Trusty Hogs - Ep198. AA, Adventuring & Aotearoa

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

An intimate one this week as we rifle through the inbox, explore city farms, discuss the phrase 'Butt Hurt', and throwback to the early days with Andrew having some clothing stolen by a hook-up...HOGS MERCH: www.trustyhogs.com/merchThank you so much for listening!Support us at www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more!Trust us with your own problems and questions... [e-mail] give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socialsBe sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)All links: https://audioalways.lnk.to/trustyhogsSNThank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Guy Goodman / Simon Moores / Stefanie Catracchia / Oliver Jago / Anthony Conway / Neil Redmond / Angela S / Sadie Cashmore / Charlie WeemesPRODUCERS: Elle / Richard Bald / Harald van Dijk / Tim & Dom / David Walker / Rachel R / Claire Owen-Jones / Sarah & Molly / Raia Fink / Cordelia / Rachel Page / Helen A / Tina Linsey / Amy O'Riordan / Matt Sims / Luke Bright / Leah / Kate / Liz Fort / Taz / Anthony / Klo / Becky Fox / Dean Michael / Sophie Chivers / Carey Seuthe / Charley A / KC / Jam Rainbird / Tamsyne Smith-Harding / Ezra Peregrine / Bryn / Laura Pollock / Leah Overend / Steven Chicken / Hayley Singer / Dougie Robertson / Chris G / Aisling McGlinchey / Julia Rose / Paul RichardsonWith Helen Bauer (Daddy Look at Me, Live at the Apollo) & Catherine Bohart (Roast Battle, Mock the Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats)FOLLOW HELEN, CATHERINE & ANDREW...@HelenBaBauer@CatherineBohart@StandUpAndrew Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, welcome to episode 198 of Trosty Hogg's early August. You're listening to this. We hope at some point from the Edinburgh Fringe, maybe some of you, go see Helen. You have to. And if you're going, pop her in your plan. And also Andrew will be there. Why haven't you booked these tickets already? What the hell, you guys? Come on. I'm sure you already have. And Rose Matafayo, she'll be there. Oh my God, wonderful. And Paul Williams. Why are you listing?

There'll be loads of people there. There's a very big customer. You should just be listing more people. and if you're in London Kat Cohen. Yes, but also if you're in London and you haven't got tickets,

I hope you're coming to see me at your TLDR recording. The point is, hello, it's episode 190. Molly McGuinness. I can't stop thinking of people at French. Please stop naming people. Alison Spittal.

I'm Catherine Bohart. She's Helen Bauer. This is a show about our perfect lives where we answer your listener problems and oh my God, you've got a lot of them. We're worried. We're concerned.

We are thinking about you all the time. I'm literally not thinking about them, but I love that you are. I worry constantly. I'm losing sleep. I'm losing sleep. Through the fog, step forth the trusty hogs, yeah, you're gonna give them your problems and they will solve them, or maybe they won't, and that's your problem. They'll have guests, and Andrew White on the tech, oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs, trust the trusty hogs, or maybe no,

Oh my God, I have so much to tell you about Helen. This week I took Sweet Laura Rocote, who's living in my house at the moment, which is so lovely, to see the Hackney City Farm. Is that where you went? We went there and it was so divine. And it was so funny because I don't know what she was expecting, but she seemed startled by every element of the farm,

which was really fun. Wait, can you describe the farm? I don't think I've been to this one. Yeah, so in Hagerston Park there's this little, like, petting zoo, basically. But also it is more like a farm. and there's like geese that are having little babies for the first time in eight years there are the most beautiful goats

like Billy's all around they're so sweet. Called Jessica? Possibly. Do you remember when I, all I wanted was a goat called Jessica? Oh, okay. And then a listener sent in a goat with the name of the episode on the back of the tag. That's adorable.

I have it at home. Okay, well there's really sweet goats but more importantly the reason we went there that morning was because the pig there who recently, her name's Waddles. she recently gave birth to nine piglets Waddles gave birth

and Waddles a big girl and Waddles is adorable Waddle sucks honestly shattered but she'd just given birth so we're going to see Wadles we're like what up where's the pigs and they're obviously like that's the sign with the pig on

you dumb fucks but we went over they shouldn't say that to people at the farm they should north called you a dumb fuck but they're only volunteering so you know what they can say what they want I think it's fine and so I was actually I like the energy. And so I thought, good for you. Were they queer? It's very, feels like a very queer.

Ultimately, no one said that to us. But also all the volunteers were like 12 years old and it was so cute. But so we were in there and we walk over and initially like first of all, you have this gorgeous mix of maybe like three pure pink sort of babe-esque piglets. Shut up. And then about six freckley guys like sprang spotty gorgeous little guy. And one of them's obviously the run like he's half the size of the others. He's so cute. They're running. They're running. they're also accidentally falling over. They like jump over each other, but then they don't quite make it

so they fall and land. And one of them just could not wake up. He was just so busy sleeping and everyone was like banging on his head being like, wake up, wake up, wake up. Is he done? No, no, no, no, he was fine. But they were adorable running around

being so, so cute. And then Waddles, as you do, sort of turned on her side. Yeah. Thus revealing her very long, very engorged nipples. How long just like? Like, I'd say like, um, pinky, finger. Oh, yeah. Which actually

seemed really big at the time, but when you say arm seems quite small. Arm would be mad. I actually, I want to take that back. Arm would be mental as a length of, but also if you have an arm length nipple, then good on you and no, I disagree. I think get that checked out.

