Trusty Hogs - Ep2. Belfast, Bad Dates & Bath Sharing

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

Trusty Hogs is back for episode two with Live at the Apollo secrets, drowning near misses, and "the worst date" Catherine's ever heard of... No guest this week but Andrew is on hand to share his own 'Trust Us' problem for Catherine & Helen to solve!Thank you so much for listening! Support us at https://www.patreon.com/TrustyHogs for exclusive bonus content, merch, and more! Trust us with your own problems and questions: [e-mail] Please give us a follow @TrustyHogs on all socials Be sure to subscribe and rate us (unless you don’t like these little piggies - 5 Stars only!)Thank you to our Patreon supporters...EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: Simon Moores / Guy GoodmanPRODUCERS: Richard Bicknell / SBDubz / Elle / Richard Bald / Neil Redmond / Victoria Hutchison / Emma Walton / Karen Bull / Harald van Dijk / Sadie Cashmore / Anthony Conway Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Trusty Hoggs episode two. Episode what? Episode two. Zvi. Zvi. I'm just trying to be like... Episode two. Yeah, this is episode two.

And listen, we're so pleased that some of you have become Patreon. Do you know what means a lot? Because I thought it would take a couple of months, but Catherine believes in you more than I do. I said you were scummy people. Turns out you're really nice people. Yeah, very loyal, very supportive. Thank you so much for your time and cash. Now, we're going to do a podcast.

This is Trustee Hogg's. we're disgusting we're reliable but we're here most importantly for you and we just want you to trust us with your problem so email us with those and in the meantime we're going to tell you about our week we're going to help you with your own issues we're just going to chat it out yeah you got drama bring it to us think how they're so good about this podcast you at home can't interrupt Helen it is this is the best thing about podcast is like you have to just listen to it I mean you don't have to you you can turn it off but if you are going to be here if you could like and subscribe and rate us that would be amazing yeah but the five stars please

nobody wants your fours. Thank you so much. And can you write in the review on iTunes that you want more pig noises? No, they don't want. And also could you say this is the best podcast either Helen or Catherine has ever made. Oh, burn. But thanks much for your Patreon. That means that we can afford to stick this up on the wall properly. Yeah, one of these days we're going to be able to afford a nail so that the material girl stops falling on us.

Hey, let's do it. It's episode two. Let's go. Yes! Through the fog. Step forth the trusty hawks. Yeah, you're going to give them your problems and they will solve them or maybe they won't and that's your problem. They'll have guests and Andrew White on the tech.

Oh, it's Helen and Catherine as the trusty hogs. Trust the trusty hogs or maybe not. That is not how we are opening the podcast. If we're just having fun with it, I don't. think that was fun. That was hell. I'm not going to put that in Helen. Thank you, Andrew.

What's up, guys? Welcome to episode two and Tristy Hogg. Why are you American? Bart and a Helen Board. Why are you a male American comedian? They do get Patreon followers, actually, to be fair,

keep doing it. You, you guys, if you want to hear more from the Tristy Hards, oh, that would remember to hit us up on Patreon. No, stop. Norton. No, I hate it.

So, okay, hello. Well, Hawks, Atlas. Let's hear you. Hug, hug, are you done are you done it was so bad as after the first episode I made a rule of myself that I wanted to be less hog like

I don't know if that was like an adjective hog like hoggy hoggy yeah you wanted to be less hoggy less hoggy and then like just we were about to start doing this one I found a new spot on my face and I was like can you see it oh yeah that's visible but it's under the skin I can't squeeze it I already tried over that

it looks like it's above the skin and I was you serious can you get it I'm not touching your spot Because then Andrew was like, why would you think we're those kind of friends? We're not those kind of friends. I thought we were close and I've picked spots to people I don't even know. That's profoundly repulsive to me. Like you know when you're on the train, you're next to somebody's got like a really good acne and you're just like, yeah, no, I don't feel out with I can't hear the face. I would not want to pop the spot even of a person I loved.

But then it's not for me. You know, when it's like not ready yet, so you want it to be ready. I want this to stop. And then people say you're supposed to leave it. What you're actually supposed to do is like rub dirt into it. No. I'm journeying to dorking tonight. Not true.

what for a gig for a gig and i'm going to get like collector my way to surrey why don't you have to be a celebratory this episode episode two was meant to be like we're going to be like hi welcome to trusty hogs little hong helen has had a huge week we're going to talk about how successful you are how beautiful you are how radiant how much of a career woman you're being we had such a great thing to say and instead you've made it foul straight away hatred but then at the same you don't want to waste it do you know because you want to be in front of a mirror so it's ready like sometimes I worry like people's success will go to their heads I I wish your success would like give you some composure you know what I mean you know what I mean you just like I wish it would

go to your head a little bit I think a little bit of arrogant like a bit of self-esteem a little bit of like you know standards for yourself yeah I think that's like a thing that you I'm gonna then self-esteem is posture so yeah um Ellen just pulled the mic out of the table I tried to raise it She detached him from the table. Oh, my God. Are you like trying to Freddie Mercury the podcast? Literally, episode one, a painting falls on me. Episode two, I break the mic stands.

Also, you, your point was about posture. So then why not just sit up to the mic instead of pulling the mic out of the table to you? That's still not fixed. Hang on. Let me come and fix it. Andrew's got to fix it. Andrew, Helen, broke the set.

Can you excuse my poor camera presents? This is a nightmare. Okay, this cannot be the start of episode two. really happening? I feel like I'm in a fever dream. Thank you. I fixed it myself. No, you didn't. Even the listener knows that. All right. Episode two, Helen

Bauer. You've had a big week. I'm so proud of you. I fell live with the Apollo. Yes. Helen, our little Helen. I'm going to be a store. She's going to be a store. Oh, my God. Helen Phil. No, wait, I

might be. This is the fear of even talking about it. It happens if they don't release it. They will. They need you. They haven't got the numbers to not put you in. They might have filmed extra people. But all we know.

No, they didn't. They don't do that. Also, you said it went well. Right. It went well. I really enjoyed it. I'm so proud of you. It was amazing.

It was such a big experience. And then like, so then everyone was like saying, it's like such a high pressure environment. Right. Like you've done TV gigs before. Yeah. It's just, it's a stressful day. Yeah. And you're really excited, but you're so, so nervous at the same time.

