoms. It'll help your language skills and it'll also help you feel funnier in that. language, I really think. Like, I am incredibly moody in French and that's because I've

exclusively watched French films. I'm also a little bit mentally less well there. That's because I've exclusively watched French films. Isn't Last ketchup in Spanish? Last catch up. I said, Hey, ha, hey. Hever to have a heaved to be. No, I'm a having a boogie and a wiggly-bee.

Doe, come on. Last catch up. I said, hey. Are you serious? I hope the camera picks up with your little leg movement. You want the little, it's the Duda-d-d-d-d-d-d-do-do-do-do-do. Just the fact that it opens with I said, you think it's in Spanish?

No, wait, maybe it's not. Maybe those are like the words that I think it is. I think it... Oh, okay. Helen's not actually saying any of the lyrics because all I've heard is I said a hey and I'm like, well, so far English. It's like,

It's like, wabodoo-du-bo-bo-do-de-do-de-do-do-d-do-d-d-d-d-d. The title of the song is literally Spanglish version, so... Last catch-up. So it's in Spanglish. But... Andrew, how long is this intro? You can't just...

It's a violin. It's a violin. Hello, dancer, I don't you remember? I said, hey. Who sings there? Last ketchup. It's by... The ketchup sisters.

The cheeky girls. I think it might actually be. Please don't actually be the answer. It's just by last ketchup. Buy last ketchup. Oh, fantastic. The ketchup. All right.

It's a self-contained phenomenon. Now, I'd say, learn that and the macaronas. The macaroner in a spaniel. um for yeah yeah yeah why are you asking Andrew like he is the tourism board of he speaks Spanish okay how do you how come you're not answering this question Andrew how are you funny in Spanish um I would say that actually there is a do not a direct but a similar sense of humor in Spanish language that as in English language that not every language has so like sarcasm for example you can do in Spanish they're maybe not like as culturally reliant

on it but does work in Spanish it doesn't work in every language And puns, they like puns work in Spanish. Obviously, you know, they have to be Spanish puns. You can't be like Frost by, because it wouldn't make sense, but like playing. Oh no, no, Andrew, that doesn't make sense in English either, which is for clarity. I thought of the first, I was like, oh, let me think of a pun. And then I did this punchline, but not the setup, which is, um, what do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? I don't know what do you get if you cross the snowman with the vampire.

Frost fight! timing I'm talking talking about timing I'm very funny in English so like that's obviously an English pun but you can if you can work out like Spanish words that sound similar they would pick up on spons

is that what Spanish puns are called I've got a Spanish joke I've got a Spanish joke they love napping don't they after lunch to take an alarm clock into the office set it for like 2pm they'll have an absolute

they'll bloody ate it what do they say for shit in Spain Mierda Oh and also Go for dinner at 7pm They fucking ate that You've got to wait for 9 or something Yeah

Well she wants to be funny, not a nuisance Oh yeah Well you can be a bit like you could be Like a grudge Grudge You could be like a kook A kook You can be a kook

You can go at 7pm and sit down With your HP sauce With your knife and fork And just look at them HIP sauce This person's Irish, not English Oh right with your Bally-Maloo ketchup.

They fucking wish. That's the real thing you thought I made up the word. It is. He locked because you thought I made up the word. Andrew, that's ridiculous. Bally-Maloo is a very famous place. It's that and chef. It's the home of Dorena Allen,

who is basically the Delia Smith of Ireland before her husband was arrested for some very problematic things. I can't believe you laugh. I can't believe. Bally Maloo relish is the potiest relish. I've had it. It's very nice. It's delicious.

But also, as if you're getting Bally-Maloo in Spain. Okay, Catherine, I'm just trying to think. think of funny Spanish jokes. Well, I just want them to be accurate. Okay. I think, I think watch Spanish comedies. I really enjoy the films of Pedro Amo Devar. Oh, well done, Andrew.

I'll bet you'll never have heard of those. Who? Andrew's just being a straight man today. For some reason, he's explaining Spanish film to our lovely listeners. No, it was suggesting that's the director who does funny films in Spanish. Wow, Andrew. What's his name? Amo Devar.

