Trusty Hogs - Ep183. MAILBAG SPECIAL

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

A juicy mailbag special this week featuring lots of brilliant new correspondences and a massive update from a previous problem...NEW MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Sarah Deakin / Amanda McCallPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Abbie Worf / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie Robertson / Charlie WeemesWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello. And this is a podcast about our perfect lives. I was away for a week. We did a drunk women solving crime crossover. We haven't seen each other in five years. It's been a hot minute since I was up in this room. I'm so excited. Hello.

How are you? Amazing. Literally amazing. I am so glad to hear it. Thank you. How are you? Fine. I'm over having a retainer.

even though I opted into Invisaline, that's my current status. But the thing that keeps me going, thank you for asking, is that when Andrew wanted to take his train tracks out, I berated him. I would like, grow up, stick with it. And now, don't you love your teeth, Andrew? Yeah, they're okay. Okay, so I'm going to stick with mine.

Through the fog, step forth the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give me your problems, and they will solve that. Or maybe they won't. and that's your problem They'll have guests And Andrew White on the tech Oh It's Helen and Catherine

As the trusty hogs Trust the trusty hogs Or maybe not What's made you feel over them As something happened It's just boring To have to be like Please excuse me while I go siphon

This fucking thing out of my mouth And then like sort of come over here like sort of sniveling away and then eat my lunch and then I have to be like I have to go for my midday toothbrush and then fucking come back in you're going to do a midday toothbrush yeah and if I talk too much talk too much all at once I get very

lispy and then I have to be like sorry I'm lisping I'm a 36 year old woman who's trying to fix her teeth it's all kind of deeply embarrassing I've got your retainer's more like flushed your teeth I've got a bit more of a sort of a retainer which means it's so obvious my intentions if I go to bed with Reese because if my retainer's not in he's like you want to make out don't you it's like yeah yeah that's

well i'm not put the retainer in he's like put the retainer in oh okay i used to have a bit about how um like um about how um what is the thing foreplay isn't um yeah yeah oh it's on it's just not it's not quite the barry white um start intro is it but yeah no i do know what you mean so yeah it's um that's my The occupation right now. I think it's sexy. It's not, but I thank you. No, I'll say it. I'll be brave.

Every time that you've had to take them out to eat or drink around me, I've been like, wow. There's something about seeing the mould of someone's teeth, something that I was never privy to before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, I'll say it, makes me hot. Get you going.

Speaking of which, in the extras today, will you tell you? I'll tell you in the extras. A date update? Yeah. Woohoo! But only, yeah. I'm so excited. I told my therapist.

Which part? That I had some date. Were you holding out on your therapist? Well, it just hadn't come up. Oh my God. I didn't miss a session because I was doing something. And then just it just, we had other things to talk about because I'm just doing really well at the moment and I just like, I am, oh my God.

This is amazing. I am going to my therapist and like I just sort of like being like, I don't know, I'm really I'm a really good boy and then she's like a nice girl and I'm like and well done but sorry it's so funny

that you and I went on the dates but also it's so funny that you tell like random strangers incredibly personal details about yourself but you are playing coy with your therapist

yeah yeah I'm not well well I'm not well well I'm doing well that's so funny to go I love it you like hey

what do you think's up with me what do you think I've been doing that's so funny and then you go on stage and be like my vagina is the males of iron or whatever okay that is no I do say that's a bit you've said excuse me we'll talk about it in the extras I don't want to spoil anything I'm glad you're doing well

but today we have a mission and we must we must do more than one fucking problem because today is a male bag special we've only done one successfully before but let's give it a world brave of weird a feminist that today is going to be called the female bag special Oh, female, very nice. When you went here a couple weeks ago, Catherine, we didn't do a problem.

What? We did one of the extras. I got to one on the extras. Andrew, thank you for snitching, you absolute rap bag. What the hell? Rose and Patrick distracted me. They're the guests. They distracted me.

You were in charge. I can't see. I had, the clock is there as discussed in Rose and Patrick's episode. And I can't see it. Okay. Do you what? And we did do a problem. in the extras, yeah.

How many years are we doing this, five? Since... No, podcast only three. Yeah, three for the podcast. Yeah, and I'm little. No, how long are we doing this? Is there only three years? Three years' podcast, five years of since Giglis.

Okay, well, somewhere, somewhere, I stop caring. I don't care. We'll do with them today. The mailbag special. Is it not angry? The mailbag special. No, truly, like, lost all sort of sense of...

Do you know what it has happened here is, I've just eaten and I'm so blazade because I was starving and I've just had a fredo you can't really bring me down I want to eat actually I forgot I wanted to eat

yeah well this would be fun dynamic can I eat a tangerine whilst we listen to the problem away from the microphone promise it's going to be away from the microphone yeah and promise that we'll do ten problems okay fine

10 no no we're not going to do 10 are we fine well how many are we fuck what was our record three six six six your memory

that's great well if there was an achievement involved I'll remember obviously. Grab your tangerine. Is it a tiny tangerine? Very little. Go on and get your little tangerine.

Do you see it? Well, yeah. It's a, um, for anyone who's just listening, it's the size of the average woman's clitoris. Oh, what that can't? Oh, because most of it's inside you,

to be clear. Oh, I didn't know that actually. Yeah, most of it's inside you. Oh, no, I was making a joke about having a big clip. And then I was going to reveal it and it was going to be bigger. It's tiny. It is teeny weenie, isn't it? It's so cute.

It's so cute. This is it against an iPhone. Oh my God. it's so little. It's like a button. I just turned my torch on. He literally thought it was a finger. That's so cute. I'm dead.

You know what? I'll give a shout out. Cooperative. It's smaller than a neck. I don't know that that's worthy of a share-da because while it's very, very cute, I'm like, if I paid for a tangerine and I got that, I'd be like, where's the rest of my tangerine? Well, I paid for a baggie of tangerines and they came with several, and me and Sineal have to have about, I think we've got to meet 16 in the next two days.

I don't think you can make baggie happen. It's already being used. Baggy. All for Coke. Yeah. Or just drugs. You don't order Coke from the cooperative. They do groceries and funerals.

I thought something fun for you, by the way. I don't know what you can do with this, but it's been in my head for a while. Go on. Pylee Minogue. Oh, that's very nice. Well, that's very nice because that you can call. Oh wow. What a snort.

You have a lot happening. You have food in your mouth as well. Wow. A lot going on for Helen. you could call senile a piley monogue if he makes too many piles no because you're being a piling situation not happening quite yet and it's like we're just like you've got a bit of removal van and turns out you got to be free on the day that you book them they have to be free to do the van and all that stuff sorry what does it have to do with piling monog like piley pylee pile is still very much

mainly my piley at home so you can't go around throwing around accusations i don't want to be called Kylie Minogue, but I had a Kylie Minogue calendar when I was younger, which makes me think, you know. And also it just makes it sound like you look like Kylie Minogue and you have piles. But anyway, let's... Kylie does not have piles. No way, no way. I love the idea of you. It's called being like, we're meant to be dating.

