Trusty Hogs - Ep179. KIELL SMITH-BYNOE / Gambling, Guinness & Gravy

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

Hot of the heels of St Patrick's Day, we welcome back to the podcast the brilliant KIELL SMITH-BYNOE (Ghosts, Taskmaster, Great British Sewing Bee)! We talk breakfasts, Costco and secret gambling successes...FOLLOW KIELL: @klayzeflaymzNEW MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Sarah DeakinPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie Robertson / Charlie WeemesWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. The Eve fall to the episode 179 of trusty hogs a smith of Catherine Bowhart. She's Helen Bauer. And it's, oh my God, law, phala fall up. No, phala law. Oh no. Anyway, happy St. Patrick's Day, which is the day we're recording on it. Does that mean that we will bring this out on St. Patrick's Day?

No, because that's today. But still, I want you to know that it happened and we're sending you Shamrock. I hope you celebrated by drinking Guinness and taking food from Irish people you met on the street. No, what, no. Always celebrate it. We've been over this. It's about snakes, not food. And what's more snakeish than taking an apple from a babby?

That is pretty snaky. But no, you want to be the snake. You want to chase the snakes out. I can be whatever I fucking want to be. Okay, but not on St. Patrick's Day. On St. Patrick's Day, you have to be Irish. Those are the rules. Those are the rules.

Pogue Mahon. There you go. O'y, my leprecha. Now you're getting it. Oh, God, I hate myself. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech. Oh, it's Helen and Catherine at the trusty hogs.

Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not. Good morning. Hello, good evening, good afternoon. Whenever you listen to this to this, oh, I can't speak. It's the first day of my period and I've been listening. I've spent the weekend alone. Ellen and Charlie are in Prague and Serena was away. And I am consequently, genuinely, all I watched was, ready for this?

The Ruby Frankie documentary. It's about a Mormon YouTuber who ultimately abused her kids. Sorry. Pretty dark. I then watched Quiet on set. Have you seen that? No. Oh, God.

Sweet Jesus. It's about the Nickelodeon, like the predation of children in Nickelodeon. studio. Okay, I'm aware of this. Fuck me. And then the last night I thought, I'll just go to sleep with a more cheery podcast. So I listened. I was like, oh, I like all the tortoise media stuff. Popped one on. The next thing to come on was one, an investigative

journalism piece on whether or not Neil Gaiman is a very bad man. And bloody heck, I'm feeling weird. How are you? I would feel like a fucking freak if I was, yeah. I feel so weird. That was your weekend? Yeah, I feel really weird. Have you spoken to anyone?

Not really I went to I went to pastry Sunday Yeah I feel weird You're not blinking very well I did so much work as well Like all I did was listen to Unwatch dark stuff and then work

Anyway everything's fine Oh no I saw Georgie But we worked That's so fucking grim It was like springy as well Yeah it was really beautiful out On our break from working

Georgie and I went to a hot yoga class Oh my god And the woman there I really had to respect her. She taught this entire class without doing a single move. She was like, I'm just going to sit down and like tell you what to do. And I was like, girl, no one knows what they're doing. So we're all just following this one woman who's clearly been to the class before.

There's always one fucking lean, lean lanky bitch in the front. This bleen lanky bitch was like 75 years old. Yeah, that's killing it. She was killing it. And they stopped sweating when they were 60. Yeah, she's amazing. She's amazing. But so, yeah, busy weekend full of weirdness.

And do you? Yeah, I thrived. tired of nice time. What did you get up to in the beautiful? I just wasn't watching that fucking shit, was I? Yeah, I was watching fun stuff, like the Ruby Frankie documentary as well and the beginning of adolescence.

I haven't watched episode, I haven't watched episode three. I had listened to a deep dive of a podcast, of course, on Ruby Frankie. I'd already seen YouTube stuff. But I'd listen to it, but I still, I still think the documentary is very well done because of the unaired footage.

It is insane. Sineal walked in when I was, for anyone who doesn't know, by the way, she was a Mormon, YouTuber who did a show called Eight Passengers, which was her YouTube channel, it was huge and she was like, everyone's favorite mummy on the internet, and

then, like, fell into this cult leader who was posing as a therapist. Oh, even before that, she was abusive. Oh, she was already abusive. It was just fucking dark, dark, dark, and then it just got darker and darker and darker. And, um, yeah, Disney made it, which I think's magical because Neil was like, what is this documentary on?

And I was like, it's a Disney magical moment. When it's suggesting that they were lesbian, I was like, leave us out of it. I was like, we want no They were holding hands and sitting close. I was like, leave us out, drop us out of this chat. No, thank you. I was like, we don't need to speculate. I don't, we don't, they're just very good friends.

Sometimes they are gal pals, evil gal pals. Wow, you just took back the lesbian movement so far. Sometimes they're just friends. Sometimes I was like hard past. No, thank you. Not part of our community. Thank you. I had a nice weekend even though I watch those things.

Good. It was good. I had like a lovely time in Salt Dean with my sister. How was it? It was charming. The question on all. of our minds because I checked one in London and two in Dublin. You called us and I appreciate that.

Because I could only find the onesie but the question on all of our minds is did you find the fucking pyjamas because I can't. No. Damn it. They are out of stock. I went to two in Dublin. This is the Rattatooie pajamas. We have to just accept that she's not getting them.

I really thought she'd be impressed because I had the onesie in my hand and she was like I have never tried on a onesie and I was like oh okay. I know she was a bit hard with you there. Yeah she was like no and I was like okay. Catherine was like really quickly I'm in a prime mark. I put my hands on a ratatoo onesie. She's like, I have never had a onesie. Like, not even open to entertain the idea of a one.

Yeah, she's like, I've never tried one on. And I was like, oh, okay, wicked. Well, it's in your size. No, I was like, cool, cute, cute. It was good. We did lots of, like, moving around, did lovely gigs, did, found the hog hots spot of the country. No, you haven't. I'm not joking.

No, I'm telling you, I already know where it is. So where you're going to say it is. Salt Dean Lido. Is that anywhere near Margate? No. Really. Okay, maybe it's just coastal I think it's just coastal

But babe, I was in the pool at Salt Dean Lido And ran into like four hogs Maybe three and one extra friends I was genuinely getting off the train in Margate And someone was like, oh my God, Catherine And then I was at a pub with my friends And Margotte oh my God Catherine Then we went for breakfast

Oh my God Catherine Then we went for a swim Oh my God Catherine I was like Oh my God Oh my God I loved it We had a long conversation While I tread water

Oh no That's very sweet I genuinely if you see me in my swimsuit look away i don't that's not a time i want to meet a stranger god bless you i wish you well i'm so glad you listened to the podcast go hogs but if i'm not fully clothed but we were all in water in water that's wicked i i'm so all you're getting is the boobies like the bouncing up of uh oh i did do something that made my side this is when i know i was like losing my mind yesterday is i went for the first run back after the flu and i felt

better. But just for a laugh, I wore, Ellen has an oversized Hooters t-shirt, which I find so funny to wear when I'm in my sports bar because I have no boobs whatsoever. And obviously neither did she, but it was so funny to run around and have like, genuinely a park full of men just be like, I don't under, it's advertising, there's none, I don't, I don't, genuinely confronted like 50 men. They were just like, huh? And that was the only thing I did to tickle myself yesterday. what size is it do you reckon i could put my hooters in it probably yeah i'll borrow it it's fun it is um your worst nightmare it's the kind of dress that a short woman could wear as a dress a t-shirt i mean could wear as a dress i fucking hate that so much i know you do i know you do babe

need to calm down with it though um but saltine lido hoggies lovely swim highly recommend it um did yeah cold sure but was i brave yes well done and were you in there for long did it warm up I just didn't have to do long because I was just going down swimming and then going back up so I only did like 20 minutes but that's enough isn't it I think that is long

if it's this time of year it's March for God's sake right for fuck sake for fuck sake it's March and I'm getting in the water I think you did well I think 20 minutes is loads of time

and then I'd go home and Marianne will my sister will be waiting for me like oh my man She didn't go and no wonder you spent at least 20 minutes She didn't want to go

It's fries you weren't in for an hour I know Just hiding They're carrying away If I'm swimming I don't have to be doing anything else Oh my God I had to watch the Super Mario Brothers movie, which I will say was charming. Isn't Danielle Watts your name in that?

