Trusty Hogs - Ep177. JEN BRISTER / Maggots, Menopause & Mansplaining

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

A truly baffling tube interaction, some controversial hot cross bun takes, and a candid menopause exploration with the hilarious and brilliant JEN BRISTER!FOLLOW JEN: @JenBristerComedyNEW MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Sarah DeakinPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie RobertsonWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feel good about Back to School with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards, you can keep banned food ingredients like high fructose corn syrup out of lunchboxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need without dairy, gluten, nuts, or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online. When you think of skyrocketing brands like Allo, Allbirds, or Skims, it's easy to credit their success to great products, sleek branding, and brilliant marketing. But here's the overlooked secret.

The real magic lies in the engine behind the scenes, the business powering their business. For millions of brands, that engine is Shopify, making selling seamless for them and shopping effortless for us. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Allo Yoga uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash retail, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash retail to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash retail. Hello, welcome to episode 177 of Trustee Hogs. I'm Catherine Bowhart. She's Helen Bauer. And we have got a podcast for you where we talk about frankly, the perfect lives we lead. And then we solve your problems on you guys. You seem stressed. Oh, no. Big stress. But

Helen, what's been happening this week? Spring has sprung. Woo-hoo! We're talking crocuses. We're talking baby bunnies on every corner in London. Little daffodils and chicks. Little daffodils and chicks. It's so sweet.

I'm wearing pink eyeliner. I'm feeling the spring vibe. My hood is clean. No, I don't know what that was. I don't know what that was. Sorry, huh? You were like, you were doing cute things that you'd done and I wanted to like join in and I panics. Spring cleaning, but you did panic.

That was a really intense. That was like, bad. Gosh, gosh, there are a lot under there. No, there wasn't. You know what, actually, I don't. Have you seen that thing, though? No, stop. No, the thing that's going around about like some women don't know to clean under their clit hood.

Oh, let's see it. So I'm just going to say it because I didn't know. Helen, no. I didn't have to, it turns out. It turns out I probably have been doing it without actively doing it. But I didn't know till I saw the real. So I'm just going to. What real?

What are you told me real? There is a reel that on my algorithm. There's not a clit hood real. On my life. No. Sorry, you're joking. On my life. On my life. No, you're joking.

On the life of baby bunnies. No, because first of all... But I'm telling the truth. Sorry, surely the same rule applies with your claim as does all of that stuff down there, which is that like, it's a self-cleaning oven and you've just got to be gentle with warm water. Yeah, but like you've got to get to like the back of the oven. What are you talking about? Wait, are you listening to me?

The back of the oven. No, you don't. Also, first of all, if anything, it's like the oven hood. It's like the fan extractor. Why am I in this? That is so good. Why am I in there? Why am I in there?

How did I get here? Because you're a bisexual shit. Obviously you're in there. You're in other people. I just wanted to talk about tulip. Oh no. Oh yeah. Oh no.

Oh, no. Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah. You're going to give me your problems and they will solve them. Or maybe they won't. And that's your problem. They'll have guests.

and Andrew White on the tech Oh, it's Helen and Catherine And the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not God damn it, Bauer No, I'm not doing this with you I have a story

You know what, here's what I'll talk about you with spring And we are moving on from that Okay, okay I forgot and I forget every year And then I'm absolutely hit With a sort of like nostalgic joy About how much I love Hot Cross ones Okay

I am when I saw them the other night in Sainsbury's I bought them at midnight I was so you know when you just felt me you're like sweet babies I didn't know you were back it was like I'd miss their drop off at the airport and then I was like my guys oh my god first of all I just I well I have a top three hot cross bun on the market at the moment if you'd like to hear I would love to hear the top three right honestly tricky for me to have anything other than a basic hot cross bun because I actually just think they're perfect there ain't nothing wrong with the Sainsbury's own brand basic hot cross bun they're so soft, you're so buttery, you pop them in the toaster, not for long, and then you put lots of salty butter on, and if you want a little bit of cream cheese just to break it up, oh fuck, we're doing all sorts of mine. Oh wait, cream cheese is a game, I don't think people know about that. It's delicious, with a bit of butter on top, Ellen introduced me to it, it's really divine, it's really divine. And I'm very pro-cream-free.

Yeah, it's just heaven. So I don't, I ultimately think a hot crossbowl with butter and you're like in heaven. I'm so happy. I love them so much. but recently I tried two new ties and I really don't want a fancy hot cross bun I don't want anything messing with it I don't want those of orange why are you putting those of orange in there

but I feel like I've got one guess but I'm going to wait and see well there's two and they're from the same provider M&S yeah I knew it's M&S's Easter game is they're unreal in order of preference it's still your classic hot cross bun but beyond that my well actually one has surpassed okay second favorite in Marks and Spencers is the apple. Have you tried the apple hot cross bun?

Yeah, apple hot cross bun. They've shaved apple through it and it's sort of like makes it sweet and delicious. Wet apple or dry apple? It's like grated apple through the hot cross bun. It's fucking divine, but the best.

The best one and I cannot tell you how I have to stop myself eating the whole packet every time they're orgasmic. Stay on the count of three. One, two, three. Blueberry. No, we definitely went two different ways. There's a chocolate one?

I didn't know. was a blueberry one. The blueberry one is insane. It's incredible. It's like, it makes me emotional. I love them so much. I love them so much. They make me so happy. I love them so much. I genuinely like, I feel like, um, what's your name, Veruca. Salt. Yeah. And I just love them so much. They're so good. They're so good. It's like, how do you, how do you better the raisin? The blueberry. What? It's divine. I didn't even know. I can't even imagine putting chocolate. I'm open to it, but presumably we're taking out raisin. Yeah, or you can add Chucky on as your topping, I think.

Oh, I've never even thought of that. Blueberry and Chucky goes really well together, huh? I don't generally like fruit and chocolate, so that's why I maybe haven't, it hasn't occurred to me. I'm not a big chocolate and fruit prison. I think I'd be open-minded to it. I think blueberries may be too tart for the chocolate. I don't think it combos very well for me.

If it was like a mild chocolate, like a milk chocolate. Maybe, maybe. Or a white chocolate? grape and chocolate is great very overlooked a white chocolate grape chocolate yeah grape and chocolate sometimes when I'm at home and my parents there was a lot of grapes and some chocolate grape chocolate

I don't think I like that but the blueberry hot grass one is a revelation okay I need to do an M&S trip I saw they have the do you remember like a couple of Christmases ago when I could not stop thinking about the puppy pounds they had and they were like five little chocolate dogs in MNS of different dogs and they had different names and they were so good

nominal but no I didn't do they have a chicken equipment with like chicky ones yeah I was like it's chicken or bunnies it's chicken or bunnies that's heaven last year they had these triple chocolate hot crust buns that were insaneity insanity well I mean you're mixing up their classic cookie with the hot cross bun yes please I um I don't think I've realized until the last couple of years how intense hot cross bun love is it's like a hug in a food it's like it's just it's hopeful because it's spring but it's comforting because it's dough and it's so it's just like the perfect vehicle for butter

there's so much soakage it's got a shape of the cross that Jesus was crucified on which makes me hungry I know it makes a lot of us hungry he's had a long walk before that nailing I'll tell you that much I know because I've actually gone to the passion of the Christ and done the walk behind him as a child

he said that to me like it's unique we did that every year I know that's so much I'm Irish so insane I went once every year. It's like fucking hell. I haven't had a hot crust bun yet this year. Really? It's March. You're getting on.

I know, but we used to get them so much for free, but now Sunil's mum doesn't work in the supermarket. I guess we've just got less access to stuff. They're like a pound. They weren't in my Sainsbury's. This week, Catherine, I am not joking. The only reason I know that there's like hot cross buns are a thing. Well, hopefully so.

No one's trying harder. No one's trying harder. Jesus Christ. That was insensitive, wasn't there? Sorry, no, I was trying. That was really bitchy. Wow, sorry. I'll send them to your new address.