Yeah. And everyone was like running around. It just sort of went really, really quickly. And then I was on. on stage and then like I got off stage and everyone was like isn't it weird you walk through the smoke and it hits you like you're doing the Apollo and I was like no it didn't like oh really I think about halfway through my set I went huh oh that's happening I think that's maybe that's better maybe I think so I think if I walked out the steam walked out the smoke came and then it was like

you're doing live with the Apollo I'd be like I'm going to leave now or I probably just like freak out This is the thing. I think that sounds better. Like a good thing. Because you've got to get through the screen and you've got to like not bump your head on it. Like there's so much going on. Why does that have to be a, why is the physical challenge? I feel like there was a physical challenge.

Is that because you're so tall? Well, you're in a box in the back, in a little white box. Oh. And then like a lighting rig goes up as the screen goes up first. So you can't. Oh my gosh. You get your head on the lighten rig, but not the screen. For real?

For real. And then it went really well. And then it was like a day later. I was like online looking at stuff and I was seeing pictures of everyone else who did Apollo that year posting their pictures of doing Apollo and I kept seeing like cameras in their shots and I swear down on my life

I didn't see a single camera the whole time I was on stage yeah because you weren't focused on them I don't think they recorded me yes they didn't I think they make a wish it no because it all makes sense right do you ever when your whole life flashes before you my whole life of the Apollo day flashed for my eyes I saw Estimino posted a picture of her on stage with the camera flying in from the top.

And I was like, they didn't do that for me. And then the whole, no, no joke. The whole day I arrived and they were like, are you excited to be here? And I was like, mm-hmm. And then I got my hair and makeup done. They were like, do you want, do you want to have big lashes? Like, like, the big comedians.

And I was like, mm-hmm. And they were like, which outfit do you want to wear? And I was like, oh, you know. Like a kid being taken to Disneyland for the last time. Oh my God. Like, do you want to, do you want to ride the train with do you think? I don't know. Oh, dickheadness.

Oh, my God. I see that for you. There was literally no cameras and like all the comics are backstage when I went on. And they were all like, go on, go on. And I was like, okay. I guess you didn't choke on the smoke, which doesn't feel like you. Like, if it was really happening, maybe you'd choke on the smoke. Because you're, as we've just asked.

They actually made me rehearse the smoke. Okay. So Helen called me in the car beforehand and was like, because she was, I was texting her nonstop. Being like, being Chris Jenner, being like, you're going to, you're doing great, sweetie. You're doing amazing. I was doing my Pokemon. So I had to stop doing my Pokemon. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm supportive. Jesus. It's all right. I did all the raids I needed to do that day before. Fine. Before the big job. Yeah, yeah. But any Pokemon Go players, though,

Hammersmith Apollo is a gym. Okay. Yeah. Get on live with the Apollo so you can catch more Pokemon. Maybe get on live at the Apollo. I'm not denying I did the stage. Yeah. But I swear.

I'm now dying to see whether or not you've made it on. And part of me, I hope you don't take this wrong way. part of me hopes you didn't and it was a make a wish because that's beautiful it's so cute that's it's really beautiful freaking cute it explains why your family came because they don't yeah my dad and brother even though I did find out the next day my sister rang me who refused to come she said it was too embarrassing when I was doing it and I bring shame on the family she's a good lass she's the one with the hamster she's the one with the hamster yeah okay yeah the one with the hamster and the

fun one yeah she basically was like you're disgusting this is so embarrassing change your name and I was like too fucking late for that sunshine but maybe it is it maybe it's not But maybe she has a point and maybe it's not. But then my dad, who I invited to live at the Apollo, he's never seen me before. And I was like, told him my mum, and I was like, and I'd love for you guys to be there. And mom was like, oh, my God, I'll cancel everything 100% on the time. And my dad was like, oh, no, me and my girlfriend, we're going to go into Devon that day. So be ashamed to go a day late.

And I was like, okay, no worries. But like, what the fuck? Yeah, Devon can wait. And then like three hours later, got checks me and being like, if you can get a ticket, I'd love to come. And I was like, clearly his guy. I was like, you go see your fat clown daughter fucking a lot of the last day. She's about to die.

Get yourself to London. But then he made a full day trip of it because God forbid he come up just to watch his daughter do live at the Apollo. He came up early, took my sister to a farm to meet some goats, and he went to buy a sausage roll and then he gave my brother a sausage roll which he ate during the recording

of live of the Apollo in the audience. That's beautiful though, because then we'll be able to like recognise him now. Watch out for the man with a sausage roll is Helen's dad. Yeah, you can't miss him. He brings through his mouth like I do. Gorgeous. for the row of people going, I love the idea.

I love the idea. I love the idea of you choking on the smoke on your way into the state while your dad chokes on a sausage roll in the audience. That's my girl. I love it when like, you know when you meet someone's parents and it just all makes sense? Yeah, yeah. I met this guy in Berlin once,

really nice guy. Like, when someone's like so Welsh, it's like everything else is void, they're just Welsh. Sure, yeah. The strongest accent ever. And I met him and he was just having the worst couple of weeks of life he'd had everything stolen from him his flat got robbed he lost his job he like uh everything

everything could go wrong had gone wrong well but then he got live in the apparel that yeah we were doing a gig together that evening and i was like comes i'm literally just ignoring you yeah i was like come stay at mine overnight it's fine i'll make you breakfast in the morning i've got internet you can call your mom or whatever and in the morning he like rang his mom and i was in the kitchen making him breakfast and he was like oh mom it's all gone wrong i've lost my job everything's been stolen from me i've got nothing left and she was like you're telling me son walk to the shed this morning broke both my legs and they were just sitting there for 10 minutes while i was creased in the kitchen laughed at up no god what are we like what are we like son that is beautiful

that is beautiful okay so like wow wow how did you get you How did you shake him off? How did you get, like, him out of your hands? I had him back into the world. I had to send him back out of the world. Boy, just like pushed him out while he broke all of his limbs. I don't know.

Best of luck to you. I don't know. I gave him a pair of socks that he kept. That's for the best. That's for the moment. Maybe he brought the moment to his mommy. I hope he's doing well. Me too.

God. I hope she's all right. Yeah, no, it just suddenly hit me. It's like, I haven't heard you have an a day. Wow. Alive of the Apollo's really like made you reflective. Really reflective. Yeah.

Interesting. I think they filmed it. I have a good feeling they filmed it. I have a good feeling you're going to be on it. And I think, if not, what a beautiful story. It'd be so funny if they didn't know. It would be. Because I remember watching someone from the wings who was on before me

and seeing the cameras going up and down. Who was it? Scott Bennett. Amazing. Oh, very good. And they definitely filmed him. Yeah, but he is very good. Oh, my God.