Daniel who? From Orange is the New Black. I love Daniel What's his name from? No, she's really good. Maybe she's in it? No, but she's in late Malia. She's great. Maybe it's a Lego movie or something.

Anyway, go on. It's all nonsense to me. Watch that. Watch all three of the Fantastic Beasts movies, which I've never seen before. Fine. Yeah, that's a lot of movies. It's a lot. And every time I went on my phone, she'd be like, you don't like it.

You don't like animals. And I'm like, no, I like, this is nothing to do with me liking or not liking animals. We're 12 hours into this, my guy. Right? And I'm doing like, gigs this weekend as well. I'm like, I'm working. I'm a bit like, like, you're not, you don't like animals. You're an animal abuser.

No, I'm fucking not. I just don't want to want, like. Jesus Christ. And then she was like, oh, let's go. We're going to see llamas. We're going to see llamas. And I was like, okay, let's go see llamas. Yeah.

So we started walking and ran into one of my. friend's uncles who just happens to be down there and I was like oh hi how's it going and we were like we're off to see the llama she's like we're seeing llamas and he was like all right fucking hell and he was just like thinking that he messaged my friend being like god I don't know how far they're walking the llamas are like a three hour walk but marianne told me they were at the top of the hill and like thank god about like 40 minutes into the walk I was like if those dots in the distance llamas we're not going because we've got no car I'm wearing crocs this is mental was she planning on I'm doing that.

Yeah. I don't know how she was planning on getting fucking back. She was fully planning on the three hour walk. I was wearing crocs. Crocs. Crocs. What? She was like, yeah, we'll just do the three hour walk to Lama.

She's like, no worries, no worries. I've got nothing else to do today. Yeah, but I do. I have a fucking life. And also like, what you can't, we've been over this before on the podcast. I know we have. We talked about it in Australia. Here we go.

And I'll say it again. You have to tell me the length of a walk we're going. going on. Honestly. I'm down. I'll go for a 10 mile hike. I'm down. But you have to tell me, I can't be going out expecting a 20 minute walk prepared for a 20 minute walk and then 45 minutes later find out it's still two hours and a quarter to go. Are you mad? I'll pack water. I'll pack snacks. I'll pack correct shoes. I'll wear a little jumper. I'll get a cat. I'll get my head in the game. It's a different thing. It's a different thing. Remember when I got lied to in in fucking Helsinki? You remember. Yeah, I do remember. I do remember. Oh, we'll do go to this really

good noodle place. It's a 20 minute walk away. Fine. 20 minutes into the walk. I'm like, oh, are we nearly there? And they went, oh, it's actually 40 minutes. I just, I knew if I said 40, no one would come. And I just looked at them like, you fucking manipulate me. Manipulate as a male comedian. So obviously I was double a size. But also, fucking ruin you.

I will definitely, definitely go. I wouldn't have gone. I wouldn't have gone. Oh, or if I would repair myself. It's like a different psychological thing. I had a show, like, coming up. And I was like, I was just spend dinner. You can't tell me it's 20 minutes. away, which means we're ordering in 40 minutes.

Well, actually, you mean we're ordering in an hour and I'm getting my food in an hour 20, maybe? Like, that's just, what are you talking about? Don't lie to me unless it's to compliment me. If it's to compliment me, lie to me. I'm fine with that. Oh, Helen, you're the fittest bird in all of London. Thank you. Yeah. That feel nice. Oh, my God. Speaking of, in the extras, can we get a little date update?

Shut up and yes. Shut up and yes. Oh, my God. Shut up and yes. Okay. Okay. Oh my God. Let's skip to the extras.

I'm so excited. I tell you what, I feel like you're having period sad breakdowns. I'm not even sad. I'm just weird. I actually feel fine. I feel like... Okay, well then you're a fucking freak.

And I'm thriving. I'm going for bougie lunches. I went for Mool Mariner for lunch the other day. What? Oh, because you're dating? No, just with my friend Alice. Oh, good for you. Hi, Alice.

That's so nice. Good for you. Heaven. I'm really in like a food prep month. that's what I'm doing. I'm doing a lot of like I made a really fancy ramen that I had for dinner last night. Describe it to me really slowly. Okay, so we're talking. I put in the bowl. So I shaved carrots like noodles and then I put actual needles in because I'm not a fucking freak. Then I did roasted broccoli. Roasted with olive oil chili and garlic. No, sesame chili and garlic. And then I did, and with some sesame seeds over towards the end. And then I did button mushrooms. Just cooked in a little soy. Mesa glaze?

No, the broth is miso. Then I did some fried tofu. Then I poured over the miso broth and then I popped an egg on. Heaven. Was the egg running on the inside? Of course. I'm not so, what? Do you think this is amateur hour?

This is beautiful, Capone. It was so delicious, a little bit of chili oil on top. Yum. Sunil made me dinner the other day. Did he make? Really similar to you, actually. Yum. Okay, two sausages in the air fryer.

Oh. They get cooked, come out on the plate, start going cold. Two potato waffles in the air friar. Why don't you do everything at the same time? Two potato waffles in the air fryer. Once the sausages are fully cold, potato waffles are done. They come out. I'm so angry.

His speciality, slow roasted beans, which is baked beans on the hob. But he has to do it slowly because he's mistimed everything. So they're slowly heating up over about 10 minutes, slow roasted beans. Okay, one, I'm living, but two, I don't. do have a strong take on the beans, which is that genuinely I think everyone cooks baked beans wrong. And I think that the weird need to provide it in like that gloopy sauce, it's like cook it down.

I actually do think you should cook beans for 10 minutes over a low heat with lots of black pepper and they get more like, um, they get more like mole. It's so nice. I like them thick and peppery. They're so much better than that weird like gloopy orange stuff. It makes them so good though. It makes them delicious.

But the rest is fucked. But you know when you're, you're like, you've got the shivers and you've beens on toast and you've got like, you know, you're like... Yeah, it still has a sauce. It's not like dry. It's just thicker. But you want more of the sauce because at the end of it, you've had your beans and toast and you get an extra slice of toast for the wiping. Yeah, yeah, you still have wiping levels of sauce, but I can't be doing with that sort of like see through bright. I wanted to thicken and... If we were at home right now, I'd send you to your fucking room.

But I genuinely think that if you had mine, everyone who has mine is like, oh yeah, you're actually all right. even when they're resistant at the start. Can I say this though? That's fucking terrible and he's awful. That's not a nice dinner. I made him dinner from scratch. I make lovely like curries from scratch. It's outrageous.

