Ep198. AA, Adventuring & Aotearoa
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02:00Hello, welcome to episode 198 of Trosty Hogg'searly August. You're listening to this. We hope at some pointfrom the Edinburgh Fringe, maybe some of you, go see Helen. You have to.And if you're going, pop her in your plan. And also Andrew will be there. Why haven'tyou booked these tickets already? What the hell, you guys? Come on. I'm sure you already have.And Rose Matafayo, she'll be there.Oh my God, wonderful. And Paul Williams.Why are you listing?
02:26There'll be loads of people there.There's a very big customer.You should just be listing more people.and if you're in LondonKat Cohen.Yes, but alsoif you're in Londonand you haven't got tickets,
02:33I hope you're coming to see meat your TLDR recording.The point is,hello, it's episode 190.Molly McGuinness.I can't stop thinking of people at French.Please stop naming people.Alison Spittal.
02:43I'm Catherine Bohart.She's Helen Bauer.This is a show about our perfect liveswhere we answer your listener problemsand oh my God,you've got a lot of them.We're worried.We're concerned.
02:52We are thinking about you all the time.I'm literally not thinking about them,but I love that you are.I worry constantly.I'm losing sleep.I'm losing sleep.Through the fog, step forth the trusty hogs, yeah, you're gonna give them your problems and they will solve them, or maybe they won't, and that's your problem.They'll have guests, and Andrew White on the tech, oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs, trust the trusty hogs, or maybe no,
03:28Oh my God, I have so much to tell you about Helen.This week I took Sweet Laura Rocote,who's living in my house at the moment, which is so lovely,to see the Hackney City Farm.Is that where you went?We went there and it was so divine.And it was so funny because I don't know what she was expecting,but she seemed startled by every element of the farm,
03:48which was really fun.Wait, can you describe the farm?I don't think I've been to this one.Yeah, so in Hagerston Park there's this little, like, petting zoo, basically.But also it is more like a farm.and there's like geese that are having little babiesfor the first time in eight yearsthere are the most beautiful goats
04:05like Billy's all around they're so sweet.Called Jessica?Possibly.Do you remember when I, all I wanted was a goat called Jessica?Oh, okay.And then a listener sent in a goatwith the name of the episode on the back of the tag.That's adorable.
04:17I have it at home.Okay, well there's really sweet goatsbut more importantly the reason we went therethat morning was because the pig therewho recently, her name's Waddles.she recently gave birthto nine pigletsWaddles gave birth
04:33and Waddles a big girland Waddles is adorableWaddle sucks honestly shatteredbut she'd just given birthso we're going to see Wadleswe're like what up where's the pigsand they're obviously likethat's the sign with the pig on
04:45you dumb fucks but we went overthey shouldn't say that to people at the farmthey should north called you a dumb fuckbut they're only volunteering so you know what they can saywhat they wantI think it's fineand so I was actually I likethe energy. And so I thought, good for you. Were they queer? It's very, feels like a very queer.
05:02Ultimately, no one said that to us. But also all the volunteers were like 12 years old and it was socute. But so we were in there and we walk over and initially like first of all, you have thisgorgeous mix of maybe like three pure pink sort of babe-esque piglets. Shut up. And then aboutsix freckley guys like sprang spotty gorgeous little guy. And one of them's obviously the run like he'shalf the size of the others. He's so cute. They're running. They're running.they're also accidentally falling over.They like jump over each other,but then they don't quite make it
05:31so they fall and land.And one of them just could not wake up.He was just so busy sleepingand everyone was like banging on his headbeing like, wake up, wake up, wake up.Is he done?No, no, no, no, he was fine.But they were adorable running around
05:42being so, so cute.And then Waddles, as you do,sort of turned on her side.Yeah.Thus revealing her very long, very engorged nipples.How long just like?Like, I'd say like, um, pinky,finger. Oh, yeah. Which actually
05:59seemed really big at the time, but when you sayarm seems quite small.Arm would be mad. I actually, I wantto take that back. Arm would be mentalas a length of, but also if youhave an arm length nipple,then good on you andno, I disagree. I think get that checked out.
06:16Go get surgery. Speak to someone. Speak to someone. We loveall bodies, but if your nipples long,get surgery. That long as an arm.We don't want to see it. Not at this go.Yeah. And so then it went from like genuinely us and a bunch of families being like, oh my God, look at that one. Oh my God. They're so cute. Oh my God. It's so sweet. To almost eerie silence as these piglets went from running around adorably to like screaming, high pitch screams. They were fighting each other. They were like stamping on her belly, like trying to get into, but and like chomping on her. Like so aggressive. Like feral. It was honestly, it got so quiet and dark. And they were so grim and they were like, honestly. And they were like, honestly.like it was horrific and it was just like a bunch of women just sort of staring at this pig being likedo we need to break waddles out of here is this motherhood this is fuck like this is so wrong she justlike had that lock on her face like I'm nothing but a meat milk provided to these
07:19I what is the point of me why is this my life now I can't believe I couldn't get it if I wanted to getis one of them, one of them, the little runt you think would be like not getting much milkwas moving between at one point three nipples.It was going like suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck.And it would just go along.Like it was a fucking bar tabs.It was horrendous.It was honestly horrendous.
07:43We walked out of there.Sorry, one question.Yeah.How many nipples for the nine piglets?I didn't actually count now that you say.You didn't?No, but I would have said maybe 12.That's enough.
07:56Andrew, could you check how many nipples?nipples agrown big pig has?Andrew,please.Andrew,were you notalready Googling this?