He's excellent. Like you'd put. Because they were saying that backstage. Everyone was like, oh, Scott's such a club. He's been in clubs for years. It's so good he's here. And you? Yeah.

Like you'd put him on. You know what I mean? You would put him on. And the hair and makeup ladies were like, oh, do your hair and curl? It's like a bombshell, like a blonde bombshell. And I was like, yeah, it's like a blonde bombshell. Yes. Yes.

Well, I hope to see it. I hope you're there. I do hope you there. But if you're not there, that would also be great. Oh my God. Can I tell you what I did the night that you recorded live at the Apollo? Please do. Well, I'll record it.

Well, the night you appeared on the stage. of Hammers for the ball. The night you invited all of your family and friends to witness you. Apart from you. Yeah. Ridd. Why didn't you invite me? Okay.

So it's a choice between saving you, having to hang out with my family and friends. Yeah. Or hanging out of my family and friend. Yeah. So number one, I don't know what you're going to talk to my family about. Yeah. I'd be curious. And also Emma Black will be there.

And I know you and Emma Black have a really fulfilled. I'm desperately trying to like cut you off from each other. Yeah. I would think we would have gotten on too well. It would have been hard for you to watch. You already do. Yeah. Emma barely knows you and she's like, Catherine, she's just so great, isn't she?

I do really feel like she's taking good care of you and she's underappreciated, but that's just something to think about it. Like, as if that's a bonding point. Yeah. They both think it is. It's not. I don't take it personally that. I actually think that initially I was meant to be gigging, but in the end I wasn't.

And this is what I was doing. Because obviously we're both doing really well in comedy and my career is going also very well. Yeah. So when you were filming live at the Apollo, I only realized as I was there that you would have been on stage when I was in the slow lane

of a swimming pool trying to do a leg day by holding on to a child's a children's swimming float I didn't my goggles weren't working I'm having a saga with goggles at the minute so I bought three pairs online either none of them work or I don't know how to use goggles

the point remains I was my eyes were my eyes were drowning I don't know I have a very narrow nose bridge the point is my nose is too thin so goggles don't get so hard can you have like extra small goggles but that's not true because I have a tiny little nose

but big head it's a very complicated the point is I was on my float trying to sort of like squeeze past a woman who I've been to the pool twice she's been there both times she goes in the slow lane She stands to the left. I'm not sure. She stands the left.

And she keeps a plastic bag in which she takes out her own kitchen roll from home that she spits into. It's a community pool. And a bad community. But would she spit into her? Her own mucus, I suppose.

And I mean, I don't want to just spit in the pool. So I guess if those are the choices, I choose tissue. But it's like, I don't like it. And so she, she's there every time I'm there. I don't know what that's about.

And she, I had to swim around her whilst I went on my float and I thought of you on Apollo as I did it. And you felt small. So fucking miserable. Small and insignificant. I don't feel like you should feel small. I don't know why.

I wouldn't have even thought of me if I was watching a woman getting out her own kitchen roll from home and mucusing up into it. Well, I don't know. She was struggling to breathe out of her own mouth. Oh my God. Do you reckon she's got like a condition? No, I just mean like, you can see why I thought of you.

I love you, I hope you. Well, Dennis, I do breathe like I'm swimming, but not in the slow line. No, it's true. You're really giving it socks. I'm really proud of you. Well done, Helen Bauer. I'm proud of all of us. You may or may not be on Apollo.

I may or may not be on Apollo. We're so proud. If I get cut from it, we're still releasing this. Oh, obviously. Because this is going to come out before Apollo comes out. So people will wait and anticipation to see if you were even on there. Oh my God. So freaking out.

It could have been a fever dream. You could have made it up. We'll see. We also need to recognize that we've all had big gigs this month. Yes. You did really well at Apollo. I had, and I forgot, I think I've told you about this yet. I had singularly the worst death I have had on stage.

Okay, you haven't, but I want to hear it because I'm obsessed with deaths. Inconsic. Like, and it happens. Did you cry? It happens to us all. Let's just caveat that. If you're listening to this and you're thinking like, you've never die. never okay well well that's why you're doing apollo baby i uh i went to belvast and i get to 36 people

i would it's a good number i mean i guess their collective age they're like average age was like 104 right um they're your crowd with your references yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and um they hated it and it's hard to describe a silence as loud but this That is what it was. It was allowed. Yeah, it was allowed. So I sort of felt out of body, but also like crying, but also I, what I was mostly aware of was just how much I was sweating. And it wasn't that warmer room.

I was just panic sweating the whole time. And I have a new bit. And I was doing a new show. And I have a new bit about how I would fuck my brother. And it turns out that that is. Which is a wonderful. comedy angle. It's like relatable stuff. It's relatable stuff. Um, the brother that I met. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. You know what I'm saying? Like a cute boy. Nice guy. Good manners. Yeah. Um, and, but the point was like,

he makes eye contact when you talk. It's kind of, there's context. There's context. It wasn't like, just like out of anybody. It was like in a circumstance where, look, the bid is in the show. I'm not going to do it. I'm not arguing with this. I think it's great. I don't know why the hundred and four year olds don't like it. My bit is essentially about how my siblings don't want to date me, which is crazy because my brother is dating a redhead and my sister is a bisexual. So it's definitely my personality, which is like rude. Anyway, the point is I continue. They weren't going for it. So I double down by being like, I would fuck my brother. And that turned out that is a specific and unique silence. Wow. Okay. Is the silence you get when people don't like incest jokes.

I'm aware this is a podcast and a YouTube video. But if there any way that you could do an impression of this silence, I think we'd all appreciate that. Yeah. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. Um, here we go. I fucking hate this bitch.

I fucking hate this bitch. What time is it? I fucking hate this bitch. Did you hear it? Yeah, no, I felt that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, headphone users must have really freaked you out.