Do you want it? Mm. Not on this. No, oh my God, what is wrong with you? Speaking of unboundaryed women, I have such a good story for you. Okay, can I quickly tell you about the Sainsbury's hot cross bun? And then tell me about unboundared women. There, I went to Eminet, not Eminet, Sainsbury, is the big one near me, you know, on the hill.

Yeah. And I was like, right, I'm going to get my bread and then maybe get a hot cross bun. was genuinely thinking about it. Then, old man, one of those ones who, like, not old, like, okay, 70, but hadn't pulled his trousers up the whole way, a bit grim. You know what I mean? He then starts trying to banter with the baker in Sainsbury's going, you don't got any hook, Chris Bunsen?

That is literally bang on what he sounded like. And the baker was like, no. Oh, the same guy was the baker. Was it a mirror? You can't get anything fresh these days. The baker said that That's a very worried. The baker said that.

They were both talking about how Sainsbury's, nothing has baked fresh on property anymore, whilst there were literally ovens in the background. And I was like, this is an absolute chaos day. But it was so nice because it also felt like, it felt like two men who no one talked to got to talk to each other.

Christ. About Hot Cross Bunn. And thankfully nobody else had to talk to them stuff. No, I immediately joined end. Oh. What are we doing on Sunday? Hey, girlina. Do you want to come over and watch Encanty?

We don't talk about Brun, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a banger. It's so good. Absolutely not. Fuck those motherfuckers. We have to talk about this on the extras. Okay, but it will be me. We will be talking about the comments on our brunch video in the extras, and it will be largely expletives for me.

If I find those men. I can't say the word largely. It will make them so angry. Sorry, we'll be having a big back chat in the extras. Yeah, why do they always go for me having a big back? Oh no, this is, it's internet. We'll talk about it next. It's managed fear.

We'll talk about it. It's wide. I have a wide back, obviously. It's just, I hate them. My rucksack never fell off me. Are we going to do this in the extras or do you want to do it now? Not now. Okay, okay, fine.

We will be addressing our haters in the extras before that. How wide is it back? Sorry, yeah. I'll just tell you about, let's just forget the horrible men. the internet for a second and let me tell you about an absolute mad woman on the train so I was going to Clapham Grand to open for the gig on Friday box nest yes divine divine divine divine divine it's the most heavenly gig but I'm heading there and Ellen and my friend Sam are coming and pretending it's to support

me but it's definitely see Catherine cack Owen a hundred percent and it's like you've never come to my games before okay sure that is no they have but not with this level of enthusiasm on a Friday night do you know so they're coming and they're like yay Catherine and it's like I know who you mean but we're going going and um ellen's dressed up um for i guess cat cone and kerry and um and she sat beside me and she's wearing a cute little like pointed orange shirt the collar was pointed like 70s style it's gorgeous do you know the shirt 70s are in yeah and she looked divine okay so this woman comes over and she's like do you speak english so out the gate i'm like huh um okay oh mad opening gambit but

all right and so um ellen's like yeah um and she's like i've just noticed your shirt and ellen's like oh and she's like i have one like that orange as well orange looks good on you and ellen was like thank thank you so much i want you to know at every point of this story by the way ellen will be being nicer than i would have been in the scenario but we're going she's so far it seems fine yeah it's a weird start yeah but it's fine it's fine so far fine we're bemused and she's like it's such a nice shirt. It really suits you. I have one, except it's just a different color. It's like a rounded collar.

And we were like, oh, cool. And Ellen was like, oh, I actually got this second hand. She's like making chat. And this woman goes, and this is when it starts to take a funny. She goes, I know. And we were like, oh, right, okay. Wait, well, wait. What was the intention with the I know?

When you just performed it, it seemed like bitters. Genuinely, it was like, yeah, you don't have to tell me something like that. I obviously know you got it a second hand. It was so weird. And then she was like, right, so I have one that's very similar. And she goes to, like, put her hand to her bag and she's like, do you want it? Like, it seemed like she had it on her.

And so Ellen was like, ah, I don't know. And she's like, I only live in Catford. And we were like, oh, what? That's very far from you if you don't mind me. And then she's like, I can send it to you, if you want it. I can send it to you. And Ellen was like, oh, I don't. I mean maybe Ellen's so nice

She's like I am maybe And then this woman goes How much do you pay me for it? Now suddenly we're buying a shirt She let's be clear Already is wearing from a woman Who we thought was giving us a shirt Five minutes ago and that was still weird

On the London Overground On the London over No underground We're on Victoria Line We're central London That's more mental Because you know people on the overground I know the lesbans are friendly

Yeah yeah yeah Well we both live on it we're both fucking mad. I know, I know, I know. So listen. The Victorian, there's a lot. Businessmen travel on that line. Yeah, I know. Have some goddamn respect. The overground knows what it's doing. It has a lot of hospitals on the line. It knows you might need help. The underground is where, indeed, business has been done. But then maybe that's where she got the idea. She was like, this is where we barter. So she's like, how much do you pay me for it?

Ellen's like, whereas I would have been like, oh, no, sorry, I don't want to buy your shirt. Ellen's like, oh, well, I guess I'd have to see it first. And she's like, I wouldn't charge you a lot for it. want to get my money back. Suddenly I was like, did we take her money? Then she's like, right, um, okay, she goes to her bag, takes out a piece of paper that has so many notes on it and she's like, write her, no, actually just take my number. So Ellen's like, uh, okay, she gets out her phone. Sorry, we're still on the Victoria line. We're still on the Victoria line. She's like, she gets out her phone and this woman's like, it's Jackie. And you know, and you're like,

of course it is. Of course. If I want a balshy daughter, I'm naming her Jackie. I've never seen a Jackie who doesn't get what she wants. Jacqueline. Yeah, Jackie is like, it's Jackie, Jackie with a shirt. So Ellen puts Jackie with a shirt in her phone. And then she's like, okay, so my number is 075. Like, nine, we're like, can she not remember? Is she making it up? How are we here?

You brought all of this to us. And then she eventually, like, comes up with a number. And then, honestly, we were like, okay. and she was like, but Ellen was like, thank, thank you. And she was like, but don't text me until tomorrow when I have my phone set up. By the way, this woman doesn't seem like unwell or like, like, like she just, like, she was just like, we should know,

don't text her early morning on a Saturday. Well, the unwell people don't travel on the Victoria line. It doesn't even go above ground. It's not for the socially anxious or mad. Then, then she's like, Orange really does look good on you. But the whole time it's like, is why she's shouting at us. And we're like, okay.

And then she goes, Is this me? And we're like, what do you mean? And she looks down to see if the stoppers. And then she's like, oh, no, it's not. And then she looks around at the tube mask. And then she just walks off. And we were like, she was sort of floated away.

We were like, did that? And you were like, did that happen? But then all of the businessmen around us were looking at us like, eh? And I was like, oh no, it did happen. Because everyone was looking at us like, are you going to buy that woman's shirt? Anyway, Ellen, nice as pie We get off the tube And I was like, you don't have to text her

And she's like, really? I feel like I should. And I was like, you don't have to text her. Yeah. So, um. Has she texted? No, she bravely has not. She's bravely been,

I'm sure she feels rude, but bravely she has not text her to buy a shirt she doesn't need because she already has it for money that she didn't know she was paying to a woman who sort of bullied her into an exchange on the tube. It was honestly fascinating. I'm not even telling it very well.

Like Ellen, there was so much more detail. it was bewildering. I'm enchanted by Jackie. I feel like you would have truly gone to Catford with Jackie. When I met her, I was like, I was thinking all that, even as it was happening, I was out of body being like, Helen Barrow would love this woman.