08:05What's the hellyou are?12 to 14but it actuallycan rangefrom 8 to 18.Whoa.That's too many
08:11I mean it's perfectfor the litterbut for meI'd find that too manynipples.It was so,so, so intenseand it got like
08:18eerie towards the end.Everyone just sort of likeslowly filed outlike tapping the donationthing for your cardbeing like,I don't know if this was right.I don't know if you're in to see that.
08:29That seemed private.Is this the one near Shored at Chisdry?Yeah.Okay, yeah.I've walked past it before.It was just like that seemed so private.I don't know about it.But did Waddles like, did it end the feeding?
08:43No, no, it just was still going and everyone was like, it was time to go.It went on for so long.Where was the dad?Oh, absent classic.You know.Like where, like already at Vauxhall City Farm, like impregnant.name someone else.Yeah.
08:58No doubt.No doubt.At Vauxhall Pleasure Garden.Yeah.Although.With all the other pigs or sows.What's a male pig?Male pig is a pig, lady pig, sow.
09:10Hello?A male pig is a boar and a female pig is a sow.What's a pig?The pig is...Like a human.A pig is gentiless, I believe.A sleigh.Yeah.
09:18Pig is genderless.Wow.That's good for the pigs.That's so nice non-finery pigies.No, but this poor girl was being misreated by these little ungrateful brands.Oh, Jesus.It was tough to watch.So, yeah, that was like the highlight of my weekend.
09:30Can I guess that you were going to, like, have a fun, fun time?Oh, yeah, we were, I was like, let me show you the area.Let me show you the area.I mean, it's like, yeah, I'll show you the area.I'll show you the area.And then we were both just like, is that what it is to be mother.Oh, yeah.Anyway, afterwards I left her with her sister and we were both just like, see her.
09:49Oh, I love our sister, Maya.Yeah, her sister's wonderful, fun clan, fun clan.Was this like last weekend?That's just after we wrapped.Laura would have been a husk.We've all, everyone's wrapped everyone.Congratulations.Did you, um, did you cry when you wrapped?
10:04No.I was inconsolable.Why?Just devastated it was over.Oh, that's so sweet.Well, I was rapping by myself on a day where like everyone else was continuing.It would be crazy for me to have cried being like, as in like, they all had to keep doing the job.You know, if maybe if it was like, if I gone to the rap party, I think maybe I would have cried.
10:24But it was like, it'd be mad.and they all have to come back tomorrowand if I were likeit would just be too muchalso you've met me I would neverI did it but I didn't actually wrap until the Sundaybut I cried on the Fridaybecause that was the last time we were all together
10:37and it felt very little womenlike we'll never be all together with sisterI do really get that I really get thatdo you know when I last cried actuallywhen this is the kind of thing I cried foron the train back from Manchesterwatching the second series ofDallas Cowboys cheerleaders
10:54say it with me girlsOh my God, have you watched the season?Only the first three episodes,but you can spoil it for mebecause, like, I mean,some of them become cheerleaders,some of them don't.I love it, by the way.
11:06No, it actually would be likethe series spoiler for me to say.Well, there's two.There's one moment where one of them,this is a real spoiler.Okay, I'm inviting it.I'm inviting it.Okay, I'll say it vaguely,
11:18which is that one of themdoes not conform tothe classic beauty standard expectationof cheerleaders.bravely goes out on the field in a very natural way and it's really beautiful.Wait, one of them goes to a game without makeup?No, God, no, Jesus.Ew, no, that's like probably illegal.
11:38They probably be fired.Like they don't wear like their weave?She has alopecia and she doesn't wear her wig.I love that one.Yeah, she's great.Can't remember her name, but I love her.I know, but she goes out with her wig and it's just so beautiful.And I sobbed like a baby on the train.
11:52But yeah, no, like rapping?No, nothing.I have a weird emotional regulation systemI don't know how to tell youNo but also that wasWe were like wrapping all together basicallyAnd it felt very likeWell of course that's gonna be like end of school vibes
12:06That's and I always cry at the last day of schoolAnd I'm also listening to like a lot of Robbie WilliamsAnd Ed Shearin at the momentSo I'm like I'm oh my godYeah in a good wayIn a good wayWhy so why?I'm trying to calm myself down
12:19Just in lifeI'm trying to I'm trying to I'm trying to I'm trying to zen outIs that the swing when you're winningRobbie Williams albumYou're so gayMe and my motherused to sing that in the carall the time
12:30It's like the gayest manI've ever madAnd you can wearall your football shirtsYou like AndrewLike that's mentalIt was a genuine sweet charmAnd curiosity
12:44That open faceLike you've had the swingWhen you're winningRobbie Williams albumBecause I remember when I wereI was when I listenedTo every tuneI like to click along with my favorite song.
12:56I was in B&M by Moisturizer.Shut up.No, that's fun.I love you so much.Was that bad?Did they do bad?You were super homophobic.What was it?
13:07But not wrong.Super homophobic.Sorry.You're really straight now.These days.I was thinking that the other day,because obviously not on your timelinebecause currently, which you're listening to this,
13:18it's the 7th of August and happy birthday, Michael Bauer.I remember Dad.How about that?Actually, I should remember in my diary, but still, whatever.It was pride at the weekend, and I was at Emma Black's wedding.And then remember the year before that?I was at a Catholic church doing...It's super homophobic of her to even arrange that.
13:37Emma Black, have a fucking look at yourself.What?It was so beautiful.I cried as well.Yeah, of course.I cried again.Of course.She looked so stunning.
