Trusty Hogs - Ep194. ADAM DRAKE / Spillages, Sketch Comedy & Sperm Donation

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

We're popping a podcast cherry this week with a first foray into the medium for ADAM DRAKE! Adam is brilliant writer, comedian and star of beloved sketch groups such as Goose & Tarot. He joins Catherine & guest co-host Chloe for a wide-ranging and very fun chat...FOLLOW TAROT: @TarotComedy1NEW MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Charlie WeemesPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie RobertsonWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Friends, friends, friends on audio. This is nice, is this how you're entering the podcast? Have we started? Oh my gosh. Friends on audio. Chloe Patch, you're getting very comfortable in the Hogs studio. That's a very like, this is my home. I can play with the, I know the rules.

rules, but I'm going to break them kind of way. Oh, and the rules I don't sing, and then I broke them by singing. I know that the rule is. I guess so. I know that Helen's created the rule of you must open with singing. Yeah, now that you said, I guess I don't even make the rules. Godman, hello, and welcome to episode 194 of trusty hogs. It's me, Catherine Boharsh, and this is Chloe Pats.

Hello. Through the fog, step for the trusty hogs. Yeah, you're going to give me your promise. and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem they'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech oh it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs trust the trusty hogs or maybe not um you are singing like priest do yeah i like that a lot uh yeah so when i was young we would go to a church of England church but with a very Catholicy priest and I did like it when he would shake the thing with the incense in going the tabernacle the tabernacle thank you

isn't it called a tabernacle could we please check that Andrew I'm fairly sure I'm losing confidence as I was like the longer we sit with it I don't think it is a tabernacle no is a tabernacle what is the tabernacle is that where you keep the eucharist it's yeah meeting place for worship a movable dwelling for biblical use. Right. Let's see if I can find it. It's a nice word. What's the incense in? What are we shaking that around in? Incense. I need to know now.

Yeah, I don't know. Incense carry on. Yeah. What does the priest kind of... A thoroughbill. A what now? It could be called a thurrible. Thorrible. Thoroughable. Yes, Therable is a metal sensor.

So it's also called a sensor as in for like incensing. Oh yeah. That sort of sense. burn during religious services are thoroughable. Oh, that's horrible. It's hard to say. Oh, that's horrible that. Now listen, what I will say is, yes, I do feel some affinity towards going,

Father, we are gathered here before you today. Yeah, a bit of chanting. It is fun. I think, no, but I find it very like, I think it takes a real confidence. I think it's like huge to be up there. already only guy in a dress, already all lies on you. Already making huge claims, I'd say. To then also be like, I'm a, I'm gonna sing.

You know what, I'm gonna sing it, and I might even walk at the same time. I think, okay, yeah. Okay, you made some bold swings there with your censor. Huge swings, right? So fair enough. But I will say what I, that's the kind of singing in church I respect, and I find very soothing. Other end of the spectrum.

there's always, at least I always grew up with, a priest who when they got mics who couldn't sort of detect how close to the mic he was or was not and so you'd have this choir, this choir that had practiced all week, this choir that maybe met up twice

and also maybe before Mass and they are giving it thoughts they've got harmonies, you know, they know who the alto is, they know who the soprano is, yes. They're doing their best with frankly, you know, limited resources. Yeah. And honestly limited song choices. And you think, okay, but they're, you know, they're going for it.

And he just joins in. He would just always join in, but he wasn't able to sing. But he'd be so close to the mic and they weren't on mic. So you're like, oh, I know in the distance somebody's nailing this. A whole gaggle of Mary's are on point. But this guy is so loud. Murdering him. Yeah, and so loud.

Oh, he's missed the words. Anyway, that's what that made me think of. oh it's a hard oh that's hard yeah hard because you can't remember them or hard because you can't choose no I can remember them but um I love you for asking um but

no it is hard the problem is I'm very basic I love all the Christmas ones yeah um oh god um but then I confuse Christmas songs with Christmas hymns and maybe I'm thinking

there's some beautiful Irish hymns my favorite hym is do they know it's Christmas do they best believe it's religious what's your favorite well so obviously don't say there's a light of mine no come on obviously there's a

everyone knows of me that I was in a Christian rock band and sometimes so mainly we're I know it but it doesn't make it less surprising every time you know it's like yep I've heard that and still the information is startling so we would do a lot of classic crock songs go on um you're talking delirious that was a band that we used to sing vicky beaching some other

people whose names i can't remember that there was a james i felt like there was a james okay and we would sing their sort of like christian rock which was basically like pop rock that is like very like easy chord progressions that are meant to like stir you in your soul so you think that God is talking to you. Beautiful. But actually you're just getting like goosebumps from core progressions that give you goosebumps. Yeah, yeah. It must be

gone. It's like all musical comedy. Would they be getting in a round of applause of it? It was just the punchlines. Would they? Does anyone check that? Should we check it? Just say it. Say it and see if they like it. Just say it. Anyway, that's a separate gripe. Go on.

Have you ever had any musical comedians on this show? once by accident. Right. And did they sing the whole time? But I thought she wrote musicals and then... Who was it? Eve Blake.

Ah. Yeah. Ah. Whoops. And then it was revealed she'd previously done musical comedy. She's ashamed of it though. She was very ashamed and I was impressed. So sometimes what we would do as a crock band is we would...

Did you wear crocs? No. You should have. That would have been sick. It's quite... I would say it's even more of a Christian shoe than a sand. a crock don't you disagree i think crock is very queer it's trendy now but when they first came out i feel like a lot of the congregation wearing crooks oh i i've always known religious men to do

real sandals and maybe the burkenstock sometimes but the crock has always been more of a hospital worker right in my mind interesting which is also where my mom would work so i guess i yeah there's a very clear delineation in my mind between the two interesting well we would do some times um covers like rocky covers go on of hymns and the best one was be thou my vision i don't know that i know the protestant hymns really they need a bit of pizzasing sorry to say it yeah no this this one no but this one was fantastic and i don't know the actual tune to it and i might sing it and people at home will be like, that's the wrong tune because we changed it.

And he's obviously honest. But I would play bass and I would like slap and pop to Be That My Vision like really like funk it up like I was a red hot chili perfect. So I remember for Be That My Vision my like I would slap and pop on the chorus

but my like verse was like big bass so it was Buh dum, dum, doom, doom. Wow. Dom and everyone would and do And then it would go Andrew

Be thou my vision Oh Lord of vision Oh Lord of my heart Dum Wow you've really Yeah I can see how you funked that up That's pretty cool Andrew I have a question

Top ten hymns please what are they Oh guide me oh thou great redeemer Oh that's that's a ban on you thought I meant yours I meant like what are the top of the hymns I was there ready with that You were like in at number 10 which I love for you and please they can be yours if you have 10 but I would like to know

Catholic Vine be the glory Vine be the glory is a banger There's a few here I'm not really getting and I'd love some Catholic According to songs of phrase top 100 Hymns Catholic please Oh Catholic Hymns okay interesting

I don't think we're going to be interesting I don't think we're going to like them Were they banged I'm going to see where the overlap is Here I am Lord on eagle's wings. Here I am, Lord is an absolute banger. I can't sing. That is of shame. It's so high as well. You've got so many other things going for you though, so that's okay. I know and everyone assumes I can sing, but it's just a man. I don't. You don't have to me the

vibe of a person that can sing. I don't think I have the social freedom. That was exactly it. That's exactly it. You're not jumping up at karaoke. No. And also, do you know what it is? is like you've found in all walks of life you found ways to show off that if you did have that as a skill then we would know about it it was like when i was 21 i went i worked in an office that's right my best my best mate in the office was a guy called ryan who is still my one of my i've met him he's a legend you know ryan so well and um one day i came in and went what would you do if you found out that i could break dance and he would be like so shocked that you didn't mention it the moment that you met.

So I think that's like you and singing. If you could sing we would know. God damn it. You know what I mean? Yeah, because obviously like I can bake and everyone knows it. Yeah. Yeah, you can debate and everybody knows it. Everyone knows it, yes.

I'm very good at getting younger butcher girlfriends and everybody knows it. Andrew. How great they are. The bread of life. One bread, one body. All creatures of our God and king. Can you put on how great? thou art that's a fucking banger okay can you put on here i am lord i used to funk up how how great thou art

as well that was no doubt that you funked up many a him guess what i was wearing this exact effort that you're wearing today no denim shorts and uh short sleeve shirt guess what i was wearing straw trillby no no not the trillby but i don't like begrudge myself that because i recently it's like manny from um yeah i I kind of, that's not far away from how I looked. I looked like Manny from modern family. Were you drinking espresso? No, I wasn't like that.

No, you were doing jazz on him, so. Yeah, no, I was doing rock on him. Oh, my apologies. It's just you keep saying funk and that does suggest jazz. No, I funking it up. I was funking it up. No, no, you don't do it again. Anyway, so I think it's quite sweet.