I made on Wednesday like our friend came over and I did a big like chicken shwama cuscusy thing like lovely and then he's like oh I'll make you dinner. sausage chips and beans basically. Fucking joke. Oh my God. Here's a little update on food for me. I have a new way of making porridge that I'm obsessed with. For fuck. Welcome to the podcast.

Welcome to the podcast. No, but just because you have... Episode 179. We're finally cracking it. We've got a new way of making porridge. No, but you know how you in winter do chalky porridge? I know. This is very spring porridge, if I may. Oh my God, here we go. It's your beautiful porridge. And then, on top, I cook. I cook, I really finely dice apple.

I was literally about to say, apple and a pinch of cinnamon is coming into this. No, a teaspoon of cinnamon, a pinch of salt. and maple syrup and I cook them down and they are divine. They're divine and also when you cook an apple, you can make like a couple of days worth of part and pop it in the fridge and it doesn't go brown and I'm just like a hundred prepped for the week and I just love it so much. It makes me so happy.

It makes me so happy. And the last thing to say, and I know there was something else I was going to say, oh my God, I can't get into details. But let me say this. You know how we give advice on this podcast and I'm glad we do. Yeah, we give really good advice. Yeah, we do.

recently on the podcast we had a problem in I don't know if this is any use in telling you when I can't I have to keep it really vague but it was really disappointing realization about myself like I gave recently I gave a really ardent advice like I remember being like if this was my situation in my house I'd be like blah anyway the exact same thing happened in my life and I did nothing I was like I would tell and I was like oh no I would hide my room and text my girlfriend I think that about most of the advice we give. I'm not going to fucking do it myself. No, I really do usually tell the person I love, I love them. Usually it really is a thing like I will tell a friend if it's over. I will like talk to my mom if I need to. I will do the therapy. I will like do all this stuff. But this one I was like, ah, nope. Cheers. Nope. No. No. It was so funny to watch myself and I was like, wow, this is real time cowardice. Fascinating. Because there's more there's more to it than then meets the I. There always is. I think I know. I cannot wait to hear about this as soon as we get about.

Yeah, very funny, very funny. I was like, wow, I'm not who I thought I was. Um, yeah, that's all my, is that gossip? Everything's gossip. Everything's gossip. I will say as well. Um, thank you so much to everyone who responded nicely to the comments about the trolls in last week's patron. Oh my God, it was so nice.

I got so many nice messages from like people. And also it's one of those ones where like you hear from actual like people you know and you find out that they're a patron and you're like, oh my God. I don't need to know that you've heard all that. I know. I got so many nice messages, even about the like, how bad it made me feel about everyone being like kind of shit when I was sick. Like people reach out and I was like,

you were a patron. That's so nice. But I also, how many comments that you got on our being like, so pretty so funny? Which I'm now getting on all my videos and I just want that to keep going, please. Everyone, please go on to our Instagrams and comment under all of our videos.

So pretty, so funny. Please. I love the hashtag. So pretty so funny. Do you think people are looking at it who don't listen to the cast being like, what the fuck? Like, that manta? No, I think they're seeing two supermodels making perfectly formed jokes and valid points.

That's what I think. I don't think they have any questions. Everything's fine. I feel like I need to be so pretty so funny at the moment because I'm going on doing these work and progresses to get ready for my new tour. And like, I'm talking about like loving myself and taking care of myself. And it's like trying to be able to talk about it without being like, and doing like a voice is so hard.

I'll bet. So I can't, when I read so pretty, so funny, because I've asked for it all I hear is so pretty, so funny. Like,

I can't hear it. Well, that's something you can work. You're still working on. I still work on. But also, I don't think the point of your show is that you've nailed it.

Presumably it's that like you're working on it. Ideally, I will have it fully nailed by when does French start this year end of July. I think it's early. So hopefully I'll have it nailed by then. In an announcement, I'm not going to the fringe. I can't believe it. Parish

announcements. I won't be at the fringe this year. I can't believe it. It's going to be weird not doing Trusty Hogg's life up there. It's going to be crazy. It's going to be weird not being there. Apart from COVID, it'll be the first time in 11 years. You don't go at all. 10 years that I don't go. Does that mean you get your birthday off work? Yeah. No, of course I'm making my radio show. Because my radio show got recommissioned, which I'm so excited to be. It's on your actual birthday day. The writer's room is... Oh, for fuck sake.

No, no, it's like... Take it off. But I'll get the weekend of my birthday off and I won't have to, um, you know, do a show on the day. So it's very exciting. I can't wait. I can't wait. God, 37.

Let's not think about it. Hey, I'm out. That's older. Shall we bring on our guest? Yeah. Please. But do come to fringe by the way. I'll be there.

Oh my God. It's not just the parish announcement that the hogs aren't there. No, obviously. Go see hell. Just little Helen running around by herself. Oh my God. You'll be fine. And there's so many of our guests will be there.

We'll send a list. We'll put a list up like we always do. I say that, hoping Andrew will sort that. Is that like, Andrew? I'm like men who are like, housework just gets done. You can book for me and immediately after me is Alison Spittle. What a double. What a double.

Cute, cute, cute. Yes, do that. Book the double. But we should bring our guest on you, right. We simply must. Well, it's a he. It's a he. And he's been on the podcast.

as before, welcome back fan favorite, the incredible Kyle Smith-Bino! Woo! donate it. To feel good and do good, go to bombus.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S.com and use code audio at checkout. Welcome, Kyle! Yay, Kay-L! How are you?

Good. Do you guys have breakfast? Yes. I don't have it till about 11. Okay. I had two boiled eggs this morning, and I've had a croissant and two different coffees. Is that it? I think that's it. Yeah, that's it so far. Mine is waiting in my bag. I pre-prepared porridge with baked apples.

Baked apples, wow. When did you bake them? In fact, I cooked them on the stove. I don't know why I said baked. Cooked apples. Right. Do you always have breakfast? Yeah, I love breakfast.

I think of the three meals, I could ditch lunch, but not breakfast for dinner. The thing is, you can't have a long breakfast, really. You can have a long lunch. Watch me. Okay. Sorry.

I'm sorry. But I wake up starving. and I have to have eaten before I go to bed or else I can't sleep. I can't be doing what's going to bed hungry. Which one would you ditch? Clearly breakfast. Yeah, definitely breakfast, yeah. You know how to have a long lunch and a massive dinner? Describe a massive dinner.

Huge. What are we having? I don't know. Well, I'm sort of in the mood at the moment for bangers and match. Yum. Are we doing sides of any kind? Who's ever been in the mood for bangers and match? Me. I'm not being lost. It's such a weird mood. It's such a specific hankering for me too.

I just never understand anyone who would crave any sort of English food. Oh, my God, if you've been away for ages. I love it. Also, you can make it really well. Also, the Richmond event. What? Oh, yeah, Chris. You go in there matching it up.

Hello, I'm Catherine. I'm Irish. Yeah, why are you plunging your potatoes? To get it done with. You don't mash with two hands. You mesh with one hand. And all you do with the other one, you might as well use it. Scratch!

Scratch things! You're holding the palm handle. because it's quite forceful. Yeah, I'd like to change my answer. Have I done you caught? Do it like a plumber. No, what are you talking about? Talking about mashing.