13:44She's fit.Yeah, she looked stunning.She's fit.Yeah, she looked stunning.And we all looked fit, actually.I think it was a fit wedding party.That's nice.I loved it. Happy wedding, Emma and Sam. Happy legal wedding. Happy legal wedding Emma and Sam. That's true. There's still more coming up. But maybe I am. Maybe I'm straight. Maybe I'm straight. I love to marry twice or thrice. I have been very like boy hungry this summer. How's that going? Has I been more to see? I can't remember what we said on the podcast to each other and what we spoke about separate. No, valetio. Oh my God. Is that what we spoke about in the podcast? Yeah, you insisted that we all know you swallowed. Okay, but outside of that, like you know I've had a couple of summer crushes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
14:22Nothing's happened.Okay.But I'm just like, I'm, like, I'm awakened.This is exciting.I'm awakened.A couple.Yes.And then Nathan said, Nathan Darcy Roberts, who I live with, that he's like, do you
14:35reckon you'll get a fringe crush?And I said, I've never had, I've had, I've been upset a fringe because someone whoI fancied start going out with someone, um, who was a friend of mine, which is fine.But like, I was just like a bit but hurt.Yeah.But I was saying to Nate.Nathan?Such a weird way to describe yourself.
14:55But her.I liked it.Wait, do we not say butt hurt for ourselves?I don't think people say butt hurt full stop.Do they not?No.I mean, so far as people say,I thought it had like homophobic connotations,
15:06but that tracks with your new personality.Wait, no.Wait, am I homophobous?No, no.I don't think it's like,no.No, if I am, I'd rather know.So I can fix it.
15:15Is that a thing?Or did I just like.I Googling is butthurt problematic?Oh no.Yeah.And then Google is Helen Bauer problematic,but like both go on no this is good for you from a medium article are you under theimpression that but her is an anti-lg LGBTQ slur well it's not and here's why that matters
15:30great oh it's a really long think piece don't make me read oh no no and you mustn'tuh Andrew will not read beyond the headline you cannot make him sorry Andrew no that's greatokay good to know good to know um but then I was saying to Nathan I was like I want what Catherinehad do you remember your fringe crush on Ellen oh my god yes but you were so likelike activate like I'm going to say from my point of view but like you were so activated and soexcited like it didn't feel like you needed sleep a genuine like genuine it was crazy we weren'tsleeping whatsoever we were doing so many shows it was the cutest crush ever but you would likeand I'm saying that as the friend who was I'll say it used yeah in that you've said it every
16:16abused and abused but like you like it was like nothing could touch you you're on the mariorainbow road yeah and i've had like a couple of like little crushes this year nothing that i've likebeen able to explore because of like circumstances or just like also like i'm fully aware it's a trickytime to have a crush when you're like your body like when you're you've got gravel guts that'swhat my friends are calling it okay but on the gravel goods does that inhibit you from having sexno well it will i won't infringe because it's a four to six weeks recoveryfrom the operation and I know and I'm going up 10 days later don't look nervous because then Iget nervous I'm not nervous but you can't have sex for six weeks I imagine you can I think it
16:57depends on how you feel surely I've got and so for example what if you feel in a homeme and Nathan said this is like the best summer ever because if I'm really horny then I've got likea medical reason to be like I really fancy you I think you should come back to mine but I canonly get licked out that I can only get licked out I can only and then Nathan was like the guywill be like eye line with your scars on your stomach just having to do the best eating everand I'm like I'm sorry due to medical reasons I will not be able to participate in sex in any wayapart from being lit down that's so funny I know also this the first time in ages I've beenallowed to eat a pizza so it's technically illegal if I don't do that at the same time thank you so
17:38much bye yeah yeah yeah yeah so medically this summer and you know I don't know if it's trueI don't feel comfortable asking the doctor, if I'm honest.Medically this summer, I'm only able to be eaten out.Right.And I think I want a fringe crush.Because I've never had one.Have you ever had a fringe crush, Andrew?No, not proper.
17:59No.I've been like dalliances with like, oh, maybe, but nothing will lasting.This is the thing.I want the, like, because it's like school, right?And do you remember when you fancy someone at school how all encompassing it is?And like every time you run into them and the cost.corridor or like you think about that lesson you've got coming up with them. Also you couldpotentially run into them at any time. That was my favorite thing about the Ellen thing. I was like
18:20I was like getting blow dries and making sure my hair and face was done all the time becauseit's like you could turn around the corner and then be like hey, it was crazy. You were in the salonor standing on a street corner. You know it. I don't think you sat. I didn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't. Iwould not do it. Speaking of my fringe crush you guys, have you seen them. They announced. Can weannounce it fully? It's so cool. It's so cool. It was.on variety. It's on deadline. It's crazy. Ellen, my sweet Ellen Robertson is in Torontofilming this. They're making the book, Vladimir, which I had read separately. That's what's sowild about it is that you like already know this world. But it's like, it's more than just
18:58like being in a show. It's like, a show. I know. She's in like a huge limited series for Netflixand Rachel Weiss and Leo Woodall are the leads. And John Slattery, she's playing the daughter ofJohn Slattery and Rachel Weiss. What? He's in Madman. I know. Also, she's playing a gay, whichI'm so happy about, well, I think bye.But it's so exciting to see her play a queer.She's so queer.It's so cool.It's so cool.
19:22Are you going to get to visit if you figured it out yet?Yes, I'm going to go in August.The crazy thing was that my sister had actually recommended the book Vladimir to me and I'd read it already.So when Ellen was like, I have this audition.I was like, shut the fuck up.I have the book.She was like, what?And I was like, one moment, please.
19:36And then I went and got it.And it was so exciting.And yeah, it's just, it's so cool.And she auditioned in an American accent.So proud of her.That's amazing. I'm so proud. It's so nice.Do you feel it's like happening at the moment?Like maybe it's because I'm like sexually like engaged and I've leveled up.
19:55But don't you just feel.I'm so excited to say how you make.One second.One second.I'm getting this particle connected to you being second.I'm going to get that.I'm going to get there.I'm going to get there.