Go get surgery. Speak to someone. Speak to someone. We love all bodies, but if your nipples long, get surgery. That long as an arm. We don't want to see it. Not at this go. Yeah. And so then it went from like genuinely us and a bunch of families being like, oh my God, look at that one. Oh my God. They're so cute. Oh my God. It's so sweet. To almost eerie silence as these piglets went from running around adorably to like screaming, high pitch screams. They were fighting each other. They were like stamping on her belly, like trying to get into, but and like chomping on her. Like so aggressive. Like feral. It was honestly, it got so quiet and dark. And they were so grim and they were like, honestly. And they were like, honestly. like it was horrific and it was just like a bunch of women just sort of staring at this pig being like do we need to break waddles out of here is this motherhood this is fuck like this is so wrong she just like had that lock on her face like I'm nothing but a meat milk provided to these

I what is the point of me why is this my life now I can't believe I couldn't get it if I wanted to get is one of them, one of them, the little runt you think would be like not getting much milk was moving between at one point three nipples. It was going like suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. And it would just go along. Like it was a fucking bar tabs. It was horrendous. It was honestly horrendous.

We walked out of there. Sorry, one question. Yeah. How many nipples for the nine piglets? I didn't actually count now that you say. You didn't? No, but I would have said maybe 12. That's enough.

Andrew, could you check how many nipples? nipples a grown big pig has? Andrew, please. Andrew, were you not already Googling this?

What's the hell you are? 12 to 14 but it actually can range from 8 to 18. Whoa. That's too many

I mean it's perfect for the litter but for me I'd find that too many nipples. It was so, so, so intense and it got like

eerie towards the end. Everyone just sort of like slowly filed out like tapping the donation thing for your card being like, I don't know if this was right. I don't know if you're in to see that.

That seemed private. Is this the one near Shored at Chisdry? Yeah. Okay, yeah. I've walked past it before. It was just like that seemed so private. I don't know about it. But did Waddles like, did it end the feeding?

No, no, it just was still going and everyone was like, it was time to go. It went on for so long. Where was the dad? Oh, absent classic. You know. Like where, like already at Vauxhall City Farm, like impregnant. name someone else. Yeah.

No doubt. No doubt. At Vauxhall Pleasure Garden. Yeah. Although. With all the other pigs or sows. What's a male pig? Male pig is a pig, lady pig, sow.

Hello? A male pig is a boar and a female pig is a sow. What's a pig? The pig is... Like a human. A pig is gentiless, I believe. A sleigh. Yeah.

Pig is genderless. Wow. That's good for the pigs. That's so nice non-finery pigies. No, but this poor girl was being misreated by these little ungrateful brands. Oh, Jesus. It was tough to watch. So, yeah, that was like the highlight of my weekend.

Can I guess that you were going to, like, have a fun, fun time? Oh, yeah, we were, I was like, let me show you the area. Let me show you the area. I mean, it's like, yeah, I'll show you the area. I'll show you the area. And then we were both just like, is that what it is to be mother. Oh, yeah. Anyway, afterwards I left her with her sister and we were both just like, see her.

Oh, I love our sister, Maya. Yeah, her sister's wonderful, fun clan, fun clan. Was this like last weekend? That's just after we wrapped. Laura would have been a husk. We've all, everyone's wrapped everyone. Congratulations. Did you, um, did you cry when you wrapped?

No. I was inconsolable. Why? Just devastated it was over. Oh, that's so sweet. Well, I was rapping by myself on a day where like everyone else was continuing. It would be crazy for me to have cried being like, as in like, they all had to keep doing the job. You know, if maybe if it was like, if I gone to the rap party, I think maybe I would have cried.

But it was like, it'd be mad. and they all have to come back tomorrow and if I were like it would just be too much also you've met me I would never I did it but I didn't actually wrap until the Sunday but I cried on the Friday because that was the last time we were all together

and it felt very little women like we'll never be all together with sister I do really get that I really get that do you know when I last cried actually when this is the kind of thing I cried for on the train back from Manchester watching the second series of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders

say it with me girls Oh my God, have you watched the season? Only the first three episodes, but you can spoil it for me because, like, I mean, some of them become cheerleaders, some of them don't. I love it, by the way.

No, it actually would be like the series spoiler for me to say. Well, there's two. There's one moment where one of them, this is a real spoiler. Okay, I'm inviting it. I'm inviting it. Okay, I'll say it vaguely,

which is that one of them does not conform to the classic beauty standard expectation of cheerleaders. bravely goes out on the field in a very natural way and it's really beautiful. Wait, one of them goes to a game without makeup? No, God, no, Jesus. Ew, no, that's like probably illegal.

They probably be fired. Like they don't wear like their weave? She has alopecia and she doesn't wear her wig. I love that one. Yeah, she's great. Can't remember her name, but I love her. I know, but she goes out with her wig and it's just so beautiful. And I sobbed like a baby on the train.

But yeah, no, like rapping? No, nothing. I have a weird emotional regulation system I don't know how to tell you No but also that was We were like wrapping all together basically And it felt very like Well of course that's gonna be like end of school vibes

That's and I always cry at the last day of school And I'm also listening to like a lot of Robbie Williams And Ed Shearin at the moment So I'm like I'm oh my god Yeah in a good way In a good way Why so why? I'm trying to calm myself down

Just in life I'm trying to I'm trying to I'm trying to I'm trying to zen out Is that the swing when you're winning Robbie Williams album You're so gay Me and my mother used to sing that in the car all the time

It's like the gayest man I've ever mad And you can wear all your football shirts You like Andrew Like that's mental It was a genuine sweet charm And curiosity

That open face Like you've had the swing When you're winning Robbie Williams album Because I remember when I were I was when I listened To every tune I like to click along with my favorite song.

