Trusty Hogs - Ep18. SINDHU VEE / Cathedrals, Crying & Cardiovascular Disease

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

Sindhu Vee joins the hogs with hilarious stories, insight, and a bottle of champagne! An unrivalled cool vibe with a lot of Helen telling off... enjoy...Sindhu Vee is a stand-up comedian as seen on Live at the Apollo, Richard Osman's House of Games, QI, Would I Lie To You?. Plus, you may recognise Sindhu from her role in the hit Netflix show, Sex Education.Thank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy Goodman / Janinna Bautista / Mary FoxPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / SBDubz / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen Bull / Harald van Dijk / Kierah Leach / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Lee Myerscough / Anthony Conway / Sadie Cashmore / Claire Owen-Jones / Kim Dubhghaill / Jess & Nick / Zoë / Jo Holmes / Caitlyn Lyth / Aideen McQueen / Sarah & Molly / Carrig Duke / Melissa DunkeldWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hi, welcome to episode 18 of Trustee Hall. 18. Yes, this is like the 18th birthday party I've always dreamed of. Oh, my God, I'm so pleased. because there are some people here. That's so nice. Oh my God. Welcome to Trustee Hogs.

This is the podcast where we attempt to solve the problems of all of your problems. I mean, sometimes you may go worse. We solve them. But we try to lead by example, I think,

by telling everyone about our, frankly, perfect lives. We're just going to tell you how amazing our lives are and then we've got an amazing guest coming on. Trying not to be too impressed. Oh my gosh, we have the best guest. We're so excited.

I love her and hate her in equal measure. I just love her. Cindy V is going to be here later. Now I look like an asshole. You do. You're such a con. I'm so excited. Oh, it's too early

than the podcast to say No, it's not It's not It's fine It's fine Okay, great, great, okay

Kunt, Klet What? The Kuntikler! The Klet Monster Welcome to Trusty Hogs Right Through the fog

Step for The Trusty Hogs Yeah You're gonna give you problems And they will solve them Or maybe they won't And that's your problem

They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hugs Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not That was good That was our first proper intro I know finally I only took us 18 episodes

To really sum it up and I think it's beautiful How nice and brief I'm so proud of us tell me about how successful You've been this week Well I almost want to cut to the success of Andrew White because it's such a huge story we have to tell you this week

as many regular listeners will know our good friend Andrew White has been ghosted so many times it almost stops being funny but then swings back around to funny again however last ghost or ghost number three not only ghosted him

despite the fact that he lives on the same fucking street as him which is like savage he also stole from him but last night it was just to be clear as someone who's listening to this for the first time stole it wasn't like

financial fraud. It was a pair of Wellington boots and a flat cap like a farmer so we could dress up like Mr. Tweedy from the chicken run for Halloween. Like it wasn't like, it's not a criminal case. No, it's, you're right. And the police told me as such. Okay. Stop calling.

We won't deal with it. Andrew, you got your flat cap and your wellies back and I need to know how. I did yes. I've got them here. Oh my God. Even M's happy for you. Like this is so lush. This is so great. Look at M with your headphones.

on and do you I know that you hate being filmed and I'm sorry but I'm proud of you for doing yes peace signs okay Andrew please tell us every right is that train sorry is that train louder than normal I feel like we haven't closed one of the doors that was crazy loud yeah well oh have we closed both of the doors okay oh my god god I do anything I'm so sorry okay Andrew tell us you um got your well he he he went out drinking and then message me on Grindr at 2 a.m. Questions, questions, questions.

When's the last time you spoke? Oh, literally Halloween. Yeah, Lucky Ghost the number three was definitely like all Hallows Eve and that's the time we heard from him. So we're talking months and months and months without contact. And do you think he,

here's my follow-up question, do you think he heard you were looking for your wellies and Flackab via the podcast? I know he didn't, unfortunately. No! That's my dream. I was like tweeting it to like Bournemouth forums constantly

hoping us that won't pick up on it. I was sure we did it. We got it back for you. No. Okay, so he's out drinking and he messages you at 2am on Grindr and says what? He says, hey, I'm sorry.

Would you like your, well, he's back? And I say, yes, please. He said, okay. Wait, Andrew, did you reply at 2 a.m.? I was, yeah, I was up and, well, that's why, because you can see that I was active and see my profile. Why were you active at 2 a.m.?

God, you know what? There's so many more questions. Why were you active at 2 AM on Grindrinder, Andrew? My housemate was out and I was not, no, I don't... You were going to have someone over at 2.30? No, I wasn't going to have somebody over. Yes, you were, Andrew.

I was very bored and lonely. I love to see a sweet prince winning at life. Andrew, you're up at 2am, you're on Grind, you're looking for anyone, just anyone to come over because your housemaids out. God, I love you. And then this guy gets in touch and says, sorry, not good enough.

Sorry, do you want your wellies back? And you say yes. I say yes, please. He said, I can be over in a few minutes. Tonight? That night. That night. Yeah. Because he lives like two minutes walk away from me.

My heart. Yeah, but just drop them in the morning. Well, I'm up. He's up. Okay. Oh, hang on. Okay, so he comes over. Does he just leave them outside, Andrew? Like a normal person, just pops them on the doorstep and runs away?

Uh, in a way. Andrew. So he says, I'll explain everything when I get there. So he comes around and he says, he says, I can send me this, this bag for life with the wellies and the flat cap. Oh, which bag for life? It was a good question, actually. Co-op, Tesco, Aldi, Asda.

I think it was a Liddle. Lovely stuff, I love Liddle. Fine, no judgment. Go on. That's not his crime. Go on. And he said, he said, should I come in?

He said, I don't have to come up. I can just drop them and go. And I said, no, come in. Andrew, why? No, I'm with you, Andrew. You want to know. Come in and tell me what happened. Tell me on the fucking shirt.

Shut up. He's speaking his truth. You literally just spat on my nose. I'm a very passionate woman. I'm just saying. Tell me on the doorstep and then fuck off. No, I invite him in and I get him a drink of water. Cute.

He's telling me that he basically left it a few days because he thought like, well, he wasn't sure where things were moving too quickly. We just had quite a lot of dates in quick succession. I don't think things were moving too quickly, but whatever. Fine. He thought it was moving too quickly. He thought he'd just take a few, like, a few days away. Right.

And then it was like, oh, now it's awkward to message again. And then it became, and he's basically got too anxious to message. okay that was the news fine and then uh he just caught him he caught me caught me the right time and he said he wanted to bring them back sorry okay he caught you at the right time and said he wanted to bring them back yeah and then what how does he go from that to leaving to leaving your house Andrew he he might not have left my house Andrew what are you saying what use your big boy words Andrew We didn't do anything, but it didn't sleep over.

Wait, he slept in your bed? Yeah. But you didn't touch. No, no, not, well, you know, obviously you're going to touch if you're sleeping next to somebody, but not like. Hansa? No, no. Missed. Did you kiss?

No, no stuff. Yeah, yeah, we kissed a bit. Dry humping? No. You kissed, and he slept in your bed. Yeah, yeah. Neck breathing. No.

Ear play? No, no. Breath play? No. You kissed and he slept in your bed, even though he stole from you and we've all been fucking rooting for you, Andrew. We were rooting for you, Andrew. Andrew, you were awarded him for bad behavior. Why are you happy?

No, he got it back. It was good behavior in the end. We have to allow this Bournemouth anxiety to be itself, you know? I'm sorry, Andrew. Have you spoken to him since? No, I've not messaged him since. Has he messaged you, Andrew? It was 2 a.m. yesterday.

No, he's not missed me yet. Oh, it was yesterday? Yeah. And he hasn't messaged you since? No. Does that make you feel used? No. Cold?