Like, I saw a picture of me, which I can show you, for when I was 15. Okay. And I look terrible. But what I really like... As is your obligation at 15. People who look good at 15, I feel as sincere distrust towards.

They peaked. Where are you going? They get boring. Yes. And also like, what have you learned? Just like, ugh. Go on. But I really can see...

You'll see the etymology and roots of my fashion now in those moments because I was like, I really wanted to do something. Yeah. Like I wanted to look cool and different and special. And I got it totally wrong, but I really respect that I had a go.

And I think it's quite beautiful. I had huge goes. I actually have pulled it way back in terms of becoming much more conservative. But yeah, but I was having massive go. Tell us one of your swings. Oh, I used to do hot pink fish nets as a top under my t-shirt. Yeah, I would just like pull a hole in the crotch and then. stick my head in and then out I'd go um I did a lot of luminous so I was doing like hot pinks

hot yellows um I would do socks leg warmers mm-hmm pointed heel um indeed I can't it's a lot okay I was doing orange Doc Martins under combat treasers I was doing like a lot of like spikes there were a lot of spikes yeah I was making big calls what was that shop in Covent Garden, we used to go there, like, you used to get 10 minutes in there on a school trip when I was in London. I didn't go to Covent Garden and I don't know what you're talking about. Because we were like an hour away from London when I grew up. We were come and we go to the theatre. Yeah. And you get 10 minutes in Covent Garden to like go and do what you want. And I'd always race into this shop and they would sell like skinny jeans of different

colors. So I remember picking up a pair of bright pink skinny jeans and then ones that were in tiger print but blue and black. Incredible. And I'd go around in them with converts. Like a bruised tiger print? Not quite like quite like a like a like a what's the word like a quite electric blue. Oh okay. And sure. Then they would sell these t-shirts and the t-shirts would have like pictures on them of like or slogans which would be like come to the dark side we've got cookies this is very divorced mom really hot pink skinny jeans and like like electric blue skinny jeans with then with like saying t-shirts but that were like a bit naughty yeah it's giving like divorced mom okay maybe I was and I was in church a lot which is quite divorce mom anyway and then

I'm I had a t-shirt that had a rock and a rule and a rule on it and the rock was saying you rule and the ruler was saying you rule. Did you have that as well? David and Goliath! Is that what the shop was called? Yeah. Oh, well done. It does that still exist? Of course you were a David and Goliath kid as well, Zofia.

I feel like... Okay, Zofia's presence in the shop makes me think maybe it was a sort of like queer starting grand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all the queer children were doing it. A little gateway. Yeah. David and Goliath. All of the ones from my school that are now gay were wearing that. It's sadly permanently closed. Yeah, when they lost my custom.

Thank you, Andrew. Fascinating. Wow, I'm learning so much about you. Do you want to see that picture of me when I was 15? Yeah, of course I do. I used to be really ashamed of this, but now I'm just like, it's quite sweet that I was having a go. And also, I'm sat in the most, like, 15-year-old girl way that you could possibly sit in. Which is? You'll see.

Okay, because in my head, that's either, like, legs crossed on the ground. I just think there's like a subtle movement of my hand that like there's just or maybe it's not quite so clear but like I feel like you might be able to notice the imperceptible bit that I'm trying to cover. Let's see. Do you know what I mean?

Because I'm not even covering it but like there's just a little movement which is like... Okay, I know exactly what you mean. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, I do see what you're trying to. trying to cover and also this picture is incredible there's so many stories being told here there's no consistency to the outfit have you straightened the fringe into that position let me see

no the fringe is like i've straightened my hair but my fringe is like that okay it's like panic at the disco fringe under trilby straw trillby above fascinatingly a sort of like legally blonde blue cardigan. Interesting that you've interpreted as a legal. Let me see again. Underneath which is brown. Don't look at me t-shirt. This is very teenage. I love these choices.

Into hello. So many patterned shorts. Yeah. Into converse. We would have been friends. I was wearing two different converse at the time. Like I'd wear like one of my red ones and one of my green ones. Yeah.

I was kind of a badass. The first man who ever gave me a gig, used to do that. Andy onions. Yeah. Do you remember Annie Youngen? No, but I was... He came back to football a couple of weeks ago.

He was so sweet. Yeah, he's a nice one. Chloe, you are so cute in this. I don't know if I can post up... Your posture's remarkable. Thank you. I don't know if I can post it on Instagram yet. I don't know if I've reclaimed it enough.

I think you should. This is epic. I also love that it's like, genuinely... The bottom half is Dad and the top half is mom of the same family wow i was trying to be non-binary the whole time but all i have as a frame of reference was my mother and my father yes wow yeah do you see what i'm saying yeah it's pretty cute hey that's beautiful wow this got so nostalgic so fast this is so lovely do you want to see it yeah andrew was desperate you see it Andrew being like

dad does someone say dad I'd like to see it quite sweet you have you have to go back to your microphone andrew otherwise your reaction is a waste of time do you do you like if i hadn't set it up in that way would you want to take the piss oh no i literally okay so the other day um myself so laura living with me at the moment heaven on her sorry about what i just did and so is olivia our good friend olivia um probably shouldn't do the full name so we can just beep anyway um Olivia ellen laura and i were all out of the roof talking about like how we would be to our 16 year old themselves. Yeah. And it actually just made me, like, they were all so compassionate and nice and kind and I actually just thought, oh, I hope I'd be like that to mine. So no, now when I see

16 year olds, I'm like, you are trying so hard and everything is so difficult. I'm so proud of you. I had, no, I think I wouldn't have. I think I've had like a real person. Not like, it's been like this for a while, but I've been living back in Kent with my parents and I went to the local swimming pool and as we spoke about before it's like hard being back in your hometown because you're like oh no there's like this clash of the old and the new and you might bummed to people who knew you back then and you feel shame blah blah blah but i was in the swimming pool and the there was a group i was in my costume because i just could we say the most shame laden place in the world oh but i'm so good at um uh dissociating oh well done yeah i'm really good at switching off the brain to the

cognizance that I have a corporeal form. Oh, fabulous. If I need to, I'm just like, it's not there. I don't have one. I completely know. There's like specific outfits I can put on and be like, now I am head. Off my go. Like, it's just a sack or like, yeah.

Yeah. And there was a class of like 35 kids. Oh, I'm so sorry. In the, in the changing rooms, like about to be marched out to the swimming pool. Were you leaving or entering? Leaving. Like, but. I had...

Why am I acting like we can't curse on this podcast? Thanks for. I say it. There's children around. I literally... Because they're here today. I bother with me.

And I just like, I walked past and was like, what if they say something mean to me? And I was like, I'd actually find that so funny. And also like, rest assured in the knowledge that like I could fucking annihilate those kids. Yeah.

One sentence, I could ruin that child's life. Yeah. And that's quite comforting. Don't you think? Oh my God, totally. And also you're like, I increase. In this age that I am now, I'm like, I am almost 40.

Oh, you go? Yeah, I'm going to be 37 next month. Do you not almost 40? In terms of like lifespan, I'm much closer to 40 than I am any other decade indicator. I guess I just mean like, when a kid walks by and says anything to me, like, my overwhelming urges to be like, oh, is everything okay at home? Yeah. Like, are you all right?

Like, a guy cycled by me the other day, he was like maybe 15 and, like, like, like screamed and the intention was to make me jump and it worked. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm so annoyed I gave it to him. And then my second almost immediate thought was like, oh, how is he being made feel at home that he needs to do that? And then I was like, two minutes later I was like really concerned about that boy. And then I was like, oh, I'm old.

I was just like, oh man, if he needs to do that, has he been treated elsewhere? Why is fear power? Who's shocking him? What's going on there? Every time he's at home someone's going, ah! Yeah. I was just like, oh, poor little kid. He feels disempowered. yeah anyway he's also been a little cunt sure but I just thought like the fact that I that wasn't really my thought I was like wow I'm really yeah you matured yeah yeah that and I the fact that my first thought was I could

annihilate that child in one sentence thank you I could ruin them I think it's very endearing by the way I liked it a lot oh I'm pleased brother yeah the picture you mean yeah okay yeah not not the man screaming at me on the bike No, no, that was horrible. Sorry. You came in much later in the conversation, having not said anything. And so the listener won't know what you meant. Oh, I think it's very endearing that that man's scared.

Okay, good. Are we ready to bring on our guest? Yeah, but do you want to tell me what you've been up to real quick? Oh. What have I been up to? You don't have to. Can I tell you a terrifying thing about, well, I don't know when this is coming out. Andrew, when is...

This will be out of sync, but listen... It'll be out on the 10th of July. Oh, okay, fine. In two weeks. Well, today... Why did that make me gasp? Because we are both such good listeners. I had the night of gasp.