Have you ever seen those machines? They're so charming. I want to know about sides and gravy. Yeah, gravy, yeah, but no sides. I can't boil it all sides. It's bangers and mash. I like. And they have a machine, Catherine.

Yeah. And you put in the boiled potatoes and you push down on it and it comes out like all wiggly like spaghetti. And that's mashed potato. Isn't that size? it was in an Airbnb I stayed in like six years ago and I've never stopped thinking did I use it I made mashed potato for 15 I'm not joking nice nice nice nice redible I will say there's a restaurant in Edinburgh it's the only place I ever go out for sausage and

mash and that's called moms have you been there I yes I have like seven types of sausage seven types of mash and then yes James and I took me there yeah pretty nice pretty nice what gravies do you have Catherine depends on why I'm in the mid for it Often it's a red onion because it's an easy to, like a vegetarian option. But sometimes you can do like a miso gravy. Yum. But delicious or a mushroom gravy. I love mushrooms.

But you enjoy cooking. I can tell by the way you're describing this. I really do. Do you enjoy cooking? Yes. Because I enjoy eating. Yeah, but that's what a man should enjoy. Oh, shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Do not endorse. No, Catherine, we're losing our traditional values as a country. We are losing our traditional values. What is the opposite of seconded?

Minus two. Minus two. Is your partner a good cook? Yeah, but she can't with whatever. Really respect to that. Mom, good cook? She's given up years ago. Fair play.

Fair play, Jenny. Shall I say your mother's name? No, I like that. You're loving it. Okay, good. Why did you know it? Is your mom got the same name? No, you just told me your name.

She's a fucking freak, man. That was, that was weeks of it. probably in my mind I wasn't expecting her name to be Jenny and then it was why is it a young person's like a young person yeah it feels like a young name I think that's a mum's name Jenny Jennifer yeah it's like Lorraine and Sheila no way shella and Jenny are not the same even gangeration above Muriel Muriel and Sheila might know each other yes Jenny's making the coffee at best in that scenario she's way too young to hang out with them wow do wait what age do you stop making

coffee. I just mean like she's the barista. She's chic. She's cool. She's gone. Listen, your mother and I's relationship is maybe different to yours than nervous. Right, sure. Yeah. I'll wait until that podcast comes out and I'll watch and find out about it. Would I. Can I go back to something you said earlier? Let's please. That you can't have a long breakfast. What does that mean? Well, you can't really like, you don't really stretch out breakfast in the way that you would lunch. Disagree. At home, I will sometimes watch two episodes of Simpsons whilst having breakfast over that like 40 minutes

just relaxing eating it not grazing grazing the whole time that's not even that much stuff from breakfast unless you're going to what do you have for your breakfast you got water hot drink you can't start with water water you have to hydrate in the morning

you have no but you can't include that when you're talking about breakfast foods it's all part of the breakfast experience yeah I do agree and it's aware that we do you can talk about that with anything then when you went to play tennis you can realize well I'm not fucking playing tennis Why would we be playing tennis? Are you saying we to exercise? Good girl, good girl.

See, you're getting it. Always aggressive. Like, ruin the guest. You welcome them in and then you fucking ruin them. You know what? Episode 179, write it down. They singed. 179?

Yeah. That's my door number. Don't tell people that. They don't know my road. I'm 47. Isn't that weird? the long road? No.

My goes up to 250. Shut. That's a long road. Yeah. But in America, their house numbers are like 1-187. Yeah. Like, isn't like the White House like number 2,308 or something on the, on the street? It's like, it's crazy the actual address.

I never thought of the White House being on the street. Yeah, or being like a number, having a postal number. It is. It's like 1,000 something, Pennsylvania Avenue. It's something bananas. Is there any way? I know if I like to write letters. The White House.

Which house are you doing? The white one? Yeah. No, I think a lot of them have white houses. And please me, you Google the address of the White House. Yeah, I'd love to know. We'd love to send them a letter. We'd love, oh, I have some things to say.

Wait, how are you? Oh, yeah. I'm all right. Has your day been? It's just started. Have you had breakfast? No. This is the first thing that's past my lips.

No, that's not true. I'd act a mail. Did you? Yeah. Taking care of that gut? Yeah. I get them in bowl. from Costco what do they really really you drive in there um yes why are you smiling

like that go do you Uber to Costco I I explain yourself I'm so glad I asked no I love Costco I'm in no because I've got like my friend does it no excuse me what no explain yourself my friend my friend does goes to court I've got an assistant yeah there you go To say my friend, your poor assistant is like, Yeah, but I know, but your assistant is like, I fully work for you. Please stop calling me your friend on podcast. It's part of the, it's part like,

it's part of her week. She goes to Costco and then she, every week. This is a dream job. I will apply. Yeah, I genuinely would love that if I was in assistance and someone was like, could you please go to Costco? If a part of my week was to go to Costco and do someone shopping.

So I've got a list. So me and my, my assistant have a shared notes. Oh my God, is your sister the assistant? My sister? Yeah. No. Oh, you said you and your assistant. They sound the same.

I was like, oh no, I do. I get why you lied. Bobbs. And then I just put stuff on there. And then here is the Costco list. Go on. Okay. Cashel.

Desper to know. I, it's so soft on the ass. Anus-wise, because shell is the most welcoming one. It's Lurl. Thank you for clarifying. Yes. I was like, is that her name?

I don't know. It's the one with the koala. Okay. See, that would be a lovely name if it wasn't the, Yeah, baby Cichelle. The best brands of... Go on.

This Cichel, this is Andrax. Oh. Right? Andrex is good. Anthrax and Cichel are the cutest little billionaire twins you've ever seen in your life. Oh, that would be amazing. Apart from the fact people go, like the toilet roll. Oh, and indeed, full of shit.

Go on. Purcell pods. Personal pods, yep. Nice. Ginger shots. Sorry, you're buying these every week. Not, no, not every week. Sometimes I'll cross them like here.

They've been struck through. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Which means I don't need them this week. No, I understand. Ginger shots. Ginger shots. The Moji ones? No, I don't know what brand it is.

Okay, but nice. Go on. Terriaki noodle packets. For fuck's sake. Jesus, this is such a bachelor list. Go on. Salmon, lamb chops, smoked salmon. You can buy those things like Costco?

You can buy fresh food? Yeah, in bulk. In a freezer? Well, not bulk. I don't mean like a thousand, but like you can get eight. Do that list of food. Do that list of salmon and mint and lamb chops again. Salmon, lamb chops, smoke salmon.

You sound like that Alan Partridge. Have you seen that Partridge bit where he's like, right, this week I'm becoming a vegetarian, but we'll go through my usual meat art day for a week. On Monday we have mints, and then we have chicken, chops, chicken, and we round the week out with a 24 round of walled sausages. Mints, chicken, lambishol. What happened to walled sausages?

They're still around. I don't know. Go on the list. Put on the list. Go on. Yeah, I need 24 sausages now. We're writing. A rope of 24 sausages.

Go on. Give my sister to run down the street with them, but I chase them like a dog. Actamel. Temporous shrimp, if space in freezer. I love Temporas shrimp. If space and freezer. Why are you buying a shop

that you fill to the literal brim your freezer with? Why do you just take a chill pill and take a week off? Well, I have. That's why it struck through. You sound a bit. Like you're worried about they're not being full at all the time. Are you a bit of a prepper? No, I'd just like to have options.