No. Abandoned? No. Okay. I feel like you're trying to give me a complex. I think it's actually a really sweet story of even though you think the wellies are gone,

they will come back if you allow him in your bed for the night at 2 a.m. No, I mean... Which is like a gay fairy tale. Like the tortoise and the hair, the wellies and the cock. I feel like it's... No? Yeah, but like a grim fairy tale, not like an... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's tragic. Disney will buy the rights, but they'll really twist it, yeah. I mean, like, he was... He was very apologetic and he was just like, I can drop them and leave and I was kind of, you know, he wasn't expecting anything from me. I was kind of being, uh, forgiving and generous. So happy you got a full circle moment. And would you like to see him again, Andrew? Um, yeah, I wouldn't mind going for another coffee with him. But I don't, but I realize it's going to be really awkward to kind of get back over the four months of wellyless. People have got over less. Do you know what I mean? Is they willyless or wellyless? Well, both. Wow. Diana knew that Charles was with Camilla and was still with him for a couple of years, you know,

because she loved him. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. So, like, people come over things all the time, you know? So are the Wellies Camilla? My dad didn't know what Connollingis was, and my mum stayed with him for 26 years.

Wow. You know, and that's a direct quote from her. You know, people can get over anything if they love them enough. Wow, but ultimately did end in divorce. Did end in divorce. Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah. Well, she learned what mansplaining was.

Sure, sure, sure. Wow, Andrew. You know what? I'm really grateful to your friend, Danica, who I know for a fact told Andrew, if you're going to tell the story on the podcast, you have to tell a whole truth. Nothing but the truth. I was going to, what wasn't going to? What were you going to admit, Andrew?

I was weighing up, like, creating some fantastical story about, like, triangulating his position using Grindr and turning up on his door and demanding them back. But I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't, Danica would immediately, like, email in. And although I could just delete the email, but she wasn't like a psychopath. Yeah, yeah. Already you thought about the line, you thought about covering your tracks. Andrew's a sort of guy when he commits murder

will show up at the hunt for the body and be like, what happened, guys? Just really involved in the drama. But also he so has our number because he knows we do, none of the admin. I didn't even know. We had an email address.

So... Trusty hogs at gmail.com. Thank you. But we don't know how to log in and we don't want to know. I know what the password is. Oh, wow. I'm really behind.

It's lucky ghost to number three. It is now. Is it? No. Oh, that would have been great. It's, he's back, baby! Oh, my gosh. I'm really happy for you.

I genuinely am. I disapprove. And I think you know that. Because I gave you a flat cap for Christmas and now you've got a new one. What's going to happen to the flat cap I gave you? Now you give me a flat cap. You're entitled to sleep in my bed.

That's kind of the rules for Andrew. With tongue stuff. Kissing. I'll do tongue stuff with you. Oh, I hate it. Come on over. I'll do tongue stuff with you. Both of you're wearing your matching hat flat caps.

Just me, like, really breathing heavy on Andrews. neck like I'm not gonna touch you I'm just gonna do you know the worst part he said my matching flat cap he said he went to put down the seats of his car to take his friends somewhere and he found wellies in the boot of his car anyway he had a pair he didn't need my pair didn't need my

wellies in the end this has all been for nothing yeah but then if he didn't take your wellies he'd never have been reunited Andrew um yeah I suppose also he may have never ghosted me I don't know I don't know how oh you're right you're right I don't know how awkward the wellies laid apart in him disappearing modern love

I know right who would have thought well it's all in Bournemouth it's the only place I can think of where wellies would play such a fundamental part in a love story is it summer set isn't it

no door sit fuck I always do that it's hard it's hard because we were still friends when I say he goes to me he just stopped replying he was still friends on Snapchat

and still follow me on Instagram and he said because you can check people's location on Snapchat he would like check my location to see that I was if I was like out of town at a gig or something thing. He knew it was safe to walk down the high street. So for three months, he was

anxious. Are you fucking kidding? Why is he making you into the bad guy? You didn't do anything to make a girl. That makes it sound like you're scary to run into. I'm pretty intimidating. Well, I always run into you and you've just got like a little Sainsbury's meal deal. And I was like, oh hi, hi, Helen. I'd have a lovely Sainsbury's meal to this. I guess he was just, well, he must have been really anxious if he

was going to that bother. What did he's due to him, Andrew? I didn't do anything. I think he's just like you're the bad guy. Wow. And what's weird is that you ghosting, because ghosts are always with you. Right. But if you have a ghost, It's not like they disappear. They're always there. It's a stupid.

It's like catfishing as a phrase. You're so wise. I don't get it. Why didn't you get catfishing? Because it's, what's it got to do with the ocean? Hello? I don't actually know the origins of the catfishing. It doesn't make sense.

That and ghosting. Because if ghosts were something that would just, you see them once and you're like, oh, I'm interested in they go, then it wouldn't be, you know, we wouldn't have Most Haunted. What would have that fielding be doing? You're so...

Is she dead now? I don't know what, is it? One of them died. I guess she'll still be with us. She's going to be a ghost. You know a vet will be. Now, speaking of Bournemouth and other shit places in the UK, you've recently been to Wales. No, Wells.

Wells. Careful. Misheard you. If you say anything bad about the Welsh. Oh, I fully support them and I think that they have a real language. Will that do? Will that do? Are we treading into a nervous ground right now?

No, what's Wells? Wells is a town in summer. Can you see how I can. I refuse those? I 100% do. But I feel like last week we struggled with Ireland and Ireland. I did never struggle with that. You really struggled, babe.

I don't think I did. Go back and listen to last week's one. I don't think that's right. I don't think that's right. It was basically Wells is one place in Somerset and Wales is a country. Yes. I went to Wells and Somerset. I went to Wells in Somerset.

Not within a country that is also part of a United Kingdom. It's not within the country. Well, there's not much united about it at the moment. I'm all right. I'm all right. Okay, talk to him about Will. Wells and Somerset is the nicest town. It's where they filmed, what's it called, Hot Fuzz.

Oh, is it pretty? It's fucking gorgeous. And it was just me and like, just loads of retirees. Like everyone was like over 100 years old. And I was with another girl. And I think you were so fit. They could not believe that I was there. They could not believe it.

They were like, she's so young, she's so fresh. She's got a whole life ahead of it. So I was going around and being like, I'm 80 tomorrow. They were like, what? It felt so powerful. They've got a cathedral, which every taxi driver told me took 400 years to build. Like, that was a good thing. Oh, my God.

Like, they were all so proud it took 400 years to. We're pretty slow around here. That's bad, isn't I? I know builders always say three months and then at six. Like, who's not? Who's quoting that? And that means that people lived and died building the same cathedral. Could you imagine you spend your whole life doing one turret and you die and it's still not the opening?

It also means people paid for it who'd never even ordered it. Like, I didn't even order this cathedral. What? It's stupid, and they were so happy about it, which shows how backwards they are there. And then the other girl I was with was charmed by every old couple. She was like, oh, I love them.

Oh, they're so cute. They're so cute. And I'd spend basically like four days just convincing her that old people aren't cute. They're racist pricks. Oh, yeah, no, that's true. But also, when I see them, I don't think cute, I just think, oh, God, one of them's going to die

and the other one's just going to have to be left to deal. Exactly. But they don't even like each other. Like, she wasn't listening to what they were saying. There was one old couple at breakfast at the Swan Inn Best Western Shut up and they were arguing about sausages

the whole breakfast but she was deaf, he was deaf and they were just screaming each other basically saying like, you're a fucking cunt, you don't need it, John! And she was just like, she said cunt, they're in love. And it's like, no, they're planning the murder.