Not today. Okay, so before today, the longest I've ever gone without doing a gig, I think... That's genuine. Thank you. I think is two and a half weeks in ten years. but as of today I have gone 10 and a half weeks without doing a gig

not because I'm trying to get clean but because as you know I was doing this acting job yeah on today is Wednesday on Friday I have my first gig back yeah

it is hosting Soho Walthamstow which is like fucking huge maybe like a thousand seeder or something and what's the protocol if I need to burp um

the please thank you for answering Andrew. That's all right. And I paused because I've never done that. So I was like, uh, whereas Andrew's like, oh, no, it's just, you knew because you, that was a man who spoke from experience. Did you panic burp?

Oh, okay. It's separate. It's a busy drink. That makes sense. Yeah, let me, how is that rhubarb and apple business? Okay. Um, and so, all of which is to say just that I have, most of my week has been like, talking myself off a ledge because it turns out when you don't do our job for two and a half months,

your body is like, who, who, what? that be your job. That's an insane. Don't do that. Yeah. That's crazy. What do you mean? You're just going to go out there and talk to them?

The reason that we don't take a break is because when you do take a break, you realize how fucking mental it is. And terrifying. And I personally believe, from personal experience, doing a bigger one is going to be better than doing the Bill Murray. Okay. So I agree because I, I love the Bill Murray, but I do agree. Claire, my sweet agent was like, do you want to like put in a smaller gig beforehand just to

kind of warm yourself up and I was like I actually think that I will be so petrified I'll either pull out of that or tank it I just need like I need there to be a reason like a physical impetus to get out and do it you're gonna ace it and you'll feel so amazing afterwards for being like yeah I can do that I hope so but I but wow the fear is so I can like even talking about it my palms are sweaty when you host something because I host a lot of stuff as well yeah do you I guess like maybe for the listener at home like maybe it's boring

but the theory is is that as a host like it's warming up the crowd and doing crowd work is one of those things but you should also do some material so that they're used to listening

and hearing material so do you walk out and do material and then chat to them yes yeah so have you prepared what you're gonna because that's gonna be great

because if you do like five to seven minutes of material then that will be what it takes to like settle you down remind that you can do it I think it will be resisting the urge to go into the crowd to cop out of the material because that's what I do when I'm in fear.

But yeah, I think you owe it to the other acts on the bill to do material, I think, because otherwise everyone just acts like, oh, a comic is here. My job is to talk to them. And you're like, no, no, your job is to enjoy the show. We went different ways with it, but yes. But yes. Anyway, that's what's been going on for me. what else have I been up to um oh I got a personal trainer oh how's that it's been amazing who are

they what are they like her name's kira and she's she's a friend of ellens and now a friend of mine and she trains football teams usually but she has oh i think i know kira yeah and so she's been training to become a PT and she has a real calisthenics focus and now i can do well almost i can do assisted pull-ups, which I couldn't do before. I can do lots of regular push-ups, which I couldn't do before. And I just feel I've never had anyone resist my vanity so much before and purely focus on, because you're so focused on calisthenics, it's all about function. So like everything's about old me.

And for ages, I think I talked about on this podcast and then very sweetly, several people were like, go to hospital. but we've been doing loads of work on my grip. Grip. I almost ate the mic grip. That was such a lesbian brag. Grip. But we have been doing, and so my hands are in a lot less pain, which is exciting.

And yeah, it got me through Tenerife because I had a little, a lot of time by myself, but I had a little routine. And it's been wicked. I know what to do when I walk in a gym now. Usually I hate it in there. I can go to anybody's and now I'm like I know what's up yeah that's so cool

I'm taking creatine and I know what it's for now listen the second day in a row that I've sat in this room and someone's told me that they're taking creatine who said it yesterday

um Taylor from drunk women solving crime oh I didn't know you're here yesterday she's on the creatine yeah it's good for muscle recovery post work out

and more interestingly I think the research shows and there is lots of research around it which is actually nice that it has impact on brain function and specifically this is what she said she said her memory's been insane yeah she's been firing on

all cylinders it really helped me with learning lines and apparently it's very good for women in particular around the peri menopausal stage but there's like proof that it helps with things like now I can't remember the word help me well we don't even know we couldn't

I couldn't even dementia is that what you is that the royal you were really reaching for yeah and the other one outside thank you my brain's been amazing guys I'm killing it but no obviously I forgot those words but um but that's funny so it's fine it is a laugh and a half is what I thank you no but truly like I as listeners know I often can't remember a film that I've brought up or like the name of the person that I suggested we talk about so yeah it's been helpful great and it's really good for muscle recovery okay well maybe

have that. Do you get it in powder form? I get it in powder form. And you pop it in a little glass of water? No, I always put mine in a post workout smooth. I always shut it. I always snort it through my nose. Yeah. Oh, I wish I was like cool, but no, I wouldn't know how to do that. Lovely. Shall we introduce our guests? Hell yeah. I wish to play siblings with him sometime. I mean, I'd like us to play siblings on a TV show and not like to play the game siblings. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, I think he's the best man. I think he's the only man with more, only person I've ever seen with more freckles than me. Okay, we've, we like different things about him.

Yes, I like the person to look like me. And I like the person to be the most special chap in the universe. Well, they're both pretty unachievable. Nonetheless, he manages to be the one intersection to both of those things. It's the incredible Adam Drey! When I bought my last car, I felt totally overwhelmed. Is this the right price? Can I trust this listing? But this time around, I used car gurus, and honestly, it changed everything. With over 4 million listings, they've got more options than any other major online automotive marketplace in the U.S. That means more choice and less pressure. What really helped me were their unbiased deal ratings. Car gurus clearly tells you if it's a good deal or not, and I loved the price drop alerts. I watched a cargo for maybe to must buy overnight. Shopping with car gurus gave me confidence, not confusion. Car gurus will connect you with trusted dealerships when you're ready, making the whole process transparent and hassle-free.

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Over 60,000 businesses use Open Phone. Try it now and get 20% off your first six months at openphone.com slash business. And we can port your existing numbers over for free. Open phone, no missed calls, no missed customers. Hi, Adam Drake. Hello, Catherine Beaux. Oh my God, you're the only, I was saying beforehand,

you're like the only one more red-headed and maybe more freckled than I. We talked about freckles before and how you get them on like, did you know this? You get freckles on like bits of your body that haven't got sun on them ever. But also not on sun. Yes. Yeah. There's bits of my body that have like never been exposed to sun and they've got freckles on them.

My butt. Name the bits. Just say butt. It's butt. You got freckly anus? Yeah. Not a freckly anus, but. I said that as if I'd seen yours.

I was like, no, he doesn't. But yeah, I get freckles on my butt. But like, I don't think it's, is it a sun thing? It can't be a something then. It's just. It is a sun thing in that I get a lot more and they get a lot darker in the sun. Yeah. But like on your butt as well.

Do they get darker on your butt? My butt's not out in the sun. What the hell is what I mean? So you just have freckles, but they also get darker when everywhere else has got darker? Is that what you were trying to tell me? I'm saying yes to that. Really? No, that's not true. But what is a frackle? It's melanin.

And that's like a, after you. Isn't it something in your skin that provides color? It's like people who have darker skin, they have more melanin? Hmm. Okay. Well, am I wrong? What's a freckle, Andrew? Yes, melanin is a pigment that determines the color of skin hair and eyes in humans and animals, produced by cells called malanquites, varies between individuals. There you go.

Are freckles caused by the sun? If not, what's hell? No, I don't think they're caused by the sun. I think they're, like, made darker by the sun. But in Irish, you call a freckle a pogini grania, which just means kiss of the sun. Wow, I never knew that. And I'm Irish, half Irish.

Yeah. But I just don't think that you can trust the Irish. No, that's not. Wow. That's not why. I was just being hell of it. I'm really sorry you're here for this. I forgot that I was supposed to be on your side.

Yeah, you did because you were loving that. Yeah, I was really. And when you say, you were side, you mean our side, our side. When the Irish gag start, you're on your own, CB. It is genetic. Yeah, but they get darker in the sun. That's true of all skin, though. Yeah, exactly.

But I get more of them in this song. Oh, because it is also, it is a combination of genetics and sun exposure. Right. Okay. Okay. So exist in brackles get dark. Parker in the sun. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't understand why we're having this conversation for so long. What do you mean? Whoa, someone doesn't have freckles in the bed. Do you sound jealous?

Yeah, I don't know. So your arms are really freckly. Are they, is this because of the sun? That must surely the sun. Because I don't remember you getting, being this freckles last time I saw you. Wow, is it?

It's crazy to have interrupted Andrew's explanation to say that you couldn't believe we're still having this conversation and then to say, I wonder why that's happening when he just said why. I didn't interrupt.

Andrew was totally done and then you carried on So what's your arm saying Wow You've got very like picturesque frackles What do you think? Yeah I think I've just been away loads

And I've got loads of them I think yours are good Mine are kind of like quite I've got like pale frackles I love them though Because I have to go and get my skin sort of pinky In order to have these

Whereas I think yours is I think you've both beautiful Also you have the perfect framing On your face They're like dappled just on your temples and forehead whereas mine are like everywhere I think I'm a bit all or nothing with freckles

I'd rather sort of they took over the card you're lucky you have them on your lips I have got one on my lip there it's nice and there it's lovely and there there oh shit it's lovely have you got any freckles

no what I've got moles I have a lot of moles but no freckles I don't got none I don't got none freckles do you get them if you get them you go in the sun? No, no, I go, like, I go a bit brown now, but not very. I just stay quite white.