Mm-hmm. Go on. It must be good. Garlic and herb, King Prawns. Now listen to me when I say this. We're listening. Ears open. They're the best prawns I've ever had.

What? On my list, then. The Costco, garlic and herb, king prawns, they come in a... Don't have an assistant. Really? Yeah. Thank you.

Do you just mean you're going to send your assistant for it? Because I feel like I would like to meet her. Because I actually miss it. I haven't been in ages. I'll come with you. Oh my God, give me a break. I miss being a normal person who used to go to Costco from himself.

I just go into Costco. I want to go to Costco. I want to get the ceremony. You're sending your assistant. No, but she lives closer. And it's on the way to my house. I genuinely want to come. I want to go book shopping in it.

There's this vloggers I watch. They do Disney vlogs, but they go to Costco all the time in Bournemouth and they go bookshop in there and they have a lovely time of it. In Bournemouth? Yeah. In Bournemouth was your first question.

Not book shopping in Costco. What are you talking to? They've got a whole. bookshop, lovely books in them and stuff. Incredible. When was the last time you went to Costco? Never.

I've never been. Oh, that's why I don't... Right, right, right, right. I watch a lot of vlogs of people shopping and there's a new thing. Have you seen people going like, I eat everything on the menu at Costco? And they go and eat everything.

And in America, it's like, obviously the hot dogs are famous there because they've been like price regulated since the 90s. They're still a dollar. Yeah, they're two pounds in Edmonton. Yeah, and they refuse to change it. And then the pizza's...

People are going to get your address so quick if you don't be careful. No, I don't live anywhere near it That's why my sister's going I would love to come with you back She was going to come today And I told her just come afterwards You'll see her at 11

Okay, cool Or two, depending on what time We're filming this Mystery You just said you hadn't had breakfast And we're all obviously clearly hungry It could be three Yeah I guess, keep the mystery alive

Can I ask a personal question? Go on Yes What's your favorite shop of all time Are we talking about grocery stores Can we do grocery and then regular, please? Yeah, well, Saver Centre.

What's the Saver Centre? So the Sainsbury's in Bechton used to be called Saver Centre. What? And on a Friday night, my mum would pick me up for my nans. We'd go to Saver Centre and she would get a trolley. I'd go and sit in front of all the TVs and I'd watch Top of the Pops. And my mum would do a shop and then she'd come and pick me up when she's finished. Oh my God. Wow, that's incredible.

Little Pop-it. That's so sweet. So that one. You want to go back to it? I want to go back to there. Yeah, I understand. And I want to say super drug. No, I don't know if that's true.

We're big fans of boots. We love a big booths. We love a pharmacy. Yeah, I really think you can have a gorgeous time in a big pharmacy. It's like a nice, it's very like, you feel like you're stocking up. You feel like it's somehow healthful in a way where you're like, I don't know what this is, what an American word. But you're like, yeah, I'm prepared for anything. I'm taking care of myself.

I'm taking care of people around me. You feel like a witch is. Well, like lotions and potions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I can heal myself with these things. And then I won't be mad. It's nothing. It's not like stressful.

Like, nothing has to fit you. It's not like a, it's nice. It's nice. But I'm going to, um, I think the opposite to that is my actual answer. Go on. T.K. Mac. It is, it is the answer. It is, it is the answer.

I just can't be in shops where I feel like the need to tidy and I can't go in there with that being like, what is the system? Oh. What do you mean? Candles are here. What? Yeah, candles next to the pasta. Oh, next to the mugs, usually.

Ah, what? What? Why? You need to be an opening time at TK. Max, I think. I don't like it. I love it. Have you been to TK. Max in Brighton recently?

No, I haven't. Went for the last three days in a row, just for fun. And I had a great time. Commuting? Yeah. All the way down. No, it was like gigging in the comedian. Right. so like and it's open to like nine o'clock the tk max so i was like staying at my dad's flat which is like i don't know 30 minutes from the bus out of town so i'd like travel in but always like come in early accidentally and miss type it so i'd kill some time mooching around tk max like bought a couple of face masks and like looked at the mugs and the bathmacks you can go three days in a row you can because katherine there's always a new bit to explore i hate it so much i hate it so much it doesn't make sense of the shop and follow-up question what are you

you even buying you're not buying clothes on there yeah what you're finding your little shackets in tk match yeah every time not every time sometimes it's tough but i got a lot of guest jeans from there that's course you do it's all they sell um i i wore a cardigan yesterday that people didn't fucking stop complimenting me on and that was from tk max cheap mondays orange cardigan i wore on sunday brunch wait what's cheap monday that's pretty good a brand a brand oh yeah i don't have anything by them. I've got to get inside that. I'll tell you what my favorite aisle is.

You can't go back to TK. Max. It's gone. That was the one time they had that one card. It's insane. You can't be like, oh, I like, where's that from? And then someone, it's not like it helps anyone because that's the excitement of TK. Max. No, it's so stressful. Do you ever go to the Tupperware aisle

just for Bantz? No. I've got really into different Tupperware sizes. They don't. They do. They do. On my life. On my life. On my life. You know there's fully like painting. paintings in there as well. It makes no... Yeah, they've got paintings, they've got art. But it's not one aisle for any. I hate us.

Whoa, I'm sweating. The tupperware is so fun because you'll be like, oh, I think I've got all the tupperware sizes I want. And you see a different one. And you're like, no, that would be a really nice tuffelware size to have. I need that one. I need it. I bought a little water bottle in there last week. I've already got one. I was at sea. I was like, I'll get one that's smaller because it can fit in my little crossbody because the other one really takes up a lot of space in the crossbody. It's a bit of fun. It was purple.

It's purple. you know my favorite part the food jars which I don't think anyone's ever bought in TK Max the perishables yeah yeah yeah yeah actually I've got some sweets from there once sweets is different

like like twizzlers but like fake ones you know like Twizzlers the main the American but like fake ones okay I get why Helen goes there because it's basically like an externalisation of her mine.

Right. No, it's the cave of wonders. I get to be Jasmine for a bear. What I said remains true. What is the appeal for you? Getting things that I'm not going to see anyone else wearing. Oh,

you like the fact that it's chaos because there's like a unique sort of. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. But also like I don't feel like I'm going to go to an event and someone's going to be wearing the same clothes. But it takes like six hours to find that one cardigan. I've got patience.

Oh, you've got time, it seems. Oh, of course, your assistant is doing your fucking shopping. She couldn't do my clothes shopping. No, but that's what I mean, but you can have all the time in the world in TK. Max because she's sorting out. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because she's checking if there's a room in the freezer for shrimp. Yeah.

What point, where in your career did you get an assistant and how did I feel? How did you choose her? Because I think it's a big job. How did I choose her? Well, I had one and then she literally ghosted me. That's funny because you're on the TV show, ghosts. Wait. She wouldn't know that.