Amo devar. Amo devar. I'll watch that. Next one we have Andrew's like, have you heard of music? I have. I don't know what to suggest though because I feel like a lot of it the serious version of me wants to say it is frustrating in a second language

it can take a while to like show your personality the way that you want to show it I mean I don't always get to show it the way I want to in English sometimes I just absolutely fuck it up there as well but like it does come with time whoa there is that there is sort of an opportunity here because you can't yeah because you can't show your personality

in all of its glory to become a sort of like April from Parks and Rec character where you are a mystery you say very little but what you do say is taken quite seriously but also quite humorously because it's rare maybe just go really intense as your Spanish personality oh also like

because like Spanish comedy scenes and like European comedy scenes aren't as developed as English comedy scenes you can just steal another person's act no and you know they did that in Germany yeah there's like loads of people got caught in Germany doing that and there was a French big French actor

was basically like lifting Jerry Seinfeld routine isn't that so mad like the most like don't copy the biggest one do man draw do man draw in Spanish

do someone like do us like be niche don't do what that's crazy no but you will you will

your sense of humor will come out your personality will come out it just comes with like and I know like everyone who's like obsessed with like languages

and learning them is going to think this is wrong but like just don't worry about the grammar that much like people will get the gist that will you will get that as time goes on you can study that at home but when you're just talking and in conversation people just chat like and if anyone is happening a couple of times with like mainly customers when I was working in German who would like go like what or like I know you understand what I'm saying and you're

just trying to but like I was just one of them I was so rude back to what did you say I can't remember now but I remember being like oh please don't tell my manager because that was really rude But she laughed the guy that she was talking to because I didn't, like I said something and then she thought I said something different and it was something like super simple. Like I was like, oh, do you need salt and pepper? And then she was like, we need something and something.

And I was like, what? Like the fuck? And I was just like a bitchback being like, oh yeah, it's so funny isn't I am. I can't remember. Imagine someone trying to learn our language. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it does, just chat.

No, seriously, yes, imagine someone trying to learn our language. Wouldn't it be mad if somebody tried to learn Irish? Yeah. No one ever does. Sorry. That's tough. Lociento. Is that sorry?

In Spanish. Oh, okay. Thank God. We reckon. Or maybe it's salt. Who's just saying? That woman sounds like a douche. But you're going to figure it all out.

Shower in French. If not, a far and a fool is amazing. Walking into glass, I think is always funny. Yes, you could push every pole door. But like constantly. Poole doors is very. but walking into glass really like heavy-handedly. You could say, guys, I'm late because the train didn't run on time.

Oh no, we're not in Germany anymore. We're in Spain. What? What? It's hard in English as well, us. It's hard in English. Face paint. Sorry what?

Face paint. Lovely face paints. Like, tend to be a butterfly all day. Just character work. Always play with character. You never know. Okay. Very physical.

musical comic I think S has stopped listening do you reckon she turned off five minutes ago or she's turning off now she'd do another problem yeah I think she's turned off yes good luck with being funny bon chants and yeah bon chos ginairy on tolath that's how you say good luck in Irish that's gorgeous bloody gorgeous I'd just say it in German yeah gluck what about in Spanish good luck when a suerte oh like good fortune Buena Suerte. Fun. Buena Suerte.

Fun. Buenos Aires. Enjoy Spain. And that was an Irish accent? The closest you've ever gotten, actually. Madrid. Okay, ready. Advice, please, brackets romance.

I'll do it. I've got this. Everyone else took a break. Hit me. This is from G. Hi, G. Hi, G. Prepare to have your mind blowed.