I go red and then back to white, yeah. Is there red hair in your family? No, none. Same. Yeah, none. My younger sister's got red hair. So it goes, me, my younger brother, brown hair, my younger sister, red hair. Right.

But no, like, old, what are they called old people? That's what they're called? What are they called? Ancestors. Ancestors? Yeah, there's no ancestors on record. I reckon there's probably like a picture of your family from like the Regency era. And there's just some like dapper gentleman that looks exactly like you. I mean, I'll take it.

I don't reckon that you, well, would you think you would have been gentlemen in the Regency era? What is the Regency era? Just after the Victorians. Jane Austen. Okay. I was going to say Bridgeton. I think we weren't, I wasn't, none of my. lot, we're over here then.

Yeah, I was just thinking, like, if you're Irish, they wouldn't have been rich on if they were rich. Oh, wait, hang on. They were in South Africa and Ireland. Yeah. Maybe they were a gentleman. And by that, I mean villains of them. What do you mean?

Oh, Catherine's turning now. Yeah. Wait, what do you mean? Well, I mean, if you're, were they English in Ireland or were they Irish in Ireland? They must have been Irish. Fine. Surely.

As you were. Okay, you can come, come beyond my side. They were definitely Irish. Okay, that's fine. Carry on. Because a lot of my like elders have got Irish accents. Okay, we'll allow us. Whoa, you suddenly know the word for elders.

Yeah. And safety. Good, good, good, good. Okay, before you got here, we were remarking on the fact that you arrived with a iced coffee and a diet coat. Yeah. Everything okay? I'd rather, my dream would be an iced coffee, a diet Coke, a sparkling water. and some kind of like fruit drink. We weren't remarking on the number of drinks.

We were remarking on the amount of caffeine. Yeah, that's so much thing that you were like... 4.30. Well, the logic is I cycled here. And normally when I cycle, there's like a kind of crash. Okay. How long a cycle was it? 40 minutes.

Okay. In my initial, I thought you said four minutes. It was like, wow. Crash. 40 minutes. I don't think I could cycle for 40 minutes. That's very impressive. Well done.

I thought it would have me be present for when I'm here, but I feel quite like up here still. I still feel like that's not you, that's us. We haven't made you, we haven't settled with you, we haven't settled you, or we've wronged you from the beginning. Yeah, I was like, what's up with your skin and where are you actually from? Yeah, that's not your name. Yeah, what's your name? Okay, hey, how about we start over?

Hey, buddy, you're welcome and safe here. Thank you. Well done on cycling all the way. Do you have to bring all this stuff in every time? Yeah, we have to reset it every time because other people make podcasts in this space. Can you believe that? That's crazy. What else records here?

drunk women solving crime oh wow we don't know anyone else but they only let they only let the messy women in that's true you can't have a special day you gotta be a bawdy broad this is quite so you you have to sort of get like a little suitcase and ship it all in yeah we leave it here Andrew what look at me at being like yes what do we do Andrew it all goes into a bag for life and then gets shoved in the corner of the studio and then very kindly is off here and the audio always team set it up before we arrive. Try not to be intimidated by the glamour of that. Wow, that is, yeah.

All for you. All for you, my darling. I can't believe I thought this was paper. Yeah, you thought the signs on the back were paper. Yeah. I thought they were like, like a poster. I thought it was like, um, say I'm like selling like, uh, insurance. I might come to your, like, like, what kind of insurance?

Like window, like window breakage insurance. Window insurance. Yeah, I might like come to your, like, office and like, get out. Like, it's like, one of, like, one of, like, like, though you don't want to say no I just like the idea I just I'm already bemused I'm already like here comes this guy into my office

and he's talking about window insurance it's double glazing and he's wearing shorts it's double glazing I have okay great I'm sure you're double glazed windows double glazed windows and we and it's like a and then you do that

and it's like a yeah I know exactly I don't know the name for that yeah I know what you mean do you know the name for that no but I wouldn't even know how to begin to Google that either No. Piece of paper held up by a pole that you can, that's portable, Andrew. But it's not piece of paper. Sign. Portable sign. Portable sign. Portable pop-up sign. Portable pop-up

sign. Portable pop-up sign. Portable pop-up sign. Tall sign. For window. Are you getting this? Yeah. Banners? Pop-up banner. That'll do. I'll tell you. There's a kind of also mechanic involved of like, you know, there's like, I can cycle. I can cycle. You know there's like banners, not banners, like wrist things and you do like that. You have no confidence in anything that you've said in the last two minutes. Not banning. No, not so. Wait, where are we now?

What's happening? So this is, I feel like those, the tool window banners, there's a mechanic in them that is similar to the mechanic of like those things that you put on your wrist. I see. And they're like cyclical, slap ban. Like a, like a tape measure. Like you think that if you let it go,

it's snapping. Yeah, yeah. I think that's involved. Angry, is that involved? Yeah, can you try that? On his phone. I don't think that is the same mechanic. No, no, I understand what's going on here. Yeah. You don't like to talk about your feelings. But you are going to have to tell us how you are, what's been going on.

I don't like to talk about anything to do myself. Would I be right in saying, actually, let's go there, first of all. How many, how times would you say you've been on a podcast? Zero. Is it the first one? The first and last time I'll ever go on a book. Popping your pot cherry. Well, no, not your last already?

You're deciding that? Well, no, I'm still, the jury's out. so far away from the microphone. Come close. He's he's going to break down. Adam, we need to be able to hear you.

So for context, we should say why we booked Adam because you've got nothing to plug. Well, I've got a bit of a plug to plug. He has so much to plug. And also, he's, you are a comic performer.

Yeah. You are... That hates being looked out. Yeah, he doesn't want to... And I get that. But for the audience, you are in Taro, everybody's favorite improv group. Would you say improv or sketch? I mean, improv's tough to hear.

I'd say sketch. Okay. To be fair, if you've improvised... Everyone's favorite sketch group. If you improvised those sketches that I saw last year, I would have been like, these people are geniuses. But there is a real improvisational quality to it, because your show changes every single day. I know that it's like you have a bunch of sketches, but I feel like the show by its nature

is also somewhat improvised. Yeah, I think there's like a lot of... like I mean it's sort of scripted basically but you could you know we're kiri and ben who direct it are always sort of trying to get us to like address stuff that happens in the room which you do loads of that's why I would say like it's both yeah and and we are like I don't know if you you have this on stage but we are the idea of like an audience that don't do anything weird is so is held to me yes yes oh we're all very similar in that way yeah I really want an audience that are like really benevolent and on your side but like really weird and like weird noises and like little like

objects like a guy who keeps moving but he's not leaving little moving and leaving I kind of want them to like move as a unit yeah what those audiences where they're all individuals you're just like no no no come together and be a collective audience yeah together yeah totally with little idiosyncrasies my favorite thing is to be able to profile an audience and be like Wednesday night you're a bunch of feral cunts like it's amazing when you're able to say that yeah yeah interesting yeah I tend to split them up I tend to put them against each other I'm honest divide them rule yeah what you're trying to do with me and Adam it is exactly that I'm trying to think when I saw you in the best in the Brits I'm trying

think when I saw you're all quite on your side then that was uh you saw a weird gig where um oh that was very sweet actually Adam came to see my show in Edinburgh which is very nice but Ellen was in and obviously cared deeply about the show had worked on it with me and also respects Adam so much. And then I had a weird to even, I would say, maybe one of my worst shows of the run. And Ellen knew the show so well that like, this first thing I did was forget the top.

Like I just said the wrong thing up the top. And then it really threw myself off. And I could see her and I could see her knowing that Adam was in it afterwards. I could just tell that she was let down, not because I had a bad show, but because Adam didn't see a great one. And I was like,

I'm sorry, babe. But you were very nice about it. But wait. So why did you forget the beginning? Because you knew that Elam was in? No, because there is a point in Edinburgh every year where you've said the same thing over and over and over again. It's like a blas anus almost. I would say it's partly a blaséinous.

It's partly a you disconnect or disassociate from the material because you're like, and sometimes you come into the show. I was doing it twice a day most days as well at that fringe because it. it sold well and I was doing a short run and I was just lucky but it meant that like I would reappear in my body

and be like what have I said? Did I say that? And usually you can trust that your muscle memory is looked after you but there are moments where it hasn't

no because you're so tired as well yeah I was really like and I was probably quite intimidated that you were in and but yeah I think I just I don't know what happened

but I love that you would think I would remember and also that gave me a real insight to you as a director because it was like why did you leave it out like it wasn't on purpose it wasn't i can tell you that much i want just for chips and giggles why did you make bad decision like that why did you miss do you care about art at all yeah why would you

why did you get it wrong ever i'm just wondering so you do you want an audience that are kind of a bit like giving you a bit of business of course of course it's the only way i'm in the room otherwise i completely leave my body i do disassociate on stage quite a bit and yeah if if people are then I have to be there and I love it. When you say, like, welcome to the stage and then your name, how, like, how, like, he's taking over the podcast now? He's taking over. That's fine.