I was in B&M by Moisturizer. Shut up. No, that's fun. I love you so much. Was that bad? Did they do bad? You were super homophobic. What was it?

But not wrong. Super homophobic. Sorry. You're really straight now. These days. I was thinking that the other day, because obviously not on your timeline because currently, which you're listening to this,

it's the 7th of August and happy birthday, Michael Bauer. I remember Dad. How about that? Actually, I should remember in my diary, but still, whatever. It was pride at the weekend, and I was at Emma Black's wedding. And then remember the year before that? I was at a Catholic church doing... It's super homophobic of her to even arrange that.

Emma Black, have a fucking look at yourself. What? It was so beautiful. I cried as well. Yeah, of course. I cried again. Of course. She looked so stunning.

She's fit. Yeah, she looked stunning. She's fit. Yeah, she looked stunning. And we all looked fit, actually. I think it was a fit wedding party. That's nice. I loved it. Happy wedding, Emma and Sam. Happy legal wedding. Happy legal wedding Emma and Sam. That's true. There's still more coming up. But maybe I am. Maybe I'm straight. Maybe I'm straight. I love to marry twice or thrice. I have been very like boy hungry this summer. How's that going? Has I been more to see? I can't remember what we said on the podcast to each other and what we spoke about separate. No, valetio. Oh my God. Is that what we spoke about in the podcast? Yeah, you insisted that we all know you swallowed. Okay, but outside of that, like you know I've had a couple of summer crushes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Nothing's happened. Okay. But I'm just like, I'm, like, I'm awakened. This is exciting. I'm awakened. A couple. Yes. And then Nathan said, Nathan Darcy Roberts, who I live with, that he's like, do you

reckon you'll get a fringe crush? And I said, I've never had, I've had, I've been upset a fringe because someone who I fancied start going out with someone, um, who was a friend of mine, which is fine. But like, I was just like a bit but hurt. Yeah. But I was saying to Nate. Nathan? Such a weird way to describe yourself.

But her. I liked it. Wait, do we not say butt hurt for ourselves? I don't think people say butt hurt full stop. Do they not? No. I mean, so far as people say, I thought it had like homophobic connotations,

but that tracks with your new personality. Wait, no. Wait, am I homophobous? No, no. I don't think it's like, no. No, if I am, I'd rather know. So I can fix it.

Is that a thing? Or did I just like. I Googling is butthurt problematic? Oh no. Yeah. And then Google is Helen Bauer problematic, but like both go on no this is good for you from a medium article are you under the impression that but her is an anti-lg LGBTQ slur well it's not and here's why that matters

great oh it's a really long think piece don't make me read oh no no and you mustn't uh Andrew will not read beyond the headline you cannot make him sorry Andrew no that's great okay good to know good to know um but then I was saying to Nathan I was like I want what Catherine had do you remember your fringe crush on Ellen oh my god yes but you were so like like activate like I'm going to say from my point of view but like you were so activated and so excited like it didn't feel like you needed sleep a genuine like genuine it was crazy we weren't sleeping whatsoever we were doing so many shows it was the cutest crush ever but you would like and I'm saying that as the friend who was I'll say it used yeah in that you've said it every

abused and abused but like you like it was like nothing could touch you you're on the mario rainbow road yeah and i've had like a couple of like little crushes this year nothing that i've like been able to explore because of like circumstances or just like also like i'm fully aware it's a tricky time to have a crush when you're like your body like when you're you've got gravel guts that's what my friends are calling it okay but on the gravel goods does that inhibit you from having sex no well it will i won't infringe because it's a four to six weeks recovery from the operation and I know and I'm going up 10 days later don't look nervous because then I get nervous I'm not nervous but you can't have sex for six weeks I imagine you can I think it

depends on how you feel surely I've got and so for example what if you feel in a home me and Nathan said this is like the best summer ever because if I'm really horny then I've got like a medical reason to be like I really fancy you I think you should come back to mine but I can only get licked out that I can only get licked out I can only and then Nathan was like the guy will be like eye line with your scars on your stomach just having to do the best eating ever and I'm like I'm sorry due to medical reasons I will not be able to participate in sex in any way apart from being lit down that's so funny I know also this the first time in ages I've been allowed to eat a pizza so it's technically illegal if I don't do that at the same time thank you so

much bye yeah yeah yeah yeah so medically this summer and you know I don't know if it's true I don't feel comfortable asking the doctor, if I'm honest. Medically this summer, I'm only able to be eaten out. Right. And I think I want a fringe crush. Because I've never had one. Have you ever had a fringe crush, Andrew? No, not proper.

No. I've been like dalliances with like, oh, maybe, but nothing will lasting. This is the thing. I want the, like, because it's like school, right? And do you remember when you fancy someone at school how all encompassing it is? And like every time you run into them and the cost. corridor or like you think about that lesson you've got coming up with them. Also you could potentially run into them at any time. That was my favorite thing about the Ellen thing. I was like

I was like getting blow dries and making sure my hair and face was done all the time because it's like you could turn around the corner and then be like hey, it was crazy. You were in the salon or standing on a street corner. You know it. I don't think you sat. I didn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I would not do it. Speaking of my fringe crush you guys, have you seen them. They announced. Can we announce it fully? It's so cool. It's so cool. It was. on variety. It's on deadline. It's crazy. Ellen, my sweet Ellen Robertson is in Toronto filming this. They're making the book, Vladimir, which I had read separately. That's what's so wild about it is that you like already know this world. But it's like, it's more than just

like being in a show. It's like, a show. I know. She's in like a huge limited series for Netflix and Rachel Weiss and Leo Woodall are the leads. And John Slattery, she's playing the daughter of John Slattery and Rachel Weiss. What? He's in Madman. I know. Also, she's playing a gay, which I'm so happy about, well, I think bye. But it's so exciting to see her play a queer. She's so queer. It's so cool. It's so cool.