She sounds incredible and like she'd win the apprentice. Oh, I like that energy. Oh, she would kill on the apprentice. Are you sure she wasn't on the apprentice? Like, she was being filmed for a challenge. Like, make the most funnery that would make more sense than random, randomly being like I see you have that shirt

I have a similar shirt you probably want to buy my shirt like would you like it okay how much you pay me for it how much you're gonna pay me for it ah bait and switch what it was crazy

oh man I wish I wish Ellen had given her number Jackie and then we could use someone else's phone to call Ellen I know it's great hey it's Jackie or could we have Jackie's number and I'll arrange her getting on the pod

oh my god I die could you imagine I die I'd also love if she showed up and the shirt was like nothing like and it was just like a little girly shirt it was really fun it was really fun

and it genuinely to be fair we told that story so many times and it really like sort of fed our weekend like it like buoyed us over the weekend when something mad happens and you're like this covers me the whole time yeah oh my god I'm good for brunch chat I'm good for when I talk to my mom

everything's good yeah I'll have a chat for comment for Helen it'll be fine yeah so it was really intense happy happy days so we bring on our guests I'd love to I'd love to oh my god it's a good one it's a plus a good one

this is one of those guests where we were like, oh my God, yeah, but we've already had her on, right? We've had her on. Yeah, surely, we've had her on. We haven't had her on. It's an outrage and a disservice to our lesbian listenership, actually, a genuine we're sorry. Sorry, lesbian.

Sorry, lesbians. Here she comes on a plate. It's the incredible Jen Brista. Savy lesbian. Feel good about back to school with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards, you can keep banned food. food ingredients like high-fructose corn syrup out of lunchboxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need

without dairy, gluten, nuts, or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online. When you think of skyrocketing brands like aloe, all birds, or skims, it's easy to credit their success to great products, sleek branding, and brilliant marketing. But here's the overlooked secret. The real magic lies in the engine behind the scenes, the business powering their business. For millions of brands, that engine is Shopify, making selling seamless for them and shopping effortless for us. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Allo Yoga uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash retail, all lowercase.

Go to Shopify.com slash retail to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash retail. Jen Brister's here. Welcome to Jen Brister. Hi. This is intense. I know. Already, don't say it already.

This is already intense. Well, because we've been talking. This hasn't just started immediately. Well, because you said you were 50 and I screamed because you look amazing. Oh, I'm so. glad this isn't a visual medium but yeah it is oh it is okay oh it's a visual hence the cameras okay i keep forgetting because podcasts anyway don't question me yeah we won't immediately uh we were talking about the menopause so that's why i love because and this is so alarming any woman who says she's 50

to me i'm like similar to you helen we're like we have a thousand questions because no one told us shit so wait what's happening what's coming for it too much um loads basically no estrogen so that's gonna be the end of everything that you've enjoyed thus far. Think about it. Nice hair. Good skin. Memory. Just being able to regulate your moods.

Oh. Do you currently have night sweats? Are you feeling like moody from... Yes, because I'm on antidepressants. But that's it. They've always given... Do you know what? It's next level, isn't it?

We could just go on and on and on and on. Is there anything good? Let me see. No. I thought... Wow. Because I still seem to have some kind of a period thing happening so that's still good there is good things there is good things

okay tell me uh number one because you can't mood regulate you really don't have to hold onto anger and live seething because it does come out oh yeah like that's a nice thing because then you don't have to be like angry like carrying it around like feeling it you're just sort of like go fuck yourself you piece of shit and then it's out yeah but then it kind of builds up again very quickly but anyway yep that's a good that's also i heard the periods the ending ones are like absolute gushes to the point where it's only a day long um it's like a crime scene but i saw one one jesus you're like do i need to go see someone about this yeah that's what i thought the lady she stood up and she was yeah all down to her knees and i gave them my trousers

are we doing this they'll love this are they going to like this one yeah yeah well then yeah further questions though and this is the part that you don't have to necessarily deal with helen but that scares me is when i first heard people start to talk about menopause i was like oh shit we're gay there's two of you probably in the house having it or going to be at some stage potentially we're both on HRT yeah but fortunately I happen to be with a woman who um her menopause symptoms were oh yeah I don't feel quite okay whereas I was like so you just need one of you to hold it together you've got you've got to have one of you holding it together I think if you both are quite sort of emotional beings as I am

it's probably not going to work out I'm going to say but listen I'm dating a performer we're fucked do you still want it she is considerably younger than you I know fingers caught fingers got to love

you can go through it completely different times unless she gets it early and then you're then you are fucked I think because you can start in your 30s yeah I started in my late 30s easy whoa do you still get the horn I want to have sex still oh yeah I still get the horn yeah

but then that depends on some women some women say that their libido is less and I'm sure that is a symptom of it but you can have little bits of testosterone that can help and actually I found like HRT gets you back in the room okay oh yeah you're out of the room you're back in that's nice to hear it you love to hear it

yeah I like that that was a priority can I now ask my question it's always like and then you get dry vagina and you don't want to do anything and you're like what no I like I like sex so much oh no you can still have sex and then you know but I want to want to you know I don't even I don't want to be like oh sure sure if you're going to want to and you can like, you know, buy up the lube in bulk.

I'd say, yeah, it doesn't really matter. And also, like, the sex is usually on the clit so you're not even having to worry about because you bring the moisture yourself. What? What? What do you say? Because the sex is often on, I'm sick of, I don't want you to do this again with the hot,

you're doing the G-spot thing again to me. Oh, I mean, there's lots of different ways. Helen doesn't believe in the female G-spot, but that's fine. But we focus on, the clit is where the orgasm comes from, right? In your case, most of the time, yeah. Yeah. That's a personal thing. I mean, you know, you can, you can,

You can orgasm in more than one way. Yeah. Yeah. List them. Said with the deadest eyes ever. List them. I like that we've started really strong. I don't know where this is going to end.

That's my worry. Welcome to Justin. Sorry. List the orchards. Can I ask my questions about the menopause now? What special powers have you got so far? Okay. Can you use, Kay.

Number one. My new dream can you see into the future. It is a thing, Catherine. I up until now no but that's not to say that that can't develop later on sure

I think it is to say that won't develop later on I'm sorry to say it I don't think that's a medical but I don't think that we know that to be true it is true because your mom said it yeah okay can you read people's minds no

oh that's what I wanted I mean that would be a great these are all great side effects of the menopause being able to see into the future being able to read people's minds. Because you don't put up a bullshit anymore

so you just see it for what it is. I mean, sure, you don't give a fuck anymore but that's a super power. I cannot imagine you ever having given a shit. Oh, sure, I did. Yeah, yeah. Did you win? Because when I started stand-up 10 years ago

in April and at the time I think you were doing stand-up about how in your 40s you stopped giving a shit. Yes, but the thing to know... But she was alive before 14. No, I know, I know, but I know, but I... She even then,

seemed like she'd never given a shit. Do you know what I mean? No, well look, here's the thing. So when I was writing that show, the one that you're talking about, it was meaningless. And that was at the point when I was menopausal but didn't know. So all of that anger that you were seeing me put on stage was that ever, I was like, yeah, it's just performative, was actually viscerally real. And I would be on stage and half the time I'd be like shouting on stage and then I'd be like, I shouldn't think I need to have it. And then I was like either wanting to have a cry or absolutely raging raging yeah and that was because pre i pre hr t so that's what that was hr t gets such a bad got such a bad rep for a minute there i'm so glad people are back knowing

that it's good and helps women i think because it's not it's not synthetic anymore so i think because it's it's it comes from there were also like a no i think there was the second sex in the city film that was the reason people like it isn't it oh great we'll take it there's got to be something good takes it with her and then they won't let her have it. So then she just loses her mind. Oh, and then she's back on it. Yeah. Nice.

Again, hard relate. I haven't seen it, but. Oh, it's really good. What? You haven't seen it. That's crazy. I can't believe it. No,

can you believe that I didn't watch the second sex in the city movie. With all of my gal pals. That's so much. Drinking. Oh, you're being chadilly. Yeah. That's so unkind. Just hanging out with all my gal pals drinking Lambrieney watching sex in the city too.