20:03This is a really important.Guys, Andrew Catherine, can you not feel how like everyone's like coming intothemselves like.Because you.No, not a little bit because I'm like.opening up to the world, but like, we're like, everyone's doing what they're meant to be doing.Yeah, I do feel that a bit, actually.Like, it's like, people are, like, coming into their own left, right?
20:24Like, some of my friends, like, is it either finding love or, like, becoming parentsor getting these jobs that they've deserved for so long or getting these opportunities.And I'm like, oh, my God, everyone's doing what they're supposed to be doing.You're screaming.And everyone smells like roses.And I fucking love it.I love that.How long have you been listening
20:44to Robbie Williams?Like three weeks.It's not working yet, but I love it.Really?I'm trying to zen it.I think I might be the one fromShe's the One.I think I might be.
20:55That checks out.Here's the thing though.What I actually think you're saying,which I think is like,I hope heartening for people is like,your late 30s man for me is like,I'm watching everyone like really hit, like,hit their stride.
21:08And similarly, I think like,just don't be afraid.If you're like coming up to 30 and worried,trust meit's the best decade everit's going to get sogood in a weird wayit's going to get weird but it's also
21:22yeah you can actually finally start to likemake money and trustyourself and justrealise I want to figure out what point of my cycle I ambecause clearly this is a good point for meI'm like seven days awayor maybe I'm too high but I was like12 days late the other week
21:38what I know crazydid you think you were pregnantyeah obviouslyof course of course of course of courseYeah, obviously.Yeah, obviously.But I think it was just because, like,change of medication and, like,
21:48significant dietary changes to prepare for the surgery.So it must have been that.Okay, I am, I've just finished ovulating, like yesterday.It's a day 19 in my cycle.Okay, that's my day.I'm so glad to do it.I feel invincible right now.That's so interesting.
22:03The week before I get my period,I'm like, I could lift a car.I run so much faster.I run much further.I'll do better in the gym.I'm like, and then the second it comes,I'm like, I can't believe you're asking me to make my own coffee.Wait, who asked you to make your own coffee on your period?
22:20Just like the universe, you know.That's fucked up.It's so crazy.People don't respect women.I just don't think they do.I actually do think it's insane that we have to do our jobs.Agreed.It's fucking insane.
22:29Agreed.Anyway, yes, okay, any news with you?Yes.Tell me.So much.So much.I've started watching Arrested Development.Oh my God, welcome.
22:39Congrats.That's actually really exciting.Turns out, it's really good.Yeah. Hey, none of you've heard of this, guys. It's pretty good. Yeah, it's great.I eat yogh. Huh? Just telling everyone, I feel like I'm the last person to the yogurt party.Oh, which, which, what are you doing? Oh, well, it's, it's, that one, but it's the zero percent until I have my operation.I like the zero percent one. And then, yeah, but the, the other one looks nicer. I haven't had the five percent one, but it looks like.It's just a bit creamier. More purchase on the tongue. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
23:10Does that make sense?But as 0% once go, the 0%...It's pretty good.Oh, my God, Faya.Fia.Is that how you say it?Fia?I think Faye A.
23:21I know what you mean, yeah.It's written on the side of the packet how you say it,but I didn't manage to read it correctly.We're certainly not going to go with the hate crime version,so tell us something else, Andrew.I can't find...He can't Google it.How do you spell it?
23:35F-A-C-E.No, F-A-G-E.Apologies.F-A-G-E.That's why I said, we're not going to go with the hate crime.I'm Brutcheon.Here we go.pronunciation.
23:44Faye.Faye.Faii.Faii.Faii.Faii.Faii.That's beautiful.
23:52I feel like we got it right the first time.I'm just reading the phonetic, but yeah, that's what it says.Faiye.Oh, my God.Nathan's learning German at home by watching dark and he loves it.It's like a German stranger things.Yes.I, no, no, mind.
24:04Let's not tell that story.But yes.No, oh, my God.Now you have to tell me.What?Tell that story.No, I went there.Well, this was ages ago, I went for a hookup with a guy.
24:14And then afterwards, he was like, have you heard of Dark?And I'm like, no.And then he told me all about it and made me watch the first episode.And it was so, and he was, it was so intense that I was like,has this been like stealth marketing by Netflix?Are they like sending guys to hook up so that you become aware of Dark?Andrew, I don't think they're getting the homosexuals one at a time by way of all nighthookup.
24:39The sex was so perfunctory.That it was like...Profunctuary.What does sex that's perfunctory mean?It means like it was so like...Oh, tick the boxes.Yeah.Yeah. Without sort of like
24:51any passion or anything.Yeah.I've done that for.It was almost like, right, let's get this out of the way.And the real reason you're here.I'm just sending you a timeshare in the Netflix series, Dark.And did you watch it?No, although the first episode was quite good, actually.
25:05I think I'm going to watch it.Oh, actually, no, no, that's not add that detail.Andrew!Do you have sex during the episode?No, no, he had a foot fetish and he stole my socks.He stole your socks.Yeah, yeah.What do you mean?
25:19You were just like, I can't find my socks and he was like, oh, I wonder why.I think so, yeah.That's a fucking joke.Oh, I'm fine with that.I hate that.Just ask for them.My boundaries are very poor.Just ask for them.