She hopes he chokes on a sausage. That's crazy. Madness, but I think I will retire there. Okay, lovely, love that for you. it's interesting that also oh my god i forgot to say that no i wasn't going to finish that i'm you're going to freak out no no no forget me so i checked into the hotel and do you ever have one of those moments we are sort of like it's all coming up helen or you'd have it's all coming up katherine yeah i guess it makes oh no sometimes i think it's all coming up helen two doors down from

the hotel and this had a sign poking out said we love flapjacks excuse me what i love flatjacks so i was automatically very intrigued nice and it was called flapjackery it was a flapjack shop I was charmed Oh my God I'm charmed on your behalf So what flavours are we talking I lost my fucking mind

I spent over 20 pounds on flapjacks In two days My first one won a taste Best Taste award 2021 it was called The Christmas Millionaire Slice Tell me Bit out of date but they're still

Swapping over their flavours Sure sure tell me Flapjack Yeah family size But for one if you're focused Layer of caramel A little bit of shortbread chocolate all on a flapjack

made there. Shortbread on the flapjack? Yes! What are you talking about? And that was £4.50, right? But then they had this deal going on. Okay, tell me. That was £12.50 for three flapjacks, right? Okay, you're saving some cash. You're saving some cash. No, no, no. So, four flapjacks. You're saving a lot of cash. Saving a lot of cash. And then you can pick whichever ones you want.

Cherry Boat Quill, chocolate fudge brownie flapjack. I'm not even fucking joking. They had a mince pie flapjack. Yeah. But I didn't get it. because I hate Mint's part. Okay. And then I got, right, a fudge flapjack, whereas a flapjack with a layer of clotted cream fudge on top.

Oh my fucking God. And do you want to hear something mad? The two people that work there, thin. What? Oh, does that mean they tasted bad? I just assumed they're bulimics. Okay, yeah, tasted bad.

I was like, oh, they've got to be purging. I just be like this food shit. Or I'd be like, it's like punitive. Like they hate themselves so much. Are they like feeders? What's going on? Who fucking knows what's going on? So were they good?

Yeah, because I went in there every day. And then the gun. gave me this piece of paper and he was like you can order this to your house we do UK delivery anywhere why would he tell you that I literally screamed at him in the shop I was like this is fucking this is bad information to give people like me because I bought a box of gifts for friends from flapjackery which I've now eaten so I've been seen them yet no no okay they're gone no okay I didn't get one of those I was like oh I did you got it started I thought you're going to be like and here they are now I bought a box of four and I was like okay well I'll have

one and then I'll light them and say it came as a box of three and then I was like okay well two and that'll be fine yeah and then those have slowly been going down as I've been shopping at them it's been a bit of a disaster so now I've got to do an order because I've already told them they've got flap jacks coming you didn't mention anything to me of it no that's crazy no am I gonna um will I be getting a I'm sorry I'm actually uh gift wise I feel like you're good for a while. Okay, fair, yeah, that's so fair. Do you know what I mean?

That's completely fair. Even though you're going to hate this, Sunil Patel went to Brighton, and I messaged him because it's like a couple of our friends' birthdays this weekend. Yeah. Heidi, Janine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nathan, the gang. And so I was like, oh shit, I've done the girls, but can you get something for Nathan? Please, you're in Brighton or day. Do you give gifts as a pair now? Like a little old married couple. Yes. Because everyone else is coupled up,

and I refuse to pay individually. I agree. I agree. I think that's so smart. So he was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I've got the perfect thing. I'll show you later, which obviously made my whole body nervous.

Okay. He went into a weed vape shop in Brighton. Does Nathan smoke weed? We all smoke weed. I don't because it makes me sick and paranoid and cry. Okay. But the cool kids do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he got two rolling trays. And the one he got Nathan. Nathan won't listen to this because it's better this Saturday. It's one for him? Yeah. No, no. One we already given as another gift. Okay.

to Red Richardson. Okay, I see it. And Cineal got Nathan a rolling tray that says Call of Doobie. Oh no. And it's the Call of Duty man smoking a fat joint with a gun.

Is Nathan a big Call of Duty fan? Nathan's going to fucking hate it. And what's worse is I'm really good friends with Nathan's girlfriend, Esme. She's going to be fucking livid. Oh, really? Because Esme's in charge of the flat because basically we'll have to get Nathan on.

But Nathan lives with his girlfriend who makes boob pots. based on actual women's breasts. Oh, stunning. So whenever someone comes over and she's not there, he looks like a purve at, which I love. It's just boobs everywhere. And he's just like, hey man, do you want to,

yeah, boiler's fucked. I've got a girlfriend. And then it's going to be all this beauty and then just call of doobie in the middle. Oh, that's hideous. That's hideous. Yeah, that could really, that would have been leveled out with a bit of a flapjackton.

So from that one, was any friends of me and snails, you'll be receiving either a rolling, tray called Call of Doobie or a flapjack I've already eaten? Oh, I'd love a flapjackery flapjack. Do they have any gluten-free options? They did. Really? Let me order some for you. I'd love that. Andrew? Yeah? Any

particular flavors? The cherry bakewell, I say, is very good. Yeah, I'd like the chocolate fudge, I'd like the fudge. I'd like the Millionaire Square. Whatever gluten-free option they have. They had white chocolate and raspberry? That's a no from me. Okay. They did classic? No.

They had... Planned? Chocolate orange. Oh, nice, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't usually like Flapjacks, because I think they're too plain, but now we're talking, now we're talking. No, but they love Flapjacks. And you love flapjacks. I get it, I get it. It's, gosh, what makes like?

Where would you stay if they had a shop two doors down that was We Love something? Would you just be like, I've made it? Oh, if they were like, we love Brulee or. We love burning? Doesn't that literally mean we're burning? Or we love brownies. Yeah, I'm in, yeah. There's the we love brownies in every corner.

I know, and that's the thing is not, which is why I said brulee, because there's a bruley van in Edinburgh. Okay, so the thing I've missed most about the comedy festival is there is a bruley van. And they do seven or eight different types of creme brulee. And they're all fucking amazing. And also, like, how extravagant to wobble out a gig,

like drunk at 2am and be like, I think I'll have the lavender creme brulee place. It's so great. You don't get snacks like that. It could be the only person that's craved a creme brulee when fun. Oh my God, of course. Don't you ever get a creme brulee when you're drunk in Edinburgh? never and I don't think that makes me weird oh I love the creme bruley van I go there all the time

I hate eating in Edinburgh oh my god no I love it I love there and there's also a hot dog van that does the best versed and there's also a mac and cheese van which I'm definitely allergic to mac and cheese in a sandwich in a toasted sandwich what a fuck are you talking about yes please I love your shock at that whereas any of the compost of overeaters alongside myself had discovered that age six Okay, I love it so much. I also love... Very rare I see something where I'm like, that's no.

Okay, well, it's amazing. I mean, I just want to list Edinburgh eateries, but oh my God, change my caravan. I love it so much. The thing I have by eating in Edinburgh, love it in general. Yeah. But during the festival,

whenever I'm eating, I always run into someone and have to have a conversation. And like, it's very like dehumanizing trying to talk about how well your show's going whilst dripping mac and cheese down your front. I hear you. Walked in front of a board

that says you haven't sold, out. It's just, there's a lot of layers of sadness that I can't actually take. I do hate that aspect of the fringe that you cannot go anywhere or look shit for five seconds

or be shoving a sandwich of mac and cheese into your face without being like, oh hello, superior acquaintance slash co-worker. How good to see you while I'm rushing somewhere

and shoving this whole thing in my face. You never look like you're rushing somewhere whenever I think of you in Edinburgh, I picture you with an espresso martini in hand. Oh, that's so nice. It's so dignified and classy.

The year where I cried every day. Yeah. Like, we're like 24-7. Yeah. And you were always there with like an espresso martini. Don't look so happy about this. No. This is the thing.

This is the thing. Right, I love you. I love you more than life itself. I do. But you thrive when your friends are in pain or mental anguish. That is when you come alive. It is fucking psychotic. If you go to Catherine go, I'm having a really tough time.