Are you going to get to visit if you figured it out yet? Yes, I'm going to go in August. The crazy thing was that my sister had actually recommended the book Vladimir to me and I'd read it already. So when Ellen was like, I have this audition. I was like, shut the fuck up. I have the book. She was like, what? And I was like, one moment, please.

And then I went and got it. And it was so exciting. And yeah, it's just, it's so cool. And she auditioned in an American accent. So proud of her. That's amazing. I'm so proud. It's so nice. Do you feel it's like happening at the moment? Like maybe it's because I'm like sexually like engaged and I've leveled up.

But don't you just feel. I'm so excited to say how you make. One second. One second. I'm getting this particle connected to you being second. I'm going to get that. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there.

This is a really important. Guys, Andrew Catherine, can you not feel how like everyone's like coming into themselves like. Because you. No, not a little bit because I'm like. opening up to the world, but like, we're like, everyone's doing what they're meant to be doing. Yeah, I do feel that a bit, actually. Like, it's like, people are, like, coming into their own left, right?

Like, some of my friends, like, is it either finding love or, like, becoming parents or getting these jobs that they've deserved for so long or getting these opportunities. And I'm like, oh, my God, everyone's doing what they're supposed to be doing. You're screaming. And everyone smells like roses. And I fucking love it. I love that. How long have you been listening

to Robbie Williams? Like three weeks. It's not working yet, but I love it. Really? I'm trying to zen it. I think I might be the one from She's the One. I think I might be.

That checks out. Here's the thing though. What I actually think you're saying, which I think is like, I hope heartening for people is like, your late 30s man for me is like, I'm watching everyone like really hit, like, hit their stride.

And similarly, I think like, just don't be afraid. If you're like coming up to 30 and worried, trust me it's the best decade ever it's going to get so good in a weird way it's going to get weird but it's also

yeah you can actually finally start to like make money and trust yourself and just realise I want to figure out what point of my cycle I am because clearly this is a good point for me I'm like seven days away or maybe I'm too high but I was like 12 days late the other week

what I know crazy did you think you were pregnant yeah obviously of course of course of course of course Yeah, obviously. Yeah, obviously. But I think it was just because, like, change of medication and, like,

significant dietary changes to prepare for the surgery. So it must have been that. Okay, I am, I've just finished ovulating, like yesterday. It's a day 19 in my cycle. Okay, that's my day. I'm so glad to do it. I feel invincible right now. That's so interesting.

The week before I get my period, I'm like, I could lift a car. I run so much faster. I run much further. I'll do better in the gym. I'm like, and then the second it comes, I'm like, I can't believe you're asking me to make my own coffee. Wait, who asked you to make your own coffee on your period?

Just like the universe, you know. That's fucked up. It's so crazy. People don't respect women. I just don't think they do. I actually do think it's insane that we have to do our jobs. Agreed. It's fucking insane.

Agreed. Anyway, yes, okay, any news with you? Yes. Tell me. So much. So much. I've started watching Arrested Development. Oh my God, welcome.

Congrats. That's actually really exciting. Turns out, it's really good. Yeah. Hey, none of you've heard of this, guys. It's pretty good. Yeah, it's great. I eat yogh. Huh? Just telling everyone, I feel like I'm the last person to the yogurt party. Oh, which, which, what are you doing? Oh, well, it's, it's, that one, but it's the zero percent until I have my operation. I like the zero percent one. And then, yeah, but the, the other one looks nicer. I haven't had the five percent one, but it looks like. It's just a bit creamier. More purchase on the tongue. Yeah, I see what you're saying.

Does that make sense? But as 0% once go, the 0%... It's pretty good. Oh, my God, Faya. Fia. Is that how you say it? Fia? I think Faye A.

I know what you mean, yeah. It's written on the side of the packet how you say it, but I didn't manage to read it correctly. We're certainly not going to go with the hate crime version, so tell us something else, Andrew. I can't find... He can't Google it. How do you spell it?

F-A-C-E. No, F-A-G-E. Apologies. F-A-G-E. That's why I said, we're not going to go with the hate crime. I'm Brutcheon. Here we go. pronunciation.

Faye. Faye. Faii. Faii. Faii. Faii. Faii. That's beautiful.

I feel like we got it right the first time. I'm just reading the phonetic, but yeah, that's what it says. Faiye. Oh, my God. Nathan's learning German at home by watching dark and he loves it. It's like a German stranger things. Yes. I, no, no, mind.

Let's not tell that story. But yes. No, oh, my God. Now you have to tell me. What? Tell that story. No, I went there. Well, this was ages ago, I went for a hookup with a guy.

And then afterwards, he was like, have you heard of Dark? And I'm like, no. And then he told me all about it and made me watch the first episode. And it was so, and he was, it was so intense that I was like, has this been like stealth marketing by Netflix? Are they like sending guys to hook up so that you become aware of Dark? Andrew, I don't think they're getting the homosexuals one at a time by way of all night hookup.

The sex was so perfunctory. That it was like... Profunctuary. What does sex that's perfunctory mean? It means like it was so like... Oh, tick the boxes. Yeah. Yeah. Without sort of like

any passion or anything. Yeah. I've done that for. It was almost like, right, let's get this out of the way. And the real reason you're here. I'm just sending you a timeshare in the Netflix series, Dark. And did you watch it? No, although the first episode was quite good, actually.