Oh, do you not have friends. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's why I got her. God, I'm Also, can I just quickly say on behalf of Gali Wallis?

Yeah. We don't, we don't drink Lamborghini anymore. You don't drink it anymore? No, we have presexy. And Kylie, don't you dare for you're going to say, Kylie Rosey. So, can you respectful?

Can I call it presexy? Gals, are we going on a bottle of the presexy? What do we reckon? Are you not doing this? You not doing this with your wife? I'm so, listen, I'm going to start suggesting we get some balls of do you want to come out with us? Yeah, sure.

Oh my God. play. Okay, great. I love this and sleigh. I'm going to be so out my depth within the first 10 minutes of us going out, but sure. Rosie Jones will be there and stuff. There'll be a group. You love it. Oh, okay. Great. There'll be a group of lesbians. I can be with the young lesbians and the honorary straight. Oh, we think about I'm bisexual, but we don't know still. How are we going to? Can I just say, by the way, if you can I, well, first of all, I think that's a vote for heterosexuality, because if you're, if you're into women and Jen Brist is in the room and you're not sure if you're by, you're crazy. you're crazy she's got mass appeal she's got mass appeal

come on litmus test brister come on come on I token straight then that's nice for me fascinating

I don't know I still haven't figured out well I think tell me what you're okay so talk to anti-J okay let's workshop this

so if we were looking at women just like objectively for you in a fact like factual way. Just like in a, oh, I saw this woman. She was very attractive and I noticed her and aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

Women are, though. They're very beautiful. Very beautiful. Sure. We've picked pretty well, I think. Yeah, we've done. We've done very well. So what would you say, like, you notice first in said woman? Her personality. Shut on. Jesus. Christ. No.

Why are you bringing your male feminist energy? What are you talking about? Forget. I'm, I've said. Her education. Okay. Oh, fuck. Oh. Seriously, we're gonna have to shut this down. And I did say objectively, and I didn't mean objectify her, but in an objective, I like boobies, okay, yeah, yeah.

Okay, great. Did I do wrong? No, no, that's great. Yeah, boobs are the best. That's a great star, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But I've got lovely boobs, so I appreciate boobs and other people. Great, okay, that's a good place to go to.

Yeah, listen, why not? Um, okay, and do you ever get a little shy, get a little giddy around? Yeah, if I think they're cute, yeah, of course. Or if I think there's like a little, You know, and you're like, if there's a vibe, I get shy, but my shy, you've seen this, my shy doesn't come out as shy. It comes out as, like, madly confident, but I'm actually panicking, and I'm nervous, but I'm like, oh, yeah, and they're like, and I'm like, and then I go home, and I'm like, oh, no, oh, no.

I just liked her boobs so much. Oh, no, oh, no, I told it too much. I think, I think if you, if you're in that situation. What's the diagnosis, duck? Well, I think if you're in a situation with a woman, and she's picking up on that vibe, and you've got a little bit of chemistry and you're flirting. Yes. Then the next time you see said woman,

you should lean into that a little bit. Well, I've made out with women before, but I've just never like, but the thing is what's... I know, this is the thing. And then she drops these things into conversation. And then she'd be like, yeah, I only wanked a lesbian porn and I'll be like, Helen. Okay.

So I've never had a romantic, like a long-time romantic relationship. I've never had a romantic long-term relationship with a man, and I know categorically I don't want one. Yeah. And I definitely would like to with a man and I'm open to it with a woman. What we get stuck on, well, what I get stuck on is like, below the waist. No, I think it's more just like the, because I haven't fallen in love with the woman. Like the way I have, I've had like my heartbroken by two guys before.

I'm like, until that's there, until I meet the right one, then I feel like, oh, well then I'm straight who just like likes boobs or something. No, I think you're probably pansexual. so you probably just fall in love with a person and you just haven't fallen in love with a woman yet. Their education. Yes, you just are so horny for those honorary degrees. No, no, no.

I don't have a degree, I think that you know. Oh, you're horny for GCSEs. No, I'd like at this one AS level. Like, AS economics. May I say this? I think you're... You rip my clit out. No, you need that.

Helen, how's your day? say rip your clit out again in front of me sorry jan sorry i just i think you are still hung up on this fact that you have to have done something to prove something but you don't have to prove anything to anyone or have done it for it to be true and i will also circle back to the fact that there are i think like many reasons why you might have fallen in love with men and not women that don't mean that you're not pansexual like the fact that there's a patriarchal expectation and we were all raised to sort of and encourage towards attraction in the opposite gender but not in same sex ways. So I think like we weren't expecting to fall for women so we don't necessarily

lock at them in that way for ages. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of people don't realize until they're in their 30s and 40s and older. You know, people are like in marriages for ages and the marriage breaks down and then the next thing they know, oh yeah, actually I'm going to, you know. Yeah. I can't wait for that with my parents. I was going to say something really disgusting and then I went, don't hold back. Don't lower your tone just because of all you. Exactly. You text me later. I am the intellectual here. You text me later. You text me later. You text me later. Oh wait, do you have a degree?

Do I have a degree? I've got a BA honours in drama and theatre studies. So no. Catherine, this is my favourite subject. Wait, drama school? No. Oh no. Where do you go?

I went to Middlesex University, otherwise known as not one of the best. Oh, no. Not one of the best, deunies. Did you have to audition and do speeches to get in? Did I have to do audition? I think I had to do some speech thing, yeah. Do you remember which one you did? I don't remember.

I was 18. 18, a babe. A babe. Little closet lesbian with a unibrow. I don't remember. Were you a closet lesbian at 18? I feel like you will have come out of the womb like, Bosch, hello, we're the girl.

I went to a Catholic school from birth. So I don't remember meeting another lesbian, knowing of another lesbian or seeing another lesbian until I was well into probably my 20s. No way. Whoa, were you dating men who just like not really into dating? No, it was not dating men. Yeah, good for you.

I did not date a single man. No. I think I went on, I did go on a date with a guy. Yeah. By accident. Well, I was 13 and I was like, some guy asked me on a date, and I was like, I think I'm supposed to say yes, I found him repulsive.

And we... No, a lot of them are absolutely munters at 13. We're all montes. I'm sure I was a munter. Yeah. No women and mingers. No. I actually looked very similar to the way I do now at 13 except I had no hips at all and no tits so I was completely like a plank and door plank I remember he took me fishing this is the date oh he knew you were gay as well yeah the whole date was me watching him fish I'm not joking

was you a date with huckleberry fish what are you talking about on the Mississippi River This was 1988, this is what we were doing. The year I was born. The year, you were bored. And I was so bored. At one point, he had a bucket of maggots and he said, do you want to, do you want to put a maggot on a hook? And I was like, no, I don't want to do that.

And he kept putting his hand through his maggots going, sure you don't want to have. It was like, no. And then I said to him, after I'd been standing next to him, probably for about an hour going, God, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here. And he was just fishing. We didn't speak.

I said to him I think I'm going to go and he said oh okay and he came in for a kiss and I panicked and I pushed him into the river fuck oh this is a beautiful

have you written this show it's a beautiful scene no it's not a beautiful scene yes it is that's a gorgeous like coming of age lesbian tale yeah so he fell in the river I helped him out

and then I went I think I'm gonna go and then I left And that was that. That was that. And it took you another 10 years to figure it out, huh? Wow. That's so sweet.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's so many clues. I went to an all-girls school and I only, I was only attracted to girls. But I thought, if there's any girls here. I'm going to be attracted to boys when there aren't any boys there. Yeah, I had that supposition to it. I was like, I'm definitely, I think I'm gay,

but I think it's a circumstance. Maybe if I was around boys more, but then I've got three brothers and all of their friends were like completely, I'm so relieved that you said they're friends because I was like yeah no that's fine you didn't fancy my brothers and I didn't fancy them and they were all grown they've aged brother

I'll give them that they've aged now different story of course I was like where is this going I think your brother's friend as I was like quickly get to the get to the end of the sentence I think fancying your brother's friends is such a thing in films like just sort of like

oh don't look at my sister I don't go out of my sister but my brother's friends as well, absolute fucking state of those lads. They were two years older than me and it's like once you've seen a boy hunched over playing Nintendo GameCube for that long and genuinely get angry with each other

about where the shortcut is on Kahuna Beach and Mario Car. It's so hard to in any way fancy them. And they always had like wotset dust everywhere. Do you remember that? I don't remember. Every teenage boy when I was growing up was just powdered.

in what's it dust, like physically on all their fingers down their front, to the point where it was like, where's the cheese coming from? I'm upset. Yeah, I mean, it was, I was upset. I'm upset. I think that's a really good grounding for a young, maybe not quite so straight, but interesting boys, adolescent. Thank you.