Get a note. pad out you're going to love this i assume all our listeners have have notepads out taking notes yeah i would have thought so um firstly love the pod you're all gems thank you that's nice secondly i am sick to death of dating maybe because it's winter maybe because it's i just got my feelings hurt by someone but i'm really sick of it i date and sleep around a fair bit and most of the time it's clear from the start what the situation is in the dynamic in terms of it's just sex or whether there's something more but other times I get really confused and I don't know if it's a me problem. No. The most recent partner was incredibly affectionate and complimentary to me. Texted me all day, bought me gifts and after three

months of this on and off, I eventually asked them if we were just having sex or with something more. They said the former. Don't get me wrong. I expect a level of kindness and respect even from someone I'm purely physical with. But I was right to be confused by the texting and everyday gifts, right? Yeah. I'm not a naive person, but this makes me wonder if I'm seriously thick. Either way, no, definitely not. Either way. You're thick, I'm thick and we're not thick. Either way, I'm ready for another relationship and I don't know how to go about it. Though I know actively seeking one out is asking for a situation in which I end up settling, I'm sick of the acts and the confusing behaviour from others. Maybe I'll start hanging out in the mill car for a few

hours every Sunday. There you go. I also struggle not to revolve my whole life around a never-ending lazy Susan of crushes. Any advice or even reassurance would be greatly appreciated. Huge amounts of love as. Reassurance is the easiest thing in the world to give here. Absolutely not. Like, as in, this isn't like a,

I can see where they were, this is just like a straight up, if somebody was texting me all the time bringing me gifts and showing me loads of affection, the logical assumption there is not that it's just sex. Right? I think that that person was confused. They feel like maybe they were thinking that

and then for whatever reason decided not to. or they need to be liked and they weren't as into it but they also do things like out of like loneliness or compulsion or like insecurity but whatever that was about it wasn't about you and that's so shit

because anyone would read that as about themselves as in like as somebody showing interest I think it was them figuring some stuff out and they did it really badly and clumsily and I'm sorry but yeah like that is you're not crazy and actually think it would be the only disservice you could do to yourself now would be to buy that that's you being crazy rather than that being like a logical conclusion.

That is actually what would mess you up more than them being confusing. Like right now you can go, that's a real shame and I'm disappointed. But I can put that down to your failings and I can move on. But and that's the damage they did to you. They left you disappointed and confused. But anything beyond that, i.e. telling yourself you're crazy, that's damage you're doing to yourself. Don't do that.

Don't do that. Well, so you don't have to date right now. Like the goal is yes, to have a partner and that sounds like something is a goal for you. but if dating right now feels stressful and like you'd be going into it in the wrong way then just take a breath take a minute like you don't

the apps totally get it like God I'm yeah if you're one of our patrons you know I feel about them like they are a fucking nightmare it is like going online to sort of set us up for like a rejection

just like situation ships and love that and also like I think there has to be something in that if you stop looking it will suddenly appear because otherwise why would people say it so much do you know what I mean? I think it's true. Just take a break from it. But I don't think that being open to a relationship means you are doomed to settling. I know what you mean about like if I go hunting for when I might be doomed to settle because I might like want it so badly. If you make your goal, yeah. But I think there's a difference between that and knowing with certainty that you are in a place

for it. And that's a good thing to know about yourself. That's a useful thing to know about yourself. It doesn't mean that you can't determine whether or not the relationship you want is a good one or a bad one or whether or not the person that you're looking across to is the right person for that dynamic. But it is good to know that you're open to it. I think that's and they feel like in a good place for it. So yeah, I think you don't need to do it all on the apps. I mean, I also think there's a sort of weird fallacy at the moment that's the only place you can meet people. Pallacy. Yeah. Yay. You need to get laid. I love you, but you need to get laid. I love you so much. But You got to get laid.

You hear her, though. That was funny. I heard you needing to get laid. Yeah. It's the same word though, isn't it? Sort of. A bit of fun. Carry on.

I'm done. Oh, okay. I've got some stuff. Oh, okay. Everything Catherine said. And if you are struggling with a romantic partner right now, you can reframe it that you're looking for a different partner, like Pinky in the Brain or something, like an evil genius partner.