She's like, oh, fix it. It's so bad. I'll cook for you and put blankets. off of blackness on you. Like, you fucking love it. Do you want a dog or borrow a dog? I don't love it, but I am good in a crisis. I think it's more like,

I'm glad that's your abiding memory of me and not like why I'm drinking espresso Martinez at 2 a.m. Which is like, oh, if I drink this, I can stay up later and hate myself for longer. Let's go. So I think it's sweet. But yeah, why do I love a crisis?

That's so fucked. You're right. Part of me is like... I think it's because you want to make people feel better. I think it's part of why you're a comedian is because you want to make people laugh and have a nice time. Yeah, but I shouldn't be like munch hazing my friends.

You know what I mean? I don't want to be the person. It's like, it is a bit Irish, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Like, all my Irish friends are a bit like that. Yeah. Oh my God, she's going to kill herself. Gather, gather, gather, gather.

All of them just jumping on the ferries. Like, we're coming London. Why are they rowing the fairies? I don't know. Do you have motifs? I don't know. We even have planes, Helen. Imagine.

Oh, okay. Oh, me, course you do. Of course you do, bless that. Multiple airports, see that. Yeah, air lingers. Like, that's true. It's mad because it's staffing on airlines. They spoke air on.

Oh, my God. A. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to pay you to take me into the air. I thought it was the name for the Irish Mile High Club. I had to be like, no, it's the plane. Oh, my God. I count with this.

We are so excited to have our guests on this. this week. She also tweets about the podcast every week. I think she actually listens. It's so exciting. She tweets and supports her and then constantly trolls me the rest of the time. Yeah, she's so rude and supportive. I love her. Guys, it's the incredible comedian that is Sanduvi!

To do me! To do we! Otherwise, it's going to be incredibly lonely and kind of sad, right? A little bit, yeah. Yeah, all right, Hugh. So, basically, I've got some coming up with Catherine Bohar on the 31st and the 7th of February in London. And then I'm in Leicester. I'm in Edinburgh.

I'm in Brighton. I'm in Bristol. All the tickets are at my website, which is helenbauer.com. I thought it was Helenbauer comedy. I've been promoing that wrong forever. Please. That's bad, isn't it? Please, please.

Please, come, please, please. please go she's going to be amazing I'll be there for some of them and also please come see me on tour catherine bowhart.com the tour is called this isn't for you and I start in Leicester

and then two weeks at Soho Theatre and boy oh boy do I need some gays to come to Soho because Emma Black's coming Yeah that's so sweet but please come to Soho because the tickets haven't sold yet Thanks

Thank you Bye Bye slon Garmila Walgut Slang We'll talk about... Aurora, do you like Aurora? Mm-hmm.

Also, really good for racism. First one with brown eyes. Oh, sorry. Guys, we're recording. Cindy V is here, and she's eating a sandwich. No, because I can't start it by saying Aurora was a really good Disney princess for racism because she had brown eyes.

Okay, let's start. The one for racism is Jasmine. Okay, we'll start again. We'll start again. With a pet tiger? I know, but also with that whole look and it's like, who is this? We'll start again.

And of course, every girl in India was like, oh, look at this foreigner. Because she didn't look like... She's in Morocco. Oh, whatever. India, Morocco, you know, from that point. Fucking, we're in. If I said that, I'd be in so much trouble.

So thank you for saying it. I genuinely appreciate it. Dendu V brought Lauren Perrier. What? She's so fancy. Wait, is this expensive? I think the word you're looking for is classy. Yeah, she's classy.

How much is this? No, no, that's not classy. I don't pay for that. Wasn't it a gorgeous? You don't pay for it? You stole? You stole this? for it. Oh my God, Sindu.

Thank you, husband, Cindy. I'm sorry about this glass. I'm sorry about the glass. No, no, that's fine. I'll take it. It's not as nice as the champagne deserve. There we go. You're so welcome. Oh, my God, this is beautiful.

I just crunch up my tinfoil. Some people would like that for ASMR. I bought my kit ASMR slime that she can make from New York. Stop. Oh, wait, so it makes like the popping sound? First has to make it. I bought a slime kit, and then you can put the sound. And then you get ESMR slime.

Oh, my God. Can I offer Andrew? No, everyone must drink. Please, okay, okay. Except you who's on some drinking fast. I know, I'm sorry. One year, though, that's impressive. I'm going to.

I mean, I'm already on 30 days, so let's do this. Did you not even drink last night? No. The other thing is, you guys, I started vaping. I love it so much. Okay, first of all. It's the best. Jewel forever.

No, Cindy. No, it's flavor mango. What about when do you get popcorn lung? No, no. Let me tell about popcorn and lungs. I did my research and of course I didn't have to do much research

to be like cigarettes blah blah blah yeah but enough to feel good you had to do research to find out cigarettes or bad for you but not bad for you but like how cancer

now what I've learned about cancer is once it gets in you it's very out of your control yeah people can try and they can't do anything about it preach so cancer is it's like a wild animal in your body

yeah hot take from ZinduV cancer is bad we're learning no in a specific way okay yeah yeah okay falling down and hurting yourself is bad

but not in a cancer way. Yeah. Right. Okay. Now, with Jewel, I did a lot of research. The big, big risk is not lung disease. It's cardiovascular disease. Come on.

Every goddamn tube station has a defibrillator. I have a heart attack. They'll be like, boom, like an iPhone. I'll see that. It's not out of control. So it's not that you think that you won't have cardiac arrest. It's like, I'll be fine. Yeah, it's not a wild animal running around my body.

It's going to happen at some point. It's inevitable. And also, the thing about heart attacks is if they're really bad, then Om namashivaya, you're gone. But if they're not that bad, they bring you back. It's fine. To that. And then I know you'd feel me.

I'm not. I smoke still, so I don't know. Yeah, yeah, but you're young. Yeah, exactly. You were smoking at my age, right? I've had cigarettes with you before. I smoked so much in my life and I miss it. You were smoking last month, as I knew.

Why are we acting like it was Helen's age? August. No, between August and December 30th, I smoked all the time. Wow. I'm proud of you for vaping because that seems better. It is better. You're a vapist. I just explode.

Ha ha. I just explained to you, it's not that bad. Okay. I told you she's not nice to me. She's great. Catherine was like, I love her so much. She's so great. And I was like, yeah, she's great, but she's like, you do bully me a bit.

What? She just stands up to you. Online, anything I post, any slight spelling mistake, or God knows what a comma is, but apparently you do. And no, you don't. Well, it doesn't matter. True. And then I just get like.

My eyeballs. bleed. Cindy V's replied to it and I'm like, oh, this will be funny, but it's never funny. It's just like, oh, actually, Helen, it's this and it's like, it's not helping anyone. You know it pisses me off. I don't care.

I don't learn. I don't learn. But that doesn't mean I won't try. Remember the story of the sage and the scorpion. Never forget that story. What story? Tell us this thing. No one knows that. What story is the sage and the scorpion? So one time, there's this guy

and he's at the banks of the genji's hanging out because he's like, whatever, doesn't do much. And then he sees a scorpion and it's walking towards the and it's going to drown and then he sees a sage walk by and the sage picks up the scorpion and puts him on the dry step and of course the scorpion bites him and a bit of poison goes in the sage and the little affected and then the scorpion as soon as he puts him down on dry land again again walk towards poor spelling you know yeah walk walk towards the water and the sage brings him back and he's and he stings him again and you know if you are repeatedly stung by scorpions you'll die because you get too much poison this happens three four times the spelling is not getting better scorpion is heading towards the water every time sage is is bringing him back, saying it's apostrophe R-E, not Y-O-U-R. And then finally, the guy on the bank says

Sage, Sage, why do you keep bringing him back even though he doesn't learn spelling? And you know what the sage says? He must be him and I must be me. I will always correct you on Twitter if you spell wrongly. You don't have to learn. That's a horrible story for me. In this scenario, Cindy's killing herself. Cindy's killing herself.