I think I'm going to watch it. Oh, actually, no, no, that's not add that detail. Andrew! Do you have sex during the episode? No, no, he had a foot fetish and he stole my socks. He stole your socks. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean?

You were just like, I can't find my socks and he was like, oh, I wonder why. I think so, yeah. That's a fucking joke. Oh, I'm fine with that. I hate that. Just ask for them. My boundaries are very poor. Just ask for them.

Yeah, I never did. No, no, I'm saying he should have asked you for them. Oh, I see. I would have given. them willingly actually that's good point. That's what I mean is I'd have given them. Just say like yeah totally if someone's into it like sure but you gotta ah. You know fuck it whatever you want you just ask me I'm just

gonna give you whatever you want. Okay that's I'm a very easy going girl. You've really got to work on that. I'm a very easy going on. I don't think that's right. So back to fringe. Yes. So I'm gonna go up and granted like there's a chance that I will like not be able to stand very well. Great. However. It feels like it's gonna be a wonderful run. You know people always say that like

you can find love when you're vulnerable, you know? No one I know says that, but I was told about love by Irish people. Go on. Okay, so if you're vulnerable, then like people want to take care of you, so you can find love. And I'll be so vulnerable at French. That's true. Right? Maybe you'll find a male nurse, which is like presumably your wet dream. Stop it.

Presumably a wet nurse is like your literal wet dream. Stop it. Because if he's a straight male nurse, he's got to be everything you've ever hoped for. There was a really cute nass at King's College Hospital, the one in Campbellwell. Holy crap. Yeah. But he knows I'm full of stones. Yeah, but that's maybe good.

Start honest. I don't think stones is like... Start honest. Stay authentic. I feel like I need to tell people like I've had an operation, but I don't need them all knowing that I was full of stones. Will you be talking about it on stage? I think I'm going to have to.

Then so you're just going to say, what, mystery illness? No. Oh, that's a good point, actually. But, like, I'm not going to fall in love with someone that comes to see my show. why do i feel like they're what they'll see an hour of me exposing myself and they'll be like oh actually no like the mystery's gone i went to see ellen's show and then we fell yeah but you work differently you work differently no i think it's fine i think if they don't like your stand-up then they're not a very good partner for you do not feel like they would know too much about me

like i'd be like a bit too like i think with this this is the first show yes if i thought you were like going to go on a date a couple of dates and like really keep your cards close to your chest i'd be like No, you deserve the right to, like, be super private for the first year of your relationship. But given that we're us, you don't think I'm a mystery. I don't think either of us are mysteries. Are you serious? I think you could talk to us for five minutes and we would tell it way too much detail better. No one knows anything about it.

Okay, I'm really scared for you to find out this podcast and where it goes. Internet. Yes. Yeah, well, then, yeah, maybe. I think someone's seeing your show and thinking you're good at stand-up is sexy. But this is the first show I've written where, like, I actually feel so incredibly comfortable with strangers watching it. Yeah. And so uncomfortable, the idea of anyone I know coming to see it.

Why? It's just, it's different to what I've done before. And I feel like I'm being a lot more, like, just a bit more, like, I'm just putting myself out there in a more, like, genuinely authentic way is the best way. Or like, oh, this is more honest, it's more personal. Okay. In a way that, like, sometimes in previous shows, I've sort of gone like, oh, well, the true route is to say that, but I'd rather make this joke.

Yeah. So, like, I'd be like, okay, you know what, scrap that whole section then? Let's just do a joke like that. Yeah. And obviously, like, same as every comic, you can't go fully into stuff because there's other people involved, there's other lives, blah, blah, yeah, yeah. But, like, this one, I'm like, I don't know. Telling the truth one.

Yeah. So then it feels like, it'd be I like I'm like I want the hogs there because like they know me but like they're not going to tell my mom like I don't know is just that you're scared of your mom going no okay I think it's genuinely like I would find like I obviously would love you to come and see it but it makes you nervous but a little bit yeah but that's not there's not you as an individual that's just like I don't want like it's just it's just I think I'd find the conversations afterwards maybe could be tricky but that also is probably in my head

you'd probably watch it and be like what the fuck is wrong with you maybe not you actually you know everything The problem is it's so The problem is If you are double bluffing

This is really clever Because obviously now I'm like I'm like I don't know if I want anyone I know to go Because then I would be like I'll be there You know when comics say like

Oh I'll come see your show I hate that I'm sort of like I'm not like Going like Oh yeah let me know when I'll give you tickets Which I always used to do

I'm just sort of like Oh yeah no worries Don't worry. Don't worry. I say I hate that, by the way. I don't hate that. It's always such a compliment when other comedians want to come to your show. But also, I personally find it incredibly stressful because the only people whose opinions I care about are other comics, as in like, if you can see one and they're not laughing, you're like, ah, please tell me I'm a real girl. Please. Tell me I'm in the club. Please. It's so stressful. I want to do my show and then just hug strangers and then go and do a puzzle with Alison Spittal. you want to go to like the sort of alcoholics anonymous of comedy clubs is there one well I mean like you want like no

when you know and to not have to necessarily say your real name and then just say what you want to say and then leave kind of is that weird but I also think it's like I chose to do this though