She never watched that. She didn't get shit. did she think you were dating and you thought she was interested and that's why she goes to do she's like this guy's so fucking demanding peace out that's probably really tough at the time

but really funny now yeah it was my friend's little sister and she was like oh yeah she just needs a job well there's your first mistake your friend's little sister is going to be like the way I'm saying little sister

makes it seem like she's like 14 she was like 24 and she needed did a job for a bit and so she was doing stuff but then but then one day I was like oh have you got the whatever it was and then nothing and then I just like I thought oh maybe she'd be like message her two days later nothing then I called my friend I was like your sister hasn't replied to me she okay she's like yeah I think she's fine I spoke to her earlier I'm like right she didn't even invoice me for that last week okay so you got a bargain which we know you love

Still to this day I don't know what after. Wow. I wonder what you did. Look how you were trying to get ahead of it. Oh, cool. That's cool. That's actually a cooler job,

what are you thinking? I've always thought I'd be such a wonderful singing waiter. Apart from I'm not very good at singing. But I'm a good waitress. She's not a singing waiter. She sings in the restaurant. Oh, right. I thought you meant like one of the starlight diners.

Never mind. Because they did have one in the West End for a bit. It was so cool. Yeah, they served onion rings and they'd sing like listen from Dreamgirl. That's still open. I've been. Is it still open now? Yeah,

yeah, and you're right. All the food is yellow. What's it called? Oh, maybe it's closed now. I can't remember. Not Joe Allen. No, not Joe Allen.

God, that's old school theater restaurant. My mom used to talk about like thinking that was like where like back in the like 70s and 80s, like actors would go after their shows in the West End. It's late night dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still want to know how you found the second. Oh, sorry. So I just popped it up on my Instagram with my close friends

and said, I'm looking for a new. Anyone got any younger sisters? I'm looking for a new assistant. And then my friend was like, oh, my friend was just doing it for some DJ. And then she's just, they've just parted ways. So. Wicked.

Got, I had a meeting with her. And then I had a meeting with her. And literally in the meeting, she was like, right, so what do you want to do? When do you want to do it? And I was like, I don't know. I'm sorry. What do you think we should do?

Yeah. How would you do it? She was extremely organized in a way that I'm not. And then from then I was just like, yeah, and she's great. Yeah. Oh, that's so sick. She runs an agency if you want one. Oh, good to know.

I cannot afford an assistant yet, but the second I can, I'll come to you. I think I'm going to get one one day. I could imagine you want to do it yourself. Oh, yeah. Although, although the richest person I know has a thing called a house manager. Oh, like the hacks? yeah kind of but it's not like that this woman is she like she's incredible and she just does like similar to the to like she knows when the food is you know like being delivered and what's coming

and what's like short and all that kind of stuff so she like she would make the list she doesn't even need you know but it's also like she replaces the hand soap but she'll do it by like sending three options in a different price range you pick one it's just like oh my god that to me like heaven on earth but um no ultimately i'm probably way too much control freak i want robert de nero from the intern you know um that film of anne hathaway i would love if you had an 80 year old assistant i would die of happiness because i haven't actually seen it properly but like the bit that you know when you're on netflix the bit that comes up to like advertise it um it's like anne hathaway's like it's like business bitch and she's always a bit stressing and then she's having like a really

tough day but she hasn't eaten yet and Robert De Niro's her assistant she's like why you sending me this old fart but he's just really lush and then he um they're driving between meetings and he's driving her and he goes oh just you know I picked you up some soup and he's got some chicken soup in a roll and she just gets to eat that and I just thought that's what I'd want I think someone who just sort of went like oh no you need a nice lunchy let's get you lunchy yeah like yeah like yeah like you want to blanket and I'm like oh my god that's so nice And just someone who, like, in fact, maybe, maybe, okay, now I'm going to think Ever Black might have been. Okay, my best friend I might have used as an assistant accidentally when we lived together

because she'd like put a hot water bottle in my bed when I was out kicking late. Oh my God. And she never even invoiced you. No. And then she sings in a restaurant. Oh, I'm so sorry. I love you so much. We, I think.

Oh my God. She made me dinner so many times. Oh, I do appreciate you so much. You could send her some cash like a bone. I think so okay I'll pay for your wedding she'd be an amazing executive what now what you went away to take a back I take a back you swung way too far the other way yeah I'm mad wow Kyle let's talk about um the premise of the pot

I think you know well you've been here before yeah talk to me do people come to you for advice often yes really in what context well mainly because I have a lot of female friends and I'm the man that they and trust to give them an honest answer. So are they looking for advice in relation to other men? Sometimes. But also, I feel for most of them, I'm their closest male friend that will be honest.

About, like, what kind of thing are they looking for advice on? Just sort of anything, but like, I feel like a lot of men who have female friends are like, oh, I don't know if I could tell her that because she'll react in this way. And I'm like, don't give a shit. That's literally just described to Neil Patel. Yeah.

I'll be like, oh, like, I don't feel very well. he'll be like, well, he'll be like, let's call us, call someone else, let's call someone else. Yeah, fair enough. And so what kind of advice do you think you'd give, quite honest? Yes. Because I think there's like people who are like, I'll be honest. And then there are people who are like, my thing is, I'm just honest. And you're like, oh, you're a bitch.

Right, right, right. So which one I am? Well, I mean, people ask me for, for example, I have a friend called Alicia. Hi, Alicia. And she runs a potter. She's a potter. She's a potter. Yes.

Cool. And that sounds, is that it? So you're not a good listener. That's all in the word? Potter, yeah. Oh, it sounds like it should be more than that. Like a pottery studio? Does she run a pottery?

She's got a class and then she's also got like a pottery event like Clay and playing. She's a potter. It can't just be called a potter. Ceramicist. Ceramicist. Now that's the word I wanted. Is she a ceramicist? I don't know.

How would you think I would have gotten that you meant ceramicist when you said potter, She does stuff with clay. Right, great, okay, great. And I like Sir Amorcist, so I'm going to call her that. Yeah, I like it. Sir Amicist. And then we talk about creative stuff, because she'll ask me, like, what do you think of this flyer, or what do you think of this, or how should I do my event?

Just because I do, like, events and stuff. I mean, not all the time, and sometimes she just does it herself, because she can. But other times, she'll be that, is the poster good enough? Is the name catchy? Yeah. That sort of stuff. but also does this boy like me okay so you're really a catch-all this is wonderful you are the tk max of advice phenomenal something in there for everyone well then strap in boys because here we go m you got a problem

for us yes this is from cue hi cue that's a fun one isn't it hi cue thank you you have to say hello hello hi cue says hi hogs i've just binged 150 episodes in like a month and i can't tell whether or not that's healthy but I'm fully obsessed. Oh, it's not healthy, but thank you so much. Yeah. That's too many episodes. But Slay. What's that too, no?

More. Yeah. I mean, it's nothing compared to Catherine's podcast listening. You're not great at MAP. No. No, but I could do eight podcasts in a day if I'm cleaning or whatever. Yeah. Oh, geez.

Or running or writing or walking. Yeah. Writing. Q says, here's a short but tricky one for you. Okay. I secretly gamble online poker when I'm bored. Not mega money, but 10 to 20 pounds a week. and I genuinely have a lot of fun doing it

so I think it's worth it rather than a problem anyway I've never told my wife but this week I want a lot of money five figures and would love to spend that on some housework we need and other stuff for her however I know she'll be super judgy about the gambling and I don't want her thinking I've got a problem

do I lie about how I got the money or do I secretly squirrel it away be honest what do I do? You've got to be you've got to be because the fact that you're worried about thing okay sorry oh no I'm just no I'm just honestly I was like is this the person that I met before that's what I was thinking

that whole time when you were reading what when M was talking I was like I know that there was someone that I spoke to do you think you're a good listener yeah because you don't know what your friend does and when M was speaking all you can think was have I met M before even though Q was pouring their heart out and we also know that you have met me before like it's confirmed yeah there's podcast evidence But I feel like, I feel like there was...