It's to see boys in their natural habitat. Yeah. And to see what they're really like. Because, you know, do you remember when you go to school and your friend has gone out with some boy and he's like I don't know 15 and then he hasn't called and he and your friend's like oh I think it's because he's probably really busy and he's not he's probably really just I think he's got exams and I think his nan came and the reason why he hasn't called and like you know you're like oh like he's not he's not he's wanking or he's playing you know on his commodore 64 he hasn't

he's not thinking about you no he was spending doing like a taste test on doritos this week and it's like they've written a chart like there's no one's busy they're not busy no one's busy he's 50 he's not busy he's got literally nothing to do and you'd have these conversations and you just go it's really hard just to go he's not into you you're going to have this all ahead of you because you have two sons yeah yeah I've got too

how exciting is it pressurising having to raise men to be good in the world Christ at the moment it is when I'm looking at the absolute plebeians out there yeah I'm really thinking we can't I said to I actually said to my partner Clue I was like we cannot let these two loose we can't release them into the wild and for them to be complete

just assholes. Yeah. So we're going to have to like Let them loose and tell the world. They will not be released until they are a good boy. He's such a funny. They're in the pen for a while.

I'm going to look at little Andrew. Look at that Angel Boy. Now when did you start doing musical theatre? He's gay. Well he might not be. Nine. Nine. Nine.

He was a musical theatre from nine to just whack him a musical theatre. I'm going to try. I'm trying for the musical theatre. We've really pushed for that. they so far into sports which is really disappointing no there's gay sports

rowing come on diving they're basketball's what they're into at the moment basketball's cool basketball's really cool they really enjoy it but yeah we do I think

we've already planned the conversation we're going to have about pornography you've already planned yeah so we're like okay when they get to about like 13 we're going to start talking to them about porn and what's available in porn and what they get their friends are going to have phone they're not going to have a phone but their friends will have phones so they will be able

to access porn and I want to have that I want to get in first to with them and go okay really really associate it with mom I really want you to think about your mom and your mom when you're thinking about watching porn I want you to think of our sweet little HRT fueled faces when you're watching your porn oh no that's nice oh no that's nice get in there yeah that's nice oh no that's what we're doing is lesbians isn't it yeah obviously I saw porn as at school but I didn't, yeah, I don't know. I don't know if they had the same sort of.

You just yelled, rip my clit off into a mic as your job and you think that had no effect on you. I'd like to attract my last thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we can edit that out. No, listen, let's be honest. Let's be honest. I'm still living and learning.

Yeah. Oh my God, hell of me all are. It's so much to fucking learn. It's endless. It's endless. Which is why I think why a lot of our listeners write in and they ask for advice. and I feel very good about this with you here actually

because you've got very reassuring classes but do people ask you for advice a lot do people ask me for advice? I do get asked for advice yes I do. What kind of things do people come to you generally about? It can be any number of things a lot of because of the industry where can I get a lot of

comedians asking me about advice about comedy but mates will ask me advice about relationship stuff and about you know because how long? Have you been with your partner? 19 years? Yeah, it gives you some cred, I think. Like, you are going to go.

That's impressive. It is for a lesbian. That's like 368 years. Yeah. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, because the divorce rate so high with lesbines

because women just don't put up with shit. If they're like, I'm unhappy, they're like, if you can't make me happy, I'm gone. Oh, do you not do the separate bedroom thing? No, that's more the cover story for your elderly parents. Well, at least you won't divorce the way my parents did. You know, like we're not married. Well, that's not going to happen.

Well, my parents got divorced because my dad. dad think my mum went to book club and someone taught her the phrase mansplaining and he couldn't say anything after that. He didn't ask how she was for six years and he genuinely thinks that's the reason. Shout out Michael Bauer. That's heaven.

He shout out Michael Bauer, hi daddy. You're not watching. Is your dad still single? No. Oh my God. That's so mental. I just think. That's so shocking to me.

The bar is so low. The bar is so low for, no offense to your dad. but average men with like if they have their full teeth all their teeth yeah he does and a full head of hair oh my god

that's over two men with a full head of hair over 50 forget about it 73 Christ at 73 he's probably just walking around the street

and look at my hair and all the women are like can't believe it yeah I can't say anything but come on yeah I can't communicate

but look at my hair he's a great man love you dad call me yeah he won't of course you love him but he's a bell I know the mansplaining thing

I just laughed in his face I was like you can't be fucking joking It's so funny It's so funny It's so funny It's so funny as a house My mother flowers

Every single week And he worships the ground She walks on And she's like Still kind of keeping him on his toes And I just love it as an energy She's like She loves him too

But it's very like They're still like We'll see I love it Maybe that's the energy we all need It's a little bit like I might not be here tonight Yeah just like

You better watch yourself You gotta watch yourself You got to watch yourself. I was an Aldi earlier and I got to tell you Yeah, truly. In a great way. Do you say Aldi?

Sure, I just, I don't think it's the sexiest supermarket to me. No, good free. Pick your own, pick your own local. Support local. Yeah. Like shopping M&S is like,

you know? Really? Yeah, dining for two for ten pounds. 10 pounds? Yeah. What a deal? Right, Jen, what kind of advice giver would you say you are?

I don't know, what do you mean? I feel like this, what does that mean? Okay, so do people, what does it mean, what it means is, do people, so people come to me

to be told exactly what they want to hear. Oh, I see. Oh, people don't come to me for that. And I didn't think so. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like... People will not come to me

if they want to hear the thing that they want to hear. They'll be like, oh, I won't go to Jen. Yeah. So they will come to me if they've literally run out, probably if they've run out of ideas. They've probably gone around to lots of other people first

and got the advice and then they've hit the wall and they've gone, all right, let's see what Brista has. I feel like I'd go to you if I wanted absolutely no bullshit. If I just wanted hard truths, let's do this thing. I will say though,

I often don't give any advice. I'll just listen unless people want it. Okay, that's good. You're not giving unsolicited. No, I'm not going to go around giving people advice. If someone has something and they want to tell me and then I'll listen and then I will wait to see if they want to know what I think.

You're like a priest, Jen. No, like a farmer. Most people are barn animals. They just want to be fed and herd. Yeah, fed and herd. Yeah. They just want to, I'd assume you've done that.

That's really good. It's a thing. It's a thing. I can't use that. That girl's personality is crazy. What the hell? She's got something. There's some wisdom there.

Would you like a biscuit and could be heard? That's so nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's good, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. I think she should have started with that,

the biscuit and the herd bit. You didn't love the screaming about the thing into the future and the clipster? listen to each their own we try to make you feel welcome Jen I'm just thinking maybe we could have reversed those two Andrew I got it wrong again no minder there is no wrong

no exactly there's a mother of boys there is no wrong my two little boy I love you whatever you want but you're not being released until you're good Andrew do you have a problem for it yes and all these problems are solicited

they would like advice I have three problems available ranging in intensity Holy moly This has been a very intense episode So what would you like Do you want leased or most? For me anyway

Oh this is a standard day For me not intense No one's even cried Is it crying usually? Sometimes Okay Fighting Yeah

Yeah Big scraps Yeah we had Like we're not always gonna think up Sometimes we're both hormonal On the wrong day Okay My period starts in 24 hours

And I know that Because I track it on my phone To predict how the episode will go I cried this morning Okay, so that's where the, it's a little bit of, yeah. Let's go mid. Okay. Mid.