I feel very safe. He's a trusty hog. He's the captain now. Do you want, like, full electric whoops? Yeah, 100%. I want to walk out saying, you're welcome. I don't want to go out, you're welcome, but I do want to feel like, okay, okay, they meant to, they didn't accidentally come to this show.

They meant to be here. like woohoo it's going to be good like a bit of trust a bit of trust what about you i want a kind of seven out of ten i want a kind of a bit of skepticism a bit of we heard this was good now prove it but we're we want you to succeed um interesting i have a question for you i hope that you can opt out of answering it's a personal question how does ego work for you in your work because you're one of the most least you're one of the least egotistic people i've ever met and maybe are bad at receiving compliments I would argue but like you literally have made a job out of going out and being looked at so how does that work what where what there's

a tension point there for me yeah I guess with Tara with we're all being so weird that it doesn't really feel like I'm being myself yeah yeah I don't really do you do you want the applause though do you like it and the laughter I think I I I love like hang out with my friends and like, you know, I could do tarot to an empty room with those two and have a great time. The laughter is like, why do I want to do it? I guess the laughter is like, you're not mad for thinking this is worth your time. Yeah.

You don't believe me. I don't believe you because when I watch you on stage, you are incredibly receptive to the audience. It's not like watching a play. where you go and you're like this will be the same if we weren't here you are so cheeky when you're on stage in your 90s you're so receptive they were they were they were 90s and we don't know why everyone always asks us why I mean you don't really know why but you're so you take note and I watch you clock something for later and I watch you enjoy when they enjoy that you've been clever that okay that's maybe true so which is but but I don't think the

dichotomy is, I don't think the binary is ego or it doesn't matter to me at all. I just like tying out with my friends. I do think it's like, you look like a person who very, in fact, the three of you have this quality, I could be wrong, where it looks like genuinely you're flattered when everyone laughs. Yeah, that's true. It's like, it's like, it's like nice to hear, like you say that it's important that people actually don't think you're crazy. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. We love. We love like yeah I think the more we can interact with an audience the better it is like when we our first show was we had like nine tarot cards up at the back that were numbered and then we were like we'll do an ancient chant to decide what tarot cards you want to pick and each

corresponded to sketches and the chant was brucey Bruce C so we like put our hand along the cards and then whatever one was loudest brucey we we pick and the best shows are the one where we'd get through like two of them, two or three of them. And if we were getting through, like, if we were kind of bringing on like 10 and 11 from the wings, it's always like quite a rough show because you, yeah, you just want. But I think I watch people do improv and I'm like, I would love to be able to do that.

But you can. You 100% can. But like when I look at like, you know, Kyle or Emma or like load of, like I'm like, God, I'd love to be able to do that. But that I think is, I mean, I come out and I go, I could do that. I should have time. yeah but i yeah but most of talent is application like you know the best guitarists in the world

are only good because like they really wanted to do it so by the way adam directs chloe's shows in case you're like what is this nerd conference they're talking about process because they talk about process which i really enjoy but if you don't enjoy process then you're listening to the wrong podcast today we can talk about sign house um no that wasn't it that wasn't it although i still I haven't got a question to why you're having a coconut coffee at 5pm

because I thought that I'd have a crash after the bike Yeah But you're not scared to stay up all night because you stay up all night I don't really need much sleep

How much do you get? Are you on like a Thatcher diet of sleep? I'm a bit Thatcher Yeah I'm a bit Mr Thatcher Four hours and you stole children's milk I mean your wife makes your dinner No matter how long a day she's had

And I'm mended ice cream I'm a bit Yeah like I could do all right on four that's mental six is like six is kind of ideal and eight is like I'm almost more tired when I get eight interesting yeah because we will like when Adam's always busy and when I need him he'll be like I can fit you when it's six a.m. I'm like you don't want to be working at six a I'm like no I do I want to be up at work at six am. What I'm eating is always at eight eight am yeah that's what I mean me I negotiate him to eight to eight yeah but are you the kind of person

who can work all of those hours or is it that you work best in the morning and late at and it's the middle that you have an issue with because wildly you can't surely can't work from six to two I do love I love my job so much I love like doing comedy so it doesn't really feel like work yeah

you don't believe me again I do but that one I just I'm like you have to understand that I feel tired on nine my dream is 11 I can cope with 9 8 I'm struggling 7 I'm subhuman wow

I listen to a Dakota Johnson interview to sort of get warmed up for this. You're giving Dakota. That actually makes so much sense to me. That makes so much sense. Are you basing your performance on Dakota Johnson? I won't matter, Razzie. I did invite you to my birthday party.

And you just love lines. Listen, I watch the girls' content too. Go on. And she gets 13 hours a night. That's too much. Have you seen her skin? It's too much. Have you seen her skin?

Her skin would be fantastic even if she didn't have 13 hours. She's a globally famous superstar. There'll be other ways to make her skin look good. I think I'd get just bored. I think I'd be bored in my sleep. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I've like really, like, as soon as I'm asleep,

I have like Michael Bay level dreams every single night. What's going on in there? So explosive and, like, romantic. Which Michael Bay? Are we talking like Transformers or are we talking good Michael Bay? When was he good? Okay, fair enough I think there's

that Venn diagram is one circle Yeah And it's like Incredibly dramatic Like people that I've forgotten From my past Or like

Like come up to me Like really scary news Then I'll lose everything Then like something bad to happen So I'll often like wake up And then something bad at I think we just saw it then

That's the warm up So yeah I don't know I think I couldn't handle 13 hours of that Well no because that sounds so traumatic You're white knuckling through sleep.

Yeah, it's a lot. It's too long. I don't know. Like what, yeah, I don't know. That's, that's my sleep. Adam, that's so sad. I don't think it's sad if it works for him. I think it's sad that your rest time isn't restful.

I do find it restful. Oh, the Michael Bay dreams, right? Yeah. I do, I do, almost I look forward to it because it's like very. Really? What's going to happen tonight? Oh, it's film time. But if it's all people you know,

do you ever wake up with like weird, light and tanguant, over feelings of like anxiety or anger towards the people that you know even though that didn't really happen very rarely that used to happen yeah in the past do we ever do anything together in dreams yeah you must pop up in my dreams a lot that would be so cool but I think you'll you'll be like on my side you don't clearly because that's why he's saying you must do otherwise I just think you make such a wonderful crime fighting duo yeah we'll be a bit sort of molder and scully about it I think in my dreams that's a really good choice really good choice Who, which one are you?

I'll be, which one's which. Mulders, Gillian. What are we talking about? X-Files. No, I ain't in it, sorry. But you know Gillian? No. Anderson.

Yeah. Yeah. This was her like breakout role, her and David Docovney? Yeah. Yeah, so you're Jillian and I'm David de Kovny. I can tell you that without even knowing the content. Just because of the hair color?

No, because of our whole vibe. Vives, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're a hit with the lesbians as well. a sensual little lady i mean i'll take that's i can't think of a high compliment i know that's nice the lesbians love you they do they really do um okay so you like doing sketch would do it otherwise i love it it it's so fun i mean there's no like there's no market for sketch and there's no like financial imperative it doesn't make my parents

proud there's no reason there's no reason to do it everything in the world is like don't do this thing other than our enjoyment of it and I love working with those two. They're so great as well. With Ed and Kath, yeah, it's crazy how good they are. I'm still, even though I'm dating a sketch comic whenever someone says like, yeah, we just do it like for fun to spend time with their friends.

I'm like, what are you not saying? It's a very, very expensive hobby. Yeah, I'm like, what are you? It's a really expensive hobby. It's like paying like 400 pounds a time for rock climbing. Exactly. You're not even getting fitter. Without losses.

Exeter, naming no names. Oh, what happened in Exeter? It was just a sort of simple case of single digit figures. At the Phoenix? At the, oh, possibly. It was one where the seats like go into the wall. And they will wait until you get there to push them into the wall. Oh, that's tough.

Don't worry, we can do cabaret seating. I love that. They made you watch. And then the sound... Don't worry, we can do cabaret seating, which is one table with six people. There's such a specific sound. I know that sound where they push the chairs back in any venue

that is like the slowest, longest, saddest drag sound where you just think like, fuck, it's mournful almost as they push them back. And every, like, there's lots of, like, joints in one of those seats. You've got, like, the top, like, folds flat. Yeah. And then each arm, like, has it so... Flat.

And then each row goes into the next row. And each row goes down the joints of the other one. So it's, yeah, it's a lot of sort of the cliques, you know, the graveyard of cliques of people that haven't bought tickets to us. But it was a great, the audience that came were lovely. Yeah? How many? Did you know them?