We've got the same Kylie Minogue calendar. Come on. Come on. Come on. Paul Chris Beck, who I actually did, like, ask out so many times in the year. Have you just wiped up the tangerine juice with your lovely top? is that not normal to use your sleeve to wipe up juice

no no what there's kitchen roll right there there is as well I would do that with water maybe but not sticky juice no not anything that might stain or smell I think

hello I want to no one thing I want to defend myself but I don't know if I can am I indefensible um in that moment go on oranges are cleansing they are used for clean

eyes which means you're talking about because you you know in some countries you can clean an eye

by taking an orange peel and when you do that you know like when you're making cocktails and you work to the bar

and you do that and you like missed it and you can feel the juices popping out people do it with their eyes

oh and it's because it's cleansing and so I wanted the smell of cleansing citrus on my middle forearm

you didn't even notice you were doing it it just sort of happened and then you I know but I'm a bit grotty

I am a bit grotty I know that. I'm trying to not be grott at the moment. I'm trying to see myself as grotty, but I did a grotty thing. Okay, well, I'm sorry that I... How am I somehow become the bad guy? No, you're not the bad guy.

I'm just saying like... I'm like the grotty maker. What have I done? No, I just did something that was a bit grotty and I'm sorry. That's okay, my love. That was horrid. No, no, it's all right, it's all right. But let's get on with the problem.

And it wasn't snutty or nothing. No, seriously, you have to get out with the problem. Ready for this? Well, let's start our female bag special. Yeah, I actually hate it. It's making me a chauvinist. Good. Well, we start with a man, so let's...

I hate it. I want a male ball bag special, please now. Go on. Ew. What she fucking is. There's the bisexual hour and about. Like a sausage in a 12 pork. No, sorry.

I don't know what I'm so sorry. You're all right. It's okay. This is a CBD. You know what? Go. Maybe that's it. Go on.

This is from A. Hi A. Ah. Hi Hogs. Long time listener. First time caller. Oh my gosh. An honor.

I'm a 36-year-old pansexual man. I can't believe you listen to this podcast, but go on. Thank you. The fan-sexual, I guess, but still, 36-old man. Historically, I've been... I've here listening to this. Fair play, to you. Go on. Historically, I've been in relationships with women, but I've only had hookups with men.

I've always said I've come out to my family when I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't a cis woman. It wasn't about hiding or being ashamed of who I am. It was more that I didn't want to explain Grindr to my Irish Catholic family. Fair enough. For context, you should know that not only will my whole family be cool with it, but my dad has already thought I came out to him on at least three occasions. What, like, he just minced into the kitchen and his dad was like, surely we've done this. Surely.

Say no more. Yeah. Please, stop telling me. I get it. God, amazing. That's quite sure. I love that. I'm charmed, obviously. Go on. My question is, what's the most fun I can have finally, actually coming out to my family? any suggestions for the proper actual coming out. Obsessed!

Captain's about to explode. Go babe guys. Does this just mean that he's now in a relationship with the man so it's time? I guess. Or he's just decided that he's not going to stop waiting for a relationship. Yeah, just fuck it. Pignata. Like a gender reveal.

Yeah. But it's homosexual. But what comes out? Or cake and a confetti, one of those confetti cakes that just spills everywhere and you're like, I'm gay! Or... Oh, fill of the hundreds and thousands? I think what comes out of the pinata is like rainbow confetti, but will they get it? I mean, yeah, because the rainbow insignia, but I also think, like, would you not want, like,

I don't know, no, Paniara is such a fun one, but you'd want it to be edible stuff as well, because if someone broke into Paniata and there was nothing edible, I think I'd be upset. Yeah, that's true. What do you think? I'm just thinking, like, where, like, where are you? Could you, like, die the river? you know how Chicago dyes its river green

for St. Patrick's Day like could you dive the river into the colours of a rainbow? Or the pansexual flag. Pink yellow. The Irish, can you behave? He doesn't think

his Irish family know a grinder. They're not going to know with a pansexual flag He's behaved. They'll be like Every day's a day to learn. Give me a break.

Yeah, but like they have to know even what region they're learning in. Come on. Okay, yeah. They'll be like, you're like, why? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. pink yellow and blue did you say get a dog you know when you can like

colour dogs and they get like a pink yellow blue dog but then you just have a dog and then it's like running around and you go you know what that dog represents I don't think you do die a dog because I don't think you do die a dog because I don't think you want the association of coming out to have anything to do with dogs really yeah yeah I don't know why I said that but I just thought

I just think I didn't think I just put colours on yeah I do know what you mean but I think like just don't skywriting yeah Skywriting's so fun That's fun, right? You guessed it, bitches, I'm gay. Or the paper letter, so what's the most efficient?

Gay and then an arrow down to you and you're just standing there on top of the field. Or you learn to play the pan pipe. Here we go. Are you getting it? Are you getting it? Yeah, you do it. He's pan. He's finally on the pipe, if you know what I mean.

And I do mean penis. And then he learns to play I'm coming out. It's perfect. It's perfect. I have Peter Pan. It's perfect. It's perfect. That is how you do it.

And you video it and you send it to us. We solved it. The end. You're welcome. That is the only way to do it, isn't it? Or he cooks up a big pan of sausages. Maybe he fries them at the same time. There has to be food for sure because I think people do want to eat at any gathering.

They're like, why do we celebrating and where's the food? Yeah, yeah. Maybe the confetti cake as well. For pan pipes, surely. Maybe just everything we've suggested. I think, yeah. Yeah, you're welcome. Also, put it on light.

There's not a pan flute cover of, I'm coming out. I was looking for it. There's not one. So put it out there, release it. There's a market untow. This is your moment, eh? This is your moment. Oh my God, happy coming out.

Yeah, best of look. Congratulations. I hope that they don't surprise you and actually get mad. Yeah. Oh, God. No, they won't. They won't. You never know.

But they probably won't. But families are, well, it'll probably. Anywho. Do you want to? No one's going to be a debut dinner after panpipes. Everyone loves the panpipes. Yeah, I agree. I don't know if I've ever heard a pan pipe live.

You do the cancan, but sing the Pan Pan Pan. But live. You know, I don't know, there's Peruvian Buskers. Surely you've had a Peruvian busker in your life. What are you talking about? Stop saying Peruvian busker out. Like, that's an obvious reality. So there's a man in sort of like a poncho,

and he's playing the pan pipes in the city centre. And other people see him? Yeah, yeah. And he's selling it. He's selling his seat. d's and his panpipe covers. Okay, yeah, I know actually do you know. I actually, I can't believe I forgot this.

I don't know that I've, that was, that's not been a thing for a while. I don't know that I've instantly been like, ah, Peruvian. Yeah. No, but you're saying like it's apparent that's Peruvian. Yeah, no, I think it is Peruvian. I'm pretty, I'm 90, they've got pictures like Machu Picchu and stuff on the, on the, uh, on the old catalog. I'm supposed to be looking at, behave yourself.

Okay, fine. I'm not placing mountains. Well, that's good, because then you can go and learn by finding the go to Peru to learn the panpipes make a journey of it. Solved. Next. Oh my God. One, one. Down. So this is from F. Hi, F. Hi, Hogs.