25:34Yeah, I never did.No, no, I'm saying he should have asked you for them.Oh, I see.I would have given.them willingly actually that's good point. That's what I mean is I'dhave given them. Just say like yeah totally if someone'sinto it like sure but you gotta ah. You know fuck itwhatever you want you just ask me I'm just
25:47gonna give you whatever you want. Okay that'sI'm a very easy going girl. You've really got to workon that. I'm a very easy going on. I don't think that's right. So back tofringe. Yes. So I'm gonna goup and granted like there's a chancethat I will like not be able to stand very well.Great. However. It feels like it's gonna be a wonderful run.You know people always say that like
26:09you can find love when you're vulnerable, you know?No one I know says that, but I was told about love by Irish people. Go on.Okay, so if you're vulnerable, then like people want to take care of you, so you can find love.And I'll be so vulnerable at French.That's true.Right?Maybe you'll find a male nurse, which is like presumably your wet dream.Stop it.
26:32Presumably a wet nurse is like your literal wet dream.Stop it.Because if he's a straight male nurse, he's got to be everything you've ever hoped for.There was a really cute nass at King's College Hospital, the one in Campbellwell.Holy crap.Yeah.But he knows I'm full of stones.Yeah, but that's maybe good.
26:48Start honest.I don't think stones is like...Start honest.Stay authentic.I feel like I need to tell people like I've had an operation, but I don't need them allknowing that I was full of stones.Will you be talking about it on stage?I think I'm going to have to.
27:01Then so you're just going to say, what, mystery illness?No.Oh, that's a good point, actually.But, like, I'm not going to fall in love with someone that comes to see my show.why do i feel like they're what they'll see an hour of me exposing myself and they'll be likeoh actually no like the mystery's gone i went to see ellen's show and then we fell yeah but you workdifferently you work differently no i think it's fine i think if they don't like your stand-up thenthey're not a very good partner for you do not feel like they would know too much about me
27:27like i'd be like a bit too like i think with this this is the first show yes if i thought you werelike going to go on a date a couple of dates and like really keep your cards close to your chest i'd be likeNo, you deserve the right to, like, be super private for the first year of your relationship.But given that we're us, you don't think I'm a mystery.I don't think either of us are mysteries.Are you serious?I think you could talk to us for five minutes and we would tell it way too much detail better.No one knows anything about it.
27:55Okay, I'm really scared for you to find out this podcast and where it goes.Internet.Yes.Yeah, well, then, yeah, maybe.I think someone's seeing your show and thinking you're good at stand-up is sexy.But this is the first show I've written where, like, I actually feel so incredibly comfortable with strangers watching it.Yeah.And so uncomfortable, the idea of anyone I know coming to see it.
28:17Why?It's just, it's different to what I've done before.And I feel like I'm being a lot more, like, just a bit more, like, I'm just putting myself out there in a more, like, genuinely authentic way is the best way.Or like, oh, this is more honest, it's more personal.Okay.In a way that, like, sometimes in previous shows,I've sort of gone like, oh, well, the true route is to say that,but I'd rather make this joke.
28:46Yeah.So, like, I'd be like, okay, you know what, scrap that whole section then?Let's just do a joke like that.Yeah.And obviously, like, same as every comic, you can't go fully into stuffbecause there's other people involved, there's other lives, blah, blah, yeah, yeah.But, like, this one, I'm like, I don't know.Telling the truth one.
29:02Yeah.So then it feels like,it'd be I like I'm like I want the hogs there because like they know me but like they're notgoing to tell my mom like I don't know is just that you're scared of your mom going no okay I think it'sgenuinely like I would find like I obviously would love you to come and see it but it makes younervous but a little bit yeah but that's not there's not you as an individual that's just like I don'twant like it's just it's just I think I'd find the conversations afterwards maybe could be trickybut that also is probably in my head
29:36you'd probably watch itand be likewhat the fuck is wrong with youmaybe not you actuallyyou know everythingThe problem is it's soThe problem isIf you are double bluffing
29:44This is really cleverBecause obviously now I'm likeI'm likeI don't know if I want anyoneI know to goBecause then I would be likeI'll be thereYou know when comics say like
29:55Oh I'll come see your showI hate thatI'm sort of likeI'm not likeGoing likeOh yeah let me know whenI'll give you ticketsWhich I always used to do
30:02I'm just sort of likeOh yeah no worriesDon't worry. Don't worry. I say I hate that, by the way. I don't hate that. It's always such a compliment when other comedians want to come to your show. But also, I personally find it incredibly stressful because the only people whose opinions I care about are other comics, as in like, if you can see one and they're not laughing, you're like, ah, please tell me I'm a real girl. Please. Tell me I'm in the club. Please. It's so stressful. I want to do my show and then just hug strangers and then go and do a puzzle with Alison Spittal.you want to go to likethe sort of alcoholics anonymousof comedy clubsis there onewell I mean like you want like no
30:39when you knowand to not have to necessarily sayyour real nameand then just say what you want to sayand then leavekind of is that weirdbut I also think it's likeI chose to do this though
30:49I was like I want to dolike I've done three showsthat very much felt likeis this show more likepresent than your other showsbecause I've got it's out more exposedwhen it's likemy first show didn't seem as exposing
31:01because it was about like a much younger version of me whereas the more it becomes about mycontemporary life the more exposing it feels because you're like this is very much me now is thathow you feel yeah i think i'm also like backing myself in the show a bit in a way that's likenot comfortable to like do you know what i mean like when you're not like being down onyourself and you're backing yourself like it's not comfortable in conversation but it'squite uncomfortable on stage as well for me i'm fully i do not judge anyonewho like backs themselves as a whole whole I don't know how to say that I don't actually know whatI'm saying now I know what I'm saying but yeah and I believe you hey should we do a listener
31:39problem let's do a listener problem let's do it Andrew we're ready this sorry one thingyeah said told my sister I do a shout out um Marianne would like it known that she has enjoyedall the gifts from the hogs over the years and she is like if the podcast is endingwhat does that mean for meand I was likeyou have to let it gobut she does say thank youvery much
32:09and that'sthat's been lovelybut she has to let it goso no one yeahshe's a bratthat's such a funnyshe cried at the weekingsmy dad didn't steal a kitten for her
32:20from where?steal some gardenI'm not jokingI love that energyof being like I want that kittengive me that kittenwhy won't you steal that kittenfor me good for her
32:29She was like, one's a run, and he said it might die, but he left it.I was like, oh my God, why would he say, he shouldn't have said that.It's like, this is the problem, right?It's like, come on, as a duo, he has not helped himself out there.Do you know what I mean?Oh my God.You know, you know, you know, my name.Lovely Jack.