I was like I want to do like I've done three shows that very much felt like is this show more like present than your other shows because I've got it's out more exposed when it's like my first show didn't seem as exposing

because it was about like a much younger version of me whereas the more it becomes about my contemporary life the more exposing it feels because you're like this is very much me now is that how you feel yeah i think i'm also like backing myself in the show a bit in a way that's like not comfortable to like do you know what i mean like when you're not like being down on yourself and you're backing yourself like it's not comfortable in conversation but it's quite uncomfortable on stage as well for me i'm fully i do not judge anyone who like backs themselves as a whole whole I don't know how to say that I don't actually know what I'm saying now I know what I'm saying but yeah and I believe you hey should we do a listener

problem let's do a listener problem let's do it Andrew we're ready this sorry one thing yeah said told my sister I do a shout out um Marianne would like it known that she has enjoyed all the gifts from the hogs over the years and she is like if the podcast is ending what does that mean for me and I was like you have to let it go but she does say thank you very much

and that's that's been lovely but she has to let it go so no one yeah she's a brat that's such a funny she cried at the weekings my dad didn't steal a kitten for her

from where? steal some garden I'm not joking I love that energy of being like I want that kitten give me that kitten why won't you steal that kitten for me good for her

She was like, one's a run, and he said it might die, but he left it. I was like, oh my God, why would he say, he shouldn't have said that. It's like, this is the problem, right? It's like, come on, as a duo, he has not helped himself out there. Do you know what I mean? Oh my God. You know, you know, you know, my name. Lovely Jack.

Yes, of course. He was at mine on Sunday. Yeah. And my sister, I was like, oh, do you mind if I take this really quickly? And he was like, absolutely charmed. Jet Vivers. You call him Vivers? Yeah.

I've always read it as Vevers. Jack I've been going for Vavirs Jet You have to let us know None of us know We've got different

Productions Vevers Vivers It's VIVs It's Vivers I should know that The comedy director Jet Vivers

I'm so Right It just sounds so strange to me It's not to go Viver's when there's when there's only one E in the second

syllable So you're out Okay And Vever's You're out Yeah Vver's is not it I'm going to voice at him right now, just as we can find out.

But Marianne Rung, and it was like the perfect. I need you, sorry, I actually need you to find out what it. I'm literally doing it. Jet, we're recording Trustee Hoggs, and I don't know how this is, well, it's my fault has come up, but how do we say your surname? I know how I just say it. Okay, Catherine thinks she knows. I think, I think, me thinks it's beavers.

Catherine thinks it's fevers. And Andrew thinks. Vervors. veers. Why are we funny with this? I'm right. Just let us know which one's right. Love you so much. Let us know immediately. Okay, so he was at your house. Your sister called. And it was so

funny. She was like, I hate him. Helen, I hate him. I hate him. And I was like, who? Dad. And she was like, yeah. Oh my God. He's such a prit. Oh my God. He's such a prit. I hate him. And then the ultimate pullback and reveal my dad just in the background. Hello. Hello. Do you have a show tonight? Hello, Helen.

And it's clear that he's been told that she hates him so much that day that he's just disassociated. Oh, bless him. Okay, Jett says, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God. What kind of answer is that? I don't know. I think he's just laughing. That's no use to us.

That's no use to us. Catherine is obviously right. Woo-hoo! Damn it, I'd like to apologize. I think I've been calling you Jet Vevers to, like, everyone for about four years. I'm so sorry. Love you and your work's amazing. What's insane about that is that I have known Jet and worked with Jet for, if I may,

eight years and the fact that you wouldn't assume that I might know, you were like, I'm going to check, I'm going to check, Veebers, Jet Beaver. Because I'm coming into my own. Yeah, listen, you backed yourself and sometimes that's uncomfortable. Catherine is obviously right. I cannot tell you how many of those texts I get every week from different friends who listen to the podcast. Just to be clear, Helen, Catherine is obviously right. Like, obviously Catherine is not always right. No, I'm not always right. No. You love it when I'm wrong.

Yeah. Can we think of a time Catherine was wrong just so I feel good? I'm sure. I'm sure this is all pipe in. Do you have a problem? I do. I was going to say, I'd be listening lots of three bean salad and they've got a format point called listener bollicking. And I just was listening to thinking, thank God we never opened the door for listener corrections. Because they come anyway, but imagine if we were like, hey, this a format point you can correct us sweet jesus how about on my new podcast i'll ask for corrections and i'll have you come in so you can explain the corrections to me helen when will you accept that we're not co-hosting your new podcast don't say that you're so sweet i hate it when you say that okay so every other week

it'll be Andrew or Catherine being my guest and then captain will have a format point so i guess they'll have to be there every day why do you keep saying that why do you do that that's crazy I'm sorry you should get Marianne to the corrections about that I would listen to it would just be her

opening a correction from a listener laughing, cackling, afraid of the matter how you're so stupid and then maybe saying what it was and I would listen to that just really quickly

from Jet Vivas Ha ha ha phenomenal vevers I've heard and will accept that's me Andrew's chosen pronunciation a beautiful insanity but happy to help