I mean, you know, it's not, you can on one hand, which you could, how many came? But I... Were they more sketch group members than there were audience members? It was nudging, yeah. that it was, you know, you just had to tap the scale and it would have balanced. Could you do battle sketch ever? That's a good idea.

Yeah, you and Brittany could do a battle sketch. That'd be fun. It was a battle sketch. I guess it's like a battle wrap or like a dance battle. It was a battle wrap. Although like eight mile. Yeah, like you one person could do a sketch and you'd be like, you think that's a sketch? And then you could also do a sketch about the same theme.

I'm workshopping it. They're all so nice that it would just be like, you win. No, Chloe, what I'm going to do is take this thing that Adam's telling me has no market. make it more niche bear with me i think we can sell it we'll find a way what doesn't appeal to me personally is that we'd have to like wrap a no no no no no there we no rap it would be sketches like competitive sketching okay yeah yeah but we're responding via the sketches yeah or you just bring your best sketches and go your eye started to go there like it was like a twitch you were like you i can't make you do this i won't make you do this are you competitive uh uh

I don't think I am you know I don't think you are I don't think I am I don't know what it's like I've never had brain freeze and when people are like what do you never had brain freeze and they describe it

I'm like I'm so sure I must have have brain freeze but I've never had brain freeze and when people describe being competitive I don't I can't like relate to it like if someone what would it be like if I audition for something and then what would it be

someone like I'm a sweet boy and then someone like got it but I'd just be like I wouldn't feel I'd be like I would have loved to do that but I wouldn't be like like come at you about the other person

Did you do sport at school? No what? Is that not? What? We were, we looked like this in school and we were just trying to stay safe. That's like we just met today. No, I didn't think you did but like I feel like

I feel like you could have been entrapped one time into doing At my school you could if you wanted to you could not do games and then go and reads to the kids at the local primary school. And so I was tearing through Peter Rabbit. Yeah, I mean, had I known that that was an option in your biography, then that's obviously what I would have chosen.

In my school, that wasn't an option, so I started a petition signed exclusively by me, but so passionately done that the teachers were just like, just go to the library, if that's what you prefer. Catherine, no one minds if you don't. And I did that. And then I became the only voluntary student librarian. Yeah.

I was playing dodgeball hitting the bullies in the head. Yikes. Does it count if you... Yeah, you can hit anywhere on their body. Different rules. Different rules, but on this game you could hit them anywhere in the body.

What I'm about to ask you is also going to sound like we've only just met, but I want to be clear that this is part of the podcast, which I assume you've never listened to. I've seen clips. And that's what I thought would be the case. No, absolutely. Why? I've never listened.

Yeah, but you participate. So you're kind of constantly listening. But here he is. He's participating. How many of you done now? This is episode 196. 194. That's crazy.

So a lot. How have you done them all, Andrew, from the beginning? I'm not necessarily being in for everyone, but yeah, I've been in from ground zero. But we answer listener problems, and so I need to ask you in advance. And I think I know the answer to this, but do people come to you for advice often? I'd say, yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. I would say so too. You have the burden of being like a softly spoken sober person. Am I like to say that on the podcast? Yeah, you say what? And I think that means that three drinks in, everyone's like, Adam will solve my problem. Is that right?

But I really get like, no one ever, my dream is that someone comes to me and is like, here's something I'm finding difficult, can you help me? No, that never happens. More often people are like sort of wanting to get there. But I mean, I do the same. I'll like talk around something. I'll never like, I'll never go to a friend and be like, I really need your advice or your support.

I think you've once done that for me in relation to a date and I was so rude that you were like, I'm going to never ask you that again. I don't remember this. I asked me your advice after a date. Not advice after a date. You were like talking about planning a date and then I was so dismissive because a different person had just bumped into me and spilled their entire drink time. So I was in a bad mood. And then you got the brunt of it. I remember. And then I walked away and being. like I'm a kent and I'm also covered in this person's drink that was crazy yeah and I'm sorry about that that was mad well that's one that lives in my brain for free what I was so I remember that so this person can say it was no can you don't come out to me a comedian which one a comedian a comedian

friend of the pod let's not say um no no no it wasn't you we'll tell you after that's not central this part. This isn't making for better podcasting. Right on my hands. Oh my God, Chloe. You have going to ask the podcast. The people who are listening aren't going to get to find out. So let's just... Yeah, okay. Sorry. Sorry for laboring the point. So a comedian spill their drink down you. Having done that thing that sometimes men do where they stand too close to you, so you just keep having to back away because apparently you don't need space too. And eventually I was like against the wall and they came even closer and then spilled their bucking whole beer

down me, but didn't even seem to notice. And so therefore, I didn't... I don't know, but they didn't apologize and I was so sticky and mad. Yeah. And also I was having one of those days where like I was struggling being like maybe outside

and also like I had made a real effort to get dressed up and like show I had a body and like be there. Yeah, and then he poured the beer down my body. And I was actually starting to feel like, okay, maybe I'll look a bit and then I was like, okay, now I'm covered in beer. But you weren't with Ellen at this point.

I was with Ellen. Ellen was... Oh, you were asking about the date. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I miss. I don't remember was Ellen. Anyway, I was so, why it sticks in my memory is that your whole, like, to quote Gen Z aura changed after the drink was spilled, but it was in a completely, like, non-specific way. Yeah.

It was like, like, if I spilt a drink down you, you might still be cool with you, but not cool with me, but your whole, like, energy completely changed to everyone around you. Yeah, I was like. Including this person. Yeah. So this person was, like, they could have left thinking, oh, wow, Catherine got some. bad news that was unrelated to...

Yeah, when actually I was a person with OCD, like really... I was having like a borderline panic attack. Wow, I didn't know that. And you thought, oh yeah, it's a perfect time to ask about a date. No, but he couldn't have known that. He couldn't know that. But I would say that, I think that it was a really good...

Yeah, because I left and I think I was like, oh God, have I annoyed her with the question about the day. And that is unfortunately how I... My high functioning OCD presents is that I will become tense, clipped, even combative, bit rude, people go away being like, yikes, she's a bit of a bit of a bit. And I'm trying to not rip my skin off, scream, cry. Anyway, sorry, that's probably too much, but I am sorry that that happened.

So was it the drink, like, triggered? Is that the right word, the OCD? To be, Gen Z about it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it just made, it was suddenly like, I need to get it off me, I need to get it off me, I need to get it off me, and I can't be, I can't be talking to people, and I can't believe more people are going to touch me with. stuff and I can't I everything's just I could feel it like burning on my skin and it was more about like your body than it was about this person that had done this thing oh my god 100% it was like

physical sensation you almost when annoyed it the person almost I was annoyed that they hadn't apologize but I was mainly just like obsessed with the physical sensation like it was like so loud for me yeah that I was just and then I and then I'm no longer in a conversation I'm dealing with people yeah which is not nice least favorite texture on you? Sticky. Sticky. Sticky is a real one for me.

I really can't bear it if I ever put my hand on anything like, I can be like going along functioning in the world and then if I, if it's something sticky, it reminds me that everything's gross and that people are sick and that I could be touching it and blah blah blah blah. And then I get like overwhelmed. Yeah. You? Swade.

Really? Not suede, velvet. Melvette. Velvet That was going to be my I hate velvet It feels like It's like leaving stuff

I hate it Oh I've got shadows Some people have velvet Sofers I like velvet As a feeling I've got I've got

Yeah I don't feel good How do you feel If you were like out And you were with a hot girl And then she showed up With a velvet dress on Pooh Not good

If it's If it's velvet over But I guess we got to take That dress up Maybe Could I just say Could I just say

One of my Who is he? No, no, no, what you have to understand about Adam Drake? The thing about talking about ego earlier

The thing about Adam Drake is he can fucking switch it on because we were I was in Edinburgh last year in the courtyard and Adam is obviously

my director We were very close and I was sat with these incredibly beautiful American women Yeah in Pleasant's courtyard

Yeah And I see Adam who also knows these girls I'm like, Adam, he comes over and then switches it on in a way which was totally unbelievable. He's like, it's like finger guns, it's like little winks, like driving the girls crazy. I was like, who's this fucker? I had a trillby in my past.

Yeah, it's so funny to say that. Chloe was talking about being a teenager who wore a trillby earlier. Did you wear a trillby as a teenager? Yeah, in my Christian rock band. Oh my God. You know about this. I don't think I knew about a Christian rock band Adam, it's literally in my current show

Which he's listening to Was it in the Wales recording? Maybe not actually, but I've added it in Listen to the Bristol recording Maybe you could do your admin on your own time It's a fantastic question But you have to understand This chat can turn it on for the ladies

I understand it I mean I feel bad because you never really get to show it off to me Because any time you're at a social gathering with me where I'm not like having a mental breakdown I'm like somehow asking you if you would give us your sperm if you wanted to have a baby

and Adam's like you've asked me this before we don't need to do it every time and I'm like just checking in what I actually say is it would be an honour and you can't get my hopes up like that again

it's so nice but don't you think Adam looks like both of us it's perfect there's few couples that would you know get it out of me quicker than that means the world Could I have some if I wanted it?