32:46Yes, of course.He was at mine on Sunday.Yeah.And my sister, I was like, oh, do you mind if I take this really quickly?And he was like, absolutely charmed.Jet Vivers.You call him Vivers?Yeah.
32:56I've always read it as Vevers.JackI've been goingfor VavirsJetYou have to let us knowNone of us knowWe've got different
33:04ProductionsVeversViversIt's VIVsIt's ViversI should know thatThe comedy directorJet Vivers
33:12I'm soRightIt just sounds so strangeto meIt's not to goViver's when there'swhen there's onlyone E in the second
33:21syllableSo you're outOkayAnd Vever'sYou're outYeahVver's is not itI'm going to voice at him right now, just as we can find out.
33:31But Marianne Rung, and it was like the perfect.I need you, sorry, I actually need you to find out what it.I'm literally doing it.Jet, we're recording Trustee Hoggs, and I don't know how this is, well, it's my faulthas come up, but how do we say your surname?I know how I just say it.Okay, Catherine thinks she knows.I think, I think, me thinks it's beavers.
33:52Catherine thinks it's fevers.And Andrew thinks.Vervors.veers. Why are we funny with this? I'm right.Just let us know which one's right. Love youso much. Let us know immediately.Okay, so he was at your house.Your sister called. And it was so
34:09funny. She was like, I hate him. Helen,I hate him. I hate him. And I was like, who? Dad.And she was like, yeah. Oh my God. He's such aprit. Oh my God. He's such a prit.I hate him. And then the ultimate pullbackand reveal my dad just in the background. Hello.Hello. Do you have a show tonight?Hello, Helen.
34:28And it's clear that he's been told that she hates him so much that day that he's just disassociated.Oh, bless him.Okay, Jett says, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.Oh, my God.What kind of answer is that?I don't know.I think he's just laughing.That's no use to us.
34:43That's no use to us.Catherine is obviously right.Woo-hoo!Damn it, I'd like to apologize.I think I've been calling you Jet Vevers to, like, everyone for about four years.I'm so sorry.Love you and your work's amazing.What's insane about that is that I have known Jet and worked with Jet for, if I may,
35:06eight years and the fact that you wouldn't assume that I might know,you were like, I'm going to check, I'm going to check, Veebers, Jet Beaver.Because I'm coming into my own.Yeah, listen, you backed yourself and sometimes that's uncomfortable.Catherine is obviously right.I cannot tell you how many of those texts I get every week from different friends who listen tothe podcast. Just to be clear, Helen, Catherine is obviously right. Like, obviouslyCatherine is not always right. No, I'm not always right. No. You love it when I'm wrong.
35:35Yeah. Can we think of a time Catherine was wrong just so I feel good?I'm sure. I'm sure this is all pipe in. Do you have a problem? I do. I was going to say,I'd be listening lots of three bean salad and they've got a format point called listenerbollicking. And I just was listening to thinking, thank God we never opened the door forlistener corrections. Because they come anyway, but imagine if we were like, hey, thisa format point you can correct us sweet jesus how about on my new podcast i'll ask for corrections and i'llhave you come in so you can explain the corrections to me helen when will you accept that we're not co-hostingyour new podcast don't say that you're so sweet i hate it when you say that okay so every other week
36:19it'll be Andrew or Catherine being my guest and then captain will have a format point so i guess they'llhave to be there every day why do you keep saying that why do you do thatthat's crazyI'm sorryyou should getMarianne to the correctionsabout that I would listen toit would just be her
36:35opening a correction from a listenerlaughing, cackling,afraid of the matterhow you're so stupidand then maybe sayingwhat it wasand I would listen to thatjust really quickly
36:43from Jet VivasHa ha ha phenomenalvevers I've heardand will acceptthat's meAndrew's chosen pronunciationa beautiful insanitybut happy to help
36:54I think that's a lovely wayof saying itnow we're a listenerand that's why he's a goodsupportive directordo we have any updatesAndrew?Oh let's have a look
37:04we've pretty much gone throughall the updatesall that I've got leftare people talking aboutgallstonesand people talking about timesthey shat themselvesoh come on one
37:12golstonesbecause I've got back in the hospitaltomorrowand then I've got my operationI'm pro-gallI'm anti-shitokay we'll dowe'll do shit
37:21and you justyou just forward the shitones to me privatelyAndrewokay yeah yeahI mean they sat theresince youyou're
37:27yourself in the hallway of thestop that's why people sent them inwait I don't know we had a folder of peoplehaving whoopsie daisies yeahwe went through quite a lot of them but there was stillour listenersCatherine's getting upset you know let's do thegoalstone's one sorry Catherine this is
37:41from Mhi hi thisthey say two years ago I got mygoldstones out and I reallywant I'm really glad that Helen's getting hersout as well Iused to be in painall the time and since I've had
37:56my gallbladder out my stomach never hurts so yeah that's positive never hurts yeah there was alsosome right from him um that would be amazing important stuff about urgency but you this was beforeyou had the timeline for this i am fully actually this is probably good for everyone to know you've got to geton it yeah if you've you got got got yeah i did not realize how bad and sick i was like i justcaught it in time yeah it was bad because it's like it moves towards your liver because theystarted like so my liver got so inflamed which I've now shrinking through diet which is alsofucks with your brain and if it moves one step over then it's in the pancreas then you'rethat's exactly what it says you go so yellow and m's pancreas was obstructed and it can lead to
38:42pancreatitis which is fatal yes Jesus get on your gallstones because they wanted to keep me in originallywith the first liver thing because they were like you're like borderline jaundersing but then Iwanted to film the show so then i had to get this like crazy insurance taken out over me and likebe on this very specific diet that they could provide to be allowed to do everything it's badthat's insane yeah but also like that's fucking senil patel petal's fault because i didn't go to thehospital when it first happened because he said i was full of farts and i believed him but what's theactual cause of gallstones it's there's two things it's either calcium or a buildup of bileinside of your gall bladder
39:22so you're not using the bile sack correctly.That sounds so like active though.Like surely you've no decision making over this, right?What do you mean?You're like using the bile cranking.It's not like you can decide how you use your bile.No.It just happens to some people?