I can't believe I interrupted Helen to be like, we should let the guest speak first, and you got nothing. Poor Helen. My mind was so occupied by going, I feel like their name was like Adelaide or something. We do not have an Adelaide on staff. Okay. I have that was Jennifer Lawrence.

Whenever I hear Jennifer Lawrence interview, I'm like, we've hung out. No way. I cannot believe that we haven't met in real life. It's like, when I first moved to London, I walked past Graham Norton on the street and I just I thought he was my friend's dad and I went hi and he went

and I was like oh god he's being really rude and I was like which friend is he the dad of which friend is he the dad of and then took a while for the click just weird I've got I've probably got the same thing I did that with Leona Lewis right when you're like what's up and they're like you know she was your friend's dad I thought she was my friend from primary school

and I was like why she's being so off we haven't seen each other in years yeah I literally the same thing Like, I just misconstrued the settings for people. I mean, that's the only time I've done it, to be fair. On that thing we were filming last week. Yeah.

One of the guys there works at a comedy club. But he was doing supporting artist work on that production. And I walked in. He went, hey, Helen. And I was like, hi, hi, wait, I know you. But I just couldn't figure it out. And he was like, yeah. Oh, my God.

Because they were in the wrong place. Oh, I saw that. He was said next to me when that interaction happened. That whole interaction of me being like, what the fuck? Yeah. So sorry to interrupt you. you guys but um q yeah q's spending too much money on your podcast yeah what no q has won five figures on an ordinarily 10 to 20 pound habit of gambling that he like hobby of gambling i'd say that for now

um that he's not sure with the not he should tell his wife how he got the money or because he thinks she'll be judgmental about the gambling about the poker so thoughts yeah don't tell her but also stop what say more So don't tell her about the money. That's wrong, you fucking idiot. No, no, let him go on. Explain yourself. Yeah, don't tell her, but stop.

Like, you've won now. You've won five figure. This is more than you're ever going to win ever again. Yeah. You've beaten the house. Yeah. And from now, it's all downhill. So pack it in.

And how does he explain the money to his wife? He won some money. But she's going to say how? I won it. No, that's not going to. Sorry, do you think she's like going to get a money? to scratch you by something shiny. She'll obviously be like, how?

Oh, what shiny thing? What? You jump-lock. I just have to buy a hypothetical. What? No. What? The rainbow fish?

You're an improv guy. What's the lie? Well, like, yeah, I could lie, but just don't. Just say you want some money. That's a lie. She's asking how. She's asking how. Is a, is a, is a.

Okay, you're right. You're literally, I can't believe I'm doing this, but Helen, next. You have to tell the truth. The fact that you. you are awkward about what, don't fucking what me, you have to tell the truth because the fact that you're awkward about being found out or being honest about it means that there is a shame with inside you about it and that's you judging yourself because you can be worried about

people's judgmental actions, but I feel like this is a weight, this is something you're carrying, five figures is so much to win and it's so much to conceal and such an effort, I think you just be honest and be like, hey, there's this thing that's been going on, everyone's got stuff like this not to minimalise it but they do like a shame or something they keep quiet just be like hey like i personally enjoy it it's an outlet for me and it's something that i've put a limit on myself it's 20 to 30 pounds a week 10 to 20 10 20 pounds a week just be honest but like it's something i enjoy doing like i'm glad i've won the money but like if it's an outlet that you genuinely think you have under control then that's something that you can explore being honest with your partner

and you might do you know what i mean like i'm not saying you have to give it up because I feel like you're whatever you're I'm going to it's tricky as it's going to be gambling a day but whatever your outlet is you need to decide when you let go of that but like honesty is going to be the best policy in this situation also five figures sleigh I strongly disagree yeah but you're you you can't just what are you going to do with five figures worth of money actually that's a good Costco tripping it but like okay I'm obviously saying just stop is really easy for me because I'm not gambling but If you, you've, there are like people who tell you all the time,

people that even work in casinos that go, you've just won a lot big, get out of the casino. Can I tell you something though? Yeah. Because like we're talking now, but Catherine's gone quiet, which means that she's got like a speech. I don't have a speech. I'm telling you now, that's going to solve this and make us look like fucking months. No, I don't have a thing.

And the more you talk, the more ridiculous we will look, even though I'm pretty sure I'm right, but one of us is wrong right now. I actually don't know which one and I'm nervous and I can see her and it's been, yeah, granted I haven't noticed for the last couple of months when she's building up the speech because she's had Botox

so I'm finding it harder to read however, however, I've now learnt the eye twitchers, okay? So I think we should just be quiet and say Catherine, what do you think? I've been here before. I've been here before. I've been on this merry-round. Catherine, what do you think you should do?

Imagine I had nothing. I do have a thought. Here we go. I, listen, I think I'm now stressed that the speech has been put on a pedestal or that I have to stop, look, I think that if you were saying I gamble, it's not an issue and I'm open about it, I would find the former statement more plausible. I would find that it's not an issue more plausible if you told your wife about it. And if you weren't even considering lying further about a huge sum of money, the problem is whether it's internalized shame, as Helen says, or perhaps a fear that you might have to stop, which is possibly why you're not telling, like considering not telling your wife, because she might tell you to stop.

And if you can't fathom stopping or being told to stop, then I think it might be more addictive than you think it is. I play the lotto every week. You can set the app to a cap I do of £12. That's my, and my girlfriend knows that I play it, and I think she probably thinks, we better off putting that £12 in a box. And then we would have 12 times 52 every year.

But I tell her that because it's, I think of the lot of it was like, oh, I'm giving to charity and it's, I'd love to win. But I do think that if I was started to play more than that and I could do, definitely, it's very tempting, that I would have shame about that and I don't think that she would be impressed by it. And I think there's a reason you're not telling your wife and it's likely that you don't think she would approve. And I think the fact of the matter is that if you get into a situation where you lie and let's be honest, if you say, if you say, say, I have won 10 grand and she can then do things that you guys didn't think were possible. She's going to be thrilled and that's going to be impactful on you.

You're going to be want to do that again. Of course you are. It's going to make you feel like an important person to her and a valuable contributor to the family and like a big man. Disney's Orlani resort in Hawaii with that money. But also like if you can like build onto your house, if you can increase the value of your home, if you can make your wife happy, that's going to be a thrill. There's no chance you're not going to want to do it again. And that's highly addictive.

I think that you're putting yourself in a position where you're more likely to do it and also where what happens if you're lucky, you won five figures, what if you lost big time? And that's very likely an outcome. Like, how do you go to her then? I just think if you don't want to tell her, that is indicative of not being, not being totally in control because you're panicked about having input on it. And I think you should tell her the truth. I also think, wicked.

You're right. This is a, you've beaten the house. This is a very exciting moment. But it's also the time you are most susceptible to addiction because you're going to see all the benefits of it. So if you're not already addicted, this is definitely a, like a crunch point, I think. So just be really careful.

And tell your fucking wife, because otherwise, because otherwise every time you look at your fucking extension, you're going to feel bad and like shame. Instead of being like, woohoo, we have a new kitchen. Or your picture was stitched at the character meeting greet breakfast. Yeah, I guess it depends on what you choose. But like, or every time you get in your car, you're going to feel a bit shameful. I just think, like, don't ruin the good thing for yourself or for her by starting off with a lie.