Yeah. Right. But not an honour or a privilege, but yeah. Yeah, you could. I guess, I guess with, well, I guess with these two, I know what their setup is. As in, I know both of them. I don't know, I don't know your partner that well. I don't know if you'd do it.

We also don't want to have children. So maybe you're responding to that. Maybe I'm picking up on that. Yeah. You're all trying to like force a couple. I'm a sperm into my hand. Yeah, no, honestly, no sweat whatsoever. Give it to Catherine. Come on.

It's all right, mate. I don't want it. I've got 40 minutes like, I could, oh, my God. Do you think you'd actually ask someone you knew? I don't know, and I certainly know that we are now in territory where my alarm is going where I'm like, Ellen would no want me to be talking about this. I'm going to say, I'm going to tell you, I'm not going to have kids, but if I'm having kids, I'm asking Ed Gamble.

Oh, my God. I want a fucking massive kid. Amazing sperm. Wow. Do you think? Yeah, I think that would be really solid stuff. I don't know if he'd give it to me, but I'm asking. Is it because that's so funny that we've both chosen men who look a bit like us.

You think I look like Ed Gamble? Yeah, and you've got the tants and stuff. Do you put tats on the hereditary? But you've got brown hair. The baby would come out with a sleeve, surely. Yeah, the baby would be like tall and brown with brown hair. Yeah. and a bit cheeky.

Yeah. And I want curly-haired redhead with freckles and a complicated relationship with their own urge to perform. Wow. Well, that's, look, I mean, like throw all that in the bin and get a gamble spoon.

That maybe would be so nice and personable. But it wouldn't be me. Do you think you have to like, if, say you went to a gamble and we're like, can we have your sperm? Yeah. Do you think you would have to, Is there like an expectation on the you in that situation to like pay him or like offer?

Are you trying to negotiate by proxy? I'll be like, look, if you want one cup of spunk, I'll do your tour support for free. Wait, what are you? Are you suddenly charging? No, I'm asking like, is it, is it, is there any like roadmap for like asking a friend? Yeah, I think, I think, yeah, you go like, obviously you'd be in the child's life but you wouldn't be there. primary carer, there'd be no expectation for you to, like, be there. I don't know.

I think it's different for lots of people. Some people are like, that's, we don't want you at all. Some people do want them in something. If you're asking a mate, then like, you're not going to suddenly be like, sorry, Adam, like, I just need you spunk and then you're off. Oh, yeah, totally. Like some people want different levels of, I don't know. I say this.

I haven't actually done it yet. So I don't really know. But in terms of pay, I don't know if you're legally allowed to pay. Are you allowed to pay a sperm donor, Andrew? Are you asking for money? is it's just for you're trying to say it would be an honour to give me this birth right an honour and a privilege

do you make a checkout now or also we forgot the point of all of this which is to say people ask you for advice with who what kind of advice giver are you I think I'll be led by the person asking I think it depends on like sometimes people more often than not people just want to kind of feel heard I think

Adam you were a wonderful advice giver yeah you are I think like you're maybe one of the closest to like a therapist that I've ever encountered because I feel like you do that thing where you're just like, hmm, that's so interesting. And I'm like, it's not, I don't think it's interesting, but you made me feel good about what I said. That's what I find I'm, it's quite hard to like phase me by something. Like there's not a lot that like, I can't remember the last time someone told me like a story I was shocked by. Yeah.

Yeah. I totally agree. I'll rarely have a like, reaction to something. that I'm told. And I feel like you're genuinely intrigued, which I think... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love hearing about it. Wow.

But they might be like... If someone's like, what do you think I should do, I'll say? But I don't know. Maybe I don't get asked advice that much. I think you do. I've witnessed you... No, no, this is because we're about to give you some... We're about to give you a problem from the listener.

Yeah, yeah, and you do that. Just to go to Johnson. It doesn't mean... Just to check in. Are you allowed to pay... Spragunus? Up to £45 pounds per... visit, per sperm, or greater expenses with receipts.

Wow, that's crazy. Is everything okay there? You wonder what I'm doing? I'm going to sort of just uncoil, because the microphone's got a bit too close to me. So I'm going to sort of unwheel it from the chair. Thank you. God, it looks so much like paper. Can you do a poll under this?

Yeah, it does it look. I can't believe it's not paper. It's crazy. I've got Sharpies in my bag. you know, drawled over this. That's mad, it's not paper. Nope, sorry. Is that because it's like high res or low res?

Do you know what that's just reminding me of? Yeah. Did you ever have that where a substitute teacher would come in school and write using permanent marker on to the interact with. Oh my God, that was electric. It was so excited. Because everyone's like, they're going to do it.

Don't say anything. That was an electric. Yeah. Oh my God. And then the nerd, hello. That would be like, sir, I don't. Excuse me, sir. Yeah, but you let them do a little.

corner and then you watch them like try and spit on a piece of paper and get it off. I personally wouldn't have because I'd be like, I'm going to have to look at that mistake all year and I like the board to be clean. Whereas we would look at it going, remember that time. Remember the houseian days? Yeah. And that substitute came in and fucked their life up. Oh my God.

That was so, we used to like put stuff underneath the, you know, like the OHP, like before it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like silhouettes and stuff under that. might be like the Batman logo or tits. Or both. Tits and a Batman logo. I want to see that. I remember when you would use to like on the OHP,

the kids during assembly would be allowed to control the OHP. Like you'd all take it in turns. And I remember so clearly one time Molly Fisher and Lewis Durham were in charge of the OHP and you could just see their fingers just like battling. Like one of them would like push it in place and then the other one would like And it was just really funny to watch the silhouettes of their, like, battling over OHP. That's very funny.

What does the OHP stand for? Over hair projector? Thank you very much. I really wanted that job at school. Well, towards Moly Fission and Lewis Derry. I think I was on like recorder, like doing the recorder. That would be nice. Andrew?

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You're all set for a nail glow up. Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we? Tavis. This is from I. Hi, Ai. Hi, aye. Hi. Hi.

I says, hi, hogs, adore you all. I think you're the tits. Keep going with what you're doing. I have a problem. I'd love you to have a crack at solving because I've been going around in circles and I don't have a clue. Okay.

Last summer, I got an incredible new job that meant I moved to a new area. It's with the same charity I've worked for for four years, but the site is about 150 miles away from my old home. Me, my partner and our dog all moved to pursue this career opportunity. But however, a year down the line...

The dog moved to pursue the career opportunity. Yes, yes, it did. from the dog business dog however you're down the line although the job is great we hate where we live I have no friends out at work

I've no social life the town where we live is dull our rented house is mayor and our neighbours are bonkers not in a fun way I miss our old flat which we own and are currently renting out would you like the full details

of what they love about it's genuinely like a paragraph just professing love for their old flat it sounds very picturesque I will skip it for brevity's sake but point is this person and their partner feels the exact same way. They don't like the town, but the sticking point is

their partner has just started a new business, which is getting off the ground. He's got his first clients. I obviously loves their job as well, and they don't know what to do. They don't know what they do for work. If they went back to their old flat, their field is fairly niche. They feel like they'd be stupid to walk away from the company, that they've loved for the last four years and my husband seems pretty sure

he can find clients wherever we go but I'm not so sure what do we do? Do we prioritize our career and suck it up for the moment or do we walk away from the opportunities and put comfort and community first? Oh God. Help me hogs. I don't know. Adam.

So what so we would so the price is they've moved 150 miles away yeah to set up a business is that right? To work in a challenge. They're working at a charity during their dream job. Their partner is set up a business and has got clients,

but that could happen anywhere. Okay. But they hate, they love the job, but they hate the place where they've moved. And they really are romanticising their old flat. So it's either like job or flat. But did they move from an office where the charity was? Before, yeah.

I think it's the same charity they've just moved office. Is that right? It's the same charity I've worked for for, four years, but at a different site 150 miles away. Well, did you get a transfer back? Yeah. I didn't get a transfer back.

Is it as simple as that? Just go transfer back? Let's assume that that's not an option. What if the dog doesn't want to go? What if the dog's already got a client list? It could well be that the charity has entirely moved. Sight, which is what I'm getting from it. Oh, okay.