39:37It's more common in like white womenwho are fertile 40s and fat.I think those are the 5Fs.Fair fertile 40.fat i think i think that's what it is but then obviously like people have it in their 20s likeit's genuinely not a fat thing thing i think people just say that like anyone can get it guyscan get it like of course like people of color can get it it's not just a white woman thing but yeahyeah yeah yeah i take a lot of the boxes i which is quite nice because it's nice to be in a
40:08it's nice to be in a gang it's nice to be in the goal gang umthe what the goal gang gang and francis doesn't have a goal bladder so me and francis can begall buddies. Where did it go?France's had, as taken out when they were like20, I think we were like23, 24. Wow,ahead of the curve. Crazy.All right, we're ready.
40:30This is from Tea.Hi, Tea!I've always secretly hoped,Dear Trusty Hogs, I've alwayssecretly hoped I'd never had a conundrumto send to you, but here I am.My boyfriend and Imoved to Altoeroa in New Zealand
40:44together six months ago.After a few months traveling around, the NorthIsland and living in our vown. We found accommodation and work in a gorgeous surf town.Everything lined up. We're having a lovely time, learning to surf. However, we hadn't establisheda friendship group. And as someone who thrives in social interaction, I was struggling withthe quiet social life. I didn't really have friends that I could call on in the local area.I became restless with work that wasn't fulfilling or teaching me new skills. And without a socialgroup, I was very keen to move on from where we'd settled.
41:17My partner, on the other hand, had a more interesting workand is also naturally more of an ester.So when I discussed potentially travelling to South Island,he was reluctant because he wanted to staywith the lifestyle he's enjoying where we were.Fast forward a few weeks, and I can't ignore my gut feeling anymore,I need to move on.For context, I spent three months last year
41:38trying to convince myself I was enjoying living in a townwith a job I didn't likeand have since vowed to honour any such feelings about moving on.And for more context,I spent nine months last year traveling, most of which was away from my partner.This is all very important because I've decided to travel Indonesia by myself for three weeks.I have no savings, no work commitments, and the winter weather here has been getting me down.I feel very stagnant, so I'm very keen to get out and get away for three weeks.
42:06My partner accepted my decision at first, but since said that he doesn't understand why I'm going alone and is upset.I've tried to explainmy struggles with the intense living situationand the big leap in our relationshipbut hequit his job to move from New Zealand with meand feels he's made sacrifices for us to be togetherbeing reminded of his career sacrifice
42:34makes me uncomfortable because although I'm very gratefulI never asked or pressured him to leavehe since made a U-turn on his stanceon staying in the North Islandand said he would be willing to travel with mebut I still want my time aloneI know I need it to resetbut how do I handle the guilt of leaving him behind
42:54how do I get through to himwhat should I domany thanksIndonesia will be amazingas someCatherine's in a relationship and they have to travelyou get youI don't know
43:12know it's hard right we don't have total information i would say all due respect it sounds likeyou're getting literally everything you want you traveled for nine months without him youhave learned to follow your own urges and desires you moved to new zealand and yes you didn'task him to but in order i guess like in real terms to make your relationship workthis person gave up his job and has moved there to be with you,which if you were, like, thrilled to be in the relationship would be a really great thing.And now, despite the fact that naturally he would have stayed where he wanted to,he's doing exactly what you want and again moving.
44:01I don't know, man.I don't know if you want to be in this.This is the thing.I don't know if you're restless in the relationship or restlessbecause you do, you're someone who needs to be constantly on the road.because there are people who need to be constantly on the road and moving.Yeah, I get that.I actually don't love to be in the same place all the time.