That's like, oh God, my insecurities. They're bad. Yeah. Yeah. That was quiet and silence. Yeah. So, um, pretty. bad stuff um oh you're getting a phone call oh you know what thank you it's uh my agent she's

called three times oh wow should i take her oh maybe helen did do apollo hello hi yeah i'm good i'm so sorry i'm recording the podcast always said you love Patreon. I do. I've always wanted to be a cam girl and now I finally feel like one. Yeah. Let's do this. Now, we've got lots of different layers on Patreon. Yeah. So basically, we're just going to run through what they are and then you decide how much we're worth it. But when you think that a lot of these are just the price of a cup of coffee or two cups of coffee amounts, it's like just make it at home. Send give us the money. That's true. It's easier. It's easier. So what could you get like three pounds? Like a price of a nice coffee. Okay. So I mean,

even in, in London, you can get a shit coffee for three pans. That's not forget that. Right. I know. So £3 gets you 24-hour early access to every episode. So you're ahead of the curve, which is exciting. But why not, Helen? Why not just spend two more? You know what I mean? Because... Get a croissant. Why not? Get a croissant of an episode. I don't know how to say that word. A croissant. But the point is for £5,000, not only do you get 24-hour access, you also get all the extra material. So you get like an extra half an hour or more of material, depending on how chatty we are that week. And let's face it, it'll always be chatty. for basically you're getting an extra podcast for extra five pounds a month which i think is the great deal and then if they wanted to give us 10 pounds because they were like oh my god hello sugar daddy or mama yes please i'll never say that again uh for 10 pounds you get not only do you get all of the above so early access and um extra material you also get early release on tickets so and you get 10% off all merch and events andrew oh my god i mean it's a bloody bargain. And we're going to be doing more and more as this goes on with live podcasts and like we

want you guys to be there. Yes, please. That would be a great one to sign up for if you can. 10% off those as well. And then, um, next level is 15 pounds. We'll give you a signed poster like it's the 90s. And I'm going to sign it with the pen between my breasts. Oh, okay. That will be tricky. Maybe not every time. Can I film that? Yes. Okay. Great. If you spend a hundred pounds a month, you can get that video. Actually, yes, Chris. Why not? 100 pounds to get a picture of my tits signing a poster.

A signed picture of your tits signing the poster. Right. But if you want to hold that pen in your ass. I could so do that. Right. Are you kidding? Yeah, exactly. So it's like layers.

We'll talk about the monies after. So like if they didn't want to get that much 100 pounds in, because that's a lot. That's a big ass. We're fully aware of that. But if they want to spend like 20 pounds. Yes. if you wanted like a more demure offering without the tits or that much money

£20 gets you this is I think really cool a producer credit on every episode and a producer mug we will send you a mug with a producer of trusty hogs and your name on it but I think we're going to be listed on every episode plus all the things we already said

obviously you get all the layers which is exciting discounts early release extra material and a personalised mug and a poster and a poster yeah and then for £50 you get all of that plus you're an exec producer which is like, I just, it just feels better.

Basically, you're all boss. Yeah, I mean, we would love you. And you get a personalized video as well. You can ask us questions in an email and we'll answer them in a video. And we'd be very happy to that for 50 pounds on. Are you kidding? I mean, honestly, do it. Just do it.

The things we would then do. And we're so grateful for any of the support you guys can give us. Yeah, genuinely, it would all mean a lot. But yeah, we hope we are giving you something in return, which is the idea. Yes. So yes. Please subscribe as a Patreon. God bless us all.

Stop with the god I don't know what's wrong with me Why? I don't know Our exec producers Yes, that's right Executive Producers Simon Moores And Guy Goodman

Producers Cira Leach Richard Bicknell SB Dubs L Richard Bold Sadie Cashmore Neil Redmond

Victoria Hutchison Emma Walton Karen Bull Harold Van Dyke So You may have done Apollo I did I almost drowned and we did

Belfast. You didn't almost drown I did. My eyes drowned. Your eyes can't drown. I think they did. Fact show that. I think goggles need to be made from my side of the side. Anyway, the point is um

yeah, those are all my stories which probably Please tell me that you have said all of this just because you're hoping one of our listeners is a goggle maker. Oh, if anybody knows Speedo, do you know Speedo? And you can hear them like saying something but it's all obvious that they want something for free.

Anybody want to send me some gorgas? Was such a weird link just about like so it's a thin bridge and a large thing. Yeah, yeah. What color do you want to just do the whole thing? Actually that'd be great.

If they could be black or white that'd be lovely. Black or white. Yeah, or black and white. Gray is acceptable. Like a crewella. Oh my God, you're going to die. Sorry, like black and white.

I was looking for new pajamas yesterday. Yeah. I was like, I need to find new pair of pajamas. Because you did Apollo. So if I can get yourself some new pajamas. These mini-mouse ones, which I've got matching with my friends for the last three years, me and my friends Martin Alice,

have got matching pyjamas each year. Oh, no. Like matching night dresses or like Moulin pajamas or like, we're all white, so it's funny. Yeah, three white ones are wearing Moulin pajamas listening to reflection. Oh, nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But not the change we want to see yet, but we love Disney. So it's really tricky. And we've got this pair that we've had for like three years now. and it's mini mouse sequined long sleeve t-shirt and then white leg like pajama bottoms with mini mouse all over them but all of ours are like gray yellow a bit red over the vagina area like they've all just gone so I was like we need to get new ones so trying to find new ones and why do you look so disgusted at me I'm just trying to imagine like do you not want to ever have sex again no I would like I just people aren't fussy okay great okay well is it people have stained pajama bombs right? that you'd wear in front of other people? I wore them on the street the other day in front of Soneil and he was like not outside again

and I was like, oh. I like Sineal. Yeah, he's a good man. He's growing on me, he's growing on me. I went on to Tesco and George to their clothing sections because they've got wonderful selections. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Madonna fell from the sky again. She's just got to, just leave her down. Leave her down. We can't keep doing this. She's just, oh, do not. Helen, rule number two. That is a new rule. No coughing into the mic.

That's fucking disgusting. Andrew, write it down, please. No coughing. No coughing into the mic. That was horrid. Cover your mouth. Because earlier today I drank into the wrong hole. And I'm still struggling with that.

That doesn't explain not covering your mouth. No. That's not be funny. You deliberately let into the mic. That's unacceptable. Like Madonna is clearly upset with you and you still have no shame. A hog noise over the cough. like a

hell of it were. Oh my God. I am. Who raised you? I'm Anne and Mike. Oh my God. That's not even blame it. That's not even blame them.

So sorry, you were talking about your pajamas which actually takes us nicely to you had some story about a dream. Oh yeah, but basically you got an amazing selection of Corella DeVille pajamas.

Would you like to get some as well as what I was going to say? Oh, would I like to match with three other adult women until the vaginal section of our crotches is so worn down. that men we know find it deeply shameful that we would wear it outside of our house

and that's going to be a no thank you from me it's a definite not it is a no Andrew no thank you no so a hard know on both of you get matching Disney pyjamas with us yeah I'm yeah no thank you so much okay well I'm gonna order for them they're gonna bloody love it you can also get one which has like got um thumper from Bambi all over it

but I was like oh I'm 30 might be a bit creepy to be wearing a baby bunny all over my body so I thought Corella DeVille like way more like also if it wears away as you say it has been wearing away, then that would be quite a harrowing image of thumpur eventually. Thump was just like period stained. Yeah.