So I can learn how to spell you and you're actively toxic so really you're not toxic at all I mean you only toxic to people who are like wimpy that's true my baby boys

yeah it was disgusting to what did you show champagne on yourself I've never seen you make a mistake like that she's human you know because it was so little and I thought there was more so I swigged one wow she made that my fault

see it's a quick blame game so fast she was like there's so little in this pint glass I'm genuinely never saying anything right now because you've just come in and told us that you've been triggered for the first time. Can you send you a vape? Please, I beg you.

Just a quick little. Sure, we don't care. We don't care. Go for it. My housemate vapes at home and the room smells like mango. Oh, nice. I like the other thing. People who stop smoking and then they vape pomegranate.

It's like, what the fuck were you smoking, jackass? So what do you smoke? Mint. Oh, menthol. Nice. Who has pomegranate cigarettes? What kind of half-ass shit is that? I once had floral vote.

Eat a fruit. Yeah, eat a fruit. and just have a cigarette. It's like, be normal. It's nice to have different flavors, like Shisha. You know, it's the excitement of it. I don't like Shisha. Do you not at all?

It feels like a thing where everybody's had their mouth on that and I don't like that. No, no, but you have your own thing that you put on. Yeah, you have your own. But do they not reuse those? No, they come in a little plastic thing. Bring your own. You can bring your own. You can bring your own.

The problem with Shisha is, I guess I associate it with like my grandfather and a very, and that's crazy. I associate it with a very feudal patriarchal setup where all the men used to sit around and do hook up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, of course, women could do it, but they had to do it secretly. And so when I see that, I'm like, I'm just going to pull out a cigarette and smoke it in your fucking face. Like, I have a bad reaction.

I might have what's called a trigger. Can we talk about that? Yes, please. Oh, my gosh. So before we started recording, Cindy just casually mentioned. Can we trigger warning talking about trigger? No, we don't. We casually mentions that she now believes in triggers.

And we were both like, yeah-huh, that's definitely a thing. Cindy, you didn't believe in triggering? It's not that I didn't believe in it. I thought it was one of those things that only say happens no that only happens to people who've had what I would call actual trauma so not me like I was never in a car accident I was never abused yeah no I was never abuted as a child

a one thing you know about Cindy V is her bar for actual trauma is so fucking yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you absolutely have had trauma yeah but so I got traumatized because I hugged someone and they didn't hug me back enough okay that's not that's not that's not that's not the same That kind of thinking is why I didn't believe in triggers. Because I was like, people who say they get triggered talk with that kind of shit. And then I was like, oh, you know, but I mean that in a good way. Don't touch me.

Because that will be another trauma. Another trauma! It's a trauma! By the way, these are perfect. These are like, you love that? I do love that. It's Karen Mellon. It's so nice.

Thank you so much. So, no, but okay, on a serious note, because I now realize this thing exists, I thought triggers actually existed for people who I thought had had real trauma. And whereas everyone else who was like, my mom wasn't nice to me. I'm triggered my mom's. I was like, oh, please get a grip. Including myself.

Including myself. I mean, that felt pointed on Helen, but okay. No, no, no, it's very much pointed at me. I mean, I'm going to take the podcast a little serious for a moment. As you know, my mother passed away in 2019, and then my elder sister died last year. But she has never had trauma and she will not talk to you bad trauma. And I was like, you know, well, people die. Things happen.

I love them. Whatever. It is a thing. And just, you know, you absorb the real. rhythms of life. You don't say I had trauma. But then, you guys, and I shouldn't be happy because it was awful. I was watching a television show from like many years ago. Called what? Bowen. It's the one where the woman is the prime minister, the Danish show. Oh, that just sign triggering. Well, it was fine. It was like a woman prime minister. Yeah. I was really famous and it's like

this whole day. And I was just watching it. And then there's, it was just watching, watching. And Maybe at some point I was like, oh, you know, huh, just to like some little things. Uh-huh, okay. And it wasn't like a, it was a normal interaction in the family. That evening I was like, oh, kind of uncomfortable. And I thought maybe I ate like gluten, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally have to be off gluten now.

And then the following day, I was in the kitchen. This, I swear to God, if you have triggers, you better get off this podcast now because I was in the kitchen and something. happened and I felt this sadness and anger rise up in my throat and it was physical and I was like, am I having a panic attack because I'm good with those. And suddenly I turned and I slammed my head on the side of the fridge. And I thought, I'm having a... On purpose? Well, I mean, it just thought happened. It all happened. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt this fury coming out of me. And I thought, first of all, I have been a very angry person in my lifetime. So I thought, wait, what am I?

I'm mad at? The dogs, the kids, no one was, well, not that no one was around. They were around the house in general. But then I thought, oh, I'm having a psychotic break. And of course, my next thought, because I'm not only a physical hypochondriac, I'm also a mental hypercundiac, was I'm going to pick up a knife killer, everyone in this house. I better be careful. If it's a psychotic episode, I also only listen to true crime. So, yes. I was like waiting for like, oh, Satan told me, you know, that kind of stuff. It didn't happen. I just backed away, and I was like, this is so bad. Then I started crying. You guys, you know how I have a reputation for being very together?

In that moment, I was the opposite of together. What I did do was I texted my therapist and I was like, that's such a together move. I'm unraveling. Let me get a professional. Because I didn't want to stab every, no, but I've been seeing. Obviously if the choices are that or stabbing, which I thought would happen. Plus, also, I'd never felt that much out of control.

And I have been very out of control in my late 20s. And I know that you should call a professional. No, I remember this child. I had this with you when I was. In my late 20s, yeah. You couldn't run into the street. You'd fucking call somebody. Yeah.

So I texted and he very casually said, oh, you know, I think this is a trigger. And I was like, dude, can you use a proper formal, psychological, professional term and not this woke slang? And I was like, oh. He's like, it's actually a word. And then I remember my mother who was a therapist. He used to say, you know your father? He woke up today and he said, good morning to me and I'm triggered. I want to kill him.

And I was like, oh, what? So I just didn't think it was a serious term. I now appreciate my mom. mother fell triggered but my and by the way my dad's a great guy but you know good fathers great husbands can be different people um anyway in the course of all that i don't feel like your dad listens to trusty hogs no thank god okay but i have cousins who listen then they're like oh you know what and i'm like yeah yeah i've got cousins like that hi sophy and penny thanks for listening yeah meddling cousins are the worst garrick carrie if if i hear from one of my cousins that they said anything

about my comedy to my dad and then something happens to my dad i'm making it directly link, I'm going to India, I'm going to kill them. Yeah, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay, so you've made a lot of physical threats on a lot of different family members. Yeah, a lot of them today. Like, as someone listens to true crime, like, you've got to make sure you've got, like, a clean slate for when it inevitably does happen. That's fine.

Because you'll get caught for it. In India, I won't get caught. Anyway, the bottom line is, and I say this, and this is the serious bit. Yeah. For all those times, including with my own children, that I have doubted that stuff that we have absorbed and been better than it can come back and it's very scary

and if that happens to you it's okay it's called a trigger get a professional and understand that even the most together people they're better off addressing their triggers and I'm talking about myself yeah that's great and just in case you don't have a therapist you're already seeing

or able to get that professional help you can call 116 one two three which is a free 24 hour hotline Amazing. But I also, I think that what you're saying it speaks to one particular thing, which is that like, just because if you don't deal with things

in the moment doesn't mean that they're not coming back. And also even if you deal with stuff, doesn't mean they won't reappear. So I think it's good to be aware. And I think, yeah, and I think the biggest, you know, the biggest thing is to find that balance

between enjoying your life and thinking, I'm coping, I'm doing really well. And having the compassion in your mind, to know that if shit comes back, that you did as best as you could at that time. That's what you knew. Yes.