44:18I really get that part.But the whole, like, now he wants to, like, explore Indonesia with me.I'm like, yeah, because you're totally across the world.And it's like, and he moved with you and he loves you.And Indonesia sounds so fun.Like, I don't know, man.I don't know.She, for me, just feels like the compromises you get, like, one week alone in
44:41Indonesia and do two weeks together so three weeks. Yes. Normally I'd be like, hell yeah. But for me,I think it is relevant that she just spent nine months away from him. Because it's not like theyhaven't had time apart either. Like, do you know what I'm saying? It's not like. I think I do. I agreewith you. It would be like two and one maybe might make sense. But I just think like, do you want togo out with this person? That's what I'm wondering, but I don't want to say that. It's all like in here,I'm afraid. What do you think, Andrew? Yeah. It's, uh, I think it's a, uh, I think it's a,a deeper restlessnesswhatever it is
45:14whatever the root cause isand it's not that necessarilyyou don't love each otherlike each otherwant to be togethermaybe just are not alignedin that sort ofpart of your life
45:27but that doesn't mean to saythat you won't be againjust means maybe at the momentso I just I don't lovewhen people are likeI never asked you toyou're likeokay
45:38yeah you didn't ask mebut like that's whatif we wantedto keep going out then that's something that had to happen yeah and so like you don't have to belike perpetually grateful but you could acknowledge that that's like a thing someone's done tofacilitate your relationship and that's if you wanted to be in the relationship a reallyamazing thing I think you I think you don't want to be with this person yeah that's what I'mhearing sorry that's what you've asked you've asked like well I suppose one thing that that was asked
46:10was how do I handle the guilt of leaving him behind?So this person is quite dead set on going anyway, no matter what.Fair enough, you know, they're following their gut.How do you handle the guilt?Sounds like you need one of those relationships.Like, doesn't Miriam Margulies and, like, her wife have one of those relationshipswhere they live separate houses, like, they've got entirely own lives,but they like, when they spend time together, it's pure quality.
46:32That just doesn't sound like what this guy wants.No, it doesn't, but it sounds like that's the relationship you need.It's not what I'd want.If your partner is not looking for that, then that's not how that's going to.Yeah.like I'm not judging him when I say he doesn't want that like I wouldn't want that but I think like and it's both are completely reasonable things to want so do you need to go to Bali single like Elizabeth Gilbert in eat pray love and go and meet a monk and have a experience maybe I think like watch the film obviously or read the book the film will be quicker yeah it would be so much quicker and Julia Roberts is gorgeous because I think like there should bebe gilfdom involved in adventuring but like you should maybe honor his time as much as yourown and uh to that end maybe it's a weird problem when we're just sort of like yeah nah new
47:28relationships no no no i actually think this person needs no relationship for some time she doesn'twant to make compromise or a relationship with a bird yeah or just like just like be free do follow your ownAn eagle.So you're ready to make more compromise.An eagle's born to fly.Okay, well, I was still answering the problem, but now you guys are singing and clicking.Sorry, Catherine.Honestly, guys, what podcast are we on?
47:51Trusty hot.Yeah, if it's trusty hog.I hope that helps.Oh, God, I feel really bad.This person is like, I hope we never could write into you.Here's my problem.We've been like, I think that's not right.I think if they, I think maybe it's one of those things.
48:06Like, I think you wrote the email and you sent it, but if you'd have read it back,you would have heard that as well.And you might be listening to us in quotation marks solving your problem and think,oh, I totally misrepresented that in the email.In which case, write to us again and we'll try and get to it in our last two episodes.Because like sometimes, sometimes like I journal, sometimes I write something down and I readit back and I'm just sort of like, that is not what I meant.That was just me describing one small part of it with, and then someone came home so I stopped writing.
48:32Or like, that's a feeling I was having that isn't true because people are not our feelings,that I needed to get out of my systemand I'm glad I wrote it hereinstead of like saying it to one of the people involvedor to the person like because I don't think it represents mebut it's still moved through meand I needed to get it out somewhereyeah those random feet like
48:51I've been craving a cigarette so much the last two weeksand like every time it's sort of likeoh my God I've got to like talk myself through itand it's like I don't actually want a cigarettebut I feel like I dowell done you know so it's that weirdnesswell done for doing that but maybe thank youbut maybe that's what it is maybe you oh you know what buy a pack of marlborough red no i think that's
49:14what we're saying ew no that's not marbara reds they're harsh marbara lights no don't do any of thisgolden virginia we're not pushing cigarettes on this podcast rollies honestly stop it now you really arejust listing your own cravings by camel blue good lord i suppose with guilt is just like well youyou've not done anything wrong i like you both went into this travelingsituation, relationship,thinking it was one thingwith different expectations.Yeah, hoping it would work.
49:44Yeah, it just, you know,if it's just a lifestyle clash,if that lifestyle clash was,oh, he got really into Andrew Tateand became a massive misogynist,you wouldn't feel any guilt.It's just, I mean, it's not the same,but, you know,
49:55if you think about it like that.Yeah, maybe,maybe send him down the Manosphere pipelineso you can feel this guilty about it.Did not send anyone down to send anyone down there.There's already so many peoplejumping down there themselves.They don't need to be sent down every time.
50:06I had a week back.there like Jesus Christit was interestingno I'm jokingdid you imaginewe hope that outI'm going hustlers to university guysI'm fucking I'm finally getting my degree
50:19oh my GodBehaviorsI'm redoing my A levelsI'm reading my A levelsI'm going hustlersI think I fit inI think so tooHelen
50:28do you want to remind peoplewhere they can see you at the fringeI would fucking love toI am at Monkey Barrow 1at 320 p.mevery single day.Is that the roomI was in last year?
50:41You were in Monkey Barrow 3 last yearYou were across the waywhere Amy Gledgehill wasYesLovely bit of roomI mean anyone who's seen me at FrenchI was there lastlast year
50:52And the year before thatThe year before lastGorgeous roomOkay wonderfulAnd if you'd like to cometo one of the recordingsof TLDRYou might be able to still get tickets
51:01And otherwiseHave a gorgeous August daySlash see you in the extrasSee You in the ExtrasSee you with the extra.See you in the extra.Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.Acast.com.
51:58Hey, do you want to hear the next big new tech podcast hit before anyone else?Check out the Daily Tech News show,Experiment Week. We're swapping out our normal shows to try out some new ideas. We've done this before and launched big hits like Behind the Data, the Tech John, and more. This year we have exclusive Android faithful reactions to the Pixel 9 event. It's all on the DTNS feed starting August 11th. Don't miss it.ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.Thank you.
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