Like slowly greying, getting more and more like mottled in with itself as a thread. It's like a dead rabbit around your vagina. Yes. Oh, actually. That's no, that feels like a bad metaphor. That feels like a fashion choice. It feels like a bad metaphor. It feels kind of fashion.

I don't think you know what fashion is. I do know what fashion is. I do know what fashion is. I've seen every episode of that so raven twice. I'm so sick of people saying, I don't know what fashion is. Consider me corrected. I apologize.

I apologize. Also, I feel it's because I sleep naked, but now I live with a man. I want to like quash that a little bit. Why? Because he's not as comfortable with me wandering around naked as Emma was. Like Emma wasn't comfortable with it,

but there's nothing she could do. But can't you just wear pajamas outside your room? Yeah, they're going to get dressed every time. What, like if you go to the loo? Yeah. Oh, okay. So if you just stay dressed, you don't got to get dressed?

Oh, also just like, you know, I just want to be more like a pajama wear. I can't wear pajamas personally. I find them to be prisons. Thank you. They strangle me and I try to wear them but no matter how many times I put them on before bed when I wake up up naked.

This is the thing. So it does happen but I want to get like a nice set of pajamas that are clean. I'm going away a lot more. I'm going on a couple of trips of friends. Like you need to have nice pajamas. Yeah. And you've gone with the Disney princess ones.

Yeah, because I have really vivid dreams and when I'm having a vivid dream, I used to be a sleepwalker. And my dreams have got vivid recently. Sorry. I don't want to be sleepwalking. walking naked. So, whoa, whoa, whoa, circle back.

Until when were you a sleepwalker? Until I was like 10, 11. And how often was this happening? Like, all the time. My mom and dad would find me in the garden at our house, like, just walking into a climbing frame and repeat. This is the best. When I will.

Oh, my God. Six or seven, I slept, walked into the bathroom that my dad was having a bath in, which hadn't, like, locked the door. But, like, we were all, like, kids. Like, he thought we were all asleep. Oh, no. I wandered in. Obviously, knew something was wrong with the layout of the bathroom.

room because I was a man in the bath. So I had, and I looked to him in the eye, made eye contact. I squatted in an old Victorian, which I. Because he was naked, which I? That's my father. It's weird how we found the line. That is not, since when is that your line? It's weird we found the line.

Since when is that your line? I am disgusted. The line was thumper. Yeah. I looked at him in his eye eyes. What did you call them? Visualized. His face eyes.

His face eyes. Yeah. He looked in his face eyes. He looked at his face eyes. He looked at the bathroom. Mad went, oh, covered his junk. Like, I looked him in his eye eyes.

I squatted down, pulled up my Victorian nighty. My mom had made me from scratch and just pissed on the floor, squatting, and then just backed out. And he was like, Like he said he's never trusted me since. Okay, yeah, no, I, I, first of all, that fits entirely with your personality. Like, just pissing and staring at my naked father. So, unnerving.

But the other thing to go back on, sorry. So you were conscious enough to know the layout was wrong in that you could acknowledge as a man there. I think I was like, what degree of consciousness are you in that you're still like, oh, fuck it, I'll just piss on the floor. I think I was like in a dream. So you know the things that you accept in dreams, like the amount of, almost the blue tank just fell down from Madonna. Madonna's like heckling you.

I feel like every time it moves, someone's walking. over my grave. Yeah. It's terrifying. Like this is like this is going to be played at my funeral. Yeah, that was. Where do you think she'll end up?

Um, I was aware I think that like the layout was wrong. But you know in dreams when you just accept things like, like, you know when you're like, oh, you're telling someone about it like, oh, my dad's naked and I'm going to piss here. Exactly. Yeah, sure, sure. Do you get it now?

I don't. Um, first of all, um, question. Do you, is this a recurring dream? Question. Why am I getting judged from when you want to fuck your brother? oh at least i can own it i'm not making it all a dream sequence it was a dream sequence it was sleepwalking it's like what you know what you know what like okay all right so sorry you threatened your father like did you ask threatened him afterwards did

you like making eye contact while he was in the bath did you like say something like I'll come for you apparently I said nothing I just went that that's actually scarier that is scary then he's washed now he's got to clear up a puddle of piss wow if you did that to me now I would be absolutely petrified just to make it clear my dad was just in the bath he has a bath every single night yeah like it's not like he wasn't waiting for you he didn't set it up for the occasion yeah yeah yeah yeah even though my parents did a weird thing about the bath like do you remember when you're growing up and it's like I've got so many pictures of me and my siblings naked in the bath together yeah like what part of your brain when you see a naked child in the bath goes get

a camera like yeah it doesn't feel right or get another one get another kid and then get a pop it the more kids in the bath the better Yeah, it's not good. So, okay, so how did this story start? I'm a sleepwalker. Oh, so basically, and I used to have really vivid dreams when I was younger. I don't remember if it was around the time I was sleepwalking, but my dreams have become more vivid recently as an adult.

I think it's something to do with like, because of like mental health. Not down, probably mental health. No, because they haven't changed tablets or anything recently. Okay. Mine get more vivid. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, I think people do have like a change of dreams sort of like depending on the antidepressant or anti-anxiety, whatever.

um but no i haven't changed anything like that recently i think i've just got a bit more energy or like because life's just suddenly changed with lockdown ending like my dreams have become more vivid and if i slept walked when emma was there it's not a massive deal like i've known since i was four years old like with senil and does she quite like when he piss on the floor emma loved it yeah anything she would be like not the toilet helen oh stop get it get away from the toilet the good name of emma black behave She's a lovely girl And she would not have liked that

Either way I think it's safe For me to be in pajamas Because my dreams are like I mean I've talked about my dreams Several times You never give a shit So I don't know I don't care At all

I genuinely like Have you told Seneal to lock the bathroom door Can you tell him that casually Intuitively He does just naturally Yeah no that's good I get that But also like it's kind of a hard thing

To say casually to your houseway Doesn't it like Hi FYI And this thing with my dad It's to do with piss Don't worry about it If you could lock the bathroom door Because I won't have any control

snail doesn't have like closeness with things like that so like me and emma would like have a bath and the other one would come in and have a chat and like what yeah like friend stuff that's not friends it is friends i've had baths for friends before me and my friend lucy o'connor three baths no friends stuff is like go to bathing stock together yes thank you andrew i'm sorry people don't people don't have naked baths with their friends they do they don't well i've had naked baths my friends so emma would be like doing her legs i see i'm i think toilet chatting and we'd be chit chatting whereas So Neil's like, don't come near me in the tub. Don't come near me in the shower.