Right now, it's like a slightly mild admission. I think if you push beyond it, it's pretty bad. Even if you've lied to now, even if you're getting this like six weeks after the fact, just go tell her, please. No, you don't have to clap. I just mean like, don't you think? See, I told you we looked like a fucking idiot. Yeah, next. That was really good.

No, you look like a jerk, but you did well. Yeah, I was the right one. Catherine, it's, you're so articulate. That was wonderful. No, but I think it's really scary, but I also just, I hate gambling. Because it's not your fault. If you are addicted, I want you to be clear. It's not your fault.

It's designed to fuck with the chemicals of your brain. Like, it's meant to, like, to make you addicted. That's what it's for. Like, it's actually not even like, some people are more susceptible. Some people, like, it is, it functions to hook you. And they get you when you're a kid. kid with like hook a duck at the fair and stuff like that. Like you're sort of like, you get to hook four ducks for a pound and then you like turn

it over and it's all like zero prizes. So you're like, well, fucking I'm slamming down another pound and I want to hook, what year were you born? 1991. Hook a duck. Hello? Hook a duck. Yeah, I was, I was walking duck. Thank you. Yeah, but what year were you born? 99. 99. Yeah, but we were hooking ducks. What?

What? What? Ninety-nine. 89. 89. I don't like you said 99. I was like, you're 10 years younger than me because we're the same. Okay. Are we in the same year at school? No, I was born 88. Wait, but we could have still been in the same year at school, right?

I was five when I started school, so probably not. What age were you? Why? Oh, maybe. That's not how you work it out. What year did you leave school? Did you start a four? Because then we could have been the same age.

Yeah. Yeah, well then yeah, maybe. Year R is four years old. What year did you finish school? 2006. Oh, okay. I finished 2005. But did you have different school years?

What? As in, did you go to school now? The years are the same length in Ireland as they are in England. What? Like January to December? No, as in, do you have your 7, 8, 9, 10, 11? No. Right.

Could you imagine they had an extra month called like Fiddly Diddly D. Yeah, you know, towards January, February, March, Fiddley D April. There were a few different elements To say this to me on St. Patrick today Oh, this shit, it's my brother's birthday. Text him, you don't want to forget. He hasn't got a phone. What do you mean he doesn't have a phone?

He's like, he's doing his own thing on his own journey. Wandering around the streets, DJ. Why were you taking it your phone then? How are you going to email him? Facebook. Okay, well, tell him happy birthday. I'll forget. Yeah.

No, tell him now. And now, I'm in the middle of the time. I feel bad for your brother. You already have to share his day. Sorry about doing the accent. He'll be fine. His name is Patrick. That's why.

Well, obviously. That's clever, isn't it? That is clever. Yeah. And you'll never forget. You really should tell him. Yeah. Do you know it's my birthday next week?

Next week. Yeah. Are you Pisces? Tuesday. Sorry. Tuesday. Tuesday. It is Tuesday.

Do you know what I'm doing? No. I don't even. Imagine if I did. I need to figure out. imagine it also I do but when you were like

like you know what I'm doing I was like this is just so apparent that neither of us are invited but you don't know you don't know to figure it out Kyle it's been an absolute thrill to have you

thank you for this cultural exchange it's been beautiful anytime you can ask me anything about anything did you used to have short hair um yeah I actually are you fucking kidding I think I had a shaved head then

you did actually have now I'm getting it are you Yeah, I do remember because your voice, when you started speaking, the first dilemma, is it dilemma? Problem, but I love dilemma. I thought, I do know this voice and I remember saying before, you got a lovely voice. You actually did, you said something nice about my voice last time. And you remember?

Yeah. Wow, are you guys having a moment? I knew I'd get there. This has been the will they won't day of the show. I loved and obsessed with it. Kyle. Yes, I'm going on tour. Please tell us.

on so you're going on tour it's called cool story bro cool story bro cool with a k um it's a improvised comedy show where we get stories from the audience and we use those stories to uh retell the stories it's so funny this cast is so incredible it's so funny they're so good go see them where you going we're in bristol Manchester Cardiff Liverpool Sheffield uh Manchester I've said it before more of them There's 16 dates. Where can they find them? Coolstorybrodo.com.

Will you come and do one? I'd fucking love to. Would you? Yeah, I'd love to. Are you looking for quite a stern woman in everything? No, we had a special guest host, and Helen's done it before. I've already done it, and I got a free t-shirt. It would be an honor and a privilege.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. We'd love to have you. How sick? I'd love to. But wait, people can also find you online. Me? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, they're not going to find you in Costco. That's what's been established. You may be in. TK Max, we're online. You'll find me, just tell my name. We'll have Kyle tagged in everything we post on our socials

so that'll be very easy for you. Great, thank you. I really wanted to do this again. It was a thrill to have you. You can come back any time. I thought you were joking. Why? I said it so many times.

You were like so talking about it for like, I think 12 months you've been like, I want to come back on and come back. I'm like, it's no benefit to you. I love it. This is the busiest day of my life. I know, you're doing press.

all afternoon and you came up at 10. Are you or is your assistant? No, she's not good with her. She doesn't want to be in front of the camera. God damn. She sounds wonderful. I can't wait to meet her. She does. You'll meet her in about eight minutes. Let's go meet her in the lobby, guys. This is so exciting. I'm obviously desperate to know how she color codes things.

Let's get down there. Folks, one more time, please. For Kyle Smith, Bino! Thank you so much to our executive producers sat there in the land as we expect you are. Thank you, Simon Moore, Guy Goodman, Sarah. Deakin, Stephanie Caparacha, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Sadie Cashmore and Angela X. We are so grateful.

Thank you, Biggs X. We love you. And now for our mouth, that's weird. I loved it so much. It was very Annie to Mr. Daddy Warburne. We love you. No, but thank you. Thank you for the dollars. Thank you. Anything but you. That's such a good, that tap dance at the end. Everyone Google it.

1982 Aileen Quinn Annie And thank you so much to our producers It's L Richard Bold Rachel Page Helen A

Abbey Warf Luke Bright Kate KC Anthony Anthony Sophie Chivers Chivers Oh my God I messaged them On Instagram

And I asked And what do they say? I think it's Chivers I can't remember Oh my God She do it and then not know That's so annoying I saw I got an education

They commented on something And I was like Oh my fucking God Tell me Tell us This is so annoying And I'm so sorry Sophie

we still don't know Laura Pollock Pollock Pillick Dougie Doogie Robertson Becky Fox Tim and Dom

Ria Fink Cordelia Amy O'Reardon Taz Carrie Soothe CV We still don't know Stephen Chicken

We know that one Bahwa Imagine It's Stephen Chichen Imagine Imagine Imagine Okay well

Stephen Chikin Shout out Chikin too Brin Jam Rain Bird Tamson Smith Harding Claire Owen Jones Harold Van Dyke

Rachel Walker Rachel R Sarah Marley Tina Lindsay Leah Overend Always funny to me Chloe Liz Ford Could be Overend Damn it

Overend Just in case Clow Liz Fort Charlie A Haley Singer Love it Siner No

Probably not That would be a G before the end Wouldn't it Thank you all so much and we respect all of your names equally from me, Helen Bauer and Catherine Buhart.

Bye. Pui!