Firstly, I should start by saying thank you for creating the best podcast ever. I discovered it back in August by becoming interested in sound like comedy and it's become my favourite part of the week. That's so nice. Thank you so much. I'm 22F and I'm about to graduate from an undergraduate theatre degree

where I've specialised in writing. Oh my God, congratulations. I love playwriting and I'm eager to branch out into other media too, but I've hit a bit of a roadblock when it comes to thinking of ideas. I find that when I reflect on my own writing, I feel it lacks depth or grounding in anything, especially socially or politically. But I also feel I'm not yet equipped to tackle big, serious issues.

I think my main problem is that I don't have a great deal of life experience. I'm a huge introvert with a small circle of friends. I've never been in a relationship, just school, college, then, uni, and that's been my whole life so far. Aside from this, anything that could be deep enough feels too raw and personal to lay bare in a play right now. So, my question is, how do you suggest working around the fact that lived experience is a finite resource? Do you have any tips for generating creative ideas? Any writing exercises you use, experiences you recommend, or general advice on the creative process. I admire you all so much

as creatives and it would be a privilege to hear your wisdom. Lots of love F. This is such a nice question. I have a lot of thoughts on this actually. So do I. Okay, amazing. You go back. Great. Well, I just think, first of all, knowing who you are as a creator, self-awareness is a huge part of the process. And I think you might well in your future be able to write about those things that currently feel too raw. But there's no urgency to do it now. And actually, better to be better at your craft before you do that, because you only really get one shot of it. You don't know waste at it when you don't be like you're at your best. Second thing to say is, have you been to the theatre? Like, not every, sometimes there's too much try hard depth where you're like, I don't. know that this is like if it feels in any way insincere it's so crap whereas fluff for fluff's sake is always joyful I think right now if what you have is not

a huge amount of like political depth even if that's something that you want to shoot for spend a bit more time watching theatre that is just joyous because that you can do right now lighter stuff and hello that shit sells it's like

there's a reason pop music is popular there's a reason that fucking Andrew Lloyd Webber is not exactly a thing they're not like think pieces do you know what I mean okay at Helen's looking at me like that why the fuck did that come from even everyone whoever himself says that

yeah but like that was just fucking like that was unnecessarily jabbing away is like a billion dollars success like just yeah I get it but that was so unnecessary what I'm trying to say is that light is not inherently bad

in fact light is often escapism it's joy it's fun it's entertainment about, you're gone. Oh, Wist and the wind wasn't good though. Yeah.

Other than the title song, it wasn't. I've never seen it and I don't care. But I'll just say... Have you heard the boys own cover of Whistle Down the Wind? How about I fuck? No, of course not. Oh, poor Stephen. That would be my advice in terms of like not putting too much pressure on yourself

before death. The other thing to say is like, hone your craft, do as much of it as you can before you go for your big story, your big biographical story. I definitely didn't do that and I wasted. I think I regret how I told my own personal history. and wish I would have had that go again. And you're 22. Have fun.

You're going to make shit loads of mistakes. Have so much more. How do you generate ideas, though? That's part of the question I haven't answered. Have you thoughts, Helen? Yeah, well, I think my answer is different to yours, actually. Great. Overall, which is, like, a lot darker, actually, weirdly.

I always thought, like, when people try and cheat to write something that's, like, darker or what they think is powerful or meaningful or something is important, like, I think life just inherently is tragic and hard enough that just like writing about your life there will be so much depth in it and like when people try and force something to be like a political commentary and I know that because I tried doing that when I was like doing like sketches when I was like in my age when it's like it's got to make a point but it's like everything does reflect everything I feel such a wanker saying this no but the personal can definitely be political that's the thing and like I just really believe write what you know.

Writing what you know, you really can't go far wrong. And it's also the most interesting. You'll learn the most about yourself. You'll be such a more rounded person. Also, it's funny, isn't it, that they're saying, like, I don't have any life experience. I feel like I have had such a small, sort of, like, like, everyone's had a life.

No, but also write that. Like, how many, some of the best stories, some of the, like, greatest stories in history are about people with tiny lives, sometimes longing for bigger ones, sometimes looking for bigger ones, sometimes discovering the joy of the small, sometimes like it's the minutia of those interactions.

And sometimes it's a Lion King. Like sometimes it is bigger, you know? But that's a story about a person with a small life wishing for a big life. He's a prince. Yeah, but he's like he's captive in many ways in a very small set. Yeah, that's true. And by circumstance. Yeah, but Sarabi loves him even though we're facetized.

Oh, wow. That is, obviously that's Lion King's of Shakespeare. adaptation. Do you imagine if I didn't know? Sorry. That is something you don't know. No. It's Hamlet.

Cool. Everything's Hamlet it seems. How boring. Oh really? Oh my God. Write Hamlet. This is what I was going to say is you can do adaptations of stuff that's out of copyright just to get into the craft of writing.

That's a good idea. Yeah. Good share. Right Hamlet. Or write spec scripts for like TV shows you like. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, you already know how they would behave and why they would behave. that's very, very smart.

Such a good idea, Andrew. Thank you. Okay, I think, yeah. You solved that. Also, go see some shit theater. Like, go see, like, properly shit theater. Because this is how loads of people get into comedy. We'll see everything.

It's going and go, I can do that. They're graduating from theater school, aren't they? Yeah. They'll have seen some. Yeah, bad, bad. They'll have seen more than they all want to, I imagine. And it's all subjective, and you're just going to make it, and then you're going to move on.

Like, everything you make, you just move on from at some point. Yeah. yeah i think you've got this i think so too and have so much fun because if you don't like the writing part then it's going to be a long little game what's the thing enjoy the journey of becoming yeah oh my god yeah because when you're there people forget to enjoy the journey of becoming but enjoy the journey of becoming hell yeah and um 22 what else would they say get regular checkups for STIs and STD that's always good advice to say it think.

Oh, and get an ISA to put your money into. Are they still doing ICE? Yeah. Yeah. It's not helped to buy ICE anymore. Oh, they helped to buy one. Yeah, because they stopped letting those start in, like, 2018.

I think I was like the two days before the limit. I still have one. Fucking crazy, isn't it? Yeah. Mad. Yeah. I still look out there. We actually have next a massive update for a massive problem.

This is music to my ears. I actually have two updates from the same problem from different perspectives What? Okay Catherine You are like a doggone heat I love gossip

I love gossip I love updates Tell me everything But go slow I want to enjoy it So this is from Wait did everyone else hear that That was grotty

Do you ever hear you We literally have the most sexual innuendo The most like overt What's the opposite of innuendo Of like just like A nontondra Yeah

That we You can take My little joke. Go on, Andrew. So this is from our Jen Brister episode. Okay. And it was... I remember this problem.

How? I just realized that she's autistic and then was thinking about leaving her husband because she thinks she might be gay. Yes. So this is somebody having lots of like... Don't tell me gossip. I will not forget it.

Yeah, sort of midlife realizations about being autistic, about maybe repressing sexuality. Yes. She don't ever have been happy that one time she was with a girl, really? Yeah, yeah. I know I remember this.