Like, that's my time. That's fair. He's not the weirdo here. Yeah, you are. I will say, I am queer. So I think the idea of me having a naked bath with any of my friends. I can't suggest that. You know what I mean?

I can't be like, hey. I've had a bath. But who suggested it? All three of us. We've got a bath time WhatsApp group. This is about four years ago. You've had. There were three of us who were all, we all.

You know when you and your friends get depressed? What? Like we fought. It's friends stopped. You know when like women sink their periods? Like have you synced yet? Like have you synced depression with a friend yet? We're making this podcast. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I like, what? What do you think this is? No. It's just really lush. Sometimes when you're close friends, sometimes one of you goes into a crisis, then you do it as well. Because you're like, well, you can't have all the attention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we had loads of baths together that winter. we'd like thorn or a bathroom at one of our places and like one of us would be in the tub and two of us would be sitting there like a sweat box like oh my god I'm having sex with them yeah I just heard it

yeah yeah wow that's too close crazy we send pictures to each other oh Helen oh my god Helen and they are queer I'm going holiday with one of them soon to have sex that's like gonna worry your romantic holiday Hey, that's something to look forward to. We moved to Germany together and we got a one-bed flat.

Are you just finding out you're queer? You just thought I didn't know. What did you call your cat? And I've listened to Born This Way like 20 times. Oh, wow. This is why all... Humanication. Hello, you're watching, listening to Trusty Hog.

you're in the room with us yes you are please like and subscribe our podcast rate our podcast give it a five stars people like sometimes go oh this podcast's fine but they're a bit much or like that irish one's a bit chatty no one's said it like a hundred percent on my life and they give it three and it's like why just give us five like yeah think of it as rating helen's boobs give it a five thank you very much also please follow us on twitter instagram TikTok at trusty hogs and if you have an issue you would like to trust us with please email us at trusty hogs at gmail So email us. I think that's more than one of them. Email us. I'm remembering this myself. And then follow us right now. Go onto your phone type and at trusty hogs. And then when you're doing it, make the noise.

Don't make the noise. Make the noise. Don't make the noise. Thank you so much. We don't have a guest this episode. What we do have is little hoglet Andrew. And Andrew has not on any emails this week we're very disappointed people haven't decided to trust us with their problems yet it's fine I get it I just think take a breath send us your drama it's anonymous I feel like we didn't make that clip

oh yeah okay it is anonymous we don't even see the emails it all goes to Andrew and he just blocks it from his mind anonymizes it yes we are we would love to help you with your problems I think you know between us not you but me we were helpful last time and I think like you should give us a chance man give us a chance

for sure to email you can email us at trusty hogs at gmail.com in the meantime here's an example of a problem I solved just so they know go on two days ago I wanted to make a cup of tea so I went to my cupboard to get a mug but I wanted one that was at the back I picked up there were two moldy crisps in there and I was like where did these come from I haven't crisps in ages and I remembered several months ago I was eating some crisps someone came in I didn't want them to know I was eating more crisps so I hid them in there crazy solved it wow That is not a good example But it is an example of how your house sounds like a sty

Now What we've done though What we want to show you is that like people trust us Andrew trusts us Andrew trusts us Andrews going to tell us one of his own problems How we're going to help him You're welcome Andrew

Thank you Welcome to trusty hogs Do you want to do a trust exercise first Andrew What kind of trust exercise I think there's like looking into each of his eyes And maybe saying one thing we really respect about each other But like being emotionally vulnerable with it Okay, let's go around the circle.

Okay. Andrew, please look at Helen. Helen, please tell Andrew something that you respect about Andrew. I respect how open you are to saying yes to things. You throw yourself into life. You want to give everything a go. You don't want to miss out and you make everyone feel welcome as you do it. Wow.

Thank you. You almost said that sincerely. I meant every second. Beautiful. Andrew, look at Helen, please. Helen. He looked away. He did immediately.

He immediately. Yeah. Andrew, let's try again. Sorry. People are worthwhile even if you don't find them sexually attractive. Okay, so let's look at Helen. I'll imagine choice of Anne. It's fine.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. I really respected the Bloom album. That was really good. Wow. I'm sorry. Thank you for this guy.

Come on, Andrew. Helen, I really respect your quick wit and your rep. I'm really bad at sincerity. Wow, he just said, you're funny. That's all. He's like, the only thing he can think about you is that you're funny. No, I respect how, like, everyone, everyone that I talk to about you, and I do talk about you behind your back a lot, they, everyone is like, oh, Helen, she's not my best friend because

you just have that energy that, like, you immediately welcome people into your world. That's really nice. That's so crazy how many people think that they're your best friend. That's really sweet. He's talking literally just to my best friends. yeah emma black i've been talking to emma black yeah i was like we've never spoken inside of this kind that's amazing that was lovely see also emma black has made it very clear that her best friend is ellie salter she's done it several times since year four and i accept it now wow harsh

emma wow i might like to meet her well that was lovely to watch well done okay so oh i don't i think two examples yeah i like you yeah i don't respect either of you okay let's go i just don't think we should be playful so that's beautiful we're all set up for trust andrew ready for you. We're holding hands. We're ready for your problem. When you're ready, in your own time, tell us what's the issue, Andrew. I mean, it's a retrospective problem, but, you know, it might come up in the future, so I want to know how to tackle it. Okay. Um, so I arranged a date. Ooh. When? Uh, two Mondays ago now, two Mondays ago. And it, it was very immediately obvious that, wait, wait, I'm sorry, I need more info. Okay. How did you meet this month? Tinder, Tinder.

Had you met him already? No. Okay, so first date, two Mondays ago. You met him on Tinder. You'd been chatting for how long? Well, we chatted for a while and then we stopped chatting for about three, four months. So we chat at the beginning of the year, then we stopped chatting. And then we started chatting again.

Why did you stop chatting? A month ago. I can't exactly remember. I think we just drifted. And then he popped back up, though. And said, and said, hey. Okay. And we just went straight back into it.