We'll start with a, right. Yeah, should we go mid? Mid is good. Did you want intense? No, I can do anything. I think mid will still be intense based on our audience. Love you guys. Yes, yeah, correct.

This is from E. Hi, E! Hi, Hogs, I don't know what to do. I'm 29 and I'm in my first actual relationship with a guy that is really kind and understanding. Slay. We've been together the last eight months. At the start, I thought I was just. uncomfortable being in a relationship full stop, and so I told myself to give it some time.

There's lots of good things in the relationship. He's very understanding of the hours I work as a doctor and how limited my time can be. He's put a lot of effort into seeing me as we met in Limerick when I was there, but I had to move two hours away for training about six weeks into the relationship. The problem is that despite the fact I really like him and we have a good time together and the sex is good, I can't shake the feeling of is this enough. I know it can't be sunshine and rainbows all of the time, but I struggle to share news with him. I don't particularly look forward to seeing him. Oh God. I feel very disconnected. Shut it down. Shut it down. Wait till the problem gets with him. I thought you like to just let them talk.

Let them be heard. I mean, there's a whole list of reasons why you shouldn't be with this guy, but let's hear it to the end. I feel very disconnected from outside of the weekend visits, and I don't know how much of it is the medium distance thing versus we're just not right together. I'm moving back to Limerick in four months and I don't know whether to leave it in until then or call it now and break up with him. There you go. From E. Wow.

Well, let's get into it, Janberster. What do you think? Get rid of him. Why? If you have to give me a list that long of all the reasons why you're not into somebody, then you're not into someone. When you're into somebody, when they're not there, you think about them all the time. All you want to do is be with them.

All you want to do is boff then. Sorry, boss. Sorry, relations. Roger, Roger, Spencer. Roger senseless I'm bringing some 50 energy to this podcast Slay

Yeah Do I mean So a little bit A little bit for me So what I'm going to say To E is If you're not feeling this now Oh my days

In about three to five years' time You're going to be like This guy when he breathes He blinked the other day It made me want to punch him directly in the face you need to like pull the plaster off and just end it because what you want from this person is to feel like that especially this early on nine months right eight months oh my god I'm the first

five seven years of my relationship with Chloe I was like when if she left the room I was excited to see her I was like I was thinking about her all the time Jen you don't know this about me but I measure love to a degree based on one conversation we had in a taxi run in Kilkenny we were going to the airport we were both hung over to fuck and we had... Oh, is that on the way? Oh my God, I'm so hung over.

We were so hungover. We were on the way back to Dublin Airport from Kilkenny and we were in a taxi and obviously we were going to go back and see our partners and Jen was talking about Chloe and there was just the most incredible

it was like, Jen was like I just love her so much and she can never leave like she can leave, obviously she can leave but she mustn't leave me. I say to her all the time I love you so much. You mustn't leave. You mustn't leave me. Oh God, I love her. I get to see her today. Oh, God, I love her so much. And I was just like, that's,

because you'd be going ages then. And I was like, oh, wow, that's, like, to be that obsessional and excited and loving and, like, really grateful for all the person does. Because that's what you were like, she fixes everything. She does everything. Like, she's just, I was like, oh, you got one of those lessons. Yeah, that's love. I don't know what she's getting out of the relationship, but I know what I'm getting. And that's why she must never leave me. And you've got a full head of hair and they look like your own teeth, are they?

They are gorgeous. Gorgeous! I do agree. I think there's two things going on here. One of which, three things. One of which I think is that because it's your first relationship at 29, there's sort of maybe a little bit of pressure you're putting on yourself to stay in it. Like you have to make it work when actually like 29's not old.

I know in Ireland's there, we're making it feel like it's old, but it's not old. Secondly, eight months if you've never had a series, his relationship before might also feel like it has been a long time and you've sunk course but I promise you you'll only feel like it's more time you wasted after the fact so cutting it off earlier she's good the other thing is and I can't stress this enough and I think I only I can give this advice on this out of this group of people limerick is a small place it's a small city and I think the more time you can give him in advance of going back there to have gotten over it the better because running into each other and you will run into each

other all the time in their work when it's just happened can be quite tough so i think actually like giving him the city a bit of like the city for four months to just like be able to move around and not think he has to see you is actually kind of a kindness um because fuck arlin's small and then the other thing is like um and i know i say this about everyone are you gay are you gay are you gay are you are you gay man no no no no i know but i'm just saying like i can't i don't want to give him news and i don't want to see him and I don't really want to talk to him and I don't think about him or miss him at all when I'm and I'm busy and I'm a doctor and I

are you gay? Just a thought. Yeah, could be. Consider it. And just put that in the mix. Yeah, just throw it in. Just throw it in. Just be open. Come on, why not? I knew you guys were recruiting. Always. I don't know. We never said we weren't. We never said we weren't. I think everyone's got worried. No, no recruiting. Yeah. She'd never claimed otherwise. Yeah. Everyone here up for yeah if we could

I know that's what they're fucking doing on the overground oh yeah that's just handing it leaflets yeah yeah yeah yeah the Jehovah's Witnesses have the buses do you have any thought the fucking lesbians of the overboard it's true it's true

yeah look under the seat you're gonna find it could you just like that's like it is and then one of us appears it's like hey having a tough time

with your boyfriend filling this form can I teach you how to barbecue Did someone teach me Had to barbecue? Oh, there's a London Barbecue School in Peckham. Oh my God.

Do you want to find out? I'm beginning to think maybe you're the lesbian. See, you've got all the info. You've got all the stats. You were good to go. But seriously, they do sell out in advance

for their summer season if you wanted to do it over the next five days. If I was single, I definitely. Me and Sunil Patel might be going if you wanted to join them. Okay, of course. You and Sunil are.

Sure. Genuinely, by the way, if you mean that any of in Ireland my dad's favorite thing is teach a lesbian to barbecue really yeah he's had so many lesbians through that door and he doesn't know what to be saying to them but he can talk to them about barbecue yeah yeah yeah you got to give like a straight guy with a lesbian something to talk about and the barbecue is your friends do you like cars yeah are you a what are you into can we build this together yeah do you make wooden spoons do you have a team surely you have a team

yeah who makes wooden spoon I don't know there's people out there oh wittling Whittling. I've been sent them. People are whittling. Oh. Okay. So what about you? What do you think of E?

What do you think she should do? Yeah, I agree. They should do. You got to get out. You got to get out of it because you should be excited and I totally get it. It's like, oh my God, it's my God. And it's also like sometimes you're like, oh my God, like it can't always be sunny. But it should always be.

That's a big, you know, like that. But it should be at least exciting and you deserve that. And I think it's, I mean, I don't know what I'm fucking talking about because I haven't. No. But I've been in love and I know the excitement of like, oh my God, that person's message and that is powerful and should be able to last a long, long time. I think so. It's longer than nine months and it sounds like she's, but the thing that's worrying for me is like she never had it. Yeah. I don't think it was ever there. Oh my God.

That's like that guy that I did it with that left the condom in me when I was like, where are you trying to push it? Why are you whispering like you haven't said there so many times? I mean, there's a microphone there we can all hear. That's a good point. Yeah. Don't push it because and if you do try and push through the feelings of like not being that far check inside of you at the end of that. Yeah, because they will probably be a condom them on you. They might leave the condom in you.

Yeah, well, it's amazing. Is he a doctor as well? E is. She's a doctor. I was sorry, I wasn't seeing my cockney accent. E's a doctor. Finally. I thought, wow, this Irish accent's really getting.