But she was married and had a child. Yeah. her husband we remember had started having feet was there someone else they started having no no no it was just possibility we have an update from the original s and we have an email from the husband what how we're husband know about the podcast what i feel bit sick i'm going to wet myself i know what did we say what did we say how does he know about the podcast well i well if you read this i'll read this first email and then i can imagine that this podcast came up in conversation when they were talking. Oh my God, I'm so mortified. We were

actually quite reasonable, but quite stern. No, we were pretty like gets a hell out. Okay. If you don't do it now, you're going to have to do it at some point, but you can still have a lovely family with this gorgeous man. Yeah. Also, he deserves to have somebody who, who loves him. Well, yeah, for sure. Like in a passionate way. No, actually, I feel a bit sick. Just get on with it on. Okay. Go quick, go quick. I changed my mind. Hi, Hogs. I was both surprised and mortified when my email was read out in the lovely Gen Brestra episode. Surprised and mortified. You sent it. What did you think we're going to do with this?

To be fair, we do often need them for like six years? Yeah. It's like it's like it's like Jen Brister, do you know what I mean? It's like you're questioning your sexuality and it's like one of the queen of the lesbians. But we're obviously going to do then. Okay, okay, sorry, go on. I didn't recognise the poor confused person in the email, so I thought I'd better send you an update. Oh, how long ago had they sent it? How'd it? Only a few weeks. It was quite recent one. Okay. Yeah. Not long after I sent the email to you,

my boyfriend and I ended up having some really open and honest conversations about things that we'd never spoken about through our entire relationship. Boyfriend or husband did switch now? Oh yes, it was boyfriend, but they had a partner together. They had a child together, sorry. Yeah, my bad. Without going into details, we decided to give ethical non-monogamy a try.

We both joined dating sites, and to my surprise, I found a whole community of people in exactly my situation, heteropresenting relationships, but looking to explore their queerness with their partner's blessing. I have had some fun conversations and met a lovely woman who I really enjoy getting to know. She is also a trusty hogs fan.

Stop! We've got that E&M market. That's where the money is. E&M and Crochet, baby. Those are our target guys. Thank you to the person who came to my preview at the Bill Murray. Thank you to Britain.

Go on. My relationship with my partner is the best it's been in years. I feel like I'm no longer hiding, not just my neurodivergence, but also my sexuality and feel the most comfortable identifying as queer. I'm not sure this is the update you're expecting.

I do love a plot twist, love from S. I love that update. That's the best of all updates. Their relationship is better because she told the truth. That's an amazing update. Let's hear from your partner. Hi.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, I need a minute. Okay. What are you hoping for? No, I just needed to process that. Like, okay, so actually they're together. They are both successfully exploring relationships outside their main relationship and they're doing so honestly.

And talking about it helps. Oh, and please be happy as well. Well, imagine if he wrote in, it was like, how do I break up with my girl? She's just asked for an open relationship, but go on, Andrew. Hi, just listen to episode 177. I'm the boyfriend of S. Call me A.

Hi, A. I'm a straight man. Sorry to disappoint. Hello, A. I completely figured out what was happening with S and the sexuality crisis and raised it first, as I had an aware of awareness of autism

and the link to gender sexuality. and had noticed more secrecy around videos being watched, et cetera. Okay. We had conversations when we first got together about her attraction to women and our shared questions about whether monogamy was even right and natural. But this time around, with this renewed conversation, I said that nobody should ever reach the end of their life without giving themselves time to explore their desires, potential,

or whatever they need to do to be their full selves. True. Even as a straight man, I can relate a lot as I was mocked in my youth for interest in particular girls, so I would keep this side of my life quiet and not discuss with very serious. friends or family. Not quite the same as having a sexuality that society cruelly looks down on, but definitely have felt ashamed and embarrassed about my own romantic life. Okay, self-awareking, hello. I've said to us, please let her full self take the path that needs to take, and I'll do the same, and we can let go of decades of frustration.

I was well positioned to hear everything she had to tell me, as I've been carefully dismantling the logic of society norms for 20 years to get past anxiety and develop neglected parts of myself, whether through hypnosis, psychology, or magic mushrooms. We have both revealed many secrets we thought were locked away forever, and it's been very liberating. Also, having kids on the surface might seem to complicate matters, but I've actually found myself feeling like everyone is slash was a child, and we should all be nurtured in a way that meets us where we are and lets us flourish. I feel I didn't get to do this due to the aforementioned anxiety and executive function problems, and S, obviously didn't either. I think society needs

to be a way more chill and personally, and I'm personally committed to being more helpful to myself to those around me and beyond in whichever ways I can my partner and child is not my property I'm not going to make them do anything or hold them back live and let live thanks sorry for the long email a okay I'm gonna cry what is the podcast over now like what that was what yeah hey whoa that is so beautiful Huh? That was so profoundly beautiful. I want you to read, I'm going to listen back to that.

Also, just so remarkable to be like, oh no, the complication is not the child. In fact, the clarifying point is the child because in having one, you remember that literally everyone was a child and most of us weren't taking care of in the ways that maybe we needed to be because we're being raised by human beings. And this is an opportunity to just let them do their thing. That was so beautiful. I admire you, like, understanding and empathy so much. like you're going to be like, well I understand

I went through something tricky so this is something I'm going to give grace for and you're not doing that thing that people often do where they go like well I had to go through it so I'm going to punish you having to go through because I experienced shame you should experience shame and being like no I make it better for the next person I think that's just such a special thing that you know what else that particularly in this day and age

we could do a lot more of people being like it should be better for the next people because I had it shitty and we don't punish the next group and I think that was really well put as well. Wow I feel like I just had like a hug of an email I feel sort of like foof wow wow that's so beautiful dang and also that kid is lucky yeah it's gonna have a rad parent that's so wicked also like really feel good about back to school with help from Whole Foods Market. Thanks to their high standards, you can keep banned food ingredients like high fructose corn syrup

out of lunchboxes all year. Check out Whole Foods Market unmatched selection of allergen-friendly options for all kinds of special diets. Find what you need without dairy, gluten, nuts, or whatever you're trying to avoid. Get back to school ready at Whole Foods Market, in store, and online. to have I feel like the more times we can approach non monogamy and non monogamy can approach monogamy without like judgment it's so nice to hear like one isn't right or wrong it's just depending on your circumstances you're the couple you're in yeah the life you're leading the

circumstances you both find yourself in and they don't it just doesn't have to be like it can be like I can meet you where you are it doesn't have to be like this is a reckoning wow and also keep your mind open what's right for you now like do you know what I mean like you people we make rules for ourselves sometimes go like well I'm this thing or I'm that thing and it's like no we change and everyone knows like all your cells and your body change every seven years but like your brain develops it's constantly developing new neural pathways like I'm into it like I don't even listen to real dictators anymore what like do you know what like things that you're like I couldn't have lived without that I just don't listen to it much anymore like it's really fallen away

and I'm doing a lot of... I've given up on news agents. It happens. Because you've changed. But you're not allowed to give up on trusty hogs. Oh my God. I didn't realize I was saying.

Hello. Hi. Come back. Come back. Come back. Hey. Sorry. Whoa.

No. No. No. No. Sorry. We obviously... Obviously you don't change. Podcasts aren't for Christmas.