We didn't really kind of acknowledge the four months gap. Yeah. And then he's like, I'm coming back to... Um, so he was, he was near me for university and then he went away and then he came back for university. So he's like, I'm coming back. Do you want to meet up on a, on a day? Okay. So I said yes. And then the kind of message every day, but it was very like, hey, how are you? Yeah, what are you up to today? Or casual chat? Yeah. Um, and I was like, oh, he's saving all the good stuff for in person. And then. I always do that with people I fancy, don't you. Hell. And I'm like,

save the good bands for when I meet them. So I'll just give shit chat until then. Because I don't want to use it. That's exactly what I thought was happening. But then... I was being sarcastic, Andrew. Nobody does that. Oh, right. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that makes me concerned for you that you thought she was being seen. Right. Yeah, okay. I'm going to need a lot of help. So someone holds back having a good personality. So a good personality later on. Well, you are an optimistic man.

Yeah, I really am. I see the best in people. You really do. Keep facing the sun and the shadows will always fall behind. Yeah. No. No, you'll go blind. Yeah.

indeed go on anyway uh i met up and then within i'd say two minutes it was quite obvious that he was actually just a very very dull man yeah we knew that i know yeah all right well i i learned this for the first time in person okay well i was already kind of committed to and where was the in person day uh it was it was it was down bormouth for i feel like i'm giving way to i you're not going to listen to this it was in bormouth it was in bormouth here and he said um let's go to the arcade so Went to the arcade. He said, played this shooting game. 72.

No, no, Andrew, I actually think that's a really nice choice. I tried to get the guy I was seeing to go to the arcade to be so I could win something on a grab machine. It's fun. It's a fun day. Okay, that sounds fun. What actually happened was, and this was his suggestion to go to the arcade. He's a big fan of the arcade.

Oh, God, he's a big fan of the arcade. I think I'm falling in love with this Delta. I do not think that's the game. He sounds so hot. Okay, go on. We've stopped, he said, this is shooting. game is like walking dead shooting game so we start playing it two player and then i very quickly like i die within 40 seconds yeah and he carries on playing for five minutes with me just sat next to him

you just have to watch this guy play something he's clearly pro up because he has no life because he spends his life with the arcade he knew the whole story he was like telling me the story of this video game he was like around this corner this is going to be like a mega zombie and i'm like he goes to the arcade every day he has no personality and he's a cat No, Helen He's introducing you to his entire world Helen, that is like a first date being like Okay, I've invited you to the pier

And I stand there, okay I'm about to play Pokemon Go for the next hour That would be a terrible day Okay, so what happened? Well, then I was just like I, well, what I want to know is how to get out of that, so I'll tell you what I did Leave.

Would you just leave? Yeah, you can't just leave Oh, sorry, you say, I'm going to go now. And then you leave. But there's social niceties you have to go through when they've traveled to meet you. I know, he's walked. He's walked. I've driven.

I've driven this. Andrew, you just say, I'm so sorry. I'd like to leave now. So I'm going to head home. Okay. What did you do? Or, hello? Oh, no.

It's an emergency. Coming. Well, that's what happened. So I messaged my friend, Danica, and I said, can you call me and offer me a gig? So I have a hard out for this day. A gig. And she called me and was like, oh, there's a gig in Durham. Do you want it?

Oh, it's a comedy emergency. You've got to get to Durham. A gig in Durham. Sorry, it's an emergency in Durham. They need a comedian. I'd like to say as well, at this, at this point is 3pm in Bourmouth. Like, for me to get to Durham. There's no way you're gigging in Durham.

I'm not going to get to Durham. I know. She's not a very good actor. I don't know how long did that take? About four or five hours. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I don't know anything about British.

Dormmouth is, Bournemouth is South Coast Dorset. Durham is basically Scotland Oh wow you're not making that gig No but luckily she's not on speakerphone So when she goes there's a gig in Durham And I just went Brighton Yeah Don't say Brighton though

Because then he's got machines there he can play with And he could come He could have come Oh crap That's too close That was risky It was so risky Also he's gay

That's basically like a bad time Oh my good I didn't think about Luckily he didn't question it And I'm glad I got her to call me he was like oh what you're doing now do you want to come back to mine and I was able to go like no I'm really sorry I got to get ready for this gig oh well I talk after that did well I felt proud of myself afterwards because when he did message and say do you want to meet up

again I said no thank you I didn't I didn't like well done actually hard to reject give an excuse or did you just say no thank you I said no thank you I didn't feel a spark and I don't think I have time to get no to know you properly wow savage that is very professional it's savage I think so we went why wouldn't need to be professional That's his personal life. I know, but he's sort of like... That is such a professional email. That's what everyone wants on a date.

And I signed it best, Andrew White. Yeah, to whom are they concerned, I do not have time to get to know you. Best. He can't very wear sunscreen, Bass-Learmine vibes. Like, don't be foolish other people's hearts. Don't let other people be foolish with yours. Like, you were like, I'm not going to be foolish. I'm just going to let you know what is up.

Yeah. Yeah. Only because I want more of that vibe. Like, I dance around things a bit too much. Yeah, we do. Honestly, I think I've been channeling Catherine quite a lot this year. I think I've learned a lot from you. what do you mean by that i agree with her i agree with it i agree with it i think you're very good at

knowing where the line is with something and like drawing it and like thank you not like sort of like doing the dance of like oh yeah but then maybe though and it's like no no no just say how you yeah i agree with that thank you i would say though that she's a bitch like that's kind of what we're trying to say we're dancing around it again you are just a bit of a bit i'm just a bit of a bit I'm just in the dance. You're right. Oh my God.

Yeah. Come on. Assert yourself. Tell me I'm a bitch to my face. Sometimes, Catherine. You can be a bit of a bitch. Wow. Thank you for that.

Here's the thing. I think what you guys are just struggling to name is boundaries. Yeah. Yeah. And I have had to work really hard at those. And we're all people pleasers. So it makes sense that we find them difficult. Yeah.

And we're all, we are. Come on. No, I'm just thinking about. Are you denying that we have no boundaries? You should have bathed with two of your friends. No, I'm literally just thinking. You've shown everyone at our online gig your tits multiple times.

You've given out your address. I have an anger with people who have too many boundaries. So for me, Sunil, too many boundaries. An actual anger? No. But I would like him to let me sit on his lap more. Okay. Let's revisit Sunil or Santa in a moment because I'm not against the idea.

And that's a kind of you to say, but also that boundaries are hard because because I was really lucky recently I set one with a friend and she received it in a way that was so brilliant that it taught me that you can accept them and take them like with kindness. For sure. And then I was like, oh, not everyone has to be upset. So then it kind of actually, in a way,

it's been harder for other people to be irrational with me or be like angry about my boundaries. I mean, they're entitled to be. But I now am like, you don't have to be reacting this way. I'm just telling you how I feel. And I'm just saying that's not for me or that's, that's too far for me. Yeah.