That's a fun way of looking at things in life. Or you could be. sorry? Pinky I pinkie Pinky You're the brain I'm doing

I was doing a phallus joke I'm mine Oh my god Go back and do it again No Please for Helen Pinky Ha ha ha ha ha ha

It's too late Isn't that Do you think I am the brain Yeah They're both so stupid Aren't they 100% The same thing we do

Every night Try to take over the world It's just good stuff God it's a banger Sorry, go on. Gee, we'll get, Roman, I can't not put myself into this. You really have immediately. We're going to figure it out.

And the apps, right, people fell in love before. Look at Mary and Joseph and they had Jesus. And that was before the apps. Look at fucking Mr and Mrs. Lincoln. Did you get married? Yes, yeah. Good for here. Mary Todd, yeah.

Mary Todd. Brilliant. Oh, Mary. Or make sense when you think about it. Is that what the plays about? Yeah. Good for them. But people got together beforehand, people get together after him.

You don't have to be on the apps. And yes, that's coming from someone who's never figured it out. But also, I haven't settled. And we mustn't settle because watching people settle is how you end up with, well, me as a child. That's probably a great example of whoopsie daisies from Anna and Michael there. Yeah. Wow. Terrible stuff.

And I'm living in flea with me. A whoopsie daisy. A whoops. That's a whoopsie daisies. Just to circle back away from your childhood. Shitting out a six-foot girl like me. That's a nutshell. To circle back from your childhood trauma, which it doesn't really feel like she's problem is about, if I may.

No, I feel like it's all linked. If I may, I've also, like a lot of people, I've met partners off the apps and on the apps. They're both as possible. And can I say this? Just to circle back to the first thought, just to really, re-clify that it was confusing. If you were a person who wrote in and were like,

all dating is so confusing how do I even tell what's casual and what's not I'd be like oh okay are we talking to our parties are we using our words are we like but because you're like generally I know what's going on and that's why you can know that

this was that person's fault for not being clear like you generally speaking do know what the lay of the land is which means what it's confusing on the arts people have like it's very clear on the app what people's intentions are because you write your intentions out so like mind things says like looking for

like a partner like I'm not looking for like casual sex so then you obviously you're matching with people who are also looking for what you're looking for but people do lie about that and that the thing they lie about it so you just don't know yeah you just don't know but you can ask you can ask but even then like people sort of like because they know what you want you know it's quite hard to like and also I think have you considered exclusively dating women because even then them bitches are fucking nuts as well no they're not how do you know There are, Catherine, I've had a look at some profiles. But they are honest about what they want.

Get off the wall. You're not a goat. Stop climbing. Sit down. You don't know what you want if you can't see having to traverse these walls in Vauxhall. Sit down for a minute. Have a coffee. You know, you know the way to my heart is to shit on boulders.

I agree. It's exhausting. I can't with, I can't. The men are all like, shoot, shoot. And the women are like, I get it. I get it. I really agree. But what are you afraid of all. achieved you've got two meters above the ground

congratulations oh my god you're wearing the same lulu lemon leggings change it up sweetheart I mean the climbers I see aren't wearing lulu lemon for me it's the men with their shirts off just oh my god you're indoors on a wall you're not oh my god give me a break yeah it's not yeah wow we found coming round

perfect either Catherine there are more of the men of the climbing and liking brunch isn't a personality it's just an extra meal And I'm telling you by the size of the women who say they like brunch You're not having breakfast and lunch either side of it It's not an extra meal You're combining two in one

Which quite frankly is offensive to me and my people No that is what brunch is the combination No it's not It's the extra meal between breakfast and lunch That's why it's betwixt brunch No no it's the merging of the two I hate people say this I'm so sick of this

No it is the merging That's what they want you to believe No Who's what the brunch companies Because they want you to come in super hungry Because you haven't had breakfast But that's what more on is doing But surely if it's bottomless brunch, they want you to come in full.

Oh, bottomless brunch means free drinks. It doesn't mean free food. You can go food. It's definitely the merging of the two. It's for when you get up late. But you don't want to give up on breakfast. I leave my house starving. Yeah, to go for brunch.