They're for life. Thank you. Jesus. Good point. I think you should financially recommit to the podcast. I agree. Double down. Double down.

Wow. Sorry. You know what I meant to say. I meant to message you this. and I forgot to message you at but you know how like you can't stop listening to all those really intense podcasts?

You just listen to one called Lucky Boy, Jesus Christ. I don't want to know. Okay. I... You was not lucky. Carrie Hope Flatcher. She's got a lovely voice. She does musical theatre but she's a babe

on Audible as part of like the subscription for free you can listen to her read The Secret Garden. You know the classic kids. But I've read it. Oh you're so, you just don't get nostalgia. I don't. I'm so sorry I've read it.

a warm cut yeah but like he's not like a tick and done is it i've read i've read it sorry what wrong with you i just why are you not normal girl i hate colin's not grace for other people i also just hate colin so much i actually can't bear him he's ill katherine and i don't he's not a well boy he needs to get a new personality i'm sorry that's that can't be your whole personality i'm sick he's unwell he's an absolutely bitter brat i can't be dealing with them no thank you i don't like mary obviously i love mary read. How about Dickin? Really? Because he's working class.

No, it's not that I'm just like, he's just a bit of a sim. What the fuck is wrong with you? Sorry. I'll give it. Colin is a bit annoying, but Dickin must. A bit annoying. He's an absolute nightmare. Can I ask a personal question? You always do. Yeah, true.

Did you have these like strong feelings at the age of like nine or whatever when you read it? Did you put it down and go to your mother like, Colin's a fucking loser. Genuinely, yes. We watched the film and basically booed every time he came on.

As a family? Yeah, pretty much. My dad wasn't there but we were yet. Can I ask, do you think part of that was because he was English? No, they were all English.

Yeah, but do you think you would have, if Colin was exact same personality but Irish, would he have been booed? No, because he wouldn't have been like that if he was Irish because he'd be told to grow up.

See, that is xenophobia. Get a bit of cup on. You'd want to get out and get some fresh air. There's no. way Colin would be in with the curtains closed but say it for an Irish mommy she'd be in at 5am the hoover's outside the door going

wake up wake up the spores hurt him what was that I can't remember now because I fall asleep listening to it and he says do you know this film Andrew is this like before your time I know no idea you've read the book the Secret Garden surely what I think it definitely is our Jen because of the film

Pollyanna that you've done no sorry Heidi I'll be honest I'm really bad in classic literature I'm just catching up via audio book Treasure Island? No. I didn't listen to Treasure Island.

I just did. I could read. Can I ask the personal questions? We, this is, I've probably told us before. We were all members of this listening books library when I was little. It must have been like a special needs scheme if you had like special needs in your family. You could access this thing and it was like before like, oh God, it sounds so old. Before it was like, oh, technology like downloading audio books.

and you could take what you wanted an brochure and send it off and then they'd lend you out tapes like cassette tapes and then you wound up the box and then you sent it back in the prize I used to listen to books on tape yeah but it was like an audio library

we had access to and it was I don't know where it was who knows it was really weird if anyone else was part of listening books in the UK let me know if it's still looking at it's mad that we've gone from A to that as if it's a big confession oh yeah

okay Andrew do you have another problem for us Do you have any more updates? Oh yeah, I could have look for some updates. I was going to say, did you ever have the library van that came around? Maybe this was a rural thing, but yeah. No, I lived in a city, thank you. Oh, right. There's a library van come around.

But they had audiobooks, but they also had, like, BBC comedies and stuff. So I used to get, like, these CD discs and listen to, like, Radio Force sketch shows and stuff. Dear God. Yeah. I say that, but I would go to my school library and get out and the BBC, because we didn't have the BBC, the BBC DVDs of Pride and Watch it over and over again, obviously. I, yeah I mean, obviously Yeah

We don't have an update But we have Well, we do have more updates But this is actually a response to I'm so sorry I know we're trying to get through it Which Bennett sister Like I know for Mr Darcy

But was there a sister You're interested in as well I mean obviously Elizabeth Okay, slight I was just curious Who was picking anybody else? I don't know Katie's a fucking nightmare

Mary snooze Mary's got a book about her now my mum recommended it it's called the other Bennett sister and it's just written from Mary's perspective and she's actually really good we should read that I think we'd both like that

yeah probably I'm Mary at heart but like Jesus Christ she's dull isn't she fuck she's so warm she likes to play the piano and practice yeah but like she's not I think Jane's really dull as well Jane's so boring it's crazy

the big Bennett sister yeah I'm like well I don't think you can call her that yeah she's a big laugh technically you know I don't know. I love it. I just want to talk about it because I've obviously

I've read it so I just like to let everyone know that I've read a Jane Austen book. Congratulations. Have you done sense and sensibility? No. That's Marianne and Eleanor, isn't it? And Edward.

One of the few words that both sisters are cool. Okay, Andrew, we're ready for some news. I just realized it was a response to something in the extras. So maybe I'll read that in the extras. Okay, great. I don't like the idea of it being a response

rather than an update. Is it just like an eight point reply to things you said? wrong. No, no, it's like an empathetic thing. Like, oh, thank you for speaking about this. I suffer for the same thing. Okay, it's not like a Q&A thing or at the end of a film where someone's like, and I have so much of a question as an observation and you're like,

ah! We do get any way much like that and I put them straight in the bin. Thank you. What the fuck? What film is that at the end? Don't, you know what? Don't even worry about it. Ready for another one, Andrew? Um, yes, so this is from H. I.H.

I was just accepted to a program through my culinary school where I'll get to spend six months abroad in Ireland working in a kitchen at a hotel. Cool! I live in Chicago. Cogorgicus! That means congratulations in Irish. Cagorgicus!

Very good. That's really fun. I live in Chicago and grew up in L.A., so I'm preparing for a bit of a culture shock. Catherine, any advice about how to make the best of my time in your country? Irish authors to read, restaurants or shops you recommend in the area, places to find queer community? Is there even a single lesbian bar in Cork?

Is it cringe to kiss the Blarney Stone? I'll hear anything. you have to stay and Helen any advice for working in a hotel or moving country okay um congratulations how exciting you're going to cork incredible the proper republic how thrilling um it's the capitol um no dublin's the capital but it's the people's the people's republic but that's okay oh i got lied too so yeah no no that's all right but it well i mean other people call it the cap it's anyway cork it's a gorgeous city you're gonna have a great time um i don't know if there's a lesbian bar in cork i know there's plenty in Dublin, you can go to Penny Lane or you can go to lots of, like, I mean,

there's loads, like, loads and loads of places. I think there will now be probably lots of queer spaces in court, but I'm not sure of what they are. I'm going to message a queer person in cork I know and ask why you're doing that. Fantastic. Um, listen, you can kiss the Blarney Stone if you want to. You know, it's, it's an experience. I don't want to take it away from you. I, I, an Irish person wouldn't do it. My big tips for you, if I'm, may, if I may, having observed some Americans in Ireland, are welcome. Thank you so much for coming.

We're so delighted to have you here. Let's take that volume down. Let's just make it an indoor voice. I'll tell you for what. Irish people, English people speak with confidence. Irish people speak like the English might still be listening.