And it's interesting that people don't love feedback in that way, which is totally understandable. It's very hard to take. I don't love it either. But I'm glad that you said how you felt. You did nothing wrong. And what do you feel like you did wrong that you would like to change next time? I did let it ride for quite, like, it wasn't just the arcade.

I did let it ride for quite a while. What do you mean? So I went to the arcade and we walked down the beach. And then he was like, and then I thought like, well, if you're rude to not go. We said we'd go get food. It'd be rude to not go get food with him. Oh. But I mean, what...

Hang on. What I really wanted. No. Okay. I was like, when you said you let it ride, I was like... Oh, right. No, no, no. You?

No, but you lost a day to something that was miserable. I did. And I did try to cut my losses because there was actually a very fancy restaurant I wanted to go to. Yeah. And then he was like, let's get food. And I was like, weather spoons. Nice. I was just like, let's go the cheapest place.

Yeah. Screw my morals. I don't want to think anymore into this date. Yeah, that's fair. And he got... Sorry. No, go on. He got, the weather spins three plates.

What's that? You get three, it's like a working class tapas. And, like, you get three, like, plates of, like, mini pizza or, so he got three of those and a picture of sex on the beach all to himself. Why didn't he get the Woo-Boo or Cheeky V? I don't know. It was two for one. Talk to he could have done.

He could have done. But also, I'm sorry, what were the small plates? So it was a pizza, nine-inch pizza, loaded chips. Nine-inch pizza is a small place? Yeah, you get three for ten, ten, nine. What are you saying like this? Like everyone knows it. Oh,

I don't do the, I just get the burger deal with the really sugary Jack Daniels. Yeah, same. Yeah, yeah, it's nice.

So, what? I thought Weather Springs just did breakfast. Okay. Anyway. Party club. They got loads of stuff going on. Also,

when they say small plates, they are the same size as the regular dinner place. Yeah, I was going to say like a 9-inch pizza's a dinner pizza. Yeah, yeah. It's a warm up.

Because they have, they have full-sized pizza as well. And I don't know what size that is. Okay, so. Okay, but he got, he didn't, he didn't exemplify a man capable of sharing. No, I guess not. I guess not. Yeah. It sounds like he wanted to do what he wanted to do and would like you to have watched him do those things. Like play the arcade and eat dinner for two and drink a lot of fresher's cocktails.

Yeah, an entire picture. It's weird they didn't get the two for one because he could have got the two for one. And you were driving, so you weren't drinking. No, I had a set of Pepsi Max. Oh my. My God, this sounds like the worst date I've ever heard. So I just, I just like, oh my God. He must have needed to pee so much after a picture of orange juice, cranberry juice, vodka. It's basically, you can hold in you when you want to.

Yes. How do you, that's a weird sentence. No, I stand by. But I knew the date was going to go like that, like, genuinely less than five minutes in. Oh, no. How, but it felt rude to no. What, he was, he was. playing the arcade story and he's odd he drinks sex on the beach yeah i was like i know exactly what this is that

thing with four plates on a table one in front of me three in front of him wow i think it's a self-harmor side of you i think you're just sort of like this is a miserable day but i've said yes to it so i've got to suffer through it and i totally get that mentality because it's like you know when you've got something in your diary that you really don't want to do like you just know it's going to be miserable but it's like oh i said i would do it and if i don't go they won't like me or they'll think i'm rude so i better do it and it's like wait wait wait doesn't matter matter like unless it's something really important like we all have to suffer through weddings we don't want to go to christings don't like but like sometimes

it's just like why am I doing this like I think it's that thing we helped out with the question last week is like fighting for something that you're like I don't really want this though yeah I catch myself doing that but dating all the time I be like dating people and I'll be like no they're great but I just don't want to be dating right why am I doing that yeah what of my who is this for well well don't I recognize that we're recognizing that reflectively do you think that like going forward you might maybe just make first dates, things like coffees?

Yeah, I think... Doesn't matter! If that chat's not good, don't go on the day! Oh, no, oh yeah, sorry. You're right. Actually, no, no, you're right. Before that, do you think that in future you should assume that if they give bad chat, they're not holding out a secret surprise personality from the day?

You're so right now, and I forgot the step where Andy was like... Everything else. You saw a dud and went, well, you never know. It's probably a magician. Yeah, like, what? Yeah, that's crazy. I think we found the problem Yeah I'm a bit

I do feel a bit stupid Do you feel like Don't feel stupid And they've got awful things In the mannequins And you're like But if I root around the back It's gonna get so good

Andrew hasn't said no Which makes me think maybe You buy an album But the singles are really shit But you're like You never know Track 9 It could be the best song ever

I'm an eternal optimist Yeah wow Yeah that's not right Andrew You owe this people These people are nothing you've only just met them. Mm-hmm. And you haven't even met them.

You just started chatting to them. Yeah, yeah. You could just be not into it. There's a... Sorry to you, Mommy. So, sorry, Mommy. That's sweet. You're forgiven.

There is a worst detail. But I feel like I should... Now I've apologised. I feel like we should just draw a line to... No. What's the last detail, Andrew? Well, when we first started chatting in January, he did actually...

We did actually arrange a date and he cancelled on me like 30 minutes before. 30? What? 30, yeah. Had you gone already? Had you left? I was in Bourmouth.

Yeah. How long had it taken me to get there? Oh, half an hour. Half an hour drive. And then he just cancelled. Yeah. What was his reason? I can't remember.

I can't remember what his reason was. I think it's January 2021, very easy to cancel things last minute because of COVID. Oh, he didn't have COVID. If anyone listening to this in like 20 years time, we were able to cancel everything minutes before we were going, I just coughed and then we got to cancel everything.

It's so true. It's so true. It was a very special time. It was a stressful time as well. So maybe we were. I don't think that's such a bad detail. No, okay, good. That's okay. I think you should give him another shot.

No, what? No, how is I your take away? No. Oh my God, no. I think you should let me scream your freaking chat. I think I should come with you next time and I think you and I are going to play the grab machines.

No, because you're just going to be into the men that Andrew's dating. Because they're, they're boring. They love arcades and you're very attracted to gay men. It's a good chance to know all the lyrics to Shakira, which I see as a positive. Exactly.

So that's not going to work. I don't think it's good for anyone. Excellent. You're welcome for your advice. No, what? No, we're not doing that at the end of every goddamn bit. I feel like if I say thank you, I justify that being a thing. Yeah, you do.

You do, that's the problem. I won't say, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.