I think that's a lovely way of saying it now we're a listener and that's why he's a good supportive director do we have any updates Andrew? Oh let's have a look

we've pretty much gone through all the updates all that I've got left are people talking about gallstones and people talking about times they shat themselves oh come on one

golstones because I've got back in the hospital tomorrow and then I've got my operation I'm pro-gall I'm anti-shit okay we'll do we'll do shit

and you just you just forward the shit ones to me privately Andrew okay yeah yeah I mean they sat there since you you're

yourself in the hallway of the stop that's why people sent them in wait I don't know we had a folder of people having whoopsie daisies yeah we went through quite a lot of them but there was still our listeners Catherine's getting upset you know let's do the goalstone's one sorry Catherine this is

from M hi hi this they say two years ago I got my goldstones out and I really want I'm really glad that Helen's getting hers out as well I used to be in pain all the time and since I've had

my gallbladder out my stomach never hurts so yeah that's positive never hurts yeah there was also some right from him um that would be amazing important stuff about urgency but you this was before you had the timeline for this i am fully actually this is probably good for everyone to know you've got to get on it yeah if you've you got got got yeah i did not realize how bad and sick i was like i just caught it in time yeah it was bad because it's like it moves towards your liver because they started like so my liver got so inflamed which I've now shrinking through diet which is also fucks with your brain and if it moves one step over then it's in the pancreas then you're that's exactly what it says you go so yellow and m's pancreas was obstructed and it can lead to

pancreatitis which is fatal yes Jesus get on your gallstones because they wanted to keep me in originally with the first liver thing because they were like you're like borderline jaundersing but then I wanted to film the show so then i had to get this like crazy insurance taken out over me and like be on this very specific diet that they could provide to be allowed to do everything it's bad that's insane yeah but also like that's fucking senil patel petal's fault because i didn't go to the hospital when it first happened because he said i was full of farts and i believed him but what's the actual cause of gallstones it's there's two things it's either calcium or a buildup of bile inside of your gall bladder

so you're not using the bile sack correctly. That sounds so like active though. Like surely you've no decision making over this, right? What do you mean? You're like using the bile cranking. It's not like you can decide how you use your bile. No. It just happens to some people?

It's more common in like white women who are fertile 40s and fat. I think those are the 5Fs. Fair fertile 40. fat i think i think that's what it is but then obviously like people have it in their 20s like it's genuinely not a fat thing thing i think people just say that like anyone can get it guys can get it like of course like people of color can get it it's not just a white woman thing but yeah yeah yeah yeah i take a lot of the boxes i which is quite nice because it's nice to be in a

it's nice to be in a gang it's nice to be in the goal gang um the what the goal gang gang and francis doesn't have a goal bladder so me and francis can be gall buddies. Where did it go? France's had, as taken out when they were like 20, I think we were like 23, 24. Wow, ahead of the curve. Crazy. All right, we're ready.

This is from Tea. Hi, Tea! I've always secretly hoped, Dear Trusty Hogs, I've always secretly hoped I'd never had a conundrum to send to you, but here I am. My boyfriend and I moved to Altoeroa in New Zealand

together six months ago. After a few months traveling around, the North Island and living in our vown. We found accommodation and work in a gorgeous surf town. Everything lined up. We're having a lovely time, learning to surf. However, we hadn't established a friendship group. And as someone who thrives in social interaction, I was struggling with the quiet social life. I didn't really have friends that I could call on in the local area. I became restless with work that wasn't fulfilling or teaching me new skills. And without a social group, I was very keen to move on from where we'd settled.

My partner, on the other hand, had a more interesting work and is also naturally more of an ester. So when I discussed potentially travelling to South Island, he was reluctant because he wanted to stay with the lifestyle he's enjoying where we were. Fast forward a few weeks, and I can't ignore my gut feeling anymore, I need to move on. For context, I spent three months last year

trying to convince myself I was enjoying living in a town with a job I didn't like and have since vowed to honour any such feelings about moving on. And for more context, I spent nine months last year traveling, most of which was away from my partner. This is all very important because I've decided to travel Indonesia by myself for three weeks. I have no savings, no work commitments, and the winter weather here has been getting me down. I feel very stagnant, so I'm very keen to get out and get away for three weeks.

My partner accepted my decision at first, but since said that he doesn't understand why I'm going alone and is upset. I've tried to explain my struggles with the intense living situation and the big leap in our relationship but he quit his job to move from New Zealand with me and feels he's made sacrifices for us to be together being reminded of his career sacrifice

makes me uncomfortable because although I'm very grateful I never asked or pressured him to leave he since made a U-turn on his stance on staying in the North Island and said he would be willing to travel with me but I still want my time alone I know I need it to reset but how do I handle the guilt of leaving him behind

how do I get through to him what should I do many thanks Indonesia will be amazing as some Catherine's in a relationship and they have to travel you get you I don't know

know it's hard right we don't have total information i would say all due respect it sounds like you're getting literally everything you want you traveled for nine months without him you have learned to follow your own urges and desires you moved to new zealand and yes you didn't ask him to but in order i guess like in real terms to make your relationship work this person gave up his job and has moved there to be with you, which if you were, like, thrilled to be in the relationship would be a really great thing. And now, despite the fact that naturally he would have stayed where he wanted to, he's doing exactly what you want and again moving.

I don't know, man. I don't know if you want to be in this. This is the thing. I don't know if you're restless in the relationship or restless because you do, you're someone who needs to be constantly on the road. because there are people who need to be constantly on the road and moving. Yeah, I get that. I actually don't love to be in the same place all the time.