Which is to say they're relatively barring being drunk, relatively quiet and quite like they don't really take up space. And so they find that quality in Americans quite like, alarming. Alarming is such a funny word. Alarming. So I just think like, be chill.

But you're L.A., so I think you will be. We love Americans. We're worried about you. Obviously, your country seems terrifying. So come to safety. By all means, you're very welcome. What I would say is things to read. Obviously, I'm sure you've read Sally Rooney, but do.

I'm sure you've read Maeve Binchie, maybe, but do. I'm sure you've read, Maeve Binchie is Irish. I'm not just making that up. I mean, there's loads of loads and loads of notes. A good, you might want to read. James Joyce. The Beesting.

I mean, James Joyce. I did actually leave how, these have to be books you can get through in like the six ones. Irish author's reads brackets, I devoured the beasting. Oh, okay, great. Okay, so we're on the same page. Okay, great. and then just

I would say watch on Colleen it is an Irish film it's beautiful quite dark but like a good indication of like a nice thing a nice reference I have seen watch kneecap

listen I think do not look up with the British did oh you could watch oh you could watch once upon a time in Belfast if you want a bit of Irish history in a digestible way in fact I think you should and then just honestly have the best fucking time

people in Cork are lovely people of Ireland are very very friendly and welcoming I think if you're not Irish that's also fine you don't have to find an eighth removed grandparent you're just welcome to come and be a tourist my love that is I think such a fair point

because I don't know if the Americans know that the stereotype is that they all like they know they're aware that we all talk Irish. Have you seen the S&L sketch with Paul Muscal? No, but I, I, that sense. They're just in an Irish bar and these Americans go Oh, we're actually, uh, we're actually

Irish American and then Paul Muscal goes, but Jesus, no! And it's like, oh, oh, what's the name? O'Connell. Oh my God, we've got to know Connell in the village. Go picture! And they're like, losing their mind. It's very, very funny. Oh, and don't buy a T-shirt that says, ERA, Ireland or corked on it, until you leave at least.

love you wish you well I know you're going to have the best time any tips for working in a hotel yes I loved cork I'll say that and there's dolphins if you go to Cove

and go out on a boat on the bay I didn't see any but I got told they were you can also go to Kerry and see them in Dingle only up the road you've got to go to someone

called Dingle that's just good fun that's just good fun I'm currently messaging with Kira you can wait for the messages when they come back they're trying to find

exactly what you're looking Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, any particular street, actually kind of a street. I would say there's a really lovely comedy night at Cochlands. I've done, that's where tour shows go. Everyone towards that is so... Patrick Spice, it from a couple of weeks ago. He's going Cochlands. Patrick Spice is a Cochland.

Kira is saying Impala is not an explicit gay bar, but extremely gay coded. And we love that kind of advice. Oh, I just thought of something. You simply must read The Rachel Incident. It's set in Cork for the love of God. It's incredible. Is that the book that Catherine gave you? Yeah, by Caroline Donahue.

It's brilliant. and it's set circa 2012 in Cork around the crash of the Celtic Tiger. I think that would be a really good read actually on your way over. Lovely. And then you'll recognise the streets and it'll be lovely.

I so love doing that as well. Like I forgot like reading a book of the location that you're going to. Oh it's so fun. It's so fun. Yeah. To be like, oh, there it is. We still need to go to Cordoba.

I know. I'd love to. Love to. But genuinely read the Rachel incident immediately. and just have the best time so Impala explicitly not an explicit gay bar

but extremely gay coded and vibe is the village gay bar there you guys vibe so there are places who knew there we go there's places gorgeous working in a hotel be do

I mean you know this probably if you want to catering do everything they say for the first two months be like completely indispensable and then you'll be able to choose a bit more with your time usually like same with everything and catering, like, you won't be able to ask for any time off.

But if you're really, really good, they'll be so desperate to have you, like, on any shift that you'll be able to pick and choose a bit better. So it's just like a rough start. Good advice. And make friends with everyone because they're the people that'll be working in your crazy fucking hours. And the Irish culture is not to tip, by the way. Which isn't to say that you shouldn't work hard.

You should be paid better than you are in the States. And there might be a service charge included, but just don't be shocked by that. I think last thing to say is any, what's like what food should they definitely eat? So they're doing culinary course. I know I ate in the famous English market in Cork and they've got a very famous. Go to the English market for sure. I'm sure they do have a chowder there. You'll see a little cue and it's like you sit around the top of it and it was the most gorgeous thick soup.

The seafood in Ireland is really fucking good. It's really, really, really good. I mean, we're a tiny island and you're on a coast. You're going to have great seafood. So enjoy. Oh, tell you what I did in Cork, though, wasn't great. I... Wasn't great.

Got a spice bag from a spa. Well, that's on you. Get a spice bag from an actual Chinese... Yeah, I was in a rush. Yeah, yeah, from a spa. Well, that's on you. From a corner shop. Oh, there's a very specific culinary, Irish tradition,

and that is the chicken roll. Yes. You can go into any spa center, sort of corner shop and go in and get a hot chicken roll. usually has some lettuce and then lots of mayo and then whatever you want in there yeah actually looks really nice

chicken rolls like yeah it's a big I think I'm just hungry but I'm craving it yeah would it be weird to suggest listening to West Cork the podcast about the murder I think yes

I mean that would be a crazy call given that she's a single woman going to I was thinking it would be crazy I was just wanting to check with you as you thought it was crazy because you'd made some really nice suggestions I sort of wanted to join in yeah I think that's awful

don't never mind best a look Have fun Honestly Corgicus and Gnirianthalas Good luck Lovely

Pogue my home Nope And have fun Have fun and tell us how you get on Yeah Yeah please write an update Or Come see me on tour

In Cork And tell me in person That'd be wicked Yeah Are you doing Cochlands Yeah I think I am Gorgeous

Yeah The dates will be out by now Hopefully Andrew you know what I was so lost and enjoying the Cork recommendations that I just completely forgot I had to find more emails I feel really bad because I feel like I should have gotten I should have more of them because my sister goes to Cork all the time

because her girlfriend's from Cork and indeed that's where our dad's from but I haven't been to Cork City in years and so I don't know but I do have another email here oh my god the Butter Museum no behave yourself how can I forget Nilo Rock taught me it was fucking brilliant people say it's about 10 minutes you can have been a good three hours in there if you want to read everything there's two flaws to it it's just the history of butter making in cork including two videos it's brilliant also by the way if you're in court like you should know that the dairy

products in Ireland are incredibly good like the butter is unreal the milk is unreal you're going to have a good time food wise it's bananas how good it is well we have an exciting little email here it's not a problem or an update but a potential sort of a future and let's see I'll read it. This is from G. Hi, G. What are you thinking? I'm thinking it's from a witch or something.

I don't know. I'm from a witch. Or like a ghost. I went to Wakefield Rubarb Festival this weekend. Never mind. Okay. Well, not witchy. I saw a famous person buying rhubarb in a deli near me the other day.