Yeah, it gets in your ears. It gets stronger as the podcast goes on. That's fine. No, I just think. She loves to call the midwife. What can she say? I think you will see this man every two steps you take in limber.

so you may as well do it now. And you'll see his cousins and you'll see his dad and you'll see his work with. Oh, Christ, this sounds hellish. But that's what I'm saying is like give the lead in. I'm all right.

I love Ireland. I know. I know you do. Just a bit of fun. I know you do. And they love you actually. Irish audiences really take to you in a way that they don't take

to a lot of English acts, which is remarkable. I know. I'm always amazed for like if I go to Ireland that they listen because I'm always like, I'm just, I'm English. I know.

Well, but they just, there's something about you. She seems reasonable. Yeah. Yeah. start by apologising. I always. Always.

Always. Always apologize for being English. Here's a refund for reparation. Yeah. And then immediately bring up the Mediterranean mom. Yeah. Half, but it's really hard.

Half colonizer. Half colonizer. Sheesh. Oh, preach, half English, half German. Yeah. No, but super Catholic.

Yeah. Oh, that's good. That does help actually. Yeah. Yeah. I think you can really connect on the Catholic. I don't have Lord with me.

Well, that'll do it. That's your own fault. I don't think you need the Lord with you. You just need a lot, a lot of guilt. No, that of that. You don't have any shame.

You don't have any shame? A little, I go. Oh my God, deep, deep shame. Not deep shame. I know, me too. I was raised in a very, like, liberal. Hippy house. Can I ask?

Hippy house, a lot of nudity. Do you anyone want to ask? I'm desperate to know, obviously, what the intense. Go back to school deliciously with Whole Foods Market. Wake up with low-priced 365 by Whole Foods Market protein waffles and breakfast burritos. lunchboxes quickly with 365 brand juice boxes, crackers, dried fruit, and more. And look for sales on no antibiotics ever ground beef and chicken breasts that make meal prep a breeze. Shop best in class fines for back to school at Whole Foods Market, in store and online.

Okay. Do you have time? Yeah. I'm just like, obviously, I'm like, if that was medium, that was okay. That was fine. That was like, there's a guy that I'm not attracted to. Should I keep going out with him? No.

No. Well, I suppose in theory could be E down the line this problem. Oh, my God. Ghost of Future E! How exciting. This is S. Oh, no, did he stay? Oh, S. Hi, S.

Hi, Hogs. I wanted your opinion on a little midlife crisis I appear to be having. Yes. After a year of waiting, I had my assessment through and have been diagnosed autistic, brackets, yay me. Sly. At nearly 40, this has been a lot to process and I feel my sense of self has been... Sorry, what was that?

At nearly 40, it's been a lot to process. And I feel my sense of... the self has been shaken somewhat. With the assessment came a lot of self-reflection and remembering things from my past and now I think I might be gay. I've always been attracted to women. I used to use nights out with an excuse to kiss

my female friends. When I was at uni, I fell in love with my best girlfriend and was the happiest I'd ever been in a relationship. But when I told to some of my other friends, their reactions made me feel guilty and ashamed. I internalized the homophobia and ended my relationship. Since then, I've only been in relationships with men,

but I've always fantasised about women and deeply regret letting them influence my life like that. Okay, even I can figure this one out. It's not a confusing riddle. That's a lesbian, right? That's a lesbian, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel so, yes. Yeah, go on.

I can smell it. You know? Esprosophic, yeah, sure. More recently, I've become obsessed with YouTube lesbians who share their domestic bliss and journeys into sighting families. Catherine, please be respectful. Sorry, please. I'm listening.

However, okay, I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years now, and we have a child. Plot twist. Plotwitz! What the blippin heck! I was expecting this. I was expecting this. I never instigate intimacy with him.

He's a nice man and I love our family. I can't see me blowing up my life, but I also feel like as well as being a mast autistic, my whole life, I'm now a super repressed lesbian, or at least a lot more queer than I thought I was. It's been nice to write this all down, as I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. And any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Love S. Number one, thank you so much for writing it down and for sending it into us. Good for fucking you. And yeah, writing it all down is a great way to process that. So, like, keep writing it down. Gary Starr, that is, sorry, that was much higher stakes than I anticipated it being halfway through.

I was like, we got a lesbian in our hands. And then I was like, we have a situation on her hands. Yes, I can see what you mean about this could be E further down the line. I, this one is a really tricky one. And I don't know that there is any right answer. Like, I don't, I don't, did you know what to me? Like, I think, I think. Both outcomes are bad to some degree.

Yeah. I think ultimately when you're in a situation like this, it feels like to me at some point this relationship is going to end. It will end. I mean, that is going to happen. So this relationship is going to come to an end at some point. It's about you deciding when is the right time, I guess. And this sounds incredibly, I guess,

I don't want to use the word selfish, but it has to be from you because he, I'm assuming, is oblivious and is happy in the relationship and wants the relationship to continue. We don't know that. Or he's gay and writing into a gay podcast right now. Oh my God, the dream is he's writing to. That would be incredible.

But also it's interesting, right? Like, I feel like he, oblivious maybe, but like he could be in a relationship with a person who does, for example, want to initiate sex with him and does find him attractive and isn't writing to a podcast wondering if she's gay. So there's like a counter narrative for him too, right? Absolutely. Oh God, yeah, completely. I mean, I think about that with a friend of mine and they had. two children, there were a couple, they had two children. It wasn't because she was a lesbian, but she had really loved her partner, but was no longer in love with him. He hadn't done anything

wrong. He wasn't a bad guy. He was a good guy. Sad, but it happened. And she made the decision and she didn't leave him for anyone else. She just said, this isn't for me anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore. And they separated and obviously it was very difficult at the beginning and they worked out a way for them to co-parent their children and without acrimanical. And they, which is incredible, which is really hard to do. But you know what? Further to what you were saying, three years later, he met somebody.

A year after that, they got married and now they live together and they're really happy. And he's with a woman that does want to initiate sex with him that is really in love with him and they do have this very equal relationship and they are really happy. So, you know, there is that. I think there's something, it's really difficult.

Would I want my partner to be with me? if she no longer loved me just for the kids, I don't actually think I would. No, either do I. I think I would like her to tell me. I would obviously grieve the relationship for however long, but then at least I would have the opportunity to find somebody that wanted to be with me.

And I think that that is, but also I think the reason why it is difficult to come to that conclusion, and the reason why I'm saying you come to it whenever you come to it is because, I don't know, I think when you have a kid, the pressure, And also the pressure of like, how am I going to manage my life?

It's not just about, now I'm single and I can go out and meet women. It's like now you're a single mom. Where do you live? Where are you going to live? How are you going to pay the bills? How are you going to? So there are all of these, you know, are you going to be able to co-parent with this partner? It doesn't get sexy, but this doesn't get.

It gets, so what you're doing is you're blowing up your life in order for you to take that step forward where hopefully both of you can have that equal relationship. that you want but it does there's no like there's no easy way of saying oh yeah just go ahead and do it and it'll be fine and hey you know I will say yes sleigh and the other pressure I'm hearing in that though is a sense from you that you have to know if you're gay in order to end your relationship and I do think like if you're wondering if you're gay and you don't want to have sex with your husband just so you know I think that is valid enough reason to like you're allowed to end that

relationship without having all the answers like you don't actually have to be like I'm definitely gay before you decide that like you're allowed to break up with someone so you can explore that I would just say that I'd also say since you love a YouTube sapphic search may I suggest that there are a lot don't ask why I know this but a lot of late in life gay videos late in life gay content on YouTube of women who've had to tell the father of their children that they are actually gay and they fall out of that and it's not it doesn't look easy but there are lots of like really well-informed thoughtful kind versions of that because he might also be gay that's the you've got to stop it's so good I'm a lesbian that's I'm a gamer

I mean that that is beyond hopeful it happened I want sorry like a real about it yeah it's really nice yeah it's like when those um when you see those videos of lesbians both proposing at the same time it's like that but it's for divorce but for doors i'm a leg gay oh yeah carnival do you're gonna pride together it's great but i would also say like there is no the thing i will say is when we said there's no right answer and both are bad the only thing i would say is from my rationale all i can see is that like if you stay with somebody who you doesn't make you happy and who you therefore can't make happy and

And you parent in a situation where you're not as happy as you could be or fully authentic as you could be. Sorry to say authentic. That goes on forever. Yeah. If you blow up your life and figure out a new reality, the messy bit lasts a time and then the potential of happiness is thereafter. Because I feel like that's not an option in dorm number one. And it's the delay of the messy because the messy is coming. Yeah.