So the charity, okay, had two sites. This person's gone from A to B and now we think A's shut down or something. potentially yes so then what do you think they should do uh this isn't very i thought you i love that you're laughing but i'm loving it like how badly i'm understanding okay and it's like adam it's a big deal um i mean it's so hard not liking where you live isn't it's so horrible yeah um i would i think just like get a bit granular about the finances would be my advice and look at like the how much you've got in your savings what you type typing this in an email savings savings so I'd be like how much money do you have

in your savings how much money do you have what's the cost of moving back what's the cost of like rent or whatever if we move back to where we come from weird way to phrase that what's the cost of like our living expenses if it takes three months or six months to get a job and it might be that you can leave all the stuff behind where you are and go back to where you were and afford like a month of kind of looking round for new job or whatever or six months or a year or whatever if you can move back and afford like a week that's probably going to be too stressy do you reckon or even maybe a month but you know maybe you're quite like quick action kind of kid um

And if you can't afford to, is there anything you can do to make where you are now bearable? Do they say why they don't like where they are now? Their neighbours are mad but not in a good way and the apartment's a bit meh and they don't have any friends outside of work. And they don't like the location because it's boring. Yeah, the towns don't. I think that's what you've just said, by the way, is really good advice. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's really good advice. I think it's with this sort of thing, it's so hard to do. I hate doing it, but like getting a bit black and white about the figures, I think is really good. and like sometimes I have to have if I'm like getting into my accounts and stuff have to have like a friend like right there just like checking I'm okay because it feels like I'm sort of I don't know like it's just it feels like I'm like in a World Cup or something it's like it's really stressful I yeah completely where it's like I'm not qualified to be here and I don't know what to do and also like the stakes feel

very high and very personal but I think that's a really good idea and I also think it then means like actually sometimes if you get black and white and it is objectively sensible to do the thing that is most uncomfortable. Yeah. Sometimes then you know for certain, you're still going to do the less sensible thing because you're just like, that's so uncomfortable. You can measure the discomfort against what's right. But I think, yeah, figuring out how long you would need to get things in order even to move

and does that make you feel like, are you willing to make those tradeoffs? In terms of the place that they already live, though, it feels like they could move apartments, rented apartments and that might change some things. Yeah. Yeah. But then the no friends. I wonder if they Yeah I mean it's hard to make friends

Isn't it how do you make friends Is it I feel like you sit down at a park bench and make a friend Me personally I mean I've got here There's a reason we compared heavinesses of the phones earlier No I think it's I guess we work in like a very social industry right Yeah I don't know I guess like but clubs are good for making friends

I would I just don't think they want to You don't they want to move Yeah I think they know what their instinct is and they know what their impulse is and they should listen to that. But I think that like within the instinct and impulse

making the most rational decisions like considering your finances and like actually working out on action plan of how you go back to what you have before is great. But I also think that like it's kind of a bit like when you're thinking of ending a relationship

like that's when you can be honest because you've got nothing to lose. So I think go into work and say I hate it here I don't want to be here I love this job Is there anything you can do

Because Yeah is there a remote option Is there? Yeah It's 150 miles away That's a commute But like if you only have to be in the office Two days a week

Then maybe you could just stay over for a night And be there for two days a week And then work remotely otherwise And that might not be an option But at least you asked and checked And if you've been there for four years Then you've clearly got great relationships With those people

and they might bend over backwards to be able to make you be able to stay. That's wise. Yeah, I like that. So don't just leave without asking, but also do leave because you don't like it there and you don't want to be there.

And like life is long, but life is also short and you don't need to be making decisions that you, like you don't need to be enduring stuff for the sake of it. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's good to try and make it better.

Um, yeah, I think that's a good idea. How far is 150 miles? That's what I'm thinking like, is it the equivalent of like here to Liverpool or is it? Andrew, how far is that? Is it here to? I know the answer is obviously like 150 miles, but what's 150 miles from London, for example? Um, let me, um, like Liverpool's not too far off, maybe a little bit souther. Um, like, like Warrington.

Okay, in a place we might know. Oh, um, like Manchester. yeah fine okay two hours on the train yeah i like your idea stay like with the job keep the business and then yeah commute in yeah but move back to your flat that you love so yeah be be in the place that you want to be because like that's not going to change and now it's in your head now it's in your head you can't put the chin you back in the bottle yeah yeah so like yeah go back where you love but do adam's money thing first because idea is sensible and we'll tell you how long you have i think yeah yeah i didn't do the money thing but like i think i think often like

sometimes with advice you're asking for permission and you're so wise you don't need us to give you permission it's wise okay chloe pets very nice adam drake where can people find you um you can follow tarot comedy on act tarot comedy tarot i think there might be a one after it and you should go see them live because they're so so funny tarot comedy was um tarot comedy was um tarot comedy one one. Nice. The, like, the digit. Not two, one.

And we're doing a, that's our Instagram, we're doing, like, Edinburgh for three nights. Nice. Yeah. Where are you doing like, Edinburgh? Yeah, I'm rid of it. So we're doing, um, Monkey Barrel? We're doing, no. Pleasance?

Yeah. From the, uh, the eighth to the tenth, including the ninth. Gorgeous. guys go see them because they're so good is the show from last year it's like a best of it's called like the best and best is in in it's fucking funny delicious that's so funny I can't believe no one's done that before yeah it's really nice I bet they have the best like best is in quotes the show's called like the best of

it's really nice I like it I think it's I do I think it's good but I'm not shocked that no one's all done it before it's gonna sell out if there's only three nights of taro it will sell out so get your ticket No, I hear what you're about saying. And if you need some spam. Yeah. Yeah. Then let Adam know very specific details about your setup.

Do your finances. And then see if you can afford me. Follow at Wow Goose. Oh yeah. And that's another one. That's the kind of thing. Yeah, that's the kind of thing I was looking for. It's your own Instagram.

Follow at Wild Goose for updates on the stuff that he can't talk about. Yeah. But he is in a reboot of the bill. Play DCI Drake. That's nice. Okay, cool. And get these on the merch store as posters. Oh, we should get these on the merch store and posters.

That's a great suggestion from Adam Drake. Who wants that in their room? Perverts. Shut up. People do. Perverts, yeah. Perverts. And fans.

Yeah. One Zergovendai. I would also plug Chloe's brilliant show. Big naturals. Aw. 8 p.m. 7 p.m. 7 p.m.

Courtyard. Every day. No day off. No, one day off. But we. Yeah, it's going to be good, isn't it? I think it's your funniest show, yeah. Oh, that's so nice.

Yeah. That's the funniest one. You're doing it at him this year. No, sir. Are you missing it? No, sir. Is it? Really?

It's even a little bit. It's my first in 10 years off. I would say, as it gets closer, I'm like, maybe I'll go for a weekend. Come the weekend we're going. Yeah, maybe I will. Because my parents will be at an Irish wedding and my girlfriend will be in Canada, so maybe I'll need something to do for my birthday weekend so maybe I'll come. You're 13th, did it? Yeah.

Do you want to come for your birthday? Perhaps, perhaps. I'll take you out in the town. But everyone gets so weird there. Do they? Don't you find everyone goes feral? I won't know that I've gone weird because I'm there. I've only been there. I've never been there as a visitor. Yeah, either of I.

I do get really weird. Yeah, me too, but when I'm in it, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, I get so weird. Well, go see their shows, you guys, and we will see you soon. Thank you so much. Bye. Thanks having me. I just want to say on behalf of me, on behalf of Catherine, on behalf of Andrew, on behalf of them, on behalf of the world, I guess.

Thank you so much to our executive producers and our producers. Let's start with the execs. You know them that's sexy as fuck. They're hot as shit. It's Guy Goodman, Simon Moore, Stephanie Katrachea, Oliver Jago, Anthony Conway, Neil Redmond, Angela S, Sadie Cashmore, Sarah Deaking, and... Ander, Amanda McCall, Amanda McCall, I can read your name. Amanda, please let me read it. Charlie Weems. Weems. Weems. You can say weems as much as you want. I will always try a different go for it. And then obviously our producers, we don't forget, lest we forget our producers. L. Richard Bold, Harold Van Dyke, Tim and Dom, David Walker, Rachel R, Claire Owen Jones, Sarah and Molly. I have Fink, Cordelia, Rachel Page, Helen A, Tina Lindsay, Amy O'Reardon, Abby Woff, Matt Sims, Luke Bright, it's Jam Rainbird. Have I missed a row? I need to follow this with my finger. I have Leah, Kate, Liz Ford, Tass, Anthony, Chloe Fox, Dean, Michael, Sophie Chivers, Chivers, Carrie Soothe, Soothe, Sothe, Sothea, Charlie A, KC, Jammer, Tamsin Smith Harding,

Are there of Perrigan, Bryn, Laura Pollock, Leah Overan, Stephen Chicken, Haley Singer, Dougie Robertson. I have not struggled with reading that much in a while. I love that you always crack up at Stephen Chicken. He's a lovely, lovely guy. And I bet, I bet, and I love you, Stephen Chicken. It's just, it's, it's, it's so funny. Yeah. It's so, I really hope that they have a partner and I hope their sound name is cow, so they can be cow and chicken.

Do you remember that TV show? yeah thank you for your support mom had a chicken daddy had a cow please please don't cancel your patron we appreciate you oh don't you mustn't no don't you please thank you love you bye Gide USA it's Tony here from the Tony and Ryan podcast my best maid and I we make a podcast

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