Rubarb. Sonia from EastEnders. Wow. How is that? What was how did you say that for? Sonia from Alan Bartridge. That makes way more sense. from these tenders, I saw her buying rhubarb and I was like,

that is a real thrill. Rubarb's really obviously having a moment. It's not having a moment. Well, it's obviously seasonal because Poppums where I get the yogurt bowl on a Sunday. Yeah. Do a seasonal compot. And it's been cherry for a while now, which I love, but it's a rhubour all of a sudden. And you're loving it?

And it's delightful. That's my girl. Shout out Poppums. Shout out fruit. Well, here is the Wakefield Rubob Festival. Which exists, isn't it? It's a thing. Question mark, where is Wakefield?

Yorkshire. Right. I saw a stool representing the flapjackery. Oh my God. The best place in the world. The best place in the world. I can't believe I've never actually physically been there. I don't need the amount of flat jacks.

I love them so much. The millionaire. The millionaire slice, shortbread. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. I love it so much. Go on, Andrew. I'll jump straight in with this future note.

Also, because I feel like Catherine had asked, we got the ginger. ginger and rhubarb mince pie crumble they were all excellent yes but anyway after hearing you rave

about them so much I decided to get some and whilst I was choosing I got chatting to the kind man running the stool I told him I heard great things

and he asked where when I said a podcast he asked for the name and what it was about I said he said he'd give it a listen and maybe send you some goodies

so maybe you'll be getting some flapjacks or maybe I've made a middle age man extremely confused when he tunes in yeah or maybe the flapjackery will be like

we cannot send those people anymore. Yeah, we get it. They like us. They're actually being weird about it. Either way, I really love the podcast. It's so lovely to have something to listen to that's irreverent, irrelevant, silly and funny, whilst knowing it's never going to suddenly become misogynistic or homophobic. You never know. You don't know. We can do anything. Hey, you don't know us, man. Could you imagine? I don't. Oh, no, I just want a flapjack so bad. Oh, God. I've not even thought about the flapjack for like a hot minute. Because Sunil hasn't gone home for a while because his car got stopped.

What? Oh my God. Sorry, what? Do I not tell you? No, what? It was chaos. This is ages ago. Like a month ago.

You've never mentioned this. Okay, number one, you can hear it on his podcast, Rural Concerns, I imagine. It was pure chaos. What's Rural Concerns? His podcast. Since when? Was Chris Cantrell? Since when?

I've been running for like a year. I recorded a birthday message for its first birthday recently. It was fabulous. Happy birthday. state of moral concerns. Men told me anything and the men aren't on my algorithm. I don't...

Senealy? Barely. Is that because Charlie fantased him as well as Ellen. Oh, Ellen and Charlie absolutely adore Sineal Vettel. But they all do. Snail came back and I was like,

oh how was the birthday party? He's such a vibe. It was like, it was good and I was like, who did you hang out with? He was like, I don't know to people. And I was like, who did you hang out with? It was like, Ellen and Charlie. Yeah.

And we were both fucking away working, obviously. Charlie came back charmed. They talked about Antwerp and her favorite designer and she was like, sorry, who's this man and I think Ellen got quite jealous and yeah really like fun yeah fun fun fun well Sunil's car got stolen it was the other day and it was Saturday morning I was minute ago it was ages ago now it was okay the other day a month ago when was it you're the only one who knows I know a couple of weeks ago right the other day

wait what happened yeah so is this what you're like when you're talking about something that isn't it hasn't happened directly to you Just really get the facts straight in my head I would love to see you do like a crime podcast Wait No hang on Wait was it West Cork or East Corker or North Corker Wait

Huh In my defence I did sleep through quite a bit of it So His car being stolen or what? Yeah, his car is So we went to Stainsbury's and we When we came back our parking space We had a flat was taken

So we parked just around the corner Which happens all the time right On that street we live on and I was like oh okay cool and then like a couple of days later he went to drive because he was going to go view a flat and on his way to get it he was like well my car's not oh my car's not there

oh fuck my car's not there but he's like oh I don't want to cancel the viewing so he got on the bus went down to it and like called the police in the way and went like my car's been stolen like I parked to somewhere it's gone and they went oh like we've had a lot of these recently like they always say that sort of stuff and he was like oh yeah like so can you help me get it back and then he was like oh on the phone they were like

oh do you have any idea or anyone who would And he was like, oh, wait, I've got to find my car app things. We downloaded the app. I'm still sleeping. I'm having a lovely Saturday morning snooze. And he's, um, but realises. That you thought that was an important detail. Go on.

He can locate his car on his app and his phones. We downloads it. Does the flat viewing. Not for him. And then, um, what does this app and how do I get it? Like, where's my car? You can put like a little, I think it comes as part of his car.

But you can, like a locator tracker in it. And it's literally just like up the road a bit further. And he's, he was like oh my god and he says to the police he's like oh it's just up the road so it wasn't stolen yeah yeah it was like it was like i mean about a 10 minute drive but like it's not gone you know what i mean yeah so he's like it's just the road he told the police that he's like oh i know where it is and they went oh okay and he went should i go get it and they went yeah that would really help us out actually that'd be great this time he's come back because he's like oh i better not go by

myself i was like definitely do not go by yourself to try and get back a car that's been stolen and you don't even know that street. Yeah, what are you talking about? This is a range. And I was like, okay, well, let me get dressed and I'll come with you. Because you love the drama and I would totally be like, let's go, let's go, get to car. And I'm a hundred percent. And he was like, oh, I thought you were still sleeping.

And I was like, this is awfully. He went, no, I've got my best boy on it. So Red Richardson comes around. Yes, to be fair, I would bring Red. Would you? Yeah, I would. I actually would. That Tash means business.

Does it? Yeah. So Red, obviously. I'd 100%. I would love that. Fishing, he cannot believe a boy's chosen him

to do it. To the point, wait for this. Red pulls up to our flat. Senil's, you know, he's chill, he doesn't feel anything.

I'm like, this is awful boys. Please be careful. Please be careful. I'd be getting in the backseat. I'd be like, I'm coming. Red does two laps of our street

with the window down wearing sunglasses. Yes. Are you ready, boy? We're going to go serve justice. What the fuck? Like, that's incredible.

Did they get a bath? So, Sunil gets in Red's car. This is so fun. I love this. And they get that. And it's like a really narrow road. And then they can see Sunil's car. And they get up to it.

Snil's got his key obviously still. Opens it. They've gutted a lot of stuff. Like they've definitely, they've been looking for the locator is what they think. Like a lot of things are like moved around. You don't really have anything in it. But you can drive it away.

So Sunil gets in it and him and Red convoy back is it a good car they didn't see any lads it's it i mean i don't really know it's it's just a car but is it newish sort of like i don't know i don't know the brand or do i know the brand like the make of car yeah it's we've got uh highland cow toy named after it not toyota it's a new one it's alexis it's alexis it's alexis it's a lexas they're quite expensive yeah you'd want to get your lexas back so he well he got it back and then he rang the police and he was like we got it and they went oh great thank you so much that really helps us out out and he was like yeah no worries lads and then

do you want the name and address of the thieves who stole my car him and red were like fuck it i've never seen two lads so happy to the point they came back in and they asked to have pictures taken so i'd have take go out and take pictures of both of them together in front of their car like we did it like i can't believe it then they went for a celebratory fry up they were and they were like do gonna get in the car and i was like absolutely not i've got i want nothing to do with this like vigilante justice and they went to have a fry up to celebrate In London Bridge.