No, I'm not doing that. It's breakfast, brunch, lunch. Don't. You're all laughing, but I know who you. Yeah. I burp when I get frustrated and I'm genuinely frustrated right now. No, sorry, this is that. If you go to brunch, having not eaten, for three hours.

hours, you're going to be starving. Why are you going up for three hours? You go to brunch on like a Sunday. You're getting up late. You're having a slow day. You're walking to brunch. It's lovely. You're getting late enough that you don't need lunch, early enough that you can, it's fine that

you didn't have breakfast yet. Brunch is the merging of the two. It is that we get so angry when you arrive at brunch and you've said, oh, what do you have a breakfast? No, I'm not going to get angry at you, but that's... And then you have brunch, you're doing a whole day thing with your friends and you have brunch and all of a sudden we're not having lunch. But no one told me that before we ordered the brunch.

I'm telling you the concept of brunch in. implies no breakfast or lunch. Are you crying? Yeah, because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. Like, I just feel like you have to tell people if we're not going to have a meal.

I think it's implicit. But you... It's not because I wouldn't eat indifferently at brunch if I knew we weren't going to have lunch because I'm going to wait for Sunday dinner and then everyone wants a roast and I don't like roast. Okay, but you don't have to have the roast. And also Sunday lunch...

Had a couple of really bad times with the girls. Yeah. Okay. Shall we leave it there? Because I didn't realize... Just hate being told I'm wrong about my meals because I know I'm wrong. Right.

Okay. I didn't mean this to get so personal. Should we wrap it up? What do you think Linner is? Um, a sort of like

sportswear brand? Liminal dinner between lunch and dinner. Between lunch and dinner. And so what's brunch then? Follow that logic. I agree with you. Oh, thank you.

You think you should have breakfast, brunch and lunch? I don't know if you should, but I do. Yeah. I would have breakfast before going to brunch. Okay, right.

Emin and Andrew have now thank you. Because I felt like, I felt like fucking Tom Hanks and Castaway for a minute there. And I was like, where's my bloody Wilson? No, but I would only have brunch on a day where I've gotten up too late for breakfast. But I'm never up that late. My body won't allow it. Oh, that's fine.

But what I'm saying is like... Even if I got up late, I'd still have something before I went to brunch. I couldn't sit down, like travel to brunch, that hungry. It makes you feel horrible. Yeah, it makes you feel weird. Week, weak, lightheaded and unfocused. And then you arrive at brunch. And then you mentioned, oh, I just had breakfast.

Then everyone is also, oh, my God. Oh, Helen, fuck off. Take a hairband off. You were a grown-up. Sorry. That's all right. I just quite like that when you get to brunch, it's expected that you'll order enough for two meals.

No one's like this meal replaces the two meals. Everyone's just like, ah, a place we'll obviously order, over-order to the point that it's like making up for two. You're not over-ordering if you're ordering two meals to replace two meals by having brunch instead of having breakfast and lunch there's no overordering there I'm sick of it end the podcast

end the episode see you in the extras we'll have to have a break before we record them do you want to say thank you for listening honestly if you made it to the end of that thank you for listening wow as ever a huge thank you to our executive producers we genuinely couldn't make our podcast today

and we're so so grateful which is why we've set you off in the delightful executive lounge. You are, of course, Guy Goodman, Simon Moore's, Annie Tonner, Stephanie Katratcha, Oliver Dago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond and Sadie Cashmore. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Can I get you some olives? And let's give some more olives to our producers. Thank you so much.

It's L, Richard Bold, Howard Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel R, Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Sarah and Molly, Ria Fink, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen, A. Tina Lindsay. Amy O'Reardon. Abby Wharf. Should I work out why I couldn't read it? It's because I didn't click on the image and have it big with all the names. Abby Woff, Matt Sims, Luke Bright, Leah, Kate, Liz, Fawt, Tass, Anthony, Clow, Becky Fox, Dean, Michael Sophie Chivers, Carrie Sooth, Charlie A, K, C. Jan, Raymird. Jam, Rainbird, even. Tamsin Smith, Harding, Hannah J. Ezra Perigran, Brin, Laura Pollock, Leah Overend, Stephen Chicken.

Jackie Robertson, Haley, singer, Sarah Deakin. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you, bye.