That's really important. And I think you wake up in the morning and you look at yourself in the mirror and you say, I'm doing the best that I know. Now, if you're an asshole, that's probably not true. In which case, if your friends are telling you you're an asshole and you're not doing very well and you're treating people like shit, this is not for you.

Or you might need new friends. Maybe you're great and they're just awful. Something to think about. Probably unlikely to the road, I think. As my mother used to say, if you are walking in the road and somebody comes to you, they don't know you and they say, hey, asshole, then maybe they are wrong.

If you're walking in the road and two people come to you and they both say, hey, asshole, but separately, maybe they are wrong. If you're walking in the road and three people call you, let me give you information, you are an asshole. But that makes sense to me. That's right. I always think that when I'm watching like,

you know these like queer eye and they're like, you're at home, you're amazing, you can do anything you put your mind to because you're brilliant. There's like serial killers could be watching this. like stop encouraging all of us encourage individuals but like how about it's just like a fucking Ted Bundy at home

being like you're right I can do it but I think that's why they change the format to make it so that they weren't just encouraging straight white men because they were like I feel like these guys are not the best people to be supporting at all times I will say this congratulations on your first trigger though like I feel like it's a real like coming of eight

but you had your first one yeah but now it's like sometimes I'm I was in the airport on the way to New York and I always buy trash you know at the airport for like magazines and like the book. Oh, no, no, reading. Tobleron. Yeah, who would get a Tobleron?

I can't say anything. I can't say anything. No, no, I buy Tobleron, but that's not trash. Do you not buy that like big thing of chuba chubs? Oh no, for the kids, yes. But the thing is, Tobleron's not trash. Taubleron is delicious. I mean, mine trash.

Like, you know, those books about where is she now? And it's like a fiction book, and of course the husband did it. You know, that kind of shit. Yeah, like blood on, it's very good. And so this time, I was buying a magazine and I was, and something in me was like, wait a minute, you're going to read that article, and there's a good chance you're going to cry on the flight.

So if you're ready for that, do it. But bitch, this is a trigger. Fucking look out. Nice. Yeah. And I bought the magazine, and I cried. Yeah. What was it about the magazine that you thought would trigger you?

Stuff. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I've actually done a lot of research in this because I always cry on airplanes. And the reason that people always cry on movies on airplanes is because the air pressure is different, which makes you more emotional. Also, the confined space. So if you are in any way a teary mood, if you get out of flight, you will get it flushed out of you. which will age you sleeping when you arrive at your destination.

I highly recommend Mali and me on any film. Or the help. I wept at the help. Why? Anything like that that will make you cry. Do it and then you arrive and you fall straight to sleep. It's so good. I only don't,

I've never cried on a flight before. What? Yeah. Whoa, you're a robot. What are you talking about? They're only for crying. They're for crying and sleeping. I've done a lot of flying with children who are doing the crying.

Okay, you don't really have that off. Prior to that, I used to do flights, show up in New York and go straight to a meeting. So I was very focused on the trees. Don't you do that thing where, like, if the kid's crying, then you cry as well, so that's like, you're all crying? No, when they were older and I would give them what here is called timeouts, and they would be sad, and they would cry. I would cry too, because the timeouts are called timeouts, but they weren't timeouts. It was like your favorite doll is in the cupboard for the next three months.

And so they would cry, and then I would cry because that's hard. I think it's supposed to be a minute for every year they are. No, whatever. Didn't you just not fuck around? You're supposed to put them on a step for three minutes, not on a cupboard for three months. No, no, not the kid. The doll. Okay, right. The doll. Okay, right.

Oh, my God. I don't put any of the kids in a closet. By the way, my sister used to do that to me. So maybe that, tant, da, that might be a little bit of some trauma. That might be why you were crying when their doll was in there. Yeah, I used to cry. Oh my gosh. This is fascinating.

Well, Sindu. This is fascinating. It is fascinating. But also, I think that thing about compassion is so true because I think Helen and I are quite guilty of not having much compassion for ourselves when we have, when we do have a bad time, we'll be like, fuck, it's back. Fuck, we shouldn't fucking fix it. We're fucking broken.

I bend J. Instead of being like, oh, I did my best for a period of time. And now today I'm not superhuman. And so the compassion is a very good thing. Yes, I think that is. And I think when I was in my 20s and 30s, I had a no concept of triggers, B no concept. I thought I'd always like my life was fine, which my life has been in many in all ways very fine with some underlying weird stuff. But what I recognize now is, and this is important to really wrap your head around. time is only going in one direction like a river it flows in one direction so if i don't do compassion now tomorrow is another step in that direction so better to get good at stuff now happens if you time travel yes helen that could be a thing but i don't anyone who time travels and i don't fucking time travel and let me tell you you don't either so get compassionate with yourself today yes savage I love that was like that was like

that felt like out of like Dr. Phil that moment it was like get compassionate with yourself today I don't try to travel you don't time travel I don't know anyone who does time travel doctor who's not a real person make it stuff I'm on that lovely nose right oh my god

honestly have a hobby going to date I used to watch it when I was little when it was like that other doctor who and he had like all that white hair and was running around in like a phone box i was like who patrick trouton who is this and then i watched the muppet show because that's better it's so much better no i never watched the muppet show growing up is that the one with the big bird teaches you out of camp that sesame street what are you talking sunny days sweet i know the muppet christmas carroll obviously but i never saw cut this is so sad your version is like your acoustic version is really depressing that was you know when like an artist takes a

lovely pop song and makes it so morose. That's what you did with the Sesame Street song. Oh, beautiful. Can I hear it? The Sesame Street theme tune? Sunny days sweeping the clouds away. Nah, nah, no, to weather. You know, it's just super depressing, but thank you for that rendition.

Well, you have to remember, when I sang that song, I had a terrible stammer on that. Oh, yeah, the stammer of the baby. And the kids used to call me Blackie at school and shove me around. In my head, I was always sing that song, and I won't do the stammer on this, because will fucking trigger people, but let me tell you that was, I think maybe I was sad then, and say in my head it was sad, but I was happy for the show. And I thought every

and I was convinced that Mr. Snuffelopagus was going to show up sometime and talk to me because no one, I didn't have any friends and I thought he'll be my friend, everyone would be like, you don't have friends, I'd be like, I have Mr. Snuffaloogos. But instead you got an Irish girl. I, with red hair. Yeah. And that's why I love you. I love you too. I love you too.

But Cindy's first friend looked like me. Yeah, she's so much like you. And now I bother her all the time instead. It's not loveless. That is really cute, you guys. That is cute. I have a, wait a second. I have a point to make, which is simply that we need to do this problem.

And I think that Sindhu is going to be, if anything, far wiser than we are usually. What are you going to say? What are you really think, right? Yeah, I think Cindy's going to be much wiser than we are. Actually, I have gone to for advice before, and you're very good at it. Oh.

You're very measured in your advice. That's what I'm going to say is I find Sindhu's advice too measured. It's very like, like, if anything, she asks me to look at the other person's perspective, far too often. Ew. Yeah. Well,

she's always like, well, let's think about it from like, if they weren't. Because there's two things. One is, if I'm going to give,

not that I give advice, if someone that I deeply care about is going to ask me about something, I want them to leave that conversation with at least some tools that in the long run will make them stronger,

not just be like, yeah, that person's a dick, because you have that anyway. You don't need that from me. And also, of course, I think they're a big. Sometimes I want it from you, and sometimes I can get it,

but I can get it, but we have to drink a bottle of this first. Cheers to that, am I right? Let's do a problem. Yes, let's do the problem. Yes, so we have a wedding invite-related problem. Don't go. Solved.