I really get that part. But the whole, like, now he wants to, like, explore Indonesia with me. I'm like, yeah, because you're totally across the world. And it's like, and he moved with you and he loves you. And Indonesia sounds so fun. Like, I don't know, man. I don't know. She, for me, just feels like the compromises you get, like, one week alone in

Indonesia and do two weeks together so three weeks. Yes. Normally I'd be like, hell yeah. But for me, I think it is relevant that she just spent nine months away from him. Because it's not like they haven't had time apart either. Like, do you know what I'm saying? It's not like. I think I do. I agree with you. It would be like two and one maybe might make sense. But I just think like, do you want to go out with this person? That's what I'm wondering, but I don't want to say that. It's all like in here, I'm afraid. What do you think, Andrew? Yeah. It's, uh, I think it's a, uh, I think it's a, a deeper restlessness whatever it is

whatever the root cause is and it's not that necessarily you don't love each other like each other want to be together maybe just are not aligned in that sort of part of your life

but that doesn't mean to say that you won't be again just means maybe at the moment so I just I don't love when people are like I never asked you to you're like okay

yeah you didn't ask me but like that's what if we wanted to keep going out then that's something that had to happen yeah and so like you don't have to be like perpetually grateful but you could acknowledge that that's like a thing someone's done to facilitate your relationship and that's if you wanted to be in the relationship a really amazing thing I think you I think you don't want to be with this person yeah that's what I'm hearing sorry that's what you've asked you've asked like well I suppose one thing that that was asked

was how do I handle the guilt of leaving him behind? So this person is quite dead set on going anyway, no matter what. Fair enough, you know, they're following their gut. How do you handle the guilt? Sounds like you need one of those relationships. Like, doesn't Miriam Margulies and, like, her wife have one of those relationships where they live separate houses, like, they've got entirely own lives, but they like, when they spend time together, it's pure quality.

That just doesn't sound like what this guy wants. No, it doesn't, but it sounds like that's the relationship you need. It's not what I'd want. If your partner is not looking for that, then that's not how that's going to. Yeah. like I'm not judging him when I say he doesn't want that like I wouldn't want that but I think like and it's both are completely reasonable things to want so do you need to go to Bali single like Elizabeth Gilbert in eat pray love and go and meet a monk and have a experience maybe I think like watch the film obviously or read the book the film will be quicker yeah it would be so much quicker and Julia Roberts is gorgeous because I think like there should be be gilfdom involved in adventuring but like you should maybe honor his time as much as your own and uh to that end maybe it's a weird problem when we're just sort of like yeah nah new

relationships no no no i actually think this person needs no relationship for some time she doesn't want to make compromise or a relationship with a bird yeah or just like just like be free do follow your own An eagle. So you're ready to make more compromise. An eagle's born to fly. Okay, well, I was still answering the problem, but now you guys are singing and clicking. Sorry, Catherine. Honestly, guys, what podcast are we on?

Trusty hot. Yeah, if it's trusty hog. I hope that helps. Oh, God, I feel really bad. This person is like, I hope we never could write into you. Here's my problem. We've been like, I think that's not right. I think if they, I think maybe it's one of those things.

Like, I think you wrote the email and you sent it, but if you'd have read it back, you would have heard that as well. And you might be listening to us in quotation marks solving your problem and think, oh, I totally misrepresented that in the email. In which case, write to us again and we'll try and get to it in our last two episodes. Because like sometimes, sometimes like I journal, sometimes I write something down and I read it back and I'm just sort of like, that is not what I meant. That was just me describing one small part of it with, and then someone came home so I stopped writing.

Or like, that's a feeling I was having that isn't true because people are not our feelings, that I needed to get out of my system and I'm glad I wrote it here instead of like saying it to one of the people involved or to the person like because I don't think it represents me but it's still moved through me and I needed to get it out somewhere yeah those random feet like

I've been craving a cigarette so much the last two weeks and like every time it's sort of like oh my God I've got to like talk myself through it and it's like I don't actually want a cigarette but I feel like I do well done you know so it's that weirdness well done for doing that but maybe thank you but maybe that's what it is maybe you oh you know what buy a pack of marlborough red no i think that's

what we're saying ew no that's not marbara reds they're harsh marbara lights no don't do any of this golden virginia we're not pushing cigarettes on this podcast rollies honestly stop it now you really are just listing your own cravings by camel blue good lord i suppose with guilt is just like well you you've not done anything wrong i like you both went into this traveling situation, relationship, thinking it was one thing with different expectations. Yeah, hoping it would work.

Yeah, it just, you know, if it's just a lifestyle clash, if that lifestyle clash was, oh, he got really into Andrew Tate and became a massive misogynist, you wouldn't feel any guilt. It's just, I mean, it's not the same, but, you know,

if you think about it like that. Yeah, maybe, maybe send him down the Manosphere pipeline so you can feel this guilty about it. Did not send anyone down to send anyone down there. There's already so many people jumping down there themselves. They don't need to be sent down every time.

I had a week back. there like Jesus Christ it was interesting no I'm joking did you imagine we hope that out I'm going hustlers to university guys I'm fucking I'm finally getting my degree

oh my God Behaviors I'm redoing my A levels I'm reading my A levels I'm going hustlers I think I fit in I think so too Helen

do you want to remind people where they can see you at the fringe I would fucking love to I am at Monkey Barrow 1 at 320 p.m every single day. Is that the room I was in last year?

You were in Monkey Barrow 3 last year You were across the way where Amy Gledgehill was Yes Lovely bit of room I mean anyone who's seen me at French I was there last last year

And the year before that The year before last Gorgeous room Okay wonderful And if you'd like to come to one of the recordings of TLDR You might be able to still get tickets

And otherwise Have a gorgeous August day Slash see you in the extras See You in the Extras See you with the extra. See you in the extra. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.

Hey, do you want to hear the next big new tech podcast hit before anyone else? Check out the Daily Tech News show, Experiment Week. We're swapping out our normal shows to try out some new ideas. We've done this before and launched big hits like Behind the Data, the Tech John, and more. This year we have exclusive Android faithful reactions to the Pixel 9 event. It's all on the DTNS feed starting August 11th. Don't miss it. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Thank you.