You know, the kid leaves at some point and then what? Yeah, or you end up making it messy for your child when they're at a point in their life where it's actually harder for them to reconcile that breakup. I mean, I'm not saying it's easy at any point for a kid's life, but I think, you know, children will adjust. They do adjust. It's not going to like, you know, fuck them up permanently.

It's just going to be very difficult for them at the beginning and then they will come to, you know. Also, sidebar, like, if I grew up and was rationalizing my parents, which like half of the world's children have to do um mom was gay is like a super understandable unless you get like a real mad right wing Christian kid um another pot twist but like I think um I would love it the next time I remember my my 12 year old is an absolutely yeah he's a proud boy he's a Lutheran I don't know what I believe but my point is like I wonder if like that is quite and to me that's like yeah that's so understandable yeah and your teenage and adult child will

I think have empathy for that but versus like what you're setting with yourself up for potentially which is like they hurt each other for ages and it got acrimonious or somebody cheated or if that's like that's the other thing the cheating and what you want to do is you want the relationship to be over before there is an infidelity because the infidelity is the thing that will poison the relationship. Agreed. And whatever, you know, what you can say is, and also to see the relationship not as a failure. I think a lot of the time when relationships end, we go, well, that was a failure. It was like,

that relationship was the success for this amount of time. You had a child. You brought up your child. You know, you were happy as a three, as a, as a trio. And you made that relationship successful. And now you've got to a point where the relationship for you is coming to an end. And you can draw a line under it as a success. and now move on and go, look, this is over, but I think we've done really great together. And now, you know, obviously he's not going to maybe think that. But it doesn't need, I think a lot of people, yeah,

I think the overlap is when it, when you overlap on relationships and you start a relationship when you're already in one, oh my God, it gets so messy. And that sense of betrayal is what creates the acrimony, I think. I agree. You were a child of divorce, Helen Bauer. Yeah, but they didn't do it until I was like 26. Same.

My parents did it way too late. It's like, Jesus, guys. I mean, knew this was over like 25 years ago. Anyway, okay. My friend actually had a very similar situation in that they were late. Well, they actually didn't get a diagnosis in, but late realization that they were autistic and then even later realization that they were gay.

Finally came out, and it was very, very messy. They had two children together. And even though it was really, really messy in that couple of years that they were getting through things, it was the happiest I'd ever seen him, everyone that knew him was like oh there's so much more like relief it's like properly you can see physically this weight off your shoulders because you're being often we're not allowed to say no you can it just it just oh you know it makes something it makes me feel like so it was shit

to get through but i think on the whole there was this like so much relief and happiness that um that yeah and i mean sadly he didn't actually get to see the end of resolution he passed away but you know not to get morbid but it would have got to a point where it was all sorted. It was already getting better. Oh God, this reminds me of a friend of mine. It might actually be the same friend. I think it's the same friend.

Yeah. Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about. Oh, God. And I know exactly what you mean because seeing him, like, just be the person he was always meant to be and couldn't be. Oh, my God. Yeah. So, I mean, actually, in that, having that as an example of somebody that got to be the person

he always wanted to be and later on in life and then sadly, did die but that's the other thing is that you know what are we what are we all waiting for life's so so short sorry to be cringe but like i do think that's true i think that's like increasingly we're all aware of that yeah and i think this just like it just starts with a conversation for you aflo with this partner of yours to be like hey this is how i'm going in my head yeah we need to make space for this book a babysitter for the night fucking go out and have dinner and be like we need to talk and just sort of like be as honest and open and say it in the the kindest way that you think they can receive it because that message is that ultimately so loving it's like I love him

I love our family and those are things you can still love him and take care of him and and not be in yeah yeah and I think if you do love him and you do love your family which is obvious then the way that you manage this if you do make that decision that that it's time for this relationship to come to an end that you can do it with respect and you can do it with love and you know you can do it in a way that means that you can still retain a relationship with him because I think you know it it is possible to retain that relationship with your with an ex-partner particularly I think if it is something that is as you know it's quite hard as a straight person to go why you know now you're with here with him it's like actually

it's not about that. It's about me being the person I've always wanted to be and it's actually me, Gina, you know. I mean something like... Gina is a nice name. Gina is a nice. She sounds nice.

She's lovely. She's hot as well. I prefer that to Georgina. Anyway, carry on. No, you're right. Georgina can get, can do one. I mean, look, there's Georgina, there are some Georgianas out there.

Your name, your choice. My best friends are Georgina, so I don't know why I'm being like... Georgie? Yeah, she's different. So different. it's different if you if you're just your gina and you don't and you won't compliment that's that's tricky yeah that's too much that's true um better luck with gina let us know just one last bit of advice if you're going to a restaurant to have this big conversation

which chain restaurant should you do it in i mean i wouldn't do it in a restaurant either would i think that's a coward's okay i say pizza express thank you so much jem bristol Jen, that's everyone! But wait, Jen! Yeah, listen, it's a good name has already been besmirched. Why not get in there? Jen, where can people find you?

You can find me on the interweb. I've got, I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook and all that sort of stuff, and I'm on tour as of, well, the UK tour doesn't start until October, but tickets are on sale now. And they're flying, so you might as well get them. Get yourself a ticket

and come and see a lesbian chat for an hour. A middle-aged one, a menopausal one. Anything could happen. Anything could happen. Absolutely. I might not take my HRT. Dicey. Oh, I hope we have the same night in Belfast again.

That was fun. Yeah, that was so fun. Maybe we will. Let's go through dates. What is the show called? Reactive. Oh, God. Bring your fucking shields.

Yes, nice. Come on. Yes, please. Please, everyone give it off. Richard Resto. Yay. Thank you so much. to our executive producers. Look at you there in your lounge. Guy Goodman, Simon Moore,

Annie Tonner, Stephanie Katrachia, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Sadie Cashmore, and, oh, ding, ding, what's this? A new member of the club, Angela S. Thank you for joining us. Angela S. Let's get that gender parity. Is Angela Scanlon? No, I didn't say that. And welcome to the club. No, you guessed that. We said highly unlikely. Oh my God, thanks for joining, guys. And to our amazing producers who also have a lounge, I like to think. It's L, it's Richard Bold,

it's Harold Van Dyke, it's Tim and Dom, as David Walker, as Rachel R, it's Claire Owen Jones. Sing it with me. Sarah and Molly, Ria Fink, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina, Lindsay, Amy O'Reardon, Abby Woff, Matt Sims, Luke Bright, Leah, Kate, Liz, Fort, Tass, Anthony, Chloe, Becky Fox, Dean, Michael, Sophie, Chivers.

Never figured it out. Kerry Sooth, never figured it out. Charlie A, KC, Jam Rainbird, Brin, which always makes me think of the girl from the later seasons of dance months. Ezra Periguin, Laura Pollock, Leah Overend, Stephen Chicken, always a bit of fun. Dougie Robertson, Hayley Singer, Sarah Deakin,

Tamson Smith, Harding. Did you put those in a different order to usual? Yeah. That is very good. You really kept me on my toes there. It's even funnier because you were like, sing it with me and I was like, couldn't if I tried.

Yeah, don't even know the lyrics. Couldn't even if I tried. It's a new song. Thank you for being a page. patron, thank you for arguably knowing way too much about us. Whoop, woo!