Okay, well, who's this from? Well, they signed off Lady Die, but I don't know whether this is actually phenomenal. I just want to say if one of the people getting married is likely to bang you at the wedding, don't go. Yes, also, sorry, I'm sorry, they signed off as Lady Die. Which is the only thing means and do agree on. Lady died who was murdered by the royal family.

Because he was having a Muslim baby. Exactly. And this is the only thing we've ever agreed on over the years is that like... Because it's the truth. Wow. I don't know whether this is a typo or not. It actually reads Laddie die. Love that too.

Lady die. No one. I've thought that about ex-boyfriends of mine. Laddie die. I love it. If you do murder, this is going to be used in evidence of this podcast. Yeah. Good.

So the reason you discovered the podcast, It's been binge listening and needs this problem solved. Great. Thank you for listening. They're getting married next year. It's postponed from 2020. They're getting married. Okay.

And but unfortunately because of the postponement and those two years has mean that they've lost friends. They've made some new friends. And they're kind of having some troubles with the invite list. The main of which is their work friends. They have some work friends and wants to invite three of them because they like them and see them outside of work. They're not just colleagues. But one of them doesn't know. they don't know that well and doesn't really want to invite but they are very sensitive and would be

the only one not invited and would take it badly i can't just not invite them because i've invited to already yeah should i invite everyone or should i be honest honest uh the wedding's on a farm quite far away so numbers aren't too difficult but it is a real commitment to come let me just understand there's everyone would be four people three you want and the one lame or who you don't want. Yeah. You've got to invite them along. You've got to. It's one more person. I disagree.

For them to be left out just that one person I think it would create more anxiety in you. I disagree. I get that you don't want someone that you're not obsessed with at your wedding. I disagree. Such as the nature of weddings. Weddings are not, when this whole

narrative that we've created culturally about weddings where like in the first instance anybody gets to be insulted about not being invited as absurd. Secondarily, that It's not supposed to be, like, that it's supposed to be anything other than a celebration for the two people who are getting married is absurd. And the fact that you would have to spend such an extortion amount on said person is absurd. To my mind, you invite who you want to invite and if the person takes it badly, you explain that you're limited financially and that it's a wedding and you don't spend any time socially together. It's one extra person, right?

One extra person and also I'm going to... But it's never one extra person. It's never one extra person. Do you want to remind Catherine to look at the other person's perspective, or should I? You please step up. Thank you, thank you. I think Catherine, Andrew, please, I'm trying to, do you know what I mean? No, but it's never one extra person, it's always, and then what about this person?

Shut it. Catherine, I would ask of you. That's not polite. Sorry. Thank you. Start again. She should say sorry too. No, you don't say sorry, man.

I would say. look at the other person's perspective. If you're that one person in the office and there's only five people in the office, so one's getting married, three are invited and you don't get invited. That's horrendous. Why would I want to be invited

because the person felt they have to invite me? You could always say no, but then it's done. I think it will create more anxiety and stress. But I will never know that I should say no because they're making me think that I... Cindy, she's being impossible. Whenever you're done.

I just, okay, Cindy, what's the advice? You're probably right. tell us what's the actual answer? I'm probably right. Laddie die, listen to me. Now here's the thing. Helen is saying think of the person who's not invited. And you, it will decrease the stress of the leaving someone out having to avoid talking about it at work.

One person get it all over and done with. And Bohart has the other side which is I only want people that I really care about at my wedding. Laddie die, I want to tell you something now. your wedding day your wedding event you are going to remember sweet fuck old okay it is so busy and you're so charged and you're with that person that you're going to marry and that is the person you're going to be thinking about and your clothes but you know that's about it and your makeup and hair you will not notice who has come who has not come there is a the thing about weddings is there's that rush of happiness and everyone gets scooped up in it then the parents cry

or whatever. Maybe you cry, but then we have other problems, right? So whether you invite this person or not will not be relevant on the day at all. You will not remember you. That moment, that wedding is going to come and go and you're going to be like, fuck.

The only thing that will happen at the end of that is you will be married. So that'll be your game. If it was the birth of your first child, sure, be careful who you invite. Because that is something you will remember very, very clearly. Did you send out invite lists for your laborers?

No, like my mother-in-law wanted to be in the room and I was like, can you be outside? Yeah. But the first picture of my child is with her because she was like, I'm now inside and my mother was behind her, but doesn't matter. Things happen. The bottom line is this, laddie die, listen, the cost to you emotionally of inviting them is zero because you're not going to remember they were there. In fact, this person could drop dead at your wedding.

It really wouldn't matter to you because you're so. busy getting married. It would be like a massive downer, but ultimately that's the point. So here's what I'm saying. I'm not thinking about the person or or you know the other side. I'm thinking of you. I was thinking of you too,

laddie die. Yeah, but for different reasons. It's inconsequential. Flip a fucking coin. It doesn't matter. I do think that the consequence of not inviting them might be higher because at work you'd have to be like, hey, didn't we have fun roller skating last week? Because you can't say it was your wedding.

just remember your wedding is not something you remember you have fun and it's all about you and fuck everyone else man so invite them

who gives her shit thank you for my word wow wow but to Bohart's point I appreciate that you know you should invite who you care about

but the wedding party you don't remember anything wow so really it doesn't matter okay so ultimately your point is weddings are forgettable and no well they're there you're

in such a heightened state. You're agreeing to spend the rest of your life with a person that in that moment of time, in that moment you've decided my life with this person is better. And that's all that matters. Of course, and hair and makeup.

But you see, and I think... Okay, I'll concede. I'm willing to be wrong. And if it's far away, and if it's all that stuff, you're not paying for them to get there, are you? No, no, no. So, you know what? If they come, they don't come. have an attitude of enormous generosity on the day of your wedding because you're not going

to care yeah so it's free generosity you know like that i like that so i was right i concede that you were both right yeah but you see the reasoning yeah i understand i understand to be very much located in yourself you know i had three weddings uh as one does well because you know husband is from one country i'm from another country legally it was in this country and are both sets of parents were like, we want it, we want it. So I said, well, fine, let's, we said, let everyone have it. Except for the, I went from work to Camden and we signed a paper. That was the wedding to me. That was the day that I signed. The two big weddings were really for my parents and for all the people they wanted to show that their child had chosen someone they had so much

faith in. And looking back, I didn't even know who was coming to my wedding in India because I was like, well, and there were so many dear friends of mine I didn't invite because I was like, well, it just wasn't on my mind. I couldn't believe that, like, I couldn't believe that it was so, well, I could believe. My mother had a lot of opinions about who to invite. You know, I was like, fine, you do you. And I'll be honest, it hasn't bothered me even a single day. Some of my close friends in London are like, you didn't invite me to me to your wedding. I'm like, well, you're here talking to me now, bitch. So we're fine. Yeah, everything's fine. You know? And also, if you have a real friend, they're going to be there for you when your marriage hits the rocks, because

all marriages will. Fuck the wedding. I fucking love that. Okay, great. Well, not a romantic take, but a take nonetheless from Cindy Vee, everybody. Yay. Cindy Vee. Are we seriously happy with that? No, we're happy with that. You don't like it? I felt like the advice with Helen Bell. You don't remember who gives the fuck? Like. That's about right. Yeah. And what you really want is friends when it all goes tits up because it will 100% all right but my mom's wedding day she had a traditional top table because obviously her mother wanted it of like father like dad of the groom like my grandfather like mixed up with her mom so they were on one side and my grandfather spent the whole time talking to my mom's mom who was like member of the w i did the flowers at the church all about different venereal

diseases and how you get them and how you get rid of them that's what you remember that's what That's amazing. Whereas I know that my dad insisted on a Christmas wedding the 28th of December because the wouldn't need to have flowers in the church because it would already be decorated. And that's a man I trust. Frugal.