What a way to go. Sorry, I completely don't understand your position here. They stole his car back. That's wicked. I know, but Catherine. Why wouldn't they celebrate getting a Lexus back? This is like an absolute victory. And but now the Lexus.

And the police failure, but this is amazing. I know, the police were like, oh, thank you. Yeah, please do that. So I don't think you should be sending people into like steal, not steal back. I don't know, like reclaim your items. No, they should have had a police officer with them. Either way, Red and Sneal are fucking heroes. Do you see the picture?

Yeah, this is so cool. They're so happy. Oh my God, he's even more manly than I thought he was. God, he's so hot. Why is he so sexy? Him and Red have been like walking around like, you need a thing done, you let us know.

I will. I don't want like, not you two. I will let them know. Here they are. Oh my God, they're posing like hard men for like to describe it. It's the two of them in our tiny living room.

Oh my God, this is so sick. Just like all trying to be beefed up holding their car keys. Like, but they look wicked and they did do it. I don't really know what the problem is. They did it. Isn't that so cute.

Anyway, but because the Lexus got it. God, they're real dead-eyed starey men, aren't they? I know. Not a flicker of emotion. But all that to be said, we don't have a car, so hasn't gone homey, so haven't got any more flapjackies. The car really got back.

It still needs to be like, they used to go through it and fix everything up because they did like, it did look bad, like on the inside. Yeah. Oh, poor senile. It's not good, is it? That is awful.

I know. Sorry, if you had like your fruit bowl stole and you would have heard about it for four weeks. What happened to my fruit bowl? Nothing, but I can't believe you're not mentioning, you ever mentioned this? What happened to my fruit bowl? A hundred tiny tantrums.

Yeah. Yes, Andrew. Okay, well, I should take it back. How many problems? Is my fruit bowl okay? Yeah, it's fine. Jesus. But why would you,

why would I not go on the ride along is the other part of that? Because I don't believe that we should take the law into our own hands. Interesting. What? I don't know what I'm saying. All that to be said. I haven't had a flapjack in a while. also the other day

we literally walked by this was so funny we walked by a bike and somebody was using a separately somebody was untying their bike separately around the corner somebody obviously got

on a lime bike out without using you know paying so I was doing the like whatever and so Helen was like wait is that man stealing a bike

and I was like is that man stealing a bike and then she's like oh no he's just untying his bike oh no somebody's just got a line bike everything's fine you were ready to go and someone looked like

they were untieing and they were like stealing a bike. And I was like, you were going to take that into your hands. I would have been happy in that situation in broad daylight on a busy street. It was the evening. I didn't want to be there with you at all.

To be like, no, not nice. Not nice versus like, I'm going to go grab my own car, please. Yeah. I get worried about the boys. I tried to get my bike stolen for ages because it was, um, it was like, I left it in my garden for too long.

And it was like, oh, like, rusted. And I took it to the bike shop and they're like, oh, how much to fix it up? And they were like, two hundred thirty pounds but it's worth like 50 quid and like oh fuck's sake i was like well i don't do you want it for like spares and stuff and they're like no it would cost us more to get rid of it so i um i just left it untied in the main street for ages and no one took no one took it for days and days and then finally someone did yes but i was honestly i kept going back going

for fuck a sake no one's stolen my bike yet i really didn't want to get rid i didn't know how to get rid of it wait don't you have a dump near your hand but i is there you know there's dump infrastructure that I don't want to navigate. Wow, that's bad community participation by you, Andrew, just ditching a bike. Oh, well, somebody got a free bike. Good for them. Did they? Or did you just dump a bike in the middle of the street? If it was

there... I'm not happy about that. I don't think that's good. If it was there after a week, I would have just sorted out a tip rom. Fine. But I thought, I'll leave it there for a week. The thing is, he would have done. He's such a good boy. He would have done a good boy. I'm watching you. I'm the local curtain Twitter. I'd be like, excuse me, his bike's that.

His bike's that. I saw the little gay boy with that bike. Don't leave a rusty bike outside, absolutely not. Have you ever been to a dump in London? Yeah, I love going to the dump. I love going to the dump. I love going to be my favorite place to drive. I feel so manly when I drive in there, park up and I'm like, we're going to fling this. Oh, God, I

fucking love it. Oh, good bit of fling it. I love to chuck stuff in there. How often are you going to a dump? As many times as I can. I need to do a trip to the dump. I love a dump run. Would you drive across London down to mine to do a dump run? No. No. It's too far, isn't it?

Yeah. you get it right yeah but you could get Soneil to bring it in well the dump was always mythical when I was younger so Neil could take me well hopefully

if not red I'm just driving around oh you know he'll come Papa Red will come wait I think we filled our time but how many problems have we done I've filled our time

I think we've done about I think we've come to the end of our journey boys I think we've done about six actually I think that's a real stretch but we'll take it I'll take sex folks we'll see you in the extra

to talk about Helen's Love Life, an update on something that we did establish in the extras and more feelings on the dump. Okay, love you, bye. Bye, bye. Thank you so much to our executive producers sat there in the land as we expect you are. Thank you, Simon Moores, Guy Goodman,

Sarah, Deacon, Stephanie Catarachia, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Sadie Katznor and Angela F. We are so grateful. Thank you, execs. We love you. No, for off. That was having weird. I loved it so much. It was very Annie to Mr. like Daddy Warbox.

We won't. We don't. No, but thank you. Thank you for the dollars. Thank you. Anything but you. That's such a good. That tap dance at the end.

Everyone Google it. 1982, Aileen Quinn, Annie. And thank you so much to our producers. It's L. Richard Bold. Rachel Page. Helen A. Abbey Warf, Luke, Bright, K.C. Anthony. Anthony.

Sophie, Chivers, Chivers. Oh my God. I messaged them on Instagram and I asked. And what do they say? I think it's chivers. I can't remember. Oh my God. She do it and they're not no.

That's so annoying. I saw, I got an education. They commented on something and I was like, oh my fucking God. Tell me. Tell us. This is so annoying. And I'm so sorry, Sophie. We said, I don't know.

Laura Pollock. Pollock. Pillick. Dougie Doogie. Robertson. Becky Fox. Tim and Dom. Ria Finke.

Cordelia. Amy O'Reardon. Taz. Carrie Sue. CV. We still don't know. Stephen Chicken. We know that one. Bah-wah! Imagine it's Stephen Chichen.

Imagine. Imagine. Okay, well, Stephen Chikin. Shout out Chikin, too. Brin, Jam, Rainbird, Tamsin-Smith Harding, Claire Owen Jones, Harold Van Dyke, Rachel Walker, Rachel R, Sarah, Sarah, Molly, Tina Lindsay, Leah Overend. Always funny to me.

Chloe, Liz, for... Could be Overend. Damn it. Offerend, just in case. Clow, Liz Fort, Charlie A. Haley Singer. Love it. Siner?

No. Probably not. That would be a G before the end, wouldn't it? Thank you all so much, and we respect all of your names equally. From me, Helen Bauer, and Catherine Bullhart. Bye.