Frugal. When we get married, we should do something like that. I'm joking. I'm going to get married at the Cinderella Castle at Disneyland. Yes. You should do that. Everyone who's been like rolling their eyes by Disney over the years are going to come and they're going to be utterly charged.

You have to do that. I know. You should do that. That would be amazing. I just need to. find the man willing to do it with me. By the way, on that, since we're on weddings, that is the

energy you need. What does it mean to you? Yeah, I love that. That's nice. Minnie Mouse is going to like officiate the whole ceremony. Mini Mouse, you're Juliet. What the fuck is going on? You don't know the song Minimau? M-I-C-E-Y. No, there's a song that there's a song about Minnie Mouse and how great

she is. You don't know? This might be like a you thing. Did you make this thought? Do you want me to fucking play it on my You can play it at the end, but I don't think it's like... You know, it says, mini mouse is just a mouse. That's like saying Taj Mahal is just a house. It's like, it's not a house, but yeah, I get it. Are you sure this isn't like an Indian thing that references the Taj Mahal?

There's an American... I'm going to fucking play it on this podcast. Do not let me not play it. Also, I just want to say, as for the man who is willing and all that, drop that shit. This guy wants to marry you? Yeah. That's it. Oh, no, no, I mean, a guy who's like willing to financially support.

because I can't afford a wedding at Disney. I've written them up. Oh, I'll find you that. Would you actually? Oh my God, because you were arranged a marriage for Helen? I wouldn't arrange it. They're the wedding pavilion of the Grand Floridian Hotel, which is a 12 minute walk for the Magic Kingdom.

I've seen it. I've stayed at the Grand Floridian. Helen's getting married. Yes. I've seen it. But I want to do like, Helen's getting married. Closing time outside the castle,

but I want the aisle to be the whole of Main Street, USA. And I'll just be going down, like I'm parading. Okay. And I just want to say, you will appreciate this. My niece got married, and she loves Disneyland. So she got married in India, and then for their honeymoon... Sweetheart honeymoon?

I sent... I got them the package at Disneyland, and they did fireworks for them for their honeymoon while they were on the boat. Oh, my God. Are you dying? And Helen, I'll tell you something. When you get married, if it is at Grand Floridian, I don't care. And please, let this be known for posterity.

You find me, and I will do fireworks for you. Oh, my God. You find me, Helen. I'm not even kidding. If I go single this year, would you do like a single sweetheart, like solo trip? No.

But also, Bohart knows me enough to know if I've said it. Oh no, she will do that for you. If you find the man, she'll do it. Okay, slide into my DMs. I'm looking for a single man,

over 30. Heighten looks not that fast, but hair is, I love hair, like hairy men, big fan of it. He has to be willing and keen to give a lot of head. Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah. I'm very lazy in bed. So like, lick me out, eat, but I might fall asleep, but I won't charge you for anything. Yeah, I mean, as what's her name said, Tina Fey's partner? What's her name?

Pola? If you're not ready to eat pussy, move on. Yes, keep walking. And I will cook for you because I like cooking. Yes. And I will be very generous

in many ways apart from sexually. Great. Yes, and she'll be Helen. And no one ever can give you that, but Helen. Right. Let's get this ball rolling. Be a lot of fun.

I'm sliding to my DMs genuinely I'm single. Or slide into mine or Sindus and we'll vet them. Yeah I've never had anyone DM sliding but that's fine. I won't, like I haven't gone on a date with a gay man is so long. I haven't to meet out the gays because she attracts solely gay men and this package by the way is not going to disincentifies the gay man it's like do you want to have

The Licking Pussy does. Yeah okay so that's the one thing Let's put that out of the four. Okay great amazing But ideally like you'd propose to me outside mean girls are musical Like you know what I mean? Don't be greedy. Yeah that feels like Just Disney? Yeah, it feels like you want a lot. It feels like you want a lot.

Cindy, you've been an amazing guest. Thank you so much for coming on. I've been dying to come on this podcast. I'm going to love having it. I'm going to Isadora Duncan myself on Space Mountain with my veil. What does that mean? Space Mountain is so weird. What does Isadora Duncan yourself?

She's that ballet dancer that had like one of the most famous deaths in the world because she put on, she was like leaving the theater and she had a scarf on and she went, farewell. And I waved to her crowds and it got caught in the tire and then she died. Decapitate it. No. Yeah. But don't do that on Space Mountain. By the way, I've taken each of my kids when they turn five.

To Disney? Because it's important. That's so sweet. Each of them. What a life. Oh, my gosh. And my grandchildren, by the grace of God, if I'm around. I'm about to say, you do not have grandchildren.

No, by the grace of God. And when they turn five, I'll sit at my kids, hand me the kid and back the fuck off. I'm taking them to go out. My grandma took me to Devin and I severely burnt my chin trying to smell pizza. Mine would only play cards with me if I played for cash. Oh, that's good. Yeah, she was like, don't come to me with that change.

No. Remember a change? I want real money, she said to you. Oh, my God. Once, okay, so in Edinburgh or somewhere that I was in. She was trying to pay the bill with pennies. No, I, if they were pound coins. She's a baby.

They were pound coins. Pound coins. And Cindy was like, oh, I have real money. Put that away. And then I had to scoop my shrapnel back off the table and was like, honestly, don't mind free lunch. Thank you so much. But also like. I paid for everyone.

I was like, just let's have some crunchy money, not the things. Yeah, but you're very generous. That's like part of the one you are. You are. No, she just seemed embarrassed of my... I hate you. I hate so much that you stand for and who you are. But you're very generous.

She is. Oh my gosh, Cindy Vee, before you go. But so unkind. Yeah. Rude, but also very, very generous. We are. We are. And we have worked together. Yeah.

I don't get to play us out with the song. Yeah, before that, Cindy Vee, is there anything you like to plug? Can people, people can see you on tours. They're still... Oh, yeah. I'm on, I'm in February. There's some day. they're on my website

Zinduvie.com. My phone is in my jacket. And the tour is called Alphabet. It's called Alphabet and it's a... I'll catch it. It's no. It's like all of her comments the same as my kids. It's like, what are it doing?

Okay, so they can come see Alphabet. Is there anything else you'd like them to check out? Cindy V on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. Yeah, all of those. But also, Trusty Hogg's such a great podcast. But we'll be tagging Sindu and everything in case you're not following her. Okay, wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

just so that I can get this song doesn't exist that I would know about it you know what I I'll bet it's called Indian Mick and Mick and yeah it's called mini mouse oh what a horrible here we go oh actually it's a really good song look at her bathing I wish And the woman with the ears Mini Mouse She can say she's just a mouse Just a mouse The Taj Mahal is just a house

Just a house What a house Meenie I like Meenie The TV Prove and wrong You told you This is the alphabet playlist

Like when the audience comes in there It's phenomenal Done Everyone give it up for St. DoveeV Woo, woo, woo. Yes, amazing. Thank you for doing this. So we want to do a shout out

to our amazing support as we've got so far. Thank you so much to our executive producers Janina Battista, Simon Moors, Guy Goodman and Mary Fox were so grateful.

You're the buzz! Thank you. Thank you. And to our incredible producers, Melissa Dunkeld, Kerrig Jute, Sarah and Molly, Aiden McQueen,

Caitlin Liss, Joe Holmes, Zoe, Kim Doyle, Lee Myerscoff, Rachel, What are you doing? You were just punching the air every time.

Because I want to celebrate all of them. Lee Myers-Coff, Rachel R. David Walker, Tim and Dom, Kira Leach, S.D. Dubs, L. Richard Bould, Sadie Cashmore, Neil Redmond, Claire Owen Jones, Jess and Nick, Vittoria Hutchson, Emma Walton, Anthony Conway, Karen and David Bull, Harold Van Dyke. Wow, thank you. You make the world a better place. God bless you all. Yes.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.